whenmemorydies

[whenmemorydies]

"But the question is, Did John Brown fail? He certainly did fail to get out of Harpers Ferry before being beaten down by United States soldiers; he did fail to save his own life, and to lead a liberating army into the mountains of Virginia. But he did not go to Harpers Ferry to save his life. "The true question is, Did John Brown draw his sword against slavery and thereby lose his life in vain? And to this I answer ten thousand times, No! No man fails, or can fail, who so grandly gives himself and all he has to a righteous cause. No man, who in his hour of extremest need, when on his way to meet an ignominious death, could so forget himself as to stop and kiss a little child, one of the hated race for whom he was about to die, could by any possibility fail. "Did John Brown fail? Ask Henry A. Wise in whose house less than two years after, a school for the emancipated slaves was taught. "Did John Brown fail? Ask James M. Mason, the author of the inhuman fugitive slave bill, who was cooped up in Fort Warren, as a traitor less than two years from the time that he stood over the prostrate body of John Brown. "Did John Brown fail? Ask Clement C. Vallandingham, one other of the inquisitorial party; for he too went down in the tremendous whirlpool created by the powerful hand of this bold invader. If John Brown did not end the war that ended slavery, he did at least begin the war that ended slavery. If we look over the dates, places and men for which this honor is claimed, we shall find that not Carolina, but Virginia, not Fort Sumter, but Harpers Ferry, and the arsenal, not Col. Anderson, but John Brown, began the war that ended American slavery and made this a free Republic. Until this blow was struck, the prospect for freedom was dim, shadowy and uncertain. The irrepressible conflict was one of words, votes and compromises. "When John Brown stretched forth his arm the sky was cleared. The time for compromises was gone - the armed hosts of freedom stood face to face over the chasm of a broken Union - and the clash of arms was at hand. The South staked all upon getting possession of the Federal Government, and failing to do that, drew the sword of rebellion and thus made her own, and not Brown's, the lost cause of the century." -(May 30, 1881, Frederick Douglass, oration at the Fourteenth Anniversary of Storer College, May 30, 1881)

[whenmemorydies]

The Good Lord Bird - Episode 7: Last Words

[whenmemorydies]

“Owen, what’s Isaiah say about that?” 

“Isaiah says, ‘Look before you leap, lest thou slip in shit.’”

Owen Brown • The Good Lord Bird (2020)

[whenmemorydies]

Sometimes, late at night or in the early morning, a thought about The Bear pops into my brain. And it's something that we've screamed about a hundred times before, but it makes me crazy!!!!!

So in season 1, Sydney tells Marcus during the first their "breakup" that Carmy made the best meal she's EVER had. At the end of the episode, they reconcile with Carmy extending his most cherished dream to share with her. Then, in season 3, ep.1, is about Carmy finding himself and losing himself. We cut back and forth from the present aftermath of Friends and Family to his culinary journey, ending with him sending his heart out on a plate. The FINAL scene of this hero's capsule episode is Sydney eating said heart. And it's her favorite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is supposed to be a work relationship. A platonic partnership. Also, Sydney is not a central component of Carmy's purpose. Nope. She's just part of the ensemble. Carmy's metaphorical SOUL being consumed by Sydney, her seeking him out post Sheridan because she couldn't get that it out of her mind, him STILL not knowing that she ate it, and them starting a restaurant together where he offers her and only her out of all the staff a partnership agreement...And the final shot of Sydney in S3 is of her having a panic attack. This was mirroring Carmy just when he's had a breakthrough. It signaled that it's his turn to be there for HER. But nope. We're delusional. This is a simple work family show that accidentally told a soulmate story.

[whenmemorydies]

This is one of my favorite episodes of the show because it summarizes so well how much they need each other but are afraid to act on it.

YES! 3x09 was one of the most frustrating episodes for me in season 3 bc of this failure to act. But having rewatched it a few times now I can see what you're saying here - it does make it so plain how much they need one another. And we even get the lyrics to that Jennifer Castle song, Blowing Kisses making this clear:

My heart's still in it

My dedication's a star

And it shines on our differences

And there's love in the meantime

I'm so proud of this moment

In the simulation here with you

I'm so fucking honoured

Can you feel me?

Can you feel what I do?

These lyrics read like such a love letter going back and forth between Syd and Carmy. And what's so telling to me is that its about not relying on language (not being a beggar to it any longer!), its about doing things and hoping your beloved feels what you're doing for them. So everything is communicated through actions. And then we have 3x09 being driven by Carmy's actions: Carmy making a sauce that looks just like Syd's headscarf, Carmy telling Syd to come to the Ever dinner (but not explicitly why beyond it being her last chance to eat there - what he means is she should come because she belongs there), Carmy spraying whatever's left of Syd's vomit away, Carmy menu planning and thinking of Syd.

Ugh. The Bear is a love story!

Keeping his side of the street clean

Molly Ringwald told us in 1x03 Brigade that the best way to deal with chaos is to keep your side of the street clean:

Fast forward to season 3 when the chaos at The Bear has reached dangerously harmful levels, we catch Carmy literally hosing down The Bear's side of the street in 3x09 Apologies:

Anyone else notice that when Carmy is "spraying shit" here, it looks like he's hosing down the area where Sydney vomited after Friends and Family in 2x10 The Bear?

I'm sure its just a coincidence that we see Carmy rinsing off the physical remains of Sydney's anxiety at the end of a season where her anxiety at The Bear was at its worst, right?

