whenmemorydies

[whenmemorydies]

The Bear and its film references

This is a call out to The Bear fandom: is anyone interested in compiling a list of all of the cinematic references (I'm thinking to keep it limited to explicit references for the time being so like direct quotes from movies, use of film scores, movie posters etc) in The Bear? Has this already been done? If so, can someone point me to where so I can see and possibly contribute? I would LOVE to have all of this stuff in one place and I imagine others would too? I'm also keen to link in existing meta into the list because I know that there have already been some deep dives into specific references on the show. I would LOVE for someone/many someones (lol) to help collate all of those sources too.

If its not been done already, I'm happy to get the ball rolling on it. My capacity is kind of limited for the next few months but I'm happy to work on it incrementally over a long period of time. If this sounds like your jam, hit me up! Also, I'm not fussed about who publishes this resource, as long as all contributors are tagged.

[whenmemorydies]

Another Storer/Calo musical deep cut:

Eddie Vedder, lead singer of Pearl Jam and the focus of so much of my adolescent thirst whose voice is featured all over The Bear’s soundtrack -

See: Vedder’s rapid-fire, gutteral one-two-three-four-five against one […] torture from you to me of PJ’s "Animal" over the end credits of 1x01 System or propelling the energy in Richie and Syd’s last ditch effort to save Friends and Family in 2x10 The Bear. See: Eddie (and Neil Finn) wailing And though we try to forget it, you will make me call your name, as I shout it to the blue, summer sky in "Throw Your Arms Around Me" over shots of Carmy making Syd's lamb ragu for Cl@ire while Syd undresses at home (this fucking show lmao) (also shout out to Melbourne/Naarm rock group Hunters & Collectors whose song Vedder and Finn covered). See: Eddie's yearning as he croons I've been planning out all that I'd say to you in PJ's "Come Back", as Carmy and Syd have metaphorical sex under a perfectly level table (shout out to @sydcarmyfan for that brilliant meta). See also: Vedder covering The English Beat's "Save It For Later" and singing, Save it for later, don't run away and let me down, you let me down in 3x02 Next while we see a litany of working class and racialised hospitality and food service workers gearing up for another work day in Chicago, just as Carmy is about to commence fucking over his working class and racialised crew at The Bear for the remainder of season 3 (this fucking show, gah) -

that Eddie Vedder, who is more commonly associated with Seattle and the grunge movement that was birthed there, was actually born in Evanston, Illinois: the same suburb of Chicago that its implied the Berzattos lived in (I say implied because its never explicitly stated on the show but we know that 2x06 Fishes was shot in Evanston). I always get a little chill up my spine when I come across connections like this on the show.

The Bear is such a love letter: to the food services industry, to film, to romance itself and almost certainly, to Chicago.

Author's note:

Enjoy this video of Eddie Vedder continuing to be a man after my own heart, talking about visiting his grandmother's old home in Evanston - a home he describes as the Sun that the rest of his family orbited around - which made me tear up because that's exactly how us grandkids felt about our Ammamma's apartment in Canada. Eddie talks about his grandmother having 6 kids and wishing he had bought the apartment to keep it like a time capsule, only to meet the current residents and changing his mind because it was a place full of "love and power and good vibes" that they took and also raised their 6 kids in. And all of this before launching into "Throw Your Arms Around Me" *sigh*

Its no secret that I love The Bear, but what I might love even more than the show itself are all the tangents, winding paths and deep cuts that it takes me to and which pull at my own memories and history. This art is so cathartic for so many reasons. And I doubt I'm the only one on here feeling that way.

[whenmemorydies]

Loving this reblog thread!!!! Also love the direct parallels between birthing The Bear (which is still a process bc s3 The Bear was not what Sydcarmy originally planned for their “baby”) and Nat birthing her bubba. Gah…very juicy! And makes that whole “push” dinner service scene during 3x09 that much more layered!!

I want to know what Carmy means to Syd in S4. Obviously he inspired her with that dish, but it’s so loaded; that dish was made out of grief and blatant rebellion against Chef David trying to change it and make it his. For all we know it’s the last thing Carmy sent out before he quit!

We know she wants him to collaborate with her and she likes his drawings, so to me that means she wants something pretty deep, that is almost hidden from others, even though she downplays it and acts chill.

I feel like that is ultimately what connects them? They want to do something different, they know that something better/more is possible? But it requires them knowing each other very deeply to accomplish it (what Marcus said about looking at each other up close). Not just repeating patterns and systems that came before, but making something new that’s of both of them.

And they’re both young and ambitious. Carmy, for his part immediately catches on that Syd is a catalyst for change and he doesn’t really doubt her even though he massively blows up on her in S1. He ducks her in S2 because he doesn’t know how to build a restaurant from the ground up and it backfires because he realizes she can do this without him and it terrifies him. In S3 he wants her to need him again and turns control freak. He feels at peace around her (which is what he says he wants in Legacy) but does he know why yet? I’m thinking maybe he realizes it by the S3 finale.

Carmy learns a lot about Syd in S3 just by intensely watching her. That she’s already got a better handle on the kitchen than he does (I would imagine most of the staff are loyal to her after his antics) in a shorter period of time than all his training. I imagine he finds some hope in that even as he suspects she’s pulling away from him.

But I need to know what Syd is after and why she stuck it out. I need it said and not just implied.

