#I wish I could just go get a good paying job and support myself and my family

[leviiackrman]

I am fighting for my life to be mentally stable and it’s not working

[leahrintarou]

✩₊˚.⋆ OFFICE HOURS ONLY - kento nanami

CW: afab!reader, stimulation/penetration, cunnilingus, pet name used is "sweetheart", unprotected sex, gojo mentioned as y/n's fuck buddy, female anatomy.

Word Count: 3.7k

Author's Note: HI GUYZ! this was a collab written by myself and my pookie: @satorusluvrgirl . we worked really hard on this and we're so incredibly proud on how it turned out. i hope you enjoy reading! leave a like and reblog to show support.

WORKING hours and hours at the most famous company really had you fucking drained to the fullest. Getting up at 6 am to be at work at 8 and then going home at 11 pm. Your schedule was mostly full of just work on work on work. But the pay was good at least. And it’s not like you totally hated your job, there was one thing you really looked forward to every morning.

Which was Nanami Kento. The man who would always greet you when you would walk in the office, his “good morning, miss” would always hit the spot, making you look forward to the day. The man who welcomed you on your first day and took you out to get a coffee, little did you know he remembered it, taking you your coffee everyday. The man who would always try to make small talk with you in the break room and ask you little questions.

You knew since the first day you had a huge crush on Nanami. After all he was handsome, well put together, and very well dressed. The suits he had on which made him look so sexy in, they were always top designer suits. Which was understandable since he’s been working longer in this company than you and making more. You wanted Nanami. But the more you thought about him, it just made you more curious about him. is he married? does he have kids? what are his hobbies? but you never made your move. You put the thought in your head that a man like him was most likely married and probably had kids, oh but how you were so wrong.

Nanami was single. A hard working single man who was always working 24/7 and practically had no life other than this job. He never really thought of love. He was always stressed and had no time for anything. He wished he could find someone to relate to his problems. Someone who can probably help him and relieve all this stress he has in him. And he will.

NOW it was 9:30 pm on a Friday, you were working on a big project your boss assigned you, it wasn’t too bad but the first section you were done with. It was just the second section you had a struggle with. You had been working on this project for days, you even had to stay overtime. You set your pencil down and sighed, leaning on your chair. Since you were going to be extending your stay at the office tonight, you thought you should get coffee, italian coffee of course. You grabbed your mug, making your way to the break room which was not too far from your office.

But of course Nanami was in there, He turned his head over to you and flashed a smile. “hello y/n”. you smiled back at him, “hi nanami” you said softly, your voice ringing in his ears. You walked in the room making your way to the coffee machine and pouring it in your mug, your back faced to Nanami. “How’s your project coming along? I see you’re staying overtime to finish it?” he leaned over the counter, taking a sip out of his mug.

you let out a chuckle, “yeah I am.. I got done with the first section of it.. it’s just the second part. i’m just so stressed” you sighed. “i’m sorry about that.. but you know I can always give you a helping hand” nanami offered to you. Maybe this could be your chance to get to know him better, but you knew how stressful it could be so you didn’t want him to help you. “uhm no nanami it’s okay really.. I really appreciate the offer though” you nodded. “I don’t take no for an answer, y/n” he said in a serious tone.

“are you really sure?” you looked at him sincere. “yes of course” he nodded, you sighed. “fine, uhm i’ll go over to your office once everyone starts heading out.” he put his coffee mug down to add more creamer, “sure thing”, you smiled and started walking out, “alright thanks nanami! i’ll see you later” you said before leaving the room.

You let out a breath you held in while talking to him, as you got to your office you squealed lowly to yourself in excitement. It was finally your time with Nanami alone. Just you two, no one else in the office.

AS the time passed you grew impatient, you wanted to be with Nanami, and finally the time came. You fixed up yourself in the bathroom mirror. Lifting up your skirt and fixing your blazer, along with your hair. You also fixed up your makeup since you had your bag with you, you added more of your lipstick and gloss on your lips. You got your perfume and sprayed all over your body.

Looking in the mirror you fixed up a little more. You left the bathroom and gathered your things, heading to Nanamis office. You took a deep breath and knocked on his door which you heard him say “Come in!” you slowly opened the door and slid in. “hi” you said with a small wave making Nanami smile. “here come take a seat” he patted the seat next to him by his desk. you took your seat, you opened up your computer and pulled out the section you had to work on for the project. Nanami pulled your chair closer to him making you widened your eyes.

“Sorry I couldn’t see your screen” he said. You nervously chuckled, “i’m sorry about that”. You turned your computer to him. “It’s fine, let’s get to work shall we?” you smiled and nodded. “yes, let’s do it..”

An hour had past by, you and nanami quickly opened up to each other. Just like how you hoped for. He was telling you everything you wanted to know, To his hobbies, to his favorite ice cream color. You were admired by him, the way he talked about his passions with you. It just made you fall for him even more.

Nanami wasn’t really the type to open up quickly or even talk, but with y/n it was different. She was different. She was a breath of fresh air and that’s something Nanami needed in his life. Y/n made him feel at ease. He felt like he could talk to her without being judge, vice versa with her as well. Not only that Nanami always noticed y/n. She was very hot. But he thought she had a boyfriend, a girl like her was probably in a relationship. he was wrong like how you were.

“Alright I think that’s the last of it” Nanami typed the final words in and sent in an email to the boss. “thank you nanami I really appre-” you got cut off by a notification on your phone, making you both look down as your phone was placed in between you both. Giving Nanami access to see your phone clearly and so did you.

GOJO: haven’t seen you in a while, angel. can I see you tonight?

“boyfriend?” Nanami looked away from the phone to you. You looked at him at the same time, “no he’s just a friend”. Nanami raised his brow at you, he wasn’t convinced. “friends send each other those kin-” once again your phone rang and it was gojo again…

GOJO: [attachment image] (dick pic)

“Friends send each other those type of messages and pictures?” Nanami teased. You turned off your phone, “it’s not like that..” you sighed. “you’re not going to reply?” you shakes your head no, of course not why would you reply when your with the man who you’ve been dying to spend time with.

“I'm just too stressed to be dealing with him right now” you closed your computer. “I could help with that.” Nanami smirked and put his hands on your thighs “h-huh?” you stuttered in disbelief but as you turned your head a bit, all that you saw was the genuine expression on his features.

Although you weren't too familiar with Nanami all that well, you couldn’t help but feel sure that he wasn’t the type to play games. His serious demeanor combined with that smirk hinted at a depth you found irresistible.

“Y-You could help?” you echoed, your heart racing as his hand lingered on your thigh. It was a bold move, and you were torn between excitement and nerves.

“Just a little stress relief,” he said, his voice low, leaning slightly closer. “Sometimes we need more than just coffee to unwind.”

You swallowed hard, searching his eyes for any hint of insincerity. But all you saw was a desire that mirrored your own. “What do you have in mind?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

Nanami chuckled softly, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Well, we could start by talking about what you really want,” he replied, brushing his thumb gently against your skin.

The heat radiating from his touch sent shivers down your spine. “I... I want to know you better,” you admitted, your heart pounding. “But I don’t want to complicate things.”

He leaned back slightly, giving you a searching look. “Complication can lead to something beautiful,” he said, his tone earnest. “And right now, I think we both need a break from this endless cycle of work.”

"I guess you could say that."

Nanami hummed at your word, his hand sliding a bit more up your thigh. you heart thumped against your chest and you were sure that if you released your body from it's tense state, it would beat right through your chest. "now," he began, making you look up at him, your eyes locked on each others.

"tell me your answer to my previous question, y/n."

"what i want?" you question. it seemed like you were making sure that you understood what he meant, but in actuality, you already knew. you just needed some kind of excuse to give yourself time to think and answer the question properly without making a complete fool of yourself. he nodded, sitting up properly in his seat.

"i just need a break from this project. that's all." you finally confessed. although it was the truth, it wasn't the entirety of it. "then lets take one. I'm sure thirty minutes won't hurt."

"just thirty?" you questioned, eyes widening at his next word. "what? you think it'll take longer for me to get you to feel good?" his fingertips finally grazed your clothed sex with a careful motion. your body jolted just barely, but with the way Nanami's gaze was on you, he of course noticed it.

"relax for me, sweetheart. this is supposed to help you feel better." he twisted his wrist slightly, allowing the pads of his middle and ring finger to press against your clothed bud. you let out a shaky breath and as he applied more pressure, the feeling only increased. "you know, there's a few people down the hall." he muttered, using his freehand to turn your chair so that you'd face him. "all had the same idea as us to stay after hours and finish up some work."

Nanami mentioned this on purpose. he knew where he wanted to get with this and you began to pick up on it too when he began massaging circular motions against your sensitive bud. "as much as i want to hear the beautiful sounds you make, you have to be quiet, okay?" he features softened and you so badly wanted to feel relaxed by it, but the more he continued, the harder you'd bite down on your bottom lip to suppress the slipping whimper.

you shook your head, holding his gaze and moving your hand to grip his wrist. "Nanami-" he only sped up his movements, and this time you couldn't help but let out an audible moan. the fabric of your panties only gave you more friction. his hands were skillful and heavy in a way that you couldn't even begin to explain. "that's going to be a problem, y/n." he spoke, his voice snapping you out of your small daze along with the fact that he stopped his movements.

"what is?" you asked, uneasy not just by his words, but his tone as well. he couldn't have just played you and decided against you guys' dangerous idea, right? that wasn't like Nanami, but when you thought deeper, you realized that maybe it was. afterall, you didn't know him all that well. "oh, don't sound so heartbroken sweetheart." he said, a small frown on his lips at your despairing expression.

"i-i'm sorry." you quickly said, shifting a bit to get out of his grasp, but he stopped you with a hand against the arm of your chair. "that's not it. you've got the wrong idea, y/n. i meant that you can't make such sounds. so loudly, at that."

confusion struck you just as hard as the realization. you weren't thinking straight at all. call it the stress, fatigue, or lust, but it was all scrambling your train of thought and it was obvious since you hadn't even noticed the fact that Nanami was guiding you to stand as he still sat. he pulled you closer to him, one of his knees making its way between your parted legs. "take a seat, sweetheart. I've got a solution to that vocal mouth of yours."

you followed his words and took a seat right on his thigh, your legs straddling either side. Nanami admired you deeply and lustfully, yet he was able to keep his composure. you on the other hand, couldn't help but grind down just a bit at the lack of attention that you needed in certain areas. Nanami quirked an eyebrow at your actions, and while you wanted to feel regret for your impatience, you couldn't.

it simply felt too good.

"please touch me again, Nanami." you muttered, the feeling of yearn coming to you when you glanced at his hand that rested against your thigh. he only lifted your skirt, pushing the item further up to reveal your clothed sex. "let's keep you quiet for a bit, okay?" he muttered, his freehand meeting with your nape to pull your face down closer to his. your lips met after a small pause and Nanami pulled you in in mere seconds.

this new position allowed you to press your bud against his thigh and for Nanami to use his other hand to reach around you and pulling your panties to the side. the tips of his digits traced up and down your slit, making you moan into his mouth. he retreated his fingers just as swiftly and planted both of his hands on your waist, firmly gripping your flesh as a sigh fell onto your tongue.

you parted your lips as his tongue slid against your own. he griding your sex against his thigh, using your hips to control your body. a whimper escaped from you but he devoured it just in time for it to only be muffled. "I've needed you for so long, y/n."

this caught you off guard. you could've never imagined that Nanami would think such a thing and better yet say it to you. "everyday you show up to work, i can't help but drive myself insane just by thinking about you." he groaned, firmly holding your hips in place as he pulled back to look down at his slacks.

the dampened area just beneath your sex sent a wave of embarrassment over you and Nanami only let out a strained groan as he adjusted the growing tent of his lap. "stay quiet and make a mess for me, yeah?" you nodded to his words. "can you use your fingers again, Nanami?" the question was laced with impatience. you missed the feeling of his digits and he knew that. he motioned with your panties, lifting you with ease to remove the now bothersome article of clothing.

"anything you need, sweetheart. the purpose of this is to take some of that stress off of you afterall." Nanami wasted no time to guide his fingers to your sex, slowly inserting his fingers as you leaned forward to let out a moan into his shoulder. he withdrew them once before inserting them again. each time felt better than the last and you couldn't help but wrap your arms around him as he pleased you better than you could even imagine.

you had a strong attraction to Nanami and it's lasted for weeks now. you'd always have theses fantasies about him whether you wanted to or not and neither of them could beat the standard that he was setting. "can't wait to feel you around me, sweetheart." his voice was low, rugged, and you could tell that his patience was slipping. if yours could be slipping and you were the center of his attention, you couldn't imagine how much he was holding back right now.

you saw the strain of his slacks. the way the material showed no mercy to hide the outline of his erection. "we don't have to wait." you finally spoke, pushing yourself up to hold his gaze. "please." you pled, using your hand to cup his jaw. he tried to read your expression, but the lust overpowered everything else.

you reached for his belt, undoing it and following that by unpinning the button of his slacks. in a swift movement, you pulled away his pants and his briefs, the last drop of patience leaving your being at the sight of him. you shifted when Nanami removed his fingers from your sex and in an attempt to finally get what you both wanted, you were stopped by Nanami as he grabbed your hand that was reaching for his length. "patience, sweetheart. take it slow. i don't want to hurt you."

"i can take it. please, Nanami." you couldn't count how many times that word had left your mouth tonight. Nanami gave you everything you asked for, yet you couldn't help but want more. all of him. despite your words, he knew that lust could be blinding so he shook his head, tone stern now. "slowly, y/n." he said.

a small pout was on you lips and he reached his hand up to your face, using his thump to swipe away your messed lip-gloss. "don't give me that look, sweetheart. i know you can take it. I'm not going anywhere until you feel satisfied so there's no rush." you nodded at his reassurance and he placed a supported hand underneath your thigh, helping you balance a bit better.

you kept yourself up on your knees as he gripped his length in a fist, holding your gaze as his tip prodded your entrance. he gently released your thigh just a bit, allowing you to sink down to engulf him with your warmth. he let out a moan through panting breaths, the thought of the people just down the hall leaving both of you guys' mind.

you let out a swear at the entirely new feeling and Nanami gently gripped your jaw so that you'd face him and hold his lustful gaze. he lowered you to sink down on him, both his and your lips parting as you let out a moan of pleasure. "you're so perfect like this, sweetheart." he managed to get out, his eyes admiring the way all of his length disappeared into your sex. he felt pure bliss and you clearly felt the same, given the way that your loudening whimpers began to heighten.

"yeah, you're handling it so well." he groaned as she tightened around him. Nanami help her hips, aiding her in riding him since she was too overstimulated to continue on her own. "so much." you mumbled as you leaned in to place a kiss to his jawline. he sighed from the action of affection and y/n began letting out smooth moans as he slowly lifted you from his length before your skin met with his lap once again.

"make a mess for me, sweetheart. i want to see how good I'm making you feel." he encouraged. you used whatever remains of energy you had to grind against him as you slick began to pool at the base of his erection. he gave you more, and like you have been when it comes to Nanami, all you could think was more. he knew this. he felt it in the way your movements sped up and heightened in incoordination.

he allowed it to happen for a period of time, but immediately stopped you when your moans grew. the whine that left your mouth came straight from your chest, making Nanami feel guilt immediately. "Nanami, why'd you stop? please don't stop." you whined, voice sounding like a broken cry. "i have to, sweetheart. you'll cum if i keep going and i can't have that because i want to taste you when you do."

with that, he quickly lifted you both from his seat and placed you to take his pace instead. he groaned as his length left the warmth of your sex. before you could retaliates, his knees met with the office's carpet and he wrapped both of his arms around your thighs, keeping your legs parted before he leaned in, his lips wrapping around your bud in seconds. a pleasureful whine escaped from your chest and his tongue gathered your arousal, the sweet taste urging him to grip his length with a desperate fist. he groaned into your sex and he placed a stripe of your own arousal against your bud.

his lips latched around the sensitive area as his tongue showed you no messy despite your cries and pleas. you were getting what you wanted which was more.

"Nanami i-i'm-" your breath hitched in your throat. your legs threated to close around his head but he was firm with his grip, holding you in place. "close?" he finished your sentence. "i know. cum on my tongue, sweetheart. please."

without another beat, you did just that, your arousal coating his tongue in just mere seconds. your body jolted and shivered against him and Nanami continued past your limits. your moans filled the room and Nanami released an arm form around your thigh and used his hand to grip his length, moaning as he brought himself to his own high. his cum spurted onto the fabric of his slacks and onto his thigh.

your panting breaths were in quiet harmony with one another and you glanced at Nanami with a dazed expression. he stood up, checking the watch on his wrist before leaning down to your face.

"we made good time, sweetheart. thirty minute break was well spent."

all credits go to @leahrintarou & @satorusluvrgirl :D

Taglist: @nemoo888 @delicatexmoonchild @flowerpjimin @tedcruzumakii @sugacor3 @selysixn @mitsuyas-version @matchaismylove @cyberrthegreat @ivydoesit23 @riririntaro @ilovechickfilasauce @sincerelyzee @daydreamteardrop @satorusluvrgirl @tired-jaz

[finnsbubblegum]

Where It All Starts (Joel Miller X Reader)

Pairing: no-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, sweet joel, domestic joel, rom-com

Summary: reader as Joel’s neighbor. Joel’s wife left him so Joel asked his neighbor for help in babysitting Sarah. 

Words count: 1.1k

A/N: I’m trying to make this as a rom-com, hope you like my new series! I have a lot of ideas to write about Joel Miller fanfiction and I haven’t finished writing them all. I only have a few days before I start working but I want to write as much as I can. I’m pretty nervous since it’s my first full-time job. Wish me luck! 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

“Please just let me go! I can’t do this anymore!” You heard a woman’s yell from outside your house while washing the dishes.

“Baby, please.. Just do this for Sarah. Please.” A man begged.

*baby cried*

“I’m sorry, Joel.” 

Curiosity ate you. You peeked through your window and saw your neighbor were having a fight. Assuming they were husband and wife with a newborn baby. The man was carrying the baby while the woman was trying to get inside the car.

“Get in that car and there’s no coming back!” The man raised his voice. 

You felt guilty for eavesdropping because that should be a private conversation but they fought in front of their house and you’re pretty sure everyone in the neighborhood heard them.

The next morning when you were preparing breakfast, you heard a knock. 

“Can I help you?” It was the man from last night.

“Ugh yes, I’m sorry to bother you early in the mornin’. I was wonderin’ if you could help me with somethin’.” He put his hand behind his neck.

“Yeah, sure? What can I help you with?” You opened your door wider and invited him in.

“I live next door…I just had a baby and somethin’ happened with her mom..and I have to go to work so no one is watchin’ my daughter. Uh..You look young, I’m assuming you’re still in college, maybe you could help me babysit my daughter? I’ll pay you of course.”

“Oh! Uhm..Well..I’m not in college actually. I’ve graduated.” You chuckled.

“But I’ll take that as a compliment, sir.” 

“Sorry.” Joel chuckled.

“Uhm..how old is your daughter?” 

“She’s just 3 months old.” 

“Oh!” Your eyes widened. You had never had a baby but you had always wanted one. But how could you possibly be able to babysit a newborn without experience? 

“Sure, I’d like to help.” You were blinded by the man’s puppy eyes.

“Really can you do that? How about your work? Because I don’t want to burden you.” 

“That’s not a problem, sir. I’m taking over my parents’ cafe nearby so I can take your daughter with me. If that’s okay.” 

“You’re the best. Thank you. I’m Joel by the way. Joel Miller” He extended his hand to shake yours.

“I’m (y/n) (y/l/n).” You shook his hand.

Joel invited you to his house and introduced his daughter to you. 

