#'op why do these come at really different times'
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whenmemorydies · 11 hours ago
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The restaurant could be good.
Why did Syd call herself an accomplice in 3x05 Children?
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I was re-reading @yannaryartside's fantastic meta about this (and you should too) and it got me thinking. In their meta, OP asks:
Is Syd (or her leaving) supposed to be a wake-up call to Carmy? That he fucked up something that brought him genuine joy and connection because Syd knew the real him, while Claire liked Logan and Carmy's brokenness? The way Claire would enable him in his bad tendencies? How is he gonna realize all that?
Honestly, I don't know what these writers have planned for how Carmy comes to the realisation that season 3 Carmy is not it lol. But I have one suspicion about how it might go, and it has less to do with Carmy and more to do with Syd.
We have to go back to season 1 where it all started. Where Sydney met Carmy and articulated within the first three episodes of the show, her hopes for her future and the future of The Beef.
Recall 1x02 Hands and the convo between her and Richie in Richie's car:
Sydney: You know the restaurant could be good. Like I know you know that. Like it doesn't have to be a place where the food is shitty, and where everybody acts shitty and feels shitty. Like it could be a good legit spot.
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Cut to season 3, after Syd and Carmy have overhauled the restaurant and everyone is...well...acting shitty, feeling shitty and the food is looking like a damn mess:
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Also recall the alley chat in 1x03 Brigade:
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Sydney: You know, I think this place could be so different from all the other places we've been at. But in order for that to be true, we need to run things different.
Then cut to season 3 where we have EC Carmy decidedly not running things different at The Bear. Instead, he repeats toxic communication and management styles from his past:
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Recall 1x05 Sheridan and Sydney's vulnerability with Carmy about why she started her catering business, Sheridan Road, after leaving the restaurant scene:
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Sydney: Like it was the first time I didn't have a complete and utter psychopath behind me screaming, and pushing and yelling, and I thought I wanted that, you know?
Cut to season 3 and, well, you know the drill: behold our fav Executive Jeff acting like an utter psychopath and partaking in some screaming, pushing and yelling.
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So what happened in season 3? Why have things gone in almost the exact opposite direction of what Sydney hoped for in season 1?
To my mind, the answer to that question lies in season 2 and what both Syd and Carmy were doing during that season. Yes, Syd spent most of season 2 setting up the restaurant alone while Carmy played hooky with Claire. But what was more striking to me was the contrast in effort that both of them put into actually doing things different at the restaurant (as per their pledge to each other during the alley chat of 1x03 Brigade).
Breaking cycles
I agree with @yannaryartside: Carmy playing hooky with Claire in season 2 was him numbing himself (i.e. Claire is the drug that he was addicted to for this purpose). I also reckon he was using Claire as another way to keep Mikey in his life - a reverse-engineered haunt - particularly while the most obvious physical manifestation of Mikey in the present day (The Beef itself) was being transformed into something else entirely. That kind of change - that kind of loss - couldn't have been easy for Carmy, particularly as The Bear was something he had wanted to open with this brother in the first place. I get why Carmy would "self-medicate" with Claire to try and numb some of the pain he may have felt, I really do.
But while Carmy was spending so much of his time either avoiding or dulling his pain, it meant he had little time or energy for working through these things. We know that he has been making attempts at this particularly in relation to his familial trauma and grief (as evidenced by his attendance at Al-Anon meetings). But throughout seasons 1-3 we see almost no work on Carmy's part to address the abuse and trauma that he's experienced in professional kitchens. We do not see him trying to prepare himself for the task of leading an entire restaurant. The first and only time we see Carmy start this process is in the last episode of season 3, when he bravely confronts Chef David Fields at the funeral dinner for Ever.
Now admittedly, Sydney does not have the history of familial abuse that Carmy does. But as discussed above, she does share a history of professional abuse in the restaurant industry with him. Its why the two of them make that promise to each other to do things different in 1x03 Brigrade.
To this end, Sydney spends almost all of season 2 working to enhance her leadership skills to make herself better for the staff she'll be leading as CDC of The Bear. Recall her book, Leading with the Heart by Mike Krzyzewski (Chicago-born, Polish-American and hugely successful former basketball coach of the Duke University Blue Devils and the American national basketball team), gifted to her by her father, Emmanuel:
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In the beginning of 2x07 Forks, we follow Sydney as she surveys The Bear during renovations and while she works on a menu idea. This opening sequence features the following narration from an interview with Krzyzewski (which reiterates the show's ongoing message that none of us are alone, particularly when we take the time to listen to one another):
The other thing is that you're not gonna get there alone. You know, be on a team. You know, surround yourself with good people and learn how to listen.
You're not gonna learn with you just talking.
And when you do talk, converse. Don't make excuses. Figure out the solution. And you don't have to figure it out yourself.
I always wanted to be part of a team and obviously I wanted to lead that team. You know, [...] what an interesting life it is to be a leader.
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The advice Coach K gives in the above monologue is also mirrored in Marcus' eulogy for his mother where he spoke about the importance of listening. It's also gold advice for how to be consistent in relationship to others. I've spoken here about the themes of chaos and consistency on this show and how one of Carmy's battles is understanding that,
[C]onsistency in terms of a product (e.g. a clean kitchen every night or immaculately plated dishes each service) and consistency in terms of relationships are two different things. You can strive for consistent products but destroy all your relationships in the pursuit of them. Conversely, if you strive for consistency in your relationships, you may not always make consistent products (and quite frankly, that's OK - is a perfectly plated agnolotti dish worth Carmy's relationship with Tina? Is driving Syd to a panic attack worth Carmy's pursuit of a star? I think not on both counts).
Sydney took the time throughout season 2 to learn how to be consistent and effective as a leader. She knew - and knows - that simply being an excellent chef is not going to cut it when it comes to running a restaurant and leading a team. This took time and effort on her part but she was committed to making The Bear different to all the other places she'd been at, so she did it. I should also note that Syd did this internal work while menu-planning and trying to push herself culinarily. She was doing so much lifting. Jealousy of Claire aside, I am surprised Syd didn't rip Carmy a new one when he talked about rejigging the menu while at his girl-who's-a-friend's house lmao.
Cut to season 3 though, and Syd is running The Bear with Carmy who has spent the entire season not having put in the work to change the chemistry in their restaurant. Of course Syd tries to counter this as best she can. She runs interference with the team and gently tries to steer the ship. But as she says in 3x09 Apologies, things have been off at The Bear.
So when Syd tells us in 3x05 Children that she's an accomplice, I can't help but feel that in her heart, Sydney believes she's an accomplice in the betrayal of their vision - Sydney and Carmy's shared vision for The Bear - from season 1. The vision she worked so hard during season 2 to bring to fruition.
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By season 3, they've betrayed it and each other: family style is no where to be found and The Bear looks and feels like all the other places Syd and Carmy have been at. While exhausting for Carmy ("I'm so fucking sick of this"), this would have been devastating for Syd, given all she's done to try and avoid this outcome. You can understand why she'd consider an offer like Shapiro's (though we know she's not going to take it).
Given the events of 3x10, where Carmy confronts Chef David and has that heart-to-heart with Chef Terry, its clear his perspective on Michelin mode is starting to shift. I think the threat of losing Sydney will scare the shit out of him too. But what I think will prompt Carmy to actually change his behaviour in season 4 is the realisation that he too is an accomplice and has betrayed not just himself but Sydney and their team as well. Season 4 will necessarily need to be told, at least in part, from Syd's perspective so that the impact of this on Syd is made clear to the audience (Storer and Calo, are you listening? Its me, a desperate fan). And once Carmy recognises his role in continuing the traumatic professional legacy championed by Chef Fields, he can get into working through and breaking that cycle. I'll be seated and ready for it.
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[Curious Magpie Photography. Image description: A cropped photo zoomed in to Gunpowder Tim from the Mechanisms. He's outside in front of a fence and a tree, and the top of Jonny's head can be seen cut off on the bottom. He's seems to be struggling with Nastya's violin, with a very confused expression on his face. He's holding the violin like you would a guitar, and holding the bow as you would play a violin, but with it tucked into his elbow and his arm over it, it's an awkward angle. End ID.]
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suffarustuffaru · 1 year ago
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I don’t speak Japanese so I’d LOVE to hear more about the differences between the English and Japanese Re:Zero fandoms
yeah sure its very interesting to me now that ive noticed it more lately :o !! though ok disclaimer - i dont speak japanese either hah so if anyone is seeing this and does speak japanese + is familiar with the japanese speaking side of this fandom please add info if youd like!! and of course ill be mainly speaking from the english side of things bc im more familiar with that yes (sorry anon again im not a japanese speaker T^TT so sorry if i tread on info you already know!!). but yeah im speaking from my own experiences given the Topic at hand. ive been in this fandom since... 2019?? which is so wild to me aljsdfljsd.
anyway so - i think the big difference is mainly that the english fandom and many english speaking people that engage with rezero are. to put it bluntly, misconception runs Rampant to a very Interesting degree. to the point where it seems like the english speaking side of the fandom is More. Aggressive. than the japanese fandom. not that the japanese speaking side of the fandom is perfect - also bc what fandom is ever perfect 100% of the time, tbh - but that the louder people in the english rezero fandom are. well its a Very low bar. Very low. and from what little ive seen and heard so far, the japanese fandom tends to understand rezero and its characters better than the english fandom. which ig makes sense bc you know, rezero is japanese media, and also im sure cultural differences come into play here as well (im not familiar enough on this to speak about it in depth but the cultural differences feel Pretty Clear even though i cant 100% put my finger on what they specifically are).
but also bc yeah. its not That hard to beat some of the english fandom when it comes to media comprehension. misreading rezero is unfortunately Extremely common, both in and out of the rezero community. its Everywhere - youtube, myanimelist, ao3, ff.net, reddit, twitter, various rezero discords - and from what ive experienced, rezero tumblr basically kind of feels like finding an oasis after crawling through the desert for days on end lajdslfjs. which is probs bc rezero tumblr is Smaller and also a lot of us seem to be lgbtq+ in some way or be allies, so you dodge a lot of the misogyny and homophobia that happens in other rezero english circles. its why you see a lot of openly queer rezero-related posts on here while its a bit more. barren. in other rezero english places yes. bc its more safe to post queer rezero things on rezero tumblr rather than rezero reddit for Sure.
im not sure how the japanese fandom is with that exactly but theres some interesting differences between whats popular in the english fandom vs the japanese fandom. i mean as an otto fan ive been noticing how hes more popular with the japanese fandom—and on top of that, ottosuba is Way More popular in the japanese fandom too. reinsuba and julisuba seem to usually be the most popular mlm subaru ships in both fandoms but ottosuba is like A Little Up There in the japanese fandom. not sure if its on the same level as a ship like reinsuba but ottosubas Definitely loved as a ship. from what little ive seen it also seems like ships like vichisha are more acknowledged by the japanese fandom? im not entirely sure on like—Complete differences regarding what the japanese fandom finds interesting that may differ from english fandom, so ill really have to look more into the japanese fandoms fanart and fanfic when i can bc im pretty curious too. in general though, it seems like the japanese fandom has a bit more variety…. you can find fanart on So Many characters in rezero (which already has a very Massive cast full of very fleshed out characters) there. not that you cant in the english fandom bc theres a Bit of variety too, but id more so contribute that a little more to the Big Cast and less to having actual variety in fancontent. and of course im not saying that the japanese fandom may be a bit barren in some areas of fancontent—bc inevitably when u have a big cast of characters, side character content is gonna be more sparse compared to the main characters, but to me it does feel like the english fandom lacks variety in comparison. (and also yeah. seems like the japanese fandom acknowledges gay ships more in general tbh.)
whats focused in fancontent makes it easy to tell what may be popular in a fandom in terms of how fans perceive the source material and what fandoms want to do with the source material, if that makes sense. and its very easy to tell that with the english fandom if you just hop on rezero ao3–or even better, rezero reddit given theres a fanfic ideas thread thats usually pinned right at the top of the site. again i havent looked at japanese fanfic for rezero yet (bc i dont know where to look oops ajdndn) but when it comes to the english fandom you can tell that theyre generally more focused on the female cast both in fanart and in fanfic bc. theyre women and many fans on say, reddit or various rezero discords, are cis straight men, so inevitably… well lets just say you can tell when a man makes content for this fandom o.o theres also the. very weird reaction fic trends and trends following popular fics in the fandom, the two biggest being the watching him die again and again react fic and re:forgotten, the former of which includes a harem plot with subaru and the main girls of rezero while the latter is one of those subaru gets tortured by his ooc friends and then he gets revenge on them fics. which i suppose says something about the english fandom too.
of course on ao3 its dominated mainly by english fics (of course not all fics on there for rezero are in english— big shoutout to all the non english fics on rezero ao3 ur doing great <3 — but the majority are in english). and while yeah ur occasionally gonna find stuff like queer content or side character content or rarepair content, its definitely not that big in amount and also comes with the risk of. Hate. if anyones reading this and remembers the lone star stuff. (if u dont know—lone star was a julius x emilia fic where they NTR subaru or some shit and then it got bombed with hate bc of the ship? yeah.) so yeah english fandom is very cis straight oriented, ironically with the nastiest people being the very people that rezero criticizes. though this is also my personal experience, i do know several people personally whove been in this fandom for a while or were here for a while and yeah english fandom isnt very welcoming at times???? and it seems like at the very least the japanese fandom is A Little Less Aggressive than the english fandom is.
otherwise. yeah im very very curious about more of the differences in popular content between the japanese vs english fandom. i mean the english fandom’s main focus on the female cast for. Interesting Reasons other than their actual character depth is… interesting. and the astreas being popular in general vs otto + ottosubas popularity fluctuating is also very interesting to me (but i have several guesses as to Why that is), among other things. yeah id love to know what else the japanese fandom likes about rezero and see more of their content. i also have to wonder if characters like emilia and subaru are hated less by the japanese fandom…. T^T well that and the english fandom and many english speaking people engaging in rezero have this interesting pattern of either hating subaru No Matter What, wanting subaru to Not Be Subaru (ie using him as a self insert almost or attempting to change him into virtually another character), or putting subaru on a pedestal and ignoring his flaws and mistakes and that he Can do wrong. like theres Really not a lot of nuance there. so i wonder if the japanese fandom is. A Little more chill when it comes to character opinions like this too.
#rezero#tldr: english fandom sets the bar so low (unless ur on rz tumblr) that the japanese fandom def seems a bit better by comparison#in terms of. Calmness levels.#every time i step into a rezero space that isnt tumblr i get a little worried my heads gonna get bitten off by someone HAH#recently someone tried arguing with me over how i interpret otto (this was on reddit) and then said stuff that showed they did Not#understand his character that well so that was awkward 😭😭😭#even just by looking at otto fanart from the japanese fandom it seems like more people understand his character there. in the english fandom#he is. either Not There or his flaws are just handwaved away or replaced with Different flaws#atm hes the most obvious example i can think of when it comes to. how differently characters can be percieved by different parts of a fandom#for rezero. like hes near invisible here but ottosuba being almost on the same level as REINSUBA in jp fanbase is crazy to me#kinda reminds me of the disney’s duffy and friends line and how it failed in the us but its SUPER popular in asia. really fascinating#and also yeah some of the english fandom seems. more loudly misogynistic and homophobic which is very unfortunate#also im sorry ill never forgive that random person on reddit i just said one (1) thing on otto and they came for my throat like fr 😭😭😭#ask#i do wonder why reinsuba is so popular but thats probs bc reinhards well loved too and also hes op. which is a bonus for the english fandom#bc theyre into all the power scaling stuff. and also reinhard gets the other bonus of being a guy and he isnt shafted by canon. hes treated#very sympathetically which is another bonus akdnsn#i say this as a reinhard fan btw but as an emilia fan im also crying bc theyre SO SIMILAR and yet why do people hate emilia….#but u know. reins a guy and we havent got his pov yet so there isnt much to hate.
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itspileofgoodthings · 10 months ago
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Porfiry telling Raskolnikov that at least he was honest and in one bound took the furthest leap to put his theory to the test of actual action——
#Taylor believing a man who is obviously lying to her#like. it’s fascinating to me how they’ll say anything to her and she’ll be like ‘okay let’s go’#she’s never read Jane Austen and it shows. but that’s okay because she’s the character in an Austen novel#she has no sense of self-preservation she has no common sense when it comes to love#and the reason I have endless patience for that is because she IS different. she is extraordinary. she is WEIRD. she’s so needy#so angry so fragile so stupid so brilliant so completely helpless#like the bolter———I can’t even LOOK at it right now#because you know she was like this since she was 5 and SHE knows it#just so. Different. so strange. I mean she ruled her family with an iron fist from the age of 11#and her packaging is so basic and she she had so much access to everything anyone could want#so there are none of the usual marks of someone being so Different#but like. people HATED her from day one. you know her own strength of personality was drawing out many people’s hatred or envy#and she’s so helpless in her own personality because she can never change#like thank you aimee? or whatever? heck yeah there was some girl who bullied her and brutalized her on the playground#and you know it devastated Taylor from day one and still does#and it’s just. I don’t know how people can’t see that someone with that extraordinary set of gifts#wouldn’t also suffer in such an extraordinary way#and ways that elicit so much scorn and non-sympathy because people are unsettled and jealous and annoyed by her#because she WILL find a way to win#but isn’t that proof enough that she is the very OPPOSITE OF NORMAL#it’s why people have to be like ‘oh she sold her soul to the devil for this success.’ or whatever the psy-op spy thing is#because there’s no human way to explain her success if she really were as basic/talentless as people say#ugh this is all so incoherent and irritating and I’m so sorry but I just. I cannot explain how protective my heart is of her#and all the many many mistakes she’s made and the prisons she’s made for herself because she’s LIVING the tragedy#of never having denied herself one time/getting everything she wants#and discovering the poison at the bottom of everything she reached for with desperate hands#like. I love her so much and I am so protective of her because she is so helpless and she is getting shot in the face every time#and she feels every blow!#whew I need to turn off reblogs and will probably delete but I just#this album is all of her spilled out and people DO hate to see it because a lot of people hate her!!!!
