#wont feel so stressed and anxious now :/

[noxious-fennec]

C!Q + vylette's fit from Jawbreaker

(aka an idea I've had for every conceivable holiday for months and decidedly couldn't put out on an appropriate date)

[early-october-skies]

Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees

[star-mum]

My friend texted me offering to format these assignment we have due tomorrow literally right as I was super overwhelmed about life in general, so now I'm crying

[whsprings]

.

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[heyitslapis]

its times like this when i really wish i had an SO's shoulder to cry on

Because I think i factrued/sprained my foot the other day it happened wednesday but its still pretty swollen and pops when i try to walk on it without hobbling. i know i signed up for health insurance through work. i wrote down the insurance company name as Bayside and I have my personal insurance id number but the card never came in/got lost in the mail (and i already called for one replacement that never came so idk if theyll send me a third) so i cant confirm the insurance name nor call them, but i need to because ive called/visited 5 health care facilities around me and NONE of them have even heard of Bayside. So im calling the phone number that my manager provided me with telling me that was the insurance company. I keep calling the number (and mind you ive called them before to try to get a second insurance card sent to me but that was in like April) and i get that its saturday but theres no answer and the stupid automated machine wont let me leave a voicemail. the automated answering voice on the phone also says that theyre called National Benefit Plans by SafetyNet and google says the phone number im using belongs to National Benefit Plans out in San Antonio Tx (i live no where near there). I found National Benefit Plans' website on SafetyNetPlus dot com but National Benefit Plans doesnt have their own website, just through SafetyNet, and also the SafetyNet website says on a side panel that "this is NOT insurance" and instead keeps saying "health benefits" instead so idk what the fuck ive been paying for for the last 6 months tbh and im having an emotional breakdown bc i dont want to fuck my foot up for life just cause i couldnt figure out my health insurance/benefits shit

[satansappendix]

Currently experiencing hella anxiety and nausea

[bbrattywise]

𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 uncut footage: my personal diary documenting my life with the loa 💬

14 nov 2024: i’ve come back to the much needed conclusion that manifestation will always be as simple as pick a desire -> keep persisiting.

i’ve also simplified the loa into

- my imagination is PRESENT, my 3D is PAST ASSUMPTIONS. I get to determine how things play out so do so in my favour

- why persist? because persisting was always to remind me of what i already have?? “would i tell myself i didnt have money if i had a million $$$ in my bank account? no!” its an ongoing thing, not something i stop as soon as i 'get' ur desires (in the 3D)

- belief is not necessary, persistence is. My persisting will soon turn into belief also,t imagination wont ignore my desires just because i dont believe i have them (& its such a 3D ish concept aswell)

also, i’ve realised i lowk start to get anxious whenever i open loa tumblr because im scared i will fall back into the pattern of doomscrolling/overconsuming loa content (which left me confused as FAWK). & additionally to that also, i’ve been dealing with jealousy lately & feeling like im falling behind my peers (esp with uni application stress, etc) but i let those emotions pass & reminded myself that i already got all my offers (in the imagination which is my realer reality anyways) & that no matter what, i will get into my dream uni <33

but yea, i love how content i am with the loa now. I barely listen to subs, i js rely on exaggerated affirmations, visualising & really living in the imagination & i think its going alrr 💗

xoxo, brattywise

[itsss4t4n]

I want to play with Percy’s hair until he forgets the weight of the world 😭😭😭 my man fr (fem!reader)

Peace - Percy Jackson x fem!reader

warning: established relationship,percy is a spiderman fan

a/n: I LOVE PERCY SO MUCH OMG! That man deserves some peace istg.

It was the end of July. A few days before the summer session of camp ended and Percy would go back to school while you stayed at camp.

You had had a rather uneventful summer for once and just enjoyed being together, which is why you were now sitting at the beach, his head in your lap. Annabeth and Grover had left about 30 minutes ago, leaving the two of you to watch the sunset by yourself.

Percy had been rather quiet for the last 10 minutes when you decided to ask him about it.

"Hey Perce?"  He hummed in reply not taking his eyes of the waves infront of you.

"You're being uncharacteristicly quiet. Whats going on in that pretty head of yours?"

He finally shifted his eyes from the water up to your face. His brows slightly furrowed in worry and anxiety.

"Dont you think this summer was way to quiet?" You looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He reached his Hand up to grab yours, that was resting on your knee next to his head, and intertwined is fingers with yours. 

"Just... since i first came to camp i've not had a single year that we didnt have to, essentially, save the world. This just doesnt feel right. I just keep thinking that something is gonna happen."

Your face softens in understanding. Smiling, you reach your other hand down to his hair, softly running you fingers through the black strands, slightly scratching his scalp with your nails.

"I know what you mean. This is really the first year we've had actual peace. But i think we should take advantage of that. Who knows when we'll get this again. Worrying wont do us any good. We should relax while we can. If something does happen, well take care of it when the time comes. Like we always do. Try to relax Darling." 

He hummed again, sighing at the feeling of your hands in his hair. He had always loved when you did that. It wasnt unusual for him to ask you to do it when he was stressed or anxious. It calmed him down more than anything else.

You smile softly, before leaning down to press a soft, upside down kiss to his lips. Percy grinned when you pulled back. 

"Really? The spiderman kiss?" You rolled your eyes playfully. Percy loved spiderman and you had watched his favorite one just a few days ago. "Oh shush."

