#and I like need a day in between today and yesterday tbh but I hope it will be fun

[binders-and-beanies]

Omg and on top of it all I fuckin broke the straw off my water bottle so now I can’t,, drink water until I either get a new one or go buy a cup or plastic bottle of water and keep reusing that in the meantime. Didn’t want to do either of those things yesterday bc I was focused on Survival + my day had been fucked up enough I didn’t want another unexpected problem to fix.

The point of me sharing tho is I also need to find a new water bottle that’s dyspraxia accessible and i dunno where to look bc the one I broke was a (expensive) gift. And I wish nondyspraxics realized how hard it is to buy anything when all the little features make a difference in if you’re able to use it. You have one clumsy moment and now you’re like aw shit now I can’t Drink Water

[concreteangel92]

Thou Shalt Not Kill - Chapter 3

AU Noah Sebastian x female reader

18+

Chapter Index Here

Summary: Reader is a detective and is assigned to a murder case which she soon connects with previous killings and figures out the religious affiliation, proving there is a new serial killer within the city. Reader soon becomes obsessed with the killers mind and methods and won’t rest until she figures out who the killer is. All while she gets used to working with her new partner on the case, detective Noah Davis.

WARNINGS: descriptive writings of murder/killings, blood, gore, talks of death of loved ones, drinking.

Now I don’t know much about the death of Noah’s father in real life but I have used it and embellished it for this story, this is not to cause offence at all, it works with the story I’m writing and I only know the bare minimum about the real life event as tbh I didn’t look in much detail as that’s personal to Noah but please bare that in mind. What I’ve wrote about is FICTION based loosely off real events!!

So I know I only put chapter 2 up yesterday but I just couldn’t help myself today haha I just couldn’t stop writing! I hope you all enjoy!!

Tags: @Ima1986 @hayleylatour @reyadawn @thatchickwiththecamera @thefallennightmare @calleyx13 @english-fucker @darling-millicent-aubrey @malerieee @ithoughtbynowidfeelbetter @softvgold @lilhobgobbler @glccmreid @badomensls @madomens @loeytuan98 @iluvmewwwww75 @rosebushjhj @livingdeceasedgirl @lilrubles @samanthasgone @blackveilomens @hellayeahsworld @lookwhatitcost @doomhands-jr @nojoyontheburn @poisongirl616 @bakanerd @sacredthefran

MASTERLIST

You took a deep breath before walking into what can only be described as a bloodbath.

Two men had been suspended high with their arms outstretched like they were both on crosses. What was left of their intestines were hanging from a huge slash that had been made into their stomachs and had dropped onto the concrete below. Around the bodies were tea light candles surrounding the room which you imagine had given the room a haunting glow when they were lit and there were loads of photo frames of what appeared to be the same married couple around the deceased.

The smell made you take a step back into Noah’s hard chest. They had obviously been here a couple days before being found.

“You ok detective?”

You nodded and stepped further into the room.

“Yes, sorry the smell took me back a bit”

You walked around the bodies, although decay had started to set in, you could clearly see the resemblance between them.

“They were brothers. So I can only assume the people in the photos are their parents?”

“Honour thy father and thy mother”

You nodded at Noah who was studying the photos. You came and stood next to him.

“If this wasn’t so sick, I’d actually be impressed”

Noah looked up at you “detective?”

“The attention to detail is remarkable. Like nothing I’ve ever seen before”

You gestured for one of the officers to come over.

“Have forensics in straight away, we need to find out who they were and why they were chosen. I want updates immediately”

••••••••

Sipping on god knows what number coffee you were drinking today, you started looking at the new reports that been given to you and Noah.

James and Michael Riggs. Both 33 years old, had lived a very comfortable life with their wealthy parents Sally and Richard Riggs who had a shared net worth of 460 million.

Sally and Richard were both deceased. Believed to have been a boating accident 2 years ago, the police were involved at first to help find their bodies but once they and the remains of the boat had been found, no further investigation was needed. The autopsy reports showed the husband had a high level of alcohol in his system before he took the wheel, no foul play involved. However now you thought otherwise.

“Clearly our killer knew something we didn’t”

Noah was reading over the files.

“Inheritance job?”

“Looks like it, couldn’t wait to inherit their fortune so they took matters into their own hands. How would our killer even know that?”

Noah took a sip of his coffee.

“Oh come on, it doesn’t take a detective to figure that one out. Do some digging and I imagine these boys weren’t exactly crystal clean with their image, probably got cut off to teach them a lesson and they obviously got tired of waiting”

“True. Well they had got away with it until now that’s for sure”

Noah chuckled over his file.

“Easy detective, if I didn’t know better I’d say that you’re saying these guys had what was coming to them”

You slammed your mug down and met his amused gaze.

“Absolutely not! No one deserves this! I’m simply saying that the killer is seeing things we haven’t, look at the ‘thou shalt not bare false witness’ case, we missed the fact that she was lying in her original statement and it cost a man his life!”

You sat back and took a deep breath before getting up to stand in front of your pinboard, Noah’s eyes never leaving you.

“I’m just saying that whoever this killer is, he’s a genius in some ways. He’s an artist, a perfectionist, someone who sees what most don’t”

“He?”

You turned to look at Noah.

“Yes. There is no way a woman would be able to pull this off alone, she would need help and I just have a feeling this is done by one person, a man. An incredibly strong man I might add”

You started pinning up some new photos of the crime scene to the board, your mind going into overdrive as you saw it all laid out before you.

Noah stood up to come look over it as well, a small smile on his face as he looked at you.

“Anything else detective?”

“He was obviously raised in a religious background but has no belief in it.”

“And what makes you say that?”

You gave Noah a small chuckle at the irony.

“I would have thought that was obvious detective Davis, thou shalt not kill and yet here we are”

“I told you that you’re amazing”

Noah smiled down at you and you immediately blushed at the compliment.

“As I said, someone else would have figured it out even if I hadn’t”

You felt the need to take a step back, his broad figure was making you feel incredibly small, not to mention his intense stare. The fact he was drop dead gorgeous also added to your heart rate increasing within your chest. Moving backwards, you downed the rest of your coffee and started packing away your files.

“On that note Davis…”

“Noah”

You smiled as you continued to pack your things away.

“Noah. It’s getting late so let’s call it a day”

••••••

Although you’d told Noah to call it a day, you couldn’t help yourself once you were home. You’d created your own pinboard in your home office and couldn’t help but go over everything again. There must be something you’ve missed.

Forensics said that no other DNA had been found at the scenes, nothing to give away the identity of the killer, but you knew there must be something, not many people on this planet could get away with this many crimes without leaving behind something.

This guy was a criminal mastermind, his attention to detail was almost impressive, he was an artist that’s for certain, the way he displayed his victims. What a mind he has. One you are determined to get into, you need to find out who he is and why he’s doing this.

A knock at your front door had you startled from your thoughts, glancing at the clock made you realise it was 9.23pm at night. Not often you had visitors at this time, you got up and grabbed your gun that had been discarded on the desk and took the safety off as you walked to the door and opened it.

You let out a breath as you saw Noah standing on the other side with some bags in his hand which he raised up at the sight of your gun in yours.

“Whoa, I come in peace detective”

“What are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?”

Noah smiled sheepishly while you clicked the safety back on your gun and slipped it into the back of your jeans.

“Sorry I got your address from your file, I figured you’d still be over doing it with work so thought I’d come over. Have you eaten dinner yet?”

You saw he’d opened the bags and you saw a take away Chinese and a bottle of wine.

“Erm…no I haven’t”

“Can I come in then?”

You stepped back from the door and let Noah walk into your apartment, smelling the Chinese as he did and realising how empty your stomach was, a loud growl giving you away.

“Looks like I got here just in time”

You chuckled and lead Noah through to the living room, while you got some glasses and cutlery for your food.

••••••

An hour later, food long eaten and the remains left on the table, you both sat on the sofa with a glass of wine in hand while half a bottle was still waiting to be drank.

“Thank you for this, normally I’d find it very unprofessional but I’ll make an exception this time”

“Can’t mix business with pleasure detective?”

You laughed and sipped your wine, something that you could feel going to your head quickly if you weren’t careful.

“No, I don’t believe in distractions when there is a case to be solved, especially one as big as this”

“Oh no, no, no! No more talks of the case tonight. It’s about time you relaxed”

You rested your head in your hand on the back on the sofa and got more comfortable into the leather, not missing how close you two were sitting.

“Ok, ok! What do you want to talk about then?”

“What made you become a police officer?”

You giggled.

“Isn’t that kinda about work?”

“It’s not about the case”

You hummed in amusement.

“My dad. He was an officer, went all the way up to a Lieutenant, probably would have made captain I imagine….he was killed on duty when I was fourteen”

“I’m sorry”

Noah’s brown eyes bore into yours and you cleared your throat slightly.

“It’s ok. My dad was an amazing man, he inspired me to be who I am today and to work as hard as he did. I just want to make him proud”

“I’m sure he’s extremely proud of you”

You smiled and poured yourself another glass of wine.

“You? What made you come into the force?”

“Similar in a way, I was in a car accident with my dad when I was eleven, I only had minor injuries but my dad….he passed away on the scene. The driver that hit us was never caught. I wanted to come into the force to make sure justice was done correctly, for my dad”

You grabbed Noah’s hand that rested on his lap and moved closer to him.

“I’m so sorry Noah, that sounds awful, I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through”

His hand squeezed yours back, you couldn’t help but take note of the size difference between you both.

“It’s ok, it was nearly 20 years ago, you find ways to cope”

“Well I’m sure your dad would be very proud of you as well”

You suddenly noticed how close your faces had become, your cheeks giving your realisation away. Noah didn’t take his eyes from yours and you felt him brush a strand of your hair behind your ear before he started to move closer. Your heart felt like it was about to come out of your chest.

You could smell the wine on his breath and you closed your eyes.

To suddenly pull away and let out a nervous chuckle.

“I’m sorry Noah. That wine is definitely strong but maybe we should think about calling it a night”

Noah smiled and pulled away fully, his presence almost leaving the space cold in his wake.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

“No! No it was me! I should know better”

You struggled to meet his eyes as you felt your cheeks go even warmer than they were already.

Noah smiled, downed the rest of his wine and put his coat back on while heading for the door.

“I’ll see you in the office tomorrow detective”

“Yes, thank you for dinner and….erm I’ll be sure to get the next one”

Noah gave you a big smile and a wink and with that he started walking down the corridor but not before you heard…

“It’s a date detective”

Chapter 4

[enid-rhees]

i never forgot you | Enid Rhee x Fem!Reader

summary: Enid was your girlfriend when the apocalypse started. when you tried to go to her place to make sure she was still safe, she was already gone. you’ve now spent 6 years thinking about her, not knowing if she’s made it this far, that is until you arrive in Alexandria

genre: ex (??) lovers to lovers . but not really ?

warnings: mentions of past deaths

A/N: hope you all enjoy! requests are open! if you’d like to request, just read pinned! 🫶🏻 this is a bit similar to my Tara fic but this time you guys were still dating when the apocalypse broke out.

and tbh …. i might make multiple parts to this but that’s just a small thought rn bc i just have a lot of ideas for this story that i couldn’t add into just one huge fic.

you felt exhausted after the day you had. everything was a blur. yesterday, a random guy appears at the broken down shack you guys were staying in, offering everything you thought was impossible nowadays. and now today, you had arrived in what might be your new home.

there were rules you had to follow. upon arrival, you all had to give your guns to a lady named Olivia. none of you were happy about it, but had to follow along if you wanted to be staying there.

later that day, the leader of Alexandria, Deanna, had pulled you into her house for a one on one interview which she recorded with a camcorder. it made you uncomfortable, but you never said anything.

after the interview it was decided you’d be living with Rick, Carl, Michonne and Judith. you didn’t mind of course, you practically considered Carl as your brother.

you spent a good part of the day setting up your own bedroom. and you couldn’t believe that was even a thing anymore. you had your own bedroom, clean water, electricity. it all felt too good to be true.

and you can’t even explain how long you stood in that shower for. there was really no better feeling than finally having a shower after literal years. it had felt like several weights were lifted off your entire body.

you could tell everyone was in complete paradise at this new world you were all adapting to. it had finally felt like you made it.

“so, what do you think?” Carl asked you. you were sitting on the front steps of your new home. he sat down next to you, taking his hat off and placing it between you two. “i think that this is fucking incredible. i could’ve never imagined something like this.” you answered him.

he nodded, “yeah, it’s pretty insane.” he agreed. “those beds are comfy as hell too.” he said, making you chuckle. “i know right? i feel so lucky.”

“did you know they have a whole room that’s filled with food? they’re fucking stocked.” he told you. “seriously? god, imagine actually having multiple meals a day.”

“we really did get lucky.” he said.

you laid your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes for a brief moment. when you opened your eyes again, you saw Rick and Michonne coming towards you. the two of you stood up, meeting them in the street.

“Deanna wants to have a sort of welcoming party for us later tonight at her house. you two should come, maybe meet the other teens here.” Rick informed you both.

you were never sure if you would ever see another person your age besides Carl again. for a while, it had felt like you were the only two left. and for you, it was a deeply painful and upsetting feeling for multiple reasons.

you and Carl shared a glance, silently communicating with each other. it had become a thing between the two of you over the years.

when he nodded, you did too. “yeah. that sounds good. we’ll be there.” Carl told him. Rick smiled, “good. you guys need this.”

they started to walk away, and you and Carl turned around to go back to the house.

“Y/N?” you heard someone ask. the four of you stopped in your place and turned around. your eyes shifted in various places to figure out where the voice came from, and then you looked to your right.

in that moment, you felt everything freeze. you weren’t sure if any of this was real anymore. you felt like your eyes were deceiving you, like the first time this happened.

