#uh oh the imp is here ~

[z909-voided]

“Me? Heh, no. If I did, it wouldn’t be anything that you fear.”

The cat got up and stretched, claws flexing, tail lashing. A strange black ichor dripped from its maw.

“There was a little scuffle here, though. Some lady with a gun. But there’s no body so if I were you I’d take some comfort in the fact your bestie is alive before you do something brash.”

Then, the cat’s eye seemed to flash as he looked back at 479. It almost seemed to be smirking.

“Or if you wanna cause a little trouble I can lead you to her right now~”

Rushing through the site having only managed to grab a flashlight on his way 479 breezes past the blood splatter outside the room his only friend had been staying in, pushing the doors servos to move quicker as he forces his way in.

Breathing heavily his eyes dart across the space, finding no trace of Alena. His heart drops as he briskly walks over to the discarded bandages. Where is she? Why is she gone? Oh god oh fuck is he too late?

He curses loudly, throwing the cloth at the wall as tears begin to run down his face, the drops collecting along the bottom edge of his visor. He has to go look. He has to find her but... He can't get his legs to move.

█✢█ @z479

Though long gone, the evidence was fresh. That wouldn’t help much, though. Z-909 was nowhere to be found.

What was sitting in her place, however, was a black feline with a strangely coloured eye. A bright pink scar ran the width of his face and down the length of his torso, parting the fur on either side. Scars also wrapped around the cat’s front wrists. His muzzle was curved in such a way that it made it seem like he was grinning— or maybe he actually was. Above its head a small top hat was floating, with a yellow ribbon decorating the base.

He sat there, watching, that grin ever present, and that strange eye narrowing knowingly. A voice begins to speak, though it feels more like it’s coming from inside 479’s head.

“Took you long enough, tcheheheeee!”

[horse-shit]

oh to do vent art... if only

[wonderjanga]

Billystiltskin

Rumpelstiltskin, a fairytale that many have heard at least some point in their lives, but if you haven’t, here’s a brief summary: a girl is confined to a castle to weave gold string from straw with nothing but a spindle. She has any normal human being cannot do that, so an imp named a Rumpelstiltskin offered to do it for her in exchange for her future, first born child.

That’s what the JL believes Marvel is.

As for why? Well…

Marvel: *watching tv in a rec room while on a spinning wheel, weaving gold*

Flash: *walks in* “Woah… Dude how are you doing that?”

Marvel: “Huh?”

Flash: “How’re you doing that?” *points to a couple rolls of gold string*

Marvel: “Oh. Y’know, magic. Wanna learn?” *stands up*

Flash: “I can?” *gets in his seat immediately* “I thought you said it needed magic?”

Marvel: “Yes, but there are ways for normal humans to do it.”

With that, Marvel started teaching him how to do it. Barry and gave up an hour in. It was just too difficult.

Marvel and Flash: *now chilling on the couch together*

Flash: “By the way, where do you get this whole ass spinning wheel from?”

Marvel: “I stole it back from a sorcereress I loaned it to a couple hundred years ago.”

Flash: “Oh ew. Was she one of those people that pretended to borrow stuff only to keep it?”

Marvel: “I guess. Honestly, I’m just more mad at what she did with it. I had to undo the enchantments on it because they were extremely dangerous.”

Flash: “What enchantments?”

Marvel: “She made it so that if you were to prick your finger on the needle, you’d fall asleep forever.”

Flash: “Huh. You know, that sounds a little familiar.”

or

Marvel: *walks into a meeting, looking grim, holding a newborn baby*

JL: *looking between him and the baby*

Supes: “Cap…? What’s with the baby?”

Marvel: “Uh… I think she’s mine now?”

Supes: “You thi—”

GL: “Who’s the mom?! You didn’t tell us you had a wife or a girlfriend??”

Marvel: “I don’t.”

*silence*

GL: “Is she your niece then?”

Marvel: “No.”

GL: “Cousin?”

Marvel: “No.”

GL: “Second cousin?”

Marvel: “Nope.”

*more silence*

Batman: “Captain, did you take someone’s baby?”

Marvel: “Wha— no. Well, actually now that I think about it kind of.”

Batman: “Pardon?”

Marvel: “See, I was joking around with the lady. I did something for her and I jokingly, emphasis on jokingly, told her that in return, I’d take her firstborn child. I didn’t think she’d actually give it to me, let alone so willingly.” *looking at the baby all sad*

JL: *horrified and disturbed*

Marvel: “She also wouldn’t take it back, no matter how hard I asked or told her it was a joke.”

That’s how the entire meeting got derailed and they all started focusing on the baby and who would take care of it. Marvel, because he was the one who got himself into the situation, opted to do it. So, that’s how Baby Marvel was introduced to all of them. It was such a cutie, and Barry was a ecstatic that it was a ginger.

Billy doesn’t even know of these allegations by the way.

[carto0ncritter]

One thing I noticed in this shitshow of an episode is how fucking ungrateful Stolas was for everything Blitzø did for him since he came to his place.

Him being a spoiled rich white asshole:

I hate his facial expressions so much, you have no idea

I can guarantee you care about these 'nice things' more than you care about your daughter btw

Oh, we also have, let's see here...

*insert the entire montage of Blitzø (Stolas' victim) trying to cheer his abuser up since he's now in love with him thanks to good ol' Stockholm Syndrome*

Seeing that cigarette reminds me of when Stolas uh... *checks notes* called Blitz an 'itty bitty imp (racist)' despite him clearly hating it, grabbed his cheek and used his horn to put out his cigarette (not to mention Blitzø's severe trauma being related to fucking fire)

Okay so anyway, I think Stolas said "Oh, when have you ever asked" bc Blitzø stole from him and his family 25 years ago. correct me if I'm wrong here but isn't it manipulative af to bring up smth that happened that long ago, also it's totally unrelated to the current situation. I swear it's like a grown ass man saying to another "Oh I still hate you because, uhm, remember that one time in 3rd grade when you stole my pencil..."

So... if Stolas still holds this against Blitzø, let me ask: why was he ever "in love" with him in the first place? Answer? He wasn't. Stolas only used this imp for his sexual fantasies and for him to get to experience his "fairytale romance"

P.S. Imps are a race his privileged ass has always been racist towards and he hasn't ever attempted to, uh... try to understand them better? Understand how they live? I mean if you truly cared about your "boyfriend," Stolas, you'd have put in SOME effort to change your mindset/behavior and WOULDN'T HAVE EVER SEXUALLY COERCED HIM

He also 🍇d you blitz

And no he didn't do much, he's powerful af. Using those powers isn't rocket science heck he turned an imp to stone in s1 he can protect himself but is apparently the "bottom" in the stolitz "relationship". Also no, him leaving Octavia clearly isn't a huge deal to Stolas otherwise he'd have fought to earn her forgiveness and not just sulk like a wimpy loser. YOU ARE NOT ONLY A GROWN MAN STOLAS, BUT A FATHER. At least you were supposed to be

So was not thinking about your daughter until you lost everything, apparently

AGAIN WITH THIS SHIT??? WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT A TRANSACTION AGAIN

Alright I'm signing off until the next season drops, if that ever happens

This episode sucked, but kudos to our girl Via who was smart enough to see through her "father's" bs 👏

ALSO HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO THE CRITICAL COMMUNITY (and to non-toxic stans too)!

[hellvcifer]

Hi, I was wondering if you could do a Fizz x Asmodeus x Reader with the phrase “But you love us, don’t you?” “Don’t say that every time you make a mess!”?

MORNING SURPRISE— ଘ fic

pairing :: poly!fizz/ozzie x fem!reader wc :: 1.7k note :: yippieee!! finally able to post this. I'm coming off my sick bed so i apologize for any errors but i love fizzmodeus <33 warnings :: suggestive, pet name (bunny)

The coo-coo cock clock began chirping at the ass crack of dawn, waking up a little imp. He did his morning routine, limbs extending across the estate to brew his morning french press and snatch his cap n’ bells. He stretched out deeply, releasing a few cracks along his spine and deviously turning towards the bed. 

A pair of eyes glowed from underneath the blankets, butt wiggling as she watched the imp prepare for his air horn wake up call. She jumped out, pouncing on Fizz, their bodies rolling down the stairs next to the large bed.

You landed on top, legs straddling his body as you released a huff. Fizz pouted, “Babe, what the fu–” Your hands clamped over his mouth, head snapping towards the bed where a loud snore could be heard. After a few moments of heavy breaths passed by, you turned back to your partner. 

A sly smile pulled at your lips as you began to whisper. “Ozzie has off today!” Muffled sounds vibrated against your fingers as Fizz narrowed his eyes at you. You giggled and removed your hands.

“That doesn’t explain why you tackled me.” His arm extended to wrap around your waist a few times, finger trailing up your thigh. “Though I’m not complaining if this is how we end up.” He giggled, tongue peaking out between his lips.

You leaned closer, eyes narrowing with a smirk, “I have an idea~!” You sang, causing Fizz to raise a brow is curious delight. “Come on!” You grabbed his hand, and jumped to stand. His arm retracted and spun you around in place. You swayed a bit before regaining your composure and yanking him to follow you to the kitchen. 

“Okay, are you gonna explain to me what this plan of yours is?” Fizzy crossed his arms and watched you begin to scavenge through the kitchen. Your body flitting across the room, arms filling with various items and piling them on a counter. Once you finished, you turned to the imp. 

“We’re making Ozzie breakfast, duh!” You chimed, watching his face slowly light up. 

“Ohhohohoh fuck yeah, Babe!” His arms extended and yoinked himself onto the counter. “What’s on the menu? Pizza? Chicken wings? Ribs?” 

You giggled, “Noo~ you silly Frog!” You shook your head. “Try pancakes!”

“But pizzaaah~!” He whined with a pout. You jumped on the counter to sit next to him, lips finding his cheek for a quick peck. 

“Next time, okay?” You smiled. Fizz’s face darkened in a blush as he turned to you.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, Bunny!” He giggled before glancing at the ingredients. “So what’s first?” 

You slowly glanced at them. “Uh, good question..” His eyes widened, head snapping to look at you.

“You don’t even know how to make them?”

“Well it can’t be that hard!” You pulled out your phone, thumbs typing to find a recipe from the sinternet. “Look here! Easy pancakes from scratch.” You showed him the screen.

“Oh we sooo got this!” His tongue peeked out as he slowly scrolled through the pages. You hopped off the counter, grabbing a few mixing bowls from the cabinets. 

“I’ll mix the dry ingredients and you can start on the wet ones.” You gave him one of the bowls. 

Fizz chuckled, eyebrows raising a few times. “You sure you don’t want the wet ones? Cuz, you know…” He smirked, eyes fluttering up and down your figure. You felt your face grow warm at his insinuations.

“Yes! I’m sure!” You scooped the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt into the bowl before stomping to the other end of the counter in a huff. You measured the designated amounts, each falling into the bowl. Once you finished, you grabbed a whisk before making sure it was mixed.

“Uhh, Bunny?” You heard Fizz call out. “Is butter supposed to do that?” You turned, seeing him stretched out to stare into the microwave. The wet popping noise coming from the appliance didn’t make you feel any better. 

You rushed over, Fizz dropped an arm down before pulling you up. The inside of the microwave wasn’t too messy, but the butter had melted and soon turned brown  in the center. Gritty pieces floating around and the liquid still bubbling. You stopped it quickly and turned to Fizz. “How long did you put it in for?”

“It said 15 minutes.”

Your eyes widened. “Really?” 

“Uh, duh!” He shrunk to his normal height, you still in his arms. “I read it right there!” He jabbed his finger at the phone. 

“That says seconds, Babe." You laughed. "I think it’s burnt.” You peered at the closed door of the microwave. “Think we can still use it?”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine!” He nodded, as cheerful as ever.

You smiled and shrugged your shoulders. “Yeah, okay!” 

“What’s next?” He stretched to grab the butter from the microwave before dumping it in his own bowl where the milk, vanilla, and egg were. 

“We mix your ingredients with a blender!” 

“Got it!” Fizz was quick to plug it in and position it in the wet bowl. He flicked it on to the highest setting and things seemed fine for a moment. Until the blender began to wobble and soon sent a bunch of the wet mix out the sides and onto the cupboards. Fizz began vibrating with the blender, laughing as he continued mixing. 

