#warnings: insecurity

[kflixnet]

Check out our member Lexi's headcanons!

break ups with nct dream

♡ nct dream ﹒ gender neutral!reader genre angst warnings break ups, unhealthy coping, insecurities, some members dont think of themselves very highly, unintentional manipulation maybe ?? ( library )

mark who can’t stop pretending like everything’s fine. mark who is for once thankful of his busy schedule. because when his mind isn’t preoccupied, he finds it always going back to you. now, you only come to his mind late at night when he’s about to fall asleep only to wake up in four hours for yet another schedule. there’s a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes the heartbreak is just as fresh as it was the moment it happened. thinks he let you go to easy but also respects you too much to argue. at this time, he’d be too busy talking to you on the phone to fall asleep. something he used to momentarily regret the next day, but now something he yearns for. he turns around and begs hypos to let him sleep.

renjun who wants to scream at the world and god and ask why is this happening. renjun who refuses to talk about it. he doesn’t understand what happened. he thought you guys were doing perfectly fine. you seemed happy, anyway. he can’t tell if he was just too blind to see that you actually were unhappy or if you were just a good actor. he finds himself thinking about what you’re doing, even when he’s busy. he misses you so bad that he’s so angry that you left. he gets even angrier when he sees you with another guy a couple weeks later. but he’s more angry at himself for letting you go. he thinks it’s easier to be angry than upset.

jeno who cries and then gets his emotions out at the gym. jeno who hits the punching bag so hard it manages to fall off the chain. he moves onto the wall next. he ignores the concerned stares from others about the bruises and split knuckles, but is the exact same otherwise. he thinks he’s doing okay, getting his emotions out in the form of his fists, because at least he’s still doing what he needed to do, right? he’s fine, he swears. when he’s laying in bed alone, he can’t help but wonder what you’re up to and type up a message that accidentally seems too much like a booty call. u up? wyd?

haechan who doesn’t have the energy to be his normal self. haechan who is too quiet, blends in with the walls when he’s normally the life of the party. his voice is literally hoarse from crying and begging you to stay for so long. he sends countless messages to you, enough to the point where you blocked him. people wonder where he is only to find out he’s been right next to them the entire time, thoughts consuming him. he spends time overthinking every decision he made in the last six months that led you to break up with him. he can’t find one. it must be him, though. you’d never break up with him without a reason, right? he wasn’t good enough for you, so he has to be better. and with that, he gets off his ass and forces himself into the conversation. he will be better, for you.

jaemin who is so mature when you bring it up. jaemin who doesn’t cry or act like he’s upset about it in front of others. people think he never loved you with the way he acts. that couldn’t be far from the truth. the only way he’ll grieve over your relationship is in his room, alone, with his babies. he accepts your decision, but the what if’s consume his thoughts. what if he hadn’t done that one thing you got angry at him for? what if he hadn’t missed your anniversary date? but he knows he was a good boyfriend, too. he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over you, doesn’t want to, but he knows he has to. he can only hope that you two will find each other later in life.

chenle who fights harder than he’s ever fought. chenle who wants to work it out. ultimately, you win. he cannot help but be a little bit pissed on how difficult you’re being, how you refuse to talk it out and avoid him. he doesn’t even know what happened. he doesn’t think you’re going to stay broken up so he doesn’t even bother shedding a tear. he thinks it’ll be something you two will laugh and then bicker about in fifty years. thinks you’re trying to make him jealous when you try to move on, and it works. doesn’t think before finally cornering you. he gave you your space, now it’s time for you to give him the answers he wants.

jisung who doesn’t understand the concept of space. jisung who has attachment issues. he’ll text you “good morning” and “good night” and tell you about his day without thinking about it because it’s like a routine for him by now. feels so bad and accidentally makes you feel bad for him with his countless apologies. will tweet about you on his priv and forget you’re still on there. doesn’t even want to think about you moving on, and him moving on is out of the question. he truly thought you were his soulmate, but he wanted you to come back to him in your own terms. he’ll spend forever making it up to you, anyway.

[spielzeugkaiser]

I am back for a hot second with the baby! Let's be real, Geralt gets a lot of heat in this au, but I do think he was very clear about what he could and couldn't be for Jaskier when they started this thing. Listening to this song later, and realizing that Jaskier was already in love with him at this point ... uff. Also a song about sacrifices in this au, from Jaskier??? *chef's kiss* also let's not think about essi in this au let's not let's just ignore this

[kyuhu]

love is in the air or maybe not idk

[moonshere]

Been thinking a lot about this “the family plays isat” AU and how it might happen

Siffrin would probably refuse for them to play it if he was aware of it (thinking about how they said when learning about the diary in the library that they would hate it if someone read their deepest thoughts) and the rest of the family would also respect that, because it really would be a breach of trust. They’d prefer it if Siffrin talked to them himself, after all.

A situation I could see it happening is if, post-Loop battle, Siffrin’s Craft exhaustion got so severe he gets knocked out for a full week or two, maybe more! And the family would be so worried and desperate to understand what happened so that if the game appeared to them suddenly, they’d be tempted enough to play through it. If only just to figure out how to help Siffrin wake up again

(and probably a mixture of other emotions too, wanting to see the conversations Siffrin had with them that they don’t remember, feeling guilty that they didn’t notice soon enough, terrified that Siffrin is hiding something else. I mean, Siffrin straight up did not mention the Loop battle to them at all, even after they promised to talk! so they’d be worried on what happened there already)

Honestly I think all of them would also be exhausted and on bed rest after the whole quest to defeat the King was over, it took months of constant movement and stress so the whole family would crash hard afterwards. Cuz of that they’d be stuck together on like the infirmary or a private room with strict orders to take it easy, what better time to play the game than that?

[kflixnet]

Check out our member Jae's drabble!

like me or like this.?

PAIRING... jay x reader | GENRE... established relationship!au, romance, comfort, fluff, angst | WC... 0.2k | “i’ve always wanted this. i’ve always wanted you.” | mentions of insecurities

“babe, what’s your new year resolution?” 

“new years resolution?” 

you cock an eyebrow, “yeah, you know—like your goals for the new year?”

jay frowns, “am i supposed to have one?” 

you pause as he glances at you questioningly, “do you?”

your boyfriend’s gaze suddenly makes you feel awkward, so you begin to fidget in place subconsciously. 