20 feet in front of you stood your girlfriend. the one you lost six years ago due to this virus. you tried to convince yourself for so long that she was still alive and one day you’d find her, but the older you got, the more you lost hope.

your body shifted to autopilot and you ran. the two of you met in a bone crushing hug. she sobbed into your neck, and you couldn’t help the sobs that left your lips either. you both held onto each other with grips that couldn’t be pulled apart.

without another second, your lips connected in a desperate kiss. you felt complete bliss for the first time in years. your body was no longer exhausted, and it felt like pumps of adrenaline kept pulsing through your veins.

she pulled away first, “i can’t believe you’re alive. i- i spent so long looking for you, Y/N. i thought you were dead.” she cried out. your held her face, “i looked for you too. you’re all i thought about. i never forgot you, Enid.”

Enid pulled you into another kiss, holding you tight against her by your waist. when you both pulled away, you turned your heads toward the other 3.

their eyes were practically popped out of the sockets as they stared at the two of you.

their reaction was no surprise to you. you never told them you were looking for Enid, you never even told them you liked girls or was in a relationship with one. every time your group started the conversation of relationships and boys, you stayed silent.

“u-um,” Rick choked out, still figuring out how to process everything that had just happened in front of him. “Y/N?” he asked. “would you like to uh… introduce… us?”

you took Enid’s hand in yours and brought her closer to them. you cleared your throat, “this is my… girlfriend, Enid. we were dating when the apocalypse happened, and i couldn’t find her. up until now.” you explained to them. you looked over at Enid with disbelief, still not being able to get it through your head that she’s alive and back in your life.

“Enid, this is Carl Grimes, his father Rick Grimes and Michonne. they’re practically my family.” you told her, smiling over at them. Rick reached his hand out for her to shake, and she took it.

when Enid turned back to you, her eyes dropped down to your neck. she lifted her hand up, tracing over the necklace around your neck. “you still have it?” she choked out.

the necklace around you was the last one she had given you. it was the day of your anniversary, and she had gifted you a beautiful necklace you knew was more expensive than she would ever admit.

“of course. i could never let it go.” you told her. she reached into her shirt, uncovering a necklace as well. although it wasn’t a normal necklace, it was the promise ring you had given her hanging off a chain. tears filled your eyes again, both of you had truly never wanted to stop thinking of each other.

out of the corner of your eye, you watched Rick silently motion towards Carl and Michonne to follow him, leaving you guys alone.

Enid pulled you into another hug, holding onto you for dear life. “everyday i thought about you. i tried so hard to find you.” she cried in your neck. you pressed a kiss to her hair, lingering your lips there. “i still can’t- believe this is even real.” she added.

“it’s real.” you whispered. “you have me again. forever this time.” Enid connected your lips again. “forever,” she repeated against your lips.

“come back with me to my house. we need to catch up on a lot.” Enid laughed lightly. “lets go.” you told her.

she took your hand and started to lead you the way to her house. you looked around her bedroom, it didn’t differ from yours much. it had almost the same things; a dresser, a bedside table, a TV and a bed. although she had a few ripped out pages from comic books stuck to her wall. it made you smile, knowing that she’s loved comics her whole life.

“how long have you been here?” you asked her. “i wanna say a little over a year? it’s hard to keep track.”

“have you been on the road the entire time? with your group?” you shook your head, “it’s uh, it’s complicated. we went through… a lot. alone and together.” you answered, not really knowing how to put it.

“we don’t have to tell each other everything right away,” Enid said. “i just want to take advantage of what we have right now.”

“and actually, i need to show you something.” she told you. Enid leaned down, pulling out a box from under her bed. she lifted it and placed it on top of her bed. you walked closer to the box, peeking in to see what was inside.

you reached your hand in, pulling out a photo album. when you opened it, you tried your hardest not to start crying again. “you kept it.” you managed to get out, sharply inhaling. “i took everything i had of us when we had to leave my home. i couldn’t leave any of it behind.”

when you turned the book over, you noticed messy handwriting in dirt on the back of it. “j…s…s.” you mumbled. “what does that mean?”

Enid took a deep breath, “after my parents got… eaten… i was alone. it meant ‘just survive somehow’ because that’s all i could tell myself. i wrote it on the back because… it reminded me that you could still be alive. and i needed to be as well so i could find you.”

“your- your parents?” you asked, voice starting to crack. tears filled Enid’s eyes. Enid and her parents were basically your second family, you were at their house nearly everyday. they loved you. “oh my god.” you whispered.

Enid fell in your arms again. you held her tightly when she started to cry in your shoulder. “i’m so sorry.” you whispered again.

“i’ve started to get over it.” she mumbled, her voice muffled by your shoulder. “just… sometimes it still hurts to think about.”

you swallowed a knot in your throat, gently running your hand through her hair. “same thing happened to mine,” you admitted to her. “it happened towards the beginning. so… i’ve grown to not really think about it anymore.”

you felt her shake her head, “it’s so fucked up.” she whispered. you pressed your lips to her head, leaning your head on hers after you pulled away.

“i love you.” Enid said suddenly. “o-okay? i need you to know that. now.”

“i love you too, Enid. i always will.”

[csbenthusiast]

Pretty lips - C.Soobin X f!reader

a/n: this was in my drafts for weeks lmao and it was supposed to be out on Soobin’s birthday, but oh well🥲 I finished revising it today tbh and I’m not sure if it’s good enough, but if keep this one more day to myself I’ll go insane. Also, this is very self-inserted, sorry in advance.

English is not my first language, sorry for any possible mistakes and typos(I was very tired lol)!!

Genre: very very fluffy, angst if you squint really hard(not really, Soobin is just worried), a bit suggestive in some parts(but not really, I really don’t know) and the end might be suggestive as well I’m not sure 🥹

CW: mentions of food, kisses, use of pet names(baby, bunny, bubs, sweetheart), Soobin and oc are both shy and whipped for each other; oc tries to make Soobin a birthday surprise, one(?) mention of murder but like, nothing serious, really! I think that’s all! Please let me know if I missed something!!

Word count: 1945(this was long for no reason)

Soobin woke up earlier than he would've liked to. The space next to him, usually filled by his girlfriend, was now empty. The sheets were cold, which meant she left the bed a while ago.

“Baby?” he called, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to make the tiredness go away.

No one answered, though. And by that time, he was fully awake.

He left the warmth of his bed and made his way straight to the bathroom, hoping Y/N was there. But she wasn’t. So he looked for her in every room in the apartament and even checked the pool area, but she was still missing.

The boy tried to contact her, but she ignored all of his calls and texts. Soobin was no longer needy, he was worried and slightly mad.

A few minutes had passed by. He was in the kitchen looking for something to eat and noticed a pink sticky-note on the counter. That was not there yesterday.

Soobin walked up to where the little note was and read it. Turns the girl had warned him after all.

“Good morning, baby! I had an emergency and left early. I’m sorry, but there’s no need to worry about me! I’m sorry and I love you a lot”

“Saying you had an emergency was really not her smartest idea. Damn, y/n, you should’ve woken me up.” he mumbled.

It was Soobin’s birthday and they were supposed to celebrate it together. He knew it wasn’t right, but he couldn’t help but be a little disappointed with it. Had she really forgotten it? Nonetheless, he decided to check up on her.

Soobin grabbed his things and took an uber straight to y/n’s home. He just needed to make sure she was there, safe.

When he got there, he unlocked the door with the spare keys his girlfriend had given him and hoped she was, in fact, there after all.

“She has to be kidding me…” that's what he mumbled after no answers again, sighing and rubbing his neck and checking every corner of the house.

The kitchen was his last hope.

Soobin entered the said room and the scene in front of him made his heart melt: his girlfriend dancing with her headphones on while she baked something.

He swears he fell in love all over again. It might sound silly, but that’s just how it is. Domestic.

“Unbelievable” he whispered, walking towards her, big grin on his face.

Soobin got behind her and placed his hands on her sides, making the girl freeze in her place.

Slowly, she turned around only to see her boyfriend smiling.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Y/n whispered-screamed “Not gonna lie, I thought I was about to get murdered.”

“Then next time don’t listen to music this loud.” Soobin said and bent down to place a kiss on her forehead, but she was quick enough to give him a light smack on his arms after.

“Happy birthday bunny.” she said, embracing him and pecking his cheek.

“Not happy. You left me all alone this early morning. I thought you had forgotten my birthday.” He nuzzled his head on the space between her shoulders, making a giggle light up on her chest.

“I’m sorry” Y/N whined “But it was for legal purposes: surprising my boyfriend. And you were not supposed to follow me here.” she pouted.

“Saying you had an emergency was not your smartest idea, if you want to know my opinion. Plus, you haven’t answered any of my calls, I was worried.”

“How can I make it up to you, baby?”

Soobin’s ears suddenly got as red as a tomato, but the girl decided to brush it off.

“Since it’s my special day, I wouldn’t mind a few kisses,” He said scanning her face, going forward to steal a kiss. Y/N was faster, though; running away from him and giggling like a child.

“Not now! I want you to help me with the cake, which was a surprise, may I say.” she tugged Soobin’s sweater sleeve.

And he gladly did as he was told! Quality time with his lover was one of the things he craved the most.

After a while they ended up in a frosting fight,–previously a competition of who could decorate the cake better– covering them up with icing.

“How can you stand here looking like this?” Serena asked, placing her small hands in each side of the man’s face.

“Like what?”

“Like this!” she gestured, a bit flustered “Like, our faces are a mess and yet you still managed to look gorgeous.”

Blood rushed into Soobin’s cheek once again and he started smiling like a little boy.

“Stop!” he whined, hiding his face.

“Are you shy, baby?” Y/N took a shot to start teasing him with a wide grin on her face.

His body was warm. The girl had him wrapped around her fingers.

Although, in a sudden rush of confidence, he held her face with his much bigger hands and leaned towards for a kiss.

When the girl closed her eyes, he saw that as an opportunity to pay back. He put what was left of the icing on his finger and gently pressed it onto her nose.

“Hey, where is my kiss?!”

“As long as I remember, you did the same to me earlier.” Soobin fake pouted “Plus, you left me all alone, so…”

“Jesus, you make one wrong thing and people can’t forget, can they?” she jokingly rolled her eyes before continuing “I’ll clean up here, please wait in the living room, I will join you right after, baby.”

Soobin’s lips quivered adorably and Y/N’s heart melted.

“Let me help, I–”

“Definitely no. Last time you broke my tea mug…I swear it won’t take longer than ten minutes.”

The boy was sulking, but he did what he was told to do.

He sat on the couch and picked their favourite movie and for a few seconds he really tried to pay attention to it, but he was impatient and craving for some kind of affection.

When Soobin was about to get up, a head peeked through the door frame.

“See? I knew you would survive a few minutes without me!” Y/n said, adjusting herself on his side, offering him a slice of cake, snuggling and placing her head on his shoulder. “Oh, Whisper of the heart is my favourite movie!”

“I know.” Soobin whispered and bumped his head on hers.

The girl looked up to see his face, analysing every feature.

“Happy birthday, baby.” she suddenly pecked his cheek “I’m sorry for leaving you behind.”

“It truly is okay, sweetheart. You meant well.” he caressed her hair, putting a piece of it behind her ear. “Thanks for putting so much effort into this.”

“But it’s just a cake, though.”

“It means a lot to me, though.”

Both Soobin’s and y/n’s insides were bubbling with joy and heart aching, in a good way.

The movie was still playing on the background, but the girl’s attention was long gone, now observing her boyfriend’s face.

He noticed that, to be honest. A wide grin painted his face and, perhaps, his ears were red for the nth time.

“What are you looking at, bubs? Is there something on my face?” He spoke, breaking the silence.

“What? No!” she panicked, looking down, embarrassed for being caught.

“Please, say it, baby.” The tall man encouraged her, taking his sweet time and teasing her a little.

Her cheeks were flushing.

Y/N looked at him, glancing at his hand and holding them. Her gaze shifted from his eyes to his mouth.

“You have nice lips, did you know that?” she whispered as if someone besides them would hear it.

His eyes widened at the compliment, but his surprise soon turned into some kind of a nervous laughter.

The girl was confused. Why is laughing?

“You said I had nice lips! Who says that?”

“Well, I do? God, it seems like I’m the romantic one in this relationship.” she huffed getting up.

“It was adorable, though. Don’t be mad, baby.” he said getting up nas well, standing in front of her and, again, adjusting a piece of hair covering her face. “You are adorable…This might be the best birthday I’ve ever had”.

“Yeah? “Why?” She teased, hooking her arms around his neck and bringing him a tad closer.

They were -literally- face to face. Soobin’s breath was fanning against her features; it was uneven, he was nervous despite being together for a few years now.

He unconsciously licked his soft plump lips and looked at her through his lashes before thinking of an answer.

“Because I got to spend it with you. Only you.” he finally said it.

It was cliché, he was aware of that. But it was the truth.

Y/N on the other hand was malfunctioning, –she was just good at hiding it– hypnotised to think of anything.

Her gaze was on Soobin’s lips again and he noticed that. This time, he was anything but subtle about it.

So, this time, he quickly tilted her chin, looking into her eyes and eagerly going for a kiss, a real one this time.

“Stop!” she half-screamed “You have to go in gently, baby.”

“Like this?” Soobin asked, taking a step back before pecking her forehead, nose and cheeks and, finally, locking their lips.

Even though it was a lot calmer and sweeter, Soobin hesitated a little. And the girl noticed.

That’s why she scratched the back of his head, making his worries vanish away.

