#its not paranoia if theyre really out to get you

[fulminatethesun]

Is It Paranoia Or Normal Observations From A Social Animal: The Game

[silverne-nonsense]

TOGETHER WE SPIRAL 🤝🏻🤝🏻🤝🏻

Because yes, exactly, why show an update about a fairy if there’s nothing to gain from it?? With how much time and effort is put into these updates, no way it’s not important! If the comment Malon made from MalonPT5 about Twi getting hurt came back to bite us, this is DEFINITELY coming back!!

I also think we are well overdue for the slate and charm connection to be brought up?? I’m honestly surprised it hasn’t come up sooner? Other than the initial doodle, it’s been weirdly absent—especially since the group has split up before?

(Don’t tell me there’s a reason it hasn’t come up yet. don’t. I don’t need to spiral FURTHER shdhfjfndhdnf)

But like?? There are so many instances of Jojo either referencing herself or alluding to future events. THE FAIRY IS COMIN BACK

I am personally subscribed to the “it’s the action itself, not the fairy” theory, but it could be anything. It could literally be anything. There’s no right answer until it HAPPENS, WE’RE JUST STUCK SHDNFJDVDJDCN

Chekhov INDEED has his gun pointed at our foreheads, he’s just waiting on Jojo’s order to pull the damn trigger

You got me overthinking about that damn fairy too.

It’s 100% coming back to haunt us, no way it’s not.

But WHEN??

Is it gonna be in the temple?? Is it the GIMMICK of the temple???

Or is Wars gonna keel over and Wind will need to give him the fairy? Or vice versa? Or someone else entirely???

Or maybe someone else without the fairy gets put in a bad spot and remembers that Legend proved it’s possible to change antifairies into regular fairies??

Is it even relevant to the temple?? Is this a long play????? Is this gonna come back like the damn mailman; in an entirely different arc of the comic?????????

Chekhov’s gun is a menace to society and I hate it (I love it, I live for the drama)

My life got so much worse ever since I learned what the chekhov's gun principle is cause now I consume media analyzing EVERYTHING and overthinking every little thing (I'm lying I love doing this lmao)

Ok but I'm so glad I'm not the only one plagued with the idea that the fairy WILL come into play, like why go through the trouble of showing an entire update centered on a fairy just to never bring it up again??

I am 99.9% sure wind caught her, so like going with that idea, wind is in possession of the fairy rn and we don't know if the others have fairies too or not

Jojo hasn't brought the pirate's stone+slate connection up in the main comic, I don't think, so with the group separated like this it's an excellent time to do it!

OR as u said, the showing of the antifairy being turned into a fairy via magic is the relevant thing and not the fairy itself

If say, wind didn't catch the fairy, we did see four really getting worked up over not knowing u could turn antifairies, so like maybe something happens to the only trio and four goes into action looking for an antifairy

AND OHMYGOD DON'T SAY THAT if it doesn't happen now I WILL be STILL thinking about it like that fairy is relevant it HAUNTS ME

CHEKHOV HAS HIS GUN POINTED AT MY FOREHEAD RN THIS IS MAKING ME INSANE JDBDKDN

[triglycercule]

horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)

horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)

[twig-gy]

“i feel like theyre watching me” but its the internet so like . yeah they are though

[flufflecat]

Another day, another suspiciously yellow and black animal showing up that i have named Bill.

This poor injured swallowtail was in the backyard, so i offered him a variety of flowers then moved him to a safe spot since i cant really do more to help him. He kept trying to climb my arms, but i politely asked him not to try to crawl on my face and i think he agreed.

When I was grabbing some flowers down the road, there was also a flock of goldfinches flitting around the thistles to add to my yellow-animals tally, but i couldn't get any good pics of them.

Between the goldfinches that have shown back up for the first time since june, this butterfly, and Bill the Caterpillar (who has since crawled off somewhere), I'm starting to debate whether spending the past 2 weeks joking about being possessed by bill cipher was a good idea.

Also i came face to face with a deer while out alone last night and i didn't like the way she took a step toward me when i held my hand out. She bowed to me so i bowed back and after about a minute of staring she decided to wander away.

[dykerikki]

oobh

taishauna....