“uh, i guess yeah.” 

he hums, “then what are yours, baby?”

you should’ve known better. of course he was gonna ask. it’s not like you could lie either. jay always knew when you weren’t being truthful. 

you look down, at a loss for words. 

“hey, what’s wrong?” jay grabs one of your hands as a gesture of comfort but it only makes you more… guilty? embarrassed? 

“it’s nothing-“

“you don’t want to share?” he asks, his gaze soft. 

instead of responding, you only nod. 

“that’s fine. i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to pry.”

you’re quick to shake your head and squeeze his hand back to reassure him. 

“it’s not that. i-i just realized i had a lot of new year’s resolutions…i just think there’s a lot of things—about myself—that i want to fix.”

jay’s grip tightens as he pulls you closer in between his legs. 

“baby…”

“sorry,” you avoid his gaze, “i wish my brain wasn’t like this. i know you probably don’t-“

“i’ve always wanted this. i’ve always wanted you.”

“me? like this?”

you glance at jay, and he immediately reaches up to smooth the furrow between your brows. 

“of course. forever and always.”

a/n ▸ hi (again) and happy new year!!🥳 yes i’m finally back and hoping 2024 is a better year for all of us. lots of self reflections for this new year but i’m excited for what will come for this blog and i hope you guys are too ❤️

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@kflixnet

[eyelessdoll-y]

ヾ(´￢｀)ﾉ Important!! ヾ(´￢｀)ﾉ

Everyone!! I created courage and did more arts accounts out of this Diabolik Lovers fandom blog, and with that, I also made an linktree to link every new account in any site I create. In other accounts (Instagram/Twitter/Ko-fi) I'll try post more drawings and receive more comissions (and get a job)!! There will be my general arts in any anime, game, movies; studies, animation, design!! If you really love and have interest in my general art, you might be following and supporting me!!! 🥺🥺💜💜

>>♡ https://linktr.ee/doll__amanda ♡<<

And I finally created a Ko-fi, the link is also right on the linktree!! If you want to help me and don't want to pay for a whole commission, you can support me at Ko-fi paying as much as you want and can!!

Also, I ask sorry if the text doesn't have much to do with the photo. I did this drawing of Shuu to draw attention, as I realized that the amount of followers who read and interact in my important text/warning posts is highly disproportionate to the amount of followers who interact in my arts and drawings. And it's okay, because my blog is focused on drawings so it's normal for this to happen, I just needed you guys to come read this warning so I ended up appealing with Shuu... A little. But come on, there's nothing explicit in this pic !!! 🥺🥺

Here's a short short of him listening to G-Idle's "Nxde" in bath. It's simple, nothing woooow in animation, but I just wanted to show it!! Shuu's photo in the full tub will be on one of my accounts, click on my linktree to find it! 😘😘 (if you are under the age of 18, you will not see. And I'm not sorry about that!!)

[leviiackrman]

I am fighting for my life to be mentally stable and it’s not working

[a-sketchy]

the thing about yosuke’s shittiness around here (up close and personal, the campout) is that the vast majority of it isn’t doing literally anything for his character. i completely think yosuke’s shittiness is important to his character, but it’s by and large reflections of his own insecurities and flaws. he’s insecure about his masculinity and sexuality, he’s lame, he’s selfish, he’s obsessed with the idea of women, his mouth moves faster than his brain, he doesn’t like himself, and he cares way too much about the societal ideal of ‘normal’. but it’s really important that he’s self-aware! he knows when the things he says are shitty, he knows he’s lame, he knows he’s selfish, he knows he’s putting up a front of being carefree and normal. but there’s absolutely no self awareness here, there’s no recognizing he went too far and apologizing the next day, there’s no regret, there’s not even any self-deprecation, and there’s absolutely no compassion or empathy like he has in serious moments. a lot of what he says is just mean for meanness’s sake, in an execution incongruous with previous behaviour. it’s not even funny!

[kflixnet]

Check out our member MIssy's fic!

[🐯] windflowers brought me back to you

✿ pairing: beomgyu x reader / idol!txt / non.idol!you / exes-to-lovers (kind of) / very angsty in the beginning but fluff at the end / 8,915 words ✿ disclaimer: cursing and foul language / heavy emotions and insecurities / mentions of food and eating / clichè romantic trope / reader is friends with the other members / reader calls beomgyu ‘gyu’ / the timeline kind of follows their act:lovesick tour / jokes of death in a playful manner / txt members acting like cupids (not them trying to fix your relationship with gyu) ✿ you thought the day that beomgyu broke up with you was the day he had let go of the love he had for you; little did you know, he carried his love for you throughout his tour and came back to fix his mistake. ✿ 🎧: windflower by mamamoo (lofi remix by karma)

note: hi 👉👈 i know i literally dropped off the face of the earth but honestly, life has been a handful but i’m slowly writing things in the drafts and this is one that was sitting on the shelf for a while that i didn’t know how to feel about it so, i’m sending it off the shelf! merry x’mas, lovelies and hope you are all safe and well! 💖

[masterlist 🌸] / @kflixnet​​ ✨

it was a normal day today; it would’ve been, it should’ve been. peace, quiet… the lingering embedded pain in your heart every time your phone receives a notification and you know you’re not going to see a familiar name showing up. at this point, it’s been months. you should move on by now; maybe you were, in some twisted way your heart was healing each time his name rang in your mind and you tried not to show any emotion–cruel, but it was the only way you’d cope. it was progress, one day at a time, slowly, his face will dissolve, his name won’t hurt you when you hear it, and maybe you’ll man up to delete all traces of him from your life.

today, however, that name you’ve been longing for shows up in person by your door–and he only hopes that you still long to see him as he lifts his head up to look at you–all your efforts be damned.

choi beomgyu, who decided to let you go–days before he went on tour–was standing in front of you. the tour merely ended days ago and he had returned home. the first place he was determined to go was wherever you were.

Keep reading

[fluffypotatey]

you ever think about how MK never gets a chance to really define himself?