It has to be coincidence that Carmy does this right after pushing Sydney to go to an industry dinner with him that her imposter syndrome almost keeps her from attending, yeah?

Its most definitely a coincidence that after clearing Sydney's anxiety The Bear's side of the street in 3x09, the next time we see Carmy in this episode, he's quietly sketching, being inspired, and looking to the heavens...intercut with scenes of Sydney - and only Sydney - on her way to look after his family...while a furtive voice sings and in her honour I'm not a beggar to language any longer [...] I'm blowing my little kisses to you, baby.

It couldn't be Carmy beginning to make amends - to apologise - to his soulmate Sydney for the betrayal of their shared vision, of their legacy, right? In an episode coincidentally called Apologies? That would be banana-town.

I mean who hasn't done all this for a coworker?

This all has to simply be totally platonic, work-related coincidence.

Shout out to @freedelusionshere for inspiring this post with their excellent meta and predictions for s4!

[whenmemorydies]

Thanks for reading and for your original meta! Love your deep dives into the psychology of individuals and relationships on the show!

Sydney working through her imposter syndrome whilst being so good at what she does and putting in the effort to be better cements her as one of my fav characters on television, period. She's so special to me.

I agree - I think her wanting to stay at The Bear, even throughout all the shit of season 3 is because of her connection to the team AND her drive to make this "the one" - the place that would be so different from her other experiences in the restaurant industry. She wants to do things different and make things better. Carmy originally agreed to this too but has reverted to what he knows - patterns that he's grown up with as a child well before he met Chef David.

Also YES to this:

Her mirroring with Chef Terry (the bandanas, the attitudes, the vibes) feels even more telling now. She is a chef Terry, before Terry discovered her greatness. All the people at Ever told how much they learned there, that is what a place run by Sydney can be. It's so mindblowing that even if Carmy was present at Ever, she was still so trapped in his trauma that he was not able to absorb it and dream of creating a place like it.

Sydney's totally creating a place like Terry did where the folks who work with her are able to thrive and become better. I think Carmy's regression in season 3 is because though he learned so much with Terry, he also had to contend with almost an entire lifetime outside of that where he was subjected to the kind of toxicity that Chef David threw around. LIke you say - he's still so trapped in his trauma. I think the logical way for him to move past this is to begin to see outside of himself. JAW mentioned in an interview that the great tragedy of Carmy is that he's never been able to see someone else entirely. I think that is going to change in s4 - as @freedelusionshere has said in their reblog of this post - Carmy is going to see Sydney - he's been doing this incrementally throughout the show - and he is going to act accordingly.

The restaurant could be good.

Why did Syd call herself an accomplice in 3x05 Children?

I was re-reading @yannaryartside's fantastic meta about this (and you should too) and it got me thinking. In their meta, OP asks:

Is Syd (or her leaving) supposed to be a wake-up call to Carmy? That he fucked up something that brought him genuine joy and connection because Syd knew the real him, while Claire liked Logan and Carmy's brokenness? The way Claire would enable him in his bad tendencies? How is he gonna realize all that?

Honestly, I don't know what these writers have planned for how Carmy comes to the realisation that season 3 Carmy is not it lol. But I have one suspicion about how it might go, and it has less to do with Carmy and more to do with Syd.

We have to go back to season 1 where it all started. Where Sydney met Carmy and articulated within the first three episodes of the show, her hopes for her future and the future of The Beef.

Recall 1x02 Hands and the convo between her and Richie in Richie's car:

Sydney: You know the restaurant could be good. Like I know you know that. Like it doesn't have to be a place where the food is shitty, and where everybody acts shitty and feels shitty. Like it could be a good legit spot.

Cut to season 3, after Syd and Carmy have overhauled the restaurant and everyone is...well...acting shitty, feeling shitty and the food is looking like a damn mess:

Also recall the alley chat in 1x03 Brigade:

Sydney: You know, I think this place could be so different from all the other places we've been at. But in order for that to be true, we need to run things different.

Then cut to season 3 where we have EC Carmy decidedly not running things different at The Bear. Instead, he repeats toxic communication and management styles from his past:

Recall 1x05 Sheridan and Sydney's vulnerability with Carmy about why she started her catering business, Sheridan Road, after leaving the restaurant scene:

Sydney: Like it was the first time I didn't have a complete and utter psychopath behind me screaming, and pushing and yelling, and I thought I wanted that, you know?

Cut to season 3 and, well, you know the drill: behold our fav Executive Jeff acting like an utter psychopath and partaking in some screaming, pushing and yelling.

So what happened in season 3? Why have things gone in almost the exact opposite direction of what Sydney hoped for in season 1?

To my mind, the answer to that question lies in season 2 and what both Syd and Carmy were doing during that season. Yes, Syd spent most of season 2 setting up the restaurant alone while Carmy played hooky with Claire. But what was more striking to me was the contrast in effort that both of them put into actually doing things different at the restaurant (as per their pledge to each other during the alley chat of 1x03 Brigade).

Breaking cycles

I agree with @yannaryartside: Carmy playing hooky with Claire in season 2 was him numbing himself (i.e. Claire is the drug that he was addicted to for this purpose). I also reckon he was using Claire as another way to keep Mikey in his life - a reverse-engineered haunt - particularly while the most obvious physical manifestation of Mikey in the present day (The Beef itself) was being transformed into something else entirely. That kind of change - that kind of loss - couldn't have been easy for Carmy, particularly as The Bear was something he had wanted to open with this brother in the first place. I get why Carmy would "self-medicate" with Claire to try and numb some of the pain he may have felt, I really do.

