#tw: self worth issues

[giggly-squiggily]

Oh wow, thank you so much! I would like to request zenitsu with a s/o who has body image issues, If that’s ok. I remembered that they’re all buff, not just inosuke (which would be really funny if he was the only ripped one) but it just made me hyper-aware of my own body, even though I’ve been told my weight is fine. Once again thank you very very much and have a very happy holidays! -🎄

Heyo friend! My deepest apologies, I've been meaning to write this for the longest time but wanted to wait until I was in a good mental health space to do it. I can relate to this issue as well; especially the hyper fixation part. It's not an easy journey to work through, and I wish I could say something that makes everything easier- but all I can really say is you're not alone feeling this way, and that no matter how your body looks, it's valid the way it is. <3

(And 100% agree- we need more squishy slayers! I get their training leads to them having more buff bodies but I want squish! I want pudgy bellies and thick thighs dang it!) I hope I did your prompt justice friend <3

((Not gonna tag list peeps this one due to the content warnings below))

CW: Body image issues, self worth issues, mentions of eating disorders, insecurity, food, angst, hurt/comfort

It shouldn’t bother you so much.

Inosuke was always shirtless- saying something about clothes dulling his senses. There weren’t any rules against him going without, and if it really did affect his combat skills, it was better this way.

Still, it didn’t make you feel any better, pressing your arms tighter against your stomach as you watched him stretch. His build was so muscular and toned- his body giving him the extra ‘oomph’ he needed to perform the moves he does. It was what you deemed to be the ideal body type for the Demon Corps.

And you…well. Weren't that.

Your body was fine, according to Lady Kocho. Everything worked as it should, and you were able to keep up with the boys during training and whatnot. Things were on a smooth track, as she put it.

Still, you couldn’t help but feel...less, seeing not just Inosuke, but both Tanjiro and Zenitsu so ripped. They were developing hard muscles as visual evidence of their efforts. When they took their shirts off, you could tell just by looking at them they were Corp members.

You pressed more firmly against the soft parts of your torso, something cold and unpleasant setting in your gut as you came to the realization that even if you worked your absolute hardest, it's never likely you'll never look like them.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay?” Tanjiro’s voice made you gasp and look up, finding his concerned eyes. “You look like you’re gonna throw up- is your stomach hurting?”

“Maybe they ate too much.” Inosuke piped up. It was such a meaningless comment, but it still felt like a dagger in your heart.

“Inosuke, hush.” Tanjiro scowled, but the damage was already done.

“That’s probably it! I just overate.” You put on what you hoped to be a smile as you straightened up, arms still guarding your stomach. “I’m gonna go see if Miss Kocho has medicine- bye!” You twisted so hard dust puffed around your feet, racing into the manor as Tanjiro called after you. Thankfully no one was following- it felt like permission to let the tears fall.

