#and that might be from perceiving myself as more of a movie camera than a person

[horse-shit]

oh to do vent art... if only

[quillheel]

How do they react to scares or frights? Do they laugh, get nervous, or not react at all? (Harry)

HALLOWEEN QUESTIONS // always accepting!

Harry most often has a myriad of responses to being scared, but the most often ones he has are;

a) laughing! it's a coping mechanism mostly stemming from the more social ━ and logical ━ sections of his brain. He laughs when he doesn't know what to do, or understands that whatever response that something was supposed to illicit simply didn't happen, or is just flat-out confused! it initially came from the idea that, well, if you're already laughing, you're in on the joke; Harry was always the joke, so being the first to laugh at himself, at least for a while, made the ridiculous feel intentional, as though even he was having a 'i can't believe i just did that' moment, even if the cause was entirely unintentional or from something that's just part of him but he knew wasn't socially 'normal' ( a good example is how autistic people, including myself, might laugh at themselves when they've done something that neurotypical people find strange. Definitely not the healthiest, but a very rare few things he does are! )

with laughter as a response to being afraid, it can be from the social point of 'hes supposed to experience one thing and hes not, therefore: laugh', but most often its from an incongruous emotion in of itself ( an emotion in a situation that doesn't necessarily call for it, like laughing as someone's crying, which is often perceived as a result socially as 'not making sense' ) or straight-up just finding the failed scare attempt funny! like watching an actor fuck something up in their take, yknow? sometimes its a shield from the fact he got spooked in the first place, making it nervous laughter to calm himself down, which leads into...

b) flinching! This is the more sincere out of the two, where the scare actually lands to some extent moreso. Harry, almost ALWAYS, responds to just about everything. his composure may mask it, but he is, at all times, answering and responding to and calculating just about everything. this often feeds into his Already pretty bad paranoia ( Imperial Empire, you're doing your best but alas you oft freak him out more than anything actually threatening him... ) and bodily responses to traumas he no longer remembers, things the skills keep from him; huddled in blankets citing its better not to know than to know at all, to make choices of what to do with the pearls of something terrible coddled in those clothes of neurons and grey-matter ━ or, at least, that's how it feels. like keeping secrets.

this means, even in false strikes and in fake-outs, there are things to respond to. even if he already knows the threat isn't real, and even isn't very scared of it at all, the overwhelming sensation of that abrupt happening can make him recoil, half overwhelmed, half new information, always tied to the impulse. be it by physically flinching back, violently lunging forward, parts of his mind surging to answer, or his mind going dead for juuust a moment ━ like the moment the rock breaches the lake's surface ━ then it ripples out again, the latter; a feeling he often finds himself craving to recreate. the impact felt but faux nonetheless. at the end of the day; it invokes a survival response him, and for a split second it's like a millisecond, high saturation dream of watching reality burn alive before reverting to how he knew it like the colors of a broken camera. a microbomb of trauma re-firing, before going dead again.

( Though, if the scare in question has anything to do with touching him, you can bet your bottom dollar that he's going to start swinging )

overall, though, what he does exactly highly depends on what specifically the scare is, how it's performed, the medium ( is it a movie, is it a coworker trying to scare him, is it in his home, is it in the office, how has he mentally been doing overall himself lately, etc etc ) and so on! it's extremely conditional, including whether or not he get's scared in the first place! some days he's untouchable, other days he jumps at everything! depending on what it is and how it's done, harry's responses can ENTIRELY change! it's his nature to be inconsistent and unpredictable, in a way.

he IS however a big horror fan, especially gore since it taps into an animalistic sense in his head kinda that Half Light really digs especially, as well as his creative sense to see how they did it! plus something could 100000% be said about desensitizing himself from terrible things given his job is seeing terrible things a lot of the time. ━ sometimes he's a fan despite himself, given he sometimes uses horror as a 'safe' method to punish himself with triggers or generally invoking a fear/disgust response at all or fucking up his paranoia which bleeds back into his age-old problem of self flagellation and self-loathing, which also ties into his desensitization thing, but that aside, he sincerely does enjoy horror in general!!! I personally like to think he and Jean used to watch horror marathons together during October and November, depending on what they could get their hands on, though Harry doesn't remember this.

this is only tapping into the 'non-harmful scares', though! things like horror movies or the like. his response to genuine threats are overwhelmed with his mind clicking together like the joints of a machine with one goal; to keep him alive.

it's done a surprisingly good job thus far, given how difficult he makes it.

[lemons-ouo]

Ten Days; Diary Entry One--New Jeans.

 I have exactly ten days away until the new school year. I am excited; even if I feel an uncertainty thrumming underneath my blood, coursing with unknown and a strange mix of excitement and apprehension. I feel happy.     

I'm just ignoring the diverse complex and rather dreadful classes I signed up for at the end of last year for this school year. Even with that, I still maintain a positive outlook.    

It's my sophomore year, and I have heard stories about how horrible and honestly, blood-curdling and mind-shattering it may as well be. But I'd much rather be optimistic than already viewing it in a negative light. Who knows what the future holds for us!   

But, in the measly ten days before school starts. I have multiple and extremely URGENT things I must take care of. That being: 

My inexcusable sleep schedule. I'm heading to bed at four and waking up at twelve. How am I supposed to suddenly wake up at six and still function as a standard human? Not as some corpse that just warbles and stumbles around. Even if I wake up at ten, it's still making me completely unfunctional, so I can't even imagine me getting up earlier than that!

My acne, this is something that every teenager has dealt with. For me, just a bit more, I struggle with severe anxiety. To the point that just watching a movie that encounters multiple stressful and unpleasant situations causes me to sit down and just rethink MY life. So, with my head currently looking like a mountain range, hopefully, I use some expensive products that won't break me out further. And, by some miracle will soothe down the fiery redness coating my blemishes. 

My unexplainable mood swings, I do understand that I am a teenage girl. And with that comes horrid and long bleak periods of harsh mood swings that cause you to scream into your pillow because your gran texted you in a tone you didn't like or one that causes you to cry over an edit of a current celebrity crush. That, truthfully you can't have. That in itself is soul-shattering, and I'd rather not think about how my love for Kit Conner will never be requited simply because he doesn't know I exist, and I think he would love to avoid a scandal. But, my emotions have been- simply to put, OUT OF WACK. It may have something to do with my sleep schedule. 

The final piece that is keeping me from achieving my mind-blowing glow-up and stability before school starts. Is my current obsession with Netflix shows. K-dramas all the way to Bojack, have taken up the majority of any void space in my head. I can no longer think, without delving into some long and extensive imaginary scene with a fake boyfriend. Who I either caught cheating or one I no longer love. I am making literal show MASTERPIECES, without any camera to film, I do suppose that everything is in my head; so there is no way of recording my epic thoughts and scripts anyways.

    With these four major-set backs, I can not focus on preparing for my school year. I am slowly overcoming each hurdle that I so carefully constructed for myself. You may call it self-sabotage, but I call it my daily life.    

Despite what may seem like a rather grim, and unhopeful perspective I disagree. I am excited; one might even go as far as to say thrilled for the new school year. I have been struggling with my friends, which everyone does, but I have no place within my friend group I created. I am nothing more than some girl standing outside staring through some filthy window at my friends talking.     

It takes a large portion of effort just for me to be perceived as normal.    

Through in-depth research and just my natural wit. I am going to make new friends. I'll cherry-pick an entirely new friend group; that I'll have authentic bonds with.    

I may live in a bizarre small town, but within this town, I'm positive there are a few people who share identical thoughts I do. And I hope to find them.    

My current best friend is not someone who I view as a genuine friend. I feel used in multiple ways, and she truly never listens to my concerns. Discarding my warnings as just 'embarrassment' or even going as far as going against what I say only to yell at me for not telling her earlier about something. I feel horrid whenever we hang out. And I do hope to find someone that makes me feel alright about myself, and not some fragile broken friend that is only perfect to explain what outfit looks good, and what the meaning of classic novels mean (Mr Darcy was the true hero of Pride and Prejudice and I stand by that completely, saying that doesn't discard any feminist emotions that I carry either).

    But with a new school year, it welcomes one thing- reinvention. I get to create an entirely new persona for me. I mean, I literally get new jeans, and that by itself is GROUNDBREAKING. 

    The mom jeans are just calling my name, I can practically hear them now. 

    I have a few tasks I must achieve before school starts, aside from the obvious. One is, I need to listen to happier music. Nine Inch Nails, Coldplay, Mitski, and Hozier are making me spiral much further. Even with me writing this, I'm currently blasting, '

O Children by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds.' I'm a bit of a mess, but nothing another season of Sex Education won't fix, or Young Royals. 

    See, the Netflix addiction is getting bad.    

I need some colour in my skin, I think the only time I willingly went outside was in June. And that was over two months ago, I look like a literal ghost. My days are spent withering away in my floral duvet all while I watch another series which I'll probably forget the plot of in a few days. Getting a tan is a must, I can't go back to school looking paler than I left it.     Hygiene improvement is greatly needed, it's summer, who wants to take a shower every other day? Not me. It may make me sound like a disgusting dud but I am going to improve. Hopefully. 

    The only actually good habit I developed over the summer, all originating from a bad habit, is hydration. I have to take a piss literally every twenty minutes I swear. At least I won't die of sweating to death. Simply because whenever I cry, or excreting fluid from the axillary lymph nodes; aka sweating, I regain every water molecule I lose by chugging lukewarm water from my purple off-brand Yetti cup. I improved hydration because of many things, one being water taste best in the summer, but also because soda is disgusting, and I only like diet but even that makes me feel sick when I drink a lot of it.     This school year is going to be lovely though.

I will be Rory Gilmore, wear cute clothes, do my makeup, and get all A's (the last thing is plausible, but the clothes and make-up are maybe not). And with me comparing myself to Rory Gilmore, I'd rather not cheat on my boyfriend and be a bad friend, so, I'll only be her good bits.    

School is in ten days, and I have a lot to work to do. But I have a very tangible feeling that I will improve, I'm only a teenager once and I want to make it last. I'd like to blog throughout the school year. As a memoir of my sophomore year. 

    So, this is the start before the actual start. 

    (I can't wait for fall. And Halloween.) 

[ot3]

i watched red vs blue: zero with my dear friends today and i was asked to “post” my “thoughts” on the subject. Please do not click this readmore unless, for some reason, you want to read three thousand words on the subject of red vs blue: zero critical analysis. i highly doubt that’s the reason anyone is following me, but hey. 

anyway. here you have it. 

Here are my opinions on RVB0 as someone who has quite literally no nostalgia for any older RVB content. I’ve seen seasons 1-13 once and bits and pieces of it more than once here and there, but I only saw it for the first time within the past couple of months. I’ve literally never seen any other RT/AH content. I can name a few people who worked on OG Red vs. Blue but other than Mounty Oum I have NO idea who is responsible for what, really, or what anything else they’ve ever worked on is, or whether or not they’re awful people. I know even less about the people making RVB0 - All I know is that the main writer is named Torrian but I honestly don’t even know if that’s a first name, a last name, or a moniker. All this to say; nothing about my criticism is rooted in any perceived slight against the franchise or branding by the new staff members, because I don’t know or care about any of it. In fact, I’m going to try and avoid any direct comparison between RVB0 and earlier seasons of RVB as a means of critique until the very end, where I’ll look at that relationship specifically.

So here is my opinion of RVB0 as it stands right now:

1. The Writing

Everything about RVB0 feels as if it was written by a first-time writer who hasn’t learned to kill his darlings. The narrative is both simultaneously far too full, leaving very little breathing room for character interaction, and oddly sparse, with a story that lacks any meaningful takeaway, interesting ideas, or genuine emotional connection. It also feels like it’s for a very much younger audience - I don’t mean this as a negative at all. I love tv for kids. I watch more TV for kids than I do for adults, mostly, but I think it’s important to address this because a lot of the time ‘this is for kids’ is used to act like you’re not allowed to critique a narrative thoroughly. It definitely changes the way you critique it, but the critique can still be in good faith.  I watched the entirety of RVB0 only after it was finished, in one sitting, and I was giving it my full attention, essentially like it was a movie. I’m going to assume it was much better to watch in chunks, because as it stood, there was literally no time built into the narrative to process the events that had just transpired, or try and predict what events might be coming in the future. When there’s no time to think about the narrative as you’re watching it, the narrative ends up as being something that happens to the audience, not something they engage with. It’s like the difference between taking notes during a lecture or just sitting and listening. If you’re making no attempt to actively process what’s happening, it doesn’t stick in your mind well. I found myself struggling to recall the events and explanations that had immediately transpired because as soon as one thing had happened, another thing was already happening, and it was like a mental juggling act to try and figure out which information was important enough to dwell on in the time we were given to dwell on it.

Which brings me to another point - pacing. Every event in the show, whether a character moment, a plot moment, or a fight scene, felt like it was supposed to land with almost the exact same amount of emotional weight. It all felt like The Most Important Thing that had Yet Happened. And I understand that this is done as an attempt to squeeze as much as possible out of a rather short runtime, but it fundamentally fails. When everything is the most important thing happening, it all fades into static. That’s what most of 0’s narrative was to me: static. It’s only been a few hours since I watched it but I had to go step by step and type out all of the story beats I could remember and run it by my friends who are much more enthusiastic RVB fans than I am to make sure I hadn’t missed or forgotten anything. I hadn’t, apparently, but the fact that my takeaway from the show was pretty accurate and also disappointingly lackluster says a lot. Strangely enough, the most interesting thing the show alluded to - a holo echo, or whatever the term they used was - was one of the things least extrapolated upon in the show’s incredibly bulky exposition. Benefit of the doubt says that’s something they’ll explore in future seasons (are they getting more? Is that planned? I just realized I don’t actually know.)

And bulky it was! I have quite honestly never seen such flagrant disregard for the rule of “show, don’t tell.” There was not a single ounce of subtlety or implication involved in the storytelling of RVB0. Something was either told to you explicitly, or almost entirely absent from the narrative. Essentially zilch in between. We are told the dynamic the characters have with each other, and their personality pros and cons are listed for us conveniently by Carolina. The plot develops in exposition dumps. This is partially due to the series’ short runtime, but is also very much a result of how that runtime was then used by the writers. They sacrificed a massive chunk of their show for the sake of cramming in a ton of fight scenes, and if they wanted to keep all of those fight scenes, it would have been necessary to pare down their story and characters proportionally in comparison, but they didn’t do that either. They wanted to have it both ways and there simply wasn’t enough time for it. 