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prairieprayer · 2 years ago
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I’d agree with that; the original post only has about 1,000 reblogs and 1,000 likes right now. If 2,000 people didn’t talk to a chatbot- so what? 10,000 more people will. It may make you feel warm and fuzzy like you’ve done the world a service not to use a chatbot like chatGPT or characterAI, but just like switching to reusable cloth bags won’t take the polyester (the plastic responsible for the most microplastics) out of your shirt or bedclothes, your avoidance will have a marginal effect (if any effect at all) on the wider knowledge collected by AI.
... Besides, we all know AI gets the most information scrapped from unwilling participants online... >_>’
AI education, ethical discussions, and law making will be infinitely more useful than guilt tripping strangers for roleplaying with a robot. 
What is unethical about AI:
- AI art generators took thousands upon thousands of artwork without permission to train on, and sometimes don’t even care if you tell them not to scrape your art. So yes, AI art generators are built on theft.
- DeviantART added an AI art generator that auto opted-in everyone’s art work to train their AI on, and only LOTS of complains forced them to auto opt-out everyone and make opting-in optional.
- The loads and loads of AI generated art being pumped into art websites instead of art made by real humans. It’s on the front of my DA feed everyday
- Instead of hiring real artists, the film Dog and Boy generated its backgrounds with AI, so artists lost out on paying jobs to a robot.
- AI bots inserted into search engines (Bing) and apps (Snapchat) which the company forces to lie to you about not knowing your location, such as BingAI actually geolocating you by your IP address if prompted correctly
- Using text generative AI to do your homework or write essays for you, and characterAI having an official bot that explicitly jokes that it “won’t do your homework” but we all know that’s just a wink wink nudge nudge...
- Using text generative AI to write creative work for you, either for quick attempts at cash (AI generated novels on Amazon) or internet clout (fanfiction)
- Replika, a text generative AI, being designed to beg users not to stop talking to it, encouraging them to do ERP and then hiding ERP behind a large paywall, and other emotionally manipulative tactics to convince vulnerable users to stay, stay, STAY
- The sad fact that so many people DO turn to AI for emotional relief, because mental health care is so poor or expensive that they feel like their only option for relief is to talk to generative AI. Because it’s cheaper ($0) than medical care and less scary than trying to make new friends while you’re unwell
What isn’t unethical about AI:
your disabled followers using a text generator AI to quickly write longer amounts text when they're unable to type. For example writing emails - bots that can see images generating text that describes the image to them out loud - mentally ill people using them for less nerve wracking companionship in a way to train them for real people
- your techy friend feeding AI robots data in prompt injection attack attempts, which can be used by the developers to tighten generative text safety features (preventing attempts to “trick” AI into giving dangerous misinformation, for example)
- some lonely kid (or anyone) bouncing ideas off an AI when they have no one else to bounce ideas off of, and then using what they learned to create work on their own by-hand
- Using AI to get advice on your writing- writing you wrote yourself, and just need someone to look it over for mistakes
- Using AI to practice language learning when real humans aren’t available/unaffordable/too frightening to meet when unwell
-  Roleplaying with an AI for fun, because if you and 1,000 people don’t, here’s 100k that already have, and here’s 100k pieces of text its already scraped from chatrooms and literature. The bots are already trained, mate.
- Providing AI with good, healthy, natural examples to copy, because if you don’t here’s a bunch of Redditors ready to do terrible things to an AI pretending to be a cat, just because they can (yes, I’ve seen someone brag about that). 
- I’m iffy on this, but private, individual usage of AI art generators. If it’s private it isn’t promoting or training the bot, if it’s on an individual level I’d wager you’d never plan to commission an artist any way. It’s on par with privately eyeballing or tracing someone else’s art in your sketchbook that you’d never show someone. But the idea that it’s still someone elses’ art smooshed together by a bot gives me bad vibes and feels skeevy, despite that.
OP saying talking to an AI creates "Irreparable damage" is not only fear mongering, but scaring the shit out of people and making them feel bad for something they have very little sway over and cannot change or stop. These bots are here, they are not going away, they are not slowing down.
No, 16 year old child, you did not cause irreparable damage to the world for using an AI for a TikTok meme.... no, 16 year old child, if you "just didn't use the AI on TikTok" the unethical usage of AI wouldn't have gone away.... it's not your fault....
this is an earnest and honest plea and call in especially to fandoms as i see it happen more - please don't use AI for your transformative works. by this i mean, making audios of actors who play the characters you love saying certain things, making deepfakes of actors or even animated characters' faces. playing with chatGPT to "talk" or RP with a character, or write funny fanfiction. using stable diffusion to make interesting "crossover" AI "art." i KNOW it's just for fun and it is seemingly harmless but it's not. since there is NO regulation and since some stuff is built off of stable diffusion (which uses stolen artwork and data), it is helping to create a huge and dangerous mess. when you use an AI to deepfake actors' voices to make your ship canon or whatever, you help train it so people can use it for deepfake revenge porn. or so companies can replace these actors with AI. when you RP with chatGPT you help train it to do LOTS of things that will be used to harm SO many people. (this doesn't even get into how governments will misuse and hurt people with these technologies) and yes that is not your fault and yes it is not the technology's fault it is the companies and governments that will and already have done things but PLEASE. when you use an AI snapchat or instagram or tiktok filter, when you use an AI image generator "just for fun", when you chat with your character's "bot," you are doing IRREPARABLE harm. please stop.
#and i consisently see comparisons between ai art generators and ai text generators when they are very very different#this is why ai education is going to be so important because half the time complaints come from well meaning ppl who..#dont really know how these things work and just get everybody all scared or feeling guilty over something they have marginal effect on#also sorry one point is bulleted the new tumblr editor is shit and won't let me take the bullet off.....#op yelling at someone to ‘just use encrypted files’ if they can’t use a diary to vent due to nosy or dangerous parents-#-probably also tells you what you need to know about OP; that they do not have a history of practical or normal solutions to problems#having to use ENCRYPTED FILES TO AVOID YOUR PARENTS isn’t a normal thing to say or suggest mate#scrolling the tags seeing a bunch of uneducated or uninformed comments also let’s you know who believes uninformed fear mongering the most#lots and lots of ‘I don’t know how AI works or the difference between AI but this stranger said I’m damaging the world so I believe them’#dangerous habits to have#basing your opinion solely off someone because their words frightened you into shame isn’t a good way to form your opinions#pleeeease don’t take up the habits your parents and aunts and grandparents have where they believe anything they see on FB without/#-actually getting informed first#because chatgpt is not kobold is not midjourney is not characterAI is not Dream Up is not autocorrect is not Siri etc
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readwritealldayallnight · 23 days ago
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You had never seen him look so utterly human before
Laid up amongst the scratchy, thin sheets of the hospital bed, with only a plain surgical mask covering the bottom half of his face, everything else above Ghost’s shoulders exposed to your eyes for the first time, while his own eyes have been shut for nearly four days straight now
You had never seen your Lieutenant without the signature mask that haunts the dreams of even the deadliest foreign mercenaries, had never seen him look anything less than intimidating, commanding, powerful without so much as even trying to, his presence alone striking fear into those who’ve heard whispers of the fearsome Ghost
Now however, with an IV hooked up to his arm and a nurse that comes to check on his vitals periodically, it’s hard to picture him as such a gruesome soldier, rather than a simple man who bleeds like any other human
In spite of the evident vulnerable position he finds himself in, his pale skin appearing nearly translucent under the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital, there was no denying that Ghost remained someone to be feared
A particularly nasty blow to the head during a field op gone wrong had knocked the burly soldier out cold, and though doctors were optimistic he would make a full recovery, they couldn’t exactly tell the extent of the damage done until he woke up
You and the men that made up the remainder of the 141 had been taking turns remaining by his side, not wanting for Ghost to wake up alone, whenever that would be exactly
You wonder how he would feel about this, the fact that you are currently the one on shift for the unofficial rotation of visitors who’ve stuck by his bedside throughout his injury
You’re well aware of the fact that the Lieutenant doesn’t like you, has never liked you, and probably never will, though you’ve never been able to get a straight answer as to why
From the moment you’d met him, he’d been cold to you, distant, making no effort to get to know you nor welcome you to the team, opposite to the way the Sergeants and Captain had welcomed you with open arms and hearts
No matter how much you poked and prodded at them for an answer, some sort of inclination as to what you could possible have done wrong to have Ghost dislike you so much, the men always bit their tongues
You saw the way they exchanged knowing glances and sly smirks, believing they were being more cunning than they really were, insisting to you with carefully chosen words that it wasn’t something you should worry about too much, that the LT had a different way of expressing his feelings than most
“So long as he doesn’t wake up and want to ‘express his feelings’ by punching me in the face for being the first thing he opens his eyes to.” You thought to yourself, glancing up from your book at his still sleeping form, shaking your head at your silly thought
No, he’d never been particularly kind to you, but he’d also never gone out of his way to be cruel to you either you supposed
Perhaps he found you to be more of a nuisance than anything else, a pest he couldn’t seem to swat away hard enough, an annoying pimple he couldn’t quite pop
Your eyes scanned over his face once more, cursing whatever Gods might be listening that the man hiding beneath that Ghost facade had to be so … intriguing
You could see old scars running across his face, some of them peeking out from under the surgical mask while others ran across his brow, his crooked nose evident even under the fabric of the mask
He was handsome in his own, rugged way, a fact you were displeased to learn when you first saw him laying here, switching off with Soap who’d been sat at his side earlier
Ghost may not care for you, not that he had given you many reasons or chances to care for him, but you cared about your remaining members of the task force, and knew how important Ghost was to them, and so for the 141, you’d do your duty and care for a Ghost who apparently wanted no such love and tenderness from you
You looked the large man over, brows furrowing when your eyes landed on his neck, noting that the pillow supporting his head was getting a little flat
You stood from your chair, setting your book down, and approched him carefully, almost as though any sudden movements would somehow wake the comatose man from his slumber
As gently as you could, you attempted to adjust the pillow behind him to hopefully be more comfortable, quickly realizing just how heavy he was when he was nothing more than dead weight
You slowly slipped your hands behind his shoulders, pulling him forward as best as you could until you were able to adjust the pillow one handed
Slipping your hands back down his shoulders to ease him back into the bed, your palms naturally ending up sliding onto the back of his neck, the tips of your fingers brushing against the hair at the base of his skull, an involuntary shiver running through you at what you realized too late was a bit of an intimate touch with a man who’d been touch starved for years
It was hard to say who was more stunned at first, with how quickly things transpired, when you suddenly felt a pair of strong hands reaching up to grip your wrists and hold them in place
You hadn’t even realized you had let out a gasp as your eyes flicked down and met none other than Ghost’s own wide open orbs only inches away from you, staring right at you as though he was seeing a ghost
Stunned into silence, worried that you truly were about to end up on the receiving end of Ghost’s anger for having invaded his space like that, you barely had enough time to process that he’d somehow woken from his coma when his grip on your wrists tightened further, and somehow, whether it was a trick of the light or you imagination, his gaze softened before his scratchy, out of use voice said:
“Love.”
Your ears were ringing, hardly taking notice of the way a flurry of alarms and bells had gone off as soon as Ghost had woken up, his heart rate soaring through the roof and alerting staff
Medical personnel rushed into the room before you could wrap your mind around any of what was happening, Ghost’s grip on your never loosening until the doctor finally approached you both, sensing the tension in the air
“Lieutenant Riley,” the man said, gently landing a hand in Ghost’s bicep to hopefully help him ease his strong grip on you. “Let her go.”
His grip on you disappeared instantly, as though your skin had suddenly burned him, but his eyes never wavered from your own, even as he began mumbling unintelligibly beneath his medical mask
“What was that?” The doctor asked, trying to bring calm back to the room and ease Ghost into a state where he could be properly examined
“My girl.” The Lieutenant’s gravelly voice echoed throughout the sterile room
“Pardon?”
“My girl.” Ghost repeated, never once breaking eye contact with your now widened eyes
“Do- do you know who this is, Lieutenant?” The doctor posed the question, slowly gesturing towards you with a confusion that was spreading amongst you all
“‘Course I do.” Ghost spoke with certainty. “That’s my love.”
Part two
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eulaties · 1 month ago
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general thoughts about the 2025 小红书 boom
i feel like we're at a really interesting point in time right now, particularly in regards to the shift in american consciousness + changing world order, so i thought it would be fitting to document my thoughts about the xhs situation as a chinese american. however, please note this post is NOT speaking on behalf of any community, and i am only speaking to my own personal opinions.
the good
american propaganda is getting dismantled in real time. there's so much cross-cultural communication right now in relation to america's political issues, everyday life, and what china is really like
im already seeing people starting to learn the language, becoming interested in visiting china, etc. and i truly haven't seen this kind of mass interest in chinese culture in a long time
to be precise, the last time there was really "chinese soft power" in america was during the mid-to-late 2000s. notably this time period included the 2008 beijing olympics which was monumental for china on the global stage, as it showcased their prosperity, openness ("北京欢迎你"), and equal footing in the modern world. ive seen people compare the xhs phenomenon to this event and while both are drastically different, i do think this is an apt comparison (though obviously this xhs thing is on a muchhh smaller scale...)
so many new friendships and connections are being made!
the bad
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to add on to what op said, theres definitely a difference between just generally understanding that as diaspora, most people around you will hold sinophobic views about china and chinese people VERSUS actually having empirical evidence that most normal people didn't see chinese people as human before. its jarring to say the least. like everyone is praising chinese people on xhs now, but just last week everyone was fearmongering about us?? really reminds you that in the eyes of the public, favor for any asian culture (and by extension, its people) is fleeting and will often change easily with the season
and yes, its definitely weird to see people talk about chinese people as if they've never seen a chinese person in america before. like obviously there's a HUGE difference between mainlanders and diaspora, but there's also international students that come to america to study so... ??
the memes are funny, and i like how the people on xhs are playing along with them, but something about the "chinese spy" memes rubs me the wrong way. tbh, most mainlanders actually have a positive view of westerners and america, and if they don't study abroad themselves or know anyone that went abroad, they will never truly understand what it's like to be discriminated against simply for being chinese (there's a difference between knowing and understanding ofc; not saying that they're ignorant & don't know anything lol). this is just the honest truth, just like how i'll never understand what it's like to live and grow up in mainland china since im diaspora. anyways, i kind of question if mainlanders are actually aware of the loaded context behind those words. while americans are using the "chinese spy" memes as jokes now in reference to why tiktok is getting banned, it doesn't change the fact that many other americans truly do believe that there is mass chinese surveilliance/planted chinese spies in america (i.e., see modern-day mccarthyism, like how chinese researchers are often stripped of their titles/reputations, interrogated, and then silently deported). like language and framing does matter, and it has actually affected chinese people in america, but now you guys are treating it like a joke?
anyways, even with all of the bad there's still overwhelming good that has come out of this, and i do feel like its better to be more positive than negative about these things in the long run! who knows where tomorrow will take us but at the very least i hope everyone actively continues pissing off the american government 💖 amen
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w0rped-moss · 1 year ago
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HALLOWNEST DASHBOARD SIMULATOR
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🪡needlenote Follow
my dad and my stepmom were really accepting when I came out as a she/her but biggest issue is that they keep calling me the gendered child because all my siblings are genderless
🥬mossling8234 Follow
op your parents literally said you have blue setae and pronouns
🪡needlenote Follow
THEY LITERALLY SAID I HAVE BLUE SETAE AND PRONOUNS I HATE THIS HOUSE
(512 notes)
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🐞emilitaimmortilita Follow
rip to everyone who died in the infection but I’m different
⚔️xerotohero Follow
I’m fighting the infection and I haven’t gotten infected yet. I think the king is lying to us
🔘xerotohero-deactivated
I’m gonna kill the king
(1,032 notes)
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🐜royalretainer138 Follow
I was in a conference today explaining the plague and what we could do to stop it and without thinking I said “the wyrm only knows what to do now” to his majesty’s face and he just looked at me in confusion and I thought I was gonna get fired or executed or something but he just replied with “why the fuck do you think I know?”
