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kenjikishimotoswifey · 3 months ago

Text

CRYING this was too good

my heart is going through something rn

like what the hell do I even say rn you wrote this so well and just the plot was chefs kiss and THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTTTT WITH SIRIUS

and I loved reader and reggie's relationship it was just the most comforting and adorable thing ever and I was so glad Reggie had someone who was his shoulder to cry on

this was just so good <3

'You were important'

Sirius Black x Fem!Slytherin!reader

9.5k words

cw: Minor use of y/n, fluff, swearing, mentions of Walburga’s great parenting, hurt/comfort, swearing

You’re not exactly sure when you first met Sirius. You both came from unhappy homes. His was just empty of love in general; his parents, cold and disconnected, held impossible expectations of him. Yours was a broken love; parents that had onced loved each other but only stayed together out of obligation to you. You knew your parents tried to hide their growing distaste for each other from you, but they were bad at it. Their arguments filled the house almost nightly.

Your friendship with Sirius was born out of literal escapism. You had taken to going to the park near your house whenever you couldn’t take being in the house anymore. At one point, the curly haired boy started showing up and you’d sit on the swings together. It wasn’t until a while later that you actually talked to him. And the two of you became friends, disparaging your parents together.

“Some people just shouldn’t be parents,” you had said to him once.

He agreed. The two of you made your own fun as two unsupervised kids did: he liked to break things and you liked to set things on fire. You weren’t always causing trouble, sometimes opting to go exploring down every alley within the surrounding neighborhoods. But at the end of the day, you’d always go back to your own homes. You could easily be described as best friends, despite not knowing his last name and he yours.

Your friendship hit what you thought would be a minor bump at the end of the summer after you both turned eleven. You were hanging out at your usual park, chatting at the swings like you always did. He told you that he had been enrolled in a boarding school. You stared at him, silent for a beat, but then you told him that you had been too.

“So… I’ll see you at Christmas?” he asked.

“Yeah. Don’t go forgetting about me.”

“It’s just school. I won’t forget you.”

Little did you know that you would be going to the same school as him. You had managed to not see him on the platform, on the train nor on the boats. You didn’t see him at all prior to the sorting ceremony.

“Sirius Black.”

The dark curls you were all too familiar with walked up the steps to the tri-legged stool and the sorting hat was placed on his head.

After a few moments, it shouted, “GRYFFINDOR!”

The table of crimson and gold erupted into the cheers while the rest of the hall seemed to fill with whispers of uncertainty. You understood their whispers. You would have to have been a muggle to not know about the Black family. As you waited for your turn to be sorted, your mind spun with questions to ask him when you had the chance. How had he never mentioned his last name? How had there been no accidental magic between the two of you? Was everything he said about his parents true? What about the rumors about him? How come you had never seen his brother?

You were ripped out of your thoughts at the call of your name. You climbed the steps and took a seat on the stool for your sorting. You glanced over at him. He was staring at you with a white face. You were only given a singular moment of eye contact before the hat made its decision.

“SLYTHERIN!”

As you made your way to the green and silver table, you tried to find his eyes again, but he wouldn’t look your way. And it stayed that way. For the whole first week, he wouldn’t look at you and always made a point to not be near you, which wasn’t difficult as he surrounded himself with his fellow Gryffindors. You didn’t speak until he approached you in the library.

“How are you here?” he whispered, pretending to look for a book in the same section as you. His voice made you jump.

“I could ask you the same thing,” you hissed back at him. “Never mentioned you’re a wizard.”

“You didn’t either.”

“Technically, I’m a witch. You never said your last name.”

“Some muggles know my family.”

Silence.

“We’re going to pretend we don’t know each other,” he said.

“What?” you asked, turning to face him despite him still not looking at you.

“You don’t know me. I don’t know you.”

Then he grabbed a random book from the shelf and walked away. You watched him walk away in utter shock. How were you supposed to pretend you didn’t know him?

Sirius took what he said to you very seriously. You were just another Slytherin to him, someone as bad as the rest of his pure-blood-obsessed family. You weren’t friends anymore. Despite making your own friends, the semester felt lonely.

You had hope that over Christmas break he’d come to the park. The promise of seeing each other at Christmas was a spark of hope that lingered in your chest. A spark that was extinguished when he didn’t appear at the park; you were there almost every day for several hours. It was then that you gave up on those years of friendship. You’d have to learn to survive your parents without his company.

---

You wonder if he thought about you as much as you thought about him. You weren’t friends anymore. You hadn’t spoken in years except for minor interactions.

“Excuse me.”

“Can you pass the frog warts?”

“Here.”

“Can I get through?”

“Thanks.”

Yet Sirius still haunted your mind. You weren’t friends. But you cared for him. And caring for him was a distraction from your own home life. You just couldn’t show how much you cared for him in the normal ways, but it seemed as if fate knew that and gave you Regulus. Another boy who lived in the same house as Sirius with the same parents. You made it your mission to befriend him, letting him tell you details about his life and hiding how much you knew from Sirius. He didn’t tell you much, nor did he ask much about you. You had a quiet mutual understanding with Regulus, and that was enough for you. It was that understanding that made you two best friends. His walls slowly came down when he was around you. You were easily the one he trusted the most at Hogwarts and he became yours. It was an easy friendship. You treasured that, even if it sometimes reminded you of what you had had with Sirius.

---

You had gotten used to being at the park by yourself. Sirius was never there anymore. You did a double take when you saw a boy with dark curly hair sitting on the swing. For a moment, you thought it was Sirius, but the hair was too short and not curly enough. His frame was thinner. Then it hit you. Regulus.

You sprinted up to him and stood in front of him. He was silently crying. You had known him long enough to recognize the signs without actually seeing his face; he was an expert at hiding it. You knew he’d rather die than have anyone see him cry.

“Regulus,” you breathe, kneeling down in front of him.

You hear his breath hitch and he looks up from his lap. The expression on his face makes you want to cry. It makes you want to hold him, using your grip to put his broken pieces back together. It hurts your soul to see him like this. The look changes from extreme hurt and sadness to confusion.

“How are… how are you here?” he asks.

You reach out to hold his hands. He doesn’t pull them away.

“Doesn’t matter right now. What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Sirius,” Regulus says, his voice tight. “He ran away. I don’t think he’s coming back.”

You press your lips into a thin line. Even based on what Regulus has told you, which didn’t measure up to everything Sirius had ever told you, you know that him being alone in that house wasn’t a good thing. You give his hands a squeeze, hoping it offers some kind of comfort.

“You’re going to be okay.” Maybe if you speak it into existence, it will be true. “You’re strong. You’re resilient. You’ve done all you can to make your parents proud. They can’t…”

He shakes his head before cutting you off. “They don’t have to be upset with me to be upset at me.”

“Do… do you know where he went?”

“I’m assuming the Potters.”

“Do you have somewhere to go?”

He blinks at you, emotion slowly draining from his face.

“I can’t leave.” It’s a firm statement.

“Regulus,” you say, almost pleading, but he just shakes his head again.

“I have to stay. I can’t leave. I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Regulus.” Your voice is softer, but your grip on his hands is stronger. “What if you had somewhere to go?”

He shakes his head again. “I told you. I have to stay… I should be getting back soon. Mother won’t be happy I’ve been gone so long…”

“Regulus Arcturus Black,” you say, trying to hold his attention. He looks into your eyes and you can see all the pain he’s holding in. “I don’t live far from here. My home’s not much, but it’s better. Safer.”

“Better? Safer?” he scoffs.

“I come here often. I’ll be here if you change your mind,” you say, knowing he won’t. He was too proud and too determined to survive without Sirius.

“I’ll see you at school.”

You watch as he walks away and you just know that you’re going to have to piece him back together when the fall comes. From what you know Sirius endured, you know he’ll need a careful hand.