The story itself is… uninteresting. It plays out more like the flimsy premise of a video game quest rather than a piece of media to be meaningfully engaged with. RVB0 is I think something I would be pitched by a guy who thinks the MCU and BNHA are the best storytelling to come out of the past decade. It is nothing but tropes. And I hate having to use this as an insult! I love tropes. The worst thing about RVB0 is that nothing it does is wholly unforgivable in its own right. Hunter x Hunter, a phenomenal shonen, is notoriously filled with pages upon pages of detailed exposition and explanations of things, and I absolutely love it. Leverage, my favorite TV show of all time, is literally nothing but a five man band who has to learn to work as a team while seemingly systematically hitting a checklist of every relevant trope in the book. Pacific Rim is an incredibly straightforward good guys vs giant monsters blockbuster to show off some cool fight scenes such as a big robot cutting an alien in half with a giant sword, and it’s some of the most fun I ever have watching a movie. Something being derivative, clunky, poorly executed in some specific areas, narratively weak, or any single one of these flaws, is perfectly fine assuming it’s done with the intention and care that’s necessary to make the good parts shine more. I’ll forgive literally any crime a piece of media commits as long as it’s interesting and/or enjoyable to consume. RVB0 is not that. I’m not sure what the main point of RVB0 was supposed to be, because it seemingly succeeds at nothing. It has absolutely nothing new or innovative to justify its lack of concern for traditional storytelling conventions. Based solely on the amount of screentime things were given, I’d be inclined to say the narrative existed mostly to give flimsy pretense for the fight scenes, but that’s an entire other can of worms.

2. The Visuals + Fights

I have no qualms with things that are all style and no substance. Sometimes you just want to see pretty colors moving on the screen for a while or watch some cool bad guys and monsters or whatever get punched. RVB0 was not this either. The show fundamentally lacked a coherent aesthetic vision. Much of the show had a rather generic sci-fi feel to it with the biggest standouts to this being the very noir looking cityscape, which my friends and I all immediately joked looked like something from a batman game, or the temple, which my friends and I all immediately joked looked like a world of warcraft raid. They were obviously attempting to get variety in their environment design, which I appreciate, but they did this without having a coherent enough visual language to feel like it was all part of the same world. In general, there was also just a lack of visual clarity or strong shots. The value range in any given scene was poor, the compositions and framing were functional at best, and the character animation was unpleasantly exaggerated. It just doesn’t really look that good beyond fancy rendering techniques.

The fight scenes are their entire own beast. Since ‘FIGHT SCENE’ is the largest single category of scenes in the show, they definitely feel worth looking at with a genuine critical eye. Or, at least, I’d like to, but honestly half the time I found myself almost unable to look at them. The camera is rarely still long enough to really enjoy what you’re watching - tracking the motion of the character AND the camera at such constant breakneck high speeds left little time to appreciate any nuances that might have been present in the choreography or character animation. I tried, believe me, I really did, but the fight scenes leave one with the same sort of dizzy convoluted spectacle as a Michael Bay transformers movie. They also really lacked the impact fight scenes are supposed to have.

It’s hard to have a good, memorable fight scene without it doing one of three things: 1. Showing off innovative or creative fighting styles and choreography 2. Making use of the fight’s setting or environment in an engaging and visually interesting way or 3. Further exploring a character’s personality or actions by the way they fight. It’s also hard to do one of these things on its own without at least touching a bit on the other two. For the most part, I find RVB0’s fight scenes fail to do this. Other than rather surface level insubstantial factors, there was little to visually distinguish any of RVB0’s fight scenes from each other. Not only did I find a lot of them difficult to watch and unappealing, I found them all difficult to watch and unappealing in an almost identical way. They felt incredibly interchangeable and very generic. If you could take a fight scene and change the location it was set and also change which characters were participating and have very little change, it’s probably not a good fight scene. 

I think “generic” is really just the defining word of RVB0 and I think that’s also why it falls short in the humor department  as well.

3. The Comedy

Funny shit is hard to write and humor is also incredibly subjective but I definitely got almost no laughs out of RVB0. I think a total of three. By far the best joke was Carolina having a cast on top of her armor, which, I must stress, is an incredibly funny gag and I love it. But overall I think the humor fell short because it felt like it was tacked on more than a natural and intentional part of this world and these characters. A lot of the jokes felt like they were just thrown in wherever they’d fit, without any build up to punchlines and with little regard for what sort of joke each character would make. Like, there was some, obviously Raymond’s sense of humor had the most character to it, but the character-oriented humor still felt very weak. When focusing on character-driven humor, there’s a LOT you can establish about characters based on what sort of jokes they choose to make, who they’re picking as the punchlines of these jokes, and who their in-universe audience for the jokes is. In RVB0, the jokes all felt very immersion-breaking and self aware, directed wholly towards the audience rather than occurring as a natural result of interplay between the characters. This is partially due to how lackluster the character writing was overall, and the previously stated tight timing, but also definitely due to a lack of a real understanding about what makes a joke land. 

A rule of thumb I personally hold for comedy is that, when push comes to shove, more specific is always going to be more funny. The example I gave when trying to explain this was this:

saying two characters had awkward sex in a movie theater: funny

saying two characters had an awkward handjob in a cinemark: even funnier

saying two characters spent 54 minutes of 11:14's 1:26 runtime trying out some uncomfortably-angled hand stuff in the back of a dilapidated cinemark that lost funding halfway through retrofitting into a dinner theater: the funniest

The more specific a joke is, the more it relies on an in-depth understanding of the characters and world you’re dealing with and the more ‘realistic’ it feels within the context of your media. Especially with this kind of humor. When you’re joking with your friends, you don’t go for stock-humor that could be pulled out of a joke book, you go for the specific. You aim for the weak spots. If a set of jokes could be blindly transplanted into another world, onto another cast of characters, then it’s far too generic to be truly funny or memorable. I don’t think there’s a single joke in RVB0 where the humor of it hinged upon the characters or the setting.

Then there’s the issue of situational comedy and physical comedy. This is really where the humor being ‘tacked on’ shows the most. Once again, part of what makes actually solid comedy land properly is it feeling like a natural result of the world you have established. Real life is absurd and comical situations can be found even in the midst of some pretty grim context, and that’s why black comedy is successful, and why comedy shows are allowed to dip into heavier subject matter from time to time, or why dramas often search for levity in humor. It’s a natural part of being human to find humor in almost any situation. The key thing, though, once again, is finding it in the situation. Many of RVB0’s attempts at humor, once again, feel like they would be the exact same jokes when stripped from their context, and that’s almost never good. A pretty fundamental concept in both storytelling in general but particularly comedy writing is ‘setup and payoff’. No joke in RVB0 is a reward for a seemingly innocuous event in an earlier scene or for an overlooked piece of environmental design. The jokes pop in when there’s time for them in between all the exposition and fighting, and are gone as soon as they’re done. There’s no long term, underlying comedic throughline to give any sense of coherence or intent to the sense of humor the show is trying to establish. Every joke is an isolated one-off quip or one-liner, and it fails to engage the audience in a meaningful way.

All together, each individual component of RVB0 feels like it was conjured up independently, without any concern to how it interacted with the larger product they were creating. And I think this is really where it all falls apart. RVB0 feels criminally generic in a way reminiscent of mass-market media which at least has the luxury of attributing these flaws, this complete and total watering down of anything unique, to heavy oversight and large teams with competing visions. But I don’t think that’s the case for RVB0. I don’t know much about what the pipeline is like for this show, but I feel like the fundamental problem it suffers from is a lack of heart.

In comparison to Red vs. Blue

Let's face it. This is a terrible successor to Red vs. Blue. I wouldn’t care if NONE of the old characters were in it - that’s not my problem. I haven’t seen past season 13 because from what I heard the show already jumped the shark a bit and then some. That’s not what makes it a poor follow up. What makes it a bad successor is that it fundamentally lacks any of the aspects of the OG RVB that made it unique or appealing at all. I find myself wondering what Torrian is trying to say with RVB0 and quite literally the only answer I find myself falling back onto is that he isn’t trying to say anything at all. Regardless of what you feel about the original RVB, it undeniably had things to say. The opening “why are we here” speech does an excellent job at establishing that this is a show intended to poke fun at the misery of bureaucracy and subservience to nonsensical systems, not just in the context of military life, but in a very broad-strokes way almost any middle-class worker can relate to. At the end of the day, fiction is at its best when it resonates with some aspect of its audience’s life. I know instantly which parts of the original Red vs Blue I’m supposed to relate to. I can’t say anything even close to that about 0.

RVB is an absurdist parody that heavily satirizes aspects of the military and life as a low-on-the-food-chain worker in general that almost it’s entire target audience will be familiar with. The most significant draw of the show to me was how the dialogue felt like listening to my friends bicker with each other in our group chats. It required no effort for me to connect with and although the narrative never outright looked to the camera and explained ‘we are critiquing the military’s stupid red tape and self-fullfilling eternal conflict’ they didn’t need to, because the writing trusted itself and its audience enough to believe this could be conveyed. It is, in a way, the complete antithesis to the badass superhero macho military man protagonist that we all know so well. RVB was saying something, and it was saying it in a rather novel format.

Nothing about RVB0 is novel. Nothing about RVB0 says anything. Nothing about it compels me to relate to any of these characters or their situations. RVB0 doesn’t feel like absurdism, or satire. RVB0 feels like it is, completely uncritically, the exact media that RVB itself was riffing off of. Both RVB0 and RVB when you watch them give you the feeling that what you’re seeing here is kids on a playground larping with toy soldiers. It’s all ridiculous and over the top cliche stupid garbage where each side is trying to one-up the other. The critical difference is, in RVB, we’re supposed to look at this and laugh at how ridiculous this is. In RVB0 we’re supposed to unironically think this is all pretty badass. 

The PFL arc of the original RVB existed to show us that setting up an elite team of supersoldiers with special powers was something done in bad faith, with poor outcomes, that left everyone involved either cruel, damaged, or dead. It was a bad thing. And what we’re seeing in RVB0 is the same premise, except, this time it’s good. We’re supposed to root for this format. RVB0 feels much more like a demo reel, cutscenes from a video game that doesn’t exist, or a shonen anime fanboy’s journal scribbling than it feels like a piece of media with any objective value in any area.  In every area that RVB was anti-establishment, RVB0 is pure undiluted establishment through and through.  

[gesternchen]

Just randomly reviewing scenes from the movies no one remembers now. This week: Avatar (2009).

It’s not like everyone forgot James Cameron’s Avatar. Since we’re still getting some footage from behind the scenes of the sequel and news about the cast, at least someone takes pains to remind themselves of this cinematic experience from the year of 2009. It’s already been 84 (just kidding, 11) years and I’m still looking forward to at least watching the teaser (fun fact: I was 11 when Avatar came out, I’m 22 now). I even bought the Darkhorse comic book on Tsu’Tey’s backstory to, you know, investigate one of my favorite characters a little bit better (spoiler: the backstory wasn’t very much eventful but I noticed a nice detail there which I may talk about briefly a bit later).

Throughout the years Avatar has received a lot of backlash and more or less justified criticism, mainly for the plot and its problematic packaging. I believe, it depends on the perspective one watches a movie from. Of course, I wouldn’t call it an absolute gem of exciting storytelling, even though I truly enjoy it, as in majority its twists are undeniably predictable. However, I always disagreed with people saying relations in Avatar aren’t deep at all. Well, romance between Jake and Neytiri, which, let’s be honest, except for the scene of telling the truth, went too smoothly, and this is why I strongly believe clash of interests is inevitable in sequels. Their interaction remained the key one for the whole movie, and nothing is bad about that, people enjoy a nice lovestory, so do I. But 11 years after I’d like to focus on the disturbing conflict everyone prefers to ignore for some reason when recalling Avatar. For me it’s always been Jake versus Colonel Quaritch.

You guys may have already guessed which scenes I wanna talk about. Those really important ones that I consider climactic to the pace of narration. And what is more about them, they give us crucial details in character development and actors’ play to think through. The main message: Quaritch knew it was coming.

Let me firstly touch upon the scene of short conversation between Jake and Quaritch prior to Sully presumably leaving Pandora. While Jake is awating Quaritch in a large empty hall, he hardly seems to be calm about the talk, every nerve in his body is trembling, but why?

The way Jake’s drumming his fingers on the table makes me wonder if he’s okay.

Then Colonel enters the hall, grabs a chair and reminds that it had been more than two weeks since he got the latest report on how the misson was going. He knows, Sully is questioning reality, and no, he’s not ‘doubting his resolve’. He knows, the right moment to ‘terminate the mission’ is missed. He knows, he lost Jake. He knows, he’s talking to the deserter. Yet Quaritch speaks indifferent. He praises Jake’s effort and rewards him for that. With real legs he promised to him when they first talked. Quaritch hoped they’d trigger the realization in Jake. Which doesn’t happen. How sad he looks when Jake openly refuses to accept the reward.

In just one sequence Stephen’s face demonstrates the shift of all four feelings Quaritch goes through: dissatisfaction, melancholy, shame, disgust.

Quaritch sensed the moment when Jake expressed superiority to the mankind. Jake grasped that Quaritch knew everything, he played with fire, and that’s why he felt anxiety. And it lasted all the way until Quaritch stepped back for leaving the hall. But did Colonel really surrender? I doubt that.

The tension between them both feels electric, so it’s explainable why Jake’s transient smile is so awkward. Sam then heavily staring straight at Colonel's back suggests that up until now Jake regarded Quaritch as his enemy. The enemy he knew he would not be able to defeat.

I remember when watching this scene, I couldn’t get myself the answer to one question. The question was: which report did Quaritch refer to? ‘That report from two weeks ago’, but such information wasn’t satisfactory for me. To be honest, this small discovery became the actual reason why I decided to type this study. Let’s assume that this particular report which Quaritch mentioned was the videolog where Jake confessed that Omaticaya wouldn’t leave the Hometree. Here’s why.

The general audience is used to perceiving Quaritch as a cruel short-tempered military man who just waits for the starting pistol’s shot to destroy everything in sight. Again, nothing is wrong about this, the fact that his character was simply meant to be a generic personification of such type doesn’t leave us with any alternative impression of him. Let’s say, if he was given the order to ignite the operation of the Hometree’s destruction to screw the tribe out of the site, he would absolutely go for it (and so he does). He’s a man of his word after all. Let’s also say, if he was pissed off by Jake’s betrayal, he would transport himself to the mountain site in a blink of an eye, turn off the link and put Jake in jail right after the talk in the hall. Instead, Quaritch decided to wait and give Jake the last chance. Jake preffered unearthly wings to those more tangible, so Quaritch chose not to cut them so abruptly.

We’re moving to the next scene, taking place right before a toned down fight between Tsu’Tey and Jake (I’m saying so, because it’s actually one of the deleted scenes that got edited out of the final cut, and believe me, the pressure between two rivals there is way too intense). Quaritch is watching the record of Jake destroying bulldozer’s lenses with a stone. After that Jake’s face is zoomed and we watch Selfridge get frustrated, Quaritch looks pretty annoyed as well but doesn’t seem to be much surprised. What he’s feeling, is bitter disappointment in himself and knowing that he totally failed to persuade Jake to change his mind.

Just observe Stephen Lang’s performance here. He absolutely nails cold-eyed look, the fire burning slow inside of him is so palpable, and guess what, in a flash he flies off the handle.

Now, shall we check the ultimate scene, preceding the destruction of the Hometree. Though Grace versus Parker juxtaposition is central to this scene, the last time Quaritch confronting Jake face to face in his human body is essential to consider for making things clear.

