#warnings: insecurity

[kflixnet]

Check out our member Lexi's headcanons!

break ups with nct dream

♡ nct dream ﹒ gender neutral!reader genre angst warnings break ups, unhealthy coping, insecurities, some members dont think of themselves very highly, unintentional manipulation maybe ?? ( library )

mark who can’t stop pretending like everything’s fine. mark who is for once thankful of his busy schedule. because when his mind isn’t preoccupied, he finds it always going back to you. now, you only come to his mind late at night when he’s about to fall asleep only to wake up in four hours for yet another schedule. there’s a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes the heartbreak is just as fresh as it was the moment it happened. thinks he let you go to easy but also respects you too much to argue. at this time, he’d be too busy talking to you on the phone to fall asleep. something he used to momentarily regret the next day, but now something he yearns for. he turns around and begs hypos to let him sleep.

renjun who wants to scream at the world and god and ask why is this happening. renjun who refuses to talk about it. he doesn’t understand what happened. he thought you guys were doing perfectly fine. you seemed happy, anyway. he can’t tell if he was just too blind to see that you actually were unhappy or if you were just a good actor. he finds himself thinking about what you’re doing, even when he’s busy. he misses you so bad that he’s so angry that you left. he gets even angrier when he sees you with another guy a couple weeks later. but he’s more angry at himself for letting you go. he thinks it’s easier to be angry than upset.

jeno who cries and then gets his emotions out at the gym. jeno who hits the punching bag so hard it manages to fall off the chain. he moves onto the wall next. he ignores the concerned stares from others about the bruises and split knuckles, but is the exact same otherwise. he thinks he’s doing okay, getting his emotions out in the form of his fists, because at least he’s still doing what he needed to do, right? he’s fine, he swears. when he’s laying in bed alone, he can’t help but wonder what you’re up to and type up a message that accidentally seems too much like a booty call. u up? wyd?

haechan who doesn’t have the energy to be his normal self. haechan who is too quiet, blends in with the walls when he’s normally the life of the party. his voice is literally hoarse from crying and begging you to stay for so long. he sends countless messages to you, enough to the point where you blocked him. people wonder where he is only to find out he’s been right next to them the entire time, thoughts consuming him. he spends time overthinking every decision he made in the last six months that led you to break up with him. he can’t find one. it must be him, though. you’d never break up with him without a reason, right? he wasn’t good enough for you, so he has to be better. and with that, he gets off his ass and forces himself into the conversation. he will be better, for you.

jaemin who is so mature when you bring it up. jaemin who doesn’t cry or act like he’s upset about it in front of others. people think he never loved you with the way he acts. that couldn’t be far from the truth. the only way he’ll grieve over your relationship is in his room, alone, with his babies. he accepts your decision, but the what if’s consume his thoughts. what if he hadn’t done that one thing you got angry at him for? what if he hadn’t missed your anniversary date? but he knows he was a good boyfriend, too. he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over you, doesn’t want to, but he knows he has to. he can only hope that you two will find each other later in life.

chenle who fights harder than he’s ever fought. chenle who wants to work it out. ultimately, you win. he cannot help but be a little bit pissed on how difficult you’re being, how you refuse to talk it out and avoid him. he doesn’t even know what happened. he doesn’t think you’re going to stay broken up so he doesn’t even bother shedding a tear. he thinks it’ll be something you two will laugh and then bicker about in fifty years. thinks you’re trying to make him jealous when you try to move on, and it works. doesn’t think before finally cornering you. he gave you your space, now it’s time for you to give him the answers he wants.

jisung who doesn’t understand the concept of space. jisung who has attachment issues. he’ll text you “good morning” and “good night” and tell you about his day without thinking about it because it’s like a routine for him by now. feels so bad and accidentally makes you feel bad for him with his countless apologies. will tweet about you on his priv and forget you’re still on there. doesn’t even want to think about you moving on, and him moving on is out of the question. he truly thought you were his soulmate, but he wanted you to come back to him in your own terms. he’ll spend forever making it up to you, anyway.

[kyuhu]

love is in the air or maybe not idk

[moonshere]

Been thinking a lot about this “the family plays isat” AU and how it might happen

Siffrin would probably refuse for them to play it if he was aware of it (thinking about how they said when learning about the diary in the library that they would hate it if someone read their deepest thoughts) and the rest of the family would also respect that, because it really would be a breach of trust. They’d prefer it if Siffrin talked to them himself, after all.