Chuckling to himself he relaxed back against your legs closing his eyes as you continued to run your fingers through his hair. Your other hand, still holding Percys, was laying against his chest now, right over his heart.

You looked down at him, his bbody and face starting to look more relaxed by the second, smiling to yourself. Your hand tracing over his nose, starting from the tip, smoothing over the worried crease between his eyebrows, up to his forehead before slipping into his hair again. 

Hair that now, in the almost gone sunlight, shimmered with a slight purplish tint. The normal blue undertone of his black hair mixing with the red light from the sinking sun. It looked good.

At this point percy started to drift of to a state between awake and asleep, finally looking relaxed and you shifted you eyes up to the calm water of the long island sound, glowing orange, the sun almost fully gone now. You smiled to yourself thinking of how far youve come and how lucky you were to be here. With your boyfriend and your two best friends. 

You squeezed percys hand with yours, feeling him squeeze back despite not being fully awake.

You were glad that you could make him relax like this. His worry melting away this easily. You felt honoured to be that person for him. 

"I love you Percy" You mumbled no expecting the half asleep waterboy in your lap to even hear you.

Despite that he mumbled back in a daze. "I love you too Sweetheart"

You really were lucky.

[thesmpisonfire]

Hey lads!

So, it's amazing waking up and seeing so many supportive posts towards the Brazilians of the community and also towards Cellbit. It rlly makes me feel safe here and reassures I choose the right community to be active on (qsmpblr <3)

But I need y'all to know that the reason the xenophobia against brazilian fans and cellbits doc are connected is bc a bunch of brazilians managed to gather screenshots of people (both from the english and the hispanic side of the community) being xenophobic and racist towards us and we made a big thread with them to showcase we were not crazy and overreacting. And so, the same people that were xenophobic decided to bring up AGAIN the whole deal with Cellbit's ex as a smoke bomb and to diverge attention from their shit and to "justify" it, bringing up brazilians from other spheres outside qsmptwt that hate on Cellbit for the fun and made it bigger than it should

And bc of that, she saw it and made that terrible fake accusation, leading to the document

Also. Please don't feel pressured and forced to make a post showing your support to both Cellbit and the brazilians. If you want to, okay! Thanks for doing it! But if you don't, it's okay. It's a tough topic. And most of us are here because we don't want the twitter stress and some don't even have twitter to know. Not everyone campers the tag to be always up with the news

I'd just say that if you wanna show your support but feel too shy to make a post or anxious and now is feeling worse, send a dm or an anon ask to a fellow brazilian blogger. I can guarantee, it's enough and we feel really good with it too

And also. People. Don't fucking go around shaming others for not speaking up about the whole mess. Don't go "your silence speaks volumes" ESPECIALLY since you didn't scroll far enough to see we weren't silent. Yesterday we talked about it, we spread Cellbit's doc link, we made posts about the xenophobia. But the qsmpblr community don't want to stir and simmer in the drama so long. We want peace and feel comfortable here. I can assure you, private communities from bloggers on discord keep talking about it, but most of us want to go back to normal posting so people go back to feel safe and not triggered about such a heavy topic

Don't. Fucking. Shame. People. For. Not. Posting. About. It.

This is not twitter. When someone is a dick, you WILL know, and it wont be bc they didn't talk about smth that twitter made into a bigger drama than it should be

Anyway, stay safe y'all. Thanks for the supportive messages towards the brazilians <3

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave you (Pt. 74)

(Sneak Peek) (Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: A planned vacation with Namjoon might not offer the respite you hope it will; Something is wrong with Jin and he just wont say what.

Tags: Hurt/comfort, Harmless Sickfic, So much fluff, Light angst, Brief smut, brief mentions of intercrural sex, slick, implied d/s, Mommy kink, mommy tae, Brief daddy kink too 🥺, clothing control, implied omegaspace

W/c: 20.0k

A/n: Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out <3 the last couple of weeks have been...not great! Here it is! I will repay you guys with my hiatus by giving you possibly the longest bily chapter ever! The heat arc will take two more chapters! No idea how long those will be but i greatly enjoyed making this chapter the fluffiest little bundle of scenes I could. i did not hold back- i think we've all needed a bit of softness.

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

You excuse yourself to change. But you find yourself pacing back and forth in front of the mirror for a moment. Struggling with your fancy dress that’s for tomorrow night’s dinner, hanging it up with a huff. Unsure why you’re so stressed, why you’re so anxious. An animal in your chest that just won’t stop clawing at your breath.

You knew what you were agreeing to going on this vacation with Namjoon. A solo vacation just for the two of you sends a very very pointed message. This is a sexy vacation- a private suite and a private onsen only means one thing and now at the precipice of it you feel- you feel-

Namjoon knocks, but you tell him you need a minute trying not to sound scared. You don’t even know why you feel scared; you’ve had sex with Namjoon before, and taking him is no longer quite as daunting of a task as it once was. But you feel unsettled and out of your depth here. Intimacy and romance are so much harder without your pack around you to reassure you to egg you on.

You need to call Tae.

She picks up on the second ring, “Pup!” she sounds happy and bubbly even through the phone. You even hear a bit of relief in her voice. “I’m doing my nails upstairs because Jin and Jungkook are being loud; did you get to the hotel yet? How are the flowers?”

“Tae” you hiss, keeping your voice down. “Did you think I’d spend the whole weekend lounging in lingerie!? You didn’t even pack me a bathing suit!” You whine. Still pacing.