---

Come the fall, you find you were right. Regulus was numb to the world. He was silent and emotionless as the rest of his friends greeted him, pulling him into the compartment where you were.

“Regulus,” you say as he sits next to you.

His back is pin-straight, like he couldn’t even think about slouching. You reach out to touch his arm when he doesn’t acknowledge you. When your hand touches his bicep, he turns to look at you and you see the sadness creep up into his face. You adjust how you’re sitting so you can pull him into you. He falls into your chest, not bothering to say anything and certainly not attempting to resist your touch.

“I should have listened,” he mumbles into your arm that’s wrapped tightly around him.

“I know,” you whisper.

He stays in your arms for most of the ride to Hogwarts, getting more comfortable as time passes and he shifts to periodically participate in the conversation with Dorcas, Pandora, Evan and Barty. The more time he spends with the group, the more life gets breathed back into him. It’s not much, but it’s something. By the time the train pulls into Hogsmeade Station, he’s laughed once and there’s a hint of a small spark of life in his eyes again. He throws an arm around your shoulder and pulls you into his side as you walk toward the carriages.

“Thank you,” he whispers, his breath hot on your ear.

You turn to look up at him. “Don’t be thanking me just yet, Reg.”

He chuckles softly.

“Love, you were somehow there when he left. That in itself is enough for me to be showering you in gratitude.”

“Going soft on me, are you?” you laugh, leaning more into his side.

He rolls his eyes, a sign his old self is still there.

“I care for you. And I’ll be damned if I ever let you forget that.”

He presses a kiss to the top of your head. “I don’t think I can.”

“Good.”

You stay by his side all through dinner and all evening in the common room. You didn’t let the boy out of your sight until you walked him to his dorm and he bid you goodnight. Once the door closes between you, you let your cheerful mask fall. You had tried to catch Sirius’ eyes during dinner but he seemed to look everywhere but the Slytherin table. It soured your mood, but you wouldn’t let Regulus see that. You had to be strong and gentle for Regulus. For the Black that wouldn’t fully push you out of his life. Not that you would give Regulus the option to do that.

You could feel Dorcas and Pandora’s eyes on you as you stalk across the common room towards your dorm. You had been positively beaming when you walked away with Regulus and now, without him, you were scowling. They corner you in your dorm as you brush your hair, preparing for bed.

“So, you and Black?” Pandora asks, her tone light.

“What do you mean, Dory?” you respond, looking at her in the mirror’s reflection.

“Seemed cozy. Close. Almost like Evan and Junior,” Dorcas says.

You snort a laugh. “God forbid a girl has a male friend. He had a rough summer and you know he trusts me.”

“He put his arm around you after you held him the entire way here,” Dorcas points out and Pandora nods in agreement. “That’s something.”

“I assure you, it’s not.”

---

With each passing day, you and Regulus spend every spare second together, as you had in previous years. Only this time, you’re making sure that he is okay and present. It’s obvious to you every time he disappears into his mind. His eyes gloss over and any expression on his face dissipates into the numb expression he had when his parents dropped him off at Kings Cross. When you see him in passing, he has the look on his face and he’s more rigid than you had ever seen him previously. You know he’s just getting through the day and will relax once he’s back in the common room or library with you.

When he’s with you, you see his old self coming back, but there are still the effects of the summer without Sirius. He’s more jumpy and paranoid. You catch him glancing over his shoulder, and your shoulder, periodically, like someone is going to walk up and attack them. He flinches when people raise their voices or a room gets too loud. You do your best to tell people to quiet down or find a believable excuse for you and Regulus to leave. It works well enough and Regulus always gives you a grateful smile.

You’re not sure what possesses to check on Regulus a month or so into the term. You put on your robe before heading down to the common room. A hunched-over form scribbling away at one of the tables tells you that you don’t need to go to the dorms to find Regulus. He’s already up. You walk over to him, ensuring your steps make noise and going to sit across from him.

“What are you working on?” you whisper.

He still jumps at the sound of your voice.

“Reworking a Charms essay.”

“Didn’t I already proofread that for you? I thought it was done,” you ask, narrowing your eyes at the parchment.

“Uh, yeah. It was finished. But it can be better. It needs to be better. I don’t want to settle for an E. I want an O. Mother wants an O.”

He looks back down at his essay and continues to write until you reach over the table to put your hand on his wrist.

“Regulus, you’re supposed to be sleeping. And the essay you already wrote was O material.”

“I won’t be able to sleep until it’s perfect.”

“It is perfect.”

“Then more than perfect. It has to be better.”

“Regulus, look at me.”

He raises his eyes to look into yours. His grey eyes are bloodshot and his face pale.

“You need to sleep. It’s three in the morning.”

He shakes his head. “I won’t be able to sleep.”

“The essay is-” you start to say.

“It’s not the essay,” he cuts you off and then sighs. “I dream of home when I sleep.”

“Oh.”

There’s silence, except for the occasional crack or pop from the dying fire. Regulus stopped working on his essay. You try to think of a solution.

“What if… I stayed with you until you fell asleep?”

“You should be sleeping too, though.”

“I’ve gotten a few hours already,” you remind him.

“What if I dream of there again?” You can hear the fear in his voice and it breaks your heart.

“I can stay until morning, if you think your dormmates won’t mind,” you suggest. “I don’t think Junior would mind, but I don’t know about the others.”

At your offer, his eyes start pleading for you to do so.

“Please stay.”

You nod, stand up and hold out your hand to him.

“Come on then. Let’s get you to bed.”

He quickly collects his items from the table and takes your hand. You lead him back to his own dorm. Regulus lights a small light before he gets ready for bed. The curtains of the other beds in the room are pulled closed, giving the boys their own privacy. You sat on the edge of the only empty bed, obviously Regulus’ with all of the House of Black monogrammed items. You didn’t crawl under the covers until Regulus did. You let him get comfortable first before wrapping yourself around him.

“Just focus on my breathing, yeah?”

“And you won’t leave?”

“I’m not leaving until morning.”

Your presence in Regulus’ dorm becomes more common. He would let you know when he needed you there. Enchanted notes would fly into your dorm and wake you up if he woke up from a particularly horrid dream. You would be there in an instant, helping lull him back to sleep. Dorcas and Pandora said “I told you so” when rumors of you and Regulus dating circled briefly. You shut them down quickly. Whether anyone actually believed you wasn’t the point; it was that no one was talking about it. You did take pride in being scary when you needed to. You knew you had to split your focus between Regulus and lessons, not silly rumors.

Some days were better than others for Regulus. You knew it wasn’t going to be all sunshine and roses, but it was nice when those days came along. And you made sure to be there when a day just went to shit. Things had been trending upward the further you got into the semester. You had been able to become less attached at the hip with Regulus. He had spent some evenings with Junior and Evan and some others that you didn’t particularly care for. But he was opening up again to his other friends and that was good.

Then one of his enchanted notes flutters into your Potions class. Luckily, you are working in the back near the door so Slughorn doesn’t notice the parchment fly in and land in front of you. You quickly read over the note and raise your hand.

“Professor, may I use the loo?”

Slughorn looks a bit shocked at your interruption.

“Yes. Go. Be quick if you can.”

You nod and hurry out of the room. You find Regulus in the alcove he had described. He’s hugging his knees to his chest and visibility shaking. His face is hidden, but you know he’s been crying. You crouch next to him.

“Hey,” you say softly.

He flinches but then lifts his head. You were right; tears were streaming down his face.

“What happened?”

“I-I don’t kn-know. There was a n-noise a-a-and something hit me. I c-couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I-I just ran.”

You wrap your arms around him. You hold him for a few minutes in silence, except for his ragged breathing and sniffles. You rub circles on his back and arm where your hands rest.

“Thank you for the note,” you whisper.