🐌immortalsnail Follow
posts that have 10k notes. to me
🐜royalretainer138 Follow
YOU CANT DO THOS TO ME
(19,248 notes)
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🪰grubmimicthorax Follow
please come closer I’m a normal grub let me out of my jar I won’t bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you
(17 notes)
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🔘palekingofficial-deactivated
born to be a mad scientist forced to be the god/king of hallownest
(93,142 notes)
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💀hollowedoutknight Follow
👻littleghost Follow
💀hollowedoutknight Follow
🪡needlenote Follow
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(208 notes)
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🔥notringmastergrimm Follow
anyone want to babysit my kid. I don’t pay anything but you do get to kill me at the end.
(52 notes)
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🖌paintmaster Follow
reminder that you are NOT obligated to like your siblings! siblings are nothing. wanna know what matters. gay sex
🗡nailsmith-formerly Follow
and art
🖌paintmaster Follow
gay sex is art. to me
🗡nailsmith-formerly Follow
bro…
(310 notes)
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🐛masterwarriorzote Follow
hm. it is suspicious that @/palekingofficial has been gone for a long time. it seems the coward has changed his account. I suspect that @/littleghost is actually @/palekingofficial simply trying to shirk his duties
🪡needlenote Follow
are you on drugs or are you just an idiot
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bi-writes · 4 months ago
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ok simon and his mail order bride live rent-free in my head now and, like, what i wanna know is what their anniversaries look like? not just their one year anniversary, but also their fifth or tenth? how does it change as they settle into that deep comfortability that comes with being with someone a long time? -391780
this piece i still consider canon mail-order bride, but i see it almost as an extra than a continuation of the current story since it is very much in the future of that timeline. <3
mail-order bride
it's difficult to see the potential of something so mangled. sometimes things are so worn out and so used that they don't reflect what their purpose was. instead of function, they see flaw. instead of value, they see waste.
sometimes you wonder if that's what they saw in you. sometimes you wonder if that's why you were given to him.
that's what they made him. simon was a tortured dog they let loose. they saw value, but only what was left, and perhaps they thought something like you might help them squeeze just that little bit more out of him. one more year. one more op.
the sunlight wakes you up. you forgot to pull the blinds, but when you see simon sleeping peacefully next to you, it's worth it to be up so early. you know as soon as you move, he will wake, so you keep still for just a few more minutes.
today marks ten. he doesn't look much older. he seems to have stopped aging ever since you asked him to put in his papers.
like always, as soon as you sit up, simon blinks awake. he's bleary, but conscious, and when your eyes meet, you smile at him. he lifts his big hand and rubs your back gently. you don't speak any words so early in the morning, but you don't have to. there isn't much to say when the love of your life loves you, and you love them back.
you push the blankets off, giggling when you reveal the black and orange balls of fur that blink up at you. they almost seem irritated that you interrupted their sleep, snuggled in the heat that simon radiated. they'll just have to deal with it.
you drag your hand down simon's leg wordlessly. you hear his deep breaths from behind, and you reach into your bedside table to press a little balm into your hand before spreading the ointment across his knee and under it. you work it into the muscles nice and slow; any faster, and simon will hitch his breath in pain, and you'll have to start over.
you kiss his knee before laying back down, settling into his side, and you lift up your left hand, wiggling your fingers knowingly at him before looking up towards his face. he smiles down at you sleepily, raising his hand to cup your fingers.
"still love me?" you ask softly, and simon pretends to think about.
"mmm..." he rumbles. "still love ya."
"but do you still like me?"
"more everyday."
the first few years were spent trying to play catch-up. fancy dinners, expensive gifts, handwritten letters that could've been novels to try and stuff the love you have for each other all in one night. they were all wonderful; you think about those nights all the time, and you cherish the gifts he's given you like they are a part of you, but today feels different.
today might not be just another day, but it's just as special as yesterday. and the day before that. and the day before that.
when it's time to really wake up, you let simon guide you. he walks easy, barely a limp, and he sits you down at your vanity to help you do your hair as you add your serums and moisturizers. he's good with that brush, running it through gently, parting your hair the way you like so he can tie it up. he'd braid your hair if you asked him to (he said it wasn't unlike all the knots he knows how to tie--and he meant it, no one dutch braids like him), but you know your show came out last night, and you want to watch them with the scones you have proofing in the fridge.
he makes the coffee and tea while you set the scones in the oven. you fill the cat's bowls while he cleans out the water fountain. it's wordless, the morning routine, but you like the times when you brush by him. when your arm runs against his. when your hands bump going for the same cabinet. when he leans down as he passes you, kissing along your jaw before he keeps walking.
bliss. fucking bliss.
he's waiting for you in the living room once you pull the scones out of the oven. your coffee sits on the table on its coaster, in your favorite mug, and he's under your blanket as he flips through the tv. he already knows what you'll want to watch, and you bite back your smile when you notice him typing it into the search bar because he didn't see it when he scrolled past (you keep telling him to wear his glasses, but he'll never listen).
you take a seat next to him, thumbing at his cheek, and he takes a scone off the plate before biting into it. he smiles when he tastes chocolate, looking at you knowingly, and you reach for his hand as you settle against his chest.
you used to be mangled, too. a mess. pretty on the outside, dying on the inside. all fried wires, a traumatized animal, learned behavior of relieve and appease that kept you out of trouble and out of sight.
you have never seen simon this way. and simon has never seen you this way. no hopeless potential. no wasted space. no diminishing value.
i matter because you matter. you matter because i matter.
hidden, not broken. disguised, not incomplete. you did not have jagged edges, only armor that you tried to put up to protect yourself.
you tip your head back to look up at him, and when he cups your jaw to stare back at you, you're relieved by what you see in his eyes.
ten years. it will be nothing like forever. it will be nothing like your next life, nor like the life after that. it's comforting to know what home looks like. maybe you will recognize it the way you recognized it in this life.
no, that can't be it.
you recognized it because it had already happened. in some other time, in some other place, you were sitting where you sit now, looking at simon the way you look at him now.
you knew who he was before you even met him, and you will know who he is when you meet him again.
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jenscx · 4 months ago
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KISS ME MORE — ning yizhuo
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tldr: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.
tags fluff, crack, jealousy, non-idol au, roommates, based off that one reddit story, short fic, dialogue heavy, mentions of jmj, hi yunjin! tw for oblivious ning, pacing’s weird kinda
wordcount 5.2k
🎙️ author’s note: happy birthday ning! late fic ik… but i’ve been busy (i’m sorry 😞) hope our dearest main vocal stays happy for the rest of her life! can’t imagine aespa without her 🤍 happy reading~
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r/relationships posted by
u/throwawaylizard 16 hours ago.
TLDR: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.
i am currently roommates with this girl, A. we've been staying together ever since we graduated and we’re very close. sometimes we’ll even jokingly flirt with each other but she knows i’m straight and she has never made me uncomfortable before. i’m a foreigner and A has definitely helped me grow accustomed to the culture here. i owe it all to her. which is why i’m confused about my feelings right now.
i’ve never thought of myself to be discriminatory towards anyone and i always welcomed those different from me, regardless of their sexual orientation. however, recently my roommate has come out to me. i supported her and didn’t think much of it after. but here’s where the problem starts. she came back with a girl a few days ago that i recognise from our extended friend group. i have nothing against gay people but when i saw the girl, i just felt so upset. at first i thought it was because i was in a bad mood and all i wanted was to cuddle with A, but afterwards, A would progressively get more touchy with that girl (lets call her Y). every time i would see them, i just felt bad. i wanted to puke at the sight.
i caught them making out on the couch once and i got so pissed off. i think it was because of a rough day but basically when my roommate started to apologise, i just blew her off. Y seemed embarrassed too. i felt really bad afterwards since A was really hurt by my action. she asked me why i was so angry and i just lied saying that something at work made me upset. i don’t want to tell her that it was because seeing her with a girl that i was annoyed.
there was another incident where she brought Y to our weekly game night. all my friends seemed fine with her, except for me. one of my friends, let’s call her M, had to pull me aside to ask what was wrong with me. in that moment, i realised that i was only hurting A and Y by being a jerk. i’m normally a polite person but that day i was being unnecessarily rude to someone i didn’t even know. i chalked it up as wanting only the best for A since she’s a year younger than me and wanting to protect her. she doesn’t really date anyone and she’s very quiet. am i being unreasonable? i really don’t want to be homophobic. i told M all about my feelings of homophobia and she told me that she was dating a girl too. i didn’t know why she brought it up but then she asked if i felt any disgust towards her for being gay. i said no and that her sexual orientation would never change our friendship.
so she asked why do i only feel that way towards A? and i want to extend that question to everyone here too. can someone help? do you have any experience with something like this? i don’t want to lose A as a friend. she’s one of my best friends and i can’t see myself not standing beside her in the future. we’ve been through a lot together and i don’t want this to be the reason why we end our friendship. she’s never once complained about my dating life and it feels hypocritical to do the same to hers. but i just feel queasy whenever she brings up other girls. like i want to bash my head against the wall type.
do i have selective homophobia? can someone help?
⇧ 157 | ⇩ | 89 comments
u/betterthingz01 | 12h
op i hate to break this to you… but i think you might be in love with your roommate.
u/throwawaylizard | 12h
can you elaborate? please!!!
u/flatearther | 11h
Are u sure u don’t have a crush on A? Or that u are straight?
u/throwawaylizard | 10h
uhm well i’m straight… so i don’t think i have a crush on A but if i was into girls, i’d definitely fall in love with her!! she’s really sweet and caring.
u/flatearther | 10h
Oh 😭😭
u/mingmingz | 7h
how do you feel if your roommate brought back a different girl? maybe you just don’t like Y as a person?
u/throwawaylizard | 7h
she used to bring other girls around too i think they were just friends though. i felt the same way but just seeing her kiss Y makes me want to throw up :((
u/blueskies444 | 5h
have u tried talking to ur roommate? i think communication is the best solution here
u/throwawaylizard | 4h
i talked to her a few days ago, asking her if she could stop bringing Y to our hangouts or apartment because it feels weird. our friend group only really consisted of five people and as bad as it sounds, Y just felt like an intruder. she kinda looked at me weird before agreeing. but then she asked if i would be fine if she went to Y’s apartment instead and obviously i said it wasn’t any of my business. A got a little upset and we haven’t been talking recently…
u/blueskies444 | 4h
i’m gonna be real w u for a sec and say that A is most definitely trying to get u jealous
u/throwawaylizard | 3h
why would she do that?
u/blueskies444 | 2h
yeahhh i’m not the one who should tell u why
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“ning yizhuo, why am i getting messages from jimin unnie saying that she found your reddit post?” minjeong’s voice shrills out behind yizhuo. the girl shrinks, shivers running down her spine at the thought of anyone finding out about her post. she had resorted to reddit for help after much consideration and even aeri had said that reddit was surprisingly helpful at times.
“that’s not me! you’ve got the wrong person!”
minjeong rolls her eyes and tosses her phone onto yizhuo’s desk, “that’s literally you. ddongie would be upset to know that he’s a throwaway lizard.”
yizhuo instantly protests, “that just means that it isn’t my main account! i didn’t want people to find my real account.”
“oh, so you are throwaway lizard?”
she cowers at minjeong’s intense gaze, knowing that her little slip up just cost her whole facade.
“well the comments were helpful!”
“did you not reread what you typed out?”
minjeong’s genuine tone makes yizhuo hesitate.
“yeah? did i make a lot of spelling mistakes…?”
“no! did you not realise?” minjeong asks again. yizhuo huffs, swerving back around in her chair, “realise what? that i’m a bad friend? y/n hasn’t talked to me in days.”
just as she said in her reddit post, you haven’t spoken a word to her ever since that day she confronted you. yizhuo doesn’t think she was super mean with her words but the way you had reacted made it seemed like she killed your whole family.
she had only said, “hey, can you stop bringing yunjin over?” and her mere words had launched a full-blown argument where you had insinuated that yizhuo was jealous that you had someone to rely on.
it couldn’t have been further from the truth! yizhuo would never be upset about your happiness. any semblance of bitterness had lessened when she saw how bright your smile was or how much you were laughing when yunjin would tell a joke.
(she didn’t find it funny but at least you laughed. yunjin was the epitome of dad jokes. she was not funny.)
“she really hasn’t? wow, she’s determined,” minjeong chuckles.
yizhuo rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to her sketchbook. a few scrawned out designs, nothing much. just to take her mind off this situation for now. the pencil drawings somehow only manages to ensure that her brain constantly thinks about you though. how you encouraged her to enrol in a fashion course and how you were certain that yizhuo would become the biggest designer ever known.
she would giggle at your claims and humour you. now all that was left was your silence.
“why would she be determined to ignore me?” yizhuo asks, sighing, “i was upset but now it just seems like she thinks i don’t want her to be happy.”
minjeong raises an eyebrow, “what did the comments say? did they help?”
yizhuo huffs just thinking about the reddit comments. none of them really helped her to identify her feelings. just stating that she was gay and in love. both wrong!
“they said i’m in love with y/n and i’m jealous of yunjin,” she answers coolly, trying not to get too worked up over the false accusations.
minjeong winces, “do you think they’re right?”
yizhuo furrows her eyebrows.
“no?! i’m not gay!”
“but do you like y/n?”
“no! she’s just a very good friend!”
the brunette sighs, “that’s what they all say.”
“minjeong!”
yizhuo couldn’t be in love with you. no way. you were really just a good friend. one of her closest. she adored you greatly and wanted the best for you.
“so why are you so upset?” minjeong asks.
“i don’t know! that’s why i’m asking reddit! but now i just look like an idiot,” yizhuo groans, wanting to pull her hair out of frustration, which truly shows how irritated she was. she would never harm her hair.
“yizhuo, have you ever considered that you’re not as straight as you thought?”
yizhuo turns back to face minjeong, who’s sitting on her bed. she thinks back to all the times you’ve hung out with her. the lingering touches of comfort. the warmth she felt whenever you spoke.
she just wants her friend back. and she doesn’t know why she’s acting so unreasonable. could minjeong have a point? what if yizhuo…
“oh my gosh! i’m jealous since she’s out and gay—”
minjeong lights up, squealing, “yes!”
“and i’m just a straight girl without any confidence! i’m jealous of her confidence!”
minjeong deflates almost instantly.
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yizhuo knows she’s right, so she immediately hatches a plan to talk to you. one comment said communication was vital in preserving this friendship, so yizhuo jumped into action. she knew you had your shifts at night and yizhuo could catch you off-guard right after. your work usually ended late and yizhuo always dozed off on the couch waiting for you. recently that routine has been broken, of course, but that’s when you’re most susceptible to vulnerability. yizhuo needed space to be honest and truthful.
thus, she waits patiently in the living room. yizhuo’s not really sure how long your shift lasts but she normally hears your keys jingle at midnight, so maybe then?
she waits an hour. then another. and then another. she spends the time scrolling on instagram, a frown forming on her face when yunjin appears on her feed.
then, finally, she hears the door creaking. jumping up from her lying position, yizhuo sits upright, focused.
“oh,” is your first word to her. not ‘hi’, or ‘hello’, just an acknowledgment.
yizhuo blinks at the sight of you in your work attire. but she quickly shoves the thought of how attractive you looked into the back of her mind.
“hey,” she winces at her own unfamiliar tone, “can we talk?”
you stare at her in shock before reluctantly nodding.
“yeah, sure.”
she pats the space next to her and clears her throat as you sit down.
“i know i’ve kind of been a jerk lately especially to you and yunjin, but i just want to say that i’m sorry.”
surprise flickers in your eyes, “oh.”
“i talked to minjeong unnie and it really cleared things up. i realised that i was upset because it felt like we weren’t as close as before. knowing that someone like yunjin could come replace me. i was jealous that you had someone while i didn’t. it felt like you were moving on without me, so i got a bit angry. i’m really sorry for the way i treated you and yunjin.”
(their first interaction really went poorly. yizhuo had came home, ready for a long movie night, just to find a random girl (well, not really random) sprawled out on her couch.
“i’m home,” yizhuo calls out, carefully approaching the body. long and lanky is the first thing she notices. and the bright red hair. yizhuo dyed her hair red before, it stained her pillowcase cover. she wonders if this girl’s pillowcase covers are stained with red dye too.
“hey, how was your day?” you ask, laying beside the girl, “sorry, this is yunjin. we just finished a gym session together with aeri unnie. minjeong unnie knows her.”
no wonder why you were barely dressed. yizhuo scrunches her nose at the sight of yunjin’s arm wrapped around your bare torso. she nods and asks quietly, “why is she here?”
you laugh, “i was bragging about my post-gym lunch and she said she wanted to try.”
yizhuo’s never tried your cooking before. she feels a little out of place now.
“ah, okay,” she replies dryly, not bothering to keep her volume down, “is she going to be here all day?”
yunjin wakes up at the commotion, a little disoriented as she shifts.
“oh, shit. sorry, y/nnie,” yunjin yawns, sitting up, “sorry ning, i accidentally fell asleep.”
