#edit 2: forgot there’s two sides to each building I’m so smart

[ghostickle]

Just found out the water/sewage bill for the complex is actually Everyone’s combined then evenly divided which what the actual fuck

[shadlad24]

More Funny Little Moments #1: Season 1, Episodes 1-12

So, I decided to do this post after all. Halp. LOL Because I apparently LOVE giving myself a bunch of unnecessary work, I decided to choose two to three extra moments, per episode! SUPER halp! X’D Anyway, these are moments that didn’t make the cut for my FFLM series because: my sense of humor is a little weird, they were gonna be too much work (LOL/Siiigh), I like to highlight patterns, and I don’t like a lot of repetition. [Links to each FFLM along the bottom of the post. :)]

Let’s start with something I originally agreed with other fans on but have since changed my mind. A lot of people didn’t like this part of “Chariots of War” because it seems so ludicrous that Xena would forget her chakram anywhere. Well, let me tell you! This lady has left her weapons behind most episodes thus far. I didn’t note it every time here (and especially didn’t bother with her whip) because that’d really overrun the post buuuuut… You’ll see. XD

1.01 Sins of the Past

Xena’s shift being so much dirtier than the little boy’s clothes though she’s high up off the ground, and he lives in smoked-out rubble.

Yup. Xena forgot her sword (and later, her main saddlebag) at her mother’s tavern. Pft.

Sorry these were kinda lame, but I didn’t want to re-use any more of the original fifteen points I made about this episode... Ah well. Moving on! (heh)

1.02 Chariots of War

Xena loses her sword after the chariot crash, taking up and discarding Sphaerus’s but walking off without her own. (See her front and back and both of Argo’s sides.)

Gabrielle chewing Xena out, Xena being bummed about it, and Argo being surprised. X’D

1.03 Dreamworker

This got me good. Gabrielle does Xena’s war cry so well here that I really thought it was Xena for a few seconds. Realizing it was GabbyWabs only made me chuckle more because she apparently can’t do it when it really counts in “The Greater Good.”

Argo NOT being on Team Gabrielle. XD (Their feud is a little funny to me.)

1.04 Cradle of Hope

Xena tossing aside her sword after killing Nemos. Extras even dance and celebrate right on top of it! Wut thuh?

I decided to avoid mentioning Hope in the FFLM because Xena’s quote here is more ironic than comedic, and Gabrielle’s little face is just so sad, but I didn’t want to let it pass by entirely unremarked upon. At least GW gets to show off her oracle skills again? :’)

1.05 The Path Not Taken

So, Xena and Gabrielle walk into a bar… Heh. No, but really, they enter this tavern for the first time ever, yet the bartender not only knows what they want, he knows that they’re coming and has their drinks waiting for them too. All Xena has to do is knock on the counter and nod to get her fire-breath alcohol/oil, and Gabrielle barely has the word “cider” out of her mouth before the guy hands it to her. Xena, like me, is duly amazed.

Lucy, through Xena, making another timely anti-peanut statement. I just didn’t want to do the same thing twice back-to-back in the FFLM. X)

1.06 The Reckoning

Gabrielle thinking along the same lines Xena and I did about this poor excuse for a judge.

Me not being well-versed in ancient Greek heroes and picturing the fool who Draco killed so handily in the first episode. heh

1.07 The Titans

I’ll let Xena explain this one. …Mostly. I can’t believe Gabrielle not only sassed the Titans such that she unashamedly put Xena and Phyleus in danger too, but also kinda got this (admittedly awful) town demolished and didn’t lift a finger to actually help anyone in the temple. Tsk tsk. XP

So… Hyperion here can smash homes and businesses that were probably well-built and reinforced and all, but he can’t get his hand out of a stocks-cuff that was made in a single evening with scraps from those destroyed buildings. He also, inexplicably, has no use of his left hand or the power-breath that he used to knock Gabrielle over. Okie. XD

1.08 Prometheus

Is this really a thing? I was giggling quite a bit in disbelief that severed windpipes can heal. Like, perforated is one thing; completely bisected? Yeah, I don’t think so.

Gabrielle being incredulous upon learning that Xena has other friends, realizing what the warrior princess means, and then wondering if that could be her one day. 

   1.09 Death in Chains

Gabrielle enjoying watching Xena kill someone for the first time, then quickly realizing that fact. Whoops.

I found this moment really odd and then kind of hilarious. This poor dying old woman begs for water and goes ignored not only by the hospice workers, but also Talus and Gabrielle. Then Talus decides to be helpful. Gabrielle goes to the woman and lets her talk a lot (undoubtedly drying her mouth and throat even more), hears that Xena might be in danger, and then just… leaves. Talus goes with her, not having gotten water from the well after all. What a couple of jerks! XD

1.10 Hooves & Harlots

I really don’t know why Gabrielle kept making this face as Terreis died, but it tickled my funny bone too. So, I provided alternate subs to go with it. [Did you notice how she kind of cringes when Terreis tries to hold her hand and then just lets the Amazon flop once she’s died, flinging her hand aside like, “Ew, get it off me!”? What was that all about? X”) Hm… maybe she has an aversion to dying people, and that’s why she abandoned the old lady last episode?]

Gabrielle being a smart aleck, just like me, because Phantes’s complaint here is so ludicrous. But then you see the close-up of little hoofies in cuffs too, and, if you’re anything like me too, kinda just topple over laughing. The poor actual horse they did this to, though, man! What even?

Gosh, this episode was chockfull of hilarity, eh? Why did this happen? Gabby, take it away!

1.11 The Black Wolf

I laughed at this too. But now I wonder. Is Xerxes related to Caesar and/or connected to Rome or something? Because Xena does this twice around them too. In “When in Rome,” she jokes that the two guards lost playing tag with her, and in “A Good Day” she informs Pompey that if there were more guards hiding around their meeting space, then she would have had more helmets. heh Oh, Xenie. I think I know why Gabrielle’s turning out to be such a little punk ...or vice versa? Is Gabrielle actually a bit of a bad influence on Xena? XP

So, this fight just struck me as really odd. Xena passes her sword to Flora though she (Xena) needs to battle the big boss of the episode, and��� actually, is totally right. The king throws a single wide-ass punch, waits while Xena kicks the guy behind her a few times, lets himself get kicked in the face a couple of times, and then comes at her with a little piece of chain, presumably from the restraints that were intended to keep Flora in place during her execution. Sir, you have a sword! A giant sword, right there on your hip! What are you doing? Then, when Xena kicks him a final time and sends him flying, his (supposed-to-be) metal armor is no match for the splintered wood of the axe she broke earlier. …Okie. XD XD XD   *gif below*

Xena once again leaves her chakram somewhere. …And I am now imagining this being part of Gabrielle’s maid duties: the poor kid has to go find Xena’s weapons each night and bring them back to her. I’m especially imaging the fluffball hilariously, adorably struggling to get the chakram out of things like this wall, as she did with Xena’s sword in the tree stump in “Dreamworker,” but more parallel to the floor. Cuuuute! XD

This plus this 

*pic + GIF below*:

1.12 Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts

This scene too really made me wonder, though amused as well. Why is Gabrielle so surprised that the only city nearby, that they were headed to, is the one they find? Is she really being that loud? Is Xena goofing around with the bootlaces question? Why startle Gabrielle and then yank her into enemy territory screaming, when what you want is quiet? What’s with the trapdoor-spider soldiers? Xena’s pose throwing the chakram. XD Gabrielle mostly featherlight dance-y moves through the battlefield. XD XD XD Why is it that when Xena tells Gabrielle to stick right behind her, Gabrielle disappears? And what was with the bucket-sitting soldier? Gabrielle is like, “Oh; no, thank you!” when she sees him and turns tail. Then Xena ...follows her. “We’re goin’ this way! Now we’re goin’ that way!” But they still end up dead-ahead from where they burst out of the bushes. XD That was ridiculous and nonsensical, and I’m very confused but had lots of fun. heheheh  *gif below* [ETA: Darn! The original file was too big, so I had to remake the GIF and cut quite a few things out. :( Sorry]

Xena’s outta-nowhere crusade to emasculate Deiphobus coming full-circle. What was that all about?

Welp, I hope you had as much fun as I originally and then later did. Not so much in the middle with the collage-and-GIF-making and editing and redoing, but; y’know. XD Wouldn’t trade it for …Hm… Nevermind. LOL

If you missed any of the FFLMs, then please click on the corresponding number-links below. :D

#1  #2  #3  #4  #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12

[erisbaek]

Stucky Fic Rec [Part One]

So I decided to split the fic recs up into parts because they will be too long otherwise. In each part I will link the Google Doc that I am typing them up in, which is where I will constantly update as I read.  Within these fic recs, they’re mostly my preferences, so very few (if any) Shrinkyclinks, and ABO fics will be within them, as well as shorter fics, since I actively seek fics out that are longer than 10k (and completed)!!

The Google Doc Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10wqr5s-CzkFzLidQgt-y4-cjudHWwVeVPWCedMjK7t0/edit?usp=sharing

The first part is formatted under the cut, if you’d prefer to stay out of the doc!

Lightning in a Bottle 

    Word Count: 63k     Rating: Explicit     Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Road Trip!AU, Angst with Happy Ending     Warnings: Smut, Smoking     Synopsis: The problem, Steve thinks, isn’t so much his motorcycle giving up the ghost on a lonely stretch of highway through a lonely stretch of the country. He doesn’t mind stretching his legs or the prospect of hitchhiking. The problem is the roiling black blanket of storm clouds slowly spreading itself over the landscape headed his direction… Steve Rogers is looking to hitch on a highway abandoned by everyone smart enough to avoid a looming storm. Bucky Barnes is the professional storm chaser who offers him a ride.

It gets more complicated from there.

Perspective and Truth

        Word Count: 16.7k          Rating: Teen and Up         Notable Tags: Bodyswap!AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort        Warnings: None        Synopsis: Bucky and Steve end up swapping bodies and learning a lot more about each other in the process

Carbs and Conversations

         Word Count: 48k          Rating: Teen and Up          Notable Tags: Hockey!AU, No Powers          Warnings: None          Synopsis: Bucky was just looking for a chance. A chance to get on the ice and play. A chance to escape from Hydra. A chance to redeem himself. He didn't include 'A chance to be friends with Steve Rogers' on the list. That would be ridiculous. Lucky for him, Steve seemed determined to be ridiculous.

So Loud and So Clear

           Word Count: 26.6k            Rating: Mature            Notable Tags: Get Together, Slow Build            Warnings: None           Synopsis: Bucky had been careful, after all, leaving no trace of his comings and goings. It was horrendously disappointing to know that Rogers had found him. Bucky was a lot better than getting caught by a guy who wore the American flag as a onesie. He just really was. “Don’t you – Bucky – Bucky,” Rogers started, and to Bucky’s growing horror, it looked like Rogers was on the verge of some type of emotional eclipse. Anger, sadness, something, and Bucky wanted nothing to do with it. “Hate to break it to you, bud, but I don’t remember ever living here and I don’t remember you.”

A Loyal Viewer 

           Word Count: 36.1k            Rating: Explicit             Notable Tags: Camboy!Steve, Punk!Bucky, No Powers, Long Distance            Relationship            Warnings: Smut            Synopsis: At almost exactly eight thirty in the evening, Steve settles on the bed before his camera and the computer. He signs into his account on Chaturbate and clicks the button that starts his stream.

In My Conditions, Love’s the Best Physician

             Word Count: 9.1k              Rating: Not Rated              Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Pharmacist!Bucky, Russian!Bucky              Warnings: None              Synopsis: ”This situation is a little more delicate because I don't even know if he speaks English and I'm tired of going down to the pharmacy for constipation medication and allergy pills when I haven't sneezed since 1941.” Steve shouts. The room falls silent, and he turns back around to find four pairs of stunned eyes watching him. Tony, as always, speaks first. “He?” - Or the one where Bucky is a hot pharmacist and Steve keeps making up bullshit reasons to go see him.

Rare Is This Love (Keep It Covered) 

               Word Count: 66.7k                Rating: Explicit                 Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Mechanic!Bucky, Slow Burn                Warnings: Smut, Canonical Character Death                Synopsis: It's 2014. Captain America has been out of the ice for three years and is trudging along, saving the world and trying to get used to living in the future. Steve thinks he knows how the rest of his life is going to pan out – a life of duty, which he chose when he signed up to be Erskine’s science experiment. But then, he meets Bucky Barnes: the out-of-this-world-gorgeous mechanic and war vet, who turns Steve’s life upside down and makes him question everything he thought he knew. Slowly, Steve comes to realize there is more to life than duty and punching Nazis. Just one problem though: how on earth does a 96-year-old virgin who only just realized he may not be entirely straight make the transition from crush to relationship? Cue healthy amounts of self-doubt, awkward flirting, pretty blushing, existential crises, emotional growth, and maybe, possibly, a sexual awakening.

Looking For A Place To Hide

                Word Count: 33.3k                 Rating: Explicit                 Notable Tags: Endgame Fix-It, 2012!Steve                 Warnings: Smut                 Synopsis:  It's 2012 and all Steve knows is that another version of himself said Bucky is alive. Steve will do anything to get his friend back, even if it means time traveling to 2023. He expects Bucky to be happy to see him, but instead he's wary, hurt. Turns out his Steve had left him for Peggy. How? Why? Steve can't believe it. Now he'll have to find a way to make sense of it all, and convince Bucky that it's the two of them to the end of the line.

The Wolf and the Sheep

               Word Count: 50.5k                Rating: Teen and Up                Notable Tags: Shield Agent!Steve, Winter Soldier!Bucky                 Warnings: None                Synopsis: Steve Rogers is a SHIELD agent who is recruited for a secret project: Becoming a handler for the Asset. Steve’s world is thrown for a loop when he discovers the Asset is an actual person and he needs to figure out who he is and what he’s going to do.

All Those Little Pieces

                 Word Count: 40.5k                  Rating: Mature                  Notable Tags: Alternating POV, Post CATW                  Warnings: Smut, Panic Attacks                  Synopsis: Steve has never forgotten Bucky Barnes. Not their childhood together, not the horror of the moment Bucky fell too far for him to reach, and not the way he's loved him all the while. Bucky has forgotten everything about Steve, at least at first. But there's still a feeling there, warm in his chest—and maybe now that he's found his way back to Steve Rogers and his sunny apartment, there's a chance it might turn into something more.

My Dear

                   Word Count: 29.9k                    Rating: Explicit                     Notable Tags: Post CATWS, Recovery                    Warnings: Smut                    Synopsis: The Soldier stares down at the floor, breathing hard through his nose. “And you still wanna fix me,” he says. Steve shakes his head. “There’s nothing to fix, Buck. I just want to bring you home.”

Living On My Own

                    Word Count: 26.1k                     Rating: Mature                     Notable Tags: Vigilante!Bucky                      Warnings: Blood and Gore                     Synopsis: James Barnes is back in the world and finds that not only has there been 1) an alien invasion, but 2) Howard Stark had a kid. One that dispenses unsolicited life advice, no less. Oh, and 3) Captain America is alive again, after getting himself killed by his own recklessness in a move so stupid only Steve could have come up with it. In which James learns to do laundry, turns into an accidental neighborhood vigilante and makes Tony Stark a happy grease monkey, all while he figures out where to stake his claim.

Chase the Lighting From the Sky

                      Word Count: 39.4k                       Rating: Explicit                        Notable Tags: No Powers, Age Gap, Farm!AU                        Warnings: Smut, Past Character Death, Animal Death                       Synopsis: If Bucky has to be stuck doing this ridiculous summer work program before his senior year of college, on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, then at least he’s got a hot as hell cowboy for a boss and host. Steve Rogers, owner of the Truth & Justice Ranch, is what Bucky’s completely theoretical but very imaginative bisexual fantasies are made of. Steve’s a widower though, and a nice guy in need of help, and no doubt 100% straight… so Bucky’s gonna work his ass off and keep his head down. But neither Bucky nor Steve are prepared for the friendship that forms between them as they work side by side. And they certainly aren’t expecting the budding feelings, confessions, and passions that summer heat and the loneliness of the great open plains stirs in each of them. What rages to life between them will shake each man to his core and will linger long after the storms and the summer have passed.

Cinder and Smoke

                       Word Count: 51.7k                        Rating: Explicit                        Notable Tags: Sheriff!Steve, Blacksmith!Bucky, Old Western                        Warnings: Smut, Period-Typical Homophobia, OC Death                        Synopsis: “They say there’s no law in Parasapa. Is that true?”

Art Thief, Heart Thief

                       Word Count: 58.8k                        Rating: Mature                        Notable Tags: FBI!Steve, Thief!Bucky Barnes                        Warnings: Smut                        Synopsis: Agent Steve Rogers is facing a series of art thefts that has him stumped, and looking for a break in the case. Convicted art thief and general high end criminal Bucky Barnes wants to make parole and happens to know all of the right people who could make Steve's job easier. So they strike a deal, mutually beneficial and entirely business. But a few days undercover, an undeniable growing chemistry, and some ill-timed Feelings entering the mix, and all bets are off.

Laws of Thermodynamics 

                       Word Count: 14.6k                        Rating: Explicit                         Notable Tags: Post CATWS, Recovery                         Warnings: Smut                        Synopsis: He never had to relearn how to love Steve Rogers. It might be the one thing he never forgot.

Abstract Art

                       Word Count: 26.6k                        Rating: Teen and Up                        Notable Tags: Friends to Lovers, Artist!Steve, Ex Sniper!Bucky                        Warnings: None                        Synopsis: They survive almost a year of torture together, cells side by side, banter and teasing and stories. They keep each other alive. Then everything changes. They tell Bucky that Rogers's been killed. He tries to piece his life together, to move on. Steve owns an art store. He's given up looking. It's over. Except it's really not.

We Discovered Gold

                       Word Count: 18.7k                        Rating: Explicit                        Notable Tags: Post CACW, Fix-It, Wakanda                         Warnings: Smut                        Synopsis: “So you got these safe houses scattered all over Russia?” Steve jokes into the soft hair over Bucky's temple, not pulling away, “Or did we just get lucky?” Bucky shakes his head and then replies, “Got myself a few. It’s been a long two years.” “Yeah pal,” Steve nods, burrowing further, “I hear that.”