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You're reading my mind @freedelusionshere! My sense is that Storer et al are using the 3 act structure for the entire show and stretching it out to flesh out a story that has gone from the tight confines of a film to the more spacious framework that a television show has to offer. You're absolutely right about the bottle episodes and the multiple roles they serve.

I've also been frustrated with the amount of Fak content in season 3 and I still think it could have been trimmed or scaled back...but there's been a lot of analysis on here about what purpose the Faks served, particularly in 3x05 Children when fucking Sammy Fak makes an appearance. One of my fav theories about them is that Neil, Ted and Sammy represent Carmy's Id, Ego and Superego - check this fantastic reblog thread between @outmakingmoonshine, @moodyeucalyptus, @currymanganese and @vacationship.

I am hanging out for Act III to feature so much Syd - her backstory and more from her POV in the present. I honestly don't know what I'll do if Storer and Calo don't deliver this next season :(

Oooo yes...the wedding episode is going to be a big one...a la 1x07 The Review or 2x06 Fishes.

Has anyone on here talked about The Bear's story progression following the three act structure often used in films? Asking cos I know there's a lot of film buffs in the fandom!

I'm thinking about this given Chris Storer's original intention to write The Bear as a film. I'm 100% sure this man has known how this show was going to start, progress and end from the time he wrote the pilot.

I also came across this diagram online:

Source: Studiobinder.com

And also this slight variation on the 3-Act Structure (with two climaxes at the start of Act 3):

Source: patricia-morais.com

Could the show, as it has run so far and how it could run next season, be mapped onto the trajectory of the second 3-Act Structure diagram with the following key beats:

Act 1 Climax: money found in cans of tomato; the pact made between Carmy and Sydney to build their restaurant together

Midpoint (Plot twist): Carmy gets stuck in the walk-in, a few of his relationships unravel

Act II's 'Disaster': Michelin-mode Carmy throughout Season 3/the fine dining industry itself

Act II Climax: Carmy confronts his professional trauma and Chef David Fields

Act III Climax(es): Carmy confronts his intergenerational trauma and DD; Carmy and Sydney confront each other over what they want from the restaurant and each other. Sydcarmy becomes a reality and they return to family-style.

I'm not a film student so keen to hear what others' views are on this. If there's meta already out there going into this, link me up please! I'm keen to read that analysis!

[whenmemorydies]

Thinking about how Carmy initiates so many things in his relationship with Sydney. I went back to read some of Jeremy’s thoughts about his relationship with Claire and he said some things that I just don’t agree with. I do think he answers questions from Carmy’s perspective and not from a viewer perspective and that provides more insight into the character but not actually insight into what we’re seeing as viewers if that makes sense.

Here I am looking around for what walls Carmy had up with Sydney to begin with. Instead of Sydney coming in and knocking down his walls, Carmy has been trying to knock down hers. Let’s take a look:

Their first conversation at family when he makes sure she eats and asks her what’s going on with her. This is a conversation that is constantly happening between them. Jeremy views Carmy as some who communicates with actions and little words, but with Sydney it’s a little of both.

Their altercation in review fills him with much regret that he can’t even open Mikey’s note without making things square with Sydney first and even in their short conversation he manages to apologize and she manages to make him smile. Oh Carmy is that amusement?👀

Carmy invites Sydney on the food tour. Carmy asks Sydney what she is going to do now that the restaurant is closed as if he wants to do something with her but she leaves before he can gather the courage.

Carmy asks Sydney about her personal life more than once because he’s genuinely curious and wants to know her better. He asks her to be vulnerable with him under the table. He asks her under it to begin with, because does he really need help? No he just wanted to talk to her.

Where are the walls Jeremy?! With Sydney his openness is not something that she really has to breakthrough, it’s the opposite. Is it because of their position as partners in the relationship is something he’s more equipped to handle than a romantic relationship? That could be the case but I also think it’s because he’s genuinely interested in her and feels at ease with her presence. As heteronormative as it is, I think it’s important that he’s the one actively pursuing a deeper relationship with Sydney. It shows that he is capable of coming out of his shell, if it’s for the right person.

I also wanna address that line about Carmy being cared for but it’s pretty obvious who makes Carmy feel cared for especially in s3. The quote is right after s2 came out. I just find his thoughts on the love triangle from Carmy’s perspective really interesting….

[whenmemorydies]

Syd & Carmy- Romantic Beats

Preface:

Studying this I see the second season uses steps 3-7 since we had our chemical equation and met cute the 1st season. You'll see gif examples 3-7 that show the beats of the season two.

Billy Mernit defines the “seven basic romantic comedy beats” in his book  Writing the Romantic Comedy. I'm observing that writing a romcom for a TV series is like a rollercoaster for beats, taking curves and dips that keep the series at a pace where the viewer is guessing. So beats repeat themselves and set themselves up for the next season.

The romantic beats are described as--

1. The Chemical Equation - The setup, there's something wrong in the protagonist's life. There's a missing piece in the main character's story. This is where we identify the protagonist's external and/or internal conflict.

2. The meet cute or catalyst - The incident that brings them together - and this should relate to the theme of the story. This meeting sets the tone for their relationship.

When the secondary lead is introduced- there should be some hints that this romantic interest is the missing piece of the Protagonist's chemical equation.

The Bear: I'd also add that with romantic comedies, the meet-cute should have some humor in it. (What’s UPS, is that in Chicago, or?) . As we talk on this platform- the meet cute was the proper example of a romcom.

