#im just really fucking stressed and anxious and confused and im sitting here sobbing my eyes out realizing theres literally no one i can

[heyitslapis]

its times like this when i really wish i had an SO's shoulder to cry on

Because I think i factrued/sprained my foot the other day it happened wednesday but its still pretty swollen and pops when i try to walk on it without hobbling. i know i signed up for health insurance through work. i wrote down the insurance company name as Bayside and I have my personal insurance id number but the card never came in/got lost in the mail (and i already called for one replacement that never came so idk if theyll send me a third) so i cant confirm the insurance name nor call them, but i need to because ive called/visited 5 health care facilities around me and NONE of them have even heard of Bayside. So im calling the phone number that my manager provided me with telling me that was the insurance company. I keep calling the number (and mind you ive called them before to try to get a second insurance card sent to me but that was in like April) and i get that its saturday but theres no answer and the stupid automated machine wont let me leave a voicemail. the automated answering voice on the phone also says that theyre called National Benefit Plans by SafetyNet and google says the phone number im using belongs to National Benefit Plans out in San Antonio Tx (i live no where near there). I found National Benefit Plans' website on SafetyNetPlus dot com but National Benefit Plans doesnt have their own website, just through SafetyNet, and also the SafetyNet website says on a side panel that "this is NOT insurance" and instead keeps saying "health benefits" instead so idk what the fuck ive been paying for for the last 6 months tbh and im having an emotional breakdown bc i dont want to fuck my foot up for life just cause i couldnt figure out my health insurance/benefits shit

[obtain-this-grain]

“All of It.”

this is my first maplekeen fic! it took me like 7 hours, so if you like it, consider reblogging! its probably not the best but im proud and thats all that matters. please excuse any typos, i proofread like 6 times but still.

_______________________________________________________Argo crept into the dorm, thinking about his meeting with the Unbroken Chain. The group still needs much more information on Fitzroy. Argo hates going around his friends back but he’s sworn to his “hobby”. 

Argo tried his best to “tip toe” into his and the firbolg’s' side of the quarters, not noticing the half-elf staring at him. Fitzroy cleared his throat, making Argo look towards him on the couch in the common area. Panicking a bit, Argo started rambling. 

“Er.. hello Fitzroy! How are you, my dear friend?”

“I'm fine, Argo. Couldn’t sleep.”

Fitzroy tried his best to play it off like that, atleast. In reality he had been waiting here ever since Argo left, being practically torn apart by the anxiety of where his coworker could be. 

God, he hated calling Argo that. “Coworker”. It made his stomach hurt. 

“Oh! Good!.. Well not good that you couldn’t sleep but... You know what I mean” Argo replied, getting more anxious by the second. 

Fitzroy hides a smile at that and pats the couch next to him. Argo debates this for a second, thinking it would be easier to just go to bed and forget about this whole interaction. 

He gives in when he looks at Fitzroy again, this time at his eyes. The half elf’s eyes look so exhausted yet so beautiful, the moonlight coming in through the windows making them shine.

Argo drops his bag and walks over to his friend. He sits down a few inches away, feeling uncomfortable.

Fitzroy looks at him, somewhat admiring his face. Fitzroy wants nothing more than to just scoot closer to the genasi and lay his head on his shoulder. 

Argo looks down at his hands and at the coffee table, looking anywhere but at his boss. He feels, no, he knows he’ll break down if he looks at Fitzroy’s face after just discussing the half elf’s life to strangers who have no business knowing.

Fitzroy coughs a bit, perhaps trying to lessen the silence the two are sitting in. 

“So... Where did you run off to?” Fitzroy asks quietly. 

Argo is knocked out of his “trance” when he replies. “Hm? Oh well ya know, just some errands. Went to the library, dropped some books off. The usual.” 

“At 3 in the morning?” Fitzroy questions again.

“Yeah! Well. I guess the library is closed right now, isn’t it?” Argo states, slightly more to himself rather than the man next to him.

Fitzroy simply nods, his stomach tying itself into knots.

“To tell you the truth. I-. I can't tell you Fitz, I’m sorry.” Argo practically whispers the last bit.

Fitzroy’s heart practically bursts. It’s a lover, isn’t it? He knew he wasn’t for Argo. He knew it. He knew it. 

“Well” Fitzroy’s voice cracked. “I hope you had fun.”

This makes Argo look up at Fitzroy, seeing the tears welling up in his eyes. 

Fitzroy quickly wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Hm, goodnight, Argonaut.” He says, quickly standing up and walking to his quarters, closing the door gingerly.

Argo finally breaks, letting his tears fall. 

“God! Why���d I have to join this dumb club? I just ruined my fucking chances! We were so close.” He put his head on his hands. 

Sitting on the sofa and sobbing at 3 am wasn’t how Argo thought his Friday night would go. He especially didn’t think it would be over practically losing someone he cared for. 

———————————————————

Fitzroy woke up late that day, expecting everyone to be out and about. Instead he found Argo asleep on the couch and the firbolg sitting next to him on the floor, sketching some sort of tree. 

“Good morning.. bossss” the firbolg spoke without looking at Fitzroy, staying focused on his drawing. 

“Morning, Dr. Mushrooms”

“I.. heard you speaking wit.. Argo last night.” Bud added

“Oh! You did? I apologize we woke you.”

“Argonaut was wery... angry wit himself. After you.. left.” 

Fitzroy didn’t reply this time, he just internalized what Bud had said.

Argo started to stir with all the noise, blinking his eyes open and stretching. 

“Ermm good morning, Master firbolg.”

Argo sat up and looked around the room, seeing Fitzroy and staring at him for a moment before getting up and quickly walking over to the door, picking up his bag. 

“My! Would you look at the time! My blame taking class is about to start.” he stated, closing the door behind him.

Obviously it wasn’t, Argo just needed to get out of that situation. Fast.

“It is saturday... is it not?” the firbolg asked, confused.

“It is.” Fitzroy replied sadly. “God, I'm so scared I messed up. He probably hates me.”

The firbolg simply stares at him as Fitzroy walks to the door.

“I have to go, we’ll catch up later.” and with that, Fitzroy is gone.