[calbeloved]

jongwoo and this new guy are so in synch they're such best friends already ill cry if one of them dies

[tricksteroftheheart]

found and joined an objectified server and accidentally joined at the worst possible time i guess? im so bad with servers i dont know why i keep joining servers :sob: i either lurk and never talk or . lurk and never tal

[opal-owl-flight]

Your Protege. (Pt 2)

(Pt 1)

SAME DAY DELIVERY. HERE WE GO.

This is the only time theyve shown such sheer anger in front of anyone. Theyre usually just cold, or disappointed -- never furious.

Its one of the times Neo3 actually feared the captain.

MORE NOTES ABT CUTTLEFISH BELOW

Not over how Cuttlefish is this fuckign loony old man who pushes his ideas on young 3, constantly goinf "yall kids think Im crazy but LOOK WHOS RIGHT FOR ONCE", "I cant fight anymore, thats why I got you!", "Youre hero material, kid! Youre gonna be big!!"

Then raves abt how the Octarians are evil

3, who was desperate for praise from someone who reminds them of their direct relatives, does everything he says to do just to be appreciated more.

Cuttlefish taught them how to fight hand to hand. How to move and think on their feet. (Though they were given similar in their younger years)

Cuttlefish was... generally more warm and supportive than their dad, but yknow. A lot of this started bc 3 agreed to work for him. Be his deadly weapon.

-------

Cuttlefish was more concerned abt the Zapfish than 3s well-being then... He knew that the constant praising was working so hes gonna keep doing it. (...mostly bc thats what worked on HIM back then)

After 3 does his dirty work, he realized he should probably keep the kid around bc his paranoia with Octaria is a damn bitch and this kid is one hell of an ass kicker. They dont mind. Right??

3 never showed any sign of wanting to leave. Why would they, he was so kind to them, more than their dad or grandad ever was. (Also the paranoia rubbed off on them. Oops!)

Then, he asked them to go on a longer patrol with him. Pushed them to their fucking limit. Bc of what?? Octaria making moves again? (Octavio did make moves but they were already, as we say in the game, "too far from the objective to really contribute to the fight". This is why agent 4 was dragged in.)

There, 3 saw more and more that hes just a loony old man who wanted to have a fancy weapon to protect him in his crusade. A crusade they never really questioned, mind you. Theyve no reason to believe Octaria was nice in any way, not when they keep trying to kill them. (...in self defense. They havent realized, yet.)

Then they encounter 8, who had dropped her weapon at the sight of them. Raising her hands in surrender. 3 was far ahead of the coot, and managed to actually talk to her and everything. They were this close to bringing her back to Inkopolis as a friend, until the bastard ruined the moment.

Cuttlefish still told them that she was a danger. It might be a trick! Dont put your guard down! Pressured to follow their superior, 3s mask returns to their face, turning onto 8 with the herl shot ready to fire.

Then they all tumbled into the metro.......

....for Cuttlefish to use yet ANOTHER kid (8) to get him out of a hairy situation.

--------

Hes a crazy old man. Only caring for any of the kids beyond the platoon after they do his dirty work.

Like "mmm! Thank you for committing the war crimes in my stead. Youre a good kid, you know that? Anything I can do to support you further? Mmmm???"

...I dont think hes aware.

Hes not aware that hes harming the entire platoon, bc in his mind hes doing the greater good here. Get some easily manipulable kids on the street, shower em with praise and promises of glory and valor, and theyll do ANYTHING for you.

Including the warcrimes you keep wanting to do.

I think...I think he doesnt know hes manipulating the kids. I think he genuinely believes his own promises. He glamorizes the valor of war bc hes a commander who sits in the back of it. He really believes that this is for the best. He believes that this is how you inspire your troops to fight.

--------

LETS GO THATS ALL MY NOTES I SPENT ALL DAY FINISHING THIS COMIC. GOODNIGHT INKOPOLIS!!!