But while Carmy was spending so much of his time either avoiding or dulling his pain, it meant he had little time or energy for working through these things. We know that he has been making attempts at this particularly in relation to his familial trauma and grief (as evidenced by his attendance at Al-Anon meetings). But throughout seasons 1-3 we see almost no work on Carmy's part to address the abuse and trauma that he's experienced in professional kitchens. We do not see him trying to prepare himself for the task of leading an entire restaurant. The first and only time we see Carmy start this process is in the last episode of season 3, when he bravely confronts Chef David Fields at the funeral dinner for Ever.

Now admittedly, Sydney does not have the history of familial abuse that Carmy does. But as discussed above, she does share a history of professional abuse in the restaurant industry with him. Its why the two of them make that promise to each other to do things different in 1x03 Brigrade.

To this end, Sydney spends almost all of season 2 working to enhance her leadership skills to make herself better for the staff she'll be leading as CDC of The Bear. Recall her book, Leading with the Heart by Mike Krzyzewski (Chicago-born, Polish-American and hugely successful former basketball coach of the Duke University Blue Devils and the American national basketball team), gifted to her by her father, Emmanuel:

In the beginning of 2x07 Forks, we follow Sydney as she surveys The Bear during renovations and while she works on a menu idea. This opening sequence features the following narration from an interview with Krzyzewski (which reiterates the show's ongoing message that none of us are alone, particularly when we take the time to listen to one another):

The other thing is that you're not gonna get there alone. You know, be on a team. You know, surround yourself with good people and learn how to listen.

You're not gonna learn with you just talking.

And when you do talk, converse. Don't make excuses. Figure out the solution. And you don't have to figure it out yourself.

I always wanted to be part of a team and obviously I wanted to lead that team. You know, [...] what an interesting life it is to be a leader.

The advice Coach K gives in the above monologue is also mirrored in Marcus' eulogy for his mother where he spoke about the importance of listening. It's also gold advice for how to be consistent in relationship to others. I've spoken here about the themes of chaos and consistency on this show and how one of Carmy's battles is understanding that,

[C]onsistency in terms of a product (e.g. a clean kitchen every night or immaculately plated dishes each service) and consistency in terms of relationships are two different things. You can strive for consistent products but destroy all your relationships in the pursuit of them. Conversely, if you strive for consistency in your relationships, you may not always make consistent products (and quite frankly, that's OK - is a perfectly plated agnolotti dish worth Carmy's relationship with Tina? Is driving Syd to a panic attack worth Carmy's pursuit of a star? I think not on both counts).

Sydney took the time throughout season 2 to learn how to be consistent and effective as a leader. She knew - and knows - that simply being an excellent chef is not going to cut it when it comes to running a restaurant and leading a team. This took time and effort on her part but she was committed to making The Bear different to all the other places she'd been at, so she did it. I should also note that Syd did this internal work while menu-planning and trying to push herself culinarily. She was doing so much lifting. Jealousy of Claire aside, I am surprised Syd didn't rip Carmy a new one when he talked about rejigging the menu while at his girl-who's-a-friend's house lmao.

Cut to season 3 though, and Syd is running The Bear with Carmy who has spent the entire season not having put in the work to change the chemistry in their restaurant. Of course Syd tries to counter this as best she can. She runs interference with the team and gently tries to steer the ship. But as she says in 3x09 Apologies, things have been off at The Bear.

So when Syd tells us in 3x05 Children that she's an accomplice, I can't help but feel that in her heart, Sydney believes she's an accomplice in the betrayal of their vision - Sydney and Carmy's shared vision for The Bear - from season 1. The vision she worked so hard during season 2 to bring to fruition.

By season 3, they've betrayed it and each other: family style is no where to be found and The Bear looks and feels like all the other places Syd and Carmy have been at. While exhausting for Carmy ("I'm so fucking sick of this"), this would have been devastating for Syd, given all she's done to try and avoid this outcome. You can understand why she'd consider an offer like Shapiro's (though we know she's not going to take it).

Given the events of 3x10, where Carmy confronts Chef David and has that heart-to-heart with Chef Terry, its clear his perspective on Michelin mode is starting to shift. I think the threat of losing Sydney will scare the shit out of him too. But what I think will prompt Carmy to actually change his behaviour in season 4 is the realisation that he too is an accomplice and has betrayed not just himself but Sydney and their team as well. Season 4 will necessarily need to be told, at least in part, from Syd's perspective so that the impact of this on Syd is made clear to the audience (Storer and Calo, are you listening? Its me, a desperate fan). And once Carmy recognises his role in continuing the traumatic professional legacy championed by Chef Fields, he can get into working through and breaking that cycle. I'll be seated and ready for it.

[whenmemorydies]

Ugh YES - I think you're 100% on the right track with this in terms of predictions for s4 and the correct and healing progression for Carmy's character arc. He's been trapped since he was a kid in needing to prove himself ("fuck you, watch this") and since Mikey died, needing to "be the guy". All of this is fuelled by fucked patriarchal expectations that are placed on Carmy and that he has internalised too. It would be in keeping with how this show interrogates masculinity to have Carmy finally reject all of that, not to purposefully subvert it for subversion's sake, but because Sydney deserves her flowers and holding onto this garbage is NOT helping him (just like toxic masculinity doesn't help anyone lol). Its driving him further into the depths of anxiety and depression and who knows what else...and its making everyone else fucking miserable. For Carmy to realise that being a good partner (indeed even a good culinary ancestor to Sydney), would mean supporting her to soar in a leadership role that she has put so much work into doing would be *chef's kiss* and honestly, almost enough of a payoff for me before the show finishes (I still need some consummation for Sydcarmy lol).