3. The Sexy Complication -This is the first proper clash between the heroine and the hero. Higher stakes define the main character's goals. Typically, the external problem keeps them apart, or you can use internal conflict that keeps them apart. Traditionally occurring at the end of Act 1, a new development that raises story stakes and clearly defines the protagonist’s goal.

Season One episode Three: Syd is officially the sous chef and has a hard time with the staff. She comes in with the intention of changing The Beef for the better, however, Carmy is stuck in his old ways and past toxic experiences in the kitchen.

Season two episode three: The first clash starts 2x03 Sundae, after their technical meet cute- 2x02 pasta showing new closeness for season 2, however After 2x03 Sundae we see repeats of the sexy complication- since Syd and Carmy's relationship is the plot of the show- the stakes rise as the pressure to open The Bear is approaching and Claire comes into the picture- causing a bigger complication between Syd & Carmy.

4. The Hook. The midpoint scene sticks the two characters together. There's no way out, and this should reflect the theme of the movie.

This hints at the outcome of the relationship and gives hints of the potential between the two characters. There can be sexual tension involved or a detailed moment that shows the two characters are becoming closer.

Season one episodes Three and Five: Syd and Carmy reach an understanding and episodes three and five show vulnerability as Carmy reveals his brother was an addict and Syd shares the failure of Sheridan Road catering.

Season Two Episode Nine: After complications, Syd and Carmy reach a moment of understanding. This is the most romantically suggestive scene with prominent sexual tension.

5. The swivel - This is the moment after the hero and heroine have become closer, when their conflict comes back again, in a different form.  a turning point that makes the stakes higher and hurts the main character's goal, or vice versa, leading to a changed goal. The main character is forced to choose between love and the goal.

Season one and two: in both seasons Carmy loses his cool with Sydney. The first season she walks away and the season two Syd calms Carmy down.

What's interesting is that the song Spiders (kidsmoke) by Wilco plays in both scenes giving us hints of parallels.

6. Dark Moment – This is the consequence of the swivel. The characters have to reveal private motivations, and it seems that either the love or the goal is lost forever. The main character is at their most vulnerable point.

Season One Episode 8: The revealing of private motivation occurs in 1x08 When Carmy is in al-anon. He reveals that his trying to fix the restaurant was him trying to fix the relationship with Mikey. At this point, love (Sydney) and the goal (fixing my relationship with Mikey) are lost forever. The vulnerable point is Carmy facing the chaos in his internal world.

Season Two Episode 10: I'm a fսckin'... I'm a fսckn' psycho. That's why. That's why I'm good at what I do. That's how I operate. I am the best because I didn't have any of this fսck¡n' bullshit, right?

Wherein the consequences of the swivel decision yield disaster; generally, the humiliating scene where private motivations are revealed, and either the relationship and/or the protagonist’s goal is seemingly lost forever.

7. Joyful Defeat – reconciliation between the characters that remind the audience how important the relationship is to them, usually (but not always) with a happy ending that implies marriage – but usually at the cost of something the main character has had to sacrifice.

Season One Episode 8: Two tops? Booths?

Nuff said.

Season two: We're left with a cliffhanger for the Joyful defeat. Will the reconciliation happen in season three? Will we have a happy ending and what will Carmy sacrifice? Will he choose love or the goal? Will Syd choose love or the goal of getting the star?

Oh the slow burn real is real! Storer, what are you doing here? This is a romcom!

[whenmemorydies]

Ack I've been away bc life has gotten hectic but @thoughtfulchaos773 I LOVED your romcom beat meta. I wonder if we can extrapolate season 3 to be included in there because honestly the whole season felt like a "dark moment" lol.

In terms of timing, I'm using the second 3 Act Structure format in the original post and feel like we might be at the end of Act II with season 4 being Act III. This is based on the assumption that season 4 is going to be the final season of the show. But I hear what you're saying, its going to be different if you're using The Hero's Journey to map Carmy's trajectory.

I also agree, Donna is his innermost cave and the root of much of the patterns that have played out for Carmy throughout his life...but for some reason I can't quite explain, I've been looking at his journey as two overlapping ones: his professional and his personal and the parallel traumas he's dealt with in both. I'm actually not quite sure why I've parsed out these things in this way, especially when Carmy's professional and personal lives are not at all distinct since he came back to Chicago. I need to spend a bit more time on this I think...it could very well be a misguided way of looking at things but I'm having a hard time letting go of it lol

Has anyone on here talked about The Bear's story progression following the three act structure often used in films? Asking cos I know there's a lot of film buffs in the fandom!

I'm thinking about this given Chris Storer's original intention to write The Bear as a film. I'm 100% sure this man has known how this show was going to start, progress and end from the time he wrote the pilot.

I also came across this diagram online:

Source: Studiobinder.com

And also this slight variation on the 3-Act Structure (with two climaxes at the start of Act 3):

Source: patricia-morais.com

Could the show, as it has run so far and how it could run next season, be mapped onto the trajectory of the second 3-Act Structure diagram with the following key beats:

Act 1 Climax: money found in cans of tomato; the pact made between Carmy and Sydney to build their restaurant together

Midpoint (Plot twist): Carmy gets stuck in the walk-in, a few of his relationships unravel

Act II's 'Disaster': Michelin-mode Carmy throughout Season 3/the fine dining industry itself

Act II Climax: Carmy confronts his professional trauma and Chef David Fields

Act III Climax(es): Carmy confronts his intergenerational trauma and DD; Carmy and Sydney confront each other over what they want from the restaurant and each other. Sydcarmy becomes a reality and they return to family-style.