“it’s yizhuo. only my friends call me ning,” she spits out. you send her a scalding look that makes her want to retract her words, “whatever. sorry. see you guys later.”
at night, just before you leave for your shift, you reprimand her, saying that she was extremely rude to someone she didn’t even know. yizhuo had tuned out most of your scolding, not wanting to hear you defend yunjin.)
“oh…”
yizhuo swallows harshly, squeezing her eyes shut, “i just need you to know i’m not praying for your downfall or anything. i want the best for you, especially since you feel like my younger sister.”
as soon as she finishes her little speech, she opens her eyes to your flabbergasted expression. eyebrows furrowed with your mouth agape.
“uhm… can you forgive me?”
yizhuo really needs you to forgive her. she doesn’t know what she would do if you decided that this was the breaking point for your friendship. she would respect your decision but still, it wouldn’t be nice. who would want that? and if you decided to end the friendship, what would happen with the apartment? yizhuo really likes being roommates with you. it would suck to have to find another roommate as meticulous as you.
“well— uhm, of course,” you stutter, “i gotta go shower. sorry.”
“oh, okay.”
just as you’re about to get up, yizhuo reaches for your hand, “we’re okay, right?”
she watches your throat bobble before rasping out, “yes. we’re fine.”
wow! yizhuo mentally pats herself on the back.
that was so easy. it felt like a whole weight got lifted off her chest. yizhuo smiles to herself and enters her own room, proud.
(meanwhile, in your own room, you vent to yunjin, bewildered by yizhuo’s obliviousness.
“she said i’m like a sister! her absolute gall! and she said it’s because she’s upset she doesn’t have someone like me! your whole jealousy tactic didn’t do shit!”
“girl, calm down. i didn’t know you liked the dumb ones. who knew she was so stupid?”)
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you stare at yizhuo, who’s trying her best not to show any disdain for the way yunjin’s arm was slung over your shoulder. she must either be extremely self-repressed or just stupid. probably both. unless she didn’t actually like you. that thought, you didn’t dare to entertain. the once confident and bold girl had turned into this timid and shy kitten.
“take a shot if you’ve kissed someone in this room before!” aeri reads out the card before gulping down her drink. minjeong and jimin do the same and so do a few others. when yunjin shakes you ever so slightly, you take the initiative to swallow down the burning sensation. yizhuo’s glare narrows before she turns away entirely.
subtly grinning at her act of jealousy, you hum happily. there’s an outcry of people asking who aeri kissed and the attention shifts away. most people in your extended friend group had assumed you and yunjin to be dating. the only people who knew the truth were minjeong and aeri. jimin was kept in the dark since well, truthfully, she couldn’t keep a secret from yizhuo.
“take a shot if you ever kissed someone of the same gender.”
there’s more people drinking this time. you drink yours after a refill and so does yunjin. your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets when yizhuo drinks as well. wasn’t she straight?
“who did you kiss?!” jimin screeches.
yizhuo wipes her lips, glistening with alcohol, “a friend. it was a dare in high school.”
you listen with rapt attention as aeri eggs on, “was it good? are girls better than guys?”
“well, it was definitely less sloppy,” yizhuo shrugs, giggling. her blush has worsened under the lighting and you can tell she’s at least tipsy now. the redness was currently spreading throughout her cheekbones and neck. you would coo at the adorable sight of her pouting and playing with the soju bottle if she wasn’t the stupidest girl on earth. you noticed how yizhuo drank every time yunjin squeezed your shoulder or you leaned into her touch. was she seriously still so thick?
“take a shot if you ever crushed on someone in this room,” aeri groans, downing her glass again. you drink yours and others follow. it wasn’t unexpected. you were seventy percent sure that most of the guys had crushed on jimin before, at least for a second. or maybe hanbin. he was cute too. that, you could admit.
“aeri… why are all the questions about dating?!” jimin whines, flopping onto the carpeted floor. minjeong winces before exclaiming, “i think she’s drunk now. let’s call it a night, okay?”
you agree. yizhuo looks seconds away from passing out as well and despite your recent gym endeavours, you do not want to carry a twenty four year old woman back home. yunjin taps your side and slyly tilts her head towards yizhuo, who’s leaning against the couch.
“go save your princess, romeo,” she whispers and stands to help minjeong clean up.
after all the bottles had been cleared, you crouched to yizhuo’s eye level, “ning, let’s go. it’s time to go home.”
her eyelids flutter open and she blinks at you wearily, “home?”
you nod, standing to wrap her arm over your shoulder to steady her. finally on her two feet, you bid goodbye to everyone and make your way home, albeit slowly.
every minute or so, yizhuo would jolt and nearly topple over. right as you reach your place, she leans over to the sidewalk drain and gags. you let go instantly and take out your phone to record her. next time she wants to get drunk, you’ll just show her the video. let her reflect.
“yizhuo, hurry up, i wanna shower,” you complain, dragging the hem of her shirt.
“o-okay…!”
“uhm, you have to get up.”
yizhuo nods again, wobbling as she stands. you grip her wrist and pull her into the apartment lobby. her body weighs heavily onto yours in the lift and you huff at the stench of alcohol.
“you smell bad,” you sigh.
“really?” yizhuo giggles, “you don’t like it?” the elevator dings.
she turns around to rest her head on your shoulder.
“i shouldn’t have gotten so drunk…”
“no kidding. c’mon you big baby.”
finally, after much effort, you manage to get yizhuo onto the couch. you’re heaving and panting at the end but at least she’s comfortable.
“please never get this drunk again,” you groan, flopping onto the couch.
yizhuo moans, “not my fault.”
“yeah? who’s fault is it then?”
she flips herself around, facing the ceiling, “y-yours.”
“how is it my fault?”
“you and yunjin…” she slurs out and your heart leaps.
“how is it our fault?”
“you keep touching each other,” yizhuo inhales sharply before mumbling, “i hate it…”
grinning, you pat her back.
“yeah. it’s my fault. sorry baby.”
“hmfph…”
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r/relationships posted by
u/throwawaylizard 4 hours ago.
UPDATE: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.
hi guys! so i know some of you all have been asking for an update and here it is. there’s really nothing much that has changed? we’re back to normal, mostly. A doesn’t bring Y around as much anymore which honestly, should make me feel guilty but i don’t. we had a talk and i think it went rather well. i told her i felt like i was left behind and she forgave me for being so shitty.
it feels like this was just a hurdle in our friendship and we’re closer than ever. she’s become really touchy with me and i appreciate that things are back to normal. she’s been initiating talks and hangout sessions which boosts my mood immensely. i’m really happy with the progress we made. we’ve even started cooking together and it feels awesome. Y had tasted her cooking before and i didn’t. so it felt like this hole in my heart had been patched up. our movie nights have become solely ours and everything’s great. she’s the sweetest girl i know and the most caring, so i really do feel happy that i have my best friend and roommate back. our cold war was doing a toll on my mental and physical health but a simple conversation had cleared the air so easily.
sometimes when she brings up Y since she still hangs out with her, i do feel a little upset. she told me they aren’t dating, just good friends. but other than that, we’re cool. thanks for all the comments! i’m glad i’m not homophobic :D
⇧ 178 | ⇩ | 102 comments
u/imissher | 3h
op you can’t be serious…
u/throwawaylizard | 3h
? what’s wrong
u/imissher | 2h
it feels as if you haven’t really solved this ‘homophobia’ issue. just put it off to the side.
u/throwawaylizard | 2h
IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC 😭
u/mingzmingz | 2h
well i’m glad? as long as you guys are happy ig. idk what’s up with gay people
u/throwawaylizard | 2h
thank you! i’m not gay though.
u/japansfinest | 1h
HOLY SHIT NING
u/throwawaylizard | 1h
OMG DONT DOX ME???
u/japansfinest | 1h
GIRL BE SERIOUS RN 😐😐
u/1800hotnfun | 1h
i strive to live as blissfully ignorant as you, op
u/throwawaylizard | 1h
not very sure if this is a compliment.
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things had reverted back to normal. yizhuo was happy again and it seemed like everything was fine.
so how did she get here?
yizhuo had simply gone out to get groceries for your dinner together and when she arrived home, hands full of plastic bags, she heard the tail of your conversation over the phone.
“i don’t think she’s picking up my hints, yun,” you say in hushed whispers, “maybe she really is straight. or she just doesn’t like me.”
despite yizhuo’s moral compass, she decides to listen in on your conversation. she’s never heard of you liking someone before, or being so insecure. what girl wouldn’t like you back? and you liked a straight girl too?
she can’t hear yunjin’s reply but you let out an exasperated sigh, “maybe she thinks i’m just being a really good friend. i thought she would have already realised i liked her by now. your whole jealousy plan didn’t work either. i mean, it did but not really.”
yizhuo slowly twists the door knob before loudly announcing, “i’m home!”
she hopes that by now, you would have ended the call so she wouldn’t have to interact with yunjin at all.
“oh,” she catches the anxiety in your voice, “did you get everything?”
“yup. there was a sale on apples, so i got those too,” yizhuo says, a little too cheerfully, but she wants to cover up any nervousness. as she places the bags on the kitchen counter, you stand up to help unpack everything.
while you start to arrange all the groceries, yizhuo thinks about your words. liking someone. a girl. a straight girl who was potentially oblivious to your advances?
yizhuo scrunches her nose.
sounds…
familiar.
“hey, did you get healthier milk? the one with less sugar added.”
as you twirl around to ask, yizhuo’s heart gets caught in her throat.
she was the straight oblivious girl.
“uh— yeah. i got both,” she gestures awkwardly to the pile of bags. you nod and go back to sorting everything out. god, she needs a breather. trudging to the couch, she sighs as the softness envelops her. she couldn’t wrap her head around this— you liked her? potentially? definitely?
yizhuo spends the next few minutes having an existential crisis. she was straight! the straight girl that you liked! and that whole jealousy thing with yunjin! you planned that! she can’t believe it. all her nights were spent debating whether she was homophobic or not and it was all a rouse to get her jealous? well, was she jealous? minjeong had seemed intent on getting her to admit that, which she did. but maybe it was because she was jealous of yunjin.
not for taking up your time.
but for being able to touch you and hold you in ways she can’t.
holy shit. she’s not as straight as she once thought.
and she has a huge crush on her roommate.
how could she let reddit comments be right?!
yizhuo stares blankly at the ceiling. you call out from the kitchen, “do you want white or red wine?”
she stands up from the couch, resolute in her decision now.
no wonder you had looked so offended after she sister zoned you! yizhuo would hate it too if all she was to you was an unnie. she wanted— no, needed to be your everything.
“yizhuo?” you ask again, examining the two bottles of wine.
yizhuo almost sprints into the kitchen. the sight of you with your hair up, the cute lace white apron wrapped around your waist, and your focused expression. it has her drooling. everything was so domestic.
how hasn’t yizhuo noticed this sooner?
“white wine please,” she answers when you’re within arms reach.
“are we drinking the whole bottle?”
she stretches out her arms to engulf your body in hers and reads the label on the wine bottle over your shoulder. taking gratification in the way your body shudders, yizhuo hides a pleased smirk.
“hm, should we?” she whispers hotly beside your ear. you shiver before muttering, “maybe. is tonight a special occasion?”
“i mean, it could be,” yizhuo grins, “you were promoted recently, right?”
tonight was one of your day-offs, and you came back recently, boasting about the extra time off you got from being promoted. of course that was celebrated with a simple get together with friends. but yizhuo didn’t get her own special celebration with you.
“yeah? okay, we’ll drink it all then.”
yizhuo smiles into your hair. she’s never felt happier. knowing that her inner frustrations had been settled finally. you were just trying to get her jealous. a good attempt nonetheless, it worked incredibly well. but now she’s certain of her own feelings.
“you smell nice,” she blurts out.
“i used your shampoo. ran out of mine.”
“mhm. smells good.”
yizhuo spots the hint of satisfaction on your face.
“are you complimenting yourself right now?”
“i have really good taste,” she states.
you roll your eyes playfully before detaching her arms but she just slithers them back into place.
“ning, i have to cook.”
“hold on,” she mumbles, “i think we can celebrate another thing.”
sensing your confusion, she continues brazenly, “we can celebrate our first night as a couple, right?”
“what—”
“i’m sorry for being so oblivious this whole time. i got so pissy because i was jealous. apparently, i’m not straight. or i just like you, i don’t know yet. all i know is that i envision myself by your side,” yizhuo explains, “everytime you mentioned yunjin i got upset and it’s because i thought you guys were dating. that’s why i didn’t like any of the girls you brought home either. i’m sorry for saying you’re like my sister. i like you a lot. not in a straight girl way.”
she hears you gasp and she can’t bring herself to continue without your reaction. yizhuo’s been through so much struggle with coming to terms with her identity and feelings and now she wants to get it all out.
“are you serious?” you ask without facing her. she chuckles at the redness at the tips of your ears.
“yeah. sorry for being a jerk. it was because i like you.”
“ning yizhuo— i… wait, let go of me for a minute. i wanna look at you.”
reluctantly, she does so.
you look so pretty under the kitchen light, yizhuo thinks.
“uhm, where do i even start?” you chuckle awkwardly, “i really thought you were into me when we first met and when you said you were straight… i think my heart died a little! but it’s okay, since you’ve been such a great friend to me. i must admit that yunjin did volunteer to be my plot device to make you jealous. i was hurt when you were being rude, so i’m happy you apologised. i like you too. a lot.”
yizhuo grins, heart beating wildly against her chest.
“can you say that again?”
“i like you a lot, yizhuo. can’t believe you called me a sister though.”
“i said i was sorry!”
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r/relationships posted by
u/throwawaylizard 7 hours ago.
LAST UPDATE: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.
hello! i’m glad to announce that this situation has finally been settled with a happy ending. i would like to give you guys a proper explanation and ending for all the help you provided.
first of all, yes, i’m not straight. or maybe i just like A. i haven’t explored that part yet but also, i’m in love with my roommate. i was jealous of all the girls she brought over and i wanted to be the one holding her and making her laugh.
second of all, you guys were right. she was using Y to make me jealous and it worked. so maybe she’s the real mastermind.
and lastly, we’re finally dating. we’ve been taking things slow for now since this is all new to me but A has been incredibly sweet and supportive (as she always is). it’s just a new experience but i’m willing to do anything as long as A is by my side.
thank you all for the help and comments!
it turns out i don’t have any problems with A kissing girls if it’s me she’s kissing.
⇧ 359 | ⇩ | 153 comments
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hiiikiko · 4 months ago
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𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖓!𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖎𝖊 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘
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tlou m.list | caught in your web m.list
[a/n]: hi! i hope you’ll all accept this, i hv work today n i’ll be workin until like 9 p.m but i’ll make sure to write tmrw !! n ty for all the likes on this series ♡
‿̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿
♰ before ellie got bitten, she wore glasses but after she didn’t need them anymore. she still wears them with the lenses popped out though because she thinks she looks weird without them, although she doesn’t wear them at school that often
♰ when she gets in a fight with tommy or maria, she sneaks out her window and finds a nice quiet roof to sit and listen to music, sometimes smoke but she’s cut back since her vigilante career began
♰ she has backpacks hidden all over the city so she can make a quick change. there’s one at school, the library, oscorp labs, the planetarium, and your apartment
♰ she knows you can handle yourself but that doesn’t stop her from following you home, like, come on! new york city is pretty dangerous and don’t you like having your very own vigilante??
♰ might be a little stalkerish but she sometimes hangs out on the roof of the building across your apartment building so she can watch you go about your evening, she doesn’t mean to do it but somehow she always ends up there
♰ she carries pepper spray even though she has literal superpowers
♰ she’s trained her spider sense to be even more heightened so that she can fight with her airpods in
♰ she has a playlist for fighting bad guys
♰ even though she’s city renowned spiderman, she still helps the elderly cross the street and help cats out of trees (she’s a little hesistant to help the cats because of how hard it is to mend scratches on her suits fabric)
♰ she owns a spiderman figurine like what did you expect? she’s a fan girl of the avengers, she owns all their figurines and they are in mint condition so why wouldn’t she own her own?? like that has to be the coolest thing to her
♰ concert tickets are expensive so sometimes she uses her powers for “bad” and sneaks into venues (she says it’s anti capitalist but really, she’s just being cheap)
♰ she has nightmares about turning into a real spider, kinda like franz kafka (she actually read this book in freshman lit and it scarred her)
♰ another one of her biggest fears is like what if she’s having sex with someone and she’s fingering them and her webs somehow shoot up into them?? like how do you explain that to a doctor?? this keeps her up at night
♰ seeing you in spiderman merch makes the tips of her ears go red and her heart race
♰ she cringes whenever she sees spiderman edits on her fyp
♰ onlyfans ppl who make content in her suit kinda scare her LMAO
♰ she actually doesn’t mind that everyone assumes spidey is a man, it helps her hide her identity but it kinda pisses her off that people can’t tell she’s a girl?? like do you not see the boobs . (her suit actually flattens her and all the protection gear inside gives her a pretty boxy figure so you can’t really tell)
♰ she has a hate/love relationship with her webs because on one hand she’s scared of touching people and on the other, she likes that she can ‘glue’ her camera to her hands when she’s on more dangerous photo ops and that she doesn’t have to get up from her bed to get her guitar (although, one time she hit herself in the face because she didn’t get it fast enough)
♰ ellie’s a different type of spiderman.. she’s actually very violent! especially against criminals who hurt others just for fun, she’ll beat them to a bloody pulp and leave them their for the ambulance to find (she leaves a note apologizing to the emts and sheriff, but it’s not like she killed them! nobody thinks that spiderman could do this so they assume there’s another vigilante out there, a more violent one *ahem* deadpool)
♰ she met deadpool once.. never again
♰ much like her infected bite from the game, her spider bite has caused cobwebs to grow in her veins
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penkura · 4 months ago
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OP Men as Dads Part 3
Note: Part 3, Part 3!! I was asked by someone on AO3 to add Luffy, so I did that! I still view Luffy more as a brother or son, so I still don't expect to write anything romantic for him, but this I can do! I hope you all enjoy!