A situation I could see it happening is if, post-Loop battle, Siffrin’s Craft exhaustion got so severe he gets knocked out for a full week or two, maybe more! And the family would be so worried and desperate to understand what happened so that if the game appeared to them suddenly, they’d be tempted enough to play through it. If only just to figure out how to help Siffrin wake up again

(and probably a mixture of other emotions too, wanting to see the conversations Siffrin had with them that they don’t remember, feeling guilty that they didn’t notice soon enough, terrified that Siffrin is hiding something else. I mean, Siffrin straight up did not mention the Loop battle to them at all, even after they promised to talk! so they’d be worried on what happened there already)

Honestly I think all of them would also be exhausted and on bed rest after the whole quest to defeat the King was over, it took months of constant movement and stress so the whole family would crash hard afterwards. Cuz of that they’d be stuck together on like the infirmary or a private room with strict orders to take it easy, what better time to play the game than that?

[bbl0ndyy]

[kflixnet]

Check out our member Jae's drabble!

like me or like this.?

PAIRING... jay x reader | GENRE... established relationship!au, romance, comfort, fluff, angst | WC... 0.2k | “i’ve always wanted this. i’ve always wanted you.” | mentions of insecurities

“babe, what’s your new year resolution?” 

“new years resolution?” 

you cock an eyebrow, “yeah, you know—like your goals for the new year?”

jay frowns, “am i supposed to have one?” 

you pause as he glances at you questioningly, “do you?”

your boyfriend’s gaze suddenly makes you feel awkward, so you begin to fidget in place subconsciously. 

“uh, i guess yeah.” 

he hums, “then what are yours, baby?”

you should’ve known better. of course he was gonna ask. it’s not like you could lie either. jay always knew when you weren’t being truthful. 

you look down, at a loss for words. 

“hey, what’s wrong?” jay grabs one of your hands as a gesture of comfort but it only makes you more… guilty? embarrassed? 

“it’s nothing-“

“you don’t want to share?” he asks, his gaze soft. 

instead of responding, you only nod. 

“that’s fine. i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to pry.”

you’re quick to shake your head and squeeze his hand back to reassure him. 

“it’s not that. i-i just realized i had a lot of new year’s resolutions…i just think there’s a lot of things—about myself—that i want to fix.”

jay’s grip tightens as he pulls you closer in between his legs. 

“baby…”

“sorry,” you avoid his gaze, “i wish my brain wasn’t like this. i know you probably don’t-“

“i’ve always wanted this. i’ve always wanted you.”

“me? like this?”

you glance at jay, and he immediately reaches up to smooth the furrow between your brows. 

“of course. forever and always.”

a/n ▸ hi (again) and happy new year!!🥳 yes i’m finally back and hoping 2024 is a better year for all of us. lots of self reflections for this new year but i’m excited for what will come for this blog and i hope you guys are too ❤️

MAIN TAGLIST ▸ @precioussoulofmine @kynrki @heesterical @jungwonize @rerequire @nvertheless @duolingofanaccount @hoeshii @love-4-keum @luvhyun3 @dimplewonie @yjjungwon @who-tf-soddhi @microwvdstrawb3rri3s @asteria-wood @noajakah236482 @enhacatalog @june-pop @ohsjy

@kflixnet

[samzies-world]

Helping hands

You and Yeosangs lover is recently having some anxiety problems with his dream career.

You always knew Wooyoung had wanted to be a musician since he was a kid. You and Yeosang loved his music and were always proud of it. You wished he saw himself how you and Yeosang did, especially now when he seemed to be losing himself in his self hatred. You hated it like this. He was always nose deep in his music and didn’t talk much to you and Yeosang the worst part of it all was it hurt his ego and it made him feel insecure out of his work life you couldn’t blame him because you knew he dedicated his whole life and identity to this and if you and Yeosang ever tried to confront him and pull him away from it all that exactly what he would say

You and Yeosang were now sitting at the table in the dimly lit house. After eating dinner together you both decided to build a puzzle together (physically and figuratively) actually you both decided to build one about a week ago and only now are you guys finally finishing the edges. You look up at Yeosang eyebrows furrowed in concentration you always wondered if you were bothering him with how he always looked stressed lately of course you knew Yeosang enjoyed your company just as much as he did Wooyoung's but you could still tell the calm quietness that he once looked forward to in a way now made him uncomfortable. You didn’t blame him, you also felt uncomfortable trying to keep eachother happy yet always feeling like such an important part of you is missing.When you first got into this relationship you always wondered if one of the guys didn’t like one of your moves would they break it off with you but looking at yourself now and how far you’ve come with your favorite boys you knew you would always need them both never just one or the other. None the less you appreciated Yeosang and freeing up time away from work to keep your mind busy in his company.