You know, I'm doing a very slow rewatch of the series and I caught this beautiful bit of dialogue between Carmy and Syd in 1x02 Hands:

Syd: Hey, you got time?

Carmy: Always. Whats up?

Syd: I...I just wanted to say thanks for this past week. Its been a really great opportunity but I want to do more.

Carmy: I know you want more.

Syd: I want more to do. Yeah.

Carmy: Yeah.

Ok firstly, this man has no time for anyone but here he tells Syd he always has time for her? Mmmk sir.

But lol to the point of this post, Carmy saying "I know you want more" is absolutely foreshadowing what is going to come in the series. By the end of season 2, he's made Syd the captain of the ship. By the end of season 3, he's introducing her to industry heavyweights as his equal. Like you say, he knows that Syd has what it takes to go even further than him - wishes he was more like her in this regard.

And yes re: the realisations he's having during that Ever dinner. Those flashes of memory for him esp when other chefs around were talking about their experiences working for a bad boss. I hope they make it explicit in s4 that Carmy has come to that conclusion so we're not just left to interpret the intrusive thoughts that showed up in 3x10.

Crossing all my fingers and toes for Storer, Calo and crew to deliver this year!

The restaurant could be good.

Why did Syd call herself an accomplice in 3x05 Children?

I was re-reading @yannaryartside's fantastic meta about this (and you should too) and it got me thinking. In their meta, OP asks:

Is Syd (or her leaving) supposed to be a wake-up call to Carmy? That he fucked up something that brought him genuine joy and connection because Syd knew the real him, while Claire liked Logan and Carmy's brokenness? The way Claire would enable him in his bad tendencies? How is he gonna realize all that?

Honestly, I don't know what these writers have planned for how Carmy comes to the realisation that season 3 Carmy is not it lol. But I have one suspicion about how it might go, and it has less to do with Carmy and more to do with Syd.

We have to go back to season 1 where it all started. Where Sydney met Carmy and articulated within the first three episodes of the show, her hopes for her future and the future of The Beef.

Recall 1x02 Hands and the convo between her and Richie in Richie's car:

Sydney: You know the restaurant could be good. Like I know you know that. Like it doesn't have to be a place where the food is shitty, and where everybody acts shitty and feels shitty. Like it could be a good legit spot.

Cut to season 3, after Syd and Carmy have overhauled the restaurant and everyone is...well...acting shitty, feeling shitty and the food is looking like a damn mess:

Also recall the alley chat in 1x03 Brigade:

Sydney: You know, I think this place could be so different from all the other places we've been at. But in order for that to be true, we need to run things different.

Then cut to season 3 where we have EC Carmy decidedly not running things different at The Bear. Instead, he repeats toxic communication and management styles from his past:

Recall 1x05 Sheridan and Sydney's vulnerability with Carmy about why she started her catering business, Sheridan Road, after leaving the restaurant scene:

Sydney: Like it was the first time I didn't have a complete and utter psychopath behind me screaming, and pushing and yelling, and I thought I wanted that, you know?

Cut to season 3 and, well, you know the drill: behold our fav Executive Jeff acting like an utter psychopath and partaking in some screaming, pushing and yelling.

So what happened in season 3? Why have things gone in almost the exact opposite direction of what Sydney hoped for in season 1?

To my mind, the answer to that question lies in season 2 and what both Syd and Carmy were doing during that season. Yes, Syd spent most of season 2 setting up the restaurant alone while Carmy played hooky with Claire. But what was more striking to me was the contrast in effort that both of them put into actually doing things different at the restaurant (as per their pledge to each other during the alley chat of 1x03 Brigade).

Breaking cycles

I agree with @yannaryartside: Carmy playing hooky with Claire in season 2 was him numbing himself (i.e. Claire is the drug that he was addicted to for this purpose). I also reckon he was using Claire as another way to keep Mikey in his life - a reverse-engineered haunt - particularly while the most obvious physical manifestation of Mikey in the present day (The Beef itself) was being transformed into something else entirely. That kind of change - that kind of loss - couldn't have been easy for Carmy, particularly as The Bear was something he had wanted to open with this brother in the first place. I get why Carmy would "self-medicate" with Claire to try and numb some of the pain he may have felt, I really do.

But while Carmy was spending so much of his time either avoiding or dulling his pain, it meant he had little time or energy for working through these things. We know that he has been making attempts at this particularly in relation to his familial trauma and grief (as evidenced by his attendance at Al-Anon meetings). But throughout seasons 1-3 we see almost no work on Carmy's part to address the abuse and trauma that he's experienced in professional kitchens. We do not see him trying to prepare himself for the task of leading an entire restaurant. The first and only time we see Carmy start this process is in the last episode of season 3, when he bravely confronts Chef David Fields at the funeral dinner for Ever.

Now admittedly, Sydney does not have the history of familial abuse that Carmy does. But as discussed above, she does share a history of professional abuse in the restaurant industry with him. Its why the two of them make that promise to each other to do things different in 1x03 Brigrade.