He nods. He doesn’t know why you’re thanking him for it, but who else was he supposed to send for? Sirius?

After the rest of classes, you decide to skip dinner. While you’re sure that Regulus would’ve benefitted from your presence, you needed to clear your head. You pace around the castle, corridor after corridor, floor after floor. You come across a door you’re unfamiliar with and you peer inside the room. Your face lights up at the piles of old broken crates. The room looked abandoned and you’re fairly certain you’ve never come across this room before. You crack your neck and launch spells at the crates, making them explode and catch fire. There must be some sort of enchantment on the room because the piles of crates never end. You are able to go through what must’ve been hundreds of crates until you are tired. Your system feels momentarily cleared.

---

Regulus sending for you during class set something off in you. While you had been mad at Sirius for leaving Regulus alone, now you are furious. You know part of your anger is fueled by what Sirius did to you, just casually ending a years-old friendship and never truly acknowledging you again. You waited for the right time, rage boiling inside of you. You hid it from Regulus and the girls, but it was there. You knew it was there.

When the moment presented itself, you approached Sirius and his friends. They had claimed a shady area by the Black Lake and were lounging around. It was secluded enough that you felt no shame in the scene you knew you were about to throw. You had decided that Sirius’ decision that you weren’t to acknowledge each other was done.

“What do you want?” Peter asks with a sharp tone. He is the first one to notice you.

At his question, the rest of the boys look up to see who was walking up to them. You notice a brief look of warning cross Sirius’ face.

“You left him alone,” you say, trying to be firm and steady but it comes out accusingly. You’re only looking at Sirius. You don’t care for the rest of them right now.

Sirius blinks at you. His expression is unreadable, not giving you anything to go off of.

“You two know each other?” Remus asks, sensing the tension you’re giving off.

“How could you leave him alone? In that house with them?”

“Padfoot, what’s she on about?” Peter asks. He’s giving you a wary look.

You know Sirius understands exactly what you’re getting at.

“This isn’t the place,” he says coolly.

“You left him behind and went to hide at the Potters,” you continue. You look at James briefly. “Full offense by the way.”

“Oi, what?” James gasps.

“Padfoot, is she talking about-?” Remus starts to ask.

“Regulus? Yeah, I am.” You shoot Remus a soft smile before turning back to Sirius with the anger bubbling up within you. “After everything, I know they were horrible to you, but how could you leave him there alone? Did you see him when they dropped him off?” A dry laugh escapes your lips and your voice rises. “Wait, of course not! You weren’t there for him. I know you stood between them and him for years but suddenly disappearing? That’s so fucking cowardly, you dipshit. He wasn’t prepared. He wasn’t ready.”

“Regulus is an open book, isn’t he?” Peter mumbles. “Airing the Blacks’ dirty laundry?”

You turn to Peter with a much more harsh look on your face. “I forgot that you all don’t know.” You don’t need to see Sirius’ face to know he’s giving you his own furious look of warning. One that says ‘Don’t you dare.’ “Sirius and I go way back. At least we did until he became the family disgrace and I wasn’t in the same house.”

“Sod. Off,” Sirius says. All calmness that had been in his voice previously was gone. “This isn’t about you.”

“It’s fucking about me when I’m the one putting him back together. When I was the one who found him. When I was the one who offered him somewhere safe. All because you left him.”

“He’s their golden boy. How bad could it be?” Peter asks, leaning back on his elbows as he stretches out.

“Wormtail, you stay out of it,” Sirius warns.

“You called him that.”

“Black, you could learn a thing or two about loyalty. You got a wicked case of abandoning people who care for you. Boys,” you cast a glance around the group, “just know it’s only a matter of time before he leaves you for dead because something better for him came up. Consider yourself warned.”

The boys watch as you stalk off toward the castle. You leave a thick silence in your wake. Once you are a safe distance away, the boys turn their glances to Sirius, who is fuming.

“So Sirius?” Remus asks, his words cutting through the silence.

He didn’t say anything, still staring in the direction you had gone.

“Padfoot,” James tries, “care to explain what that was? Or even, who?”

When Sirius still doesn’t say anything, Remus answers part of James’ question. “Y/N. She’s one of Regulus’ friends, I think. I see them around each other a lot. Slytherin, obviously.”

“Okay, but she said she goes ‘way back’ with Pads, not Regulus,” Peter points out.

“Yeah, because we do and they don’t,” Sirius finally speaks up. “We live… lived near each other. Met at a park when we were small. When being at home was too much.”

The others wait for him to say more. He doesn’t, at least not willingly.

“And?” Remus pries. “What was all of that?” He gestures to the space where you had berated him.

“Suppose the result of mixing my moving in with James and her friendship with my brother.”

“Okay, and the bit of about loyalty?” James asks. “Like, what was that?” He lets out an awkward laugh.

“I may or may not have told her we weren’t friends like a week into first year,” Sirius mumbles, not meeting any of their eyes.

The boys exchange confused looks with each other, not fully understanding.

“Why?” James follows up.

“I… don’t know. Some mix of betrayal of not knowing she was going to be here and her being a Slytherin, I guess. It felt like a connection to my family that I was able to separate myself from by being a Gryffindor, you know?”

Remus shakes his head. “But, mate, if you were friends before Hogwarts-”

Sirius cuts him off. “Try my closest confidant.”

“That’s even worse,” Remus continues. “I’d imagine she was pretty pissed when you left her. Coming here and you see a familiar face that tells you to fuck off?”

“I mean, I was pleasant to her. We just aren’t friends anymore! And we didn’t see each other at home anymore either.”

“I’m willing to bet that’s your doing though,” Peter says.

Sirius sighs and nods.

“Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot…” Remus breathes.

“Should you be concerned about Regulus though?” Peter asks, his voice small as he knows talking about his family isn’t Sirius’ favorite thing. “She seemed pretty stressed ‘bout it.”

“Mildly,” Sirius says shortly. “He’s stronger than she knows.”

Remus gives Sirius an unsure look. Remus has seen how often you hang around Regulus and assumes you two were probably as close as the Marauders were. Only differences being you didn’t share a dorm and were in different years. Sirius didn’t see Remus’ look. He didn’t want to feel the judgment of his friends right now. Not when he had been yelled at by his oldest friends, one who knew of his home life better than the Marauders did. You had been there when he was subjected to his parents’ moods and opinions year round as compared to only having to survive a few months with them.

Sirius didn’t sleep well that night. He kept tossing and turning but ultimately failed at becoming comfortable and falling asleep. He tried to just rest with his eyes closed. It didn’t help that his mind was endlessly spinning and replaying your words, your concern for Regulus and fury at him for leaving Regulus behind, rather than being happy for him finally escaping his tormentors.

The next day, he makes a point to find you after class. Being exhausted in class wasn’t conducive to paying attention, nor was still having you on his mind. His friends could tell he wasn’t in it; they mostly left him alone and tried to keep the professor’s attention off of him. Remus had made comments to James and Peter about thinking your intrusion had affected Sirius more than he would admit to them. Afterall, Sirius liked to keep his personal emotions close to his chest.

He finds you in the library with Pandora and Dorcas. He looks around nervously for Regulus, or Barty and Evan. He was more nervous about Regulus, but seeing Barty and Evan wasn’t my favorite scenario either. Luckily for him, it was just the girls. Dorcas and Pandora noticed him right away as he started to approach the table. You had continued working, not looking up.

“Uh, hey, Y/N,” he says awkwardly.

Dorcas and Pandora give him annoyed glares. You look up slowly.

“What, Black?” you all but spit at him. Had he not gotten enough of an earful yesterday?

“Can, uh, can we talk?”

Pandora cocks her head to the side as Dorcas glances quickly from Sirius to you and back. You blink at Sirius, as if bored. The girls next to you have never seen Sirius so unsure of himself, except maybe when he was walking up to be sorted, when the possibility of being a Slytherin still hung in the air.