Never Mind to Hold 

                      Word Count: 21.6k                       Rating: Mature                       Notable Tags: Soulmate!AU, Not CACW Compliant, Soulmarks                       Warnings: Brief Suicidal Ideation                       Synopsis: Steve didn't know the name of Bucky's soulmate. He wasn't even sure when it had appeared across Bucky's heart. But Steve knew it wasn't his name hidden under that patch.

Where There’s Smoke 

                      Word Count: 95.1k                       Rating: Explicit                        Notable Tags: Firefighter!AU                       Warnings: Smut                       Synopsis: Steve is a Brooklyn firefighter who is about to be saddled with a new, rookie crewmate. James Barnes is that rookie, just looking for a fresh start at a new station. Steve's friends think they know what's best for him...start dating his new crewmate. Steve thinks they're crazy...or possibly right. But events from James's recent past may pose a threat to any designs they have on each other.

Let Them Eat Cake

                    Word Count: 31k                     Rating: Explicit                      Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Pastry Chef!Steve, Sommelier!Bucky                     Warnings: Smut, Drug Use                     Synopsis: Steve picked up the piping bag and returned to the ramekins. Bucky left, though not without shooting one last look at Steve's wide back. Bucky could already tell Steve Rogers was trouble, not even counting the near-religious experiences he inspired among the staff. It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t appreciate him as well; he did. He just tended to appreciate people he found attractive from afar, because explaining the metal arm was hard, and because he didn’t really know how to handle letting someone in close. But that wasn’t why Steve was trouble, not really. Bucky wanted to know why their new pastry chef had gun calluses on his right hand.

Adrenalize Me 

                  Word Count: 58.5k                   Rating: Explicit                    Notable Tags: Vampire!Steve                   Warnings: Smut, Blood                   Synopsis: Leaning against the side of a wall, taking an indolent drag of a cigarette, there he stood. Watching Bucky with an inscrutable gaze. Staring at Bucky for long seconds, the blond seemed to consider him before breaking the silence. “You know, nice guy like you walking alone at this hour – people might think you were looking for trouble.” Trying not to shudder at the sound of that voice, which wrapped around him like smoke, Bucky managed a smirk, lifted a brow. “Well, if I was, it looks like I found it.” Two strangers meet in a dark club. One just happens to be a vampire.

The Change in Us 

                 Word Count: 23.4k                  Rating: Explicit                  Notable Tags: N/A                  Warnings: Smut                  Synopsis: “I’ve found your BFF,” Stark says without preamble. “My… what?” “James Barnes. Winter Soldier. Bucky. I don’t know, I don’t care, but right now he’s perched on the roof of the next building with a gun on me, and it’s not so much my idea of a relaxing afternoon, so could you get down here?” Steve hangs up and starts running.

Things That Go Bump in the Night

                  Word Count: 38.2k                   Rating: Explicit                   Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Ex Army!Bucky                   Warnings: Minor Smut                    Synopsis: Many an odd critter and item have ended up on the front porch of the property Bucky house-sits in the Middle Of Nowhere, but a bleeding blond man is a first. A short inspection reveals the man to be none other than Steve Rogers; ex-Captain America, vigilante, and a wanted fugitive. Steve’s stay of a few days of recovery is prolonged, under instructions for him to lie low until the Avengers can sort out the mess that has become the Sokovia Accords. Bucky is pretty sure that he’s committing an act of treason by providing Steve a place to stay. He is also pretty sure that lengthy interaction with Steve makes one prone to impending headaches and possibly ulcers. And he is certain that he is, very assuredly, in danger of falling in love with Steve.

The Soldier’s Revenge

                 Word Count: 76.4k                  Rating: Explicit                   Notable Tags: Canon Divergence, Enemies To Lovers, Slow Burn                  Warnings: Smut                  Synopsis: Bucky Barnes turns himself in to SHIELD two years after dragging Captain America out of the Potomac River. He was deprogrammed in Wakanda and has been hunting down Hydra ever since, but he needs help if he wants to take proper revenge on his captors. He turns to his old enemies: SHIELD and the Avengers, but it'll take more than a few words to win their trust after the Winter Soldier brought SHIELD to its knees not long before. Now at SHIELD's mercy, the only thing that stands between Bucky and his revenge is the approval of Captain Rogers: a self-righteous asshole that Bucky barely knows.

The Best Way to Wake

                  Word Count: 42.2k                   Rating: Explicit                   Notable Tags: Canon Divergence, Slow Burn                   Warnings: Smut                   Synopsis: James Buchanan Barnes lay in a glass pod in the middle of the table, frozen since he fell. Steve’s hands were on the glass before he realized he’d moved. “Wait, Captain!” “Get him out,” Steve whispered, his hands searching for a clasp, a keypad, something. “Captain, we need to keep him in stasis—“ “I said get him out!” In which Bucky Barnes lay frozen in the Alps for seventy years only to be woken up a year after Steve Rogers was uncovered from the Arctic.

Latte Art and Slow Dancing in the Dark

                    Word Count: 89.5k                     Rating: Explicit                      Notable Tags: Age Difference, CIA!Steve, Barista!Bucky, Sugar                            Daddy!Steve                     Warnings: Smut                     Synopsis: Bucky is a somewhat well-adjusted former army sniper that got his shoulder blown out. He took his discharge and went home to finish school and is working on his international relations masters. His best friends and roommates (Nat & Clint) are CIA agents and tip him off that their local Sbux is hiring. He gets a job there and meets none other than the hottest guy on earth. So how does one get a date in the most top secret government location in the US? What happens when that guy is more than just a hot dorito and wants to give Bucky everything he wants? Bucky is going to have to figure out his shit and fast. That's what's up.

Laughter Lines

                   Word Count: 100.2k                    Rating: Mature                    Notable Tags: Bodyguard!AU, Slow Burn                    Warnings: None                    Synopsis: Bucky Barnes is a rising Hollywood star with a tragic past and a reputation for driving his bodyguards away. Steve Rogers is a veteran with the same tragic past and the need to get back out in the world. The two of them have been estranged since they were teenagers, so when Steve joins SHIELD as a bodyguard, he is less than thrilled when he finds out that Bucky is his first assignment. But how bad can it be? They're both professional adults, right?Wrong.

From Hydra with Love

                   Word Count: 21.2k                    Rating: Mature                    Notable Tags: Spies!Steve and Bucky                    Warnings: Smut                    Synopsis: Captain Steve Rogers is one of the best spies in the world - a marksman, a martial artist, an expert in strategy and tactics. There's not a lot he can't handle. Heck, he's even saved the world once or twice. So why does every run in with the mysterious Winter Soldier leave him feeling like the Bond Girl?

Goddamn Electric

                Word Count: 67.8k                 Rating: Explicit                 Notable Tags: Bodyguard!Steve, Musician!Bucky                 Warnings: Drug Use, Alcohol Use, Smut                 Synopsis: Steve Rogers works for a discreet private security company and gets assigned to James Barnes, a musician who takes the idea of 'sex, drugs & rock 'n roll' just a little too seriously.

There Was Something About Steve Rogers

                Word Count: 46.7k                 Rating: Explicit                 Notable Tags: Post CATWS                 Warnings: Smut, Panic Attacks                 Synopsis: The Winter Soldier knows Steve Rogers has deep feelings for Bucky Barnes, and decides that he can use that to his advantage to gain protection from the Hydra agents still trying to find him. What he didn't bargain for was actually starting to care about the man they call Captain America, or the strength of Bucky Barnes' memories as they begin to resurface.

Through the Mist

                Word Count: 14.5k                 Rating: Teen and Up                 Notable Tags: Soulmate!AU, Post CATWS                 Warnings: None                 Synopsis: He usually kept it covered. Whether it be with long sleeves, a cuff of some sort, or make up Natasha skillfully showed him how to apply. He didn’t cover it up because he was ashamed or because he was one of those people who didn’t like others knowing who his soulmate was- no. He covered it up out of respect. Respect for his fallen partner, and respect for himself because he knew looking at those swoopy lines of James B. Barnes on his wrist always made him crumble like his legs were kicked down. When he crashed into the ice all those years ago he thought he was going to see Bucky again- he thought he was finally going to be with Bucky without people giving them ugly looks and throwing slurs their way. He thought he was going to be happy again.

Take Me Home 

              Word Count: 78.1k               Rating: Mature               Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Veteran!Bucky               Warnings: Smut, Torture, Referenced Suicide               Synopsis: “I’m so sorry, I’m gonna help you I promise, just don’t move, fuck, I ran over Captain America–” the man apologized, over and over, and all Steve managed to say was, “You’re really attractive,” before passing out on the guy’s lap in the middle of the road.

Where the Circle Ends

               Word Count: 29.8k                Rating: Mature                Notable Tags: Zombie Apocalypse!AU                 Warnings: Smut, Gore                Synopsis: In which the world has gone to hell in a zombie apocalypse handbasket and, in the middle of it all, Steve finds the one person he never thought he'd see again. Angst and feelings (amongst other things) ensue.

Our Souls (They Were Made to Last) 

               Word Count: 53.8k                Rating: Mature                Notable Tags: No Powers, Veteran!Steve, Doctor!Bucky, Ghost!Bucky                Warnings: None                Synopsis: Dr. James Barnes is too busy saving lives to actually have one of his own. When he finally agrees to go on a blind date, he gets into an accident that will change his life forever. Retired Army Captain Steve Rogers is depressed, and when he moves into his new apartment he finds it already occupied....with the ghost of its last tenant. To make matters worse, the ghost is adamant that he's not dead. As they navigate their way through their new living arrangements, can they save each other, before it’s too late? Or have they missed their one shot at a happy ending?

By Any Other Name

                 Word Count: 36.9k                  Rating: Explicit                  Notable Tags: Assassins and Hitmen!AU, Spies and Agents!AU                  Warning: Smut                 Synopsis: Steve was a good spy. It turned out one good spy didn't stand a chance against a rival security firm, a contract killer, and his own heart.

[itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto]

Cause baby you’re a firework.

A/N: Hi everyone! This is a bit of an angst heavy fic. Reader gets hurt on a case, and Spencer, her best friend worries he didn’t get the chance to admit his feelings. It has a fluffy ending!

Trigger warnings:  Explosions, bombs, swearing, mentions of violence, blood, surgery details.

“So, my loves, bit of a heavy one for a Monday morning but there have been a series of explosions in Dallas, all big companies, 50 dead and counting.” Garcia said.

“That’s not as high as I thought it would be.” Emily says.

“Some have life threatening injuries.” J.J said as Garcia quickly went through the photos trying not to look at the horror of the blast and the injured victims.

“Why have we been called in baby girl?” Morgan asks

“The un-subs have been in disguise, a different one each time and seem to pose very professional so security doesn’t question them.” Garcia said, “We need to find them fast.”

“Wheels up in 30.” Hotch said closing his case file.

Everyone nods and grabs their go bags. “You okay Spence?” You ask your best friend

“Yeah, just these victims didn’t deserve this. No one deserves this.” Spencer says

“We know kid.” Rossi says to the 30 year old, “Let’s roll.”

On the plane

“Y/N, you used to be a bomb diffuser, didn’t you?” Hotch asked

“I did. Why?” You ask. Before the FBI you used to work dealing with this stuff every-day and have saved thousands of lives.

“Do you know what bomb this is?” Hotch asked showing you a photo of the last bomb used.

You look for your glasses before Spencer lends you his, as you have the same prescription, “Yeah, it’s a T148. It’s used mainly in Afghanistan and 3rd world countries where there are wars still going on. Small put powerful. Could kill anyone within a 10-mile radius.” You say handing Spencer his glasses back. “I’ve diffused a couple.”

“Y/N, how old are you?” Rossi asks, “I don’t like to ask women their ages, but you are very young.”

“I’m 24. I diffused one exactly like this when I worked for the MI5 in London. This bomb is poorly constructed though. The wiring is badly put together, probably explains Emily’s theory on why not as many people died in the buildings, only those about 2-3m from the bomb would have died and everyone else life-threatening injuries as J.J said earlier.” You say. “I’d say our un-subs are young, similar aged to me and doing this because they are being forced to for some reason such as their families being threatened.”

“How awful.” J.J says

“I’ve seen it before, it isn’t pleasant.” You say, not really keen on talking about your past but know the team wouldn’t ever judge you, or force you into saying something that made you uncomfortable but their facial expressions tell you they want to know what happened. “Last case I did in London, before transferring here, a family were held hostage in their own home and the un-sub wouldn’t let them go unless their son blew up their family home with them all inside. It was horrible.”

“What happened?” Spencer asked

“I ran into the house, and diffused the bomb, but the unsub found me stabbed me in my stomach and back multiple times just as I diffused it. He got shot dead outside, the next thing I remember is the family thanking me for saving them and the doctor saying I was in a coma for 7 days as I lost that much blood. One of the family members had the same blood type as me and donated the blood I needed as a way of thanking me for saving them or I would have died in surgery.” You say getting out of your chair, showing your scars on your stomach and back from where you got stabbed and had surgery.

“Shit.” Emily said.

“Did your family come to see you?” JJ asked

“I don’t have a family. I’m adopted and I don’t get on with my real family, or my adopted ones. I moved out when I was 18.” You shrug, not really bothered by it. “And before you all give me your condolences, I don’t need them. You are all my family now.” You smile as some turbulence occurs.

“Y/N are you okay to look at the diffused bombs when we arrive into Dallas?” Rossi asks you softly

“Yes, of course.” You say and get some sleep, but still dream about that day once a week and it keeps you up at night.

“How old was she when that happened?” Spencer asked, referring to the house bomb you just referred to.

“18.” Hotch said, “It’s in her file. She saved not just the family but the whole street as it was late at night.”

“Poor kid.” Rossi said as some turbulence hit the plane. “I didn’t realize she’d joined us when she was 18.”

“She really doesn’t act her age.” Morgan said, “When I was 24 I was doing stupid shit like getting drunk with my buddies and playing socker.”

“I didn’t know you were a bad flyer.” Spencer said noticing Rossi looking uncomfortable

“I’m not, I just hate turbulence.” Rossi said, holding onto his seat.

“You know turbulence very rarely causes planes to crash.” Spencer said looking up from his file.

“That does me absolutely no good at the moment. Thank you.” Rossi said through gritted teeth

“What we really need to worry about are microbursts - a sudden downburst of air associated with thunderstorms - but small craft like this one, if we hit one of those at the wrong altitude... Get pulverized.” Spencer said as he sipped his coffee.

“I beg of you to make him stop.” Rossi said to the rest of the team

“You can’t silence genius.” J.J chuckled

The team arrives into Dallas

“Wake up sleepy head.” Spencer smiled, gently waking you unaware you had the horrible dream again.

“Yeah.. Coming.” You say rubbing your eyes looking for your go bag.

“I got it.” Spencer said

“Thanks, and for lending me your glasses earlier.” You yawn.

“No problem.” Spencer smiled at his best friend.

You smile back as you get into the car and drive to the police station.

“Hi I’m J.J, these are my colleagues, Rossi, Hotch, Morgan, Y/S/N and Dr Reid.” J.J said shaking his hand, “You must be detective Smith.”

Smith nods, “Sure am. Set y’all up a conference room with donuts and coffee.” He says in a British accent.

“Donuts and coffee? To what to we owe the pleasure of food?” Morgan said as Smith shrugged winking at you.

“You know him kiddo?” Rossi asked

“He was in the same foster home as me.” You sigh, he beat you up a few times and eventually you learnt to fight back telling Rossi what he did to you.

“Just remember you are so much better than him Y/N, you’re in the fucking FBI and he’s a lame detective.” Spencer said, “And you have a donut.” He smiled shoving it in your face which made you laugh.

“And I have a family, and a dork of a best friend.” You smile, trying to hide your crush on Spencer, unaware he feels the same and start to eat the donut.

The team deliver a profile

“Hotch, can I go to forensics and check out the old bombs?” You ask

“Yes, of course Y/N. Spencer, Morgan, go with Y/N.” Hotch said

“Road trip with two nerds, come on Hotch.” Morgan rolled his eyes

“Hey!” You and Spencer both say

“We’re not nerds, we’re limited edition weirdos.” You smile

At forensics, you are chatting to the lab assistant, making chat about things, unaware Spencer is getting jealous.

“Just ask her out pretty boy.” Morgan said sipping his coffee.

“No! I can’t… She’s too perfect. I bet she has a boyfriend.” Spencer said

“Hey love birds, so this bomb is the same as the others, the first was done perfectly, but the last one, less so. So, I’m thinking something happened to him or her, and the other two are now working alone.” You say to Morgan and Spencer

Spencer’s cheeks flush at the mentioning of the words ‘love birds’ and phones Hotch with your findings as Morgan phones Garcia.

“Has he asked her yet chocolate thunder?” Garcia asked

“Not yet Mama, soon hopefully.” Morgan chuckled

“Keep me posted my love.” Garcia giggled

“Will do baby girl. Bye.” Morgan laughed and hung up, as Spencer’s cheeks got redder.

A few days have passed, and the case isn’t going anywhere, there is little information and all DNA left at the scene has been too small to get a sample.

“Guys… I think I got something.” You say looking up from the computer you were reading from.

“What is it Y/N?” Hotch asked

“Big new building having a grand opening today, over 1000 people attending. This could be the next one.” You say.

“Let’s go.” Hotch told the team

In the car

“Hotch, if it comes to it, you realise I will want to find the bomb and diffuse it.” You say, feeling the tension in the car.

“Y/N, you can’t risk you own life again.” Morgan said

“1 for over 1000, I’d rather that than my family and all those people die.” You say bluntly.

“You can’t.” Emily says as Spencer nods agreeing with her.

“I will.” You say through gritted teeth.

“Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.” Hotch said as you arrive into the building.

Outside the building

“Prentiss, J.J, Morgan, you take the left side. Rossi, Reid, Y/S/N and I will take the left. Meet in the middle.” Hotch says as you all nod putting your vests on and holding your guns out ready.

“Ready?” Spencer asks you.

“Yeah, let’s go.” You say.

“FREEZE FBI!” You announce, noticing the un-subs who set the bomb to go off and run. “After them, left stairwell, 6th floor, going down.” You say, “I got this.”