To this end, Sydney spends almost all of season 2 working to enhance her leadership skills to make herself better for the staff she'll be leading as CDC of The Bear. Recall her book, Leading with the Heart by Mike Krzyzewski (Chicago-born, Polish-American and hugely successful former basketball coach of the Duke University Blue Devils and the American national basketball team), gifted to her by her father, Emmanuel:

In the beginning of 2x07 Forks, we follow Sydney as she surveys The Bear during renovations and while she works on a menu idea. This opening sequence features the following narration from an interview with Krzyzewski (which reiterates the show's ongoing message that none of us are alone, particularly when we take the time to listen to one another):

The other thing is that you're not gonna get there alone. You know, be on a team. You know, surround yourself with good people and learn how to listen.

You're not gonna learn with you just talking.

And when you do talk, converse. Don't make excuses. Figure out the solution. And you don't have to figure it out yourself.

I always wanted to be part of a team and obviously I wanted to lead that team. You know, [...] what an interesting life it is to be a leader.

The advice Coach K gives in the above monologue is also mirrored in Marcus' eulogy for his mother where he spoke about the importance of listening. It's also gold advice for how to be consistent in relationship to others. I've spoken here about the themes of chaos and consistency on this show and how one of Carmy's battles is understanding that,

[C]onsistency in terms of a product (e.g. a clean kitchen every night or immaculately plated dishes each service) and consistency in terms of relationships are two different things. You can strive for consistent products but destroy all your relationships in the pursuit of them. Conversely, if you strive for consistency in your relationships, you may not always make consistent products (and quite frankly, that's OK - is a perfectly plated agnolotti dish worth Carmy's relationship with Tina? Is driving Syd to a panic attack worth Carmy's pursuit of a star? I think not on both counts).

Sydney took the time throughout season 2 to learn how to be consistent and effective as a leader. She knew - and knows - that simply being an excellent chef is not going to cut it when it comes to running a restaurant and leading a team. This took time and effort on her part but she was committed to making The Bear different to all the other places she'd been at, so she did it. I should also note that Syd did this internal work while menu-planning and trying to push herself culinarily. She was doing so much lifting. Jealousy of Claire aside, I am surprised Syd didn't rip Carmy a new one when he talked about rejigging the menu while at his girl-who's-a-friend's house lmao.

Cut to season 3 though, and Syd is running The Bear with Carmy who has spent the entire season not having put in the work to change the chemistry in their restaurant. Of course Syd tries to counter this as best she can. She runs interference with the team and gently tries to steer the ship. But as she says in 3x09 Apologies, things have been off at The Bear.

So when Syd tells us in 3x05 Children that she's an accomplice, I can't help but feel that in her heart, Sydney believes she's an accomplice in the betrayal of their vision - Sydney and Carmy's shared vision for The Bear - from season 1. The vision she worked so hard during season 2 to bring to fruition.

By season 3, they've betrayed it and each other: family style is no where to be found and The Bear looks and feels like all the other places Syd and Carmy have been at. While exhausting for Carmy ("I'm so fucking sick of this"), this would have been devastating for Syd, given all she's done to try and avoid this outcome. You can understand why she'd consider an offer like Shapiro's (though we know she's not going to take it).

Given the events of 3x10, where Carmy confronts Chef David and has that heart-to-heart with Chef Terry, its clear his perspective on Michelin mode is starting to shift. I think the threat of losing Sydney will scare the shit out of him too. But what I think will prompt Carmy to actually change his behaviour in season 4 is the realisation that he too is an accomplice and has betrayed not just himself but Sydney and their team as well. Season 4 will necessarily need to be told, at least in part, from Syd's perspective so that the impact of this on Syd is made clear to the audience (Storer and Calo, are you listening? Its me, a desperate fan). And once Carmy recognises his role in continuing the traumatic professional legacy championed by Chef Fields, he can get into working through and breaking that cycle. I'll be seated and ready for it.

[whenmemorydies]

Food Service

Digital Art

2025

[whenmemorydies]

Keeping his side of the street clean

Molly Ringwald told us in 1x03 Brigade that the best way to deal with chaos is to keep your side of the street clean:

Fast forward to season 3 when the chaos at The Bear has reached dangerously harmful levels, we catch Carmy literally hosing down The Bear's side of the street in 3x09 Apologies:

Anyone else notice that when Carmy is "spraying shit" here, it looks like he's hosing down the area where Sydney vomited after Friends and Family in 2x10 The Bear?

I'm sure its just a coincidence that we see Carmy rinsing off the physical remains of Sydney's anxiety at the end of a season where her anxiety at The Bear was at its worst, right?

It has to be coincidence that Carmy does this right after pushing Sydney to go to an industry dinner with him that her imposter syndrome almost keeps her from attending, yeah?

Its most definitely a coincidence that after clearing Sydney's anxiety The Bear's side of the street in 3x09, the next time we see Carmy in this episode, he's quietly sketching, being inspired, and looking to the heavens...intercut with scenes of Sydney - and only Sydney - on her way to look after his family...while a furtive voice sings and in her honour I'm not a beggar to language any longer [...] I'm blowing my little kisses to you, baby.

It couldn't be Carmy beginning to make amends - to apologise - to his soulmate Sydney for the betrayal of their shared vision, of their legacy, right? In an episode coincidentally called Apologies? That would be banana-town.