“This is Sarah.”

“Hi Sarah. You’re so cute.” You booped her on the nose.

“Do you know how to hold a baby?” Joel asked you. 

“I’ve held my nephew before but-” 

“Here. Support her head like this.” Joel instructed you.

“Like this?” 

“Yeah, just like that. Don’t worry, you’re doing good.” He placed his hand on your shoulder.

His touch made your heart beat faster. You know you shouldn’t be thinking about this since he just got into a fight with his wife last night. But you couldn’t help it. He could be a single dad any time in the future or probably now. And you admitted your neighbor was a hot young dad. 

“So this is the bag. It has everything in it. Diapers, baby formula, and other things. She eats every 2-3 hours. Here’s the house key.” 

“Got it.” You nodded. 

“Okay, I’m runnin’ late. Here’s my number. Just call me if you need anythin’.” He shoved you a paper written with his phone number.

“You goin’ to work now?” 

“Ugh-yes.” 

“Want me to drive you?” Joel offered to drive you since your hands were full.

“It’s okay. I’ll drive myself.” You refused his offer.

“Okay, well. At least let me help you get settled in your car then?” He carried the big baby bag to your car and helped you settle the baby car seat in your car. 

You put Sarah in the car seat and brought her to work. 

“When did you have a baby again?” You co-workers couldn’t stop staring at the baby you brought to work.

“It’s not mine. It’s my neighbor’s. He’s-” You sighed.

“He? Single dad?” Flo’s eyes widened. She was still in college and working part-time at your cafe. She had a thing for single dads that was why she was interested in your situation.

“I’m not sure. But I heard him fighting with his wife last night. It sounded bad.” You shrugged.

“This could be it. This could be it.” She shook your body excitedly.

“Could be what?” You stopped her.

“You know. I know you’re lonely. And you definitely need a man. Why don’t you try it with him? Is he hot?” She raised her eyebrows up and down.

“I don’t know, Flo. I mean I’m still not ready and I’m sure he isn’t too.”

“Is.he.hot?” Flo repeated.

“Well, kinda?” You shrugged.

“Want my advice boss? I’d say you should flirt with him.” She crossed her arms to her chest.

You rolled your eyes.

“Want my advice? Get back to work or I will cut your pay.” You squinted your eyes.

“Yes, boss.” 

Flo was right. Maybe this was your chance to start dating again. Since the last time you had your heart broken, you were too focused on helping your family’s business. But once you wanted to try dating again, you got a soon-to-be single hot dad? You always had a thing for dads. Just like Flo. Did you win the lottery? Probably. Let’s see.

Sarah wasn’t hard to babysit. You worked while babysitting her and your co-workers helped you so it wasn’t really hard work. You went home by dinner time and left your cafe to your employees to close the store. You put sleeping Sarah to her crib then went back to your car to get the bag. While you were closing the car door, Joel’s car parked on the driveway. You stopped and waited for him.

“Hi.” You put the bag strap to your shoulder.

“Hi. How was she? I hope she’s not taking your energy too much.” He walked closer to you and took the bag from you.

“She’s well-behaved actually.” You smiled and passed him the baby bag.

“Thank God.” Joel sighed.

“I put her to sleep.” You told Joel proudly.

“Thank you. I owe you a lot. I really appreciate it.” He placed his hand on your shoulder again.

“Did you eat dinner Mr. Miller?” You tried to flirt just as Flo told you.

“Not yet. Just call me Joel, please.” 

“Joel.” You hummed.

“Pizza?” Joel suggested.

“Sure.” 

Joel called for a pizza delivery and the two of you spent dinner together. You talked about college and work but not relationships. You were avoiding that topic and so did Joel.

“Thanks for dinner.” You thanked Joel as he walked you home which was just next to his house.

“Anytime.” He put his hands in his pocket.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow when I get Sarah?” 

“Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow. Have a good night.” He kissed your cheek awkwardly.

“Good night, Joel.”

To be continued...

[megs-1800]

Always have your back

Note: Please as always leave me feedback and any requests

Summary: Everything is going well with you and Mason until your ex starts messaging you and pressuring you to send him money. Mason is the one who cleared all the mess that your ex left behind. How is Mason going to accept you helping your ex again?

Pairings: Mason Mount x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Swearing, angst, Fluff and toxic ex

It’s a freezing autumn night, I am sat curled up in my Disney pjs, hair up in a bun, blanket and Netflix on. Mason has a Tuesday night kick off tonight so I know he won’t be home until late. I quickly snap a photo of me curled up and send it to Mason with the caption “wish you were here ;)” then quickly forwarded it up with “good luck my number 7 go out and smash it”. I know he probably cannot reply but I least I text him some encouragement. I then put my phone down and started to cook dinner.

Thats when my Facebook notification binged up, no one ever messages me on FB. My profile is private so it’s not like any fans can message me and all the people I talk to have my number so I am confused. That’s when I see the name show up ‘James’. Fuck! I thought, what the hell does this prick want. James was my ex that I was with just before me and Mason got together, he left me in loads of debt and hating my life. Then I saw the message he just put “Hi x” I messaged straight back “Hi” with no kiss I did not want to engage with this conversation. I can see the message was opened and he was typing, he was typing for quite a while that’s when it finally binged again. It said:

“Look I know you hate me, I am sorry for what I did to you. I was hurt you ended it. I know it was my fault for all the lies and the drugs I was a mess but I am different now. I am trying to turn my life around Y/N/N. I just owe these dealers money and I need to pay them, I cleared most of it I just need another £200. Once that’s paid that’s everyone cleared and I can focus on my new life. I am scared they threatening to come to my mums and my sisters house, please you know how much they meant to you. Please, I start a new job tomorrow and I get paid weekly so I will pay you back at the end of next week, I promise this time no bullshit”.

I didn’t want to believe him, I have heard all these lies before but I know the trouble he can get in and the people he gets involved with are serious. How could I live with myself if his family got hurt when I could help? I really didn’t want to but its just £200 in the scheme of things what is that? I replied “Yeah sure it’s a one off I will not send you anymore and I want it back on Friday.” He replied thanking me and send me the bank details on where to send it and confirmed he would send it straight back. I really wanted to believe him this time.

The next couple of days were busy with work and Mason has been busy with training, you know how hard he is working to ensure he doesn’t get injured again which I am praying his non-injury spell lasts. I was working away at home when I heard my phone buzz again, it was a FB notification. I saw it was James again. “Hey Y/N, I really wouldn’t ask unless I was desperate. Is there any chance I could borrow £100 please? I literally have no food in the house, I haven’t eaten in days please I promise I will pay it back?”. Again I thought what happens if he hadn’t eaten? How can I live with myself knowing that he was starving and I could help and I didn’t. So once again I sent it.

I wanted to speak to Mason about it, I hated hiding this from him but I knew he would never understand. He hated James with a passion. I met Mason whilst I was still with James. I made it clear to Mason I wasn’t a cheat and he never pressured me and ensure our conversations were PG. That was until I confided in Mason that I was tired of James’s bullshit and I didn’t want to be with him anymore. That’s when Mason stepped in and supported me to leave James. The problem is that James agreed to support me with the rent (as we still had 7 months left on the tenancy) and all the credit cards and loans I took out for him. Of course he didn’t though and I was struggling to pay it all myself. I didn’t want to tell Mason but he forced it out of me when he realised how stressed I was. A couple of days later I had a call from my landlord to say the flat I was living in was sold, I knew then it was Mason. When I confronted him about it, he explained he put the property in my name so its mine, I can do whatever I want with it. I was fuming but I know it did it out of kindness. Then a couple of weeks later I received a large deposit into my account, Mason gave me the money to clear the loans and credit cards. You have never been shown kindness like that in your life, you didn’t even want to use the money you just left in your account for weeks not knowing what to do. Mason kept insisting you used it and said he would be offended if you didn’t. He promised he would never tell a soul he did that and would never used it against you, you trusted him. You tried to pay Mason back each month, but he refused to take it, he explained you could repay him by going out on a date with him.. that’s how you both started dating. So that’s why you couldn’t tell Mason the truth, after he did all that and to find out you were still helping  James out, he would flip out.

The Friday came when James was suppose to pay you, shocker he doesn’t and when you message him asking if he going to send it back he reads the messages and ignores it. Great I thought I should of known better.

The following Sunday we went to Mason’s family for Sunday dinner, it was a long drive so we went down their Saturday night and ended up staying down. I love his family and his parents treat me like their own. I couldn’t ask for better inlaws. The food was amazing! I am so full. It has been such a good day with laughter and smiles. I am all curled up on their sofa trying to stretch my belly out as its now cramping from the amount of food I just digested. That’s when I hear the dreaded sound of my FB messenger notification again. I was just going to ignore it as I knew exactly who it was and I didn’t want him ruining my mood right now. I quickly looked at it though, I just wanted him to go away. Again he was asking for money, SHOCK! I thought. I messaged straight back putting my foot down, I don’t care about the reasoning I knows its all bullshit anyway, I replied “No James, no fucking more! You lied and never paid me back its all bullshit now leave me alone before I block you!”. That’s when another 5 notifications came through. Mason looked over at me “Jheez somebody is popular” He laughed. I laughed back trying to put Mason at ease “it must be Lauren you know what she is like can never just text a paragraph she gotta send me a couple of words per text”. Mason nodded and agreed he knew what she was like. I picked it up and saw the disgusting texts that were sent back, calling me a slag, how I am only with Mason for his money, saying how I could just get Mason to sort it out but I cannot ‘be bothered’, how I never did anything for him, how I was too big and ugly to be a WAG. Mason looked up at me in concern as he saw my mood change, he didn’t press as he knew I wouldn’t say anything in front of his parents but made a mental note to speak to me about it later. My phone buzzed another 5 times, this time Mason shot me a look as to say what the hell is going on, who the hell is that? I made a quick a joke to say “Must just be my other boyfriend” which Mason’s parents laughed at but Mason didn’t seem too impressed. He knew you were hiding something from him. It continued with the horrible words, in the end you just wanted it to stop, you wanted him to just leave you alone. You don’t know why you did it you just needed it to stop so you could enjoy the rest of your day. You quickly sent him another £100 and put your phone on silent.

The ride home was quiet, I could tell Mason wanted to ask you about the text messages but didn’t want to cause an argument tonight after such a nice day.

Mason was laying on your bed playing Fifa but couldn’t concentrate, you were lying next to him asleep you were such a heavy sleeper you would not be waking up anytime soon. Mason looks over at your phone next to you on the bedside table, he doesn’t want to do it but he needs to know what made you so upset and made your mood change like that. If someone hurt you they going to know about it he was thinking. Before he knew it he had your phone in his hands and unlocked it. He knew it was a FB messenger notification so quickly opened the app. That’s when he saw it, it was from James. Surely not, y/n couldn’t be cheating on me with her ex could she? His heart starting to break and his hands started to shake. When he opened the messages he saw the disgusting things that were being thrown at you. How dare he speak to you like that. Mason was fuming. The worst part Mason was angry that you gave in and sent him money. So he gets you into debt which I pay off and support you just for you to support him again fuck that Mason thought. He wasn’t sure how to approach this conversation now without telling you he went through your phone. He quickly put it back on the side and just laid staring at the ceiling. How dare he take advantage of your kindness. That’s the thing mason loves about you, you have such a big heart but struggle to see when people are using you. Mason just wants to protect you but he now not sure how. 

The next day Mason has a day off and we have had a both needed relaxing day. I am lying on masons lap across our sofa whilst he is sat up playing fifa. That’s when I hear the dreaded FB notifications again. I quickly sat up and moved up the sofa so Mason couldn’t see over my shoulder. Shocker it was James again. This time asking for £2k, when I said I don’t have that kind of money he told me to get a loan. When I refused again he demanded I get the money of Mason. When I refused again, it started to get nasty.

Mason looked up from his controller at me, “I know”. I looked at Mason in confusion there is no way he can know. “You know what?” I ask. Mason replies “I went through your phone last night, I had to see what happened yesterday at my parents” trying to justify himself. 

“Are you fucking serious Mase, you went through my phone as l slept? Is that the kind of relationship we have now?” I can feel my anger boiling and now my rage being turned from James to Mason. 

“I am sorry but how are you letting him speak to you like that? He fucking broke you y/n and I was there to pick up the pieces. I am the one who cleared the debts and for what? Just for you to get yourself back into my debt helping him”

“I am not getting myself into more debt, I am only sending him the money I have!” Getting kind of pissed off with his tone. 

“Yeah only because you are living off me and relied on me to pay your debts!” I am outraged how fucking dare he!

“You promised me Mason you would never use that against me are you taking the piss right now?!?!”

Mason then stops his anger in his face is now starting to soften. “Time out” he goes. Using his hands to make a T. “This is exactly what he wants, why are we arguing when it’s him who is taking advantage of you? He is the one I am pissed off with not you, I know you can never turn away someone in need”. 

“I just don’t know how to sort it Mase?”, I can feel the tears starting to prick in my eyes due to the stress of it all. “If I stop sending him money he gets so angry and what happens if I do not send it and then something happens that’s on me! How could I live with myself?”. Mason gets up so he is now standing over me, “none of this is your fault, fucking none of it, he is using your kindness for weakness which is completely out of order”. I know he is right, he gets so protective, god mason is so good to me. What did I do to deserve him? 

My phone binged again and then Mason turns to me “Give me your phone” Mason gestures his hand out. I am worried about what he is going to do next. 

I put my phone into his hand and next thing I know he is typing away. A couple more bings went through showing me that James was replying to whatever Mason said. Mason is now pacing around the living room and I am surprised my phone screen hasn’t cracked by how hard he is slapping his thumps against it. They continue back and fourth like this for around 20 mins. 

Mason then passes me my phone back, I went straight onto the messages to see what was said. “I have deleted the chat”, I am a bit disappointed I wanted to see what Mason said coming to my defence. “What did you say?” I ask. Mason smiles at me showing me that he won the fight “that doesn’t matter princess all you need to know is that he should leave you alone now.” I feel a massive weight off my shoulders now I don’t know what didn’t tell Mason before. “Just promise me something if he tries to message you again please let me know. The things I said to him, if he still had the guts to try fair play to him”, which at this Mason gives his cocky smile. “Of course Mase I promise”.

Mason flops back onto the sofa and lifts his arm up to gesture for me to lie on his lap which I did. Mason sat there running his fingers through my hair. “I will never let anyone hurt you y/n. I am sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean to throw the money in your face. I would do it all over again if I need to if it ensured your safety and protection”. I give a little smile at that and crock my head up so I am now looking up at him. 

“I love you so much Mason”, he loves me dead in the eyes and gives a soft kiss to my lips. “Believe me it will never be as much as I love you y/n”. 

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

hello fellow,, I just wanted to say I think you're very pretty— And I'd love to watch one of your shows !!

What's your favorite part about your job?

So tell me, do you wanna go?

“Thank you, thank you for the compliment! Aren’t you a flatterer,” Fellow chuckled as he adjusted his lapels. “You, my good spectator, have an excellent eye. And if you’re looking to see far more beautiful things in your life, then have I got the item for you!!”

With the flick of his wrist, he produced a pink shard from his coat pocket. Its clarity was broken by a few scratches, resulting in a color closer to rose fog. The sea glass appeared to be ordinary in every sense of the word.

“This,” Fellow declared, presenting the shard with a flourish, “is rose-tinted glass. Have you heard of it? It’s a special material that was blessed by a fairy godmother! It may look like an ordinary lump now, but refine it, polish it--" He pantomimed cleaning it off with his sleeve. "--and you'll have yourself some fine material for a mirror, glasses, whatever you wish! Anything you see through its face will have its beauty enhanced a hundred-fold!"

"Oooooh." You politely clapped for him. "So that's how your scams--er, I mean shows--work. You butter people up and sell them impossible dreams."

"... That wasn't a demonstration just now, I really was trying to scam you, kid!!" Fellow groaned, letting his smile drop. He dropped the sea glass back into his pocket, then folded his arms. "Don't let it spread, or I could be losin' out on some potential marks."

"Alright, but only if you answer my question too."

"What my favorite part of the job is?" Fellow barked a laugh, but there was no joy to be found in it. "It pays the bills. It lets us survive. It puts snobs in their place. I can be my own boss, go where I like, make my own hours."

"That's it?"

"What, did you expect something flashier?" Fellow angled his hat, allowing the brim to shadow his eyes. "Get your head out of the clouds, kid."

Then he lifted his head and looked out. Past the main building of the school, to the front gates and beyond it. The town below, the sky above, the sea surrounding.

"... Stayin' put in one place never suited me," he said quietly. "There's a whole wide world out there, waiting for my grand ol' shows to come along and wow'm. They'll look at me with stars in their eyes, the crowd alive with sound."

A smile had taken shape on his lips. Not a sneer, not a smirk. A real smile, soft as a baby bird's down feathers.

It dawned on you.

I get it. What he likes the most is... seeing the joy he can bring to others, even if that joy is just a lie.

"Ah, but enough of that!" Fellow swept his top hat off and, inverting it, held it out to you. He beamed expectantly. "In exchange for my time and well-thought-out responses...!"

"Huh? But the deal was I wouldn't let your plot slip if you answered, not money on top of that. I'm barely managing to get by myself on the headmaster's monthly allowance..."

"I have to support myself and Gidel, don't I?" Fellow rattled the hat. "Payment, if you please!!"

You sighed but began digging for loose change.

[ratherbefangirling]

KARZ : the debt of love(1)

Masterlist | Next

Pairing: Seokjin x heiress Reader (past) ; Jungkook x idol reader (present)

Summary: the debt of love must always be paid.

Genre: Drama, Fluff, Angst, Reincarnation AU, Revenge.

Inspired by the 1980 movie of the same name. I basically binged 2 versions of the same movie while watching a bts edit on one of the songs of the movie. You don't have to watch the movie to read this.

P•R•O•L•O•G•U•E

"Jin.. Jin... Jin? Where are you my love?" You enter your penthouse apartment, calling out your beloved fiance.

There's sound of chopping in the kitchen.

"In the kitchen my love." He replies.

You enter the kitchen watching him slave over the stove. You wrap your arms around him.

"You don't have to work so hard my love. The cooks fear for their job." You tease him.

"But I like cooking for you princess."

You smile at him. "I have good news."

"What happened?" He asks turning off the stove and washing his hands.

"We won the case. I've finally inherited my family assets. Now I can keep my family and you happy."

He wraps arms around you and lifts you up, twirling you in his arms.

"I'm so happy for you my princess"

"Ok ok put me down."

He gently puts you down." We got to celebrate this." He tells you excited.

"Let's get married."

"All of a sudden?" He asks.

"I wanna be married to you. I just wanted to get these legal hurdles over with. I didn't want to drag you in this mess" you get on one knee taking out rings you'd purchased.

"Will you make me the happiest girl in the world?" You ask grinning.

"Ya! I wanted to propose." He scolds you gently.

"Jin."

He lifts you up. "Yes. I will marry you. I'm yours I'll always be yours in thus life and every life after that. Forever."

You hug him. He wraps his arms around you. Kissing your forehead.

"I love you princess"

"I love you too my prince."

❄️❄️❄️

You and Jin drink by the poolside. You've come to one of the remote properties you own. A villa on a cliff. It's quite a view. It's secluded and perfect.

You spend the days and nights together. Having all sorts of fun. Playing games, eating, dancing, watching stars.

"How does it feel, our honey moon is coming to an end?" You ask Jin.

"I wish it could last forever. That I could keep you to myself forever."

You touch his shoulder comfortingly. "Hey, you'll still have me. This is only the beginning."

He nods taking a sip of his red wine.

"Besides" you add." My mom and younger brother Jimin are excited to meet you."

