#what its like to have anxiety
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What people without anxiety don't understand is that I'm constantly walking around feeling like I'm in mortal peril, and sometimes the feelings are right
#and cause theyre right u cant even go like haha ur just paranoid nothings ever happened cause u were aware of the bad fucking vibes™️#its not paranoia if theyre really out to get you#my little brain and its little mental illnesses#anxiety#mental illness#mental health#paranoia#paranoid#ugh#depression#what its like to have anxiety#this shit is genuinely fucked#and some people actually have the GALL to be like but ahaha anxiety isnt even a mental illness everyone has it haha#if ur one of those people get fucked#to the others who do understand the perils of this#its gonna be okay besties#we're gonna be fine#one day we'll have a nice house in the woods away from everything that has the possibility of fucking us over#and honestly if u see me walking around in public esp in the throes and/or post anxiety attack like. you gotta know how hard im trying#im constantly like#so proud babe#so proud#yall should be too#besties i see you and here for it
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ppl mad at lando for saying he still gets nervous before quali and can't eat all Sunday cause nervy from the pressure, cause this isn't champion mentality cause you won't hear schumacher/hamilton/max saying it, or that he's sympathy baiting in the fastest car... but like. James Hunt would vomit before races. Nico only compulsively ate potatoes on Sunday. it's a nerve wracking sport! why does the champion/winning mentality only have be in 1 form (that is stringently stereotypically masculine)?
#i have insane. anxiety inducing stage fright. i am also a public speaker#I can't sleep the night before any performance and it's compulsively practicing my speech and timing it#like its HORRIBLE. but I bet ppl coming up to me asking how i do it and its. im doing it scared!#as long as you perform what's wrong w admitting it makes you nervous#lando norris
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zero's pressure
#running out of gas. running out of money. out of time. out of energy. i'm running out of everything#and ofc my solution is to. avoid it. ignore it. do nothing productive.#zero's pressure turns into zero pressure#i'm trying to be kind to myself. i really have been trying. but it's hard when youre still headed to 0 on everything with no solution#because of yourself#i cant get a job. my art doesnt bring enough. i cant keep producing new products on the regular. i cant finish major comms on time#what CAN i do?#vent#just some adhd things#and maybe anxiety. and bad stress management#sorry for being so raw on main. its therapeutic even if it doesnt really lead to anything. it does force me to confront my feelings ig#i tend to get a burst of motivation after hitting a low like this but its a constant cycle that in the longterm really doesnt improve.#ill probably get some products done and do some quick comms. just one of those alone can cover gas for me#anyway some positivity to toot my own horn: i love the palette of this piece. went harder than i thought
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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 2 ]
{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings none {☆} word count 1.9k {☆} previous [ 1 ]
This had to be a punishment of some sort – some kind of divine punishment.
She was bored out of her mind just watching the sleeping body – she hadn't blinked once in the past five hours, her eyes were really starting to hurt. Yet they still hadn't moved so much as an inch since she sequestered them away to the only place she had known to be safe.
But it'd been almost a week since then.
The only solace she found was that Teyvat had seemed much less hellbent on collapsing in on itself like a dying star.
That counted for something.
Not much, but something!
..Even if their position was no better then it was a week ago.
There was, after all, still the issue of what to do about the false Creator – the actual imposter – and the Archons following them like blind lambs. The other Archons wouldn't listen if she tried to reason with them, and it would only risk the life of Divine One if she spoke of their location to anyone else.
She also was pretty fond of having her head still attached to her shoulders.
So she avoided them all together. Partially because she wasn't sure she wouldn't have a breakdown at the sight of them..she'd never been a fighter, and fighting an Archon? Easy pass.
Instead she was forced to babysit the sleeping Divine until they woke up while Neuvillette handled taking care of the nation and dealing with the other Archons – and by extension the false Creator.
Really though, she would almost think them dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of their chest.
Though..this also left her with a lot of time to herself. A lot of time to think.
She really didn't like it.
There wasn't a lot to occupy her mind and what little there was only distracted her for a scant few moments before her eyes drifted back to the Divine like she was locked in their orbit, unable to escape.
She closed the same book for the twelfth time – she kept count – and returned it to it's meticulously designed place within her bookcase. A low, barely audible huff of frustration escaped her lips before she could bite it down, her stare boring a hole into the body of the Divine One with a sharp intensity she rarely showed.
She was tired, bored and constantly on edge, fearing that at any moment someone would find out about their presence here.
That, at the drop of a hat, she would be powerless to stop the greatest tragedy of her time play out before her eyes.
Neuvillette would have scolded her for being so petulant, especially around the Divine One, if he were here.
But he wasn't.
He was out running her nation, instead.
And what was she doing? Nothing!
She grit her teeth, nails digging harshly into the palm of her hands as she took a deep breath – now was not the time to think about that. She had..much more pressing matters. Sulking and letting her thoughts spiral helped no one, least of all herself.
Yet her attention was caught by a harsh inhale, the rustle of fabric – were they finally waking up? She was exhausted, but it all vanished at the sudden drop of life within the otherwise deathly still body of the Divine.
Her eyes followed the subtle twitch of their fingers, watching as their brow furrowed and their features twisted in something almost like..pain.
..She wasn't ready.
What was she supposed to say?
Should she even say anything? Would that be considered impolite? Does she wait for them to speak first? Should she kneel? Bow?
She doesn't get much time to find her own answer before their lashes flutter, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Every single thought vanishes from her mind the moment she meets their eyes.
For a long, silent moment she thinks that her heart must have stopped.
Their eyes glow like the cresting of the sun over the horizon, painting the world in hues of gold – yet it also reminded her of the dipping of the moon below the waves, casting the briefest, most gentle of lights upon the world engulfed in darkness. In the depths of their eyes was the birth and death of stars in the infinite cosmos – glittering stars in a sea of empty, blank space that left her feeling lightheaded and breathless.
Beneath the splendor is a spark of recognition in their eyes so vibrant it was like a shooting star piercing through the dark night sky, leaving nothing but the wonder in the eyes of the observer as the only proof it ever existed – brilliant in it's beauty, however brief.
It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.
"Focalors?"
The lilt of their voice nearly made her knees buckle beneath her – euphoria so consuming it left her feeling she was starving swallowed her whole, her mind blanking in a moment of utter bliss. It was..an indescribable feeling that she doubted she could ever hope to put into words – not in a way that could properly express it, try as she might.
She swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips – she couldn't make a fool of herself. Not in front of them of all people. She'd never forgive herself.
"Divine One," She rasps, clearing her throat and covering her mouth with a hand to mask both her nervousness and the small smile that creeps across her face. She quickly regains her composure, hand resting on her hip as she puffs out her chest with every bit of pride she can manage. "I am sure you must be confused, but worry not– your most loyal acolyte has seen the truth!"
The silence is deafening.
She opens one eye, peaking at the bewildered and almost distraught expression of the Divine.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
That..she was not prepared for. Surely they knew who they were! Surely they knew. They had to– she's been praying to them for as long as she's breathed, she's dedicated every hour of her life to living up to their ideals, they can't just–!
"Lady Furina?"