[brown-little-robin]

zombie au drabble: early in the curing process

so Mob and Ritsu are living alone in a house in Salt Township, right. And at first, Ritsu brings Mob to the hospital and back every day, and that's... pretty much his entire life. He doesn't have to stay on the move anymore. He doesn't even have to scavenge for food or loot corpses. Salt Township gave Ritsu and Mob citizenship as soon as Takane Tsubomi identified them as former neighbors. So Ritsu is allowed to go to the Salt Community Kitchen and take food, just take it, and no one is allowed to shoot at him for stealing or for the crime of traveling with a sick brother.

So Ritsu holes up in the empty house with Shigeo and rations out their last food. People he hasn't seen since he was six years old drop by to say hello and give him things, and he tries to remember how to be normal about it. But eventually, even the gift food runs out, and the hospital food once a day isn't enough. Ritsu has to make a trip to the Salt Kitchen.

And he doesn't want to.

For months, getting food has been one of the most nerve-wracking things Ritsu has had to do. They needed food. To get food, Ritsu had to interact with humans. Taking Shigeo with him was not an option; humans shoot zombies on sight. But Shigeo, alone and sick with no concept of pain, could easily get killed or accidentally injure himself in any number of ways. So Ritsu resorted to gently, apologetically tying Shigeo to trees or poles with his jacket while he went to trade looted stuff for food.

And then, while Ritsu was trying to look normal and healthy for the settlement people, selling them bullets and trying not to think about what the bullets would be used for, he would be imagining how easily Shigeo could snap the arms of that jacket and wander away.

About the time that spring started rotting into summer, when Dimple forced his way into their little party, it became possible to acquire food without leaving his brother alone. But still, Ritsu never left his side.

Even with Dimple around, Ritsu stuck as close to Shigeo as possible. He never liked Dimple, and he completely rejected the idea of leaving his brother in that slimeball's questionable care. He knew Dimple only stuck with them out of some kind of directionless desperation that happened to fixate on his brother's calm strength. Dimple was charismatic enough to found a cult, seemingly benevolent, always smiling, a man who could make zombies and humans alike do his bidding—but Ritsu saw through him. Dimple wasn't a messiah, he was just a little insane. He was a mostly-asymptomatic carrier of zombie disease, Ritsu figured out, just a little too late. He'd realized when Dimple attacked him.

Ritsu never liked Dimple. He's sorry Dimple is dead, though.

After Shigeo snarled louder than Ritsu had ever heard him and fought Dimple to the ground, Dimple had calmed Shigeo down with just a few physical gestures and throaty, wordless sounds. The man was able to communicate with zombies, Ritsu had acknowledged bitterly. And he would be useful on the journey to a cure. So, after the cult dissolved, Ritsu had let Dimple tag along after them. Occasionally, he'd make Dimple get supplies while he stayed with his brother. He never let Dimple stay alone with Shigeo. Didn't trust him that far.

He wishes Dimple was here now.

Ritsu paces in front of the door, rubbing his thumb over the curve of his spoon, one of two pieces of silverware he has left from his parents' house. They need food. Nii-san is only a few days into the cure and not really conscious or anything. Ritsu has to go get food.

His brother is crouching by the functionless TV, fingers running clumsily over the screen, fumbling over the buttons.

"Switch it to channel 5, Nii-san," Ritsu requests idly.

Shigeo makes a toneless throat-sound that might almost be mhm.

He's changing. It used to be a surprise if his brother verbally responded to Ritsu's voice more than once a day; yesterday Ritsu held a whole sort-of-conversation with him, back and forth for minutes on end, until Shigeo's eyelids started drooping. Exhausted. Both Ritsu and Shigeo are getting more sleep now than ever, and they're both still exhausted.

Ritsu's thumb rubs hard along the edge of the spoon. He can't get over it. He hates taking his brother to the hospital, hates being exposed on the street, walking with a zombie, his brother, hates how people stare at them in pity and disgust, hates hates hates how the doctors look from him to Shigeo and back, not sure who to talk to anymore now that the cure is working inside Shigeo. Ritsu hates talking to Shigeo in public even though he doesn't give a shit if people think he's weird. Everyone already does. The thing is, he's been told that everyone in Salt knows zombies are people, but every time someone does a double-take at them he feels like they're going to get shot.

The council made him give up his guns in exchange for shelter. He still has knives, but he feels naked without the firearms.

He's just wasting time thinking about this. Of course he's taking his brother. He can't leave him alone. Not yet. Not until Ritsu is 100 percent certain Shigeo is 100 percent better.

It's stupid to think of this as a choice. Being around adults again must be messing with Ritsu's head. There's no way Ritsu can leave his brother alone, and they have to eat.

Ritsu is still in charge.

And that means he can do this.

Ritsu opens the door and looks back into the house. He waits.

Shigeo looks up from the TV. His misty gaze passes over Ritsu, then his eyes wander back to Ritsu, becoming aware of what an open door might mean.

Ritsu takes a step out the door, and his brother gets up and follows him.

[allowed-to-take-up-space]

Something I've been thinking about a lot is the way my father would critique and stereotype every single person he saw, yet still insist he wasn't judgmental.

We are in the car, my dad driving, me in the passenger seat. I am a child, maybe 11 years old. My father points at the girl standing on the corner, waiting for the light to change. "Yikes. Good thing she's out walking. Looks like she needs it. Bet she's hoping she'll fit into the outfit she's wearing someday."

"Dad, that's not a nice thing to say about someone."

"It's fine. She can't hear me. I would never say something like that to someone's face. You know, MY dad was homophobic and racist, so at least I'm better than that."

Maybe that girl on the corner didn't hear my father. But I did. And I've never forgotten it. Or the time I finally admitted to him - after YEARS of being a suicidal teen - that I was extremely depressed, and he told me I was one of those kids making shit up for attention, because HE had been in a car crash at one point and experienced REAL depression.

And yet I always ponder, now, how I could possibly be so insecure. Why I cannot just accept myself and move forward. Why I look at myself in the mirror with disgust.

It's HIS voice that echoes in my head. It's HIS nasty remarks that I remember. It's HIS judgmental opinions that I have to rid from my brain, every single time they pop up, because I KNOW better.