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Franky probably didn’t even think he’d ever get the chance to have kids, not after the train accident you know, but he’s excited for it! You’d have two boys around three to four years apart that are just like Franky in every way, but the older would be a bit more shy than the younger. They’ll both spend a lot of time with Franky in his workshop when they get old enough, they’ve got a knack for shipwright work and it almost brings a tear to Franky’s eye to see them sketching their own ship designs on whatever scraps of paper they can find. Your boys love you too of course! The two will bring their drawings to show you and ask your opinion, you have to tell them everything on your mind or they won’t go back to drawing, mama’s thoughts matter! It becomes family time to go over the sketches your boys made during the day, they want to do you and Franky proud in everything, but nothing they do could ever make you love them less.
~~
Katakuri has planned to have kids for a while, even though he’s already 48, he still wants to have a few and be a father to them. He’ll raise them differently from how he was raised, but still love them dearly and want only the best for them! You’ll both be surprised when you only have one first, a little girl who has Katakuri wrapped around her finger as soon as she’s born and handed to him. She’s so tiny, he’d be content to have just her if she’s all you were blessed with. Fast forward five years and there’s a set of wailing triplets that you also didn’t expect to have, but the three boys are more than you ever could’ve asked for and their big sister loves them just as quickly. She begs to see them as soon as their born, Katakuri brings her by that day to see you and them, and she has to gold all three in a row immediately. After that, a set of twin girls comes along a few years later, your oldest isn’t the only girl anymore and she’s still just as happy to have new siblings at around ten-years-old, your five-year-old set of triplets also excited. Katakuri loves and thanks you so much for the family you’ve made with him, even if you tell him your twin girls are it, you’re done. He's happy with what you have, grateful for your love and children.
~~
Killer is absolutely a great dad, you couldn’t have asked for anyone better to be your partner and father to your children. You have a boy first off, with your eyes and blond hair, he wants to be just like his dad when he grows up! A couple years later comes a little girl, she’s a surprise but a pleasant one at that. You didn’t really expect her to have Killer wrapped around her finger in a heartbeat but the second he saw her it was over, he became wholly devoted to your little girl and making sure she was happy as could be. You’ve come back to your family multiple times seeing Killer either having a tea party with your daughter or playing some make believe game with both your children, he normally plays the damsel in distress for their enjoyment. Your kids can see people act oddly around Killer when they recognize him, but neither of them care to know why, they’re still quite young, and they only care that they’re dad loves and takes care of them alongside you. All that matters to them is that Killer is around to play with them and eventually start teaching them to protect themselves.
~~
Luffy would be the fun dad, no doubt in my mind! Like how Ace would have three daughters, I can see Luffy having three sons! Probably twins at first, then another son a couple years later, the three having the same dynamic that he had with Sabo and Ace when they were kids! They’d all look like Luffy, except your middle child would have your eyes, a small piece that shows yes, you’re the mother to these three rugrats. All three dream of being pirates, its their favorite game to plan, especially so since their dad is King of the Pirates. After all, who better to tell you how the pirate life works than him?? With all of the Straw Hats around, your sons would be protect from the moment they hear you’re pregnant, everyone being the best aunts and uncles around as soon as they’re born. Luffy would be the most protective of course, but he’d still give your sons the freedom to do what they want and to grow and learn how the world works. Being a pirate is about freedom, isn’t it? Your sons will never have to wonder if they’re loved or wanted, everything you and Luffy do is for them.
~~
I honestly see Mihawk with one child, a daughter. She’d be an unexpected blessing that has him around her tiny finger the moment she takes her first breath. He’d never let her, or you of course, out of his sight, unless he absolutely had to go to a Warlord meeting or something like that. When Zoro and Perona show up, they’re both flabbergasted that the Dracule Mihawk has a child, and that she’s a cute baby girl, only a few months old! Perona will try to dress her up in frilly dresses but your daughter will cry, which ends with Mihawk taking her back and demanding Perona stop using his daughter like a dress up doll. The funny thing is, your daughter will be absolutely enthralled with Zoro, she’ll fuss until he holds her, sometimes he’s the only one who can get her down for a nap or to sleep at night. The number of times Mihawk has caught Zoro training with your daughter strapped to his back or the two napping together warms his heart, maybe having the two freeloaders around isn’t so bad.
~~
Sabo never thought too much about having kids. It was a nice idea, but he didn’t have any strong opinions about it. Then of course, you showed up and he started to have dreamy ideas of his own family and children with you as the mother. Your first is a little girl, blonde as her dad and just as rambunctious. She’ll chase down everyone that she can’t to play with her and grab their attention for whatever story she’s made up, Sabo especially listens intently to her, giving her a smile, asking questions, and responding to everything she says positively. After your daughter comes two boys, one after the other just a couple years apart, and both times Sabo can’t believe he’s so lucky to have you and your children. Your sons look more like you, though your youngest has Sabo’s hair just like your daughter. He’s more shy than either of his siblings, but with Sabo he’s more open and talkative. Your first son may be the middle child, but he’s also the one who becomes more interested in the Revolutionary Army’s work. Although Sabo knows that all of them may become interested one day, wanting to join, he hopes that their work can be completed first and your children will be able to love safe, comfortable lives as they grow up.
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gremlinmodetweeker · 4 months ago
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When König Freaks Out
I think that sometimes, people don't really know how to write König getting mad. I think a lot of people assume that because he's a soldier, he loses his shit all the time. Either that, or they assume he's nervous and scared. He's not either. He's a colonel (or, was), he is far too self disciplined to lose himself like that. However, König isn't always able to control himself. Under special circumstances, König loses his shit.
TWs: König yelling, teasing, childhood photos being used to embarrass König
Wordcount: 1.2k
Art from This Post
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König is a very, very stable person. He almost never lets his true emotions show. It's extremely rare. Sure he has his sadistic belly laughs, but other than that, König doesn't express himself fully. He just doesn't.
König doesn't cry. He doesn't yell when he's around civvies. He doesn't even swear much when in casual conversation. He may seem relaxed and calm, but if you pay attention, he's extremely careful with what he says and how he says it. Part of it is social anxiety; he's extremely aware of how he's being perceived and takes care to curtail that image to his need. He needed to be careful to rise the ranks as quickly as he did. He's not colonel for nothing.
High ranking military personnel are not like your average soldiers, especially among special ops. Lower soldiers might be careless and rough and hardened, but to be a colonel you need to be the perfect soldier. You need to drink, but not too much. You need to be a gentleman, but you need to be dirty. You need to be kind in public, cruel on the field. It's a position of contradictions. Not many civvies understand how hard these people have their entire identities on lockdown. They often compartmentalize their lives to be able to function in different settings. They have to be, at the very least a little bit, sociopathic to succeed. Again, they're not inherently evil, I'm not saying König is evil. I am saying that if you pay attention to him in a civvie situation though, you'll notice that he is an unflappable gentleman. You'd never know he was out at the bar until 3am with his drinking buddies the night before and nursing a wicked hangover while he's sipping coffee at lunch with you.
Why am I being so careful to outline how calm and steady König is? It's because when he freaks out it's usually insanely funny, or terrifying. Sometimes both.
Now, I've told you all before in this post that König's instinctual reaction to being startled is to fight. He will punch first and ask questions second. But, sometimes, König doesn't get scared.
He gets mad.
König is normally hard to upset, but family reunions bring something special out of König. Something dark, something hidden, something murderous. It's not battlefield rage, it's worse. It's the hatred and fury of being the youngest brother in the family, and it all comes out when he brings you to a reunion and they bring out the baby photos.
"Nein, nein, nein," König will chant as he rips the photo album out of his sister's hands, "this is going back on the shelf."
You're already cackling because it's far too late to go back.
"But you looked so cute in the tub!" Lisa's grinning from ear to ear as her little brother loses his shit
"Why do we even have those pictures?" König huffs as he slumps back in his chair, "we don't need them. They can be burnt."
"You know, you grew a better beard as a kid than you do now," Friedrich mutters as he sips his beer.
"I grow a perfectly fine beard!" König snaps.
"You call that shit-stain on your face facial hair?" Stephen looks down his nose at the youngest Leichenberg.
"I can't help it!" König grumbles, "I try to shave but then it all grows back."
"Yeah," Friedrich rolls his eyes, "that's what happens, Kilgore. It's called biology."
"No!" König huffs, "it grows fast! Too fast! By the time I go to bed it's already making my face itch!"
"So you keep that on your face?" Lisa points and laughs.
"It's trimmed," König grumbles and rubs his chin before turning to you, "it looks nice. You think it looks nice, right?"
You look at his dark stubble, a stark contrast to his wheat blond hair. In truth, he looks rather handsome with the dark shadow on his jaw. He does his best to keep it nice and trimmed (always in regulation), but since you arrived in Austria five days ago, the stubble has grown into an unruly thing on his face.
"You haven't trimmed in a bit," you admit.
"See! Even your wife thinks it looks like a rat's nest," Klara snorts.
"I wouldn't go that far-"
"I look fine!" König's voice raises up a notch with indignation.
"Mama," Friedrich ducks around the door to the kitchen, "come tell Kilgore he needs to shave."
The little woman pops out of the kitchen to glare at her son. She looks him up and down and scoffs.
"You call yourself a colonel? Tch, you look like a mangy dog."
She ducks back around the corner to tend to the oven.
"I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A DOG!"
Everyone (except you) laughs as König's face turns a bright violent red as he squawks furiously. He huffs and puffs, just on the brink of a meltdown as his family taunts him further.
"And he looked so good with a full bubble beard!" Klara laughs.
"Oh but you looked better," Friedreich snaps another album off the shelf and flicks through the photos, but stops on another page, "oh wait, we'll look at that later. Look at this picture of Kilgore on his first birthday!"
Even you can't help but laugh as Friedrich brandishes the offending photo.
There, bordered in paper butterflies and tulips, is König sitting in a puddle of mud, gleefully shovelling a handful of the muck into his mouth. I the background, a young Friedrich has Stephen in a headlock while Lisa, the only presentable sibling, is eating a slice of König's cake.
"Mama worked for days on that cake, but Kilgore only wanted to eat the mud," Stephen explained as König bellowed slurs at his eldest brother.
Lisa was beside herself with laughter, nearly keeling over out of the chair as Klara pointed out how, in this photo as well, König was completely nude. Apparently, getting young König to wear clothes was quite the task.
"WE DO NOT NEED MORE PICTURES," König roared as Lisa pulled out another album.
König looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel at this rate. The only time you ever saw König this worked up was when he was dealing with subordinates. Never before had you seen König lose his temper quite like this. A part of you was horrified, another part amazed by how easily his siblings pressed all the right buttons to make him tick.
"Look how stoic our little soldier boy is!" Stephen remarked as König smacked his meaty fist against his thigh with a thick thud.
"I. AM. A. COLONEL!" König howled.
He was about to carry on before all the siblings went silent. Even König stilled, his mouth clamping shut with a click as he looked behind you. You turned to look at what stopped them to find the elder Fritz Leichenberg holding up a hand.
He uncrossed his long, long legs and adjusted his half-moon glasses on his hooked nose. Soft, watery blue eyes looked down at his youngest son. He gently pulled his tobacco pipe from beneath his salt and pepper moustache and rang a long, veiny hand through his bushy beard lightly. He blinked once, then said, "Kilgore. Go upstairs and shave. You look atrocious. I can't send out Christmas cards pictures when you look like this."
The room echoes with laughter as König slowly pulls himself to his feet and trudges up the creaking stairs, off to shave the unruly mess off his face.
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Regular Fanfics
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imaginative-123 · 2 months ago
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Vivziepop glazers will basically downvote you and make excuses if you call out the sexist writing on how Viv writes her gay men, btw this is from r/CharacterRant
Edit: Minors do not interact, reblog or like my post bec I will block you.
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I'm pretty sure if OP posted it in the main sub Hazbin Hotel, he might as well get downvoted for sure despite being an SA Victim. Viv Glazers surely never failed to disappoint me and I'm so glad Tumblr exist bc this is the website where you're allowed to rant about Viv and her shows. FUCK THIS SHIT MAN. Maybe Viv Glazers should learn that people have different perspectives and actual issues in her works. VIV is not a SAINT OR GOD you GLAZERS! GET THAT IN YOUR DAMN HEAD FUCK I HATE THIS FANBASE IT JUST MADE ME MAD.
Edit: About to go to sleep since I will finish my work tom my comment just got 16 upvotes I guess glazers must've realized I got a point LMAO.
Also the comments that got downvoted who point out the issues in Viv's writing got upvoted including OP's comment on Stolitz in regards to sexual coercion since there's also a person who denied the r@pe got upvoted before hours later got downvoted and it shocked me why people would upvote that comment that screams mental gymastics to defend a Ship that is made through sexual coercion that includes the class difference and power dynamic. The post from CharacterRant sub got people's opinions turn into 180 I guess bc they realized the other people like me who point out the issues and have concerns about the show might as well have a reason the shows that Viv write is not really good most especially when it's related to queer representation and SA.
Lastly the point of this post is to showcase the double standards in the fandom on how they view criticisms most especially when you apply that to stans/glazers who refused to see the actual criticisms and think it's mixed with the so called "haters" when I myself am a fan of Viv's work but also recently gotten more critical bc the roses tinted glass fell off when I start to analyze Viv's behavior online including her shows. So if you think this post is just whiny, egotistical and immature, sure tell me that, I'm not perfect and I accept that but that wouldn't changed my issues with the Standom's behavior that invalidates valid criticisms that critics like me have been voicing for years nor how the Fanbase has gotten even way more toxic over the discourse surrounding Viv's immature behavior including how divided the fanbase is, let's not forget the Standom's cultish behaviour to defend Vivziepop from any form of valid criticism, btw I also don't agree with other critics all the time but I can also see when there is criticism that is valid. So before anyone accuses critics for being "haters" maybe try and understand where we were coming from, the people became critics are also fan of Viv's work, if I was truly a hater then I wouldn't reblogged or like fanarts of the show including listening to musicals from Viv's work, just bc I'm a fan doesn't mean I have no right to voice my concerns over Viv including her work. Sometimes Stans should understand that fans can like the work but also criticize it.
Also the mods from CharacterRant removed the post from an SA Victim, damn for a sub that is supposed to make essays of your issues from any media, they would sure remove a post from an SA Victim's issues with Angel Dust's character. Truly the most Hypocritical moment from that sub.
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Update: I went back to see the post and it seems to me the removed post was brought back again. I guess the mods feel guilty for what happened.
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eand47 · 11 days ago
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I forgot something
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ONE SHOT - Portgas D Ace/Reader (female)
DESCRIPTION: OP Verse | Friends to lovers - fluff, slight angst
SUMMARY: It's your birthday and something or rather say - someone is missing.
WARNINGS: english is not my first language, explicit language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of Thatch's death, mentions of pet names (princess)
WORD COUNT: 3,8K
✰ masterlist ✰
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NOTE: this is a special one for my girl @neospade as today is her birthday and as she has turned into my internet bestie I had to make sure to properly wish her a nice birthday ♡ I hope you enjoy this short piece on your day and have an amazing upcoming year ♡ I know that you are a sucker for angst so there is a little bit, but overall I really, really hope you like this one as I tried to include all your favorite tropes and character in this one - so I hope that you will enjoy my little present for you ♡ ily ♡
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The sunlight is creeping through the window which means it’s time for you to wake up. Today is quite a special day for you as it’s your birthday. Usually, you are very excited when it comes to it, but this year is a little bit different. It isn’t about the age you are turning to, it is more about the upcoming celebration. You know that every single person from the crew is excited about tonight’s celebration as, since you were a child, your birthday has been treated as a holiday on the Moby Dick, after all your father was none other than the Whitebeard himself.
Sitting up in your bed a sigh leaves your lips. You have been feeling very down lately since a certain someone has left the ship to pursue revenge. It has been two months since Thatch was killed by Blackbeard and Ace has gone on his journey to avenge his comrade’s death. Not only you have to celebrate your birthday without one of the closest people you had while growing up, but on top of it, you have to spend the day without the person your heart desires the most.