I'm not a film student so keen to hear what others' views are on this. If there's meta already out there going into this, link me up please! I'm keen to read that analysis!

[whenmemorydies]

Omg omg omg ppl dont get it. Simon IS ACTUALLY PUNK. Being Punk is not and never has made people likeable. PUNK is a whole movement charged with socio political agendas against the forces that oppress. Simon is ND (adhd by the looks of it) and this have him a glimpse outside the matrix. He is someone who sees the ugliness of the system and is not afraid to hold a rough fucking mirror to its sleeper agents will never be liked and never be accepted (literally everyone in Simons life). At best it will be tolerated (his brother, patty’s parents) but never liked. Simon knew this and still didnt gaf. He is hurt and bruised by a system he can clearly see is poisonous. Being in his place would turn about anyone into what he is. But he can mask (of sorts) He had a choice- he could easily flip a switch and live a very comfortable life by the looks of it. But he chooses, consciously to defy that because he despises the system.

Then he meets Patty. Patty on the other hand is neurodivergent AND also has a disability (the whole trail mix of pills). Patty doesn’t have the choices that Simon has. Patty lives authentically because she doesn’t have an option to mask like her parents or Simon. And Patty gets stick for that. because her existence is simply one big act of defiance against the system. She is a glaring mirror whether she wants to or not.

And I truly believe Simon is in awe of that. He yearns to live life so authentically that the system has no choice but to accept and also accommodate you.

[whenmemorydies]

Thanks for this post - I think it’s clear Patty is neurodivergent and potentially disabled by this in various ways. Because we are never told what her diagnosis/diagnoses is/are or if she identifies as disabled, I didn’t feel comfortable assigning anything to her in this regard. At the same time, the flattening of her identity as a “weird girl” by a lot of folks on this platform is so reductive and erases all of the real systemic, oppressive violence that neurodiverse people experience. Like getting the “r” word hurled at them or the threats and actual sexual violence (which Patty experiences through harassment on and waiting for the bus).

Anyway just wanted to say I appreciate your take on this because I agree, there isn’t enough nuanced representation of intellectually disabled folks in film.

OH OH remembered!!! i watched Dinner In America today, a movie about this punk man meeting a neurodevelopmentally disabled woman who's sheltered by her own family due to her being disabled, she experiences a lot of ableism and odd?? sexualisation throughout the movie. she also seems to have some sort of reasoning/disability/condition ect as to why she has to take about 5 medications,,, though we aren't really told of that.

she's quite visibly developmentally disabled in my opinion, and the punk man, simon, loves her just for how she is and stands up for her when she gets the r slur and other shit thrown at her verbally, the movie is actually very sweet in regards of their relationship that is created but i would say this is a mature movie on lines of a few rather concerning scenes, sexual themes and discrimination. the ending is rather bittersweet but not very bad bad.

i dont know if it's exactly said anywhere what she canonically is a part from her being distinctively neurodevelopmentally disabled, but most refer to her as autistic which i much agree with and i would like to headcanon her as intelectually disabled personally as well, i dont see much intelectual disability headcanons at all or if people call a character that it tends to be very stereotypical.

[whenmemorydies]

#she is so unserious 😂 ABBOTT ELEMENTARY (2021- )

[whenmemorydies]

@giftober 2024 | Day #22: "Reactions"

Dinner in America (2020), dir. Adam Rehmeier

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Punk as fuck

|| Prints ||

IG || Kofi || Commission request ||

[whenmemorydies]

I’m loving all the hype that Dinner in America is getting. I watched it back in jan 2023 and it’s truly changed my life, just that uninhibited punk unhinged *cough* neurodivergent *cough* behaviour coming from Patty and Simon is just *chefs kiss*.

But at the same time I’m seeing girlies, on TikTok, post comments under Dinner in America edits and they’re the type to make fun of punk culture in general. This film is for obviously everyone but it’s definitely a safe place for neurodivergent/neuro-spicy individuals who DO consider themselves in the punk community and are unapologetically themselves.

THIS is what Dinner in America IS about. Embracing those differences that “society”, for so long, have criticised.

I just hope this film isn’t just looked at as a “weird girl core” trend or whatever the fuck it’s called. But I hope ppl understand that it's a safe place and a safe film for those that feel out of place in the world 🤍😭

[whenmemorydies]

Wait, Wild WIld West has it's own line dance?

Abbott Elementary | 4.02 'Ringworm'

[whenmemorydies]

Has anyone on here talked about The Bear's story progression following the three act structure often used in films? Asking cos I know there's a lot of film buffs in the fandom!

I'm thinking about this given Chris Storer's original intention to write The Bear as a film. I'm 100% sure this man has known how this show was going to start, progress and end from the time he wrote the pilot.