Neuvillette, thankfully, spares her the embarrassment of having a meltdown in front of the Divine, the gentle rap of his knuckles against the door making her and the Divine pause, the soft lull of his voice soothing her nerves and yet setting her on edge at the same time.
"Neuvillette." She clears her throat again, her steps hurried as she marches to the door and pries it open none too gently, a forced smile pulling at her lips. She wastes no time tugging the man into the room, shutting the door behind him with a short huff. The silence is, somehow, even worse then before as the three of them stare at each other in absolute exasperation.
Neuvillette, for his part, manages to get his act together with a sharp clearing of his throat, bowing so low even she looks unnerved. She steals a brief glance at the Divine, and she's taken aback by the uncomfortability twisting their features into a grimace.
Their expression is schooled back into one of empty apathy when he stands back to his full height, but she saw it – she knows she did! Did they not like their worship? Were they not respectful enough? For a moment, she feared the Divine would smite Neuvillette down on the spot..but they just stared at him like he was a ghost.
"Why aren't you killing me?"
The defeated, resigned tone combined with the way their voice cracks makes her heart ache in her chest – it feels as though her entire world is crumbling down at her feet, and she cannot explain why she feels such emotions so strongly, but it is suffocating. It is almost as if Teyvat itself is weeping, bearing down upon her shoulders like a heavy weight.
She feels the urge to weep herself, but she powers through, gritting her teeth long enough for Neuvillette to take his place at the side of her – though it feels more like their – bed, kneeling like he was going to pray.
"Divine One," He offers a hand with a quiet rumble of his voice, the words slipping off his tongue like honey. It's like trying to soothe a stray cat..though she'd never voice such comparisons of the most Divine out loud. "I..we mean you no harm. I swear on my authority as the Iudex of Fontaine and Chief Justice that you are safe with us."
The skepticism she expected, but the reverence in which Neuvillette must convince them – or perhaps they are simply so tired that they simply did not care any longer if it was all some ploy to drive a knife between their ribs. She didn't expect them to actually place their hand in Neuvillette's.
He didn't either, judging by the way he visibly brightened – not that they'd notice, but she did.
..Not that she could really blame him, her heels clicking against the floorboards as she shifted her weight to the other foot with a nervous energy that was practically bursting at the seams, more then a little jealous of the attention he was receiving. She was the one who found them, she was the one who stayed with them the entire time..but he gets all the attention?
How unfair.
"O-of course! We would never lay a hand on our creator," She adds, her voice a little higher pitched then she would have liked as she placed her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest and brushing off the sting of jealousy. "Least of all I– your most loyal, most devout acolyte!"
She felt baffled when she heard the sound of their laughter, her shoulders hunching and her cheeks flushing on mere instinct – she was expecting mockery, but the look in their eyes, still dulled by a pain she cannot even begin to imagine, made her hesitate.
..It was, perhaps, the most genuine thing she'd heard from them ever since before the hunt began.
She wasn't sure why her heart hurt at such an idea, but it was enthralling to see the beginnings of a half hearted smile on their lips.
For a moment, her mask of theatrics was forgotten as she stared at them in a mixture of awe and adoration– and though she didn't look at Neuvillette, she could imagine he must've shared such an expression.
Had she any doubts that they were her Creator, that they alone were the most Divine..they would wiped clean now. There was no mistaking the way the world itself seemed to grow clearer as they glanced up at her like she was worth something.
For a moment, she realized how cold the false Creators gaze had been now that she has felt warmth so gentle it almost made her knees buckle beneath her. It felt like a pale imitation, now.
Nothing could compare to the warmth that spread through her body at the mere semblance of a smile upon their lips. She didn't even mind if it was her they were laughing at anymore, she just wanted to hear them laugh again.
She'd make a fool of herself, if she had to.
She'd never felt so..ravenous for such a thing, but just the briefest glimpse was addictive.
She simply couldn't help herself from striding across the room and clasping their free hand in her own, her smile wide enough to unnerve as she leaned her weight onto the bed. For a moment, she considered pulling away at the way they startled, but her mind was made up by then – there was no going back.
"Again."
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#fic tag#neuvillette#focalors#furina#dont ask what happened here idk#this was. also supposed 2 be neuvi focused and then i.#dont talk 2 me abt focalors i wont ever shut up#got a 300k word essay on hand abt how i feel abt her character/how i interpret her personality and her story#focalors jsut like me fr fr (cries at the slightest inconvenience or the slightest mean comment)#shes so pathetic girlfail im gonna chew on her#what happens when reader gets stuck with two emotionally repressed french bastards?? hell#neuvi is the “emotionless” flavor of emotionally repressed in that hes HORRIBLE at showing emotions at all#ask him to smile and its incredibly unnerving and theres too many teeth but hes trying his best please call him pretty or he will cry :(#furina is the flavor of emotionally repressed where she makes it up by having Too Many emotions#using theatrics and masks to show everyone what they want to see but inside this girl is a MESS#constant anxiety and panic 24/7#will do random shit and look at you and if u dont compliment her she will think u hate her and cry#compliment her and she'll do even stupider shit to try and impress you more#i love my scrunkly little babies they r so stupid and mentally ill someone get these bitches some THERAPY#i want 2 put them under a microscope#watch this be ooc fr furina when more of her lore drops if shes not girlfail im leaving#anyway see u in a week im going on a trip ill get back 2 u in 6-7 business days
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holy shit I did NOT realize how popular my "I will remove my teeth, for I want to remain kind despite my anger" quote is. I just googled it for fun to see what would come up, a bunch of people are quoting it not knowing who its from, an artist called Kuma made an album titled that, so bizzare
#also people are misatributing the quote to kuma and the first google result for the quote attributes it to them#which is kind of upsetting but not a huge deal whatever#its cool it seems to have entered culture like that#i get very mixed feelings about those instances where something I made got WAY more popular than i expected and#people are reposting it or using it without attributing it to me#i both feel bad when stuff isnt credited to me but also good that my art has expanded beyond my reach#its out of my control kind of and other people have it now#which IS what i want for my art and how i generally think art should be#but it is also obviously causes some anxiety to lose control and really full ownership of something that is yours#i think also there is anxiety about something of mine being taken by someone bigger than me#since they can just claim it as their own and most people will know them as the origin#not talking specifically about this quote btw just any of my work#ive definetly been thinking about that hbomberguy vid lol#i hope any of this made sense im a little high rn
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It's Just a game, Right? Pt 7
Masterpost
It's just a game, right?
Tim turns his head at the soft their of a grappling hook, and a moment later Steph has joined him on the roof of the building.
"Not much happening tonight, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess," Tim responds as he watches traffic pass on the street below. She is right; the night so far has been unusually calm. It's a distinct contrast to last week- it seemed like every night some big villain was pulling out some ridiculous plan or other, but somehow they had all been stopped without serious harm. Of course, there are still plenty of rogues still scurrying around Gotham but there's no murmurs of anything coming from any of the big hitters for the moment.
"You don't sound very sure about that," Steph says, stepping up beside Tim and elbowing him lightly.