“Well, I was actually hoping you’d spend the whole weekend getting your lingerie torn off of you by Namjoon but-”

“Mommy” you whine, and she quiets.

“It’s at the bottom, the dark red one with the flowers.” You find it, if only because it’s a bright oxblood in the mess of pastels. It’s dotted with pale yellow flowers and crossing straps that are supposed to tie around the slimmest part of your waist several times. It’s very Tae. Strappy and sexy and so tiny. The triangles are so small, it might as well be lingerie too.

“Tae- this isn’t going to fit me.”

“Yes, it does” she quips. “I measured.” You flush. You’re sure she did actually measure, probably during one of your morning preening and grooming sessions that you have a habit of spending mostly in omegaspace, an eager puppet to her hands. The idea that you’d been so far down, so trusting that you didn’t even notice warms your cheeks.

But Tae chose this for you, your alpha chose this for you and your other alpha. Tae does often know best. She knows what Namjoon likes.

Your heart rate slows a little.

“Tae- this is just a mess of strings,” she giggles, and you know just from the sound of it that she did this on purpose.

“Come on, live a little.”

“I know but- but-” you sit on the toilet, and she hums.

You wait, sensing that she’s yet to speak. You can hear Namjoon in the other room, starting to pace. You swear you hear him talking too. The hushed grumble as he talks to someone over the phone to someone.

“I’m sorry, I should have packed you something more modest. I just thought you’d want to- I don’t know, tell me off if I'm wrong but- Don't you want to explore a little? You don’t always have to know what you want, You don’t always have to want it- you can have both. Being wanted and being treated delicately- it's not one or the other.”

Your breath hitches, and you wonder how she managed to hit it right on the head. You do feel delicate- you've felt delicate the whole day.

“You can wear skimpy clothes and Namjoon will just be happy he gets to look at you. He still won’t do anything unless you say you want him to. He’s well-behaved like that.”

“Mommy-”

“You love feeling cute, you love feeling wanted. Let him want you pup, it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“You’re just saying that because you like to give Namjoon a hard time.”

“It’s a love language” that does get a giggle out of you. She sounds satisfied, her voice a purr, but she still apologizes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“You didn’t, I just panicked in the moment.” You pause, and Tae doesn’t fill the space with chatter. “I feel so innocent around him, so- not like this. Not that it’s dirty to dress this way, just…” You trail off.

"The pack alpha loves you, he’s gonna think you’re stunning no matter what. You could walk out in nothing and he’d still probably ask before he looked at you.”

“I kinda want him to look at me,” You admit, confess. “I kinda like making him have to restrain himself.” You have no reason to be nervous.

Tae’s voice is a purr, “There’s my girl. What do you say?”

“Thank you mommy.”

“Are you gonna be a good girl for the pack alpha?” Her voice is a dark pur.

“No mommy.”

"Perfect."

Coming Saturday Aug 31 at 5pm EST (Time Zone Adjustments Below)

[furiousgoldfish]

(tw mentions of physical abuse, essay about life after abuse)

Imagine a kid who is forced to work, in a room where they're being kicked while they work. It doesn't happen all the time, but often enough that they know to expect to be kicked while they work. If they refuse to work, abuse gets worse, so the least painful thing they can do is work and endure being kicked.

Eventually, the kid escapes. Now they're in a situation where they need to work to earn income to survive. They only know the one job they did while being kicked, so thats what they do. They find themselves in a room, and as they work, their stomach clenches. They're looking around anxiously, expecting to be kicked. It doesn't happen, but people are walking by, and some of them come too close, and it feels like a kick is about to happen. 

They flinch every time and are met with bewilderment, offense, sometimes ridicule for being paranoid. But they can't help it. Being kicked is all they know. Every time it doesn't happen, it feels like a cruel joke, a prank that is being played, a game. A setup to make them feel stupid for imagining they wont get kicked.

From the outside, it looks normal. Nobody is kicking them, nobody is doing any harm to them. Other people must wonder why are they flinching. Why are their reactions bizarre. It comes off weird. Self obsessed. They hold this view of themselves in their mind, because they had to view themselves from others point of view for self preservation. They know they're only viewed critically and try their best to offer a good preformance of normalcy. But it does nothing to change the fear or the pain they feel. They assume its irrational and illogical to feel this, since nobody else seems to be ecperiencing that.

They're no longer being kicked, but they're still in the environment where nobody cares what they're going trough. They do not receive any warmth, concern or understanding; they're unable to connect with anyone in their environment due to differences in life experience. They don't get a chance at bonding or having a community. They're in a sea of impassive strangers, all one their own.

They have no way of asserting their emotions because they're foreign and unrelatable to everyone else. The dissaproval, misunderstandings and judgments fall heavy on their heart, feel li.ke a punishment. They cannot even acknowledge that others around them get acceptance, community, connections and approval, because that concept is unexperienced and foreign to them. They cannot see they're at a disadvantage, and not standing on equal grounds. They feel shame for not managing their situation better, while being an outcast.

And in the end they wish they would just get kicked already. One reliable, predictable and constant thing in their life was replaced by endless anxious anticipation and foreign environment that brings new shame. Before, they could at least count on something, have a tangible proof of harm, know how to react, what to do. Usually after the pain would happen, there would be a few moment of relief because the worst was over and at least they could relax for a second. And their brain adapted to it, releasing relaxing chemicals only after pain, and never breaking tension otherwise.