You fell into your fit of giggles the more you watched, “Okay! I think it’s good!” He pulled the blender out from the bowl, the leftover mix on the metal whisks flying everywhere including you and the imp. “Fizzy!” You scolded, a smile never leaving your face.

“What!” He finally turned off the tool, turning towards you. He weighted onto one hip, resting his empty hand on his waist. “Cooking is a messy job, you’re not doing it right if you’re not wearing the food.” He spoke with his nose in the air as if it wasn’t the most obvious fact. He grinned and flung the blender elsewhere. “Besides~” He slinked closer, “It’s not like we haven’t been this messy before~” He giggled and trailed a finger down your shoulder.

Your cheeks heated before you pulled back. “Hey! No distracting me!” You scolded though it didn’t hold much strength behind it.

He smirked, “So, what’s next?” He leaned in. 

You grabbed your phone, noting it was full of the wet mix, “Okay, it says we have to make a well in the dry ingredients and then… slowly fold them together.” 

“What the fuck does well mean?” He asked.

“What the fuck does fold mean?” You peered at him, brows creased.

He pursed his lips in thought before glancing at you. “Maybe like a blanket?” 

“Like… With our hands?” You held your hands up, glancing back and forth between the two.

“Well, how else do you fold things?” He shrugged. Fizz grabbed you and extended his legs up to place you on the counter before sitting opposite of you, the bowl in the middle. 

“Okay, make a well.” You pushed the dry mix around until it had an empty space in the middle. “Now add the wet mix.” Fizz dumped it all but graciously in. “And fold!” His hands slammed into the bowl, splattering the contents around and onto the both of you. You laughed as he continued his ‘folding’ methods messily. The folding being more of a throw your hands together and hope for the best.

The dry mix clouded upwards and attached to both of you, along with small splatters of the partially mixed dough. It flung around the kitchen, landing alongside the previous mess, hitting cupboards, counters, the fridge, even as far as the dining table. Your giggles mixed in with Fizz’s, the mixing becoming the main event of cooking breakfast. 

“What is going on in here?” A loud voice called out from the doorway. Ozzie stood there, mouth fallen with wide eyes as he stared at the condition of the kitchen. He was in the middle of tying his robe, frozen as he finally saw you and Fizz sitting on the counter. Both completely covered in pancake mix. You blinked at Ozzie, watching him take cautious steps forward. 

“Aww, you weren’t supposed to wake up, Ozzie!” Fizz whined, shoulders slumping.

“You sleep in any other day!” You added, “Why on all days do you wake up early today!” You pouted alongside your imp boy. 

“Maybe because hearing you two giggling maniacally all the way from the bedroom intrigued me.” He finally stood before you and Fizz. “And for good reason! Look at this place!” He gestured to the kitchen, “There’s… What is this…?” He scooped up a bit onto his finger from the counter and stuck it in his mouth. A second passed by before he physically recoiled. “Oh no.” He shuttered, the feeling coursing throughout his entire body. “No, no! You two!” He glared down at your forms. “What did I say about you cooking!”

You blinked up at Oz, seeing his face scowl but Ram and Bull showed his true endearing emotions. They always seemed to break his tough facade. You smirked towards Fizz, him reading you almost instantly. He shoved the bowl aside and scooted towards you.

“But you love us~” You smiled real big, eyes misting into a pretty sparkle. Fizz leaned in, squishing his cheek against yours and mirroring your expression. You grasped his hands and pulled his body close, chests flushed against each other. 

“Don’t you~?” Fizzy added, pulling the last word out and pouting his lips.  

Ozzie crossed in arms while staring down at you both, he felt himself slowly breaking at the sight. “Don’t say that every time you two make a mess!” He turned away, eyes shutting tight. His chest rising a few times in frustrated huffs, his expression melting. His eyes peaked down at your forms, “Auogh! I can’t stay mad at you guys when you do that!”

“We know~!” You giggled, eyes sliding to Fizz as you turned to each other, noses brushing in a small victory. His sleek metal limbs wrapping around you and squeezing.

“Womp womp!” Fizz laughed and hugged you tighter.

“Look at my messy little Fizzy-Frog and Bunny-Wunny!” Large arms encircled the both of you, scooping you into the air and spinning. “Looks like I'll have to get you both washed up.” His voice sank a few octaves, "Care to join me for a nice deep clean?" Eyes narrowing with a growing smirk.

Who were you to deny your King of Lust?

likes and reblogs appreciated !! ♡

[deldaydreams]

Mafia Au/Good luck while running away from mafia part 5

İntro, Part 0.5 , Part1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , part 4 , part 6

Warnings: yandere stuff, my not too good English, mentions of death , fighting stuff, too long?..

Tags: @hrhqueenfox , @hasty-desert , @oceanside-pixie , @lianreine , @h3apm3ch4n151m , @cecilebutcher , @ayachansan , @roseapov , @randomlyappearingartist , @serenity-loves-red , @wonderlandcrown , @nightw-izhu , @moonlight-nightwing , @lorkai , @lucid-stories , @morokumi, @lloyura , @juliechi , @noemiaaomi , @eternal-ways @stingywiththeirusername , @00hellohello00 , @bougrell , @akumo-shioki , @beutifulthingsiadore, @kchan3s , @aryuunachigiri , @literallyangy , @sxftiebee

The sound of hard and fast footsteps echoed in the hallway. You suddenly opened the wooden door. The dark-skinned man sitting in the room was startled by your sudden opening of the door. However, he grinned when he saw that it was you who entered.

“Oh my little imp~ what wind brought you here?”

He opened his arms affectionately. However, you did not answer. You closed the circuit breaker of the room. Then you drew the curtains.

“Uh Y/n?”

After looking around for a while, you sat on the chair across from him.

“Please give me your phone.” You said coldly.

“Uh Y/n, you are acting really weird right now-“

You cut him off.

“Please give me your phone and any recording device you have, otherwise I am not responsible for what happens Sam-san.”

He gave you his phone in confusion. After closing up his phone , you threw the file in your hand on the table between the two of you.

“This?”

“I will be frank. We both know you sent this, Sam-san. The seal gives you away, I think you used it. To get me to come to you. Explain. Is what it says here true?”

The dark skinned man grinned. He leaned back in his chair.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about-“

You pulled a check from your pocket and placed it on the table.

“Talk.”

The man’s eyes lit up when he saw the check.

“Oh, they really pay you well, huh? Okay, let’s talk then. Yes, I sent it and you know I do my job well, everything it says there is true.”

You clenched your teeth . You tensed up because you heard something you didn’t want to hear, but you had to stay calm.

“Someone must have asked you to send me these documents, otherwise I don’t think you would send me this just to do me a favor. Tell me, who was the client who asked you to look into these documents and send them to me?”

“Oh, my little devil, please you’re breaking my heart. I’m not that bad of a person, but yes, a client of mine asked me to look into this, but I can’t tell you who it is.”

“How much do you want?”

“Oh sweetie, I can’t answer this question even if you give me your entire bank account, I’m sorry. Another question?”

“Why? Why would they do something like that? The executives… why would they frame me? What have I ever done to them?” You were trying to control your voice.

“Well, I don’t know. No one knows what’s going through those maniacs minds. But it’s not a complete lie, I mean I’m talking about your blood relationship with that man-“

“I eliminated that man, and as my first duty! I didn’t even know about that man… until I got my hands on these documents. But I never betrayed the organization. Why?.. so who knows about the current situation?”

“So as far as I know, the executives naturally. Me, you and my Client.”

“So are you and your client on my side?”

“I don’t know about my client, but I only care about my money and of course it depends on the risk involved.”

You stood up. You adjusted your suit.

“You won’t tell anyone about our conversation today, Sam-san. Also, I have a job for you. I want you to report to me every step the executives take. Understood? if you do anything wrong-“

You took out your voice recorder from your pocket.

“I’ll drag you with me. Understood? Good. If anyone asks, I was here for the tea.”

You walked towards the door. Sam stood up at your words.

“Hey, how am I supposed to follow all of them at the same time? Hey Y/n!”

He tried to protest. You turned around before leaving.

“That’s your problem. And I’ll pay you as much as I can, don’t worry.”

And you left the information dealer alone in the room.

-

As you walked towards your office, you noticed that the door wasn’t locked. When you opened the door, you were met with Deuce. The moment you entered, the navy-haired Heartslabyul boy turned to you.

“Deuce? Why are you here?”

“Oh, hello Y/n. Trey-san made a strawberry cake. He asked me to bring it to you.”

“I see. Thank you…”

Your eyes drifted to the potted plant behind Deuce. He was busy with it until he noticed you had entered.

“By the way, how did you get in?”

“Oh, the door was unlocked.”

The door was unlocked , you thought to yourself.

“I see. If there’s nothing else, I’ll see you off. Don’t make Riddle-san mad with your absence, hmm?”

You tried to send him off.

“Oh, yeah…Right. See you then, Y/n.”

After sending the navy-haired boy away, you slowly walked towards the potted plant. You slowly started to water the plant.

You found the small black device you were looking for among the leaves. I found it, you said to yourself. Apparently there was an extra camera in your office. An unwanted camera…

- Current Timeline

“Look at the state of yourself . You’re a complete mess .” The black-haired beautiful boy criticized you.

“As if I care that much.” You replied indifferently. You were checking the cables of the machines while eating your sandwich.

“By the way, it was almost impossible to get into the city. I would like to point out that they have posted men at all the entrances and exits. How do you plan on getting out?”

The black-haired boy spoke again.

“That’s my problem Neige, just focus on your job.”

“…what exactly did you do that the entire mafia is after you right now? You’re the most talked topic in the underworld right now.”

You didn’t answer. You just focused on your job.

“Hey, I provided you with all that food, water, clothes, weapons and vehicle. Can I at least get a proper answer?”

Neige whined. But you just ignored him.

“By the way, this is an old abandoned place? What are we doing in this amusement park?”

The black-haired assassin asked.

“We’ll hunt.” You replied. You had completed the final checks by now.

“We’ll hunt? Aren’t you the one being hunted? Besides, you’re injured.”

“Just do what I said. I’ve already paid you and your boss owes me. Besides I thought you wanted to see Vil-san.”

The young assassin opened his mouth to say something but chose to remain silent.

“Whatever. Look, the plan is that either Ignihyde or Pomefiore will most likely attack. Diasomnia usually prefers to be the last one to show up . Your job is to help me escape from Vil-san, okay? It’s that simple.”

You explained your plan to him.

“They will catch you anyway. Why are you running away? Nonsense.”

You took a deep breath.

“I wish your mouth was as pretty as your face… Just do what I say, you understand.”

The young assassin shrugged and you two started to wait.

“Here they come.” You said as you watched the footage of the camera you had repaired

“You’re lucky. Vil-san came too.” You said as you cut the cable of the camera you had repaired earlier.

“Uh, why did you only fix one camera and then cut the cable again?”

Neige pointed to the cable you had cut.

“There’s a good chance they’ll split up and someone will come here to check. Anyway, let’s get to work.”

-

“So, they are hiding here?”

The Rookie assassin asked as he got out of the car.

“Mmh. According to the road records we got, yes.” The blonde sniper confirmed.

“Anyway, there’s only one entrance and exit to this place, and that’s here. Rook, you stay here. Epel, you’re coming with me.”

The Pomefiore executive said.

“I can do this job on my own-“

Epel tried to object.

“Are you stupid? Even though they are injured, Y/n was trained by Divus Crewel himself. If you go one-on-one with them, your chances of winning are very low.”

Vil stopped him.

“I don’t think there’ll be any problems. If there’s a problem, we’ll notice it through our communication devices. Let him do what he wants.”

The sniper intervened. The blonde manager sighed.

“Okay. But your communication device will always be on, is that clear?”

-

The young assassin walked forward with confident steps. What a big amusement park, he thought. He headed towards a tent that looked like a large circus tent that caught his eye up ahead. Perhaps the person he was looking for was here.

Y/n L/n is the right-hand man of Boss Crowley, the apple of eye of the executives, and according to some rumors, Crowley's heir. Before Epel met them. he found them annoying. He thought it was ridiculous that all executives were circling around one person, but after meeting them , he understood why. Y/n wasn't perfect, but there was something about them that drew people to them, something he couldn't quite put his finger on...

