#(I'm pretty sure this is going to be really bad for our mental health in the long run especially with having emetophobia)

[thethingything]

I would love to know why we keep feeling so sick and getting really bad abdominal cramps within like an hour or so of eating even if we have stuff that's normally a safe food for us

[martian-astro10]

Solar return observations- Part 5

If you have Saturn in 12th then sleep well, that is....if you manage to fall asleep in the first place. (I have it this year and IT SUCKS, I have literally not been able to sleep, I've tried every single tea, every meditation, white noises, NOTHING WORKS, I also have mars in 12th, so I'm just fucking tired the whole time)

North node in 2nd is an indication that you'll start earning money for the very first time in your life, it doesn't have to be a full time job (I have seen this a lot of times when a person starts working for the first time, like a part time job or something. You get to experience what it's like to have "your" money)

I'm pretty sure that an astrologer has already said this, but I don't remember who, so I'll say it again, Uranus in 3rd means getting a new cycle, bike or car, basically anything that helps you with short distance travelling. (One of my friends have it this year and he already had a cycle but it got stolen and he just decided to buy a car, since he has money saved up for one)

This is very specific, but if you have Jupiter in 9th/ 11th then GO GET THAT RECOMMENDATION LETTER. (If you are graduating or planning to get a new job, this year is good for that. The years in which my sister, my friends or I have had this, our teachers, bosses or colleagues were SO impressed with us and we got really good reference letters, we slayed so hard in those years)

Vertex in 6th can be a VERY busy and exhausting year. Too many responsibilities and not enough knowledge of how to deal with them. (I had this the year in which I started living alone, It was also squaring my moon and dude, TW the suicidal ideation was STRONG. I wish I could give some sort of an advice but I don't know what to say, you just need to learn how to deal with the problems as they come)

Mercury square Neptune....the level of miscommunication is insane. (One of my closest friends has this and she...I love her but she's being very annoying. We were on a trip and she was talking to some people, so me and my other friend, we started clicking pictures, cuz we didn't want to disturb her and she comes up and says "why are you guys doing this without me, why are you not including me, if you don't wanna hang out with me anymore just say it" like GIRL) if you have this, don't start unnecessary drama, communication will be difficult so just stay quiet

Chiron in 12th is one of the shittiest years in regards to mental health, I hate this. (My friends have had this before and it's there in my 2025 solar return chart and I'm already dreading it. Everything bad that can happen...happens. I don't care what anyone says, this placement is just pure EWWWW and NOTHING can convince me otherwise)

Aries in 8th can be the year in which you lose your virginity (If you WANT to) I know quite a few people who had this the year they lost their V-card. (It's completely okay if you don't though, take your time and do it with a person who you trust and love, no pressure)

Mars in 9th is such a good placement for travelling and studies. (I had this in my 1st year of college, I remember I was so excited, studying was very easy, I loved learning new things and stuff, it was very nice. I was also travelling a lot, discovering new places. I had a lot of energy, really fun year)

Sun in 7th is a great placement if you want to work with others. (My mom has it this year and her business is ON FIRE, every time she has a meeting, it goes so well and she always gets a better deal than what she expected) this is a really good time for working with others, in partnerships. If you are a student, then you're going to do especially well in group projects.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[starsenha]

UNDERSTANDING / P.J

Pairing ◊ fem!reader x bf!jay

Genre ◊ fluff, established relationship

Warnings ◊ talk about bad mental health, just jay being a sweetheart I'm sobbing

Word count ◊ 1k

Summary ◊ you were so greateful to have a such understanding boyfriend by your side.

a/n: felt really mentally bad a few days ago so this bloomed in my mind hehe, enjoy!

You had been looking forward to your date with Jay all week. The plan was simple: a walk around the park, grabbing some ice cream, and maybe catching a movie later. But when the morning came, you woke up feeling… off. It wasn’t like you hadn’t felt this way before—this heavy, gray feeling that made everything seem distant—but it was the last thing you wanted on a day like today.

You stared at your phone, fingers hovering over the screen. It felt wrong to cancel, especially since you and Jay had been planning this. But at the same time, the thought of putting on a happy face, of pretending you were okay when you weren’t, felt exhausting. Jay knew about your struggles with mental health; you had talked about it before. But still, there was always that small voice in your head whispering that you were being a burden.

With a deep breath, you finally typed out the message.

[you] Hey, would it be okay if we postponed the date today?

You hit send before you could overthink it, your heart racing as you waited for his response. Within a minute, your phone buzzed.

[Songie 💙] Of course, baby! Are you okay?

You hesitated for a moment, your fingers tracing the edge of your phone as you tried to find the right words. You didn’t want to lie, but you also didn’t want to dump all your emotions on him. Finally, you decided to just be honest.

[you] I’m not really feeling like myself today. Kind of out of it, and I don’t want to bring any negativity to our date. I don’t want to bother you.

The response came quickly, like he was waiting for your message.

[Songie 💙] Hey, you are NEVER a bother. I mean that. I’d be happy to spend time with you, even if you’re not feeling okay.

A lump formed in your throat, and you blinked back the sudden sting of tears. You knew Jay cared, but sometimes it still caught you off guard how understanding he was.

Before you could reply, another message came through.

[Songie 💙] Actually… can I come over? I really want to see you, even if we don’t do anything. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I just want to be there with you.

You smiled softly at his words, though you were still unsure. The idea of just… being with someone without having to pretend to be fine sounded comforting, but you didn’t want him to feel like he had to take care of you.

[you] Are you sure? I’m really not in the mood to talk much. I was just going to stay in and watch my comfort show.

You didn’t have to explain what your comfort show was. Jay knew. It was the one you always turned to when you were feeling down, something familiar and soothing.

[Songie 💙] Of course I’m sure. I’ll be happy just to see your pretty little face.

A small laugh escaped your lips despite yourself. Jay always knew how to make you feel a little lighter, even when everything else felt heavy.

[Songie 💙] I’ll come over in a bit. Want me to pick up something for you? I can grab your favorite from that fast food place you love. I know you probably haven’t eaten.

That hit deeper than you expected. He knew. He always seemed to know when you were struggling, even when you hadn’t said much. The thought of food hadn’t even crossed your mind until he mentioned it, and now that he did, you realized how hungry you were. But more than that, it was the fact that he was offering to take care of you in such a simple, thoughtful way that made your chest tighten with emotion.

[you] Okay. That sounds nice. Thanks, songie.

Jay: Don’t mention it. I’ll be there soon.

You put your phone down and leaned back against the couch, feeling a little less tense now that you didn’t have to worry about the date. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to spend time with Jay—it was the opposite. You just didn’t want to be a weight on him, to drag down what was supposed to be a fun day. But Jay… he never made you feel like that. Not once.

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at your door. You opened it to find Jay standing there with a warm smile and a bag of food in one hand. His hair was a little messy from the wind, and he was wearing that hoodie you always said you liked on him.

"Hey, baby," he said softly, stepping inside. "I brought you your favorite."

The smell of fries and a burger filled the room, and your stomach growled. You hadn’t realized just how much you needed this. You smiled gratefully and took the bag from him.

"Thank you," you mumbled, feeling a little shy all of a sudden.

"Of course," he said, leaning down to give you a soft kiss on your forehead. "I’m just happy to see you."

You led him to the couch, where you had already set up your comfort show on the TV. Jay kicked off his shoes and settled in next to you, close enough that your legs brushed against each other, but not so close that it felt overwhelming. He handed you the food, and as you unwrapped your burger, he pressed play on the show.

For a while, you sat in comfortable silence, the sounds of the familiar show filling the room. Jay didn’t push you to talk, didn’t ask you how you were feeling. He just… sat with you, sharing the space in that gentle, understanding way that only he could.

After a while, you leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer, and you felt the tension in your body start to melt away, just a little. It wasn’t that everything was suddenly okay—it wasn’t. But having Jay there, quietly watching your favorite show with you, made things feel a little more bearable.

"You know," he said quietly after a while, his voice barely above a whisper, "I’m always here for you. Even on the hard days. Especially on the hard days."

You didn’t say anything, but you reached for his hand and squeezed it, your heart full of gratitude.

He squeezed back, and that was enough. You didn’t need words right now. You had Jay, and that was more than enough.

[sophieinwonderland]

Debunking Anti(-endo's)Misinfo. AKA: How are anti-endos so bad at sources????

(The original)

Oh, well good on you for trying to cover everything! Nice of anti-endos to finally start trying to use science to prove their arguments. I'm sure these sources will totally be reliable and will prove your points beyond a shadow of a doubt, and that you won't just be falling flat on your face with every single attempt at basic reading comprehension, and end up repeatedly make a complete fool of yourself.

Let's go!

Off to a pretty strong start, acknowledging that many endogenic systems don't have DID or OSDD. Sadly, that basic fact is something that seems to escape most anti-endos. So with this in mind, I think it's safe to say the goal of this post is going to be to prove...

You can't possibly have DID without trauma.

You can't possibly have OSDD without trauma.

You can't be a system without DID/OSDD.

Let's read through and see how they'll do at proving their points by the end. I promise you, the results... won't surprise you. 😉

Well, there goes that strong start.

The source here is a Carrd and so-called "common sense."

Meanwhile, in the World Health Organization's ICD-11, alters or dissociative identities are described as "distinct personality states." In the same page, it's stated that you can have multiple "distinct personality states" without a disorder.

This is information from the World Health Organization affirming that you can be plural without a disorder. And I think that prevails over your so-called "common sense."