———————————————————

Argo is seated at a lunch table with Raineer, talking about the night's happenings but making sure to leave out the bit about the Unbroken Chain.

“And- and I fucked it up! We were just getting close. He was just trusting me. God, what am I gonna do?  I ruined it. I fu-“ he was cut off by Raineer.

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel? You might not be able to tell him the whole truth but at least tell him your feelings.” She replied, taking another bite of her ramen. 

Argo kept rambling on. “I can't do that! He already hates my guts!” 

“That’s not true, I know it for a fact.” Raineer said in return.

“Either way, I can’t tell him. we’re- we’re colleagues!” Argo pauses.

His face saddens when he realizes what he said. They really are colleagues, nothing more.

“Thanks for the chat Raineer. I’m gonna go.” Argo got up from the table, tossed his orange away and left the dining hall.

———————————————————

Fitzroy is sifting through books at the library. He normally isn’t here, but it’s the only place without people on the weekend.

He spots a specific book, “Kathy Easom's Easy Cake Recipes”. Grabbing it off the shelf, he walks over to a quiet corner and starts flipping through. 

Fitzroy tried to read. He really did, but was unsuccessful overall. He couldn't stop thinking about Argo. He couldn't stop thinking about last night. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he hurts. He closed his eyes, letting a tear fall. 

He sat for a moment, simply breathing.

Fitzroy got up after a few minutes. He's got a mission now. Fitzroy was going to find Argo and talk to him. Maybe tell him how he feels, maybe just fix whatever happened last night. Either way it should help.

Leaving the library, Fitzroy went back to the dorm. 

The half elf stayed there for a while, till about sundown, when he realized Argo probably wasn’t going to show up. 

Instead, Fitzroy headed to the fountain. Thinking back to a previous late night conversation with Argo. He remembered that Argo likes to go there when he’s stressed.

———————————————————

Fitzroy doesn’t find Argo at the fountain. However, he does find a bit of peace. 

He was the only student there and the sound of the water almost lulled him to sleep. If he wasn’t anxious he probably would’ve dozed off. 

Fitzroy sat at the fountain until the moon was high. The firbolg had stopped by earlier to check in, bringing him a water bottle, but he left soon after. 

Fitzroy wondered when he would go inside, if he would go inside. He simply sat alone with his thoughts and the sound of running water. 

The half-elf yawned, about to stand and head in for the night when he heard humming from the other side of the fountain. 

It was the fucking Thundermen theme song.

Whoever was humming had to be Argo. The three of them are the only ones who know the song in the first place, and it’s definitely not the firbolg. You would’ve been able to see him over the fountain.

Fitzroy froze, thinking of what to do. He could just leave, pretend he didn’t see the argo. That wouldn’t really fix anything, though. 

———————————————————

Argo was completely oblivious to the half-elf standing on the other side of the fountain. He stared into the water, watching it ripple as he dipped his hand in. He sighed. 

“What am I going to do? I ruined any chance I have with him.” Argo spoke out loud. After all, he thought he was alone.

Fitzroy heard this. Straightening out his cloak, he strutted around the fountain (trying to look very cool), towards Argo. 

“hEllo Argo. Fuck.” He whispered the last bit, not expecting his voice to break like that. clearing his throat he tried again.

“Hello. Argo.” He said, calmer this time.

Argo was already staring at him in shock. How much had Fitzroy heard? Had he followed him out here? Argo was in deep shit if he followed him.

“Boss!” Argo exclaimed.

Fitzroy winced.

“Erm. How long have you been here?” Argo questioned.

“Sunset. I’ve just been here, chilling.”

Fitzroy cursed himself for that. “Chilling”? What was he thinking?

“Oh! so you’ve been here quite a while, hm?” Argo chuckled nervously. “How- how much did you hear?”

Fitzroy was silent for a few seconds before replying. He went over and sat on the ledge of the fountain, next to his friend.

“All of it, Argo.”

“Oh. Well then. I guess the cats out of the bag then. Listen-“ his words quickened. “I'm sorry about last night. I just really can’t tell you where I go-“ talking a bit faster, “I just really care about you and I’m so sorry I hurt you. I hope I can fix this, I'm sor-“. 

Fitzroy placed his hand on the genasi’s leg, effectively silencing him. 

“I- I care about you too, Argo. And I also wanted to apologize. I overreacted last night.” Fitzroy spoke softly, trying to calm the man sitting next him.

Argo smiled weakly, looking into Fitzroy’s eyes. They were just as beautiful as the night before. 

Fitzroy was doing the same, looking into Argo’s eyes. They were an amazing green tonight. Fitzroy blushed. 

Argo raised his hand to Fitzroy’s cheek. The half elf leaned into his touch, closing his eyes and sighing. 

Now both of them were blushing. 

They leaned forwards, almost touching their foreheads together. Fitzroy cupped Argo's face as well, his eyes flicking from the other man's eyes to his lips and back. 

“May I?” Fitzroy asked.

Argo simply nodded, leaning forward and kissing Fitzroy. God, he had dreamed of this moment. 

The kiss was beautiful. It was soft and passionate and full of so much pent of love. It was perfect. 

When they came apart they both took a deep breath, smiling. 

Fitzroy’s hands were on Argo’s thighs now, resting there. Argo's hands were on fitzroys shoulders now. 

Their foreheads leaned against each other and Argo started laughing. Fitzroy quirked his eyebrow, questioning Argo’s “outburst”.

“I never thought I would get to do that!” he smiled.

Fitzroy just kissed him again, this time shorter but full of the same, if not more, love. 

That evening they returned to the dorm, hand in hand.

________________________________________________________________

[for-ests]

Always Enough- Peter Parker x Reader

Okay so this imagine was an anon request that I had previously posted, but I accidentally deleted. I didn't mean to, so here’s a re-upload. Happy finals & sorry my dumbass clicked the wrong button on tumblr mobile because im stupid

Summary (bc the request deleted w/ the post): The reader realizes she had been neglecting Peter because she was stressed over school. Peter thinks there might be another reason because she has become distant. Confrontation and angst follows!

Word count: 2, 360

✭♡✭♡✭♡✭

Finals were a killer, especially for a nursing major like yourself. The stress of it all made you want to curl up into a ball and cry. Cry for hours until you couldn't cry no more. 