Now there is no breaking of the tension, nobody is visibly causing pain, and they're stuck feeling anticipation and dread all of the time, coupled with a shame for so 'ičrrationally' feeling this. 

This is how it feels when abuse victims are expected to immediately function normally after escaping abuse. Being kicked is a metaphor - it could have been anything that chronically caused distress, pain and loss of control over their life.

It's unreasonable to expect someone from an extreme environment to be quickly okay. It's cruel to put them in a situation reminiscent of abuse in any way and expect them not to flinch. It's ignorant to shame them for wanting back the familiar pain, over the stressful new situation they're not equipped to handle. It's unfair to ignore their disadvantage and act like anyone could be okay without any warmth, connection, understanding or community just because they're not being kicked anymore. Most people would collapse without all that. 

It gets worse before it gets better after escaping abuse. It doesn't mean it was wrong to escape, or that victims can't learn to function. Victims are often going above and beyond to make it, and are rewarded for it by being forced to see themselves trough the eyes of society that judges them for being set up to fail.

It will get better. Your brain can and will adapt. You will gain experiences that will allow you to have things in commom with others. You won't have to feel inadequate or ashamed forever. Especially if you can be in a room with people who understand what was done to you, and will not put you in a situation where you have to wonder when a kick is coming.

[ellecdc]

Love, i just had a heartbreaking thought; James' first solo excursion with Vix. He'd be so anxious and stressed because all he can think is " i wont leave without her this time" 😭

Could i request paranoid james and vix going shopping alone for the first time?? I feel that hed want one of those stretchy child hand cuff things so he wouldnt lose her

Poor Jamie. I wanna give this sod the biggest hug in the whole wide world

James was losing it - he was well aware of this. Every movement, every car horn, every bell ringing above a shop door, every person laughing or yelling brought him closer to you until you were basically wearing him like a backpack.

"Doing alright, Jamie?" You asked kindly, politely, concernedly. James wanted to shove you under his arm and take cover.

"Yeah, yup. Never better." He said distractedly as he continued to scan your surroundings.

The two of you had volunteered to pick up the cake from the magical bakery on Diagon Alley for Remus' birthday, which quickly turned into shopping for presents in Muggle London, which turned into a full on shopping spree at a large mall.

James hated it.

Being in a building felt claustrophobic and he was panicky watching you even reach for door handles - sure as all get out that the place was quickly becoming consumed by fiendfyre. He didn't fair much better outside, however, feeling as though you were both too vulnerable in the open; desperate to find coverage.

Really, he just wanted to take you home.

"How much longer do you think we'll be?" He asked you as he glared menacingly at a male shopper who had the audacity to wear all black until he left your vicinity.

"Not long, James. I just want to hit the grocery before we head back; it might be nice to have a charcuterie, no?"

James wanted to say "actually, I'm pretty sure shopping for charcuterie might be what kills us, Vix." But since that was crazy, he opted to hum in agreement as you led the way.

The two of you passed by a toy store where he saw a parent walking a child on a lead like a dog. His first thought was 'good lord, muggle parents are something else'. His second thought was 'I should buy one for me and Vix'.

He turned back to the direction you two had been heading when he realized he couldn't see you anymore.

"Vix?" He said quietly as he spun in place. "Y/N?!" He shouted louder, garnering attention from the other shoppers near by.

What was he going to do? He couldn't very well pull his wand out right now. He would pull his wand out if he needed to - Azkaban be damned for breaking the statute of secrecy - but he was not going home to Sirius without you again.

"Y/N!" He shouted as he started shoving his head against the glass windows of various shops on the street, trying to catch a glimpse of you.

He felt tears prick his eyes as his breathing became faster. How could he have done this? How could he have lost you again!?

Unawares of the panic you just caused, you exited the shop with a bouquet of lilies for James - knowing he liked having fresh flowers around his home that reminded him of his 'beautiful flower' to find him spinning around frantically with tears streaming down his face like a toddler who lost their parent at the zoo.

"James!" You called as you raised your hand. He spotted you instantly and made for you - crushing your bouquet between the two of you as he enveloped you in a bone crushing hug.

"Where were you!? I couldn't find you anywhere!" He cried as he held on fast to your form. You patted his back consolingly.

"Awe, Jamie. I'm sorry. I thought you were following me - I just wanted to get you some flowers!" You explained as you pulled the slightly flattened bouquet away from your body.

All anxiety and any pretence of anger slipped away as James beamed at the bouquet. "You got me flowers!?" He shrilled as he took them from you.

You beamed right back at him and gave him another hug. "I'm sorry for frightening you, Prongs. Why don't we go to the grocery and then head home?"

James took a steadying breath and nodded at you.

"Can we hold hands?" He asked somewhat sheepishly.

You immediately held out your hand which he quickly enveloped with the one not holding his bouquet as you set off for the shops.

He didn't let your hand go until you made it into Grimmauld Place and Sirius hollered at him for making moves on his girl.