Your head snapped up at the sound of a pair of keys clinking into the door knob before opening slowly to reveal a very tired hunched over wooyoung. You immediately stood up to greet him with Yeosang also getting up to his feet except going the other way presumably to warm up his dinner plate you guys saved for him. You reached him and grabbed his hands in yours

“Hey baby, how was your day?” You ask him trying not to get your voice to sound too much fake happiness. The hopefulness lingering in it was all real though you hoped he would give you a long detailed description of his day while his gaze would look longingly at nothing. You missed seeing him happy.

He pulled his chilled hands away from you to bend down and take his shoes off. “It was fine.” He answered flatly before standing tall again and looking at you up and down. His eyes didn’t hold much of any emotion anymore they looked empty I know he was feeling like a stranger to himself in his own skin me and Yeosang both knew the feeling but haven't gone through the same things and that must be why it was so hard for Wooyoung to talk to either of us.

“How was yours?” He asked quietly, shaking you from your thoughts. You look him in the eyes once again and smile warmly at him before answering. “It was ok. Me and Yeosang made dinner and saved you some. Now we're building a puzzle. You should join us.” I told him looking at him hopefully while his gaze went back to the ground. It's been a long time since he’s held eye contact with any of us comfortably.

“Thanks guys. You don’t need to, I'm probably gonna shower and go to bed.” He said. Yeosang walked back into the living room, greeting him also with a warm squeeze of the hand.

“Nonsense when's the last time you ate.” Yeosang said, lowering his head trying to catch his gaze while his other hand caressed his cheek. His skin felt cold but it was a giving from coming back from the chilled outside air.

Wooyoung seemed to tense up at the thought of food. You noticed it and tried to change the subject. Maybe you could try with that later in the night.

“You don’t have to do that if you don’t wanna, though maybe just come and help us with the puzzle. Maybe even tell us more about your day.” You say trying to sound excited. Deep down you were Wooyoung hasn’t been this talkative lately most of his responses could even pass as mean but you and Yeosang never took it personally.

“Guys I'm really tired and I just wanna shower and relax.” He said this time sounding a bit older like he previously would. You knew not to push anymore and so did Yeosang judging by the way he slightly flinched and took his hands away to keep to himself. Wooyoung noticed immediately, looking like he could burst into tears at any moment. You hated seeing him so sad and worried all the time.

“That's ok.” Yeosang reassured quietly, almost looking just as defeated as Wooyoung. He quickly breathed out a little sigh before walking to your guy’s shared bedroom. You looked over at Yeosang, he was already looking at you. He gave your shoulder a squeeze before letting his hand trail down to your hand and leading you back to the dining table to start on the puzzle once again. It was still way too quiet especially considering Wooyoung was finally here but the sound of running water upstairs made you feel a little fuller and reassured. You and Yeosang continued the puzzle till the water stopped and our eyes met immediately after making a silent agreement that you two just needed to go sleep with your other lover.

On your way up the stairs you started thinking about how the nights went. Some were really bad and painful and some were just gloomy but better than the painful nights. The painful nights consisted of you and Yeosang feeling Wooyoung push himself away from you guys. There were just some days that he seemed to not want your guy’s touch, like it burned him. The not so bad nights were when he would sleep close and not on the edge of the bed but on those nights you would often question things like. Does this mean he needs to be cuddled? Or is it because we're not trying to smother him with cuddles for once?

You made it at the top of the stairs and entered the bedroom seeing a very tired wooyoung with fresh pj’s and rubbing a towel on his head as a sad attempt at drying his hair. Yeosang came up behind him to give him a quick kiss on his cheek and untuck the covers for bed. On your way to the bathroom next you didn’t give Wooyung a kiss on the cheek, that was what was different between you and Yeosang and would always quietly get on your nerves sometimes that was he always knew what to do when someone was feeling insecure or down it was an endearing trait for him you knew you always loved how he would shyly do things for you when your were down but lately when it came to Wooyoung it seemed you would always do things wrong and then Yeosang would come in and fix it. You were happy Wooyoung got someone like Yeosang in his life you were also grateful everyday but sometimes when you would see them come out of room together and seeing Wooyoung slightly happier you wished you could have been the cause for it once or atleast have been in the room to see it happen.

Now changed into your sleep attire (one of the boys shirts and your underwear) you head out to see a now changed Yeosang and a sleeping lump on the edge of the bed. You smile at the sight and go to Yeosang who had his arms open for you.

“Hey.” He said with a goofy grin across his face. You giggled slightly before answering “Hey.”

“Are you ok?” He asked you. “Yea just worried about him is all.” I said looking down still with his arms wrapped around me. “I wish I could help.” I added whispering hoping I wasn't just imagining the little snores Wooyung was letting out afterall you would hate for him to hear how it was impacting you guys.

“He knows you do.” He said reassuringly, moving his hand to move the hair out of your face and caressing you. “Us staying and being by his side is all he’s allowing so that’s just what we’ll do.” After he said that he was now scanning your face for any disagreement. He didn’t find any.