[notedchampagne]

What makes a tlt au work for you? Do u have any favourites out there/that you’ve thought of?

its hard because it can go down to the writing! i have a huge bias for things that put focus on the characters acting awful and driving the story forward- if a story has a plot thats great, but its the difference between "gideon and harrow keep meeting up at parties and fall a little bit in love every time" and "gideons angry she lost her childhood to the cult so she attends a party with the tridentarii to shotgun adolescent experiences, and harrowhark, frustrated that gideon is pulling on her metaphorical leash, follows to stalk her". the former retains a 5+1 fic format and is more bite-size, while the latter puts more focus into their growth as characters. im not great at articulating what i like specifically, but ill put my favorite fics below:

what if nona was dogs tugs at my heart: its post-canon, slice-of-life, and has a unique concept (said in the title). i judged a book by its cover because i thought the premise seemed too silly at first but ive been made a fool and its pet clown. it feels so true to nona the way its about all the things nona loves and how she gets to explore the world through new eyes. i love the way it explores characters softening up and getting hurt through a third person pov

we have always lived in the apartment by @thatneoncrisis i keep saying this but for the love of GOD guys this au is so good it makes me cry and feel such a deep catharsis from it. it takes gideon and harrow and the ninth as a cult and explores their struggle to adapt to a modern society when noone ever gets a break (WOW ITS JUST LIKE IN REAL L-). quinn writes the sides of griddlehark i think go overlooked in fanfic often: their codependency, their tendency to lash out when theyre defensive, their mutual paranoia and different coping mechanisms, harrows psychosis and gideons bitterness, their relationships to each other as being the only other person who really understands what the other suffered through. god. i feel lightheaded.

"but SAM, i dont like angst but i want to see this writing!" read gap between a tragedy and a comedy

"SAM, i also like when gideon and harrow are horrible because theyre maladjusted teenagers! but i want more antics where the characters drive things forward over angst!" read whats eating gideon nav

you just aint receiving is one of my FAVORITE modern aus of all time (and i heavily recommend the authors other fics as well!) if you really want to see how much i love this fic the fact that my comments take up the entire phone screen probably says a lot. its hard to put it concisely: it keeps harrows air of misanthropy and cruelty but redefines it as the result of her upbringing and personal struggle to live in a university while dealing with a backpack of mental illness and frustration. it changes gideons personality as the daughter of john gaius in a way that makes sense having her grow up with johns middling parenting skills and getting everything she ever wanted (connecting it back to kirionas personality in ntn!). it brings in side characters (specially palamedes. my beautiful boy palamedes) in ways that compliment harrow and gideon but not so obviously that they only exist to be supports. they have their own lives and ideals. its a modern au that brings in the boiling politics of johns cult uprising once again in a really novel way

semi charmed kinda life by @griddlebait. jesuchristo and all his middle names this fic is GREAT for you if you want a slice of life, coming of age type modern au that explores what its like for gideon and harrow if they actually got the space to see who theyd become outside of the stifling fate tlt has for them. as far as modern aus go im usually very hesitant to read them because im afraid modernizing the characters takes features away from their core but i really love and respect the way the author treats the 69ers with care and draws distinct lines that shows me how their grow and change while keeping a line to the anchor. also they write HIDEOUS (complimentary) PINING. DISGUSTING. some of these chapters were so chock full of dyke drama that they made me nauseous and whimsical. i think once a friend said this fic felt like if gh could be reincarnated and i like that descriptor a lot

til the cows come home is another postcanon fic that made me feel sick and crybabyish about it- i would definitely recommend it if you want to explore a happier ending with griddlehark! with this and what if nona was dogs the thing i like most about them is that they mix up vulnerability with pain and fear, so it feels more lifelike that way if that makes sense. i lost my taste in fluff fics over time but when its interspersed with struggle and characters causing problems because they cant cope with themselves it feels much more earnest and raw

this became very long. im not sorry

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

Is “willingly unloved” canon to the roomates au?

yes, unless it is excplicitly stated all comics/ drawings under the hashtag r canon!