The kiss was tender, gentle; they were holding each other as if one of them would break. But at the same time, y/n was giddy, letting a few giggles escape. It was messy, a good kind of messy.

Her feathery touches against her boyfriend’s skin made his chest tighten and without much thinking, he brought her closer to his body– as if that was possible.

Cutting off the kiss, Y/n was the first one to pull back. But Soobin was insatiable, in some kind of haze trying his best to reach her lips again, eyes closed the whole time.

“Easy, pretty boy. I need to breathe.” She placed her hands on his shoulders to keep him away.

“I need more. Please, baby, just one more” he took a deep breath, feeling his body grow warm.

“Soobin…”

“Y/n-ie!” he whined like a little kid, making her laugh.

He had an adorable frown painting his features and she couldn’t help but feel captivated by him.

Her fingers drifted from his shoulders to his hair, she slided it through his fluffy blond locks and placed it on his face, tip-toeing to place a swift sweet peck on his lips. This act of love made him chuckle lightly.

It felt so domestic to do that or being that close in the living room with the dim lights.

Soobin took a step back, placing his head on her neck and giving an innocent kiss there, shying away right after.

They stood in the middle of the room for a while, just enjoying the comfortable environment until the boy broke the silence.

“I hope I get to spend more days like this with you.”

“Oh, believe me, bunny, you won’t get away from me that easily.” they chuckled.

“Good, I wasn’t planning on letting you go.” he pressed his forehead against Y/n’s and tickled her waist.

“You do have nice lips, I meant that.”

Soobin rolled his eyes and flashed her a genuine smile, making a quick remark due to the sudden boost of confidence.

“If you like them this much, show your gratitude.”

“Oh, I gladly will”.

[uhgood-girl]

people are having a lot of interpretations on the line jk used in his apple music interview my views were different but messed not clear when he said I will never cross the lines with armys which a singer or artist should maintain everyone taken it as he is saying he will not use them for his benefit, sexual desires, hook up nd all crap they assumed but I don't think he want to say that can u please explain ur point of view not share it please.

hi anon, i hope you can forgive that i'm not sure how to answer this without sharing it? maybe i was supposed to post about it unprompted but to be perfectly honest, the quote in question didn't stick out to me at all before this.

i personally haven't seen any discourse over it either and am confused as to why there would be any as it seems within the lines of the normal boundary setting most of the members have done at some point or another to me.

but to be fair to you and this ask, i went back and watched it again just to make sure i didn't miss anything. the section being discussed starts around 26:13 and ends around 27:40 and in summary the interviewer asks jk about the special relationship bts have with army, how unique and symbiotic it is and what is jk's favorite part about this dynamic. jk answers that he agrees it's very special and how it's important to him personally to continue to try and have "authentic and comfortable" convos with army that show a real version of him. he adds the disclaimer that he knows that there's a line that shouldn't be crossed between performer and audience and he won't cross it but he wants to be our "friend" as much as he can.

so, do i think the "line" he has no intention of crossing here refers to not using army for his benefit/sexual desires/hook ups? uh, no, i'm with you anon, i don't think that's what he meant at all. but not because that line doesn't exist for him, i think it does, but like, that goes without saying, right? assuming jk is a decent human being who would never use his fame or money to unfairly take advantage of anyone, which is something i hope we're all on the same page about here as i don't know why anyone would ever willingly be a fan of someone they thought with high probability would do such a thing, would that not be saying the quiet part out loud? is there some group of genuinely delusional y/n's in a foxhole some where needing this spelled out still? (rhetorical, please don't make me think about saesangs today)

i put quotations around the word "friend" up there because at the end of the day, there will always be a (needed) barrier between idol/artist/performer and fan and jk can't really be our friend in the true sense of the word, which he's aware of. the nature of this type of relationship as a whole already maintains a weird, fluctuating power imbalance between both parties as one cannot exist without the other and you won't get very far, on the artist side of things especially, without understanding this.

but jk has kind of, sort of already crossed some "lines" with us in how willing he has been to show and share so much of himself with us, over the last year, in particular. in case you just fell off the turnip truck yesterday, as my very southern grandmother would say, getting to witness someone as famous and untouchable as jk chilling in real time in their home and bed even, is highly unusual. most celebrities with that level of status wouldn't be caught dead sharing something like that and understandably so, tbh, as most fans couldn't handle that level of intimacy with their idol. hell, a lot of people who consider themselves fans these days apparently can't handle it either, which makes me very sad and tbh how dare you potentially ruin the trust so many of us have spent years building up with them. rude. taking things for granted is how you lose them and the special relationship bts and army share only stays special with effort, but i digress.

i think jk's disclaimer here was an assurance that he's very aware of what he has chosen to share could be perceived by some as having already gone too far but that his boundaries are still firmly in place. "authentic and comfortable" are a priority to him but he's not going to exceed our shared comfort zone. he may be a lot more candid than some, say seokjin, who may as well be an international man of mystery for as much as he's willing to show off the clock in comparison, but jk knows what he's doing. and considering how young he started and how long he's been in the spotlight, he seems exceptionally well adjusted and savvy overall at navigating these extremely tumultuous waters, imo.

anyway, respect your artists as human beings and know your own fan boundaries, folks. there's always some nuance to be had, especially on a site like this where it's a mostly contained bubble for us, the audience, to throw around our fiction and theories and odes to how beautiful they all are but when you leave this space with any of that (minus the odes, maybe) and put it in front of these very real people in question, you've gone too far. don't be that asshole. everyone despises that asshole. (including said artists! they're never going to say it that frankly but i will ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

[pedrospatch]

As someone who was very recently having the same feelings about writing and fitting in on here as you are, I very much understand how you feel. It's extremely painful and makes you question everything, but you really, truly, genuinely are a wonderful writer. I'm glad to hear you don't plan to stop writing, but I hope you don’t leave because you bring value to this fandom and to readers. You could write for any character and someone could emotionally connect to it and that's a very powerful gift. I got a message today from someone telling me my fics got them through really hard times, and hon, I'm gonna tell you the same, because it's true. I felt like I should quit writing because there was a lull in my popularity for a couple fics and it damaged my self confidence, but reading your fics reminded me of why I love to write, which is to connect with people. I read "to do the right thing" and was blown away (though you might not have noticed this name. I have separated blogs for everything). So much so that I was like, oh right, this is why I love to write--to feel things like this and hope others feel the same when reading my work. It's hard to remember on here, where we live by notes and comments and reblogs, that sometimes making an impact on one person is a big deal and it matters. You happen to positively impact a large group of people with every story you post.

I feel like I can confidently say that people here support whatever choices you will make moving forward, but I also feel I can confidently say that we would miss you and your writing.

Sorry this is so long. But I get it, hon. Just keep on keeping on. 🩵 I hope you feel better soon.

I legitimately…am crying. Like I always say “oh I’m crying” no but actual tears are coming down right now and I’m so glad because I think for one, I just need a good cry and get out all these feelings I’ve been harboring and two, I have gotten kind words over the last couple of days that have all had such an impact on me and I think this was the last one, in addition to the others that finally felt like a good slap in the face wake up call to snap me out of whatever emotional dumpsterfire state I’ve been in.

I’ve lost quite a few followers between yesterday and today (I get it, emotional pity party Vee who does nothing but bitch and complain is not a fun person to follow so no hard feelings) but it DID make me wonder if I’m truly being nuts about it all and whether my mental health is just so far down the garbage chute that I don’t see how ridiculous I’m being over nothing? But with people reaching out to tell me they know how it feels…I feel a little less crazy, that’s for sure. I feel disappointed in myself for letting myself fall into that damn trap of caring so much about notes. Especially because when I first started out, I didn’t care about it. I was just having fun and sharing my ideas. The human part of me adores the validation and it makes me feel good and that’s okay, but to let it get to the point where I am letting a number determine whether my stuff is good it or not? That’s not okay. I wouldn’t want anyone, especially fellow writers who I think are so talented, to do this.

I feel ashamed tbh. Because you’re right, touching someone with your writing and connecting to people, that’s what is important. I loved getting replies and messages about someone telling me they can put themselves right in my story, that they felt like they were there. I loved that people told me they could feel my character’s emotions. I hold my characters so close to me and I should not stop loving them. They’re mine, and there are people out there who love them too. It shouldn’t matter if it’s 1 or 1000. If one person adores my sweet lil Peach from ASH, than I appreciate that one person for loving a fictional character I created.

I have a few people who have been so supportive of me and reminding me how much they love my writing and they’re more important to me than all the fucking notes and popularity on this site. And to any of these few people, I’m so sorry for being such a sad train wreck of a person. I hope you know how much I appreciate you sticking around and being so encouraging while I have been in my feels. I didn’t mean to be so ungrateful to you. I’m going to keep on writing and posting for myself, but for YOU as well. Because you’ve been here for me and you support me and that means more to me than anything.

Thank you so much for this message. It truly was the last one that snapped me out of it.

[wave2tyun]

pillow talk was so hot omg?????? gotta love tyun with messy hair and shiny lips mhm mhm

anddd his (ex) gf texted me and my friend! She somehow knew something was off?? And she started talking with my friend and we decided to tell her ofc. I was not the one who told her bc she was already engaged in a conversation with my bestie

She didn’t believe her(us) and didn’t even questioned him as far as I know……..but this week I found out they already broke up so good news I guess??

Anyways how was your day my beautiful Alex?

–Lia<3

hehehehe i am so glad you think so🤭🤭💞 i really wanted to write something inspired by the pics tyun posted yesterday and one of my friends quite literally opened my eye to something😳 she suggested that i wrote the makeout session from the pov where taehyun is the one like receiving all the kisses rather than kissing the mc and that made me realise??????? most of the fics i've written are with txt being the givers rather the receivers???????? i had to do something about it cause why have i not changed that up before??😳😳 so BOOM!!!! pillowtalk!!!!!!!

omg it's so weird how she texted you out of the blue PLUS proceeded not to believe you when you told her everything????????😭😭😭😭 but uhhhh just like you said good news that they broke up at least??!!!?!? i don't think i want to know what exactly went on between the two of them i just hope they won't come to bother you anymore😵‍💫

my day was good my beautiful lia!!!!😔🩷😔🩷 recently i received a very high grade on a project from uni so i celebrated today🥹🥹 this is my best grade so far and it was on something that i had no prior experience with AT ALL (the whole thing was so stressful) and i am so proud of myself i still can't believe it honestly!!!😭😭😭 so today i ate such good food including a divine lemon tart.....and besides that, i finished up "pillow talk" and just played some games ambdjdn this week i need to start preparing to go back to uni and tbh it's a bit hard and i'm nervous cause i got pretty used to being home + my uni schedule is a mess once again:( but i try to keep telling myself that if i was able to survive the 1st semester i'll probably do even better in the 2nd one?? i don't know.

i'm gonna go to sleep rn because it's getting a bit way too late for me but how was your day my lovely lia??<33

[episbep]

rehab day eight

can’t stop going back and forth between being desperate to get high and wanting to regain control over myself and my life - I know I can’t just sniff a little bit and carry on with recovery but the thought of doing this recovery shit every day for the rest of my life is just so dauntingly boring. Everyone here is singing the 12 step programs praises but I don’t get it - I’m not going to beg god to cure me and attend daily AA meetings full of old red faced men who have lived through very different times to me. I can see myself attending regular Buddhist meetings (8 step recovery, refuge recovery - there are probably more I haven’t discovered yet too) and becoming more integrated within the Buddhist community with the aspiration of ordination one day and eventually maybe enlightenment but I feel so trapped being stuck in this repetitive day to day cycle of “god will cure us” and “the 12 steps saved my life” surely it’s a lifelong process that you have to work at, like any other type of treatment. I want to use occasionally. If I can’t manage that then fine I will commit to abstinence but I know from the bottom of my heart that the 12 steps (which was written in the 1930s and only caters towards white middle class men is absolutely not the way for me and I feel like I’m wasting my time being here. I guess the things that I can focus on are

• planning activities/classes that I can do regularly (yoga? painting? idk I’ll have a look about)

• making plans of which meetings I can attend where/when - they will be mostly via zoom but if I can find at least one meeting per day then I can dip in and out when I feel I need it but ensure that I do not miss face to face meetings.

• getting to know myself without drugs - at the moment I’m just grumpy so I hope this isn’t “the real me” otherwise I’ll just get back on it and get my personality back😄

• taking proper care of myself - not so much ‘self care’ more just things like brushing my teeth and washing my face every day, wearing clothes I like, looking presentable and learning to deal with my emotions in a non-destructive, non-using capacity

• seeking sober events

• work on respecting my own and other peoples boundaries - it’s ok to say no.

then if I do use at least I have everything in place to get me back to sobriety, yknow?

I also feel like I’ve gained weight (I had a subway yesterday and curry earlier in the week) so I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and am not taking any pride in myself because the only people I’m seeing are a bunch of other addicts from all over the country- idc what they think of me. I’ve got no one to impress and realistically I won’t see any of them again. We’ve planned a “1 year sober” skydive to raise money for recovery charities but is that gonna happen? no of course not. So I’m back to heavily restricting and keeping my fluid intake high - I’m drinking weight loss tea from the polish shop with lemon in right now, it’s not too disgusting tbh. I can’t see that I’ll be able to work on ‘loving myself’ when I’m a fat disgusting flubbery lazy fuck.