“I guess,” you say with a sigh. “I’ll be back shortly,” you assure the girls as you follow Sirius into the depth of the shelves.

“How bad is he?” Sirius asks once you’re out of earshot of the girls.

You scoff. “Oh, so now you care.”

“I always cared. It’s just not something I talk about with the guys. He’s my brother.”

“He was wrecked when you left. Rightfully so, if you ask me. And he was ruined when he came back to school. You left him alone with them.” You were trying to keep your voice steady and low, not wanting to start a shouting match with him in the library.

Sirius sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

“Is that all you needed?” you ask. “Pretty sure I told you that yesterday.”

“How is he… now?”

You bite the inside of your cheek before answering. “He’s not the same, if that’s what you’re asking. Barely okay some days. It’s hit and miss, but overall, better the longer he isn’t there, I think. I’m worried about when he inevitably goes back. Christmas? Summer? All of our work this semester is going to go down the drain.”

“Our work?”

You roll your eyes. “Me, Dory, Dorcas, Evan, Junior. You know, the people that care about him.”

“I care about him.”

“The people that care about him enough to be around.”

“Being in that house was killing me. You know that. I had to get out.”

“It never would’ve killed you, Sirius. Drive you mad, yes. But not kill. Even on the worst days, you were never as bad as he is.”

“It’s not my fault he doesn’t have the common sense to get out.”

“He feels like he has to stay. I offered-”

“I know. You said yesterday. So he didn’t take you up on it and you still feel the responsibility to fix him?”

“It’s not a responsibility. It’s because he’s important to me. That’s why I helped fix you. You were important to me.”

Were echoes in his brain. Sirius shakes his head in slight disbelief.

“Still. He turned you away and you’re doing more than he’s asking of you. Why?”

You blink at him slowly and take a deep breath. What you wouldn’t give for it to be appropriate to smack him upside the head, but you needed to keep your composure.

“He came back to me. He’s opened up to me. He didn’t lock me out forever. Like you did.”

You feel like you need to scream.

“Excuse me.”

You turn and leave Sirius alone in the shelves. Pandora and Dorcas give you concerned looks as you take your seat again. They only look away from you when Sirius emerges from the shelves where you had left him. Their eyes follow him all the way out of the library before looking back at you and then refocusing on their own homework. You know they want to ask you what Sirius wanted but your demeanor says you aren’t talking about it now, and maybe never.

---

“What did you yell at my brother about?” Regulus asks you as you sit down next to him at dinner.

“Hm?”

“People are saying you yelled at Sirius and his friends yesterday. I think you scared a first year.”

“Reminded him that he’s a piece of shit.”

“What did he do this time?”

You give Regulus an intrigued look. “Why are you so interested?”

“My best friend chewing my own flesh and blood a new one? You’re kidding, right?”

“He came and talked to her in the library earlier,” Pandora adds, leaning forward.

Regulus turns fully toward you.

“First you yell at him and now he’s coming to talk to you? Darling?”

“Toldhimoffforleavingyou.” You have never spoken more quickly and quietly in your life.

“You did what?” Regulus gasps. Of course he understood you.

“He shouldn’t’ve and you know it,” you say, pointing your fork at Regulus before going to stab another piece of food. “Someone had to let him know and you obviously weren’t going to do it.”

“Because it was his choice.”

“Exactly. He chose to leave. He didn’t have to. He should’ve known better.”

“So you told him off. For me.”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t have to…” You see Regulus’ gaze drift over to where Sirius was sitting at the Gryffindor table and he frowns. “Maybe you shouldn’t have.”

You bite the inside of your bottom lip. It was easy to hide behind Regulus being your best friend as the sole reason, but yelling at Sirius had been cathartic. You finally got some sense of revenge for him abandoning you in first year. It felt so good to get that off your chest, at least in front of Sirius’ friends.

“It wasn’t just for you,” you mumble, half hoping that Regulus didn’t hear you.

“Then for who else?” Pandora asks.

Regulus turns back to you. He waits for your answer.

“For me.”

“For you?” Regulus repeats.

“I, uh, I was his friend before I was yours.”

Dorcas snorts from next to Pandora. “Bitch, when? You could barely look at him in first year and then Regulus was here.”

“Before Hogwarts. We live near each other.”

“He never mentioned a friend,” Regulus says softly.

“Okay, but then what happened? You’ve talked more in the past twenty four hours than the past six years,” Dorcas says.

“He said we weren’t friends anymore and yeah, that was that.”

Your friends all stare at you, each with a different expression on their face.

“Excuse me, what?” Dorcas asks.

You shrug. There wasn’t anything more to say; you could’ve mentioned that Sirius told you all about life at home, but you felt that was implied enough for Regulus.

“And you never talk?” Pandora adds.

“Huh,” is all Regulus says.

“So yelling at him was a little for me too. But the purpose was for you, Reg. He knows he shouldn’t’ve left.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Regulus asks.

“I didn’t think it really mattered. The Sirius I was friends with wasn’t Sirius Black. He was just Sirius and I was just Y/N. We weren’t wizards. We were just kids at a park. And then everything changed and the past was the past.”

“Kids at a park…” Regulus mutters, putting two and two together. “The one you said you visit often?”

You nod.

“I suppose… that makes sense…” He’s speaking slowly as he is still processing the fact that you knew Sirius and were friends before he had even met you. “And he was the one who left you?”

You nod again. He hums and puts his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

“That’s his loss and my gain, I guess.”

You sigh in relief. Some part of you had thought Regulus would be furious that you hadn’t disclosed your previous friendship with his brother. Although, in your defense, like you had said, the Sirius you knew wasn’t Regulus’ brother. That Sirius had been an only child and a muggle. And if you could have had your way six years ago, you would’ve had both Black brothers as your friends.

---

Once again, what you had said kept Sirius up at night.

Were. Were. Were.

You were important to me.

He knew he was the reason he no longer was important to you. He had been the one to push you away. He had never found himself regretting it until now. As he goes through the next day’s classes, he wonders how he managed six years of ignoring you. You’re in almost every class he has. Your voice and laughter draw his attention. He never realized how much he missed hearing both, and even more so, being the cause of the laugh.

The rest of the Marauders aren’t oblivious to Sirius watching you, but they don’t say anything to him. They don’t understand how close the two of you had been before he ruined it. And they don’t understand that your yelling had really got in his head. That you coming to him, instead of listening to his command, forced him to realize how much he missed you and your friendship. He missed you and needed to fix it. He saw that he made a dire mistake pushing you away.

It takes him time to wrap his head around everything. After a week of trying to dissect your words in his head on his own, he swallows his pride and asks for help.

“What does it mean if someone says you were important to them?” Sirius asks, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.

“You need a grammar lesson? Okay.” Remus says. “Were. Used to be. Past tense. No longer important.”

“Is it a lost cause though?”

“Is what a lost cause?”

“Can you re-become important to someone?”

“I suppose it depends on what happened to make you unimportant to them.” Remus pauses, looking over Sirius. “Is this about Y/N?”

Sirius nods. He knows that Remus would be looking at him to see it.

“‘Fraid I don’t know enough about that to really say, Pads. She sounded beyond pissed at you.”

“How do I get her to see that I had to leave and taking Regulus with me wasn’t really an option?”

“You think James’ parents wouldn’t have taken him in too?”

“No, they would have. I don’t think Reg would have come with. Certainly not easily.”

“Did you ask him?”

“No. What if he told Mum what I was going to do? I was able to get out because I had surprise on my side.”

Remus thinks for a moment before responding. “When did y/n say that?”

“Last week, after she yelled at me. I went back to ask about Reg.”

Remus doesn’t say anything. Once again, he needs more information.

“She said Regulus is important to her. And I was.”

“And you want to change that?”