"Yeah," Tim answers. A flashy silver car cuts someone off and the resultant horn echoes harshly.
"Okay, you're being weird. What's up?"
Tim shrugs.
"Guess I'm just used to emergencies," Tim shrugs. He knows Steph wouldn't be weird about him bringing up Bernard, but he really doesn't need any of his fellow bats thinking he's compromised or overstressed. God knows he doesn't need anyone else pestering him about getting enough sleep, like he's staying up on purpose.
"Okay..." Steph trails off. "I mean I guess it has been pretty hectic for a while. Takes a bit of time to come down from all that?"
Tim is saved from having to respond by the sound of Oracle cutting into comms.
"Red Robin, Spoiler, looks like a store robbery in progress and you're the closest. Head for the intersection of 25th and Oak."
"Got it," Tim answers and doesn't wait for Steph's response, already halfway through the motion of taking off for the next building.
Pretty soon they're both dropping in on a pair of goons. One of them is aiming their gun directly at a frazzled-looking employee, who doesn't seem interested in putting up a fight.
Two-on-two makes it an incredibly easy fight though, and it's almost over before it begins, with both of them able to sneak up on the distracted thugs as the cashier hurriedly pulls money out of the cash register. Once they're both in position, it's easy enough to grapple, disarm, and restrain them in a flurry of movement, and the criminals never get a chance to even process the arrival of the bats.
"Not today, I think," Steph says as she handcuffs her guy. "Threatening people with guns is a real dick move, y'know?" Tim gets his guy handcuffed and turns to the startled employee.
"Cops on the way yet?" He gets a frantic nod, and Tim surveys the shop as he waits for the sirens. They'll bounce just before the cops get here, but until then, he wants to look around for any signs of something bigger. The two would-be thieves seem too shocked and terrified at the appearance of bats to be proper goons, but they could still be bait, or a distraction of some kind. And the shop itself could theoretically have been targeted. But by the time the sirens are closing in outside, he's not spotted signs of anything sinister.
"Right, the police are almost here, so we're gonna bounce!" Steph announces as Tim walks back towards her. "Tell your boss I said he should give you hazard pay for the night, 'kay?" and then she bounces out the same way they came in. Tim nods once at the employee and then follows.
He changes directions once he's on the rooftops again, though. His phone had buzzed about six times in a row while they were waiting, and that means it's probably Bernard. And he really doesn't want to explain the arg thing to anyone yet.
Once he's far enough away from anyone, he pulls his phone out, and sure enough, he's got six text messages from Bernard.
Dude
Babe, holy shit
Like seriously
This is fucking crazy
Like I cannot believe they replied to us
Us!!!
Attached to the series of texts is a screenshot, and Tim feels the anxiety coalesce into something abruptly solid in his chest.
At first glance, he can't tell what language it's supposed to be. It looks like it might be Romantic in origin, but a couple spellings look almost Slavic in nature, and there's only two and a half lines, which really isn't much to go off of.
It's certainly an interesting development, to say the least. He should be excited. This is a new clue for the mystery, after all.
No way! Tim sends back.
Yeah! U busy? Comes the immediate response. And like, technically the answer is yes, Tim supposed. But Steph literally just pointed out how calm things are tonight, and he can already tell he won't be able to focus, with this news.
"Um," Tim clicks on his comm. "I think I'm gonna call it for tonight."
"Something wrong?" Bruce asks immediately, all gruff-batman-voice.
"No, just- it's slow tonight, and Bernard wants my help with something so I thought, um. If you want me to finish my patrol, I can." He can't help it. Even now, he always kind of feels like he isn't doing enough to be a good vigilante.
"Nah, kid. I think we'll be fine without you." Hood answers, unsurprisingly.
"You're sure?"
"Yeah go make out with your boyfriend or whatever."
Tim smiles at Hood's usual ribbing. He's almost gotten used to it; mostly he can keep himself from blushing too violently when anyone teases him about Bernard.
"Okay. I'll make sure to get my report submitted by eight, promise." Tim is already en route to the nearest safehouse where he can change out of the suit, when he remembers he hasn't responded to Bernard yet.
Heading home rn. My place or yours? He hits send and then takes off once more. Excited to see his boyfriend, and determined to work through the newest puzzle.
#dp x dc#the one where the amity parkers make an arg#its... actually very interesting trying to write a tim who's caught between excitement bc riddle and anxiety bc *riddle*#im definitely gonna have to go through and do some serious editing before i start posting this one to ao3#but for now im just having so much fun playing in the sandbox and figuring out what i like :3#also what even is Steph's voice fr#i tried to make her kind of flippant and sassy while still being pretty compassionate and like. in tune with Normal People?
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The fact that Adaine "i don't know if im asexual im 15" Abernant and Riz "why is everyone so horny im definately aroace" Gukgak both being in the same show is incredibly important to me
#like i was just like adaine at 15 and have slowly shifted more towards riz but i like that both are shown#having 2 characters with similar aspec experiences and showing how they react differently is great#and do i think adaine is ace? not really i think if she feels attraction she would put that on the back burner while she deals with her#anxiety and her family being the worst and even now thats shes dealt with all that i dont think its a storyline shell dive into#i think what im trying to get at is that having people support her being ace would help adaine regardless of how she ends up identifying#and i think that riz having a friend (one who doesnt identify as ace) is important for him and feeling like he fits in while being aroace#i dont know if that made any sense but they are best friends#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy#riz gukgak#adaine abernant#you'll have to pry aroace riz from my cold dead hands#<- thats my aroace riz tag
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Oh, Hazel, look! The field! It’s covered with blood!’
Fiver is my favorite character in Watership Down, he's just like me fr. I was afraid this wouldn't read especifically as Fiver, but alas... i liked my initial sketch a lot so i kept it as it was.
#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr#watership down#so just to make this absolutely clear.. this is fiver XD not an attempt of a book cover#even tho it looks so much like many watership down covers tbh#i didnt even realize until i was actually googling images for reference that i found a lot of wd covers have a rabbits profile and the fiel#what a bummer#but i still like this a lot#everyone and their moms thought about the same thing i guess#me included#anyway FIVER MY BOY#I LOVE HIM HES JUST LIKE ME#IDK WHY EXACTLY BUT I RELATE TO HIM SO MUCH#its like 'yeah i also have visions of chaos and death and despair its called having anxiety and depression'#ok no forget that
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imogen fumbling shit is just eternally good fodder for memes, alright. and its at least partly BECAUSE of how powerful she is. someone tripping while using a nerf gun? funny. someone dramatically hoisting up an outfit matchin heavy death laser gun and then immediately tripping and landing on their face? phenom. sometimes she goes "GROVEL" and the enemies grovel and we all go "oooooh" and "aaaahhh" and sometimes she just gets fully ignored and gets so huffy and petulant and ineffectually burns a cantrip just to be petty about it. sometimes she smites her enemies into dust with one move and renders a tree in half after threatening and other times she fucking. falls down a flight of stairs and accidentally sets everything on fire. fires a gun at her own team. loses all her hair. turns blue. etc.