[dwaekkicidal]

Helloooo:3 i want to know if you can write how would hyunjin react when finding out that reader who is his gf smokes??? Like they been dating for some time and he jst now realize she smokes?? Cuz im currently 21 but i been smoking since i was 12 (ik its early:3) feel free to ignore it! I was just curious:3

hii <3 i'm not sure exactly what you meant by smoking so I did this about both vapes and weed (cause im not comfy with cigarettes, sry if that’s what you wanted!) hope u enjoy :3

warnings: mentions of vapes and that good good aka weed (pls have your first time with somebody you trust in a safe environment 💜)

notes: I know in Korea weed isn't legal recreationally and vapes are also supposedly not legal so just read this as if you're both living in another country or just completely ignore the laws for delulu sake

DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!

Vapes:

Would only notice if he sees you taking a hit. Won’t notice otherwise, especially if whatever flavor(s) you use can come off as perfume or air freshener. (paboracha leader wont ask what that chilly gust of wind was or ask why the living room suddenly smells like grapes)

I think it would bug him for like a week and ONLY because “how did i not notice before..”

Eventually won’t care at all but it will make him nervous for the first few weeks

Begs Asks you to wean off to non-nicotine vapes if you aren't already using them just because he wants nothing but the best for his lover

If you introduce him to the idea of those anti-anxiety or melatonin vapes, he’d be curious and will want to try it eventually! (but will be shy about it when he comes to you to ask for help hehe ☺️)

Weed:

Would smell it before he sees you smoke it and would confuse the fuck out of him if he isn’t aware what weed smells like 😭

Paces around for 30 minutes like a lunatic, whispering under his breath “What is that smell. Where is it coming from.” over and over again until you fess up

Probably freaks him out him at first. Weed was just legalized in Korea for medical reasons in like 2018(?) (& only for very very few diagnoses) so if he hasn't been exposed to it then the idea might spook him

Will be anxious about it affecting your health, but with enough reassurance and enough time, he'll relax

That being said!! Eventually he wouldn't bat an eye. Worst case scenario might get annoyed about the smell and ask you to air out before he’s home

Might want to try it himself! especially when he finds out that it can help with stress/anxiety

Will try smoking at least once, but I can see him getting into edibles instead if he can’t get used to the lung burning or the smell but still wants the effects

Plan out an entire night and go the full mile with food delivery + snacks + drinks and cuddles with pretty rgb lighting for when he finally agrees to try getting high? He’s RUNNING to the nearest engagement ring store. The thought of you going out of the way for his first time will melt him into a puddle

Taglist:

@jiminssluttyminx @changisworld

[dutifullylazybread]

just found you, i see a lot of pre and post family with the teefs. what about during? and directly after? how do they care for their partner during pregnancy? especially if its a diffcult one? and afterward when their partners body has changed and maybe they're less confident about the extra weight, softer body, the extra rolls and teh stretch marks that wont go away? how does each bachelor help or make it better ir suddenly realize that is even wrong to begin with? what if they accidentally something bring out that newly found weakness in their partners confidence? ( sorry if youre busy i know you got stuff to do- i just figured youre the person who could slam dunk these thoughts i had)

Have I... GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I CAN JOIN THE TIEFLING HEAD CANON SQUAD???????

ADDED 4/26/24: This might be a rough list, but I hope you all enjoy!! ❤️

OKAY. I GOTTA ADD CAL. I'M ADDING CAL. THIS SWEET MAN IS A TIEFLING BACHELOR AND DOES NOT HAVE ENOUGH FAN CONTENT... YET.

And thank you for bearing with me--I know that this ask was sent in a hot minute ago! I'm hoping I answered all of your questions; I got to a point of this sitting in my drafts where I just felt bad about how long it had been there, so I tried to be thorough but I wanted to get this out sooner rather than later. I mostly worked on this when I had a few spare moments between chapters, and then I said "screw it. This is getting done. TODAY."

So, for Cal, Rolan, Zevlor, and Dammon--let's go!

DISCLAIMER - I do not have children myself, nor have I ever been pregnant. So I shall do my best!

JUST IN CASE - A CONTENT WARNING: While writing these head canons, I did refer to the tiefling's partner as "you." If reading about being pregnant makes you uncomfortable for any reason, please be aware and be kind to yourself. I have zero doubt in my mind that I will be creating another head canon list, so if you need to pass or wait on this one, that's absolutely okay. Your mental health is important.

Cal

While Cal's partner is pregnant, he will do absolutely anything and everything to make sure they are comfortable. To say that he is doting is putting things very mildly.

He will make your favorite meals, will go out and get whatever you are craving (late night runs--not a problem), will rub your swollen ankles.

Too hot? He's asking Rolan for a cantrip scroll to fix it. Too cold? He's already piling you with blankets.

Are you feeling sick and nauseous? He's already prepping something for you to eat/drink that doesn't have an offensive smell.

And if it's a hard pregnancy? I don't see him leaving your side. If he does, he has Rolan create a sending stone set for the two of you so that you can reach out to him for anything and everything.

Honestly, he doesn't get far enough for him to even use the sending stones. He is looking for anything and everything to make the pregnancy easier on you. If he wasn't a light sleeper before, he is now because he doesn't want you to lay there in pain.

There may be points where he feels helpless because while he can do things to try and alleviate any physical discomfort, there are just times when he might just grasp at straws.

And, in situations where he can't alleviate your physical discomfort, he will do what he can to distract you.

He keeps his stress managed well enough, but that doesn't mean he won't snap at Lia or Rolan if he is too anxious. If he does get openly frustrated with them, it takes both off guard.

I also think he just holds you. A lot. Part of that is to comfort you, and the other part is to assure himself that everything will be okay.