See also these screenshots from the plurality chapter of Transgender Mental Health, a book published by the American Psychiatric Association:

Finally, I really want to put a focus on this line of logic: "you cannot have alters without having a disorder, this is common sense as it's not normal to have alters."

Normal has multiple meanings in different contexts. The ICD-11's boundary with normality uses normal to mean "non-pathological." But this post seems to be using "normal" in the lay way to mean "common."

And that makes this particular rhetoric extremely dangerous and harmful to many communities. "If it's not common, it's a mental illness," was the basis for homosexuality and being transgender being listed as mental illnesses. "Most people don't think this way, so there's something wrong with them."

This could also easily be used to pathologize Otherkin and other alterhumans as mentally ill because it's not "normal" to identify as an animal.

The modern World Health Organization and American Psychiatric Association recognize the fact that simply thinking unusually or differently isn't an illness or disorder.

Statements like yours do not exist within a vacuum, but harken back to decades past when any non-typical thinking would have you labeled as having a disorder that needed treated.

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.

Let's be thankful to live in a world today where our differences aren't considered disorders. And let's not resort to ideologies that threaten to return us to those days past.

Wait... who suggests this? Who are they? I think I need more info...

So... "some researchers."

Also, can we talk about how this starts off with "sometimes called multiple personality disorder." I checked to see if this was before the name changed in the ICD (which I believe was 2015) and it doesn't seem to be! Oldest archive I can find is 2020!

Rethink.org is a charity.

These are not peer-reviewed papers.

The page references "some researchers" without names or sources.

I have no idea who authored this or if they're qualified at all in this field.

This is a terrible source. A web page by an anonymous author citing other unnamed authors with no reason to think anyone who wrote this had any idea what they were talking about!

This says DID is caused by many things, and lists trauma as only one that's included. This doesn't back up the idea DID/OSDD can only be caused by trauma, and suggests the opposite.

Oh, and "it's also known as split personality disorder." 😔

Go home WebMD.

Usually associated with doesn't mean it's a requirement, and in fact implies that it isn't always.

"Is associated with." "Can be a response to trauma."

Reiterating that the first two goals here were to prove you can't have DID or OSDD without trauma. And these aren't doing that.

An association doesn't mean there's a causation, and it doesn't mean that association is there in 100% of cases.

"often develop."

Like with "usually", you wouldn't use the word often if if something always happened. The choice of wording implies you can have dissociative disorders without trauma.

Are... they messing with us right now???

I swear, you can't have a post that sets out with the goal of disproving the existence of endogenic plurality, and then use quotes that seem to consistently imply there can be other causes for DID and not pick up on that theme!

Oh, yay! We finally got a quote that's actually trying to argue the point we started with.

But, again, this runs into a similar issue to the ReThink.org one. This is a random independent organization. There is no author for this article. It hasn't undergone peer review like an academic paper would.

There is no evidence the person who wrote this article is actually educated in dissociative disorders.

And finally back to "usually."

You must be so proud...

Source Round-Up

There was a lot here, so let's just recap.

6 out of 8 of these sources only say that DID is "usually" or "often" or "can be" caused by or associated with trauma. These actually imply there are cases where it's NOT caused by trauma, going against the original goals of this post.

Finally, there were two sources, Rethink and Mind.org, which did suggest DID is just caused by trauma, full stop. But both of these are extremely questionable as sources.

Neither named their authors. There's no indication what the review process is for their websites. And "Rethink" merely said this is what "some researchers" believe.

So let's double back to those goals set at the beginning.

You can't possibly have DID without trauma: One source says this, but the reliability of that source is questionable. Another source says some researchers are saying this but doesn't name any researchers or cite those sources. Meanwhile, the other six sources imply that it IS possible for DID to exist without trauma.

You can't possibly have OSDD without trauma: Neither of the two sources that suggest DID can only be caused by trauma mention OSDD at all.

You can't be a system without DID/OSDD: None of the sources suggest you need DID/OSDD to be a system or to be plural.

So far, you've failed to prove you can't be a system without DID or OSDD. You've failed to show you can't have OSDD without trauma. And the case for DID being exclusive to trauma frankly looks weaker than before you started talking.

Incredible work so far!!!

And I mean that in the way that nothing about this is remotely credible!

Ugh. There is SO much wrong here. First, no sources for their claims about tulpamancy.

Now, tulpamancy draws its name from a Tibetan Buddhist practice called sprul pa.

This is not the same practice though. And the Tibetan Buddhist practice is NOT CALLED TULPAMANCY.

Something which should be obvious to anyone who knows even the most basic facts about language, with the -mancy suffix being derived from Latin. And tulpamancy as a practice generally isn't religious.

From Dr. Samuel Veissiere of McGill University:

The community is primarily divided between so-called psychological and metaphysical explanatory principles. In the psychological community, neuroscience (or folk neuroscience) is the explanation of choice. Tulpas are understood as mental constructs that have achieved sentience. The metaphysical explanation holds that Tulpas are agents of supernatural origins that exist outside the hosts’ minds, and who come to communicate with them. Of 118 respondents queried on the question, 76.5% identified with the psychological explanation, 8.5% with the metaphysical, and 14% with a variety of “other” explanations, such as a mixture of psychological and metaphysical.

When discussing the research into tulpamancy, we're not discussing a religious or spiritual practice that's been validated by psychologists.

We're talking about a primarily psychological practice that's been validated by psychologists.

And as for the DSM quote, it confirms that religious practices aren't a disorder. Cool. But it also implies that religious practices can result in multiple distinct personality states. Hence why they needed that criterion. It's not stated as explicitly in the DSM as in the ICD, but the implication is there, especially when taken together.

Whether you call these "alters" or not is up to you. Most endogenic systems aren't using the word "alter" to describe their headmates.

But regardless of the word, what the research is showing is that there are multiple phenomena which can result in people having multiple self-conscious agents sharing the same body.

I mean, you've still done a really bad job at showing DID and OSDD form purely from trauma, with many of your sources straight up saying the opposite.

And remember, a lot of mixed origin systems will say that their other headmates aren't caused by or related to their disorder. And there are documented cases of people with DID both having alters associated with DID, and having non-aversive entities they commune with outside of that, as Kluft references in this paper:

The woman he describes here, who experienced ceding control to another entity who talked through her, would qualify as a mixed origin system in the modern plural community.

SIX OF YOUR EIGHT SOURCES LEFT THE DOOR OPEN FOR DID TO FORM WITHOUT TRAUMA!

NONE CLAIMED OSDD COULD ONLY COME FROM TRAUMA!

NONE CLAIMED YOU NEEDED DID OR OSDD TO BE PLURAL!

Your sources are NOT claiming what you think they're claiming!!!!!!!

If this is "all the proof you need," to say endogenic systems aren't valid, it's clear you were only ever interested in confirming your worldview.

But surely you can't seriously think this will convince anyone who isn't already indoctrinated!

Not even addressing this in full. It's such a blatant strawman that it's not worth my time.

There are similarities between plurality and being LGBTQ. Especially to the many trans systems out there who are seeing anti-endos use the same rhetoric that transmeds have. Or like you did earlier, are endorsing the same types of views that led to homosexuality being pathologized until the 70s. But nobody is saying it's the exactly the same!

I'm not sure what this is specifically referring to. But it might be about the line in the differential diagnosis for DID in the PTSD section where it's stated DID may not be preceded by trauma or have co-occurring PTSD symptoms.

It does also say in another section that DID is associated with trauma, but it never actually says that's the only way to get DID.

This is a straight-up lie. Most sources used by endogenic systems are less than a decade old, with some being as recent as 2023.

Here's the breakdown of some of the dates in @guardianssystem's doc, for reference:

I mean, I feel like part of the reason nobody has been able to disprove it is because a lot of its more specific claims have been really hard to test.

But that's neither here nor there.

The bigger issue you'll run into is that the creators of the theory you're citing have stated that there may be other ways for people to be plural. Or as they phrased it, having "conscious and self-conscious dissociated parts."

The above quote is from two of the three authors of The Haunted Self, the creators of the theory of the structural dissociation.

The TOSD is made to propose a way trauma can cause dissociative disorders to develop. But it does NOT suggest you need to have dissociative disorders to be plural, and I doubt the authors appreciated their work being twisted like that

Final Grade:

F-

This started with three goals.

Let's look back at them one last time.

You can't possibly have DID without trauma.

You can't possibly have OSDD without trauma.

You can't be a system without DID/OSDD.

By the end of this, have any of these claims successfully been proven?

I don't feel they have.

The first claim is what all the sources tried to focus on. But most of the sources didn't say that and didn't support it. All but two implied that DID could possibly form other ways.

And for the others? Nothing suggests OSDD can only be caused by trauma.

And you failed to provide any sources that suggested you couldn't be plural without DID and OSDD.

You completely and utterly failed to find decent sources to back up your claims, and to make a compelling case for them, at every conceivable juncture.

If I were you, I would be embarrassed to have put out something of such poor quality.

What have we learned:

Non-disordered and endogenic plurality has been supported and validated across the psychological field, including the World Health Organization's ICD-11 and Trasngender Mental Health which has been reviewed and published by the American Psychiatric Association.

The creators of the theory of structural dissociation believe it might be possible that "self-conscious dissociative parts of the personality" might form without trauma and that this needs to be further researched.

Tulpamancy is a mostly psychological practice that has been studied and validated by psychologists.

Anti-endos are really bad at sources.

Conversely, the majority of endogenic sources are actual peer reviewed academic papers. And contrary to false claims here, many of the papers are actually very recent.