But that wasn't an option. What you dreamed of becoming, something simple, yet incredibly difficult, was growing out of reach. Your hours of studying had led you nowhere, only to barely tangible grades. Grades that were barely above average. You were disappointed, discouraged, and running out of options.

What else would you do with your life? Becoming a nurse was the only thing you had ever wanted to be, it was all you knew. Ever since aliens rained in the sky, your only motive was to help the ones who couldn't help themselves. But how could you ever hope to do that when you couldn't pass biochem?

What didn't help your anxious mind was the house you had to stress over, and your minimum wage restaurant job that didn't add to your required expertise. Tears welled in your eyes as you remembered you had to lay a payment down on your ever-increasing student loans. Maybe college wasn't for you. Perhaps it was never meant to be. Your summer money was running out and fast.

Just breathe. You repeated. I don't have time to cry.

You could cry after you studied. And right now, you had barely glanced at your flashcards for more than ten minutes. It seemed like you were paralyzed, sitting in bed with your flashcards scattered around you, all of them laid out and waiting for involvement.

Just as you were about to pick up the first card, your phone buzzed beside you. Instinctively, you glanced at it, your heart dropping when you saw Peter's name flash across the screen.

Date. You had a date night, and you forgot.

"Fuck!" You cursed out loud, the tears you had tried so hard to control seeming to burst over your eyelids. How could you forget?

Peter: I'll be there in 15 minutes :D

You replied immediately, glancing at yourself in the phone's reflection. You looked terrible and distraught beyond compare.

Y/N: Peter…im so sorry I forgot, i'm not ready

Peter: oh

Y/N: i have a huge exam soon, maybe its for the best that we rain check? i'm sorry I know ive done this before but im really stressed about it

Peter: we havent talked for days, y/n, i think theres more going on than what youre telling me

Y/N: what? of course not wtf

Peter: im coming over anyways, ill be there soon

Y/N: why?

Peter: we have to talk.

Your heart dropped down to your stomach. Those words were what you had been dreading, and all focus you had managed to gather vanished into thin air. You knew you had been neglecting Peter's affections. Even if every fiber in your being wanted to make him the single most important thing in your life.

It had been almost a week since you'd seen him, and honestly, it was painful in the most innocent way.

But Peter didn't have to worry like you did. He was gifted and already had his entire life ahead of him, set in the middle of Stark industries. But you never asked for a handout, you never asked for help. Even though you knew he was the smartest young man around. You were proud to be his, and the thought of that disappearing was more detrimental to you that failing your upcoming exam.

Y/N: ok, front door is open

Tears were rolling down your cheeks at this point. You had been with Peter for over a year and had gone without seeing him for longer, but he was right. This time was different. This was the third date you had canceled without wanting to, but sometimes apologizing wasn't enough. Peter deserved a lengthy explanation of what you were really going through.

You were so used to holding back your emotions, that times like this were an occasional reoccurrence. You had always been so afraid of unloading your burdens onto others that you still sometimes forgot that having a boyfriend came with that perk. He was still going to love and cherish you if you asked for help and advice. Hell, you needed to realize that he wanted to.

That was a factor of why you were so in love with Peter. He always listened, and sometimes, even push the truth out of you when he could tell you needed it.

"You're already crying, huh." A sad smile was on Peter's face as he opened the door. His sudden appearance startled you, and you managed to chuckle despite the circumstances.

"You know me." You sniffled, immediately embarrassed by the state he had caught you in. Instinctively, you brushed your hair to the side and dabbed the tears from under your eyes. You could feel the remnants of Make-up drying to your skin.

"I didn't mean to ruin your study-"

"But we need to talk." You finished, shoving your school supplies to the edge of the bed. You made enough room, so he was able to sit comfortably.

Slightly embarrassed, you kept your gaze averted as best as you could. Just Peter's presence made your heart flutter, and a part of you was trying to prepare for the worst. You might really lose him this time. And for what? Yes, school was incredibly important, so, so important. But so was Peter, and you needed to find a balance.

Your silence was enough to beckon Peter's thoughts into the open.

"I just need to make sure you're still serious… about us." His voice was soft as if it was struggling to stay neutral.

Finally, gaining the courage to look at him, you locked eyes. Peter's gaze was heavy and forthcoming, and it took all of your willpower to swallow the knot in your throat.

"Of course, I am." The conviction was entirely evident in your tone. So much so, that Peter fell silent. His accusations seemed to die in his throat, but he knew that if he didn't get them out now, they would creep back to him later.

"It's hard to tell sometimes," Peter muttered, unable to gaze at your confused expression. You looked so hurt.

Your silence beckoned him to continue.

"I haven't properly talked with you in a week. You've canceled our last three dates… it seems like you never want to hang out with me anymore."

Peter winced. He was a grown man, and he sounded like a child. Yet, he had let so many things slide, hoping you would come around, hoping you would make it up to him. Perhaps he had been selfish to only think of himself in the relationship. He failed to realize that maybe in attempts to please him, you were putting your own future on the line. 

"I know you're going through a lot, but you can't even seem to talk about it." Peter's shoulders felt tense, his eyebrows knitting together in an agitated expression. His leg was bouncing up and down uncontrollably. He looked like he was about to burst.

"I'm sorry." You said, trying to swallow the knot in your throat. Pausing, you tried to gather your thoughts into cohesive sentences that would soothe his anxious mind.

"There's nobody else, right?" He suddenly blurted, actually turning his head to look at you. Insecurity was glazed in his eyes for the first time.

"Why would you even think that?" You said, startled. The question felt as if he had shoved your head underwater and held it there just long enough for you to choke on the liquid.

His expression was blank for the first time. Vulnerability at its finest. "My life isn't perfect, you know. I overthink just like you. I need reassurance."

Peter was so calm, so calm that it worried you. Though you were already afraid of how this conversation would go, it hurt you to realize that this conversation was the result of your actions. You failed to make Peter feel special like you had promised. Like he had promised you. Relationships go both ways, and for the last couple of weeks, it had only gone one.

"No, Peter. There will never be anyone else."

He sighed, relaxing slightly. "You've been acting weird. I don't really know what to think."

