#barty and evan

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Regulus: I don't want to hear a word out of you two

Barty: Conversate

Evan *deadass*: Irregardless

Barty: Funner

Evan: Fergalicious

Regulus: I said no words

Evan: Oh, I see. Two weeks ago, we're playing scrabble, and none of those are words-

Barty: -but SUDDENLY they're all words because it's convenient for you

[not-rab]

Pandora: The floor's lava!

James: *helping Regulus onto the table*

Barty: *kicks Evan off the sofa*

Dorcas: There are two types of boyfriends

[jiangyanlissidepiece]

Evan and Barty been waiting for YEARS for Regulus to turn their relationship into a threesome and then JAMES FUCKING POTTER—

[nixnight1]

The Marauders but with Friends' quotes (with a few changes)

Barty: 2024, the year of Barty!

Regulus: Ha ha we are very happy for you *standing next to James*

Barty: What's the matter? Why the long face?

James: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so, you know...

Barty: Alright. I'll take care of it

James: Wait!

Regulus: Barty!

Barty: Sh sh sh let me

*Goes straight to Sirius*

Sirius: Thirty three, thirty two...*while jumping*

Barty: Black, Black, Black, listen. Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Lupin or Evan?

Sirius: What?

Barty: Well, you gotta kiss someone. Can't kiss your brother.

Sirius: Well, who's gonna kiss my brother?

Barty: Potter

Sirius: Oh, man! Really? 🤢

Barty: Mate, mate, who would you rather kiss your brother? Me or Potter?

Sirius: That's a good point

Barty: Yeah

Sirius: Uh, well, since I have that whole history with Rosier, I guess Moony

Barty: Okay, great!

Sirius: Allright

*Barty goes to Remus*

Barty: Hey, Lupin! Listen, Black wants to kiss you at midnight

Remus: Regulus? Why would he?

Barty: No, silly, your Black

Remus: My Black. It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask?

*Barty goes to Evan*

Barty: Ev, Ev, Listen. I'll kiss you at midnight

Evan: Finally

[evyltalks]

sharing is caring

[regulusblock]

Barty: bro i think we committed the perfect crime

Evan: what do u mean bro

Barty: i stole ur heart and u stole mine

Evan: bro

Barty: bro

[chasingthestarss]

Barty: point is, we need to try it.

Regulus: but that’s illegal.

Barty:

Evan:

Regulus: I’m just fucking with you, I’m in.

Evan: I was in when I heard illegal.

[jxmimac]

Guys I found them

It’s Barty and Evan

[pandoras-boxs-world]

Rosekiller, but their not dating yet, and their pretending to be a toxic married couple in the IKEA show rooms and actually end up actually arguing, and Evan confesses his love for barty by accident and they end up getting together.

(Regulus was filming the whole thing)

[y0url0verb0y]

*The Marauders in the great hall for dinner*

James: ...

Sirius: ...

Remus looking between the two: ...

Peter: uh soooo how bout that quidd-

Remus: PETER SHH

Sirius slamming his fork down: you mean the quidditch match where prongs KISSED my BROTHER after SLYTHERIN won?!?!

Remus: ...

Peter: ...

James: ...

James mumbling: it's not that deep-

Sirius standing up: not that deep?!?! NOT THAT DEEP?!?! Hold my motherfucking earrings moony

James: -insert loud girly scream-

meanwhile at the slytherin table

Barty and Evan: -laughing uncontrollably-

Regulus hiding his face: ...I hate them both

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Evan: why is Regulus crying?

Barty: well, James got drunk at a party so Regulus took him to their room

Barty: When he asked James to come to bed with him, James said “No, thanks. I’m sure you’re lovely but I have I boyfriend and I love him very very much” and went to sleep on the floor

Evan: so he’s crying because his boyfriend is too good?

Regulus: shut up you wouldn’t know about good boyfriends

Barty (said boyfriend): *Offended*

[child-of-icarus]

Regulus [trying to stop the bleeding]: Okay, rate your pain

Barty, who was just stabbed: Zero stars, would not recommend

Evan: Bee I fucking swear—

[yourgalgremlin]

The feral murder husbands being feral 🌹☠️

[not-rab]

[finding a dead body]

Regulus: How long do you think he’s been down there?

Barty *takes some dust off the skeleton and licks it*:

Barty: I’d say June of ’77

Regulus: You can tell by tasting it?

Barty: No there’s a newspaper next to him

Regulus: Then why’d you lick it?

Barty: C’mon how often do you get to taste a dead guy?

Regulus:

[evyltalks]

Little rosekiller for you 🌹🔪

(First real barty and evan art hope you’ll like it)

[regulusblock]

Regulus: can you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

Barty: [crouches down]

Evan: [gets on knees]

Regulus:

Regulus: I hope you both end up in hell!