(Tagging some tags from the original post)

[copperbadge]

RE watching thoughts: I’m not 100% sure, but it might be that the whole “I am not my thoughts” is about engaging and identifying with your metacognition MORE than your initial thoughts. Because I get where you’re coming from - what is a consciousness but a collection of thoughts and feelings? But you can also have thoughts about your own thoughts that are more useful for dealing with whatever situation you’re in, I guess. (Random aside - every time I start thinking about thinking about thinking my brain inevitably starts thinking about Tiffany Aching and The Wee Free Men.)

I really should have replied to this ask sooner because it's going to seem like a non-sequitur now (this was sent much earlier in March) but I'm kind of glad I didn't, because I've been chatting with people about this and I think I understand more why there's an emphasis in some therapies on the idea that we are not our thoughts.

(I uh, haven't read the Tiffany books so I'm not much help there.)

I am coming to understand that many, perhaps most, people judge themselves, comprehensively and harshly, based on their thoughts. Perhaps it's just a lot of people who struggle with mental health, but given the commonality of the sentiment I don't know if I'd confine it that tightly; generally it appears that people cannot conceive of themselves as anything other than a binary of good or bad. So many people I've talked to about this portion of DBT, the watching-questioning-identifying thoughts portion, say that it helps to snap them out of a spiral of "I'm a horrible person, I deserve to suffer/die, I can never be redeemed" after they've failed at something, or had a negative thought, or reacted poorly to an unexpected event.

That is not something I've ever experienced. I mean, jokingly maybe, but not in a real, internal sense.

And that's not to brag -- I'm not saying I think I'm a good person, either, because I don't think I'm a good person. I don't conceive of myself in terms of good or bad. I never cuddle my cats and think "I'm such a good cat dad" or forget to feed them and think "I should die now." I have a perpetual morally neutral attitude towards my own existence; my thoughts and actions might trend me one direction or another but I'm aware of the temporary nature of that. If I fuck up I'll worry about who I might have hurt or whether I'll be fired or what's going to happen as a consequence, if I am polite to someone who didn't deserve it I know I was acting kindly in the moment, but I don't make an inherent moral judgement of myself based on that. And it seems like the vast majority of people do. Which you would think would make me feel pretty good about myself, but honestly...I don't know.

A lot of people I know who have ADHD or are Autistic have talked about seeing themselves as other, as alien -- like that one webcomic artist who draws themself with little antennae to indicate they're strange and different. I've always understood why one might do that, but I never felt that way myself, before or after the diagnosis. After all, let's remember, I was The Normal* Child of my siblings, and if I was The Normal One before the diagnosis, why wouldn't I remain Mostly Normal after?

* As ever, I'm using "normal" as a cultural term, to indicate what we think of as mainstream, not because normal is a thing that really exists.

My life has been relatively solitary -- I have friends and family and I love them but I'm rarely part of a large group, I don't spend a lot of time out in public interacting with people, I'm not a big socializer. Before the Adderall, I really couldn't be, I took too much psychic damage from interpersonal interaction, so I chose those very carefully. And now my DBT class has been a rare moment when I'm encountering contradictions to a lot of my assumptions about the way human beings in our society interact, react, and behave. I just...don't fit that mold very well. I think of it as having crossed wiring, not in the sense that I'm faulty but just in the sense that I'm very, very different. Not Normal. It's not exactly a bad feeling but it's certainly not a great one, internalizing the sensation of alienness.

DBT is proving to be a mixed bag but not in the way I or my therapist intended -- it seems to be either things I was already instinctively doing or things that simply do not apply to me. In one way it's disappointing because it means there isn't much help to be had (we're a little over halfway through the course and I keep thinking "Maybe next class will be useful") but on the other hand it's validating that so much of what I came up with myself as unconscious coping mechanisms is literally what I would have been told to do anyway.

Sometimes it's a combination of both, though, which really blows. I guess most people, if they reframe another person's actions, actually find emotional relief in that, and I don't. An example from the class is that if someone is rude to you, you can consider how they might be having a hard day, and be polite in return; that's great, in terms of defusing a situation, and it's something I do a fair amount of. But apparently it's also something that for most people results in feeling less awful about the interaction, and that's not the case for me. Which is why so much of DBT feels to me like lying to oneself. It's not lying for most people.

So, yeah. I'm going to finish out the course and keep trying things with the therapist but I suspect given everything, I might already be at "as good as it gets" in terms of emotional work. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, and there is still the option to try medication that could help, but I think there will come a point where I'm going to have to deal with the fallout of just how different I am, and how that has impacted my life. Might end up a good thing; something I've really been trying to resolve is unhappiness over being unpartnered and highly likely to remain that way, and at least if this provides a better understanding of why, then perhaps I can process that and put it to rest in a way I've been trying to do but not succeeding well at.

So, we'll see. But I find it both fascinating and kind of horrifying how many people can believe they are irredeemably bad, even if the belief is only temporary, simply because they had an uncharitable thought or impulse. It makes me somewhat grateful for the crossed wires, at least.

[mysadblacksoul]

Backslide - 3/13 of the Clancy album

Grab a coffee and let's start this madness

MV

Tyler is wearing the same clothes that he wore in Overcompensate MV to I would assume that this MV takes place right after

Let's break down the signs first

We see the return of Ned Bayou as well as FPA, now standing for Food Petrol Etc.

You can buy 9 buns for $21, love the symbolism

There is a Jim sign omg. Baby is having his own bubblegum business

Of course the Bishops sign with 9 lines marked on it

I could've sworn that the black sign says "Dema Vapes", but looking closely I believe it's "Velma Vapes" lol

What is more, the cones (?) are yellow and I'm pretty sure that the fact that there are 5 of them is not an accident

They sold him bread that went bad lol. Nah for sure it's not the case since he gives the same bread to a child

But I believe that the scene and the lyrics are closely tied with Stressed Out

Now the next scene is interesting

I think that the bad weather is a simple metaphor for feelings of anxiety or fear

We can see that Tyler was contemplating then he was suddenly pulled from his thoughts

This is when the scene changes to normal, right? Exactly on the line It's over my head

Then we move to the scene with the kid

And I really believe that this little lad is personification of Ned

Like he has the same boba eyes lol

No but for real, this is parallel to Chlorine - kid is giving Tyler a cup just like Tyler gave to Ned. Yet he accepts it and drinks whatever is inside and Ned just shudders

Another interesting thing, that could make my point more valid is that the kid literally asks Is that a stain? You should change / Are you doin' good? / Did you solve all of your problems? like he knows Tyler very well and is in a way looking out for him

It's like he's keeping Ned by him - okat I'll stop

It might be a stretch, but the N kinda looks like a mirrored band symbol, do you also see it?

If 0.75c is equivalent to the cost of one bun than Tyler is being ripped off since he paid $21 for the pack instead of $6.75 lmao

Something is really wrong with those buns lmao

Then the mood changes again, but this time is even worse. Like his mental health is declining even more and even faster

The bread is wet, the day is ruined, thanks Mr. Joseph

You killed it Josh, love your creative mind

*funny music stops*

Now let's talk about the way how the MV is looping itself

I would say that it is a demonstration of the twisted circle that is life

Maybe it's a very basic analysis but I think of all the complicated lore-oriented MVs this one is uncomplicated

What is shown here is how our psyche can play tricks on us and how we can complicate a rather simple situation ourselves

If Tyler hadn't had dark thoughts then nothing would have happened to the bread, so he would have just gone and given it to Josh

This shows how our psyche itself can abolish the situation in which we find ourselves

Looping, on the other hand, shows that as long as we don't do anything about it ourselves, we will be stuck in this fishbowl (see what I did there?)

Maybe it's one big AD to check your mental health and a sign to try to get better

Lyrics!

Rat race, place to place, adding weight / Tendencies on repeat, innit? - rat race for sure happened in Dema, and repeat is literaly the loop, innit meand that Clancy is canonicaly British

Benefit from a shoe with no lace - shoe with no lace would make you fall back on the behaviour that you are running from

Take the seat with the crease in it - seat of someone who already tried to change their life, or even who had the same dreams and hopes for better future like Clancy

This could be parallel to When I leave, don’t save my seat/ I’ll be back when it’s all complete from Chlorine

I don't care, you control me / Leading me anywhere - well, all I should say is Dema don't control me and we all know the rest of the story

I don't wanna backslide to where I've started from - he doesn't wanna go back to his back habits as well as doesn't wanna go back to his life before he tried to escape

There's no chance I will shake this again - if he falls back one more time that will be the end of him. His psyche won't take it anymore and his plans will be buried

'Cause I feel the pull, water's over my head - this is parallel to Fall Away And I, I can feel the pull begin. But it also gives me the parallel to Holding On To You MV, the scene with the rope

Strength enough for one more time - like I said, this would be the last attempt to change everything

Reach my hand above the tide - it could indicate that his physical strength is also wearing out

I'll take anything you have / If you could throw me a line - again with the line. But it also can mean that he can endure anything now, he just needs a little helping hand

I should've loved you better - this line can be directed both to himself but also to the person who extends his hand to help. He might not have appreciated both parts before and now regrets it

Do you think that now's the time / You should let go? - This line is like both a request and an apology. As if he wants to say “I'm sorry I treated you badly before but please don't leave me when I need help”

Bad place, on a hundred-dollar bass - this line is also giving me Stressed Out. You can imagine the cheap bass being transported on the bicycle right?