"I told you a billion times, I'm studying. After work, that's literally all I do. And I need to focus."

"I feel like there's more. It feels weird to not see a text from you when I wake up. It feels weird to not hear your voice. I don't… I don't like it, Y/N. Even if that's selfish."

And selfish it was. Peter expected you to be transparent while he was hiding possibly the biggest secret in the world. Maybe that was why he was so worried about how much you loved him. Peter wanted to be honest with you. He wanted you to know he was spider-man, but right now, he still couldn't bring himself to. Perhaps he was looking for a reason.

"I'm sorry." Your hands were clenched in your lap. "I've never had to deal with this before. Everything is so new, even if we've been together for a year. I've never cared about anyone like this, and I can't manage my time."

Peter paused as if every word in this conversation pained him to no end. His eyes were glossy, his mind unclear. He was desperately trying to understand why you were isolating himself. "You can't make any time for me?"

"That's the thing, I can't focus on anything else when I'm with you." Your lip quivered. "And that's a problem."

"It's not for me." He said quickly. "I make time for you, and you don't for me. And you need to tell me why."

You glanced away, embarrassed. No matter what you said, the reason wouldn't be good enough. You were just a bad girlfriend.

Peter reached his hand out and pulled you to him. You rested your chin upon his shoulder, soothed to feel his warmth once again. "You need to tell me, Y/N. We've made it work for this long, and all of a sudden, it stopped."

Your body started to shake. Trying to muffle your sob, you brought your hand to your mouth. It was all too much.

"-You have your whole life together, Peter. I have nothing, I still have to work for it. I'm not as smart as you, I'm-"and that's when the tears started to flow. It was a literal flood, tear after tear poured over your eyelids until they were bloodshot, until pressure pounded through your head.

Before you could finish, your face was pressed against Peter's chest. He held you tightly, his sweatshirt dabbing up your tears of sorrow. You gripped tightly to him, releasing the stress that had been building up inside of you for the last two weeks.

He did not know what else to do. Showing you that he loved you seemed like the most viable option. Sometimes all you had to do was listen, and that was enough.

"I got a bad grade on my midterm exam, one that I didn't study for because I spent my time with you—I thought-"

"Shh." He stroked your hair, understanding what you meant without a complete explanation.

"I work so hard, and it's never enough-"

"It's always enough, Y/N."

"I got so caught up in it that I neglected you in the process. So much so that you thought I was cheating on you" you inhaled sharply, whimpering against him, so many different emotions swirling through your mind. "You're the best thing in my life, and I put you second…"

"Look at me, Y/N." He cupped your cheeks in a swift movement, forcing you to look at him through tear-filled eyes. "You are enough for me. That's why I bothered to have this conversation with you. That's why I care." He pressed his lips against your forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too, Peter." You tilted your head up to kiss him wholly on the lips. You were a mess, but Peter had always told you that you looked beautiful when you cried.

"Rosy cheeks." He whispered, patting down your hair, inhaling your scent, and appreciating the beauty you constantly radiated.

You chuckled, sniffling loudly. Peter always said that after you had a successful mental break down, your cheeks brandished a rosy shade.

"Shut up." You whispered, tightening your grip around his torso. His back fell against your bed, and you shifted to lay completely on top of him. The firmness of his chest underneath you caused instant relaxation, instant relief. Maybe, just maybe, being in his presence was enough to get rid of the stress from everyday life.

The corners of your eyes were raw and red, yet it complimented your shade. Peter vowed from the moment he had met you, that he would never let any harm come to you. The last thing Peter had ever expected was that he might be the reason, instead of the world.

At least, for now, he had the power to fix it. You were the love of his life, and he had never felt so gratified to be in anyone else's presence.

Peter's fingers traced light, small circles on your back. He could hear your heartbeat slow. The softness of your finger against his was enough to help him close his eyes.

He was at peace, real peace for the first time in weeks.

"We need to remind ourselves to talk about shit more." You mumbled sleepy, almost inaudible. "So this doesn't happen again, because I hate it."

"Me too, babe." He whispered, content with watching you rise and fall in sync with his breathing.

"I couldn't bear to lose you."

[queenattheopera]

Opening Number, Part 5

Prompt: This is the story of the band that skyrocketed beside Queen and how their singer was fated to be with one of them.

Warning: Cussing and implied smut

If you want to catch up with previous parts they’re linked on my Masterlist in my bio

January 1, 1971

If it weren’t for the enticing smell of food I don’t think I would’ve considered leaving my bed. Sitting up I could feel my head pounding. I grimsed and closed my eyes. I refused to move for a few seconds. I could feel the intense pounding in the back of my head, it me a few deep breaths to find some relief but i knew that wasn't going to last. So I tried to redirect my attention to recalling what happened last night.

I took some shots, danced with Fred, and then I made out with someone. I couldn't seem to remember who it was but I remember how their hands felt as they roamed my body. I remember their lips exploring just as much as their hands did. I remember the smell of alcohol in their breath and how intoxicating their scent was. I sighed and opened my eyes. The noise in the kitchen hadn't stopped but I was too nervous to see who was causing it.

Who do i want it to be?

As I pushed myself off my mattress, I was met with nothing but cold air. I pulled the comforter off the bed and wrapped myself with it. As I'm tried taking the first few steps away from the bed frame I began to limp. Sore could barely describe how my legs felt. As I try to move further the blanket gets caught on something, not caring enough to find out I decide to yank it. I heard something fall but it didn't sound broken so I continued to make my way towards the mysterious figure in my home. The closer I got the more anxious I became. I could feel my heart begin to race. As it sped up more and more, it was all I could hear. I was about to turn into the kitchen when they stepped out.

I froze and forced myself to make eye contact with the them.

“...Noah?”

“I was wondering when you would get out of bed.” My stomach dropped. I don't think i slept with him, right? Not that he's not attractive, but he's my best friend. “Are you okay? You left really early last night, I mean I don't think you got any sleep going from the bags under your eyes.” I don't want to look at him because I felt beyond embarrassed but I need to know what happened last night.

“Wait so we didn't..?” He was silent for a few seconds before beginning to laugh, “Wow you must have been fucked up if you really thought that we would ever do anything.I mean no offense-” Before he could finish I punch his shoulder. “Shut up!” I feel my face growing warmer but I was relieved that he wasn’t the open who I had slept with.