Even though I haven't spoken to my dad in several years now, the way he treated myself and others invades my mind constantly. His negativity has shaped so much of me - of my LIFE - and last time we DID speak, he still refused to take any accountability for the multitude of ways in which he hurt me (this specific topic not even covering 1/10 of the ways in which he did).

Furthermore, this makes me think about all the people who utter "harmless comments" about others when they don't think someone who might be hurt by that is listening. I've been privy to many conversations that have left me feeling hollow, without the folks making those judgmental comments realizing that what they've said applies to me. And I don't often feel safe enough to stand up for myself.

I wish folks could realize that openly passing heinous judgment on strangers is a gateway to passing judgment on people you care about.

"I would never say something like that to someone's face."

You said it to mine.

[kimmiessimmies]

Serious question: Is the current walking and talking date between Rachel and Malte boring? Because there's more of it coming, and I thought it would be a cute thing, but now I'm thinking that's just my take on it. So if it's taking the fun out of this update, I'll cut it, I guess.

ETA: I know no one is going to say "yes, it is" because everyone here is much too kind. But I think I need to know... 😕

[boycritter]

just took SUCH a good photo of myself and i can’t even show it to anyone. because of The Horrors.

[123pixieaod]

oh my god your girl daniel was so amazing!!! it was such a treat to read and if you ever have any more thoughts about that universe i would love to hear it!!! <3

Anon, do I ever!!!!

Firstly thank you so much for the kind words 💖 I had never written girl Daniel before so I'm so happy you think she works :)))

Secondly, yes. Yes I do. You have either opened Pandoras Box or a can of worms, depending on which allegory takes your fancy, because I literally cannot stop thinking about insecure Girl Daniel, and what would happen next to her (so I apologise in advance for the upcoming rambles lol).

So, after the time in the gym, Daniel phones Michelle and Michelle has about zero sympathy for her because she is a Working Mother™️ and thinks (possibly correctly) Daniel is a single millionaire professional sportswoman and has no right to be having problems (again going back to this deep rooted misogyny that for a woman having a family is the most important calling for them, and everything else paled in comparison).

And basically Michelle tells Daniel that of course Max would say and think that because Daniel always acts like a 'one of the boys', even as a little child, and dresses as if she doesn't care what people think of her (jealousy now from Michelle that she never felt like she could be that free???)

So Daniel gets off the call and basically decides to change, and the first thing she does is gets fake nails put on. And she goes for these little gell ones with flowers on because Flowers are Feminine.

But at the next race weekend, walking back after the press conference with Max, she realises that the nail onher ring finger has fallen off and just starts to ... cry. Because it feels like the universe's big fat way of telling her she's never going to be desirable and no man will ever want to marry her (and ofc by no man she means Max, but accepting how utterly in love with him she is feels like defeat in a different way). And Max is walking with her to the motorhome of Red Bull/ Alpha Tauri and is slightly freaking out because 😰why is Daniel just staring at her hands😰why is she nearly crying😰 and he asks and that does make her burst into tears because she just feels so pathetic in that moment, and the only thing she can say is one of her new gel nails fell off and she walks away before he can say anything else.

That evening she pretends she's feeling a bit unwell so gets to stay in her driver room and eat dinner alone and feels slightly less miserable because she now has an Even Better Plan ™️ and so she pulls off all the fake nails (flowers? How old is she, six?) and calls her mum asking for advice and is half way through listening to her mums step by step process for straightening her hair when there's a knock on her door and it's Max holding out the lost nail. And as soon as Daniel opens the door he marches in complaining that she should be more careful and that it was under the couch and he got such strange looks from the staff so the next time she should not be so upset over a nail and instead just take another from the box and replace it, and all Daniel is able to say is she didn't buy the gell nails in a box she got them done directly at a nail salon and Max just blinks out at her. And then nods, and mumbles that Kelly orders her online and they come on a box with extra. He looks away as he gentle places the sole gell nail down on her table.

"I suppose it is a good thing then I got it for you, if you had no spares," he mumbles, cheeks suddenly warm, and Daniel just nods and stutters a "thank you" and Max nods again as if they've both been caught doing something embarrassing and leaves quickly. And then Daniel is staring at the nail that Max went back and searched for and found, just for her, and then goes to retrieve all the others she ripped off and begins to carefully glue them back on, refusing to think about what any of it could mean.

ANYWAY then it's time for Daniel's Big Plan™️. This is where she gets her hair professionally straightened and begins to smile with only her lips and tries not to laugh because Girls Don't Have Loud Honking Laughs and wears long sleeves to hide her tattoos and when she's going out she wears dresses and she finally shaves her legs and she learns to wear makeup and trims her eyebrows and waxes the hair on her upper lip and begins to wear jewellery (but only clipon earrings because her race engineer tells her she would be a fucking idiot to try and get her ears pieced and then expect them to not get infected while wearing a racing helmet).

And for a while, she feels good. She feels really good. She likes the way her mother keeps texting her photos that the f1 photographers take of her and telling her how beautiful she looks now. She likes her sister texting her advice on which shoes go with which dresses and saying she's glad Daniel's finally grown up ("usually the tomboy phase only lasts a few years, not two and a bit decades, but at least you're out the other side of it"). She gets attention too, papers writing of "Ricciardo's New Look!" and articles on her "killer figure previously hidden under oversized clothing".

She likes it and she lives for the moment at at a party when they're both drunk and Max brushes his fingers over her long, silver, dangley earrings, saying "pretty," and Daniel feels her chest contracting and Max suddenly drops his hand as if the silver burns, and he looks at her and she looks back and he blinks, Maldives-blue eyes meeting her dark ones lined with eyeliner. "Thanks," she whispers, and he just jerks a nod and then takes a step back, as if there wasn't enough oxygen for the two of them that close together.

But then it slowly turns sour. She gets tired of constantly trying, constantly waking up early to do her makeup and constantly ignoring her favourite, baggy clothes in favour of new, tight shirts and dresses her sister recommends. Her mother sends her another photo, but this time it's just accompanied with "That's a bit revealing don't you think Dani?" When she facetimes her dad with her new smooth, straight hair and makeup and a smile that's always closelipped, he looks sad as he smiles back at her.