Kinda wishin' that I never did "Saturday" - I think that he doesn't mean the MV irl lol, but the regret of taking part in Bishops' manipulation altogether

Is that a stain? You should change - a play with mentioning Saturday and the lirycs She said that I should change my clothes

Are you doin' good? / Did you solve all of your problems? - like I said before I believe that this is Ned looking out for Clancy, wishing him well

Thanks for asking, in a way, but / Accidentally uncovered a new one yesterday - safe to say that he is not doing better lol

What happened to what I brushed under the rug? - what happened to how well he used to be able to hide his problems and true feelings

I used to be the champion of a world you can't see / Now I'm drowning in logistics - if viewed as a fact that he created this world it now looks like he wants to regain all control over it. Logistics is to take care of the management of planning. And once again we see the mention of drowning

The bridge is acting as an externalization of his myhs and fears that even if he is outside the Dema, the Bishops will still have control over him

The entire song is about both regaining conrol over the world of Dema but also regaining control over himself, his psyche.

The main theme is about not going back to old habits.

The most important thing here is progress and pushing forward.

Because one wrong move can make all the work in vain and we will sink to the very bottom.

Safe to say that I liked it haha

[thecircularsystem]

Working a lot lately on not splitting, and then promptly working on splitting in healthy ways instead.

I spoke with some friends about it today. Essentially, I've been trying to hold off a split for the last week or so. I've been having nightmares about splitting a specific character from a D&D campaign of mine, and I've really been struggling with holding it off. There's a lot of reasons why, reasons that I don't think are necessary to get into here. Regardless the reasons, I don't want to split right now.

But my friends made a very, very valid couple of points, and I think they're pretty important to share. I'm going to put some of this in my own words though, just... based on some of the thoughts I've had today, in part to get my own brain to sort itself out.

I know this one, but it's always very helpful to have a reminder: Splitting is inherently a neutral-positve thing. Splitting is not bad. It's a coping mechanism my brain has practiced and learned for a very long time. While it's good to have goals and such to improve my mental health where I don't need to split, it's okay to not be there yet! It's not like splitting is bad for me. I'm still me, regardless, at the end of it all.

Healing requires loving each part of yourself. That includes the new splits you may or may not be forming. If I want to heal, I'm going to need to accept this part of me -- even if he isn't here yet. How much harder will it be to love myself if I start out with all this resentment out of the gate?

And that kinda leads me to point 2.5: Another friend pointed out that it's okay to hold off on splitting as much as I can at the moment, because lord, I am struggling lately. I really don't have the energy nor time to split right now, for a thousand reasons.

It's absolutely okay to have that need to hold off... But I need to make sure the new part knows that too. It's okay to hold off and try to hold on for the time being, but it's important to throw a message to the void of just... You are loved, and we will accept you -- please just hold on a little longer for us.

I can't imagine, myself, how alienating it might be for a part like that to be splitting so painfully and slowly. It's all so confusing right now, and I know he can't be enjoying the wait. That's why we finally opened the doors a little for him today, let him get a taste of life, just to test the waters, because god we are so all over the place that we can't function.

And... it went so well? All our fears subsided, at least briefly, while he, the... the fragment? he is? God, do we finally have a fragment? I need to look more into it, but regardless -- he isn't fully formed, but he fronted, and the love we felt.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I just... felt the need to share. Be nice to new parts everyone, no matter the circumstances of their splits.

[transformersbrainrot]

MegOp is making me crazy as usual, but now I have some new, specific inspiration!

So it started with @that-fanperson-meg saying this under a post I made about the Transformers account posting a TFO MegOp edit.

I recognized the name of the song but had never actually listened to it, and hooooo boy, it activated something in the part of my brain that thinks about MegOp... So, I'm listening to this song, and I have the clearest vision that it's about Megatron's mindset/thoughts during his mental health's lowest point in the worst depths of the war. (fair warning, my analysis/brainrot is based on my own personal continuity/au, so there are some minor references to that, but it's all fairly standard, and I explain it a bit, so just go with it, and you shouldn't be confused.) Ok, preamble over. Time for the lyrical analysis:

I hope that our few remaining friends Give up on trying to save us I hope we come up with a failsafe plot To piss off the dumb few that forgave us I hope the fences we mended Fall down beneath their own weight And I hope we hang on past the last exit I hope it's already too late

Megatron assumes that Optimus is in just as bad of a place as he is. He's wrong, of course, OP certainly isn't enjoying himself, but he has an actual support system that he feels comfortable leaning on. On the other hand, Soundwave is the only thing even approaching a friend for Megatron (and he is waaay too closed off at this point to admit it). Starscream is a backstabbing, power-hungry sycophant with his own heap of baggage (I really gotta make a post about my version of all that sometime); Shockwave is purely logic-driven as usual, only interested in advancing the Cybertronian race via the Decepticon cause. By this time, Megatron feels like both sides are too deep into the war to even consider peace. He honestly can't fathom it.

And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here Someday burns down And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away And I never come back to this town again in my life

Megatron has always wanted to escape the path that was decided for him. But now, after losing what he and Orion had and the resulting fallout, he won't go quietly into the night, not before causing some irreparable damage first. And the war will do just that. He hopes the destruction the great war causes keeps pushing him forward, even out beyond Cybertron. At least then, he won't ever need to face the past and who he used to be. He couldn't recognize himself now if he tried, so he doesn't even try.

I hope I lie And tell everyone you were a good wife And I hope you die I hope we both die

Even though it's clear to him that they hate each other and are not good for each other, Megatron still has some form of loyalty to what he and Orion had. If somehow, someday, someone were to ask him about them, he wouldn’t tell them about all their problems, but instead that they were good together. Maybe if this hypothetical future version of Megatron doesn't mention all the pain their split caused, then maybe it was a little less real. He knows that as long as Optimus is around, he won't be able to stop fighting; he's just too hurt and angry. He wishes Optimus would just die, that they both would.

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do And I hope I never get sober

Soundwave, the only even semi-positive influence on him right now, is the one telling Megatron it's darkest before the sun rises. Soundwave is a true believer in the original cause of the Decepticons, probably the last one in High Command; everyone else is either using the cause as a means to take out their pain (Megatron and Starscream) or as a means to an end (Shockwave). Megatron is finding it harder and harder to believe Soundwave with each passing day, and yet again assumes Optimus is doing the same. He's starting to hope it never ends. He's comfortable with it now; the war fills the hole that his old life left in him. All he really knows is that he can't bring himself to yield to Optimus and doesn't think he ever will. If he did, he wouldn't know what to do with himself.

And I hope when you think of me years down the line You can't find one good thing to say And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out You'd stay the hell out of my way

Megatron is hoping that Optimus is suffering too, since he is, and doesn’t want him to feel anything positive through this since he cannot. But at the same time, he’s trying so hard to be a bastard so that it won’t hurt as much. He does still want to speak well of their past if he gets the chance, so some loyalty or fondness remains deep down. If there were good times to look back on, there would be sadness that those times are over. If Optimus has nothing good to say about him, all he would feel is relief that that part of their lives is over.

I am drowning There is no sign of land You are coming down with me Hand in unlovable hand And I hope you die I hope we both die

Megatron can't see any way out of where he's gotten them. To him, there's no path to peace anymore. The only solace Megatron can find is the hope that Optimus falls with him. Even now, the two of their fates must be interlocked, as if it were a universal constant to him - simple common sense. He just wants it to be over, even as he can't bring himself to stop.

[ladyluscinia]

I'm already so sick of how the fallout of ofmd season 2 has snowballed into people on here going "fandom these days just can't handle Bad Things happening in media-- newsflash, characters have to get hurt and die, grow up!" all condescending like. First of all, in the context of Izzy, most people I've seen discuss his death agree that they would've accepted and enjoyed his death if it had just been handled appropriately, and also. "You just can't handle bad things happening to your fave!" Bruh. We were all partying it up when Izzy lost his fucking leg and was suffering physically and mentally. It can be FUN to see your blorbo suffer!

And that is just one example of a larger trend on this site-- people are really gonna come onto the "we love putting our blorbos in the blender and watching them struggle and suffer" site and say "kids these days can't handle Bad Things happening to their blorbos." Sorry, but that's just nonsense. Fandom loves their fix-its, but they also love shattering their faves. The problem has never been Bad Things happening in general, but HOW those things are framed within the narrative and how that narrative is told. The problem is when something is out of place in its genre, or when it goes against a promise the show has made, or when suffering is used flippantly and uncaringly, or when a character suffers and suffers and then just when they've finally caught a break, they're kicked down again, just for a cheap tug at your heartstrings.

Both within the context of ofmd AND in a wider fandom context, fandoms LOVE when our blorbos are hurt, as long as our blorbos are hurt RIGHT.

... And I think it sure is Something that a fandom can have a rampant issue with fans of a character being harassed and sent death threats and that's just "normal fandom being fandom" but god forbid people feel Emotions. About a Character and a Show. And dare to react by... just Offering Criticism! No, death threats are "fandom culture that comes with the territory," but if you vent post or criticize a writing decision in media, THAT'S being "hysterical" and "overly emotional" and "truly frightening behavior!" I just LOVE (big sarcasm) how back when people were getting doxxed and threatened for liking a guy, the fandom was all *cricket noises,* but NOW suddenly everyone is "terrified and exhausted by fandom's volatility" and "concerned about the fragile mental health of fans" when you simply say "damn that episode sucked and I sure am sad about it."

The OFMD fandom was toxic as fuck for a year and a half and continued to be toxic as fuck for all the airing of S2, so hardly surprising that the aftermath of S2 appears to be... toxic as fuck.