“The part about me, yes. I don’t mind that she cares for Reg. It’s… good he has someone. That he has her, of all people.”

Remus shakes his head and tries to stifle a laugh. Sirius looks over at him when he hears.

“What?”

“Padfoot, it’s really quite simple. I think you need to talk to her. Apologize for being an idiot. Maybe a bit of groveling. See if she has ideas on how you can help Regulus,” he says. “Girls like it when guys admit they were wrong. And you were wrong. Very. Extremely.”

“Shut up, Moony. I know. I know I was wrong.” He takes a breath. “And it’s hit me how much I miss her. I don’t know how I managed six years without her.”

“Tell her that. While you’re groveling on your knees. Begging.”

“Don’t make it sound so pathetic.”

“Can I come with to watch? I think it is going to be pathetic and that’s something I need to witness.”

“So you can tell everyone?”

“So I can tell everyone.”

---

Sirius corners you in the library. Well, not quite corners you. He finds you at a table alone. He sits next to you and turns your chair so you’re facing him.

“I was working,” you hiss at him.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Again?”

“Yes, again.”

“You only have a few minutes. Regulus is meeting me here after Quidditch practice. You need to be gone when he gets here.”

“Actually, I need to talk to him too. But you’re first.”

You narrow your eyes at him and cross your arms. You wait for him to talk.

“Okay. This is long overdue. I’m sorry.”

You scoff. “Sorry for what?”

“I wasn’t finished,” he says. “I’m sorry for pushing you away when we were first years. And for never talking to you. Never going back to the park. I was selfish and stupid. I still am stupid. The biggest idiot you’ve ever met.”

“I could’ve told you that, Black.”

He briefly purses his lips together at his last name.

“Continuing my idiocy, this is going to sound even more stupid. I didn’t realize how much I actually missed you until you yelled at me. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I don’t know how I survived the last six years without you. I need you in my life.”

You raise your eyebrows in surprise. “You missed me? Bit too late to be confessing that, don’t you think?”

“Yes, I know it is. That’s how stupid I am! Six years and being called a dipshit to get my head out of my arse.”

Your glare softens ever so slightly.

“So I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry.”

“Okay.”

“Can I try to explain something? Do I have time?”

You sigh and lean backwards to see the clock.

“You have time.”

He smiles before his expression becomes serious again.

“I thought the only way to escape them was to leave on my own. To disappear out of the blue. If they had an inkling that I would actually leave, they might’ve stopped me. That’s why I didn’t say anything to Regulus. I wasn’t sure he’d want to come with, especially to the Potters’. I know I need to talk to Regulus on my own. But I want to try to fix it. I need to work on fixing my relationships with the Slytherins I never should’ve let leave my life.”

“I don’t think he would’ve said anything. Probably wouldn’t’ve gone with you, but he wouldn’t’ve been so goddamn blindsided.” You pause. “I don’t know if you can fix these relationships.”

“I need to try. Please. Let me try.” He got out of his chair and on his knees, as Remus suggested. “Please, Y/N. You were my first friend. The best friend I’ve ever had and I ruined it. Please, let me try to fix it.”

You’re looking down at him with wide eyes as Regulus approaches the table.

“What the actual fuck?” he asks.

Sirius immediately stands up, turning towards his brother.

“Regulus.”

“Sirius.”

“I’m sorry.”

Regulus put his bag down on the table, not breaking eye contact with his brother.

“Are you now?”

“I should have told you.”

“You should have stayed.”

“I couldn’t.”

Regulus sits down and looks away from his brother and at you.

“Regulus, I had to leave. I think for the same reasons you feel you need to stay. I know I was the one who left, but I don’t want to lose my brother.”

“You have James.”

“He’s not blood.” You knew it was hard for Sirius to say that. “You always have a place at the Potters’ if you want to leave. It’s okay to leave.”

“My invitation still stands too,” you say, speaking for the first time since Regulus joined you.

Regulus looks back at his brother and then to you again. He shakes his head.

“What is this?”

“I, uh, I am trying to start mending the bridges I burned with my idiocy,” Sirius says as he slowly sinks back into his chair. He looks at you. “Does he know about us?”

“About what?” Regulus spits.

“We were friends before Hogwarts. When I would disappear, I was usually with Y/N,” Sirius clarifies and Regulus’ face relaxes.

“Oh, that. Yes, I’m aware.”

You laugh, earning a sharp look from the librarian.

“Reg! Do you really think I’d be dating him without telling you?”

You were important. Sirius feels his face grow hot.

“Anyways!” Sirius says. “I want a second chance, even though I probably don’t deserve one from either of you.”

You look at Regulus, trying to read his expression. Sirius’ apology to you certainly felt more heartfelt than his to his own brother. Maybe there was a dynamic you weren’t familiar with between them, but you wanted Regulus to answer first. Your loyalty would be to him first. His face is stoney as he looks his brother up and down.

“Will you be better?” Regulus asks after a few seconds.

“I’m going to try. Whatever you need of me, except moving back in.”

“Of course there’s a caveat,” you sigh.

“No, no,” Regulus says, giving you a soft smile. “I wouldn’t ask you to move back in. But write? Keep me in the loop? Don’t prank me?”

“What about a friendly prank? Like something I would do to James, Peter, them.”

“Maybe.”

“And I will write. Daily, if you want. And even if you don’t stay, you’re welcome to visit the Potters’ or we can spend a day in the city or whatever.”

There is so much desperation in Sirius’ voice as he talks to Regulus that you almost feel bad for him. His apology could have used work, but he seems genuinely wanting to reconnect with Regulus outside of their parents’ grasp.

“And for you?” Sirius asks, turning his attention to you once Regulus seemed satisfied with him.

“What?”

“What will it take for a second chance?”

You look at Regulus, only to find him actively watching you. You can’t tell if he’s encouraging you to give him one or if he’s curious at what you’d require from him. You look back at Sirius with a grim face.

“I don’t know. I was never friends with Sirius Black.”

Sirius gives you a confused and hurt look. “But the park…”

“I was friends with a young boy named Sirius. He didn’t have a last name. He didn’t have a brother at home.” You sigh before continuing. “I suppose if Sirius Black wants to try to be friends, he can try and we’ll go from there.”

“Thank you. Thank you both. I promise I won’t blow it.” A wide smile is adorning his face as he stands up. “I’ll let you two study, but thank you.”

You both watch Sirius leave the library in silence.

“You think you’ll be able to forgive him?” Regulus asks you as he opens his bag and takes out his homework.

“We’ll see. That first year was hard. Guess we’ll see how much effort he really puts in. You?”

“If he keeps his word. We can be pleasant then, I think.”

You smile across the table at the younger boy. “You’re kinder to him than I am.”

“Family, you know.”

You roll your eyes. “You damn well know you don’t have to love family.”

“Then I’m choosing to. He’s Sirius. Something about him is loveable.”

You didn’t want to admit it, but you knew he was right.

---

It’s the little things. Sirius started making a point to say hi to you, and to Regulus. Pranks seemed to avoid you. He would approach you in the corridors and the library to chat. You could tell Sirius watched and cheered Regulus on the Quidditch pitch, when Slytherin wasn’t playing Gryffindor. He was taking the baby steps he needed to.

As much as you tried to hang onto your anger, you couldn’t. It didn’t wash away in one go, but it melted like an ice sculpture without a permafrost enchantment. It probably helped that over Christmas Regulus received the letters he was promised. Both Regulus and Sirius wrote to you, which the latter was more unexpected. They both told you about an adventure into the city that went well, only a few minor tense moments that passed almost as quickly as they appeared. You spent time with Regulus at the park, apparently at Sirius’ suggestion. So when the spring term was starting up and Regulus wasn’t a shell of himself as he had been at the start of the fall term, you really noticed how much effort Sirius had been putting in. He was really trying to not mess up his second chances.