Anyway today was fine just more of the same, group therapy, a life story, bible (blue book) study and boxfit at the end of the day - I didn’t enjoy it but we did some stretches and yoga stuff at the end that was pretty good. One of my housemates is really grating on me so I’m hiding away in the bath for a bit. He just goes on and on about the same shit and it’s boring and he keeps coming in to my room like no fuck off uuugh 😤

[doux-amer]

Today's thoughts:

I hateeeeeeeeeee that the Euros are the same summer as Copa America. HATE. Look, trying to watch as many matches as possible for one competition is hard enough. Trying to watch two? No one has time to watch from 9 AM–10 PM with an average of about 1 hour in between matches. And the insanity this year of having AFCON, Asian Cup, Euros, Copa America, and the summer Olympics? That's too much. Who the hell decided this? I hated the idea when it was announced and I hate it now.

Netherlands–France was a snoozefest where I wanted both teams to somehow lose (unfortunately for me, both NTs have filled up with a bunch of players I like, but I put that aside during international football season. I want them to do well and their NTs to lose). I guess a 0–0 draw is the best result though that disallowed goal was ridiculous.

The Dutch boys all got braids and it's super cute to see because you know they did it as a group from the same hair stylist. One of the things I look forward to during international competitions is what the hair trend will be and this one is VERY cute.

Didn't realize Alexis was playing or for that matter some of the other Chileans. I Googled his Wiki and got attacked by a photo of him in 2011 and god, he was so young and fresh-faced and now he's visibly older and I don't know how to handle this information. If you need to know, I still love him to death. This was the only highlight of a boring Chile–Peru match. :/ I hope this isn't a pattern, and we're not having one of those "If the Euros are fun, Copa America will be boring and vice versa" situations. Also, I clearly hit my limit because this was football overload. I couldn't bother to care about today's match especially after seeing a boring match earlier in the day and was on my phone half the time when I usually pay full attention to matches.

It feels like they're doing a very bad job of advertising that Copa America is being held in the U.S. Pretty sure the only people who know are people who already pay attention to it and more people outside of the U.S. know it's happening than inside the U.S.

I ranted about the Copa America opening match on Twitter yesterday and I'll do it again! If I were new to football and I saw yesterday's match because of how much they hyped it up as the opening match and how many times Fox wouldn't shut up about it, I would have been turned off from wanting to tune in for the competition tbh. It was the worst match I've seen in years. I've watched my share of grueling draws, but this was so boring. I've never seen a team just walk around and stop as much as Argentina did. I get why. No need to exert yourself unnecessarily against a weak opponent who can barely hold onto the ball when you have a whole competition ahead you want to stay fit for (sorry, Canada), but still. I thought it was an insult to everyone who came to watch them play and an insult to Canada as much as the commentators tried to say flattering things about "smart" play or whatever the hell ever (but even they couldn't help but point out that the stadium went DEAD 90% of the match; I've rarely seen a sold out stadium of 70,000 fans or whatever that silent). Tbh I think it would have been less disrespectful if Argentina thrashed Canada like they did the one time they played each other (5–0 win). At least that shows you came to play! They literally just stopped and stood there as a team for a good majority of the match.

[dopaminergicaddictions]

The hallucination got to much worse yesterday. I wonder why? I couldn't focus cause I was so tired.. I heard it talking at me during therapy it went from inaudible just i could hear it trying to it was saying full sentences. This is why I always worry about sleeping cause when I talk to someone I can drown it out very easily when I actually slepe even when it's 5 hours of sleep.

I took maximum dose at 5:35 last night and laid down at 6:30. I got up a few times over the night and had to take like 30 to 40 minutes to knock back out but I woke up at 6 am. I am staying up. It fixed my schedule and the hallucination went back to the way it was. Quieter and less distracting and I can focus again. I prob got 7 to 9 hours but it's so segmented with bathroom breaks. That's its somewhere in between.

My will to live went from 2 to like 8. My doctors don't want to increase from 1.0 to 1.5..... I'm having my therapist Erin call in cause of they can just get me to fucking February 21st sleeping every fucking night. I'd need two weeks without weed and I'm going to go back to fucking normal.

I'm requesting a gene test and a hair test for the 22nd... I want to rule out the gene thing... cause I mean tbh.... with the onset. How it visited everyday and went away after I stopped being high it it's so obvious thc... but until i see that I don't have the gene and as long as I hallucinate I'm going to keeo worrying...

I worry that I have the gene but thc started it..... if that's the case I'd wait until the thc drained out and end it if it hasn't left once I get the thc out.. when I sleep regularly and everything it seems to get minorly and I mean minoely better every single day...

I'm worried I won't slept tonight. My doctor is pushing me to see a psychiatrist to take over and percribe a higher dose.... it's making me lose hope cause just push me through the next month and half. It could be done tomorrow or next week or even before the 22nd.... maybe it'll be Feb 10th... but I need to SLEEP EVERY SINGLE DAY. I'm going to take less than maximum dose at 10 tonight and if I'm not sleeping by 12 I'm going to raise it so hopefully I'm our by 2. At least now my 17 hour mark is fucking 10 pm... 10 pm seems like so fucking long from now. I wish I could take it at 8 but I tried 12 hours, I tried 15-`16. I guess my body needs 17 waking hours.

Wish me luck as if Erin can't get them to push it to 1.5... I'm going to have major issues Well before this goes away. Getting in with a psychiatrist is almost impossible and they are going to push fucking antipsychotics and anticholinergics... and prob antidepressants for christ sake. I won't take any of those EVER... and it could be a useless thing to do If they won't increase it.

I'm hoping that after my doctor has another provider in the loop they'll consider it. At least they'll give me 1 for the foreseeable future but I can't scarfice one night of sleep.

I'm not joking yesterday it might as well even been November 15th when I couldn't even watch a movie or talk in therapy without the voice taking away my entire fucking focus... and today it's like wait it's Jan. 12th and It's like it even improved from the day before I didn't sleep...

[skullingway]

I hate how nothing really works anymore tbh. I went out of the country for the first time which was truly awesome, but my trip itself was a logistical nightmare.

The first plane trip home yesterday we were 10 minutes to liftoff, and then it was delayed 6 hours. Okay, I could handle that. but then the connecting flight was the only one back home for the next 24 hrs. Not ideal. We contacted a few numbers listed from the airline that turned out to be out of service & did a chat (likely with a bot) with Expedia that was pretty fruitless. Eventually sorted out a different flight home. Great! But then it was stressful bc not sure if our one checked bag would end up on our new flight or just circling a conveyor belt in Mexico City. We came in absolutely clutch on time to sort it on the right plane. Second security check in the same airport but at least we were heading out for real. Two more plane rides go smoothly. Finally back in the right place much later than originally hoped for. Also not ideal, but at least home. At baggage claim I joked to my partner that with our luck, they lost our luggage. Reader, they did in fact lose our luggage. 👍

…but wait, they didn’t? It was just sent on another plane. Ok. A complementary service to have our luggage delivered to us was offered, and we were exhausted, so fuck it. We get a delivery window between 2pm and 10 pm, totally doable since I’m too exhausted to do anything today. Radio silence all day until late, like after 9, I get texts from a guy saying he’ll come with the luggage. I don’t see them until 10, he gets here around 11. So just a few moments ago he calls me and says he is ‘right outside [my] house’. I just put on a jacket and am only wearing bike shorts with no shoes. My slip on shoes are in the luggage & I had anticipated him being like… at the front door. He was actually down the block.

So I walk out onto the freezing, nyc pavement to meet this guy. Once he hands me the suitcase, he then needs to take a picture. He apologizes bc I don’t have shoes on, (lol??), and he will hide that fact in the picture. So I pose with my cold legs and feet behind my suitcase. This has to be sent as documentation to someone somewhere that I got my stupid fucking luggage. Hope they get a good laugh as I contemplate walking into the sea

[moodywyrm]

yay squares!! do you have any ideas on what kind of stuff you want to make in the future? :o real!! sometimes i’ll buy some ribbon just bc it looks cool 😭

60 !!! jesus christ i could never!! it took me 4 months to finish one book 😭

exactly!! and i have no idea 😭 i just follow my gfs advice tbh, she’s a lot more experienced,, she got her first at 17 and now has a lot so i’m like. whatever u say babe

me too 😞 i hate the bright lights and the people but i normally put my airpods in and ignore everyone

a chill day!! that’s so nice omg <3 i would love to listen to audiobooks but if i get too focused on something else i’ll just tune it out :( and i hope yall like it!! it’s on my watchlist :o

my day was good!! i was able to wfh today and my gf was off so we spent the day together :) it was very nice and we’re planning our vacation rn! we’re going to try to go in the next couple weeks since i’ve saved up 9 PAID!! vacation days for this year! other than that it was chill, we just finished up with dinner and i’m going to watch a movie with binx while she’s at the gym <3

how’s your day?

- 🩷

squares!! once I get a handle on all the basic stitch types I think I wanna make little headphone sprouts? eventually the goal is to make sweaters (I really wanna make marceline's sweater from Adventure Time) and those like fairy tops that tie in the front? but for now we have squares <3 and no fr, I just like having pretty ribbon <3

that's so fair!! everyone reads at different paces and mine fluctuates a lot, but I read a lot bc of my major and audiobooks. I average in a year is usually like 50? im at 30 for this year so far <3

real, I haven't gotten a tattoo yet but I just listen to what my friends say bc most of them have tattoos! still sad though, I really wanted the snake on my arm before I graduated college :(

fuck bright lights! if grocery stores were just sensory hour all the time I would like it more :( but headphones are the real mvp of grocery shopping <3

it was a nice day!! audiobooks help me when one of my tasks is more visually oriented? so like stardew or crocheting, snd then I can listen to the audiobook and keep track of both! idk how that works but the dual input really works for me. I like it so far!! it's funky and visually stimulating, so im excited to keep watching <3

aww that's sweet!! im glad yall got a day together <3 nine days PAID!!! dude!! that's fucking epic, I hope yall have an incredible vacation <3 binx and a movie!! he's a filmbro but in the best way <3

yesterday was sweet, and today's been good so far!! i walked and played with the dogs, and I've been rotating between reading, cleaning, crocheting, and playing with them <3 I've also been planning all the shit I need to buy before I leave for college again, which means hopefully a few hauls from marshals n Costco over the next few weeks <3 and I've been staring at yarns on Marshalls, so I might get some supplies before I go back, just bc I don't have a craft store over there :(

how's your day been?

[ssuperficialspacecadett]

What Do You Dream About?

Chapter Eight of the One Condition Series | Chapter Nine

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5.5K

TW: Abuse is mentioned in the flashback.

Summary: Mando reflects on how you spend your time in The Crest when he is off hunting.

Notes: Another week from hell unfortunately. Posting today was the only thing that got me through it tbh. I hope everyone enjoys (:

Cyar'ika: darling, beloved, sweetheart Pronunciation: shar-EE-kah — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Mando wakes up a few hours after the two of you had passed out from the second round. He is disoriented at first given the fact that he really has no idea what time of day it is. He knows he got back to The Crest yesterday just after the sun had set on Corellia, but beyond that time seemed to not exist. Time seems to do that a lot when he fucks you, when he is talking to you, or when he is just around you. He finds he doesn’t mind, it is nice to simply exist in nothingness with another person. He has been on a strict schedule his whole life. First training to be a Mandalorian from a foundling and now using that training to work for The Guild. He knows it's not Karga specifically that wants him to return as fast as he can, but he knows that if he doesn't then all of the good pucks will be gone. He knows he should be getting up. He didn’t have the strength to set the nav for the next planet last night so he is already a day behind schedule. 

As if you could sense the storm of thoughts brewing in his mind you nuzzle your body closer to his chest. A wave of calmness cascades over him and, at least for the time being, quells his anxiety. He can feel the tiny breaths that puff out of your nose on his skin and your lips graze over him whenever you exhale. Goosebumps flood his body at the combined feelings. What have you done to him? He pulls your body closer. He just wants to feel you. Even in sleep your body shifts with him naturally. It makes his heart yearn and it scares him. He has spent so long alone and filling his time with work that he almost forgot how lovely it felt to be bathed in the warm light of someone else. But this has to be temporary, right? 

You're only here with him now because you need him for a job. What is to keep you here when he finally finishes that job? Why would someone as beautiful as you willingly stay locked aboard a ship with a man that has to be twice your age and his rambunctious, green, adopted child? That would be like depriving a planet of its sun; a sun that he selfishly wants to keep all to himself. You’re young and have so much life left to live. It would be wrong to ask you to stay here.. You have become more than his employer in the months he has known you. You have become his source of entertainment, his helper around The Crest, his son’s babysitter, his escape in the night, his pretty thing, and his cyar'ika. Fuck. He knows he is in deep now with the way he is using Mando’a to describe you. Oh Maker. 

As much as he loves the feeling of being tangled in your sleep filled body he knows it can’t last. His better judgment takes over and gives him the motivation to get up. Moving you off of him proves to be a more difficult task than rewiring anything on his ship. Whenever he tries to move his arm out from under your head you lightly cry out. He freezes and waits until you settle and then he tries again. It is as if not being attached to him allows your nightmares to come back. His body acts as a wall between them and your mind. It takes a good five tries before he is finally free. He doesn’t like it. His arm is cold now and your naked body looks so inviting. Keep it together. He rolls his body off of the covers and tucks them carefully around you. He slowly moves off the bed so he doesn’t wake you when the cot inevitably pops back up with the loss of his weight. With one last look at you he closes up the door to his room.

The evidence of last night's mayhem is littered on the hull floor. He sees his helmet next to his clothes and gloves that he set down outside the fresher, but then he sees his armor. It looks as if he never spent any time on Corellia at all. Gone is the dirt, grime, blaster marks, and blood. He picks up his chest piece and looks it over. It has the same shine it did the day the armorer presented it to him. How the fuck is this possible? He spots the rag that you had used cast to the side. He quietly says your name to himself as he picks it up and rubs it between his fingers. His lips slip into a small smile as he gets dressed. With each piece of beskar he clicks into place he thinks of how hard you must have worked to get all of the shit off of it. He had spent almost a month there and it definitely showed. When he finishes he heads up to the cockpit to see the position of the sun. 