I mean who hasn't done all this for a coworker?

This all has to simply be totally platonic, work-related coincidence.

Shout out to @freedelusionshere for inspiring this post with their excellent meta and predictions for s4!

[whenmemorydies]

Ordinary Kitchen Utensils Turned Into Extraordinary Sculptures

UK based artist Ann Carrington transforms mundane, non-descript objects into a magnificent piece of art.

Keep reading

[whenmemorydies]

[whenmemorydies]

The restaurant could be good.

Why did Syd call herself an accomplice in 3x05 Children?

I was re-reading @yannaryartside's fantastic meta about this (and you should too) and it got me thinking. In their meta, OP asks:

Is Syd (or her leaving) supposed to be a wake-up call to Carmy? That he fucked up something that brought him genuine joy and connection because Syd knew the real him, while Claire liked Logan and Carmy's brokenness? The way Claire would enable him in his bad tendencies? How is he gonna realize all that?

Honestly, I don't know what these writers have planned for how Carmy comes to the realisation that season 3 Carmy is not it lol. But I have one suspicion about how it might go, and it has less to do with Carmy and more to do with Syd.

We have to go back to season 1 where it all started. Where Sydney met Carmy and articulated within the first three episodes of the show, her hopes for her future and the future of The Beef.

Recall 1x02 Hands and the convo between her and Richie in Richie's car:

Sydney: You know the restaurant could be good. Like I know you know that. Like it doesn't have to be a place where the food is shitty, and where everybody acts shitty and feels shitty. Like it could be a good legit spot.

Cut to season 3, after Syd and Carmy have overhauled the restaurant and everyone is...well...acting shitty, feeling shitty and the food is looking like a damn mess:

Also recall the alley chat in 1x03 Brigade:

Sydney: You know, I think this place could be so different from all the other places we've been at. But in order for that to be true, we need to run things different.

Then cut to season 3 where we have EC Carmy decidedly not running things different at The Bear. Instead, he repeats toxic communication and management styles from his past:

Recall 1x05 Sheridan and Sydney's vulnerability with Carmy about why she started her catering business, Sheridan Road, after leaving the restaurant scene:

Sydney: Like it was the first time I didn't have a complete and utter psychopath behind me screaming, and pushing and yelling, and I thought I wanted that, you know?

Cut to season 3 and, well, you know the drill: behold our fav Executive Jeff acting like an utter psychopath and partaking in some screaming, pushing and yelling.

So what happened in season 3? Why have things gone in almost the exact opposite direction of what Sydney hoped for in season 1?

To my mind, the answer to that question lies in season 2 and what both Syd and Carmy were doing during that season. Yes, Syd spent most of season 2 setting up the restaurant alone while Carmy played hooky with Claire. But what was more striking to me was the contrast in effort that both of them put into actually doing things different at the restaurant (as per their pledge to each other during the alley chat of 1x03 Brigade).

Breaking cycles

I agree with @yannaryartside: Carmy playing hooky with Claire in season 2 was him numbing himself (i.e. Claire is the drug that he was addicted to for this purpose). I also reckon he was using Claire as another way to keep Mikey in his life - a reverse-engineered haunt - particularly while the most obvious physical manifestation of Mikey in the present day (The Beef itself) was being transformed into something else entirely. That kind of change - that kind of loss - couldn't have been easy for Carmy, particularly as The Bear was something he had wanted to open with this brother in the first place. I get why Carmy would "self-medicate" with Claire to try and numb some of the pain he may have felt, I really do.

But while Carmy was spending so much of his time either avoiding or dulling his pain, it meant he had little time or energy for working through these things. We know that he has been making attempts at this particularly in relation to his familial trauma and grief (as evidenced by his attendance at Al-Anon meetings). But throughout seasons 1-3 we see almost no work on Carmy's part to address the abuse and trauma that he's experienced in professional kitchens. We do not see him trying to prepare himself for the task of leading an entire restaurant. The first and only time we see Carmy start this process is in the last episode of season 3, when he bravely confronts Chef David Fields at the funeral dinner for Ever.

Now admittedly, Sydney does not have the history of familial abuse that Carmy does. But as discussed above, she does share a history of professional abuse in the restaurant industry with him. Its why the two of them make that promise to each other to do things different in 1x03 Brigrade.

To this end, Sydney spends almost all of season 2 working to enhance her leadership skills to make herself better for the staff she'll be leading as CDC of The Bear. Recall her book, Leading with the Heart by Mike Krzyzewski (Chicago-born, Polish-American and hugely successful former basketball coach of the Duke University Blue Devils and the American national basketball team), gifted to her by her father, Emmanuel:

In the beginning of 2x07 Forks, we follow Sydney as she surveys The Bear during renovations and while she works on a menu idea. This opening sequence features the following narration from an interview with Krzyzewski (which reiterates the show's ongoing message that none of us are alone, particularly when we take the time to listen to one another):

The other thing is that you're not gonna get there alone. You know, be on a team. You know, surround yourself with good people and learn how to listen.

You're not gonna learn with you just talking.

And when you do talk, converse. Don't make excuses. Figure out the solution. And you don't have to figure it out yourself.

I always wanted to be part of a team and obviously I wanted to lead that team. You know, [...] what an interesting life it is to be a leader.