On your way in, you didn’t see Zenitsu watching you.

~~~

“Maybe I should cut back..” You murmured softly, slumped away in a spare room as you wiped your tear stained cheeks. You likely looked a mess- eyes puffy and face hot. It was a miracle no one came by to hear you sobbing alone. “Will that help me look like them?”

As if fate hated you, your stomach growled. You pushed your hand against it with a bitter thought. “Don’t even start. I need to do this.”

“Do what, exactly?” You yelped when you heard a voice, looking up to find Zenitsu. In his hands he had an assortment of things- a box of tissues, two ice cubes in a cup, and…

Oh no. “I’m not..” You began, only for your stomach to growl at the sight of the onigiri. Zenitsu raised a brow.

“You are.” He chided, coming over and sitting down. After offering the tissues to clean up with, he handed you the cup of ice. “These are good for swollen eyes. I know- I cry all the time.” He smiled, puffing some when you let out a weak giggle.

“I guess you’d know all the tricks to things like this.” You took the ice, wincing some at the chill. “Thanks, Zen.”

“Hm.” The blonde nodded, watching you circle your eyes with the chilly cubes. “How’s your stomach?”

“Huh?” You dropped a cube, watching it bounce away. “My what?”

He stared at you. You felt your face get hot. “Shoot…you knew that was a lie, huh?”

“I am your partner, (Y/N).” He reminded gently, frowning when you dipped your head. “Do you wanna talk about it? You’ve been looking so down recently- I want to help if I can.”

“I don’t think you could.” You sank further, hating how your stomach began to really hurt. Zenitsu, noticing this, offered you the rice balls.

“I don’t want them.” You shook your head.

“Your stomach hurts cause you haven’t eaten since this morning.”

“I can skip meals.”

“That’s not safe.”

“So what? If it means I can finally look like a proper slayer, I’ll do it!” You snapped, voice raising. Then you fell silent as you realized what you just said. Zenitsu blinked at you a few times.

“...What?” He stared, watching you tear up. “(Y/N)...”

“S-Sorry. That didn’t- I didn’t want to say that..” You sniffed, hating how close to tears you were today. “Just forget about it. I’m being stupid.”

Zenitsu stared at you before putting down the rice balls, scooting closer and reaching out. “(Y/N)..” You leaned away, and he let his hand fall back to his lap. “Are you starving yourself?”

“No…I just thought about it.” You confessed, unable to look at him. “I overeat, so I thought if I stopped eating lunch, maybe all this extra fat would go away.” You looked down at your stomach, tearing up again. “Then I’ll look like you guys. I’ll have muscles. I'll finally look like a real slayer..."

Zenitsu was quiet for a bit, seemingly stunned silent. Then he turned so he was facing you properly. “(Y/N), can I have your hand?”

You peeked at him, watching as he tugged up his shirt. “Why..”

“Please?” He asked again, eyes serious. You decided to give in and let him take your hand. He brought it to his torso, pushing it against his stomach. “Can you feel it?”

“I..” You didn’t really know what you were feeling. It felt like a body- warm beneath your touch. The whole thing was a bit embarrassing- your face heated up again at the thought of somebody walking in on you. “Zen, I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.”

“Sure you do. It’s my squish.” He nodded proudly, watching you blink in confusion. “Even when I gained all these muscles you’ve mentioned, I’m still soft. You have muscles too. They might not as visible, but they're there."

He was in fact soft. You pressed in, something oddly satisfying about the gesture. Zenitsu jerked and doubled over with a giggle, making you smile. “S-Sehee? I’m squishy. We all are.”

“But Inosuke..”

“Inosuke’s squishy too. He might not look it, but he is.” He released your hand, opting to hold it gently within his own. “Just because you’re not crazy ripped with no squish doesn’t make you any less of a Slayer. You don’t need your muscles to show to prove your worth. You've already done that just by being you. You're courageous, smart, kind.."

You felt your eyes water again, this time for a new reason. “Zen..”

"Really attractive." He winked, making you snort through your tears. “You're perfect the way you are. Forget about skipping meals, okay? It’s dangerous. What if you pass out mid-breathing technique with a demon? I don't-I can't lose you.” Zenitsu pulled the onigiri out, bringing it to your lips. “You eat fine- don't change for the sake of visuals."

Your stomach growled again, and you finally took a bite. The rice was seasoned and fluffy, and the filling was your favorite. You almost cried again at the taste. “Thank you..”

“Eat first. Thank me later.” Zenitsu smiled as you carried on eating, reaching out and grabbing a thermos. You didn’t see him with it earlier- he must have had it stashed away. “I brought tea too. No, I didn’t brew it- I wasn’t gonna make you feel worse.”