“Y/N…” Spencer began

“Spencer, fucking go. I’m fine.” You say shooing him away.

Spencer nods, not really wanting to leave you and goes after the un-subs with the team.

“You forgot about one thing princess.” You suddenly hear behind you.

“Smith?” You say, recognising his voice. “What the fucking shit?”

“Never were the smart one was you…” He said stomping on your arm and you scream out in pain trying to grab your weapon as he stomps on your leg and starts to tut. “Oh Y/N… So helpless… So innocent… Never could take my punches…” He said as you quickly notice a gap and grab your weapon, as he stabs you in the chest. You take your chance, whilst screaming in pain and shoot him dead then quickly tell the team you are hurt and continue to work on the bomb.

30 seconds until it goes off.

You take some wires apart. 20 seconds left.

“Y/N!” You hear the team call your name.

“Up here!” You call back, as you manage to stop the bomb going off and collapse next to Smith, blood pouring out of your chest.

“Y/N… Breathe… You’re going to make it…” Spencer says scooping you up and putting pressure on the wound as you close your eyes. “You’re going to make it…” He says again as tears go down his cheeks as the paramedics arrive to take you to surgery. “I’m going with her.” Spencer tells Hotch who nods.

“Keep us posted.” Rossi says as Spencer just keeps his head down as Morgan tells Garcia what happened.

“Oh my baby… Please bring her home.” Was all that she managed to say.

You ended up having surgery.

“Dr Reid?” A doctor said coming out in scrubs full of blood.

“Yes.” Spencer says quickly getting up, he hasn’t left the hospital since you went in 5 hours ago, twice to have a stress cigarette and to get a coffee.

“She’s strong that girl. Her heart stopped beating in surgery, but she’s out now and she’s awake if you want to speak to her.” He says

Spencer nods and follows the doctor to your room as he tells the team the news.

“Oh thank God.” Garcia says, “Bring her dessert. She needs chocolate pudding.”

Spencer walks into your room. “Hey.” He says softly

“Hi pretty boy.” You smile.

“Nice to see your memory wasn’t affected.” Spencer says

“If I’d been stabbed 5cm closer. I’d be dead.” You say, “I think my bomb days are over.” You chuckle then wince noticing the stitches.

Spencer sits down. “Are you okay, besides the pain?” He asks giving you the chocolate pudding.

“Yeah, I mean, I got my best friend right here and my favourite pudding. Can’t complain.” You say smiling

“I was really worried for you.” Spencer said

“Me too.” You admit

“Can I ask you something?” Spencer asked biting his lip

“If it’s for a stress cigarette, I already know you have had one.” You say, “We have the same habits Dr Reid.”

“No.” Spencer laughed. “I like you Y/N. I love you actually, more than just you being my best friend… I have for the last few years… Would you like to go on a date with me?” Spencer asked looking down.

You smile, cupping his face with your hands. “I’d love to, but maybe when I’m not wearing a hospital gown and we have an audience.” You say referring to the team all there, and Penelope on Skype, waving at you.

“Audience?” Spencer asks then clocks the team. “Fuckers.” He says as they all come in to hug you and bring you more pudding.

“She’ll be out tomorrow morning.” The doctor said

“Thank you Doctor.” You smile at him

“Don’t do that again Y/N.” Hotch whispered to you, you’re like the daughter he never had. “You saved 1000 people, and we caught the other two un-subs.”

“My bomb days are over.” You assure Hotch and make grabby hands for the pudding Spencer has started to eat.

“Hey pretty boy, better make sure pretty girl gets her pudding or she’ll put a bomb on it.” Morgan said as you all laugh.

“I love you guys.” You smile.

“The feeling is mutual.” Rossi smiled as they all left you and Spencer alone.

“Stay the night?” You asked him quietly.

“I’m not leaving you.” Spencer smiled kissing your cheek and holding your hand.

“I thought you had a thing with germs.” You say

“I make exceptions for my Mum and my date.” Spencer smiled, “Now get some rest.”

“As long as you don’t eat my pudding.” You say as you close your eyes getting the best nights sleep you have had in a long time.

“Deal.” Spencer whispers as he sings you your favourite song, Firework by Katy Perry.

'Cause baby, you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"

You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Tag-list: @pumpkin-goob , @jpegjade , @andiebeaword , @hopebaker , @hotchsbabygirl , @hercleverboy , @cupcake525 , @gubetube , @aperrywilliams , @cosmic-psychickitty , @marleyhotchner , @gubler-me-up

Requests are open! 

Let me know if you want to be on my tag-list!

[prettyinlimegreenboots]

Twelve Days of Holly, Jolly Tidings - Day 8

Previous Days 

Disclaimers: I watched “Dash & Lily” the other day on Netflix. This story is LOOSELY based on that book and Netflix series.  I do not own “Dash and Lily” or Newsies or anything recognizable within the series.  There are occasional curse words throughout the series, nothing too horrible but there’s some. 

Friday, December 20 

Friday was finally here and it was a welcomed reprieve from the week she had had. The brightest spots were Jack’s daily adventures for her. She was looking forward to the notebook and the ways it would appear back in her life. 

A knock on the door caught her attention. Looking up from the article she was editing, she grinned at Bill. Pushing her chair back, she made her way to the door, pulling him into a hug. “Well, well look what the cat drug in.” 

“It’s good to see you too.” He grinned walking into the office and sat in the plush chair as she made her way to her own chair. “How have you been?” 

She grinned, capping her pen before looking over at her long time friend. “Good. . . things have been really good.”

“I saw the front page article, congratulations.” He praised, watching a blush float across her cheeks. 

She shook her head. “Thanks . . . it turned out really good.  What’s new with you? Saw Darcy yesterday - he said that he’s been undercover. Know anything about that?” 

“He’s been tightlipped about what he’s getting up to but he promised that we’d meet up with drinks in the new year.” Bill shrugged. “I get sporadic texts from him, much like you.” 

Holding up her hands, Kat giggled. “I’m sorry . . . I’m the worst friend ever.  But you know how the holidays get . . . especially for the Plumber family.” 

“They still doing the ball on Christmas Eve?” Bill asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Groaning, Kat threw her head back against her chair. “No, they’re going out to California to visit Ryan and his family then to Arizona to visit Chris.” 

“So what are you doing for Christmas?” Bill’s eyes went wide, looking over at Kat, watching her reaction as she mentioned her two older brothers.  

She smiled. “I’ll be with Jack’s family. Mom and dad decided that they wanted to travel instead of being home for the holidays.” 

“At least you won’t be alone . . .” Bill nodded, reaching into his bag for something, handing it over to Kat. “I actually have another reason for stopping by.”  Her eyes lit up, accepting the notebook from him. “I was asked to bring this to you.” 

“Thank you!” She grinned, letting her fingers dance along the cover of the book. “So you’ve seen Jack today?” 

Bill grinned. “Yes, we had coffee together this morning. He clued me in on what you’ve been up to and all the adventures he’s led you on.” 

“He wants me to see the magic in the season.” Kat smiled softly. 

“And have you?” 

She bit her lip, thinking back on the last seven days, slowly nodding. “Yea, I have.” 

“Good to hear.” Bill pushed himself to his feet, giving her a look. “Today’s your last day of work before the new year, right?” 

Nodding, she smiled. “It is. Want to meet up on the 27 or 28 for drinks?” 

“That sounds like a plan. I’ll text you.” He headed to the door. “Merry Christmas, Kat.”

“Merry Christmas to you too, Bill.” 

He shut the door behind him, leaving her in her office alone. Cracking open the notebook, she found the correct entry, leaning back in her chair to read. 

Kat,

Merry 8th day of Christmas! Bill was oh too eager to deliver this to you, saying something about sporadic hearing from you. 

Anyways, I’m sending you to somewhere you’ve never, ever been before in the city but I have a feeling this will be one of your favorite places to visit.  Head over to 230 Thompson St, New York, NY 10012. Once you arrive, look for Ash - you’ll know her when you see her. 

Have fun today! 

Grabbing her bag, she stuffed her laptop in it. She looked at her desk, making sure she had everything before walking to the door, flipping off the light, knowing she wouldn’t be back in until January 6. 

As she made her way to the elevator, she wished her coworkers “Happy Holidays” and “Merry Christmas” before pushing the button, waiting for it to arrive.  Grabbing her phone, she quickly typed in the address Jack had given her as she stepped onto the elevator.  She felt herself descend as her map app mapped out a route to wherever Jack was taking her. 

Heading to the familiar subway station, she quickly paid, making her way to the A Platform, joining others as they all awaited the train. She grabbed her phone, grinning seeing a text message from Jack. 

Go easy on Ash, please?

Where exactly are you sending me? She typed back, wondering what he had up his sleeve. 

You’ll love the place. Order the Hot Chocolate, it’s one of the best in the city. But seriously, go easy on Ash. 

She paused in her typing as she thought. Jack had never mentioned Ash before so she was kind of scared of what Jack was dragging her to. I promise I will go easy on Ash. Anything you want to clue me in about Ash? 

She’s wicked smart so she’ll keep you on your toes. 

She laughed, stepping onto the train. I have a question for you. 

What’s that?

She took her seat, texting him back. Will you ever join me on an adventure? 

She watched the bubble bounce before disappearing before bouncing again. How do you know that I’m not at every single one with you? 

She raised an eyebrow at his cryptic text. Are you at every single one of them with me? 

I’ve been at most of them. I think I’ve only missed one because there weren't any good hiding places.  And time will tell if I will be joining you on an adventure. Now go, have fun with Ash and don’t be too hard on her. 

She pocketed her phone, shaking her head at him. He could be the sneakiest person she had ever met when he wanted to be.  She leaned back in her seat, her body swaying with the train as it screeched into the station.  Gathering her bag, she headed up the stairs, leading to the street level.  After consulting her map, she headed towards the address. 

She quickly jumped out of the way, avoiding being plowed over, shaking her head as she continued her journey to the location. Double checking the address, she paused in front of a nondescript building with big bay windows. Pulling open the door, she made her way to the counter, pausing to breathe deeply, inhaling the comforting smell of coffee while her eyes swept around the shop. A young girl occupied a booth but other than that, the cafe was empty. 

“Hi, how can I help you?” A woman stepped out from the back with a bright smile on her face. “I’m Avery.” 

“Hi Avery. I’m Kat. Can I get a hot chocolate?” Kat smiled, as the woman grabbed a mug and nodded. 

“If you want to grab a seat, Kat, I’ll bring it out to you.” She said, starting to make the hot drink. 

Kat looked over at the young girl before making her way over her booth. “Excuse me?” 

The little girl looked up from her game of Bananagrams with a smile on her face. “Hi, are you Katherine? If so, you can sit down.” 

“I am. Are you Ash?” Kat asked,  sitting down in the booth across from her. 

She nodded, taking a sip of her own mug. “I am. Mom owns the cafe.” 

“So how do you know Jack?” Kat asked, putting her bag next to her on the bench. 

The woman came over and set her mug of hot chocolate down, grinning at Ash and Kat. “Jack and I went to elementary school together. I’ve known him since we were kids. He is often in here sketching or picking up a coffee when he’s on this side of town. He mentions you a lot.” 

“Oh he does?” Kat grinned, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.  “This is really good.” 

Avery laughed. “Thank you. And Jack is a good guy. You make him very happy.” 

“Thank you, he does the same for me.” She took a moment to let her eyes sweep the cafe. “Ash mentioned you own this place. It’s pretty cool.” 

Avery sat next to Ash. “Ash and I always enjoyed going to cafes to sit hot chocolate and play a game but there weren't any cafes that had board games so I decided to open one about 2 years ago. We’ve had some success, especially with the college kids.” 

“That’s really good. Jack mentioned that once I visited this, it would become a favorite and I’m happy to say that he’s right. This is really cool.” Kat grinned. 

Putting her hands on the table, Avery looked between Ash and Kat. “I’ve got some things to do in the back, but it was really nice to meet you Kat. Ash, don’t bother her, alright?” 

“It was nice to meet you as well.” Kat smiled, looking over at Ash. “I was hoping to play a game or two of Bananagrams if that’s okay with you, Ash?” 

Her eyes lit up as Avery smiled at the two of them. “Have fun.” 

Dumping all of the tiles on the table, they each took 21 tiles as Kat motioned Ash to go first. “So you and Jack are dating?” 

“We are. We’ve been dating for 5 years.” Kat nodded, laying down her tiles as Ash concentrated on doing the same. 

“How is he as a boyfriend? Is he as big of a dork as he’s a friend? Are you two going to get married?” She asked, tongue poking from between her lips as Kat giggled. 

“He’s a good boyfriend; he is sweet. He is a big dork under all of the sweetness. And I hope so.” She smiled. “Ash, how old are you?” 

“Nine, almost ten.” She grinned, looking up at Kat. “Jack tells me I’m too old for my age. But I often kick his butt at Bananagrams - he’s not very good at the game.” 

Kat laughed, thinking back on her text message conversation with Jack and him telling her to go easy on Ash. Now she knew what he meant. “I bet you like to read, don’t you?” 

“I do. How can you tell?” Ash asked, looking over at Kat. 

She pointed to the table. “I don’t know I would’ve known what cranny meant when I was 9.” 

Ash giggled. “That was a vocabulary word a couple of weeks ago.” 

Kat used her tiles to form the word “cat”, grinning at Ash. “When was the last time you saw Jack?” 

“Uhhh . . . yesterday, I think.” She tilted her head, thinking back on the day before. “He came to tell momma and me you were going to be stopping by. Oh, you need to read the notebook - I forgot to tell you.” 

Grabbing the notebook from her bag, Kat flipped it open, smiling at Jack’s scrawl. 

So you’ve met Ash and Avery. Avery was my first girlfriend when I was 6 but I was more interested in dirt and trucks than having a girlfriend so it didn’t last long. But we’ve maintained our friendship throughout the years. 

Did Ash ask you allllll the questions? She told me she was going to quiz you about everything, including how I am as a boyfriend. Don’t be sharing all of my dirty secrets, Katherine. 

Anyways, I wanted you to experience a cute little cafe that had a ton of board games options that you could sip your hot chocolate and enjoy a little competition. 

But let’s talk about your competitiveness - you swear up and down that you’re not competitive but you are, in your own way. You love to compete against yourself - pushing yourself to write your best article yet or beating Race in whatever game you two play.  Did you play sports as a kid? Because I could see you playing soccer and rushing to get the ball or softball with a wicked curveball. 

The most competitive I’ve ever seen you is when we play scrabble, which is why I’ve put my foot down about playing that game with you. But it’s the one time that I see your tongue poke out between your lips in concentration, determination written on your face at coming up with the biggest point word, while trying to figure out where I’m going to go next. 

So, I want you to write down your favorite competitive moments from your life. Tell me all the times your competitiveness got the better of you - I’m looking for some juicy childhood memories, Kat. 

She grabbed her pen, giggling at Jack’s words. Ash looked up at her with a grin. “Jack being silly?” 

“Yes, he is. Let me write this real quick and we can continue our game, alright?” 

She nodded, as Kat started to write. She wrote about playing soccer as a kid and tackling kids as she tried to get to the ball. Or the time she wanted to learn how to play softball because her older sister played. She attempted to pitch in a softball game but the ball ended up in a window, breaking it, officially putting an end to her softball career.  She went on to write about writing for her high school’s paper, and having to rewrite an article because it wasn’t good enough in her opinion - she rewrote it and it ended up being one of the best she wrote in her high school career. Jack had her pegged - she was more competitive with herself than others. 

Now Ash should have something for you - you might have to ask a couple of times but I gave it to her for safe keeping.

Enjoy your game of Bananagrams. 

Love you, 

Jack 

“Hey Ash?” Kat asked, looking at the girl. “Do you have something for me?” 

Ash grinned, looking around the cafe. “I’m sure it’s around here somewhere.” 

Smiling at her coyness, Kat gave her a look. “Jack said he gave it to you for safe keeping.” 

“He did but I may have hidden it within the cafe.” Ash grinned, as the bell above the door rang. Kat and Ash looked over. She squealed seeing Jack walk through the door. 

Kat watched Ash rush into Jack’s arms as he laughed loudly at whatever Ash had just told him. She grinned when he looked over at her.  He whispered something to Ash before making his way over to Kat, pulling her into his arms, brushing a kiss on her lips. “Hi love.” 

“Hi yourself.” She wrapped her arms around him in a hug. “You’re a welcomed surprise.” 

Jack pressed a kiss to her lips. “I’m taking you to dinner. Ash keeping you on your toes?” 

“She was being coy about what you gave her. She said that it was hidden around here somewhere.” Kat’s eyes lit up in suspense. 

Jack laughed. “I told her to go get it so you can open it.” 

Ash returned with a bright red box in her hands. “Here you go, Kat.” 

Taking the box from Ash, she quickly unwrapped it, handing the paper over to Jack. She popped open the box, smiling at what laid inside. A “K” scrabble tile charm was nestled into the cotton as she looked up at Jack with a grin. “Thank you, I love it.” 

“Good.” Jack pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Good job, Ash.” 

“Thanks. Can we finish our game before you leave?” Ash asked, looking over at Kat. 

She nodded, as Jack walked over to the counter to talk with Avery as they finished the game. Ash threw her arms up in the air in victory. “I beat you, Kat.” 

“You did, kiddo.” Holding out her hand, Kat shook Ash’s hand. “Congratulations. Keep up the good work and maybe I’ll beat you next time.” 

Ash grinned. “You’ve got it.” 

Grabbing her bag, Kat threw it over her shoulder, lacing her fingers with Jack’s before saying goodbye to Avery and Ash, promising she’d be back.  Jack said his goodbyes before tugging Kat out of the shop and down the street.

So what did you think of Ash? She was a lot of fun to write. What do you think of Kat’s adventures so far? There’s more coming up - four more days to go! Feedback would be wonderful! 

[kate837]

Not a Game

AU edition of Rich's attempted get away after the Akkadian.

#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:

It turns out that Rich actually had tampered with their system. And of course he did, he's Rich Dotcom. Thank God for Patterson, she was the only one smart enough to find Rich. Once she did the team swooped in and rearrested him. That's when it started, Kurt had at least been civil to Jane while in front of Rich but now....