“Come on, let's go to bed.” He said trying to sound happier and changing the subject while dragging you to bed. You were in the middle tonight. You and Yeosang switched off most of the time. You were happy to be in this place tonight. You scoot as close as you can to wooyoung's warm body while still trying to make sure he had enough room if he needed to toss around in his sleep.

“Goodnight angels” Yeosang whispered out while turning off the bedside lamp.

“Goodnight.” You whispered back.

Chapter 2>>

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Authors notes: I will be making this a series I don’t really know why I posted it on here when I was gonna write a whole tragedy buuut hopefully you guys wait till next chapter.

[rib-rabbitmask]

"Don't look to the walls, and going to be fine."

( Click 4 better quality! )

Vent art. 2024

.

[clarissaclaire]

My biggest insecurity actually isnt my w3ight it's actually my big forehead and oddly shaped head

[kflixnet]

Check out our member MIssy's fic!

[🐯] windflowers brought me back to you

✿ pairing: beomgyu x reader / idol!txt / non.idol!you / exes-to-lovers (kind of) / very angsty in the beginning but fluff at the end / 8,915 words ✿ disclaimer: cursing and foul language / heavy emotions and insecurities / mentions of food and eating / clichè romantic trope / reader is friends with the other members / reader calls beomgyu ‘gyu’ / the timeline kind of follows their act:lovesick tour / jokes of death in a playful manner / txt members acting like cupids (not them trying to fix your relationship with gyu) ✿ you thought the day that beomgyu broke up with you was the day he had let go of the love he had for you; little did you know, he carried his love for you throughout his tour and came back to fix his mistake. ✿ 🎧: windflower by mamamoo (lofi remix by karma)

note: hi 👉👈 i know i literally dropped off the face of the earth but honestly, life has been a handful but i’m slowly writing things in the drafts and this is one that was sitting on the shelf for a while that i didn’t know how to feel about it so, i’m sending it off the shelf! merry x’mas, lovelies and hope you are all safe and well! 💖

[masterlist 🌸] / @kflixnet​​ ✨

it was a normal day today; it would’ve been, it should’ve been. peace, quiet… the lingering embedded pain in your heart every time your phone receives a notification and you know you’re not going to see a familiar name showing up. at this point, it’s been months. you should move on by now; maybe you were, in some twisted way your heart was healing each time his name rang in your mind and you tried not to show any emotion–cruel, but it was the only way you’d cope. it was progress, one day at a time, slowly, his face will dissolve, his name won’t hurt you when you hear it, and maybe you’ll man up to delete all traces of him from your life.

today, however, that name you’ve been longing for shows up in person by your door–and he only hopes that you still long to see him as he lifts his head up to look at you–all your efforts be damned.

choi beomgyu, who decided to let you go–days before he went on tour–was standing in front of you. the tour merely ended days ago and he had returned home. the first place he was determined to go was wherever you were.

Keep reading

[dollysionalstuff]

it's getting bad again .・。.・゜✭・

[leviiackrman]

I am fighting for my life to be mentally stable and it’s not working

[a-sketchy]

the thing about yosuke’s shittiness around here (up close and personal, the campout) is that the vast majority of it isn’t doing literally anything for his character. i completely think yosuke’s shittiness is important to his character, but it’s by and large reflections of his own insecurities and flaws. he’s insecure about his masculinity and sexuality, he’s lame, he’s selfish, he’s obsessed with the idea of women, his mouth moves faster than his brain, he doesn’t like himself, and he cares way too much about the societal ideal of ‘normal’. but it’s really important that he’s self-aware! he knows when the things he says are shitty, he knows he’s lame, he knows he’s selfish, he knows he’s putting up a front of being carefree and normal. but there’s absolutely no self awareness here, there’s no recognizing he went too far and apologizing the next day, there’s no regret, there’s not even any self-deprecation, and there’s absolutely no compassion or empathy like he has in serious moments. a lot of what he says is just mean for meanness’s sake, in an execution incongruous with previous behaviour. it’s not even funny!

[toxiccrucification]

is anyone else obsessed with @creepygirl102 from TikTok? like I’m so jealous but I can’t stop watching her.

[allowed-to-take-up-space]

Something I've been thinking about a lot is the way my father would critique and stereotype every single person he saw, yet still insist he wasn't judgmental.

We are in the car, my dad driving, me in the passenger seat. I am a child, maybe 11 years old. My father points at the girl standing on the corner, waiting for the light to change. "Yikes. Good thing she's out walking. Looks like she needs it. Bet she's hoping she'll fit into the outfit she's wearing someday."