She comes P3 at the race before the summer break, and goes out wearing a sequined purple dress her sister encouraged her to buy, which once she wouldn't even consider wearing (she knows her mother would call it borderline obscene with its plunging neck line and high hem). At the last moment, she puts on the earrings Max complimented, refusing to think about the warmth in her chest as she clips them on.

At the party, she gets drunk and finds Max, and he's drinking and Kelly is there too, and she just looks so perfect, and suddenly Daniel feels like a little girl playing dress up. It all comes so natural to Kelly. She doesn't have to try to be feminine and beautiful. She just is. And Max isn't. No matter how many dresses she buys or makeup, she wears or hair heels she nearly twists her ankles on, she won't be Kelly. That's the sort of beauty you're born with, the sort Daniel is so clearly deficient in.

She wants to leave, but Max sees her before she can and weaves his way to her. His cheeks are flushed from drink, and he's wearing a white shirt with the top buttons undone, and he looks so good that she wants to die. "Your earrings," he says, blinking at them before meeting her gaze. "I talked to Victoria. About you."

"Cheers for letting me know," Daniel tries to make a joke but it sounds too bitter to land. Max frowns, no doubt picking up on her tone.

"No, I mean... what I said about you earrings. Last time. About them being pretty."

Daniel suddenly can't breathe. The club is too busy, too dark, too noisy, too much. She wants to leave, wants to suspend this moment in Amber and let his sentence stay unfinished.

"I did not mean it."

And Daniel barks a laugh, her chest aching like it's being crushed. She's so fucking stupid.

"No wait," Max says quickly, cheeks growing hotter. "I did not - I mean, of course I meant it. But they are just earrings. They are pretty because you are wearing them, and you are pretty. I do not -"

"Hi," Kelly materialises beside them, wrapping a perfect, unblemished arm around Max's waist. "Congratulations on the podium Daniel," she says in her sensual accent, the cadence smooth and so unlike the musical, messy lilt of Daniel's Australian one.

She forces a smile. Close lip. She refuses to look at Max. She makes up some excuse about not having a drink. She leaves them.

And then the night gets even more messy and Daniel gets even more drunk and ends up on the dance floor with some creep who keeps putting his hands on her ass no matter how many times she grabs them and raises them to her waist and then a tiny voice is asking her what the fuck are you doing and she leaves and the air is cold on her cheeks and her bare arms and shaven legs and her smooth hair keeps flying into her eyes and she's hugging herself as she's walking aimlessly, and then someone calls her name and it's Max, looking exhausted but significantly more sober then before.

"I did not mean what I said," he continues stubbornly, an echo of previous words, the moment that triggered her desperate attempt to change, sparking this whole fuck up.

"I looked for you," he says with a frown as if Daniel was a misbehaving child.

She snaps, "Maybe I didn't want to see you," and he blinks as if she's slapped him, as if the thought never even occurred to him.

"Yes you did. You always mean what you say." Daniel hugs herself tighter. She looks away. She wants to cry.

"Yes," he allows after a beat. "Okay, I meant what I said but I did not say it how I meant to. I just meant that the earrings are not the things which made you pretty, that -"

"And Victoria told you to say that, did she?" Daniel says, voice back to bitterness.

"No, she didn't," Max replies, his own tone beginning to sound annoyed, like Daniel is intentionally vexing him. "But she did tell... well, she made me think, and what I think is that you are not very happy, Daniel."

Daniel jerks her head up, staring at him.

"What?"

"Happy," he repeats, brows knitted together. "I do not think you are happy."

Nobody has said that to her. She has been praised or accused, her new look attracting attention and labels and names. But in all the rush and noice and chatter, nobody had said that.

"I am happy," she says after a pause, mind racing. "Of course I'm happy. Why wouldn't I be happy?"

His lips thin. "You do not smile any more. Not like how you used to."

Daniel barks out a laugh, feeling something in her chest constrict even further.

So then they have a Big Argument and Max says he does not understand why she has changed her appearance so much if it's making her so miserable and he does not like how she dresses and acts because she's not laughing or smiling anymore and she is not happy. Daniel snaps back that maybe she doesn't give two shits about what he thinks (the irony burning her from the inside out) and the argument gets even worst and eventually Daniel storms off and Max doesnt follow her.

When she gets home she just lays on her bed and cries and doesn't even bother taking off her makeup, even though she knows her mother would scold her and say she'll get spots.

It's summer break and Daniel watches as Kelly posts photo after photo of Max on holidays with her family, and Daniel just... gives up. She didn't care. It was never possible, because she's not like women like Kelly. She's Daniel, and no amount of straightened hair or revealing dresses will change that.

So she throws it all out. She bags all her new clothes into bin bags and leaves it anonymously outside a charity shop. She throws out all her makeup. She gives her straightener to a alpha tauri worker for their daughter. She lets the hair on her upper lip grow back. She goes back to her baggy shirts and ancient ripped jeans and frizzy hair. She stops caring, and it's one of the most freeing things she's ever done. She's Daniel again, Daniel with the crazy curls and oversized shirts. Daniel. Herself again.

Everyone is disappointed. Her mother barely speaks for the entire facetime they do, her lips thin in disapproval as she takes in Daniel's altered style. Her sister snaps at Daniel for wasting her time looking for advice if she was just going back to not bothering about how she looks. The papers declare "Babe-cardo is gone" and publish photos of her wearing dresses and make up as if it's a eulogy.

She is nervous to see Max again, waiting for his expression to fall as he sees she's back to being messy, ugly Daniel. Instead, his face lights up when he walks into the meeting room and sees her. They haven't spoken since their fight, haven't even texted, but Daniel blurts out a stupid joke about how even under the Mediterranean sun Max still has the colouring of a sickly Victorian child, but Max laughs and then Daniel laugh, back to her honking laugh which makes everyone turn and look at her, and just like that she knows her and Max are back to normal.

Only it's more than normal. When everyone else looks at her like she's a let down, Max smiles as if he never quite wants to stop looking at her. When some reporter asks in a patronising manner if she was trying different hair textures to see which is more aerodynamic, Max replies before Daniel can even begin to form a polite PR answer, pointing out George now has a middle parting, and surely that's much more important news then Daniel's curls, and everyone laughs and looks at George as he blushes and tries to stammer out a response. But Daniel just looks at Max, who looks back from across the opposite side of the interviewing coach. And she grins, and then Max grins back and laughs softly, looking away.