He nods thoughtfully.

"Are you that sad our trip is ending?" You ask caressing his cheek.

"I'm sorry Y/n."

Your brows furrow. "What's wrong Jin?" You ask concerned. Your body feels numb.

"I'm sorry it had to be this way."

"What are you talking about?" You are confused by his change in demeanour. You try to raise your hand to touch him but there is no strength in your arms.

He kisses your forehead. "Betrayal can only be payed by betrayal. Goodbye my love." He says pushing you off the edge.

15 years later

[We have with us in the studio , everyones favourite the rising star of the music industry. The starlet Melody. ]

[ The charming young star in front of us lives very differently from how it all started. Today we dive into all the details in an exclusive interview to the hymns magazine]

Interviewer (I): Welcome to the studio Melody. We are very happy to host you.

Melody(M): Hello I'm happy to be here, please take good care of me.

I: Known for your vocal range and charming stage presence, you've won many awards at national and international levels. How does it feel ?

M: as everyone knows. I used to sneak out from the orphanage to try busking along with my bestfriend. When I got scouted and later adopted by our CEO. And a lot of rigorous practice and schedules later. I finally got to go on stage and I still remember the euphoria and gratefulness I felt when people started supporting me. I'm grateful to each and every one of my fans.

I: you mentioned your bestfriend accompanied you. Were they also scouted?

M: my bestfriend got adopted and decided to become a doctor.

I: so it was a happy ending.

M: Yes.

I: I heard you're releasing a new album? Can you tell us more about it.

M: Yes ofcourse. This one's really close to my heart. For the first time I got total control over all aspects which is a lot harder than it sounds. Sort of a graduation gift from our CEO. Unlike the music so far. Though all my music does have my personality in it. This is the first time. I've been left to my own devices so as to say.

I: sounds exciting. We can't wait to hear what you've come up with.

M: the album is called 'the girl with many phases' and it is about my journey to becoming the person I am today. The title track is Moon which I co wrote with my bestfriend back in the day.

I: the same bestfriend who's becoming a doctor?

M:*laughs* yes. I hope you'll like it.

[Song plays ▶️ ]

✨️✨️✨️

"Good bye and Goodnight Seoul, thanks for having me"

You wave goodbye, sending air hugs hearts and kisses as you go to the backstage, tired a little grumpy and if you don't lie in a bed soon probably sick.

The concert tours were both exhilarating and tiring. You enjoyed being on stage. Interacting with your fans. Going to new places though you couldn't always visit. The travel, the practice, the show all were physically taxing.

As you enter the green room, already removing your accessories, a large bouquet of flower greets you holding which is your bestfriend, Kim Namjoon.

You keep the accessories on the table and run to hug him. He hugs you back.

"Did you come to see the show? "

"Ofcourse my exams got over and I flew to see you. Happy Birthday Melody."

You laugh giddy. "Let me change and let's have dinner." You tell him.

"Ofcourse, I'll be waiting."

You go take a quick shower and change into your normal comfortable clothes.

Namjoon is still waiting when you come back.

"How have you been y/n ? "

"Can't complain. Life has changed. Problems have changed"

"What's bothering you. Talk to me?"

"I have money, fame, a high paying job, success but.."

"I still feel empty. I still don't have a family or love."

"What about your adopted family."

"They ended the adoption. The CEO and I only have a buisness relationship. I'm just a product to be sold and profit off. Even if I want to go back home. There's no one waiting for me."

Namjoon puts a hand on your shoulder comfortingly." I'm sorry, y/n. Though I can't find you a family. My dad's holding a party. We can find you a rich handsome boyfriend how about that?" He jokes.

You laugh. "Sounds good."

"I'll send you the invite. My mom would love to meet you."

You smiled though a little heartbroken you were happy at least your bestfriend had a better adoption.

"I'll be there. Just send me the details ok?" You tell him. "Let's go eat dinner now. I'm starving."

You reach Namjoon's home. Calling it a house is an understatement. Its a sprawling mansion.

You call Namjoon to alert him of your arrival. As you hand the butler your car keys. Namjoon comes to greet you.

"Nice house." You comment.

"Yeah I know it's a bit fancy"

"Well clearly someone has gotten used to being rich." You tease him.

He rolls his eyes. "Where's the party you ask?"

"The staff is setting it up.It's in the banquet Hall and besides no one shows up on time they prefer arriving fashionably late."

"You could have mentioned that"

"Hey I just thought we could hang out. Once the party starts I have to make rounds with my parents."

You nod sympathetic. "So what's the plan."

His phone rings. He picks it up. Talking to the person on line as you admire the mansion.

"So hey Y/n-ie. I'm sorry I have an extra class I need to attend. Seriously it's the worst timing. I'm sorry. But you can just chill in the hall. I'll try to come back soon. OK?"

"Ok joonie, see you" you understand he looks as disappointed as you feel to leave but some things take priority for now. You'll always have each other.

Namjoon instructs the butler to take care of you if you need anything. He gives you a hug before he leaves.

You sit infront of the piano and start to play. It's been a while since you played of your accord. Unknown to you a crowd gathers. As you end the song they all applaud. You smile.

You decide to sit on one of the sofas and scroll on your phone using your secret account.

Someone keeps a plate of Appetisers next to you. You look up to see the most handsome guy you've come across in a while.

"Thank you Mr...?"

"Jeon Jungkook Miss."

"Thanks for the food. Can I trouble you to ask for a drink?"

"It's no trouble at all." He says disappearing into the kitchen.

He comes back with a drink.

"A special mocktail for the lady."

"No alcohol."

"The lady is already intoxicating I doubt any alcohol could compare."

Admittedly your reaction is a bit delayed. Your brain stops working for a moment. Were you being flirted with? Your braincells are screaming may day.

"I guess it all works out then, if I get drunk I may forget and I wouldn't risk forgetting someone so handsome." You say hoping it sounds flirty but not weird.

He laughs and you are mesmerised.

"I'm back y/nie" Namjoon comes in almost knocking one of the waiters down.

That clumsy fool. You think.

"Yes yes. Welcome back." You say. Jungkook has already slipped away.

"Let's go to my room." Namjoon takes your hand and drags you to his room. You are left with no choice but to follow. You give one last look towards Jungkook who catches your gaze and smiles making you blush.

Namjoon's closet is large. He always did like clothes and accessory. His room is comfortable and filled with books and art.

"So which one looks better?" He asks showing you his outfits for tonight.

"The black is classic. You can't go wrong with it. "

He nods agreeing. You hug a Ryan plushie and wait for Joon to change looking at your phone.

When he's ready you head back to the party together.

Namjoons adopted father introduces you to every one as a special guest. Jackson Namjoon's new friend is especially kind to you.

"Hey Namjoonie won't you introduce me." He says.

Namjoon rolls his eyes at his friends antics. "Y/n This is Jackson. My college friend. Jackson this is y/n my childhood friend." Namjoon introduces.

Jackson shakes your hand. "I'm a fan. If it isn't much can I request you to bestow us with your melodius voice."

"I'm flattered.. but I'm afraid I.." You trail of seeing Jungkook eavesdropping on the conversation.

"Come on y/n one song." Namjoon also request.

"Fine." You concede. "But you owe me big time namjoonie."

"Anything you want." Namjoon promises.

So the stage is set and guitar in hand. You begin.

As you sing, your eyes trace Jungkook, who disappears and appears like the moon playing hide and seek with clouds. And as the song comes to an end.

"Though our footsteps may be out of step/I want to walk this path with you/Still with you~~" you sing the last lines as if it were a confession.

He smiles at you, his eyes shining before people come in front of you, blocking your line of sight.

You smile at everyone naturally stepping into the shoes of Melody. It takes a while for the crowd to dwindle by the time Jungkook is nowhere to be found.

And the party ends without you meeting him again.

✨️✨️✨️

You lay in Namjoon's bed. Coincidentally you both have time of together. You have some time before your next tour starts. You're using his phone to try and find Jungkook. It's like searching for a needle in a haystack. But you look through all the pictures of the party posted on Instagram.

"Y/n you do know right.. he might not have been tagged. I looked through the staff list but there's no one by the name Jungkook. You sure you didn't get it wrong?" Namjoon asks. He's left you to your own devices and started painting.

"I'm 100% sure. Why don't you ask again. What if he was a part timer?"

Namjoon sighs. "You're quite stubborn"

"You owe me after putting me on spot on your party like that."

Namjoon groans. "Fine. I'll text again."

You're scrolling eyes tired when you finally see him in the background of the photos. You sqeal. Jumping on Namjoon's bed. "I found him." Namjoon chuckles at your antics.

"Me too. Apparently he's a student. At Smeraldo Universities Culinary Science College. He came here for a summer internship. " Namjoon informs you.

You hug Namjoon excited. "Hey joonie.. do you think we should go to that friends trip?." Your eyes are shining with mischief.

Permanent taglist: @mintsugarmy : @exfolitae : @cryingpages

Authors note: Hey so that's the first chapter. The next chapter will come the next week mostly. Let me know your thoughts . Feedback is appreciated 👏. Hope you have a nice day. Let me know if you want to be added in the taglist. And your thoughts so far. Comments really help boost my morale and make my day. Or you can reblog as well. 🥺👉👈 or send asks.. ok bye.

[nihilnovisubsole]

Because of your latest post: not sure if you’ve answered this before, but how does someone even entertain the idea of writing for the game dev industry? Did you start out on indie games or just write before and show them your work? Since it’s such a subjective field etc

if i have, it bears repeating! here's a rough timeline of what i did. never discount the value of luck and the kindness of friends

2016: i was doing a random freelance transcription job when i saw @theivorytowercrumbles post about writing for voltage. they reblogged the studio's open casting call for new writers. since it was so lenient - no experience, fanfic samples allowed - i applied. they hired me for their new project, but let me go after a trial period, citing that the tone of my writing was a bad fit for that game. i foundered for a while after that. i don't take rejection well. i started dangerous crowns to try to make money from writing some other way.

2017: one of voltage's producers reached out to me and said they'd started another project that i was a good fit for. she felt letting me go was a mistake and wanted to snap me back up. i said yes, i mean, are you kidding? so i started on reiner's route.

2018-2019: i kept at it. i took on diego's route. it occurred to me that i wasn't making very much money, but i liked my coworkers, and i was building my portfolio, so who cared? i also finished dangerous crowns, and a handful of people bought it, but certainly not enough to support myself or anything.

early 2020: between the pay and creative differences with voltage's team, it started to sink in that i needed to find other work. i applied to the few open game writer jobs i could find, but with only mobile romance in my portfolio, i got nowhere. i threw in dangerous crowns samples. i tried to network on twitter. i still never made it to the interview phase. i foundered for a while again.

late 2020: the voltage writers went on strike. i gave a statement to a journalist that one of obsidian's narrative designers noticed. we became acquaintances over it. another old friend of mine threw me a life raft in the form of a different contract, better paying, on a non-romance indie game. i took it gladly. i added a twine game to my portfolio, too. i kept applying. i got a few interviews, but something still didn't click.

2021: i finally accepted that i needed formal help. i did a portfolio workshop. i got resume coaching. the coach passed my name to a writer on the company of heroes team. they liked me! they also paid me more money than i'd ever seen in my life. at the same time, obsidian advertised a narrative job opening. i applied on a lark and let my ND pal know i was doing so. why not, right? college-new-vegas-fan me would want me to. they rejected me, but not before i passed their writing test and two interviews. i had nothing to lose at that point, so i told my ND pal that i was bummed. she gave me a golden piece of advice: "you came really close. try again."

2022: obsidian had another narrative opening. i threw myself at it. i was now going to annoy them into hiring me. since i was a known quantity from applying six months before, they had no qualms about interviewing me again. this time, it worked out, and i've been there ever since.

what's the common denominator here? i met people who thought i was all right and gave me a hand up when i needed it. the standard advice is to work with a community of your peers instead of trying to get your heroes to senpai-notice you. it's not that they don't care - they just have their own thing going on, and your peers could be the heroes of tomorrow if the right project comes along. i also found the portfolio was the end-all-be-all when it came to job hunting. i went through a grieving process with that! i'm not afraid to admit it. i wish studios had held my degree or dangerous crowns in higher regard, but i just had to make games in a wider variety of genres, and that was that.

one caveat: narrative is a really saturated field right now. a lot of people want to write, and there aren't many openings. it's not uncommon for big studios to get hundreds of applicants. larian probably got over a thousand for the job they posted recently. i feel awful saying that, because i don't want to discourage you, but i'd feel worse if i didn't let you know what you were getting into. if it's something you want, you should try! keep an open mind about the random projects you may find. you never know where they'll take you.

[ollypopwrites]

From Depths Unknown ; Part 6

Part 1 ⚜️ Part 2 ⚜️ Part 3 ⚜️ Part 4 ⚜️ Part 5 or Read on Ao3

Rolan x F!Tav (AFAB, she/her) *Tav is a Storm Sorcerer, but no actual reference to her appearance.

Rating: E

Tags & Warnings: [18+ MDNI] Smut (PiV sex, fingering, wizards and their mage hands am i right?), confessions, background Bloodweave being dysfunctional (i love you boys but u are a mess), familial banter, Rolan being Rolan, and Tav's savior complex.

Notes: I said six chapters.... but i got carried away again. Next chapter will be the last I promise lol.

Chapter Summary:

Rolan felt the walls closing in on him. The thought of her packing her things to leave the city behind had created a painful clawing sensation in the center of his chest. He had quickly realized that were he to give any input, Rolan would be near begging her to stay. Tav should do what she wanted to, and without him being so openly upset at the prospect of her departure. But it had been days of agony keeping quiet as she played with ideas of what she ought to do and what she wanted to do. He was not sure he could contain himself any longer.

“Engaged? As in…  to be married?”

“What other kind of engaged  is there, darling?” Astarion took a sip of wine. “Do we not have our fearless leader’s blessing?” 

Tav rolled her eyes at his pout. “No, it’s just… fast.”

“Our bond was tried by illithid fires, a more harmonious matrimony couldn’t be forged,” Gale grinned. 

“Point taken.”

“Will it be a spring wedding?” Shadowheart smiled only half teasing, “with calla lilies and hydrangeas? Oh, who will be the ring bearer? I think Scratch would love to do the job. We can make Minsc the flower girl.”

“A role he would fill honorably, no doubt,” Gale chuckled. 

Astarion seemed to be mulling over the idea of an actual ceremony. Then shook his head and turned back to his glass. It was still an adjustment, his new life amidst the living. He kept forgetting he actually had to eat, and as a result Tav had started slipping rations into everyone’s pockets to offer him regularly. Any spot they settled into, he would find a pocket of sunlight from a window and sit in. 

After decades of hiding from the sun, and without the tadpole to preserve his formerly-undead skin, there was a slight pink tint to it. Tav watched as he pressed his fingers against the slightly sunburnt skin, the pressure making it lighten until he removed it. It warmed her heart to see him adjust, but she would never embarrass him by saying so.

“After we return to Waterdeep there will be much to do,” Gale said, “the tower will need adjustments, now that it will be our home. Once things get settled, and I face my mother’s ire, we can start to consider the details.”

“Gods, I’ll have a mother-in-law ,” Astarion realized.

“She will love you,” Gale assured him. 

“I think it might be Tara who is the harder sell,” Tav said. “She’s protective.”

“As many tressyms are,” Gale hummed. “Discerning and erudite.”

“I can catch a few pigeons, maybe that will soften her up,” Astarion smiled. 

“Good to know you’re still the same,” Shadowheart laughed. “What will you do in Waterdeep? Become a magistrate again?”

“No,” Astarion scrunched up his nose. “It’d be too hard now to get my pockets lined with all this Saviors of the Gate talk.”

“An easy solution would be to simply not accept bribery,” Gale pointed out.

“Where’s the fun in that, my sweet?” Astarion purred. “I have a very needy wizard to support now. How else will I pay for your quills and ink?”

“I’ll remind you I was a very established Archmage,” Gale smirked. “I have no shortage of means to supply myself with materials and whatever else you may desire.”

“Trying to buy my love now, are you? Go on, it’s working.”

“Gods, I wish you two would get your own room,” Tav grimaced. 

Astarion winked at her, his smile still managed to be dangerous despite the new lack of fangs. 

“Speaking of rooms.” Gale was considerably pinker, seeming to realize again they were not alone. “There’s more than enough space, should you wish to join us.”

The topic of conversation Tav kept avoiding and yet could not seem to get away from. What was she going to do next? Halsin had extended an offer to have her join him in the new settlement, and Shadowheart had made it clear she would welcome some company on her new adventures. Gale and Astarion kept insisting they take her with them like she was some kind of stray cat that needed a home. Her mother and Lottie were still in the city, but they couldn’t keep the inn closed forever. They would have to go back to business as usual, now that they knew she was alive and well after going missing.

She was overwhelmed with the options, but more than that a deep feeling of sadness came with them. Leaving her family behind again felt unconscionable. If anything she would probably have to go back and run the inn, take care of her mum and sister, and extend her offers of an always open door for her new friends. Everytime she thought of it she realized how much she wanted to do anything else and was plagued by guilt about it. 

“I’ve been dealing with you two making eyes at each other for months across camp,” Tav joked, “I hardly want to stumble upon you two mid-romp around your home.”

“Your loss, darling,” Astarion grinned. 

“It really isn’t,” she laughed. 

“But what are you going to do?” Shadowheart asked. 

“My mum and Lottie need me,” she shrugged. “I’ll probably put my hero days behind me and run the inn.”

“They seem fine to me,” Shadowheart commented. “If anything Alan needs them with how much they’ve helped him recently.”

It was true. The Elfsong was one of two pubs left standing in the area, the other being the Blushing Mermaid, and both were incredibly busy in the aftermath. But there were a couple new places that had popped up in the lower city, and things were calming down as shops reopened and homes had been rebuilt. But being the last two standing spots with food, ale, and room, both generously offering what they could back to their city, they had become even more popular than ever before. 

“They won’t stay,” Tav shook her head. “That inn was my father’s legacy, humble as it is.” She played with the pearl around her neck.

“I’ll have to stop by and see it for myself,” Shadowheart said. 

“You better have a good story ready,” Tav said, “you get drinks on the house if you impress the owner.”

“I helped you save the world, I think you can spare me a drink without a story.”

“We run a business, Shadowheart, not a charity.”

Rolan felt a strange sense of awe and fear as Gale held out the pieces of the Netherese Crown. He thought nothing could surprise him anymore but being presented the broken pieces of a historical relic of that nature had him speechless. The two of them had spent days trying to find the crown. Tav had been helping them earlier, but she had run off to find something else to do after using up her stores of magic for the day. It was nearly nightfall, and they had finally gotten it out of the Chionthar.  Gale seemed to be hypnotized by it, and Rolan tried to find a way to break his reverie. 

“Mystra will be pleased.” 

The comment was purely meant to fill the silence, and not be inflammatory in any way. However, Gale’s nostrils flared and a strange half-snarl passed over his face for a moment. Quickly, he seemed to come back to himself with a tight smile but still said nothing. 

“Surely it’ll be safer in her hands than here,” Rolan offered at the lack of a response. 

“Yes,” Gale said quietly. “Surely.”

He felt uneasy about Gale’s mood, but he knew Gale and Mystra’s history was complicated at best. Even so, he never liked the look in the older man’s eyes when it came to anything Netherese. Rolan knew he was the last one to cast stones when it came to untamed ambition and poor choices made in its pursuit — but there was the added potential of Gale actually pulling off any insane scheme he put his mind to which made Rolan wary. 

A yell had Rolan looking up, seeing Tav running up to them. “Did you find it?” Tav said as she got closer. She bumped into Gale’s side, leaning close over the crown in his hands, “weird isn’t it? It was the source of all our problems and now it’s just… trash.”