You nearly choked on your food as you laughed, smiling behind your fist as Zenitsu poured a cup for you. “Hohohow coohohnsiderate!"

“Yeah, I'm like that sometimes.” He grinned, relaxing as you sipped your tea. “I love you too much to let you die my attempts at making tea."

“New breathing technique unlocked- poison tea. Quick, let's go tell Lady Kocho.” You giggled, watching him start to smile. Before long, the two of you were laughing freely, falling into each other as you laughed yourselves breathless.

You are truly grateful to have someone like him in your life.

Thanks for reading!

[bnha-more-like-bnh-gay]

Tw: izuku’s self sacrificial tendencies and low self esteem

Izuku being so self sacrificial and just 1000% willing to die for his friends, and really just for anyone, and his friends are so fucking stressed about it :/

Like. It’s so unhealthy, but this kid is just willing to die to protect his friends and genuinely doesn’t understand why it freaks them out. He one time tells them point blank, “I’d die for you” and doesn’t understand why they’re like, “maybe let’s not do that????” He’s just so used to people not caring if he dies, and he thinks that it’s an okay/healthy way to show love and affection

Like, I imagine it is most detrimental with kiri, Shouto, Iida, Uraraka, Aoyama, and tsu. Like kiri is so insistent on telling izuku how manly he is, and how he admires him, and he starts to see how little izuku values his own life and it freaks him out. Like, izuku just doesn’t understand why they’re all telling him to stop and slow down, or why he needs to not jump into fights without backup. But instead keeps telling them that he’d be fine if he died protecting his friends, and it’s so earth shattering to them all

Shouto understands a bit more where izuku is coming from, but he is just so terrified of losing his first friend. Todoroki “ride or die” Shouto does NOT approve. He tries to stop izuku from putting up with bakugou’s bullshit too. He can see how bakugou impacts izuku’s mental health, and he’s the first one to try and separate them and keep izuku out of harms way. Because he knows what being around someone who torments you does to a person, and izuku, who’s so idiotically brave and kind, who sticks his nose in other people’s business for the sake of heroism and wanting them to feel safe, fucking deserves to have the same kind of annoying, amazing, really fucking odd help and support. And if Shouto can provide it, then of course he will

Iida has seen first hand how willing izuku is to jump in to protect his friends-they all have, but I’m talking about the hosu incident-and he’s so grateful for izuku helping him there, but Jesus does it terrify him how izuku just keeps doing it with no regards for his own life. He almost lost tensei, he can’t lose izuku

Uraraka knows how strong izuku is, they all do, but this dude is stressing her the fuck out with his lack of self preservation. She needs her best friend alive, thank you??? She admires him so much in the beginning, his bravery and heroic personality, and that continues, but she’s coming to realize that some of that bravery comes from such a horrible place of not caring if he lives or dies and she’s horrified

Aoyama. The fucking guilt he has right now. Because he knows where izuku is coming from to some degree, and he knows that it’s partially his fault. That if he wasn’t in cahoots with the L.O.V., izuku wouldn’t be so. Like this. He’s not stupid, he knows he’d still be like this. But he wouldn’t have the added pressure of wanting to protect Aoyama, his friend. And Aoyama doesn’t know what to do because he has to help keep his parents safe, but holy shit, what if izuku actually gets killed??

Tsu is rational, but she’s also good at looking at things from other people’s perspectives. But it just hurts so much to see how izuku views his self worth. She understands to a degree, because he grew up with pretty shitty influences (bakugou, the entirety of Aldera middle school, etc.), but she also does. Not. Get. It. She doesn’t want to get it. She loves her friends, and she knows they’re strong, hell, she’s strong as hell, but it’s just terrifying that this 16 year old, who is one of her best friends, who has saved all of their lives several times, is just so. Lackluster when it comes to keeping himself safe.

Mic (because it wouldn’t be one of my rants if I didn’t include my desire for this man to adopt me, but since that can’t happen, we project into also wanting him to adopt izuku) is just so devastated that this kid, a fucking child, a baby has to fight in a goddamn war. This is ridiculous. But just that he’s also so willing to die for literally anyone???? He’s seen where that got Oboro, and fuck if it doesn’t terrify him that, what if the green bean gets irrevocably hurt?? He’s such a kind, and thoughtful, and smart kid, but he’s also so fucking stupid. He doesn’t even mean it as an insult, it’s just so frightening that this child he’s supposed to be protecting is taking it upon himself to try and fix this major issue that has gotten multiple adults, pro-heroes, killed, maimed, and otherwise injured. AND HE IS A 16 YEAR OLD WITH A SHIT LOAD OF TRAUMA. FUCK. And he can’t even do much to try and keep him out of harms way! Hell, the kid isn’t even in his homeroom! But the war is coming and he can’t keep any of the kids away from it, and that’s even worse.

