rudamaruda520

[rudamaruda520]

Barty: Knock knock.

Evan: ... who's there?

Barty: Expelliarmus.

Evan: Expelliarmus who?

Barty: Expelliarm-us from our clothes and let's see whose wand has the most power. 😈

Evan: I'm so done with you. 💀

[rudamaruda520]

Evan, enters the common room with a raccoon on his shoulders: Hi- *sees Barty on the couch* -wait...

Pandora: Evan, are you ok?

Evan: you want to tell me it's not Barty on my shoulder?

Barty: Definitely not.

Evan: *deep inhales* you want to tell me that this random wild trash-eating raccoon was crawling over my body for the past 24 hours?

Barty: ...

Evan: It slept snuggled with me...

Barty: ...

Evan: It ate a gummy worm straight from my mouth...

Barty: umm... you might have to check yourself for rabies.

[rudamaruda520]

Going once, going twice aaaaaaaaand SOLD

I see the Barty with a tongue piercing offer and I raise it to Barty with a split tongue

[rudamaruda520]

*sees an unexpected ship*

What is this abomination? In what world?! How even- what is that?!

*proceeds to read 27 fics about said ship in research purposes*

✨i get it now✨

[rudamaruda520]

Hey👐 do u take request from people? On what to write on ao3?

Hi! I never thought about that...

but I'm really curious what you have in mind, so please tell me and I'll try my best <3

but no promises- writers block is a bitch

[rudamaruda520]

Sirius: Do you think James is handsome?

Regulus: Go away.

Sirius: Are you, by any chance attracted to him?

Regulus: Go. Away.

Sirius: Is he your crush?

Regulus: Stop with the questions. I won't tell you anything.

Sirius: I won't tell James, I promise!

Regulus: ...

Regulus: How stupid do you think I am?

Sirius: What do you mean-

Regulus: *reaches forward and reveals James from under the invisibility cloak*

Sirius: ...😶

James: ...😶

Regulus: 😑

James: Welp... this is awkward...

[rudamaruda520]

can we stop normalising stuff?

being weird is my whole identity.

[rudamaruda520]

what's The Game?

It's a game where you have to avoid thinking about the game itself at all costs. Anytime the game crosses your mind you lose.

[rudamaruda520]

rip Barty Crouch Jr. you would've loved to tell people that they just lost The Game

[rudamaruda520]

enemies to lovers?

no. give me enemies to lovers to enemies to strangers to friends to awkward romantic moment to purely platonic best friends to lovers

[rudamaruda520]

Sirius, visibly frustrated: ...okay guys... I need honest opinions on that... *he holds up a photo of Regulus*

Lily: so pretty

Marlene: my only boy crush

Peter: smash.

James: raw. next question.

Mary: the things I would do for that man...

Sirius: *holds up a photo of himself*

Lily: the opposite of hot

Marlene: barf 🤢

Peter: pass.

James: it's like incest...

Mary: oh gosh... never ever again!

Sirius: I'm so sick of you people! We look just the same! We're basically twins! 😤😠

[rudamaruda520]

[Remus at the office job]

Remus: So I am a single dad...

Janet, from accounting: Oh my, and you said how many of them you have?

Remus: Three boys...

Hellen, from HR: Oh, you just have to show us some pictures!

Remus: *opens his wallet and a long strip of photographs unfolds*

Janet: ...but those are three grown men...

Remus: yeah... easy mistake... you would think they could start acting accordingly... and yet here we are...

Hellen: You can't just be a father of three men your age...

*James, Peter and Sirius bursting into the office*

Sirius, while picking every red m&m from the bowl in reception: Remus, are you finished yet?

Peter, while trying to pour water from the dispenser directly into James' mouth: yeah, we're bored...

James, all wet from the water: And there are no more dino nuggies at home...

Remus: Guys, go away. I finish in an hour... and I'll buy some nuggets on my way home.

Sirius, with mouth full of red m&m's: Awehome! Hee ya! *runs out*

James and Peter: Bye Remus! Good bye milady's! *also run out*

Remus, with a raised eyebrow: You were saying..?

[rudamaruda520]

Lily: That's just preposterous.

Regulus: Utterly repugnant.

James: ...

Lily: Don't you agree, James?

James: ...You both know, that I don't know.

Regulus: What do you mean?

James: I don't know if I agree, cause I don't speak dictionary. Take your stupid fancy words and go find some other nerd.

Remus, entering the room: Hi, guys-

James: Like Moony! Speak to him, and later he'll translate this to me.

[rudamaruda520]

Lily: In a room full of beautiful women would you choose me?

James: 🤨

James: ...I mean... Can I trust you in a room full of beautiful women?

Lily: ...touché

[rudamaruda520]

Sirius: Oh, come on Prongs- just tell me who's your crush!

James: NO!

Sirius: Ugh... At least describe them!

James: ...umm, okay

James: He’s got really pale skin, almost white— like porcelain, kind of.

His hair is dark and curly, black as a raven’s wing, and it always looks kind of messy, but in a good way, and it always falls into his eyes in the softest way...

His eyes are this really light blue, but in the sunlight they almost look silver.

And he’s skinny— like, really skinny.

Sirius: OMG! That's sounds just like me! ...or more like Regulus, I guess...

James: ...

Sirius: ...James?

James: ...

Sirius : Say it's me.

James: 🙄

Sirius: SAY IT'S ME, JAMES.

[rudamaruda520]

If you know at least one person in the fandom irl do yourself a favour and make it!

I did it for my hg for her birthday and sure- it took HOURS to make, but it's so worth it!

We've played the whole night!

(and you can print any fancast you would like)

and when we're playing we cannot ask about appearances, only questions like:

- Can they ride a bike?

- Do they have at least one Hawaiian shirt in their closet?

- Would they lie in court?

And it's so fun to learn along the way how we see those characters.

[rudamaruda520]

Fic idea:

James - a young sorcerer from a coven whose natural enemies are vampires, one day meets a vampire...

But instead of being hostile - as common sense would dictate - they don't attack each other, they just start flirting... hard

He is sure that the vampire is using persuasion and hypnotizing him to make James interested and attracted to him...

Meanwhile, Regulus- a young vampire, is terrified because instead of attacking the sorcerer, he can't resist the urge to flirt with him...

Regulus is convinced that James has cast some powerful spell on him that turns spite into desire.

Neither of them possess such powers.

They just want to fuck.

The end.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.