#also because i “wasnt struggling enough”
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broski, you keep saying mike is unable to say i love you to his gf, but at the end he finally said it (9 times) so whats your point literally?
you are holding onto old crap, and beating a dead horse. He said he loves her multiple times, boys are generally hesitant in expressing their emotions (patriarchy asks them to be tough ,not open up and everything), but he overcame that by the end of the season
do you think mileven is gonna break up after how explicitly he told el he loves her???? el also loves mike very much, its just a fight she's upset about, but people can FORGIVE and move on from past misunderstandings you know? el is veryymuch in love with mike since season 1, she can forgive mike for his one mistake (he basically rectified it too at the end of the day)
y'all keep saying mike gets upset when will doesn't talk to him but at the end of season 4 mike is upset that el is not talking to him much because she's grieving
ahhhh this is so exciting!!! i feel like ive made it or smth!
sorry for my late response i was in my physics class 😔
now, we dont KNOW for SURE what mike truly feels. you dont know. i dont know. no one will ever know until s5 comes out. however i have my speculations and so do you. and thats okay!! we dont have to agree :3 your allowed to believe whatever you want in regards to mike and els relationship. it doesnt affect me at all.
however, sense you app care about what i have to say so much i will yapp somemore about what i think. you dont have to agree with me. in fact ik you wont. and thats okay, clearly you are insecure enough about your own opinion that you feel the need to go to the other side and argue with someone in their anons. bc if your opinions were solid and unshakable youd have your url showing. but i get it i really do :)
anywayssss. charecters can lie.
just like people can lie.
i was in a romantic relationship with someone for about a year. and throughout that time, i told them i loved them multiple times. did i? no. did i want to? yes. i wanted to be in love with them. they were very very important to me and when they asked me out, i thought to myself 'well i do really like this person. why not?'
i was not in love with this person. i did not have romantic feelings for them. but i convinced myself i did. in the end, one day we were sitting next to each other and it just hit me. i didnt want to be here anymore. i had met someone else and was developing a crush on them at the time. so i broke up with them.
all this to say, mike can lie. hes not a high fantasy elf. something i feel is a big disconnect between bylers and milevens is that milevens tend to read most things at face value. just bc you say you love someone doesnt mean you do.
as for the patriarchy comment, mikes story line has never had to do with being tough, or not being man enough. he repeatedly says that he doesnt want to be popular, he doesnt care about fitting in. ofc this can still be a factor but i doubt its a huge point of his character arc. if it was they would have made a point of adressing him struggling with it before this.
on your point about moving on from fights, your so right about that. i dont in the slightest think that elmike are going to be on BAD terms in endgame but i dont think they'll be on romantic terms. even if byler isnt canon, and mike is straight. i still believe that.
as for his mistake being rectified. girl what u yappin ab. no it wasnt. if it was why was el not talking to mike in the van on the way back to hawkins
mike says in the last episode that they werent really talking. a little bit but not much. you could say that el was greiving max. but el DIDNT KNOW max was in a coma. when they get back to hawkins, dustin has a line where he explicitly says
"oh you guys dont know" in refrence to max.
is el traumatized? definitely!!! but she doesnt know max is in a coma. and even if she did, why wouldnt el seek comfort in her bf if they had fixed everything???
as for your last point, yeah mike is upset about el not talking to him. duh. however lets compare.
when mike is mad at will for not paying attention to him at rink o mania he actively brings it up. he actively pursues will and expresses his frustration over will being dismissive. he is visably upset. on the other hand, in the last ep of s4, mike doesnt even bring up el until will does. he seems mildly annoyed and confused about the situation and makes no moves to pursue her or seek out resolution. he makes no moves to comfort her about max ever. he doesnt walk with her, he doesnt hug her. nothing. the only affection between then is when EL puts her head on mikes sholder. mike makes no moves to comfort her more but he doesnt push her away. this is also right after mike activly began walking sideways to be able to stand next to will when there was an open space for him to stand right next to el im front of him. odd.
also you do realize that someone can be upset at the prospect of two people that are important to them being upset at them
its not will or el
its never been will or el
this has always been about mike and how he handles conflict and shit.
anywayssss my hands r going to freeze off bc its like 19 F outside and i wrote this walking across campus
hope this helps 💙💛
#byler#anti milkvan#anti mileven#stranger things#lmaooo i spelled coma as comma 3 times haha#max is in a comma guys lmaooo
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girls when their issues get dismissed as anxiety for the millionth time
#futaba sakura#persona 5#p5r#p5#fanart#futabadoodles#chat i am SO losing it#went to get diagnosed w adhd wasnt diagnosed because and i quote “it could be anxiety” omfg#neurotypical psychiatrists especially white ones die in a hole 🥰#also because i “wasnt struggling enough”#like hi so i have this thing called emotional intelligence a good support system and access to coping skills hope that helps!#god forbid a neurodivergent person has tools to manage their condition and isnt in hell everyday i guess!#hate her ass!!!!!!!#i wasnt looking to get diagnosed for medication or support bc i already use a lot of like adhd specific supports and shit#and w accommodations my anxiety diagnosis can cover what i need for the most part so it was rlly just a validation/confirmation thing#like idk yeah. i am managing. im not particularly struggling. because ive been selfdx for a while and have implemented changes in my life#and i happen to be in a very very good place rn and im very lucky. so like. ???#rlly felt like “you have all the symptoms but youre not struggling enough with anything to be able to diagnose ypu” ok thanks fuck you#cuz ppl w adhd can manage being unmedicated by choice i js wasnt officially diagnosed before i guess its deemed “okay” to not live in hell!#dunno im frustrated. i have difficulties but i manage them well and i am very lucky to live an easy life for now so like 😭??