I also came across this diagram online:

Source: Studiobinder.com

And also this slight variation on the 3-Act Structure (with two climaxes at the start of Act 3):

Source: patricia-morais.com

Could the show, as it has run so far and how it could run next season, be mapped onto the trajectory of the second 3-Act Structure diagram with the following key beats:

Act 1 Climax: money found in cans of tomato; the pact made between Carmy and Sydney to build their restaurant together

Midpoint (Plot twist): Carmy gets stuck in the walk-in, a few of his relationships unravel

Act II's 'Disaster': Michelin-mode Carmy throughout Season 3/the fine dining industry itself

Act II Climax: Carmy confronts his professional trauma and Chef David Fields

Act III Climax(es): Carmy confronts his intergenerational trauma and DD; Carmy and Sydney confront each other over what they want from the restaurant and each other. Sydcarmy becomes a reality and they return to family-style.

I'm not a film student so keen to hear what others' views are on this. If there's meta already out there going into this, link me up please! I'm keen to read that analysis!

[whenmemorydies]

Some Mikey and Sydney Paper Parallels in Season One of The Bear—a few of notes:

Mikey’s death notice and Sydney’s resume both appear in the pilot episode of the series. Mikey’s appear first, informing us of a loss. The bible verse in context refers to a most faithful servant Daniel who is judged ‘innocent’ by God and freed from a lion’s den. The first line of the verse reads “My God hath sent his angel…”

A scene or two later Sydney appears in the kitchen with a resume in hand, effectively a proof of life.

Both Mikey and Sydney leave recipes for Carmy to find. Both of those frames are from the last episode of Season One. Do with that what you will.

The shot of Sydney walking in + the close-up of Carmy’s reaction so purposefully mirrors that flashback of Mikey in the kitchen looking back at Carmy. The latter evokes the idea that this may be Carmy’s last memory of his brother: in the kitchen, a flash of a smile, his back to him. The harsh bright yellow light seems like it might expand any minute and completely envelop this memory until it’s blank and forgotten; maybe this memory is close to fading and the bright light ahead of Mikey has come to take him. Carmy looks a little lost.

Meanwhile, when Sydney walks in the image is clearer—Carmy is clearer and more certain. It is his face that lights up and fills the frame. Set in a kitchen, and met with a similar flash of a smile, here Carmy is seeing a new kind of hope. Sydney returns and brings in the possibility of a future, a salvation from the ruins of his brother and the bones of his life’s work. Again: “My God hath sent his angel…”

As if a little bow to wrap it up, only with Sydney alongside him does Carmy make his and his brother’s dream come to life. The drawing escapes its frame, becomes three-dimensional, it gains a name. The dream becomes real because of Sydney.

P.S. Of course Sydney’s arc and meaning as a character does not revolve around the Berzattos. She has her own histories and pain as seen in these parallels, however thematically she serves as a kind of index to Mikey. Her being new to that kitchen reminds us of what is old, what has passed. Though Mikey kinda lives through her ambition, Sydney lives NOW. She is symbolic of a future. She is *the* future. And because of what she symbolizes, we want Carmy to propel himself forward and join her. Jury’s still out on that.

[whenmemorydies]

Ahhhh "Carmy's source of consistency is Natalie's source of chaos" is such a brilliant and succinct summation of Carmy and Nat's dynamic in season 1! What's interesting is that by season 2, Natalie is embracing the restaurant. She's starting to integrate and reconcile until we get to the point in 3x09 Apologies where we've got Pete wearing a Beef T-shirt in their home:

And we know how protective Nat is of her home and what (or who) is allowed in it:

Also this:

the reason he needs Sydney is that she refuses to let the chaos in. She truly is the peace and consistency no matter how much Carmy tries to force that label upon Claire, who merely pacifies the chaos to be later unleashed (which I think will be revealed in the argument that was filmed between Carmy and Claire).

is 100% on point. In 3x09, how Tiff described what Claire told her happened between Carmy and Claire during the walk-in fiasco is totally alluding to Claire being ill-intentioned (along with all the writing and the editing pointing to this as well). She does not refuse to let the chaos in like you say Sydney does. On the contrary, Claire has no issue letting the chaos in and then vicariously traumatising other people around her by regaling them with stories of that chaos and trauma.

I keep going back to that opening scene in 3x04 Violet where Claire tells Carmy about that time she almost killed a patient. She goes through a fair amount of detail in how the patient came to be injured in the first place and then more detail about how she gave her medicine that the patient was allergic to. I've worked in fields with folks who have experienced a lot of trauma and there are ways of processing that information so that you don't blow it through your loved ones. You seek external supervision, you debrief with trained professionals or your peers. You do not go home and dump that trauma on your family members who - if they don't work in a similar field - are unlikely to have the tools to process it in a safe and healthy way.

Claire is most definitely not the peace. For Carmy, Sydney is the peace. Hands down!

Chaos and Consistency

I've been thinking about why Carmy chose a career in fine dining in the first place. Obviously there are the reasons we're told in the show:

Cooking was a source of connection between Carmy and his family, particularly with his brother/surrogate father, Mikey (recall the first scene of 1x06 Ceres).

Carmy also knew that he wanted to be chef from a young age (recall 3x02 Next and the convo between Carmy and Chi Chi, and 3x06 Napkins and the convo between Tina and Mikey about Carmy's purpose).

Carmy's family is well connected in the restaurant industry: his parents owned their own restaurant (The Beef) and his cousin Michelle owns restaurants too (recall Michelle and Carmy's sidebar in 2x06 Fishes). Carmy is given the opportunity to work in these places and gain valuable experience that opens up doors for him to go onto work elsewhere in the industry.

In addition to the above, I think Carmy chose and stayed in professional kitchens as a response to the chaos he grew up in, which was largely the result of his absent father and abusive mother. I'll explain my reasoning for this conclusion below.