it was also a bit of a character study of ethan, i wanted to draw what i think he would act like after going through something as traumatizing as re8 and re7. a lot of the times ethan getting horribly hurt (arms/legs cut off) is either passed off as a joke of "haha he lost another arm" or passed off as him being a idiot being stupid. i wanted to explore how those things would affect him and how all his past relationships did as well. both mia and chris, two people he cared for and trusted broke his trust, mia on two different occasions. (pls dont turn this into a anti mia post lol, its just straight canon im just acknowledging what she literally did. what she did affects the people in her life, and this post is about ethan. it doesnt nesscarily matter what her intentions were since the execution was still horrible so pls dont get upset at me)

in re7 he suffers the consequences of someones lie, and it repeats in re8. i feel like he would be far more reserved after re8. he cant trust anyone and he now lives with the knowledge that he and his daughter r bioweapons and there organizations out there to get him. in this AU chris is helping by trying to return ethan to a normal life but after re8 ethan would not trust chris imo. not in a way where he thinks chris will turn him into the BSAA or whatever but more like hes worried that chris is possibly hiding something important or planning something he doesnt know.

he would have major trust issues and probably would have huge difficulty with opening himself up to another connection, especially since leon is friends with chris. ethan would probably be wary due to association.

after re8 he is left with nothing. his wife lied to him again, and the man who was suppose to protect him did a horrible job at it LOL. he has rosemary and thats it. and at any moment someone could take her for being a bioweapon. he would live a life of paranoia and stress trying to give rosemary and normal life while trying to keep her safe at the same time. i feel like getting divorced with mia would be the best option for ethan. as much as they loved each other it wasnt healthy. mia wanted to forget and move on while ethan knew nothing and wanted to understand more. its unfortunate i know. in re8 ethan has a book about weapons and says, "its not paranoia if theyre really out to get you."

its honestly so tragic 😭

in a more realistic way to canon, ethan was doomed to die in that village. a life after it all, after surviving re8 would be horrible. the BSAA is corrupt so hes stuck with chris trying to hide and live a normal life. theres no where for him to go.

BUUTTTTTT... in a cutesy AU where leon and ethan r roomates he gets to heal so yayy. ethan would definetly be very hesitant to open up to leon and would probably not trust him for a long time

for now its just him and rose

[the-s1lly-corner]

i really liked that “x reader who cries a lot” idea so can i have it with perhaps ragatha, kinger, gangle, and zooble, please? (sorry if that’s a lot at once)

also, is it okay to request this with other characters from different a fandom? specifically hazbin hotel? i’m not gonna send in the ask until this one is done because uhhh i feel no about that

Various TADC characters x reader who cries a lot

i prefer one fandom per ask so that things are kept neat + it makes it easier to divide into masterlists and stuff if that makes sense!/nm characters: ragatha, kinger, gangle, zooble notes: reader is GN, reader cries over everything for any reason not just out of sadness, very emotional in all the emotions cws: none

RAGATHA

gets used to it over time and learns to tell the difference between sad tears and happy tear and anything else... if theyre sad or angry she takes you to the side so you can recollect yourself.. likely to her room or outside

if theyre happy tears she tries to get into the vibe with you- whats got you so moved?

waits patiently for you to calm your tears when she gives you a gift, doesnt rush you and asks if you like it as a confirmation that you actually do like it

she doesnt cry much herself, she internalizes her feelings- youre the opposite, but sometimes you rub off on her and get her to release some of the stuff shes been hiding away

KINGER

so so so worried, it doesnt matter the context hes always going to ask if youre okay and if you need anything- instantly putting his hand on the back of your shoulder and rubbing circles into your back

did something happen? did someone say something? are you overwhelmed?

hes relieved if its not over something bad or negative, but hes still shaken up just a bit- he remains just a tad bit on edge for a while until you calm down

crying is just so often associated with something horrible happening that his first thought is that youre hurt in some way, coupled with his constant fear and paranoia...

GANGLE

no judgement from her, she cries a lot more than she would like and shes not going to make you feel bad for showing your feelings.. hell she might even cry with you depending on whats got you going

youre both a pair of softies, and theres nothing wrong with that!

gently tugs you somewhere if you need to dethatch from everything else in order to recompose yourself, shes there if you need her!

both worried and flattered if her art pieces move you enough to make you tear up- shes no master artist but it makes her feel a certain way

ZOOBLE

not very emotive, in fact they dont show off their emotions all that much even to you- even though youre both close to each other

but thats okay, you do more than enough to express your feelings to make up for it!

though, it did annoy them a little in the beginning when you were still new to the circus... not enough to make them fully dismiss you or find you as a person annoying! theyve since gotten used to it and accepted that this is just how you are + how you show and process your thoughts and emotions

paps your back to soothe you, does it out of habit due to the "crying is widely seen as something bad has happened"... it feels nice, though, even if you dont need comforting

[chaoticprussia]

How do the people most affected by TR (France, Poland and Czechia and Slovakia, and Belgium) feel about current Germany.