"It's just nice to know that people don't change. " He said with a furrowed brow and small smirk. Everyone on that team knew what he was doing, trying to get at least one little dig at Jane in.

Jane didn't let her smug smile towards Rich fade and made sure to move her mouth as little as possible, because she knew Rich could very well read lips, when she very discreetly cautioned "This isn't a game you want to play with me. "

Kurt glanced down at her and she glared up at him. Rich cocked his head to the side, he knew something was up but this definitely confirmed it. Rich didn't really take Kurt as a "petty" Person so to have him obviously take a secret dig at Jane was surprising and h*lla confusing.

#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:

Reade recuffed Rich, and Tasha cuffed Boston. Patterson walked each of them to the SUV they personally were driving them in to take them back to SIOC to wait for the actual prisoner transport to arrive.

Meanwhile Kurt grabbed Jane by the arm and tugged her to the opposite side of the prisoner transport truck, the side that was secluded.

Jane shook out of his grip frustrated. Kurt was very obviously about to scold her but she beat him to it.

" Let me guess, I'M out of line because you took a dig at me,right? "

Kurt pointed at Jane while he talked.

"Now you listen to me-"

"No you listen to me. You think I don't know what you're doing?! Every single chance you get you somehow find a way to take a petty dig at me and I. Am. Done. Kurt. I'm done! I thought that you would at least refrain in front of Rich but I guess I overestimated your character." She whisper yelled.

"Jane I-"

"Save it. Because of your relentless need to put me down we are going to have a very long wait for actual prisoner transport to get Rich. Filled with questions, accusations, and my personal favorite ridiculous inappropriate commentary because you couldn't keep it together." Jane took a breath and recuperated. "Look, I understand your resentment, but I can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean -can't do this- Jane?"

"Don't make me say it, we both know that there was and is a this."

Kurt clenched his jaw and looked away.

"I have been clenching my teeth and stomaching all of the hatred thrown at me because I more than anyone know that I-messed-up, I was in the wrong. I know that so if you need to keep insulting me to be able to be in the same room with me than I will tolerate it but I just-"

"Just what, Jane?"

"I need a break Kurt! At very least in front of Rich. I deserve at least that much"

Before Kurt could apologize or even try to form some sort of apology she walked away.

#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:

Back in interrogation Jane and Weller are sitting across from Rich waiting on the actual prisoner transport crew to arrive, which is going to take a while since it's now 3 in the morning.

They all were exhausted so there was a silence in the room for the first five minutes, at least until Rich got his second wind.

"So Jane from my understanding you're a consultant but wear an FBI vest and not just an FBI vest a Critical Response Team vest especially made for special agents. You're allowed in the field and undercover, but you are not an FBI agent. Why?"

Jane's eyes widened. She forgot that other than being an absolute moron Rich is a genius.

Rich studied Jane's reaction then turned to Kurt who lowered his gaze at him but wasn't glaring.

"You know I don't really care why-"

"Then why did you ask?" Jane asked confused.

"To analyze. See the last time I was here when I even tried to utter a word that could be somewhat remotely close to resembling you I got a death glare from agent Stubbly over here. But not this time, and he might just be tired I get that but something is definitely off. Because 2, you didn't look to Kurt. Whenever someone asks you a question, or figures out a piece of the puzzle, or anything really you look to Kurt first. And you didn't you stared at me, or the wall, the ceiling, the floor, but not Kurt. So what the h*ll is going on here?! And tell me the truth."

Rich was abnormally serious, it was actually quite frightening.

"Look Rich we're tired, and there's nothin-" Jane tried to salvage the conversation.

"This isn't a game you want to play with me."

Jane looked down, she thought she was subtle enough. Guess not.

"Do those words ring a bell Janie?"

Kurt finally steps in.

"Alright enough. It's too early AND too late for this. Rich, Jane and I's history is none of your d*mn business. You are an informant that's all, what my team does and does not do is also none of your business. Is that clear?"

Jane was astonished. He stood up for her! The thought that maybe just maybe they actually would be ok was inevitably spiraling around her brain and put a very faint smile on her face. But was immediately wiped away.

"I know how childish this sounds but Rich I need a break!"

There it was. Another dig. But this one didn't just hurt, it stung. Mimicking her words from earlier, the words she used as pure honesty. She needed just one day to not be reminded of the resentment, one hour even. She was vulnerable with him and he called it childish?? CHILDISH?!?!

Jane stifled her involuntary gasp, clenched her teeth and tried to keep her eyes from stinging with tears. It was too much.

"You had to do it didn't you?"

Her voice came out shaky and hoarse, she walked out immediately leaving Rich completely and utterly stunned and Kurt stilled in place.

#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:#:

Rich leaned forward in his chair.

"What in the literal h*ll is wrong with you?"

"Excuse me?" Kurt had a dangerous look in his eye which Rich would have found unbelievably hot if he hadn't been outraged with his behavior.

"One of THE most amazing women in the world, and trust me I would know I have met my fair share of international women, is whole heartedly in love with you and you take her heart and perform emotional acupuncture on it every single chance you get! So I'll ask again what-in-the-literal-h*ll-is-wrong-with-you?!"

Kurt stood up to leave but quickly remembered that one of them had to keep an eye on Rich and with Jane's storming out he was on full-time babysitting duty.

He slowly pulled his chair back out and sat down. His posture was slumped like his shoulders weighed a thousand pounds each and he steadily looked at the table. He looked so... Sad.

"Look, you and I both know that I have an unhealthy amount of investment in you and Jane's relationship. I don't actually know why either, it just kind of happened. Kurt there is something special about the two of you, something you only see in the movies. It's magical, it's an energy, it's an aura, it's... Well it's everything. I know that you can salvage it because I know you'll want to, or do want to. You just don't know how. You've spent so much of your life closed off to the world that it became easy, a defense mechanism that was completely foolproof. Until Jane, Jane was unprecedented for you she wormed her way through every single defense you had then I'm guessing tore you apart from the inside."

Kurt cleared his throat, obviously choking back tears. He was hurt but never hurt enough to cry in front of Rich Dotcom.

"But that's the thing with love, it's a power. And once you hand that power over to someone they can completely destroy you. Tear you apart limb from limb while you stand there and watch, because you still love them. That's the kind of love you and Jane have, Jane could break your left kneecap and you still wouldn't hurt a hair on her head."

Aside from their fight in the Motel but Kurt chose not to correct him.

"She broke you but she can build you back up again with one smile if you let her."

Kurt finally looked up at Rich when the door opened and in walked prisoner transport, Kurt made a beeline for the door, he couldn't have more agents seeing him like this.

"ONE SMILE KURT! THAT'S ALL IT WILL TAKE!"

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Jane was still in the locker room. She would have went home but she knew that she couldn't make it in her state of mind. It would have been as dangerous as walking home drunk. Except she was more afraid of the risk of her snapping and killing someone than she was of getting mugged.

So there she was on the bench in the locker room almost in a catatonic like state. She thought that once she was alone she would have broke down in sobs but this, well this was much much worse. Thoughts and memories were swirling around her brain like a emotional turmoil whirlpool.

You'remystartingpointyouneedtolistentomehappybirthdayJanepizzaorhotdogswithhushpuppiesthere'saparkattheendofmystreetyou'reagoodpersonJanekeepthemsafeyou'renotakillernicehaircutthatmeansIcandothis

It was paralyzing.

Until her train of thought was interrupted by the door opening.

"Jane we need to talk."

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Kurt approached the opposite side of the bench to sit.

"Please don't."

"Jane we need-"

"I don't want to talk to you, I'm never going to be ready to talk to you."

"I know but-" Kurt approached again.

"Do. Not. Sit. Near. Me" Jane commanded through gritted teeth.

Kurt obeyed opting to stand in front of her but not directly, and just out of arm's reach just in case she lashed out.

"I'm sorry, Jane. For everything. I went too far, I pushed you too far."

Jane humorlessly chuckled.

"You pushed-. You say you don't hate me, then you push me, you say that you tried to murder the man who hurt me then you push me, you defend me, you protect me, you simultaneously keep me by your side and at arms length, you smile at me then you push me, you-" Jane's voice cracked after having so much bite in it, it's such a dramatic change in tone. "You know exactly how to get my hopes up just to squander them. So no Kurt the problem isn't that you pushed me too far. It's that you pushed me too much."

"You have to believe Jane, that I am so sorry."

He knew he had to say more. He at least owed her that much.

He sighed deeply.

"I've never been good at opening up to people. After the incident, before my mother took off she put me in therapy after therapy trying to get me to open up to someone. It never worked. Some people may have even called me stubborn."

Jane tried not to smile, but Kurt could tell that she was holding back and it made him feel a little better.

"Anyways, whenever I went to the actual appointment I would just sit there and stare at the wall, my hands, my feet, for a whole hour and a half. I even made some of my therapists believe that I was mute, that was until my mother would pick me up and ask what I would like to eat when I get home and I would scream at the top of my lungs MEAT!"

Against Jane's will she let out the softest chuckle, and Kurt couldn't help but think

It really does only take one smile.

"Eventually the therapists would refer me somewhere else because they needed to tend to the patients who wouldn't -waste their time- and the cycle would continue. I wouldn't talk to anyone at school either, and I couldn't talk to Sarah. I was her protector, her rock. I couldn't fall apart on her. So I learned to build walls. The walls allowed me to keep moving forward, they allowed me to take care of my sister while everything in me wanted to run away and never come back. They kept me sane."

Kurt cleared his throat.

"H*ll I hadn't cried in about twenty years, until you showed up."

Jane's gaze flicked towards him at lightning speed.

"With one touch of your hand on my cheek, something in me broke. All of a sudden all of my walls that protected me came crashing down, letting you waltz in. Which was why the day I arrested you I was a wreck. All of the hurt and pain wasn't stopped by my walls. You destroyed me; You know I literally had a pain in my chest when I arrested you. Like my heart couldn't take it. Which was why the CIA was even able to take you in the first place. I placed you in the interrogation room and walked out. I was going to wait for Pellington then interrogate you but I had this awful constricting pain in my chest that I had never felt before. It was too much. I couldn't scream, I couldn't cry. I just blacked out. An agent eventually found me lying in the hallway and had me taken down to medical. They said that I was most likely -overwhelmed- and I said what about the pain in my chest and you know what they said-"

Jane was enthralled. She couldn't look away.

"They said that there was no -medical explanation for it- I was healthy. Then one of the nurses asked if I had been hurt emotionally in the past 24 hours. I asked why and she said that -studies have proven that heartbreak can actually cause a string in your heart to break- hence the name heartbreak. She said that it was highly probable. After twenty years of not feeling you come and you make me feel alive then you break one of my heartstrings."

"Oh."

"So Jane you have to understand that I am trying to cope but there is no excuse for my behavior, I will change I promise I will. I'm just- I'm just hurt Jane." Kurt said finally letting a couple of tears spill over.

"That makes two of us." Jane says letting a lone tear streak her face.

"Can I please sit now? My legs are killing me." Kurt says jokingly.

Jane laughs.

"Come here."

Kurt takes the invitation and drops to his knees in between her legs and hugs her. They hold onto each other tightly, while Kurt keeps whispering apologies in her ear.

"I really love you, you know that?"

"I know"

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[nosferatyou]

Double Indemnity: Ch.1 (Josh Kiszka x Reader)

Summary: After an incident their freshman year they could barely stand to look at each other. Now it’s their senior year and are grouped together for their final project. What could go wrong?

Warnings: Cursing

WC: 2.3k

Authors note: Well. I flipped into Josh’s lane and thought of this sucker and couldn’t get it out of my head. After I heard the story behind the writers of “Double Indemnity” I just had to make this. Heres to me hopefully finishing a series! Enjoy!

Let’s go back to the day when I “met” Josh Kiszka and when I actually met Josh.

It was the summer before my freshman year of college, and at that point, film sets weren’t a stranger to me. But I sure didn’t have the experience that most of the already film majors around me had. I was roped in by my long time friend Jack who I hadn’t spoken to since graduation, but due to the circumstances, he needed as many crew members as possible. He had 2 days to write, shoot, and cut together a short film. I was a PA (production assistant) and was frantically running around helping in any way I could. I was smart enough to stay out of the way and speak up when needed.

 I met most of the crew except one, the cinematographer/camera op, who was the busiest on set. The exception being Jack, who was the director. I heard the camera OP was only there because he had the nicest camera, but my mind may have tainted what I heard about him that day.

With only an hour to spare we had finished the film. All of us dehydrated and starving, sleep-deprived too. I was cradling a horrendous migraine from the lack of water and was ready to leave before someone suggested we go to Cookout. Which is arguably the best food at 3 am. 

Against my will, I was dragged to the fast-food restaurant with the rest of the crew. At that point, I was barely conscious and sat in the back seat of Jack’s car. The stranger cinematographer who I hadn’t noticed was next to me until he tapped my shoulder. With a concerned look, asked me if I was okay and needed anything. Which was nice of him considering we’d never spoken. 

After the short exchange of words, he never seemed to fully leave my side. May it be his glances from across the table with the same concerned look, or him bring me cups of water, which I still don’t remember him getting up for. 

After that night it would be months until I see him again. 

I didn’t expect him to be in my Post Production class, but I was definitely happy to see him. It was my first day of classes and to see a familiar face was a nice change of pace compared to whirlwind of a day. Though it wasn’t too long after that that my feelings for him changed.

If you’re a film student you’re going to edit a Gunsmoke fight scene, it is basically a right of passage. Anyways I was an experienced editor and of course, was going to cut the fight scene to the beat of an Ennio Morricone song. If we were going to work on a western scene then Ennio was a must. 

 I was damn proud of my work, I seemed to be one of the best editors in the class, josh being right there with me. We didn’t exchange many words, but we kept each other company by simply sitting next to each other. 

Then came the critique day, when everyone watches your video and gives you notes. Usually its never good notes.

 After our class watched it everyone had a lot to say, mostly over small slip-ups I didn’t notice, that’s normal. Josh’s video was next and the moment the music played I was livid, he had used the same exact song, even cut it the same way I did. The worst part was that no one had anything bad to say about it, all good comments. I kept it contained, for the most part. I didn’t verbally say anything, but my constant tapping and dirty looks in his direction said otherwise. I don’t think he’d noticed.

I waited until everyone left and simply gave him a piece of my mind. Maybe I snapped at him… either way, it led to us getting into our first screaming match. Josh saying he “didn’t” copy my video and me disagreeing. I honestly don’t remember how it ended, but I do remember us getting kicked out of the building for it. 

Anyways that was three years ago, and we still hate each other. Yet here we are still in all the same classes, but the difference is we have silent warfares. Constantly competing with each other, showing each other our higher grades, and besting each other’s videos. I can barely stand to hear him talk anymore, but I do have to say. He knows how to make a good line. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even with the cold chill of the November air prickling my skin and the wind whipping my hair, my mood couldn’t be damped. Maybe “chill” is an understatement. Living in “The City by the Lake” aka Chicago brings on the harshest of winters, and as crazy as it seems, I always weirdly miss it when I go back to Michigan. Sure it has it’s many feet of snow, but Chicago makes the wind weirdly dazzling. 

This is my last coffee, I’ll switch to tea. Is something I say every morning when I get up before classes, but here I am again, with an out of place cold brew in hand and a raging caffeine addiction. In hindsight, it is better than my previous vice, cigarettes, but the headaches it brings on is just as bad as missing a cig. My one hand shoved in my pocket and the other is clutching the same cold brew as before. I may have said that I couldn’t be bothered by the weather, but I’m not immune. 

As soon as I enter Columbia’s Media Production building everything becomes flush with warmth. Its a bit uncomfortable really. I remove my gloves and quickly checked my phone, affirming that I’m right on time as always. As I stroll through the halls I tune more into the music, enjoying my free time. There is just something about Chet Baker and Chicago that just mixes so well. 

Todays a good day though, it marks my one year of quitting cigs. Did I mention that I quit? Because I quit. Anyways my roommate made a big deal out of it, I also figured out the coolest riff, I’m kind of shit at making music out of thin air so it’s a big day. 

After taking the long way to my Directing class (Cinema Directing III if you want to get technical) I finally made it to the small class. Most of the class was there, luckily for me my two-year seat partner, Gwen, was already there, waiting where she always does. We met in our Single Cam 1 class and have been inseparable since, well actually Gwen, Cora (the previously mentioned roommate), and I have been inseparable ever since. 

I made my way to my usual seat and peeled my overworn leather bomber jacket off, already feeling more comfortable. Slumping back in my chair I lazily grabbed my sketchbook and pencil out of my bag. Its become a kind of habit to draw my professors and classmates every day, something is just so fascinating about their compositions. I got to work on Gwen who was hunched over, focusing on her book in front of her. I got to work and as soon as I finished up on the basic shapes she quickly sat up, focusing on me. 

“You ready for the final project?” She questioned, stealing my coffee in the process.

“I’ve been working on a few ideas already, but then again I don’t know the assignment yet. I do know I will be grabbing the usual 4 of you the moment he says “groups.”

“Heres to hoping we can pick- Oh!” She almost spilled my coffee when she interrupted herself. 

“I forgot to text you! Happy one year of being ciggy free!” She exclaimed, handing me back the bottle.

I took a swig from the bottle when she gave it back. “Well thank you, darling. I feel like having clean lungs shouldn’t be such an achievement, but I guess here we are.”

“Be proud! Besides gives us a reason to head to Jerry’s.”

“We’d celebrate over anything if it meant going to Jerry’s and getting pissed.” I smirked at her.

“Well. You got me there. Anyways you are right, we will be getting drunk out of our minds tonight. Bless the man who decided to open a bar directly next to your apartment building.” She said, with a playful smile on her lips.

“Bless him indeed.” I laughed. 

At that moment I locked eyes with none other than the aforementioned, Josh Kiszka. It’s oddly enough what we do every time we see each other. Which is more often than I think both of us care for. But seeing him roll his eyes every time I glare at him is kind of fun. 

I followed him with my eyes as he sat down in his seat, instantly sticking his nose in- wait what is he reading? I focused and realized he was reading the screenplay for Tarantino’s “Reservoir Dogs.” Where the hell did he even get that? 