Chaos

The chaos that would have been present in Carmy's childhood is never as clearly illustrated in the show as it is in 2x06 Fishes. The emotional powder keg that is his mother, Donna Berzatto, propels the action in that episode, whether its via her constant yelling at the people around her, the repeated dinging of her kitchen timers or the multiple pots and trays of food she has going that simmer and bubble until everything boils over at the end of the episode with Donna purposely crashing her car through the family living room:

Its clear that in Donna's house, chaos reigned. She was erratic, unpredictable and inconsistent as a parent. She also nursed an alcohol addiction and left her children feeling afraid. Recall 1x08 Ice Chips and Natalie's disclosure to Donna about the former's fears for her unborn daughter:

Natalie: Mom, I don't want her scared like I was scared.

Donna: I scared you?

Natalie: You scared all of us.

While its indicated on the show that Carmy's father left the family when Carmy was young, its also implied that he too behaved erratically and suffered from multiple addictions. In 1x04 Dogs, Cicero tells Carmy that the last time he spoke with Carmy's father, they had fought about the latter's drug and alcohol use as well as gambling issues. Cicero also discloses to Carmy that his dad couldn't settle on a job and had a new career "every ten minutes."

Cicero's chat with Carmy along with what we know of Carmy's father from Mikey and Donna (i.e. that he abandoned his family leaving his eldest son to step into the trap role of "man of the house", that he was an unsupportive partner only being present for the birth of one of his three children - Carmen's - and while he was at the hospital, did everything BUT support his wife through her labour), paints a picture of a volatile and incredibly unreliable person.

Consistency in childhood

One of the most important things that caregivers can provide children is consistency in their parenting. This usually takes the form of regular routines for your child and as much predictability as possible in your reactions and behaviour.

Routines and predictability give children a sense of safety as they absorb the world around them. Consistent parenting gives kids the space to learn what to expect in any given situation, particularly in relation to cause and effect. It teaches them about limits: physical and behavioural, because kids can rely on their parents to model and guide them as to what is acceptable in both regards. Repetition through routine has a big role to play in children's learning (as kids - and adults alike - learn new skills through repetition). Importantly, the security that children feel due to consistent parenting also gives them the confidence to take risks and try new things. And novel experiences expand children's knowledge bases and skill sets.

Think about it: if you are in an unpredictable situation with lots of things changing or out of your control around you, would you feel comfortable doing something totally out of the box that you have no experience in? Probably not.

Where a child experiences parenting that is inconsistent or unpredictable, this has been found to lead to a number of different, harmful outcomes for that child, including but not limited to:

low self-confidence

anxiety

depression

attachment issues

emotional dysregulation

Its clear that the Berzatto kids grew up in a home where chaos and a fair measure of dysfunction dominated. Consistency was rare and when it did occur, it was likely to have involved the elder Berzatto children, Mikey and Natalie, stepping into provide that security for each other and their youngest sibling, Carmen.

Throughout The Bear, we've seen multiple examples of the impact of that chaos and dysfunction on Carmy as an adult. Those impacts include Carmy's various attempts at asserting control over his life (for example, his spiral in 1x07 The Review or his obsessive focus on perfection, most dramatically highlighted in season 3). Another example is the firm boundary he's able to set with his volatile mother. Of all three of Donna's kids, Carmy is the one who's maintained the widest distance from her: its been established by those working on the show that by the end of season 3, Carmy hasn't seen Donna since the events of 2x06 Fishes (which took place roughly 5-6 years ago).

Carmy is also the only Berzatto child whom we see clearly articulate that at least one of his parents was chaotic. He's also the first Berzatto child that we hear name the antidote to chaos: consistency. Recall the conversation between Carmy and Nat in 1x06 Ceres:

Natalie: Plus, we never spend any real time together. This place is eating you alive.

Carmen: You always blame this place.

Natalie: What do you mean?

Carmen: I mean, you blame the restaurant. Alright, you don't blame Mom. You don't blame Mikey.

Natalie: How can I not blame this place? I just cleaned up shot-out glass, and now, I'm covered in carbon. All of our time, money, work, gets sucked up into this place. The only thing we get back is chaos, resentment. Its bullshit.

Carmen: Sounds like Mom.

Natalie: I'm serious.

Carmen: I'm serious.

Natalie: I just want things to be calm. I just want things to be on solid ground. I want things to feel...

Carmen: Consistent.

Natalie: Yeah. Consistent.

Carmen: Yeah. That's totally reasonable.

While Natalie identifies The Beef as the source of the chaos that plagues her family, Carmy insists that that chaos rests at the feet of their mother, Donna. It is here in this conversation, that we can see a difference in approach between Carmy and Nat when it comes to relationships. Natalie is quicker to give her family members grace (recall her admission in 1x06 Ceres that she knew it was a bad idea to co-sign with Mikey for ownership of The Beef but did it anyway; also recall 3x08 Ice Chips and her reaching out to Donna to help her through labour, despite all of her trauma directly caused by her mother) while Carmy has shown that he will internalise sleights (real and perceived) and will cut people off as a result - though we know how deeply feeling the man is, I imagine the cutting off would be experienced as akin to dismemberment for him. Recall his monologue in 1x08 Braciole and his description of how Mikey made him feel as they grew apart:

Carmen: He stopped letting me into the restaurant, couple years ago. He just cut me off, cold. And that...that hurt, you know. And I think that just, that flicked a switch in me, where I was like, okay, fuck you, watch this. And because we had this connection through food, and he had made me feel so rejected, and lame, and shitty, and uncool, I made this plan where I was going to work in all the best restaurants in the world.