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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Theres no season 4 because theyre too scared to animate the canon gay couple. They know its going to change the dr stone mrm ecosystem forever
#its the smug way that xeno introduces stanley as 'ex military' like yes he used to work for the state but now he works for ME#Listen to my problems#like tsukasen is already so popular if theyre gonna introduce another hot guy x silly guy couple AND theyre adults AND theyre evil#itll be fucking game over. actually maybe not. since theyre adults. they only wanna do dj of kids#and the current stanxeno doujins all have a very specific mature bl vibe that tsukasen struggles to match#and its so fucking funny when he immediately cracks an inside joke because he doesnt like stanleys smoking habit but hes literally the one#making the cigarettes for him like he just fucking loves him its so funny. and then when we see stan actually doing his job he complains#that xeno likes overloading him with equipment because he wants him to be at his best#and near the end he... he SHYLY hands him a pack of chewable tobacco like 'here since you cant smoke in space' <- HUH#like thinking of his nicotine addiction is already crazy enough but SHYLY looking away and handing them to him ? what was that ? why#did he get nervous ? is he gay ?#im not even talking about the face grab scene because stanley was literally about to make out with him if senku wasnt standing right there#this isnt fanfic like he reached out in canon and grabbed xenos chin and forcibly tilted his head up to look into his eyes#and it wasnt for a contrived plot reason he just did that because he wanted to. and it was never explained#like senku staring at ryusuis ass can be explained away because he just likes guys but stanley doing that was so actively and aggressively#homosexual behaviour i cant stress how much he just randomly did that#and the focus on his lips in the previous panels before that part. also pretty funny#his lips that were so beautiful that everybody thought he wore lipstick but no theyre just a perfect shade of deep red
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If I hear one more fucking person act all surprised that I’m disabled and then immediately cite my weight as a reason for their shock I’m going to lose the plot
#“oh but you’re so skinny!”#I hear this about as often as I hear “oh but you’re so young!”#and it’s WORSE than the age comment#because no. I am not healthy because I am skinny.#even before!! when I was healthier! IT WASNT BECAUSE I WAS SKINNY#I’ve always struggled to gain and keep weight! I’ve been underweight or just on the border of it my whole life!#the day I really looked at myself and registered that my stomach wasn’t completely flat I fucking celebrated#I look forward to gaining weight. I celebrate gaining pounds. I do not WANT to be small and skinny enough for the next wind to knock me over#stop equating skinniness with health#do not fucking tell me that I look “healthy” when you’re not LOOKING AT ME#when you don’t see the heavy bags under my eyes#or the pressure point bands around my wrists#or the heavy bruising wrapped up and down my leg#or my too-thin wrists. or my too-pale skin. or my too-broken body.#I am not healthy. I will never BE healthy. but I will also likely never not be skinny#learn the difference or do not fucking comment about it#SORRY!! just! a pet peeve of mine!!! :D#got stopped today by an old classmate who has always been oddly nosy about my business and health#I should’ve told her to just fuck off before she even got to the point where she started making comments on my appearance but#oh well#spotty speaks#vent post
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I want to cryyyyy I wish I were “normal”
#personal#suffering from anxiety adhd / depression and possibly autism makes life so incredibly difficult#it’s so hard to do laundry to cook dinner to take care of yourself#to do anything takes so much energy and effort whereas for regular people without these issues it’s easy as fuck#meanwhile my brain thinks about death multiple times a day and I’m always looking for reasons to stay#like I work I workout and make sure I eat something but goddamn life is so much work it’s so hard to do things#half the time I’m struggling to motive myself to do the simplistic tasks#and it’s because of my brain it’s because of how I’m wired and also the many years of trauma I’ve experienced#and the fact it effects me so much and any and all friendships / relationships / family I have with anyone it’s so insane#I’m working on healing but goddamn it’s a process in itself among doing everyday things#I WISH I WERE NORMAL I WISH I WASNT THIS WAY#my brain ruins things my brain makes it so hard to do anything I’m considered a bad friend if I take a majority of the time for myself#and decide to be alone with it I’m a bad person I make mistakes and say the wrong things and hurt people#I don’t want to hurt people I hurt myself and UGH ITS A DOMINO EFFECT everything effects everything#ANYONE ELSE FEEL THIS WAY?!#no? just me ….#there’s so much more I can say and should say but I’ve already said enough
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sorry im a god gale truther btw i DO think he should get to usurp mystra and ascend to godhood and i do think that should be an absolutely awful thing to happen to him but also literally everyone else. sorry
#bg3#not main tagging this further bc its. mad man 1:30am rambles#but listen. mh.#ok so. heres the thing.#while i do think. their relationship was absolutely fucked. and yeah we can argue for grooming and or abuse.#i also dont QUITE enjoy how ppl make gale like. the poor poor totally blameless victim. like. mh#how to phrase this so it DOESNT sound victim blame-y. but like.#from how i interpret the things he told & what the game shows.#my mans REALLY struggles with No's and rejection. and i wouldn't just put that as a Mystra Aftermath Thing#he WAS forbidden from trying to ascend/was told by her she wouldnt make him an equal. and his response basically was.#'but let me prove i am worthy of this'#which yeah. plays into the fucked up self worth. ill get back to that.#plus the uh. touch the orb scene? he just. grabs your hand and pulls it towards him because he WANTS to show you this. Now.#any rejection within the relationship? I Should Blow Myself Up#he got that gifted kid energy of everything always came easily to him and yet it wasnt ever enough and the relationship w a literal goddess.#certainly didnt help that.#so hes constantly reaching for more. and thats a fault of his because he will do that even if told not to because#at the same time he thinks of himself as smart enough to actually Get to that More.#and yknow w the orb? he literally. got So Badly Burned. is it deterring him? nnnnnnot really.#and i think. godhood would. idk i think he could do it. and i think it still wouldn't be enough.#and having an all powerful deity who ALSO a) still never is satisfied with his amount of power and control and b) thinks he know better than#anyone and could do better than anyone#sounds like its gonna fucking suck#anyways im rotating this all in my brain + ofc the delicious bloodweave combo of ascended astarion + new god gale bc thats just. ough#the mess. of this combo.
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Orion Pax is naive, he’s just not naive the way ppl seem to think he is
#its more like. lacking in experience outside of a certain setting#he’s naive because he hasnt interacted with a larger section of the world. with ppl who have all sorts of struggles and problems#but ppl sometimes write him as an uwu baby who will be taken advantage of if his few friends dont keep an eye on him#i personally prefer the idea that bc so much of his life has revolved around being an archivist and also being aware#that something is Very Wrong with his world#that he approaches everything with a sense of caution and care that other ppl dont take. he’s suspicious at the same time he’s gracious and#polite#actually i saw somebody say once that he’d be reserved bc of how he came to be at the archives#alpha trion plucking him out of the wilds and dropping him a secure enough middle class job#his fellows would be suspicious of him. he would be used to ppl being wary of him#and maybe that could be part of him getting along so well with megatron in those early days#orion isnt dangerous or weird to megatron. he’s just some nerd who’s good at arguing with him#i think orion would come out of his carefully crafted carefully neutral shell and become a lot more animated#he’s still a but clueless like that scene about wanting to go to an amusement park of all things#but he’s not a stupid uwu baby that big rough megatron is going to ravish at the first chance possible#hm that got longer than i meant#id make it a proper post but. im shy#anyway this is abt tfp orion if it wasnt evident#babble.tag
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ultimately I think the worst thing is that all of my issues just seem to be, at the root of it, just kind of having a weird and somewhat bad personality? Like, I don't really have, to my knowledge, any specific trauma, illness, difference in ability, or deviation away from society's standards that explains why I struggle so much. I kinda just suck in a normal way.
#by all intents and purposes i really should be doing stellar and yet#i guess i do have moderate-severe depression but what i mean is like. there isnt a reason for it yknow.#no one died. society doesnt want to kill me. I'm poor but close enough to middle class that its usually not an issue. no trauma.#had a generally happy childhood. a little lonely but i didnt feel it at the time and i wasnt completely friendless#so why am i depressed? who knows! beyond depression why do i struggle with every day tasks? fuck if i know!#frankly im not even sure im actually socially inept due to brain reasons i think im just like that. the way i was raised or something#im offputting strange lazy and all around kinda weird but as far a i can tell this is just because my parents are also like this#and thats not exactly something i can say in an application when talking about challenges ive faced in college lol
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#GRRR >:( searching for utapri content makes me so grrrr !! but also thoroughly impressed#because people will post shit with the song title and group name ex quartet night you're my life#and ill hear it. and ill be like huh? what happened to the VA it sounds kinda diff? why does camus sound like hes struggling..#like ranmarus voice is rougher whats up with that? the mix is also a little- AND THEN I'LL HEAR IT. YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE GOOD AT THE VOICE#BUT I CAN RECOGNIZE MY BOYS. THIS IS A FUCKIGN COVER GROUP >:((#i can pick out quartet night cover groups from the real deal ANYDAY. but i wasnt ready so you definitely had me convinced but confused sobs#for starish.. well usually one member gives it away. this camus is fucking good tho ngl. all of them are but- OH THEY ALWAYS DO EXTRA ADLIB#THAT TOO. cover groups r so creative.. oh the mix is so much better when its the official ALSKDJ sORRY IT PLAYED RIGHT AFTER#DUDE AOI SHOTA'S VOICE <3 ID NEVER MIX HIM UP WITH ANYONE !!!! just like ill never EVER GET OTOYA MIXED UP WITH SOMEONE COVERING HIM. NEVER#anyway the point is. its hard enough to find any fucking utapri song when ur not in japan or have a vpn or smn.#and THEN WHEN YOU DO FIND THE SONG ITS A FUCKING COVER GROUP THAT GOT UNCREDITED BC OP THINKS ITS THE OFFICIAL ONE.. NO!#to the cover groups credit tho. theyre always fucking amazing tbh and if i didnt spend multiple years of my life fixating on these voices#then u mightve fooled me. but i did! so u wont fool me :'))#feelsbad tho bc the cover groups/singers get uncredited and the internet just goes on believing that it's the official release.#44597#anyway thats my rant bc i tried to listen to a song i hadnt heard in a while and had to wonder if the singers always sounded so awk.not neg
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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𝙏𝙄𝙀𝘿 𝙏𝙊𝙂𝙀𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙍 S.mg
𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀. song mingi x fem!reader
𝗦𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮/teaser. You always thought of Mingi as nothing more than the spoiled son of a wealthy CEO. He was the kind of guy you’d hear about in the tabloids, always caught in the middle of some scandal, some drunken night out, or some rumored fling with the next “it” girl. His last name alone commanded respect, but it also made him untouchable in your eyes. He was everything you despised about people with too much money—arrogant, entitled, and far too used to getting whatever he wanted.