Y/n was affectionate, they would intervene whenever Vil would scold him or punish him. Sometimes they would bring him gifts from their business trips. They would have regular movie nights with the other rookies…but everything was ruined. Y/n ruined everything. They betrayed them...

When Epel entered the big tent, he was sure that it was an old circus tent. He started looking around… I guess they are not here, he thought to himself. He had just turned around when something fell on him from above. Someone.

The young assassin jumped back reflexively.

He was speechless when he saw the person in front of him.

“Oh, it’s just you. I thought it was Vil-san and got excited. Anyway, let’s finish this quickly.”

Neige LeBlanche. The best assassin in the underworld outside of Vil. The assassin who was always compared to Vil by many people. Just like Vil’s nickname was Poisoned Apple, Neige’s was Snow White. He was also the assassin of the rival mafia.

“So Y/n really did betray us, huh?” Epel said nervously.

The black-haired assassin didn’t answer. He just smiled…

-

Vil walked forward with firm and confident steps. For some reason, he had a feeling that the person he was looking for would be here, in the mirror maze. He stopped and focused. There were faint footsteps…they are here, he thought to himself.

He focused on where the footsteps were coming from…Clank!

“Oh, I broke the wrong mirror.” And again, and again…

The sound of mirrors breaking echoed through the maze.

And again, Clank!

You jumped back.

“Oh, I found you!” He grinned mischievously, like a child who had finally gotten a toy he had wanted for a long time.

He swung his dagger at your injured shoulder, but you managed to dodge.

“Bastard.” You said.

He grinned. You dodged as he attacked.

You could have attacked him if you wanted, but no. Vil’s goal was to distract you. You had to focus on and avoid his attacks . At least until Neige came.

Vil’s nickname wasn’t poisoned apple for nothing. He would kill his victims by poisoning them. He would also poison most of the weapons he used. So that dagger should never touch you.

You jumped back again. But suddenly Vil stopped.

“Look at you, nch nch nch… you are a mess. How much can you resist me, hmm? Besides, you are injured. If you surrender, even though you are a traitor, I can help you with your punishment. ”

“Traitor? Oh no, you are the one who betrayed. You betrayed me! All of you! I am only saving myself.” You said harshly.

Vil’s face tightened when he heard the word betrayal.

“We didn’t betray you. We just took precautions.”

You laughed unwillingly at his words.

“Precautions? Who do you think you are kidding? I heard those conversations with my own ears. Whether you accept it or not. You stabbed me from my back . I was going to be declared a traitor one way or another.”

Vil started to attack aggressively again, and you got defensive.

Where was Neige?..

Vil tried to hit your injured shoulder again, and just as you were about to retreat, a voice came.

“Vil-san!”

Neige LeBlance had finally arrived.

You backed away while Vil was distracted by the voice.

The black-haired assassin quickly attacked the blonde assassin.

“You’re late,” you said.

“Sorry, I ran into a little rookie on the way. Well, the rest is up to me. You can leave.” Neige replied.

“So you’re working with RSA, huh? And you’re saying you didn’t betray us!” Neige’s presence was more than enough to drive Vil crazy. You knew that very well. That was one of the reasons you wanted Neige. He was Vil’s greatest enemy.

You grinned and ran away from the mirror maze.

-

As you expected, you saw the blonde sniper at the entrance. He was waiting cross-legged.

He must have noticed your arrival because he stood up and smiled. There were only a few meters between you.

“It’s been a long time, huh? You have no idea how much I missed you.”

“I suggest you run, Rook. Vil obviously placed you here just in case, but I advise you not to waste time with me. I don’t know how your little rookie Epel is doing right now.”

The blonde man’s eyebrow rose at your words.

“What do you mean by ‘I don’t know’?”

You grinned to break the sniper’s composure.

“It’s true that I can’t ‘harm’ him, but who knows what an enemy assassin might do to him? If I were you, I’d hurry up and find him, otherwise…” you didn’t finish the sentence. Your words were enough to make the sniper nervous.

He looked at you one last time.

“You’ll get caught sooner or later, you know that.”

He said and walked away to find the young rookie as soon as possible.

And as for you, You got into the car you asked Neige to provide for you and drove away.

-

“Agh! You’ve got to be kidding me!” Ashton Vargos, once again frustrated, took the money from his losing bet out of his wallet and reluctantly handed it to Sam.

“It’s going pretty well so far, huh? But some people seem to be in a bad mood.” Crowley sipped his tea.

“Stop messing with Crewel, Crowley.”

Mozus Trein said.

“Trein-sensei, I didn’t do anything.” Crowley said mischievously.

“ You are truly the devil himself .” Trein sighed.

“You’re breaking my heart, Trein-sensei. I’m a real gentleman. Everyone knows that.” Crowley said, his voice wasn’t like the voice of someone who was upset, but rather a mocking tone.

“Of course, whatever you say. It's not like you killed the previous Boss and framed Ramshackle, who was the biggest threat to your seat. Now you're doing the same to them ... are you having fun?" Mozus Trein said. His voice was calm, perhaps because of his age.

"Very much. I'm having so much fun."

[eldritchcreatureofwords]

OK, because ya'll need to hear it.

THERE WAS NOTHING OZZIE COULD HAVE DONE IN THAT TRIAL. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. "Oh, but Foxxe, he could have spoken up!" Bee did! And she was instantly brushed off and shut up. She barely got so much as an acknowledgement. Vassago did! And he was also shut down. Hard. He got more of a say then Bee did, likely because he was taken more seriously than the silly, childish Sin of Gluttony, but still no one even pretended to listen to him. Moxxie did. Blitz himself did. Did none of you hear what Blitz said at the end? Because he was right and it was true. Satan was never going to listen to anyone. Maybe, maybe if they'd managed to vote in a proper trial, he would have been forced to, but the rational people in the room lost the vote. The only reason Stolas got heard was because he made such a big scene, made himself impossible to ignore- and was the point of the trial in the first place. "Oh, but Foxxe, the crystal!" Cool, cool. So that means nothing. No, really. The crystal means fuck all. Even if this trial weren't rigged, even if anyone was willing to listen, even if people actually thought Blitz had done something wrong and didn't just not give a shit- Blitz still acquired his means to earth illegally in the first place. Just because you buy a car years later doesn't unsteal the one you stole in your teens, and it doesn't make that suddenly not illegal. Now, Stolas gave Blitz access to the book, but that's still illegal (apparently) and even if it wasn't, it's pretty clear that's not what he's actually on trial for. He's 'on trial' for supposedly raping, assaulting, manipulating, and stealing from a Goetia. They're making Blitz out to be the monster Stella really is. It's not just about the book, and even if it was, the crystal would not undo the illegal actions taken originally. "Oh, but Foxxe, he could have said something about Striker!!" Oh, right, cool, yeah. But, uh, one question. Why???? It's not like the council thinks Striker is some good-faith high-class excellent beacon of shining morale. They know he's an assassin. He is literally here to get amnesty. What is Ozzie going to say? "Oh, this guy who kills people for a living? He tried to kill my boyfriend!" Um, duh, of course he did, no shit, he's a POS. If anything, that would easily be twisted to make Blitz look like a psychopath who set Striker on Fizz, too. And it would have brought Ozzie's relationship with Fizzie out onto the table, which is a can of worms no one wants to deal with.

Yes, they're open now, but fuck only knows if Satan or any of the other sins know that- and even if they do, it puts Ozzie's words/testimony in nebulous light because Blitz is Fizzie's friend, and Fizzie is Ozzie's lover. Plus, as a 'dirty imp fucker' Ozzie may well dig everyone's hole even deeper and further complicate the situation. Ozzie is flat-out-stated to be the 'weakest and least threatening' of the Sins. Satan is the strongest, save perhaps Luci himself, who isn't fucking there because he's currently in a room buried up to the Goddamn neck in rubber duckies and having a fucking crisis while his people and his domain sort of fall down around his stupid adorable ears. Ozzie's not going to pick a fight he can't win. Because he wouldn't win it. Satan would flatten him and we all fucking know it. Even if he did go scorched earth and just start a Goddamn fight in the courtroom, what does that solve? Precisely nothing. You would, best case scenario, have I.M.P on the run, Ozzie a traitor, and Stolas and Blitz still in their Divorce Era, miserable and alone, now with added Half of Hell on their Heels for extra emotional and mental damage! So, in summation- Ozzie couldn't do jack fucking all in that trial. And to hope that Fizzie hates him, is angry with him, or they break up over this is really small and silly and absolutely does not do justice to the characters- and I'm not even getting into some of the flanderizing bullshit I see saying Ozzie is racist and implying that his relationship with Fizzie isn't as healthy as it seems and it's all about to come to light. I'm not saying Fizz can't be mad. I'm not saying they don't need to talk. I'm not saying it's not traumatic and stressful or doesn't need to be addressed. I'm saying that ultimately Ozzie's hands were fucking tied and that a ten year plus relationship is not a lie that is about to fall apart or crack. And if it does, I'm going to be pretty disappointed in Vivz. (I'll keep loving the show, of course, just be disappointed.) I'm saying that ya'll need to stop acting like Ozzie is an evil, hypocritical, or selfish douchebag for not flinging himself on the pyre pointlessly. I'm saying that while I think it will be addressed, I really think ultimately Fizz is a compassionate, intelligent, empathetic person who will understand why Ozzie couldn't do anything and will be glad the man he loves- the man he loves, ya'll- did not cut off his nose to spite his face.

[lost-romantique]

"We aren't a family, sir!"

"We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees!"

"Who's that?"

"Oh, her? That's just Loona. What a nightmare. Serious attitude problems... She'll be out of our hair next month when she ages out. Good riddance, if you ask me. She'll never amount to anything much."

"Fuck, Blitzo! Why can't you stay out of my face for, like, five minutes?!"

"Because, I adopted you! And that should mean something!"

"Oh, what does it matter?! You're not my real dad! I was almost eighteen!"

"It still counts!"

"Well, it shouldn't! I didn't need you then, asshole! I don't, now!"

"I love you, dad."

"Okay, not much of a talker, are you? I'm Blitzo, the "o" is silent. I'm sure we're going to get along just fine. So, what's your deal? What'd you do? Who'd you diddle? You look like someone good with a gun. You look like someone who could shoot up an office-"

"I'm just worried about Millie. She'll be on her way by now, I'm sure!"

"Ugh, she'll be fine, Moxxie. It would take a roided-up hippo to take down that woman when she's upset."

"We've never dealt with the human government before! She's in danger!"

"Do you ever honestly shut up about Millie?! It's always "Oh, how's Millie?" "I can't tonight. I'm hangin' with Millie!" "I'm so worried about Millie!" And she's ALWAYS... FIVE FUCKIN' FEET away from you! It's pathetic!"

"Do you remember what you said to me after my first day with the company?"

"Not really..."

"I remember. You told me I did a good job and that you were proud to work with me. I feel like you wanted to say something more judgmental, but... you said that because I needed it... And it helped."

"Look, I'm hard on you, because I know what you're capable of, Mox. You care too much about what everyone thinks except for... me, because, y'know, my opinion is correct, but just... keep doing a good job. 'Kay? You shoot 'n kill good, you escape things easy... you can be strategic and cold-blooded when you need to, aaaand don't expect any more compliments; I'm maxed out."

"Thank you, sir."

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Someone with an eye for potential. Now you wanna keep working for peanuts, or do you want to shake things up?"

"I'm done. I don't wanna play ghost hunter with you, and I-"

"Uh, it's ghost-fuckers"

"I wasn't done! You know, I always love to have fun with you, and I ain't said boo to you moping around like a sad sack for weeks. But we have bills to pay... So look, you can go be pathetic and play sex ghosts, if that's what you need to do, but I gotta get this job done!"

"Fine! Who needs you anyway!? Bethany Ghost-Fucker works ALONE!"

"We're just Wrathians, Blitz. Muscle. It's all we're good for, all I'm good for. It's why you hired me. Any demon good at making a buck is welcome in Lust or Greed, but here? Demons like us ain't cut out for this."

"Uh... fuck you!"

"What?"

"Millie, I have spent too much of my time, energy, and holes into setting this up for us to entertain your bullshit. I brought you into this company for a reason, okay? You're tougher, smarter, and frankly more capable than anyone I've ever met in any ring..."