“This is a highly volatile artifact, it’s not trash ,” Gale’s musing was interrupted by his need to correct her. 

“No,” Tav frowned, “I know all about highly volatile,” she poked at the orb mark on his chest to make her point, “this is just… a nuisance. ”

Rolan knew their relationship was nothing more than platonic. Still, he couldn’t help but wish she felt as comfortable invading his space as much as she did Gale’s. It was hardly inappropriate, but they were just at ease in each other’s space and he found himself wanting the same. It was not the first time he felt the sting of jealousy when it came to her companions.

“Nuisance. Its power is enough to transcend mortality and you call it a nuisance,” Gale muttered, putting the crown away in his pack. “You’re being purposefully bothersome”

“And you’re  being weird about the crown again,” she said back. “Don’t let Astarion see you moon over it like that. He’ll get jealous.” She clapped him hard enough on the shoulder that he grunted and then turned to Rolan with a bright smile. “I ran to get us some food but Mum and Lottie are off for the night. Cal thought it might be nice to host dinner at the tower so they don’t have to cook.”

“You can’t just commandeer my tower for dinner parties,” he replied, but his irritation was mostly for show. A dinner with her and the others was far from disagreeable to him. 

“But we did anyway,” she scrunched up her nose with the petulant tone. “Cal lives there too, if he wants to make everyone dinner he can.”

“I’ll remind you that you're not the hero calling the shots in my home,” he rebutted. 

“Seems my wizards are in quite the mood today,” she crossed her arms over her chest. “You,” she pointed to Gale, “stop obsessing over that crown and come enjoy a nice dinner with your friends. And you,” she shifted her extended finger over to Rolan, “can join us or sulk in your study. The tower is big enough for either.”

With that she started her walk back to the city from the docks without them. Rolan watched her go, heart rate spiking at being called one of her wizards. He almost forgot to be offended that she was getting too comfortable calling shots around the tower, as if it were also her own home. And that was also a jarring thought. Not for the first time since her mother had arrived, he found his mind chanting at Tav in a desperate plea like she was some detached deity who could hear his prayers: stay with me, stay forever, my home – my heart is yours . 

But she was walking away, and Rolan called after her, “you don’t get to order me around!” 

“I think you’ll find she doesn’t have to give orders for you to do exactly what she wants,” Gale was grinning a little as he said it. “After you,” he gestured to begin walking, “your lady awaits.”

Rolan rolled his eyes and started walking, cheeks burning the entire time. They made their way through the city, passing through the streets which had started to become bustling again. They made it back to the Tower before night fully fell, and Lia was closing up shop with Tolna. Minsc had taken it upon himself to help out. Rolan was not sure if the ranger would do more harm or good, but Lia seemed confident enough in him. At the bottom of the stairs, Jaheira was waiting with her arms crossed in her usual stance of aloof authority. 

“Ah, there is our host,” Jaheira said with a wry smile. “And Gale, looking ‘miles away.’ Did you find your crown?”

“It’s completely destroyed, but yes. The crown is in our safe hands.”

“Safe. Right.” She arched a brow at him. “You two are needed upstairs, and I need a word with the cub.”

“ This is my home ,” Rolan found himself reiterating in bewilderment. 

“And you are a gracious host,” Jaheira bowed. 

“How many times am I going to be ordered around in my own tower tonight?” 

“Go where you please,” she held up her hands in amused resignation, “but your brother is asking for you and I still need Tav alone.”

Rolan rubbed at his face before heading up the stairs in defeat, Gale following his lead. Of the hills to die on, his friends bossing him around was one that was ranking lower on his list by the day. It was a lost cause, really, with Cal and Lia always taking their side. Truly he didn’t mind it, but it was annoying to be Master of a great tower, now well-known and revered in his city, only to be strong armed by a geriatric vigilante and forced into socializing by his little brother. 

“Does a wizard good to have obstinate friends around his tower,” Gale told him, “keeps us humble.”

Rolan had no reply aside from a slight noncommittal grunt, and made his way to the kitchen. There was a dedicated dining room with an impossibly long table made of some ancient wood from an enchanted forest and an ostentatious seat at its head for the master. It was a beautiful room with large lavish paintings and floor to ceiling windows. Him, Cal and Lia never ate there, however. The kitchen was big enough to put a table large enough to seat them and all their friends. 

It just felt cozier, more like a home. Inside, Cal was running around the kitchen throwing something together. Of the three of them he was the best cook, and judging by the smell, tonight would be quite the meal. Astarion was sitting in a corner, eyes looking down at the city through an open window that was framed by sun dried herbs. As usual, Gale’s attention went to the elf first and he made his way over. Halsin had gotten Yenna to join them, the young girl watching Cal cook with interest while Halsin dozed in bear shape nearby her. At the table Lottie, Tatianna and Shadowheart were looking over a map.  

“There you are,” Cal said. “Where’s Lia?”

“Closing up shop, she’ll be up soon,” Rolan replied. 

“Did Tav not come with you?” Tatianna asked. 

“Jaheira needed her,” he sat down next to her. “What are you three up to?”

“Charting our journey back home,” Lottie said. 

“I want to mark down the location of the inn,” Shadowheart said mostly to herself. “After Reithwin I may make my way towards Waterdeep to visit the House of the Moon – and Gale and Astarion, of course,” she said excitedly, “your village is on the way isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Tatianna said with a nod. “Give me your map, I’ll mark a trail you can get to from there. Fastest and with the most beautiful sights,” she said excitedly. 

“Are you planning to leave already?” Rolan asked. His stomach turned with discomfort at the thought. 

“The inn has to reopen sometime,” Tatianna shrugged. 

“Again, I can offer teleportation,” he said. 

“Lottie wants to see a few places on the way,” the older woman smiled. “We don’t get to travel often.” 

“Maybe you can make one of your fancy teleportation circles here anyway,” Lottie said. “So when Tav starts shacking up with you in the tower we can see her whenever we want.” 

Teleportation didn’t exactly work like that, but his brain was split between correcting her and feeling a rush of some emotion at the teasing. Hope, it dared to name itself, and he immediately tried to chain it back up. 

“Lottie,” Tatianna scolded, but her smile was mischievous. 

“Is she not going with you?” Shadowheart asked, sparing Rolan any embarrassment by not acknowledging the teasing. “She’s made it seem like she is.” 

“She hasn’t said,” Tatianna looked at Rolan pointedly. “But she better decide soon.”

“Is everything alright?” 

Jaheira’s expression had turned serious after Rolan and Gale made their way up the stairs. She guided Tav far enough away that none of the specialists in the shop nor Lia could hear them. She looked around to ensure they were alone and offered her a soft smile. 

“Rest, Cub, there are no villains that need smiting just yet,” she said. “I simply wanted to speak with you.”

“Alright.” Tav frowned. 

“Your story has spread, not unlike mine or Minsc’s, and you will feel the pressure to live up to that story,” she began. “If I am right, this journey has shown you what you are truly capable of.”

“Oh, Gods, a pep talk. Are you dying? Did the years finally catch up?”

Jaheira let out a short laugh. “Watch it,” she warned with a mirthful smile, “I’m offering you a chance to use your capabilities. My numbers have dwindled, but the Harpers never stay down long. And I hope to add you to their ranks.”

“Oh.” 

“You will get to stay in Baldur’s Gate, there is still plenty to do. Though I’m sure the chance for running around Faerûn will present itself again,” she told her. 

“Aren’t Harpers spies?” Tav frowned. “Hard to do much spying when everyone in the city knows your name.”

“A challenge both Minsc and I have managed to overcome,” Jaheira smiled wryly. “We don’t just collect information, we act on it. Your skills would be invaluable, not to mention your influence.”

The idea of having influence over anything as serious as the Harper’s dealt with made her chest squeeze with nervousness. It was, she supposed, nothing  new given the final battle against the Absolute, but Tav still had trouble wrapping her head around it. Jaheira seemed to sense her trepidation.

“Do an old woman a favor and simply think about it. You would do good here.” She put her hand on Tav’s shoulder with a slight squeeze. “Now, let’s grab some food.”

As they made her way up, she had questions. And a strange sensation of excitement. Since the defeat of the Absolute she had thrown herself into rebuilding the city, not sure what else to do in the face of no longer having a goal. This was an opportunity, a purpose , and she felt the possibility of it like a strong beacon of hope. She could build something for herself in the city.  

When they walked through the doors, everyone was in full conversation as Cal started serving. She sat between Gale, who seemed uncharacteristically quiet, and Lia who was chatting with Rolan about the store. She locked eyes with Rolan, seeing his slip away from hers the moment he was caught. Lia turned to glance at what had his attention while she was still talking and smiled. How she resisted the urge to tease her big brother was beyond Tav’s understanding, given the way she normally tormented him. 

Cal’s impromptu dinner had been a success, the younger tiefling beaming about it with every compliment. From what Tav knew, for a while it had just been the three siblings, and she could see Cal’s joy at a gathered group around a table. It was very domestic, she realized. The ease in which everyone seemed to settle in, the welcoming way everyone had greeted her mother and sister — it made her quite happy. 

Her companions she expected no less from, if she was honest. Gale was always welcoming, Shadowheart’s change over the past few months had made her less suspicious and more inclined towards the warmth that had always been lurking beneath. Astarion was still Astarion, and more recently quite retrospective with his new mortality but her mother was easy to get along with. Lottie was just enough of a smart ass to make him giggle, and Tav knew he didn’t mind their presence. 

The tiefling siblings, however, had been an unknown concept. Cal was very open hearted, always the least of her worries when it came to interpersonal interactions. Lia could be brash and maybe a bit intense, but she was at her core kind. Rolan had been her biggest surprise. 

Even now he was chatting almost easily with her mother. When he had shown up to the Elfsong with them in tow she was shocked, and a little nervous. Rolan, as much as she adored him, took some getting to know before his charms made an appearance. But it seemed her worries had been for nothing: Lottie teased him easily, and Tatianna was never put off by his sometimes brusque tone or his facade of extreme pride. 

Tav thought she may like to see more of them all gathered around a dinner table. 

Her musings were interrupted by Astarion abruptly stepping away from Gale and walking out of the door. Gale had a frown on his face, lost in thought, clutching his bag with one hand. No one else seemed to have caught whatever lover’s quarrel the two had, but old habits die hard and Tav was out of her seat to make peace before she even realized it. 

Rolan’s eyes flicked over to her, and she smiled at him. It was a regular occurrence, he seemed to be hyper aware of her presence whenever they were in a room of people. As comforting as it was frustrating, since he never seemed to act on this magnetism that had pulled at them. But she had a former-vampire to check on. 

Astarion moved nimbly, even without his inherent vampiric attributes. Silently and quickly he was walking out of the tower, and Tav realized how loudly her footsteps were as she ran to catch him. She said nothing as she caught up to him, and he rolled his eyes when she did but said nothing. They made their way out of the tower and went back to the Elfsong, where it was bustling with the night time rush. 

“If you insist on following me around like a puppy you may as well buy the drinks,” he said haughtily.

“You really know how to charm a girl,” Tav said back as they passed the bar. “Mermaid whiskey, Alan, please.” 

“Oh, you are trying to butter me up,” Astarion said. 

“You seem like you need it,” she replied while Alan disappeared to find the expensive bottle. “The drama of walking out like that, you’ve outdone yourself.”

“Surprised you noticed,” he crooned. “You’re always so busy making eyes at your wizard. Have you ever considered bedding him or do you simply enjoy being pined over?”

“That’s harsh,” Tav’s eyebrows flew up. “Don't talk about my wizard when you're obviously crossed with yours.”

Alan came back with the bottle and some glasses. Tav dug into her hip purse and tossed more gold than it was worth, but she hardly cared. Neither of them acknowledged that she had called Rolan hers , but she did feel a little embarrassed. No one else was there to hear her, yet she wondered if that was too presumptuous. She led the way to their usual spot, away from the crowd and secluded as could be in a busy pub. Astarion sat down and shot back the first pour of whiskey much too fast, he hissed slightly at the burn. 

“Gods, I have to remember not to do that,” he said. 

“Could you not taste it before?”

“It was like it was a ghost of a flavor,” he looked at the brown liquid when she poured him another glass. “The only thing that ever had any real taste was blood.”

Tav hummed curiously. “Lots for you to adjust to then.”

“I keep scaring myself when I walk by mirrors,” he mumbled. “And you were right, I do have laugh lines.”

“And they’re very becoming,” Tav smiled. 

Astarion scowled. 

“It’s okay to be a little overwhelmed,” she told him. “So much has happened in the past few weeks alone.” 

Astarion didn’t answer.  Tav sipped the whiskey, grimacing at the taste. Sure it was high quality but she much preferred wine. Astarion seemed to enjoy sipping at it, however, his pale eyes darting around the room. She let him take his time, let him decide whether or not to share his feelings. Early on Tav had realized simply being present seemed to be enough for Astarion to open up eventually, pushing him to have a genuine conversation almost always backfired.

“It’s the damned crown.” He said without preamble. 

“You’re telling me you don’t want to be a god?” Tav asked in shock. 

“We discussed it,” he said. “We discussed it.”

“And?”

“I don’t want the rest of our time together to be about getting back at Her .”

Tav offered a soft hum of understanding.

“But now that he has it…” Astarion trailed off, his eyes looking as if he were somewhere else entirely in his head. “What if he does it? What if he leaves me here?”

A pang of hurt stabbed at her heart, all of his quietness made sense now. Tav cautiously put a hand out, palm up, letting him decide if touch was on the table. Astarion looked at it, then placed his hand in hers. She squeezed gently. It was still strange to feel warmth in his hand.

“That’s not in his nature, he would do anything for you,” she said with a soft smile. “But even if he does, you won’t be alone. You will always, always have a place with me, I’d never let you go through that alone.”

Astarion looked at her for a long while. “And what’s your nature? Naive, trusting, bleeding heart fool that you are.” His lips quirked up a little as he teased, only emphasizing the genuine way he added, “we really were lucky to have you through all this, you know. 

“I would have been long dead before I even got to the grove if it weren’t for the lot of you,” she countered. 

“Are you sure you won’t come to Waterdeep?” He ignored her comment. 

“To visit, of course, but I… “ she sighed. “I can’t be your crutch every time you disagree, Star. You two are getting married . You’re going to have to learn to talk it out without me.”

Astarion made a face like he could wretch. “It’s all so new. I’ve never had anyone like this before.”

“You’ll make it work.”

“More than that,” he said. “I’ve never had anyone… to miss.” He scrunched up his face. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you or to Shadowheart or even Halsin.” He drank some whiskey, she suspected he needed something to do besides feel vulnerable. “It’s not just having a… fiance, I have friends . What am I going to do without you?”

“Make new ones?”

“Gods forbid.”

“I get it,” she laughed. “Almost everyone in my life besides mum and Lottie have just passed through. All I’ve ever known is back in some small village no one knows the name of. Now… now everything is just different.”

“If Gale leaves me for Godhood we aren’t staying in some pub,” Astsrion muttered. “We’ll adventure. Go see the world.”

“We still can even if he doesn’t ,” she squeezed his hand again. “But we just saved the world, we deserve some rest. Some time to figure out who we are now.” Tav grinned, “hells, you’re mortal . You still haven’t figured out you need to eat at least three times a day. Take a moment, enjoy it.”

“I keep thinking of Karlach,” he nodded. “All she wanted was this. She’d be furious if we wasted it.”

“And Wyll,” Tav said, “he’d be so happy for us. And so proud of you.”

“Lae’zel would be horrified at the idea of rest and relaxation,” Astarion mused, “all the more reason to do it, I suppose.”

“Keep your daggers sharp in her honor,” Tav shrugged, “she left that damn whetstone. Take it with you, never know when you may need to stab someone.”

“Oh that does sound fun.”

His mirth was back, the mischievous glint in his eye. Gods, she would miss him. 

She lifted her glass, “to friends.”

“Ugh,” he rolled his eyes but clinked his glass to hers. ”if we must.”

The suite was far too big to house what few of them were left. Wyll, Karlach and Lae’zel left so urgently that their stuff was still by their bunks; no one had the heart to go through it yet. With most everyone gone and busy, Tav had taken it upon herself to start. 

Karlach’s best weapon had been on her person, as had her toughest armor. There were a few enchanted weapons left behind but Tav figured Halsin’s group of refugees could make use of them on the road if there was trouble. She saved Clive the Bear, not willing to part with it. There was no part of her that believed they would be stuck in the hells forever, and Tav would be sure to keep Clive safe for Karlach until she got back. Things like spare armor and blankets could be donated or sold. 

It was much the same for Lae’zel, who had no keepsakes from their journey. Which, although was somewhat sad since Tav wanted something to keep of her, made perfect sense for her Gith friend. The only thing Tav felt she should keep was her stuffed trophy heads; the illithid one was particularly important to her, she knew. 

When she made her way over to Wyll’s things it occurred to her that he was the only one who had family to receive left behind belongings. His map of the sword coast was notated, and she found herself delicately rolling it up to keep. Perhaps Shadowheart could make use of it on her travels. He had letters and journals, but it seemed he packed as lightly as the other two. It made sense. He was running around the coast being a hero before the tadpoles got inserted, he would have needed to travel lightly. 

She kept only one of his journals. It included their journey, but she was sure not to read too much of it for the sake of his privacy. The last entry was from the night before the final battle. He had full confidence they would all make it, and that they would be victorious — Tav felt tears sting her eyes. Wyll’s clothes, his tales, his small trinkets could all go to Ulder Ravenguard, but the story of their journey through his eyes she wanted to keep. The book still had empty pages, and she wanted to be able to give it back to him for continuation. 

The scratch of tiny claws on wood grabbed her attention. She looked over to see a rat, scurrying across the room. Despite her first instinct to launch a firebolt in its direction in order to scare it off, she watched as it climbed over to Jaheira’s bunk and deposited a folded up paper. It met her eyes, tilted its head, and then ran away again. Probably a good thing Tav didn’t incinerate it then, it would be hard to explain that she had immolated one of Jaheira’s spies. 

It was welcome, if it was there on Harper business. 

Maybe one day she would have her own informants, Tav found herself thinking. Immediately after she shook her head, she was going back home. She had to go back home. There was no way she could abandon her family again. Last time it had been completely beyond her control, she could never do it of her own volition. 

As if to further prove the point to herself, she set aside the chest of Wyll’s belongings to send off to the Ravenguard estate later and moved toward her own bunk. Unfortunately, she was a bit more of a collector than most of her companions. There was a lot of stuff to go through in her own personal belongings, and the camp chest would also need to be dug through. To her credit, she did try to focus on the task and not let her mind give way to fantasy. But it was not long before the idea of the offer Jaheira had her thoughts running away with excitement. 

A Harper, in Baldur’s Gate, working alongside two legends and a small army of just as heroic everyday people who didn’t want their names in any ballads. Tav could only imagine what she would see and learn as Harper, what places she would go to before returning to the very city which brought her into the world of adventuring. How much good could she do? How much tyranny could she thwart? And all with good friends to come back to. 

In her mind’s eye she could imagine coming home to Rolan and his siblings. Cal and Lia would embrace her, they would trade stories about what they had been up to while she was away. Rolan would wrap her up in his arms, kiss her like she had been gone a hundred years and scold her for any new bumps and bruises and scars she got from playing hero. Oh, and wouldn’t it be so fascinating to have those three on an adventure with her. 

Packing up her things suddenly felt impossible. How could she leave? But she had to. She was sure she had to. 