For you, the Song family was just another name tied to wealth and power. Your own father was a successful businessman, a man who’d built an empire from the ground up. But there was a difference between your family and his, your family had always struggled to maintain what they had, keeping the balance between status and reality. The Songs, on the other hand, seemed to live in a world that operated on a completely different set of rules—one that never knew struggle.
It wasn’t that you hated Mingi, per se. You just couldn’t stand the way he moved through life with no real sense of accountability. His arrogance was like a cloud surrounding him, blocking out everything. Every time he spoke, you could feel the cockiness in his tone, the way he knew his words would hold weight because of who he was. It made you want to roll your eyes.
And yet, in some strange part of you, you couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes lingered on you sometimes. It wasnt anything serious, but in those moments, you saw the softness beneath his ego and arrogance the vulnerability he hid behind the confidence. You could see it when you both stood in the same room, but neither of you ever addressed it. Instead, whenever you were forced to interact it would be like a cat fight.
It was easy, then, to pretend he didn’t matter when your families were never really close. You had different friend groups, different circles. And when you had to endure forced family gatherings, he’d always disappear into the background, a silent figure in the corner, looking as uncomfortable as you felt.
But that all changed the day your father came home with a grim look on his face, news that would change your life forever.
Your father sat you down, the tension in the room thick enough to cut with a knife. His hands were clenched around the glass of water in front of him, his eyes looked tired, worn down. You’d never seen him like this before. Your father was always in control, always the one with the answers. But today, his voice was weaker than usual as he spoke, and you realized, something was seriously wrong.
“Sweetheart,” he began, his tone soft but firm, “the company… it’s in trouble.”
Your stomach dropped. You didn’t need to hear more. You knew what this meant. Your father’s empire,the business that had been the backbone of your family for years, was facing bankruptcy. But you would never expect the next words that came out of his mouth.
“Your mother and I have spoken to Mr. Song,” he continued. “We’ve come to an agreement.”
“What agreement?”
The words that he forced out sounded like they were being pulled from deep inside your father, something he was going to hate saying, but knew he had no choice. “You’re going to marry Mingi.”
|| 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁. series
𝗚𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲. arranged marriage!
𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀. will be updated for every chapter.
𝙏𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩. (Open! Comment below if you wanna be added) @minkioswoo @yunhogrippers @hee-yunie @juicy-red @bee-gremlin @memorabxlia @yizhou-time @hoonsungs @in3pti0n
(hii I’m back. This took me really long to plan and then write, I’m not sure why I decided to make a series since I started writing just this year but I really love reading the series other people write and post and I haven’t read something with this genre (series) on mingi so I just started writing and saw it going somewhere so ig that’s how it came to be. I did take help from a few friends to improve the writing since I don’t have an extensive vocabulary so it’s better to read. Also i just wanna say that this is a 100x better than my first fic cause this took forever to write with making sure the paragraph formation was put together, vocab, and planning out the whole story line to make sure the first chapter would flow well with the others. I really hope you like this!)
𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟭.𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲
#ateez#ateez fanfic#ateez smut#ateez x reader#ateez au#mingi#song mingi#ateez mingi#mingi x reader#mingi smut#mingi fluff#mingi angst#mingi ateez#fanfic#atz x reader#atz smut#atz fluff#ateez fic#arranged marriage#strangers to lovers
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walkin out the door with your bags - grayson hawthorne x reader - part 9
⤷ ''i don't wanna be forward, i don't wanna cut corners // savor this with everything i have inside of me''
a/n: this took the longest ever to write omg!! im so sorry for the wait but i hope you enjoy ❥❥ also, hot by cigarettes after sex is literally their song i might sob 😭 summary: someone gives grayson a piece of advice, and grayson spends hours trying to decipher and make sense of it, just to find out the right answer was infront of him. series masterlist — other parts
flashback, 16 years old..
''this is highly dangerous, you know.'' grayson's voice was steady as he called out. he climbed right behind you anyway.
you were climbing up to the rooftop of your house on a very tall ladder. perhaps it wasn't the safest thing, but your parents had blocked all the staircases that led to the rooftop to stop you from going up there. you found ways around it, and they hadn't noticed the ladder yet.
''okay,'' you laughed, seeing your breath in the cold air. you looked back briefly to see his gaze trained on his feet below him as you both continued going up the ladder. ''i don't really care.''
''you should.'' he mumbled back, hint of sass in his voice. you weren't sure if he wanted you to hear that or not.
''please, you care enough for the both of us,'' you replied anyways, because you remembered everything about grayson was intentional. he was capable of being very silent when he wanted to.
two more steps, and you finally reached the top of the ladder and climbing onto the rooftop. you didn't struggle much, you came here every time the sky looked pretty, and in winter, that was pretty much every night. you exhaled as you sat, ''it evens things out.''
graysons eyebrows flashed up in agreement for a moment, not arguing on that.
he reached the top and climbed over with no struggle. he sat a few inches away from you, your gaze still trained on the sky ahead. you looked behind you, taking in the the whole sunset with its shades of bruised purple and little streaks of orange.
you pulled out a small thermos from your hoodies pocket.
well, it wasnt really a small thermos, it was... more of a larger flask that you had stole from your parents room because you needed something to keep your drink warm.
but what could you say? desperate times called for desperate measures.
grayson glanced at you, then away, then immediately did a double take again and eyed the object in your hand.
his expression reminded you of a teacher: a stern, disappointed, and confused expression all together. his nose crinkled slightly, and you almost laughed out loud.
''grayson,'' you laughed, ''it's hot chocolate... i couldn't find my thermos, relax.'' you understood where he was coming from, i mean, it was a flask, but you weren't a drinker.
he didn’t say anything, but his expression said it all. he stayed looking at you conspicuously and furrowed his brows slightly.
you laughed in disbelief, ''what? you want it?" you teased. when he simply looked at you with a disapproving brow raise, you gasped.
''grayson!" you brought a hand to your chest, ''you seriously think that low of me?" you laughed and leaned closer, waving the thermos dramatically in his face. “look! see? it’s hot chocolate!”
he leaned back, avoiding the container, his lips twitching like he was fighting off a smile.
“no, no,” you teased, moving the thermos side to side in his face as he tilted his head away. “you’re going to see for yourself.”
“stop,” he muttered, his voice still calm but laced with humor.