"Look. What I said earlier, you've just always been so unbothered by everything. Almost bulletproof and, I guess I never realized how much I depended on that. I didn't know how to react to you being reduced to…Bethany. But I should've respected you like you always do for me. I'm sorry."

"NO! Not them, Your Highness! It was me, it was all me, okay? Y-you can't expect to teach anyone a lesson by killing all of us!"

"You dare try to tell me how to PUNISH!?"

"Look, all that Hell is gonna see is you executing imps who are just trying to do their job! I'm the rogue here, not them!"

"Blitz, what are you doing?"

"Your Highness, please. Blitz just--"

"Moxxie, stop."

"Blitz, I can't let you-"

"This big red bitch never planned on hearing us out... Just... just take care of Loona for me."

"I love you, guys."

"Sir-sir, you're here!"

"Dad!"

"Don't you ever do that to me again, you fucking idiot!"

Moxxie was right, they are most definitely not a family. /sarcasm

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Malleus Draconia - New Year's Attire Vignette

"I should just pull this cord out once, correct?"

[Mister S's Mystery Shop]

[Malleus casts spells]

Malleus: Now then, I've used my magic to organize the shelves. What should I do next…?

Ignihyde Student A: Ooh. This laptop's pretty cheap. Though, I can't check how it'd operate, since it's got no power.

Ignihyde Student B: Apparently if you ask one of the guys working here, they'll power it up for you, so we should ask someone. Let's see if there's anyone free…

Malleus: Yes? Is there something I can do for you?

Ignihyde Student A: Eek... I just made eye contact with Malleus Draconia...! U-UH, NO, SIR! I WILL ASK SOMEONE ELSE!

Malleus: The others are currently busy with their own duties. I can assist you if there is something in the store you need.

Ignihyde Student B: Uhh… R-Right then, so… Could I get this computer booted up for a sec… Pretty please?

Malleus: This mechanical box, is it? …If I recall, the others would simply press this button here to turn it on.

[click]

Malleus: It isn't working. When this happens, I should pull this cord out once, correct? That is what Lilia once taught me.

Ignihyde Student A: Eh, you're going to completely unplug it!? But isn't it still in the process of starting up…?

[snap!! crackle, crackle!]

Ignihyde Student B: Eek! It sparked! That was a pretty strong yank…

Malleus: Alright. Now I simply have to do the same thing once more.

[click…THUD!!!]

[the power goes out]

Malleus: Hm? All the lights in the store seem to have turned off.

Sam: It's a power outage! I'll go check on the breakers, so I need all you little imps to stay right where you are for safety!

Heartslabyul Student A: It's so dark I can't see anything…! What's going on!?

Pomefiore Student A: I totally saw some sparks a second ago! Malleus Draconia must have done something! We need to run for our lives!!

Malleus: Wait. Sam said to stay right where you are.

Malleus: I warn each and every one of you… I will not allow anyone to take one step out of this store.

Students: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

[everyone runs way]

Floyd: Ahah. I can't believe you caused a power outage, Sea Slug-senpai. That cracks me up.

Malleus: I simply was attempting to turn on that mechanical box.

Sam: It seems you pulled out the plug while it was still one, didn't you, my little horned imp?

Sam: Because of that the plug shorted out, and when you plugged it back in, it tripped the breaker.

Sam: In a nutshell… That's what caused the store's lights to go out.

Jamil: At least the laptop is fine, and the power's restored once the breaker was flipped.

Jamil: But… Now we have another problem on our hands.

[cricket, cricket...]

Jack: Looks like it. The power's back on, but all the customers that left haven't come back in.

Floyd: Ain't it just 'cause Sea Slug-senpai scared 'em all off?

Malleus: I scared them? Perhaps I may have been the cause of the power outage, but all I did after that was caution those who would go against Sam's instructions.

Jamil: Well, that's… I mean, if they heard your voice echoing in the darkness like that… You know…

Sam: Now, now. I know none of this was done with any malicious intent.

Sam: But we're a business, after all. We can't lose customers and lose sales, now can we? There needs to be some kind of penalty.

Sam: So, I'll just deduct points from your total score towards the special bonus.

Jamil: A point deduction because we caused a decrease in customers, hm. Now that's a serious blow.

Malleus: …I neither intend to lose this competition, nor do I wish to be held in disdain.

Malleus: Whatever the outcome, I must take responsibility for my actions.

Malleus: I shall see our customers returned, and our sales up once more.

Sam: Oh? You're talking a big game there. I see that glint in your eyes… I can tell you mean it.

Sam: Nyeheehee! Alright then, I'll give you a change.

Sam: If you can make more sales today than you did yesterday before we close, then I'll waive everything that happened earlier! How's that?

Malleus: I understand. I shall see it done.

[Mister S's Mystery Shop]

Malleus: My apologies. I seem to have been a burden, Viper.

Jamil: Please, no need to say that. If anyone from Diasomnia learned that I had you apologizing to me, I'd never hear the end of it!

Jamil: However, will it even be possible to increase sales to more than we earned yesterday in the time we have remaining today…?

Malleus: We only need to draw back in the customers that left. Wait here.

[Beside Mister S's Mystery Shop]

[Heartslabyul students chatter]

Malleus: Ah, perfect, there are some humans milling about. You all there, have you purchased what you need from the New Year's Sale?

Malleus: Now is your chance to peruse our wares at your leisure. You would do well to come in.

Heartslabyul Student B: ACK… IT'S MALLEUS DRACONIA!

Heartslabyul Student C: I heard a rumor… His magic brought down a streak of lightning crashing down into the store and it knocked out all the lights!

Malleus: What?

Heartslabyul Student B: I-I even heard that he tried to forcefully drag customers back into the dark shop… I'm too scared!

Students: R-RUN AWAY―――!!

[they run away]

[Mister S's Mystery Shop]

Malleus: I don't recall that happening whatsoever.

Jamil: It seems the incident has been embellished beyond reason.

Jamil: Perhaps we need to do something to reverse this frightening impression you've seem to have left on people.

Jamil: For example, what if we were to fix how you interact with customers? That is… Maybe try to be a bit less stiff…

Jack: I just saw a bunch of guys in front of the shop that looked like they had all the blood drained from their face… Oh, I see, it was just Malleus-senpai.

Floyd: Oh, right, just Malleus-senpai.

Malleus: What do you mean, "oh"? What are you implying?

Jack: Nothing, just thought they looked real put out.

Malleus: What is that supposed to mean? Certainly, the power outage from before may have caused some sort of misunderstanding…

Malleus: However, I've never received a single complaint on how I interact with customers.

Floyd: I mean, isn't that just 'cause you just bein' there puts immense pressure on 'em?

Malleus: I've only ever treated them as I would anyone else…

Sam: Oh me, oh my, it looks like we only have our staff inside the store. How about we try to bring some customers in?

Malleus: You're right. Allow me.

Jamil: YOU CAN STAY RIGHT HERE, MALLEUS-SENPAI!

Jack: Sam-san, you're carrying something pretty big there. Is that some new product?

Sam: Oh, this? Another shop sent it to me out of the blue.

Malleus: Hm, it has a bright red face and some magnificent golden teeth. And these… aren't horns, but ears, yes? What a curious creature.

Jamil: What kind of beast is this creature supposed to resemble? It sort of resembles a lion.

Sam: You're right! This big guy is a ＳＨＩＳＨＩＭＡＩ, a legendary beast from the east that resembles a lion.

Sam: It is a talisman that brings good fortune during the New Year's over there. It may give the impression of being an unapproachable creature…

Sam: But these guys'll show up at New Year festivals and go around blessing people with luck in the coming year by chomping on their heads!

Jack: Eh? Are those people alright after getting their heads bit!?

Sam: Oh, oops, I didn't mean for you to misunderstand. It's merely a play bite, they're not really harming them.

Sam: We have these set up at the entrance to the eastern branch of our shop, so another shop tried to also put them out.

Sam: But it seems many customers find how they look scary. These got shipped over to us, to see if there was something we can do with them.

Malleus: I see. Although it is a creature specifically for ringing in the new year, people are frightened and avoid it…

Malleus: …Sam, I will be borrowing this ＳＨＩＳＨＩＭＡＩ for a moment. I shall use my magic to puppeteer it and bring customers back in.

Floyd: What, the guy everyone's scared of is gonna use a bit of decoration that everyone's also scared of to try and bring people in? Ain't that gonna just scare 'em off even more?

Malleus: A talisman from a far-off land should pique their curiosity.

Malleus: It will be enough if I simply use my magic to manipulate it to move as if it were alive, to garner the people's eye.

Malleus: I will test how it moves. I shall leave my post for a moment, I leave you all to take of things.

Jamil: Uh… Malleus-senpai?

[Courtyard]

Malleus: Hm… I consulted some eastern resources… Is this how it should be moving?

Jamil: Ah, I thought you'd be here.

Malleus: Viper. How did you know where to find me?

Jamil: I assumed that you'd be in a pretty open space if you were going to try to maneuver something that big.

Jamil: Is there anything I may help you with?

Jamil: It's not like there's any use sticking around the shop when business is slow, after all…

Jamil: I can't just stand around while our team's special bonus and the shop's profit are in jeopardy.

Malleus: Then, perhaps you could provide me your opinions on how the ＳＨＩＳＨＩＭＡＩ should move.

Malleus: I've no trouble manipulating it with my magic, yes…

Malleus: However, I require a solution in order for it to move smooth enough to draw in customers.

Jamil: I understand. Then, I will observe your movements and support you to the best of my abilities.

[Courtyard]

[ZOOM!!]

Malleus: How did that movement seem?

Jamil: It was so fast I couldn't see anything!

Jamil: It may be a legendary beast, but I can't imagine it would move that fast… I think it would be better for it to move slower.

Malleus: I thought perhaps that would give it more life… Then, I suppose this time I will attempt to move it more serenely.

Malleus: I should tilt and turn its head slowly… Have it dance in the heavens as if rising from the earth…

[GRAH!!]

Jamil: …!? What was that move just now…!?

Malleus: Oh, did it seem alive?

Jamil: No, not at all.

Jamil: It was just moving in an unnatural way for a real, living creature… So I imagined a terrifying monster instead.

Malleus: Terrifying? Well, that would just cause the people to flee even more.

Malleus: It seems there is still much room for improvement. I'll focus on how the joints move next. Let's see, now…

Malleus: …This was a failure as well. Moving it with my magic may be simple enough, and yet it is attempting to give it life that is eluding me.

Malleus: What must I do to have it move with an elegance that will draw the humans back in?

Jamil: …......

Malleus: What is it, Viper? You've been silent for some while now. Have you exhausted yourself?

Jamil: Ah, no…

Jamil: I just couldn't get out of my head how terrifying the ＳＨＩＳＨＩＭＡＩ was as it moved.

Jamil: It almost seemed as though it could swallow us whole… It left a pretty big impact on me.

Malleus: So, you say it left an unforgettable impression on you?

Malleus: Hm…

Jamil: What's wrong? Is something the matter?

Malleus: I've just had a good idea… I think I know what would attract the people.

[Beside Mister S's Mystery Shop]

A few hours later―

Scarabia Student A: I want to go see the sales at the Mystery Shop…

Students: BUT MALLEUS DRACONIA'S TOO SCARY!!

Scarabia Student A: Is it true that he got mad during his shift and fired down lightning bolts? Maybe we should just go home…

Savanaclaw Student A: Hey, something is coming.

[rustle, rustle, ROOOAR!!]   

Savanaclaw Student A: Ack, what's that monster!? There's a huge lion-lookin' thing floating in the air.

Scarabia Student A: It's creepy with how it's wiggling like that… Why's there a terrifying monster like that on campus?

[drifts away]

Savanaclaw Student A: Oh, it's going back towards the Mystery Shop.

Students: …

Scarabia Student A: That was scary, but… Why do I feel like checking it out?

Savanaclaw Student A: I totally get you! I'd never seen anything like that…

Savanaclaw Student A: …Let's go after it!

[Mister S's Mystery Shop]

Scarabia Student A: Huh? It's pitch black in here… Where'd that thing from earlier go?

Malleus: Welcome.

Savanaclaw Student A: AAAAH, IT'S MALLEUS DRACONIA!!

Malleus: You've come for this, have you not? Heh, I am not surprised it piqued your curiosity.