[ed-recoverry]

I love you everyone who has a lot of acne!

I love you everyone with acne scarring!

I love you teens with acne!

I love you adults with acne!

I love you everyone with nodulocystic acne!

I love you everyone with cystic acne!

I love you everyone with hormonal acne!

I love you everyone with papulopustular acne!

I love you everyone with nodular acne!

I love you everyone with acne mechanica!

I love you everyone with painful acne!

I love you everyone who gets acne flare ups!

I love you everyone who has been brushed off or neglected by doctors!

I love you everyone who experiences acne as a side effect of medication!

I love you everyone where medication didn’t help your acne!

I love you everyone who is insecure or upset about their acne!

I love you all.

[serickswrites]

Just a Little Bit

Warnings: restraints, captivity, torture, physical violence, public humiliation, cruel whumper

Whumpee's cheeks burned with embarrassment. Whumper had paraded them around town, their arms bound tightly behind their back. Whumper was showing off. Showing off their defeat. Showing off their shame.

Whumpee deserved it. They had failed. They always failed. This was their fault. They should be shamed. Should be beaten. They deserved it.

"Just a little bit more, Whumpee," Whumper said as they reached the town square, "and then I'll take you back to my place and really show you what true defeat looks like."

Whumpee hung their head in shame. This was going to be their lot in life. "Please, Whumper, don't....please."

"Silence," Whumper said as they slapped Whumpee's cheek. Their cheek stung and eyes watered. "I won. This is what I get to do. Whenever I want. Because I won and you lost."

Whumpee couldn't help but cry. Even though they deserved this, they hated every moment of this. Hated every second.

"You're pathetic. If you think this is bad, just wait until we get back to my place and then you will know what true torture is."

Tags: @mousepaw @jumpywhumpywriter @knightinbatteredarmor @hufflepuffwritingstuff2 @anightmarishwhump

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @celestialsoyeon @st0rmm @ay5ksal @pedro-pedro-pedro-pedro-pe

@artisticdemon

[micamicster]

Ain't it hard just to live?

Baltimore by Nina Simone (cover of Randy Newman) vs The Wire (2002-2008)

[nobodymitskigabriel]

Don't know how I feel about the way some people point to Jack's powers to refute the existence of abusive parent/child power dynamics in which he is the victim since canonically, Jack having powers that he doesn't understand and doesn't know how to control, combined with his naivete, is like...one of the main things that makes him susceptible to abuse in the first place.

[aingeal98]

The thing about Cass and her inflexible moral code is that it was created from death related trauma and cemented as an essential part of her own self worth after years of battling her own suicidal desires. Bruce implied once that if he ever crossed his own moral lines regarding killing he would find it hard to stop, but with Cass it's like... If she ever came up against an opponent so stubborn and correct that she had no choice to miserably concede that "Fine you can kill this person you want to kill. It's the right thing to do. They deserve death at your hands."

Then there's a non zero chance she's just killing herself immediately afterwards.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Abandoment wounds and how they may show up: - when we meet someone we are interested in, we are more concerned about how they feel for us than what we really feel for them - we have an hard time leaving relationships, even those that hurt us; we may even try to reconnect with an ex or a person that has made it clear they aren't interested - if we perceive the other as if they're lacking interest we think the fault is ours and feel bad about it (we may simply be different people with different interests and it's fine; or they may be distant for any other reason: they have a life and feel emotions too) - we tend to people please, give too much and too easily away; we may also accept to have our needs unmet just to keep a quiet environment and not upset the other with "our stupid needs" (so wrong! our needs are as worthy as the other's person; we are teaching them we're not worthy by doing this and not everyone can see this as a mental/emotional issue) - we may date people that we think we can fix or save, and find comfort cause we kinda have a goal and feel needed despite the whole relationship is prolly toxic and we're only ending up burning out and neglecting ourselves - we try to avoid difficult or serious conversations and avoid conflicts cause we feel we may upset the other person and they would like us less or even leave us (so we wear masks and don't allow ourselves to have deep and meaningful relationships that have solid bases) - we may have trust issues, not see the other person's intentions or not trusting their words and only worry they will leave us (spoiler: it may happen cause the relationship may grow tense and stressing for both of you... and mostly cause of your mind talking you with fear. So have a talk first with it and also about all your fears with the other person)