Looking out of the open window, she caught the glimpse of the tower she could see from there. She looked at it often at night, after everyone was asleep and her mind wandered. Rolan was just there, she could imagine, and then her mind went to imagining what things he could be doing up there alone or with her. It hardly mattered, it was enough to get her through a lonely night. 

With a frustrated huff she closed her trunk and walked away. Nothing would get done while her mind was oscillating between dreams she could never claim and the one person it would be the hardest to say goodbye to. Gods, besides her companions he was the only one who understood what she had been through. The only one who knew her shame and her fears and her flaws and never seemed to let it change how he treated her. A hard earned closeness that was different from the one she had with her traveling group, one that had to be forged by actively choosing vulnerability and trust. 

Thinking of leaving that bond behind, leaving him behind, it made her feel so hollow. 

She needed air. She needed a distraction. Her feet took her down the stairs and out into the street. There were still plenty of books on the hells she could read back at Ramazith’s tower, where her path seemed to be leading her without really thinking. She still had a mind to find something worth reading on infernal engines, even if she could not understand it, maybe she could work with Dammon to find something. Just a few hours of reading, then she would go back and start packing her things. 

Tav waved at Cal behind the counter before making her way up to the portals. Rolan was going to eventually stop using them in favor of the arcane elevator, but for now it was the quickest way to the study. It was empty when she got there, a small pang of disappointment making her sigh before she began looking through some of the books.

There was a loud whoosh and footsteps on the tile. 

“Please, let yourself in, make yourself at home,” Rolan said sarcastically. 

“I always do,” Tav said lightly.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“I just needed some time out of the Elfsong,” she shrugged. “I was packing and I got overwhelmed.” 

“Packing?” Rolan repeated. There was an unusual look on his face, his jaw working overtime grinding together. It looked painful. “So you’ve decided?”

“Yes,” she said, then reconsidered. “No? I don’t know.” Tav heaved a sigh, “I won’t be going to Waterdeep, that much I know. I could go with Shadow, I suppose but… Jaheira offered me a position in the Harpers, here in Baldur’s Gate. I keep thinking — just can’t get it out of my head. Me , a Harper.” She shook her head in slight disbelief. 

“Seems apt, given your enjoyment of swooping in to save the day.”

“She seems to think so,” Tav said, noticing the abruptness in his tone.  

“So,” he said expectantly, “what do you want to do?”

“I should honestly just,” Tav winced, “go back and take care of mum and Lottie.” 

“I didn’t ask what you should do,” Rolan said harshly. “I asked what you want to do.”

“What I want is hardly the point,” she shook her head. 

“That is entirely the point,” Rolan insisted. “It’s your life, Tav, no one else’s.”

“That’s — why are you getting angry with me?” 

“I’m not,” Rolan bit out. 

“You are,” she frowned

“Don’t tell me how I feel,” he snapped. 

“I — “ she flinched a little at the tone. 

As normal as his tendency towards harshness at her had been once, she had not been faced with it for some time. It hurt. Especially when she had no idea why he was behaving that way. What had she done to make him upset?

At his resounding silence she huffed, “is it because I came up without asking? I just thought —“

“No, that’s hardly it,” he cut her off.  He grimaced slightly, “You’re welcome here anytime.”

“Then what is it?” Another beat of silence. His tail was flicking behind him in sharp movements she knew to be a sign of barely repressed anger. “Okay,” she sighed resignedly, “I’ll leave. I came here to clear my head, not to deal with whatever the hells this mood is.”

Rolan said nothing, a pained look on his face. Tav put the book in her hand away, painfully aware of the silence in the room and the intensity of his gaze on her. Avoiding eye contact she made her way towards the portal through which he just came in. She only made it a handful of steps past him before he spoke again. 

“Don’t go.”

Rolan felt the walls closing in on him. The thought of her packing her things to leave the city behind had created a painful clawing sensation in the center of his chest. He was trying to do what her mother had asked, to let her decide what to do. He had quickly realized that were he to give any input, Rolan would be near begging her to stay. Tatianna was right, Tav should do what she wanted to, and without him being so openly upset at the prospect of her departure. But it had been days of agony keeping quiet as she played with ideas of what she ought to do and what she wanted to do. He was not sure he could contain himself any longer.

“Don’t go.” 

She turned towards him. “If you want to be alone, that’s alright. You don’t have to —“

“No!” He said urgently, he kept cutting her off but she was just not understanding him. And how could she? He had hardly made himself clear. “I mean — don’t leave Baldur’s Gate,” he pleaded firmly, keeping his eyes locked on hers. “I’ll make it so you can visit home whenever you like - I’ll figure something out. Just don’t — Don’t go so far from me.”

Tav’s shock was written on her face. But she did not say anything.

He winced slightly, but his mouth was going before his mind could stop him. “ I think it’s what you want too — I  think you want to join the Harpers: you love stupidly risking your safety to help people and the Harpers will give you that and more. You’re so good at all of this, Tav, you shouldn’t waste it. I may go gray prematurely worrying about you but if that’s the price for you to be here and happy I’ll pay it, with minimal complaining. Only minimal, mind.”

It was a poor attempt at levity since he was completely off his footing, half-ready to scream and unsure what to do since she was just gawking at him. Rolan knew he was neither disarming nor would many find it fit to call him charming, but gods was he trying. 

He barreled on, “I won’t pretend it isn’t selfish of me to tell you stay — I’ve tried to give you space, to keep all of this to myself so you would choose what you wanted but there is no avoiding it: I am in love with you and the thought of you leaving —” He finally cut himself off, forcing a self-deprecating short breath of a laugh when the admission tumbled out of his mouth, “it’s agonizing. I don’t know what spell you’ve put on me but it can’t be avoided any longer. You have to know the truth, or I will never stop thinking about what could have been if I was brave enough to say it.”

“Rolan —“

“It doesn’t even have to be for me, you could tell me to sod off and I’d still think you should take Jaheira’s offer,” he added quickly, not ready to hear a rejection or any kind of let down. “If you force yourself to go back you will regret it. I know it.” He heaved a breath, trying to steady his heart beating so wildly in his chest he could hear nothing but its heavy thumping, “Tav, please, think of yourself just this once”

Rolan felt emboldened now that it was out. There was every chance he had made a fool of himself, she liked him, surely he didn’t doubt that. Love was another thing altogether, he knew. But that was fine. As long as she was happy, he didn’t care if he looked like an idiot.

“Did you just say you’re in love with me?” Tav licked her lips.

“I did - I am,” he shook his head, “I couldn’t hide it, even if I wanted to.” He gestured widely at the study, “I only have any of this because of you, Cal and Lia would have been trapped in Moonrise, I would have been dead on the side of the road.” He swallowed hard, “I really tried to talk myself out of it. You’re nosy, meddlesome, absurdly soft hearted and idealistic not to mention sentimental — I only just learned your full name, and you seem to make it your life’s calling to bother me —“

Tav gave a bewildered breath of a laugh. “Only you could manage to insult me in a moment like this.”

“Sorry,” he said with a wince. Gods, he was horrible at this. 

Tav came up to him, grabbing his hands in hers. All Rolan could do was watch at first, letting her take his hands, the warm glow of hope raging violently in his chest beyond his control. She ran her thumb over the tops of his knuckles, looking at them as she seemed to gather herself and figure out what to say. It was impossible to not bring their joined hands up to his lips, to duck his head and kiss her skin gently. 

“You don’t have to say it back,” he assured her quietly, lips just barely pulling away from where they were pressed against her hand. “I — I couldn’t let you make this choice without knowing the whole truth of it. Whatever you need to lessen the burden, I’ll do it. I swear. Stay, please.” 

The last bit was a truly desperate whisper, but he could never let pride get in the way of saying what he needed to. It was as liberating as it was terrifying, to have it all out. Spurred on by her gentle but firm grip of his hands, and the fact that she was not pulling away: he could not find it in himself to be embarrassed. 

“Are you done ranting at me?” Tav smiled a little.

“I’ve held my tongue for weeks,” he breathed, closing his eyes. 

“I can tell.”

Despite the words her tone held nothing but softness. Even after his fumbling she only met him with gentility and understanding, he could only begin to hope he could strive to deserve her affection. When she pulled one hand away to cup his cheek he sighed, turning his face into her palm. Gods, that alone was enough to satisfy him. Such a soft and gentle touch, enhanced only by her thumb brushing over his cheekbone. He kissed her palm, eyes still closed against the onslaught of comfort and ease her touch inspired in him. Rolan was half certain he was dreaming, that he would wake up and she would still be in her suite at the Elfsong – the entire scene a fanciful imagining. His eyes were still closed when he felt her lips against his, an experimental but firm kiss. He felt a cut off sound leave his throat as he gripped her hand tighter. 

“Say it again,” she whispered against his lips. 

He replied automatically, not needing any clarification on what she needed to hear. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

Rolan’s eyes opened abruptly, searching for a hint that she was lying - looking for signs of pitying him or simply appeasing him so as not to hurt him. Instead he just saw her smiling, eyes sparkling with happiness despite the slight bewilderment in her expression, but she was being earnest. Some kind of euphoric urgency took over him, moving him to kiss her. His lips half formed on another apology when their teeth clacked sloppily together, but they found an easy push and pull quickly. 

At first it was just kissing, him pulling her as close as he could, with her tugging at his hair and his tail curling around both of her legs. Despite being pressed directly together, he wanted her closer. His grasp on her was desperate, and frantic. There was the slightest tingle of electricity on her tongue when it touched his for the first time, not enough to be painful but enough to make him exhale in surprise. How excited must she be for her powers to slip like that?

His hands reached to grab at her, cupping her bottom and pulling her closer so her breasts pressed tight against his chest. Tav gave a high pitched noise of surprise and a slight jump. Instantly he pulled his hands away. He was getting far too ahead of himself. 

“I swear I had no other intentions — do you want—? We don’t have to—” he quickly tried to find the right thing to say, sentences stumbling out half formed as he tried to recompose himself. 

“I was just surprised,” she assured him with a soft laugh. 

“I’m sorry — I should ask, I shouldn’t just be pawing at you,” he scolded himself with a wince. 

“What a gentleman,” she teased. There was the slightest hint of mischief in her eyes as she tugged him back to her lips, kissing and then taking at his lower lip gently between her teeth as she pulled away. “Do you want to stop?”

“Gods, no,” he shuddered. 

“Good.”

Tav guided him to step backward, her body pushing his back with small steps and he let her lead. They shuffled backwards until his back hit one of the bookcases. His tail was still wrapped around her legs, tripping her up at the last moment. She fell into him gracelessly, with a squeak and a laugh. He grunted at the wood of the shelf digging into his back with her weight shoved so abruptly into him.

“That’s what I get,” she laughed as she righted herself, “for trying to be some smooth fairytale heroine, whisking her prince off his feet in his high tower.”

Rolan laughed too, cupping her face. “I’m hardly princely.”

“No,” she hummed in agreement as she kissed his jawline, “you’re the grumbling, reluctant damsel, more like.”

“Oh, that’s cruel.” He grinned. 

Using his tail to his advantage, he shifted his body, tugging at the back of her legs as he did. It was hardly seamless, but he managed to spin them so she was now the one with her back pressed into the shelves. Tav had gasped in shock, gripping him tight for fear of falling. Just when she was about to say something, Rolan dove into the crook of her neck. He loved the way she squeaked when his breath tickled the skin of her throat, and the taste of her skin as he dragged his teeth over her, ever mindful of his sharp canines.

“I assure you I’m anything but reluctant.”

She gave a sharp gasp, her grip on his arms tightening, and he felt his confidence soar. Slotting his thigh between her legs, he pressed into her, the evidence of his eagerness already pressed against her stomach. He sucked kisses into the skin of her neck until she tugged at his horns to get him to kiss her again. Her hips rolled, grinding her against his thigh and she gave the slightest whimper. 

Immediately his hands dug into her hips, gently pushing and pulling her over him. Tav broke the kiss, head thunking gently against the books behind her as she tilted her head back with a slack jaw. 

“Good?” He asked. 

“Very.”

It felt like some urgent cannibalistic hunger, the way he wanted to taste her skin, pulling aside her shirt to get more access to her chest. It was messy and intoxicating, as they were grinding against each other against a bookcase in his study, like something out of a dream. And it was tantalizing, the friction between them enough to make them both grunt and moan but not enough to truly satisfy with all the clothes in the way. 

Her shirt was half off, the plain cream bustier she wore exposed and she tugged at the fastenings on his robe. He was hardly going to stop her, only pulling his hands away to shrug it off, leaving him in only a thin sleeveless tunic and his trousers. 

Tav’s hands slid up his bare arms and he shuddered. Such an innocent touch but he was always so covered up, it had been so long, too long, since anyone had seen this much of his skin. He surged forward, hips grinding into hers to roughly it was almost painful. Tav was panting, fingers tugging at the hem of his shirt, he let her remove it and tilted his head back in bliss when she leaned forward to press open mouthed kisses to the skin of his chest. 

Her tongue traced over infernal ridges before sucked at the flat expanse of skin, making his nails dig into her clothing until he felt the fabric split beneath them. Scrambling to pull her tunic off, he was blindly grabbing at her, maybe too roughly, he thought in the back of his mind. But she never winced or flinched from his nails across her skin. When her hand slipped between the waistband of his trousers he gasped, going still at the feel of her hand wrapped around him. 

It was entirely too good, the feeling shooting down his spine, making him throb in her hand. 

“I can just barely see the tower from my room at the Elfsong, you know, just the stained glass windows of the study,” she cooed almost shyly, quite the contrast in tone given the way  she was stroking him, “after everyone goes to sleep, I make myself come — looking at the tower and wishing it were you touching me.”

By the Gods, he nearly finished there in her hand. 

“Zurgan ,” he hissed. “A bed. I need you in a bed.”

“No, next time,” she insisted. “I want you right here.”

In the back of his mind, he knew that if she ever found out he could deny her nothing it would prove to be very troublesome for him. The concept of there being a next time had him momentarily stunned. He barely had time to banish the portal that allowed essentially everyone they knew access to the study before she stopped stroking and started unlacing his trousers enough to pull them down his hips. 

He tugged down the bustier, just as she was slipping off her own pants, only getting one leg truly free before he was on her again. There was too much of her to touch, he wanted to be in between her thighs, he wanted to grab and grope at her breasts, to make her come on his fingers before he took her. 

He didn’t have enough hands. 

Murmuring the spell against the skin of her lips, without warning, two mage hands hovered on either side of him. He had one lift a leg, with her surprised chuckle being drowned out by a kiss while the other slipped the other leg of her trousers and underwear off. When she was naked from the waist down, both mage hands hoisted her up by the thighs, lifting her up against the bookcase so he was at the perfect height to put one of her nipples in his mouth. 

“Show off,” she gasped as he teased the peaked bud with his tongue. 

For the first time, Rolan had the upper hand. 

If Tav was honest, she could do without the foreplay. She felt how wet she was and knew he could slip inside of her easily, but she felt no need to stop him either. The mage hands supporting  her thighs were just corporeal enough for her to feel them holding her, but it still was akin to floating nearly helpless against the onslaught of his attention. His mouth was hot on her breast, tongue moving over her in ways that had her cunt throbbing. 

He only broke away to kiss the soft, pliant swell as she arched her back to press her breasts out towards him. A sharp sting on the flesh of her breast had her hissing slightly, just painful enough to catch her attention as he sucked on the skin.

At the sound she made he unlatched his mouth and murmured something she could still barely hear with him so close, all she caught was,  “…forget myself.”

He kissed the same spot gently, a wordless apology. When he pulled away she was surprised not to see blood, but a shiver of excitement had her rolling her hips when she realized there were indentations of his teeth in her skin. 

All she could do was hold on. One hand gripping the edge of the bookcase, the other firmly wrapped around one of his horns, she was unable to do much else. And he seemed to like it that way as he bit into her skin over and over again. There may be marks on her skin for days, she realized, but it occurred to her that he may have been trying to make sure there was.

Nails dragged down her stomach, just light enough to make her entire body break out in goosebumps, for a moment she saw him sigh at the full bodied shudder it created in her. Without saying anything, he ran his fingers through the hair between her thighs before impossibly warm fingers cupped her cunt. Rolan moaned, the sound muffled by his lips pressed to her chest, before he looked between them. 

He watched, and she felt his fingers spread her lips apart before experimentally rubbing. “You’re so wet,” he whispered. “Gods, you —“

The way he looked down at her while he rubbed his fingers through the slick folds of her made her swallow hard against a needy moan. His pointer finger danced over her clit, and the sharp jolt of sensation had her tugging on his horn in surprise. Her mouth practically began to salivate with the desire for more, and the abrupt reaction seemed to take them both by surprise. 

“You’re going to break my neck, doing that,” he said but he hardly seemed to mind. 

“Sorry,” she breathed, letting go of him and grasping instead at his hair. It was soft, she thought, as it slid easily between her fingers. “Please, don’t stop.”

At first he was slow and gentle, mindful of his nails, feeling out what had her writhing. Tav was certain he was doing it on purpose to tease her, but when she looked down at him he was watching her, intent and focused. Studying. She could have laughed, and made a joke about his studiousness but he found a rhythm and pressure that made her incapable of more than a pathetic whine. 

“Like this?” There was the slightest hint of pleading in his tone, not teasing her but searching for approval.

“Yes,” she quickly said. “Yes, like that, you’re –ah – so good – pulling me apart.” 

Rolan moaned, hiding his face as he leaned forward. The hot swipe of his tongue over one of her nipples made her shudder, his free hand keeping a tight grasp on the other. Despite what he said earlier, there were no complaints when she grabbed one of his horns again, desperately trying to keep him exactly where he was. His eyes flicked up to her face and she felt herself start to tip over the edge. She warned him best she could, moaning out that she was close, pleading with him not to stop.

For the first time since they had met, he heeded her orders without complaint. Twitching she felt the wave of anticipation crest and crash, her skin warm and thrumming with each heavy roll of her hips against his fingers. Giddiness bubbled up in her, a sense of satisfaction that had been lacking when she touched herself making her so thoroughly pleased that she could have started to giggle. 

Rolan slowed his fingers at a sharp jerk of her hips, her clit sensitive and cunt twitching. “Too much?”

“Need more,” she breathed, tilting his head up so she could lean down and kiss him. “Want you inside of me.”

A full body shudder passed over him. The mage hands lowered her enough that she could meet his lips easier, and the ridged length of his cock rubbed against her. They both moaned into each other’s mouths at the sensation. His magic did most of the work to keep her up but she tilted her hips still as he rubbed against her, his forehead pressing against hers as he panted. 

“I’ve wanted — “ he started, “I’ve wanted this so badly,” he breathed, “can hardly believe it’s real.” He laughed a little, “you love me?”

“I do,” she breathed. “I love you. I’m staying. I’m here.”

Rolan slipped inside of her, a slow but steady push with a little resistance that had her eyes rolling back a little. The last time she had anyone inside of her was a one night stand on the road months before being taken by the nautiloid, the stretch at first was overwhelming. Rolan seemed to be in a similar state of being overtaken by the sensation, his hips pressed hard against hers as he started to pant against her. For a moment, his hips were only twitching as if on some uncontrollable instinct and when he started to move consciously he thrust slowly, and evenly; brows drawn together and upwards in a quiet reverie. 

“Is this okay?” He whispered. 

“It’s perfect.” She said back.

He buried his face in her neck, breath tickling her sweat sticky skin. Pressed so close to her she could feel the ridges on his skin, and see the freckles that painted his shoulders. Her arms were wrapped around him, legs doing the same, ankles resting on the base of his tail. At the pressure he whined, and she shivered at the sound. 