And this is pretty much the point where the tags on the fic begin. Max and Daniel are somehow closer than ever. Max keeps giving her compliments, which is new, but they're always such Max compliments Daniel can't help but laugh as he says them. Like "you are only a few seconds behind me, they is very good" or "Daniel, is your bagpack new it is very lovely and big" about a rucksack he's definitely seen her with about a hundreds time before (((but the compliments are never about her physical appearance, which Daniel never actually realises and possibly Max doesnt even realise it either. She's just Daniel, and it's her smile and her sense of humour and her liveliness which makes her beautiful to Max, not how she styles her hair or which clothes she wears))).

So then Daniel finally wins a race and Max is the first to hug her tightly and tell her how amazing she is and how lovely her drive was and of course if be hasn't had engine problems then she would've had a proper fight on her hands but he is sure it is the first of many podiums they'll share and Daniel's just laughing and hugging him back and on the podium she gets Max to do a shoey but holds her shoe to his lips and watches as the champaign runs down over his lips and the buldge of his Adams apple moves with his swallowing and she suddenly feels very drunk and slightly ill, knowing she can't have any of it but now after making her peace with it.

And down below Kelly is like 🤨🤨🤨 and doesn't understand because Max definitely didn't desire Daniel when she tried to be pretty (not very successfully either, she thinks) so how could he find her desirable now in a sweaty race suit and with inked arms dusted with dark hair and wild curls which are more frizz then anything else and a smile which seems almost cartoonist its so unnaturally big???? But she knows what she saw, watching him gently brush a few wayward curls away which had been glued to Daniel's forehead and cheeks by the champaign, watching him drink from her shoe, watching him smile at Daniel as if she's the only thing he can see.

So that night she gives him an ultimate. He has to stop seeing Daniel, or else she'll leave. And Max is like wtf Kelly isn't like other girls she's secure!!! And it's just Daniel!!!! And Kelly just snaps its pathetic and embarrassing how obviously he pines after the weirdo, and Max just goes very still and Kelly tells him Daniel is probably a lesbian anyway from how she dresses (we bringing all types of internalised misogyny in this fic🫠) and they wouldn't make any sense but him and Kelly are perfect, and Max just nods because he doesn't... him and Kelly make Sense. She's beautiful and classy and his dad tells Max that he picked well with her and people in f1 always tell him how lucky he is to have such a beautiful girlfriend and his mum writes "Max and Kelly" in letters now and somehow Max nodding is equating to him texting Daniel, Kelly dictating exactly what to say.

And Daniel gets the text and just sort of feels herself falling apart and it's so unfair because he said her earrings were pretty and then took it back, how could Kelly possibly think she's a threat to her?? But Daniel does what Max asks and doesn't text him and he doesn't text her and at the next race they acknowledge each other as nothing more then professional coworkers and Daniel wonders if this is what heartbreak is like, and how losing Max as a friend is a thousand times worse than when she admitted to herself he'd never find her desirable.

She goes back to Monaco for the two week break. She buys a photo of a shark, this one swimming and alive and looking so real she swears his eyes follow her. She hangs it in her living room. She loves it. She buys flowers. She cleans her apartment. She tries to learn to bake.

Then, a knock on her door. She's half way through baking a possibly unsaveble batch of brownies (she got the salt and sugar mixed up :((( ) and opens the door with an old Red Bull apron, a lá a Red Bull PR Christmas videos from years back, and hair in a wild mess and tattered Aussie slippers and there's Max. And even before she can comprehend he's standing there with a bouquet of especially drooping flowers he's marching in past her, going to the cabinet to get a vase all while complaining about how awful the florists in Monaco are and how they fucked up his order and how one day he will take her to the Netherlands, proper, not just for a race, and show her the tulips fields and then she will get proper flowers and and and and -

And Daniel is just standing by the still open door, staring at him, distantly wondering if she's astronomically fucked up the oven temperatures and this is CO2 poisoning. Max suddenly stills, stopping mid sentence to worry his lip before turning and blurting out "You're not a lesbian, are you?"

And Daniel is so shocked she bursts out laughing and Max's cheeks flood warm and he quickly says that of course it would be fine if she is, he has lots of gay and bi friends and besides, he knows he likes Daniel in a lot of ways and he would be happy having her as a friend because she's his best one and he -

And Daniel takes pitying on him and finally says no Max I'm not a lesbian and Max just sort of nods and looks away, and Daniel finally shuts the door but can't stop staring at him and then she laughing again, but in delight and happiness and joy as she finally realises what he said and what he meant, and then Max is laughing too and she can still feel the smile on his lips when they kiss.

And they have wonderful, pent-up-longing-finally-released make out session in her kitchen and then Daniel's alarm goes off and they spring apart as if they're teenagers caught misbehaving and Daniel looks at Max and Max looks back at her and then she grins and he looks so relieved and smiles back.

"I have wanted to do that for a long time," Max admits softly, cheeks blazing as he helps Daniel cut the brownies into squares. She looks at him but he won't meet her eye and then it somehow comes out in mutters and blushes that he's liked her for literal years, but of course she would not like someone like him, she's too cool and free and extroverted, and he moved on and Daniel just can't believe it (((Max loves her for things which aren't her physical appearance!!!)))) and tells Max he's an idiot and when he looks up at her in surprise, she kisses him.

And then Max tries her brownie and Daniel is weirdly afraid something mightve changed between them now but he takes one bite and makes a face and tells her she has always been a bit of a shit cook but this is astronomically shit and Daniel laughs and playfully shoves him and then tries a piece and can't even pretend to enjoy it. They throw it out and Max orders from their favourite Chinese and then life gets bigger and bigger and Max doesnt care if Daniel dresses smart or casual or shave or wears make up, but the one thing he insists on is she not straighten her hair again because he likes to wind the curls around his fingers and tug softly on then. Daniel somehow smiles even more and her laugh is even louder but she no longer cares, and the shark painting in her living room continues to watch her with bright, black eyes and Max eats all the ice cream left in her freezer that she hasn't been able to touch and each time she thinks she can't get any happier, Max will or complain about her thick hair clogging up the shower drain or ban her from cooking unless he's there to supervise and keep the salt and sugar separate or or or

And it goes on like that, happy and in love :)))

[kflixnet]

Check out our member Izzy's teaser!!

