#barty and evan

[sunseekerchild]

Barty: I’m going to do something stupid.

Evan: Don’t you mean we?

Barty tearing up: We.

[actuallyregulusblack]

regulus, going around the table: "okay so if barty got arrested what would it be for"

pandora: "on the count of three everyone say it together"

pandora and regulus, at the same time: "murder"

evan: ...

evan: "stealing 10 kilos of crystal blue meth from a police evidence locker."

regulus: ....

pandora: ....

barty: ....

regulus: "evan did you help barty commit a felony"

evan: "...i don't have to tell you anything"

barty: "for the record it was 9 kilos not 10"

[moonyswarmsweaters]

its them

Art by @/sophithil

[not-rab]

*at a death eater meeting*

Barty: They hate our strategies because we're dating!

Evan: …

Evan: We’re not dating?

Regulus: YOU’RE NOT!?

Barty *getting off Evan’s lap*: We’re not?!

[jiangyanlissidepiece]

Evan and Barty been waiting for YEARS for Regulus to turn their relationship into a threesome and then JAMES FUCKING POTTER—

[nixnight1]

The Marauders but with Friends' quotes (with a few changes)

Barty: 2024, the year of Barty!

Regulus: Ha ha we are very happy for you *standing next to James*

Barty: What's the matter? Why the long face?

James: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so, you know...

Barty: Alright. I'll take care of it

James: Wait!

Regulus: Barty!

Barty: Sh sh sh let me

*Goes straight to Sirius*

Sirius: Thirty three, thirty two...*while jumping*

Barty: Black, Black, Black, listen. Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Lupin or Evan?

Sirius: What?

Barty: Well, you gotta kiss someone. Can't kiss your brother.

Sirius: Well, who's gonna kiss my brother?

Barty: Potter

Sirius: Oh, man! Really? 🤢

Barty: Mate, mate, who would you rather kiss your brother? Me or Potter?

Sirius: That's a good point

Barty: Yeah

Sirius: Uh, well, since I have that whole history with Rosier, I guess Moony

Barty: Okay, great!

Sirius: Allright

*Barty goes to Remus*

Barty: Hey, Lupin! Listen, Black wants to kiss you at midnight

Remus: Regulus? Why would he?

Barty: No, silly, your Black

Remus: My Black. It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask?

*Barty goes to Evan*

Barty: Ev, Ev, Listen. I'll kiss you at midnight

Evan: Finally

[evyltalks]

sharing is caring

[regulusblock]

Barty: bro i think we committed the perfect crime

Evan: what do u mean bro

Barty: i stole ur heart and u stole mine

Evan: bro

Barty: bro

[chasingthestarss]

Barty: point is, we need to try it.

Regulus: but that’s illegal.

Barty:

Evan:

Regulus: I’m just fucking with you, I’m in.

Evan: I was in when I heard illegal.

[jxmimac]

Guys I found them

It’s Barty and Evan

[pandoras-boxs-world]

Rosekiller, but their not dating yet, and their pretending to be a toxic married couple in the IKEA show rooms and actually end up actually arguing, and Evan confesses his love for barty by accident and they end up getting together.

(Regulus was filming the whole thing)

[y0url0verb0y]

*The Marauders in the great hall for dinner*

James: ...

Sirius: ...

Remus looking between the two: ...

Peter: uh soooo how bout that quidd-

Remus: PETER SHH

Sirius slamming his fork down: you mean the quidditch match where prongs KISSED my BROTHER after SLYTHERIN won?!?!

Remus: ...

Peter: ...

James: ...

James mumbling: it's not that deep-

Sirius standing up: not that deep?!?! NOT THAT DEEP?!?! Hold my motherfucking earrings moony

James: -insert loud girly scream-

meanwhile at the slytherin table

Barty and Evan: -laughing uncontrollably-

Regulus hiding his face: ...I hate them both

[actuallyregulusblack]

i'm very normal about these two

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Evan: why is Regulus crying?

Barty: well, James got drunk at a party so Regulus took him to their room

Barty: When he asked James to come to bed with him, James said “No, thanks. I’m sure you’re lovely but I have I boyfriend and I love him very very much” and went to sleep on the floor

Evan: so he’s crying because his boyfriend is too good?

Regulus: shut up you wouldn’t know about good boyfriends

Barty (said boyfriend): *Offended*

[not-rab]

Pandora: The floor's lava!

James: *helping Regulus onto the table*

Barty: *kicks Evan off the sofa*

Dorcas: There are two types of boyfriends

[stxrrnightjxr]

Evan Rosier mapping out the exact spots he can stab Barty so that he’d still live.

Barty’s whole-heartedly into it.

(That’s it, that’s the post)