#Barty crouch jr incorrect quotes

[percesdead]

Regulus: That's sinful

Barty: In what bible?

Regulus: Mine

Barty: Who's the god?

Regulus, deadpanned: Me.

[chasingthestarss]

Barty: point is, we need to try it.

Regulus: but that’s illegal.

Barty:

Evan:

Regulus: I’m just fucking with you, I’m in.

Evan: I was in when I heard illegal.

[the-great-1989-cheese-disaster]

Evan: Is something burning?

Barty: Just my love for you.

Evan: Barty, the toaster is on fire.

[whydousernamesevenexist]

Pandora: wanna see something cool?

Barty: of course!

Pandora: okay, shout "HELP!"

Barty: *shouting* HELP!!!

*nothing happens*

Pandora: *raising her voice* HELP!

Regulus, Dorcas and Evan: *rushing into the room falling over each other* WHAT HAPPENED PANDORA IT'S OKAY WE'RE HERE WE'LL HELP YOU!!!

[z0mbieb0ys-incorrectquotes]

Evan: Go fuck yourself.  Barty, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Barty: People talked about me a lot. I mean, what does “weird energy” even mean?

Evan: Well, my guess is that people find you somewhat threatening and erratic, babe

Barty: Oh, yes. That tracks

[rudamaruda520]

Regulus: I get a feeling that the two of you will get along really well! *immediately leaves*

*Sirius and Barty sitting in visibly uncomfortable silence for a long while*

Sirius: Quidditch?

Barty: Nah...

Barty: Serial killers?

Sirius: Not really...

Sirius: Motorcycles?

Barty: Maybe...

Barty: um... mommy issues?

Sirius: Kinda?!

Sirius: hmm... pretending to be straight but actually very much gay and in love with a grumpy best friend?

Barty: Omg! We'll really get along well!

[bri-cheeses]

*Dorcas introducing Marlene to the Skittles for the first time*

Dorcas: “This is Regulus. Yes, he does bite. Do not mention James or Sirius around him.”

Dorcas: “This is Evan-and-Barty. Do Not separate them unless you are prepared to face the consequences.”

Dorcas: “And this is Pandora. She can see the future sometimes and has predicted horrible deaths for all of us, but we don’t like to worry about that.”

Dorcas: “What do you think, babe?” :3

Marlene: “… I think I’ve just unknowingly started dating a cult member”

[regulusblock]

teen Regulus: what's an orgasm?

teen Barty: when you fold paper to make birds and shit

also teen Evan: that's oregano, bitch

[not-rab]

James *out of curiosity*: How did all four of you even befriend Regulus?

Evan: I helped fix his wand after I broke it

Barty: I stole his broom and refused to give it back unless he was nice to me

Pandora: I stalked him

Sirius: I'm his only biological brother and there's no refund button

[spiritstar477]

Sirius: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Remus: baby, I’d make you a lovely little enclosure with all the dirt and compose you’d ever want. I’d hold you and take you places in my pocket and kiss you good night. I’d—. . .

vs

Remus: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Sirius: *thinks* yeah, I’d fuck a worm

Remus: *looks at the camera like in the office*

—————————————————————————————————————

James: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Regulus: it depends… were you always a worm or were you transfigured into one? The former, no, we’d never have met. The latter, then yes, and I’d figure out how to turn you back.

vs

Regulus: would you still love me if I was a worm?

James: yes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

—————————————————————————————————————

Barty: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Evan: I’d cut you up so I could have a bunch of you

vs

Evan: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Barty: I’d cut you up so I could have a bunch of you

(bc they’re both batshit insane)

[percesdead]

marauders incorrect quotes based on conversations w me and my partner p.2

barty, breaking away from kiss: just so you know, i'm not on birth control

evan: you're amab. and im asexual

barty, sighing in relief: thank god

[chasingthestarss]

Barty: I feel like I’m forgetting something

Evan: Morals?

Barty: No, it’s something important

[the-great-1989-cheese-disaster]

Barty, glaring at Evan’s coffin: We are gathered here today because SOMEBODy couldn't stay alive.

[whydousernamesevenexist]

Barty: *rolling down a window* what seems to be the problem, officer?

Cop: get the fuck out of my car

[incorrect-maraudersaandco-quotes]

Evan: I love you, I really do, but we can't date Barty: What? Why? Evan: Because what happens if we break up? Barty: ... Barty: ! Barty: Who gets Regulus in the divorce?! Evan: Exactly!