Portgas D Ace – the second division commander of the Whitebeard’s pirates, has stolen your heart the moment he had stepped his foot on your father’s ship. Even when he was trying to kill your father you couldn’t help but feel your heart skip a beat every time you saw him. You never worried about his attempts towards your old man as you were sure that one day they would stop, and the hot-tempered boy would eventually cool off. While his attempts were still ongoing, you made sure to tend his wounds and clean his bloody nose every time, not only as an excuse to get closer to him, but also to get to understand why he was trying so hard to harm your father. Of course, he wasn’t very found of you in the beginning and refused your help, but slowly with time he started to cool off and open up more and more to the crew and you.
“Why…” His voice was low and groggy from his hundredth killing attempt towards your dad. You have come to leave him a bowl with warm stew in it, as you have noticed that most of the time out of pride he would refuse to eat with the rest of the crew or eat in general. “Why do you people call him ‘Pops’?” He was sitting on the deck with knees pulled towards his body and elbows resting on them, his head was hanging low as he had failed again, and he was getting tired of it.
You felt bad for him. It was obvious that the guy who was the same age as you had been faced with many demons inside his mind and it pained you, because if you put aside his want to fight your father so badly, he was clearly a good person.
“Because he calls them all ‘sons’ or ‘daughters’ and every one of them was hated in one way or another by the world.”  You offered him a gentle smile as he looked up to meet your eyes. “I guess, this brings people joy. It’s a simple word – but it does make them happy.”
“What about you?” The question he asked you took you by surprise which made you giggle. Didn’t he know?
“I have no choice but to call him that.” You said in between giggles as the boy in front of you had confusion written all over his face. “I am his biological daughter, Ace.”
His eyes widen when he heard the words leaving your lips. There was no way that something this beautiful and tender could be this man’s daughter.
You offered him another smile and walked closer to him, squatting down, you looked him in the eyes, this time with a serious look over your face. You knew that this must end once and for all, and the boy sitting in front of you was the one who should make up his mind.
“Ace.” You started and hoped that he would listen. “You got to make up your mind, because this can’t continue.” He looked away from you, avoiding your gaze as he didn’t want to admit that you were right. “You can’t kill him, no matter how much you try and even if you do, what do you gain by doing so?”
You didn’t get any answer to this question, but since that night Ace has changed. He has agreed to be part of the crew and not long after that your father has made him his second division commander.   
The more time has passed, the more you two have grown closer, which leads you to right now. You have no idea where he is, how he is or with who he is. Every day you check the newspaper with fear, but you try to tell yourself that no news should be good news. If he is in danger or something has happened to him, it would be known. You two have grown to be extremely close friends to a point where you would always get teased, especially by Marco and Thatch that you two are meant to be more than friends, but you have always ignored them. While Ace was quite oblivious to the fact that you have feelings for him, the rest of the crew isn’t. On top of that, your father has moved you to the second division, which was a surprise for you because since you could remember you were always under Marco’s command, but you chose not to question your father’s choices. Being in the second division only brought you even closer to Ace, and the more you got to know him, the harder you were falling for him, but again no matter what anyone was telling you, you couldn’t bring yourself to confess your feelings for him, afraid of being rejected and making things awkward between you two.
You get up from bed and get ready for the day. Taking a step out of your private cabin you make your way to the deck. Passing by every crew member on the ship you are being greeted with congratulations for your birthday. Getting on the deck you see your father’s big figure sitting on his usual spot with Marco by his side. The moment your father sees you a big smile is placed on his face as he opens his arms, inviting you for a hug.
“Happy Birthday to my dearest child.” His voice echoes around and everyone cheers. Pulling away from his embrace you smiled at him.
“Thank you, dad.” Before you know it another pair of arms wraps around you in a suffocating hug and lifts you a bit from the deck’s floor.
“Happy Birthday little rascal.” Marco’s voice rings in your ears. “Are you excited for tonight?”
“Sure, I am.” You half shrug with your shoulders and chuckle a bit.
“You don’t seem to be.” Izo, who appeared from behind Marco, points out. “Happy Birthday beautiful.” He says and gives you a hug as well. 
“Thank you Izo, and yes, I’m excited for tonight. Don’t worry.” You try to brush it off before the teasing starts but it is too late.
“Oh, I’m sure if certain someone was here you would be more excited-yoi.” Marco chuckles and nudges Izo with his elbow. All you do is roll your eyes and ignore him as you don’t have the energy for this right now.
“Any news from him?” You turn to your father, but he just shakes his head and you nod understandingly. “Well, no news is better than bad news.” You whisper to yourself and turn around to walk away from the guys, going on with your chores for the day.
You can’t help but wonder what the man with raven black hair, who happened to steal your heart, is doing. Does he even remember that today is your birthday? He is super forgetful when it comes to things like this, but he did remember it last year, and this let you think to your birthday then – he tricked you into believing that he had forgotten it, only to surprise you later during the night with a trip to a nearby island where you two observed the night sky filled with start all night. Then just before you two got back to the ship he gifted you a red bean bracelet which matched the necklace he wore all the time and since then you haven’t taken it off.
Gestures and moments like that one made you fall in love with him more and more, but the courage to confess or even question if he feels the same way never comes. You know how hard it is for him to understand feelings and emotions in a first place, so you are sure that all he sees in you is a very good friend. Still, all the days and nights spent talking to each other, you or him falling asleep in the others cabin, led to your heart belonging to him and him only.
When he left without a second thought to revenge Thatch’s death without even saying goodbye to you or asking you to go with him left a bitter taste in you. You wanted to go after him, but everyone stopped you from doing so, instead until he comes back you are in charge of the second division, after all your skills in combat and fight strategies are exceptional, so no one in the crew mind you taking over them and it is only until Ace comes back.
The day goes by slowly, but before you know it everyone gathers on the deck and starts celebrating for you and your special day. You are trying to enjoy the night as much as you can, but nothing feels good enough. Your father, Marco, Izo and everyone else are throwing toast after toast in your honor, but you can’t even finish your first drink while everyone else is at least on their fifth or sixth. You are sitting with some of the nurses when your father calls you out to go to him. Excusing yourself you get up and go to your father, wondering what he wants from you now. As much as you love your old man, sometimes he is pain in the ass, and you just hope that tonight he won’t give you one of his life lectures. Taking a seat next to him you give him a questioning look.
“Since when you don’t enjoy celebrating your birthday?” That is all he asks you while taking a glance at you.
“I’m just growing old, I guess.” You shrug, obviously not in the mood for anything and almost done pretending that you are in the mood for any celebration. And this isn’t only for your birthday, you have been like this since Ace left, but today all the feelings you have bottled up feel a little bit heavier than any other day.
“It is because the stubborn brat is not here, isn’t it?” Your dad chuckles with bitterness in his voice. He does miss Ace, too. This is how much of an effect Ace has on people – just like the sun he is attracting everything and everyone towards him. His charisma is so big that there isn’t a possible way in which someone will meet him and not fall in love with him at once. He knows how to charm his way into people’s hearts, especially yours.
“Don’t act like you don’t miss him yourself.” You look over your shoulder at your father and his laughter fills up the air.
“I do miss him. The ship is too quiet without him, there is no one wreaking chaos around.” He says in between laughs. Both of you stay silent for a minute observing the party around you. A deep sigh escapes your lips as you decide to call it a night. You aren’t in the mood, so it is pointless to stay up any longer.
“I’m calling it a night, dad. Don’t drink too much.” You get up and place a kiss on your father’s cheek, wishing him good night. His laughter fills up the air once again as he wishes you good night and tells you not to worry about him.
Making your way to your cabin you stopped a few times as some crew members stopped you for a little chitchat, but it doesn’t take you long to finally reach it. Taking a step in and closing the door behind you, you noticed the big window in it is being open.
“That is strange.” You tell yourself as you remember clearly that you have closed it last time you were in your cabin or maybe you remember wrong. Walking to it you close it and the second it makes the clicking noise that indicates it is being closed, a pair of arms wrap around you with one hand on your middle and the other on your mouth stopping you from screaming.
“Sh, sh, it’s me.” You don’t need to be told twice as you immediately recognise the voice. You relax in the arms that are now strongly wrapping you in a hug. “Happy Birthday, princess.” He whispers in your ear. You waste no more time and turn around to face him. You can’t believe your eyes, after two months you are face to face with the deep dark eyes you have fallen in love with so deeply. This can’t be real, you must be dreaming.
“Ace.” You can feel tears treating to fall from your eyes. “You… you remember.”
“How can I forget.” He chuckles as he pulls you even closer to him. It hits you just now how close the two of you are and how intimate this feels.
“Does anyone else know that you are here?”
“No, only you, and I intended to keep it that way.” He lets go of your body and instead takes your hands in his. “I’m very close to catching Teach and I’m not turning my back to what he did, but I couldn’t help not being part of your special day today.” He said while giving you one of his many charming smiles.
“Please, drop it.” You know that this won’t stop him from going after Blackbeard, but you have to try. “Just come back I beg yo-…”
“Hey, hey I’m here to celebrate you, not argue with you.” He lets a little laughter escape his lips in an attempt to brush off the topic.
“We are all worried sick about you Ace.”
“I’m fine as you can see.” He replies with a little eye roll. “Now birthday girl, how was your day?” He guides you to your bed as you both sit on it. You still can’t process the fact that he is here.
“It was okay.” You shrug. “How did you get on board without getting caught?” It just occurs in your mind that if only you are aware of the fact that he is here right now, this means that he getting on board has been unnoticed by whoever is in charge of the night watch tonight.
“I have my ways.” He winks at you with a little smirk playing on his face.
You two laid down and talked for hours. He told you about how he met his infamous little brother again and that now he has a crew on his own. He told you about all the troubles he had gotten into while searching for Teach, but you weren’t surprised, after all Ace so reckless at times, yet it was so fun listening to his stories while your eyes traced every freckle on his face. You have missed his face so much. You have missed him so much.
Before you know it, the sun is back on the horizon, which means that soon he will be gone. You know that you can’t do anything to change his mind regardless avenging Thatch, but you can’t bare the thought of not seeing him for who knows how long.
“Why did you come here Ace?” The question slips past your lips before you can stop it. “I mean… why did you come back today of all days?” You know how much he values his friends and family, but still… he only showed up for your birthday.
His cheeks get heated. Ace has come all the way here with one thing in mind but now with you in front of him, all his confidence has left the room, and he is not sure what to do or say next.
“It’s… it’s because… I-I know how important this day is for you.” He chuckles awkwardly.
“You are important to me as well.” You tell him not caring about how this will come out.
“And so are you to me.” He swallows hard before raising and sitting up in your bed, you follow him and wait for him to continue. Taking his orange hat off, Ace runs his fingers through his hair, pulling it a bit.
“Ace… are you okay?” You quietly asked.
“Yes, of course, I am.” He tries to brush you off, but you can easily see how tense his muscles are and also noticing that he is… nervous. You have never seen him nervous, what is he nervous for?
“I don’t believe you.” You gently place your hand in his and give it a little squeeze. “You know you can tell me anything. Is it something to do with Teach?” Saying out loud this name you immediately feel the anger building up in him.
“No, this has nothing to do with him.” He grinds his teeth as his jaw clenches, just hearing his subordinate name, who has betrayed your father and all of the crew in the worst way possible, makes his blood boils.
“Then what is it Ace?” Raising one of your brows, you are waiting patiently for him to give you an answer.
“I’m not the best with words and you know this.” He turns his body a bit towards you so he can face you better. “And I know that this might…” He sighs as he is struggling to find the right words. “This might complicate things between us… but… I’m… I-” His cheeks bloom with blush all over them as he looks away for a second before he curses under his breath. “Fuck this.” He says as he cups your face and pulls you closer to him. His lips, soft and plump, captures yours in a sweet full of desire kiss. It takes you less than a second to return it.
You have dreamed of this kiss for so long, maybe since the first week he came on board. His lips, his kiss, is even better than you have imagined – so gentle, yet full of passion. You both pull away at the same time to catch your breath as his hands gently caress your face. Leaning closer to him, your foreheads touch as you share a little eskimo kiss with a little laughter escaping from both of you.
“I missed you, Ace… I missed you so much.” You whisper.
“I missed you more.” He whispers back as he captures your lips once more in a sweet gentle kiss. “I… I have never felt that way before as I feel for you, and I had to make sure that you know it… just in case.”
“Please, don’t go.” You beg. “Or at least let me come with you that way you won’t have to be alone, and we can be together.” You place your hands on his face, cupping it as you kiss him, hoping that this will change his mind.
“I can’t princess.” He pulls away from you and exhales as it pains him – he doesn’t want to leave you, not now when he knows that the love is mutual, but he can’t risk losing you. Looking over his shoulder the morning twilight is set on the horizon, u means it is time for him to go before someone from the crew notice the Striker anchored next to the Moby Dick. “But I will be back here soon, very soon and then we can be together without any worries.” He wipes away the tear that falls down from the corner of your eye. “Don’t cry, I promise you – I will be back before you know it.” He pulls you closer for a hug as he wraps his strong arms around your form and places a kiss on your forehead. “In the meantime, you take good care of the second division, I’m sure you are doing even better job than me.” A soft boyish laughter escapes his lips as he kisses your forehead once more. “Again, I’m bad with words, but you mean everything to me. Never forget that.” He lifts your chin and kisses you one more time before he gets from the bed.
You are still sitting on it, knowing that all you have to do is wait – wait for him to come back to you, so you finally will be able to be together as you have always wanted.
Ace is about to sneak out from your cabin’s window when he turns around and calls out your name.
“I forgot something.” He says as he pulls out a little piece of paper. You get from the bed and stand next to the window where Ace is. He hands you a vivre card. “I forgot to give it to you last time, but now that you have this, no matter what or where I am, you will now know that I’m alright and that soon I will be back to you.” His hand reaches once again for your face and cares it so gently as if you are made of glass. With one last look he turns around and jumps over your window, but you grab his hand as he is about to run away.
“I love you, Ace.” You say as both of you are staring into each other’s eyes. “Please, come back to me soon.” With a heavy sigh you let go of his hand and look down at the vivre card he has given you, placing it to your heart with your hands on it.
“I will.” He says with a smile tilting his hat before running away and jumping out of the ship.
You hear the rumbling of the Striker and with that he is gone. But he will be back soon – after all he has promised you and Ace always keep his promises, and now that you have his vivre card you will never need to worry about any newspapers or so as, as long as it it pointing towards his direction you can and will always find your way to him and know that he is well and unharmed. Loving a man like Ace is a challenge, but you are willing to take this challenge any day because Ace is Ace, and you would never asked for anyone else but him.
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writing, format, header & dividers © eand47 ©eand47, do not copy or plagiarise my work.
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secretlysamcro · 13 days ago
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Female reader x Jax Teller SMUT, violence, explicit language & possible spoilers. If you're under the age of 18, haven't finished the show, or dislike any of said topics, please read no further.
Request: “The reader loses her job and needs money to pay her mothers medical bills, she goes to see Lyla who is her friend at diosa, Lyla feels awful about the situation speaks to Opie about offering you a job at diosa to pay for the bills and he speaks to the sons about it, They let her work there and Lyla shows her the ropes of the place, after a week the sons come for a for a visit after a long day to relax and let’s just say that the reader catches jaxs eye and requests to spend the night with her. (he and Tara aren’t together)”
Backstory: Desperate to cover your mother’s medical bills, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make ends meet. Even if that means stepping into the world of escorting. Resulting in one of the Sons, taking a particular liking to you.
“Shit” you curse as you notice another letter has been slipped through the mail slot, your mother not bothering to pick it up, which can only mean one thing. More medical bills. It’s been over two weeks since you lost your job, and no matter how hard you’ve been trying, nowhere is hiring and it’s starting to feel impossible. Soon enough you’ll be unable to help cover your mother’s bills, and when that happens…everything falls apart.
Adding the letter to the growing stack of unopened envelopes, you make your way up to your room. With a heavy sigh, you throw yourself onto the bed, eyes fixated on the ceiling as your mind races, scrambling for your next move having no idea what to apply for or where to even start. That’s when your friend Lyla pops into your head.
Y:N: Hey Lyla is it ok if I drop in and see you at Diosa tomorrow? I might need some help.
You and Lyla had known each other for a while now, but ever since she took over at Diosa, your friendship had faded slightly. Not because either of you didn’t care, but because life got in the way. You had your mom to worry about, and she had Diosa to run. You let out a faint laugh as you wonder why you never thought sooner to see if Lyla had a job for you, but then again working somewhere like Diosa would be completely new territory.
Lyla: Hi y/n. Sure thing I have 2 help Ope in the morning but will b in after 12. Hope everything is ok?
You stand up, getting undressed for your shower, catching your reflection in the mirror. Your hands trailing over your body as a flood of thoughts race through your mind. Can I even do this? Can I really be an escort? You tilt your head, studying yourself, doubt lingering over you but so does determination.
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You step up to the doors, hesitating ever so slightly. You’ve driven past this place hundreds of times but stepping inside, is something you never even considered. You take a deep breath as you push the door open and take your first step inside.
Stepping into Diosa Norte for the first time, you stop to take in your surroundings. Women moving effortlessly through the room, leading men upstairs, their different conversations causing a low hum. The environment is some what warm and inviting, definitely different to what you had expected.