Sirius finds you sitting in a window seat, reading a book you had gotten for Christmas. He leans against the wall and watches you for a moment. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy seeing you so focused and lost in the pages.

“Hey,” he says finally,

You look up. The shock of seeing him evident on your face, but you mark your spot and put the book down.

“Hi.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah. What’s up, Sirius?”

You cross your legs so Sirius can sit at the other end of the window seat.

“If I had invited you to the Potters for a day over break, would you have come?”

You’re taken back by the question. It was unexpected and it felt loaded.

“I just… I almost invited you. I need to know if I should be kicking myself for chickening out,” he adds when you don’t respond.

“Honestly, probably not. I don’t know your friends, especially not the Potters. I don’t think James is too fond of me.”

“He’s come around a bit,” Sirius says. You can tell he’s trying to not look too hurt at your denial. “And how will they learn to love you if you don’t come around?”

“Love? Let’s work on simple friends, or acquaintances at school first.”

“Then Hogsmeade? Next weekend? Would you consider coming with us?”

You hesitate. A full day with Sirius and his friends is daunting. You were just beginning to be friends with Sirius. Jumping into his friend group felt like too much. Again, Sirius talks more when you don’t say anything.

“What if it was just me?”

“I’d consider just you.”

“Then I’ll tell the boys I won’t be going with them!” Sirius exclaims happily, jumping up from the seat.

“I said consider!” you call after him, but he’s sprinting down the corridor.

You did consider it. You thought about it during class and meals. You even talked about it with Regulus, who supported your reformed friendship with Sirius. He said something about the day in London with Sirius was more fun than he’d admit to Sirius so if he has a London day with him, you need a Hogsmeade day. And then you considered it and thought about it more.

You kept doing so until you hadn’t said no and were waiting for Sirius by the ground gates to walk to Hogsmeade. It was cold and snowing and Sirius was a little late. You pull your cloak tighter around your body. You can’t help but smile when you catch a glimpse of Sirius running toward you while attempting to tie his scarf.

“I’m late, I know! Please don’t hold it against me!”

You laugh at him as he huffs.

“Oh, just let me,” you say, grabbing his scarf that wasn’t remotely tied in a way to keep him warm.

You tie it for him and tuck the ends into his cloak so they won’t fly in the wind.

“There. Now let’s go! I’m thinking you owe me a butterbeer for making me wait.”

“If that’s the cost of being late, I can handle that. As much butterbeer as you want.”

Your day with Sirius goes smoothly. Conversations don’t run dry. The camaraderie is just like when you were younger. It’s fun and relaxing. After the Three Broomsticks, he follows you around a bookstore and then you follow him around Zonkos. You end up back in the pub for more butterbeer to warm you up before your walk back to Hogwarts.

“Did your friends even come to Hogsmeade today? I’m surprised we didn’t run into them,” you say, pulling on your coat.

“No. Said something about giving us privacy?”

“Do we need privacy?”

“I mean, I did explain that you weren’t ready to be thrown into a day with the Marauders?”

“Which is true. You have to admit, your group can be a bit much.”

Sirius laughs and holds open the pub door for you as you exit into the cold.

“We can be. I think Zonkos both cringes and celebrates when all four of us walk in. They make sales, but at what cost?”

“That’s the bookstore when I go in with Reg!” you say with a laugh.

“You know his book collection well?”

You nod. “We’re our own little book club, the two of us. And possibly edging on a library. If you ever take up reading, we got you.”

You lightly run into Sirius with your shoulder.

“Maybe I’ll have to. Sure would make Remus’ day to see a book in my hands.”

“If you need recommendations, you know where to find me and Regulus.”

You walk for a little bit without talking. Snow is still falling, flakes getting caught in your hair and on your eyelashes. You’re too busy watching where you’re walking to see Sirius sending sideways glances your way every few steps. You’re about halfway back to the castle when he puts his arm out in front of you to stop you.

“Why we stopping?” you ask, a shiver running up your spine as a gust of wind chills you.

“I’m going to risk my second chance with you.”

It happens before you can process anything. Sirius grabs your face and pulls it closer to his. He presses his lips to yours. He couldn’t help himself. In rekindling your friendship, he realized that something else was caught on fire inside of him. With each letter he sent you, he could only anticipate your response. He had hoped you wouldn’t want to go to Hogsmeade with all of his friends but would accept going with just him. He had been so nervous this morning that it made him late, but you had laughed and fixed his scarf. And then you just looked so beautiful with the white snowflakes in your hair. He couldn’t help himself.

His eyes search yours for a reaction when he pulls away. You don’t seem angry or upset.

“Darling?” he asks softly.

“How long?” you ask.

“A few seconds, maybe?”

“Not the kiss. How long have you liked me?”

“Oh. Sometime after you said you’d give Sirius Black a chance. But I think it would’ve been longer if I had never pushed you away.”

You nod, suddenly unable to form words. Your thoughts are running a hundred miles an hour. Sirius had been one of your first and best friends. Today had been a testament to how easy it was to fall back into the friendship with him. It wasn’t like you had ever truly stopped caring for him, nor that you have never imagined what might’ve happened between you if he had stayed. For Regulus’ sake, you always kept your thoughts about Sirius to yourself. You didn’t dare mention anything to Dorcas or Pandora in case someone overheard or they didn’t keep their mouths shut. Now, here you are, with Sirius in front of you, searching for a proper response after he kissed you. A Sirius who begged for forgiveness after being an idiot for six years. A Sirius who said he was going to risk his second chance.

You lean up and give him a quick peck on the lips. He stares at you.

“We’re lucky I gave you that second chance,” you say with a smile.

“We?” he breathes, leaning forward to rest his forehead against yours.

“We.”

Sirius kisses you again and is smiley so widely that you think his jaw must hurt.

“I guess I need to tell Reg,” you sigh as you reach to hold Sirius’ hand.

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adalitas-coffeebreak-corner · 2 months ago

Text

Something's gotten hold of my heart

Remus Lupin x Slytherin!fem!reader

A/n: This is my first time writing for Remus, but I hope you'll enjoy reading <3 word count: 3k

Warnings: Insults, swearing, grade A parenting from Walburga, bullying, arranged marriage, smoking, family trauma.

Remus falls in love with a girl he knows he can't have, because she belongs to his mate Sirius.

Or so he thinks.

It had been widely known since sixth year that Sirius Black and Y/n Y/l/n were engaged to be married once they both graduated Hogwarts.

Despite both children being raised as pureblood heirs by their respective families, they equally shared their disdain for the ideology, hence the secret friendship that had remained between the two since childhood. Every moment they could find an excuse to hide away from their family’s social gatherings, they would. The two of them always appreciated each other’s company, free from rules and judgement. Sirius had for many years been Y/n’s support, comforting her when the topic of marriage arose from her mother.

Her parents had told her when she turned eighteen years old, she would be given away to whomever they deemed fit. As luck would have it, on her seventeenth birthday her mother informed her they had chosen the eldest son from the noble house of Black. Y/n figured it to be a halfhearted attempt from Walburga trying to save the family name, because of her “unruly” son.

When the engagement was announced, Sirius was quick to promise Y/N a chance for them to run away as soon as the wedding was over, a new start for them to be free from their parents’ clutches.

“Is it gonna stay like this forever Siri?” Y/n mumbled into the smoke leaving her lips. The young girl was laying on her back with her head resting on Sirius’ lap. The boy chuckled as he plucked the cigarette from her hand and took a hit. “What part, love?” He retorted. She let out laugh, smacking him on his chest, “Everything, the parties, the awful rhetoric, the manners… Us”

They had stayed that way for an hour, comfortably hiding out in Sirius’ room, far away from prying ears.