Imogen lifts a humongous sand squid into the sky with her mind powers. Imogen is also falling out of a sky ship and landing on the desert sand far below and just. lying there. while her friend plays the flute in the background. epic hot failgirls NEED the HEIGHT to FAIL FROM. u gotta swing and miss sometimes!!! AND you gotta be REAL petty about it when u miss!!!! fucking fantastic.
#its like how fjord with no dignity is fantastic because fjord is Hot and Charismatic and ClearHeaded under pressure but also#has never had a good experience with an animal despite being wild mother follower. tried to yell a flower into submission (and failed).#u have to take ur hottest and most powerful warriors and make them eat shit every now and then with the same zealousness that they#absolutely wreck shop#I apologize I know I've reblogged like four posts about it its just so delightful#critical role#c3e58#cr spoilers#imogen temult#shitpost#spar speaks#god with fjord and imogen there's just something about extremely powerful anxiety ridden Universes Personal Joke characters huh#whoops. I guess I might have a weakness after all.#theres a separate post about how her fucky morals and general anxiousness also collide hilariously but i realized i was losing the thread#what portion of it i hadnt already lost at least
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Tetris Fanart.
I've been playing tetris while listening to horror podcasts. and yeah
#text#art#eyestrain#cw eystrain#bright colors#cw bright colors#tetris#nintendo#god i dont know what to tag this with. i dont wanna tag it with the podcasts themselves cuz that feels disingenuous. swagever#i actually started this piece a while ago. ok yeah looking at the date that was almost 3 weeks ago wow#but i finally decided to bring it back and finish it#ive been getting back into digital art and its been really nice. its nice having finished pieces.#ive been trying to get weirder with my art. like this piece was weirdly 'personal' in a sense#its been my unique experience listening to these pieces of media. the game in the bg is jsut as important to my experience as the art itsel#the looming sense of dread these podcasts give fit weirdly well with the high tension of some of these games of tetris#i wanted to have that sorta weird ominous vibe to it. have even the pieces feel loud and threatening.#and the gameplay being Past the ds itself is something i thought could be neat#ykno the tetris effect? where you play a bunch and then after you see the shapes everywhere;you play it in your mind?#that was part of what i wanted to channel there. but also like; how your attention works with this stuff#i might be looking straight at the ds but my attention is elsewhere; my brain is in another world#the game is still inescapable tho. tetris effect whatever. these stories stick in my brain just as much.#its all given me some. very very annoyingn anxiety. but i have to go back to them. like a moth to a flame etc. hince the moth climbing out#but uh yeah. that set up was my life for a few weeks whenever i had free time.#the main podcast this is about was magnus btw <- not typing full name so im not on the tag#and uh.#objectum#yeah i think. i think yeah.
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truly shout out to fat and hair
#[has anxiety attack] Well that sucks but have you ever heard of the awesome human body. Fat distribution and variation in hair growth#Markings and benign discoloration of skin. bumps and tags and whiskers and such. Have you ever looked at someones backside before#Seen whats defined underneath when they sit a certain way or the particular way flesh deforms with force or pressure#like supporting your head with your hand on your cheek and slumping.#Did u know its beautiful in this thinggggg
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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~ 𝚈'𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠…𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛. ~
💙👻🩵👻💙👻🩵
(𝙰𝚛𝚝 𝚋𝚝 𝙶𝚋𝚘𝚢𝟸𝟶𝟷𝟾 𝚘𝚗 𝙳𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚝𝙰𝚛𝚝)
̩̩̥͙**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝚃���𝙲𝙺𝙻𝙴𝚃𝙾𝙱𝙴𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝟷𝟸: 𝙲𝚁𝙾𝚂𝚂𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁˚*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙**·̩̩̥͙
𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙷𝚞𝚛𝚝/𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝 (𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑, 𝙸 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎 💗)
𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟸,𝟼𝟷𝟾
𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙻𝚎𝚘 🐢🩵
𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙻𝚎𝚘𝚗 🐢💙
𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙻𝚎𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢’𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕…𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚢 𝚊𝚜 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔. 𝙰𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 (𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎’𝚜) 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚊 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎, 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛 𝙻𝚎𝚘 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚐𝚜 𝙻𝚎𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚘…𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔.
(𝙰/𝙽: 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢: 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢! 𝚃*𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔/𝙽𝚂𝙵𝚆 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸!!!)
𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚃𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜, 𝚢𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚞𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚔 ☺️🫶🏾!!
𝙸.𝙸. (𝙸𝙼𝙿𝙾𝚁𝚃𝙰𝙽𝚃 𝙸𝙽𝙵𝙾): 𝚁𝚒𝚜𝚎 = 𝙻𝚎𝚘𝚗, 𝙼𝚞𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚑𝚎𝚖 = 𝙻𝚎𝚘!!!
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙻𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚢😙🩷🙌🏾˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*·̩̩̥͙
“Yeesh…you have a deeper Raph chasm than Raph himself…” The red eared slider lightly joked as he caught a glimpse of his smaller counterpart.
The younger counterpart in question didn’t even seem…remotely phased by the remark, looking over the city of NYC like it was going to be his last time doing so.
But the smaller turtle felt like he was being slightly watched…(which, he in fact was) he then looked up and locked eyes with his older counterpart. “…Huh? W-Were you talking to me?”
“Nope. I was just talking to my imaginary friend Mr. Snoozle— of course I was talking to you.” Leon said sarcastically, raising an eye ridge at the other teen.
Leo blushed slightly at the elder’s sarcasm, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, “Sorry…I-I was spacing out…I do that a lot.”
“Yeah…no kidding. I’ve been talking to you for the past ten minutes and all I’ve gotten from you were six 'mhm’s', three 'yup’s' and seven 'dang that’s crazy's'.” The older one snorted, “If I didn’t know any better, it seems like you don’t wanna talk to me.”
“No! I-It’s not that!” The smaller turtle immediately protested, fiddling nervously with his fingers as he gazed at the streets of NYC once more.
Which…was really the only thing he could do right at this moment.
Besides…the city always looked so…pretty in the evenings.
Well, if there wasn’t crime happening…
…Which was, like, a good 40-50% of the time but still.
“So…what is it, then? Why did you take me to a random rooftop in the smack middle of NY? 'Cuz, no offense…but I was having a nice first place winning streak in Fashion Famous before all of this.” The taller turtle said.
The honey brown teen raised a doubtful brow, “…You play Fashion Famous?”
“Psh…who doesn’t?” Leon scoffed, “But that’s a question worth discussing for another day…” He said as he leaned his shell against the rooftop guardrail as he looked up at the afternoon soon to turn to evening sky, “So tell me..what’s going on, dude?”
“…I…I needed to talk to you…” Leo mumbled.
“I…can see that.” The elder giggled, “But, what did you wanna talk about?”
The younger fiddled with his fingers nervously again, picking at his thumb’s hang nail slightly as he avoided the other’s gaze entirely now, “…How…H-How do I become a good leader…?”
Leon blinked in confusion, darting his eyes around the rooftop looking for someone else before letting out a humorless laugh, “Uhuh…whahahat?”
“I-I said…how do I become a good leader…?” Leo repeated, a bit quieter this time.
“…You’re asking me that?” The slider asked incrediously.
