whsprings

[whsprings]

im already gonna have to shift my work schedule earlier for iop so unless they do appointments at like 7am idk how im gonna do both tms and iop. I suppose I could start working weekends to get my hours in, or just stay reallt late on friday if need be, but that sucks. like I said, it's gonna be a grind and a half and tbh idk if it'll even be worth it or if I should just go all in to a hloc. there is a mediocre local php option available, I don't really want to pay for housing so thats the only option if I go that route. well, or erc where i could do the financial aid for housing. this is so stressful 😭 and I have a bunch of fancy guests coming to my job tomorrow that I have to entertain/impress for half an hour that my boss (and subsequently everyone) has been freaking out about. I just don't know what the best option is for any of this i just know what im doing now isnt working

[whsprings]

hey. good luck with everything, okay? [cutting the rope connecting your boat to the dock] just good luck. [starts pushing your boat further towards the stream] just have a good luck out there

[whsprings]

it really does affect you for the rest of your life huh

[whsprings]

[whsprings]

ill try to keep it to a minimum and keep honoring our agreement but I want to say fuck it soooo bad

my dietitian and I agreed on me only purging x frequency and ive fucked it up already. I did manage over the weekend while with my family but as soon as it was up to me I tried for about 2 minutes then did it anyway 🙃

[whsprings]

my dietitian and I agreed on me only purging x frequency and ive fucked it up already. I did manage over the weekend while with my family but as soon as it was up to me I tried for about 2 minutes then did it anyway 🙃

[whsprings]

You can always lock in, but can lock out ? Can you be whimsical? Can you be silly? Can you chill the fuck out? That’s important too

[whsprings]

im scared

[whsprings]

Let’s make this new month a good one, and even if it ends up not being good, then let’s make it through it with the knowledge that we are capable of surviving it.

[whsprings]

just one day at a time. even if today is not such a great day, you just have to get through the end of it and try again tomorrow, and keep going, little by little, living in the present and not pushing yourself too much. you got this, even if it’s not easy and today doesn’t go according to plan

[whsprings]

Alex Dimitrov, "Living on Earth," Love and Other Poems

[whsprings]

Annalauraart

[whsprings]

persisting despite it all !

[whsprings]

trail cam paintings

[whsprings]

“hmm i might be overthinking this” says girl who is clearly overthinking it and has been for so long

[whsprings]

you do not need to earn your rest (2024)

[whsprings]

I just got an email from erc that was like "based on your assessment we are recommending residential" and that is most definitely not what they said on the phone 😑 not that it really matters anyway. I think im gonna do the in person iop + tms and hope that I can get my shit together again. I have done it before and treatment doesnt get credit for that considering I left early and spent the entire time on phase 1 because I thought their phase up rules (and most rules in general) were stupid. its definitely gonna be a grind and a half, and im gonna have no time for my dogs, so I guess it'll either mean my mom staying with me again to help or them going to live with my parents while I do tms/iop. I am also gonna push for keeping my current op dietitian because the iop one is so fucking irritating I just can't. I doubt it'll happen but it's worth a shot. im feeling more optimistic about everything after this morning's psych appointment and I did have a good weekend so that def helps. nevermind that I bought binge food last night and its sitting on my counter despite me being binge free for years. I just. I have to make this work. im sick of my ed and im sick of treatment and if I go again idk how my job will take it and how I will survive. I thought about calling the place I have had the best experience at or of sucking it up and going back to erc but I cant bring myself to do it. I dont think its the most helpful route to keep having someone else force me into recovery. I HAVE to learn to turn things around on my own.