nixnight1

[nixnight1]

[James watching young Luna and Harry]

Harry, running in: Papa! Papa!

James: Yes?

Harry: Luna said the B word!

James:

Luna, also running in: Motherfucker doesn’t start with B, Harry!

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Regulus finds a note inside one of his books when he reaches his room to change.

Hey Reg, I wanted to talk to you about the prom. When I asked you I didn't realize you had so many dates, I was just trying to be nice, but you can take me off the list because clearly you got a lot going on. And the truth is I didn't want to go anyway. I don't care about prom.

James.

Regulus cries for hours after reading that piece of paper.

----

Regulus dressed with a suit.

Sirius: So...who's the unluky man you decided to go to prom with?

Regulus: Actually...nobody, I'm taking myself to prom. Just like Molly Ringwald in Pretty in pink

Sirius: ???

Regulus: it's a very important muggle movie about self acceptance

Remus: Muggle movie?

Regulus: Shut up

Remus: wait...I thought you were going with Prongs, he was all excited about it

Sirius: 🙄🙄🙄

Regulus: I was...but then I guess he decided he didn't want to go to prom after all

Sirius:...

Regulus: Well...I'm off to prom. Can you take a muggle picture please?

Regulus extends a Polaroid camera to Sirius and Sirius without saying a word takes the picture. Regulus is not really smiling when the picture finally reveals, he has his eyes a little red and is standing very awkward.

Regulus doesn't even see it, just waves goodbye and goes.

Peter: I know I don't really care about your brothers life and never speak to him, but that's just the saddest thing I've ever seen

Sirius:...yeah

-----

Sirius running through the qidditch field where he finds James flying around: PRONGS WHAT THE FUCK

James sees him and goes down: what the fuck me? What the fuck you!

Sirius: You told my brother you were going to take him to prom and then you just like cancel on him last minute?

James: what are you talking about, he has like a million dates

Sirius: No he hasn't, James!! He went to prom alone, he wanted to go with you. So...Nice going

James: You don't even like us together

Sirius: It's not about me, James! It's about my brother

James: He doesn't even like me!!

Sirius: Oh my god. Are you an idiot? Do you not see how he gets those weird googly eyes whenever he's in the same place with you and tries to hide his grin like an idiot?

James: He grins?

Sirius: It's completely disgusting and makes me want to vomit but for whatever reason he still really likes you. And you really hurt him!! Not that's not cool! You do NOT hurt my brother!!

James has three seconds to process what he just heard before throwing his broom away and start running to the castle.

----

Regulus: Hey B, I'm kind of tired, I think I'm just going to go to sleep. Can you tell the others?

Barty: You sure Reg? :/

Regulus: Yeah...its okay

Regulus starts walking away when suddenly James appears in the grate hall with his quidditch garments on.

James: Reg!!!

Regulus: James? What are you doing here

James: I came to take you to prom

Regulus: I thought you didn't care about prom

James: I don't...I only care about you. I know it didn't work out last time and you told me to forget you. But the thing is Reg...I can't. I think about you all the time. And I get up and I think okay...I won't think about him today, but then it backfires and I think about you even more!

Regulus who is in fact grinning like an idiot, takes him by his quidditch shirt and kisses him.

[nixnight1]

The thing about depression is that no one understands it with security. So Regulus tries. He tries with all his heart to speak his truths. He tries to confide in his brother, his friends and sometimes his boyfriend too. But it's hard, so hard.

So when he escapes Grimmuld Place and goes to live with Sirius, for some time he feels everything is alright. He's safe, isn't he? He's out of that damn house. He can see Barty whenever he wants, and see Pandora without being called blood traitor. He can talk with Remus in the light of the day and he can be with his brother without risking his life.

Everything turns downtown a week later when he can't get out of bed. He can't shower himself, nor eat without someone telling him to do it. And keeps expecting to hear his mother's screams telling him to do something. Move. Don't be dramatic. Stop embarrassing this family Regulus, stop being so bloody lazy!!!

Sirius doesn't yell at him, he's just there. Sometimes caressing his hair, or mumbling things that break his heart. Barty is there too, cuddling with him and just being...

So it's a shock to hear the gunshot.

Sirius and Remus are seeing a movie. They had try to ask Regulus to be with them, but he was just so tired...

The gunshot is like...like big cold hands grabbing his heart to make it explode. Like something filing his chest with cold air till it can't expand anymore.