When it comes to revealing to Selfridge the vainness of further negotiations with Omaticaya, isn’t it just interesting how fast Quaritch manages to find the correct videolog? It literally takes him not more than a couple of swipes to produce the proof. Here is why: he’s already watched the record and is completely aware of the Jake’s values having deteriorated.

You can tell, Jake knew he was under control, but he would rather like to ingnore this fact. His pathetic glance at Quaritch, who’s almost impending above his head, causes to think Jake would guess that Colonel could have watched this videolog. Rather, it was a mutual secret between the two of them until a turning point. But the moment of truth came, and Jake didn’t change his mind. Quaritch made sure of that and finally it was his time to triumph.

So how was it even possible to assume Quaritch may have watched the videolog I’ve been talking about for so long? Well, my explanation may be too easy to believe, but still: we can tell by Jake’s appearance and the date of the record that it is the vlog we need.

This telltale videolog was recorded 16 minutes after the another one, when Jake says that he’s uncertain, who he is anymore (LST abbreviation stands for Local Standard Time). Jake might have suddenly felt depressed and hopeless and got back to the camera while being too emotionally instable, and so must have forgotten to delete the final record.

I have one more note for you. If you check the videolog library Quaritch is swiping through, you’ll see that the latest important record, which he actually needs, is made in the interior of the mountain site block and dates back to August, 13. Other recent vlogs’ covers look nothing like Site 26 sequence. Jake may not have done any of these records at the mountain site. I still wonder though where those three or four ensuing videologs were recorded, the location seems to be red lighted, which means it isn’t blue lighting at Site 26. I may even assume he recorded some pieces at Hell’s Gate. Why would I think so? Probably because in those two scenes (dialog with Quaritch and confession at Parker’s office) Jake looks ten times better than before, he gained some weight at least and doesn’t resemble a living sceleton.

Selfridge gave Jake an hour to relocate the tribe, while gunships led by Colonel’s Dragon were already on full alert. Quaritch had no doubt that Jake’s peacekeeping mission would fail. He knew it from the beginning. Hence he sounds so sarcastic seeing Sully’s avatar tied.

Now Quaritch sipping his villain’s morning coffee tasting like fresh genocide doesn’t feel so cringy: he’s celebrating his victory over Jake (still I should agree with critisism on this point, it really is a stupid cliche and wasn’t intended to carry a deep meaning).

Now I should admit, it’s been a long journey to run this investigation and bring it to light by finally posting it. It took me around a day to collect my thoughts and express them by means of more or less readable English. Just would like to make a little side note: English is not my native, so I promise I did my best! Thanks to James Cameron for making a movie, which woke me up in the middle of the night to start reflecting, and to all the fans out there who still exist and remember this movie and so can read this essay. @avatarmovies I found your blog not so long ago and you guys say you enjoy headcanons (and movie reviews probably?..), so it would be nice if you reblogged this but I’m not insisting!!

[redrosesartcabin]

Self indulgent series: Part 2.1

Life: Part 1

(Kenji x female reader, authors perspective) (the reader is a singer) (also: Some angst in here. I dunno why, but I just love writing some angst with fluff endings xD)

“So, let me get this straight”, the interviewer said, bewildered by the story the singer and songwriter Red Rose had brought up, “you met your now husband, Kenji Kon no less, on Jurassic World as one of the kids who got stranded for five months?”

“That’s correct”, she said. She had answered that very question a million times, but she couldn’t fault them for it: It was an unbelievable story (though she started to wonder how not everyone was aware by now that she was one of the teens back than).

“It was in December of 2015. I was thirteen years old and exited to be one of the first teens to visit Camp Cretaceous. I have to admit, I wasn’t and still am not, maybe even less than before, the biggest fan of dinosaurs. I’m not particularly interested in facts about them, but I definitely was interested in seeing some Dino action! So when I won first place at the talent show of my school-“

“Unsurprisingly”, the interviewer interluded at which the audience gave a collective chuckle.

“-I was still very excited about going to Jurassic World. My parents never wanted to go and in retrospect I can understand why. But you know: I was a naïve thirteen-year-old and didn’t think much about the consequences of the past. What happened at Jurassic Park you know? I was convinced Jurassic World was different and all worked out. Boy was I wrong! We all know it now! But at least I can say that I got, besides trauma, lifelong friends and my amazing husband out of it”

“That definitely can’t be disputed”, the interviewer agreed. Red Rose found him quite pleasant. Although he was a chatterbox, he was still very respectful and didn’t poke too much into the Jurassic World story: Although she was, for the most part, over the trauma, it was still a work in progress and it’s not a time she always remembers fondly. On most days she remembers the good moments she had with her newfound friends there, but sometimes she could feel the adrenaline rush through her as she thought of dinosaurs trying to eat her and her fellow campers. She saw flashes of sharp teeth and could feel hot, stinking breath and hear growls drawing shivers down her spine.  Red Rose liked to focus on the human part of the experience, so she preferred being able to tell the tale of Jurassic World the way she wanted without being asked too much…

 “So, Kon helped you reach fame if I remember correctly?”, he asked.

“Definitely! Though, I mean: I was able to do most of what I’m doing. Teaching myself how to use certain programs. I taught myself how to sing and I’ve always written my own stuff…But I certainly wasn’t good at marketing myself or making myself grow.

Kenji and I became boyfriend and girlfriend when I was sixteen and he was eighteen. That same year we went on vacations for three weeks in the Caribbean’s. And “, she let out a laugh. The camera closed up on her and caught a smile and a glance that looked so touched by love anyone could feel how much she adored her spouse, “I remember how we went on the private part of the beach Kenjis father had purchased. I sat down on a hammock and a guitar and just started improvising and singing. Little did I know my boyfriend -gosh that sounds weird to say now- was filming me. He put it up on Instagram, and he already had quite a following back then, so it gained quite some attention. Though not necessarily because it was a nice scenery or any of that: But because people genuinely liked how I sing and the melody I had come up with. And well… it got wild from there. People soon requested I make my own Instagram page for making music.

A year later I was asked if I would like to produce some music and well… then my career started”

“That’s honestly such a cool and sweet story. Though how about an even sweeter reunion? Please welcome: Kenji Kon”

Red Rose got up from her seat with a wild jump, not as the eccentric, elegant yet kind of crazy minded artist, but as y/n Kon. As the wife who hadn’t seen her husband in person for a month because of the production of yet another movie starring him as the protagonist.

The crowd clapped in awe of him, as fans. She wanted to clap because her heart was clapping too. Her heart was dancing a tango inside of chest as though she was seeing her middle school crush in the hallway. His dark eyes, ridden with depth met her y/e.c. ones and all they could read in each other’s eyes was happiness and love.

This happened within miliseconds, but it passed by in slow motion for her, so she perceived herself running towards him with calm. For the rest of the world however she was perceived as looking like a golden retriever who had missed his owner whilst they were at work and were ready to play.

It was adorable. It was downright touching how the couple met each other halfway and gave each other a long, passionate yet gentle kiss (so that it wouldn’t be too inappropriate for life TV).

“Not to be giddy, but you really are a couple to die for”, the interviewer said. The audience half chuckled half yelled in agreement. She felt her cheeks blush in a deep dark shade of red and heard her husband chuckle in embarrassment. She looked down to her and whispered “Hello love”

 Kenji had, unsurprisingly, had found joy in being actor. Being dramatic and showing his face on camera all the time? Perfect!

And he honest to god was a great actor. Though it did get annoying from time to time that he was casted as either the pretty faced villain or the charming, perfect love interest. Sometimes he was even both.

Y/n didn’t like to admit it, but she was quite jealous at the beginning when she saw him kiss other men and women on screen. It took a big fight for her to admit that.

She wasn’t proud of that fight at all. She had been, without wanting to, been very critical of her then fiancé (it was about six months before they got married). She would call him several times a day when he was on set of a particularly spicy rom com and observe his socials every couple of minutes. Y/n remembers her friends teasing her about it in the beginning and then eventually scold her. “Don’t you trust him?”, they had asked and she had answered, “I do….”, and they knew she was telling the truth, yet there was more behind it.

Kenji soon caught up and noticed her strange clinginess.

“What is up with you, Y/N? You know I have work to do! You can’t call me that often on set!”, he had yelled when the topic came up. He had been visiting for the weekend before he would go back on set.

“Why not? Can a girl not talk to her fiancé?”, she had asked with a sharp undertone

“Of course, you can darling. But twenty times a day is simply too much!”, he argued, yet he tried keeping his tone softer.

“I don’t call that often”, she pouted

“Oh YES you do!”, he put his phone out and showed her the times she had called just the other day. She counted about thirty, “I was nice with that number!”

“And? So what? You can just put your phone on silent”

“Yes, of course I can. This isn’t about solving the notification issue it’s about solving your trust issues towards me. Why don’t you trust me?”, as he asked the question his anger had subsided and genuine hurt showed in his eyes in his voice, “you monitor me like I’m an inmate”

“I…”, she was only able to say, her throat suddenly seemed dry, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I…”, she couldn’t find the right words to explain it. It hurt too much to admit. She thought she had been over that thought pattern a long time ago, but it had returned to her.

“What? What have I done to deserve this?”, he asked, “Why are you even with me, if who I am disturbs you so much?”

And that… that sentence had hurt her more than that ugly thing inside of her she hadn’t wanted to face.

“You fool!”, she screamed in fury as the sentence he had uttered stung, her eyes filling with endless tears, “How could you ever think you disturb me? You are the most beautiful, wonderful human being I know, inside and out. And on top of that you are incredibly kindhearted. And that’s why I’m like this… I don’t want to lose you. And it’s not that I don’t trust you: I highly doubt you’d ever cheat on anyone. You are too kind for that. But I fear… I feared when you are together with all these good-looking actors you might not find me enough anymore. I know it’s stupid, but you see: The past haunted me again. When I was called fat. When I was called not-good-enough. When I read social media comments saying you’re out of my league and I don’t deserve you. Ugly words that ate me up inside when I was a child and young teen. I thought I was past that but I…I…”, now the tears were too many and her words died with hiccups. She felt his form surround her in a hug that felt so warm and yet sharp as knifes. She loved his touch but felt guilty for not opening up about this sooner. She had never wanted to be like this, but alas she had been too much of a coward to burden him or herself with this.

“Love”, he whispered after comforting her for a couple of minutes, “Look at me”

She lifted her head. Her eyes were red and puffy, her lips were dark pink, and tears had run streaks across her cheeks. It broke Kenji to have hurt her so deeply, yet he also knew that it wasn’t his fault. It was however his responsibility, to clear this up once and for all.

“Love listen”, he started, “I completely understand your jealousy. But we’ve been together for almost ten years and in all that time, I’ve never encountered a woman more incredible, deeply fascinating and intrinsically beautiful as you. No acted kiss could bring me away from you, no sexy actor could keep my mind from ever wishing for more than to be by your side. I’ve been by your side for almost six years: What should change now?

The monster from your past is, as already stated: Past. Their words were untrue. These people were in pain themselves when they caused you pain. You were a target to unleash the inner turmoil of others. It’s no excuse but it is the explanation. Those who feel they must hurt others are those who seek the most attention and power because they’d be devoid of having a self. I should know: I used to be similar to that. And I had my phase of jealousy as well, you know?”

“Really?”, y/n managed to ask

“Oh yes! I was in rage every time I heard you talk about any of your guy friends back in high school. Difference is I could hide it better because we were apart a lot of the time. I feared you would find someone who had more of a personality than me. I was no longer sure looks would cut it”

“Gosh love”, she answered, her voice love drunken, “you burst of personality. You aren’t just a pretty boy or well… pretty man. You have so much spirit and energy to give to the world. You are the definition of happiness and sunshine. And on top of that you are an incredibly talented man with so much to show. You wield the human mind and emotions so well you can convert yourself to be something other than yourself convincingly-”

“See?”, he asked, “and just like you love me like that and see all that good I sometimes don’t recognize, I see it in you… I always love you”

“I love you too. I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m so happy we had this talk. It was much needed”

“Yeah”, she hummed as her lips almost touched his and within seconds the couple found themselves passionately kissing

Ever since then they hadn’t had any of these kinds of self-worth problems. They’d say I love you on a daily basis and gave each other compliments whenever they could.

One thing the fans found especially cute was that, without fail, Red Rose would comment on each of Kenji’s selfies and comment “hey gorgeous, you single?” and he’d answer every single time, “Sure Sugar. Meet me at seven on your favorite street-corner”

One time they took a picture of each other on a nice-looking street corner. Kenji had called the picture “finally found the street corner. Been waiting to meet this lady for a while, apparently her name is ‘your wife’, which is peculiar but otherwise she seems nice”.

The picture even went viral and became one of the all-time favorite celebrity pictures of 2026.

  After the talk-show they flew back in his helicopter.

They were in New York city and y/n looked at the city landscape with a fascinated gaze as she observed the flickering lights of the big apple.

Kenji looked at her with eyes shining almost as bright. He loved her love for everything new she sees. He had noticed that the first time she had seen the watering hole. He wasn’t really interested in her that way yet. He was fifteen and she thirteen, that makes quite a difference at this age. But still he couldn’t but smile as she looked at the dinosaurs with big eyes. And he loved that she hadn’t lost that spark, even as she got older, even as they came together and grew and changed together.

Y/n noticed his gaze and shifted hers to look at him.

‘What a beautiful man. I’ve missed him so’ she thought to herself.

“I missed you”, he said as though he had read her mind just now. Maybe he had. They had been together for so long they were often able to read each other’s subtle shifts in expression. Quite a beautiful thing.

“I missed you too”, she simply answered, “did you plan this talk show surprise?”

“Yes and no”, he admitted, “I was meeting up with Donavan O’Connor, the director of the ‘Elaine, the one?’ series. When calling Donavan, he told me had been to talking to Ray (the interviewer) and he was casually pointing out the funny coincidence you were meeting up for and mention the funny coincidence, that you’d have an interview with him that same day I come to the city and well… needless to say I called Ray and arranged things... I just had to. Couldn’t miss the opportunity to surprise my beautiful wife”

She smiled at that. A shy and flattered smile that reminded Kenji of when they were teens.

 They landed on the roof of a nice-looking hotel. They had decided to stay the night here in New York before travelling back to Ireland… yes: Yes Ireland.

Most celebrities lived in L.A., but Kenji and y/n had preferred living a bit apart in an old mansion near the coast of south Ireland, close to the northern border. Although Kenji was a people person, he didn’t like the dishonesty and lying in the industry and wanted to get away from that with his wife who thought the same.

Besides: It was a beautiful country.

As they entered the room, they felt peace and happiness as well as a certain kind of tension arise.

Needless to say, there was another kind of reuinion going on that night...