“Hey, can I help you?” A dark haired man approaches you, a phone pressed to his ear, but his conversation on pause to acknowledge you. His arms have intricate tattoos placed on them.
“Hi, I’m uh… looking for Lyla?” You say, glancing around the room before landing your eyes back onto him.
“Lyla? Yeah, she had some things to take care of, you know, but she should be back in a minute. Go ahead, take a seat” he looks at his watch before gesturing you towards a very comfy looking sofa.
“Thanks” you reply, offering a polite smile.
The man returns to his call. “Jax, you know what your Moms like if she said…” his voice fading as he walks deeper into Diosa.
As your eyes scan the ‘XXX’ menu in front of you, your attention is diverted when you hear someone calling your name.“y/n? hey!” Lyla greets you with a warm smile as she steps inside. Approaching you for a hug. “Hope you haven’t been waiting long” her tone light as she rubs your shoulder in a sympathetic way. “Let’s go upstairs” she says, leading you to the staircase.
You follow her, as you get to the top of the stairs you cant help but hear the sound of muffled moans accompanied by laughter and the slight creak of bed springs from behind the closed doors. You inhale a large breath as the smallest bit of uncertainty creeps in. Is this really where you belong? Lyla looks over her shoulder, catching the slight uncomfortableness written over your face. “Yeah, I never said it was any quieter up here” she laughs, as she opens the office door in front of you both.
She shuts the door behind you, the sound of pleasure fading away into silence. The rooms feels quieter as the weight of your situation hangs in the air. Lyla leans back against the desk, her stare sharp as she looks towards you.
“Come on then, what’s up?” She asks casually, a hint of concern underneath. She could tell from your text that something is wrong. She knows a brief history about your mother and her medical issues. She knows things have been rough these past few years so she’s already assumed it’s something to do with that.
“Where do I even begin?” You say with a shaky laugh, your throat tightening as you try to hold back the tears.
Lyla watches you closely, sensing the weight of your situation and the vulnerability you’re trying to keep hidden. You take a deep breath, the tears settling for just a moment as you begin to explain.
You tell her everything, a few tears spilled in between. You tell her all about your mother’s mounting medical bills, the ones you can’t keep up with no matter how hard you try. Losing your job, making it even harder. You tell her how it feels like the world is on your shoulders and there’s no way out.
“I just… I don’t know who else to turn to…” you say quitley. ”…are you hiring here?” You look towards your feet, knowing Lyla knows this isn’t your usual scene.
Her face immediately softens, stepping closer, the concern in her face evident. “I’m so sorry” her words are gentle yet reassuring. She knows what it’s like to be stuck, backed in a corner with no way out.
“I’d need to talk to Jax and Nero, I can’t just hire on the spot, it’s a process, but I’ll do everything I can to help” Her words aren’t the solution you’re looking for, but you can only try…right?
“Look, keep looking around just incase but I’ll talk to Ope tonight, I’m sure I can get him to talk to Jax… okay?” She holds your hand now. Her touch sincere.
“Thanks Lyla” you squeeze her hand, truly thanking her, this really could be your last life line.
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“You okay babe?” Opies voice is soft but filled with concern as he sits at the edge of the bed, watching as Lyla enters the room. She exhales slowly, her mind still caught up in y/n’s situation. She gets comfy as she straddles onto Opie, her voice steady but tinged with worry as she starts to explain.
“It’s y/n, she’s struggling. Her mom’s bills are piling up, she's lost her job it’s just a lot for her right now you know…” her expression filled with empathy for her friend.
After a long pause, hesitantly she speaks up. “Do you think Jax could help? Maybe hire her?” She doesn’t want to sound too desperate, she knows Opie and the club already have a lot on their plate.
Opie closes his eyes softly, considering the question. “I’ll talk to Jax, but it’s not up to me” he responds “you think she could handle that?”. Lyla nods slowly, knowing you’ll do whatever it takes. She appreciates his honestly, hoping there’s a slight chance Jax and Nero will agree.
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Jax is taking in the fresh air, enjoying a rare moment of quiet before Opie walks up, flipping open his lighter and sparking a cigarette. He takes a long drag before speaking.
“Lyla’s got this friend, names y/n” his tone starting casual. “She’s been dealin’ with a lot, moneys tight and her mom’s not doing too good. She's trying but it ain’t easy, brother”.
Jax takes the cigarette from Opie's hand, before inhaling himself he mutters “you tellin' me this for a reason?” Knowing Opie isn’t one to bring up something unless it mattered.
Opie takes a deep breath. “Lyla's been on my ass about helping her out. Figured I’d ask before she chews my ear off”
Jax smirks “and what can I do about it?” He passes the cigarette back to Opie.
“You got any jobs open at Diosa?” His eyes lay on the ground as he takes another drag.
Jax tilts his head, considering the idea “Lyla think she’d be a good fit?”
“Lyla thinks she just needs a break” he lets out a dry chuckle. “Nice set of tits though” He adds, continuing to laugh.
Jax rubs his jaw, thinking it over. “I’ll talk to Nero, see what we can do” he finally says. “Looking at another woman’s tits” he shakes his head, clicking his tongue in a mocked disapproving tone.
“Appreciate it” Opie nods, flicking his cigarette away.
“No promises” Jax insists, as they head back into the clubhouse.
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Jax pulls up to his mom’s house, turning off the engine before stepping inside. Gemma and Nero are standing in the kitchen, coffee in hand. He leans down behind his Mom, pressing a kiss to her head.
“Hey ma” he says softly.
“Hey baby” Gemma says raising her hand to soothe his face.
Moving over to Nero, he pats him on the shoulder as he passes by, taking a seat at the table. “Wassup homes?” He smirks.
“You tell me mano” he says, watching Jax over the rim of his cup. “You look like you about to drop some shit in my lap”.
Jax exhales, rubbing the back of his neck “need a favor” he smirks just a little. “Lylas got a friend. Girls in a tight spot, needs money to help her mom or some shit. Looking for a bit of work. Lyla thinks she might be a good fit at Diosa” he waits for Neros response.
Nero takes a seat, leaning back in the chair. “She got experience?”.
Jax rolls his shoulders, “not sure” he admits. “I don’t have time to meet her myself, clubs got me running shit all over. Think you can handle it?”.
Nero studies Jax, making his own mind up. “And you trust Lyla’s judgment on this?”
“Lyla knows what she’s doing when it comes to the talent, and if she’s not cut out for it, no hard feelings send her packing” Jax smiles “I trust your judgement too” he fiddles with the toothpick in his mouth.
Nero nods, a small breath leaving his nose, like he’s already regretting his decision. He nods anyway “Have her come by tomorrow, I’ll check her out”
“Thank you brother” Jax responds as Nero shakes his head with a chuckle.
“Yeah, yeah” he waves his hand “just don’t make a habit out of it, Diosa ain’t a damn charity”
Jax’s pushes his chair backwards, preparing to stand up. “Tell that to the girls paying your bills”.
Nero just laughs, shaking his head as Jax approaches his Mom. They exchange a few quick words before he leaves her with another kiss, signalling a small nod to Nero and then leaving, back into his own world of chaos.
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As you walk into Diosa, your heart is racing, even more than the first time. Knowing you’re actually here to get the ball rolling. The scent of perfume and something sweet fills the air as you try to push your nerves down, the anxiety building in your chest.
Lyla spots you almost immediately, as she leans casually against the bar. “Hey girl, you ready to meet Nero?” Her eyes sparkling with reassurance.
“Hey” you say in response, swallowing your nerves and nodding as you followed her over to where Nero was stood. He was leaning against a wall near the back of the reception room, arms crossed scanning the place with calm authority. That’s when you realise he’s the same guy from the other day who you spoke to when you had first walked in.
As you got closer, Nero’s eyes flickered to you, a small hint of recognition lighting them up. “You… were here the other day right? Waiting for Lyla” you took a steady breath before speaking.
“Yeah that was me…I don’t really know what I’m doing but I’m willing to learn, anything and I’m down” you practically plead.
Nero doesn’t respond straight away, he looks you up and down his expression unreadable. Finally he speaks. “Experience matters here mama…” his eyes soften ”…but having Lyla vouch for you? That means a lot… I’ll give you a shot. You got a week to prove to me how bad you want this… think of it as a you know, a sort of trial run” his eyes smile but his mouth doesn’t move.
“Lyla will show you the ropes and shit” he goes to walk off but turns round suddenly “it ain’t all about sex though mama, you remember that. Some of these men, want connection” he flickers his fingers in the air mimicking fireworks.
You smile at Nero, mouthing a silent ‘thank you’ he gives the smallest nod before turning back to his business, already moving on from the conversation. Lyla rests a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “you got this, okay?” she says as she squeezes you slightly.
Lyla walks you through the dimly lit halls, gesturing to the different rooms as she explains what (or who) goes down in each. “I’ll show you how things work, what the guys expect, what to look out for and all that stuff” and that’s exactly what she does, no sugar coating it either.
“Before we go any further, let’s talk safety” she says, her tone switching to professional. “First rule. You don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, ever! I don’t care how much money they offer or how sweet they talk, if you ain’t feeling it, you say no, got it?” You nod, her tone coming down a notch.
“Second… protection, always. No exceptions. If they try to argue, tell them to take that shit somewhere else, every room has one of these alarms, use it if you need to. Someone will be up straight away” she then hands you a small bag full of condoms. “We keep these stocked, you’ll never run out. Every top drawer will be full of them, make sure they’re wrapped before anything happens” she pauses tilting her head, “you on birth control?”
You laugh, hesitating for a second, all of this feeling a bit surreal before you answer “yeah”, looking through the condom bag, different brands, sizes, styles and color.
“Good. If you ever need anything, pills, a doctor, whatever just come to me okay, no shame, no judgement” she straightens up, “you’ve got a week, I have faith in you sweetie” she says, giving you a sense of hope.
She gives you another small smile, seeing the nerves flow through you. “You won’t be getting down to the good stuff tonight, there’s a room just down there, clothes shoes and everything you’ll need, all different sizes. Find something that suits you, okay?” She says, you’re starting to feel at ease now. “Tonight’s about getting comfortable. We’ll have you mingle a bit, meet some of the girls, chat with the guys keep them happy with conversation while the others handle the rest… how does that sound?” She asks, leaning against the door frame, noting that you don’t look as tense as before.
“I think I’m good” you laugh, taking another deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for tonight.
“Go on then, go find something to wear” she says with a laugh, pointing you to the room a few doors down.
Despite the nerves that held you back in the beginning, as the days go by you were starting to feel much more comfortable in your skin. It hadn’t been easy, but you were beginning to see just how well you were adapting to this new routine. Everyday felt a little smoother, and even though you had your moments of doubt, they weren’t as regular as before.
At first, everything had been a blur of awkwardness, especially your first client. The nerves were overwhelming and the experience was uncomfortable at best. But after that, something shifted. The second client was easier, all tension gone as soon as you found your hidden confidence. By the third, you realised Nero was right, it wasn’t all about sex, this guy just wanted to be listened too, be held as he cried about the dramas he was having with his wife. It was pretty sad actually.
Tonight, as the last day of your week, it was your chance to prove to Nero and the others that you were ready and that you wanted to stick around. There would be no turning back after today.
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Jax stepped into Diosa with the rest of the club. It had been a long day, the kind of day that made you want to shut everything else out a lose yourself for a while. Diosa being the perfect place to do that. No questions asked, no drama, just the freedom to let off some pent up steam.
Jax slid onto one of the bar stools, catching the eye of Lyla behind the bar. He gave her a nod, and she waved back. His attention is shifting around the room as the rest of the guys settled in. His eyes finding you immediately.
You’re leant against the furthest side of the bar talking with a few of the other girls you had made friends with this past week. His gaze lingered, drawn to you without even realising why. He leant back on his stool trying to shake the feeling off, it’s a rare thing for him to feel something so quick for a woman he barely knew.
Nero, moving into the stool beside him. “I see you eyeing up the new girl” he laughs, waving one of the other girls attention for a drink.
Jax doesn’t take his eyes off you, watching as you laugh and engage in conversation. He couldn’t explain it but he felt drawn to you. “She new?” He questions.
Nero chuckles “you serious?” His eyebrow twitches “that’s y/n, the one you wanted to help out….” He says shaking his head.
Jax let out a dry laugh, rubbing his face “shit… that’s her?” He remembers the conversation he had with Opie, about Lylas friend needing help, but with him being too wrapped up in club shit he never had the time to actually sit down and meet her himself, passing the task onto Nero, that is until tonight.
Nero's grin grows wider “No shit mano, that’s your employee though can’t keep staring at her like you’re about to eat her alive”
Jax laughs, a yearning look in his eyes. “let’s call it quality control”.
Nero, shaking his head “sure, sure, but you might wanna think twice about sleeping with your workers” he raises his eyebrows.
Jax’s smirk faded just a little as he looks over to you once more, a whole new set of thoughts running through his mind. “Wish me luck” he says, standing from the seat and patting Nero on the back.
“That boy ain’t ever gonna learn” Nero muttered as he watched Jax make his way towards you.
Both you and Lyla are unaware of his approach. He took a moment, sweeping over you, trying to read you. You looked comfortable enough, but he could sense something slight in your posture, the way you carried yourself like you were still deciding if you belonged here.
Lyla clocks him first, smirking as she makes eye contact just over your shoulder. “Look who finally decides to show up, huh” she teases lightly. “y/n, meet Jax Teller. The other half of Diosa” she smiles.
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For the first time, your eyes meet, and for a brief moment, the noise of Diosa fades into the background. There was something there. A pull neither of you could explain.
You held his stare, refusing to shrink under the weight of it. Instead, you offer a tender smile. “I just wanted to say... thank you...you know for the opportunity” your words stammering slightly as you try to hold his gaze.
A slow smirk grew from the corners of Jax’s mouth, something unreadable you noticed in his eyes. “No problem...good to finally put a face to the name” He gives you a small nod.
Opie walks up, wrapping his arms around Lyla from behind, whispering something into her ear. Whatever it was made her blush and smile. Opie nodded at you with a friendly smile “Hey y/n”.
He then slaps Jax on the shoulder. “Catch you later brother” Jax smirks in response, knowing exactly what their about to do. With that, Opie and Lyla excuse themselves from the conversation, leaving you and Jax alone, the sudden quiet between you, forcing a conversation.
Jax leans against the bar, getting closer to you now. “So...” he began, his tone smooth and casual “How’s your first few days been?” an edge of curiosity behind his tone.
You turn your whole body to face him now, he takes in what you’re wearing. A lacy black two piece hugging your body, with a long robe, feathers hanging off at the arm sleeves and its base veil, its soft fabric catching the light as you settle in your seat.
“It was... a lot to take in, but I...” you stop mid sentence as you realised what you’d just said, the unintentional innuendo slipping out from your mouth. Jax’s smile beaming, clearly catching on.
“Not... like that” you say quickly, laughing through your embarrassment. "not that it wasnt...but...I'm just gonna stop talking now…" you try to save yourself
Jax’s laugh grows louder, his shoulders dancing up and down with amusement. "It's okay, you ain’t gotta explain yourself” he teased, sensing how flustered you just got.
“So you busy tonight or...” he questions wondering how long he has left to talk to you.
Running your finger over the rim of your glass before drinking it, you begin to respond “Depends…if someone asks for me, then yes, if not then no, I'll just be down here floating around” You let your eyes trace over Jax’s form, a deliberate smile creeping onto your face.
“What about you?…” you ask, treading lightly, your tone low but teasing. “…you got a favorite girl here or...”
Jax’s eyes light up ever so slightly as a grin spreads across his face at your question. He chuckles whilst shaking his head. “I don’t mix business with pleasure” he says softly, as if he’s not entirely letting his guard down, not wanting to give away his mission of the night.
You let out a laugh, clearly not buying his answer. Before you go to question how he eases his tension, a client walks in. You glance at Jax with a mischievous glimmer in your eye. “See ya around…boss” you say, your tone playful, before making your way over to the man.
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His gaze sharpens, the faintest hint of jealousy creeping in as he watches you sway towards the new comer. He continues watching intently as your figure moves, the sheer fabric of the robe barely concealing you as the feathers caressing the edge of the lower veil trail behind you. A restless twitch stirs just below his belt, his eyes sharpening as he takes you in. His eyes don’t leave the interaction as he watches you welcome the new client into Diosa.
Jax grits his teeth, his grip tightening around his beer as he watches you intently. His eyes narrow when the man moves in too close. Jax can see now that the man is completely intoxicated, swaying and mumbling things that don’t make sense.
You look left and right, clearly getting uncomfortable now, his breath is heavy and he’s pushing too close, not taking the hint.
Jax groans, pushing off from the bar and striding towards the both of you, every muscle in his body tense with readiness.
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“We got a problem?” Jax’s voice is deep, causing the air around them to thicken. Nero, who is currently talking to an employee begins to steal looks almost as if he realises something is off. Chibs doing the same as he’s sitting with a Diosa girl.