Malleus: This is called a ＳＨＩＳＨＩＭＡＩ, and it is considered a talisman of good fortune in the east.

Savanaclaw Student A: A talisman? So, basically, you're saying…

Malleus: That's correct, I am making it move with my magic.

[GWAK!]

Savanaclaw Student A: The  just raised its head up high and gave a howl before dancing in the air again! It's really got spirit…!

Pomefiore Student B: Seeing a strange unearthly creature next to Draconia like this… It gives me chills.

Pomefiore Student C: I-It's scary… Just lookin' at it feels overwhelming.

Students: BUT… I CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF IT. I JUST KEEP GETTING SUCKED IN…!

Sam: Ｆｌｙ! You did good, my horned imp!

Sam: We've got twice the number of customers and profits from before the slump. I was worried there for a moment, but it looks like it was a blessing in disguise!

Jamil: Right now, there is a sight that cannot be witnessed anywhere else…

Jamil: Once that rumor got out, it became a grand success that's packed this shop full of customers.

Floyd: Looks like even the miniature ＳＨＩＳＨＩＭＡＩ are all gettin' sold, too. These morons're too easy.

Malleus: I simply took Viper's advice and suggested we sell them. He said that for occasions such as these, a memento would be highly sought after.

Jamil: To be perfectly honestly, I didn't actually think they'd sell this well. All this must be due to Malleus-senpai's influence.

Malleus: My influence, hm. Well, I do admit that I thought long and hard about that because of this incident.

Jack: Hm? What does that mean?

Malleus: Viper said that the way the ＳＨＩＳＨＩＭＡＩ moved was unforgettable and terrifying…

Malleus: So I thought to myself. Why is the ＳＨＩＳＨＩＭＡＩ considered a legendary beast, although it is feared by many?

Malleus: When humans fear something, it means that they are in awe of its power.

Malleus: Whether they are frightened or entranced by it, there is a fine line between fear and reverence.

Malleus: Thus, wouldn't it make sense drawing out the feelings of reverence from the thing that evokes fear, and gain the attention of those people?

Sam: I see… Did you come up with that because of what you experienced?

Sam: I'd expect nothing less from you, my horned imp. I'm sure the ＳＨＩＳＨＩＭＡＩ are also happy to have their moment in the spotlight, as well.

Sam: Just as I promised, I'll consider that slump earlier completely forgotten. If anything else, I'll consider it bonus points towards your special bonus!

[knock, knock, knock]

Diasomnia Student A: Um! Do you guys still have some of those mini ＳＨＩＳＨＩＭＡＩ for sale!?

Octavinelle Student A: I hear that if we buy that, we'd gain awesome magical power just like Malleus Draconia. I absolutely need one!

Sam: Oh, my. They're still coming, even though we're supposed to be closed… Tomorrow may be just as busy as today, at this rate.

Jamil: Malleus-senpai, looks like you were a hit. …Although, I feel like their reactions are still kind of self-centered.

Malleus: I'm paying it no mind. I consider the work I have done here to simply be another experience that dots my brief time as a student here.

Malleus: I want to be able to enjoy myself until the very end. I shall overlook any minor issues.

Sam: You said it. Keep those vibes going all the way 'til the last day for me.

Malleus: Naturally. You may leave it to me.

Malleus: I shall use my awe-inspiring power that toes the line of fear to continue to bring in even more customers.

Requested by Anonymous.

[hazbinshusk]

blitzø x fem!reader.

the day after another full moon, blitzø comes into the office bragging about his sexual prowess. when you make one too many snide comments about it, he decides to show you just how good stolas gets it every month.

based on an anonymous request and far longer than I originally planned.

4k.

featuring: pure smut, bondage, oral sex (m&f receiving), breathplay, dom!blitzø, overstimulation, degradation, daddy kink, sex in the i.m.p. office, creampies, very minor bloodplay.

“Well,” Blitzø makes a show of stretching his arms out in front of him as he comes strolling into the office, interlacing his fingers and cracking his knuckles. “If the way his Royal Bird-ness was still shakin’ and droolin’ when I left is any indication, we’re good for at least another – where the fuck are you guys?!”

You roll your eyes from where you’re holed up in the conference room, suddenly wishing you had decided to work from home today. The last thing you were in the mood for was listening to your boss brag ad nauseum about his sex life; you’d had the latest of a long string of bad dates last night, and while they’d actually managed to impress you enough to earn the chance to come home with you, they’d proved quickly disappointing.

“In here!” you call out despite your reluctance, your feet kicked up on the table in front of you, and you fold your arms across your chest.

“The fuck is everyone else?” The imp demands as he enters.

“On a Sunday? D’you really think M&M are gonna come in on their day off just to hear you brag about how you fucked the prince again?”

“Well, you’re here, aren’t ya?” he shoots back.

You wave a hand at the stack of papers piled up beside your shoes. “I pulled the short straw on paperwork this month. You’d remember that if you weren’t so busy thinking with your dick all the time.”

He narrows his eyes at you for a moment before shrugging and rounding the table to take his own seat at the head of it. You smack away the spade of his tail as it comes up to caress your cheek mockingly as he passes, and he snickers.

“Guess you’ll have to do, then. You wanna hear the panty-droppin’ play-by-play, or you want me to just tell you the gushiest top ten?”

You sigh heavily. “I’ve got work to do, Blitzø.”

He cocks an eyebrow at you, tail waving back and forth behind him. A downright evil grin plays across his features and he sing-songs, “Ooh, someone’s jealous.”

“Oh, sure,” you reply, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I just sit here all day, pining and completely wet with jealousy because you’re off fucking the owl instead of me. It’s a miracle I wasn’t just getting myself off right here thinking about it.”

Blitzø cocks an eyebrow, his gaze sliding down over your body. It lingers at where your thighs are pressed together, your knees against the edge of the table. He smirks up at you from under his brows when his eyes return to your face. “Hey, tits, don’t let me stop you. You wanna rub one out thinking about Stolas squirmin’ on my thick co—”

“For the love of Satan, please shut up.” you say dryly, and Blitzø cackles. “Besides, if you were half as good as you think you are, you wouldn’t constantly feel the need to tell us about it.”

The imp scoffs, sneering. “Bitch, I’m twice as good as I think I am.” He jabs a finger at you, tossing his sunglasses onto the table in front of him. “You might know that if you ever unwadded your panties from your ass long enough to have some fun.”

“Because ‘fun’ automatically translates to getting naked with you.”

He shrugs a shoulder, that infuriating, knowing smirk still in place. “Don’t have to be naked. Got plenty of things I could do to you without takin’ off a thread, and you’d still be gaggin’ for more. Besides, you’re so hard up and overdue for a good bone sesh that I bet I could get you beggin’ for it just as much as Birdy-boy does in half the time.”

“Uh-huh,” you manage to deadpan despite the way his words have sent heat rushing through your body to warm your belly and your cheeks. Instead, you lower your feet to the floor, pointedly dragging your paperwork across the table towards you. “Whatever you need to tell yourself, boss.”

“Hey!” he jabs his finger at you again, standing up so he can plant a hand on the table and lead towards you. “I don’t come in here and question your skill in the sack!”

“You just told me I was hard up!”

“Yeah, but that ain’t because of your…” he stops, eyes widening. A broad grin widens over his features as realization hits him and you hold back a grimace. “You had a date last night!”

Damnit Millie. “I—”

He pouts at you mockingly, leaning closer to you and further into your personal space. It’s getting harder to avoid his eye. “What’s the matter, sugartits? Did they get your motor runnin’ then fail to deliver all the rough and tumble you wanted? They get you all hot and bothered, all ready to beg for it like a good little slut and then leave you high and completely fucking dry?”

“Stop calling me that,” you snap, pointedly trying to ignore the insinuation. Because fuck the bastard, but he’s right… and something in his tone is really starting to send a prickling over your skin that leaves goosebumps in its wake.

Blitzø’s smile widens, darkening into something seductive as he moves around to your side of the table. He spins your chair towards him, taking hold of your knees and pressing them far enough apart to step up between them. You feel your face flush further. “Don’t avoid the question.”

You roll your eyes again, hands curling into fists in your lap as he leans ever closer into your personal space. His claws are still wrapped around your knees, and you feel them smooth up your thighs at a glacial pace. “Fuck, Blitzø, you’re such a fucking—”

His mouth meets your roughly, teeth grazing your bottom lip before he slides his tongue into your mouth. It’s hard and angry and hot, and he kisses you with enough force to press you back into the chair and knock the air out of your lungs. His hands are still on your thighs, and you feel his claws tighten on your flesh. Your curse yourself when you hear a whine slip out of you, and even muffled by his mouth, you just know he hears it too.

When he breaks the kiss you inhale sharply, and he only moves back to meet your eye again. His claws skim over the inside of your thighs tauntingly, and even through your jeans, it makes you shudder the closer he gets to the apex of your thighs.

“So,” Blitzø says, and the sudden huskiness to his voice makes you swallow. His tail is switching back and forth behind him, an almost predatory edge to the movement. There’s a challenge in his eyes, and despite everything, it thrills you. “You wanna fuck me or not?”

You exhale a breath in the hopes of steadying yourself. He knows the effect he’s having on you, the cocky bastard. “…You’re gonna be fucking insufferable either way, aren’t you?’

He nods slowly, that irritating, self-assured smile widening slightly.

You sigh, reaching up to take hold of the lapel of his jacket. He snickers as you tug him roughly back towards you.

“You know if you suck, I’m never gonna let you live it down, right?”

Blitzø’s attention has already dropped to your front, his fingers releasing your thighs to instead slowly unbutton your shirt. You shiver as his claws just ghost against your sternum as they move. “You gonna talk this much during?”

“Prick.”

“Bitch.”

 He spreads your shirt open, walking his fingers idly up your stomach. He palms your breast suddenly, grin widening as your breath hitches when he squeezes.

“Seriously, though, might wanna save your breath.” he continues, pinching your nipple hard. He grins when you jerk at the sudden pain. “’Cause you’re gonna need those lungs for all the ways you’re gonna wanna scream my name.”

“Ugh, you’re such a—”

Blitzø’s mouth is on yours again before you can finish the insult, one hand still on your breast. His other hand bunches in your hair, forcing your head back almost painfully. He bites at your bottom lip before his mouth moves lower, teeth and tongue teasing at your throat. His fangs graze your pulse point, and you hiss at the pain of it, feeling blood well up against your skin. His tongue slides over the same spot, and he purrs.

His other hand tugs the cup of your bra down to bare the soft flesh to the cold air and to him, palming it roughly. You arch under his touch, tightening your hand on his lapel and tugging him closer. Blitzø chuckles against your neck, straddling your thigh, and you shove his jacket off his shoulders.

“Shoulda known you’d be an eager little slut,” he mutters against your collarbone and you take his face in your hands, bringing him back into another heady kiss. One hand moves up to flick fingers over the spines between his horns, and he groans into your mouth. “Just like Stolas… you uptight bitches are always—”

“Shut the fuck up, Blitzø,” you snap back at him, taking hold of his horn as his mouth returns to your throat and lower, lips sucking a mark into the curve where your neck meets your collarbone.

He grinds down against your thigh and you thrill at the feeling of his hardening cock against you. When his tongue finds your nipple, you gasp.

“Nope,” he replies simply, annoyingly self-assured, his breath teasing the damp flesh of your breast. Your nipple tightens further under the caress of it. He cups a hand between your thighs, rubbing it roughly against your denim-covered cunt.  He toys with it through your pants for a moment, pulling his hand away as soon as a moan slips past your lips. “Now, get your hot little ass up, slut. Supplies are in my office.”

“The fuck do you need supplies for?!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Holy fuck, Blitzø!” you buck up into his mouth, eyes rolling back.

He’s got you spread out on the desk, your hands bound up with rope and tied to the base of the legs at one end. The length of the rope has forced your hands up over your head, the ache in your biceps completely eclipsed by the sensations between your thighs. Blitzø is kneeling between them, his tail wrapped tightly around one and his hand around the other, your knees thrown over his shoulders. He’s lifted you up off the desk so all your weight is balanced on your shoulder blades, his other hand wrapped around your stomach to reach his claws between your thighs to torture your clit.