The advice Coach K gives in the above monologue is also mirrored in Marcus' eulogy for his mother where he spoke about the importance of listening. It's also gold advice for how to be consistent in relationship to others. I've spoken here about the themes of chaos and consistency on this show and how one of Carmy's battles is understanding that,

[C]onsistency in terms of a product (e.g. a clean kitchen every night or immaculately plated dishes each service) and consistency in terms of relationships are two different things. You can strive for consistent products but destroy all your relationships in the pursuit of them. Conversely, if you strive for consistency in your relationships, you may not always make consistent products (and quite frankly, that's OK - is a perfectly plated agnolotti dish worth Carmy's relationship with Tina? Is driving Syd to a panic attack worth Carmy's pursuit of a star? I think not on both counts).

Sydney took the time throughout season 2 to learn how to be consistent and effective as a leader. She knew - and knows - that simply being an excellent chef is not going to cut it when it comes to running a restaurant and leading a team. This took time and effort on her part but she was committed to making The Bear different to all the other places she'd been at, so she did it. I should also note that Syd did this internal work while menu-planning and trying to push herself culinarily. She was doing so much lifting. Jealousy of Claire aside, I am surprised Syd didn't rip Carmy a new one when he talked about rejigging the menu while at his girl-who's-a-friend's house lmao.

Cut to season 3 though, and Syd is running The Bear with Carmy who has spent the entire season not having put in the work to change the chemistry in their restaurant. Of course Syd tries to counter this as best she can. She runs interference with the team and gently tries to steer the ship. But as she says in 3x09 Apologies, things have been off at The Bear.

So when Syd tells us in 3x05 Children that she's an accomplice, I can't help but feel that in her heart, Sydney believes she's an accomplice in the betrayal of their vision - Sydney and Carmy's shared vision for The Bear - from season 1. The vision she worked so hard during season 2 to bring to fruition.

By season 3, they've betrayed it and each other: family style is no where to be found and The Bear looks and feels like all the other places Syd and Carmy have been at. While exhausting for Carmy ("I'm so fucking sick of this"), this would have been devastating for Syd, given all she's done to try and avoid this outcome. You can understand why she'd consider an offer like Shapiro's (though we know she's not going to take it).

Given the events of 3x10, where Carmy confronts Chef David and has that heart-to-heart with Chef Terry, its clear his perspective on Michelin mode is starting to shift. I think the threat of losing Sydney will scare the shit out of him too. But what I think will prompt Carmy to actually change his behaviour in season 4 is the realisation that he too is an accomplice and has betrayed not just himself but Sydney and their team as well. Season 4 will necessarily need to be told, at least in part, from Syd's perspective so that the impact of this on Syd is made clear to the audience (Storer and Calo, are you listening? Its me, a desperate fan). And once Carmy recognises his role in continuing the traumatic professional legacy championed by Chef Fields, he can get into working through and breaking that cycle. I'll be seated and ready for it.

[whenmemorydies]

Is it just my eyes or is Syd actually wearing a wishbone earring in this scene?

[whenmemorydies]

All of this!!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Also:

The only subversions in the show are in the subject matter and who they chose to cast in what roles. I believe if Sydney was played by someone who looks like Claire there would be no question about what is happening between her and Carmy.

Yes @ambeauty say it louder for all the Carmy X reader folks in the back lmao 😂

thoughts on the bear as a romantic workplace comedy

while researching a whole nother thing, it led me to tvtropes.org something that I've looked at before but never in regards to what is actually happening on the bear. I started looking at the disposable black girlfriend trope for obvious reasons which led me to the romantic false lead trope as described by tvtropes.org

This sounds exactly like someone I know. She so blatantly fits this trope that it’s almost comedic. Writers who have been so meticulous in how every character is crafted would never unintentionally create a character who is a textbook disposable girlfriend unless it was for comedic effect. It’s laughable how ridiculously tropey Claire is when you think about it. This description led me to another trope. The previously overlooked paramour:

If this isn’t exactly Sydney and Carmy’s dynamic then I’m not sure what is. And the final trope I believe they fit is Oblivious to Love:

Again sounds exactly like someone we know. So if Sydney/Carmy/Claire fit perfect and neatly into these tropes then why is there even a question of what the endgame will be? I think we have been intentionally misdirected by the nature of the show. The storytelling mechanisms of the show are extremely traditional and telegraphed to an almost predictable nature. The only subversions in the show are in the subject matter and who they chose to cast in what roles. I believe if Sydney was played by someone who looks like Claire there would be no question about what is happening between her and Carmy. Characters that look like Sydney are typically placed in the Claire position.

This show also challenges viewers to sit in very uncomfortable aspects of life with its characters. This is not very traditional for a comedy, it’s more prestigious to deal with such heavy subject matter as well as the cinematic nature of the way the show is filmed.

I watched an episode of hacks yesterday because the dga outcome really annoyed me. Hacks is a paint by numbers comedy show about comedy. It is filmed very traditionally and the storyline and characters and their appearance fit tradition. For people who don’t really want to deal with real life things that happen to everyday people. It’s not bad but it is plain and simple an unchallenging comedy television experience.

What makes the bear a comedy is obvious to me. It meets all of the requirements for a workplace romantic comedy, the only thing about it is that it is authentic. By subverting traditional Hollywood standards in the building blocks of this show they’ve confused their audience in order to tell the most authentic version of this story. I believe Chris Storer is a romantic and he’s created one of the greatest love stories on television. I look forward to seeing how he brings it home.