“look!” you insisted, waving it closer.
finally, he reached out, his hand carefully covering yours to still your movements. “alright,” he said, twinges of laughter in his voice. “i understand. it’s hot chocolate.”
his hand lingered for a second longer, and your eyecontact remained, before graysons eyes flickers across your face and his hand went back to its side.
''its a tuesday evening. and i'm on a rooftop.'' you sighed as you took a sip of your hot chocolate just to prove it even further, ''i'm not that reckless.''
you screwed the lid back on and put it back in your pocket, then you covered your hands with your sleeves in an attempt to fight off the cold.
''you think you're reckless? you should see my brother.'' grayson muttered, half to himself and half to you, but there was a softness in his voice.
you set your hand back down, and only then realised just how close it was to graysons. your fingertips were a hairbreadth away.
you felt like you physically couldn't pull your hand away, and even if you did could move, it would just make things awkward.
you remembered you had to respond to grayson's statement somehow. ''jameson practically invented dangerousness and recklessness and bad decisions. he doesn't count.'' you shot back jokingly as you looked at grayson.
he huffed a chuckle, looking at his lap and shaking his head slightly. surely he must've felt your hand right next to his.
your fingers twitched slightly. you could feel the tiny movements coming from his own hand- whatever you were thinking right now, he was clearly thinking the same thing.
you were acutely aware of the closeness of his hand to yours. your gaze stayed straight ahead. you didn't dare look at your hands.
your fingers inched a little closer to his. you heard your heartbeat in your chest.
the cold didn't seem like a problem any more, and you felt his callused fingertips run over the back of your hand. then your pinky interlocked with his.
it was a simple action, but it was near impossible to ignore the way it fuelled the part of your brain that screamed 'you like grayson!'
you stared down at your intertwined hands, you knew grayson did too, but neither of you said anything. he swallowed thickly and simply brought up a story of his brothers being 'truly reckless,' and how you seem like the furthest thing from it.
soon enough, the minutes turned to hours, and you discussed everything with grayson.
from the way school had been, plans you had for the winter, if you wanted to come to true north with him and his brothers for a few days (you said yes), stories he had from true north, and sharing horror stories of ski trips.
the conversation naturally began to lull. not in a bad way, but in a comforting way. you scooted a little closer to grayson with your hands still intertwined.
you looked up at the glittering sky, ''you know, i feel really bad for you right know.
''why?'' grayson looked at you,
''because you're not wearing your glasses, and you can't see the moon tonight.'' you responded simply, glancing at him for a second before looking back at the sky. ''it's really pretty.''
grayson took his gaze to the sky, and you were right, he couldn't really see it. he could just about see the shape of it, but that was it.
he took his gaze back to you, watching you admire the moon. ''i'm sure it is.''
you hummed a little in agreement, dangling your feet back and forth over the edge. a gush of freezing cold wind suddenly rushed past the two of you, and the way you physically shuddered made you both laugh.
''god,'' you chuckled, ''i should've worn a coat or something. i didn't know it would be so cold.''
grayson nodded, '''we are quite high up, naturally, its going to be colder up here,'' he gestured to the ground below. everything looked so small from all the way up here. that was partly why you loved it.
you had a hoodie on, but grayson held his arm open anyway and invited you in. you felt 10x warmer when he enveloped you into a side hug, but surely that was because of the cashmere sweater he wore, and not him.
''grayson?'' you hummed, your head on his shoulder.
''yes?''
''you know, um thanks for always being here,'' you muttered, feeling his fingers trace patterns on your arm , ''even when i'm irrational and i'm messy and I annoy you.''
he was silent for a moment, and you were tempted to look up so you could get a read on his face. ''you could never annoy me.''
you could practically feel his voices' vibrations, and his tone was soft. different from the way he usually talks with others- stern, assertive. but he wasn't that way with you.
''but i'm irrational and messy.'' you insisted.
his hand began to slowly run up and down your arm, soothing your nervous system in a way that all the deep breaths in the world never could. ''those aren't bad things.'' he told you. ''not when its you, at least.''
you stared at his hand interlinked with yours. not when its me? what does that mean? you thought.
you opened your mouth, just about to respond when— slam.
you and grayson jolted out of each others touch. your heart was beating crazily fast.
''holy shit,'' you put a hand on your chest, catching your breath as you and grayson caught eachothers gaze and laughed out of relief.
you quickly realised you had missed being in his arms, but you just couldn't return to a moment like that. a part of you wonders if it even happened, it felt so fleeting.
you nervously laughed, tucking your hair behind your ears before you carefully peered down over the edge to where you heard the noise.
you didn't feel any better or less frightened, though. the scene below you was your mom storming out the car, dressed like she had just gotten back from an event. you quite couldn't make out her words, and her pace was as fast as ever. even from afar, her posture looked rigid and her neck looked strained, like she was holding back tears or screams.
your dad got out of the car right after, slamming his side of the door too and shaking his head to himself as he tried to catch up to your mom. his hands were out like he was pleading or reasoning, and his expression was something dark that you didn't like.
grayson followed your gaze, seeing the scene you were looking at. he hadn't realised he was smiling a little until he felt his face drop.
grayson looked back at you, but it was hard to tear your gaze away from the scene, even when this scene was something you saw quite frequently. you tried to hone into your eavesdropping skills to hear what they were arguing about this time, but you were simply too far.
you name fell from his lips, and he repeated it twice when you didn’t answer. then finally asked, “are you alright?”
you didn't look straight at him, but he saw your expression. and he saw the way your fingers curled into a fist. you chewed on your bottom lip and blinked rapidly, then untucked your hair from behind your ears so it shielded your face.
he felt his heart drop. he had never seen you cry before.
you always acted as if nothing bothered you, and when it was obvious that something did, you hid it.
for a terrible moment, he worried that he wouldn't know what to do, that he'd somehow make things worse, but he simply let his actions come naturally.
he silently wished that this would be the last time he’d see you cry, he wished he could keep you happy forever.
you seemed to finally realise he was still looking at you, and you sat up straight.
''sorry— i’m sorry.'' you mumbled as you quickly wiped at your eyes with the back of your hands. ''oh my god,'' you let out a chuckle, like it would make him forget the tears. ''that was so embarrassing, i'm literally fine. i don't know what that was.''
grayson watched you try and regain a sense of normalcy, ''its not embarrassing to feel,'' he told you.
he knew that was highly hypocritical of him to say that, considering the way he acted, but he would truly sit with you for hours listening to you talk about your feelings. for days, until the end of time, even.
he'd always be there for you, and he wished you would believe him when he said it. ''would you,” he trailed off, gaze flickering between your features, “would you like to talk about it?”
he knew the answer was likely going to be no, because he knew you, but he wanted to let you know that he’d be there for you always, if you suddenly decided you did want to talk.
you were silent for a moment, and every second of it, with every shuddering breath you took, he felt a stronger urge to be the one who wiped your tears, the one who held you. he watched you tentatively, concern written all over his face.
he recently felt like his feelings were blurring over the lines of them being simply friendly.
“actually,'' you sniffled a little, ''can we not talk about it?” you said, just like he had suspected.
you felt him nod, and said no more after that. he wouldn't push you. he knew when it was right to be persistent, and when to simply stay silent.
you took a deep breath. ''i'm feeling even more messy and irrational right now,'' you tried to lighten the mood with another laugh, but it just sounded sad. ''i don't know why i got like that, i mean, its not even that bad, compared to others.''
graysons brows knitted together. ''it doesn't matter what its like compared to others.'' he told you, his voice steady while yours wavered.
you finally raised your head from his shoulder ever so slowly and looked at him. your expression was unfamiliar. it was pained.
his gaze flickered between your eyes. he found himself speaking once again.