My eyes snapped up to the professor when I realized he started class.

“Alright, I’m just going to jump into this. Today we start on your final projects, and I think it’ll be very fun. A challenge for sure, but fun nonetheless.”

I slipped a sly smile to Gwen, already thinking of the best ideas in my arsenal to use.

“In groups, you all will be recreating a favorite film, but it should max be 20 minutes long. Now that’ll be your job to rewrite and format it so you can fit in the timeframe. Oh, and I swear to god if another person does Pulp Fiction I will actually scream. You can hold me to that.”

Oh Jesus okay this will be hard as hell, I guess something with a simpler plot will be easy. Ooh, or something that’s so overcomplicated I can rewrite it so it’s simpler. What’s something that’d be good for Gwen, she’s a good actress, but she can only play so much-

“I already have your groups picked out let me just put them up on the board.” My professor said, searching for the list on his computer.

Oh god. He’s never done this. We always pick groups. If Gwen and I aren’t grouped together I may just riot. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him drag the document over to the screen, so I quickly directed my attention to it.

I searched all of the lists, finally finding my name at the top of group four. Rob, Eric, and- Oh shit Gwen! Wait. There’s one more. The moment I saw the J I knew exactly who it was. My eyes darted over to Josh’s seat and had the same look I could only guess that was on my face. We both glared at each other, if we stared any harder we’d burn holes in each other.

“Motherfucker!” I whispered to Gwen, trying not to raise my voice.

“What? We are in the same group.” she looked back over to me with confusion on her face. She followed my eyes to the equally angry man across the room from me.

“Oh, shit..”

“Oh shit is right! I can’t work with that guy, I swear to god… Damn it, I can’t think of an insult! Quick help me!” I stammered out, you could practically see the steam coming out of my ears.

“Um... You can’t work with that Frodo look alike?” She suggested, both of us whispering to each other now,

“I’ll take it. I can’t work with that Frodo look alike! He’s just gonna take all of my good ideas and throw them into the lava like that fucking ring. Wait is it Frodo or sam who throws it? Know what, I don’t care. Look at what he’s making me forget important plot points in movies. I can’t work with someone who hinders my thinking process.” 

“First off, Gollum falls in with the ring in hand. Secondly, drink your coffee and focus on what movie we should do. Suggest something so good so fast that it’ll make his head spin.”

She put the almost empty coffee in my hands and I took a swig, still glancing back at josh, making the same face. 

Gwen started to ramble on, her words in the back of my mind. All I could focus on was wanting to be in any other group than his, even Leonard. He refuses to watch a Tarantino film, and simply because he thinks he’s beyond that. Leonard is someone I talk to if only necessary.

 I tuned back in to hear. “I mean if you think about it, as much as you and Josh are to Frodo and the Ring. You’re more like Billy Wilder and Ray Chandler. I mean they hated each other, but damn if they weren’t good writers. Plus, they respect a good line-”

Inspiration was swept over me. I knew exactly what we had to do. Before I knew what was happening my feet carried themself over to Josh’s seat. Same as before, we both had the same expression, except this time it was one of surprise. 

“Double Indemnity!” I blurted out a bit too loudly.

He seemed even more confused. “Double insurance money?” He questioned.

“Fuck. No. It’s the film we are going to make. It’s a fantastic idea, and it’s happening. Not even you can argue with me!” I sped out.

He sat for a moment in thought, his brows furrowed together and a cliche hand positioned on his chin. 

“Fine.” Is all he said, his arms were crossed. He seemed defeated.

I simply turned on my heel and headed back to my seat. An overexcited grin plastered to my face. 

[dillydedalus]

november reading

so with lockdown #2, my master’s thesis done & handed in etc, i just had absolutely nothing going on so this month so... lots of books. featuring Houses full of statues and birds, an AU of weimar berlin, and... the plague?

someone who will love you in all your damaged glory, raphael bob-waksberg (audio) actually listened to this last month! anyway even tho i forgot about it, i actually really liked it! it’s a collection of short stories, all about love in some way, most with a strange twist - a couple wants a small wedding but the MIL insists they have to at least sacrifice 5 goats to the stone god and have a shrieking chorus, or it’s hardly a real wedding, right? that kind of thing. i really liked these stories; they were fun, hopeful without being cheesy (mostly), and the audio production, with lots of actors reading the different stories was fun. 4/5

the driver’s seat, muriel spark man this novella is nasty, but in a good way - sharp, vicious, mean but so well executed. it’s also pretty hard to discuss without spoiling it & i do think one should go into this unspoiled. but it’s certainly a classic of the unhinged women genre, showing lise seemingly making herself as noticeable, irritating and off-putting as she can on a trip to an unnamed (probably italian) city. 3.5/5

the empress of salt and fortune, nghi vo (singing hills cycle #1) a lovely novella set in an asian-inspired fantasy empire, which shows young cleric chih and their speaking hoopoe almost brilliant learn the story of a previous empress, a northerner who rose from exile as an cast-aside wife to power and of her servant, a peasant girl called rabbit. enjoyed the setting and the way this story unfolded through objects and rabbit’s retelling, and will definitely read the sequel novella which comes out in december. 3.5/5

pine, francine toon (audio) this is a crime/thriller type book with some horror elements about a young girl whose mother has disappeared mysteriously when she was very small. she lives with her dad in the scottish highlands close to a giant forest. the beginning is pretty cool & creepy, but then like 80% of it is just the girl being sad & wanting to know what happened to her mother & the dad being an alcoholic mess. and then most of the plot happens in the last 10% & isn’t great. disappointing. 2/5

where the wild ladies are, aoko matsuda (tr. from japanese by polly barton) a collection of short stories retelling japanese folklore stories about female ghosts/monsters with a feminist twist. on the whole, i liked these stories, but also found them a lot more light in tone than i expected; i guess i thought this would be more on the wild & raw side, so i ended up finding them a bit underwhelming. might also be a problem with lacking cultural context. will say tho that tilted axis press is great & i will seek out more of their books. 2.5/5

piranesi, susanna clarke (audio) god this was so good! so delightful! the House with its many rooms full of tides and clouds and birds and statues is a wonderful, magical yet melancholy setting, the narrator is kind & gentle & earnest, full of wonder and curiosity at the House and its mysteries (the contrast between the narrator’s and the Other’s attitude to the House... yes), the slow building up to the numerous reveals are just. very well done. the writing is lovely (did i almost cry about the albatross? yes) and chiwetel ejiofor is a great audio narrator. just all around lovely & the ending hits just right. 4.5/5

doomsday book, connie willis reading this book during lockdown #2.... a galaxy brain move i wouldn’t necessarily recommend. anyway this is set in a near future where time travel is used for historical research; oxford university is sending the young historian kivrin on the first mission to the middle ages (1320, which is perfectly safe, as far as medieval years go), but things go wrong and soon modern day oxford is under quarantine (ha. how wild. can you imagine.) and kivrin notices that some things are a bit off about where she is (spoiler it’s actually 1348 and y’all know what that means right... PLAGUE TIME). lots of people on goodreads found this slow and boring and while it is pretty damn slow (and for a world with time travel way too many plot points hinge on being unable to contact people by telephone), i found it riveting and uh dread-inducing throughout, but also really warm and immersive. adored this, was devastated at the end. even almost a month later i’m still in my feelings about it. 4.5/5

too loud a solitude, bohumil hrabal (tr. from czech by michael henry heim) a novella i intellectually appreciated but didn’t really love - the narrator works as a paper compactor in a nightmarish basement full of mice (that also get crushed by the hundreds) from where he imagines rat wars in the sewers but from where he also saves hundreds of books. it’s fascinating & well-written but as soon as it gets away from the nightmare paper-crushing basement, it just loses its appeal, especially when the narrator reminisces about his relationships to women (how to simultaneously put women on a pedestal and smear shit on them!!!). 3/5

i’m thinking of ending things, iain reid literary horror/thriller type book with a really intriguing first half, as a young woman is visiting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time while thinking of ending the relationship and things increasingly feel off (the parents are weird, there’s a picture on the wall that the boyfriend claims is him as a child, but is actually her, she gets weird voicemails from her own number). great sense of vague unease, very scary. then the second half kind of blows up the whole story in a way that i should theoretically find interesting but just found kind of underwhelming and not scary, especially since the ending then feels the need to spell it all out for you. 2/5

passing, nella larsen (reread) ugh this is brilliant and i almost don’t have anything to say about it so i’ll just summarise it i guess. it’s a novella about two black women in 1920s america, who knew each other as teenagers and who run into each other in a rooftop bar, where both of them are passing as white. irene finds out that clare is passing full-time, married to a white man who does not know that she is black, and although she strongly disapproves, she can’t help but be seduced (the queer subtext is strong here) into renewing their friendship, which begins to threaten her sense of stability and control. this book is pretty much pitch-perfect, has a lot of things to say about race, loyalty, what happens when categories we live by are threatened or destabilised, and is also just tight and elegantly written and. ugh. brilliant. 5/5

ring shout, p. djèlí clark an alternative history/fantasy book where the ku klux klan gets possessed by demons from another dimension and a group of black (and other marginalised) women (some men too) who are able to see these demons have to fight them from gaining more power through a showing of birth of a nation. note: the klan is still already evil without the demons, but their evil makes it easier for the demons to possess them. very cool concept, very cool setting, but i found the main character and some of the plot progression a little boring. 3/5

amberlough, lara elena donnelly (amberlough dossier #1) this is really just the nazi takeover of weimar berlin in an alternate world (literally... the denizens of the city of amberlough are amberlinians... the two epigraphs are from le carre and cabaret...), told thru an amberlinian spy (cyril) forced to work for the nazi-equivalent (the ospies), his secret cabaret mc/smuggling kingpin boyfriend (aristide), and rough-and-tumble sally bowles (cordelia). as such, it’s extremely my shit, although i will say that donnelly makes it a bit easy on herself by making the nazi parallel so very overt; the ospies’ ideology is not particularly detailed beyond ‘real fashy’ and wanting to unite four loosely federated states. it’s just.... a bit weaksauce, and while she does include an ethnic minority for the ospies to hate, this also doesn’t feel as fundamental to their ideology as it should. also cyril sucks. but these issues may be solved in the sequels & it was a lot of fun. also.... amazing cover. 3/5

the vanishing half, brit bennett very much in conversation with larsen’s passing, this is a 2020 historical novel about passing, colorism, and identity, in which desiree and stella, very light-skinned african american twins who grow up in a black town that values lightness very much, become separated when stella chooses to pass for white and marry a white man. the book is very immersive and engaging, and stella and desiree are interesting characters, but (i felt unfortunately) much of the book is focused on their daughters, whose chance meeting might expose stella/reunite the sisters/etc etc, but who weren’t as interesting. the plot also relies on coincidences a lot which is a bit annoying. still an interesting and entertaining read. 3/5

die stadt der anderen, anthology printed version of an art project where three pairs of authors were sent on trips through berlin, which each person writing about what the other person showed them and how they experienced the city through the other. there was nothing earth-shaking in this, but reading it during lockdown was lovely. in conclusion i love berlin... would love to experience it again some time. 3/5

the fire this time, edited by jesmyn ward collection of essays on anti-black racism in america, many in response to the beginning of the black lives matter movement. i don’t have much to say about it, but it is very good and i would recommend. as is often the case with essay anthologies about serious topics i don’t really think i can rate it.

intimations, zadie smith a very short collection of essays written during early lockdown. smith is always smart and fun but i wish these had been a little more focused on politics and less on personal experience, but like, you can’t really criticise a book for not being what you wanted it to be. ‘contempt as a virus’ was very good. 

superior: the return of race science, angela saini really solid, engaging and accessible discussion of race science and why... it’s bad & dangerous, both looking at race science in the past and the invention of race, and how it is returning and regaining influence (not to say that race science ever completely disappeared, but as saini explains, it moved into a more marginal space in the sciences after ww2). 3.5/5

the hive, camilo josé cela (tr. from spanish by j.m. cohen & arturo barea) spanish modern classic set in madrid during the last few years of ww2. told thru short fragmentary snippets with a huge rotating cast of characters, mostly lower and middle class, going about their days, with the theme tying them together being “the city, that tomb, that greased pole, that hive”, which is a very sexy line, but unfortunately it didn’t work for me. the tone is v dispassionate and in combination with the huge cast it just made me profoundly unengaged. it also has the weird habit of changing scene in the middle of a paragraph, which i found rather confusing. 2.5/5 slave old man, patrick chamoiseau (tr. from french by linda coverdale) absolutely amazing short novel from the creolité movement aabout an old slave, seemingly resigned to his position, suddenly escaping and being pursued by the slavemaster’s terrifying monstrous mastiff through the forests of martinique, but really also about selfhood, relearning humanity, trauma and nature. the language is at turns sparse and lush and always gorgeous and the translation from french/creole uses endnotes (we love an endnote) and a strategy of doubling to retain some of the original language, which was really cool to read. so yeah this is brilliant. 4/5

mexican gothic, silvia moreno-garcia gothic horror novel about young mexican socialite noemí visiting her recently-married cousin in her new (english) family’s isolated, creepy and dilapidated mansion after said cousin sent a disturbing and strange letter calling for help. gothic horror shenanigans involving vivid dreams, family secrets and eugenics ensue. after a slow start, i absolutely devoured the second half in one afternoon bc once it gets going it REALLY gets going. not super-scary, but a nice creepy atmosphere & reveal. also loved how it combines the clear yellow wallpaper inspo (the cousin’s letter involves people in the wallpaper) and the focus on the english family’s eugenic ideology (not a fun fact but charlotte perkins gilman was a eugenicist), and the vain & flighty but also smart & stubborn protagonist. had a lot of fun with this. 3.5/5

i’m also still reading a tale of love and darkness by amos oz which is really good but which is taking me forfuckingever. 

[buckygirl-fanfiction]

Sparks Chapter 19

Pairing: Bucky(POV) X Reader(POV) ft. other characters from the avengers team

Word Count: 3.2K

Summary: About 2 months elapses and ends in a St. Patricks Day bar crawl where Bucky holds your hair back as you vomit your guts out and drunk spill some secrets. 

A/N: This is a story about two people building a great friendshipand then slowly falling in love. y/n is a strong, independent, and smart scientist. She meets Bucky when she wakes him up from cryo sleep and they become friends. This is going to have all the angst / best friends falling in love / fluff / drama / & eventual smut ;) that I can possibly fit in it. This fic is going to be looong! So far my document is like 67,000 words. So editing is hard If you catch any grammatical or formatting errors let me know.

Januaray 29, 2016

2am

y/n’s POV

I used to have this recurring dream, when I was younger. It wasn’t the same every time. But, one thing always seemed to transpire every time it paid me a visit. It would always start with some sort of catastrophic event: a car accident, a break in, a kidnapping. Something real, something believable, something that could actually happen to you. That’s how it worked. In order to drag you in deeper, to pull you in, to make you believe it was reality. Whatever the event was it didn’t matter. Whoever got hurt, me, my mother, my friend, it didn’t matter. But, as the scene progressed I’d do what any normal person in a dangerous situation would do: i’d call for help. I’d without fail somehow always find a phone in my hand. I’d dial nine… one… one… Now sometimes i’d be so shaken up that my fingers no matter how hard i’d tried, or no matter how sure I was that i’d pressed 9 instead of 8, would fail me. Other times the call would go through and i’d hear the ringing, ringing, ringing… endless ringing and there would be no answer, no help. Other times I’d get an answer and rejoice, cry, beg for aid to be sent. Then i’d sit there and wait and wait and wait and no one would ever come. So I became strong, I learnt to help myself. I learnt not to rely on people and slowly the dream disappeared. It became some faded memory I think of every once in awhile.

February 10, 2016

1am

y/n’s POV

‘I’m still at the lab, want to grab dinner?’ I press send and put my phone back down on the counter and continue to dissect the device in front of me. Taking it apart piece by piece. My phone dings a minute later and I walk over to see the lit screen and to my disappointment read: ‘I can’t, busy’

February 14, 2016

Bucky’s POV

I wait outside Bahni’s office with some flowers in my hand. It’s my first Valentine's day in quite a long time and the holiday may actually prove to be fun. I had lunch with y/n earlier today and she’s the one that suggested I should buy Bahni flowers. Things seem to be slowly returning to normal. Although y/n seems distant lately. People are complicated I guess.

February 15, 2016

y/n’s POV

“Move,” I groan and shove Wanda’s arm off my neck. We must have crashed last night I don’t remember much of coming home. I rub my eyes and pick up my phone. Squinting at the screen I read the messages flashing before me: Bucky: ‘flowers were a hit.’ Then I continue to scroll down and see another one from Dean: ‘Hope you girls got home safe last night. Had fun.’ The next one is from Nat: ‘i’m never going bar hopping with you lightweights ever again! Should have listened to Bruce and just went to dinner.’ The last message is from Sam: ‘Tell Wanda I have her purse, she left it with me.’

 I groan again, I should have listening to Dean and went to a quiet dinner with him. Instead I let Wanda drag me into a bar hop and now i’m hungover and supposed to be in work in an hour. I tap the completely knocked out body lying next to me. “Wake up,” I say in a scratchy voice.

 “Hmmm,” she hums.

 “You alright?”

 “Yehmmm,” she hums again before going back to sleep.

 I sigh and get up and shakily walk towards my shower.

 February 24, 2016

Bucky’s POV

 Bahni seems to be slowly invading my thoughts, which I guess is a good thing.

 “Why are you smiling like an idiot?” y/n says walking into the gym. I look up and see her walking towards me holding her black gym bag

 “No reason. You’re late,” I say getting up and walking towards the mat.

 “Best 4 out of 7? Loser buys lunch?” She says walking towards me.

 “You’re on. But I can’t today.” I say holding up my arms and taking my usual combat stance.

March 10, 2016

y/n’s POV

Me and Cho are eating lunch at a small cafe around the corner and I’m going over some of my notes with her.

 “Oh hey look,” she says pointing past the glass wall we are sitting by, “it’s Bucky.” I look across the street and see Bucky and Bahni walking into a small restaurant.

 “Small world,” I say looking back down at my notes.