[whenmemorydies]

So who's writing the post-apocalyptic present-day sydcarmy fic where the backdrop is America descending into fascism and the working class Bear crew reclaim the restaurant from a (hopefully temporary) tyrant running amok with his toxic, hierarchical shitshow, turning it into a good, legit spot that's accessible, and makes people happy?

[whenmemorydies]

Carmy Dressing Up Syd

What's the theory?

The story is mostly told from Carmy's point of view. So the ambience of the show is mostly subjective to Carmy's thought process. Sydney, being the object of his affection, is also presented through Carmy's eyes- at least the way she presents in his presence. I'll explain.

-Fans have identified that when she meets him, she is wearing Thom Browne, who is a designer he is theorized to admire a lot.

We know he got into cooking through his love for his brother but it has also been revealed (in his conversations with Claire- where I might add, that he didn't even notice the love of his life was sitting behind him. Interesting!) that he drew clothing designs when he was younger which suggests that at some point he may have considered being a fashion designer. We see how he connects to that desire by collecting and trading vintage denim as an outlet for that interest. The blue apron he choses for them in the restaurant also just so happens to be denim.

-Sydney is his muse. Whatever turn their relationship takes, we know that much. Also, we know Syd is kind of poor and likely unable to afford designer clothing. She's very resourceful so she might be good at thrift shopping for clothes she wouldn't be able to afford of the racks. They could also be from better times when she could actually afford them (having a business that failed literally from too much success?).

But what are the odds that this random person who walks into his life somehow dresses in the designer he likes? It is very plausible that she in actuality had a bunch of Thom Brownes and he recalls her mostly in them because when you like someone you notice the things that connect them to you and always connect them with the things you love.

Carmy's transference

It all started here!

Carmy was so distraught at Syd leaving that it affected his whole demeanor. He wasn't as energetic and as annoying (according to Tina) as he usually was. He seemed like he couldn't care less any more and was just going through the motions. It was so noticeable that Tina had to reach out to him and that's where it happens.

He had already seen her in the new apron at the pre-shift meeting. You could notice where he gives her a once over while she was talking to him then. But it was when she came to his office door that he really sees it because that was a thing Sydney did. This is where he first projects Sydney unto someone else to give himself comfort.

He had very much gotten used to her showing up at his office door for one reason or the other every day. So he must have found the image of Tina at his door in those aprons (remember Syd was the first person he gave them to and he gave her the one that was hanging in his apartment, I might add)- a little comforting to him and it gave him a smidge of happy nostalgia. So touched was he about that moment that he gives Tina the day off to rest.

Sydney through Carmy's eyes

While he begins to get closer to her and tries to make sense of their relationship, you also see that reflected in her appearance.

-she is dressed like him when they get to know each other better and trade career stories

-she is dressed like Fak when he contemplates who his best friend really is

His erotic transfer

This transference also comes into play when he meets Claire again and it has been brought to light by a number of fans here. I think @chefkids especially wrote extensively about this. We see Claire appearing in many ways that can be linked to Syd:

* Claire in a green jacket

* Claire in a jacket that resembles a UPS driver's while delivering mail, routing through Sheridan road

* Claire in a denim jacket

* Claire in blue and white.

Claire is someone he was known to desire in the past and who everyone has told him he wants and should be with. Suddenly here she is in front of him obviously desiring him back. And as Nat said in her monologue, who doesn't want easy? Who doesn't want to just be ok? His relationship with Syd is very complicated and delicate. It's risky and could ruin everything if it goes wrong. So he solves his desire for companionship and his desire for Syd by projecting Syd unto this woman who is clearly into him and who he knows he has been into and could still. That's why he takes her to the restaurant before he kisses her, to simulate that feeling. He probably had imagined kissing Syd in there too. That's why he made the infamous infidelity pasta. That's why he discusses the menu and fire suppression exam with Claire. He needed to find a way to connect the two.

Now this transference starts seeping back to Syd as well. We see her wearing something similar to a doctor's coat and literally handing him, of all things, medication on the day he decides whether his doctor lady friend is his girlfriend. Syd also starts wearing white tees after he sees Claire in his white tee.

At the crux of season two he literally purchases a $2000 outfit for her to wear, different from the rest of the team, directly dressing her up.

S3 is where Carmy reviews his life as a chef and has to decide what kind of chef and person he needs to be and we see that reflected on Syd as well. She starts appearing in more polka dot mirroring the chef who had had the most positive impact on Carmy - not only working with compassion and patience but also gently pushing Carmy forward career wise - Chef Terry. This is important because Syd reminds him of Chef Terry with the way she handles things with compassion and patience while also striving to push things forward. Carmy would be stagnant without Syd, even if he had opened those cans in the first episode. Syd is Carmy's muse, his inspiration and in many ways his leader.

Syd is also seen wearing short pants which he said he had been interested in designing when he was younger.

Another thing I noticed and find very interesting is Syd's reaction to him noticing her clothes. She's never passive when he comments on what she's wearing. In Omelette when he notices the stains on her whites she immediately takes it off because he noticed something negative. Also in Legacy when he says she looks nice she immediately takes off the thing that brings the outfit together (the bow hair clip), probably because the reason she was dressed up in the first place is something he wouldn't approve of?

Also, it could be alluding to his secret desire to see her in a state of undress.

Sydney has become the lens in which he views his world. The man needs that cookie so very badly on a spiritual, metaphysical level.

[whenmemorydies]

Tina Turner photographed by Jack Robinson, New York, 1969.