''i don't care about the others, i care about you.'' he squeezed your hand slightly, ''you should care about you, too.''
present...
grayson was oddly exhausted. he doubted that has anything to do with the fact that he had slept at 2 in the morning, though. the first thing he did was take a cold shower, but even that didn't help.
he didn't like to have caffeine so early on an empty stomach, but it seemed like he had no choice.
''good morning.'' he nodded curtly at gigi who was leaning on the counter, making his way to the coffee machine.
she was looking at him strangely, but that wasn't a rare occurrence, so he paid it no mind. grayson took a mug out of the cabinet, then he heard gigi clear her throat from behind him. he raised a brow to himself, still looking down at his cup.
then he finally realised- gigi was in his house.
he turned around swiftly, cup still in his hand as his eyes glazed over gigi suspiciously.
''you're in my house.'' he pointed out blankly, and gigi rolled her eyes.
''why are you in my house?'' grayson ordered. now, he was definitely shaken out of his previous stupor.
''you know, you're a real idiot, grayson.'' that was not a good morning, or an answer to his question.
''excuse me?'' he put his cup down on the counter he was standing behind. he was confused why gigi was in his kitchen to begin with, much less calling him an idiot at the ripe hour of 6 in the morning as he tried to make his black coffee.
''listen,'' gigi put on a stern face and hopped on the counter, but it was difficult to take her seriously with her bed head and ever so slightly puffy face, clearly having just woken up. how could grayson possibly not hear her come in?
''im gonna cut straight to the point.'' she started, and Grayson was glad she said that, because he was not in the mood for anything else but an explanation. ''I'm here because you did something. ever since about 3 days ago when you visited she’s been acting all weird. she won’t tell me what’s wrong, but i know something’s up with her. and i know it has something to do with you.'
she didn’t even have to say your name, there was only one her when it came to grayson. ever since that day where you came up to him so many years ago, asking him why he sat alone. there was always one her. you.
a heavy weight settled over his chest. “what makes you think i visited?” he forced himself out of his thoughts and asked, not confirming he did visit you, but not fully denying it either.
gigi rolled her eyes like it was obvious before she stole a grape from the fruit basket on the counter she sat on top of. “she won't tell me anything, did her whole control freak routine. i woke up the next morning with the whole living room redone, her room layout completely changed, and every surface literally polished and sparkling. she doesn’t just do that for no reason. for anyone.”
gigi tried to sound unbothered about the topic when she spoke, but the way she fiddled with her hands gave it away to grayson. it was obvious though, no one would like to talk about how their best friend was hurting. just as much as no one would like to hear about it, and know they caused it.
could he even call you his best friend anymore? he had never said it outright to you, but he suddenly wished he had told you how much he appreciated you every second he had the chance.
“you must've messed up bad, gray.”
grayson averted his gaze. suddenly the fruits looked extremely interesting.
he couldn’t take back the horrible actions he made, the ways he tried to cope, the way he tried to silence his fears. they were done, they were his fault. that didn’t stop him from regretting them every single moment of his days. but even then, he still somehow seemed to be making the wrong choices.
“I suppose you wouldn't be able to give me any advice on what to do?'' he asked rhetorically, his voice carrying too much emotion than he would like. he sat up straight in his chair and cleared his throat.
grayson never asked for advice. he never asked for help. he did everything alone.
and look where that got him.
“hey, i'd give advice to you any time you need it!,'' gigi said half jokingly, tucked her hair behind both of her ears, her voice carried a weight that revealed that she could tell just how grayson was feeling.
''listen, i’d like to be super cool and mysterious, and give you some vague advice like ‘do whatever your heart tells you,’ or, ‘the right choices will find you,’'' gigi said, putting on a deep voice and making quotation marks with her fingers. ''but you somehow manage to always make the worst decisions ever. without fail.” her voice was back to normal, raising her eyebrows and pointing at him.
even he knew she was right.
“you’ve messed up way too much, and i don’t want you hurting my best friend any further, so i’ll give you this:” gigi continued, and grayson realized she wasn’t doing this for him, she was doing it for you. then, another thought that he been trying to avoid came up again: he hurt you much more than he had realised.
“talk to her. and stay. you know her better than anyone, why on gods green earth would you believe that when she said she’s ‘fine’ or that ‘she doesn’t care’ that she was seriously saying the truth?” gigis expression turned sour as she furrowed her brows, like the topic annoyed her to even speak about.
believe me, grayson thought, however aggravated you are about this, i’m infinitely more aggravated with myself.
“you’re annoyingly persistent sometimes, so make some good use out of it.” gigi said, “i’m not going to tell you the things she’s told me exactly, but, you must’ve been a real idiot to just stand there and nod when she tells you that a kiss you shared was a mistake.”
grayson wasn’t surprised gigi knew all of that. grayson figured that was all he would get from gigi, but he selfishly found himself wanting to know more about how you were feeling. he was grasping for anything. you had both seemingly cleared up the air, decided you were 'friends' again and nothing more, but you hadn't even talked since.
usually, in a time back when things were as perfect as they could’ve been, you would’ve been telling him first hand. now, he had to find out about how you felt because of him by his half sister.
it would never go back to the way it was. grayson could only hope to make it better than before.
he was no stranger to saying something, and meaning, truly longing for something completely different, so he didn't blame you for not
he wonders what he did wrong this time.
the girl, ella.
he was told it would be a good pr move on his end. he hadn’t been seen in the media for a while— which was how he liked it— but his team argued it would be good for him to resurface before the additions to the charities, to get more press.
he would’ve simply said no. it would've been final, and his team wouldve never brought tbut the girl, ella, was what ended up convincing him. she was trying to hide her relationship with a co star of hers, another girl grayson couldn’t quite remember the name of.
all he remembered was being told ella was being bombarded with rumors, and she needed to out a stop to them before the second season of her show premiered. she was severely distressed—it was her first show, and she herself hadn't even come out to the public yet.
so he agreed. it went on for 2 weeks until there was enough social media posts and tabloids posted of them two.
he thought about the way your voice wavered when he went over to talk, the way you eyed him silently, the way your body language contradicted your words. you were silently angry at him, but you stayed friendly. he didn't have to solve anything to figure that one out.
he could always understand you even when you didn't have the right words to say it yourself, or when you simply didn't want to. a picture played in his mind— one of him nodding his head with an arm around your shoulders, offering comfort silently when you mumbled ''actually, can we not talk about it?" into his chest quietly. he remembered how his heart ached.
you had both mastered the language that had been created and growing between you since the day you met. now, he still knew it, but he had nowhere to even put it to use. he doubts he could ever truly forget it, though.
grayson realised too late how horrible of an image the ella debacle must've painted in your eyes. it was possibly the worst choice he had ever made. right after the days he went not speaking to you, and the times he didn't stay.
he hated himself for the decisions he made, and gigi should've hated him too.
''why are you here, telling me this?'' grayson finally said. he was aware that his eyes were instinctively narrowed suspiciously, but he couldn't help it. gigi looked at him sympathetically.
''because, unfortunately, you guys are too stubborn and stupid to see what's clearly right infront of you.'' she said simply with a dramatic sigh. ''and you need me— the super-smart-all-seeing-gigi, to help the process along a little. and, despite the way you've been acting, you're my brother,'' her voice softened, ''and i don't like seeing you sad.''
he didn't even deny he was sad. there was no point. he contemplated asking more, brows furrowed as he looked at the counter infront of him, hands gripping the edges tightly. but he stayed silent instead, replaying gigi's words and trying to make more sense of them.
''...well, if that's all,'' she said, breaking the silence. ''i've got to go, i have a flight to catch.'' that explained why she was awake at 6 in the morning.