 “Steve told me he seems to be really taken with her,” Cho says popping a cherry tomato into her mouth.

 “Hmmm,” I say flipping the pages, “Hey look at this. It’s really stumping me it’s one of the charges. The placement doesn’t seem… feasible.”

 She looks down at my notebook and says, “I don’t know ask Dean maybe? He’s the explosives expert.”

 “I can’t Tony doesn’t want any uncleared people looking at any of this.”

 “Can I ask you something?” She says in between bites.

 “Yeah, shoot.” I say looking up from my book.

 “Have you ever thought about it?” She says, “you and Bucky, I mean…”

 “What?” I say raising my eyebrow.

 “You know as a couple.” When I don’t answer she continues, “Steve and I were talking about it and we came to the conclusion that we ship you and him way more then we ship Bahni and him.”

 “Why is your topic of pillow talk about me and Bucky?” I ask.

 “We were just talking… So have you ever… You know thought about it?” She says unrelenting.

 “Yeah, maybe…” I say and she smiles at me, “but i’ve also thought about how incompatible it would be.”

 “Incompatible!” She says this time she’s the one raising her eyebrow. “You guys spend like every other minute with each other.”

 “Yeah because we’re friends and we work together. I spend every other minute with you and Wanda too are you saying we’re compatible?”

 “That’s not the same…” she says rolling her eyes.

 “Sort of is…” I say trailing of. “Plus you know I don’t believe in that whole long term relationship thing. Imagine we did go for it and how awkward it’s going to be when it inevitably ends.”

 “So, by your logic Steve and I are taking that same chance but i’d say we're pretty happy.”

 “Yeah true you guys are. When you break up it’s going to be awkwardddd,” I say jokingly. “Don’t worry i’ll totally take your side if it happens.”

 “Hey,” she says, “we aren’t going to break up!”

 “Alright. Fine you’re not. But, that’s because both of you believe in love and forever and all that sappy stuff. Also you guys weren't close friends before you started dating. It’s different. Like why throw away a good friend just so you can bang them and call them your boyfriend? When I can literally go bang anyone else… OH wait I just got it! The placement of the charge. I have to go back to the lab!” I say shoving my notebook back in my bag.

March 14, 2016

3am

y/n’s  

I was in the lab sitting in my office chair. For some reason everything was lit red, as is typical of most horror movies. I was just contemplating this point when I hear a scream. I get up to follow the noise and through the glass doors to one of my labs I see Cho. Strapped to the large bomb that I swear I had taken apart earlier. Yet it was whole and armed and she was struggling against her restraints. I look down at my hand see a cellphone. An old flip phone. I quickly open it and with shaky fingers I manage to dial the numbers. Yet, I wasn’t dialing 911 this time. I was dialing Bucky and the call wouldn’t go through. I tried and tried for what seemed like an endless amount of time. But the call never went through. Then I woke up.

 I wake up, rub my eyes, and look at my bedside clock. I let out a sigh. The insomnia is getting really bad. I have to be up in 4 hours. I think I have a meeting. Wait what day is it? I’ve been working almost nonstop, I forget to keep track of days sometimes. I pick up my phone and read: Monday. I do have a meeting. It’s been about 7 weeks since the raid on the lab and all I do now is work. I don’t even feel like a person anymore, a real person. Sometimes I feel like a robot. Nothing… I guess that’s good, robots don’t need sleep.

 Actually having those bombs in the tower, in my lab, within my reach just makes things worse. Not better. Sometimes I wish I never found them. Now I know the threat is real, it’s tangible. Every life that’s lost now is on me, so I have to work.

 March 17, 2016

 y/n’s POV

 It’s Saint Patrick’s day and despite the big bloody hangover that marked our Valentine's Day bar crawl somehow everyone we know is back at it again on St. Patrick's Day. We did two bars so far and we’ve settled in at the Founding Fathers. I think everyone's a little tired of bar hopping so we might just stay put here. I’m wearing a pair of black slacks and a top I borrowed from Wanda last minute.

 I actually forgot this was happening until Cho came into my office wondering what time I wanted to leave. I stood there staring at her pondering how St. patrick's day came so fast and whether I should go out or stay in and continue my work. The decision was then taken out of my hands when Wanda came up to drag me out of the lab. It’s amazing how fast time flies by isn’t it. It’s scary actually.

 Well if i’m taking a break from work I might as well enjoy myself.

 Bucky’s POV

 I’m sitting next to Bahni with Steve and Cho across from us and we’re having the stupidest discussion about the differences between leprechauns and elves.

 “What about Gnomes?’ Cho chimes, “No wait what are those things with the blue hair? The Smurfs their Gnomes right?”

 “No their trolls… or goblins?” Bahni says and I hold back the bubbling laughter that’s growing inside me. It doesn’t help that Steve and I are the only two relatively sober ones.

 “What I thought goblins were the same thing as leprechauns… they're both green right?” Cho says still sipping on her drink. Steve snorts unable to hold back his laughter any longer and she shoots him a look and drawls, “what?”

 “Nothing sweetheart. You’re so smart.” He says smiling at her and pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

 y/n’s POV

 “No Sam I am not doing shots with you!” Wanda says putting her foot down. “After Valentine's day nope never again!”

 “Come on, it’s not fun when you do it alone,” Sam says and I sit between them watching their exchange. I spot Bucky’s brunette hair across the bar. He’s nestled into a booth with Bahni, his arm around her, talking to Steve and Cho. Sometimes I wonder what that’s like.

 “I’ll do them with you,” I say turning to Sam.

 “Yeah y/n! Now that’s what i’m talking about,” Sam says shaking my by my shoulders and shooting Wanda a look. I giggle and watch him go, “Barkeep,” and order a round of shots.

 They’re tinted green and taste disgusting. As creative as this festive concoction was, it was equally as vile. I downed 5 shots before giving up. “Gah,” I say, “that was disgusting!”

 “It really was. I regret suggesting this now,” he says with a sour look on his face and I start laughing. The euphoric power of binge drinking. It’s indescribable. One thing I still missed about my college days were the frat parties. The level of freedom I once experienced in those dark sweaty basements with drunk strangers and loud music is something that I will never possess again. Free from responsibility, from everything, except complete bliss. It’s exhilarating. Time moves differently there, fast and slow all at once. Moments of lucidity when things speed by and you feel the fear that your problems will once again return. Then the moments of elation that you swear are eternal. But they never are, are they? Life always comes for you, to drag you back whether you want it or not. Even this isn’t ephemeral.

 Bucky’s POV

 I walk out of the men’s room back towards the booth where I left Bahni, Steve, and Cho. This is shaping up to be quite a relaxing night. Normalcy is a wonderful thing isn’t it. Just as I turn the sharp corner that leads back into the seating area something collides with me and I look down.

 “Whoa,” y/n says taking a shaky step back. “I’m so sorry.” She’s still looking down and for a second I don’t think she realizes it’s me.

 “Hey are you okay?” I say holding her by her shoulders, steadying her.

 “Bucky?” She squinting her eyes up to see my face.

 “Yeah, do you need help?” I ask a little concerned.

 “Haha,” she giggles, “No. Sam just made me do these disgusting shots and… I forgot why I was coming here.”

 “Alright. Well do you need anything?” I ask looking down at her.

 “No… I do… umm have a question though.” She says looking at bit for the worse.

 “Alright.”

 “We’re still at the Founding Fathers right?” She says looking up at me.

 “Yes. How much did you drink y/n?” I ask.

 She giggles again, “I… I am going to be completely honest with you. I don’t know…” She finishes her sentence with another giggling fit. “But there was a lot of green shit happening.”

 “Okay, I’m going to get you to Wanda okay. She’s going to take you home,” I say putting my arm under her.

 “Don’t be such a buzz kill Bucky!” she says giggling again, “hey that rhymes… I think.”

 “Hmm,” I say slowly leading her back towards the bar where Wanda is sitting.

 “OH god,” I hear her gag. Then she slips out of my hold and runs back towards the bathroom.

 I follow her into the ladies room where she pushes a stall open and falls to her knees, barfing into the toilet. I do my best to save her hair and run over gathering it into a ponytail and hold it up for her. After a couple minutes of some very heavy heaving she finally stops and leans her head against the stall.

 y/n’s POV

 “Stay here,” Bucky says before walking out of the stall, the door swinging shut behind him with a bang. A minute later he’s back with some paper towels and a water bottle. He kneels beside me and gently wipes my face with the damp napkin. It’s a little cramped but somehow we both seem to fit into the tiny stall, although he’s taking up much more of the space, which for some reason is very funny to me and it sets me of laughing again.

 “Here, drink this.” He says handing me the open bottle.

 “No, I can’t it’s going to make me throw up.” I say. Just the thought of those green shots makes me gag. I can never drink anything again.

 “Then you’ll vomit. Better in than out,” he says matter of factly.

 I take the bottle from him and take a sip, “I’m sorry about this. You don’t have to stay with me if it’s too gross. Just get Wanda for me?” I say apologizing as I slowly start to feel lucidity return to me.

 “It’s not gross,” he says, “you’re fine okay.”

 “OH god it’s happening again.” I heave a couple more times into the toilet flushing down the disgusting green tinted bile every chance I get. Bucky holds my hair back and I could not be more thankful. I don’t think I’d be in the mood tomorrow to comb vomit out of my hair.

 After I’m done I lean back against the stall again and he once again wipes my face. We sit there for a while as clarity and reality come back to me. “Hey Bucky?”

 “Yes,” he says looking at me.

 “What’s it like?” I ask curiosity getting the best of me and maybe i’m still a lot drunk. “With Bahni I mean? Like it’s such a foreign concept to me like how are you doing it?”

 “Doing what?” He says tilting his head.

 “Relationshipping,” I say giggling again.

 “Well we aren’t exactly in a relationship.”

 “Yeah but you know what I mean. You like her right?” I say trying to articulate my point but failing to find the right words.

 “Well, yes. But you like what’s his name? Dan, Dean? It’s just like that you know.” He says.

 “No. no. You don’t get it. Dan right, no Dean. Dean and I do it. But, I don’t like like him, you know? Not like you like like Bahni.” I say trying to make him understand.

 “y/n you’re making it more complicated than it needs to be.” He says shaking his head.

 “No i’m not i’m just curious how everyone seems to magically find happiness through these relationships. Like is there a secret i’m missing out on?” I say thinking about Cho and Steve and how happy she is now.

 “y/n it’s not that hard…” he says trailing off.

 “Yes it is! It’s so complicated.” I say, “It’s like 10 times easier taking apart that bomb in my lab than figuring this out.”

 I hear him ask, “This?” before the nausea hits me again and i’m vomiting again. And I vomit till these nothing left inside me except stomach acid and even that gets ejected from me.

 …

 Bucky got me settled and seated down in a booth with Wanda. All cleaned up and hydrated. Leaving me with a box of crackers he told me to eat. I don’t know where he went but Wanda is holding back her laughter as she sits with me.

 “Whose jacket is that?” she asks.

 “Bucky’s,” I say groaning leaning back into the booth. “What’s so funny?”

 “You look like crap,” she says. “Boy am I glad I didn’t drink.”

 Sam walks over to our secluded little corner and says, “Well you got me in trouble.”

 “What?” I ask.

 “Bucky really laid it on me for making you take those shots.” He says looking completely fine. Not fair. “Anyways he got you guys a cab, its outside.”

 We walk outside into the cold March weather and I close my eyes embracing the chill. I spot Bucky waiting by the yellow cab and begin to take off his leather jacket. I’m wearing my small green jacket underneath but somehow his huge wool lined coat feels warmer.

 “No, keep it. Looks like you need it more.” I tumble into the back seat with Wanda and watch him disappear into the distance.

A/N: It’s literally like 6.30 am and I haven’t slept all night so my writing/editing may be crap. Let me know what you guys think.

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 2 - “Old Yeller Me Out Back” - DAN

Ep 2: So like, I'm annoyed because last round OF COURse, the other tribe picked to save jared. God i hope nicole goes because I don't want to deal with that shit every round its gonna be annoying.

the hosts are holding me hostage ;-; this is so sad. Lets see what tea I can spill. Roxy, Zach and I are basically in a poly and I think I'm gonna back stab him so I can only have Roxy for myself. I aint gonna share hurmph. Jealous wifeu. Oh and johnny idk if he backstabbed me but we were talking about dying so that's something

I was such a flop this first round, I’m literally embarrassed to still be here hahaha. I never would have played a game like this a year or two ago. Oh well, coming out of retirement has it’s disadvantages. As for the tribe, I feel really good about Ash and Dan and Augusto, they all seem great!! I want to work with those 3, I think an alliance would be great, but I don’t know yet how they feel about each other, so I’ll wait until I figure that out before I approach it. I want to try Jared, but it’s hard bc he’s been exiled so we really couldn’t strategize this round, idk who he wants to work with. I don’t feel good about JG, Frankie, Drake or Regan. Idk if they just don’t like me or if they wanna target me, but they have literally either ignored me/left me on read or had the most dry conversations with me. Like I’m so social, I can talk to anyone, but not brick walls, come on now. Ash told me yesterday that they were throwing my name around, which was terrifying. The only reason I didn’t vote earlier is bc I didn’t know if I was going to have to do something crazy. You can’t change your vote, so I didn’t wanna screw myself, but I guess that’s what I did anyway. I literally forgot about tribal, I was watching a damn Harry Potter movie totally clueless that I was getting a self-vote. So sorry hosts and audience, I don’t wish to disappoint and I am doing my best, but this is such a busy time for me. Hopefully I’ll still be here when my life is a bit less hectic. It’s exciting to be playing again, I just need to get my groove back hahaha

So Allison is gone..... am I sad about it? .......no.

Moving into this reward challenge, feeling pretty good about this team. We get along well, and a relatively quiet. Hope that's the same experience everyone else is having and it's not just me.

So far I’m in 0 alliances but I think that’s ok. In Ko Chang I was fresh off an ORG where I was a major goat and let someone else run my game and I wasn’t particularly nice to the other side, so I was a Nat10 essentially. Still got 4 votes tho by begging and pleading 😌😌😌😌but I went into Ko Chang wanting to change that and actually run the game to win and be respected, ended up getting blindsided for being too controlling, and now in an attempt to finish my business I’m trying to change my game AGAIN and succeed by building genuine relationships and I think I am. I actually like my tribe a lot and I think I could be legit friends with Ash and Augusta especially, vs last season I kinda disliked a lot of them on a personal level. I’m just gonna take it slow and build genuine relationships with people and be nice and maybe it’ll be what it takes for me to win.

Me throwing this reward challenge because I don't want anyone on my tribe to get closer to figuring out the idol has been found and I'm the one that has it? Sounds like a plan!! Crooks and Zach are "comparing" idol search notes with me and I'm scared because I was open with where I searched, but only because it was the FIRST FUCKING TIME LOOKING FOR IT!!! I didn't even know how to LIE about not finding the idol, but aye, at least I got one, so I'll take that as a W

https://youtu.be/6SiwJELGFp8

Okay so this rigging for Alex Crooks is UNREAL. First a graphic design challenge and now a music video challenge? Boiiii. I’m gonna kermit. I hate that this is how the game is starting. If we lose I hope I get sent to ghost island so I can chilllll. But they’ll prolly send JG or someone else who isn’t very active. *SIGH* I called with Jared for a little bit tonight. What a good seed. I probably talked too much game with him, but he seems really nice and all. Yeah he’s Nicole’s boyfriend, and that’s something I need to consider moving forward, but tbh my cold bitter gay heart felt warm talking to him. He actually made me genuinely laugh and seems like a nice kid. I’d be willing to get third for a Nicole/Jared final 2. I’d stan.

We won reward too! Let's just keep winning and not have to ever worry.

WOW We love an episode two winner edit starting to emerge!! Hi I'm Johnny. Some of you may know me a a sociopath, others may know me as the nice jewish frat boy, and others know me as the one who harassed Regan and overused VL Confessionals during Tumblr Survivor: Flops, but NONETHELESS..... Your king has arrived! tbh being cast for the season didn't surprise me, because I knew I was getting cast lowkey, but starting the game up and getting to see who is actually in this group of people is pretty stellar, and I'm pleased with it, especially me being on this tribe compared to being on the other tribe. I have started to feel confident in the social relationships that I'm working on, but lemme do a quick rundown ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Going down the line for initial trust) Mr Crooks - Well first off...... the last time we played together was over a year ago, in a little place called Japan, and it did NOT go well for him and I. I thought he was bad at conversations, he didn't want me to have a say, but just kinda vote with him instead, and he got VERY snippy at me when we were talking about getting rid of a villain, I proposed Sarah, and then he ran and told Sarah and almost got me sent home. But since then, Alex and I have become friends, and I think it's really good that we're in this game together. I am essentially going to play like a dickhead and try to make myself a top three person for everyone, and just hope that it can all get me to a swap or the merge, where I can start going wild. Nicole - I love Nicole to death. Another person i very much want to work with. I know the feeling may not be reciprocated, specifically from her boyfriend Jared on the other tribe, who has beef with me from Game Changers, but I am definitely hoping for the best now, and I think that her and I will definitely work together, at least in these early stages. Zach - Zach is one COOL motherfucker. Has a lot of super cool stories to tell, and we spoke a lot when we did 99 bottles together. He and I (and Alex) have been comparing notes for idol searches, so I think he wants to work with me. I can tell he still has some newb in him because he wanted to make a six person alliance with myself, him, Alex, Nicole, Vi and Roxy, but I just don't think a six person alliance is really what is going to help us at this point in the game.... it can only hurt us if certain people are smart enough, and I also don't trust certain people in that group :/ Ruben - Pretty solid dude. Just getting to know him, but he keeps talking about how I'm talking to him more than everyone else, so I'll take it as a win. Our conversations have been pretty one dimensional, but we spoke about who may be the first boot, so I'm not too nervous for THAT now Vilma - Another one I really think I can work well with in this game. She seems like such a nice soul, and I don't see that devilish side to her yet, but I'm sure it's going to come out at one point or another, but she seems very open, and I know doing 99 bottles with her is just going to initially keep me safe with her hopefully. Vi - Vi seems cool. I have been told she's a bit of a floater, I've seen it at times too, but I definitely don't think that she is going to be too much of a force, and if anything, her social game might lack, which can just help my positioning in this initial tribe. Would LOVE to work with Vi, especially dragging as many people who've done well in the past with me as deep as I can to keep other threats around me, but yea.... Vi is cool, and taught me how to make my own sushi, so we rollin Asya - I trust Asya, I want to work with Asya, but what I'm hearing the general consensus is that she isn't talking to people as much. I can agree I don't think our conversations have been STELLAR, but I definitely think we've spoken enough, so idk how everyone else is feeling, but I've heard a mix of Asya and Ricky being the least active... As long as it ain't me Roxy - I only trust Roxy now because I don't think she'd make the stab at me this early, and I'm trying my hardest to make her feel comfortable, werk up this ORG flirt I've got going on, and hope it takes me somewhere. We've played together twice in the past, and both times she has made a stab at me before I was able to make a stab at her, and I'm sure she's thinking the same thing in her mind, but also there are a lot of people who dislike each other and have beef, so hopefully Roxy can see me as a number for as long as possible and not make a move on me Ricky - I like you personally, but you've just been sick this whole time, and apparently you're friends with Roxy according to some people/what I've heard, so idk.... kind of scary, but we'll see what comes of us. I'll start talking to you more soon ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So yea, there's my tribe... I know I like them all as people, which is going to help me spread myself thin within the tribe, I just need to keep reminding myself to not stick my neck out or try to do ANYTHING substantial until later. I've gotta keep my social relationships in tact, I've gotta play the field, lower my status a bit as someone who could be voted out, and just hope for the best. Having an idol in my pocket certainly helps, and with my LOVE of music videos right here, I think I have a chance to get some "This Is Me" redemption, if my tribe actually would rather do that over Immortals, since we literally only have two options because Isaac is a dumb thot. This also spells Andrew all over it bc I gave him an idea similar to this for a season we hosted together, so yea. I blame all the gays. THANKS !!