His tongue is deep inside your cunt, the sound of his feasting on you the only thing competing with your moaning. Blitzø groans into you, and you swear you can feel his smirk when you try to grind your pussy up against his mouth, hindered by the position he has you in. His tongue finds your g-spot and you whimper brokenly, teeth digging hard into your lip. You can feel your own release dripping down between the cheeks of your ass; you’ve come three times already, and your entire body is shuddering with the stimulation.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…” you chant through gritted teeth, brow furrowed. Blitzø is watching you from beneath his brows, eyes hooded and his claws tightening on your thigh. You strain against the ropes, the threads of it digging into your wrists, and he grins against your cunt, his tongue pressing against your g-spot just as he pinches your clit. “Oh, fuck!”

You cum again, hips jerking under his touch, desperate to get away from his torturous tongue.

You hate yourself a little for admitting, “Blitzø… I can’t…”

He snickers, flicking his tongue over your clit as he withdraws it. “Aw, c’mon, sugar. Birdy made it all the way to six before he was tapping out and begging for me to finally give him my sweet cock. You can last longer than that, can’t you, slut?”

The spade of his tail slides over your clit, and you twitch. You know he’s goading you but you can’t help but clench your jaw petulantly and nod, and he grins up at you.

“That’s a good girl,” he tells you huskily and you whimper as his breath teases over your swollen clit. He raises a brow. “Ohhh, you liked that, huh? You like being a good girl for daddy.”

You glare up at him even as you feel your face flush with heat.

“You do,” he continues cockily, tongue touching your clit for a moment and you shiver. “You love being daddy’s good little slut, don’t you?”

“If you…” you say breathlessly. “…If you need a breather, Blitzø, you can just say that.”

He snorts, squeezing your ass. “Uh, uh, tits. You wanna another round, I need to hear you say it.”

“Satan, you’re an asshole.”

“Yup,” he replies, ever so slowly circling your clit with his thumb. You exhale shakily. “Now say it. Tell me you’ll be a good little slut.”

You force yourself to heave an impatient sigh, trying to inject as much impatience into your voice as possible. Still, despite your efforts it comes out breathy and shuddering. “I’ll… I’ll be a good slut for you… daddy.”

Blitzø’s grin widens victoriously and he rewards you by returning his tongue to your cunt, and your head falls back against the desk. Your chest heaves as he quickly works you undone again, two fingers pressing into you.

“Alright, alright, don’t embarrass yourself, tits.” he tells you tauntingly.

“Go fuck yourself, Blitzø.”

“Heh.” he chuckles obnoxiously. “Keep talkin’ dirty like that and I might just leave you all trussed up and pretty like this for M&M to find tomorrow morning.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Fuck, you’ve got a slutty little mouth,” Blitzø groans as you swallow around him, choking slightly as the head of his cock brushed the back of your throat. “Satan’s taint, listen to you. You’ve been holdin’ back on me, pretendin’ to be all innocent.”

You’d roll your eyes if he didn’t choose that moment to thrust hard into your mouth, the length of him sliding against your tongue. You curl it obediently around him as he does, and his eyes roll back for a moment.  He’s kneeling between your bound arms, watching with hooded eyes as your throat bulges each time he fucks himself into your mouth. You can barely breath; you find yourself lightheaded even as you suck at his cock eagerly.

You’d just barely made it to eight orgasms without blacking out before he’d finally let up, childishly determined to take more than he’d expected. It had left you sweaty and aching against the desk, and you could still feel a small pool of your own cum against your ass as you’d finally been allowed to relax your hips down against the wood.

Blitzø has claws fisted in your hair, and you whine around him as he reaches down to squeeze your breast, pinch your nipples. Every now and then he lets the spade of his tail brush over your clit, and he snickers when it makes you jerk and gag around him.

“Fuck,” he moans, his hand leaving your nipple to take hold of your throat. He can feel his cock thrusting beneath your skin, and he squeezes, grinning devilishly as you let out a choking moan. “Baby likes being choked, too, huh? You’re just full of surprises, aren’t ya?”

Blitzø plays with you like that for who knows how long, withdrawing his cock from your mouth just long enough for you to pull air into your lungs with a desperate inhale before he presses in again. You’re drooling and whimpering, body quaking against the desk as his tail starts teasing your clit again in earnest.

Your hips buck up under his ministrations, and Blitzø doesn’t stop until you gag in earnest, pulling out and smirking as you cough.

“That’s my girl.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Blitzø’s cock slides into your cunt slowly and you whimper at the feeling of it, eyes squeezed closed.

He’d watched, annoyingly amused, as you’d caught your breath, sitting back on his heels over you. Then he’d surprised you by producing bottled water when he’d untied you.

Still, he’d barely given you more than a minute before he was urging you to roll over onto your knees. He’d wrapped the rope around your thighs before retying your wrists, tightening it until it forced your thighs apart. The way he’d tied you forced you to sit with your back arched slightly, your kiss-bruised breasts on full display as you knelt on the hard wood. You’d normally find yourself embarrassed by the way you were exposed, but the way he watched you, admired you, instead made your mind spin and your heart throb in your chest.

You’d heard his belt buckle clink at he unfastened his pants behind you, surprising you by pressing an almost tender kiss to the side of your throat. His claws ghosted over your inner thigh, making you shiver. “Always knew you’d look good on your knees, baby.”

You’d turned your head as he had, catching him in a kiss that was all tongue and still-desperate need. He’d groaned into it, letting it linger for a few long moments before he finally broke away again. Now, he’s laid out beneath you, his hands clutching at your hips as he lowers you onto his cock. You close your eyes, letting your head fall back as he bottoms out inside you. His pelvic bone brushes against your clit and you whine. Blitzø echoes the sound with a growl.

“Holy shit, sugar,” he grunts, flexing his claws against your flesh. “Holy fucking shit, didn’t know someone could feel this fucking good…”

He urges you into riding him slowly, his claws trailing over the ropes crisscrossing the flesh of your thighs. The way Blitzø watches you grind over his lap sends sparks through you in ways you don’t want to address and your hands strain against the ropes with the sudden urge to touch him.

You want to see how he’ll react to your hands running over his sides, your nails scratching over his nipples. How he’d react to your hands gripping at his horns as you ride him. And you want to kiss him again, you want to trail your lips over his throat and feel his pulse under your tongue.

You want to work him undone that same way he has you.

Blitzø pushes his hips up into yours, hand retaking your hip. His grip is harsh and demanding, claws digging so hard into your flesh you wouldn’t be surprised if it bruised. He’s watching your breasts hungrily as they bounce with every thrust he makes up into you, and the hand still on your thigh moves to tease your clit with his thumb.

“Fuck, Blitzø!” you cry out, voice rough with overuse and need. Your thighs tense, the rope digging further into your flesh. You’re so close to cumming again, and the fact that the ropes are stopping you from taking full control of the pace is driving you mad. “Fuck!”

“Fucking told you you’d be screamin’ my name,” he growls, head falling back against the desk. “Shit, you’re gonna feel so good gushin’ all over my cock, princess.”

You moan aloud, eyes squeezed shut.

“Gonna need to hear you beg for it, remember?” he tells you, his voice breaking slightly and you know he’s close too. He pinches your clit, his tail wrapping itself around your middle. “C’mon… be a good slut and beg…”

You’re almost sure he’s so far gone that all you’d have to do is wait and he’d cum before he got what he wanted, but you need to cum too; you’re so close that your jaw clenches and your toes are curling. So, you give him what he wants. What you both need.

“Please, Blitzø…” you whine, eyes meeting his. “Please, I need to… I wanna feel you cum, Blitzø…”

He moans, claws quickening against your clit. The two of you actually cum together, his hips thrusting hard up into you. You can feel tears in your eyes as your orgasm wash through you, your chest heaving.

The two of you stay frozen like that for a while after he slumps back down against the desk, both of you struggling to catch your breath. You close your eyes, shuddering with each exhale.

Your eyes snap open again as you hear the shutter effect of his phone’s camera.

“The fuck did you just take a picture of?”

He grins lazily up at you, turning his phone so you can see. The photo shows his hips framed by your thighs; your cunt still stuffed full of his cock. Only the base of his cock is visible, his cum drawing lines down it as it leaks out of you.

You jerk your wrists against the ropes, the movement making you whimper as you accidently squeeze your over-sensitized cunt around him. He snickers, the sound breaking off as his eyes roll back at the sensation.

“Delete it, Blitzø.”

He shakes his head. “Are you kidding? You’re pure spank bank, tits.” his smile widens. “Speakin’ of…”

He snaps another photo, this one aimed high to capture the curve of your breasts. There are makes littering the soft flesh, let behind by his teeth and lips, and the spade of his tail has come up to rest its tip against your nipple.

“God, you’re an asshole.”

“Don’t I know it.” he replies nonchalantly. You feel his tail unwind itself from your stomach and he frees your wrists. The rope slackens immediately around your thighs, your legs prickling with pins and needles as blood returns to them. He rubs his hands over the flesh to help the blood flow. “And you fuckin’ love it.”

“‘Love’s a strong word for it,” you reply dryly, massaging one of your wrists with your other hand.

“Yeah, but it’s a four-letter word,” he says, tossing his phone over his shoulder towards his clothes and propping himself up on his elbows. You can feel him softening inside you as he hands you the water bottle. “I don’t even know how many letters are in ‘get all hot and drippy over it’.”

“Twenty-four.” you say almost immediately, taking a sip of water. You offer it to him; you can feel his tail brushing back and forth against your calf. It feels strangely, surprisingly normal to be still straddling his lap, naked and breathless, and you try not to let yourself question it.

“Freak.”

You smile softly to yourself at the fact that he’s managed to try and insult you even as he takes hold of your wrists and uses his thumbs to rub sensation back into them. He doesn’t even really seem to be aware that he’s doing it.

“You know I’m not helping you clean up this mess, right?”

Blitzø snorts, grinning up at you. “What makes you think I wanna clean up? How’s anyone gonna believe you let me rock your fuckin’ world if they don’t see the evidence? And you know I fuckin’ did.”

“Don’t get too cocky about it, Blitzø.” you shoot back. “How d’you know I wasn’t just faking it so I didn’t hurt your feelings.”

“Heh. ‘Cocky.” he says, and you roll your eyes. “Tell what’s left of your voice you were fakin’ it.”

“You’re so—”

Blitzø reaches up to wrap his hand around the back of your neck, pulling you down into another fiery kiss. Your back aches as its finally allowed to bend that way again, but you barely register it with the way his tongue feels sliding against yours.

“Sexy? Fuckable?” Blitzø suggests against your mouth. “Ready for round two?”

You giggle despite yourself, letting your forehead bump against his. When you pull away, he’s smiling like he’s pleased with himself for making you laugh. “You might be, but I’m gonna need a minute.”

“Alright,” he tells you, his tail grazing over your thigh. “But I’m countin’.”

[alyakthedorklord]

Bat Poker Face Training

Dick, Steph, Cass, Tim, and Jason all crammed into someones room, with a kidnapped Duke sitting awkwardly with them, kinda scared.

Duke: “Uh… what’s going on?”

Steph, completely blank faced and standing ominously in the corner: “It has come to our attention that you require training.”

Duke: “Bruce is already teaching me really well-“

Jason, also blank faced: “That’s bat training. This is robin training.”

Cass, carefully but without a single emotion: “Sibling training.”

Dick, face just as blank as all his other siblings: “It’s much more fun.”

Duke, freaked out by the empty faces: “Am I being hazed?”

Jason: “Eh, maybe. Scared?

Tim, not giving Duke a second to reply: “Yes, he is. It’s written all over his face. And while its okay to be scared, sometimes hiding your true emotions in the field is a matter of life, death, and secret identities.”

Dick: “You’re going to be flustered. Humiliated. Terrified. Angry. Relieved. Your vigilante ID dragged through the mud in front of you as a civilian. Someone worried about your civilian ID and you need to keep them away.“

Tim: “Not just as a Bat, but a Wayne. Some dinosaur at a gala is going to say the most out of pocket thing you’ve ever heard in your life and you’ve just got to stand there.”

Duke: “So that’s the reason you’re doing the creepy thing?”

Steph: “Yes Duke. You need to have a poker face that Even Superman can’t break. That even a Fifth-dimensional Imp can’t crack! And that is the purpose of our training tonight!”

Duke, getting the program now: “Okay. I’m ready.”