“Yes…!” Leo emphasized, getting off of the rail to look at the taller turtle, “How do I—”
“U-Uh…this is…flattering and all, b-but I reheally think you should talk to my Raph about…that.” The red eared slider interrupted, rubbing his arm anxiously and tensing up a bit as the other mutant looked at him with confusion and distraught.
“What? Why!?” Leo asked, getting up from the ledge to look fully at his older counterpart.
“Well, I’m not the oldest turtle in the family like you. I’m the second youngest. Raphalla has more experience, more wisdom and aaaaall that good stuff.” The lime green eyed turtle said as he grimaced awkwardly, picking at a hangnail as well.
Great minds think alike, I suppose…
The honey brown eyed mutant blinked, “I…so? Your still the leader of your team—“
“Welp…this conversation has been fun but I gotta go—”
“But—”
“I have a toooooon of stuff to do now that I think about it…”
“B-But I—”
“And besides, I’m sure your leadership skills aren’t as bad as you think they are—”
“PLEASE!!” The younger shouted as the older tried to leave, making the other flinch slightly at the sudden and random yell, “…Please. J-Just a small piece of advice! A-A hint…! Anything!”
The taller mutant sighed inwardly, turning around as he crossed his arms— not in a malicious way…but it was really the only form of body langauge he could do at the moment other than picking more at his skin…
…Which, he promised Donnie he would try to stop doing…
“…Why do you want my input so bad…?” The lime green eyed teen asked, mentally cringing at how weak and fragile he sounded.
“I…I don’t know.” The younger mumbled quietly as he sat down against the ledge on the building, hugging his knees to his chest, “I just…figured you would know some stuff…”
“Some…stuff?” The other pressed.
Leo rolled his eyes, “You know what I’m taking about; being a good leader and all that shit!”
“Pfft— HAH! Trust me, dude…I’m just as lost as you are with this whole 'being a good leader' thing.” Leon chuckled, sitting down next to his counterpart.
“…What are you talking about?”
“I just became a leader, like…two-ish weeks ago? I dunno…the past weeks have been a complete blur.” The red eared slider explained, holding in an amused snort as he saw how genuinely shocked the other turtle was by his new lore drop.
“My Raph was originally the leader of the team but after my family defeated the Shredder…my Dad was just all like: 'Blue, you’re the new leader now' and the rest was history…”
“…Just like that?” The honey brown eyed teenager asked in pure surprise.
“Just like that.” Leon confirmed.
“Well, fuck me, then…” The smaller teen grumbled in defeat, burying his face in his knees as the other let out the amused snort he’s been holding in, “I’m good, thanks.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” The younger grumbled at the older’s immaturity.
…He needs to make a mental note to himself to never let his own Mikey and Leon be in the same room with one another…
“I personally think you have nothing to worry about, though. You seem like you’re doing a pretty good job—” Leon tried to say.
“But I’m not!” Leo exclaimed as he interrupted the older, mentally punching himself for making a loud outburst again, “I-I’m…not…”
“My brother’s don’t listen to me.” The smaller teen explained, his voice either demonstrating frustration or self-depreciation…
…Leon couldn’t tell.
“They always assume I want to be bossy or I want to be controlling but in reality I just wanna protect them!” The honey brown eyed turtle seethed, “I-I just want to be there for them a-and help!!! I knowthat we’re all the same age and I guess it seems like I’m babying them but I kinda have to because they aren’t responsible! They wouldn’t know responsibility if it walked up to them and punched them straight in the face!!”
The lime green eyed mutant rubbed his arm, tapping his fingers on his knees to try and calm himself down; getting overwhelmed was not a good look on him.
Plus, it clashed with his autumn shade.
“…Just, uh…trust yourself…?” The elder tried.
“But I don’t!” The younger shouted, “I’ve tried and tried and tried to lead but they just. don’t. listen! I-I can’t lead people who don’t want to be lead!”
“…Your Dad picked you to be the leader for a reason—”
“Well I don’t even know what that damn reason is! ” Leo seethed, burying his face into his arms, “My brother’s want Raph to lead…they don’t want…me. They want someone collective and strong and dependent as their leader; someone who they can be relient on…s-someone who they can trust…”
The smaller mutant let out a wet scoff, looking to the side of himself, “…I’m none of those things…”
Almost on cue to the emotional moment, Leon slapped his younger counterpart upside on the head…hard.
Leo let out a small squawk, rubbing the back of his head as he glared at the other.
“What the freaking hell was that for?!” Leo seethed.
“For saying a bunch of dumb shit!” The older seethed back, “Y'know that’s my job, right?” He said as he crossed his arms, glancing straight ahead as he saw the sun peeking out from behind a building….
…It was honestly giving the Attack on Titan intro and Leo wasn’t complaining one bit.
“Look…I’m not going to lie to you; being the leader isn’t easy.” The lime green eyed teen exclaimed knowingly.
“Gee, I wonder what gave you that idea.” The other grumbled under his breath.
“Just let me cook!”
“Well, right now you’re burning.”
Leon just rolled his eyes at the smaller’s sassy remark, continuing, “I get it, okay…? Being the leader is…challenging. Especially when you know the people your supposed to be leading don’t…want your leadership— or at the very least aren’t used to it.”
The lime green eyed teenager got up, brushing his legs off as he looked over the building’s rail, seeming like he was…trying to remember something, “It’s…a lot. Your still a kid but you’re literally forced to manage all of these responsibilities and high expectations everyone has for you…”
The older sighed, playing with his mask tails as he glanced at the ground, wishing it had an answer to his and Leo’s predicament, “A-And you don’t…you don’t know what those expectations are…”
The taller mutant sighed, looking back at his younger counterpart, “But you just…gotta keep going…y’know? Your Dad picked you to be leader for a reason, I’m sure.” Leon assured.
“But my brother’s—”
“'Want Raph?'” The red eared slider said, “Wehell, you aren’t Raph, now are you?”
“…no.”
“Exactly. So stop trying to compare. You’re Leonardo. Lead how Leonardo would lead.” The elder smiled softly.
God, he sounded so freaking…wise right now!!!
“But…I don’t know how Leonardo leads…that’s why I’m asking you…!!” The younger said.
Leon snorted, “You gotta figure it out, then! Only you can determine how Leonardo leads. Yes…we’re both Leo’s in a sense but we’re different people…you feel me?”
“I…I-I feel you.” The honey brown eyed teen nodded slightly, “I just…I just don’t wanna mess anything up, I guess…”
“Hate to break it to you…but you 100% will. That’s the great thing about being, well…you. I don’t need to be an alternate version of you to know you fuck things up constantly.” The older Leonardo joked lightly, his soft smile turning to a smug grin as he saw how appalled his younger self got at the comment.
“And you’re going to fuck up a lot of things when you’re leading your brothers…I’d be lying if I said you wouldn’t. But…overtime you’ll get better…you won’t be perfect…but you’ll get better.” The elder announced, looking over his shoulder to lock eye’s with Leo, “And sooner or later your younger brother’s will learn to trust you to lead them…but you have to trust yourself first.”
Leo’s eyes widened slightly, looking back at his older self with nothing but…respect and compassionnow.