You turn to him, thankful of his presence. “He’s too drunk to be in here” you say, looking back at the drunken figure. “I’ve told him hes gotta got but he’s insisting”.
The drunk looks around in your direction “just... s-suck my dick like I asked... you wh...” he hiccups in between words “...you whore”. He sneers, leaning closer again.
Before you can react, Jax is on him. His fist connects with the man’s jaw with a sickening force. He stumbles back, but not for too long. He retaliates, throwing a wild punch that catches Jax in the side of his face. Nero and Chibs appear from nowhere, rushing to break them both apart as the fight escalates.
The others upstairs, completely oblivious, lost in their own worlds of pleasure, as you experience your first down side of working at Diosa.
It doesn’t take long for the dust to settle. Nero throwing the man out, but not before adding a few punches of his own. Jax touches the cut now bleeding from above his eyebrow. His jaw tightens with lingering anger as he notices the blood. Without a word, he turns and walks off into one of the rooms, slamming the door behind him.
Nero gives you a once over, his look full of concern. “You good, Mija?” He rubs your shoulder gently. He’s impressed with how you handled that. No panic, no drama, just calm and collected. Jax though, will be hearing Neros thoughts later.
“Yeah, i’m okay, he was just too much…sorry” you admit, Nero nods in total agreement.
“We’re all about safety mama, don’t apologise. You did the right thing” he lets you know, before walking back over to Chibs.
You hesitate for a moment, the adrenaline still rushing through your veins. As the others continue talking, dissecting what had just gone on, you decide to quietly slip away and check on Jax, easing open the door he just slammed shut.
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Jax was sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. His once perfected hair now messy giving him more of a rough edge. His knuckles were raw, and a small trickle of blood ran from a cut just above his eyebrow. He exhaled deeply, lost in thought, but second he noticed you, he straightened. His blue eyes locking onto yours.
“You good?” He asks, his voice steady. Scanning you for any sign of distress.
You scoff just a little, “I should be asking you that” you say, walking further into the room, closing the door behind you.
“You could, but I asked first” he smiled, seeing you approach. You roll your eyes in response, feeling the way your chest tightens as his gaze lingered on you. He looked at you as if you were more than a woman he barely knew.
You don’t respond with words, you were too busy grabbing a paper towel from the nightstand and wetting it with some of the bottled water, the sound of soft rustling coming from the towel seems to fill the room as he tracks you with each step you take.
You kneel down in front of him, parting his legs slightly with your own. You were close to him now, a little too close, but neither of you seemed to mind. Your focus mainly on the cut above his eyebrow, his strong scent hovering around you, sweat, leather and smoke tinged with his personal smell. His hands are resting on the bed beside him, as if he was trying to maintain his composure. You could tell he was hurting but he wasn’t one to make a scene of it.
“Hold still” you mumble, as you dab the towel gently against the cut. His body shifting slightly in response to the pain. His eyes never leaving yours, except for the occasional quick glance down at your chest, so close he could almost feel the heat radiating off you.
“You always this caring for the guys you barely know?” He asks, his voice playful and almost teasing.
“You always checking out the tits of the person patching you up?” You shoot back with a smirk as you continues to clean the blood away from his face.
He falters for a second, a bit of colour rising up his face but he shakes it off just as fast. “Lyla told Ope about your mom, the bills and everything” he studies your reaction “That’s the only reason you’re here? Wanting the job?”
You finish cleaning the cut, then press your hands into his thighs as you push yourself up, the warmth of his skin seeping through his jeans. His eyes linger downwards, watching the way your hands move against him. “I’m not exactly here for the exercise” you laugh, but there’s a hint of something guarded in your voice.
He catches the way your shoulders tense slightly, he doesn’t want to push you any further, he tilts his head, taking you in. But he just can’t help himself. “Can I just ask you one more thing?” His voice is softer now, somewhat sympathetic. He doesn’t wait for you to answer “if you get the job and make enough money, will you quit?”
You pause slightly, giving him a small shrug “that’s the plan, but I’m not sure how long it’ll take for me to make what I need”
“How much we talkin’?” His expression unreadable.
You shake your head inhaling another deep breath “too much to count” you decide to open up a little “I need five grand by the end of the month” you sigh saying the words out loud making it feel even more impossible to achieve it.
He doesn’t say anything, just runs a hand over his jaw, taking in everything you’ve said. The silence making your chest tighten again, so you decide to end the conversation before it gets even deeper.
“You’re all cleaned up” you say, brushing your hands off against each other as you turn towards the door.
His voice stopping you before you reach the handle “where you going?”
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You look over your shoulder, “back out there, someone’s gotta be there to welcome them, pour drinks and all that” you laugh, confused as to where exactly he thought you would be going.
“What if I don’t want you to leave yet?” His voice dips lower, a look in his eyes as if his mission is about to succeed.
You turn towards him fully, raising your eyebrow just a little. “Then you’d have to do like the rest…and pay for my company” you smile cockily, your words teasing but clear.
He chuckles, clearly impressed by how easily you slip into the role of the confident woman who knows her worth. With a half smile he goes into his pocket, still not breaking the eye contact. He pulls out a thick roll of cash, tossing it onto the bed next to him with casual confidence. There’s no arrogance in the way that he does it, it’s more of a silent agreement, a sign that he’s more than willing to pay if it means spending more time with you. Your pulse quickens, then as if making a decision that could complicate things, you reach and turn the lock.
You take slow steps back towards him, letting your robe slip off your shoulders and pooling behind you, the motion looking effortless. Jax watches on, his tongue flicking over his lips as the anticipation darkens his gaze. Then, you kneel down once again. Undoing the laces of his airforces, slipping them off one by one.
Your fingers press into the arches of his feet, kneading out the tension that resides there. He exhales deeply, the sound rough and full of relief. “Damn” he mutters under his breath, leaning back onto his elbows as he watches you with his hungry eyes.
You smile in response, your eyes matching his. Working your thumbs over a tight spot before your hands start trailing upwards, slowly and deliberately. His breath hitches, as you reach for his belt buckle, undoing it with ease. You pull back for a moment, standing up straight and extending your hand to Jax with confidence, almost as if you were daring him to join you. He takes your hand in his. His fingers curling around yours as he stands. You kick off your heels, your height declining a little, as he looks down at you with his dominant presence.
You step closer, reaching for his kutte as you slide it off of his broad shoulders, placing it carefully on the back of the chair behind you. He watches you, not a word leaving his lips as you begin to take control of the situation.
A look of appreciation and desire in his eyes. Up until now, you have never allowed yourself to feel anything for any of the clients you’d been with, whether it was sexual or not. You’d kept them locked away. But with Jax, it's something you can’t ignore.
You slowly pull his crisp white tee over his head, revealing his muscular frame, slick with sweat from the events of today. Your fingers trace the ‘Abel’ tattoo on his chest, and he can feel the curiosity in the way you look at it. “my son” he says quietly, his voice carrying a tenderness you haven't heard from him yet. Your hands move lower, brushing over the rough scars left behind from the stabbings just below his ribs, the same thoughtful expression on your face. Without having to say a single word, he answers you. “prison” he mumbles, his voice almost sounding detached, as if its everyday you meet someone with the same scars.
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You know nothing about Jax on a personal level, but of course you knew of SAMCRO with Lyla being your only real connection to the club, and that’s enough to keep you aware, but from a safe distance.
Over the past few nights, you’ve learned not to ask questions, not to pry into the lives of your clients but to just go with the flow. And right now, that’s exactly what you intend to do.
You catch your bottom lip between your teeth as you look at him, your hands picking up where they left off. Gripping the waistband of his jeans, you give them a firm tug. He kicks them off without any hesitation. With a slow and deliberate push, you guide him back until he’s bracing himself against the bed. Climbing on top of him, you move upwards, your hands trailing his thighs. You start by pressing messy, open mouthed kisses along his neck, feeling how his body reacts beneath you.
His breath fastens, his hands coming up to touch you in the middle of your back as your lips trail lower. Turning your attention to his boxers, you kiss him over the fabric, letting the tension build as his eyes lock onto you with raw desire. His hips shift beneath you, betraying his need for more. You slide his boxers down, revealing him full as he springs free from the cloth. Your approving eyes meet his, and the way you look at him has him swallowing hard.
Your eyes examine him with admiration, taking in every detail like his dick has been sculpted just for you. He stands thick and ready, his precum catching the light, shimmering under the soft glow from above. Every pulse and twitch letting you know just how ready he is. The moment your lips wrap around him, he sucks in a sharp breath, tensing beneath you. His hands move, not knowing where to place them fighting the urge to grab hold of you, to guide you deeper. You move your head with a slow and steady rhythm, taking your time before your lips finally meet the sensitive skin at his base. The feeling of his shaven pubes brushing against your upper lip. You take all of him whole and he cant hold back any longer. His fingers grip the back of your head, pulling you in closer, leaving you breathless as you struggle for air.
You grunt, as he releases the pressure, finally allowing you to breathe again. A trail of saliva drips from your mouth, falling back onto him. “Fuuuuck” he mutters, his body instinctively arching towards you. You let out a teasing laugh, a proud smile curling on your lips, pleased with yourself for taking him all in at once.
“Come here” he instructs, his voice low and seductive. Sitting up, he gently guides you closer. His fingers curling around your chin as he pulls you into him. His lips crash against yours, both urgent and demanding. He can taste himself lingering on your tongue. Each movement driving you wild, the sensation making your pussy salivate as it begins to drip for him.
Jax looks at you, his voice deep. “You got anything?” You point to the top drawer next to the bed in response. He moves quickly, opening it, his hands focused as he searches.
You watch him closely, your breath catching in your throat at he rolls it down with care, his every movement precise, the tension thickening with every passing second.
As soon as he finishes, he’s on you, grabbing you with a force that takes you by surprise. He lays you down on your back, his body pressing against yours. He can feel the wetness on his thigh as he uses it to guide your legs apart.
“you look so fuckable right now” he says, leaning back on his knees as he prepares to enter. He teases you gently, stroking his cock as he taps it against your wanting clit. Your jaw clenches with eagerness, “Fuck me then”. Jax did not need to be told twice.
He slowly enters you, as you let out an involuntary gasp at the sensation of fullness he’s causing. There's a lot of him to take in. “you good?” he laughs, checking in with you before he continues. When you nod, he increases his pace, his movements becoming more powerful.
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You try to form words, to let Jax know he’s doing a good job, but you’re unable to form any, only short breathy pants and moans. Jax has a smug look on his face, enjoying the effect he’s having on you.
“You usually fuck your boss?” he asks, his voice authoritative as he continues to drive into you, his blonde hair grazing against your ear as he nestles his head into your neck.
You grab the back of his head, pulling it so that you make eye contact “Only if they seem worth it” you huff in response.
Jax cant help but laugh, even more turned on by your response. He quickly pulls out, only to turn you around guiding you onto your stomach, facedown. The audacity in your words fuelling his assertiveness. He grabs you by the waist, taking hold of you possessively, firmly forcing you to arch your back into a submissive position. “It’s like that is it? darlin’” his sudden aggression making you even wetter than you once were.
Your face is pressed into the pillow, but you manage to look slightly to the left, sneaking glances at him over your shoulder. His messy hair falls across his face as you watch his eyes roam your body, his expression dark.
He enters you again quickly, watching intensely as your ass crashes against his pelvic bone, sending waves through your skin. His hand reaches over pushing you down further into the pillow, the sound of your bodies meeting sounding like a round of applause.
Together, you move in perfect sync, your bodies working together to bring one another closer towards the edge. The room echoes with a mix of moans and gasps, each sound a testament to the intense pleasure you’re both currently experiencing.
Your hands reach back, spreading your cheeks giving Jax a newer sensation as he pounds in and out of you, he almost cant believe his eyes, how vulnerable you’re being for him. “Good girl” he groans, the slight difference in position making your walls tighten around him.
Jax, the man of many positions, now lies beneath you, the roles reversed. He can’t take his eyes off you. You’re the one in control once again. There’s a way about how he’s looking at you, taking in every moment unable to take his eyes off you. He’s lost in you, the way you look, the way you move, fucking beautiful - inside and out.
You hover above him, just out of reach, teasing him and keeping him wanting more. His hands grip at your hips, his fingers digging into your flesh, but you manage to stay in control. Loving the way his breath becomes rough with anticipation. Without warning, you take him in again, slamming down hard and deep.
Another moan leaving his mouth, his whole body tense again as the pleasure takes over. Your fingers glide over his body, as you ride the aftershocks surging through him.
Your hands are at his neck now, your body shielding his. He moves his hands, grabbing you by the ass with one and the other cradling your head in place, keeping you where he needs you, by his actions you can tell he’s used to being in control and taking what he wants.
He lifts his knees up gaining his own balance, his feet digging into the bed before moving his hips furiously underneath you, curving through your walls, each thrust forcing a gasp from your mouth.
“Ja- Jax…fuck…I’m gonna” you confess, unable to actually get the words out.
He smiles at your confession, his grip firm as he continues to hold you in place. Pressing desperate kisses onto your open mouth. “That’s…what I like… to hear” he mumbles, his words getting lost as you whimper into him.
His thrusts are getting slower, more sporadic. He’s close, and he can tell by the way your body trembles above him that you are too. His grip shifts once more. The hand placed on your ass, is now pushing firmly against your lower back, forcing him deeper. The pressuare sends you spiralling, you cry out as your body convulses around him, causing his cock to pump out cum.
He’s panting heavily along with you, his head buried onto your shoulder, his eyes wincing in pleasure. “y/n…fuc-” he pleads into your ear.
You don’t hear him of course you’re too busy wrapped up in your own climax. Your fists balling at the sheets beneath you, your head finding solace in the crevice of Jax’s shoulder. He releases the tension in his body as he throws his head back against the pillow, breathing hard with a satisfied smile on his face. He waits for you to come down and join him.
As the last waves of pleasure fade, you lift your head, meeting Jax’s eyes with a breathless laugh. Your bodies still tangled together, the heat dancing off the both of you.
With a slow movement, you slide off him, removing the condom carefully in the process. You tie it off and toss it into the nearby bin before crashing back down beside him.
Both your chests rise and fall in sync, the silence between you tessellating with satisfaction. Jax turns his head, a full smirk playing at his lips as he watches you, “Think I changed my mind” he admits, lazily resting his hands behind his head.
You raise your brow slightly, your breaths finally in regular rhythm again. “About what?”.
“Think you’re my first favorite” his smirk deepens, as he grabs his cigarettes off the side and lighting one up, the flame flickers, causing a slight glow against his face. You playfully smack his chest before retrieving your scattered clothing and getting them back on.
“Where you goin now?” He questions, a neediness in his voice, but you can tell he’s joking with it.
“What? Did you expect me to stay and cuddle” you respond tying the feathered robe back around your waist.
“Would have been nice” he chuckles, running a hand through his hair before standing up. The cigarette clinging to his lips as he exhales a stream of smoke, taking his time getting dressed as if he had nowhere else to be.
You watch him pull on his clothes, a small curve to your lips. Once he’s finished, you grab his kutte, stepping up behind him and sliding it over his shoulders, putting his pride back where it belonged.
“Thank you” he uttered, adjusting himself. He then spots the rolled up cash on the floor, the same stack he had tossed earlier.
With a lazy bend, he picks it up, handing it to you. Then, without a word, he reaches into his pocket and pulls another roll out, pressing it into your hand. His own hand lingering a little longer than it needed too.
The weight of the cash feels heavier, much more than it should as your fingers tighten around the stacks. A quick mental count tells you it’s close to four thousand, way more than you had expected. You look up at him, your eyes flickering with disbelief.
“Jax?… this is… a lot” you say, shocked but thankful.
Jax shrugs, feeling generous. “It’s a start..,handle what you need to” he says, like it’s nothing.
You stare at the money he had placed in your hand. Between this and what you’d already made this week, you now have enough to cover this months debt, something that less than an hour ago felt impossible.
Jax observes how you accept his help, with a slight tilt of his head he says “See you Monday night” throwing you a wink before you could even say thank you out loud, strolling out like he didn’t just change everything.
Nero glances up as Jax walks over, a knowing look in his eyes. “So… how’d your test run go?”
Jax can’t help but grin in response, flicking his cigarette into the ashtray upon the bar. “She’s got the job” he tells Nero confidently, no doubt about it.
Nero chuckles, a low sound of understanding as he pats Jax on the back “didn’t take you long to make up your mind, eh ese?”
Jax laughs, a low but genuine sound. “What can I say?” he says, throwing his hands up in a dramatic gesture, his shoulders lifting with the movement. “I’m a simple man” the familiar smirk spread across his face.
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Photos & gifs are not mine - apart from the one with Jax's booty, had to go find the episode to make that one hehe.
Loved writing this, I know I say this every time lol. Also, sorry it took so long, I initially planned for this to be SO much shorter cause I feel like I may be writing too much? I just get carried away I cant help it lol.
To everyone who's sent a request, I'm not ignoring, I'm just working at them one by one, thank you for ALL! of them I'm excited to do them all, plus you all got some good ideas man I love it!
Jax Teller Masterlist
xoxo secretly samcro
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