“What the hell are you doing here anyway?” He walks towards the dining room but I don't make any move to follow him. “Cmon, at least take a look to see what I did.” Rolling my eyes I begin to make my way over while trying to hide the extremely obvious limp with the comforter. I'm sure he noticed after he snorted but he didn't say anything.

“Ta-da! I made you a birthday breakfast!” Seeing the table setup my eyes begin to water. He had made all my favorite foods and there were even a few gifts in the corner of my room. I looked at him and he had the biggest proudest smile plastered on his face. He was admiring his work but his smile disappeared when he saw that I began to cry.

“What happened? Did I do something wrong? I mean I know it's just me but I remember you told me not to tell anyone else and that you usually celebrate alone. I just thought you would like this.” I laughed at his rambling and wiped the tears away.

“It’s fine Noah, It's actually perfect, I just haven't really had a party or anything since my parents passed away. I- um Thank you..” His demeanor changed, and instead of getting a look of pity, he smiles and gives me a hug. “Why don't you go clean up and get dressed so we could eat and you could open your gifts okay?” I nod and go back to my room.

Walking back towards my room I see a puddle, I guess when the blanket got stuck I had knock over a glass of water resting on my nightstand. Bending down to pick up the glass I find a piece of paper under my bed.

Sorry I couldn't stay love. Let me make it up to you. I’ll pick you up tonight around 9. -hbsdcbaib I reread the paper a few times, then I just stared at the smug as I tried to decipher whose name was written.

I want to scream. I feel nothing but anger towards myself. If I hadn't spilled that water on the note than I would have known exactly who the I slept with last night. Instead my lover is faceless.

There was nothing I could do but wait. I grab some clothes and head towards the bathroom. Before I entered, I let the blanket fall than close the door. I standing in front of the mirror I take in every detail. My eyes look much worse than to what Noah had led me to believe. Then there was my neck and chest. I was covered in bite marks and hickies. When I turned to step into the bath tub I could feel some tenderness in my hips. Looking down I see bruises, resembling someone's hands. When looking at my legs, I’m met with two more hickies.

Ignoring the achiness I take a hot shower. As I'm standing there I think back to last night. I remember the passion and roughness that my counterpart used. When he had me against the wall or when his head was between my legs. He was confident with very move. He worshiped my body. Together we fit like puzzle pieces. I could feel the heat between my legs begin to intensify. I push it away and finish my shower. After I'm dressed I look into the mirror. I know Noah has seen most the marks on my neck but I still had the urge to cover them. I grabbed some makeup and covered most of them. The others were too dark to hide so I grabbed a turtle neck from my closest and changed. Satisfied with eth look I walked back toward the dining room.

“Finally, do you know how hard it was to have all this food but not to be able to eat any of it.” I laugh and sit down across from him. I don't say anything as I grab a fork and stab the food in the plate. None of it ever makes it into my mouth a dn instead just gets moved around. I could feel Noah's concerned gaze on me but neither of say anything. He comes around the table and bends down to my height.

“Did something happen? If something did you don't have to tell me, but just know that I'm here for you. And if it was one of the guys, I swear I'll kill them.” I smile and roll my eyes. “No you won't, you'll have Em do it.” He laughs but he still looks worried. I sighed, i think back to last night. “I was um, um I was almost attacked last night.” I can't bring myself to look up at him, I was embarrassed, blaming myself for what could’ve happen.

“Who?” I look at him and i'm surprised by how intense his gaze his. A few tears slip out, my anxiety and stress had finally taken hold of the wheel. “Don’t worry about it, Im fine, it was nothing. Its what happened after. Roger saved me. Then Brian and John comforted me. Then i slept with someone and I don't even know how. They left a fucking note that I ruined so now I have no idea who it was from. I’m confused and I don't know what to do and my head hurts and -” I couldn't finish my sentence because I began to cry. Well I was actually sobbing. This only increased the pain I was feeling and it made me feel weak and powerless.

Noah holds me and doesn't say anything. He pulls away when I had started to calm down. “Its okay, it's going to be okay. Let's figure this out. You should eat, I'm going to call the gang and Freddie.”

After sitting there for a minute or two began to eat. I don't have much of an appetite but I forced myself to eat and drink a glass of water. When Noah came back he cleaned up and began to hide the gifts. I silently thanked him for still considering how I felt about my birthday. Just as we had finished cleaning up there was a knock at the door. It must have been Fred because everyone else had a key.

I walked towards the order. I was happy when I noticed that i could walk normally despite the ache. When I opened the door the first thing Freddie did was gasp. “Oh you poor thing! Come here love.” Freddie pulled me into a hug. I guess the crying made my makeup run and that's why he gasped. He didn’t say anything. All he did was shush me an rub my back. It was actually really comforting. When I pulled away freddie began to fix my hair. I smiled softly before taking his hand off my hair. I led him inside. “Thanks for coming Freddie, I'm sorry if you were busy, we shouldn't have called.” I didn't want to be another and I wasn't feeling my best. Frankly I didn't have the energy to be my usually bubbly self. “Nonsense darling, I'll always be here for you.” He rubs my shoulder and gives me the biggest smile.

“Alright love, since we dont know whos coming to pick you up, let's get you dolled up.”

“Lets get her comfortable first, Y/n, we know youre probably aren't feeling up to anything right now so here's what we're gonna do. You're going to take some pain medication, take a nap then we'll get you ready okay.” Emily had let herself in and was beginning to take charge. Usually Fred and her would annoy each other but after their silent communication Freddie turned to me and smiled. “She's right love, get some rest.” I looked between the too and nodded. Once I was in my room I began to run last night over and over again. I felt stupid, I got drunk last night for a reason, now I'll have to live with the haunting my actions for the rest of my life.

“Hey y/n, Em told me to give this to you.” Charlie handed me the medicine and sat at the foot of my bed. “I know how you are. I know you're blaming yourself right now but I also know that it's not. You're okay. We're here for you.” I took the pills and nodded. “Thank you.”

In the next few hours while I slept, my house guests cleaned and prepared everything for me. They had set aside an outfit they knew I would like and they spoke about how they would help me feel better.