''where are you going?'' his grey eyes narrowed once again, this time, he was acutely aware of it.
''none of your business.'' she taunted, slipping right back into their sibling banter. ''well, actually—'' a smile stretched across her face despite her efforts, ''its noah, i don't know if you even remember him, but, he's taking me on a trip.'' she blurted, clearly too happy about that fact to remember that she was supposed to be holding a grudge against grayson. ''but— not that its any of your business, of course.''
grayson nodded. a part of him was hurt that gigi doubted he'd remember someone significant to her, but his mind went to a different place before he could dwell on that fact any longer.
he remembered one of the conversations he had with you, on the night you kissed.
''we know eachother. i trust you more than most.'' he once told you, remembering the way your eyes looked into his and the way they glinted when he finished his sentence. he remembered wanting to smile at that.
''yeah, and gigi knows noah. you should be able to trust her with her choices.''
“is she truly happy?”
“yeah, gray, she really is happy.”
he cleared his throat and brought himself back to the present moment. he wouldn't focus on the past right infront of someone, he couldn't, it simply hurt too much. ''right.'' he said coldly, ''of course. have a safe flight, gigi.''
she smiled awkwardly and got up from the counter. she took an apple with her, and gave him one last look, one that made graysons heart twist.
''why did you have to ruin this?'' her eyes seemed to say. ''you're my brother. she's my best friend. why are you making me choose?"
grayson wished he had a response. instead, he just watched her walk off with his brows knitted slightly.
he exhaled a long breath once gigi left, his elbows on the counter as his head fell into his hands. he raked both hands through his hair, roughly, not like the way you would. he shook before he abruptly stood up.
so many feelings, yet he couldn't articulate a single one properly.
there was one that seemed clearer than the rest. he hated himself--for ruining things for and hurting you when all he wanted was to protect you.
he let out a low, bitter laugh to himself.
some protector he was.
he did the one thing he always did when he needed to think clearer, to have control over something when all else seemed to be wrong and disorderly.
he made his way outside, grabbed a towel, and went for the pool.
the water was icy against his skin, but he welcomed it. he pushed off the edge and began swimming laps, each stroke more forceful than the last.
the tension in his chest didn’t lessen—it grew, tightening with every thought of you.
he swam faster, rougher, but not deviating on his strict rigid form. he couldn't. 'you need to talk to her. and stay,' gigis words played out in his head.
should he reach out again? what if you get annoyed? what if you're sick of him?
he knew you must've been somewhat sad, judging by the fact that gigi came to him, but what if you were more angry? what if gigi read it wrong, and you really wanted nothing to do with him?
the only reason he doubted the last one was because gigi knew you better than anyone. she couldn't have read whatever you were feeling wrong. whatever she saw, she felt the resolution was for you two to fully see it out to the end. to 'talk and stay' with each other.
'you're grayson davenport hawthorne, you don't worry about what ifs.' he reminded himself. what would his grandfather say? much worse, he had no doubt.
besides, you were his best friend. doing something would be better than doing nothing and let the friendship and possibility of more slowly fade, then disappear.
he swam and swam, and ran through all the possible outcomes in his mind. he did this until his arms burned and his lungs begged for air. it still wasn’t enough, though.
grayson pushed through the pain, through the ache in his muscles, until he couldn’t anymore. gasping for breath, he finally stopped and hung onto the edge of the pool, his head tilted forward as water dripped down his face.
his chest was heaving, and the pain he had felt was finally all crashing down. it was easier to ignore when he was moving. he clenched his jaw with his grip on the pool’s edge tightening. he didn't feel any better. he didn't feel like he had any more control over his life.
he was an idiot. an idiot who was still drowning, even now, on dry land.
he pushed himself up and out of the pool, his brows furrowed frustradely and muscles taught as he dried off.
he wouldn't let himself mope around any longer.
his hair was still slightly wet as he sat at his office desk. he had taken another shower, this time, it was steaming hot.
his eyes kept flickering to his phone as he worked on his laptop. he found himself wanting to reach out and call you.
no, he needed to plan it better. he couldn't just expect you to answer and for you to listen to him.
but- wasn't how the problems arose in the first place? waiting for the perfect moment that never came?
it was that way years ago, it was that way a few weeks ago, and it seemed like it was about to be that way again.
he closed his eyes for a brief moment. focus. then he got back to work.
still, despite his efforts, he couldn't focus. his mind was in an entirely different place. he read over an email before he pressed send.
how did he manage to mistype no as know?
he stared at the powered off phone laying on his desk once again.
the last time he had texted you, every single one of his brothers had pushed him to.
now, he was utterly alone in his office. his brothers were all out of the house, and his black out curtains kept his room dark, except for the low orange lamps you had forced him to put in there 'to make it look less robotic'.
his eyes flickered to his phone one more time, and he finally retracted his hand from his laptops keyboard.
he turned on his phone, and from then on it was muscle memory, the one thing he would do whenever he was feeling lost. whenever he needed clarity in his peculiar life of his.
he called you.
the phone rang, his thumb hesitated over the red cancel button, but he couldn't. he'd look like even more of a coward.
he was still unblocked, and despite not speaking to each other for so long, you picked up.
''hello?''
his heart beat faster than it did when he swam. ''hey, its grayson.''
you were silent for a second, ''I know.''
you phrased it like a question, almost.
''i apologise for the abrupt call, but, there seems to be a gap in my life where our daily phone calls once were, and to be frank, i missed them.'' he said it straight forward. he prayed that gigi's advice was right. he started the talk part, now he needed to stay. ''how have you been?''
“uh,” you laughed slightly on the other line, and grayson found himself missing the jokes you’d make that he’d call terrible, the nonsensical rants, or the way you’d beg to pick the movie to watch every single without fail on those movie nights you’d hold every friday. the one time he picked, it was the night you kissed. the night where everything changed, and grayson couldn’t tell if it was for the better or worse.
''well, I just broke my glasses, for one.'' you replied, ''like, literally two seconds ago.'' he heard the laugh in your voice, like the reasoning behind it was funny. but you didn't tell him the the story behind it.
you stayed silent, and that was one of the major tells things weren't how they used to be. stay, he reminded himself.
you were the type of person that when he'd ask about your day, you'd talk about every single detail, down to the tiniest things like your losing your favourite pen or tripping over a rock on your morning walk.
he didn't realise he could miss something so much.
''so uh,'' you cut into his thoughts with a small laugh that he could tell was out of nervousness. ''i need to go fix that. but other than that, i'm pretty good.'' grayson nodded, even though you couldn't see him.
''shame about your glasses, those frames did really suit you.'' he let the words escape his lips before he could think twice.
''thanks, but, they are long gone, for now, at least.'' you said. ''besides, them breaking now gives me an excuse to wear contacts. looking on the bright side.. but uh, enough of me, how are you?
grayson leaned back in his chair, ''ive been alright. however, i've been thinking,'' he began, ''i know we've sorted things out since i last saw you, but we haven't talked much, and i think it would be quite nice for us to see each other some time.''
''oh,'' your voice was quiet on the other end, and grayson sat back up straight again. ''yeah- yeah, sure. i was actually thinking about that earlier today. but i didn't really know how to talk to you, so, I'm glad you said something.''
gigi's advice was right.
'didn't really know how to talk to you.' that part made graysons chest hurt strangely, like he was back in the pool.
''what an odd coincidence,'' he responded simply.
you hummed before you spoke, your voice was quiet on the other line. ''I thought you didn't believe in coincidences.''
he was silent
''sorry,'' you chuckled, ''I don't know why I said that, it just popped up in my mind- you used to say it all the time, and... yeah.''
don't apologise, you haven't done anything wrong. youre right, I usually don't.
what changed?
the response in his mind was instant: he met you.