(Sorry about that short ending, I had to heavily edit that ‘cause it originally was a... well... non Pg scene xD)

[iwriteaboutkpopsometimes]

Hyunjin "Play With Fire (Feat. Yacht Money)" (원곡 : Sam Tinnesz) | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]     ~A Love Letter~

I talk about why I love this video so much and deliver an excruciatingly detailed play by play of it, but why read a two thousand word, five page essay on a three minute video when you can just go watch the aforementioned three minute video? Forget me spending hours writing this, why are you here, seriously, it would take you significantly less time to watch the actual video. Regardless, enjoy my attempt to refrain from saying the same three things, “he's so cool”, “I love him”, and “this is so good”, in exchange for a  more, hopefully, academically professional sound.

Watching him perform never fails to put me in a trance, it’s incredibly captivating how precise and sharp while simultaneously lively and energy-filled his movements are. This video feels reminiscent of enjoying a movie I’ve seen countless times, memorized every line of dialogue from, and genuinely think of every part as the best it has to offer. I greatly missed seeing him dance and having this as his grand welcome back into the spotlight is nothing less of a gift. Every second leaves my heart pounding and as excited as the last, as he continuously tops himself the longer I watch. I feel that revisiting the video is the least I can do, for giving it only one view doesn’t feel morally acceptable if I intend to truly appreciate it for that art that it is. Dramatic of me? Perhaps, but I can’t help but perceive it as more than just this one video that was uploaded onto their YouTube channel. It isn’t just about all of the work he and others put into the making of this particular video, his choreography for the song was a result of years upon years of practice and learning different techniques. A performance this good doesn’t only involve technical skill though, but also skill in regards to one’s inner mind. To have confidence in one’s self, to hit every move powerfully, to know what you’re doing and be unapologetic about it, that is skill. Sure, the performer is at the focus of any performance, but don’t forget that it’s also about the audience, it is after all for the enjoyment of the viewer. If the audience senses your doubt and insecurity and uncertainty, it will make your stage that much less enjoyable. Whatever you feel, they can feel too. When I watch him, I don’t feel any of that. In fact, I feel the exact opposite, I feel inspired, motivated, confident, excited to advance in my own endeavors. The emotion that this video evokes from me goes beyond anything Stray Kids or K-Pop or even dance itself, it makes me want to be a better person, be kinder to myself and work harder. That might sound like a lot for one video to do for someone, but it’s the truth. All of the details, even down to the individual frames, it all works together to create the most gratifying viewing experience. At the time of writing this, the video has just hit five million views and has over one million likes, only a mere three days after its initial upload.

The first shot of his footsteps alone,  as he goes to stand in front of the mirror, I already feel this sense of importance coming from him, delicate, yet powerful. The setting, cold and empty, yet inviting, it makes room for him and gives him just enough light to be seen, for he doesn’t need all that much help to surely shine. The credits that pop up use a dark shade of pink-red for it’s background color and white text that acknowledges the same deep red imagery and text associated with the material of the original work. His outfit is neat and pristine with some sparkle, resembling one a prince would seem fit. He stares at his reflection, holding a sheer white ribbon in his mouth, gathers a section of hair behind his head and proceeds to tie it with said ribbon. The music starts as he finishes tying and lets his arms fall down at his sides. The over the shoulder shot looking into the mirror, shows that his expression is neutral, almost calm. This can most certainly be described as “the calm before the storm”, except the storm itself is antonymous to a tragedy, because when the singing starts, it’s as if his performance persona was turned on by a switch, a charismatic possession that took place in a matter of seconds that sends chills down your spine in the best way. His previously neutral, calm-like expression and gently resting arms are quickly replaced by the sudden placement of his right hand around his neck and a look that resembles more of  a vengeful, hesitant, and somehow playful one. Similar to what I’d imagine a villain would look like right before being bested during an epic fight sequence at the climax of a film. It’s satisfying to see him popping to the beat’s rhythm, his arms, wrists, and head smoothly illustrating the flow of the words, his focus and the secure angles he’s able to form before even fully utilizing his lower body. On the line “Got secrets I can’t tell”, he delicately places his pointer finger in between his teeth, as he turns back to meet the camera with his eyes, the shot now semi-closely focusing on both Hyunjin and his reflection as opposed to just one or the other. He extends his right arm, his hand forming a fist, and the camera movement making it as if I’ve been punched and sent flying. He stumbles to the middle of the room, does an opening gesture with his arms, like a proud baker showing off their completed wedding cake, along with a dramatic spin incorporating his thin, white, flowy cape. Reaching the pre-chorus, we get to see the room more clearly, like the stone pillars and the contrast of the small, warm lights on the walls to the grand grayness radiating from the large window that makes him appear as a near silhouette. There’s a certain holiness about him spending a count with his head down and arms out, much like the Crucifixion of Christ, before showcasing more of a demonic energy when he faces the window with his body, but bends backward and looks to the camera upside down. He rips off the cape, tosses it behind him, to his right. This could symbolize a transformation, an abandonment of a particularly purer image of oneself, a liberation. The music picks up, and the manner in which he dances is like a visual representation of one’s inner turmoil combined with an agenda to seduce those watching, wanting to dance for himself while taking us along for the ride. Now that the first minute of the video is out of the way, let’s continue.

The music fades into the background and the video takes on a sudden widescreen and grayscale appearance as he falls back on his right hand, flings his left hand over to his right shoulder, as though he’s been shot, and is being supported by his knees. He leans forward, places his right hand on the ground in front of him, uses his left hand to push his right knee over to achieve ideal balance, setting up his body roll. He extends his right leg back, getting close to the ground, and there’s something quite feral, yet intimate about the way he traces the length of his arm with his face and left hand. It looks like he’s taking out his frustrations through his moves while never sacrificing the detailed quality of the performance as a whole. It reminds me of how it’s more than common for artists to use their pain in their art, whether it be a point of well-intentioned expression with a specific purpose or simply an outlet for them to channel into. Hyunjin is the definition of aggressive elegance. The fullscreen, colorful display and music entirely return when he spins and lands on the ground in a Spider- Man esc pose, the room a lot warmer than even before the stylistic grayscale section. There’s hints of red, acting as a match that’s set to illuminate and ignite the puddle of gasoline that is him and his performance, that replaces the once colder, icy blue that previously enveloped his silhouette. He bounces to the beat showing off his proud, devilish smile that, instead of striking fear, makes me feel proud, as I’m essentially rooting for the villain in the movie. If the transition to the grayscale widescreen was him getting shot, then the transition back to fullscreen color is him emerging from his grave, an awakening. His shirt is no longer neatly tucked into his pants, but rather, hanging very loosely and mostly unbuttoned. He covers his face with his left hand, pulling it down for just a second before revealing his expression that has swiftly reverted to a roughly indifferent one. The inner conflict has greatly subsided, and focuses on the hesitant-free embracing of his newly discovered self, one of immense confidence and sex-appeal. Although, something about the flow of how he averts his gaze, looking to the left and not the lense, while pointing and doing body rolls at the camera, covers his eyes with crossed arms, and then allows for his hair to cover his eyes as well, makes me feel like he doesn’t want the viewer to know he is still at least a little bit shy. He quickly makes you forget though, because the next and final minute exaggerates everything he’s shown us up until this point, taking it to a whole new, spectacular level.

The bridge of the song creates a slower, softer atmosphere, which is beautifully interpreted with how Hyunjin carries himself during this part. Bigger gestures that blend into each other seamlessly, centering on really taking up the space he’s in. He gently and precisely lowers his body to the floor, collecting a white rose between his teeth. As soon as he returns to his upright stature, the setting changes dramatically. His hair now completely down, he’s under a spotlight in an otherwise pitch black and foggy room. There’s blue and red light reflecting off of his white top and his skin as he dances. This part feels more humane compared to the rest, with more of an obvious balance between sharp, impactful moves and tender, compassionate ones. He draws attention to his shoulders, brings his hands and feet close to his body, and showcases his red lit back. I particularly enjoy when he flicks his wrists and twists his ankles to the right in unison on the second syllable of “unstoppable”. For the “legendary animal” part of that line, his arms create a cage-like structure by doing a climbing motion and carrying it over all the way to the left. A cage in which he destroys the walls and breaks out of, shown by him punching downward on beat. From holding the rose in his mouth to holding it in his hand, he brings it over his head to his left shoulder, and raises his heels. He carries the rose down and around his left arm, his left arm momentarily resting at his waist, his right arm extended downward, he raises his heels again. His whole body lowers as a rigid wave starts at his up flicked wrists and subsequently elbows and shoulders. This collection of gestures results in petals falling off of the rose. He then inevitably throws it into the void, out of the reach of the lovely spotlight. I see this spotlight dance as a danse macabre, or dance of death. The white ribbon, white shirt, and white rose all coming together to illustrate this innocent and pure quality to him, that through this dance, he finalizes the renouncement of. He is more than ready to embrace a new and different side of him, but especially to get rid of the older and repetitive side that felt restrictive more than anything. The spotlight dance ends with Hyunjin looking directly into the camera, tracing his right hand down his chest and to his side, and the camera backing away. The last chorus of the song brings us back to the oh so familiar main room, Hyunjin’s hair back to being tied up, the lighting is the same, but there’s something that stands out. His shirt is on the verge of being completely unbuttoned and that allows for something alluringly shiny to be fully in view compared to before. The video comes full circle with Hyunjin’s hand around his neck, he stands in the hallway, and walks away a new man as the screen fades to black. 

As I wrap up this essay on Hyunjin’s “Play With Fire (Feat. Yacht Money)”, original song by Sam Tinnesz, Stray Kids: SKZ-PLAYER, the video has reached six million views, a million more than when I first started writing this, and I feel proud to have spent a day simply pouring my heart and mind out on this wordy display of my appreciation. Don’t be fooled though, for my necessary research, I guess you could call it, for this project may no longer be so necessary, I shall continue to watch and applaud the masterpiece and experience that is this video for my own personal enjoyment, much like how this whole piece was written for my own personal enjoyment. It was an interesting challenge to properly voice not only the contents of the video but also my thoughts and feelings on it. Hyunjin is a highly valued dancer, member of Stray Kids, and person and five pages isn’t ever going to be enough to fully explain the respect and admiration I feel for him and his various projects. I think he’s really cool, I experience all sorts of fiery euphoria watching him dance, his rap and singing alike are addictive as hell, and he’s pretty, haha. I missed him a lot while he was inactive, and I’m so happy to have him back and doing great things as per usual. I’m excited to see what he and the rest of the group have left to show us this year. I advise you to watch the video if you haven’t, but somehow ended up reading an essay on it first, and if you’ve already seen it, watch it again, yeah. I’ll leave you with lovely thoughts and lovely vibes and I hope you too can appreciate the work he’s put into the video, as well as my work on this essay. Thank you for taking the time to read my love letter, essentially, and bye for now ^ ^

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/7/2020

I missed THE GOLDEN GLOVE at Fantastic Fest last year. It was one of my only regrets of the whole experience, but it was basically mandatory since the available screenings were opposite the much-hyped PARASITE. As annoying as that sounds, it was actually a major compliment, since what could possibly serve as a consolation prize for the most hotly anticipated movie of the year? Needless to say, I heard great things, but I could never have imagined what it was actually like. I'm still wrapping my mind around it.

Between 1970 and 1975, an exceptionally depraved serial killer named Fritz Honka murdered at least four prostitutes in Hamburg's red light district. Today, we tend to think of the archetypal serial killer in terms of ironic contradictions: The public is attracted by Ted Bundy's dashing looks and suave manner, and John Wayne Gayce's dual careers as politician and party clown. Lacking anything so remarkable, we associate psychopathy with Norman Bates' boy-next-door charm, and repeat "It's always the quiet ones" with a smirk whenever a new Jeffrey Dahmer or Dennis Nilsen is exposed to the public. The popular conception of a bloodthirsty maniac is not the fairytale monster of yore, but a wolf in sheep's clothing, whose hygienic appearance and lifestyle belie his twisted desires. In our post-everything world, the ironic surprise has become the rule. In this light, THE GOLDEN GLOVE represents a refreshing return to naked truth.

To say that writer-director Fatih Akin's version of the Fritz Honka story is shocking, repulsive, and utterly degenerated would be a gross understatement. We first meet the killer frantically trying to dispose of a corpse in his filthy flat, wallpapered with porno pinups, strewn with broken toys, and virtually projecting smell lines off of the screen. One's sense of embodiment is oppressive, even claustrophobic, as the petite Honka tries and fails to collapse the full dead weight of a human corpse into a garbage bag, before giving up and dismembering it, with nearly equal difficulty. The scene is appalling, utterly debased, and yet nothing is as shocking as the killer's visage. When he finally turns to look into the camera, it's hard to believe he's even human: the rolling glass eye, the smashed and inflated nose, the tombstone teeth and cratered skin, are almost too extreme to bear. Actually, suffering from a touch of facial blindness, I had to stare intently at Honka's face for nearly half the movie before I could fully convince myself that I was, in fact, looking at an elaborate prosthetic operation used to transform 23 year old boy band candidate Jonas Dassler into the disfigured 35 year old serial murderer.

Though West Germany remained on a steady economic upturn beginning in the 1950s and throughout the 1970s, you wouldn't know it from THE GOLDEN GLOVE. If Honka's outsides match his insides, they are further matched by his stomping grounds in the Reeperbahn, a dirty, violent, booze-soaked repository for the dregs of humanity. Though its denizens may come from different walks of life, one thing is certain: Whoever winds up there, belongs there. Honka was the child of a communist and grew up in a concentration camp, yet he swills vodka side by side with an ex-SS officer, among other societal rejects, in a crumbling dive called The Golden Glove. The scene is an excellent source of hopeless prostitutes at the end of their career, who are Honka's prime victims, as he is too frightful-looking to ensnare an attractive young girl. These pitiful women all display a peculiarly hypnotic willingness to go along with Honka, no matter how sadistic he becomes; this seems to have less to do with money, which rarely comes up, and more to do with their shared awareness that for them, and for Honka too, it's been all over, for a long time.

Not to reduce someone’s performance to their physical appearance, but ???

To call Dassler's portrayal of Honka "sympathetic" would be a bridge too far, but it is undeniably compelling. He supports the startling impact of his facial prostheses with a performance of rare intensity, a full-body transformation into a person in so much pain that a normal life will never become an option. His physical vocabulary reminded me of the stage version of The Elephant Man, in which the lead actor wears no makeup, but conveys John Merrick's deformities using his body alone. Although there is an abundance of makeup in THE GOLDEN GLOVE, Dassler's silhouette and agonized movements would be recognizable from a mile away. In spite of his near-constant screaming rage, the actor manages to craft a rich and convincing persona. During a chapter in which Honka experiments with sobriety, we find a stunning image of him hunched in the corner of his ordinarily chaotic flat, now deathly still, his eyes gazing at nothing as cigarette smoke seeps from his pores, having no idea what to do with himself when he isn't in a rolling alcoholic rampage. The moment is brief but haunting in its contrast to the rest of the film, having everything to do with Dassler's quietly vibrating anxiety.