Jason, allowing a creepy grin to slide over his face: “Don’t be so sure. Because what we are about to show you… it has broken Batman.”

Dick: “Damian is too innocent to see it, which is why he isn’t here.”

Steph: “If you can handle this, you can handle anything.”

Tim, tapping on his computer, chanting under his breath: “the horrors, the horrors, the horrors…”

Duke, terrified of what Tim is about to pull up, on the edge of his seat wondering what on earth can shake the Bat of Gotham, what the family considers too awful for thier arguably LEAST innocent member to see, what vile images he’s about to be shown…

Tap. The screen lights up white.

Duke: “No.”

Jason, grin widening: “We’ll be reading this aloud, for your entertainment.”

Duke, trembling and inching towards the door: “No.”

Steph, vice grip on Duke’s arm: “There’s no escaping it, Signal. This is your mission- to stay completely pokerfaced through Real Person Fanfiction of us- the Batfamily. And co, of course.”

Duke, sobbing: “Please, why… why would you do this to yourselves… oh god, is that… is that… is that Kate with Bruce? She’s a lesbian! And his cousin!”

Steph: “They don’t know that, Duke. They know nothing. And the depths of a human imagination is comparable to the depths of the ocean… there’s some weird shit down there.”

Tim, without a single emotion on his face, least of all mercy: “I had to sit through Young Justice fawning over Dick and Bruce. Do you know what they said? About my own father figure? Right in front of my salad? I was lucky I was wearing a mask. I cried, and I cried in silence. They knew NOTHING, because I showed nothing. This is what you must achieve.”

Jason: “I’ve had to listen to criminals talk about what they’d do to the ‘Prince of Gotham’ and not twitch. I’ve had to listen to both goons and civilians play fuck marry kill with our vigilante identities and not move a muscle. I know this feels like overkill, but trust me, it’s not.”

Dick: “Don’t worry, we’ll keep it mostly PG. Tim? Begin with the wildly out of character and aggressively heteronormative Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman love triangle. Then maybe we’ll work our way up to slash readers and…” shudders in horror, “…batcest.”

Duke: “NOOOOOOOO!!!”

[thatpieceoftrash]

I see my reflection in your eyes

Malleus x reader

WC: 833

In which you try to bring Malleus comfort in any way you can.

You’re not exactly sure how all of this started. Was it the way his voice turned more cheerful? Or maybe it was the longing look in his eyes when he spoke of it (one you were well too acquainted with).

In the end you supposed it wouldn't matter what the reason was, you had something to look forward to, and what you hoped would be a nice gift for a friend, who more than deserved it.

So, the next day after classes and dealing with whatever trouble Grim decided to cause that day, you found yourself in Sam’s shop looking for the (less than)perfect tools, given that you had to work with the small allowance Crowley gave you, In his “benevolence “, as he liked to call it.

“If it isn’t the prefect! What can I do for you? Although I already heard from my friends on the other side that you want to prepare something special for a certain someone.” Sam said with that knowing smile of his.

‘Of course he already knows, it’s like he has ghosts who work as spies for him. Actually maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea for your own ghosts…’

“It's not like you make it out to be, this is a gesture for friendship appreciation” you said, rolling your eyes, even though you knew deep down it was something more than that.

“Whatever you say, little imp” but you didn’t miss the teasing tone his words carried.

You were so excited for this project of yours, that upon returning from Sam’s you didn’t even bother changing out of your uniform, getting started with the task at hand.

Man, and what a task it was going to be. The ramshackle garden was last tended to probably when the wheel was invented . No matter, the state of the dorm never stopped you from achieving your goal, perhaps delayed it a tiny bit, nothing more.

Working with the mud in already freezing conditions was another hell itself, you were pretty sure you touched some weird magical worm, as if normal ones weren’t already bad enough. But imagining the smile on your friend’s face was enough to make you go back to work.

You don’t know how much time has passed since you started, although the little group of fireflies surrounding you was a telltale sign that your friend decided to pay you a visit , which only happened at night.

‘Just in time’ you thought to yourself as you turned around and faced the horned visitor.

“Tsunotaro! You’re here at the perfect time.” You chirped, walking up to him with a smile.

“Good evening, child of man”, he greeted, returning your smile, with his own, although his had a hint of mischief in it, “you seem rather excited, did something happen?”

“Something like that, I wanna show you something I think you’ll like.” And then you stepped out of the way to give him a full view of the little colourful corner that now took residence in your garden. You looked up at him to try and gouge his expression, his eyes widened a little, however his smile was completely gone.

‘Uh-oh, did he not like it?! Of course he wouldn't, you idiot!, he’s a prince and these dumb flowers were probably nothing in comparison to his royal garden’

“If you don’t like it, I completely understand, it’s nothing special and-“ but before you could finish your sentence, you heard a joyous laugh coming from Malleus, startled you looked up only to see him staring at the roses in front of him.

“Truly, you are a most interesting human, did you do all this for me?” And he finally turned to look at you.

“Well, every time you talked about your rose garden back at home, you got this faraway look in your eyes, like you’re longing for something”, you said lowering your head in embarrassment, “I know homesickness better than anyone, Tsunotaro. So I was hoping these flowers would make you feel a bit better. “

And then you felt cold fingers on your chin tilting your head upwards, all you could see was beautiful emerald green eyes, which held such a fond look and utter adoration in them, you could hardly believe the recipient was you.

“There is no need to be ashamed ", he said softly. “To think you would be so perceptive to feelings I wasn’t even aware of having, and what’s more, you were kind enough to offer me a piece of comfort in your own home. The roses are lovely, and so are you, my dear child of man. You have my gratitude for this gift” And if you didn’t melt at those words, you sure did at the chaste kiss he placed on your cheek.

“I’m happy you like it, come one, let me give you a closer look!” And with cheeks matching the colour of the red roses, you took his hand in yours and walked towards your own little garden of bliss.

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Lightweight: Hazbin Hotel

Vaggie: (enters the new hotel after an arms meeting with Carmilla Carmine) Ugh.... I need a-

Angel: (pops up out of nowhere and holds up a cocktail) Drink?

Vaggie: ..... (Takes the drink, secretly appreciative) That was... oddly fast.

Angel: Not really. This was Charlie's, but Husk had to cut her off.

Vaggie: (sputters) I'm sorry. WHAT?!?!

Angel: (giggling like an imp before grabbing Vaggie's hand and dragging her down to the bar) You gotta come see this!

Charlie: (demon mode, suit coat missing and her shirt mostly unbuttoned, bowtie undone, snarling and flexing her claws at a mirror like a puppy seeing its reflection for the first time)

Vaggie: Uh.... What?

Angel: Watch this. (To Charlie) How's putting that homewrecking bitch into submission going, Toots?!

Charlie: (turns to Angel with an excited, fang filled smile) I think I got this bitch on the ropes! *gasp* Hi, Vaggie!!!

Husker: Oh, this is gonna be good.

Charlie: (eyes shift towards the mirror and fire spews from her body as she turns her full attention to her reflection with a growl) Now, you listen here, you cum guzzling bitch.

Vaggie: (gasps and covers her mouth)

Charlie: Vaggie is MY girlfriend! Mine! I'm the one who crawls into bed with her at night. I'm the one who gets to give her kisses every day. And I'M the one who got to wear her thighs as earrings on Thursday night!!!

Angel: (howls with laughter)

Vaggie: (zips to Charlie and firmly grabs her arms) Okay! That's enough of that. It's time to get you to bed, little missy.

Charlie: (melts at Vaggie's touch) Okay, babe. I love you so much. (Glances back at the mirror as she's led away and snarls) You got lucky this time.

Angel: (waits until they're put of earshot) Please tell me someone got a video of her shadow boxing herself for thinking horny thoughts about Ol' Featherduster.

[harunayuuka2060]

Professor Vargas: No. Definitely not. I would rather build her a house than have her join a dorm full of guys.

Crowley: But... That would add up to our expenses-

Professor Trein: WHICH we could easily afford, headmage.

Professor Crewel: Yes. I agree.

Sam: Look at us already have taken a liking to our little imp!

Professor Vargas: Ha! Yes! The moment I saw her, I claimed her as my daughter!

Crowley: ...

Crowley: *clears throat* Very well. Uh... While we build a house for her and her son, she could stay in the little tent I lent her-

The professors: GIVE HER A ROOM.

Crowley: ...Okay.

Crowley: I suppose the Pop Music Club would not complain if we used their club room for this purpose.

Professor Crewel: Your house will take a month to complete, so you will need to stay in this classroom for the time being.

F!MC: Thank you, professor. And I apologize for causing so much trouble.

F!MC: If there's anything I can do to pay your kindness back, please do tell me.

Toddler Riddle: Yeah. I will help too.

Professor Crewel: There's no need. I will be assigning a housewarden to help you in setting up this room.

F!MC: Th-Thank you, professor!

Professor Crewel: Don't mention it. Have a nice day, pup. *then takes his leave*

F!MC: ...

F!MC: *lets out a sigh of relief* *then smiles at her son* Isn't this great, Riddle?

Toddler Riddle: *nods* Mama doesn't need to knock on people's doors anymore.

F!MC: *hugs him close* Yes. You're right.

Kalim and Lilia: Me! ME!

The other housewardens: ...

Professor Crewel: I am actually thinking of appointing Rosehearts for this job.

Lilia: Crewel, the room they're using is the Pop Music Club's.

Kalim: Yeah! And I want to be friends with her!

Idia: Well, Kalim could definitely buy some furniture.

Lilia: Yes! And I'll buy her son toys!

Professor Crewel: ...

Professor Crewel: Rosehearts, what do you think?

Riddle: I don't mind.

Azul: Are not you appointing him since the lady's son shares his name?

Professor Crewel: Yes. That's the reason.

Riddle: ...

Riddle: Thank you for accompanying me, Cater and Trey.

Trey: We want to meet the lady too.

Cater: I met her in person, and she is really nice. Though it felt like I was talking to someone older.

Trey: *chuckles* She's a mother. Of course, you would feel that way.

Riddle: Ah. We're here.

Riddle, Trey, and Cater: *noticed that the door was slightly open and decided to peek inside*

F!MC: *cuddling her son while reading him a recipe out of a cookbook*

Toddler Riddle: Mama? Do we have to follow everything in this?

F!MC: Hmm... I think we can change the shape of the eggs and carrots.

Toddler Riddle: I'll make them stars.

F!MC: Oh! That will be great, Riddle! Do you want to cook it yourself? Mama will make you mini-kitchen utensils!

Toddler Riddle: Yes, please.

Riddle, Trey, and Cater: ...

*The three decided to move steps back.*

Cater and Trey: *communicates through eye-contact*

Trey: 'Mini-kitchen utensils.'

Cater: 'Yes. And that's so adorable!'

*meanwhile*

Riddle: *his mother issues are trembling*

Riddle: Professor Crewel, I would certainly appreciate it if you would not assign me chores related to assisting the lady.

Professor Crewel: Why? Is there a problem?

Riddle: ...

Riddle: N-No...

Professor Crewel: I was hoping you would be friends with her because you are the same age and can serve as a role model for her to strive more in the future.

Professor Crewel: In any circumstance, I would delegate responsibility to another person. Do not worry.

Riddle: ...

*Back in Heartslabyul*

Trey: Riddle? What happened to you? Why did you run?

Riddle: I had a pressing task to complete.

Cater: Well, Trey? Have you seen how happy they were when we gave them the mini-kitchen utensils? 🥺

Cater: Ridz said thank you and called me "Uncle Cater".

Trey: *chuckles* Yeah. You almost squealed because of that.

Cater: By the way, Riddle? MC was looking forward to meeting you.

Riddle: Huh? Why?

Trey: She's interested to know what our Riddle is like. You know, someone her son can look up to?

Riddle: ...

Riddle: Maybe next time, Trey.

Riddle: Definitely...

Trey and Cater: ...

[mushyblushyredhead]

I noticed you're doing fics for Helluva Boss, so I wanted to request a fic about a tickle fight between Blitzø and Fizzarolli where Blitzø wants to make things like it was when they were teenagers and starts acting like a little shit to provoke Fizzarolli, and a tickle fights ensues, only to be broken up by Stolas and Asmodeus where they both end chasing their own imp boyfriends.