The slap of their bodies made the books behind her shake, the sound of their skin colliding echoing slightly off the vaulted ceiling. The sun was going down, its light shining through the windows in a technicolor glow that made the entire place look hazy like a dream. But the weight of his body against her was so real, she was in a state of rhapsody, torn between the illusory feel of the room and floating by the mage hands with his very tangible body pressing into her. 

When she came to the tower that day she hardly expected it to end up like this: Rolan laying his heart out for her and eagerly offering hers in return. Only to end with her back pressed into a bookcase with him rutting into her. His thrusts were becoming more urgent, his hand coming away from the needy embrace to grip the side of her head and guide her to kiss him again.

“I want you to co - fuck- come with me,” he grunted out, “ please .”

Tav felt her cunt clench around him, her body threatening to let the waves of another orgasm flow over before she could stop it. She loved him like this, raw and open. The feeling must have been too much for Rolan, his sudden expression of awe making him slack jawed. But it also broke his concentration. 

The mage hands disappeared, dropping Tav so suddenly she almost didn’t get her legs underneath her in time. Luckily, Rolan shoved forward keeping her upright against the bookcase, as she found her balance. He had slipped out of her, and the shock of the near fall made her giggle slightly. 

“I’m sorry,” he said with a self-deprecating smile and a wince. “You — I can focus on nothing else when you’re near.”

“Don’t apologize.” She kissed him. “You’ve been doing all the heavy lifting, lay down.”

Rolan tugged her hand so she came down with him, and she straddled his hips as she removed her bustier. It was only fair she removed his trousers past where they had settled on his hips in their haste. Both fully naked in the rainbow glow of the stained glass windows, she climbed on top of him. Tav rubbed herself over his ridged cock, breath catching as she did. Her mind conjured up the idea to simply  grind against him like this until he spilled all over his stomach and the friction against her clit made her see stars. 

But Rolan’s nails dug into the flesh of her hips, a gentle bite of pain, and he sucked in a sharp breath when she planted her hands on his chest. She needed him inside of her, and she knew he felt the same.

Lifting her hips, lining him up again, Tav sank down. Full once again, she sighed happily as Rolan’s head tilted back, eyes closed while his hips tried to thrust up into her slightly. Giving him what he wanted, she started an easy rhythm up and down. It was satisfying to a point that nearly scared her, his length rubbing so sweetly inside of her and hitting her at a truly sinful spot in the new position. 

When Rolan looked at her again, his sharp teeth were worrying at his lower lip, needy little grunts escaping him. One of his hands came up to grab at her breasts, bouncing with each of her movements. The other dipped between them, rubbing over her clit making her lose her pace for just a moment before she chased the sensation further. 

“Beautiful,” he grunted out, “so fucking beautiful, Tav.”

“Gods,” wass as all she could utter as body grew tense and her mind blanked out to anything but chasing the high that was quickly approaching. 

“I won’t last — “ he warned. Shaking his head, eyes full of awe. “You’re — I’m going to —“

“Fuck, Rolan,” she gasped. 

He toppled over first; hips thrusting upwards harshly, making Tav lose her balance. She tipped forward onto his chest, just as quickly feeling his arms come around to hold her close. She ground out her own release, the ridges of his skin seeming to do just as much towards stimulating her clit while he pulsed inside her. Tav hit her peak with abrupt intensity, and she heard her moans echo off the high ceilings until they deteriorated into truly pathetic whines against his skin, as she rode her orgasm out as long as she could. 

“Oh, oh ,” Rolan choked, the sensation of her clenching around him making his eyes shut at the overstimulation after his release. 

“You okay?” she murmured, going to lift herself off him. 

“Yes,” he tightened his grip on her. “D-don’t move, please.”

For a while it was still, as they caught their breath. Tav was a little nervous whatever bubble they had created was going to burst as their bodies calmed down. She felt him lift his head and press a kiss atop her head, fingers dancing over her back.  

“I was here when the nautiloid got me,” Tav said quietly. “Just another passing traveler in a city of more faces than I had ever seen in one place.” She lifted her head to look at him, leaning into the hand that came up to her cheek. “Do you believe in fate?”

“Not particularly,” he said. 

“Me neither,” she smiled. “But it’s strange isn’t it? I’ve come full circle, and… what were the odds of me finding you time and time again?”

“The gods did do me the greatest favor ,” he murmured, “keeping me intertwined with your madness.”

“Don’t give them the credit,” she said. “It had to be something more.”

“More than the gods?” Rolan’s lips quirked up. 

“Yes,” she nodded. “They’ve never done me any favors.”

“Don’t go inciting any more godly intervention, my dear,” he rumbled. “I’ve just gotten you exactly where I want.”

“Naked on the floor of your study?”

“Yes,” he said with pure self-satisfaction. “One of my many  achievements, having the hero of the city whining my name.”

“Oh you’re going to be insufferable about this,  aren’t you?”

“Of course I am.” He grinned. “I am the master of a world famous tower, a wizard of great renown — as I predicted — and now have the object of all my desires right on top of me.”

“I’ll have to get creative about keeping you humble,” she laughed. 

“I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”

“We should start now,” Tav licked her lips, “I think you mentioned something about a bed?”

Thank you for reading!

Next Chapter ->

[nananarc]

Gonna disclose my income as a freelance artist because I feel like it might give some perspective. And mostly bc I'm feeling a bit burnout and I want pity points ok? Lol.

Context 1: For sake of simplicity, all figures are net income (minused all fees, charges, insurance, benefits, etc)

Context 2: I live in a big city in Việt Nam and the cost of living is relatively low. A salary of 1000$/month is considered really good for someone living alone with one pet, no family or children, no debt or other liabilities. Entry level jobs usually start at around 200-300$/month.

.

Let's start in 2021 because that's when it can be considered when I started doing art professionally.

In 2021 and 2022, I was juggling between art school, a part-time online side gig, building social media for my art, and of course try to get commissions. But coms were few and far between, mainly because I didn't have an online present before and I only hang in relatively small fandoms. So all I earn through side gig and art were only some change, in total avarage to about 40$/ month. Some months made up for no income months.

In 2023, things starts to be a bit better as I get more confident in my skill, but coms are still few and far between and months with no income is still common. Side gig was few and far between too and pay less. Overall I'd say it goes up to about 80$/month.

This year 2024, art school is done, I can finally do art full time. But I was severely burnout because all the accumulated stress since waaaaay before catch up with me and i couldn't cope anymore. I have to spend a lot of time resting instead. Fortunately, I received a decent amount of coms each month, and the new patreon surprisingly got a few supporters (I fully realistically expected it to sit at 0 for at least a year). Overall, I have an 8 hours 4 days work week: 4 hours a day on com and managing social media and other stuff that actually makes money; 4 hours a day on my own projects and personal indulgence that doesn't directly make money. As of now, my income is about 180$/month.

.

You are probably wondering how the fuck do one live like this in this economy.

It's because my family is middle class and can afford a freeloader like me in their house, receive their pocket money and tuition fee. I'm privileged.

But of course my family isn't rich and if just one catastrophic event happens to us, we'd be in bad shit. I'm constantly in anxiety of money, work, and the future. It doesn't help that I'm late 20s and many people around keep reminding of how I'm not making money yet still leeching off parents. It doesn't help that, for years all i hear about art is it will just lead to failure and no money.

.

But still, I am thankful of my family for letting me stay here. And all my friends and supporters for giving me money oc lol, but more importantly, believing in me more than I ever do in myself. I read all of your little tags, your keysmash and compliments, and I keep them all dear to my heart, and I went back to them everytime I need motivation. I can't see where my future as an artist will be, but I cling to your support and love as the will to keep going. Thank you all so, so fucking much. I'd have been literally dead in a ditch somewhere without you guys.

Anyway, idk, I've always been adamant about wage transparency (especially in a corporate setting) but I rarely see this in freelance artists. except to flex, to promote the hustle culture, or to sell some courses they made. Most of us don't want/can't subscribe to the grind and have nothing to flex either. All we have is this shit economy. I'd wish we could have been more open about this and many of us wouldn't have to feel so lonely and despair all the time.

[mistresswriter19]

It's Called " Inspection " Ma'am~ Cop Doppelganger Francis X Reader " NSFW 🔞 "

Author's Note: 🔞 SMUT WARNING NO MINORS 🔞. Did a fan au of what if Francis became a cop and made it into a one-shot you're in for a quite of a ride. Thank you all so much for the support of my previous fic more Milkman content on the way X ❤️

~1965~

You smile everytime you see the Milkman passing by delivering fresh milk door to door. You wish that he would talk to you for hours because Francis really did enjoy your company and vent about his stinking dead end job sometimes. You always smile and encourage Francis to keep going no matter how hard things are and by the end of the day Francis did think about you even when he looked at the milk labels all he could think of was your beautiful face.

"Your so helpful Francis "

"I always keep the milk jugs for anything i use and I never throw them out "

"You always bring fresh milk and that's why I encourage myself to drink more especially for my bones"

"Thank you Franics "

After picking up more crates from his job Francis one day is going to ask you on a date but he was afraid of rejection and what would it do for his other job that no one knows about even his all time crush would hate his guts.

Every milkman left for home except for Francis he had to change to a different uniform for the next job either it was day or night and when he delivered milk, he had to be right on time. Francis heard on the walkie talkie that a new doppelganger has been spotted and his job was to eliminate them. Since it was still dusk Francis walked with this long rubber boots heading to his motorcycle that ( SPO) " Secret Police Organization " has offer him to get there faster and people will only know that Francis is a traffic cop in public. Starting up the engine with his leather gloves on the steer he went up the highway wearing his black shades. Wearing all black, a police badge, and a helmet was a perfect way to stay anonymous. A way Francis is able to find these doppelgangers is to pull them over for a ticket or when they are sleeping. Sometimes when they're awake and not paying attention he pulls the trigger from his pistol and of its more then one he brings out his M21 assault rifle unfortunately he also had to take down witnesses.

No rest for the wicked ~ Francis mutters as he gets off his motorcycle, Turning off the engine takes his bag where he has a display of weapons he carries whenever he has to do the job.

Getting ready, Francis places the bullets in the insert place of the gun and clicks making sure it's ready to fire. His target was Angus Ciprianni the local businessman, more of a cyster everytime he grins to make deals with other companies knowing he'll get most of the profits. Another companion he noticed close to Angus were two, Dr. W Afton and Mia Stone, Francis had seen them before but he had restless nights being up from them having sex.

It was more of a quiet night which Francis preferred as he spies on Angus who was putting his folder away and drinking bourbon with him. This was a good time to strike.

Back At Y/N's apartment

You just finished helping a neighbor of yours Mclooy Rudboys who was a retired he kind of look like a little bit of a the colonel from the KFC commercials. You always helped him whenever his son Steven was on airplanes far where his father was at so weather it was lifting boxes or buying things Mclooy needed you're always there to lean a hand .

Well thank you kindly Ms. L/N this was definitely be all for today.

It's always a pleasure, Mclooy, you said, placing the boxes to the other side of the room and using your elbow to take the sweat off your face.

Are you seeing anyone? Mclooy asked sitting on the bed taking his boots off pretty odd for him to say that out of the blue.

Umm no.. not really

Francis is quite an interesting man I tell ya and I'm saying that is because Steven tells me that you would always look at Francis for a while even if he doesn't notice you.

Well I really do like him alot, I'm just afraid of rejection you said lowering your head with your hands behind your back. As Mclooy chuckles puffing a cigar.

Y/N I see you got sprirt, you work hard, you help others like me, and I'm sure if you ask Francis out it wouldn't make you so anxious. Just get a try and I'm rooting for you and him if it works out. Mclooy said patting your back as he lays back reading to get some shut eye

Thanks Mclooy you said with a warm smile having the courage once more. You did want to ask Francis for a very long time even when it came to his work hours but hiding every place where he won't see you can't keep up forever.

I'll see him tomorrow morning you said as you wave to Mclooy closing the door and heading downstairs going to your apartment second floor and went your room and flopped on the bed.

Will he like me… you said tugging on the pillow to get some rest since tomorrow you'll be on the road for a while.

In Angus Apartment

Francis stays silent for a moment as he had the ringing of the girls voice it was Y/N once again. He didn't want this job but how can he keep others like Y/N safe from this contamination of doppelgangers even if he has to kill anyone because witness are forbidden to see unless your a SCO like Francis was.

"Francis your always welcome to come over "

( BOOM)

Opening the door Angus holding his bourbon looks to see Francis aiming his gun but he dodges and and runs out of the run as Francis speed walks. Angus grabs Francis the side of the back punching him and slamming him against glass picture as Francis fights back punching him more and reached out for the gun, Angus used the bourbon bottle to hit Francis causing him to collapse while Angus goes to the door and knocks. The one who open the door was Dr. Afton as Mia who was fully nude stands by his side confused

Angus what the hell happened to you? Dr. Afton said his hand over his head seeing the injured businessman.

Doctor what's the hold up? Mia said pouting tugging on Afton's hand to come back to bed with her

Franics has lost his fucking mind, bastard trying to kill me!? Angus explained using a towel to hold his wound not sooner or later Francis comes in starting to shoot, Mia screams in panic as she sees Afton being shot by bullets ad Francis shots her right in the skull on the bed, Afton makes a rub for it to the exit but drops on the ground when he felt a bullet on his chest not making it. Francis sighs seeing the damage and mess just for hunting down doppelgangers. Using his leather boot he turns to see Francis face more closely, seeing worms coming down. Leaving him like this Francis got on his motorcycle and headed back home had to wash the blood off his uniform and face.

You heard a pair of footsteps coming up to your floor, you decided to get up adjusting the lace nightgown open the door a little to see who it was and you guess correctly. It was Francis but was strange for you. He wasn't wearing his milkman uniform and why would be out this late. You heard your door creek causing Francis to turn his head and come forward to you.

Francis… you said your hands covering your chest a little slowing walking back

Y/N… what have you done. Francis just blur out as he look at the blood dripping down his black leather glove and the fear mixed with guilt upon Y/N's face he wanted to touch her face but his glove hand turn into a fits as he slames the door while you were puzzled and stuttering. This wasn't the Francis you knew it had to be a doppelganger. It couldn't be the real him. You had a hard time managing to sleep so you rest your eyes a little holding a knife close to your chest hoping he doesn't come back in.

FUCK! Francis yelled throwing his empty glass milk jars on the ground Y/N wasn't supposed to look or be a witness now he had to kill her but he didn't want to. Y/N has been the only one who understands him and make him smile and always opens the door for her fresh milk. Francis attend to sleep but in the morning he would have to exterminate Y/N .

Morning

You got up and noticed you kept the knife still all night but your lack of sleep didn't help you move much. You had a strangest feeling that you were being watched or a target. You put on some usual clothes, your heels, and duffle bag because you had to get away, you knew being in your apartment wouldn't be safe. You look at the time the sun was going to rise, grabbing your keys, used a sun hat and glasses to hide your face and added scarf in general locking your apartment door and started to speed run downstairs.

Francis was up cleaning his gun and heard footsteps, putting on his boots, jacket, helmet and glasses he went to next door to your apartment he adjust the knob nothing, so he kicked the door open and you were gone. Francis speed walk down the stairs and got onto his motorcycle to find you.

You were riding in the middle of nowhere full on gas of your vehicle took a few turns and you were the only one on the road. You went to apply lipstick since you didn't had time to make yourself look pretty like you always do every morning. You wish to confess to Francis but now it was more like a huge question mark in your brain.

You look back to see a cop on his motorcycle but he didn't put on his siren which you find odd since most cops turn it on when they follow you all the way. Your fingers curled up with pressure on the steering wheel as the cop got closer. You turn the other way to pull over and turn off your engine.

I wasn't speeding, did I ever pay for a ticket? You thought to yourself millions of questions trying not to panic. You exhale in and out as you see the cop approach your car with a gentle knock on your windshield.

Tap, tap, tap,

You look to the officer waiting and you took a good glance and already you were mesmerized from his black jacket, black leather pants, his boots, gloves and shades why did a anonymous cop like this one was making you feel have heat in between your legs.

Hi Officer, is there something wrong?

Hello Ma'am yes there is, do you know why stopped you? The cop leaning closer as your face was an inch to is making your cheeks turns shades of red.

No you said trying not to get distraction from his unnecessary charm.

You were speeding, and I understand if you need to be somewhere but as a cop I have to keep on check for anyone who breaks the law~ The cop explained placing his glove hand on his chest as you nodded

I'm sorry officer but I don't think I was spreading consider maybe passing through but I didn't go over 50 and above you explain.

License and registration please ma'am the cop answered waiting for you to do your part.

Oh right here you said giving your license to the cop as he took a look but then he look back at you.

I need to see your full face ma'am just to be sure that this is you the cop ordered but you afraid but also didn't want to be put behind bars. You sigh and took the scarf, sun hat and sunglasses revealing your face the cop didn't move for a second.

Ma'am there's no way you could look that… beautiful..( Coughs)

Thank you, you said but then you heard the ringing in your ear that tone of that voice was familiar and he kept saying ma'am most cops do say ma'am or miss but this one kept saying it constantly.

Francis? You blur out as Francis look back in complete shock that you recognize him but he stepped back going back to his motorcycle. As you wait for a while but saw him reloading a gun. You turn back and started your vehicle and immediately drove off.

Ma'am, Ma'am .. Y/N! Francis shouted your name but you were already back on the road. Aggravated, Francis start up his motorcycle and went on the trail to follow and hunt you down like a wolf and bunny chase you down.

You looked around no cars still but look at the back you saw Francis catching up to you pulling out his gun starting to shoot at your window. You swift and swerved your vehicle it was a technique that you're father had taught you when it came to dealing with people coming after you. Francis speed up his motorcycle inches to your window going through the highway and made a turn to a nearby exit where it lead to an factory of mattress and pillows. You yield on your car causing Francis to slide off his motorcycle from the speed and falling. You manage to park your car to open the factory backdoor running around to find a place to hide.

Ugh… Dammit… she's got Spunk in her blood. Francis mumbled as got up from the ground and look at the stains of blood from his cuts and marks when he fell. He spit on the concrete back on his motorcycle and riding again until he found your vehicle parked in a mattress and pillow factory. Francis got off the motorcycle, pulling out his gun heading instead walking in a medium pace looking around the building. He pulled out a flashlight since it was pitchblack investigating around the area he was in.

You were roaming around thousands of mattress and pillows, kneeling down you hid for a while, holding onto your breath as you heard footsteps coming and bullets being fired.

I know you didn't want to me this way Y/N, but now you know, I'm not just your local milkman every fucking day. He said reloading his gun from the bullets falling on the floor as he steps more while looking .

I'm a cop but not the ones your use to, a cop that exterminates doppelgangers and witnesses and unfortunately for you. Francis replied as he pulls off the mattress to see you as you were opening the doors running downstairs and going to a room were there nothing but completed beds ready to be delivered.

Your a witness and I can't let that go. Francis said as he got close as he three his shades off the ground and reveal his face nothing but black eyes and a large smiling mouth he was a doppelganger. You screamed in and immediately felt your arms being grabbed and pinned as you kicked Francis causing his gun to be thrown on the other side. You went to reach it only to have your face being hit on the ground a few times, you used the bag wrapped around Francis bag causing him to choke but he spin causing you to bumper into a few shelf letting go. Francis rip the bag but you grabber onto him using your hands as fits but he just chuckles and put the gun close to your face.

FRANCIS I LOVE YOU, I ALWAYS HAVE, BUT WHY WOULD YOU EXTERMINATE ME!? AFTER ALL I DONE FOR YOU? You said on the verge of tears and face dripping blood with a few cuts. Francis look back for a moment his finger on the trigger but the fact he couldn't believe that you confess to him made him think more.

You loved me? Francis said as he black droppy ink soulless eyes were returning to his normal face the one you yearn for so much and deeply missed.