His advice actually made…sense. Which is an actual shock because all the things he usually says is just plain old gibberish.
“So, you gonna pay me?” Leon asked as he sat back down.
“Huh?” The younger said as he tilted his head in confusion.
“I said: Are you gonna pay me?” The older asked again, “Advice doesn’t come for free, y'know.” And in a result to the random question and statement, Leo scratched the side of his head, glancing away nervously, “I mean…I have some Jolly Rancher wrappers in my pocket if you’d like that.”
The older Leonardo raised an unamused brow, biting back a genuine smile at the younger’s attempted transaction.
“…I’ll…take that as a maybe…?” The shorter mutant quietly guessed.
“I’ll pass…but I appreciate the offer.” The red eared slider laughed, wrapping his younger counterpart in a hug as he rested his hand on his side, squeezing it comfortingly, “With you and me as our brother’s leaders…there’s absolutely nothing we can’t solve!”
The older mutant faltered, scratching his chin in sudden realization, “Besides girls…I still haven’t decoded them yet.”
Leo randomly let out a laugh at the joke, shaking his head as a couple snorts and squeals followed.
The older Leo raised an amused brow, chuckling lightly at the other’s giggle fit, “Ohoookay…it was never that fuhunny.”
“Ihi nehehever sahaid ihat— snrt! Yohour hahahand!!!” The younger Leonardo squeaked, holding the other’s wrists loosely. “Oh.” The lime green eyed teenager hummed, his amused eyeridge raise now becoming…smug, “You don’t happen to be…ticklish, do you?”
The smaller mutant gulped as his counterpart muttered out…the word; and so casually too?!
“N-Noho! N-Nohoh I’m nohot!” The honey brown eyed turtle squeaked out despretley, letting out a city-wide squeal as Leon pinched his hips with his free hand whilst still trapping/wrapping him in a hug. “Really? Well, last I checked, people who 'aren’t ticklish' don’t usually squeal when their hips are squeezed, bud.”
“Ihihat’s— snrt! Juhuhust stahap!!”
“If my memory serves me correctly, you said you 'weren’t ticklish', right?” The elder said as he wiggled his free hand near the other’s stomach.
Which, in fact, was enough to keep the other boy completely howling with laughter.
Leo screamed, twisting and turning to try and steer away from the tortuous fingers, “N-NohO nohOHO snrt WAHAIT-!!!”
“Soooo…you obviously don’t mind this, right?” Leon smirked as he used his left hand to scribble around the smaller turtle’s tummy while his right hand wrapped around his shell and tickled his underarm. “IHI MIHIHIND! IHI snrt MIHIHIND snrt AHA LAHAHAT!” The younger mutant squeaked out in panic, flailing and shouting about.
“But why~? You’re obviously not ticklish.” The red eared slider shrugged casually.
“IHI SNRT SNRT AHAM!!” The smaller mutant suddenly confessed, pushing on the taller’s chest, “IHI AHAM SNRT IHIHI AHAM SNRT SNRT IHI SNRT AHAHAM!!”
“Oh! So…you lied to me?” The older mutant questioned as he clamped Leo’s thigh repetitively.
The complete audacity of this kid…
It was impressive, honestly…
Leo hiccuped, burying his head in the elder’s shoulder, “NOHO! IHI— snrt! GYAHAHA PLEHEHEASE!!”
“Noho! You lied to me, you little twerp! Ugh…the betrayal! And here I thought we were having a nice little bonding moment!” The red eared slider cried dramatically as he stuffed his hands in Leo’s underarms.
The younger Leonardo loudly squawked, snorting up a storm as the elder continued to relentlessly tickle him to pieces, “L-LEHEEEEEEEHEON!!”
“Hm~? Yeah~? What is it, bud?”
“PLEHEHEASE!! NAHAT SNRT SNRT THAHAT!!!” The honey brown eyed mutant squealed, his yell bouncing off the walls of the buildings of New York. “Why~? Is it your tickle spot~? Your tickle tickletickle spot~? 'Cuz your tickle tickle ticklish~?”
“SHUHUT UHUHUP!!” The smaller turtle howled as Leon scribbled his nails along the other’s plastron patterns, “OHO MY GAHASH YOHOUR SOOHOH MEAN!!!”
“Mean?” The lime green eyed teenager repeated innocently, “I’m not mean~! I’m just asking you a couple questions.”
“I-IHIHI CAHANT SNRT SNRT SNRT BREATHE!!”
“That sounds like a yohou problem, but hey! That’s just me…”
“OKAHAY!!!” The younger wheezed, happy tears pricking out of his eyes; awaiting to fall, “STOHOP! STOHOHAP!!”
“Stopping stopping…” The elder teenager giggled, doing as he promised and stopping. He wrapped his younger counterpart in a hug, letting the shorter turtle snort and snicker in his shoulder once more, “You got this…okay?” He assured.
“W-Whahat…? Whahat snrt snrt doohoo I snrt hahahave??” Leo questioned through his giddy laughs which Leon couldn’t help but huff fondly to, “The…Thehe leading thing, dude. You got it, okay? Just remember what I said and you’ll be fine.”
“I dohon’t eheheven remember whahat yohou said toohoo beehee honest..”
“I can tickle you again to help you remember—“
“N-NONOHO IHIHI’M GOOD!” Leo emphasized, hugging his middles and burying his head into Leon’s shoulder deeper. The elder just hugged him tighter, resting his cheek on the top of the younger’s head.
The two didn’t know a thing when it came to leading…
But they were going to try…they were going to try leading…
…Because that’s really all anyone could ask for…
Their best.
·̩̩̥͙**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙵𝙸𝙽˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*·̩̩̥͙
(𝙿.𝚂.: 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!!!)
#Rottmnt tickle#Rottmnt tickle fic#Rottmnt tickle fanfiction#Mutant Mayhem tickle#Mutant Mayhem tickle fic#Mutant Mayhem tickle fanfiction#Lee!Leo#Ler!Leo#Ler!Leon#AM I BACK⁉️⁉️⁉️#PROBS NOT BUT WE’LL SEE‼️‼️‼️#If Leon was a mentor of some-sort he would most DEFFF radiate the energy of that dude from Monkie Kid#Sun Wukong or whats its face#I actually need to re-watch that show it has like 6 seasonsnow 😬…#I just#Like#Abandoned it for no reason WHOOPS#SAME WITH SONIC…#I feel like Mutant Mayhem Leo and Rise Raph have SOOOO much in common#Anxiety…older brother worries…anxiety…panic attacks….DID I MENTION ANXIETY 😀😀😀😀😀⁉️#Idk what time in MM this takes place in but it’s before the movie#So maybe like….2 months before the movie idk#And yes. I know thats 2012 Leo 🤧🤧🤧#DONT REMIND ME#And guys……..this was originally a request fic but the person wh requested it was a tcest shipper…#So that’s why I’m kinda…iffy about this one#Hope you all like it nonetheless tho :3#Drawing costumes for my theatre class assessment dont EEEVER play 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾💞💞💞💞💞#I’m doing Alice in Wonderland and these costumes are 😗🫶🏾#Someone ring up Broadway 📞📞📞📞📞📞
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i don't know what order to start Dissecting, so i'll just start with:
it's absolutely fascinating how the dynamic Wally & Barnaby had - to my knowledge - before the update, and a dynamic i'd seen speculated elsewhere and generally accepted, has been completed turned on its head
see, given that Wally is the "main character" and Barnaby is classified as "his best friend", i got the feeling that Barnaby kind of... tags along on Wally's 'shenanigans'. that he's the sidekick, the best friend. especially since their dynamic has been previously & briefly described as "Barnaby is very polite to Wally." he's the Companion.
but the audios sorta paint a reverse picture. in the Interview, when Barnaby enters stage right, he completely bowls over Wally's introduction and dominates the interview. when the interviewer asks how the two of them are handling the fame, even outright asking Wally, Barnaby doesn't hesitate to answer the question himself, and only about himself. Wally doesn't get another word in edge-wise until the interviewer explicitly singles Wally out.