Does Germany have ANY freinds

Can I be his friend, he needs a friend, maybe also a pet.

OHHHHH MY GOD, he could get either a German shepherd or a Belgian shepherd, yknow, it could be a therapy dog/ service dog, and I think it would be cute and all but what if TR also had one and idk France or something sees him walking/training it and just gets flashbacks?

(What if the dog is trained to deal with like anxiety attacks or something, Germany is THE most anxious person)

Sorry for the rant, I got exited.

MAN OKAY ANOTHER LONG ONE HELL YEAH

okay starting off simple czechia and slovakia just… try to avoid him mostly? they dont hate him but they dont like him. maybe they wouldnt mind sharing a few beers with the guy but they probably wouldnt want to be around him if he wasnt drunk or at work working. they wouldnt say hello to him if they passed him on the street.

france is more forgiving. but distant. france only still treats him so nicely because he still sees germany as a kid. and its more of 'a boss being nice to their employee' kind of nice. france still subconsciously blames germany for a lot of the shit his family did because france has never really been friends with the germans until germany so sometimes he gets a bit passive aggressive. but he tries not to be too hard on him since hes their best employee.

belgium doesnt… hate germany. fear? maybe. belgium knows that it wasnt germany who hurt him. but they still cant help but feel uncomfortable whenever he stands too close to him or whenever germany starts talking too loud or whenever theyre alone in a room together. hes always super apologetic but its hard. its hard to forget. belgium tries not to take it out on him. they just try to be friendly. but theyre not friends. just shaky acquaintances at best.

poland… Poland. where do i even START????? holy shit they are COMPLICATED. and ironically if you asked germany would call him a friend. poland would not. poland hates his guts. he hates his entire familys guts. we wishes he could pin germany to the floor and just punch him over and over and over again until he was nothing but the bloody heap of flesh beneath him. he wishes he could gouge his eyes out with his thumbs and rip out his throat. he wishes he could just kill him. but he also just… doesnt want to do that. hes tired. hes so sick of opening his eyes and seeing nothing but red. germany is a nice sunny golden color…weimar was too. their relationship is complicated. germany clings to him like a leach. like poland is the only thing keeping him alive. feeding him. he just wants to tear him off of him and rip him apart. to hurt him like he was hurt. to show him what he went through. he hates him. he hates him. their relationship is complicated. germany looks so tired. everyone treats him so unfairly. germanys done nothing wrong. he crumples into his arms and for once poland is the stronger one. germany puts so much trust into him. why? he knows he hates him. he knows. he has His fucking eyes. is it just because he cant fucking help himself? does he just torment him like this because he gets some sick twisted enjoyment from it? is that what hes after. what do you want from me. their relationship is complicated.

uh

OKAYYY. next point. does germany have any friends? uhhhhhh oh man. that really depends on what you would consider a friend. do they have to be super close to you? and do they have to like you? because if they have to be both close to you AND like you than germany only really has one friend and its RUSSIA of all people. maybe italy and japan but the thought of being in the same room as both of them at the same time makes germany want to throw up and then kill himself.

funnily enough TR had a dog.. a german shepherd actually. it would do germany fucking WONDERS to get a dog. especially a therapy dog. since he has the same extreme paranoia his father did. but i feel like he would scare himself out of getting one. like "what if i forget to feed it and it dies?" also france would probably passively bully him out of ever getting one if he brought it up. "arent you a bit too. hm. mentally unwell to get a dog? what if you end up traumatizing the poor thing?" and then hed just feel even worse and would be scared to even pet dogs because hed be terrified of accidentally hurting them somehow.

this man lives the worst fucking life. my god.

[bringcal]

This was inspired due to wolfertinger666's post I've just reblogged, and will be a long one, but bare with me here.