"Dad, that's not a nice thing to say about someone."

"It's fine. She can't hear me. I would never say something like that to someone's face. You know, MY dad was homophobic and racist, so at least I'm better than that."

Maybe that girl on the corner didn't hear my father. But I did. And I've never forgotten it. Or the time I finally admitted to him - after YEARS of being a suicidal teen - that I was extremely depressed, and he told me I was one of those kids making shit up for attention, because HE had been in a car crash at one point and experienced REAL depression.

And yet I always ponder, now, how I could possibly be so insecure. Why I cannot just accept myself and move forward. Why I look at myself in the mirror with disgust.

It's HIS voice that echoes in my head. It's HIS nasty remarks that I remember. It's HIS judgmental opinions that I have to rid from my brain, every single time they pop up, because I KNOW better.

Even though I haven't spoken to my dad in several years now, the way he treated myself and others invades my mind constantly. His negativity has shaped so much of me - of my LIFE - and last time we DID speak, he still refused to take any accountability for the multitude of ways in which he hurt me (this specific topic not even covering 1/10 of the ways in which he did).

Furthermore, this makes me think about all the people who utter "harmless comments" about others when they don't think someone who might be hurt by that is listening. I've been privy to many conversations that have left me feeling hollow, without the folks making those judgmental comments realizing that what they've said applies to me. And I don't often feel safe enough to stand up for myself.

I wish folks could realize that openly passing heinous judgment on strangers is a gateway to passing judgment on people you care about.

"I would never say something like that to someone's face."

You said it to mine.

[brown-little-robin]

zombie au drabble: early in the curing process

so Mob and Ritsu are living alone in a house in Salt Township, right. And at first, Ritsu brings Mob to the hospital and back every day, and that's... pretty much his entire life. He doesn't have to stay on the move anymore. He doesn't even have to scavenge for food or loot corpses. Salt Township gave Ritsu and Mob citizenship as soon as Takane Tsubomi identified them as former neighbors. So Ritsu is allowed to go to the Salt Community Kitchen and take food, just take it, and no one is allowed to shoot at him for stealing or for the crime of traveling with a sick brother.

So Ritsu holes up in the empty house with Shigeo and rations out their last food. People he hasn't seen since he was six years old drop by to say hello and give him things, and he tries to remember how to be normal about it. But eventually, even the gift food runs out, and the hospital food once a day isn't enough. Ritsu has to make a trip to the Salt Kitchen.

And he doesn't want to.

For months, getting food has been one of the most nerve-wracking things Ritsu has had to do. They needed food. To get food, Ritsu had to interact with humans. Taking Shigeo with him was not an option; humans shoot zombies on sight. But Shigeo, alone and sick with no concept of pain, could easily get killed or accidentally injure himself in any number of ways. So Ritsu resorted to gently, apologetically tying Shigeo to trees or poles with his jacket while he went to trade looted stuff for food.

And then, while Ritsu was trying to look normal and healthy for the settlement people, selling them bullets and trying not to think about what the bullets would be used for, he would be imagining how easily Shigeo could snap the arms of that jacket and wander away.

About the time that spring started rotting into summer, when Dimple forced his way into their little party, it became possible to acquire food without leaving his brother alone. But still, Ritsu never left his side.

Even with Dimple around, Ritsu stuck as close to Shigeo as possible. He never liked Dimple, and he completely rejected the idea of leaving his brother in that slimeball's questionable care. He knew Dimple only stuck with them out of some kind of directionless desperation that happened to fixate on his brother's calm strength. Dimple was charismatic enough to found a cult, seemingly benevolent, always smiling, a man who could make zombies and humans alike do his bidding—but Ritsu saw through him. Dimple wasn't a messiah, he was just a little insane. He was a mostly-asymptomatic carrier of zombie disease, Ritsu figured out, just a little too late. He'd realized when Dimple attacked him.

Ritsu never liked Dimple. He's sorry Dimple is dead, though.

After Shigeo snarled louder than Ritsu had ever heard him and fought Dimple to the ground, Dimple had calmed Shigeo down with just a few physical gestures and throaty, wordless sounds. The man was able to communicate with zombies, Ritsu had acknowledged bitterly. And he would be useful on the journey to a cure. So, after the cult dissolved, Ritsu had let Dimple tag along after them. Occasionally, he'd make Dimple get supplies while he stayed with his brother. He never let Dimple stay alone with Shigeo. Didn't trust him that far.

He wishes Dimple was here now.

Ritsu paces in front of the door, rubbing his thumb over the curve of his spoon, one of two pieces of silverware he has left from his parents' house. They need food. Nii-san is only a few days into the cure and not really conscious or anything. Ritsu has to go get food.