If his partner is dealing with body image issues after giving birth, I see him being confused. You? The most enchanting person he has ever known?

Cut to him kissing you and holding you whenever possible. He'll ask Lia and Rolan to watch the baby whilst the two of you go on outings when your health permits. If it helps you to hear it, he'll remind you how lovely you are. Frequently. Hourly. Every five minutes? Not quite, but close enough.

Personally, I don't think his doting goes away after the pregnancy. And, if it is too much, it might make you feel like he views you as helpless.

If you give voice to this, he goes into immediate mediation mode. He will be extremely apologetic. He loves you and never wants you to think he perceives you as anything other than the phenomenal person you are.

Rolan

Ugh. My beloved.

He might be more stressed about having a child than you are.

He never anticipated being a father, and that might be for 15+ reasons, but he feels drastically unprepared (even if the pregnancy was planned).

He reads every. Single. Book. On pregnancy. He is the parent who gives himself nightmares when he reads about birthing complications.

Every sign of discomfort that you show is a catastrophe on the horizon.

And if it's a difficult pregnancy? Yeah. Dial that up by five notches.

He is preparing for all worst-case scenarios.

If it weren't for Cal and Lia keeping him in check, he would be safety-proofing everything in the tower.

He crafts sending stones so you can call for him if you need anything. ANYTHING.

But also, he starts shadowing midwives and asking lots of questions. If the worst were to happen and you couldn't reach a professional, he wants to be there to help you.

After giving birth, I see him splitting his anxiety between your health/recovery and the baby's overall well-being.

"The baby sneezed. That might indicate five different lethal illnesses. I'm fetching the cleric."

This is another situation where you, Cal, and Lia might have to remind him that, yes, babies do sometimes sneeze, and not everything that lands in the diaper spells doom.

Rolan might not initially understand why you're feeling self-conscious about any weight gain. Of course you're lovely. Also, isn't that what happens with pregnancies? (His words--not mine).

He assures you that you're lovely, but words might not be enough here. He might shove his foot in his mouth while trying to make the situation better.

But the best thing for him to do is remind you, repeatedly, that you are lovely. And that might not have been something he was accustomed to even saying to you prior to you conceiving. He would assume you knew that he was attracted to you.

It honestly might be the strangest (and most endearing) thing to have him say "You look very lovely today. Yes, even with the baby's spit up on your shirt."

Zevlor

*nervously staring at the tiefling I am the most unsure about writing.*

*cracks my knuckles and cries because it hurt like hell*

Zevlor has been through some of the most heinous things that can be thrown at someone. He is a seasoned soldier. A Hellrider. Surely he can help his partner through pregnancy. After all, there were plenty of soldiers in the barracks who has pregnant spouses. He's heard enough stories that he feels prepared.

He survived the Elturel's Descent. It's possible that he helped safeguard someone who was in the middle of giving birth or guided expecting parents to safety. Maybe he had to fight off the devil's skulking the streets if they caught wind/heard that person enduring birthing pains?

So maybe, he thinks, he has already seen some of the worst births ever. Maybe, he thinks, in this time of relative peace, in this home that he and his love have created, it'll be easier?

My personal headcanon for Zevlor is that he put EVERYTHING into being a Hellrider/paladin. It was his life. It was his every breathing moment. And when he became an oathbreaker, it destroyed him. His life was devoted to protecting others, and he feels that he failed in the worst of ways possible.

He certainly had friends and very possibly family that he would see on occasion, but I think that, if you didn't fight alongside him/live in the barracks too, you very likely didn't see much of him.

So maybe he has heard a great deal about pregnancies. And maybe he knows about the complicated ones--just a bit. But he himself is at a loss for when his partner tells him that they are pregnant.

Is he excited? Absolutely. Is he terrified. Oh yeah.

Regardless of how complicated the pregnancy is, he is nervous. He is worried that he will slip up in all the ways that matter, and he is terrified of letting you down.

He's a soldier though, and he prepares for everything.

He has additional blankets and pillows next to the bed.

Hot and cold compresses are ready to go.

He makes sure that he accounts for your cravings whenever shopping.

He has medicine for when the pain is severe. And when the medicine doesn't cut it, he tries his best to distract you--his mileage varies.

And this man adores you. So after the pregnancy, if you are feeling self-conscious, he will worship your body.

Dammon

I could see Cal and Dammon both being very doting, but Dammon would be juggling the forge and helping you.

If you spent a lot of time in the forge with him prior to pregnancy but find that being in there now makes you feel ill, he will absolutely feel lonelier. He is definitely the sort of person who gets very absorbed in his work, and I think this makes him feel guilty. Especially if he feels like him being there could have made things easier for you.

He becomes a meal prep king. Will cook several comfort meals for you to eat while he is working.

Massages swollen ankles and feet and anything else.

While he might have worked later hours in the forge before, he makes a point to wrap things up sooner to spend evenings with you.

That doesn't mean he isn't nervous--you're about to have a child, and he does worry if there will be enough money.

He worries that if he does slow down, commissions will dry up, and then where will that leave the three of you?

If the pregnancy is difficult, he feels guilty for leaving you alone and looks for hundreds of ways to make things easier.

Eventually, he creates a small sitting space for you near the doorway to the shop itself. It's not so close to the forge that you'll be uncomfortably hot or so close that the smell will make you sick, and he sets up a small tarp to create some shade.