(now, an argument could be made that Barnaby knew that Wally was somewhat overwhelmed with all of the questions, and tried to take the reins to give him a reprieve. but, considering that the interview seems to be very early on the possible timeline - like, very soon after Welcome Home debuted - i don't think this is likely. i doubt Barnaby and Wally would've had the time to solidify their dynamic or really get to know each other that well yet)
and Barnaby continues to take point in pretty much all of their other conversations, too. like in the mystery Howdy/Barnaby/Wally audio, their interaction gives off the vibes that Wally is Barnaby's sidekick, his tag-along.
(on a related tangent, it's fascinating how the website described the episodes as "[beginning] with Wally introducing the focus or theme for the day before coming across other characters who would join him on his escapades until the end of the day." but from pretty much everything we've seen so far, it seems like He's the one who's just along for the ride, bouncing from neighbor shenanigan to neighbor shenanigan instead of having his own adventures.
of course, if the 14 audios are present time, which is honestly somewhat likely, this could be because the show isn't running. they aren't doing episodes - they're just existing, doing their things. no need for Wally to take point in any way shape or form. tangent over)
in the 14 audios with Barnaby, he doesn't even acknowledge Wally until the very end - which, of course, could be because that's how the scenes are set up. except that in some of them, the characters do directly acknowledge Wally's presence outside of the endings. Eddie in 5-14, Howdy and Poppy in 1-14, and Frank in 4-14 (technically, since he was infodumping to Wally at the very start before Barnaby interrupted). you'd think that a guy would try to include his best friend a little more!
maybe i'm reading into it too much. & given what we know about Wally as a character, it would make sense for Barnaby to be the go-getter Main Guy of the two. but it really seems like its Barnaby & Wally instead of Wally & Barnaby. he's just kinda... there. going along with whatever Barnaby is up to.
but also, on the other side of things - & it's occurring to me as i type this, it's interesting how in a lot of audios, Barnaby seems to seek Wally out. in "Just So", he shows up to fetch Wally. in 4-14, Barnaby interrupts Frank and Wally's gardening session, almost as if he's stopping by to check on his little buddy. in 7-14, Barnaby calls Julie's house (presumably) searching for Wally, or at least checking in once again. something to consider in all of this!
#and if the 14 audios are in the same day along a timeline - which they Are. im trying to puzzle it out rn but anyway -#its interesting how barnaby just kept. checkin. in.#they had three audios where they were already hanging out and then got two (technically three) more where barnaby checked in!#it feels like there's something there...#separation anxiety? a compulsion? love for his buddy? a secret fourth thing?#maybe he could tell something was Off with wally that day...#(which is a topic i will ramble about in a different post)#its a push & pull to be certain....#but yeah that plus all the evidence of Barnaby kinda being the Lead and wally being brushed off to the side....#what a complicated fuckin picture it paints!!! dont know what it means yet!#i have another post im working on centering on how the neighbors seem to treat each other - wally & eddie especially#but this post aint about that. itll be related though#homebogging#wh speculation#please let this have made sense!#when i make posts i just kinda throw myself at it bc i have No organizational skills!#my brain is a complete incoherent mess and i am so sorry if this post is messy <3
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Kaeya had always been an efficient and hard-working individual (he had to be to support Diluc in the background as his brother rose thru the ranks after all).
He has so much free time because he completes all his work way ahead of schedule. And if he still has enough time, he adds more to the workload in secret.
And once all of that was done and over with, he makes time for everyone. He has to. He feels as if every moment has to be given to someone else.
No one knows how he does it. No one has to know.
Every mission has a dozen strategies in line, and every battle plan is made with efficiency in mind. His perfect record will not be tarnished. He can't risk it (even if it baffles others that he would willingly activate a ruin guard just to prevent a failed mission. Jean disagrees with his methods, but Kaeya can say that the results say otherwise)
He needs to be quick.
Efficient.
Perfect.
And so he comes and goes like the wind.
Kaeya values time because he knew every second counted. He can't just stand there as if he were frozen. Time could run out in an instant.
Kaeya had only been late once his entire life.
He'd rather he never be late ever again.
It took one day of being of being imperfect for everything to fall apart. On that tragic day...had he gotten there on time... then maybe...
.
.
.
" Come on, let's get moving, traveler. We're not frozen in place after all. " Kaeya teasingly says. He stiffles a giggle at the traveler's exhasperated sigh.
"Yeah yeah, we've heard enough of you calling us a slacker. Can't you be a bit more patient?" Paimon whines at him.
Kaeya snorts, but acquiesces, hiding the shaking of his hands at the thought of being idle.
He imagines hearing a clock ticking.
Kaeya knows that that is his own problem. He tries his hardest to relax as he waits for the traveler to finish whatever they're making on the alchemy table because, seriously, it is supposed to be a relaxing day. There's nothing major going on, and his schedule is once again empty as intended. What's the hurry?
Kaeya taps his foot on the ground as he waits. He wishes he could take his own damn advice when he tells others to relax.
#kaeyachi randoms#kaeya#kaeya alberich#this is actually shorter than it originally was can yall believe?#kaeya with anxiety truther there i said it#kaeya cant stand being IDLE#get it? get it?#you see that is a play of words in reference to when he is stood idle on our screens. he is one of the more verbally impatient characters#and we also see it reflected on his actions both in fighting and at work. he has a speed boost bonus and if he isnt teleporting he is#actually moving so fast that he seems like it. this is what i also concluded that results him in large amounts of free time that only amber#seemed to be hardpressed about. the people of mondstadt find him reliable and approachable despite the lax attitude and frequent nights at#angels share. we also had lore tidbits before of kaeya straight up saying he finished all his work and jean saying that he also did the#backlogged ones. It is actually insane that we hear him relaxing frequently and i bet its not because of the lack of horses COZ LOOK AT HOW#BUSY THE OTHER CAPTAINS ARE. Also id like to think that he is a toned down noelle and that is why jean told him to watch over her training#give us noelle and kaeya interactions pls i kinda need it tbh#to all those that reached this far into the notes i actually have more to say so get ready#if it wasnt clear the only day he was late was when crepus died. everything fell apart for him that day so i can see some obsessive need to#just keep running around and doing things as efficient as possible. I also think that he found the knights slow and inefficient in several#occasions and he is willing to put them in the line of fire just to get their hearts pumping with adrenaline (and fear lol). idk kaeya is#just so anxiety-coded. impatience-core. Mr. dont waste my time type of guy. and also wow look i found a way to make his idles become angst#silly me ehe#oh youre still here? how about i tell you that kaeya-efficiency-alberich probably knows where everyone is at any time of the day?#can we honestly please give him more free time i need more of him tbh#fun reminder that bro is working around 3-4 jobs casually lmao#i also just realized that the notes is a whole nother post on its own#AND THE ACTUAL FUNNY PART IS I CAN STILL ELABORATE MORE ON THIS LMAO#wait let me add this one tiny idea too but he thinks time is so valuable. bro lost 2 dads and lost time with his bro + he significantly#lessened his time at dawn winery for quite some time. i can see why he is extroverted now.