She suddenly found the ceiling an interesting place to advert her gaze, swallowing the lump in her throat. The boy could sense the sudden stiffness of her muscles, noticing the way her eyes stayed fixed in one place, as if she awaited terrible news. He guessed her reaction was appropriate, considering the uncertainty of her question, and the fact that he might not be able to provide the peace of mind she’d want.

“I think once we’re married, we can do whatever we want. No more expectations or fear around every corner. I think we can be happy” His hand swiftly handing the cigarette back to her.

The muscles pulling at the corner of her lip betrayed her words “I think you’re getting sappy Black�� sitting up, looking at her best friend.

“Can’t help it love” He smiled. Sirius had always been better, yet not good, at being more hopeful than her, a trait he knew came from his friendship with James.

His words of comfort later, when her father had dragged her out to the common area to socialize later that evening, had stuck with her.

“As soon as we’re married, we can move far away and live whatever life we choose. Until then we just have to keep up appearances”

When term started it felt like a ticking time bomb, no amount of homework or trips to Hogsmeade could soothe her inner turmoil. It also didn’t help Sirius had less time for their late-night hangouts, having gotten himself into a routine of common room parties and hookups, Y/n constantly getting questioned by Pandora and Dorcas about her opinion regarding her future husband’s escapades, which led to Y/n spending more of her time hanging out with Regulus, Barty and Evan.

Nothing about Sirius’ personal choices bothered her, it rather suited the young witch perfectly, considering her heart only belonged to a certain friend of Sirius’, the lanky bookworm, who always had an essence of kindness, coffee and cigarette smoke wherever he went. Of course she had no real expectation of marrying for love, so she kept up her façade and remained content knowing she had been bestowed the best possible outcome. Her days mostly just consisted of playing pretend, being the perfect daughter and student, keeping her opinions to herself, never showing anyone (except Sirius) her true colors.

Therefore Y/n kept her interactions with the marauders to a minimum, rather watching from the sidelines, than ending up being the target for their next prank, even though she knew Sirius wouldn’t let that happen, even though there would be questions. In the rest of the Gryffindor’s eyes, she was only a vain, pretentious pureblood, and through Slytherins eyes, Sirius was a fallen son not worthy of marrying a girl of her “status”.

It was an unexpectedly warm day in September, during the beginning of their sixth year, when all her hard work fell apart, the first time she was alone with Remus in the library. His voice was soft as he approached her, nervously starting a conversation about the muggle novelle she had hidden beneath layers of books. It only took him a couple of months to slowly break down her guard, their little conversations beginning to become a weekly delight. By December her heart was skipping a beat every time she saw him, every waking thought somehow maneuvered its way back to him.

He had become her safe space now that Sirius was mostly gone.

He was calmer than the rest of his housemates, a trait she rather adored about him, and he never asked any questions about her family, which in this case was very appreciated.

Why Remus had approached her that day, he couldn’t quite figure out, or at least that is what he told himself. Sirius had written to him during their break a few weeks prior confirming his engagement. At first Remus was angry, he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Sirius had gotten caught up in old pureblood customs. So, when he spotted her in the library, Remus had almost felt inclined to walk over and scold her, but he knew deep within himself that the pureblood princess herself most likely wasn’t ecstatic about the engagement either. He had almost turned around completely before noticing a familiar book cover.

He hesitated for a couple of seconds, watching her fail at hiding a worn-out copy of The Bell jar by Sylvia Plath. Remus had read the bell jar once in a muggle library close to his home.

From that moment he was intrigued.

On one specific occasion when Remus and y/n had their conversations alone in the library, conversing about random schoolwork and literature, he realized his feelings towards her. It was an evening after winter break, the two had been talking for hours, something about it seeming so serene. Remus had been going on about a series of pranks the marauders had come up with, as of late, hoping to lure a reaction from the usually proper girl.

“You should’ve been there, I swear” He chuckled leaning forward, a glint of mischief in his muted eyes. “It was brilliant”

Y/n’s eyebrows lifted, seemingly intrigued. “Well then, go on Lupin” her silence afterwards encouraging him, and so he did. “Theres this bloke, a year above us, Ravenclaw right” He cleared his throat, hands lifting, extending the dramatic effect. “Last week we caught him bulling a second year Gryffindor, so we nicked his wand”

Her lips twitched, but she stayed silent, clearly skeptical.

“You stole his wand? Damn Lupin you’ve let me down-“

He leaned closer, continuing.

“That’s not the best part dove” Remus smirked recalling the memory. “Stealing the wand after quidditch practice was easy but switching it with a hexed liquorish wand was the real prank” Her expression faltered for a second, but she didn’t interrupt.

“So transfiguration rolls around, Davies is asked by McGonagall to perform owl to opera glasses, he starts and nothing happens, so he tries for five straight minutes until the wand goes soggy, I swear! He starts screaming and McGonagall’s just standing there staring at him, honestly thinking he’s going insane”

She had finally burst out laughing, and it was like a dam had broken. It was soft at first, then full and genuine. She leaned back against the chair, her laughter echoing through the usually empty library, and he couldn’t help but smile at the sound. There it was—the sound he didn’t know he had been waiting for.

It was the first time he made her laugh out loud, and his heart almost exploded.

By the time March rolled around he realized he was in love with her. They had been standing by one of the bookshelves when their hands accidentally touched, and instantly he was a goner. But she was marrying Sirius, so instead of giving in, he kept their interactions hidden deep down and locked away together with his feelings for her.

And so, as the seventh-year starts, everything remained the same, except the heart of one Remus Lupin had been completely and utterly shattered.

"Moony, what's the matter?" Peter questions softly, the lanky boy hunched over his dinner plate in the great hall, looking positively destroyed. Before his "cleverly" thought out excuse, just the usual moon stuff, could leave his lips, James decides to chime in, almost on cue, the universe's cruel joke.

"Oi, Pads how does it feel to be the husband of the second fittest bird in our year?" James erupts, tilting his entire body towards the long-haired boy sitting to his left. "Only second to my Lily flower of course" he smirks, whipping his face equally fast to his right side, where he is met with the biggest eyeroll from Lily.

"We are not married yet Prongs" Sirius protests with a slight frown.

If they were to keep up the illusion, Y/N had to keep the appearances of a typical Slytherin, for the sake of her family name. Sirius therefore didn’t express much fondness for the girl, considering the confusion that would arise on behalf of his friends.

And most importantly, no one could know the truth, not even the marauders. James makes a face as he whistled. "Well, at least she's not your cousin" Sirius cringes, although it was true that he was almost promised away to own cousin, before the Y/l/n's promised away their golden child. He regrets telling that story to James.

Remus can’t help but tense his jaw, his grip on the utensils tightening. Yes, he know the rumors of the Y/l/n family being heinous purebloods, but that still didn't stop his heart from skipping a beat when Y/n walks into his line of sight. In his mind Y/n simply cannot be the monster many think her to be, not a monster like him, anyways. He shrugs the last thought out of his head.

He at least has the rest of the year to get used to the thought of his best mate getting married to the most beautiful, talented, intelligent- "Wretched is what she is" Sirius huffed, snapping Remus out of his thoughts, clearly having lost the last minute of their conversation. "Sirius, be nice to her, you are engaged after all" Lily pleads.

The redheaded girl has been partial to the Slytherin ever since second year, where Y/n set fire to Barty Jr.'s cape for calling Lily a mudblood. Of course, Y/n played it off nonchalantly, but Lily could sense an anger behind her eyes at Barty's comment. "Yeah, Pads if you hate her so much, why don't you break it off?" Remus adds sharply, making the group turn towards him.

Sirius secretly hopes no one notice the guilt behind his cold facade. Speaking ill of his childhood friend never came to him easily. "Surely you haven't understood the concept of an arranged marriage dear Moony. Now, let’s drop it before I lose my appetite" he quickly responds, shoving a spoonful of food into his mouth, before changing the subject.