Least surprising thing in the world is that the people who hated Izzy and passively or actively supported driving his fans out of the fandom for "ruining it for everyone else" now think his fans should leave the fandom if they are so upset and stop leveraging "baseless criticism" at the show that is "ruining it for everyone else." They have normal not-at-all-parasocial relationships leading them to directly @ David Jenkins and thank him for a season that somehow managed to be both flawless and have all its flaws blamed on MAX, but those wretched Izzy stans have horrible-evil-parasocial relationships making them harass the crew by *footage not found*

If Mr. Jenkins decides to go scroll the #ofmd s2 tag on tumblr and stumbles across me - a random blog and icon - outlining how I think he fucked his show up, that's pretty clearly on him? This is tumblr. I have no relationship with this man or obligation to tailor every word I say as if he's bound to see it and going to take it personally???

I'm actually a big proponent of "Don't @ the cast and crew about pretty much anything" because the same fandom mentality that makes you think you can randomly ask him about your headcanon like you're chatting is what all these people are melting down about if someone directly goes "hey you killed my favorite character and that makes me mad!" - same fucking people, same fucking parasocial relationship. The standard of "only @ them for good things" is the flimsiest fucking line, as any ao3 writer who has received unsolicited "constructive criticism" or "advice" can tell you.

If we want to snidely get into "what this is really about" well it's the same fucking thing it was before:

People substituting subjective opinion as objective fact with zero self-awareness of doing so. "I liked this so it's good." "I didn't like this so it's bad." "I got bad vibes from that character so he was clearly written to be horrendous and unlikable." "I sympathized with this character so anyone suggesting he has flaws is demonizing him."

Or the deepest circle of fandom hell: "I think [insert identity] rep is so important and this piece of media fits into however I personally define 'good rep', therefore it is flawless and/or morally significant enough to be above criticism."

...which, yeah, leads to temper tantrum levels of fandom infighting, especially since people online express, fairly frequently, "I didn't like it because it was bad" and then present evidence for their point. And also a lot of fandom likes bad TV. Or even just mediocre TV that's entertaining.

I personally was not going to be happy about any person beyond one-offs, blatant villains, and background randoms dying because "they had to" (for their own arc or someone else's) because I fundamentally think if you believe you've written yourself into that corner in a workplace comedy that's built around a main romance arc... you're kinda stupid. Yes, even if it's pirate themed. Enough injuries have been walked off and lampshaded to confirm that part is aesthetic.

The fandom wiki for The Office lists 11 deceased characters. Three of them are fictional characters who die in an action-movie episode. Two are one-offs that get named dropped seasons later as having died offscreen. One of them is an offscreen cat, who appears to have had a more significant death plotwise and emotionally than any of the humans, and another is a woman who literally exists as a picture someone makes up a personality for and then discovers the real woman died. The most significant character on the list is a temp boss that got a four episode story arc about being a useless idiot who died in the hospital after a basketball dunking accident.

That is a show that ran for 9 seasons and over 200 episodes. It's pretty universally regarded as good, and the cringe asshole boss getting genuinely moving emotional beats is a big part of that. I think we can maybe pretty confidently say that reflecting the random realities of death is not essential to every story.

If OFMD wants to be evaluated as a hard-hitting drama or a queer story about the struggle of piracy against the Evil Empire, I will compare it to Black Sails instead of The Office. I just don't think David Jenkins is going to enjoy that comparison.

I'm not going to lower my standards because [insert rep reason the show must absolutely be a wild success here].

[parad-ice-lostandfound]

Prompt: "You have a fever."

Pairing: Epel Felmier x Gn!Reader/Prefect/Yuu

Genre: Fluff

TW: NA

"Come on, (Name). Please? " Epel batted his eyelashes at you.

You sighed, tilting your head slightly as you looked at him. Fighting against the part of you that just wanted to coo at him and give into his demands was hard, but you managed to contain yourself. You remained silent, watching the shorter boy fidget under your intent gaze.

"Epel is smart," Vil had told you, days before he had to leave for some project. "Despite his hesitancy in using his beauty, he will employ it against you should he want something. He knows you well, Prefect. But you mustn't give in."

I mustn't give in, you chanted in your mind as you looked at Epel, who was growing more antsy by the minute.

"You've just recovered from that cold, Epel. I don't think it'd be a good idea to go out and play in the snow when it's not even been that long," you tried to get him to see reason. "Besides, I'm pretty sure Rook was instructed by Vil to keep an eye on you. If this gets back to him..."

"It won't get back to him!" Epel huffed, crossing his arms over his chest as he switched the puppy eyes for a pout. Sevens, was he aiming to persuade you, or to kill you?

"Vil's not here, and Rook's going to the mountains today–"

"Why?"

"– I don't really know, but that's besides the point. (Name), I'm bored. I've been stuck in my room for almost a week, I'm fine now! Besides, isn't it Vil who says going outside is good for your health?"

"He says that to have you join him when he's jogging," you hummed in amusement. "Also, who says I'll not snitch on you to Vil?"

Epel took a step closer to you, gently reaching out to hold your hand in his. A light tug, followed by a soft "Please...?" had you blushing and looking away. Epel tilted forward to catch the expression on your face while you tried to cover it with your free hand.

You mentally apologized to Vil for failing to resist Epel's charms. For someone who disliked being called cute or any synonyms of it, he sure knew how to wield his cuteness. And you were but a weak, weak human.

"Fine. Fifteen minutes," you said, trying to ignore the way Epel's face lit up with smug happiness. "Only fifteen minutes."

"I'll take that!" He smiled as he placed a quick kiss on your cheek, leaving you dumbfounded. The smile on his face quickly turned into a mischievous grin as he let go of you and turned, running out of his dorm yelling, "Last one out's a rotten egg!"

"Hey, not fair!" You yelled back as you chased him.

"You have a fever," Vil's voice rang out, a disappointed note to his words as he stared down at the thermometer in his hand. You squirmed in your place on Epel's bed, twiddling your thumbs. A quick glance to your side showed you an equally miserable and sick Epel mirroring your position.

"In our defense," you started, voice slightly croaky as you looked up at the Pomefiore housewarden, "we were out for only 15 minutes."

"And look what that brought upon the two of you," Vil deadpanned, looking very much like an exasperated mother as he made sure both of you were comfortable.

Rook stood silently in the corner of the room, not moving a muscle as he watched the three of you from where he'd been placed on timeout. His crime? Letting you two be unsupervised for an entire day. You felt bad for him, letting him know that with an apologetic smile in his direction, which he returned with one of his own.

"Honestly... I was away for three days, potatoes," he sighed, manicured hands carefully pressing a cold damp towel to your forehead, then doing the same to Epel. Neither one of you commented on his fussing, not wanting to get scolded any more than you already had.

"Now wait here while I go and brew you some medicinal potions."

"Uh, Vil we could just get some from the infirmary-"

"I said, wait here, like good little spudlings," Vil calmly stared at you, lips curling into a triumphant smile when none of you dared to make a sound in protest. "Good. Rook?"

The blonde in the corner turned his attention to his housewarden. "Yes?"

"Keep an eye on them."

Back to Masterlist...

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if I told my best friend they can no longer move in with my family next year?

Me (17f) and my friend (17) have been friends for about 5 years. Around 6 months ago we were discussing university and they mentioned they wanted to study at the university that is in my city. We discussed them potentially moving into my house while they study here. They would still be paying rent, it would just be a bit cheaper for them and we would get to live together. I discussed this with my parents and after a while they said yes. 

The problem is recently I haven't actually been feeling very supported or understood by my friend. This feeling kinda started when I expressed doubt about being able to succeed in the career I have been working towards because my mental health is shit and idk if I can deal with the pressure involved, and they said that they were glad I reached this conclusion myself because they didn't think I could do it either. Which kinda hurt yk like they were correct and I have switched plans as of now, but I feel they couldve been nicer. Other than that I feel like neither of have done anything wrong I just think this is an aging thing, we're no longer 13 and have changed in similar ways, but I've begun to realise the way we see the world is vastly different. Also we recently keep getting into petty arguments, which is kinda my fault bc im autistic and have very strong opinions and never know when to shut up, but they're also like that we're both just very stubborn and opinionated people. Basically I feel the friendship isn't as strong as it once was and I don't like the idea of having to live with them during uni (also dont really like the idea of living with anyone tbh I fucking hate socialising and want to live alone). 

I feel like it's important to mention that although them living with me is cheaper, their family is financially very stable so they could comfortably afford to live in the uni halls or some apartment. Telling them they can't live with me wouldn't be financially that bad, its more so that I said they could and I feel that going back on my word might be quite cruel? 

Also recentlyish we've been making plans of living together and buying a house etc and yeah basically a lot of commitments have been made at a young age and I feel quite trapped. Also feels relevant to add that this feeling is definitely not mutual and they have no idea I feel this way, I'm 99% sure they are still very eager to go through with all this. I'm generally quite a communicative person, it's just these are all pretty new feelings and I'm not sure exactly what I feel.

Also sorry another thing that's probably relevant, they're aroace and our relationship idk what it is but I think it kinda goes deeper than the average friendship its kinda like a qpr but not lol.

So yeah wibta if I told them they couldn't live in my house for uni and should find somewhere else?

What are these acronyms?