They start running, Sirius thinks. Or flying, or a moment they are in front of the TV and the next one he's screaming his lungs off because that can't be happening, it's has to be a joke!!!

Because his brother can't be the one lying on the floor bleeding. He cant be the one not responding to his name. He was getting better, they were trying to help! He was finally with him, so please Reggie, please

[nixnight1]

regulus back with selective mutism who learns to be comfortably talking with sirius as a child. when he goes to hogwarts and he isn't talking to him anymore, he goes quite. over the years, he gets comfortable enough to talk to the skittles.

imagine sirius talking to regulus again, only to find that he is no longer someone he feels safe and comfortable enough with to talk to. imagine sirius when he sees james being a person he can talk to.

[nixnight1]

LOS FUI A VER CUANDO VINIERON Y ME MANIJEE ESE MES

This was my year, who am I?

[nixnight1]

This was my year, who am I?

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Remus stress-bakes, Sirius stress-cleans, James stress-runs, Regulus stress-eats

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Doomed yaoi

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Jegulus "hear me out" cake but it's just Regulus putting Fleamont's picture on it over and over again

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Regulus on his way home from visiting James, his brother and friends in uni for the weekend.

James, drunk and full on sobbing: I miss my boyfriend! Come back!

James, holding his iPad with Regulus’ mid-laugh picture showing: Bring back my husband(boyfriend) from war (college) It’s been 5 years(5 hours) since I’ve seen him!!!

Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dorcas, Marlene & Lily:

Marlene: Godric, somebody do something about him!!!

Dorcas: Let me call Reg-

Lily: It’s literally 3AM?! Let him sleep! Just because his boyfriend is a clingy and dramatic mess-

Sirius: I’m going commit tonight, murder or su!c!de- I’m debating.

Remus: Sirius-

James, crying louder than before because he heard all of them: I WANT MY BOYFRIEND!!

Peter: Me too.

James:

Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dorcas, Marlene & Lily:

Peter, shrugging: What?

Dorcas did end up calling Reg in the middle of the night and put him on FT with James to get him to shut up so they can all go to sleep in peace.

[nixnight1]

the lovers

[nixnight1]

December 3rd is for Regulus Black and Regulus Black only

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hallow is hollow

all my crimson rivers fanart so far! i gave james back his glasses. fic is ‘crimson rivers’ by bizarrestars on ao3

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[James and Regulus making out]

Sirius, walking in: Hey Prongs— Wh—

Sirius, yelling: Get your hands off my brother you fuck!

James: [raises hands]

Sirius: Now, what the the actual hell is—

Regulus: [also raises hands]

Sirius: Why the fuck are YOUR hands up, Reg

Regulus: I—

Regulus: I didn’t know which brother you meant

[nixnight1]

It has a second part! Still angst tho and probably will have more ♡♡♡☆

The mother that never was - 980 wordd

Walburga learning of Regulus' death

Walburga was not a good mother, she never thought she was a good mother. She remembers perfectly what she thought the day Sirius was born. Her first son. A baby. She could hear his screams, and his face was all red, and his fists were tight like screaming was an effort. She remembers the feeling of the moment the nurse put him over her chest, and how he instantly calmed down. Walburga felt like she could breathe. That was the last moment she really did. 

She didn’t raise Sirius. He wasn’t even her baby, not since the moment the family nannies took him to take care of him. ‘Your job was to have him, Walburga, now we start with the spare,’ Orion said when he found her walking to the nursery because Sirius was screaming his lungs off. So Sirius was her son…but she wasn’t his mother. Sirius didn’t have a mother until he ran away and even though it was probably the most traitorous thing to the family, she let him. 

She got pregnant with Regulus not so later than Sirius’ birth, and that’s maybe the reason why she couldn’t have more children. It was okay because she did not want more. Regulus was tiny, so tiny, she was sure he would die. He was born a stormy night earlier than he should have, with almost thirty-three weeks, less than eight months on her body. Walburga thought she would die with him. She had never felt so much pain, not even when she was a child and her father punished her for not being a proper lady at the time. She had bleed and screamed and she was sure she had met Death’s hands when she lost consciousness. Regulus was…he was so small she was scared to touch him, and because the nurses were doing everything in their power to keep him alive, she never did. She didn’t hug Regulus like she did with Sirius. 

She didn’t even hear him cry. 