Performances are roundly excellent here, not that least of which are from Honka's victims. The cast of middle-aged actresses looking their most disastrous is hugely responsible for the film's impact. These are the kinds of performances people call "brave", which is a euphemism for making audiences uncomfortable with an uncompromising presentation of one's own self, unvarnished by any masturbatory solicitation. Among these women is Margarete Tiesel, herself no stranger to difficult cinema: She was the star of 2012's PARADISE: LOVE, a harrowing drama about a woman who copes with her midlife crisis by pursuing sex tourism in Kenya. Her brilliant, instinctive performance as one of Honka's only survivors--though she nearly meets a fate worse than death--makes her the leading lady of a movie that was never meant to have one.

So, what does all this unpleasantness add up to, you might be asking? It's hard to say. THE GOLDEN GLOVE is a film of enormous power, but it can be difficult to explain what the point of it is, in a world where most people feel that the purpose of art is to produce some form of pleasure. This is the challenge faced by difficult movies throughout history, like THE GOLDEN GLOVE's obvious ancestors, HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER, MANIAC and THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE. Describing unremitting cruelty with relentless realism is not considered a worthy endeavor by many, even if there is real artistry in your execution; some people will even mistake you for advocating and enjoying violence and despair, as we live in a world where huge amount of movie and TV production is devoted to aspirational subjects. (The fact that people won't turn away from the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies, no matter how monotonous and condescending they become, should tell you something) How do you justify to such people, that you want to make or see work that portrays ugliness and evil with as much commitment as other movies seek to portray love, beauty, and family values? Why isn't it enough to say that these things exist, and their existence alone makes them worth contemplation?

A rare, perhaps exclusive “beautiful image” in THE GOLDEN GLOVE, from Fritz Honka’s absurd fantasies.

You may detect that I have attempted to have this frustrating conversation with many people, strangers, enemies, and friends I love and respect. I find that for some, it is simply too hard to divorce themselves from the pleasure principle. I don't say this to demean them; some hold the philosophy that art be reserved for beauty, and others have a more literary feeling that it's ok to show characters in grim circumstances, as long as the ultimate goal is to uplift the human spirit. Even I draw the line somewhere; I appreciate the punk rebellion of Troma movies as a cultural force, but I do not enjoy watching them, because I dislike what I perceive as contempt for the audience and the aestheticization of laziness--making something shitty more or less on purpose. A step or three up from that, you land in Todd Solondz territory, where you find materially gorgeous movies whose explicit statement is that our collective reverence for a quality called "humanity" is based on nothing. I like some of those movies, and sometimes I even like them when I don't like them, because I'm entranced by Solondz's technical proficiency...and maybe, deep down, I'm not completely convinced about "humanity", either. However, I don't fight very hard in arguments about him; I understand the objections. Still, I've been surprised by peers who I think of as bright and tasteful, who absolutely hated movies I thought were unassailable, like OLDBOY and WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN. In both cases, the ultimate objection was that they accuse humans of being pretentious and self-deceptive, aspiring to heroism or bemoaning their victimhood while wallowing in their own cowardice and perversity. Ok, I get it...but, not really. Why isn't it ever wholly acceptable to discuss, honestly, what we do not like about ourselves?

The beguiling thing about THE GOLDEN GLOVE is that, although it is instantly horrifying, is it also an impeccable production. The director can't help showing you crime scene photos during the ending credits, and I can't really blame him, when his crew worked so hard to bring us a vision of Fritz Honka's world that approaches virtual reality. But it isn't just slavishly realistic; it is vivid, immersive, an experience of total sensory overload. Not a square inch of this movie has been left to chance, and the product of all this graceful control is totally spellbinding. I started to think to myself that, when you've achieved this level of artifice, what really differentiates a movie like THE GOLDEN GLOVE from something like THE RED SHOES? I mean, aside from their obvious narrative differences. Both films plunge the viewer into a world that is complete beyond imagination, crafted with a rigor and sincerity that is rarely paralleled. And, I will dare to say, both films penetrate to the depths of the human soul. What Fatih Akin finds there is not the same as what Powell and Pressburger found, of course, but I don't think that makes it any less real. Akin's film is adapted from a novel by Heinz Strunk, and apparently, some critics have accused Akin of leaving behind the depth and nuance of the book, to focus instead on all that is gruesome about it. This may be true, on some level; I wouldn't know. For now, I can only insist that on watching THE GOLDEN GLOVE, for all its grotesquerie, I still got the message.

[stripyhorse23]

Films of the Year 2020

1) A Beautiful Day In The Neighbourhood

I re-watched this to make sure I wasn’t overrating it, but found myself every bit as moved, almost overwhelmed, as the first time I saw it.  The confidence of Marielle Heller’s filmmaking is such that nothing ever feels forced, her themes never have to be underlined, nor does she ever have to draw attention to the quietly excellent below-the-line elements.  Tom Hanks exudes warmth and compassion as Mr. Rogers, matched step for step by Matthew Rhys as the guarded, cynical journalist who resists the possibility of goodness and comfort with every fibre of his being.  Some of the most masterfully filmed conversation scenes of the year - the diner sequence alone is extraordinary.

2) Parasite

Hugely good fun, wildly unexpected, handles its tonal shifts fantastically with an ensemble cast that’s totally in tune to one another, and slickly channels the capitalist satire of Bong Joon-ho’s earlier films.  It’s not that Parasite is saying anything that different or original necessarily, but it feels utterly of its moment and despite its anarchic energy is never glib or peevish.  I squealed several times, laughed even more, and the film left me with a weird, immovable sense of melancholy.  Deeply impressive.

3) Portrait Of A Lady On Fire

The range that Céline Sciamma has shown over just four films!  Deliberately paced without ever feeling slow, I loved how invested this was in portraiture as an art form and how that folded into Marianne’s burgeoning feelings for Héloïse.  Unlike a lot of other love stories, and by nature of its subject matter, Portrait is interested not just in how its two protagonists make one another feel but how they perceive one another.  The ghostly apparitions that Marianne witnesses feel at first like a false note only for that to pay off beautifully in the final act.  Héloïse’s final words are up there with The Lives of Others in terms of last lines that make you break out in goosebumps.

4) And Then We Danced

For a film that’s so concerned with the hard lines of its dance movements, it’s appropriate how tuned-in the screenplay is to when it needs to puncture its atmosphere of repressive masculinity with compassion and tenderness.  Each relationship in the story is replete with texture and feeling, not just Merab’s rambunctious, chaotic home life, but also his dance partner / best friend.  What really made the movie for me was how focused it was on Merab’s own journey, outside of and alongside his relationship with another male dancer.

5) A Hidden Life

Malick is back, baby!  Doesn't quite reach the giddy heights of his filmography up to and including The Tree of Life and the three-hour runtime is a little punishing, but Malick is clearly working with a renewed sense of focus and purpose. Tracking the life of Franz Jägerstätter, a conscientious objector who was executed by the Nazis in 1943, I was unexpectedly and profoundly moved by A Hidden Life’s spiritual curiosity.  Franz's commitment to his faith might seem alien, but it becomes clear that it's the only thread he has to hold onto in order to see him through; even his relationship with his steadfast wife is defined by their shared religion.  The roving camera and Jörg Widmer's stunning depictions of bucolic life turned sour, as the small village community become spiteful and cruel, also feel like some sort of spiritual rebuke (and it's notable that we're kept closely within Franz's POV rather than venturing out into the atrocities that lie on the margins of the film).  I fully lost it when I realised that the title is taken from the monumental final paragraph of Middlemarch.

6) Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Eliza Hittman’s new film is definitely going where you think it’s going, but that hardly matters when the filmmaking and performances are this strong.  Whilst it’s concerned with the difficulties of obtaining an abortion for vulnerable young women, that’s not all that’s on its mind, and I was struck by how well it draws the patriarchal society these two teenagers have to manoeuvre through every day.  Hittman’s New York is a nightmare landscape, with Hélène Louvert’s cinematography expressively capturing the sense of oppressiveness and isolation that big cities can have on a person.  Like with Beach Rats, Hittman draws fine performances from her leads, ones that say a lot with very little dialogue, and of course the scene that gives the film its name is just fantastic.

7) Corpus Christi

Somehow manages to overcome its reliance on coincidences in the early going to become an exhilarating, deeply-felt film about the failures of organised religion and the limits of faith.  Bartosz Bielena could take me to church any day of the week, and he's truly electric as the ex-con who masquerades as the priest of a small town recently rocked by tragedy.  The plot could easily be that of a Hollywood rom-com, and it's to the film's credit that, aforementioned coincidences aside, it's always interested in digging deeper.  It's incredibly powerful as a testament to how difficult it is to confront the most difficult truths about ourselves and how grief is turned outwards.  The visceral, upsetting fight scene that closes the film is memorable, sure, but it’s the troubled character study at its centre that ensures Corpus Christi lingers.

8) Boys State

I suppose you might argue that finding a microcosm of American politics at an annual event where a group of 17-year-old boys are asked to form their own government is a little like shooting fish in a barrel, but directors Jesse Moss and Amanda McBaine mine their subject matter for much more than simple prescience.  Impeccably cast and edited, it manages to be simultaneously hugely entertaining (with true heroes and villains) and also an insightful, terrifying window into the glibness with which white American men treat both real world issues and anyone on the other side of the argument.  There were other, perhaps more accomplished documentaries released in 2020, but Boys State was so irresistibly of its time and so gripping because of that it kept creeping up in my estimation as the year wore on.

9) The Forty-Year-Old Version

What a fun, smart screenplay this is.  Which isn't to say there isn't plenty of other things that impress about this debut feature focused on an almost-forty-year-old Black woman who, frustrated with the dead end her career as a playwright seems to be facing, turns to rap as an alternative means of expression.  It's incredibly astute on the ways in which Black artists are forced to compromise to appease white gatekeepers and perceived audiences, a topic that it handles with equal parts anger and wry humour.  The film isn't blind, either, to the ways in which Radha's frustrations impact her relationships (particularly with her loyal agent/best friend).  When the only complaint you have about a film is that it suffers from a surfeit of ideas, it’s indicative of what a special, unique voice it possesses.

10) Rocks

A huge step up from the stolid, dishwater-y Suffragette.  The film’s deceptive simplicity in its depiction of a teenage girl and her younger brother who suddenly find themselves having to navigate an adult world they’re not ready for allows for the performances and screenplay to fill in the bustling, often joyful elements of Rocks’ life.  Cast perfectly top to bottom, some of the film’s best scenes are where Rocks and her mates are just hanging out, shooting the shit with one another.  And whilst there’s a heart-breaking centre to this particular story, it never feels reliant on pulling your heart strings, or leaning too heavily into the more troubling aspects of Rocks’ life.

Ten performances that I loved this year: Cosmo Jarvis in Calm With Horses, Joe Keery in Spree, Radha Blank in The Forty-Year-Old Version, Delroy Lindo in Da 5 Bloods, Bartosz Bielena in Corpus Christi, Cho Yeo-jeong in Parasite, Hugh Jackman in Bad Education, Alfre Woodard in Clemency, Johnny Flynn in Emma and Haley Bennett in Swallow.

[quicksilverlightning]

Rolling With the Punches

I have a lot of silly ideas for weird shit Toshinori has to deal with as a Pro Hero. Here’s the first chapter:

It’s been three months since Furakawa Aki’s daughter has manifested her Quirk, but this is the first, and hopefully, only, time that it merits national attention.

The family has just left the movie theater, blinking in the sunlight, when an explosion knocks all three and numerous other bystanders off their feet. A trio of villains rushes from around the corner, one throwing his arm back and launching some sort of grenade at the heroes that are no doubt giving chase. Another one of the thugs has a telekinesis Quirk of some kind, psychically knocking pedestrians out of the way while the third launches himself over their heads and leaves a crater where he lands in the pavement.

All this happens in mere seconds; Aki, still dazzled by the sun and reeling in the sudden excitement, screams, frantically looking for Iori and Kazumi, but only finds frightened people and rubble. A shout from behind reveals itself to be Kazumi, one of the victims of the telekinesis Quirk, scrabbling over the ruined pavement.

There’s blood on the ground and Aki isn’t sure whose it is, but only prays that it doesn’t belong to Iori.

A shadow passes over the sun, and a boisterous laugh rings out. The relief that passes over the hysterical crowd is tangible as All Might descends into the fray and makes short work of the trio with two well-timed punches while the third simply puts his hands up and accepts the inevitable.

“Mommy!”

It is at this point that Iori pokes her head out from around a rather large piece of rubble that has landed near the theater. All Might turns, and her eyes widen at the sight of the Number One Hero, who kneels and extends an open hand to the little girl staring up at him in awe.

“Hello, little one! What’s your name?”

Iori leaves the relative safety of the boulder and runs to All Might. She jumps into his arms as soon as she’s close enough and All Might laughs, lifting the girl in his arms as she hugs his neck.

“I’m Iori!”

Which is when her Quirk activates and All Might… changes.

                                                                                                                    Little Iori is two weeks away from four years old, and is excited about her new power, even if she doesn’t quite understand it yet. Aki knows zie is going to have a difficult time in the near future, trying to explain the nuances of gender and what it means to be able to change it, and is thankful to have a very supportive wife (currently a husband) to help navigate strange waters. Iori has defintely inherited this from her parents; Aki able to change sex at will, and Kazumi, able to alter her (his) own appearance once a day. The Quirks merged together in Iori, who can change the sex of anyone except for herself.

Who has just turned the Number One Hero into a woman.

All Might looks shocked for a moment, smile faltering, but quickly grins even wider than before, bouncing the little girl in his (her) arms.

“Oh, I can’t wait to see that fanart for this one.”

Aki can’t tell if he sounds amused or exasperated.

                                                                                                                    TexasSmashMe I didn't think All Might's suit could get any tighter, but boy was I wrong.

placeholder-Name ffs, all might is prettier than me how is that even fair you fucking gorgeous man - er woman?

834YH LADY MIGHT LADY MIGHT LADY MIGHT LADY MIGHT LADY

Hannikyute All Might is a gift from God and today I have been Blessed.

                                                                                                                    Iori doesn't have any control of her Quirk yet, so changing back is simply going to be a waiting game. Aki and Kazumi apologize profusely, assuring the Number One Hero that the change has never lasted more than a week for them. He laughs - it's still undeniably All Might's laugh, deep from the stomach but lighter in timbre. He can still feel the thrum of One for All in his veins, the buzz of energy just below his skin, and makes an appointment to have a new suit made, thankful for synthetic polymer.

He’s not as top-heavy as he might have feared, which probably shouldn’t surprise him given the size of his pectoral muscles. His proportions have mostly remained the same, but lither, sleeker, curves instead of angles. He books a second appointment with his tailor.

                                                                                                                    W0nd85 Lady Might out here stopping crime and Looking Fine

LiberateAutumn I feel sorry for any villains who thought All Might was going to take a break to deal with his sudden gender reversal and instead got punched into a sexual awakening.

                                                                                                                    He’s a little upset when the Quirk wears off a couple days early; the evening dress his tailor whipped up was a work of art, sleek lines in his colors, with a belted waist for his signature buckle. He was rather looking forward to wearing it tonight. The dress still gets wolf whistles from the live audience sitting in on the talk show while the host’s eyes glitter with amusement as the slideshow ends.