Also recall the entire walk-in blowout between Carmy and Richie in 2x10 The Bear after Richie compared Carmy to his mother, Donna (I'll just include an excerpt below because, honestly, I hate rewatching this fight):

Richie: Where were you when I fuckin' put your brother in the ground you selfish piece of shit?

Carmen: You know what? You're-you're obsessed with my family. That's what you are. You fuckin'...

Richie: I'm fucking obsessed with you.

Carmen: You're a fucking leech.

Richie: I'm obsessed with you.

Carmen: You fucking leech.

Richie: Yeah.

Carmen: I should've cut you out!

Richie: I fuckin' love you!

Carmen: I should've fuckin' cut you the fuck out!

Above: The line that, in my view, blew up Carmy and Richie's relationship at the end of season 2 and from which it still hasn't recovered by the end of season 3. Screenshot from 2x10 The Bear.

Despite Carmy and Nat's different approaches to their relationships, the conversation between them in 1x06 Ceres shows they do have something in common when it comes to responding to the chaos in their lives: a desire for consistency.

Striving for consistency as adults

Natalie and Carmy go about achieving their goal of consistency in different ways. Nat has sought it out and found it in her partner and father of her daughter, my beloved Pete. The man is the definition of an unproblematic king: see this post and this post by @thegirlwhowatchedeverything for the evidence). Natalie has also got a head for accounting and project management. Its hard to be good at that stuff without being consistent and diligent. She's actually a bit of a jack of all trades: she can lecture a plumber on how to fix a toilet (recall her phone call about The Beef's possessed toilet in 2x02 Pasta), run FOH for The Bear and interference with The Bear's main investor, Uncle Jimmy. For Natalie, consistency means making sure her home life is safe and secure. It means being practical and reliably available to check in and help others, even to her own detriment ("if someone feels sick, I start to feel sick").

In contrast, Carmy spends little to no time on building a secure home life for himself. When he does partner up, its with a woman wearing a bullet necklace, who talks about almost committing manslaughter at work and who mirrors his abusive mother. Carmy's home itself is pretty barren and he appears to be living out of boxes. He's still storing his books in piles on the floor by the time we hit the penultimate episode of the series thus far (3x09). Its also clearly established that Carmy is not practical (recall Sydney and Nat's joint observation in 2x01 Beef: "Your math is fucked" lmao), and he's often not reliable (recall episodes 2x03 through to 2x10 when he flakes on The Beef's renovation repeatedly).

The primary way Carmy has sought consistency in his life has been through his work as a chef.

In the course of researching and drafting You love taking care of people: Love in the Time of Late Stage Capitalism, it became very clear to me just how regimented the back of house of commercial kitchens aspires to be. The creation and implementation of the French Brigade system is one way that the restaurant industry tries to imbue order into a kitchen setting. The French became synonymous with fine dining and restaurants because, in large part, of their involvement in systematising the kitchen in order to scale service and increase the number of patrons that could be fed.

That systematisation and desire for order, consistency and control in restaurants is reiterated repeatedly in The Bear. Recall the following bits of dialogue from throughout the show:

1x02 Hands

Marcus: [cleaning BOH] Why am I using a toothbrush?

Carmen: Its about consistency and being consistent. Can't operate at a higher level without consistency.

1x08 Braciole

Carmen: And the more he wouldn't respond, and the more our relationship kind of strained, the deeper into this I went and the better I got. And the more people I cut out, the quieter my life got. And the routine of the kitchen was so consistent, and exacting, and busy, and hard, and alive, and I lost track of time and he died.

3x10 Forever

Will Guidara: I was just, like, immediately obsessed with the controlled chaos. Like, the orchestrated frenzy. [...] And then you get to, like, be the conductor of it all.

We also saw visuals throughout the show of the control asserted in restaurants, particularly in BOH. Recall Carmy scrubbing floors by hand, the cold sterility and precision in the Empire kitchen, and the well-oiled cleaning machine that is The Bear crew in 3x03 Doors:

Note how different the above restaurant kitchens are to the state of the kitchen in the Berzatto house - how orderly and clean. While I'm sure these kitchens can reach epic levels of mess when staff are in the middle of service, through his experiences as a chef Carmy would have seen time and time again a system - as fucked as it was - to get that mess under control. In the Berzatto house, there was no system - at least no reliable one - that could reign in the chaos left in the wake of Donna and her ex-partner.

We know Carmy came back to The Beef to try and fix his family, as he tells us in 1x08 Braciole. But what if Carmy has been trying to fix his family with every job he's taken as a chef? What if he is using - either consciously but more likely unconsciously - his experience in each kitchen he's been in as an opportunity to perform control and consistency in the way he wishes he was able to have done at home, with his mother and with Mikey?

Carmy may not be able to fix people, but he knows restaurants. He’s had experience in wrangling, to varying degrees, the chaos of a kitchen into some semblance of order. And if he can impose that order, that consistency in one context, maybe he can do it in another. What Carmy will need to learn is that consistency in terms of a product (e.g. a clean kitchen every night or immaculately plated dishes each service) and consistency in terms of relationships are two different things. You can strive for consistent products but destroy all your relationships in the pursuit of them. Conversely, if you strive for consistency in your relationships, you may not always make consistent products (and quite frankly, that's OK - is a perfectly plated agnolotti dish worth Carmy's relationship with Tina? Is driving Syd to a panic attack worth Carmy's pursuit of a star? I think not on both counts).