When I woke up my headache was alleviated and I felt more nervous than ever. I stood up to find an outfit set hanging on my closet door. I put it on and reapplied my make-up. When i walked out of my bedroom I found the gang in my living room playing scrabble.

“Y/n you're up!” I walk to them and Noah gets up and offers me his spot. He then walks away. I turn to the others looking for soe response as to what they're doing.

“It's your turn.” When i look u at them, i realize they are speaking to me. I make a calculated move. Noah comes back with some tea. They don't bring up anything from yesterday and instead play a friendly game of scrabble. Their passive actions put me at ease. I became so focused on the game I forgot about yesterday. It was what Emilly planed. They distracted me, they took my focus away from all the bad and gave me a moment of peace.

Before I knew it, t was 8:50. “Alright y/n, your dates gonna get be here but were going to be in the bedroom. They’ll be here soon. I know you're going to be nervous, but if you ever feel uncomfortable, just know we're here for you.” “Yes darling, and if any of the boys do anything, then ill kick their arses. You know I was pretty good boxer.” I smile and nod. “Thank you, I mean in.” I pull Em and Fred into hug. Charlie and Noah don't hesitate to join. I watch as they walk into the bedroom and close the door. I take deep breaths but I could feel myself getting nervous all over again. I'll admit it's not as bad as before but I was still really anxious. I was spacing in the living room while trying to relax.

I jumped when I heard a knock at the door. I was frozen and I stopped breathing for a second. When they knocked again I let out my the breath I was holding in. I moved cautiously towards the door. I unlocked the door and put my hand on the doorknob. Here goes nothing.

Tag list: @smile-nine @phantom-fangirl-stuff @fantasticchaoticwho @cosmicsskies @triggeredpossum

Let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list

[actually-impostor]

Heroes and Anti-Heroes (3)

Saturday update, and I’m also here to tell that I’m posting this one in AO3 too

people tagged: @deafinatelyfangirling, @mira-jadeamethyst, @fearinghope  (Im not sure they wish to be tagged again, but let me know if you want to get out of the tag list)

Warnings for this chapter: None really, some cursing

Previous Chapter, AO3 Link

-0-0-0- Chapter 2: Control -0-0-0-

The years went by fast, faster than any of them could have predict they would, and when both friends last expected it, it was already time to apply for high school.

Both had their eyes set on Atlas, one of the best superhero academies in the USA. It was said that to apply there you had to be the best in not only your classes but also in your whole school, even knowing that fact, Enhos and Roman didn’t let it discourage them. They had faith in their abilities and in the other.

“Come on Roman, is just history!”

“Why would I even need history? I’m going to be a super hero after all”

“Those who don’t know the past are bound to repeat it”

Roman looked at his friend confused and Enhos shrugged embarrassedly, trying to hide his face with the hood of Shadow

“I-It’s what Papa always says!”

“Eh, I guess he’s right” Roman waved his hand around and turned to his friend, smirking “Anyway, any idea what your hero name is going to be?”

“Isn’t it a little too soon to be thinking of it?”

“No!” Roman eyes where shinning, and Enhos could swear there was fire surrounding his friend “I’ve had my hero name since I was ten! I’ll be known as Regal, the most amazing knight in the history of heroes”

“And then there’s going to be an egocentric kid complaining that they don’t need to know history and you’ll be forgotten”

“Ack, why must you rain on my parade?”

“It’s my job as your friend” Roman groaned and Enhos smiled “But anyway, I think it fits you Young Boss”

“Ugh don’t call me that, that’s how my mom’s security call me”

“I know” Enhos smirked “And it’s hilarious”

“Why am I your friend again?” With that both boys laughed “But, do you really think the name fits me?”

“Yeah, you give off that…” Enhos paused, making some random hand movements “I don’t know, Prince Charming kind of energy”

Roman laughed and put an arm around Enhos shoulders, pressing his friend to his side and making Enhos chuckle with him

“I’m flattered”

“Yeah, yeah. Now get to work Princey, or I’ll be the only one entering Atlas”

“Oh hush, we both are going in”

Enhos smiled, even if Roman was constantly assuring him that both were going to enter Atlas there was still that silver of doubt. Would they really be able to get in? Roman had a lot of troubles in history and math, and Enhos couldn’t understand a word of Physics. Besides that there was also the fighting part of the exam.

Enhos knew Roman would do well in that part; the boy could materialize weapons for Christ sakes, but what about Enhos himself? Would he get kicked out because his Quirk was too dark? Kicked out because his Quirk was too dangerous?

“Hey, I can hear you thinking over here. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I’m just anxious about the entrance exams”

“You’ll do great! I’ve never meet anyone with suck a great control of their Quirk, and you are like wicked smart”

“Wow, careful there pretty boy, one might think you like me”

“Nah” Roman waved his hand, like dissipating the idea “I only tolerate you because your dad makes the best cookies”

Both boys laughed at that, Enhos anxiety being calmed down for the time being

-0-

“Im going to fail”

“You’ll do fine Enhos”

“No, Dad no, you don’t get it. Im going to fail and I’ll bring dishonor to our whole family, and on me, and our cow!” Jeremiah looked at his son with a small smile

“Is he aware he’s quoting Mulan?”

“I don’t think so” Aaron laughed, shaking his head

“Hey kiddo, breath” He ruffled his son hair, no longer having to kneel in front of him to do so “You’ll do amazing, you are smart and have talent. It’s gonna be great”

Enhos breather deeply and tried to center himself. He looked at his dad and nodded, he was as ready as he could ever be to go to the exam.

The trip there was relaxed, Jeremiah had soft music playing in the background and Enhos was distracting himself with his phone. Apparently Roman wasn’t feeling much better

When his dad stopped the car Enhos opened his eyes wide, he could feel the panic clawing at his throat and in his need to feel calmer he had reached out to hold his dad hand

Jeremiah held strongly and smiled “Enhos, my wonderful son”

“D-dad”

“I’m proud of you, and I’ll be proud of you no matter what”

“E-even if I f-fail?”