“So tell us - having been on both sides now - would you say it's more difficult, being a female hero?"

“It’s true that female heroes are held to a higher standard than men when it comes to appearance. However," All Might waves a hand. "I did not feel that pressure myself in the last week, the reasons for which I suspect are twofold.” He holds up a finger.

“One, it was known that this was a temporary thing. It was the result of an accident that would fade, given enough time. However, I don’t believe this was the main reason.”

The host takes the bait.

“And, what was the main reason?”

All Might knits his hands together, folding them over his knee.

“Because I am already a sex symbol.”

The host and audience laugh, though All Might keeps the same expression, waiting for the chortles of the crowd to peter off.

“I’ve seen the fanart - ” someone in the audience whistles, “and I’m well aware of how fans perceive me. I accept that it’s par for the course in this line of work, but it doesn’t hurt to remind fans that there are people at the other end of your fantasies.” He levels a glare into the camera.

"My colleagues in the field are amazing - they are strong, resourceful, brave, intelligent, and yes, beautiful. There's only one woman in the Top Ten right now, and it isn't because the ladies aren't working hard enough."

                                                                                                                    MirukoBunnieHop

All Might is a GENTLEMAN and a FINE MAN who RESPECTS WOMEN and can step on me anytime

blue-green-yellow

how can someone be this perfect

Vainiti3s

He's making some great points about gender and social expectation, but all I can feel is disappointment that we never got to see All Might in high heels.

[unpickingthetangles]

Influence Tag Game

I was tagged by the wonderful @fatal-blow!! Thank you so much for giving me a platform to be this pretentious! I am deeply ashamed of myself, ahaha!!! This turned out SOOOO LONG so I am going to link to the summary of Hadrian. 

Rules: Give a short summary of your WIP, name seven sources of influence on your story, and tag seven people.

Hadrian the Scholar summary. 

There are probably a billion mistakes in this. I didn’t proofread it because I am running late for work. FORGIVE ME. 

1.  When I was 18 I got an amazing opportunity to stay with my sister in Beijing for over four months. I didn’t speak a word of Chinese or Mandarin and I was still a ridiculous teenager. I had been sheltered as a kid; the farthest I had gone outside of the US was to Niagara Falls (which doesn’t really count, right?) I went from a spacious farmhouse to an apartment no bigger than a college dorm room that I shared with my sister, my brother-in-law, and my five year old nephew. I was able to experience another culture and a people so foreign to me that I had to adjust my whole way of thinking. Best part, it was at a very influential age, so many of these new feelings stuck to me like glue. I remember going to a wedding, walking through the city at 2am, climbing parts of the Great Wall that hadn’t been reconstructed.

Oh, let me tell you the moment that really got to me. We were stay at this little freckle of a village, very small, very old. It was settled in a green valley and the Great Wall wrapped around the hills everywhere you look. My sister and I followed this trail into the mountains and came to the wall, where local men were working on keeping it standing. I sat down with a very old man and he gave me a popsicle, drew a map of the US in the loose dirt, and gestured to it. He was asking “where are you from”. And somehow over about a half an hour, I talked to this old man without speech, sharing a moment of connection over a popsicle, with this grand old structure that will outlive us both in the background. This had to be one of the most profound moments of my life, really. It was my sister (for all her many, many faults) that suggested that I write. She liked the way I used language and the way I saw Beijing. That trip has been extremely influential to me.

That’s the wall on the mountain back there! 

2.  I also believe the concept of ‘J.K. Rowling Revisionism’ has played a huge part in how the story’s characters have greatly evolved. Despite how you might feel on the subject, I have taken the concept of it and used it to be more inclusive with my characters. I remember seeing a post on Tumblr years ago that was said, ‘What? Did Dumbledore have to be staking around Hogwarts in a rainbow flag for you? Did he need to be playing house music and raving the whole time?’ and it listed about a dozen more egregious gay stereotypes. As a queer person I was so insulted by that. It clicked for me that ‘it takes a single throwaway line to help identify a character as (x)’. I didn’t want to play it safe anymore. I didn’t want to write ‘subtext’ and instead was compelled to make it fully ‘text’. If I wanted to read about queer people in love, I should have the wherewithal to write it myself. But I also had to think of other people who needed representation as well. I know this is more of a popular discussion today, but five years ago it was rather new, and it changed the way I write.

(Let me be specific here: Lissy and I have had numerous conversations about Rowling Revisionism and if it was (broadly considering) ‘Fair’ to criticize her for it. It is an extremely complex conversation concerning the long-lasting effects of representation or lack thereof, in my opinion. That is why I am using the word ‘concept’ here, as in it should be more of a literary discussion had by creators and not a polarizing debate set in simple black and white tones. (looking forward to the many anons I get about how it isn’t black and white.))

3.  It is my belief that strong, believable characters far outweigh the plot or premise of a story. While the latter two are important, it is the characters that the reader is going to attach themselves to. A writer must introduce the idea of them as complex people in the world to get that special relationship the reader has with specific characters. The first thing I ask when I hand off my book to a beta is, “Who is your favorite character?” and I’ve gotten a different answer every time. That is a phenomenal thing! I am proud of that. When you look around fandoms, the fans are not drooling over the plots, they are defending characters and championing their causes.

With that being said, I’d say a major influence is in characters in media that made me rethink how I should approach writing characters. One of those would be the movie 12 Angry Men. If you haven’t watched it yet, I highly recommend it. This movie changed my goddamn life. Every single time I watch this movie, I find something new, something I missed the last 20 times I watched it. Hell, I watched it with Lissy once and she pointed out something so huge that I missed it. (ps. Still mad about that baby. How dare you be so clever?)

So how did that happen in a single-room mystery with 12 characters, none of which have names (save two at the very, very end) hit me so hard? How did this movie sink into me so deeply when it is mostly dialogue? I asked myself this over and over again. The answer is in the characters! At 1:10 into the film you are given a wide shot of the whole cast, a judge lazily prattling off his lines. Then the camera pans over the 12 Jurors: you see who is fidgeting, who is paying attention. Juror #5 looks off reflective of his decision to condemn a man to death, Juror #3 looks angry – why is he so angry? These are details that breathe an ever-expanding life into their characters. This whole cast is amazing, with Henry Fonda as #8 and Lee J. Cobb as #3. You know everything you need to know about them, without much backstory at all, without any grand declarations of their motivations. Hugely influential to me. It taught me that every character I write needs a strong introduction. If they are a weasel, they should be introduced as a weasel. If they are goodhearted, show an act of kindness. Hell, the first thing Hadrian does is show up at a funeral to mock the corpse. When he is introduced to Douglas’ character, he is dressed as a trickster god for a party. That tells you so much about him without putting exacting words to it.  

4.  While I had the meat of Hadrian the Scholar already planned out, it wasn’t until I read the works of KJ Charles that I really felt that I could be a writer and do it well. See, I’ve always been fond of those beautiful illusions like “my love for him was like a vein of gold in marble” (that’s from A Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue, by-in-by). But I had no talent to write such pretty pretty words, not unless I work very hard at it, and even then it’s clumsy. KJ Charles doesn’t write in such a way. But what she does have is fantastic characters that react to situations in believable ways. She won’t be caught writing a character that doesn’t have his share of faults. As much as I loved A Gentle’s Guide because it is written in a style that I admire and love, it is Seditious Affair by KJ Charles that I reread the most. That’s because when I finished that book, I found that I missed the characters. It is also incidentally about two people who should be enemies because of their politics, yet they fall in love and fight for their partner’s beliefs, because they are important to their love. This basically sums it up. It really helped me think about Hadrian and Douglas’ relationship. Bless this author, seriously.

5. Waking Life is an indie film that is an interesting watch, though to me it hasn’t aged very well. However, it is this one brief segment that stuck with me most. Here is the full transcript:

Creation seems to come out of imperfection. It seems to come out of a striving and a frustration. And this is where I think language came from. I mean, it came from our desire to transcend our isolation and have some sort of connection with one another. And it had to be easy when it was just simple survival. Like, you know, "water." We came up with a sound for that. Or "Saber-toothed tiger right behind you." We came up with a sound for that. But when it gets really interesting, I think, is when we use that same system of symbols to communicate all the abstract and intangible things that we're experiencing. What is, like, frustration? Or what is anger or love? When I say "love," the sound comes out of my mouth and it hits the other person's ear, travels through this Byzantine conduit in their brain, you know, through their memories of love or lack of love, and they register what I'm saying and they say yes, they understand. But how do I know they understand? Because words are inert. They're just symbols. They're dead, you know? And so much of our experience is intangible. So much of what we perceive cannot be expressed. It's unspeakable. And yet, you know, when we communicate with one another, and we feel that we've connected, and we think that we're understood, I think we have a feeling of almost spiritual communion. And that feeling might be transient, but I think it's what we live for.

It made me think about how language is used when it is applied to complex thoughts and ideas. I took a lot of what she says about language and tried to absorb it, pick it apart, and elaborate on with my own works. What I am doing when I am writing is a grand act of translation. How can I translate my own experiences with grief onto this scene, onto these characters? How can I best write love? Or anger? How can I tell a believable story of one character’s decades of emotional abuse? I am using my own life as this huge canvas of events and painting over it with different faces, different places, different heartbeats. And then I take that canvas and show it so someone else, who then will in turn see something entirely new. Language is inert! What a concept! Complex ideas must be first translated! This is a fantastic summary of how I view writing.

6. The painting In Bed, the Kiss, by Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec. 

What a gorgeous painting, showing such an intimate moment between two people. It’s invocative of a full, well-loved life shared in love. It becomes even more powerful to me when I remember that it is widely believed that Toulouse-Lautrec only had relations with prostitutes. He had a life of health problems, having broken both is legs that did not heal properly, he was also abnormally short. Because he couldn’t participate in sporting like his friends, he turned to painting. It was a life of indifference and difficultly. Yet, he made one of my favorite paintings for its depiction of the serenity that comes with intimacy.

In the same vein, it is believed that Van Gogh was colorblind. He created some of the most recognizable paintings in the world while he was mired in depression and lonesomeness. Monet’s distinct style towards the end of his career is believed to be caused by cataracts. So much of the beauty in the world has been brought to us because of friction, tension, pain, anger, grief, depression, illness, isolation--- all the things that are believed to make the world ugly place. And yet, it was these artist’s ‘impediments’ that made their work powerful--- unique. All of creation is frustration, as said above. I believe that’s true, and it is something I think of while I write. I’m dyslexic, I make many mistakes, my relationship with language is a weird one, but I never forget that it may be the one thing that sets my writing apart. Through the struggle, I will create. My sense of humor? Because of my shitty childhood. My characters? Because for most of my life I wanted to be someone else. My writing style? Because of a reading ‘disability’. Creation is in conflict! That’s some inspirational shit right there.

7.  Aaaand… Muppet Treasure Island.

Let’s see.. 

I will tag @queerloveandspaceships, @coveofmadness, @drderange and anyone else who wants to do it! I am sorry I am so fried after all of this. 

[thevortexofourminds]

And one more time...

Art, photography, journalism, and objectivity

Tiernan @tiernanogphoto / @tiernanogmuse kindly allowed me to “take his post (here) apart” ;) And that is what I will try to do. Because - with all due respect (I love you, T! I really do. And I hope you know that) - I don’t really see the point you were trying to make other than to (in parts) just disagree ;P

In his “rant” Tiernan raised the question of “when you shoot photos, are you trying to capture ‘reality’ as it is, or are you trying to make art?”, and mentioned that “photographers are divided”, and that “these approaches can lead to very different results.”

Agreed. Different results. The thing though is: You cannot capture reality. That is not possible. Not in photography. Not in movies. Not in books. Not at all. Even just trying to capture reality is absolutely pointless because you will inevitably fail. Simply because it is not possible. You will certainly create something else. And it might be wonderful. But what you will do is not to re-create reality.  And I am not even talking about how subjective “reality” is. Reality happens in your head. And in mine. In every person’s. So there is no _one_ reality. There are as many realities as there are people on this planet. And that is not some philosophical “Hippie bogus”, that is science. The world is multi-dimensional. Photos are two dimensional. That alone makes it impossible to “capture reality”. And even if we use 3D techniques there is still the smell, the sounds, your mood that day… whatever… so many factors.. that are missing in the photo. Ansel Adams once said:

“You bring to the act of photography all the pictures you have seen, the books you have read, the music you have heard, the people you have loved.”

And the same is true when looking at a photo. What’s IN your head will not shape, no, it will CREATE reality - your reality. What you see in a photo is your reality. Not the one of the person who made it.

So, yes, please everyone who wants to, try to capture reality. Go ahead, I won’t stop you. And I am sure that you will create something amazing. But it’s not reality. Like… if you do photorealistic painting… Some people call it art. Others call it “just technique”. And sure, everyone can learn to paint photo-realistically. But “creating reality” is not the point of photorealism. This goes much deeper. Claiming that these people are not artists clearly shows that there is not the slightest bit of understanding for art. Just as if you claim that ONLY photorealistic painting is real art. Both claims are blatantly stupid. 

The way we perceive the world - even if we “just” talk about perceiving the world with our eyes - is largely different to how a camera “sees”. The camera captures one specific timeframe - a “moment” if you will - which can be a fraction of a second or even many seconds. Maybe minutes, hours, or even days. But the result is one static picture. It might simulate motion, but in an abstract way.   Our eyes and brain _continually_ perceive the world. There is not one moment. There is a constant flow. And if we close our eyes, what we saw is gone. Left is only a memory. And that memory changes over time. That is also science.

Tiernan wrote “Good artists, I feel, seek to enrich the quality of life.”

I disagree. Heavily. That is one way _some_ artists see their art or themselves. Whether these are good artists? That is certainly a question of the audience. I highly doubt that artists like van Gogh, Picasso, Magritte, Miró, etc. tried to enrich the quality of life. It might be that this was _one_ of their goals, and certainly, they fulfilled their own need to create and so … yes… it probably enriched their own quality of life, but no, I highly doubt that enriching the quality of life is what was they sought for.

Sure, if you only focus on art that is “mostly entertainment”… and focus on these artists… then yes, that might be their “mission”. But I know tons of artists (even personally), who don’t give a flying fuck whether they enrich the quality of life. Their “missions” are as numerous as their number. What they have in common is their _need_ to create and communicate their own “vision”.

Quite frankly, I am surprised, T! I am really surprised that you basically use the same argument my mom used to make: “This is not beautiful, so how is that (good) art?”

I also think that this is a VERY dangerous approach. Art was never - never ever - not political. Even during times when politics wasn’t even “invented” yet and it was called religion. There was always art. Paintings, sculptures, music. Art always had a function. This “L’art pour l’art” bogus is a very new thing in art history. Sure, the emphasis of the function of art shifted over the millenia, centuries, decades. And yes, at this time, there is a big emphasis on entertainment. But no, that is not what art - in general - is about. 