Consistency as peace: Sydney

The reason why Sydney makes Carmy better at his job is because unlike him, she is a chef who has practically mastered both forms of consistency. She understands what consistency of product means in the realm of the restaurant industry and can execute to that standard (she may not be as experienced as Carmy in this regard but she's more than capable).

Sydney is also incredibly adept at relationship-building and the consistency required for this. In regards to her relationships, Sydney is consistent to a fault, likely due to the fact that the parent who raised her for most of her life - Emmanuel Adamu - was also a consistent and loving father. He modelled steady, unwavering love for his daughter and Sydney exudes this in turn.

For me, the most clear manifestation of Sydney's consistent love and care is in how she mentors the staff at The Beef and The Bear. Unlike Carmy, she does not visit the trauma she has been subjected to (which we understand has largely occurred in kitchens through her work as a chef) on her peers. Sydney does not displace or blow her trauma through others. The one time she comes the closest to doing so is in 1x07 The Review. However, the experience is such a foul one for Sydney that she quits her job because of it (much to Carmy's dismay). And as we all know, she returns to The Beef and then goes onto run interference between Carmy and the rest of The Bear crew in season 3, protecting the crew so that don't get in Carmy's line of fire.

Above: Sydney physically and emotionally protecting Tina from Carmy's emotional dysregulation in 3x03 Doors.

Like Nat, Sydney is reliable and practical. Recall the below non-exhaustive list of examples:

how Sydney took control of lunch service at The Beef in 1x05 Sheridan after the restaurant loses power and gas (including by building an entire grill from found construction materials - what?!);

how Sydney single-handedly oversaw much of The Beef's transformation into The Bear in season 2 while Carmy was out numbing himself with Claire;

how after the birth of Nat's baby, Sydney makes a shit tonne of food for Nat and Pete, including Nat's favourite lasagne.

Above: Sydney and Tina building an outdoor kitchen in 1x05 Sheridan

Sydney is also able to establish firm boundaries with Carmy ("You are an excellent chef. You are also a piece of shit.", "If this is going to work the way that, I think, we both want it to work, we need to try to listen to each other.", "I'm not your fucking babysitter") and pushes Carmy to be consistent in his relationships. Recall 3x01 Tomorrow and her gentle insistence that he call Richie after their walk-in blow up.

Carmy recognises all of this pretty quickly with Sydney, making her his sous chef by the third episode of the series ("I will dial business. You are everything else.") and offering her part ownership of The Bear by 3x02 Next. Whether Syd is going to accept Carmy's offer is another question and one that I suspect is going to heavily depend on Carmy's ability to repair and practice loving consistency in his relationships next season.

I think key to this, is going to be a realisation on Carmy's part that he cannot treat consistency in relationships like he does consistency in the restaurant or creating a dish. He can't just "be square with everything [...] and everyone" or "make it good [by filtering] out the bad" like he described in 3x07 Legacy.

That description by Carmy of how he wants to be remembered - his legacy - still reads to me like the description of a product. That Carmy wants to be remembered for creating something panic-less and anxiety-free while giving little attention to how he might go about actually creating the thing in the first place: the consistent work that needs to be done in relationships to make sure that people aren't panicking and aren't anxious. Contrast this with Marcus' desire for his legacy:

Marcus: I kept my chin up. Listened and learned. I did honest work. Fun to be around. And an excellent emergency contact.

Marcus' legacy is all about relationships and process. He, like Sydney, knows that at the end of the day, the end product - his legacy - will not be a thing. It will be the sum total of everything: what he made through honest work but more importantly how he engaged with others: how he listened and learned, was fun to be around, and was reliable enough to be an excellent emergency contact. Key to all of this, is his consistency (which Marcus models from the first episode of The Bear and is probably why he is held so dear by Carmy as well). I’ve no doubt that Marcus’ consistency and how he treats people was modelled for him by his primary caregiver, his mother Angela Brooks. This is based on Marcus’ eulogy for Angela in 3x03 Doors.

Marcus: She loved everyone. I think you can tell 'cause there's so many people here. I always felt loved. It didn't matter what was going on or if I was in trouble or whatever. I knew she was listening. And she knew I was listening too.

This is essentially, the core of consistent parenting. Ensuring that a child feels loved, even when things are hard. Its also the core to consistent relationships throughout one's life. And it depends entirely on people and how we handle our connections to each other.

Indeed, what Carmy needs to realise could also be put another way, as it was by Chef Terry in 3x10 Forever:

Andrea Terry: I think what I've learned over the years in all the places I've worked, is people don't remember the food. [...] Its the people that they remember.

Tagging in case you're interested in more of my rambles but as always, I'm interested in chatting about this stuff with whoever wants to (tagged or not!):

@currymanganese @vacationship @thoughtfulchaos773 @moodyeucalyptus @fresaton @ciaomarie @hwere @tvfantic87 @freedelusionshere @mitocamdria @ambeauty @angelica4equity @anxietycroissant @turbulenthandholding @brokenwinebox @devisrina @alwaysrunningoutoftime