[nottipezzini]

Addendum.

Finished the season.

It was really nice for Penelope to finally be seen for who she is.

Just kind of disappointing that she and Colin didn't really get to be the main focus like the other couples got to be.

Didn't think watching season 3 of Bridgerton would make me so emotional. Rewatching the first few episodes before the conclusion of the season.

As much as I'm rooting for Penelope. And how smart and utterly beautiful she is.

It is hard as a plus sized, awkward woman who is deeply traumatised.

It brings up a lot of ghosts in my mind. Ones I try so hard to push down and ignore that they exist.

It will probably feel better when I see her and Colin's happy ending.

But right now, I might have to take a break and watch something else for a bit.

One would think that with all the healing and trauma therapy I've done this past decade, I would have made a dent in my selfhatered and abandonment issues. But I have barely scratched the surface of those fundamental wounds.

But inside, there is still that little girl whose insides are made of mines and barbed wire who has never, and will never experience love from anyone.

I'm the same as the actress Nicola. 37...

Rationally, it won't probably be as bad as I imagine. If I ever dared to venture out into the world again.

There will never be the perfect moment for any of it.

Anyone who can't see past my physique. My disabilities and pain aren't worth my time.

It is just so hard to be brave when all you do in life is be brave and constantly become hurt, both emotionally and physically, by everyone around you. It then is so hard, nigh impossible to get back up again.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Good Eclipse: Hey Lunar?

Lunar: Yeah?

Good Eclipse: Am I good enough?

Lunar, pulling out a shotgun: Who told you that you aren’t?

[futurewife]

Ven please, I'm begging you to go to therapy. Your posts hurt me so much cause I recognize myself and people I've loved in them and I always wanna say smth to make you feel better but I know from experience that that only helps for a little while or doesn't help at all or can even make things worse. But you don't have to suffer like this forever!! You can get better and there is help!! And as a fellow pmdd sufferer you can get help with that too. Idk how you feel about medication but going on birth control continuously so you never have periods or using antidepressants or mood stabilizers just for the two nightmare weeks after ovulation can help so much. Please please please I worry about you and I know you can have a good life if you get help! you're beautiful and creative and you have everything you need you just have to figure out how to access it and use it and I know you can do it. I know your F/Os would want you to and I know your future real life S/Os who are waiting for you would want you to too. You deserve to be happy instead of feeling like a ghost all the time.

Thank you anon I appreciate the concern, feel a little bit embarrassed about oversharing now but you know what...sometimes you just have to say it out loud somewhere. As you would know the nature of the disorder means there's often not much that can be done in terms of talking myself out of the way it feels cause biology is so (detrimentally) overpowering and intensifies other mental health issues and generally all pre-existing negative feelings about ones' existence. The ghost analogy is apt and I've often used this to describe how I relate to life and connecting with others. now idk if I can overcome myself and thrive but maybe I could switch some things up and see if it makes it suck a little less

I was on ssris constantly for years previously (edit: and therapy on and off) before I stopped taking them but your ask has me considering intermittent dosing even if I dislike the side effects just to see what happens. I thought I could just grit my teeth and bare it (put myself to sleep between being wracked by ugly crying as I cannot stand being conscious in my own mind) every month in lieu of meds but maybe I can't rawdog slog through dark funhouse mirror evil pmdd reality on my own/shouldn't feel that I have to in order to not "lose"

I was very touched by your reaching out and compassionately disagreeing with me (lol) and it means a lot from another person with pmdd. It helps to think someone out there sees the value in me as I am right now, and that someone else is also fighting their own good fight. When you said I have everything I need I just have to figure out how to access it and use it and you know I can do it you sound just like my grandma. (<3)