Art is the first invention humans made. And it is one of the few things we are different from animals. Art and conscience (probably. Scientists are still divided on that subject). Art is the underlying tissue of humanity. Art is what everything else is built upon. NOTHING we have is not connected to at least one art form. Even if people have nothing else, what they have is the need to express themselves. In stories, songs, pictures, dance, … Art was there before anything else was. And the first artform was storytelling. Journalism is old, yes, but not as old as art. And journalism uses “art techniques”.

Tiernan wrote “Both [art and journalism] are important, but I think journalism more so; It can mean the difference between life and death, how often is that true of art?

Is literature art to you? There is one book that led to the deaths of millions and millions and millions of people. Granted, the deaths of these people was caused by the misunderstanding that this book is journalism and not art ;)

Sass aside: Why did and do books get banned or burned? Why did and do artists (of all sorts) have to flee their countries? Because it’s “just fiction”? Or because what they and their books, movies, pictures, whatever… caused was/is dangerous to certain regimes? Was/is that not a matter of life and death?

I agree with that art might not have this - as you call it - immediate impact on life and death of many people. Fact is: Without art, I wouldn’t be here today sitting and typing this. Because I would have certainly killed myself. But sure, I am not many people. ^^ But just because there is no _immediate_ impact of art, claiming that journalism is more important…  I am sorry to say it so harshly, but that is completely bogus. Art always changed the world. Art was always used to change the world. In the good and the bad. Art always taught people how to survive. Granted, in an entertaining way. Often through stories. How do stories work? I’ll give you a comparison: Why does cough syrup come raspberry flavored? Because it is incredibly stupid to assume we’d drink it just because it’s good for us.

Saying that journalism is more important than art because journalism has a more immediate impact is like saying: “Chest compression is more important than having frequent meals”. You’re comparing apples to oranges. No… wait… apples to the moon. Both kinda round'ish, but that was it. Completely different things. If anything then art influenced journalism. How to write/present something effectively: Art techniques. Cough syrup.

Once more about objectivity:

Where should I start? First of all: You heavily contradict yourself. You wrote: “anyone who says there is no such thing as objectivity does not understand the concept”. And then you continue with: “Think of the buildup to the Iraq war. Instead of seeing investigative journalists, striving to be more objective (since complete objectivity is impossible), (…)”

So… what is it? Is there objectivity or not? You write that anyone who says there is no objectivity doesn’t understand the concept but then claim that objectivity is impossible.

I do fully agree that journalists need to strive for more objectivity. And they need to always have in mind that they automatically are biased and act accordingly. But that is it. There IS no objectivity. There CANNOT be complete objectivity. Complete objectivity would be presenting ALL the (necessary) facts without any kind of interpretation. And interpretation is ALWAYS subjective. Interpretation cannot be objective. Not possible. More objective? Sure. Completely objective? Nope. And even just the selection process of which facts to present is subjective. What does the person who selects deem to be necessary? And presenting the facts alone is not journalism. Facts are just facts. And without interpretation useless. A journalist’s job is it to collect and interpret facts. Journalism is informing people and shaping opinions. And that is never, that can never be completely objective.

Tiernan wrote “Yet while art rarely reaches that level of immediate importance, it can illuminate deeper truths, those only be covered at a surface level by even the best of journalists.”

Fully agreed. During my literary studies, I did some classes on fairy tales, on “Death in fiction” etc… Metaphysics par excellence. ^^ I certainly won’t go down this rabbit hole here, but there are some amazing books about the “inner workings” of myths, about the deeper truths, about how these works of art cover our human self, describe our human development, etc.

C.G. Jung took many of these ideas and created his own theories about the collective unconscious with its Archetypes etc. While there is certainly a lot of disagreement in the science world about Jung’s theories, it is nevertheless fascinating.

The same story patterns are everywhere. All around the world. In every culture. Music is everywhere, it influences us, whether we want it or not. Religion, politics, advertisement.. everything uses art. Subliminal or not. To influence us. The way we perceive the world is shaped to a large degree by our artistic environment. You think you had one original thought? Think again. Everything you said, everything you wrote came from somewhere. And went through the filters in your subconsciousness. And these filters? In many instances: art.

So… yeah… a big “no” about “Journalism is more important than art”. Journalism wouldn’t even be possible without art.

[katzexpressions]

Name: Cecilia Tran

Year and Major: I am a 3rd year Clinical Nutrition major. Position: Historian

What is your first memory?: My first memory would probably be from Six Flags because I would always go on this one ride with my dad and see the dolphin shows with my family every other week.

Do you think people in general are more similar or different? I think people in general are more similar to one another.

If you could be any character from any movie or TV show, who would you be and why?: If I could be any character from any movie or TV show, I would be London Tipton so I would be rich and happy in a hotel my daddy owns.

What is a fear you had and how did you overcome it?:  I had a fear of the dark as a child and had to sleep with a nightlight but now I can sleep in the dark. I’m still afraid sometimes but I can sleep without light now :)

If your friend group was a bicycle, what part of the bike would you be?: If my friend group was a bicycle, I would be the seat.

If you had to change one of your body parts to that of an animal, what part would you give up and what would you choose instead?: If I had to change one of my body parts to that of an animal, I would give up my ears and eyes to have better sight and hearing like a dog or something.

Is it easier to love or to be loved and why?: It is easier to love than to be loved because receiving love from someone else may not be enough for the individual.

Do you believe in the supernatural?: I definitely believe in the supernatural based on events that have happened to my mom.

How do you think people perceive you and how would you like to be perceived?: I am not exactly sure how people perceive me because I would say I can show off different sides of myself to different people, depending on the situation. Some people may perceive me as talkative at first because recently I try to talk to many people when I go out to social events. So whenever I am not talking during social events, it can come off as being rude whenever I do not say hi or talk a lot. But I might just not be in the mood to talk or interact with anyone because my social battery can only go so far. I tend to be straightforward so I hope people do not perceive it as rude or disrespectful. It is already bad because I believe I have an RBF so I try to show more expressions when necessary. When I take pictures, I will be smiling and think that I am smiling through the camera as well, but it looks like I am mad or have no expressions. I know some people may see me as carefree but I worry a lot especially when it comes to deadlines, school, and the future. Right now, I am just trying to enjoy my life and do as much as I can while I can. I have been told a few times that I seem independent but sometimes I like to spend time with friends and family, just to have someone in my company so I do not feel lonely, so I have a hard time saying no when it comes to going out sometimes.

[cc-hatredisland]

AV Room.  {.Kasahara: Talk.}

I approached Kasahara the way I’d approach one of the teachers at my school. Ready to either punch it outta here or slam my hands over my ears at a moment’s notice, depending on the mood. I barely make it a step towards her before she throws up her hand in a stopping gesture.

“Not another step.“

Well that hits a nerve.

“Or you’ll what?“

“This is not a threat. I am studying something. Do not move.”

I take a very deliberate step forward and she sighs, seemingly having given up on what she’s doing.

“Is that fun? Playing rebel.“

“Can’t tell you the high I get pissing people like you off.“

“For some pointless controversy you have put a pause to my advancement here. I hope you are proud.“

The way she talked made it feel really important and I was beginning to feel like an idiot for acting out. She pushes her glasses up with two fingers and glares at me.

“I imagine an imbecile like you can only learn through seeing. If you are ready to be civilized, I will show you. Come.“

I’d already been an ass and mouthed off so I just let that insult slip. I wasn’t gonna apologize, though. Guess this was the compromise I was making. I walked over to where she stood and saw... a camera.

“Cameras. Usually I see those.“

I really wondered why I hadn’t. With the amount of petty crap I usually get up to in public camera-spotting’s one of the first things I do.

She then points to some monitors near Shiratori and... I jump, honestly, cause what I see is myself. Kasahara nods at my reaction. So wait, even this whole room is on camera? Must be, cause I see her, Chiffon and Shiratori there, too.

“Whoa! The hell?”

“They blend in quite well. State of the art. The monitors here show they were here before as well. We will have to keep an eye on them in the future. We did not notice them because we accepted them as always being here. It seems strange now but perhaps we did not always perceive it as unusual. Unconsciously, we accept that as ‘normal’ despite the irregularity. Furthermore, they are recording, even now. To have all this recorded seems... specific. This might be crucial.“

I try to get my breathing right again. The idea that I’m being watched by someone somewhere else just... gives me the creeps.

“Keep an eye out, huh... hopefully you don’t mean that in a ‘cover your bases for murder’ kinda way.”

“And if I do?”

“... We’d have problems, I’d say.”

Kasahara pauses and lets the uncomfortable topic sink into my skin before she opts to even look at me.

“I have determined murder is not ideal. Committing the perfect crime takes a great deal of preparation, foresight, timing and luck. Not to mention any physical endurance and strength you might need to possess. The risk-reward is not nearly great enough for me to attempt it. At least, not right now.”

“But the idea’s not completely off the table, huh. That honesty of yours kinda cracks me up.”

“Lying about it would be pointless. Someone who intends to kill would insist they would never. Someone who confesses their intent will be seen as a threat. The paths converge. It is an ultimately useless endeavor.“

“... Hey, I know you’re gonna find it pointless but... let me hit you with a question. About Anzai and them... do you care at all?”

“Should I?”

I honestly wasn’t sure how to answer.

“You are not crying. Why?“

“...Huh?”

“Someone is dead. You should be upset. Yes?”

“... The hell d’you mean ‘someone’s dead’?”

“Statistically speaking, every minute, someone, somewhere is hurt. Every hour, someone dies. Using this logic, you must be upset every minute of every day. Yes?”

“No point in shedding tears over strangers.“

“Like that, we have an accord. I have no interest in strangers nor the emotional baggage they carry. They made their choices. It is unfortunate we lost some good skills but if they succumbed to such weaknesses perhaps it was for the best.”

Her cold logic doesn’t sit right with me but the frustrating thing is I don’t even know where to start. I can’t really refute it. I mean, I could, but I’d just be yelling about how mean that is and that... yeah, to my ears that honestly sounds dumb. Even if I couldn’t articulate it, I didn’t agree with it.

“I get it’s your thing, but if you think ‘bout stuff so economically you’re gonna get your ass kicked by someone. You don’t have to be murdered for someone to have a bad day and snap.“

“Are you referring to yourself?”

“Maybe. Or y’know, the sailor double my height.”

She makes a hm sound at that.

“Murder makes for good footage. It is what our captor wants; if you or her try something, you will only be giving them what they want. I had previously doubted the verisimilitude of this place and situation. However this room confirms the reality. We are being watched. Not only here, I imagine, but elsewhere. This is not the master room.“

I pretended to know that word. There was no way I was gonna ask about versimili-whatever when I knew she’d just give me a hard time.

“Cause... there are cameras here. Right? Why would there be cameras if this is where you monitor?”

She seems surprised by my reasoning but nods.

“Yes. Good eye. It is a bold move to make someone feel as though they have the power to stop something. Enough power to give them hope and yet... not enough to do anything. Because the fall from grace that comes with failure is even more devastating. A failure to control leads to chaos; chaos is moorish to viewers. Furthermore, this sense of paranoia, from wondering who can see what and from where, is sure to put people on edge. I imagine that is what Patchnuki wants.“

“Sure sounds like his MO. And yet you’re calm.“

“People to fail to understand this but we are protected right now. So there is no need to react. It is a shark cage. Should you keep to yourself and mind the shark, you will not get bitten. People usually invite the troubles they get. My door is shut. I do not intend to get involved.“

“So you’re... what, you’re happy like this? Living here for the rest of your life knowing someone could wring your neck anytime they wanted. Hoping that if you bore whoever’s doing this enough they’ll just... what, let you go?”

The way Kasahara stares at me... it’s like she’s glaring, but not out of anger. I honestly feel like that’s just her face at this point.

“Do I appear satisfied to you?“

“I simply believe I can outsmart whoever is behind this. They have picked style over substance; this whole ornate set-up will have holes. And I will find them. For that purpose, I will cooperate when I have to. And then I will leave.“

“Leave on your own too I’ll bet, huh. Doesn’t it bug you? I mean, there’s evidence around we probably knew each other before forgetting all this. Your friends could be dying around you.“

“Friends? I highly doubt it. Our standards are different; I do not possess nor value friendship in the common way expected. Furthermore... I do not need to hear this from you.”

“A skeptical delinquent preaching about friendship? How empty. You are expecting of others something you have no intention of giving yourself.”

“Hey, I’m not preaching, just asking questions. Those never killed anyone. And yeah, y’know, you’re right. I don’t trust anyone here. But so what? I know I’m shooting myself in the foot like that so I’m making an effort. I’m not the smartest guy here, I get that. But I know what I know and I’ll help in my own way. I wanna find out what happened here... and why we forgot. ‘Course, I wanna get outta here too, but... not knowing’ll kill me.“

Admitting to Kasahara who might’ve been the smartest person here that I was kinda lacking in the brain area may have been a dumb move. And man, I’d been so good about not clarifying on words prior to this. But y’know, at this point I felt she probably knew anyway. And it wasn’t like it wasn’t true.

“... I see. Curiously, I share the sentiment. Leaving here without answers would be unpleasant. Yet I will, if an opportunity provides itself. Naturally self-preservation is more important than fulfillment. This is not a horror movie; I do not intend to stick around to please my curiosity. Not without suitable back-up and equipment. However... if I find clues, I will not deny them. Having holes in my memory is... let us say not ideal. So... in that vein, if I believe you can help me, I will say so. I have a theory I am currently working on.“

“A theory, huh... and I’m guessing you’re not in a sharing mood.”

“Do not see the point in sharing unconfirmed maybes. If someone acts out of turn, my fault for stirring the pot. No use in that, particularly if it ends up being untrue. But I am looking into it. This room might be key. Might provide more than the common man realizes.“

‘The common man’, huh... I barely know what this stuff is so I guess I definitely fit into that category. Well, whatever, if she’s just gonna shit on my intelligence all day, I’ll just ignore it. It seems like as weird as it is, we have some kinda accord. Information. If we can help each other, we will. And yeah, maybe that’s enough.

I walk away and realize... yeah, acutally that conversation was pretty quiet. Where WAS Chiffon? She seemed like she was just hiding behind some desk.

“Did she scare you off?“

“No! Dummy! I don’t get scared. But those snooty intellectual types are no fun. They run rings around you and make you feel stupid... which I’m not, of course.”

“Yeah, of course.”

I could see her point; Kasahara deeefinitely made me feel dumb. I mean, I kinda went back and forth on how smart I was - when I was with Chiffon, I felt like the smartest guy in the world, but that didn’t prove much. I guess that kinda thing just changes based on mood and stuff, too.

Either way, even if I wanted to get more out of Kasahara I felt it wasn’t gonna happen. Best to cut my losses and move on. It’s not like it was a complete failure.

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[laetro]

Ritaban Das: Storyboarding for Effective Storytelling

Character designer, illustrator and storyboard artist, Ritaban Das, elaborates on the significance of storyboarding to effectively tell a story and thus also shares insights from his decade-long experience in animation.