[teaser] love me unconditionally | the boyz kim sunwoo

pairing » the boyz kim sunwoo x fem!reader​

trope/au » ​friends to lovers, non-idol au!, school au!

genre (teaser only) » fluffy fluff fluff, very much hurt and comfort, angst, sunwoo is so patient and loving with the reader, a snippet of an amusement park 'date', sunwoo is whipped for the reader because i love making the idol whipped for the reader (hehe), lots of hand holding because i find that so cute, kim sunwoo who only has eyes for you

word count; estimated reading time » 2438; ~9 mins

warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » reader is insecure about her ability to keep friendships (this will be more evident in the full story!!), proofread once with slight jetlag

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

honestly...this is the start of a part of me that not a lot of people (even those in real life) don't know about. this story is so hard to write and i wanted to fully finish this for dbn's love letter event but the nature of the topic in which this story comes from is heavy to write about and it does take a lot of my energy. i decided to post a little bit first to encourage myself that i can do it and in a way, congratulate myself in doing this because this story is the main reason why i started writing from the very beginning. i told myself that i wouldn't stop writing until at least i post this one and i guess that day is slowly coming.

i'm sorry if this short part is unclear and leaves you a lot of questions because as much as i have the whole plot idea, i haven't written some scenes. even this one may change (oh, and the banner as well) but i hope it's somewhat understandable.

i don't want to necessarily say when i'll get the full one out but i will try my very best for those who choose to stick around. and if you do, with all my heart, thank you so much 🫂

The mirror reflects your choice of outfit for the adventure-filled day. In the past, you remember always going after school, paying for the half-day ticket instead of a full one and the drop in price would be the reason that Sunwoo willingly tagged along with you; or at least that’s what he always told you because if you looked behind, you would see Sunwoo looking at the back of your head with sweetness dripping from his eyes. Even with the drop in price, you knew that it could be a somewhat regular trip but you didn’t want to make it too regular or else it would rid you of the fun of the whole amusement park concept. That’s why the consensus was once a month, sometimes more but never less. The food would be the same as the street food but would be different enough to the point that you could taste the difference between inside the park and outside.

You twirled in front of the mirror one last time, checking the back of your outfit. To your eyes, it’s simple but to someone else’s eyes, anything you wear would make his heart melt. It’s unfortunate that you’re unable to feel the same way that other people who love you would, and that’s why love is special but scary at the same time. With a final flick on your room’s light switch and the bag that rested on the curve of your shoulder, you greet your mum and walk towards the meetup place in the amusement park. 

Your choice of outfit elicited a raised eyebrow from your mum, the elder nodding and eyeing your outfit up and down. When asked for thoughts, you found that it was the approval nod that you’re thankful for as you did spend some time ruminating about as you’re used to the old, everyday, boring school uniform. In addition, when your mum heard that you’re out with Sunwoo, she made sure to know that you treat him well. It’s heartwarming to see Sunwoo receiving much love from your mum and with a final ‘have fun’ wish, you’re off for the rest of the day.

Sunwoo sent a text as soon as you stepped out and locked the front door, apologising once more for not being able to pick you up from your house and you couldn't help but stare at the message. On the other side, the ‘read’ notification only made him nervous and his next message of a bunch of crying emojis depicts his apologetic nature. The wind blew your cheeks to cool the heating temperature at his playful nature and you quickly texted reassurance to him.

You couldn't believe that holding a hand out to stop the bus would be so exciting. You couldn't believe that seating on the rarely washed seats could be comfortable. You couldn't believe that you were seeing the familiar pathway to a place you used to visit a dozen times a year and that you remembered the way you let your body sway to the turns of the bus. 

The closer the bus heads towards your destination, the more it gets crowded with differing ages filling the small space. The weekend is bustling and so will the park but at least you have a full day. You didn't need to be the one to indicate the driver to stop at the designated stop as a pair of smaller hands did it for you. You're seated at the front of the bus but you sit patiently and wait for others to board first, not forgetting to thank the driver when you do.

The moment your two feet step out of the bus, you're greeted by your company for the rest of the day. He stood not too far away, occupied by his phone and unoccupied with the wind thrashing his hair strands all messily. Sunwoo is unbothered by the whispers of those who throw compliments at him and bows politely when asked for his number. A comfortable set of denim jacket, black jeans and white shirt is his attire and he chose to wear his black-framed glasses that you remember picking out with him.

As much as Sunwoo has been receiving attention for the past hour, he knows the difference between the attention he wants and the attention that he doesn’t. His gut feeling is never wrong when it comes to looking up to meet your eyes staring back at him. The phone in his hand is pocketed in his pants and he jogs his way to you, fluffy bangs hitting his forehead in excitement at the sight of you.

“You’re here,” he says as he takes a final step in front of you. You didn’t even get a chance to nod or speak anything because he took a hand of yours in his, wrapping his fingers around yours. Your stutter didn’t falter his train of thoughts, “I got the tickets! Let’s go!”

“W-Wait, what?” Eyebrows knitted at the change of routine, “What do you mean you got tickets?” His free hand fishes in his other pocket and he pulls out two official entries to the park, a grin on his face when you stare at the unexpected papers in his hand.

“My turn,” Sunwoo says, knowing what you're about to say next. Because going to the park has always been something that you enjoyed, you've always paid the entry tickets but not this time. “I wanted to be here today.”

“Sunwoo–”

“You can pay next time,” hopeful for your answer. He searches for any signs of happiness in your eyes but yours is still filled with doubt and that made his lower lips droop, “Please let me?” Gulping his nerves down, “Please don’t let this be the last time. I hope this can become routine again.” Sunwoo’s eyebrows form a little mountain-like shape and his pouts stretch into a soft, small smile. 

Before you know it, your neck cranes down and back up, nodding in defeat and taking a mental note to pay for everything else for the day. You didn't expect Sunwoo to be so radiant at your answer for he punches the air with hollers of excitement and hops of joy. You're reminded of how his smile lights up your world and his actions are more than capable of lighting up the world. With the hold of his hand on yours, he leads you to take the tickets to be officially used.