[theambivalentagender]

I've been once again lent out to another dog grooming salon in a nearby city. And said city has a high and visible "homeless population." And I've been thinking about a lot of stuff after observing some incidents, likely thoughts that have been analyzed and discussed in more detail than I can put into it, but here goes:

I think a lot about a post I saw a long time ago about how people living on the streets don't have the luxury of dealing with emotion crises and mental health breakdown in private. And I think back to how I, as a "housed person," deal with mental health issues that can sometimes be very visible. I've had bad days or weeks where I don't shower or wash my clothes enough, and much of what I wear is pretty old and worn already. When I'm off my adhd medication I talk to myself more because it's how I can keep my thoughts in line, and medication withdrawals from my anti anxiety meds can make me go twitchy randomly from brain zaps.

And sometimes, even when I'm like this, I have to go out in public. And I'm sure someone could see me at my worst this way and immediately assume I'm homeless.

I mean, really think about it. When you see just a person walking on the street, no signs or anything, what exactly is telling you whether or not that person is actually homeless?

I think about this because I've seen so many cops come up to people, clearly called in by a "concerned citizen," to move people who appear homeless under this stereotype. And you hear stories all the time - a cop is arresting someone with no apparent provocation, but all the storyteller has to say is "they were arresting a homeless person" and people nod along, of course, that's the reason.

Nobody wants to criminalize homelessness, that's horrible! But, well, we just want to protect our *community,* and it just makes it easier to keep people *safe* and comfortable, right? If a homeless person's appearance is making you uncomfortable, you should just *be safe* and bring the cops in, right?

Except, how do you really know for sure that person is homeless? How do you know you're not full on criminalizing a disability, or even just the act of being in public looking less than perfect?

No, of course you'd never want to do that! No one deserves to go to jail just for having a bad day!

Then why would they deserve it if they *were* homeless?

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

My mental health

This is nothing to be worried about, nor meant to make anybody reading this uncomfortable. It is simply meant as a way for me to express myself, and practice opening up about my mental health a struggles.

I have ADHD, but it has long been suspected that it might be AuDHD. Along with that I've struggled with PTSD and depression. Just a year ago I had to stop working, due to my works place poor working conditions, making my already exiting PTSD worse, along with pushing me into the second major depressive episode in my life.

I moved out not too long ago, and so far I've been loving living alone, with a few exceptions - I started hearing and seeing things. Yes, it sounds weird, but I started hearing my old washing machine beebing, even though I had moved away from it. I started seeing things out of the corner of my eye.

But though I started hearing and seeing things, one amazing thing happened - I stopped having nightmares. I've long had a pattern of really bad nightmares, especially when stressed or paranoid, and that was beyond amazing. As I lived alone, my mask slowly came off. I noticed behavior and stimming I hadn't noticed before, along with the realisation of just how overstimulated I've been before.

But as amazing and a little confusing as that was, I did experience something, that in the end was enough to push me off of social medias for quite a while - my exams. A lot of things played in on this, but to put it simply; it was horrible. Me and my classmates were stressed, and given a very short time to do our assignment. Along with that, I was in the smallest groupe being only 3 people, while the others were 6 - 7. It was stressfull!

Coupled with that, I've over the past months uncovered something, that was a little shocking to me - I might have developed a personality disorder, and the suspected disorder is BPD. I am in dialog with both doctors about this, but nothing is set for sure. I'm still learning about myself, and just in the past year, my life has been pretty much turned upside down.

Though it has been hard to face these things about myself, it has honestly made many things clearer for me, and made the future seem a lot more brighter for a person like me.

That is why I enjoy places like this, were I can go a forget the world for a time. I can take all the emotions I feel from my day to day and turn them into something, that might benefit others in small ways. I don't change the world, but I can bring a person that little joy they need.

Though I may not be as active as before, I'm truly happy to be back💚

Love ya all, and thank you for sticking around🐢💚

[aanoia]

𝖆𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖎𝖆'𝖘 𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

These are works of Fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination, coincidence or used in a fictitious manner.

All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author.

『 m a r a u d e r s 』

- 𝚘 𝚗 𝚎 𝚜 𝚑 𝚘 𝚝 𝚜 -

↠ [Love From the Other Side]

summary/prompt: Sirius Black x reader, Love From the Other Side by Fallout Boy

warning(s): blood, death, death eaters, voldemort in the flesh, yk, not good ending

↠ [London Boy]

summary/prompt: James Potter x reader, London Boy by Taylor Swift

warning(s): nothing

↠ [Mine]

summary/prompt: Remus Lupin x reader, Mine by Taylor Swift

warning(s): death? idek

↠ [Broken One]

summary/prompt: James Potter x reader, Broken One by RaeLynn

warning(s): divorce (if you need to talk, reach out. this is something I know personally so I'd love to be someone you can trust about it.)

↠ [arms]

summary/prompt: Sirius Black x reader, arms by Christina Perri

warning(s): Sirius :)

↠ [Cold]

summary/prompt: Sirius Black x reader, I hate making these.

warning(s): ptsd, flashbacks, trauma, yk, the usual with our boy Sirius

↠ [Horribly Right]

summary/prompt: Sirius Black x reader, after seeing Sirius being slapped by his mother, you decide to pull a prank that's outcome goes horribly... right?

warning(s): abuse, getting disowned

↠ [Like you hold the world in your hands, and the stars in your eyes]

summary/prompt: Sirius Black x reader, none (once a pt. 2 is posted this will be moved to the series section)

warning(s): none really, just cursing

↠ ["Just Friends"]

summary/prompt: James Potter x reader, truth or dare leads to drunken confessions leads to sweet kisses

warning(s): alcohol, mentions of weed

↠ [Lover]

summary/prompt: Remus Lupin x reader, Lover by Taylor Swift

warning(s): none I don't think

↠ [Pancakes for Dinner]

summary/prompt: James Potter x reader, Pancakes for Dinner my Lizzie McAlpine

warning(s): heavy anxiety omg, plane crash-ish?

↠ [Timeless]

summary/prompt: James Potter x reader, Timeless by Taylor Swift

warning(s): none

↠ [Possibility]

summary/prompt: Sirius Black x reader, loosely inspired by Possibility by Likke Li

warning(s): heartbreak. not a

↠ [It's Okay]

summary/prompt: Sirius Black x Reader, reader is acting differently. Angrier, sadder.

warning(s): nothing too explicit, just some tough things

- 𝚜 𝚎 𝚛 𝚒 𝚎 𝚜 -

↠ [Adele; 19 as fics]

summary/prompt: it's own mini masterlist, the songs from her first album as fics

warning(s): different for each fic

↠ [Dying pt.1] [Definitely (Dying) pt.2]

summary/prompt: poly!marauders x reader, the marauders had known their girlfriend smoked to dissipate the pain from her abusive family. They just didn't know how bad it could, and would get

summary/prompt pt.2: poly!marauders x reader, a failed attempt and a year later, y/n is finally okay

warning(s): serious TW, mentions of abuse, toxic asf family, drug abuse, weed, alcohol, whiskey, underage drinking and smoking, substance abuse, self harm, cuts, abuse (ish?), depression (not mentioned but apparent), seriously bad mental health

↠ [I Don't Know Who You're Talking About] [You (pt.2)]

summary/prompt: Remus Lupin x reader, after everyone they loved was gone, they needed each other but he was too scared (i'm not very good at these)

summary/prompt pt.2: after twelve years, she meets him again

warning(s): angst, blood, sad, murder, the usual

↠ [No pt.1] [Yes (No) pt.2]

summary/prompt: James Potter x reader, James won't give up until he gets a yes

summary/prompt pt.2: James Potter x reader, James finally gets a yes and makes sure you don't regret it

warning(s): James is lowkey and pushover and I'm pretty sure asking someone to go out over and over again is harassment so that too

↠ [a christmas advent calendar]

summary/prompt: mini masterlist, just 25 days of Christmas (my birthday!)

warning(s): different for each fic

『 h a r r y p o t t e r 』

- 𝚘 𝚗 𝚎 𝚜 𝚑 𝚘 𝚝 𝚜 -

↠ [Can't Help but Love You]

summary/prompt: preferance, Draco Malfoy x reader, Matteo Riddle x reader, request

warning(s): none

- 𝚜 𝚎 𝚛 𝚒 𝚎 𝚜 -

『 s i x o f c r o w s 』

- 𝚘 𝚗 𝚎 𝚜 𝚑 𝚘 𝚝 𝚜 -

↠ [Always By Your Side]

summary/prompt: Kaz Brekker x reader, Saturn by Sleeping At Last

warning(s): slightly ooc Kaz, death, mentions of sickness, blood, could be an interpretation of suicide if you look at the end closely

↠ [Crazy]

summary/prompt: Kaz Brekker x reader, Trouble by Valerie Broussard, the enemy of your enemy is your friend... unless they are also your enemy

warning(s): blood?, knives, uhhhh violence lmfao, enemies to lovers

- 𝚜 𝚎 𝚛 𝚒 𝚎 𝚜 -

『 a v a t a r (2 0 0 9)』

- 𝚘 𝚗 𝚎 𝚜 𝚑 𝚘 𝚝 𝚜 -

↠ [It's okay, baby]

summary/prompt: Tsu'tey x reader, Tsu'tey has a nightmare

warning(s): blood, death

- 𝚜 𝚎 𝚛 𝚒 𝚎 𝚜 -

『 h a m i l t o n 』

- 𝚘 𝚗 𝚎 𝚜 𝚑 𝚘 𝚝 𝚜 -

↠ [All I Need is You]

summary/prompt: Daveed Diggs x reader, after a suicide attempt you're empty yet Daveed never left your side. What happens when you drag him down with you?