Ritaban Das is a character designer, storyboard artist and illustrator working in the animation industry for the last decade. He’s worked on a wide range of national and international 2D and 3D animated projects for platforms like Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and Pogo. Recently, he shifted to Toronto, Canada for higher studies, looking to contribute his skills to the Canadian animation industry. He hopes to someday work on his own animated show.

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Q. How do you differentiate your approach between the roles of character designer, storyboard artist and illustrator?

Ritaban Das: At the end of the day it’s all interconnected; it all comes down to ‘story’. When I design a character, I start by thinking about what kind of personality the character has and their role in the story. I think about what I’m trying to communicate through the illustration. This helps me to figure out poses and expressions. As I’m drawing, I’m thinking about shapes, proportions and appeal. I also think about the composition of the illustration. When I make storyboards, I’m telling a story in motion by acting out the characters in them.

Q. What have been the greatest lessons you’ve learnt professionally and personally in your ten years of experience?

Ritaban Das: Draw what you like and the rest will fall into place. Only you know what motivates you.

Q. How did you find your calling to be an artist and, thereafter, how did you nurture your skills to hone your craft?

Ritaban Das: I’ve been drawing for as long as I remember and I’m always very passionate about it. To be very honest, I sucked at studies and my parents knew that very well. I remember spending most of my time with a box of chalk and slate gifted to me by my father. Like every other child, I also loved to sketch my favourite cartoons. I usually sketched these animated characters on the back pages of all my notebooks and also my classmates’ notebooks. It made me known amongst my seniors for my sketches.

That’s the only thing I was good at which I followed blindly. Honing my craft came from lots of practice. I draw almost every day. I also follow and study other artists’ work. Reading or watching their interviews, where they describe their work processes and the likes, helped me a lot to grow as an artist over the years. I try to open my eyes and ears to absorb everything.

Q. Could you take us through your process of how you envision a character and then execute it practically?

Ritaban Das: Being a Character Designer, most of my work is very much character-driven, blended with humour and very graphical too. I always try to convey some sort of story through every character or Illustration I make. I like to play with various shapes and silhouettes and usually keep things simple.

The character design process is, in a way, a combination of different things. I ask myself ‘Who am I drawing? What is his/her personality?’ I sometimes look at influential artists’ work to get some ideas or even start from a drawing I like and translate it into my style. Then, trying to forget those influences, I often start from scratch with a basic shape such as the face as it determines the rest of the character for me, then the body (this can be a circle, oval or even a pear shape – it all depends on the personality of the character I want to draw).

Q. Could you please elaborate on your current pursuit of higher studies and how you came to choose Canada for it?

Ritaban: I completed my studies at Humber College in 3D modelling & VFX and Graphic Design and got a job in an animation studio called House of Cool as a Story artist. I’m working on a very exciting project which will probably start airing next year.

I’ve always been well aware of the Canadian animation industry from the beginning and the kind of projects they do. I worked on a bunch of Canadian animation projects back in India.

We used to do a lot of outsourcing for studios here like Big Jump and Brown Bag Films. Canada’s animation industry always attracted me in terms of work culture, the kind of content they nurture, and the quality they produce, so I want to be a part of it.

“Whether you’re working on a commercial TV spot, web video or film, storyboards are an effective way to quickly tell a story. “

Q. What about the world of animation draws you towards it?

Ritaban: Animation is important because it enables us to tell stories and communicate emotions and ideas in a unique, easy-to-perceive way that both children and adults can understand. Animation has helped connect people throughout the world in a way that sometimes writing and live-action films cannot.

Today, anyone can pick up a drawing tablet and show their ideas to the world. Drawn figures can be funny, sad or serious. It can have a playful, less intimidating feel to it to make the viewer feel more comfortable. Often, it has simply served as a way to make a heart-warming story that makes you think.

Through live-action movies, people can form biases based on the appearance and real-life personality of an actor playing a character. But as an animated character, the character feels like their own being.

Q. What would you say are the most challenging aspects of working in the animation world and how do you tackle them?

Ritaban: Every project is challenging in different ways. The challenging ones are the projects where clients don’t have a clear understanding of their audience and outcome, goals or don’t have an investment or hierarchy for arriving at a consensus on feedback. The most challenging projects always boil down to size and scope and managing a team to produce the animation. Also, animating subject matter that I’m not interested in is challenging. But at the end of the day, we all survive because we all just love what we do.

Q. Could you take us through your process of creating a storyboard and highlight its most important aspects?

Ritaban: Whether you’re working on a commercial TV spot, web video, or film, storyboards are an effective way to quickly tell a story. A storyboard is a sequence of drawings that represent the shots planned for video production. It covers all of the major shots, angles and action of your film. The very first step is to read your script and visualise it as an audience would. As I go from scene to scene, I analyse the screenplay and decide how I want each scene to look.

A script breakdown tells you what storyboards you need to create. Then I start doing the rough thumbnails with all the necessary camera angles in Photoshop and chalk out the entire scene I’m planning to do. The important thing is to give anyone who looks at the storyboard a sense of space — where are the objects in relation to the space they’re standing in.

Once I finish locking the scene on thumbnail level, I pitch it to my art director or creative director and take their feedback. After passing the thumbnail phase, I start making the rough staging in Storyboard Pro and work on the required actions and move forward with the scene for the final animation. I might have to rework scenes over and over, combining different elements of the iterations until I finally have what the team is looking for.

Q. What ways do you apply to understand client needs better and thereby produce results that are in sync with them?

Ritaban Das : Whether I work in any studio or as a freelancer, I always listen to what clients need. Listening to your client will help you understand and retain the information you’re already receiving, even if it isn’t a formal meeting. You need to ask questions to identify needs and paraphrase what they say. It helps with clarification and to enhance your understanding of their needs.

Also, I bring new ideas to the table. I don’t hesitate to propose something other than what the client had in mind. You may have a better service in mind and, if nothing else, this again shows you’re listening and attempting to understand your client’s needs. Understanding client needs is one of the biggest challenges of any business but also one of the most important and rewarding tasks.

Q. Considering your range of work, could you please elaborate on significant projects and clients you’ve worked for?

Ritaban Das: Over the ten years of my career, I’ve worked on various national and international projects back in India for clients like Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and Pogo. I’ve been part of the projects like “Camp WWE”, “F is for Family,” “Kuu Kuu Harajuku,” “Evan the Epic,” “Penn Zero: Part-time Hero,” “DC Superhero Girls,” “Cloudy with a chance of meatballs” (series), “Rhythm Warriors” (series-in production) and other numerous animated TV shows.

Q. According to you, in what direction should animation be exploring and progressing now?

Ritaban Das: Animation is an incredibly versatile medium that is widely used in many different forms today. Animated films are big business nowadays. Companies such as Disney have had enormous success producing animated children’s films for many years. Animated characters such as The Simpsons and The Flintstones have long been familiar visitors to our television screens. The future of animation looks to be on an interesting journey as the quality of films is becoming higher and higher. Most people would now aim for a 4k film. Also, they’ve been experimenting and coming up with new techniques of animation.

One of the interesting ones is Mix Media, a technique that Disney has been experimenting with for a few years is mixing CGI and traditional 2D animation. The idea is to create an animated film using CGI and then to draw over each frame to give it a hand-drawn quality. The computer gaming industry is also pushing the boundaries of what is possible with animation, leading to the creation of some extremely realistic game footage. Computer game animation has certainly come a long way from the 2D graphics of early arcade games.

Now computer game animators can build environments and objects that react to the player’s actions. The animation looks set to continue delighting audiences for many years to come. With animated films continuing to rise in the blockbuster charts, capturing hearts and imaginations, there is no sign of this genre coming to an end.

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Through A Glass Darkly

Through A Glass Darkly (Såsom i en spegel) 1961- Ingrid Bergman

For now, we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. - Apostle Paul

It wouldn’t be a Bergman film without a powerful challenge to religion, and it is no different from Bergman’s 1961 film Through A Glass Darkly. The title in English comes from the Bible itself while the Swedish translation is In A Mirror which echoes the film’s resounding themes as well, but in this case, I prefer the English translation.

The story takes place on a family island in Sweden. Karin (Harriet Andersson) returns home after a stay in a mental hospital where she hopes to recover from her Schizophrenia. On the island she is joined by her younger sexually frustrated brother, Minus who is played by Lars Passgård, her husband the ever talented Max von Sydow (one of my top 10 favorite male actors) who plays Martin, a loyal but cautious doctor whose perceptions of reality fall the closest to earth, and Karin’s estranged father David (Gunnar Björnstrand) who returns home after completing a novel and a near death experience. 

I am very opposed to romanticizing mental illness and dismissing it as a connection to spirituality or on the other hand, witchcraft. Women have often been portrayed as conduits for something other than our reality and this can either be angelic or demonic depending almost entirely on our perspective or the perspective of the narrative. However, I wanted to suspend my opinions in order to engage with what Bergman is trying to tell me. 

One could argue that the main storyline is Karin’s since she has the most on-screen time but I actually find the main drama to be focused on the father figure, Martin. We are told in the film that he has abandoned his children after the death of his wife who also shares the same schizophrenic condition as Karin. After the wife’s death, Martin quickly became successful with his novel which may or may not have been written from his experience with his wife. When he returns home he makes it clear that he will be leaving after a month despite a forgotten promise to his children who are dismayed. 

If schizophrenia is genetic then the family talent for storytelling is as well. When Martin enters the house at dinner to have a very well acted cathartic cry which I immediately could resonate with as reality. Minus has created a play in order to show his father his own standing as a creative individual. The play within a play has been done by Bergman before and is most well known for its symbolic representation in Hamlet. David is clearly aware of this and takes the short play as a personal affront. 

Minus tells the story of an artist who feels that his own life is his work of art and creating representations of his life cheapens the meaning. The Artist is taken by the feminine beauty of a princess who died early in childbirth and is forced to witness her husband she left behind slowly forget her and move on to other pleasures. She acknowledges the artist who can penetrate a mystic veil in order to talk to her despite her being dead and unseen to those who are not sensitive enough. The ghost invites him to join her in death and share eternity with her, the Artist agrees to do as she wishes and thus solidifying his life as a work of art. At the time of importance the Artist second guesses himself. A series of questions he asks seem realistic to those who consider suicide as an option. What awaits me apart from the cold embrace of eternity? What is there to do but exist, surely it is better to have something to do than nothing, and what if there is nothing? The princess waits and then closes the door, oblivion and whatever promises it has is closed to him forever.  The Artist feels no remorse and instead decides to make a tribute to the princess but decides to give himself a more heroic ending, thus displaying himself as the ultimate hypocrite.

Minus knows this either instinctively or consciously and it perfectly sums up the internal dilemma of David. He laments that he has sacrificed his family for his own success and admits to Martin that he did want to document the descent into madness of Karin for his own profit. He asks Martin if he ever wishes that Karin was dead and explains that Martin’s suffering is pointless. Martin is repulsed by David’s honesty and directness and argues that his principles as a husband and father are missing. If Martin regrets marrying Karin he does not admit it to anyone other than himself but admits that he knows that his job as Karin’s only anchor to the world and the seriousness of how his actions will affect his wife. A crushing weight to bear, and we are curious to hear how he will respond to David’s question. We do not feel that he is being as emotionally open as he could be, but his company is perhaps not the place to be so open. We see that things are not easy for David, along with his wife’s sudden and dramatic shifts in the mood she has also lost her sexual drive and David is severely frustrated. We see the love that is there for Karin in these moments and the rejection from Karin is painful to the audience to see. 

Martin has recently experienced a near-death event on his way to commit suicide. He said he felt empty with no expectations on his way to meet his own end but a chance meeting with death through a car accident left him with a new found love for his family. I like this story and I like that it comes after Minus’ play. It hints that Martin has already met with the woman in the castle and decided to live because what his experience imparted was not a chance to profit but instead a chance to love those who love him. I like that it wraps up that story and validates Martin who later laments in a real connecting moment with Karin that he is forced to live in reality, but it is the most alive and human we have seen him through the whole film.

Karin’s story is separate from her fathers. With Karen and her illness, she is drawn between two realities. Karin knows she cannot live in both and feels compelled to choose between the two. From the beginning, we see that she is leaning toward the unknown because of its perceived connection to God. I wondered originally how Bergman would portray her madness and was relieved to see that he makes it painfully clear that Karin is mad and not to romanticize the illness as a storytelling device which was my biggest problem with Dryer’s Ordet. 

However, I want to believe that Bergman is capable of telling a bigger story here without sacrificing the illness and its negative effects on the members of the family. I am a supporter of the divine in every day and like Agent Mulder, I always want to believe that there is something greater than us at play, but for most of the movie I had a hard time convincing myself that there was a legitimate spiritual connection. Karin’s character is playful but gentle and has no vices except for her illness which begins showing a more menacing turn when voices which lead to the eventual seduction of her younger brother.

After she submits to her illness and decides to return to the hospital but the illness is not done with her yet. She hears voices telling her that the moment she has been waiting for is almost at hand. God is approaching and she must be ready to join him through the wallpaper. I wondered how much influence Bergman had taken from The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman because Through a Glass Darkly has visual similarities that I thought would be great to be captured while I was reading Gilman’s short story. A shot of light dancing on the repeated motif wallpaper was a powerful artistic portrayal of Karin’s own mind. 

At the pinnacle of Karin’s story, we have two separate things happening. In the attic, we hear an overpowering noise of the ambulance helicopter approaching. The wind knocks the windows and the blinds open and a small hidden door that is covered in wallpaper to make it undetectable. The camera stays on Karin’s face and we watch her make her decision to which reality she wants to live in. She approaches the door but then is frozen in horror. After catching herself she begins to scream in terror and becomes like a wild animal. It takes both her father and her husband to restrain her until she is given a sedative. Harriet Andersson displays powerful acting during this scene where she had to drop her social inhibitions. 

When she is calm she tells us why she did what she did. She says that when the door opened she looked for God to come through but instead of what she imagined to be God, a black spider emerged toward her. The spider came towards her and tried to enter inside of her. She recoiled in terror and the spider god turned away from her and left. I was a little disappointed that Bergman chose to use the Spider to represent something awful and horrifying since in many other cultures, including the Native Americans, have a much healthier approach to the mythos of the Spider from one of fear to another of building dreams and wisdom, but that’s just me. 

In either case, it seems to prove the point of the title. We see through a glass darkly every day of our lives. What we see of each other is distorted by our own lives, ideas, thoughts, and beliefs. We can only see part of the vision, and we elaborate on our own to what that might mean. David distorted his love of his family for love of writing about his family, a slightly different reality than the one around him. Karin’s test was if she could love the divine if it did not conform to her own understanding of what God was, and she could not. I think this answered for me the problem that I was having earlier with her divinity versus madness. In a way, Karin’s inability to transcend herself was the reason why her character was caught in her own madness and why other feminine characters with the same controversial situation have had different outcomes. I was grateful again for Bergman’s “reality” of the character’s dilemma and making Karin have an ending that was understandable even if it was not the happy ending that he was toying with.