TickleTober 2024 🎃

Day 2: Chase

Switches!Blitzø & Fizzarolli

Word Count: 1.7k

⚠️ Warning for some language & mild spoilers!

And also kinda AU ending here where everything’s good and nobody’s hearts get broken (iykyk) 🥲

“Hey, thanks for inviting me out tonight,” Fizzarolli smiled at his now present friend, Blitzø.

“Oh, uh, sure thing,” Blitz awkwardly replied. “Anything to get our minds off of…y’know what happened the other day.” It had only been one day since Blitz and Fizz had been captured by the bounty hunter, Striker, and Blitz insisted that he and Fizz needed a day to hangout and catch up now that they seemed to be on good terms.

Although they both got some closure after so long while nearly escaping with their lives, Blitz still felt like it wasn’t enough. After all that, they were just going to part ways and walked off like nothing happened? No, Blitz already lost his best friend so long ago. He didn’t want it to happen again. They deserved to at least hang out and rekindle their friendship once more.

And that’s where they were at; Blitz invited Fizzarolli out to dinner, and they decided to rendezvous back to Fizz’s place to spend the rest of the evening there.

Except, Blitz was starting to feel guilty. And awkward. He was feeling guilty about being awkward for this hangout. Here he was with his best friend that he wished to rekindle with after so many years, and now he didn’t know what to say or do. What was he even supposed to say after all these years? He didn’t want to say the wrong thing, or worse, say something that would set Fizz off and remind him exactly why their friendship ended in the first place.

Blitz’s overthinking was clouding his hearing, he wasn’t aware that Fizzarolli was speaking to him. He snapped out of his thoughts when he felt something nudge his shoulder. “Huh? What?”

“I said,” Fizz repeated. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve been zoning out this whole time.”

“Oh, heh. No, don’t worry about it. Guess I just drank a little too much tonight,” Blitz lied, forcing a smile.

Fizz could tell Blitz was lying, but he didn’t want to push it. “Oh, okay then.”

Uh-oh. Now it was silent again. Awkward silence.

C’mon, c’mon! Say something! Blitz racked his brain for something to say. Shit! He felt he was never good at this whole sentimental stuff; he was only good at ruining things. There had to be something he could say or do to save their friendship even more. But what? Why was talking to his best friend so hard to do?

He peeked over and saw Fizz fiddling with his prosthetic animatronic arms. Blitz quickly turned his head away as guilt washed over him again. He was never going to forgive himself for causing…that to Fizzarolli. Was that the reason why he couldn’t talk to him anymore? Because he still carried that heavy guilt from all those years ago?

Whatever the reason, Blitz didn’t want it to ruin his friendship any longer. He cleared his throat, getting Fizz’s attention. “So…heh…those robot arms of yours must make you pretty damn good with Oz in bed, huh?”

Fizz scowled, but it quickly melted into a visible smile. “Fuhuhuck Blitz, can you not bring any weird jokes into a normal conversation?”

“Hey, I used to be a crappy clown. It’s my job to crack weird jokes all the time.” Blitz grinned, nudging his friend in the side. “Besides, you seem to have no problem with it since you laughed.”

Fizz yelped, arching away from where Blitz’s elbow hit him. “A-AAH! Watch it with your pointy elbows!”

Blitz cocked his head to the side. He had never heard Fizzarolli make a sound like that before. It took him a solid few seconds before he figured it out. No fucking way…even after all these years! A wicked slow grin spread across his face. He wasn’t feeling guilty or hesitant anymore. He knew exactly how he was going to bond with his friend again. The way he always did when they were teenagers.

“Hey Fiiiiiizz~!” Blitz sing-songed. “You always complain about my jokes being so shitty yet you laugh at every single one!”

“I do not!” Fizz protested.

Perfect. “Do too, watch!” Remember that legless balloon horse I always made as a kid? Well, how did he lose his legs in the first place?” Blitz paused for dramatic effect to deliver his punchline while he sneakily slid his tail behind Fizz. “…Too much horseplay!”

As soon as he said the punchline, Blitz jabbed and wriggled his tail end against Fizz’s side, causing him to emit that same high-pitched yelp.

“Ha! See? You still laugh at my jokes!”

“I wahahasn’t laughing, idiot!” Fizz shot back. He cursed himself for letting a giggle slip out. “Ihihit’s your fucking tahahail!”

Blitz hummed. “Hmm, I guess you’re right. I’ve always been a pain in your side, huh?” Blitz quickly tased Fizz’s side to playfully emphasize his point.

This time, Fizz squeaked and flinched away from the touch. “Blihihihitz!” He couldn’t hold back his giggles now. “S-Stohohop doing thahahat!”

Blitz sighed, pretending to be annoyed, but he didn’t let up and continued to poke Fizz’s side repeatedly. “Look, Fizzarolli, I’m trying to lighten the mood here, crack some jokes, and build our friendship back, and all you wanna do is laugh in my face like whatever I say is the most ridiculous thing!”

“You ahahahare ridiculous, Blihihihitzo!”

Normally, Blitz hated whenever anyone called him by his previous name. But he made an exception for this case; he knew Fizz wasn’t trying to insult him for real, but he still made a dramatic show by pretending to be offended.

“Oh, now you’ve gone too far, Raviolli! You know the ‘o’ is silent in my name now!” Before he could let Fizz answer back, Blitz attacked him for real. He leapt on top of Fizz, and dug his claws against wherever he could reach.

Fizz emitted a funny screech as he was glomped, immediately bursting into loud cackles. “BLIHIHIHITZ! NohohohAAAAA! STAHAHAHAhahap!!”

Blitz pulled his hands back. “Alright, you whiner. I’ll stop.” Fizz breathed a sigh of relief. But he immediately burst out laughing again as Blitz’s wiggling claws went back to his torso.

“WHAAAAHAHAT THE FUHUHUCK, BLIHIHIHIHITZ!!?”

Blitz grinned as wickedly as the Radio Demon. “What? You didn’t say for how long you wanted me to stop!”

“F-FUHUHAHAHACK YOUHOOHOOHOO, YOU CLAHAHAHAHOWN!!”

“Alright, smart ass,” Blitz chuckled evilly. “You wanna make this worse for yourself by calling me names? Because you clearly still have a lot of fight in ya if you can keep sassing me. Luckily…” he cracked his knuckles for dramatic effect. “I know just how to squeeze that sass out of you.”

“Not unless I squeeze it out of you, first!” Fizz shot back, surprising Blitz by throwing him off with his robotic legs. Now, it was Fizz’s turn to snicker like a villain. “You were right, Blitz, these robotic arms of mine do have their advantages for a lot of things!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, uhhh…truce?”

Elsewhere, Asmodeous and Stolas were chatting over tea together. They were relieved that their loved ones were not only safe back home, but there were also finally getting along. It was nice to see the former duo finally rekindling their friendship.

It wasn’t until they started to hear distant screams of protest that made their protective boyfriend instincts kick in, and rush to the scene. When they saw what was happening, there were relived there was no real danger but instead were silently gushing at the scene; Blitz and Fizzarolli engaged in an all-out tickle fight. The two demons were rolling around on the floor, tickling each other silly, and screaming for the other to give up.

“GIHIHIHIVE UHUHUP, BLITZ!!”

“Y-YOU FIHIHIHIHIRST, YOU ROBOHOHOHOT FREAK!!”

“NAAAAHEEHEEHEE—NEVER!!”

Ozzie and Stolas both rolled their eyes fondly at each other. As adorable as the sight was, they knew how stubborn their boyfriends could be. If they didn’t intervene soon, this tickle fight could last for hours.

Luckily, they knew just how to intervene.

Fizz and Blitz halted their tickle attacks when they heard Stolas’ voice. “Oh, Fizzarolli, if you want Blitzy to give in, you’ll have to go for his underarms and tummy!”

Blitz paled and then blushed. “Shut your damn beak, Stolas! You stay out of this!”

Fizz giggled like a gremlin. “HA! Your furry boyfriend called you out!” He immediately stopped laughing when he heard Ozzie say, “And Blitz, if you want Fizzy here to give up, you have to go for his tummy! And especially under his chin; it makes him let out the cutest little squeaks and chirps!”

Now it was Fizzarolli’s turn to blush madly. He stammered, then whined. “Ozzie! Whyyyyy?! Blitz doesn’t need to know that!”

“But now I do! Ohhh this changes everything! Finally, now I can get you back after all these years!”

“Not if I get you first!” Fizz growled, stretching his robotic limbs.

Stolas and Ozzie exchanged looks. They both smirked, silently agreeing.

“Shall we teach them a lesson?” Ozzie grinned.

Stolas chuckled. “Love to. After you, Asmodeus.”

The smaller imps paused their attacks again as they were engulfed in their partners’ shadows. They slowly looked up and gulped, knowing those looks far too well with what it meant.

“Uhh Blitz?”

“Yeah, run.”

The two imps took off running, flustered beyond comprehension at their partners chasing them, knowing what was going to happen as soon as they were caught. And their boyfriends? They couldn’t help but tease and coo how they were going to get them just to fluster them even more. And it worked like a charm.

“Just so you know, this is all your fault!” Fizz exclaimed.

“Hey, it’s your fault, too!” Blitz shot back. “But quit worrying, Fizz. It’s not like our furry boyfriends can even catch up to us!”

The two immediately slammed into Stolas and Asmodeus, Stolas easily portaling them both.

“‘They’ll never even catch up to us’, huh?” Fizz sarcastically remarked.

Blitz stammered nervously. “Stolas, what the hell?! You can’t use your portals, you cheater!”

Stolas hummed. “Since when have you ever cared about fairness in these silly games, Blitzy?” Said imp blushed at that comment. “Now then, where were we, Asmodeus?”

“I believe we were just about to teach these two a lesson about thinking they could outrun us. We always catch up! And you know what happens when we do~!” Ozzie playfully reminded.

Both demons each grabbed and cradled their imp boyfriends in their arms, holding them securely as they squirmed in anticipation. The night was no longer silent as Stolas and Ozzie tickled their boyfriends silly, enjoying the sweet sounds of their screeches and laughter.

THE END <3

Hope you love this, anon! 🫶🏻

[chaifootsteps]

Blitzo: you know what, I am so sick of this bullshit

Stolas: excuse me?

Blitzo: you fucking heard me. I’m sick of this bullshit.

Stolas: i have no idea what you are talking about

Blitzo: of course you don’t because you’re too useless sticking your fingers in your ears the minute somebody says something you don’t like.

Stolas: how dare you?! Need I remind you how much I love you and how much I’ve given up for you?!

Blitzo: oh get off your fucking soap box. And quit spewing bullshit. You don’t love me, you love the novelty of shagging the lower class. All you care about is yourself.

Stolas: i do love you!

Blitzo: no you don’t. You don’t know anything about me!

Stolas: you like horses!

Blitzo: oh wow congrats you know something that everybody else knows, wow! Can you tell me why like horses? Can you tell me who my sister is who my best friend is from childhood? Can you even tell me the names of my employees and daughter?

How about my favorite food, how old I am, what are some of my favorite things to do outside of my job?

Stolas: i-uh, if you give me some time

Blitzo: why so you can snoop around and try to figure it out and pretend you knew it from the beginning? And then turn around and blaming me saying I put you under too much pressure, which is why you forgot? Speaking of daughters how’s that daughter of yours you never talk to?

Stolas: how dare you, i love Octavia with all my heart! I haven’t been able to contact her?

Blitzo: and yet you lived here with me for days before you decided to be bothered to contact her. Plus, the fact that you can’t contact her doesn’t seem to get you too worried to looking into why. In case you have forgotten, she’s with two demons who aren’t exactly tye nicest goetia in hell and you could be bothered to be concerned with that?

Too busy defending your pride from the peacock?

Or do you not want to admit that there’s a chance she’s just cut you off because she’s done with you?

Stolas: it’s not my fault if she did! She’s being unreasonable!

Blitzo: and here we go again it’s always someone else’s fault and never yours. Let me put this in as simple terms as I can so maybe it’ll finally get through to that pea brain of yours pass all that cotton you’ve got stuffed in your ears.

I, nor octavia, or imp kind, or the sins or goetia or anyone else are the faults in your life.

We are not some grand group of evil mean demons that you need to overcome.

And it sounds like Octavia has made the same choice I have.

And that is we refuse to be the villains in your life so you can be the victim in ours and everyone else’s.