Turns out it is only late morning, maybe 10:00 or 11:00, and he feels a little better knowing that he hasn’t totally derailed himself off of his schedule. After checking the location of the next quarry he programs the nav and begins piloting the ship off of this Maker forsaken planet. Once the hyperdrive has been engaged he heads back down to the hull to wake the child. As his feet hit the floor and he spins around he is stopped in his tracks. Again he is left dumbfounded. The Razor Crest is fucking spotless. He had thought that the cockpit controls looked a little cleaner than usual, but he had chalked that up to him being gone so long he had forgotten how he left it. How wrong he was. This was all you. A wave of guilt rolls over him as he realizes how bored you must have been cooped up in here that cleaning the entire ship became a way to kill time. This thought only reinforces what he was pondering earlier: why would you choose to stay here?

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The familiar feeling of a little, green creature crawling up your legs pulls you from your deep sleep. You untuck your arms from the blanket you don't remember having wrapped so tightly around yourself and stretch. The baby squeals up at you when he sees that you are now moving. You don’t scoop him up like last time; instead opting to let him finish his long trek up by himself. That's what he gets for waking you up. When he finally reaches your face he takes both of his hands and places them on your cheeks. He makes a confused sound before connecting a tight fist around your blindfold.

“No no wait..!”

There was no stopping him. He pulls with all his little might and the knot, loosened from your activities last night, comes unraveled. You keep your eyes tightly closed. Another confused screech is let out by the baby at your refusal to open your eyes at him. 

“It’s safe.” A modulated voice in front of you cuts through the child's cries.

The dry light of the hull leaks into Mando’s room as you open your eyes. The child sits atop your blanket covered chest waving around your band like a victory flag. You sit up slowly, half to not throw the child off and half to prevent you from revealing your naked body, and swaddle up your little alarm clock in your arms. You place a kiss on his forehead and stare down into those all encompassing eyes. 

“He wouldn’t stop crying at the door,” Tin Man explains. “I figured if I didn’t let him in he would do it himself.”

“Awww,” you coo down at the babe snuggling into you. “Did you miss me?” You feel a small nod against your chest. 

Finally you look up at the man that's standing in the doorway. The combination of the absence of light in the room and the light outside leaves him looking shadowy. His arms are crossed over his chest and he is leaning comfortably up against the frame of the door. A smile creeps across your chapped lips at his presence. Though you would be lying if you weren’t slightly sad you didn’t get to wake up in his arms. You know you probably look a mess right now. You haven’t brushed your teeth or combed your hair. 

“Give her back the band, kid.” 

With a hung head, the child relinquishes the band to you. You move him down to rest in your lap as you tie it back into its proper place. 

“What time is it?”

“Mid afternoon.”

“What? Why did you let me sleep so late?”

“You looked…peaceful.” He stands up straight now. “I didn’t want to take that from you.”

The memory of waking up screaming from your nightmare floods your mind. You feel a wave of embarrassment crash over your body. Mando must think you're crazy. No normal woman wakes up in the middle of the night yelling at the top of her lungs. Then you remember how kind and attentive he was after the fact. He sounded so concerned at your distress. He actually wanted to talk about what you had dreamt, but you weren’t about to let that happen. It wasn’t as if you didn’t trust him, but no one needed to hear about what went on inside the recesses of your mind. 

“Thank you.” You say it honestly. “Thank you for letting me sleep and … for helping me sleep.” 

He clears his throat before he talks. “Of course.”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

You learn that the second of the four pucks Mando collected is on a planet called Jakku. It was a “nowhere” planet as he so lovingly called it. 

“People obviously live there,” you try to ration with him. “So it can’t be ‘nowhere’.”

The two of you bicker back and forth about the logistics of yours and his lines of thinking. The baby makes a few chirping noises here and there to be a part of the discussion. You interpret them in your favor.

“See? Even he knows I’m right.” You smile down at your unintentional accomplice. “You can’t live ‘nowhere’. Anywhere you are you have the ability to make your home. Take The Razor Crest for example. It was just a ship before you and your son started living on it. Now it’s home. Unconventional, but home.” 

You can feel him turning over your words under his helmet; barely cocking his head to the side. He gives so little away, but slowly you start to pick up on small mannerisms. It makes your heart feel fuzzy when you are able to do this. A few months ago that small tilt of his helmet would have gone unnoticed, but now it says everything he refuses too. You yearn to unravel him mannerism by mannerism. The only thing you would enjoy more is if he actually told you what he was feeling and thinking. He is probably like you unfortunately: keeping his deepest thoughts close to his chest.

“Home.” He says this as a statement. “Where is home f-for you?” He hopes you can’t hear the small quiver in his voice.

You lean back in your chair and stare out into hyperspace. “Well home was Eadu, but now I just think of it as the planet I grew up on. There isn’t anyone there to make it home.”

“And now?”

“And now,” you lazily roll your head to face him. “Home is here for the time being.”

“What makes it home?”

He has now turned his chair to fully face you. You watch as he rests his arms on the armrests and slides down in his seat. He spreads his legs slightly out in front of him. Normally such a display of masculinity would make you roll your eyes, but on him it's enticing. He is radiating dominance and power. You shift in your seat as you feel heat start to pool in your lower belly. Your reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by Mando.

“Well?” He presses.

“I-I feel safe here. That’s not a feeling I have been afforded a lot. Especially by the men in my life.” You trade eye contact with Mando for eye contact with the kid. “Like I said when I first got here: I learned not to ask for help from men a long time ago.”

He watches as you rub the child’s ear in between your fingers and puff out a heavy sigh. While it makes him feel good, no, amazing that you feel safe with him he can’t help but wonder who caused you to mistrust so much. If he ever gets his hands on them…

“But I’m starting to think differently.” 

Your words break him from his violent thoughts. You're looking right at him again. He still sees so much sadness behind your eyes when you speak. Maker, he wishes the kid wasn’t here so he could wrap you in his arms and take away all that pain you carry. There is so much he still has yet to learn about you. So much he wants to learn about you.

“This is the way.” 

“This is the way.” You smile back to him.

The trip to Jakku takes around three days. How silly of you to assume that just because the hull is clean that it means that there is no work to be done. During the day, Tin Man keeps the two of you busy with repairing frayed wires, lubricating valves, organizing spare parts, and cleaning his weapons. You listen eagerly as he takes apart a blaster and explains what each individual piece does and means. It is magic the way he talks. He manages to turn a tool made for killing into a beautiful work of art. He shows you how to disassemble and reassemble them. He sits patiently with you as you struggle to differentiate each of the pieces. He never interrupts you unless you deliberately ask for help either. Maybe if his presence didn’t make you flustered like a little school girl it would be easier to remember what part goes where. 

During the night, Tin Man keeps your nightmares at bay. He holds you close and doesn’t let go. Sometimes you wonder if holding you like this isn’t only for your benefit. During the times you wake up in the night you can feel him slowly tracing the length of your back absentmindedly. You never know if he is awake or not; his fingers are always moving at a languid pace. His grip on your body seems to get tighter as Jakku grows nearer. As if he knows when he leaves the both of you will be without a distraction to ease each of your minds. 

Finally the ship arrives. You sit on top of a crate and swing your legs mindlessly with the child in your lap as Tin Man prepares to leave. The hull is quiet except for the sounds of weapons being clicked into place. You don’t want him to go. You feel selfish for even thinking that. You are literally the reason he has to leave right now. If you hadn’t had your little freakout in the cantina on Navarro he would have never had to pick up this puck. 

“Ready?” 

You watch as he closes the two metal doors and turns to face you on your perch. 

“I am.”

He walks up to you and the child. You're almost the same height as him now, but you have never felt smaller. His leather covered hands come to rest on your thighs. He moves his thumb gently against your skin. Why is he making this harder?

“Promise you will be safe?”

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep.”

He must have seen the fear that flashed across your eyes because he is quick to soothe you.

“But I do promise to come back…home.”

“I think I can live with that.” You bite down on your lower lip to stop from breaking out into a full blown smile. 

Before he departs he cups the left side of your face in his hand. You try your best not to melt, but it's no use. He thankfully obliges you and just holds his hand there for a few seconds allowing you to soak up as much of him as you can. Maybe he is doing the same? When he breaks away from you he moves down to the kid. 

“You have to be the man of the ship while I’m gone. Do you think you can handle that?” 

The baby coo’s up at his father in response. Watching him go is more difficult than it usually is. When he is finally out of sight you close up the ramp and engage the security protocols.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The baby must feel your anxiety about sleeping alone for the first time in days because he wails at you when you try to put him down in his pram for bed. 

“What is it, little guy?”

He is wriggling around in your arms so violently that you have no choice but to set him down on the ground. You watch as he hobbles his way over to your abandoned bed and disappears behind the crates. You shake your head as you follow his lead and walk over there. He has maneuvered himself under the covers and rests comfortably on the side of the bed closest to your tote. He has left you plenty of room to lay beside him, so you can’t even be mad that he took your favorite spot. You crawl in next to him and shimmy the covers over your body. As you lay on the pillow you reach up to untie your band. When you move to place it on your tote for safe keeping the child snatches it from you. You watch as he greedily hugs it to his body. A small laugh escapes you and you move to get settled in bed again. 

“Good night, sweetie.”  

“NO!” The yell that erupts from your throat is as dry as sand. You feel your gash rip open more with the force you just exerted.

Alden continues pacing and mumbling incoherently around the motionless body in front of you. 

“What am I going to do? Where am I going to get the money now? Fuck! Fuck!”

A door opens somewhere in the back of the house.

“Honey? Honey! Where are you?”

Alden's body stills at the feminine voice you know you both recognize. 

“Alden, please no.” You croak out.

He spins around and slams his foot into your stomach. The air is wrenched from your lungs by his action. He whips his body down to you quicker than you thought he could. “If you don’t shut the fuck up I’ll make you meet the same fate Bumi did.” The smell of spice drips off of his body and burns your nose. “She knows where it is and she is going to tell me. There is no one left to protect, is there?”

His smile is contorted. Something that you once thought was the most beautiful thing in the galaxy has now morphed into something no one should see. His teeth, once white and gleaming, have a gray tint to them. His lips are chapped and cracked in multiple places. The light in his eyes has been reduced to nothing but a flickering ember. 

“You can’t…” You try to speak more, but the pain you feel is debilitating.

“Shhhhh. I can and I will.” He whispers.

He rises up and walks into the house. There isn’t anything you can do but listen.

You feel something pulling you out of your nightmare. All the darkness in your mind is being eradicated by a blinding white light. It feels so good. You will yourself to move closer and allow it to engulf you. Your eyes open abruptly and you gasp for air. You don’t immediately register the tiny hand on your neck while you gulp down rapid breaths. As you come down from your panic you feel it more prominently. The baby has wormed his way up to your chest and is peering down at you intently with concerned eyes. He hasn’t once removed his three fingers from your scar. Chest still heaving, you move your hand to rest on his back. You know he saw what you just dreamt again. You know it was him that pulled you from that hell.

“T-thank you, love bug.”

He seems content with his work, but not content enough to remove his hand. He simply lays his head down on your chest and drifts back to sleep. You try your hardest to stay awake and process what happened, but sleep wraps you in its spidery grip and pulls you under as well. 

It has been four days since your incident with the baby. You haven’t had any nightmares since then. You know he is to thank for their absence. He still refuses to sleep in his pram at bed time. When night comes you both crawl into your bed and he takes his spot on your chest. You have tried to tell him that you're alright, but he will not listen. You suppose those big ears of his have selective hearing. Once when you tried to move him off of you he bit at your fingers. What a little womp rat. Him bunking with you has made it easier since Tin Man’s absence. You know the both of you miss him. You miss him more than you are willing to admit at this point. 

On the fifth night Mando comes back. Unfortunately, you and the child are already fast asleep when he enters. He peers over the crates into your bed and sees the two of you passed out together. He could have stayed there and watched the two of you for hours, but he has a quarry to deal with. He tries to be quiet as he leads him to the carbonate chamber, but the fucking moron decides to start making a racket. Fortunately, punching people in the jaw is a good way to silence them. When he finally finishes dealing with the quarry he heads over to the armory to unload his weapons. Again he does this as quietly as possible. 

After everything is in its correct place he makes his way over to your bed again. You look so beautiful even in sleep. You don’t have that furrow between your brows, but you also don’t have that lovely smile on your face. He’s transfixed as he watches you inhale and exhale. He never knew something so ordinary could look so prepossessing. He suppresses a whimper at the sight of the child resting peacefully on your chest. Who knew he could be jealous of his kid? You have so much love for a baby that isn’t even yours. You care for him like your own. He didn’t know it was possible, but his admiration grows for you even more.

He doesn’t know how long he has been watching you when you start to stir in your sleep. That furrow seeps back into your features and he can see your eyes manically darting around under your lids. A meek whimper escapes through your barely parted lips. He is still deciding if he should wake you up or not when that decision is made for him. He observes as the child wakes above you and extends his hand to your bare neck. As soon as his little talons touch your skin your body goes slack. You slip back into bliss again. The baby holds his hand on your neck for a little while longer, never acknowledging Mandos' presence, and then goes back to sleep himself.

“What do you dream about, ner cyar’ika?”

Mando tries pulling himself away from your bedside countless times, but he can’t seem to get his feet to move. He decides to sit down and lean against one of the crates. He doesn’t want to be far in case you have another nightmare. He has been leaving you to deal with them by yourself for too long. Well, he thinks, maybe you aren’t as alone as he thought. 