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MY HEADCANON FOR PARENTS NAMES:
Snow White: Bianca White ( Bianca means "white" and Whites are probably one of the most obsessed families with their story, every single Snow White had a name with meaning relative to the fairy tails,)
Evil Queen: Eris Queen (I can't remember did I read a fic where she was called Eris but I think that the name of the goddess of discord really suits her)
Sleeping Beauty: Rosalin Beauty (pretty standard name)
Cinderella: Ophelia Ella ( a sweet name for a sweet girl)
Red Riding Hood: Scarlett Hood (one more standard name)
Big Bad Wolf: Aiden Wolf (close friends call him Andy :) )
Dark Fairy: Darcy Thorn ( oh the irony of being the dark fairy with dark name and yet cover yourself in light)
Candy Witch: Cinnamon Witch (I also didn't come up with this name myself. I saw someone use it for her a really long time ago but I can't remember who. If the person who came up with this name sees this, you deserve a reward, the name is perfect. But I hc that she goes by her nickname: Candy. Why? Because it's such a cute nickname)
Pinocchio: Oak Wood (I think that every family name has something to do with trees or wood. Oak sounds like a perfect name for someone sweet, young and cheerful and later as an adult calm and wise)
Goldilocks: Dolly Locks ( I just think that its a cute name and she kinda remind me of Dolly)
Huntsman: Archer Huntsman (Okay, so, Huntsmans are bad at naming their kids, like REALLY BAD. Hunter we are counting on you to break that cycle)
King Charming: Dashing Charming (I read one fanfic were he is named Dashing and i think that name suits him, i myself couldn't come up with the more fitting name)
Queen Charming: Grace Charming (I also read that one in a fanfic and i think it fits her, somehow whenever i think of Charmings Dashing and Grace are the first name that come to my mind)
Rapunzel: Cressida O'Hair (I first just like the name but then i found out the Cressida means "golden" so it goes well with Rapunzel story)
Pied Piper: Devin Piper ( It means "bard" or "poet", the perfect name for a musician. Also, Piper is really a cool name, too bad it is already his last name)
Mad Hatter: Maddox Hatter (I just like silly names for Wonderlandians, especially Mad Hatter)
Queen of Hearts: Victoria Hearts ( okeey, it's not a very Wonderlandian name but neither is Elizabeth and Vicy is a cute nikename)
Cheshire Cat: Lorelai Cheshire (I didn't want to go for the obvious one Chatrine, like, I get it, she's a cat, She literally named her daughter Kitty, or maybe Katrine Kitty for short, BUT THEN I REMEMBER THAT TOLERAI EXISTED which is literally the same name just different first latter and I already gotten attached to Lorelai, so, umm if you all could just do me the favour and pretend that these are TOTALLY different names I would be very thankful)
Alice Wonderland: Amilia Wonderland ( Also would her last name be Wonderland or Liddell? Bonus cute nickname Amy)
White Rabbit: Castor Blanc ( At first i just liked the name but don't you think that "dutiful" is a perfect for White Rabbit)
White Swan: Elenor Swan ( It means "shining light" and to be honest with that destiny she's going to need some light in her life)
Black Swan: Callisto VonBart (What would be the last name of The Black Swan? VonBart?BlackSwan? I put VonBart because I found an OC of Odille on Pinterest and her last name was VonBart. I don't know)
Frog Prince: Hanry Croakington ( i reafuse to belive that he named his son after himself. Nuh-uh. He named Hopper after his father or maybe his grandfather)
Robin Hood: Wren Hood ( Listen, Listen, maybe they just have a thing with the birds?)
Maid Marian: Pandora Charming ( I don't think that there is a destiny stricly for Maid Marian. I think thats just a princess from Charming family or from nobel family, that's why i gave her last name Chaming. Last name changed after the wedding)
Beauty: Primrose Beauty ( Ah, Beauties and their roses)
Beast: Damian Beast (like it)
Fairy Godmother: Beatrice Goodfairy ("blessed one" mmm... too bad you can't bless yourself)
Jack Beanstalk: Jasper Beanstalk (nice)
Snow Queen: Isolde Winter (perfect for ice queen)
Snow King: Nikolai Winter (took his wife's last name, couldn't think of his own that's not arleady taken)
BONUS: PRINCES CHARMING
The Good King: David Charming (i think that only the main Charming follow that logic with names where all siblings have names with the same first latter)
Cinderella's prince Charming: Louis Charming (he's a nice boy)
Snow White's prince Charming: Cassian Charming (I just like it)
Sleeping Beauty's prince Charing: Liam Charming (don't ask)
#DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO CHOOSE A NAME THAT GOES WITH YOUR CHARACTER#HAS A SIGNIFICANT MEANING#AND DOESN'T REMIND YOU OF AN EXISTING CHARACTER???#its very fucking hard#like i wanted to use nivea for snow white becouse it literally means white as snow BUT NIVEA IS A BREND#I also wanted to name pandora Penelope becouse its a cute name remaind me of the redhead#but who comes to your minde when you hear Penelope? Penelope Featherington .#WHICH IS WHY I CANT NAME SOMEONE REMUS WE ALL KNOW ONLY ONE REMUS AND THAT IS LUPIN#BUT TO MAKE THINGS EVEN WORST THERE IS ALWAYS ONE MORE POPULAR CHARACTER WITH THE NAME FIT FOR A WOLF#I WANT TO CRY#i HAVE NUMEROS EXEMPLES but okay its okay i'm okay#I GOT VERY FRUSTRATED FOR LORELAI#I liked the name becouse there is a legend about a water nymf named Lorelai and she lead sailors to their death#But in reality that nymf is acually the rock that looks like the woman AND PEOPLE STILL WRECK THEIR BOATS AGAINST THAT ROCK#beasicly there is a “nymf” named Lorelai that creates chaos and then you have a cat that creates chaos#see what i had in mind???#also while looking for names I also finde some of the strangest names people name their kids#like did you know that some people name their kides wolf or Blackwell?#Also to the people who came up with some of these names before me pls don't be mad i think you nailed it#and i forgot who you are#pls dont come after me i'm shaking with anxiety while posting this#ever after high#eah#ever after high headcanons#eah parents#class of classics
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