Regan is kinda annoying me with her woe is me shit, Don't get me wrong I still love her to death, however she's complaining in the tribe chat about every suggestion we make towards the music video, and then she comes crying to my dms about how shes going to get voted out for every little thing she does. She also threatened to quit as well which is really messy imo. Idk if I can stay allied with her for long as I dont want to associate myself with paranoid messes.

I woke up at camp yesterday morning and was PARCHED, just simply like.....dying of thirst. So I decide to go out to the well, and there's a cute little parchment sitting there. It has my name on it and everything so I'm like....it's TREEMAIL FOR ME? JUST ME?? Amazing. So, I open it up and....it's a Legacy ADVANTAGE. I am so hyped honestly, but I have absolutely no faith in me to actually use this correctly in any way shape or form. The names on it are Johnny, Andrew, Crow, Jared, Me. So that means Jared must've found it at Ghost Island and willed it to me BUT, that worries me for him because I feel like people will think he has it and will subsequently vote him out. Which would just leave me feeling guilty because I shot my boyfriend, got him sent to exile, he willed an advantage to me, then his tribe voted him out because of said advantage which I still have.....I love a moral dilemma. I actually hate it. I know if we lose immunity again, the tribe is going to want to send Regan to Ghost Island which means that they will probably 90% vote out Jared. But, then again I don't know the tribe dynamics over there. I should have more faith that Jared can make connections and more faith in him in general. He did make it to 2nd when I've only made it to third. I contemplated throwing this challenge just because I have more faith in Vi or Ruben being at the bottom of our totem pole than Jared being at the bottom of his just because his tribe seems.......not invested enough to think it's a smart strategic decision to literally keep him until merge, use us for numbers but then chuck us away because both of us can't win an individual immunity. But then the challenge was a music video which is virtually impossible to throw and even more impossibly able to do it in a light that's not suspicious. I need to solidify an alliance of some sort or something like...this is too wild. I get how me and Jared can be targeted because of the whole couple thing and the fact that we are um....both kind of amazing at this, not to flex but....we're amazing at strategic thinking it's kind of what we do and just how our minds are built, his moreso than mine. But, like I reaaaaaaaaaaaaallly hope I can allude to some sort of weakness that makes people keep me around much longer and him around much longer again on his tribe. I'm not saying their tribe is gonna lose immunity bc that's cocky but, if it does come down to our tribe flopping at it, I might be set. I think Johnny might try to get me out that little rat. But, besides that I think I would have Asya and Ricky on my side, and maybe even Zach. It's hard because Jared and I are....an inseparable duo. I would literally never vote him out unless he like, asked me to. I know how much he invests in these games and would never do that to him. If that ends up being my downfall, I feel like I can't really be mad about it. Like oops, cared too much about my boyfriend's feelings and got voted out of an online game :// Anyways in terms of the game, the Legacy Advantage is going to stay a secret. I'm not telling a single soul and I have faith in Jared to keep his mouth shut about it too, seeing as though he might know what I've gotten? I doubt it would be randomly given to me and he'd have to have some knowledge if his name is written down on the bottom of it too. So far my order of people I trust (most to least) is Ricky > Johnny > Alex > Roxy > Asya > Zach > Vilma > Ruben > Vilma and I just called Johnny a rat so that's saying something. I just feel like I'm about to get the rug pulled out from under me. Oiy vey.

I cannot believe that Isaac has tailor made the beginning of this game for me. Flag Making challenge? Great. Casanova? My only good flash game. Music Video Challenge? Yeet. I hope my tribe doesn't expect me to pull this much weight, but I think I solidified my spot in the tribe. As long as Regan and Dan never interact with me in this game I think I'm solid.

https://youtu.be/dWtZc9xEfNM

That last vote was the HARDEST and WILDEST vote in Tumblr Survivor history… said no one. As sad as I am that I never really got to know Allison and as concerned as I am that she’s doing alright (we really don’t know), I’m happy she left and we got that out of our system. Hopefully, this will allow us to win and do the damn thing! My only concern is that Samantha self-voted last tribal and that coupled with the fact that her name was on the chopping block somewhat makes me a bit nervous. That being said, this is a case of deja vu that should really just stay in the past. What I mean is that I’ve always been the type of person that looked out for other people and it’s bitten me in the ass. In Bhutan, I took out an alliance member because I valued my friendship with Ari and it ended up getting me out since she was seen as more valuable and I was untrustworthy. In Great Lakes, I gave up the chance at safety at Exile for Emmon to save an ally and it got me taken out since I was also seen as a major threat. Samantha is probably my closest ally here at the moment, but if she’s on a sinking ship, I don’t mind using the only life vest on myself for a change. I think I finally figured out that while I am someone who tries to stay loyal for the most part, if someone is digging themselves a hole during the premerge, you just have to let it happen. Maybe a big part of my unfinished business is minding my own.

(A LITTLE WHILE LATER)

Reward challenges are always a mixed bag as people don’t try as hard since it’s “just a reward” and while that may be true, advantages of any kind in a game like this shouldn’t be taken lightly. Think about it from this perspective, our tribe currently has lost one member and likely to lose another (fax, no printer rip) so if the other tribe wins an idol clue then they have yet another advantage over us. If we swap next round like I think we might, a numbers disadvantage and the likelihood of not having a power just ruins our chances. But anyways, this wasn’t our challenge to win because this game is MESSY and people (coughAlexcough) are good at like everything. But yeah, I just wanted to put that out there cause it was on my mind. Also, I’m super happy that Jared’s back since he and I are pretty close! Although, I wish he would tell me about Ghost Island but I also shouldn’t expect as much this early on. We did talk about potentially making an alliance and who we would want in it and… it was a bit of us not giving out info and thoughts on the game. It makes sense, we’re in the “avoid too much game talk, anyone but me” stage but we did come to a consensus that Ashen is cool and that we both like Samantha and Regan, but it never evolved into anything else. Another challenge loss is likely to change the lack of info though, I’m sure of it.

Ya know what’s fun? Being on a flop tribe. I’m truly enjoying myself. Everyone I hate is on the other tribe so I can’t wait for a swap or merge so I can get picked off quickly :~) hehehehe I love it

i feel like the game is moving slowly because I need to just keeping talking to people, and I'm in no alliances yet, and I'm sure some exist, but I'm just GAH.... I wanna keep winning, but I also wanna swap next round to just get the strategy of the game going ffs Send help to my dying soul

https://youtu.be/mpgD-uqZknI

I like this tribe but they will not shut up. Honestly, it's nonstop. There killing my phone. I don't know how much more I can take.

Imagine being a racist and animal killer sympathizer and supporting the greatest showman?

(AFTER TAKING A WALK TO CALM DOWN)

Honeslee im just over this game hahahahaha. Like everyone else in our video sucked???? I mean I wasn’t like amazing either but like come on. Okay Ashen’s parts were cute. But Regan looked like that spinning Lana Del Rey gif. Besides losing the challenge tonight I got into a fight with both my boyfriend and one of my really good friends. So depression is real sisters. I’m spiraling. Maybe they’ll put me out of my misery tomorrow and Ol Yeller me out back. But until then I’m gonna make like Gabby on survivor David vs Goliath and cry.

So we lost because the judges liked their song choice a lot better, even though their video is a straight rip off from the one in flops. It's just honestly annoying if I'm being completely honest. Oh well I'm in the lowkey alliance with Ash, Augusto, and possibly Sam as well which is an interesting alliance tribe dynamic. I just feel good because the judges complimented me and Ash, and I finally completed a music video challenge! I honestly wish we won because I wanted a night off the stress of everything, but oh well. The first name I'm hearing already is Regan because she is being a mess, and I love her to death but messy players are dangerous in games like these. Still can't believe we lost to a fucking plagarized video its so crappy.

I pushed hard for JG to go to Ghost Island because IF it's anything like the CBS season then whoever is sent to Ghost Island will probably choose a power to be given to someone still in the game and I'm kind of praying that since I had a good relationship with JG while hosting him in Deception he might consider passing me whatever advantage he finds lol

okay so ive gathered there are three pretty inactive people on our tribe: vi, ricky, asya I don't think they're inactive per se, I just think they talk less to certain people, but I know Vi and Roxy are friends, and honestly I consider Asya and I pretty good friends too, so idk... Ruben says if we were to lose he'd wanna vote out Vi because Vi hasn't said a single word to him, so we'll see if that could be swung. It'd keep me safe another day teehee

I have never been more disappointed in competition results in my entire game career. The other tribe completely stole the theme and video and won with it ?? The judges literally picked them bc they love the song and they didn’t know it was stolen. I’m so annoyed and upset that we are having to lose another person, it makes me actually angry too. I’m also annoyed that Jared just like didn’t put me in the video. I sent him so many clips, and he used TWO! And I’ve talked around, he did that with other people too. Dan was the star of the video, so much so that the judges complained about not enough tribe participation. I’m not saying I could do a better editing job, I don’t even have a program to do so, however, I want so badly to ask Jared why the fuck he cut me out so much. I don’t even know who we are voting out this round. Ash came to with me an alliance of augusto and drake, which I love ash and augusto, but last round, ash told me drake was saying my name ?? I agreed of course, but I will be very skeptical of him until I know I can trust him. I wish JG didn’t go to ghost island, he’s the one I would want gone the most, just bc he won’t talk to me ever. I guess Frankie would be my next option for voting out? I love dan and I really wanna work with him. I also confided a lot of stuff in Jared last week, which is why I’m so confused why he didn’t put me in the video. I was wanting to work with him but now I’m not sure. I need to look for the idol before tribal tomorrow. I really hope my self vote last round and my absence in the music video doesn’t somehow target me. It would be a good strategy for Jared if he wanted me to look bad tbh.

Isaac is a racist

ALL AMERICANS SHOULD BE NUKED

so uhhhhhhh I wanna cry because I love all these mfs on my tribe. I don't wanna vote out anyone. other than think I THINK IM SAFE tonight because I have augstuo, drake, and sam in an alliance. but like no one is really safe. I don'td knownimmfucking high we are thinking reagan or frankie. personally, I'm thinking reagan because she scares the frick outta me. but I guess we will c

We're swapping tonight and Crooks is going to be on a tribe with Dan...... watch it happen L O L

Those judges sucked. Like wtf was that idk bruh Also I really like Jared and Augusto and can. But I already knew the latter 2. I think,its gonna be frankie and I like Frankie so that sucks. But I like everyone. Tbh it would be smart to vote jared out but you know whatever. I chose to work with him though because I like Nicole so

I’m in a tribe of stars. Cept if I were to make this metaphor they’re all long dead. Unless one is the sun. That’s the winner. I just want to be Pluto ;-;

The game is getting more difficult now that I am faced with going to tribal council. But I know I'm the smartest player on this tribe so I'll be able to figure it out. I went through 10 different phases of thought at work today, but I played my ass off to position myself so let me just date my perspective at this moment- 6 pm, before the 2nd tribal council, November 30th. Here, I'll try to paint a picture of the dynamic. -the nucleus of the tribe **/Dan and Regan's relationship -outer layer **/myself, Augusto, Sam -secret trio (weak trust level) **/myself, JG, Drake -Frankie and Ashen solo-dolo Dan initially floated Drake's name out, but I knew I didn't want that. I chose to bide my time, and everyone was slow to the trigger in terms of suggesting a name. I spent the day heavily cultivating every single relationship, except for Augusto who was not around much. This is fine because our bond is already quite strong. I really worked from the shadows today. I intentionally pressed Drake's insecurities and instilled confidence in him to throw out a name, without ever alluding to someone saying his name. I don't want to give anyone info until I need to, and I don't want anything being traced back to me. I got as much info as I could from Drake. He said prior to my conversation with him, he tossed around the idea of voting Frankie to a few people, and that they responded well. I waited to scout out if it would get back to me. Surely enough, Regan messages me about it. I really leaned into a proposed partnership in this game with Regan. It's unsettling because she can be a loose cannon. We'll see how that goes. I reaffirmed that it is not a bad move to vote Frankie, and slowly the name started to spread. I tried my best to lock it down with everyone without showing a bias. I called with Regan for a bit. I just want her, along with everyone else, to feel as good about me as possible. At this hour it looks like Frankie will be evicted. Things change quickly though. Trust Rankings: 1. Sam (she dangerous tho) 2. Augusto 3. Regan 4. Dan 5. Drake 6. JG 7. Frankie 8. Ashen

Shocker, we lost the immunity challenge! It should be my catchphrase at this point… but anyway, I’m sad we lost and I kind of thought we wouldn’t but not all things can go my way. A lot has happened over the past two days and I feel like I might be at the center of it all in some aspects? Firstly, Ash approached me about an alliance with me, Ash, and Drake which surprised me if I’m honest because Drake and I talk but I didn’t think he’d want to work with me and then I’m also surprised they are close it seems. Furthermore, we added Samantha to our alliance and it is something I’m super happy about since Samantha and I are super close. The only dilemma I have is that I am working with Dan, Jared, Regan, and Frankie as well and that’s basically the entire tribe minus JG, who was conveniently sent to Ghost Island. I love being social and whatnot, but these are the times where I wish I wasn’t AS social. Honestly, I’ve been trying to be more lowkey about it as well like leaving people on seen or going a day without a chat… but even then I can’t seem to make it work. It’d be a shame if my unfinished business remains unfinished if I’m seen as a social threat and am taken out because of it. So yeah, now that JG is away from the tribe I have to choose between people I can work with. In the alliance chat, Ash suggested we voted off Regan which is something I wasn’t super happy about because Regan and I are close and have the same enemies per se (ie. Johnny) and Drake thankfully suggested Frankie lowkey. Frankie is someone who I adore, but he’s too lowkey to ever really work with I think? Plus it makes the most sense to me since he is so quiet and it would be easier to keep tribe unity and not expose me as a player, which is why I tried to push for it somewhat. After we came to that consensus however, the info about Frankie being the target wasn’t given from me to others and that makes me seem lowkey as well (Regan and others told ME that Frankie was the target as if I didn’t know, which is cool). My only hope is that once JG comes back, he stays on our tribe if we lose again so he can be voted out and I can save face with everyone else. We love a complicated game (‘:

OKAY I SWEAR I'M GOING TO WRITE A CONFESSIONAL SOON I'M REALLY BUSY RIGHT NOW SORRY SORRY SORRY

[wrcngbitch]

FOX’S OPINIONS ON TW S6E17 WHILE TIPSY BUT WAY TOO INTO IT ( warning it’s stupidly long, i’m kinda blunt, it’s all over the place )

1. the scene between malia and scott is very important. like, he’s listening for his mom, she puts his hand on his, he does not FLINCH till he hears his mother is okay. i do admit most of their relationship has felt quite last minute & forced ( just wish it had been a slower burn ), but this was good. he didn’t find instant comfort in a girl. he didn’t care more about this new relationship than his mother. he was focused, she comforted him, he needed a minute, she gave it to him. no angsty bullshit of him clinging to her or her demanding his attention. that was important. that is how you build a relationship. unfortunate the rest of it fell a little flat. but tw isn’t great with ships ever.

2. she has issues but come on. as far as backstories go this new hunters is boring. you saw people die, you almost died. join the club. if you love her, good on you, i’m not mad at that. i just don’t see anything special yet which is disappointing. i do admit her reasons make sense?? she has a point?? like while with the sheriff she knows what her opinion is, & stays true to it, but she’s just not compelling. i just wish they’d stop focusing so much on her & this ‘tragic’ backstory when it’s not that tragic. write a little better, because this actress is fucking amazing & deserves that much. the character herself deserves more respect than such a shitty story. i forgot her name btw i think it’s monroe.

3. papa stilinski, thank you. like i love that they’re showing off noah’s actual skills now. like it’s not just wow he’s a sheriff. these are real tactics he’s using. the way he’s getting into her head, twisting scenarios without telling a lie, his movements. making it personal, to him & her. true it could be more thought out but the way lindin carried this scene was fucking impressive. he knew what he was doing. he was being the sheriff of beacon hills. plus just, he is a good fucking man. he is strong and smart, a good mix of good & bad, he knows what he’s doing. he believes in scott, he believes in their future. he had to once because of his son & his town, but now it’s in his blood. protecting people isn’t the only thing he has to do. he has to be their rock.