Yes Francis I don't care if your different and kill doppelgangers but if you even you pull the trigger let just do this.

Francis still had the gun on your head but you lean into him giving him a long passionate kiss causing Francis to hold onto you with your arms upon his black leather jacket shoulder kissing you a little force and tongue slipped in between. Francis wanted this more then over he finally let's go

Fuck it.. I can't take it anymore.. Francis said as he lower the gun, grabbed you by the own throwing you onto the nearby mattress where he got on top your hands pinned as Francis kissed you uncontrollably as you did the same legs spread a little as Francis takes off your top seeing you had no bra with a few whimpers he gently sucked on your nipples, nice, perky and perfect to rest his face on.

Your nipples were made for me, perhaps one day I could milk them in my private time when I deliver my daily milks door to door~ Francis cooed as he wip the salvia from his bottom lip and sucked slowly on your neck, your fingers dangled around the leather for a grip and hear the rubber sound tightened whenever he hit your sensitive spot making you moan.

Ahh… Francis.. oh Francis..ahh you said having a hard time with words because everything Francis did was pleasure and indulgence. You felt his glove caressing your hair with his lips getting more sloppy with yours as he let's go and unbuckles his pants while you were hyperlating as Francis look back at you

So beautiful, yet so delicate, you want this cock inside your wanting slit~ Francis said teasing his cock rubbing in your entrance making you bit your lip in between

I might have to warn you darling ~ I like to go pretty rough~ think you can take this cop's cock hmm~ Francis as you were on the urge to just let him be in

Please Franics, do it already….I need you

What a lovely answer darling your such a minx~ Francis replied as he slammed his cock in the bulb of your entrance making you jolt as Francis holds you down with his leather gloves inside your mouth to keep calm as he starts to thrusts inside your wet hole.

You like that baby~ Fuck you're so tight, should have done this a long time ago~ Francis said slamming more of his cock back and forth you felt so horrible about fucking a doppelganger but you needed sex and the way this Francis made you so wet you just wanted him. You gagged in between words from the fingers inside your mouth as he pulls out he slams more of his lips into your lips.

Francis..ahh… yes..ahh haa…you said with your eyes rolled back as you manage to get his jacket off and top feeling his fit muscular body slapping to your body with the two of you hold on as Francis pick up the pace.

Ahhh ahh ~ you kept saying feeling your inside being tear painful yet but the pleasure really made it more enjoyable the mattress rocking back and forth.

Fuck….fuck I'm close…I'm going to cum inside you need slut and you're going to take every inch of me~ Francis said as he held onto the bed frame saw the mattress was already sticking with cum and lipstick marks.

Please yes, please Francis ahhhh~ You said in between your head back with Francis hair a mess slamming in more and more as he made a loud groan when he felt the cum dripping down your pussy with the wave of lust finally released.

Fuck Y/N~ you were incredible Francis praise as he leans into to kiss you more softly a little aftercare.

Francis… please stay with me… you said with your nude body cuddling up to his with your face hiding against his broad chest as he sighs his fingers caressing your hair and his other hand holding the edge of your palm

I'm not going anywhere darling Francis replied with a warm smile which made your face flushed pink since you haven't seen Francis really smile that much. It felt so inviting and he was really open to you.

The two of you rest in the mattress where you both made love with your liquids around of course both of you have to clean up your mess after a few hours of resting.

End~

[mrs-gucci]

It’s Just Politics (Part 1 of 2)

Commander Mills x senator!Reader (f)

written for my welcome back celebration, phase one. 

y’all voted, y’all wanted me to write some more Mills, so here I am :) this is part one of two, so enjoy the beginning of the story and get excited for part two which will be coming soon!!

content warnings. accidentally walking in on someone naked (he walks in on her), implied/mentioned age difference (gap not specified, Mills is 36)

word count: 3.4k (...whoops)

summary~ Commander Mills reluctantly takes a last-minute job captaining the Senator of Somaris’s personal ship on a flight to Cyllene for this year’s galactic policy conference. Both of them get much, much more than they bargained for...but they’re not necessarily complaining about it.

"You're kidding me."

Jai shakes his head, continuing to submit order forms for ship parts.

"I'm dead serious, man. Travis wants you to do it, it'll pay well, and you won't be gone for that long. At least two weeks, it's just to Cyllene for the annual galactic policy conference. Simple."

"Nothing is ever simple with her, you know that. She's impossible to deal with." Mills huffs. "What happened to her captain? Why can't he do it?"

"Dunno. I think he transferred or is off on a long-range mission. I can't remember, but you should take it. Even though the Senator is a bit of a difficult client, she has a lot of power and could easily help you get a higher-paying job."

Mills knows Jai is right. He should take this job; he needs the money after paying for Nevine's treatments. He has to continue supporting his wife even if their marriage is a bit on the rocks.

"Fine," he says after a moment. "I'll tell Travis that I'll take the job."

Jai smiles, walking past his coworker and giving him a pat on the back as he does so. He lets out a soft chuckle. "Good man. Just...try not to kill her, okay?"

Mills hums, smiling ever so slightly.

"No promises."

***

"Are all of my dresses packed properly?" you ask the service droid as it begins to load your things onto the dolly. "It's of the utmost importance that they not be wrinkled. I want to represent Somaris to the best of my ability at this year's conference."

"Yes, Mistress," the droid says. "I made sure to pack each one myself."

You nod slightly. "Good. Thank you, I always appreciate your hard work, PZ."

"Of course. I am always at your service, Senator."

PZ finishes loading the bags and quickly takes them to the royal vessel while you prepare for the long journey ahead. You always hate going up into space, but unfortunately, it's an integral part of your job, so you have to do it more often than you'd prefer.

You walk to the docking bay, and you stop as soon as you see him walking towards your ship.

"You're kidding me."

Mills huffs out a soft laugh as he passes you. "Yeah, that's what I said too."

"Tell me you're not the one flying the ship. Please, please tell me you're not in charge of this trip--" You catch up to him.

"I need the money, alright?" Mills says, jaw clenching. "That's the only reason I agreed to it. Trust me, I wish I didn't have to, but there's hardly any work for pilots right now."

"No need to give me your whole life story, Mills. I won't cry you a river like others may have."

You roll your eyes and walk towards the ship ramp, immediately colliding with him. Apparently, he decided to step forward at that exact moment that you did. You huff and leave him in the dust, boarding the ship and immediately going to your sleeping quarters. 

This'll be an interesting journey, that much you're sure of...

***

For the third time in the thirty minutes you've been flying, your water glass nearly falls onto the floor as the ship suddenly jerks to the side, then a bit downward, before returning to a steady state. You shut the computer off and walk to the cockpit, immediately hearing Mills's grumblings as he reaches across the controls console. 

"I know you dislike me, but I didn't think you'd try any sort of murder attempt until much later in the trip," you say, crossing your arms as you stand in the doorway. "And I must say, I'm extremely disappointed in your efforts thus far."

Mills's jaw clenches once again. And here he was, starting to relax now that he's mostly figured out the new controls...

"For now, I figured having you get sick would be satisfying enough," he says, turning around to look at you. "The murder attempts will be much more obvious, I assure you. Plus, keeping you alive until after the conference is in my best interest, so I get paid for at least half of the trip."

You chuckle dryly. "Fair point. Now, are you sure that all of your licenses and qualifications aren't expired? Because you're flying this ship almost as badly as I do, and I don't have any licenses."

"I've never flown a ship with such unnecessarily complicated controls," he replies simply. "This is a class of ship I'm not used to handling."

"Mm, mhm. Sure, my ship's definitely the problem. You could never be at fault for not having flown a diverse range of ships in your many years of being a pilot...because you're old."

He huffs. "Really, you're resorting to calling me 'old' now? You can't find any more halfway decent or clever comebacks in your apparently vast bank of them?"

You smirk slightly. "So you admit that my comebacks are clever and good?"

"No, I said they're clever and halfway decent," he says, unable to help the tiny upward twitch of the corner of his mouth. "Big difference. Also, I'm not old."

"Everyone who's old tried to say they're not old. If you're over 40, you're officially old."

"How old do you think I am?" He looks back at you.

"I dunno," you shrug. "Like 40."

"Fuck, I'm 36," he grumbles, turning back to flip a switch on the panel. "Go back to your quarters, Senator. I'll try to keep the ship under control, although I doubt it'll be to your very high standards."

You turn and begin to walk away. Suddenly, the ship dips again, and you nearly lose your balance, falling into the wall. You whip your head around and hear the softest of chuckles from the cockpit, rolling your eyes at the sound.

"Just do your damn job, Mills."

***

Mills sighs as he flips the autopilot switch and prepares to head off to his sleeping quarters. He probably should've asked where his quarters were before takeoff, but honestly, he didn't even think of it at the time. He was too busy dealing with you.

As much as he hates to admit it, you actually intrigue him. You're young, beautiful, and incredibly hard-headed. All qualities he saw in his wife when he first met her.

Several doors line the hallway, and Mills picks the one closest to the cockpit. It opens, and it's a closet filled to the brim with luggage and garment bags. He huffs, then shuts it promptly.

He moves to the next door, already mentally checking out for the night. When it opens, his eyes widen. 

You're standing completely bare, applying your body lotion before you dress for bed. You turn around and gasp, quickly covering your breasts before turning away.

"Get out!"

Mills, for a moment, can't bring himself to move. Fuck, it's been a while since he's seen a naked woman, and you're so--

"GET OUT!" you exclaim, looking back at Mills. "OUT!!"

He suddenly snaps back into reality, muttering an apology before shutting the door and letting out a shaky breath. He tries to commit it all to memory: how your skin shone in the dim lamplight, your plump breasts and hardened nipples, the beautiful curve of your hips...

Turning away, he walks to the final door in the hall, which contains a small cot. He puts his things into the small dresser and tries not to revisit his memories of your body. It's highly inappropriate for him to lust after a woman years his junior, especially since he hates you, and you two have yet to have a non-argumentative conversation.

Suddenly, the door slides open as Mills takes off his shirt. He turns around and sees you, now dressed in a nightgown, looking absolutely infuriated. But he doesn't miss how your eyes dart down his body momentarily.

"What is wrong with you??" You ask angrily, glaring up at him. "Why didn't you close the door right away? Why'd you keep looking at me? Are you some kind of pervert or something?"

He huffs, turning away from you.

"No, I'm not a pervert. I just froze up for a moment. I was surprised. I thought the room would be empty...it won't happen again. It was an accident."

"Mhm. Aren't you married? How would your wife feel if she saw you staring like that?"

"Yeah, well, she and I aren't exactly on the same page these days," he says, pulling his sleep shirt on before turning to you again. "So what, you wanna see my dick, make us even?"

Well, kind of.

You huff, crossing your arms. "No," you say. "Because I'm a lady and would never do anything like that."

Mills chuckles. "Mhm. You just keep telling yourself that."

He reaches for the pants resting over his hips. "If you're such a lady, I suggest you head out before you see anything improper. God forbid."

"Goodnight to you too, Captain."

***

Mills's quarters are open when you pass by, so who wouldn't be curious about what secret life this guy could be living? You look around, then step inside. It's very basic; he's brought almost nothing personal. Well, almost nothing. You spot a holoprojector lying on his bed.

Is the great Commander Mills enjoying some pornography during his downtime?

Chuckling softly at the thought, you pick it up carefully and turn it on, purely out of curiosity. What comes up is incredibly unexpected. It's a young girl playing with a toy ship. Suddenly, it clicks in your mind: this is his daughter. Before she…

You scroll to the next one, and the next, and the next, watching only a few seconds of each. Then, you reach one where she's looking much sickly. She's got a nasal cannula in, and her cough, which you noticed throughout the videos, is much worse.

And then, you flip to the very last side. It's the voice of your wife, hand on your daughter's lifeless one.

Oh no—

"What are you doing?"

You gasp softly, startled at the sound. He's calm, but a certain edge to his voice sends a little chill down your spine.

"I-I..." you don't have an answer. "I thought this was something--"

"Give that to me," he snaps, snatching it from your hands and turning it off. "This is my quarters, my personal space. What's so hard to understand about that, huh?!"

You open your mouth to speak. He doesn't allow it.

"I would never think to step into your room and look through your belongings. You think just because you're a senator that you outrank me and can do whatever the fuck--"

"That's not it!" you say suddenly. "It was wrong, alright? I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I let my curiosity get the best of me. I didn't think you'd have anything like that."

For a moment, Mills is genuinely surprised at your quick admittance of guilt. He thought you'd surely make up some bullshit excuse as to why you're in here looking through his daughter's holo memories.

Just seeing that bit of the final holo of his daughter already has him tearing up, but there's no way in the galaxy he's gonna cry in front of you. He looks away, setting the holoprojector back down on the top of his dresser.

"Go."

You're at a loss for words. Look at what you've done; you've violated his privacy and forced him to relive such an awful memory. All because you wanted to get some dirt on him. It all seems silly and stupid now. "Look, Mills, I'm really--"

Tears are threatening to slip down his cheeks. He needs you to leave before you see him break down.

"Leave!" he snaps again, although his voice is much shakier this time. "Leave me a-alone!"

You swallow harshly, then walk back towards the door. You pause for a moment, looking back at him, seeing how his whole body shakes as he tries to keep his sobs.

"I'm truly sorry."

He says nothing, waiting until the door closes to let out the quiet but violent cries he's been holding in.

*

When dinner rolls around, you sit in the same seat you usually do at the small table. Except there's no sign of Mills anywhere. He's stayed on the bridge with the door shut all day. PZ brings out your meal, then sets Mills's down at his usual spot. 

"Where is the Captain?" PZ asks. "Will he not be joining you for dinner this evening?"

You shrug slightly, looking over at the bridge door. "I don't know, PZ. He hasn't left his pilot's seat all day."

"Well, perhaps I should--"

"No," you interrupt. "You don't wanna irritate him. He's had a rough day. I'll take it to him if he doesn't come out."

PZ nods, then walks back to continue checking on your dresses. You sigh softly and eat alone, occasionally looking over at the door. Nothing.

You really don't wanna take the food in, but you know it's the right thing to do. Plus, it'll give you time to hopefully apologize again for earlier without him yelling or getting too upset.

With a deep breath, you press the 'open' button, and the door whooshes, revealing the tall back of the pilot's chair. Various controls on the panel flash and beep. He reaches over to silence them.

"Yes?"

You step forward. "I have your dinner. I figured you wouldn't wanna come out to eat with me--"

"A correct assumption."

"...so I brought your dinner in here."

He nods. "Thank you."

You set the plate down to the side.

"Look, I'm really sorry about what happened earlier," you say sincerely. "It wasn't my place to snoop around your quarters, and I apologize. I also...I didn't know about your daughter. I'm sorry about that, too."

Mills says nothing but turns around in the chair to look at you. After a moment, he nods slightly. "Thank you for apologizing. And I'm sorry that I snapped like that. It's just a hard thing for me to revisit."

"Of course, and I completely understand why you reacted the way you did. I deserved that, but you didn't deserve to have your private life violated like that. I'm sorry, truly. I feel terrible about it."

He's very much surprised by your sudden remorse and show of emotion. You rarely soften like this, and it makes him wonder if he's jumped to conclusions too soon. Maybe you're not always the hard-ass, demanding, a stubborn politician you make yourself out to be. 

"All is forgiven, Senator. I promise it's alright. I appreciate you apologizing."

You nod, offering him a small smile. "Great. I'd hate for us to be on shitty terms for the rest of the journey."

"Agreed," Mills nods. "Thanks for bringing my dinner. I'll see you tomorrow, Senator."

"See you tomorrow, Captain."

***

"Wait, wait..." you start, huffing softly. "You're telling me we have to stop on Zexade for fuel? I thought this ship could carry enough fuel for the entire journey. I've never had this problem before."

"There's a first time for everything," Mills replies simply, flicking a few switches on the dashboard. "We had to take an alternate route around a nebula, which took more fuel than anticipated. Zexade should have what we need."

"How long is that gonna take? We cannot be late to this conference, Mills. It's super important that we arrive on time--"

"You'll get there on time, Senator. You insisted we leave two days earlier than we needed to. Do you not remember that?"

Your jaw clenches. "I recall that, yes. But I've been late before, and it was absolutely humiliating. I want to be sure I'm there in advance to begin talking with the other senators."

"The refueling stop shouldn't take more than a few hours. We're on schedule to arrive on Cyllene early." He rolls his eyes. "There's no need to worry about anything. I have it all under--"

A loud crash is heard, and the ship lurches. You stumble, quickly gripping the wall for support.

"Everything's under control, huh?" you ask bitterly. "Then what in the world was that?"

The control panel and the proximity sensor start beeping frantically, and Mills groans. He was worried that something like this would happen. More shots are fired at the ship, and he dodges most of them.

"Get out of here! Strap into a chair or something!"

"What is it? Why are they shooting at the ship--"

Another bold hits the ship and takes a few pieces of paneling off. You nearly fall again.

"Pirates," he says. "They want the ship to salvage and possibly take us hostage for ransom money. Now get into a seat before you get hurt!"

You run back towards the emergency seats, but then you see the hatch for the gunner position. You know at that moment what you need to do. The ship dips again, and you fall into the wall with a soft groan, but you climb into the gunner seat before any more sudden jerks.

Mills' eyebrows furrow when he hears static from a headset hanging on top of a control panel. He lifts it up and puts it on, thinking it could be some sort of communication from the pirates.

"Get me into position," you say, flipping switches and pressing buttons rapidly, warming up the guns. "I can take them out."

"What the fuck are you doing down there?! I told you to strap in--"

"Fuck strapping in; I'm not just gonna sit there and wait for you to let the ship be torn apart. These pirates are gonna take us out if we don't put up some sort of defense."

He knows he should focus on the pirates, but he's still trying to wrap his head around that you apparently know how to operate the gunner position. He's also trying to wrap his head around that he's about to take commands from you.

"Alright, alright," he says, adjusting the headset quickly before swerving more shots. "Do you have a shot?"

Your jaw clenches. "Do you think, if I had a shot, I would have told you to get me into position?!"

This is gonna be harder than he thought.

"Can we save the biting wit and snarky remarks for when we're not getting shot at by pirates, please?!"

"Fine," you huff. "I've almost got a shot on one of the ships. Take a sharp left and drop her down a bit."

He does what you say, and you quickly shoot the pirate ship down, which explodes and takes another one out. You smirk, mentally high-fiving yourself. 

"Suck it!" you say into the microphone, forgetting that it's on. "You just got shot down by a fucking senator, losers!! Ha ha!"

Mills listens and allows a slight smile to tug at the corners of his mouth.

"Your mic is still on, Senator. But thank you for that wonderful piece of audio," he says, looking over at the proximity map. There are two more ships left. "I'm gonna pull up really hard and try to get you a clear shot on the two smaller fighters. Can you do that?"

Your cheeks warm with embarrassment. "Y-Yeah, yeah, of course, I can. Just get me into position, and I'll take care of the rest."

"Good." He chuckles softly and suddenly pulls up, accelerating rapidly. 

You keep your hands on the trigger buttons, holding on tightly as the ship climbs almost directly upwards. The pirate fighters are obviously confused but follow, climbing with us. 

“Do a corkscrew maneuver!” You say into the mic. "Now!"

"What?! You want me to do a what?! You're crazy!"

You growl softly. "Trust me, just do it!!"

Mills grips the steering wheel tightly and begins to spin the ship around and around, cursing you in his head as he begins to feel nauseous. Your eyes narrow, and you shoot at the vessels, hitting one, then the other. 

"I got 'em! We're clear!"

He slows, returns the ship to the usual level state, and sighs, running a hand through his hair. Goddamn, that was fucking crazy. You're...incredibly quick on your feet, and you ultimately made the right call. 