“Even if you fail. You have defeated the odds, everyone told you that you could only be a villain but here you are! About to take the entrance exam to the best hero school in the US” he smiled, still holding his son hand “Your Papa and I are so proud of you my son, no matter what. Now go there and show everyone that Enhos Farandole is, and always was, a hero”

With that Enhos took a shuddering breath and nodded, he could do this. He had spent more than a month studying, his grades where one of the best in class (with a constant battle for the number one spot against Roman), he had the drive and motivation. He could do this.

As he sat down to take the test he stared at his credential, the number 2089 glaring back at him. He had to fight against other 2088 humans; probably more than that, considering he wasn’t the last one in the list, but could he really earn a place here?

He was playing with his pencil when someone else sat beside him; Enhos stared at the girl with beautiful brown skin and black hair, she looked slightly scared and stressed. He figured he wasn’t looking much better. At Enhos other side sat a boy that, compared to the others sitting around, looked relaxed and composed with the air of someone that already had been picked to enter the school. Enhos stared at him through his bangs in curiosity, and in that second the boy stared back at him.

“A pleasure, my name is Logan”

“A-ah, the name’s Enhos” He shook the offered hand and Logan smiled

“Good luck today Enhos”

“S-same”

When the examiner entered the auditorium everyone was sitting in, he took out some papers and started reading in a bored voice.

“Okay, let’s cut straight to the important stuff” He murmured “As you all know you have an hour to finish each exam. There are 4 written exams, one for every important thing.”

He took a small remote control and turned on a hologram, there was written everything that could be considered important for the examinees

“As you all can see there’s one for everything language related, one for everything math related, the other for the history of the USA, and a special one for the most popular heroes throughout history”

Here the examiner paused to yawn, making a few of the kids in the front row follow his example

“You are also forbidden from using your powers; we have a few people with cancelling Quirks around the room to prevent that from happening. Well, good luck and try not to die”

With that last statement the teacher made the test appear in front of them and a clock started the countdown. Enhos groaned, they had started with math and he was ready to throw his chair at the examiner.

He could hear the panicked murmurs around the room, whispered “what the fuck” around the room, making him chuckle under his breath because same. He looked at the clock and noticed that there was only 20 minutes left, so he concentrated as much as possible. By the corner of his eye he could see Logan almost done and the girl on his other side messing up her hair, making it stick up all over the place.

By the end of the hour he could hear a few sobs, there was also relief, a few heavy sighs, someone making a half-sigh half-hysterical laugh, a general groan in the room and the defeated air in a lot of others. At least he wasn’t the only one feeling defeated because of the exam.

History wasn’t that different, but there were less sobs and more relieve sighs after that one was over. The language one was the hardest, because what the examiner didn’t explained was that it was an exams on languages. There were different questions in different languages and honestly Enhos felt like his brain was about to collapse.

And then came the only one that Enhos was sure he would ace; the so awaited test about heroes, heroes of every side of the world, heroes with different powers, heroes that were called villains when kids and the ones that were always called heroes. When that one was over the room heaved a collective sigh of relief and the examiner laughed

“Be free tired kids” He dismissed them with a wave of the hand and the possible new students scattered. Logan gave a slight nod to Enhos and he answered back with the same gesture. In the entrance door he reunited with Roman who looked like he went to war and lost

“Though exams?”

“You have no- Wait, yeah you have an idea because you just went through the same”

“Yeah, my brain is not working well either” He shook his phone in front of Roman “Want a ride?”

“In your beat down car?”

“Excuse me your majesty” Enhos rolled his eyes “I’ll make sure my future car is better” with that he dialed his dad “Yo dad, exams are over!”

“I’ll be there in 5”

“We’re driving Roman to his place tho”

“Valerie is at work?”

“Apparently”

“Okay, not a problem. See you in 5” With that Jeremiah hang up

The following morning Enhos entered Atlas again, getting as mentally prepared for the fighting exams as he possibly could. He might have to use Shadow a lot, but hopefully he’ll be able to control it enough to not actually hurt anyone too badly.

He sat side by side with Roman and both were talking when the announcer of the program entered the classroom, their hair was all over the place and they had a shaky smile in their face.

“Hello! Im Talyn and I am a teacher here in Atlas” They fixed their glasses and chuckled “Are you all excited? I mean you probably are. Okay! As you all read in the application requirements, you’ll have mock battles after this”

They took a folder out of their bag and messed around with the papers a bit. Then the giant screen behind them turned on and a hologram showing five different cities appeared

“Now, these cities that you all see behind me are actually owned by Atlas and are in no way real cities so you don’t have to worry about a thing! You can let loose with your Quirks” Relieved sighs could be hear around the place “Your enemies are… this!”

In the hologram the image of a robot appeared

“There are three different types of robots that will act as villains. Your job is to defeat them”

“We are fighting robots?!” It was a general scream. Enhos stared in shock, that was definitely not what he expected

“Roman… Roman, im screwed”

“Can’t really deny that… Sorry”

Enhos groaned, this was not a good thing

“Calm down, calm down kids, let me finish. There are three different types of robots and all of them are worth 1, 2 and 3 points accordingly and you get them by defeating them. There’s one that’s worth zero points. Your job is to avoid him at all cost”

They nodded

“Anyone caught doing un-heroic things is going to be disqualified on the spot! Good luck, you have half an hour to get ready”

Enhos groaned in frustration, he wasn’t even in the same arena as Roman. He knew enough self defense and martial arts to hold his own but the others would be using their Quirks, and he was at a disadvantage.

He shook his head and changed clothes, wearing a black tracksuit pant and a grey sweatshirt, Shadow still wrapped around his shoulders as a cloak. He went out along the others several students and waited for the sign. The teacher, Talyn, started laughing at them.

“What are you all waiting for? It already started. There are no buzzers in real battle you know?”

The class stared at them in shock for a few seconds and then they all screamed, running inside the city to try and defeat as many robots as possible. Enhos racked his brain to try and think on what to do.

He grabbed a robot of 2 points by their leg with Shadows help and threw him at 2 other robots of 1 point. He could do this; he could even immobilize the robots with Shadow and kick them away. That would work, right? He was in the middle of a restless attack when he heard a “Heads up!”

Enhos moved to the side in a hurry when he noticed someone was flying at full speed at him, or more precisely, at the 3 point robot behind him that was going to attack his blind spot.