His brother is crouching by the functionless TV, fingers running clumsily over the screen, fumbling over the buttons.

"Switch it to channel 5, Nii-san," Ritsu requests idly.

Shigeo makes a toneless throat-sound that might almost be mhm.

He's changing. It used to be a surprise if his brother verbally responded to Ritsu's voice more than once a day; yesterday Ritsu held a whole sort-of-conversation with him, back and forth for minutes on end, until Shigeo's eyelids started drooping. Exhausted. Both Ritsu and Shigeo are getting more sleep now than ever, and they're both still exhausted.

Ritsu's thumb rubs hard along the edge of the spoon. He can't get over it. He hates taking his brother to the hospital, hates being exposed on the street, walking with a zombie, his brother, hates how people stare at them in pity and disgust, hates hates hates how the doctors look from him to Shigeo and back, not sure who to talk to anymore now that the cure is working inside Shigeo. Ritsu hates talking to Shigeo in public even though he doesn't give a shit if people think he's weird. Everyone already does. The thing is, he's been told that everyone in Salt knows zombies are people, but every time someone does a double-take at them he feels like they're going to get shot.

The council made him give up his guns in exchange for shelter. He still has knives, but he feels naked without the firearms.

He's just wasting time thinking about this. Of course he's taking his brother. He can't leave him alone. Not yet. Not until Ritsu is 100 percent certain Shigeo is 100 percent better.

It's stupid to think of this as a choice. Being around adults again must be messing with Ritsu's head. There's no way Ritsu can leave his brother alone, and they have to eat.

Ritsu is still in charge.

And that means he can do this.

Ritsu opens the door and looks back into the house. He waits.

Shigeo looks up from the TV. His misty gaze passes over Ritsu, then his eyes wander back to Ritsu, becoming aware of what an open door might mean.

Ritsu takes a step out the door, and his brother gets up and follows him.

[kflixnet]

Check out our member Izzy's teaser!!

[teaser] love me unconditionally | the boyz kim sunwoo

pairing » the boyz kim sunwoo x fem!reader​

trope/au » ​friends to lovers, non-idol au!, school au!

genre (teaser only) » fluffy fluff fluff, very much hurt and comfort, angst, sunwoo is so patient and loving with the reader, a snippet of an amusement park 'date', sunwoo is whipped for the reader because i love making the idol whipped for the reader (hehe), lots of hand holding because i find that so cute, kim sunwoo who only has eyes for you

word count; estimated reading time » 2438; ~9 mins

warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » reader is insecure about her ability to keep friendships (this will be more evident in the full story!!), proofread once with slight jetlag

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

honestly...this is the start of a part of me that not a lot of people (even those in real life) don't know about. this story is so hard to write and i wanted to fully finish this for dbn's love letter event but the nature of the topic in which this story comes from is heavy to write about and it does take a lot of my energy. i decided to post a little bit first to encourage myself that i can do it and in a way, congratulate myself in doing this because this story is the main reason why i started writing from the very beginning. i told myself that i wouldn't stop writing until at least i post this one and i guess that day is slowly coming.

i'm sorry if this short part is unclear and leaves you a lot of questions because as much as i have the whole plot idea, i haven't written some scenes. even this one may change (oh, and the banner as well) but i hope it's somewhat understandable.

i don't want to necessarily say when i'll get the full one out but i will try my very best for those who choose to stick around. and if you do, with all my heart, thank you so much 🫂

The mirror reflects your choice of outfit for the adventure-filled day. In the past, you remember always going after school, paying for the half-day ticket instead of a full one and the drop in price would be the reason that Sunwoo willingly tagged along with you; or at least that’s what he always told you because if you looked behind, you would see Sunwoo looking at the back of your head with sweetness dripping from his eyes. Even with the drop in price, you knew that it could be a somewhat regular trip but you didn’t want to make it too regular or else it would rid you of the fun of the whole amusement park concept. That’s why the consensus was once a month, sometimes more but never less. The food would be the same as the street food but would be different enough to the point that you could taste the difference between inside the park and outside.

You twirled in front of the mirror one last time, checking the back of your outfit. To your eyes, it’s simple but to someone else’s eyes, anything you wear would make his heart melt. It’s unfortunate that you’re unable to feel the same way that other people who love you would, and that’s why love is special but scary at the same time. With a final flick on your room’s light switch and the bag that rested on the curve of your shoulder, you greet your mum and walk towards the meetup place in the amusement park. 

Your choice of outfit elicited a raised eyebrow from your mum, the elder nodding and eyeing your outfit up and down. When asked for thoughts, you found that it was the approval nod that you’re thankful for as you did spend some time ruminating about as you’re used to the old, everyday, boring school uniform. In addition, when your mum heard that you’re out with Sunwoo, she made sure to know that you treat him well. It’s heartwarming to see Sunwoo receiving much love from your mum and with a final ‘have fun’ wish, you’re off for the rest of the day.