If you helped Dammon in the forge before the pregnancy, he is likely hesitant to have you come back and immediately help. Especially if the birth was difficult.

But what you need, more than anything from him, is time

And Dammon wants to be a parent who is present in your life and the baby's, so he does everything to be there.

But money is still a stressor. And he might worry about you being in the forge again. So he's stressed on all fronts.

And while I don't see him commenting or changing how he treats his partner because of weight change, I do see him being VERY reluctant to have you work in the forge with him.

And this may lead to an argument. You know he is stressed about commissions and being there for you and the baby, but you still want to help.

So Dammon dials it back several notches and agrees that you know your body best. So long as you feel comfortable working in the forge, and so long as you listen to your body, the two of you can start it from there.

And it gets easier to balance the forge and child rearing. While the baby isn't allowed close to the open heat/flame until they fully understand why they must be careful (and until their lungs are developed), you and Dammon create a small swing/play area nearby.

[call-of-ishmael]

The Last Ishmael OCD Post

One of my first times that i dabbled into character analysis was about Ishmael's OCD, people like that post but i really feel i could have done better

Canto V was my last major chapter i was willing to read. As i put more distance between me and the story, i want one final farewell in the form of finally fixing up my analysis

PART I: THE META-TEXTUAL

Before i delve into the writing itself, here is some pointers the story gives to her OCD in the form of flavor text and descriptions.

Firstly we have her Bio

This is easy to miss as its just a tiny blurb above her whole intro blurb.

Now, "obsessive compulsive neurosis" is a very weird way to phrase it, "obsessive compulsive" is clear enough but "neurosis" is odd, this is not TOO odd though, as "neurotic" used to be how OCD was classified as a disorder.

However if we look at her bio in Korean, the particulars do simply straight up say "OCD" very clearly, you'd need to MTL but this was also confirmed to me by a friend from SK

The sinner bios are biased though, and are written through a very corporate lens, so lets see if there's any other pointers elsewhere

Her base EGO, Snagharpoon, actually does just that

Her passives name is called "Compulsion" and in its gameplay design its a very interesting way to also point to it

Ishmael is a very all or nothing person, you do it well or you don't do it at all, and this is reflected on how this passive aids you to play

This passive is excellent for boosting the consistency of playing by only going for "Favored" or "Dominating" clashes, while punishing you for taking chances on clashes you MIGHT win

Base ID Ishmael is also a unit with all single coins, rolling tails puts her in a very unfavorable position so this also adds an extra safety net on top. Worth noting being all single coins is also a high risk high reward type of play style.

Finally we see two more pointers id like to note, both from Canto V

The Compulsive`s Knot, an ego gift themed after a naval rope, one of many in the dungeon all alluding to her struggles.

Most obviously though

Her exclusive status effect, Compulsion. This is in direct reference to her EGO passive, providing an attack boost at the same time it provides a drawback in the form of low SP.

We are gonna talk a bit more about this passive since it ties into another gameplay oriented way to point towards her OCD

During the story dungeon we have an event where a noise is heard, you are given two choices, check, gain SP, don't check, lose SP.

Compulsive checking is probably the most well known (to the conditions detriment we will talk about it later) hallmark of OCD

Notably, this doesn't aid Ishmael, while checking can avoid the combat encounter, not checking only has a chance of triggering it, and most interestingly, her SP will always start at -25 during combat encounters. Meaning the temporary boost in her sanity will just get reset next battle, should you decide to check. Checking wont satisfy her anxiety for more than a brief moment.

Lastly the most obvious ones are all the references to Obsession. These are so abundant i feel if you are familiar with the Canto its redundant to have them, i wanted to draw more attention to the allusions to compulsion, as they are less common.

PART II: BEFORE THE STORM

Even since before her own Canto, we can see Ishmael's ruminating and anxious tendencies pop up during previous chapters, which for OCD is important to explore as OCD is an anxious and ruminating disorder.

So lets talk a little bit about OCD! Its a disorder characterized by repetitive and constant intrusive urges to perform a task or a thought (lets keep this in mind for later)

These thoughts or actions are used to try to relieve stress from an anxiety inducing thought or situation. The most common example is OCD exacerbating germ phobia, and causing people who have it to wash their hands in excess.

While OCD is usually described as "irrational thoughts" i feel that's a pretty limited way to view it in my own experience with it. OCD compulsions and thoughts can be informed by very real worries, the worry of getting sick, of making the wrong moral choices, of hurting others. Being clean is a normal and a good practice to stave off getting sick, its the frequency and intensity that turns it maladaptive, OCD turns your own lived fears and traumas against you, and those might very well be real things to worry about, which makes dealing with it very hard.

Enough of that off to the writing!

Lets start with Canto II

This is the first example of her constant need for a lack of ambiguity, previous to this we see her complain about the treatment the sinners are receiving from Effie and Saude, skeptical of the whole deal.

Until shes shown the plans, they are so well crafted shes able to anchor to that and calm down.

This by itself is not really much other than being very detail oriented, lets look a bit further into the chapter

Here we see that aspect elaborated upon more, this moment is framed as a very important one between Dante and Ishmael in their dynamic later on, Ishmael is incredibly upset at the plan having fallen apart so quickly, while yes this is not unreasonable to be upset at, her anger is remarked on by Dante and Gregor as very intense and unusual. This in my opinion is a minor but clear indication her need for planning and considering every option is due to a deep anxiety, but don't take it from me, lets look at Canto III

Here we are told pretty explicitly, Ishmael moving quickly and asking lots of questions is something Dante has noted as an anxious habit.