“Gee, boy! Use your Quirk!”

“It doesn’t work on robots, but thanks for the save” He turned to look at his savior and raised an eyebrow, it was the girl sitting beside him in the written exam

“Pleasure, the name’s Lilly!” She pointed at herself and smirked “What’d you say we work together?”

“How so?”

“We cover each other backs!” She was still smiling, and Enhos gave back a hesitant smile “You make sure nothing kills me and I do the same for you!”

“Sounds fair, I’m Enhos by the way”

“Well Enhos, let’s go!”

With that Enhos and Lilly kept each other as alive and safe as possible. Enhos was still mostly getting by with only his self-defense classes and Lilly was destroying robots with one hit and flying all over the place. Enhos documented that in his brain; apparently her Quirk gave her super-strength and the ability to fly.

“Less than a minute! Deploy Zero!”

Enhos and Lilly stopped when they felt the ground shook. Out in the distance a giant robot stood up, taller than any building around him and big enough to be considered a Mecha from Evangelion. Enhos gulped and Lilly cursed under her breath

“So that’s the Zero Points uh”

“It’s not really a wonder they told us to avoid him” Enhos nodded

“Let’s go Lilly; we are the closest to him. We gotta run”

“Okay!” Lilly got close to Enhos and smiled “Hold on to me, we are flying out of here”

“I don’t like flying…”

“Is that or death, but your choice kid”

“Ah fuck, okay”

He hugged the girl and Lilly flew fast enough to make Enhos lose his breath. When she stopped they were almost out of the gate

“Come on Enhos, run!”

And so he followed her, cursing slightly inside his head. He hadn’t destroyed enough robots to be able to enroll in the school, so now it all depended on the written exams. Once they were out of the city Lilly turned to him and smiled

“Well, that was fun Darky!”

“Why Darky?” He groaned, making Lilly laugh

“Because you are dressed in almost all black!” She passed an arm around his shoulder and smirked “I hope to see you around school, this looks fun!”

“Here’s hoping I make it”

She laughed again, slightly slapping his arm. They shared a few more minutes of conversation while walking to the changing rooms and then said their goodbyes.

Just like the past day he found Roman in the door, his friend looked so tired

“Did you over did it with the swords?”

“There were a lot of talented people there Enhos. One guy was just throwing robots and debris and parts of buildings all over the place with just his mind”

“Telekinesis?”

“Apparently, but he never really threw things bigger than him. There was other that was just teleporting all over the place. One that had heat rays Enhos!”

“Hey, Roman, breathe. I’m sure you did amazing” He smiled, texting his dad “At least between the two of us you have more chances of entering Atlas”

Roman sighed and hugged his friend one-armed “You’ll get in, somehow. I know it”

Enhos smiled, he wasn’t exactly sure of that. But they still had enough days to wait until the letters telling them their destiny appeared in their houses. They still could be kids, they still could relax.

Unknown to both of them a pair of eyes stared at the boys with a grin. This was getting more interesting.

[inducing-sleep-to-avoid-pain]

9/28/2017

Mental illnesses are so weird to me... considering I have so many you would think I would know exactly how to help myself but obviously I don’t know shit.One day I am oh-so confident and nothing can touch me then the next I’m stuck to my bed and I would wish for nothing more than to be terminated. I feel out of control. I feel like I’m very misunderstood all the time. I feel like I have people here for me but I don’t actually have people /there/ for me. 

 I get anxious and I throw myself into panic episodes but there is always something that will come up with my friends so I put my feelings aside to help them. I never fully get closure with any bad mood I throw myself into or situation I go through because I am more concerned with the people around me than I am myself. The other day for example... I had spiraled out of control... I was sobbing in my bathroom alone and nobody questioned it. I texted my two “best friends” and they completely invalidated everything I had said to them and made the situations about themselves. I feel like I can never express myself fully because if I do I am being selfish. I can’t even talk to my boyfriend because he always has so much going on I don’t want to stress him out about my fucked up mental health. I feel like he is sick of dealing with me because he has so much on his plate. I honestly feel so very alone.

I thought that after the whole situation we were in that I would be okay but I’m not okay in the slightest. Every day I feel so guilty and I’m not even religious at all. I have rocks on my chest and nobody to help me. I feel confused. I feel out of //control// of my own life. I’m letting all these feelings shape who I am and Im sick of it. I let all these thoughts and people get to me to the point where I lose who I actually am... I feel like I’m bits and pieces of everyone I’ve ever met because I try so hard to be liked by everyone. I couldn’t tell you what my favorite thing about myself because I fucking hate myself. I hate everything about myself. My nose doesn’t fit my face, my stomach is embarrassing, my personality is fucking terrible. 

My thoughts are getting bad again which is odd because usually fall is my happy time. I keep getting these thoughts of just ending it but I know I would never try that again.. but still the thoughts are scary. I have dreams about terrible things happening to me... for example the other night I had a dream I was abducted and tortured and my friends just watched me go through so much. Sometimes I wish something bad would happen to me just because I don’t have the balls to end myself. I feel me wanting to relapse. I feel my mental health just getting shittier and shittier. I’m honestly numb and that scares me. Nobody knows how bad I am. I’ve been fronting this happy-positive vibes only attitude and I’m over compensating for how I actually feel... I’m honestly slowly crumbling into this pile of nothingness and bones. I just wonder how much longer I can fake this ‘happiness’. It’s utterly exhausting always fixing everyone and hiding how you feel. I just want to sit in bed and be held. I need to cry more.

The other day was my first real cry in months but I couldn’t even finish because I had to help my friend who was upset. I don’t know how to ask my boyfriend if I can cry on him for an hour or so. I don’t know how to ask him to treat me gently for a few hours just until I can build my self esteem up enough to be able to look in the mirror without feeling ugly. But how does someone so unattractive feel good about themselves? I really can’t take this... I’m not myself anymore and nobody knows that I’m lost. I’m so lost. I need someone to hold me together and help me put my pieces back together. I want to believe in myself. I cannot though. I’m utterly and completely irrelevant to life on this planet and I and undeserving of life. After all I am just wasting it. the doctor who cures cancer could of had my place on earth but nope the environment is stuck with my pathetic self.... lol.