Sunwoo sent a text as soon as you stepped out and locked the front door, apologising once more for not being able to pick you up from your house and you couldn't help but stare at the message. On the other side, the ‘read’ notification only made him nervous and his next message of a bunch of crying emojis depicts his apologetic nature. The wind blew your cheeks to cool the heating temperature at his playful nature and you quickly texted reassurance to him.

You couldn't believe that holding a hand out to stop the bus would be so exciting. You couldn't believe that seating on the rarely washed seats could be comfortable. You couldn't believe that you were seeing the familiar pathway to a place you used to visit a dozen times a year and that you remembered the way you let your body sway to the turns of the bus. 

The closer the bus heads towards your destination, the more it gets crowded with differing ages filling the small space. The weekend is bustling and so will the park but at least you have a full day. You didn't need to be the one to indicate the driver to stop at the designated stop as a pair of smaller hands did it for you. You're seated at the front of the bus but you sit patiently and wait for others to board first, not forgetting to thank the driver when you do.

The moment your two feet step out of the bus, you're greeted by your company for the rest of the day. He stood not too far away, occupied by his phone and unoccupied with the wind thrashing his hair strands all messily. Sunwoo is unbothered by the whispers of those who throw compliments at him and bows politely when asked for his number. A comfortable set of denim jacket, black jeans and white shirt is his attire and he chose to wear his black-framed glasses that you remember picking out with him.

As much as Sunwoo has been receiving attention for the past hour, he knows the difference between the attention he wants and the attention that he doesn’t. His gut feeling is never wrong when it comes to looking up to meet your eyes staring back at him. The phone in his hand is pocketed in his pants and he jogs his way to you, fluffy bangs hitting his forehead in excitement at the sight of you.

“You’re here,” he says as he takes a final step in front of you. You didn’t even get a chance to nod or speak anything because he took a hand of yours in his, wrapping his fingers around yours. Your stutter didn’t falter his train of thoughts, “I got the tickets! Let’s go!”

“W-Wait, what?” Eyebrows knitted at the change of routine, “What do you mean you got tickets?” His free hand fishes in his other pocket and he pulls out two official entries to the park, a grin on his face when you stare at the unexpected papers in his hand.

“My turn,” Sunwoo says, knowing what you're about to say next. Because going to the park has always been something that you enjoyed, you've always paid the entry tickets but not this time. “I wanted to be here today.”

“Sunwoo–”

“You can pay next time,” hopeful for your answer. He searches for any signs of happiness in your eyes but yours is still filled with doubt and that made his lower lips droop, “Please let me?” Gulping his nerves down, “Please don’t let this be the last time. I hope this can become routine again.” Sunwoo’s eyebrows form a little mountain-like shape and his pouts stretch into a soft, small smile. 

Before you know it, your neck cranes down and back up, nodding in defeat and taking a mental note to pay for everything else for the day. You didn't expect Sunwoo to be so radiant at your answer for he punches the air with hollers of excitement and hops of joy. You're reminded of how his smile lights up your world and his actions are more than capable of lighting up the world. With the hold of his hand on yours, he leads you to take the tickets to be officially used.

The park changed minimally, with the biggest change being the merch being displayed at the store near the entrance. The lingering buttered popcorn and the spice seasoning of churros stayed the same and you hoped that the recipe was the same as you kept your eyes on it even when your legs moved further in the park. Turning your head to the other side is more merch and cotton candy swirled into animal shapes.

“I want one!” Sunwoo dragging you along to the fluffy sugar. Without hesitation, he chose the bear one contrary to your expectations against the raccoon one, “Bear hugs,” he says once again after reading your mind, “You give me the best bear hugs.”

“Oh…” dazed at the simple but fluttering emotions behind his words.

Sunwoo nods enthusiastically and takes a big chunk of the piece. You failed to hold your laugh when it smeared all over his lower face. 

“It's because I don't have any free hands!” Lifting your joined hands to prove his point, “And I don't want to let go of you.”

When did he learn to sweet talk like this? When did he become so confident and bubbly like this? When did he learn to make your heart beat so fast despite looking like a bit of a mess? When did he become so loving through his actions and words that it's hard for you to let go of his hand even if you wanted to?

Sunwoo pokes his tongue out to retrieve the blue cloud on his nose and you choose to give him an audience about it, chuckling behind your small scarf at his attempts. “Here,” you lightly brush past his skin with your fingers, “All gone.”