I been on the internet like way too long and too young for my age, and I never understood spreading callouts. I don't think I ever have in my life. Before I even understood them as a tool used to socially kill trans people and push an agenda of anti-queerness, I always just thought the contents tended to be stupid, and vast majority of callouts often like to use different manipulation and deception tactics that the average person can easily be manipulated by. I think most abuse survivors can agree with me here that they have at least seen one callout in their lives where they have read and easily recognized what the person spreading the callout was doing was emotional manipulation.

I have always been that person who reaches out to the person subject of the callout to help them, and I've always been disgusted in the anti-critical thinking and pro-harassment sentiments surrounding callouts, because those are the exact same things that I've been subject to after being in an abusive relationship online.

When I talk to people victims of callouts, they often have the same fears as I do due to me being in an abusive relationship: Paranoia people are stalking you, not feeling safe to share anything, having to change identities to get away from the harassment, etc. And thats because people who make callouts and create harassment mobs use the same abuse tactics. I had to delete all my accounts, change names, interests, and stay off the internet for months to try and get away from my abuser, because he would stalk me and get others to do the same, and convinced everyone that I was the one being shitty. I stayed paranoid, and sometimes still do, that I will be "found" and messaged again even though its been 6 years since we broke up.

When you have experience yourself in this sort of thing, you realize people who change their identities to get away from callouts aren't trying to "get away" due to nefarious reasons. they just want to live and grow, they want an actual support system and to be better, and never consented to their faults being publicized, and a lot of the time their faults being put on them have never even happened, or are blown out of proportion. It started to click when you realize callouts often try their best to dehumanize the person at hand, and really try to hammer in the " born inherently evil" or "too far gone" point to get people to socially outcast their victims. It often works even with people who would normally be against that sort of thing, I notice a lot of people end up deleting the callout they helped spread later saying they don't actually care or realize how ridiculous the op is being, without realizing the op still got what they wanted. Callouts only spread if theyre able to get you to that " reactionary " level of emotion to manipulate you to just doing anything.

People don't realize that the thing theyre doing actually has lasting effects on the other person. The thing you reblog that you care about for 2 days and then forget will follow the other person forever, because TERFs and Kiwifarms motherfuckers are a different breed of passionate for harassment. My IRL bestfriend I've known for a decade has a girlfriend who made a joke 6 years ago that went viral that everyone took seriously and she still, to this day, gets messages harassing her. The joke wasnt even offensive or directed at anyone, people literally just hated her because she was a communist.

So anyways, I don't like callout posts and neither should you. Make no exception. Literally just keep it to yourself and gossip with friends. Reactionary harassment campaigns do nothing. You're one "fuck up" or one "walking into the wrong person" to getting one yourself. Don't allow callout makers to turn your brain off.

[schizotypalpd-culture-is]

major cw for venting abt rumination, unreality and paranoia...

questioning stpd + bpd culture is freaking out alot and never being able to keep an account for long and getting immediately suspicious as well as hella inferior to ("they're gonna find out something about me idk what but i know")/anxious of anyone who is too enthusiastic about you (and conversely trying to talk to people who are not as available at all), not being able to use youtube much anymore because u think all the videos could be talking about you even tho its just a tactic to address the viewer to watch but u feel so fucking called out by every little thing, getting angry at the screen and always typing mean shit in the search bar in case somethings watching (but still being addicted to the internet), feeling intrusive at every family function for no reason, feeling like an idiot trying to speak more than one or two words on most days bc it gets jumbled or u literally cannot remember even names or what u did 2 days ago, having the weirdest blend of disgruntled/confused/concerned stare with little response at all whenever u try to describe ur problems and mind, having breakdowns when u try to make friends irl, and really needing help but too scared of being invalidated/mistreated/laughed at and also its a big process i dont fully understand or have much help with and being watched/monitored by family is my nightmare. then ruminating for hours feeling guilty bc the other part of u knows its not all about u, negative grinch!! but u cant escape the feeling or the possibility. then u get scared somethings watching ur brain judging and u spend more hours arguing with yourself or the entity and freaking out which the stress and sleep deprivation turns into hallucinating ghosts (then u think... OMG she cursed me! im haunted! its this house! my vibes are so bad ghosts want me out of here.) and having nobody to tell abt it. so u write about it in a document cuz u literally cant verbalise delusions hoping whatever medical professional will see it wont disregard it because you are somewhat self aware/introspective (to the point that you're just obsessing over your own thoughts not really anything like ooh enlightenment. oh and then u ruminate that maybe youre not sick enough... then get angry at imaginary people who would dare think that... wait im an asshole! people can think what they want! whats my problem! im so mean! que rumination about that), post online then get paranoid about it again and tbh u dont know why u post it but it has to go somewhere, to someone. itll probably drive everyone away but i don't know where else to go. maybe ill be honest and show my true face. but do people even do that? am i something to be hidden? im so tired and cant even cope with people walking outside my window and i look creepy when i figure out what theyre doing by standing at the window then i panic thinking they think im a creep going to do bad things.