The park changed minimally, with the biggest change being the merch being displayed at the store near the entrance. The lingering buttered popcorn and the spice seasoning of churros stayed the same and you hoped that the recipe was the same as you kept your eyes on it even when your legs moved further in the park. Turning your head to the other side is more merch and cotton candy swirled into animal shapes.

“I want one!” Sunwoo dragging you along to the fluffy sugar. Without hesitation, he chose the bear one contrary to your expectations against the raccoon one, “Bear hugs,” he says once again after reading your mind, “You give me the best bear hugs.”

“Oh…” dazed at the simple but fluttering emotions behind his words.

Sunwoo nods enthusiastically and takes a big chunk of the piece. You failed to hold your laugh when it smeared all over his lower face. 

“It's because I don't have any free hands!” Lifting your joined hands to prove his point, “And I don't want to let go of you.”

When did he learn to sweet talk like this? When did he become so confident and bubbly like this? When did he learn to make your heart beat so fast despite looking like a bit of a mess? When did he become so loving through his actions and words that it's hard for you to let go of his hand even if you wanted to?

Sunwoo pokes his tongue out to retrieve the blue cloud on his nose and you choose to give him an audience about it, chuckling behind your small scarf at his attempts. “Here,” you lightly brush past his skin with your fingers, “All gone.”

Like a deer caught in the headlights and an animated character with his cheeks full of food, Sunwoo tries to register the irregular and fast pace of his beating heart. The sugar in his mouth dissolves quicker than he has been consuming it with how he stuffs his mouth with the fine grains of sugar whenever his mouth is empty. You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at how he looked at you with boba-like wide and glossy eyes while you also found it hard to even look away. Sunwoo takes the opportunity of having extended eye contact with you by ducking his head closer to you.

Unconsciously, his throat became dry and his ability to swallow became harder. His eyes trailed from your eyes, following the slope of your nose and Cupid’s bow to the gap between your lips. At first, you were slightly slow to follow but when you copied the path of his eyes with your own with Sunwoo’s face, your heartbeat could no longer be controlled. 

No one registered the minimising gap between your two faces, and consequently bodies. Your body froze, not in a bad way because it’s Kim Sunwoo, but in a way where you just don’t want to. If Sunwoo wanted to come closer, you wouldn’t oppose him. The safety that he provided you with is reassured by the way your fingers wrapped his hand tighter. Sunwoo became so close that the overgrown front strands of his hair tickled the tip of your nose with the wind. 

You only watch his lips while he watches yours. His bottom lip is trapped between the rows of his teeth and unconsciously you copy him out of nervousness.

“Come on,” he whispers, still unable to take his eyes off your lips, “Let’s go somewhere first.”

It was hard to pull away first, especially when he knows exactly what he feels for you but for him, your comfortability with him will always come first. He just gained precious time with you, rebuilding your friendship once more and as much as Sunwoo wants to take it a step further, he’s aware of how everything is different to the past. He longs for the same type of relationship once more, but things change and so does time; but never his feelings for you.

The back of Sunwoo’s head became harder to view after that, your mind racing with thoughts as he took you to wherever he said he would take you first. You watch as the ground turns from the beige-bricked floors to the wooden-like installed tiles. Only then did you realise that the light is no longer natural and the outline of your shadow becomes clearer. The familiar scent of the air freshener finally made you look up and you’re faced with a variety of character hand bands arranged on the spinning shelf.

“What about this?” His index points to the raccoon headband on his hair. Your eyes grew wide for the opinion he was asking for and you gave a stuttering nod. Sunwoo pouted, worried about his past actions. His thumb brushes against the back of your hand soothingly, “I’m sorry.”

“What…are you talking about?” Why is he apologising? What for–

Sunwoo lets go of your hand, pocketing his to keep the warmth that you once gave him. Your eyes grew wide, hands still in the position he left you. Looking up from your hand, the boy gives a nervous chuckle.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he tries his best to nonchalantly shrug but you can tell from the way his eyes didn’t even bother to look your way, that it’s weighing on him a lot.

Your fingers curl towards your palm and your lips pinches itself into your mouth. You shake your head, hoping that he’ll be able to see it from his peripheral and you try to refute through voice but nothing is coming out.

“Just…tell me if I’m being too mu–”

You stop him this time by lifting both your palms to cup his cheeks, turning his face away from the mirror to you instead. One shake, two shakes and three from your head, “Never you,” you breathe out softly, “I’m just…nervous…not in a bad way though.”

“Oh…” Sunwoo is glad to hear this insight from you, “Me too. You make me nervous like crazy.” he admitted with a gaze full of affection, “In a good way though,” he quickly added.

“All those years before as well?”

“Yeah,” he nods his head to further prove his point. Both his hand comes up to take your hands away from his face. Sunwoo puts them both between you and he continues his actions from before, gliding his thumbs on the back of your hand. “We never held hands back in the past,” and he stopped for a while, wondering if it was the right time to say this. He shuts his eyes tight and blurts out, “But I wish that we did.”

And you just couldn’t ignore this. You just had to ask with every bit you had in you, “Why…?”

Sunwoo shakes his head again and this time you’re beyond confused about what he’s trying to convey. You’ve never seen him so hesitant about his words before and this new sight made it hard for you to possibly string his thoughts into words, not wanting to say the wrong words and assume wrong assumptions of his feelings. You join as you watch the way Sunwoo smooths the pad of his thumb over you, the corner of your lips rising as you focus on the weighted-like blanket of him.

“When you left, the only thing that could keep my hands warm was my other hand or by stuffing them inside some fabric. Even then, it would never be as comfortable as what you would provide me,” and how badly you wanted to agree with him without words, “And you always said that,” finally his hands stopped moving against yours, “When life gets too much,” stepping next to you so that he could hold your hand better, “That you would always hold my hand,” his grip is more secure now, “And tell me that I don’t have to carry anything alone,” he lifts the alternating view of his fingers with yours, “So just like you’ve done that for me all those times,” bringing the back of your hand to his lips, “Lean on me and let me carry some of yours."

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...'

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