Like a deer caught in the headlights and an animated character with his cheeks full of food, Sunwoo tries to register the irregular and fast pace of his beating heart. The sugar in his mouth dissolves quicker than he has been consuming it with how he stuffs his mouth with the fine grains of sugar whenever his mouth is empty. You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at how he looked at you with boba-like wide and glossy eyes while you also found it hard to even look away. Sunwoo takes the opportunity of having extended eye contact with you by ducking his head closer to you.

Unconsciously, his throat became dry and his ability to swallow became harder. His eyes trailed from your eyes, following the slope of your nose and Cupid’s bow to the gap between your lips. At first, you were slightly slow to follow but when you copied the path of his eyes with your own with Sunwoo’s face, your heartbeat could no longer be controlled. 

No one registered the minimising gap between your two faces, and consequently bodies. Your body froze, not in a bad way because it’s Kim Sunwoo, but in a way where you just don’t want to. If Sunwoo wanted to come closer, you wouldn’t oppose him. The safety that he provided you with is reassured by the way your fingers wrapped his hand tighter. Sunwoo became so close that the overgrown front strands of his hair tickled the tip of your nose with the wind. 

You only watch his lips while he watches yours. His bottom lip is trapped between the rows of his teeth and unconsciously you copy him out of nervousness.

“Come on,” he whispers, still unable to take his eyes off your lips, “Let’s go somewhere first.”

It was hard to pull away first, especially when he knows exactly what he feels for you but for him, your comfortability with him will always come first. He just gained precious time with you, rebuilding your friendship once more and as much as Sunwoo wants to take it a step further, he’s aware of how everything is different to the past. He longs for the same type of relationship once more, but things change and so does time; but never his feelings for you.

The back of Sunwoo’s head became harder to view after that, your mind racing with thoughts as he took you to wherever he said he would take you first. You watch as the ground turns from the beige-bricked floors to the wooden-like installed tiles. Only then did you realise that the light is no longer natural and the outline of your shadow becomes clearer. The familiar scent of the air freshener finally made you look up and you’re faced with a variety of character hand bands arranged on the spinning shelf.

“What about this?” His index points to the raccoon headband on his hair. Your eyes grew wide for the opinion he was asking for and you gave a stuttering nod. Sunwoo pouted, worried about his past actions. His thumb brushes against the back of your hand soothingly, “I’m sorry.”

“What…are you talking about?” Why is he apologising? What for–

Sunwoo lets go of your hand, pocketing his to keep the warmth that you once gave him. Your eyes grew wide, hands still in the position he left you. Looking up from your hand, the boy gives a nervous chuckle.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he tries his best to nonchalantly shrug but you can tell from the way his eyes didn’t even bother to look your way, that it’s weighing on him a lot.

Your fingers curl towards your palm and your lips pinches itself into your mouth. You shake your head, hoping that he’ll be able to see it from his peripheral and you try to refute through voice but nothing is coming out.

“Just…tell me if I’m being too mu–”

You stop him this time by lifting both your palms to cup his cheeks, turning his face away from the mirror to you instead. One shake, two shakes and three from your head, “Never you,” you breathe out softly, “I’m just…nervous…not in a bad way though.”

“Oh…” Sunwoo is glad to hear this insight from you, “Me too. You make me nervous like crazy.” he admitted with a gaze full of affection, “In a good way though,” he quickly added.

“All those years before as well?”

“Yeah,” he nods his head to further prove his point. Both his hand comes up to take your hands away from his face. Sunwoo puts them both between you and he continues his actions from before, gliding his thumbs on the back of your hand. “We never held hands back in the past,” and he stopped for a while, wondering if it was the right time to say this. He shuts his eyes tight and blurts out, “But I wish that we did.”

And you just couldn’t ignore this. You just had to ask with every bit you had in you, “Why…?”

Sunwoo shakes his head again and this time you’re beyond confused about what he’s trying to convey. You’ve never seen him so hesitant about his words before and this new sight made it hard for you to possibly string his thoughts into words, not wanting to say the wrong words and assume wrong assumptions of his feelings. You join as you watch the way Sunwoo smooths the pad of his thumb over you, the corner of your lips rising as you focus on the weighted-like blanket of him.

“When you left, the only thing that could keep my hands warm was my other hand or by stuffing them inside some fabric. Even then, it would never be as comfortable as what you would provide me,” and how badly you wanted to agree with him without words, “And you always said that,” finally his hands stopped moving against yours, “When life gets too much,” stepping next to you so that he could hold your hand better, “That you would always hold my hand,” his grip is more secure now, “And tell me that I don’t have to carry anything alone,” he lifts the alternating view of his fingers with yours, “So just like you’ve done that for me all those times,” bringing the back of your hand to his lips, “Lean on me and let me carry some of yours."

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...'

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