.

[lullambr]

okay, not to burst some bubbles, but i do LOVE ls!kazam.. i just know it would never work out? like i love the idea of kazam... like... okay, so kazam will never be a healthy thing until kaboodle understands herself or understands how to healthily manage her feelings in regards to her lack of ... guidance? all she has is karmas law to guide her morals and actions, but that's a thing she keeps separated from her "true" self. like some omnipotent thing she can't control (she can) [more below cut... this is a YAP fest now]

and on top of that, her mistreatment (intentional or not) of zam, and even other people around her is so? like okay, lets not get upset she killed a naked jepexx, lets not be stupid, the same thing has happened to her before so she just thinks its a thing that happens, its not right but i'll defend her there.

but her interpersonal relationships really bum me out? i think lskab is vv capable of learning, and her parallel of s4 zam w eclipsefed and zam taking that role for her... like zam grew, and so could they but for now? It's understandable why people dont like lskab, because we dont even know who lskab is... like? what does she stand for? what are her morals? she could say it's karmas law and keeping the server going, but is it?

take for example, mawn. zam and kab both love spawn and want preserve it, constantly rebuilding the homes and builds there, but when mawn came around, while yes zam left bcs he didnt wanna fight mapicc, another reason is bcs zam acknowledged people LIKED mawn. they ENJOYED not dying every time they went to mawn. and zam was unwilling to take that from the server

meanwhile, kab wants to keep spawn active, so she created her own, one that actively rivals mawn not just in name but in status, in activity, in function. and she seems to behave so naively about it? she thinks no one will blow it up, but manepear isn't the only one with access to tnt, and sure, re:spawn is above mawn, but it's the same chunks? if the stone and caves below mawn are still mawn, if zams Island is still mawn, then surely, so is re:spawn? i feel like.. this wasn't thought through very well... and beyond that, it's the fact that kab keeps going, "No one, person should own spawn," but mawn belongs to flame AND mapicc... and to a certain extent? even spoke and jepexx

It's just idk... lskab doesn't think through things vv well because she has a certain belief of how people act, and she thinks they wouldn't defy their expectations. meanwhile, zam is someone who thinks and overthinks every action every word, every look he gives up. its to the point that he gives people the bod because he KNOWS them, while lskab decides to trust immediately and then despise... kab is so .... genuinely interesting?

like i get so annoyed w lskabs mischaracterizations sometimes, but i love that? its so human to expect someone to behave one way and be shocked when they dont. even though i do think lskab and zam could def learn from one another, lskab holds a refreshing pov (being a new player and encouraging zam to build a place for himself [i think?!]) and zam holds very wise advice (for a new player whos going a similar path, zam is a very reliable person rn and a very loyal one too, beyond his paranoia), idk i just think they could be an awesome duo and even though theyre super toxic and fit like a dog and a cat, kazam is vv interesting and i hate that people just dont want to talk about it...

like you either hate lskab or love her, and im like... can we acknowledge her flaws and their misguided nature while also seeing her strengths and kindness and love?? i am talking abt lstwt btw,,, vv scary rn... anyways.. shoutout kazam, i hope they go to prom together and have another falling out bcs, lskab reminds zam why he is so uncomfortable around them!

or ideally, in a perfect world shaped in my image, zam and planet go together since bacon won't take planet.... dandelion duo COME BACK PLEASEEEEEE