''strangely enough, i'm not too sure.''
he heard you snort from the line, ''well, isn't that a first?'' you muttered, not giving him a chance to respond before you started again. ''um, gigi actually left for the airport this morning, so i'm incredibly bored right now.''
''would you like to organise something for today, then?''
you laughed again, ''is that your weird way of asking me if i want to hang out today?"
''you know i've never been particularly skilled in these areas.''
''oh boy, i know.'' you exhaled, ''well, i'll be heading to the park at like, 12, so...'' you trailed off, and he heard a slight smile in your voice. he wished he was seeing it, instead. ''if someone happened to, you know, coincidentally be there, i wouldn't necessarily turn and run away.''
he couldn't stop his own grin, though he knew he shouldn't feel too happy just yet. ''is that your strange way of telling me to meet you at the park at noon?''
''yes,'' you didn't miss a beat, ''it is.''
taglist: @x-liv25-jamieswife @wish-i-were-heather @thecircularlibrary @whatsamongus @littlemissmentallyunstable @anintellectualintellectual @lovethornes @maybxlle @sheisntyou @emelia07 @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @charsoamerican @hxress23 @imaseabear @clarissaweasley-10 @off-to-the-r4ces @thelov3lybookworm @graysw1fe @lanterns-and-daydreams @hermesenthusiast @elysianwayy77 @that-daughter-of-hephaestus @apollosmusee @hijabi-desi-bookworm��@goldi-1-graysons-version @saigonharrington @peppapigsposts @thoughtdaughter3 @cant-see-sam
#𝜗𝜚 walking out the door with your bags series#grayson hawthorne#grayson hawthorne x reader#the inheritance games#the grandest game#jameson hawthorne#xander hawthorne#nash hawthorne#tig#tgg#grayson hawthorne fanfic#grayson hawthorne x you#grayson hawthorne fluff#❦ jude writes
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xc lends itself to stories well because it has all the weird overlapping insanities of group dynamics and hypoxia and Male Bonding and definitely a little bit of masochism.
and for my second xc story in like a week, we used to do this run down to the local public pool in the summers of hs because the temp was like, 110-115. fucking bastard heat. and this one girl had The Audacity to wear this extremely normal and fine two piece swimsuit that showed approximately a half inch of waist and a bellybutton. this of course was a mortal insult to one particular group of mormons who were so scandalized that they talked to the coach who in turn talked to the group about how Someone Wore a Two Piece Swimsuit and it made Some People very uncomfortable and that the dress code was now one piece swimsuits. and of course the poor girl was absolutely mortified.
now, the varsity were actually really good people in general, but one of them, who i shall name RJ, was just awesome. that sonofabitch could run like a 14:00 5k, but he still had this big ol potbelly, and he was the only person i knew who didnt get nauseous after running. the absolute brainfuck of running in the 110 degree heat along the canals, just struggling to breathe, and then getting smoked by this potbelled toothpick eating a bag of flaming hot cheetoes is just hard to understate. hed go up into the stands during track and buy hotdogs. just a legend. fuck that guy, but you know, in the way where im really just jealous of him.
anyway, RJ took genuine offense to this girl being called out for her totally normal swimsuit so when the next public pool run came around he showed up in a speedo. and it was the xc hivemind thing, where we all knew if we could just, somehow, keep the coach from noticing this guy until we actually pulled out and started running down the block, we were golden. so me and a bunch of other guys gathered around him like the secret service, and we did our stretches, got ready and left, and then RJ, being the beautiful majestic man muffin that he is, popped his shirt off, ran directly to the front of the mormon group, and proceeded to give himself the most brutal wedgie i can describe. practically stretched the speedo over his shoulders. you couldnt get a clearer vision of this mans ass with the hubble telescope.
so the mormon group tried to pass him, which was like stupid of them - nobody passed RJ unless they were willing to piss blood. they tried, they tried so hard to get around him and avoid the blaring eyewatering burn of this mans ghost white ass, but it didnt work, so they tried slowing down which is also something RJ could do indefinitely so eventaully they just kind of gave up and tried not to notice the extremely noticable hairy white butt camped in front of them for the entire three mile run to the pool.
the coach did notice about halfway through the run, but by then there wasnt much he could do. we argued very eloquently between panting and coughing and generally suffering that a speedo is, in fact, a one piece swimsuit, and thus the letter of the law had been fulfilled. id say, i dunno, maybe a hundred of us argued the case.
surprisingly, there was no follow up conversation banning speedos. RJs disapproval of the ban wouldve been enough, but the speedo underlined it in red a few times and at the next run to the pool, several other girls wore tankinis and nobody said shit.
(RJ told me if they had, the next run to the pool wouldve just been him winnie-the-poohing it, and i almost dont doubt it.)
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Hey! I love your writing so much and I’m always so excited when I see updates! I think you just get these characters so perfectly.
I was wondering if you could do something about how they fall asleep with someone. Like, what’s the process of sleeping and how do they like to lay and wake up. Especially if it’s been a bad day or they’re sad about something.
Either way, you’re incredible!! 💕
Aw I love this question so much!! I wasnt sure if you wanted me to include poly!Daemon and Rhaenyra so I decided to just include it anyway cause I want to write more for them.
I'm gonna add a cut just to be safe because because there's definitely implied sexual activity in the answer.
AEMOND:
I don't quite know why but I think that Aemond would have problems with sleep and definitely battles with insomnia? He will often spend nights sitting in his chambers, just staring out the window and being unable to sleep. Sometimes he'll even take a ride to wherever Vhagar is and spend the night there, still not sleeping but at least he's not alone.
His troubles with sleep is something he manages to keep from you for quite a while, because you didnt actually share a bed with him until a few months after the wedding. However, I think you actually end up finding out because he falls asleep around you? Like maybe once he's more comfortable around you and you can see how stiff he is, you offer him a back massage, promising he can keep his shirt on the entire time and he's asleep within 5 minutes. You let him sleep of course, and he's so flustered when he wakes and realises how easily he fell asleep and how long he was asleep for.
After that he starts falling asleep around you quite often. He does it enough for you to realise that he clearly has some issues with sleep but when you bring it up he just blushes and changes the subject.
Once you do start to share a bed (which by the way, he falls asleep in your arms one night and after that he literally never spends another night in his private quarters ever again), you start to realise how he's always awake if you wake up during the night. Eventually you manage to convince him to explain to you what he struggles with.
Anyway this is my `VERY long winded way of saying that I think developing a routine with him is imperative? He thrives off routine and guidelines, so when you start to tell him when to change into his sleep clothes and what book to read before bed, he actually relaxes so much easier. Pretty soon you fall into the routine of reading to him before bed.
Even if he comes to bed late, you always read to him when he gets to bed. Even if you have sex, you always read to him after. You've yet to make it more than 10 pages without him falling asleep.
AEGON:
You don't start the marriage sleeping in the same bed as him, but as you slowly start to get closer and start to take on the dominant role in the relationship, he starts to just completely melt into you. He's so clingy and needy and he's shameless about it once he realises you won't ever turn him down or humiliate him.
The first night he spends in the same bed as you was the first real cold night of the season and he knocked on your door with a blanket wrapped around him. You let him in of course, and after that he always comes to your room until you just decide to move into your official shared living quarters together.
Aegon manages to become an octopus while he sleeps. Even if he falls asleep on the opposite of the bed, you will wake up completely intertwined with him.
He also HATES going to sleep without talking to you. Originally this started because you began to ask Aegon about his day before bed, letting him vent to you and offering your opinions. Aegon absolutely thrives on structure and routine, and so he once the routine of him venting about his day to you has formed, he'll actually feel unsettled and uncomfortable if he can't do that before bed?