Between your genuine apology and this sudden show of badassery, it's almost hard to believe that Mills is starting to actually like you. He'll never admit that part out loud, but it's true.

You emerge from the hatch and walk to the cockpit, releasing shaky breaths. The adrenaline is still flowing as you head towards Mills' chair.

"So..." you start. He turns and looks at you, and you offer him a teasing smile. "How much longer to Zexade?"

-- part two (upcoming) --

general taglist: @mrs-zimmerman​

fic-specific taglist: @mrs-zimmerman​ @safarigirlsp​​ @queeniebee​​

◆ wanna join? here’s the link: adcu taglist ◆

[lilithsaga]

15 Questions for 15 Friends

Tagged by @emery-matsushita-vt (Thank youuuuu~!)

Are you named after anyone?

Yes, I am named after the first and most well-known succubus, Lilith. It is a common name among succubi, as I also have a great grandmother with the same name.

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday. I've always been a crybaby. But at least it was a good cry yesterday... from someone unexpected complimenting my writing ability. 🥹

Do you have kids?

Hell no! I can't even take care of myself, let alone a kid. I'm not putting children through that.

What sports do/have you played?

Fencing... at least in University. Who doesn't want to stab people with swords? And the fencing community itself is actually really supportive and friendly. I actually met my current partner through fencing. (If you love someone, stab them with an epee) 🤺

Do you use sarcasm?

On occasion, but I don't think I use it often enough. When I was younger, I had a hard time understanding sarcasm and still struggle with it today every once in a while. It's just hard to tell sometimes whether a person is joking or being genuine/passive aggressive. When I use sarcasm, I try to go over the top with inflection to try and make it obvious I'm joking. Just want to make it easier for others.

What is the first thing you notice about people?

How they make me feel. I get this is supposed to be a physical description thing, but I usually won't pay attention to someone unless they have something that gets a reaction out of me. If they wear a shirt I like, I notice. If they successfully throw a ball of paper in the trash while yelling "Michael Jordan," I notice. If they like one of my comments online, I notice. All of those things make me feel joy and help me notice the person who did the thing. 😊

What's your eye color?

Purple 🟣

Scary movies, or happy endings?

Happy endings. Yeah, it's cliche, but I feel bad for people who don't reach a satisfying conclusion. And scary movies can be fun, but I watch them more for the story than the jump scares and grotesque aesthetics. It's great if a movie makes me uncomfortable with it's writing, but being uncomfy isn't something I like feeling.

Any talents?

None that I feel confident enough in to be deemed "Ultimate" or "Super High School Level" but I am able to write words on a page... so that's a thing, right?

Where were you born?

The American Underworld. To compare it to somewhere in the Overworld, I guess you could say I live in the Midwestern United States.

What are your hobbies?

Writing, video editing, gaming, listening to video essays, watching vtubers, reading fanfiction, daydreaming about random nonsensical things.

Do you have any pets?

Nope, never grew up with any and never felt comfortable taking care of one for the longest time. But my partner has a cat that I would protecc with my last dying breath.

How tall are you?

I am 5' 6" which is about average female height I think?

Favorite subject in school?

Creative writing. No surprise huh? English was okay, but other students made it disruptive and teachers focused more on sentence diagrams than actual storytelling.

Dream job?

I would love to do vtubing full-time, but don't think it will ever be realistic. I wish I had more time to write and create fictional worlds. But if I can't find the words, I also wouldn't mind video editing and slicing segments in a timeline to create a story that way.

.

..

...

Uhhh... oh shit! Now I have to tag 15 friends? Hmmmm... well Emery already tagged Tor and Axo... among others I know... *realizes I don't have a big friend group at all* uhhhhhh okay okay. I call upon the power of friends and mutuals!!

@yuzu-adagio @drakamut @azure-shades-of-blue @marvellovelacevt @draconick @slash-gallagher @vchuuberyl @overlord-jarvis @aurumatom @itsdracool @maidgamerclaire @saliferousanimations @moonfeatherblue @sisallacertavt @hatenayuri

Sorry if you've already been tagged or are not interested in doing these kinds of things! Totally allowed to ignore this! But I just think y'all are cool and deserve to let others know more about you if you wanna.

Thank you for reading!!

[kaysutcliff-michaelis]

Aggretsuko rant after finishing season 5

I may mention things about past seasons so BEWARE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

AGGRETSUKO SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT, BE CAREFUL

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Season 5 had me yelling, talking to myself and feeling like I need to start rewatching it right this instant after finishing it so that I can process everything properly. I really want to read comments and reviews about it but I’ll wait until I’m done writing this so that whatever I read doesn’t influence my rant. And don’t expect any order, rhyme or reason here, I can’t be bothered to make this look like a proper text.

THEY FUCKING GOT MARRIED? WHAT? WHAT? EXCUSE ME WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?????

It was incredibly cute and sweet how they just felt it was their time and eloped, no perfect wedding, no cute bride with her dress and no anything, just Haida and Retsuko. Four seasons raging because she wanted to be a cute bride with her wedding dress in a chapel and she ends up getting married at the registry in the middle of the night, who would have guessed! HOWEVER, it makes me sad that we didn’t see more about it. No rings, no family and friends’ reactions, not even a mention about it. This is supposed to be the final season, so the way A LOT of things were left makes me extremely confused.

We don’t know what Haida’s new job is. We don’t know who was behind the truck attack. We don’t know how come there’s a picture of them with Retsuko’s family now. We don’t know what the deal with Tadano, Gori and Washimi is. We don’t know how the stunt worked for OTM’s social media numbers. We don’t know what happened to that guy who offered Haida the construction work. There are so many things we don’t know! Idk, the ending felt a bit lackluster precisely because the second the elections ended the season was over and it feels there wasn’t proper closure for some points.

And why couldn’t we hear Shikabane singing??? ;__; It almost made me tear up how Retsuko offered her the microphone at the end, I was really hoping to hear them singing together.

I could relate a lot to Shikabane throughout the season. Those feelings of hopelessness, loneliness and having to constantly do something to keep your mind occupied so that you don’t succumb to those thoughts have been incredibly present in my life for the last months (going to therapy and relying on my supportive partner to try and get myself out of it), so I totally get where she was coming from and why she acts the way she does until the end. Plus her character design is SO CUTE. The platform shoes, the ribbons, the colour palette! Had me wishing I looked as cool and fashionable as her!

But Haida. OMG HAIDA. THIS GUY NEVER LEARNS. He was making bad decisions during season 4, but THIS. Retsuko is so patient with him, if my partner was ever in that situation and hid it from me that would probably be a deal breaker. Not because of him being jobless and homeless, but because I’d feel he doesn’t trust me and thinks I’m not reliable or that I won’t help him. He gets on my nerves so much, sometimes he’s the perfect ship for Retsuko and sometimes he just self-sabotages to the point of almost ruining his life. Annoyance aside though, I feel like their struggles as a couple are very realistic and I enjoy that. The struggles of all the characters in general are realistic.

AND SPEAKING OF SHIKABANE, HAIDA AND THE WHOLE NET CAFE THING. I was so shocked because literally two days ago I was watching a video by Nekojita vlog (Spanish-Japanese couple who has been doing Youtube for some years now) talking about this topic, women who live in manga kisas either because they cannot afford an apartment (with the money it would get you just to pay rent you have food, showers, washing machines, drinks, internet and a place to sleep if you find a good deal) or because their lifestyle is more suited to this (maybe they work most of the day/night and it is better to rent a booth for a few hours to crash there than be bothering with rent, bills, neighbours and all that stuff). I found the topic super interesting and it was quite a surprise to see it was one of the main points of the season.

The second part of the season threw me off a bit with the whole “suddenly Retsuko is running up for Parliament” thingy, I really dislike politics and it felt a bit like propaganda, it reminded me of this random Modern Family arc in which Claire is running for the council. Despite that, I think some real-life issues that need urgent addressing were mentioned and it would be good if that raised awareness about them in Japan, like how difficult and expensive it is to have your child in kindergarten (me hating politics doesn’t mean I don’t know about how messed up things are there). It also made me feel bad that Manaka and Hyodo kinda sold Retsuko to this creepy Ikari guy just so that they could get free publicity for OTM Girls. And Tadano buying the net cafe so that he can have it for himself??? He left so many people like Shikabane homeless with that move, he could just have remodeled his apartment. Overall this second part had some great moments but some bad stuff that leaves a bittersweet taste for me. And it annoys me that we don’t know who attacked Haida at the end so that Retsuko would quit!! I was so worried that he would die or end at the hospital and in the end nothing really comes out of this event (except for the eloping) and the next day he’s there playing with her (extremely cool btw) like he didn’t get hit by a truck the day before.

Selling Retsuko to Ikari for clout aside, I honestly felt jealous (in a good way) for Retsuko’s support network. I rewatched the whole thing during February so that I would be ready for season 5 and something that really caught my attention was how she gets more and more allies and how much teamwork there is.

Gori and Washimi the best friends ever!

Tadano who saves the day each time he appears, Retsy and him are cut out to be a couple but they sure are to be friends and allies!

Tsunoda and Fenneko being the unexpected wingman team?? They carried so much of seasons 4 and 5.

Anai doing a 180 and going from crazy newbie to someone who legit cares about his coworkers! He has evolved so much thanks to Kabae and his gf!

Director Ton OMG DIRECTOR TON, went from villain to that brutally honest but really supportive person who sometimes seems to know her better than anyone! And his daughters being part of the action of seasons 3 and 4?? And the whole family teamwork at the end of season 4 when they were trying to get the flash drive???? Loved that.

Manaka and the bodyguards making sure Retsuko was safe (Manaka in general with that bat full of nails is super cool). Though she’s still Manaka, 90% of the time I really like her but the other 10% I think she doesn’t care who she has to sacrifice for her idol career... Same goes for Hyodo.

It’s so wholesome to see how much she has evolved since the first season and how she relies on others and her trust is being rewarded.

I don’t really know what to think of her parents though. Her mother seems to have good intentions on the last seasons but in season 2 she’s just the most nosy and meddlesome mother ever. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HAIDA’S FAMILY. I honestly feel bad for his mother, she looked so kind and she has to deal with crazy obsessive Juzo and Jiro. So manipulative, so money-centered, I don’t believe ONE BIT, what Jiro said about him not being behind the truck attack. And if he wasn’t him, it was their dad, how else would he know about what happened? I wanted Haida and Retsuko to tell them to shut their mouths and go to hell SO MUCH.

Random, but the Juliana’s references throughout the series gave me life XD The Bubbly Land ad made me crack up.

So no that the series is supposedly over, I think my fave season is season 3. To me it was perfect in every aspect: the plot, the character designs, the pacing, the ending, the soundtrack... Second place is shared by the Tadano arc in season 2 and the net cafe arc in season 5. Then we have the second part of season 4, all of season 1 and the second part of season 5. And finally the beginning of seasons 2 and 4. Not that Aggretsuko has any bad seasons or episodes, but I certainly cherish some more than others.

I said it before but I really think like I need to watch the season again to process everything that happened and gather my thoughts on it. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow or in a few days, maybe not. If this is the end, I want to say that since I watched Retsuko for the first time I have related A LOT to the characters and their situations at different points of my life or regarding different aspects of it. The show has got me through so many shifts and has felt so cathartic when I was done with my job and wanted to death voice all my customers and coworkers. I’m so grateful that this show exists to drop a sea urchin in the desert from time to time and remind us that things aren’t as hopeless as they may seem.

[not-poignant]

For the meme!!! 21 - 22 - 23

We love a sequential number sequence :D

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

I mean, yeah, maybe one day! I don't want to quit writing, I certainly don't wish I could. I love this job! It's been my favourite ever job! It's also been the hardest fucking job I've ever done!!! But I still love it :'D

I don't want to say 'I'm never going to quit' - I don't know what the future might bring. The arthritis in my hands is pretty bad, maybe one day I'll be in too much agony to justify it. Maybe one day I'll just stop enjoying it. I don't believe in sticking something out forever based on how I feel about it now!

I can say with all confidence that I don't want to quit. The biggest flaw in this version of my job is that it doesn't pay super great for the amount of work that goes into it. BUT, it definitely pays better than working as a professional artist did, and there is growth, and amazing people do support the Patreon, so it's like...that flaw becomes less of a flaw over time.

I love this job. It wasn't one I would have picked for myself, but it's introduced me to the best people, it's something I feel I'm actually pretty good at (maybe I'm not, but this is a nice feeling to have), and it's kind of unique. I get to be my own boss (I'm a mean boss, but I'm getting better), and I get to work from home, and I can accommodate my chronic illnesses. I get to spend time in amazing worlds, with amazing characters, and then I get to reply to amazing comments and asks made by amazing people.

Like, when this job is going well, I feel like one of the luckiest people. When this job is hard I just groan a lot and take painkillers for editing headaches. But like, the good parts of this job are very good!!

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

I'm pretty organised.

So, all of my chapters are written in Microsoft Word and saved directly into Dropbox (with offline storage as well). All of my folders are also very well organised. I have a naming system for each chapter, and everything is chained together pretty well.

On top of that I now use Obsidian for worldbuilding (it's free! Though you can pay and they deserve money for their awesome service). I used to use World Anvil but found it too clunky for my personal needs. I have about 4 Obsidian vaults now (i.e. different worlds) and they look like this:

You can see a chained folder system on the left, and the graph view on the right.

And the information in the individual files is set up like a Wiki page:

Not all of my worlds get this treatment, but Underline the Rainbow, Vexteria, Mallory & Mount and something else I've forgotten about all have vaults. Fae Tales doesn't, because I didn't know Obsidian existed when I started worldbuilding for that, lol, so all of that is in Word.

And then I will on occasion just write in notepads and in Paperblanks journals when I need to brainstorm stuff. This part of the process is especially useful when plotting, brainstorming names or titles, or figuring out the end of a story.

I don't use Google Docs (don't actually like it), Scrivener (hate it, sorry Scrivener fans), or anything else. Word has its issues, but it does well enough for me. I actually formatted Perth Shifters in Word.

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

I write in a study dedicated to art/writing, because those have been my jobs for over 15 years. I sit at a large desk, and have a desktop computer with one monitor (I've wanted two monitors for such a long time), a decent speaker system, and a good RGB hard-drive.

It's a mess, lol.

Hang on let me show you:

I have stickers on the desktop by the immaculate WhiskeyRabbit. I have a bunch of art supplies, and art in various stages of completion (the raven is finished, Augus behind the raven is not). There's meds and supplements everywhere. I have my Metformin (diabetes meds) in front of me because I often eat where I work, lol. I have some Sank collectible toys on the subwoofer because I find Sank very inspiring. And lots of art behind me like I'm some 18 year old instead of the 41 year old I actually am.

Oh and like, some half-finished chocolate blocks, lmao. And some fingerless gloves, a tea-towel, notepads for my writing, a calculator for my wordcount, a little spiky massage ball for the muscle/fascia issues in my wrists from writing so much, and much, much more.

It's a very ADHD desk. I do not notice the mess, lmao.

To my left is my writing whiteboard which tracks my writing and the chapters I've completed for the year, and my yearly wordcount to date. It also has some pinned up fanart and gifts from readers to keep me going when things get hard! :D

--

From the Weird Writing Questions meme!

[practically-an-x-man]

ahhhhh fuck the anxiety might be winning this one boys

My joint issues are getting worse. My eyesight is getting worse. My fatigue is getting worse. I deal with constant microaggressions from my mother about everything from my job to my gender, while she in her mind still seems to think she's an incredibly supportive empathetic person. I'm only working four days a week and I still come home in pain and so exhausted I can't think and barely want to move. Pay is shit and it's supposed to be just a temporary job in the hopes and prayers that my "real job" will get an opening soon. Even if things go perfectly I'll be saving up to move out to the third most expensive city to pursue a career that's incredibly demanding, unstable, and is in constant danger of shrinking due to CGI and AI technology. Even if I made it into the industry, I'm afraid my body might not let me stay in it for long and I'll have to give up all of those ambitions. One of my favorite writers, one of the people whose work inspired me to start writing in the first place, is at best a creep and at worst a downright predator. I've hardly been able to work on my own writing and I feel like I'm letting people down because of it. I already live in a state where my existence is threatened and though I fully plan to do my part and vote, there's a decent chance that by January I'll be even more threatened. Hell, I might not even make it that far. I'm in a state with a lot of casual gun use. There's a nonzero chance I could be shot by one of his followers before we even get to the polls. Things could absolutely spiral out of control and even if they don't, even if every single thing in my life goes as smoothly as it possibly could, even if I get my dream job and make good money and don't have to live under a fascist tyrant... I'll still be tired and in pain because my body is broken and will only get worse from here. What the fuck do I even do. I know I can't let this existential dread win, I have to keep going because I have an audition next week and there's so much art I want to make and my pets rely on me so I can't leave them and so on, but I just wish I could see a future that I could just be happy with instead of having to prod myself forward like this.

And even writing this hurts me, because I try so hard to be this kind and supportive person and wallowing like this is neither kind nor supportive. I'm absolutely terrified, exhausted, and on top of that feeling guilty for even writing out these feelings.

Idk. I have work tomorrow. I'm going to bed.

[areiphilos]

✨ Director's cut of the recent ageswap au fics ✨

somehow this is me realizing i wrote three?? this month?? huh. so: gold medal flavacol, rather do it myself, & king of the marquee were all for @analognostalgia prompts!

i haven't touched age swap in a while which i know has been making people sob cause i know it's very beloved. i had a nebulous idea ponyboy had a job once he started to get in gear — mostly tutoring socs but thinking about the prompts had me realize exactly what he was doing: working at the movies! he loves movies, and he's able to do that job well i think. so these all got cranked out.

gold medal flavacol — i like having outsider pov of him and dallas all the time. cause to a lot of eyes, they don't "work" and i love challenging that. on top of that, having cherry pov worked here because she always canonically has that "you're a credit to your class" bullshit around her and i think having ponyboy has the upperclassman who really achieved a lot would be something she would cling to more. so her shock at the movie theater was fun to write even if it accidentally just hurt ponyboy to be reminded he lost his slot at valedictorian and he didn't get to go to college at all. i also just like dallas starting fights LMFAO. knuck if you buck etc etc

rather do it myself — okay i love darry vs. ponyboy in this au in part because one of the best things about making soda the youngest is that... he is not like ponyboy at all. in canon ponyboy is in 10th grade, really smart and resourceful. here, soda is entering the 9th grade (might even be in 8th grade, i haven't decided) and he is shown in canon to not be interested in school and not good at it. thus, he is presents are far, far greater challenge to keep on track to ponyboy and darry than ponyboy did for soda and darry in canon.

it's so much harder to parent him academically, and ponyboy and darry have very different approaches to things. ponyboy was banking on being in college and being mated + married to dallas at this time. he now has to parent soda and he's trying to keep his expectations somewhere reasonable with soda while darry has higher expectations of soda and a lot more demanding because he thinks soda can do better. so they clash a lot. having them clash about jobs makes sense as anything else; darry thinks pony can do better (because darry wishes he could do better) while not counting on his dynamic being an issue or ponyboy simply not wanting an office job.

and ponyboy never takes anything from darry lying down. ever.

king of the marquee — dallas winston is in love with ponyboy curtis and he is just. he supports him so much while being so torn up that things are the way they are now. he's also much more cognizant of how acutely depressed ponyboy has been and trying to help keep ponyboy's head above the water (lol i'm getting a little teary typing this) and this fic shows how it's paying off for them even though he wishes it was different. i really love dallas arranged a "playdate" because even though they joke about it... it's very meaningful that he's able to remind ponyboy there are other bonds and that he had support. call me a sap.