Regulus was a very quiet child while growing up, he didn’t look for her like Sirius did. He didn’t try to hug her, nor try to call for her. He had Sirius. Sirius wasn’t even so much older, and he was more motherly-like than Walburga had ever been. While she learned how to mute the crying, Sirius would chase after the nanny to see the new baby and help, he went crawling until he learned how to walk. And Walburga was sure he only learned so he could go faster. 

Regulus was a good son. He didn’t look for a fight, and the moment he learned that if he did anything bad, Sirius would be punished –because Sirius would always take the blame– he stopped being a child. He tried to be good, to be enough, but for his disgrace, he had Walburga as his mother. The moment Sirius went away to Hogwarts, Regulus stopped smiling. The only moment Walburga really would see him was at dinner, and it felt like he wasn’t even there. When it was his turn to go and he came back for the holiday, her sons didn’t talk to each other anymore. 

Walburga was just a witness, but she always knew the catastrophe didn’t start when Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, it started when the two boys who used to be best friends since their birth, stopped being brothers. 

Sirius gained a proper mother when he escaped the Black prison and stepped into the Potter paradise. He didn’t take Regulus with him, so Walburga was trapped and could only see the boy who stopped smiling, starting to lose himself in the family madness that had already reached him. Regulus just stopped being. He wouldn’t sleep, he would eat less and less every day. His eyes stopped shining like the living and he just would move in autopilot like he was a puppet. 

‘You’re a good son,’ She said to him someday. Regulus had looked her in the eyes, with his dead Sirius-like eyes, and whispered ‘Thank you, mother’. Walburga couldn’t even remember the last time he had called her that. 

Walburga wasn’t a good mother, she wasn’t a mother at all, so when Regulus disappeared the same way his brother did, she was sure it was because he had finally gained the bravery to go look for a real family too. She didn’t cry, nor really listen to Orion’s madness screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming. She sat in the drawing room and looked at the fire for hours. 

She was not a mother, so realistically she didn’t lose a son. 

She didn’t maintain the count of the days since Regulus went away, so she wasn’t sure when was the last time she had stepped into the tapestry room. She didn’t even know what day it was. It was like an instinct, her eyes went directly to the burnt place where Sirius’ face once was. The moment her eyes moved to Regulus’ place, it was like the same cold death-like hands that touched her face the day he was born were back. One moment she was standing, and the next one her hand was shaking, caressing the place where Regulus’ face should have been. In his place was instead a skull with a date. 

Regulus Arcturus

1961-1979

She didn’t notice she was crying until the tears slipped between her lips. She didn’t make a sound, nor did she breathe. It was a new feeling, the mourning of a son. She didn’t feel it when it happened, she couldn’t know the exact date. Was it yesterday? Last week? If she was a real mother, could she have felt it in her heart? It was the same feeling she had when she was pushing him out of his body, the agony of being alive. 

The suffering of Regulus' loss made her a mother in the end? 

[nixnight1]

[nixnight1]

I wanted a side by side comparison. Not to be that person but I really love how these turned out. It's rare that I do a series and am as happy with the second part as I am with the first, so let me post it twice and yap about it OK? 😁

You can find them separately here: SNS & STSG

Also, I figured out some art stuff lately that I will talk about under the cut if you're interested.

Coloring used to be my nemesis. I often think my works look flat, so I dial up the saturation to make up for it but while I do like very saturated works that is ultimately not what I want to achieve. So lately I've figured out two things (which are closely related actually, if not the same thing on different levels).

1. Color variation. Our eyes may perceive an object and our brains translate it to being one color but it's not. Every color only works in the context of its surroundings, light bounces back and forth and there is always some slight color variation that our brain just chooses not to perceive. (You can train it to perceive it though.) So that is something that works for me when it comes to making images look less flat. I use one color for a plane but then I take a few completely different colors to paint over the boring flat plane in a really low opacity. It doesn't even have to be very visible, but it does wonders.

2. Bounce lights bounce lights bounce lights. This is closely related to the first point. Light, especially strong light bounces back and forth. So if two planes with different colors are next to each other they will reflect onto each other if there's enough light. In the left image, the orange of Naruto's jacket reflects onto Sasuke's shirt (it's barely there, just a slight difference in hue) while the gray of Sasuke's shirt also reflects back on Naruto's jacket.

I am always learning something while I draw and I love that. This is probably nothing new to the more experienced artists out there but maybe someone at the beginning of their art journey will profit from it.