4. melissa mccall, you are the most beautiful inspiring person on this fucking show. the true alpha is only scott because she fucking raised him. the true alpha mom.

5. ethan & jackson? good shit. no solid opinion yet, but it was a fun moment. obviously we all wish it was developed before our eyes but so far, so good. and that last scene, i like what it shows of them as a couple. not whining ‘are you okay’ or losing their shit. they are taking it, trusting the other can take it too. the pain of their lover doesn’t make them weak. it gives them more reason to fight. i like that.

6. deucalion, i love you. i love everything about the changes his character has faced, i love the difference, the new vibe, the old vibe. everything about his character amazes me. i’m gonna need to rewatch because damn i am so into this.

7. just fuckin kill gerard literally it’s what we’ve all been thinking this ENTIRE series.

8. ah... i miss isaac.

9. liam holy fuck you’re being stupid but i love you. you’re so frustrating but i do fucking love you. this theo thing? yeah don’t trust him but idk. it’s fun. it’s a good time.

10. them showing off their different motives is amazing. liam is willing to kill to avenge his injured friends. scott’s goal has always been to keep everyone alive. theo has, fucking motives. deucalion has his own way of being now. the motives/reasoning/personality of these characters is shining.

11. BRINGING UP MATT DAAAAMMMMMNNN

12. i hope through teen wolf & through future projects, holland is respected & cherished for how fucking good she is. i do think some of it is dramatic/over the top but uh it’s teen wolf. every single actor in this show does that. so anyone who disses her or any other actor in this show kind of bothers me. some people specifically i get, but as a whole there are some fantastic actors here. they need to go on to many more amazing jobs. & i hope they do.

13. while it is cliche at best, i enjoy the set design. the makeup. the outfits. there is a lot of effort put into it. that has actually always been true. the people who run the behind the scenes, setup, etc... they are fucking talented. they know what they’re doing. they know how to grab your eye. there’s a reason teen wolf is such a frequently edited show on tumblr. people love the aesthetic of it all. that’s all thanks to them.

14. PETER!! YES!! everyone knows i have a lot of feelings about peter. for one, no he’s not some bad boy with a heart of gold. two, he’s not in it for them. he is selfish, he is brutal, he is bold, he is power hungry, he is a lot. peter is so many things. but he loves. he can fucking love, and he can murder too. teen wolf messed up big time by not exploring his character properly. they showed many sides to him that could make PERFECT SENSE together, but they didn’t have the time. maybe in another universe uncle wolf will happen. either way, peter is so fucking compelling. he’s not ready to risk everything for some fucking desperate mission to save people he doesn’t know. that’s not evil per say, but it’s not good. that much is true. peter agrees with a roll of his eyes if he ever does. he helps while making himself the bad guy. he loves without showing how much he cares. he fucking denies his helpful good qualities to make people hate him/not need/trust him/etc! peter hale cares about possessions, power, and winning. even at his best, it’s just who he is. it does not always mean he’s the villain, but it makes him well, not a hero. an anti-hero works best for him. he can help, he chooses to, he tries to. he’s just smart. he saves himself/the people he cares about first. if it turns out his conscience is getting the better of him though, he does the right thing. it’s proved many times. peter is so much under the surface, even if he is a fucking asshole. i am just really happy he’s back for the last bit. it was really smart of them to do that. side note: i knew it he’s back fuck you (i’m really pleased right now)

15. malia/peter is so interesting as a dynamic. they are both so cold, so unsure, so distant from reality. they both have quirks that make them unlikable/strange to an outsider. they both think about themselves first, until they love someone. then it’s them & themselves. it’s complicated because they have had soft really important moments, but with how much has happened, peter knows he’s not her dad. she is too fucked up from too much life, and he had a life so deprived of her that adding a daughter to the mix now still doesn’t work. they just can’t work out a healthy relationship, but i think they’re nearing a compromise. a kind of understanding. they are similar. they do have a connection. it’s just, a complicated one. plus just all the sass, the direct call outs, the ‘you tell me right now’ like when did you start being a real DAD™?? she is reaching his core beneath the pessimism. her bold & brave fucking moves while with him in the car, i love it. she is making him understand. she, like him, wont stop until she’s certain there is nothing else she can do. god their fears come out so fucking loud in that scenes!! his fears of being fucking alone, yet also his fear of being killed/watching his loved one(s) get killed? her fear of connection to family, trusting, all the shit built between them? fuck. the ‘i don’t want your stupid car’ scene was funny, but it was also BIG. then when they actually agreed, when they banded together. the flashback/malia’s mind. as much as i wish it was more malia alone ----- it was a lot. all of this is a lot.

16. this villain is fascinating!! it enhances emotions in a way that destroys people. blind obedience? that’s interesting as fuck. the fear, the intensity, the drive. all of the emotions coming out this season are just really fucking great! i like shitting on teen wolf but i actually enjoy this damn. the testing, the reason, the drive. it’s all very interesting ok.

17. peter/scott another interesting dynamic. because they are essentially the polar opposites of the show. scott wants to save everybody, peter understands that they can’t save EVERYBODY. scott is a hero, peter is a villain or anti-hero. scott was bit and became the true alpha, peter bit him & has only ever wanted to be the alpha. peter at least sees the connections. he sees both difference & understanding between them. & i think scott does too. despite any hatred or war between them, they come back to work together. they figure it out. it works out. i think in a lot of ways they equal each other out. peter is a negativity that stops people from hoping for too much & being disappointed or just naive, & scott is the hope that keeps them going despite the disappointment or risk. they work well as a team, they’re just always missing each other, because neither is willing to let that be a compromise. they will compromise when needed, but not enough.

18: calm the fuck down. i love you all, i support your fuckin opinions. bitching about this show is fun. roleplaying this show is fun. fighting & genuinely losing your shit over it is boring. the writing sucks as any teen show does. it is still something we love & care about. through writing we make it better. so calm down, & enjoy what you can. but also keep being bitter with friends for fun.

[xxeggy-tartxx]

Wow. After the break, I still feel tired. Lol, I’m getting old.

How are you guys? Chinese New Year was just a week ago, I will like to take this chance to wish everyone a happy Rooster year. May your wishes come true. Any Chinese fans in here? You know as a Chinese grandma here, this is always my favorite time of year, even better than Thanksgiving. Well, 1) I don’t like turkey that much so I don’t want to eat it. I like the spring rolls, crab soup, sweet and sour pork and all the deliciousness that come with the celebration. And on top of that, we freaking get to have money. (Bitches better have my money!) I always think Chinese New Year is the combo of Thanksgiving and Christmas, you get to eat and you get money. What’s better than that?

Okay, enough of the chit chat and let’s move on but before we do that, I will like to maybe apologize or something. Remember I told you guys about this special surprise and that I said I will let you guys know in this week. Ummm, well… I don’t have it…yet. I will have it in the future, sometimes, but I’m really working on it! Please be patience with me. Thank you.

Anyway as usual, I will like to pay tributes and give credits where they are due. First off, thank you Ratana Satis for blessing us with this great comic, which I’m sure we’ll spend countless of hours reading and fangirling over the 2 characters. I also want to thank the translators and staffs for doing an awesome job. You can read this on Lezhin or if you’re smart you will find some way to read it for free but I’m not promoting it here.

Okay, let’s get started.

Oh, did I mention that this is a yuri? Well, it is.

Spoiler Alert!!!!

Yas!!! Relationship goal: become one with your significant other. Gosh, I want to cry, this is so beautiful.

They probably have sex everyday and that’s not a bad thing at all.

I always wonder what it’s like to be on the phone while the other side is having sex. Luckily, I never call anyone at a bad time (or good time for them) and listening on their moaning and groaning. I will have to wash my ears afterward.

All good things must come to an end. I mean I feel bad that Mel got suspended for two weeks but that were the two weeks of her getting down with Lynn. Damn, it should’ve been longer. They need to build their relationship.

Look, first day back and she’s already surrounded by her fans. Lynn is going to be jealoussss.

Oh my god, is like she’s seeing a ghost. That reaction. Sigh, trouble is coming, I can already feel it.

Oh, so they did work together, which I can safely assumed this long purple hair chick is Sue.

So we’re finally getting into Mel’s past. So that mean we’re finally getting to the core of the story. This should be interesting.

Oh god, flashback on Mel and the crazy-looking Sue. Here we go.

This is going to be a long ride. I don’t know how I feel about this.

Wow, is that Mel with short hair?! I never imagine!

All these lovely moments from them, it makes my heart angsty. There was a moment in time that Mel was happy and in love with a woman that it’s not Lynn and I’m not liking it.

But I can’t deny that she is beautiful.

Possessive and ambitious, this is a recipe for disaster.

Ooooo, look at those legs. But also look at all those girls surrounding Mel.

And someone is piss. See Mel, sometimes being too pretty can be a bad thing.

I have a question. Mel and Lynn are both equally attractive, Mel is sexy and Lynn is cute but still how come Lynn doesn’t get any girls. I mean seriously not one girl?! All she got was that one random dude that I forgot his name.

Anyway, I’m just pumping myself up because I know for the upcoming chapters things are going to get hairy and I don’t know if I’m ready for any angst or Lynn getting hurt. Gosh, Ratana please don’t hurt my feelings.

Wrap Up

So things are finally going down. This mysterious Sue chick is actually Mel’s ex and now she’s back, you bet she’s going to create chaos for everyone. That’s usually what exes do when they return and that’s why they’re called exes.

Anyway, let us get into what these chapters are about.

So as you know, all good things do come to an end and unfortunately Mel had to go back to work and joined the society. However, the two weeks that she was absent, she spent every single minute with her beloved Lynn (and they probably spend every second screwing each other). So Mel went back to work and of course that meant she would interact with more ladies again and of course that meant the ladies were flocking to her like a moth to a fire. However, that was not shocking to Mel, girls flocking to her was expected and it was like breathing to her, so natural. What Mel freaked out and sent her into a coma was seeing her ex again, crazy purple hair chick, Sue.

Then Mel had a flashback or the purple chick had a flashback, well whoever was having the flashback, it shown that Mel and Sue were once girlfriend and girlfriend. Probably at one point, Sue was the one and only for Mel, like maybe if shits didn’t happen they would probably get married kinda serious type of girlfriends. Oh, but something happened. They got into an argument, Sue got injure, there was blood and somehow it had to do with the hand. Maybe that was one of the reasons why Sue was no longer a doctor and somehow that relationship just ended. Everyone moved on but not really because deep inside, the two girls still had a thorn that they could not pull out from their heart.

Flashback to reality, Mel and Lynn are together now but looking at how Sue reacted to the couple, I don’t think there will be great things that come from this. We’re finally getting to the core of the story and we’ll be able to figure out why Mel acts the way she acts in the beginning. However, I said the core but we still have a major obstacle we need to get through, which is Lynn’s sickness. These two cases may correlate with each other and maybe we’ll find out if Mel still have feelings for Sue or will she finally moves on with her life.

Credits:

Author: Ratana Satis

Translation: Shompu

QC: Coco Roco

Edit: Alextasha

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

D-Teens and Alcohol: No Bull from Uncle Wil

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-in-children-and-teens/d-teens-and-alcohol-no-bull-from-uncle-wil/

D-Teens and Alcohol: No Bull from Uncle Wil

Today, we bring you a special edition of our weekly advice column, Ask D'Mine. Your host, type 1 diabetes author and educator Wil Dubois has a few things to say about drinking with diabetes.

Got questions? As usual, email us at AskDMine@diabetesmine.com

Uncle Wil on Alcohol Consumption

One of my type 1 patients is in jail today. Something involving a firearm and a bottle of whiskey downtown. He was so drunk he was shooting into the air.

He's 15 years old.

Before this happened, his mother had specifically asked me not to talk to him about diabetes and alcohol. He wasn't that kind of boy, you see. She was afraid I might put ideas in his head. Ideas that were apparently very much there already. Ideas with no facts and information to balance them.

So today, instead of our usual Q&A format, I'm writing today's Ask D'Mine as an open letter to all my little brothers and sisters. To tell you what I should have told him.

Dear Type 1 Teens and College-types:

Today I'm going to teach you how to get wasted safely. I'm not saying you should. I'm not saying I want you to. But if you are going to, I want you to know the dangers, and I want you to know how to do it right.

Why? Because no one else will frickin' tell you. Your parents won't. Your grandparents won't. Your doctors won't. Your educators won't. Your teachers won't. Your priests won't. But I will.

I call all young type 1s my little brothers or sisters, but I today I'm thinking of you as my nieces and nephews. Yep, I'm the Uncle your mother really wishes would just join the Merchant Marines and never visit until after you're all grown up. I'm the perceived bad influence. The tattooed guy who swears, smokes, drinks, flirts with all the women in the room, and makes politically incorrect jokes.

But God puts people into families for a reason. And the black-sheep uncle has an important role to fill: the adult who cares but does not judge.

To drink safely you need to first understand how alcohol affects you and me differently than it does the sugar-normals. Do you know anything about your liver? It does all kinds of things for your body. It has more than 500 different functions, actually. But most importantly to our discussion today: It's a blood filter. It removes toxins from your blood. Toxins like alcohol.

But the liver only does one thing at a time. Everyone and everything else just has to take a number and stand in line until it's finished the job at hand. And on that list of 500 jobs is "remove excess insulin." Unless, of course, alcohol is in line first. Then the insulin just builds up in your blood while your liver is dealing with the alcohol. It takes hours for the liver to "clear" a good binge, and all that time the insulin stays in your system. It's like taking an extra shot of basal. Big-time hypos hit 8-10 hours downstream from last call, when you're sleeping it off.

Oh, and when you've been drinking, your body will respond more sluggishly to the treatment of those lows. The rebound will be a lot slower than you're used to. So don't panic, just be prepared for a 2-3 times longer "recovery" than you'd experience with sober lows. Booze also reduces your awareness of lows overall, and sometimes even triggers a temporary state of hypoglycemia unawareness. So be aware that you may not be aware, OK?

If you want to learn more about the biology of booze, check this out. But the important message is that booze screws with your diabetic body differently than it does for all your non-D friends. And you need to plan for that fact.

So Uncle Wil, you ask, how do I get totally shit-faced drunk off my ass safely? Look, the only way to play Russian Roulette safely is with an empty gun. Oh dear. Now I've gone and introduced your impressionable little minds to Russian Roulette, too. Your mother is going to throw me out of the house.

The stone cold sober truth: for people with type 1 diabetes, there is no safe way to get four sheets to the wind. Hang on! Keep reading! I know that sounds like a typical "adult" cop-out answer. But it's true, and it's why most adults just throw in the towel at this point and say "Just don't drink!" But I'm a realist. I know you will still get wasted, no matter what the risks.

I don't have any magic bullets, or secret formulas to let you binge in safety. No two young type 1s are alike, and no two binges are alike. That said, here are my tips for making this dangerous undertaking as safe as possible. Three things to consider before the first sip -

One: To bolus or not to bolus? Should you bolus for beer or mixers? Both have carbs. Sometimes a lot of carbs. Logically, you should cover those carbs. But the alcohol in the drink will supersize the insulin downstream, remember? What to do? There's no right answer here, and the drunker you get, the worse you'll count carbs, the worse you'll calculate the bolus, and the less you'll care. I suggest cutting your bolus down. Should you take half what you normally would? A third? Sorry, I don't know. But some amount less should be in your game plan.

Two: To eat drink and be merry requires eating. If you're not throwing up, and even if you are, I think you should eat a snack before you sleep it off. Something high in fat so that it takes a long time to work through your system. That slice of cold pizza on the floor will do the trick. Don't cover it with insulin unless you are insanely high at bedtime. You'll want carbs in your system to soak up the insulin that the liver isn't filtering away.

Three: No alcohol and heavy machinery. If you're wasted, can you drive a forklift safely? No? Then what makes you think you can drive an insulin pump safely? Or a glucometer, for that matter? If you are really out of it, can you make good treatment decisions? Smart adults choose a designated driver when they go out drinking in packs. Is there anyone in your group who can serve in that role? If so, does that person understand diabetes well enough to help? Is that person reliable? Is he or she the kind of person that'll wipe the vomit off your hands and check your blood sugar at 3 a.m. while you're sleeping it off? Or will they be passed out on the other side of the room?

Well, that's it. Alcohol supersizes your insulin and sets you up for epic lows hours later when you're likely to be asleep. It blunts your ability to feel those lows, and slows down your recovery if you do feel them and are sober enough to deal with it. But you can lower your risk of all of those scary things by thinking and planning ahead and...Oh, crap! I forgot to tell you about the Zombies.

My tattoo artist has a glass case in his studio with a faux chainsaw in it. Stenciled in bold red letters on the case is: BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF ZOMBIE ATTACK. So let's pretend there's been a Zombie attack. Steps behind you is a shuffling, stinking, moaning mob of the undead intent on tearing you to shreds, drinking your blood, and feasting on your flesh. You barely make it to the case in time, grab the hammer, and... Crap! The case is empty.

This doesn't look good for the home team.

You know what? If you drink too many Tactical Nuclear Penguins, your glucagon emergency kit case might just as well be empty, too.

I bet your endo never told you, but, glucagon does not work when you are drunk.

A drunk liver won't dump its stores of sugar on demand. I'm not saying your peers shouldn't try giving you a shot if you have a seizure, but realistically, it won't work. When you're drunk, the break-glass-in-case-of-emergency cabinet is empty.

The only way to save your life if you have a severe hypo when plastered is to get an IV of dextrose in the back of an ambulance or at the hospital ER. So wear your damn medic alert when you go drinking—if the paramedics smell booze on your passed out carcass, they probably won't think to check your blood sugar.

The lesson here, my dear nieces and nephews, is don't let your drinking get to the Zombie attack point. Plan ahead the best you can. If you drink to get drunk—or find you're way well down that road—please get the carbs in and get the insulin out. If you're pumping, turn down the basal or take the pump off. If you shoot up and you haven't taken your basal yet, take less, or maybe even skip it. If you've already taken your basal, skip the fast-acting insulin and eat a snack.

Can you get drunk safely? No. Not really. But now you have the tools to do it as safely as possible, because I want each of you to grow up and become a black-sheep uncle or aunt for the next generation.

Much love,

Uncle Wil

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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