warning(s): suicide, self harm, bandages, sadness ig

↠ [Pretty in the Moonlight]

summary/prompt: Thomas Jefferson x reader, just missing your boyfriend and him missing you (this won't turn to black for some reason LMFAO)

warning(s): broken glass, cheesy Thomas

- 𝚜 𝚎 𝚛 𝚒 𝚎 𝚜 -

『 o u t e r b a n k s 』

- 𝚘 𝚗 𝚎 𝚜 𝚑 𝚘 𝚝 𝚜 -

↠ [I can't lose my girl]

summary/prompt: JJ Maybank x reader, JJ finds his girlfriend in a horrifying state after wanting to spend the night with her

warning(s): suicide, OD, foaming at the mouth

↠ [You cut?]

summary/prompt: JJ Maybank x reader, JJ walks in on reader doing something that breaks his heart

warning(s): TW self harm, blood, cuts, broken glass

↠ [Live For You?]

summary/prompt: JJ Maybank x reader, reader is fresh out of the mental hospital

warning(s): huge TW, suicide, self harm, mental hospital, mentions of alcohol and weed

↠ [How Well Do We Know Each Other (interview)]

summary/prompt: OBX cast x reader, Rudy Pankow x reader, the obx cast gets put to the test on how well they know their coworkers (again it won't turn black)

warning(s): drug mention, not proofread

↠ [Believe]

summary/prompt: John B Routledge x reader, your ex treasure hunting partner is your future romantic partners dad

warning(s): SPOILERS SEASON 3! swearing, mention of gun, suggestion of rape (nothing explicit, not even the word), burns, Rafe Cameron

↠ [Touron]

summary/prompt: JJ Maybank x reader, going on vacation isn't so bad when a certain blondie comes into your life

warning(s): underage drinking, underae smoking, swearing, gun, topper

↠ [Snow?]

summary/prompt: JJ Maybank x reader, the Outer Banks becomes a winter wonderland

warning(s): swearing

- 𝚜 𝚎 𝚛 𝚒 𝚎 𝚜 -

『 m a r v e l 』

- 𝚘 𝚗 𝚎 𝚜 𝚑 𝚘 𝚝 𝚜 -

↠ [Reunions and Goodbyes]

summary/prompt: Peter Quill x reader, after your best friend disappeared you made a name for yourself with the help of the Avengers, what happens when you accidently find said best friend again? But in space?

warning(s): death 😋, not proofread

- 𝚜 𝚎 𝚛 𝚒 𝚎 𝚜 -

(masterlist template by @hyunnows, text dividers by @cafekitsune)

other medias and fandoms

[pn-confidential]

Greetings. It has been a while-ish since our last post, however we are now back with quite a long one. Recently- a user who requested to stay anonymous has contacted us with quite a lot of concerning information regarding the behind the scenes and goings on of the plural nest staff team. This post is going to be recapping exactly what we have been told- with very slight formatting alterations for smoother reading.

Please keep in mind that while this post is incredibly long, our longest yet, I believe- it is imperative that you read through the entire thing thoroughly. Especially if you are either a current plural nest member, or are considering joining their server.

Content warning for the following:

Mentions of harassment

Dog piling

Staff misconduct

Predatory relationships/grooming

(Please bare in mind- everything in quotations was taken straight from the user who has informed us)

“ I think a fun place to start would be mentioning that the current owner, QR, never actually applied for staff and as far as I know, never actually passed through whatever vetting processes were in place at the time?

The previous owner, Bari, started acting... Really erratic in their last few months before handing off ownership, due to a lot of emotional stress around the owner *before them,* Polychrome, trying to beg to be let back into the community after being outed as an anti-endo, and trying to blame their bad behavior on a prolonged schizophrenic episode?

QR was a regular user at the time (and pretty new too, I think) and was mini-modding some sort of dispute in #ask-the-staff. Bari saw this, and instead of telling QR off for mini-moding, they... decided they were really impressed by QR's performance as a mini-mod that they just offered QR a position as a real mod on the spot, in front of the public. I'm not sure how QR rose to owner from there, but... Now you know!

I don't know a whole lot about the actual story behind Bari and Polychrome myself, but partner sys did just find the link to Poly's "apology" for their time as an anti-endo and the post where they blamed it on a mental health episode, if that's something that interests you. ”

“ Someone else we have a *lot* of criticisms of that I know is still current staff is aqua system. aqua system is also still currently staff in nest, and they were really regularly touted in the year or so after we stopped posting in the server as holding a pretty consistent "second-in-command" position in the staff. To my knowledge they're still in that position, and tbh their presence has been always been a lot of why I keep deciding Nest still isn't a home I can return to whenever I check to see if it's improved at all over the years.

I do not know if their views on things have improved in the three years since (I certainly *hope* they have, but... We don't actively go out seeking their posts anymore, for obvious reasons!) but I know shortly after they were elected to staff back in 2021, they used to post a *lot* of... Our friend group used to call it "sysmed light" takes. The one that stands out to me the most in my memory is that they believed that traumagenics were marginalized in the plural community by non-traumagenic voices, and they were constantly advocating for people to basically view traumagenics and non-traumagenics as two separate species that just happened to share the same community, rather than encouraging people to come together over our commonalities. I've also got a really CHOICE screenshot of them talking about how "yeah, medicalizing plurality is bad, but plurality is inseparable from DID/OSDD" which is a WILD FUCKING STATEMENT TO MAKE AS A HIGH RANKING MOD OF WHAT WAS THE LARGEST PLURAL DISCORD COMMUNITY AT THE TIME. They also *really, really* liked to talk about how they saw their plurality as a solely negative force in their life and something they feel ruined their future, which is. Also a cool view to have as someone so high-ranking in a community built upon solidarity and pride.

IMG ID: [A message from Shouto of Aqua System reading:

"I think a lot of it is yeah medicalizing all plurality is bad and no plurality is not inherently a bad thing HOWEVER plurality is inseparable from DID/OSDD and those ARE mental disorders and it's not harmful to acknowledge them as such

Not to mention non traumagenics tend to ignore how much trauma can mess and screw with your experience with plurality

We try to look at our plurality positively but it's still hard for me to act like being plural is something amazing and great when our system is traumagenic

plurality like any other neurodivergency such as autism needs to be treated as neutral: neither inherently bad nor good. It just is. For some it's pros outweigh the cons, for others the cons outweigh the pros"] - END ID

Aqua also really, *really* liked traumadumping in non-vent channels. We have a *really strong* memory of our partner system, during their time as a Nest mod, making an @everyone announcement reminding people that vents go in the vent channel, and literally an hour later aqua sys was posting REALLY HEAVY stuff about their exotrauma unprovoked in plural-discussion-1. This is kind of notable, because in a weird way staff accomodating for aqua's need to traumadump in public spaces is a large reason why #traumagenic-discussion exists? My partner system made me privy to a staff discussion where Aqua was. Bitching and moaning that there was a #parogenic-discussion channel, but not a #traumagenic-discussion one, and eventually they whined about it enough that the rest of the staff made it happen!

This is so WILDLY misguided because #parogenic-discussion wasn't created to be a Cool Treehouse for non-traumagenic systems (who... aren't all inherently parogenic, mind you,) it was created specifically to be a place to discuss the *process* of parogenesis, the difficulty and the psychological alchemy of creating a new headmate out of nothing. Pointing at that and going "but why can't traumagenics have one" is SUCH a wild false equivalence, because... If you want a space to talk about the process of traumagenesis, the actual ways in which traumagenic headmates are created, that's cool and valid, but... 90% of it is just going to be people talking about their trauma in a non-vent channel.

Guess what aqua immediately started using it for.

I know my partner sys pretty directly challenged staff on this once upon a time using exactly this argument, and got entirely shut down on the sole argument of "endogenics get their own channel, traumagenics should to." which. again. is not *exactly* how that story happened. ”

“ Which I guess leads me to my next fun story, which is my partner sys getting ganged up on and harassed by the entire rest of staff for... Knowing the history of why the server's staff was structured the way it was, and insisting that minors probably shouldn't be handling potentially volatile bad actors who could post gore and nsfw at them. Lemon and aqua were MAJOR violators in this story, and to my understanding they're *both* currently still nest staff *and* pretty highly ranked.

A long, long time ago, the interview you used to go through to get verified in the server wasn't run by a bot, but it was conducted by a real, live server member acting as a volunteer. It *was* really labor intensive, but it was also a really cool and refreshing experience, since you *immediately* got to have a fun conversation with a community member and have someone express interest in you as a person the moment you walked through the door.

These volunteers all had the "Helper" role, denoting that they were acting in an official capacity for Plural Nest, but were not Moderation Staff (who just had the "staff" role.) Since Helpers weren't expected to perform moderator duties other than passing off any problematic interviews to a *real* moderator, it was a position that was open to users of all ages, whereas staff was explicitly reserved for adults. At some point during the latter end of Bari's time as owner, after they started acting really erratically, there was a major turnover in staff, and all the new staff members were told that helpers were. A lesser tier of moderator, who were more focused on moderating chat and verifications in order to free up the Real Moderators for more pressing issues. Helpers, accordingly, *were* given the same permissions and as regular mods in the server's settings.