[ed-recoverry]

Original post

[firewolf111]

Roman is sitting in his room, working on a project while reading comments. A shadowy figure creeps in the corner, watching and whispering insecurities, unnoticed, as it had been for a while. This time, it reveals itself.

???: Hello, Creativity.

Roman: *jumping up and turning to face the figure, sword summoned in his hand* Who are you?!

???: Oh my dear, who I am is unimportant. What matters is who you are.

Roman: What do you mean?

???: I mean that I've been... keeping an eye on you for a while now.

Roman: You've been stalking me?!

???: I guess that's one way you could refer to it, if you wish. I prefer... gathering information.

Roman: I'm pretty sure that's what stalking is.

???: The specifics are irrelevant. Much like you.

Roman: What?

???: Oh, you sweet little dear. Haven't you noticed. They don't need you, much less want you. You are worthless to them. To everyone, I'm afraid.

Roman: *sputtering* What?! No, I'm not.

???: Are you sure~

Roman: *opening and closing his mouth* I mean... surely...of course they...

???: You don't sound so sure of yourself. I think you know how little you are worth. You know the truth. Stop lying to yourself. You are nothing.

Roman: That's....That's not true!

???: Isn't it?

Roman: ...I...

???: Exactly. You are worthless. You are useless. You have no point of existing. Your existence is meaningless. You are nothing but a burden. Do them a favor, and leave.

???: *outstretches his hand* Let me take away your pain. Let me take it all away. They would be better without you anyway.

And Roman believes him. He's been telling himself the same things for a while. He was all that and more. He was a mistake.

He stretches out his arm, ready to take the mysterious figure's hand. He almost does, until a notification pops up on the screen beside him. It's a new comment that appears up at the top of the feed he was scrolling through. He gives it a brief glance before it immediately draws him in.

"This video was so well timed. I've been having a terrible week. I was really struggling. But then this video came out and I feel so much better. You always talk about serious topics in a lighthearted way that's so easy to understand and relate to. It has seriously helped me through some tough times. Thanks man, keep up the great videos. And props to Roman for the vid idea ;). Have a great day! <3"

It makes him freeze. Even though he knows the commenter meant it as a joke when they thanked him, made obvious by the winking face, it still was kinda true. It was his job to come up with video ideas. The very video ideas that helped the commenter out.

He stands and stares at the comment for a second before he pulls back his arm and tucks it at his side. He looks back at the figure.

Roman: You know, maybe you're right. Maybe I am all those things you've said. And maybe the others would be better without me. *He glances back at the screen.*

Roman: But if I can make a difference, even to one person, I think I can justify my existence.

[thedragonemperess]

i think we as a society don’t talk enough about leo’s trauma because my man gets his arm and his leg crushed trying to save his family and then proceeds to get teased by his family for not being bionic enough when the whole reason he’s bionic is because he was trying to save them and he got hurt and especially his leg is treated like a joke the whole time, and then he finally finds a new way to combine his and his friends powers and it blinds his friend which hurt him so much that he quit?? he spends all four seasons begging to be bionic but this affected him so much he quits, only coming back because his family is in danger (again)

anyways i love him

THIS IS THE EXACT REASON WHY HIS AND DOUGLAS' FRIENDSHIP WAS SO NEEDED!!! IF THEY TOOK A BIT OF TIME TO LOOK INTO DOUGLAS PAST AND HOW HEAVILY THAT AFFECTED HIS CHARACTER, IT WOULD BE SO EASY TO TELL THAT HE AND LEO WOULD MIRROR EACH OTHER!! DOUGLAS, STREET TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF, WOULD BE AND TO BE THE PERSON FOR LEO THAT HE DESPERATELY NEEDED!!! THIS WOULD ALLOW LEO TO PROPERLY DEVELOP INTO THE BIONIC HERO THAT HE'S ALWAYS WANTED TO BE AND WOULD ALLOW DOUGLAS TO BE MORE THAN JUST COMEDY RELIEF, COMEDY RELIEF (EVIL), AND A SECOND DONALD!!!

[surveillance-0011]

Giving my spider body dysmorphia. Aka Garm cannot comfort people aka this is probably tonally off and maybe a little ooc but the art book's bit on Nipulon drives me insane to this day. I think Nipulon could very well be pushed to this. It seems like the confidence is a bit of a front, or at least built on such shaky ground that some little thing could set him off. And I'm sure sometimes it's just too much.

I mean, if you're the type of guy to try and justify the trafficking and consumption of other sapient races despite cramming your body down in a robot suit to assimilate into mainland society... there's probably some exoskeletons in your closet... some things you gotta unpack... just saying. I could go on but that would be an essay. eventually we'll get to that. Will probably expand this to a full comic or pic eventually.