And here we have more elaboration on what exactly that moment at the Casino meant for Ishmael, it was enough anger and disappointment she has stopped expecting Dante to perform well and instead taken it upon herself to see things go according to plan, this is VERY important to her.

And her worries, are repetitive enough to annoy others, and to be remarked upon by Dante.

This is perhaps the more notable chain of events to point out previous to her chapters aside from 4.5, as it helps contextualize all her usual ways of acting in a more complete light, showing a lot of this is driven by a deep anxiety

And this all makes S.E.A all the more interesting as it pays off on this.

Something i quite enjoy about Limbus is how it re-contextualizes things characters have previously done and said. And the events of S.E.A and Canto V bring a lot of interesting stuff to the table

Lets get cracking with this chapter

In general shes extremely confrontational, and tense, more than usual

But its her anxious outbursts i wanna focus on, what she puts

emphasis on.

This chapter is so crucial in this whole analysis. We see some behaviors way more clearly now, firstly we see her emphasize her need to be absolutely 100% prepared for this, no ambiguity no risks she wants certainty.

But we see something even more clearly and that's her ruminating behaviors, shes brought up things like this to a smaller extent before like commenting on a lot of aspects but here we see in full display her inner world become externalized, shes started voicing worries shes never voiced before can Dante turn them back always? What if Dante dies? What if the sinners get eaten can that be turned back?

And these don't all get brought up immediately, she mentions them in different conversations, pointing to the fact shes constantly going over the subject in her head with no pause, and she gets frustrated when she cannot work on these worries when she cant do anything to quell the anxiety.

And the last part, when Dante finds her so fixated in her planning its impossible to even talk to her. She has to perform some action do something to stave off the disaster she can see coming in her head

As someone with OCD inevitably i have to mention the personal component that drew me to analyze this was how real this feels to when you spiral

A lot of the times OCD is explained as the compulsions being something you do cause you feel its a sort of ritual to stave off disaster. Its in this way i see it reflected in this moment.

As we see with Heathcliff acting as her foil, he points out her worrying is really not doing much other than just her talking and talking, and by the state shes in when Dante checks in on her, aimless not even paying attention to anything else we see the main objective of the planning really isn't practical as much as a compulsive coping mechanism.

She has to do something

PART III: INTO THE DARK

Lots to cover and honestly i will make a companion post to this with all the examples, so for this section i wanna cover some highlights instead, as well as a general discussion of the tone.

The way this chapter is structured is very interesting, its really reflective of the mental state of Ishmael. The chapter feels really aimless, they wander around not really ever finding what they need, which drives Ishmael more and more tense and frustrate

Its a good continuation to how we see her by the end of S.E.A fixated on one goal one thing

As previously stated shes inflicted with a constant special and unique to her status effect called "Compulsion" as covered in Part I

Her behavior is also reflective of this

For a good part of the first third of the chapter shes in her room, the whole time whetting her harpoon, nonstop

However you might notice compulsion is not as present as obsession, and compulsion is also important to OCD its in the acronym! And i have seen others point to it too

However id like you to remember, in the post earlier i said thoughts can fit into OCD, compulsions can be mental and sometimes almost exclusively or mostly mental. Its even in the DSM noted that for diagnosis the compulsions to count you for a diagnosis can be mental in nature

Its in this aspect that i feel Ishmael shines a lot

In general OCD in media is lacking in representation and is often a trait given to assholes or villains

The normal conception of OCD in movies or TV is of neat freaks or control freaks, Compulsion is usually heavily emphasized when it isn't the whole picture

Often ignored though is the aspect of Obsession, some people can have Purely Obsessional OCD (Pure O), this isn't a formal diagnosis or term but its colloquially used by people who have it. Its a bit of a misnomer, as compulsions are present but internalized as mental rituals or rumination

Usually its harder to diagnose, its harder to treat as there's no apparent compulsions others can see, and the people having it seem pretty high functioning to the people around them.

This can be noticed though in people avoiding certain subjects, avoidant behaviors can be the clearest external behavior.

I personally read Ishmael as having more mental compulsions, the way she tends to be a more ruminating and anxious character than outwardly compulsive

During S.E.A and Canto V we see outward compulsions more but from the examples from previous Cantos we can see that's not her usual and she operates more on anxious overthinking most of the time.

However another aspect that ties into mental compulsions is in the previously mentioned avoidant behaviors, we see her isolate and try to stave of having to deal with her worries in both S.E.A and the beginning of Canto V when shes in her room, in both cases doing some excessive preparation in a compulsive way.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

As previously stated Canto V deserves its own companion post, and ill work on that later, i feel this encapsulates what i wanted to say well enough.

I wanted to discuss the previous signs of her behaviors that make me certain her OCD is an intended textual read, and in my opinion a well executed one

Canto V was hard to read as it felt very real and very familiar to the worst times i have had due to my OCD.

Shes a character that despite my distaste i have developed for the franchise, it will never stop meaning a lot to me same as her chapter will always be a piece of storytelling that affected me deeply in ways others haven't

To close i want to leave off what i feel encapsulates the feeling pretty well, in my favorite moment with the membrane consuming her as a metaphor for letting fear, anger, obsessions and compulsions cloud your mind until you forget why you were even there

To you, dear reader, Bon Voyage