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

You wake up before the child this morning: that's a first. You listen to his light breathing before delicately moving him off of you. Wanting to capitalize on this rare moment of alone time you tie up your band, get up, and head over to the pantry to make some caf. Right when you are toying with the idea of taking a steaming shower your leg gets caught on something and sends you tumbling into hard metal. You don't remember leaving anything out beside your bed last night. You also don’t remember metal having a lap. With the chaos of the fall clearing the last of the sleepy cobwebs from your mind you realize you have tripped over Mando’s sprawled out body. Still laying flat across his legs you feel a hand connect with your back. 

“Good morning to you too.” His post slumber voice is gruff.

You lift your horizontal body off of him and decide to dawn a straddling position instead. His hands immediately move to hold your hips as you talk.

“What? When did you get in?”

He lets out an easy laugh at your confusion. “I got back last night, but I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Why didn’t you crawl into bed with me?” You look at him through your lashes and hope it doesn’t sound as needy as it feels. 

“Th-there wasn’t room for all three of us.” He says bashfully.

You shift in his lap and feel his ever present bulge growing beneath you. With a smirk you slightly grind yourself down on him. His hands tighten on your hips and a low groan escapes through the modulator. The friction of his pants feels exquisite against your already throbbing cunt. Keeping an easy pace on him you reach up and untie your band. He watches you silently. You take it and cover your eyes. When you finish, you move your hands to hold on to his shoulders. Then you lower your head to the side of his helmet and whisper.

“Is there enough room now?” 

You feel his hands detach from you and then hear the slight hiss of his helmet being removed. He sets it down next to him and reinstates his grip on your hips. You feel his body shift under you as he leans close to your ear.

“Plenty.” In an instant he slams his lips into yours. He swallows the sound of surprise you make with his mouth. 

“You have to be quiet for me, sweet thing. Can you do that?”

You breathe out a yes as his lips chart a path along your jawline. You stretch your neck out to give him more access to you. His cock strains against the fabric of his pants at your constant movement. Something about the position the two of you are in and the added stress of staying quiet so as to not wake the child asleep on the other side of the crate has you soaking through your underwear. Mando can feel it too. The wetness you are leaking out has made its way through the fabric of his pants. 

“I thought about you every night while I was gone.” He bucks his hips up into you.

You bite down to stop a whine from slipping out. He didn’t even need to touch you to get you worked up. His words alone almost sent you spiraling off the edge. 

“I need you inside me. Now.” 

He pulls his pants down just enough to let his cock spring free. You wish you could see it in all its glory. How red and angry the tip probably is from being tortured by you. You lift yourself up and move your underwear to the side. He grabs himself and lines up at your entrance. Your juices are already sliding their way down his length. He stifles a groan as your hot cunt stretches around him. He feels your walls expand to take all of him. You throw your head forward into the crook of his neck at the welcome intrusion. You can feel every inch, every vein, every twitch of him as he fills you to the hilt. 

You use his neck as a makeshift silencer for yourself as you pump up and down on him. The stretch you feel is all consuming. Usually he works you up before awarding you with his shaft, but there isn’t any time. Without that added build up he feels enormous inside you. You can’t help but cry out as you thrust your body down to meet him. 

“Keep your mouth shut or I'll give you a real reason to scream.”

He takes over your movements and begins ramming into you at full force. In an attempt to keep yourself from spewing obscenities you bite down, hard, on the muscles in his neck. He hisses into your ear and starts biting at your earlobe to return the savory pain. 

“That's right. Take me just like that.”

You don’t know if your eyes are welling with tears from the sheer force he is hammering into you at or from the strain of trying not to make a sound. He gips your ass with both hands and adjusts your body to a more forward angle. Your g-spot couldn’t hide from him if it tried. It beckons him like a lighthouse to a ship lost at sea. You lick a stripe up his neck and start sucking on his pulse point. You feel a moan vibrate from within his throat. He is trying so hard to keep it trapped inside. 

“No one fucks me like you, Mando. No one makes me feel as good as you do.”

He curses under his breath at your praise. 

“Are you going to cum for me?”

“Only for you.” you breathe. 

You only last a few more pumps before your walls start to clench around him. It feels like tightly wound rope finally snaps from all the pressure and you are sent hurtling into your bliss. Again you bite down on his neck to quiet your cries.

“I want to feel you cum. I want you to fill me up, Mando.” 

“F-fuck.” 

Your words are his undoing. You feel his neck tighten under your teeth as he reaches his climax. Even in your post-orgasm euphoria you want to make him feel good. You drunkenly plaster his neck and jaw with kisses. You feel him release inside of you. Maker, you don’t think you will ever get tired of this feeling. A warmth only he can provide seeps into your body. You swear you can feel it in your veins. You move your lips up to his and bask in the feeling of him inside you. He kisses you back desperately. You feel him making up for the lost time with each brush of his lips and swish of his tongue. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull your body flush with his. You feel him moan into your mouth and you drink it up like sweet wine. He wraps his own hands around your back. The leather of his gloves pulls satisfyingly against your sweaty sleep shirt. 

A small noise from behind the crate pulls you both from your paradise on the floor. He watches you pull away from him and tilt your head to listen. Your lips are swollen and red from ravishing him. He doesn’t dare breathe as you both wait to hear the sound again. It rings out once more: the child has woken up. You breathe out a strained sigh and press your forehead against his.

“Time to hide this handsome face away.”

You hear him puff air from his nose and feel his belly tighten with soft laughter. He lifts you off of him, much to his dismay, and you scoot over to sit on his left side. You wait until you hear the click of his helmet before you remove your visual obstruction. When you look up at him he is already looking down at you. You can still see his chest rising and falling quickly to catch his breath. 

“Welcome back…home.” You roll your head to rest on the cool metal encasing his shoulder. 

“It’s good to be back…home.” 

The baby rounds the corner in a frantic state. You gleam when you see him. 

“Look who I found!” 

Suddenly you become chopped bantha liver at the sight of his father. He runs up quickly and hugs his thigh. This is home, you think as you watch the two in front of you interact lovingly. Home is safe. Home is where you never worry, right? — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

[shingia]

hopefullyy this inspires u to write,,, can i request hc's of the boys getting jealous seeing their s/o work well with another person on a team/club? like good chemistry with a dance partner for example! (u can choose who u write but can it include iwa!!) <33

✗ HQ BOYS GETTING JEALOUS SEEING YOU WORK WELL WITH ANOTHER PERSON ✗

a/n : kdjfkdjdkdj i love this request omg ty ! i did half hc/half scenarios bc i thought the request fitted this format <3

-> iwaizumi, osamu, kuroo, suna, tsukishima

-> warnings : kuroo’s a bit suggestive (tbh i don’t know about the rest. it’s just... kinda hot? (tsukki’s only fluff tho<3))

-> reblogs are >>>>

— IWAIZUMI

• iwa’s jealousy was practically non existent until he actually saw you interact with your partner

• don’t get me wrong, he absolutely loves your smile - but he especially loves to be the one who caused it

• he tends to get physically very protective of you, so expect his arm to stay wrapped around your shoulders most of the time. because to him it’s the easiest way to show the world (but especially your partner) that you’re his

• he also not-so-subtly offers you to wear his clothes on days when you have practice. and he secretly hopes that someone will ask you who they belong to...

« it’s cold outside. you should wear this ». iwa’s low and unannounced voice makes you turn around in surprise. leaned against the bathroom’s doorframe, he’s holding your favorite jacket in his hand - the one with his name written on the back, and you suspect that this might not be a coincidence... with a chuckle, you agree to put it on, noticing the proud spark in his eyes. « you know, i’m pretty sure everyone already knows i’m dating you » you tease him with a wink, all while also admiring the way his name takes up the whole width of your back. « oh yeah ? » he asks, a smirk tugging at his lips as he leans forward to rest his hands on the sink behind you. trapped between his outstretched arms, you watch his smirk grow just a little bit bigger as he lets out, very quietly, « well this is just a reminder... it better be the last ». his green eyes locked with yours could almost make you forget about his arm snaking around your waist at a painfully slow pace. almost.

— OSAMU

• look, he’s very happy for you. no doubt about it. but he’s so used to see people fawn over his brother that he can’t help but get a little protective from time to time

• since gifts are his #1 love language, he might buy you a workout-friendly piece of jewelry that you can wear during your practice

• he also insists on dropping you off and picking you up as often as his busy schedule allows it. especially since he learned that your partner was willing to give you a ride home...

• it’s not that he doesn’t trust you, obviously. he just doesn’t trust them yet

• and that’s why his kisses - and pda in general - are a bit more « intense » than usual

leg bouncing up and down, osamu is (very) anxiously for your conversation with your teammate to end. because after watching the entirety of your practice, he needs a little reminder that you two also have incredible chemistry together... a better one, even. so as soon as he sees you wave your teammate goodbye, he stands up straight, arms open just wide enough to welcome you against his chest. but instead of the chaste kiss you expected to get, you’re actually greeted by his left hand grabbing your sides while his right meets your lower back. disconcerted, you don’t even have time to say a word that his mouth crashes onto yours so eagerly that you have to lean back a few inches. « wh-what was that for ? » you pant as soon as his warm lips have left yours. « nothing. i love ya, that’s all » he smiles innocently, glad that you didn’t notice the cocky look he just gave your teammate who witnessed everything from afar... exactly as planned.

— KUROO

• passive agressive™️

• he would insist on properly meeting your partner but oh god they better brace themselves,,,

• because kuroo’s the kind of boyfriend that will shake their hand hard enough to make them yelp, all while having an angelic smile plastered on his face

• oh and you can forget being called by your name : he’s going to demonstrate the entire variety of nicknames he has for you. he might even come up with new ones just because he’s feeling « inspired »

• every single thing he says to your partner has to be a reminder that you two are dating. like « oh yeah they told me about this yesterday.. during our date ». just to make sure that there’s no misunderstanding.

« well... speak of the devil », kuroo hears you chuckle, your voice almost drowned out by his heavy breathing. he’s obviously planing on apologizing for being late... but not now. there’s something he wants to do first. still very aware of your partner’s presence right in front of you, he decides to securely yet eagerly wrap his arms around your waist before spinning you around proudly. « so... you guys were talking about me ? » he asks, glad to know that he’s the reason behind your giggles. « we were, actually » you answer a bit more seriously as he finally puts you down, still keeping both his hands on your waist. « well, i am your boyfriend after all... » he starts, interrupting himself to place a loud peck on your jawline. the only thing you can think is about is how awful this situation must be for your partner... kuroo, on the other hand, doesn’t seem bothered at all, as shown by the way one of his hands discreetly makes its way under the fabric of your t-shirt to rest directly on your skin. « hands off, kuroo » you order him with a slap on the back of his hand. an offended gasp leaves his lips, yet he complies reluctantly, thinking that your partner probably already knows everything that needs to be known about him.

— SUNA

• he doesn’t really mind it... as long as you’re willing to cuddle once you get back from practice. if you’re not, then he’s gonna start to worry

• because cuddling is probably his favorite ‘boyfriend privilege’ and he doesn’t want it to be taken away from him

• his schedule is pretty tight so he might not be able to attend any of your practices, but he asks you to record it as much as you possibly can so that he can watch the videos with you afterwards

• and seeing how smoothly you and your partner move together definitely doesn’t help with his worrying

it’s been thirty minutes now, and suna’s still not done watching the videos you took today. he loves to share these moments with you, snuggled up against each other the bed ; but most importantly, he has someone to keep his eye on... « babe- are you 100% sure that this was part of the choreography? » he suddenly speaks up, his eyes leaving the screen for the first time. you quirk a curious eyebrow, more surprised by his unusually suspicious tone rather than by the question itself. « oh, the hand on my waist ? yes, rin. it was ». at your words, his lips press into a thin line, he’s obviously far from being convinced. but you know your boyfriend well and you’re quick to reassure him : « you know, his hand might have been on my waist but you’re the one laying in my bed right now ». the frown on his face disappears almost immediately - much faster than you would’ve thought, replaced by a much more confident expression as his hands start to gently stroke your sides up and down. « mmh, i guess you’re right.... i mean, at the end of the day, only i get to have ‘all of this’ for myself » he smirks, playfully eyeing you up and down until he can’t resist the temptation of your slightly parted lips anymore.

— TSUKISHIMA

• tsukki’s not jealous, he’s just... well.. cautious. or at least that’s what he tells you

• but, deep down, he knows that simple cautiousness wouldn’t make spend his days and nights stressing about this new partner of yours...

• so, after a few weeks, his impassible facade starts to crumble a little bit. nothing too extreme, but just enough to let your partner know that you’re taken.

• and he knows he doesn’t need to do much : one of his signature scornful looks is more than enough. especially when he’s staring at your partner dead in the eyes while you’re greeting him with a hug and a kiss after your practice

« tsukishima kei, i’m waiting for an explanation ». with a sigh, your boyfriend drops his book on the table, turning his chair around to face you. « i don’t have one, i already told you. you told me to introduce myself, and i did. end of story ». you both know that tsukki did not just ‘introduce himself’ like any other human being would have done. and that’s precisely what you’re trying to make him admit - because your partner looked genuinely scared during practice today. « wha- no, i didn’t look down on him. it’s not my fault he’s so short... » he mumbles under his breath, trying his best to avoid any eye contact with you. but you know that only a slight tilt of his chin upwards is enough to make his eyes lock with yours - and that this is enough to have him admit anything. « you’re jealous, kei. and it’s painfully obvious by the way... » you smirk - but this smirk disappears in a split second as he slowly gets up from his chair, towering over you like he usually does. « ok, maybe i am. but i just wanted to make sure that he knew his place. and especially mine » he finally admits, his lips spreading in a scornful smirk that would be terrifying if his eyes weren’t filled with the infinite tenderness he has always felt for you.