Also with the implication that Nipulon has permanently injured himself due to this whole robo suit thing btw

---

Please don't repost

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

"You're so pretty."

Victoria's movements are soft, half formed, as though she'd not quite thought the action out before it started. She feels her ears heat up with embarrassment. It had been happening more often lately - moving before she can think clearly, as though dealing with two separate entities within herself, brain and heart. Perhaps Jennyanydots' amused diagnosis of "twitterpated" was not too far off the mark; there had certainly been enough reasoning to back it up.

Plato blinks, slow and confused, as though being pulled from a dream. And perhaps he was; he'd been staring at Victoria for the better part of an eternity, focused, but very clearly somewhere else. He did that sometimes - disappear somewhere she couldn't quite follow him, eyes hollow and dark. Victoria wishes she knew where he went; perhaps one day he'd tell her.

The staring, she couldn't fault, however; she'd been staring at him right back.

"What?" he asks, furrowing his brow.

"Pretty," Victoria signs again, submitting to having been caught, exaggerating the movement so he'd get it. Perhaps he'd been half paying attention, and only seen the tail end. "You're very pretty."

Plato wasn't much for laughing, Victoria had come to know - smiling, yes; Plato had developed such an easy smile over the year spent with them when they could coax it out of him. Laughing, on the other paw, not particularly, though he was never able to put quite into words why that was. Perhaps he was self conscious of the way it sounded; perhaps he hadn't much in regards to a sense of humour.

Be that as it may, for some reason, that affirmation plasters bewildered scrunches between his brows and his eyes practically disappear under his eyelashes. It even gets that odd, wheezing noise he'd make when particularly amused.

The queen could only be partially annoyed and a teeny bit embarassed - he was very handsome when he smiled, afterall, one fang hanging slightly lower than the other. An in consequential flaw that did nothing, Victoria thinks, flustered, than make him even prettier.

Victoria huffs. "What's funny?"

Plato tosses the motion back haphhazardly, as though brushing the thought aside. "You're funny."

"Not funny." Victoria frowns. "I'm serious."

Plato sobers immediately, smile gone as quickly as it came - it's like a candle being blown out; a night and day difference. The temperature in the clearing seems to cool as he continues to study her. There is an undeniable feeling creeping at the back of Victoria's neck that she may have mis-stepped somewhere, but all she'd said was...

She presses on, feeling an ache begin deep in her chest. She repeats herself, motions firm. "You're very pretty."

"I am not," he says after a long moment. There is an expression on his face that is difficult to read - he does not look embarrassed or pleased, even humbly so; he almost looks as though he is about to cry.

"Yes you ar-"

"You-" he points at her firmly, cutting her off, jaw set. The motion towards her is quick and harsh as a result, unsheathing his claws in the process. He startles as she does, horrified, staring at the space that has swelled between them; he is a breath away from scratching her.

"You," He points to her again after a moment, claw carefully pulled back this time. "Are very pretty. Not me. Look." He motions to the whole of himself, as though that were enough to dissuade her feelings. It only steels her resolve further.

"You look-" she insists, touching her paw pads to the delicate skin of his cheek to demonstrate. Plato flinches as though she'd hit him in retaliation; it looks to have been a struggle for him to resist moving away, but the desire is clearly there. There is fear burning in his eyes -anger and remorse and upset - like a bird trapped in a cage of teeth, waiting for its bones to snap in on themselves after the hunter had toyed with its prey.

Victoria pulls back, tangling her paws in her lap. The ache becomes a gnawing hurt. The fear in Plato's eyes burns hotter, guilt shining just beneath the surface.

"Please." Plato sets his jaw, and the fear fizzles slowly - forcibly - last of the flame suffocated. But he does not get near her again. He is gone to that place she cannot follow. "I cannot...do not lie to me."

"I am not lying," she manages, tears at the precipice of her eyelashes. The silence grows even heavier between them

"Then," he continues at last, breath hitching eyes wide and astonished, and Victoria feels ice settle at the base of her spine. After a moment, his expression dulls again. The smile on his face returns in a flash, a plaster over a wound, but it is bitter, cool. Empty. "You are being cruel? I did not think you had it in you."