(Slight aside: when you have to be away from him for a few days you tell him to write whatever happened that day and then he gives you the letters when you see him again and he's always SO proud to hand over the letters and refuses to send them via ravens because he wants to physically hand them to you)
JACE:
You sleep in the same bed as Jace from your wedding night, because he's a proper gentleman and would never want you to sleep anywhere else after you and him are officially married. Throughout your engagement you get to know each other and Jace falls HARD for you. So when you can finally actually sleep in the same bed he is so so happy and thankful.
(Sidenote: You don't actually sleep together that first night and instead you just sit together and talk about the future and fall asleep together)
Jace is most certainly old fashioned and a gentleman when it comes to literally everything with you. (I have a personal headcannon that one of the only things he remembers about his real father is the things Harwin taught him about honour and duty and how to respect his future love? Harwin taught him to never ever let his beloved retire to the bedroom alone, to always pull out chairs for her, to never ever talk bad about her, to offer her his arm every time they walk together, etc) and he remembers all of it.
Anyway point is, when you retire to the bedroom he always comes with you. I think he absolutely loves the whole process of getting ready for bed together? You'll often bathe together, and it actually never turns sexual. Instead it's just this gentle intimacy he absolutely adores.
(final sidenote: Jace wakes up with morning wood so often, like at least 3 times a week and every time you can't resist helping him with it cause he's extra sensitive in the mornings)
DAEMON AND RHAENYRA:
So I know we've said this before but I'm gonna repeat it here quickly so that we're all on the same page before I get onto the actual content of my answer: it takes months of Daemon and Rhaenyra both being in love with you before anything actually happens. Once you finally come into their bed, you are simply never allowed to leave, ever. You'd think that there being three of you would mean there's less clinginess because there's a whole other person they can also be with, but nope. Instead they are BOTH very clingy with you, good luck.
Daemon tends to come to bed the latest of the three of you. Even if all three of you have been laying in bed together for a while, when it comes time to actually go to bed Daemon likes to take a walk around the castle before bed to ensure all the guards are were they're supposed to be.
So while Daemon does that, you tend to take some time to spoil Rhaenyra? Rhaenyra LOVES when you offer to rub her shoulders or brush her hair and bathe with her and dry her after. She's always so sweet and blushy about it, always insisting that you don't have to do it while actively leaning into you. Often when Daemon gets up to do his nightly stroll you'll tell the handmaidens to leave at the same time and immediately Rhaenyra will try and fail to stifle her smile because she knows that means you're going to do all the things the handmaidens usually would for her.
I also think Rhaenyra falls asleep quite quick? She's almost always asleep by the the time Daemon returns, usually cuddled against your chest. Every single time Daemon walks into that scene, he always stands there and just smiles for a moment, unable to take his eyes away from you and Rhaenyra. He only moves when you motion him over and then he quickly changes and climbs into bed on Rhaenyra's other side. He always give you a kiss and the kisses Rhaenyra on her forehead before blowing out the candles.
Rhaenyra tends to be the one that's up first, and so most mornings are spent either with her trying to convince Daemon to get out of bed or with you trying to convince Daemon to let you get up.
#house of the dragon#hotd#house of the dragon fanfiction#aemond targaryen#house of the dragon imagine#aemond x reader#aemond targaryen x reader#aegon targaryen imagine#aegon targaryen x reader#hotd aemond#aemond targaryen smut#prince aemond#aemond one eye#aegon x reader#aegon smut#aegon the second#king aegon#aegon ii targaryen#hotd aegon#jacaerys strong#jace velaryon#jace targaryen#jacaerys targaryen#jacksepticeye#jacaerys smut#jacaerys x reader#prince jacaerys#jacaerys velaryon#hotd jacaerys#hotd rhaenyra
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good morning im politely requesting people look at my post abt how the ancients see each other
under the cut some closeups + a ton of additional thoughts
hollyberry + golden cheese are also part of the crew of 'thinking pv is a bit naive', but he's also the most emotionally intelligent out of all of them and incredibly empathetic and thats something they both respect a whole lot .
dark cacao on the flipside can see how much of a mental toll being empathetic can be
white lily seems to have the most "whole" thought of pv - which would make sense, she's been with him the longest and has seen every facet that is pv. but even still her worries that he's too trusting of her are eating away at her thoughts- as such a pv shapeshifter made of her subconscious Would be way more naive .
in my head white lily's pv would be the last shapeshifter and in order to tell the difference between them white lily would ask if he ever doubted her . the real pv would say that he definitely struggled and had been lost and confused- but ultimately trusts her above all else . vs the shapeshifter who would just say "no I'd never doubt you" .
i didnt have room for it but i think dark cacao also recognizes hollyberrys seriousness . if you get drunk with someone enough times you'll start to piece together the really vulnerable moments you had with eachother . i think hollyberry and dark cacao have the closest relationship and im not saying this because im in love with both of them
golden cheese has a bit of a recollection issue and you can see that with hollyberry + cacao the most. golden cheese reminisces a Lot and that affects how she remembers the othera . hollyberrys is a bit of a trickier thing but in this instance golden cheese doesnt remember the braids. she knows hollyberry has a different outfit than before but doesn't pay it much mind
you might have noticed the pattern at this point of pure vanilla having a bit of a cutesy interpretation of all the ancients. he loves his friends so much that he has a bit of a harder time being critical of them. he thinks dark cacaos seriousness/grumpiness is endearing. to be honest its partly an inverse of shadow milks interpretation of the ancients (simple and positive vs simple and negative) but that wasnt entirely intentional. just interesting to notate now that im thinking of it
hollyberrys dark cacao is a bit of an inverse also to what i was talking about with dark cacaos hollyberry . shes seen the sweeter more heartfelt side of dark cacao and that shines through to her
if it wasnt for the outfit + hair, golden cheese's dark cacao would have probably been the last shape shifter standing
and i will stand by the dragon cacao headcanon till the day i die
golden cheese's was fun to think about bc of the little details that are different between the different shapeshifters- specifically in the neck area (bc thays the only portion you guys get to see) . dark cacaos is a bit more of a hanbok style, white lily has a turtleneck thing kind of happening, etc etc. i think pure vanilla has the most accurate idea of what she looks like .
i think white lilys interestingly enough would be the last one standing because i honestly dont think her golden cheese would even be talking with her :(( so we'd only really find out the difference when white lily's gc is forced to talk to her . white lily thinks that gc hates her and wants her gone but golden cheese's feelings are wayy wayyy more complicated. golden cheese doesn't want white lily gone she Is glad that she's back but its also hard. everything she loves is gone right now . but she's going to find a way to get it back- and if white lily can help than maybe that'll rekindle their relationship.
the cuteification beam still reaches for white lily despite how much pv knows her . i doubt this would help with white lilys feelings that pv is being naive bc shes looking at a shapeshifter based off of pvs subconscious and that subconscious is showing so mucy nostalgia it probably hurts
hollyberry in the past probably really babied white lily + pure vanilla because she Knows theyre not eating . shes observant as hell and will always demand they have at least one bite of something in order to figure out if they're Really "not hungry".
the last one would probably land on golden cheese's bc again . her feelings are complicated and as such her subconscious would showcase that multifaceted issue of "knowing this is your friend and also knowing your friend is responsible for your kingdoms destruction".
#📗; my post#💚; art tag#r; 🪻#r; 🍻#sorry to the 3 others im not dating ill figure tags one day maybe#cookie run kingdom#cookie run#pure vanilla cookie#hollyberry cookie#dark cacao cookie#golden cheese cookie#white lily cookie
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