✔️taglist : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @mochi-marie @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @47meow @japanesevenom @geektastic84 @noir-blanches-blog @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami @atiny-grl-with-luv @admiringlove @nachotrash @kellesvt @aintyourholy @Moonlaeli @catchmewiddershins @duhsies @devilgirlcrybabiey @crystal-lilac

[beccascribbles]

It angst time bby!🤪 Could you maybe pls do a Iwa,Tendou and Tsuki x reader/manager scenario where their s/o gets bullied because they are the manager of the team. Also it goes that far that the girls threaten them to leave the vb club/ end their relationship bevor it will be much worse for them. ( a fluffy end would be nice because I saw lots of angsty fics today kndjsjsna)

a/n - you asked and i shall deliver. sometimes we just have a craving for angst. i’m a little bit obsessed with it myself (think a large part of my blog is angst tbh). and don’t worry, they are fluffy endings i think... hope you enjoy!

"i can't do this anymore," you sobbed, finally letting the tears fall. iwaizumi reached out for you desperately, hand curling around your waist and pulling you into his chest. his arm, corded with muscle, wrapped around your waist protectively, holding you close to him. his other hand held the back of your head. “i can’t, haji. they won’t stop. it won’t stop.”

“shh,” he murmured, stroking the back of your head as your tears dampened his shirt. part of him was confused, the other part focused entirely on offering you support. he had no idea who this mysterious they was. it wasn’t surprising that he didn’t know, the girls choosing moments when iwaizumi (and anyone who might inform him of what was happening) was gone to be their cruellest. “who’s they?”

you stiffened slightly against him then, mind pulling their most recent assault to the forefront of your mind. taloned fingernails had dug into your shoulders before pushing you harshly, your back hitting the brick wall behind you harshly. rough brick had dug into your back, the pain not enough to distract you from the words they spat at you. you had flinched away, looked for an escape, but there was nowhere to go. one girl, clearly the ringleader, had yanked at your hair, pulling your face towards her.

“you stupid little whore,” she had hissed, letting out a cold laugh at the wince that escaped your lips. “if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stop managing the team and leave iwaizumi while you’re at it. you don’t deserve him and he sure as hell doesn’t need you.”

her words had been echoed by the other girls with her, and when the tears had finally began to prick at your eyes, they had decided their needs had been satisfied for today. she had turned back to look at you one last time before leaving you with her parting words. “remember what i said. if you want it to stop, you know what to do.”

“y/n?” iwaizumi questioned, his voice cutting through the memory. worry laced his tone, and he had pulled you away from his chest to be able to see your face. you blinked up at him, a dreadful realisation coming over you. you knew how to make it stop. it was simple. you just had to force out the words.

the texture of his skin was rough against yours, his hands calloused from a childhood spent playing volleyball. you wanted to surrender to his warmth, to downplay everything you were feeling, to blame it on some simple reason such as school, anything to be with him for just a little longer. but you couldn’t. it needed to be done.

“i want to break up,” you said, forcing the words out, fresh tears beginning to fall from your eyes. the weight you had expected to be lifted was not. instead, remorse crushed you. for a moment, you struggled to breath, the air trapped in your throat. it was only iwaizumi’s gentle nudging, the way he guided you through your breathing, that helped you regain a semblance of calm.

“no you don’t,” he said calmly, seeing right through you. there was never any point in lying to him. he could see right through any lies that slipped from your lips. “i also won’t let you.”

your eyes widened in fear, her face flashing to life in your brain. your scalped tingled in remembrance of the way she had yanked your hair. suddenly, you began to shake, wrapping your arms around yourself. you let out a wretched sob. “hajime... please.”

“no,” he said, rubbing your arm soothingly in an attempt to calm you. “you need to tell me what the fuck is going on. no hiding from me. we’re sorting this out and i’m going to find out who put such stupid ideas into your head and they’re going to pay.”

you shook your head weakly, but his hands were quick to stop your movements, thumb reaching out to brush away the tears collecting in the corner of your eye. he leant forward, resting his forehead against yours. “we’re sorting this out, okay?”

“okay.”

really, you should’ve known he would understand. you should have known that of anyone who would understand how helpless you were feeling, how truly you believed leaving the team was your only escape from their torment, was tendou. he had opened up to you, told you about his childhood, his experience with bullies. yet, you couldn’t open up to him, couldn’t tell him what was happening to you.

“why weren’t you at practice today?” questioned tendou, the first words out of his mouth when you opened your dorm room to him. the second thing he did was press a kiss to your lips, his hands going up to hold your face tenderly. “you’re not sick, are you? i hope not, otherwise i shouldn’t have kissed you. i guess we can be ill together though.”

“i quit,” you said, moving away from him and collapsing onto your bed, picking up the magazine you had discarded moments before. you opened it, using it as a shield to protect you from tendou’s gaze. his eyes narrowed as he looked at you. 

“why would you do that?” he asked, moving over to the bed and sitting opposite you, reaching over to remove the magazine from in front of your face. you let out a grumble, though did little to actually resist.

“i didn’t feel like doing it anymore,” you lied, studying the wall behind him. it was painfully obvious you were avoiding his gaze, just further proof that you were lying to him. “it wasn’t fun anymore. besides, i need to focus on school.”

“tut tut,” he admonished, waggling his finger at you. him reprimanding you caused a small smile to tug at your lips, one that quickly vanished when he persisted. “why would you really quit?”

you crossed your arms over your chest, physically turning your body away from him. the quiet rejection did little to discourage him. instead, he reached for your hand.

“i saw you with some girls yesterday,” he admitted, taking careful note of the way your whole body suddenly stiffened. he chose his next words carefully, not wanting you to pull away, to refuse to confirm the suspicions he already had. “you looked upset. are you okay now?”

it was at those words that you finally turned to look at him, fresh tears making your eyes seem to shimmer. it was an oddly beautiful sight, mused tendou, reaching out with care to brush a finger along your jaw. sudden anger twisted your features, shattering the illusion and causing him to jerk his hand away.

“of course i’m not fucking okay,” you spat, yanking your hand from his landing a solid hit the mattress you were both sitting on. “it’s fucking pathetic that i let them have their way just because i was scared.”

you pushed up from the bed, turning around wildly, looking for something, anything, that would ease the emotions currently rushing through you. they were hard to distinguish, coming together to leave you craving for a release. tendou stood up to join you, holding his hands out in front of him.

“punch me,” he stated, stance adjusting so he was properly balanced. you didn’t even question it, balling your hands into fists and launching a fist into his palm. the crack of skin on skin echoed around the room, and you felt the release. he praised you, “solid hit. need to go again?”

you shook your head, stepping forward and leaning your head against his chest, fingers curling into the flimsy material of his shirt. his arms wrapped around you, holding you tight.

“what am i going to do?” you sighed. tendou shuffled backwards, pulling you along with him until he was sat on the bed, your legs either side of his own as you sat on his lap. he took your chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting your face up to look at him.

“you’re going to re-join the team,” he explained, before a smirk twisted his features, “and i’m going to enlist some help to go and confront some bullies.”

he doesn’t say anything to you, doesn’t really do much to acknowledge the tears rolling down your cheeks other than to wrap his arm around your shoulder. you are tugged into his lean body, and are quick to turn your head into his chest to hide your tears from view. admittedly, it was a bit late at this point, the majority of the team having already passed you on their way into the gym. you had simply waved away their concerns, not thinking you could find the words to explain, to tell them you were leaving.

“so,” mused tsukishima, letting your bury your face into his chest, your hands clutching onto the material of his top. ordinarily, he would have told you to stop stretching the fabric. however, you had been off for a couple of days, more withdrawn, and he figured he was close to finding out the reason why. “what happened?”

you let out a stifle, finally looking up at him with red-rimmed eyes. “i left the team.”

“that doesn’t really answer my question though, does it?” he prodded. something told you he had an inclination at the cause behind it. there was no solid evidence to prove his suspicions, however. all he could go off was the look of trepidation in your eyes, the way you body would tense when certain people approached.

you shook your head, fists clenching tighter. he let out a soft sigh, his other arm coming around your body to hold you more securely against his chest. he reprimanded you softly, “you could have told me, or at least someone else on the team if you didn’t want me to know. i wouldn’t think any less of you because you’re being bullied.”

“they said it would get worse if i told anyone, if i didn’t do what they said,” you hiccupped, relaxing in his firm hold, soothed by the steady rise and fall of his chest.

“y/n,” he sighed, tilting his head down to look at you, “they’re just pathetic nobodies who are jealous of you. do you honestly think they could actually hurt you more if you told someone? i’d like to see them try.”

his hold brought you comfort, and you found yourself calming down. he released you, reaching down to take your hand and give it a reassuring squeeze, dropping a kiss to the top of your head in the process. as he walked back with you towards the gym, he murmured darkly, “i might just give them a small taste of their own medicine.”

“kei,” you warned, hand tightening on his, “don’t.”

“i’m still going to talk to them.”

“you don’t even know who they are.”

“i can guess, or you can tell me.”

you just shook your head, his words bringing a distraction from the emotions still just beneath the surface just as he knew they would.

[shiftingparadise]

omg i just read the song request au, soso good. can i request an angsty eren (or levi too tbh idm) x reader Less than Zero -The Weeknd story? idky i always thought the song fit w Eren or the cast in general. hope you have a good one, you always do great!!

First of all, thank you for being so nice 🥺🤍 Really hope you like this one too. I enjoyed writing it (as always), and I've been listening to this song on repeat! I really like it :3 Enjoy reading!

Word Count: 3445

‘You need to take care of her Armin’, Eren said softly to his friend. Both were sitting against the cold stones of the Headquarters, moonlight gently brushing over their feet. ‘Where are you going?’, ‘I’m going to Marley soon’, Eren stood up from the cold ground, softly brushing the dirt off his pants. ‘But you’ll come back, right? So why do I need to take care of her?’, Armin quickly followed, looking with big eyes at his friend. ‘Goodnight Armin’, Eren’s emotionless voice filled up the strange atmosphere between him and Armin. ‘H-huh? W-wait!’, Armin called out for his friend, but to no avail. Eren kept walking further and further away from him, signaling Armin that the conversation is over. 

--- 

‘Eren!’, you ran over to your boyfriend, quickly wrapping your arms around him, ‘I didn’t see you yesterday after dinner, were yo-‘, ‘I was busy’. ‘H-huh?’, you pulled away, looking concerned into his eyes, ‘I-is something wrong? You’re never this-‘, ‘Nothing’s wrong’. You could feel Eren gently pushing you away from him, ‘Go get some breakfast’, ‘A-aren't you coming?’. 

He never acted so coldly towards you. You could feel a weight pressing down on your shoulders, making it hard to breathe. You knew Eren like the back of your hand, even if he told you that nothing was wrong, you knew better. You could feel it. 

‘No’, Eren said while turning around, walking towards the stables. ‘Hm, okay’, you looked at the ground before walking towards the cafeteria. 

--- 

Eren barely spoke to you today. You thought it was because he was tired, or because he felt a certain pressure from the Corps to save Paradis. 

‘Eren?’, you knocked on his door, ‘I’m busy’, ‘B-but-‘, ‘I said I’m busy Y/N’. 

You sighed; he didn’t even let you enter his room? You lowered the tray of tea you were holding, eyes hanging low. 

‘Okay, I’m sorry for interrupting’, you said softly before turning back around and walking towards your room.

‘O-oi watch out!’, you could hear Jean’s voice, his hands grabbing your shoulder. ‘H-huh? What’s wrong?’, you looked up from the ground. ‘You almost walked against my door’, he chuckled while letting go of your shoulders. 

Your eyes were so fixed on the ground, so deep in your thoughts, that you hadn’t noticed Jean’s door was wide open. If he hadn’t stopped you, you would’ve run into the door, probably spilling all of the hot tea on yourself. 

‘Oh’, you shyly smiled, ‘I’m sorry, I hadn’t noticed. Thank you Jean’, ‘I-its nothing’, Jean replied, his hand softly stroking through his hair. ‘Hm’, you smiled before walking again, you wanted to get to your room as quick as possible.

‘H-hey Y/N?’, you could hear Jean’s footsteps behind you, ‘Ai?’, you looked over your shoulder. 

Jean was walking towards you, maybe he knew why Eren acted so strange?

‘Is everything okay? You seem sad’, ‘Ai, of course’, you lied while smiling at him. Jean was always worried about you, always making sure you were doing fine. He was looking into your eyes, never leaving his gaze of yours. You could see he knew you were lying. ‘Jean, really’, you lowered your eyes to the ground, ‘I’m fine’. ‘Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me’, he said softly while placing his hand on your shoulder, softly pinching it, ‘Ai’, you smiled while tightening your grip around the tray you were holding, ‘Goodnight Jean’. 

--- 

A week passed, and Eren distanced himself more from you each day. He didn’t even look at you anymore, let alone say something to you. When you tried to talk to him, he waived you away or told you he was busy. You couldn’t take it anymore, you needed to know what was wrong. 

‘Eren?’, you once again knocked on his door. You could hear him sighing, ‘What?’, ‘Can I come in, please?’, your voice was shaking already. ‘I’m bu-‘, ‘You can’t keep pushing me away like this’, you placed your head against the door, hand resting on its handle. Eren didn’t answer, letting you decide whether you opened the door or not. 