My partner system, who had been in nest for two years now and had talked to the old staff that created that system... Pretty clearly knew that was wrong, and were vocal about as much. They made a large argument that, with Nest being as high-profile of a server as it was, they get a *lot* of bad actors who sometimes post gore and nsfw, and make really violent threats towards staff when they don't get their way, and it was *wildly inappropriate* for minors to not only be willingly exposed to that, but *expected to moderate it.* This was not a hypothetical situation they were arguing, this was very much based on experiences *they* had to deal with during their time as staff, *as well as other staff* talking about how harrowing and traumatizing some of the things they were expected to moderate were to them, and then going "By the way my 14th birthday is coming up.”

Everyone was expressing at first that this was sensible and actually agreed that it was something they needed to work on. Aqua system made some wildly out of pocket comment that a lot of their headmates' exomemories as being literal child soldiers made them unable to see what was wrong with the situation, but they also eventually used the same excuse to decide that they were probably going to trigger themselves if they participated in the discussion further and respectfully bowed out. Everything was cool!

Up until about a week-ish later, when my partner system woke up to 6 pings and 500 unread messages in the staff channel basically calling for their head on a fucking pike.

Lemon collective (who, mind, was 13 at the time, just *Barely* above discord TOS age) and one other minor staff member (can't remember which, sorry) had made a post where they essentially went "Hey, we've been rolling this over in our head for the past few days, and we realized we don't actually agree with this ruling and feel like we are being infantilized, and that they didn't understand what changed to suddenly remove these responsibilities from their plate when they were just as capable of performing them before.” Mind... Lemon was one of the examples our partner system brought up when they were talking about other staff members openly commenting about how some of the things they were seeing was damaging to their mental health, so... that's cool.

Bari immediately threw our partner system under the bus, claiming that it was our psys' idea and all complaints should be aimed at them! Bari also made some WILDLY out of pocket comment claiming that our psys was using abuser tactics to get everyone to agree with them, and implying that psys' angle was "if you don't agree with me you're all inherently immoral and problematic”

and thus the mobbing began

Psys wakes up and sees this whole mess aimed entirely at them, and asked for a moment to backread the whole damn thing before saying anything. After taking it all in, they did eventually try arguing their point in good faith and continuing to stand by it, and tried to be empathetic with "I understand your frustration, I remember being 13 on the internet too and feeling like the stupid age gates were stupid age gates, but... I don't think it's appropriate for y'all to be interacting with bad actors posting death and rape threats” To which lemon retorted with something along the lines of "okay cool, still ageist," and. unironically hitting our partner system with a /neg tonetag.

A lot of other users were backing lemon in this fight out of nowhere as well, and going "Yeah, 13 year olds like you who are actively expressing this shit is harming them SHOULD still be allowed to interact with it! Yeah, psys IS being really rude and unprofessional and manipulative about it!” at which point psys' fronter at the time went "alright. the rest of the sys is probably going to be upset at me for this, but this is such a lost cause and they'll get it." and slapped that big fat "server leave" button. ”

“ Alright, one more story and I think I'm done for now. I don't want to go too in depth about this because A) I haven't. actually talked to the ex-mod affected by this, and B) I just kind of only know the general story beats anyway, but.

Back in 2021, there was a moderator and longtime community member, Abyssal Void, who got outed as being in a predatory adult-minor relationship. One of the other moderators had receipts *from the victim* that this was going on, and it's. Pretty hard to argue with a screenshot that says "don't tell anyone until you're an adult.” Reasonably, receipt-holding mod banned Abyssal on the goddamn spot.

The *entire* rest of staff jumps on receipt-holding mod for this, arguing that receipts mod shouldn't have acted without a discussion or a vote. Receipts mod very explicitly said at one point, "do y'all really want to have a multi-week discussion about an adult and a minor fucking before we do something about this" and *at least three mods said yes, unironically.*

receipts mod was also *denied the opportunity to share the receipts they gathered,* and bari even told receipts mod "hey, you should take a break. For a year. Because you're clearly not fit for mod duty right now” at which point receipts mod said "uh, no actually, i quit" and left server.

If I recall correctly this incident is actually what lead to nest getting *kicked off of plural hubs* back when that space was big and relevant to our community, because it was *so clear* this was a wild mishandling of a very active and dangerous situation. ”

All in all- as you can see, plural nest is a place to be avoided. The constant misconduct and mishandling of situations from staff- all that which has been mentioned in our other posts- and ESPECIALLY the final situation mentioned within this very post, regarding the groomer situation. Which I hope you are all aware- is very much potential lawsuit material, and definitely not some petty internet drama.

IMG ID: [An embed-message from HubBot. It lists Plural Nest as delisted from Plural Hub. The Delist Reasoning reads as follows:

"Due to consistent and recent reports of an unsafe environment, Plural Nest has been delisted, said staff even going so far as to reprimand a staff member for banning a groomer with proper evidence without referring to staff members, and (CW: CSA) asking for farther, more explicit evidence [of] sexual content with the minor, including the minor's identity."] - END ID

------------------------------------------------------

Plural nest is a genuinely dangerous server. One not even worth joining for the morbid curiosity of it all.

Stay away.

( Thank you to @/anti-endos-are-weird for providing the image IDS/alt text for the images )

[mimisfortress]

Guess who lost her diary key and is now turning to Tumblr to blog my feelings (me) 🦄🌈

~

~

💞💌Really long VENT post coming your way ❤️‍🩹🪽

~

~

Currently going through an emotional rut.

I feel pretty unsure of myself. I lost a couple of friends and I am having a hard time knowing whether it was my fault or if they had it coming.

These weren't just normal friends, they were family at that point. We witnessed unspeakable things together at a fairly young age and I really, really, really thought that our friendship was forever. I thought our friendship was different from everyone else's in a sense that growing older wouldn't impact us the way adults warned us it would. I thought trauma made us special and I thought change wouldn't find us.

To these friends, I was their baby sister and they treated me as such, too. They dogged on who I loved and did not trust me to make my own choices. They grilled someone who I had genuine love for after not batting an eye at the unhappy abusive relationship I was in for three years.

As I grew older, I grew distant because I was too scared to express that the way they treated me upset me. I figured that since they already have so much to worry about in their lives, my fragile feelings would burden them.

I am aware of the importance of communication, but I simply just felt like I couldn't communicate my feelings to them in any way.

During the past month, our friendship of 9 years came to an end. It crashed and burned when I couldn't make it to a big hang out that costed a lot of money. It was only supposed to be my friend and I, just us two. Luckily, this former friend of mine got a refund and another friend was able to take my place.

I don't know why they wanted me so bad. They had a lot to say about how bad of a friend I was and not much good to say about me, and yet they wanted me so bad. I didn't feel appreciated as a person and they didn't celebrate me as a friend. Yet, if they told me they needed me I'd come in and do what I could to the best of my ability even after they told me they hated me or told me my desperate attempts to help after they begged for my help was "inappropriate". I still stayed because if I'm the one in the wrong, I can also make it into a right if I really tried.

I hate to say it, but I feel anger when I think about these friends of mine. What I hate even more is that I keep wanting to go back. I keep wanting to say "yes! You're right, I am a terrible and awful person and I will change myself just for you guys!" just to hear their laughter again, see their funny smiles, and . . . inevitably get sent large paragraphs of text telling me I did something wrong again. And then the cycle repeats where I think that I'm wrong and they're right because I'm the little sister who's immature and doesn't know anything and they're the older, wiser sisters who parent me.

I was really sure that I was the failure. I was the one that failed to hold it together. I mean, come on! I didn't communicate my feelings, I told a big lie to them, and I grew distant without explanation.

But then I had invited a friend of mine into my home who has hurt more times than anyone I've ever known. We didn't have to experience a terribly traumatic event together at a young age to be best friends, she just loved me. She loved me and she told me why.

She liked that I didn't yell or curse when she had moments of frustration and impatience, she appreciated my high level of patience, and she tells me that she thinks I have emotional intelligence.

My other friends never told me anything like that. They think I suck at supporting them, they don't think I can be trusted to make good decisions, that I'm an inconvenience and blah, blah, blah, blah.

At my house, my friend looked over the texts shared between me and these other friends. Maybe it's pushing their privacy, but I felt like it was detrimental for my mental health for eyes other than mine to view these text messages and tell me if I'm allowed to be upset or not.

This friend of mine looked at these text messages with complete and utter disgust. I watched her make faces viewing the messages. She visibly cringed upon reading them and it shocked me. I thought she was going to be able to find something I said, point at it, and tell me "here's what I think made her mad. I can help you write an apology if you want!"

But no, reading the exchange of text messages angered her so much that she couldn't bare to read the rest, which disappointed me. What if she's missing the part where I say something I need to apologize for?

What she told me was this :

• You need to stop letting them walk all over you, you need to write a long message to them but not out of empathy or kindness, but to give yourself closure. You need to do more for yourself. I just don't want you to sit here and let them bully you.

• They are simply just choosing to believe that you are a bad friend. You don't talk bad about them to me at all, and yet they claim that's all you've been doing.

• Why is it okay for them to discuss what they don't like about you behind your back and not you?

And stuff like that. We never ended up sending a long text for me to express my emotions because knowing these friends, they'd blow up on me even more and tell me how a lot of it is actually my fault.

It's been a hard 3 months. I'm worried about becoming exactly what these friends of mine chose to believe I was; an unempathetic, emotionally unintelligent, mentally-unstable, coldhearted, and immature creature.

This is because often times things are believed into existence. Therefore, I'm going to work on kindness without the expectation of something in return, generosity, mental clarity, and patience to prevent their beliefs from becoming reality. I'm not going to give anyone a reason to treat me like they did ever again.

This situation has impacted my mental health pretty negatively, and so I'll be posting updates on my mental health!