.................

Later that week, Remus has defense against the dark arts with the rest of the marauders. They are all heading down the naturally lit stone-built corridors when a loud smack echoes through the halls. The boys quickly gauge each other’s reactions before hurrying towards the sound, the scene in front of them making their jaws drop. Daniel, a particularly annoying Slytherin, is holding a hand to his, very red cheek, Y/n standing staring daggers at him. It takes all Sirius' strength to not run over and interfere, however Remus is already storming towards the pair, James lets out a yelp as he tries gripping Moony's uniform to pull him back.

The small crowd of students mostly looked baffled, but the faces of most students adorning green look appalled. Daniel mutters something under his breath, until his gaze finds Sirius'. "Good luck with this one Black, a bloodtraitor and a tempestuous whore, surely a match made in heaven" he shrieks and storms off, the rest of the Slytherin crowd following hot in his heels, except for Dorcas, Barty (who just mostly enjoys the drama) and Regulus who stay behind looking between Y/n and Sirius.

It feels like an eternity for Sirius, standing there opening and closing his mouth, like a fish out of water, before y/n nods towards the younger Black, the four of them making their way up the stairs.

"What the hell just happened?" Peter question, searching for any kind of answer. "My thoughts exactly, Wormtail" James add.

Remus' heart is beating exceptionally fast when the four of them stop at the door leading into the classroom, as their gazes find Y/n sitting next to Regulus who is gently holding her hand beneath the table. There is an air of comfort to his touch that Remus does not like. Apparently, he isn't the only one who noticed. Sirius looks uncharacteristically anxious at the sight of his younger brother and his fiancé.

Remus can’t quite understand Padfoot’s inner turmoil, getting jealous over the one person he supposedly can't stand? Remus can't figure out why it hurts him more, thinking Sirius after all, maybe doesn’t hate her as much as he previously thought. As the teacher comes down the stairs urging the students to open their books to page 119, they quickly take their usual spots at the back, except James who hurries up to sit next to Lily in the second row. Once the bell rings, Remus stays back, taking his time packing his books away into his satchel.

Y/n is still sitting where Regulus left her, looking deep in thought, while the teacher scolds her, taking away 20 points from Slytherin for punching another student. Daniel must’ve already snitched. Remus can only focus on the most perfect little crease adorning her face, right over her left brow. After the teacher leaves, he makes his way over. "It was some punch you threw; I- I mean I only saw the aftermath, but I assum-" "Why, are you talking to me Lupin?" She shoots back so quickly, Remus gets startled, adverting his eyes to the ground.

Looking back up at her, he mentally prepares himself for her wrath, but finds no fury or judgement in her eyes, she just looks.. sad.

It is almost like she hadn't even registered her own answer.

Three hours earlier...

"C'mon Y/l/n, we are going to be late for class!" Regulus yelled into the Slytherin common room, where y/n was seated next to Dorcas. The two Slytherins exchanged an amused glance. "You heard him minx, let’s get you to class" Dorcas sighed, getting up and dragging y/n with her. She let out a huff and smoothed out her uniform with one hand, while getting dragged by the other.

The friends met up with the rest of the group in the courtyard, Regulus now directing his sternness towards Barty, Evan and a couple of other classmates, finding his place on the ledge of the fountain. Barty Jr. smirked as he saw y/n, his eyebrows darting up behind his sunglasses, his tongue darting out to wet his lips before smugly muttering "So, how long until we have to mourn your union with the bloodtraitor y/l/n?”

She rolled her eyes, while the others laughed, moving ever so elegantly to sit down next to Regulus.

Regulus knew about Y/n and Sirius’ agreement, making him partially fond of his older brother for protecting someone he deemed a friend. Y/n had to tell him, for when the engagement was announced in Grimmauld place, Regulus refused to talk to her for about a week, thinking he would lose her, just like he lost Sirius. Dorcas shot Y/n a look, however her eyes stayed firmly trained on Barty, who had gotten comfy on his boyfriend’s lap. "As soon as seventh year ends Jr., why? Have you not gotten your invitation yet?" Y/n bit her lip, eyes sparkling as she watched Barty pushing the sunglasses down his nose, a slight smirk hiding the annoyance in his eyes as the rest of the group laughed, even Regulus seeming amused.

Y/n had to be careful around her classmates, answers well calculated, and most importantly contain a slight bit of contempt for Sirius, yet not enough for her parents to call off the wedding. Feeling total numbness in the presence of Barty jr, Evan, Daniel and even Severus, helped her a lot, even though their comments had hurt her the first couple of times, she reminded herself that beyond Hogwarts there was a world for her, where she could live free of the hate and judgement that followed most wizards.

The group started making their way to class, Y/n giggling at something Evan said, keeping her façade perfectly intact, a stark contrast to the buzzing in her head, and the fastness of her heartbeat.

"I can't wait to see what’s going to happen with Black; I mean do we really expect that ceremony to go smoothly?" Severus mocked, making Daniel cry out a laugh.

You can do this Y/l/n, Just breathe, empty your head..

Fate had different plans, as the next sentence that left Daniel made her blood boil and her hands clench. "Look on the bright side Severus, at least you’re not the one marrying a good for nothing bloodtraitor, in my opinion pretty boy should just do Y/n a favor and jump from the astronomy tower, maybe his dimwits friends would follow alon-" Regulus' eyes widened, everything happening before he could interfere. Her hand almost cracked at the force behind her throw, sending Daniel's face flying backwards before one of the columns stopped his momentum, doing nothing to soften the blow.

..................

"It was some punch you threw, I- I mean I only saw the aftermath, but I assum-"

"Why, are you talking to me Lupin?" The words leave her before she has a chance to think.

Punching Daniel will surely come back to bite her in the ass, the realization dawning on her, she feels the heaviness of having to do damage control. All because of her stupid compassion towards Sirius and these stupid feelings towards his handsome friend- "I don't know, I guess I just wanted to make sure you are okay" the concern in his eyes almost make her break. Growing up in Y/l/n manor empathy was a foreign word and crying meant weakness.

There was so much she had to unlearn with the help of Sirius. The raven-haired boy had just gotten out of the same toxic situation himself, moving in with the Potters over the summer causing an uproar from his family, despite Walburga's intent on keeping up appearances. Y/n had never seen Sirius as happy as that day, where he told her he had escaped. Of course, there were days of despair and guilt for leaving Regulus in that foul house, but it did consol the boy knowing Y/n kept tabs on the younger brother. "I’m fine" she hisses, finally packing up her books. "You don't seem fine" Remus challenges, making her freeze.

The classroom seems a lot smaller than it was a few minutes ago, and her bag feels heavier than usual. Her hands keeps fidgeting with the tabletop, every muscle in her body feeling tight as she tries to think of a response, coming up empty handed. Instead, she settles for staring at the bruise on her knuckles. After what felt like an eternity Remus' hand comes into her field of vision, gently covering hers in his, her eyes snaps up and her breath hitch.

He is so close to her; she’s almost afraid he can hear the effect of it on her heartbeat. She tries swallowing the lump in her throat, but the whirlwind of emotions, and the warmth of Remus keeps her from speaking. "I don't know why you punched him, but I am sure he deserved it" He mutters reassuringly, looking over her features as he continues explaining "but I also want to make sure you are okay-" "it's none of your business Lupin" she whispers, her small voice betraying her words.

He lets out a simple sigh, the air from his lungs tingling her lips, reminding her just how little space there is between their faces, she can easily close the space between them if she shifts her weight to the front of her feet, moving her head up to- "You're right, it's none of my business, I’m sorry for bothering you” Remus turns around, feeling slightly rejected.

#james potter #marauders fanfiction #remus lupin #sirius black #the marauders #peter pettigrew #harry potter #x reader #remus lupin x reader #slytherin!reader

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