Your hands were shaking uncontrollably, your nerves got the best of you. You slowly opened the door. Eren was sitting on his bed, hands resting on his knees. 

‘Why are you acting like this?’, you forced yourself to look at him. ‘Like what?’, Eren raised his head from the ground, letting his eyes wander over your shaking body. ‘So cold, distant… As if you don’t love me anymore’, you tried to hold back your tears. The thought of him leaving you was too much for you. ‘I’m leaving Y/N’, Eren got up from his bed, looking out of the window of his room. ‘W-what? To where?’, you widened your eyes, heart beating even faster. ‘I’m going to live in Marley for a while, I need to understand them better’. 

You chuckled. Eren was lying, you could feel it. 

‘That’s not the only reason why you’re going, right?’, you narrowed your eyes, ‘Of course it is’, Eren looked disinterested at you. ‘Don’t lie to me’, you could feel your nails pressing into the palms of your hands, ‘Zeke being there has nothing to do with it?’. For a split second, you could see Eren widen his eyes, for a second there was emotion on his face, ‘No’, he put on his mask again, once more, cold eyes were looking into yours. ‘I don’t recognize you anymore’, tears were streaming down your cheek, ‘You used to never lie to me, to never hurt me, and look at us now’. ‘I don’t know what to tell y-‘, ‘You never know what to say anymore Eren! Fuck, you never even talk to me anymore’. ‘Because I don’t love you anymore Y/N’, his voice pierced through your heart. 

How could he say that? How could he say that so coldly? As if you never mattered to him. 

‘Y-you’re lying’, your voice was shaking, ‘I’m not’, his emerald eyes never left yours. ‘Wh-what did I do wrong?’, you looked at the ground, hands firmly wrapped around your stomach. ‘Nothing, I just don’t love you anymore’, he sighed, as if you were annoying him. ‘You’re not the Eren I know, you’re a heartless monster’, you gritted through your teeth, ‘Ever since-‘, ‘Ever since when? Ever since I lost my mother? Ever since I lost Hannes? Ever since Armin almost died? Maybe since Erwin died? Since when Y/N?’, Eren raised his voice, walking towards you. 

You looked up at him, noticing how his cold, disinterested expression has shifted to an angry one. It was an expression you used to see on Eren’s face often, but never when he looked at you. 

‘Don’t pretend you haven’t changed Y/N’, ‘I never said I didn’t change Eren, but I’ve never hurt you’, you cried out. You hated that Eren saw you like this, that he saw what he did to you. 

‘H-huh?’, you frowned when you could hear him chuckle, ‘A-are you really lau-‘, you could feel his hand grabbing your arm, ‘Did I hurt you?’, he tightened his grip, causing a small sob to escape from your mouth. ‘D-don’t touch me’, you tried to pull away, but he only tightened his grip, ‘Do you want me to hurt you Y/N? Do you want this?’, you knew he would leave bruises on your arm. ‘Eren please’, you sobbed, ‘You’re hurting me’. 

You never felt so scared in your life. The boy whom you loved ever since you were a kid, who used to make you smile, laugh; who used to leave a trail of goosebumps from your ear to your shoulder, was now a stranger in your eyes. 

‘Leave Y/N, I don’t want to see you anymore’, he let go of your arm, eyes locked on yours. ‘Fuck you Eren, you can rot in hell for all I care’, you gritted through your teeth before slamming the door behind you. 

Eren closed his eyes, looking at the door you just slammed shut. ‘I’m sorry Y/N’, he whispered to himself while sitting back on his bed, ‘This is for the best’. 

Eren never wanted to hurt you, he never wanted to distance himself from you. If it were up to him, he would get drunk from your kisses every second of the day. He missed you more than he could take. He missed the smell of your hair when he pulled you closer in the morning, whispering how he loved you and how he wished he could stay in bed with you all day. He missed how you looked at him, how you smiled when he placed a strand of hair behind your ear, telling him how much you loved him and how you would never leave his side. But you had to leave, Eren needed you to. He needed you to be safe, that’s why he needs to go to Marley. He needs to make sure that his friends; Armin, Mikasa, Connie, Jean, … that every single one of you is safe. ‘I know what I need to do, I know that you’ll think I’m a monster’, he sighed in the palms of his hands, ‘But I’m doing this for you, for all of you’. 

--- 

‘Jean’, Eren knocked softly at his door, ‘What?’, Jean rolled his eyes when he opened the door. 

Jean had his arms crossed, head leaning against the doorframe. He frowned when he saw the expression on Eren’s face. He knew Eren needed to talk about something to him in private. So he signaled Eren to come into his room.

‘What’s wrong?’, Jean looked at the brunette who was looking coldly at the desk in his room. ‘I need you to do something for me’, Eren lowered his eyes, hating every second of this. 

… 

‘Wh-what? I can’t, she loves you!’, Jean looked confused at Eren, still trying to comprehend what he just asked of him. ‘Ai, but I’ve seen the way you look at her’, Eren’s cold eyes looked into Jean’s, ‘I know you love her, I know you hate me for having her and for not treating her right’. 

Jean clenched his jaw. Did he really make it that obvious he loved you?

‘D-does she know?’, Jean looked at the ground in shame, ‘No’, Eren could see Jean was feeling uncomfortable, ‘I know she had a crush on you before we got together, so if you’re the one who comforts her…’, ‘B-but’, ‘Please Jean’, Eren was practically begging him to take care of you, to make sure you were happy. 

Eren knew how badly you wanted a family. He knew you wanted to be a mother when this war was over, how you want to make dinner for your family, how you want to wake up to the sound of your husband playing with your child. He couldn’t give that to you, not after everything that happened. There was a time when Eren would dream with you under the stars about the family you both wanted to have one day, how you both wanted a boy. Eren would still love to see you standing against the kitchen counter, placing soft kisses on your son’s cheek, whispering sweet words, and telling him how much you love him. But what could once be a reality now seemed like a distant dream.

‘F-fine’, Jean nervously stroked the back of his neck, ‘I’ll make sure she’s safe and that she’s happy, no matter what’, ‘Thank you Jean, and don’t forget to give the letter to her when, I mean if something were to happen to me’, Eren said coldly before walking out of the room.

--- 

‘You’ve got us, me and Armin’, Mikasa whispered while holding you. You knew she didn’t like showing her soft side to anyone, but she knew you needed some comfort. 

Eren had already talked to Mikasa, just like he talked to Armin a couple of weeks ago. You didn’t know of course, but Eren didn’t want you to. You needed to hate him, otherwise, you would never move on. 

‘H-he’s gone Mikasa, and we don’t even know when he’s coming back, if he’s coming back’, ‘Don’t worry Y/N’, Mikasa sighed, ‘He’ll come back, he promised’. 

--- 

‘A-are you really-‘, a nauseous feeling flooded over you when you could hear Eren chuckle, ‘S-sasha’s dead and you’re…’, the feeling of grieve was replaced with hate. How could Eren laugh? You could feel everyone staring in disgust at him, no one recognized him anymore. Without thinking you grabbed the collar of Eren’s shirt, holding your fist in the air, ‘Why are you laughing Eren?’. His green eyes met yours, he was still smirking, ‘Answer me!’, you tightened the grip around his shirt. 

You weren’t sure if you were asking him why he was laughing, or why he hurt you all those months ago, everything felt like a blur.

‘Y/N’, you could feel Jean’s hand on your shoulder, ‘Don’t’. You looked over your shoulder at Jean, softly letting go of his shirt. 

‘W-what?’, you quickly tightened your grip when you noticed Eren was only laughing harder, ‘What’s so funny?’, you cried out, ‘Do you find it amusing when people die because of you? When you hurt people? When you rip their hearts out?’. 

Eren just kept smirking. You could feel your emotions getting the best of you. Without any warning, you started to punch him. 

‘Y/N stop!’, you could feel Jean’s arms around your waist, pulling you away from Eren, ‘Let me go!’, you desperately cried out. ‘Jean, get her out of here’, Levi’s cold voice broke through your desperate cries, ‘Ai Captain’, Jean grunted while throwing you over his shoulder, walking out of the room. 

‘Let’s say our goodbyes to Sasha’, Jean whispered to you after you had calmed down a bit, wiping the tears away from your cheeks with his thumbs, ‘I don’t want to Jean! I want her to be here, with us’, you placed your fists against his chest, head leaning against it, ‘I need her to be fine’, you sobbed against his chest. ‘Ai, we all want that Y/N, but Sasha’s gone’, Jean tried to stay strong for you, but a tear still escaped his eyes. 

--- 

‘What happened to us’, you placed your head against the bars of Eren’s cell, ‘We used to be inseparable’, ‘Ai, used to’, Eren was standing above the sink, his hair in a messy bun. ‘I hate you Eren’, you whispered, ‘I hate the person you’ve become’. ‘Did you come here to insult me?’, Eren’s disinterested eyes met yours, ‘Thought you might’ve missed me’, he slowly walked to the bars that separated you from him. ‘Fuck you Eren’, you chuckled in disbelief. 

Eren tried his best not to place his hands on yours, not to lean his forehead against yours, taking in the smell of your hair that he’d missed so much. 

‘Y/N I-‘, ‘What?’, you interrupted him before pulling away from the bars so that you could look at him, hoping he would tell you he’d missed you too. ‘Nothing, heard you’re dating Jean’, ‘Hm’, you sighed while turning your back to Eren, ‘Does it bother you?’, you wrapped your arms around your stomach, ‘No’, Eren replied coldly, ‘Not if he makes you happy’. ‘He does’, you closed your eyes, trying to repress the memories you shared with Eren. 

You didn’t lie. Jean makes you happy, he truly does, but what you and Eren had was something special. You knew you would never feel that with anyone else. 

‘Why did you come?’, Eren asked. You sighed at his question, turning towards the stairs, ‘I know it sounds silly, but something tells me this is the last time I get to see you’, you chuckled, ‘I love you Eren, I always will. Goodbye’, you whispered before walking up the stairs. 

Eren closed his eyes, ‘Goodbye Y/N’, he smiled. Eren knew this was probably the last time he saw you. He was happy, even thankful, that he got to see you one more time. 

--- 

The war was over, and you lived in a nice home with Jean. Even though it was over, you both still carried the scars of it. It still felt strange to wake up next to each other, cooking breakfast together. You missed the voice of Hange waking the cadets up in the morning, or the sight of Captain Levi sitting in the cafeteria drinking his tea. You missed Armin and Mikasa next to you at the table… 

You sat down on your porch, letting out a sigh of relief. You always loved to see the sunrise in the morning, ‘Goodmorning sweetheart’, Jean placed a kiss on the top of your head, sitting down next to you, ‘Morning Jean’, you smiled at him. 

‘What’s wrong?’, you frowned while looking at your boyfriend. 

Jean knew he couldn’t keep the letter from you anymore. He dreaded this moment, even contemplating not giving it to you, but he promised Eren, and even if he and Eren weren’t the best of friends, he promised him nonetheless. 

‘I got something for you’, he closed his eyes while grabbing the letter out of his pocket. The envelope was crumpled, and the white color was now a greyish tint. ‘What’s this?’, you carefully took the letter from Jean, ‘It’s from Eren’, Jean whispered while getting up, ‘I’ll give you some privacy’. 

You could feel a lump forming in your throat. A letter from Eren? Eren was dead, how could he write a letter to you? With your hands shaking, you carefully pulled the letter out of the envelope: 

I know this may be confusing, and I’m truly sorry for that Y/N, but I need you to know that I love you and I never stopped loving you. It pains me to know that you see me as a monster, and I can’t blame you. I want you to see me as a monster, I want to make it easier for you to leave me, but now that I’m gone and you’ve moved on, I can finally tell the truth. 

The truth is that I couldn’t hide the fact that I’m a zero, that I’m nothing. I’m not the strong person you pictured me to be. I’m a weak, selfish, ‘suicidal-blockhead’ (as Jean likes to call me). For you to be free, to be safe, I need to do this. I need to start the Rumbling. I’m not asking you to understand my choices, nor sympathize with them, because I know how atrocious they are. What I need you to understand is that I’m doing this for you, Mikasa, Armin, … I need all of you to be safe, to live a happy life. I need you to have a family, to be a mother. That’s why I asked Jean to take care of you. He’s a good guy Y/N, he really is. I’ve entrusted him with the most important task of all, and that is to make you happy, something I could never do. I could never give you the life you wanted. 

I know you know me and that you’ll look right through me if I don’t hurt you, so that’s what I did Y/N, I had to. I hope you can forgive me. I tried to fight the feeling of rage inside me, to find another solution that guaranteed the freedom of Paradis, but I can’t shake the feeling that this is the only option. I couldn’t face you with my darkest truth, and I’m sorry for that. It seems that I keep apologizing in this letter, funny, isn’t it? 

Thank you for trying your best with me. You made me feel something I thought I never would. Thank you for letting me be your hero, for letting me wear your heart like a symbol. 

I’m sorry for hurting you Y/N. Say thank you to horse-face for me. 

I love you, and I always will. 

Goodbye Y/N. 

Eren - 

You let your hand wander across your forehead, slowly putting down the letter on the table next to you. ‘Jean?’, you said softly, knowing he was probably feeling nervous. ‘Ai’, Jean leaned against the doorframe, looking into the garden. You slowly stood up, placing your arms around him, ‘Thank you’. ‘H-huh?’, Jean widened his eyes, placing an arm on your back, ‘H-have you read the letter?’. ‘Hm’, you nodded while looking at it on the table, ‘Eren thanks you’, you smiled at him, ‘For taking care of me’. ‘A-ai’, Jean sighed into the crook of your neck, pulling you closer, ‘And I’m thanking Eren for making sure you were safe through everything, for letting me have you’.