#this is an opportunity for them to fix their fuck up
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Can I request a enemies to lovers with thanos?
I love ur writing n his character ty!
of course!! We love Thanos in this household <3 and thank you <3 I absolutely love the support I've been getting just in the one day this accounts been up <3 I do wanna say thank you guys along with a thank you to my fiancee with her amazing help with this <3 >< while I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers I'm terrible at writing pre-relationship fight scenes without a full blueprint, so my fiancee's help and obsession with the Enemies to Lovers trope definitely made this story into what it is <33
I fucking hate you - Choi Su-bong/Thanos x reader
Summary: You vowed to always hate Choi Su-bong, not only did he ruin your life but he was also just an asshole. Su-bong vowed to always hate y/n not only was she a bitch she costed him his only shot at a big rap career, so what happens whenever you two see each other after years in a death game for cash?
warnings: none really? Thanos being an ass for about..the first half
Growing up with Choi Su-Bong was your personal hell, he was your neighbor, and he always had something to bitch about towards you, always calling you out in front of the school, even going as far as coming up with MULTIPLE different stories to make you lose your spot as top of the class. Su-bong ruined your chance at any good future, forcing you to stay trapped in the same neighborhood you grew up in, while he started his rap career.
It wasn't like you were innocent either, while Su-bong went for public humiliation with your shared classmates, you went for his parents, charming them with your nice good girl demeanor, becoming his 'babysitter' (They never trusted Su-bong alone, even at 16/17) and tutor, snitching him out for any little thing you could find out about, making his home life even more of a personal hell for him. So you both hated each other for pretty respected reasons, you ruined each others potential futures, and never acknowledged it. After he moved away with his rap career blowing up, you thought you were finally free of him and his constantly ruining your life, until the debt came. Your mom got sick, your dad up and left one day, so financials were solely on you, shoving you deep into thousands of wons in debt.
You were close to ending it, going on a walk towards the old trainyards, whenever you ran into a way too well dressed man to be there, he offered you a fix, something you took without a second thought.
Red light, Greenlight was going great, until you and everybody else realized you weren't just being taking out of the running for the cash, you were risking your life. You stood frozen, keeping your eyes squeezed shut as you waited for the doll to turn back around "Holy shit! Holy shit! Y/n!?" You heard a grating voice shout out behind you, of course he was here, why couldn't you ever do something without him ruining it. Standing still, not wanting to move until you were allowed to, you continued to hear Thanos's shouts, as greenlight was called, you tried to hide yourself in the crowd, not wanting to interact with him, but, like always, he found someway to ruin it for you. As red light was called, Thanos's high ass skipped over slamming into you almost knocking you off of your feet, before you could make contact with the ground, two arms wrapped around your waist pulling you against him, smirking as he used to opportunity of being stuck on redlight to be close to you "Y/n! What are you doin here!?" He gasped practically shouting in your face, as the doll's head turned again you shoved him back "Let go of me, you fucking drug addict, we are NOT friends" You seethed, okay so maybe you blamed Su-bong for a alot of things that happened after he left, but you didn't care, he was an easy person to blame.
Thanos gave an overdramatic pained expression as he rested a hand on his chest, rushing to stay caught up with you "C'mon! Y/n!" He shouted spinning around you to face you as the doll's head spun "Su-Bong! Please! Leave me alone! We aren't friends! We never fucking were! I hate you! I fucking hate you so much! You ruined my fucking life!" You growled trying to hide your body behind his to keep you out of view of the doll "Psh! I ruined your life!? You ruined my life! Do you not understand that!?" He shouted, his excited playful demeanor shifted, he was angry now, how dare you say that? You were at every corner to him ruining his life. You felt the same about him though, especially right now "I didn't do shit!" You scoffed "You did drugs! In school! So yea! I told your parents! So you told everybody in school including the principal and my parents that I've fucked every teacher since the start of high school!" You shouted "I got kicked out of school for the rest of the year! Do you know how bad that ruined my life!?" You finished punching his chest as hard as you could "Uhm! Ow! And you didn't just tell my parents! I was about to sign on to a recording label and you fucked that up for me being a bitch!" He argued, if it weren't for the fact the Doll's head still faced towards you, you were sure that you would've stormed off by now.
You took off as soon as the doll's head turned back around, making it past the red colored line in the sand, trying to stay away from everybody until it was lights out. You were almost successful, until somebody used their bodyweight and arm to pin you against the wall "Why can't you just admit that you were a bitch?" He snapped, only now did you realize it was your walking curse, Su-bong "Why can't you just admit you're an arrogant asshole who only cares about himself" You snapped, trying to shove him away like usual, but this time was different than all the other times growing up, this time he didn't stumble, his body didn't even shift under it, he just stood there stiff, you'd be lying if you said it didn't scare you a little bit, now realizing maybe those times you 'beat his ass' he let you, because now, feeling trapped between him and the wall, your shoves and hits not phasing him in the slightest, truly shook you to your core with fear, he could do anything at this point, you couldn't let him see though, you'd just feed into his stupid cocky attitude even more.
"Admit. You. ruined. everything. for me. bitch" he seethed, Su-bong leaning closer to your face, you could feel his breath on your face at this point.
Su-bong smiled, the look on your face was one he had been trying to get for years, who knew all it took was just hiding the face a few punches really fuckin hurt "Go on. say it" He whispered, you shivered, your panicked eyes scanning over his face, before taking in a shaky breath "Let me go" You snapped before a hand landed on Su-bong's shoulder "The young lady said to let her go, I advise you do so" A man threatened from behind, Su-bong smirked slowly turning around before realizing the man was about half a foot taller than him "Fine. fine. but she'll admit eventually" Su-bong said, giving you one last glare, before the man, number 001, stepped closer "I'm Young Il, who was that guy?" He introduced himself watching as you fixing your jacket and huffed "An asshole I used to live by, I'm y/n" You explained, he nodded, offering you take you over to where him and his friends sat.
Thanos sat next to his bunk, watching you closely, he couldn't describe it, but seeing you talking to somebody else made him feel crazier than any drug, it had always been that way, the entire reason he started hating you was because you were always interested in everybody except him, and it pissed him off, he knew he was hot, he knew he could ask out just about any girl he sees who knows him and she'll be ecstatic, but you acted like he was scum, just because he took some pills and smoked some weed to feel better about things. Nam-Gyu huffed, noticing his friend hadn't been listening that entire time he was talking, he followed his eye line, noticing you laughing and talking with two of the men from before, the crazy guy and the one who stopped them from beating that stealing bitcoin asshole's ass.
As the lights went out, Su-bong stayed in his place, watching say your goodnights to the group you had been with, he knew you had to walk right by him to get to your bunk, he knew yours was the one right next to his, thank god. As you approached him, you never realized until you were basically tripping over him on the stairs, scoffing you caught yourself on the bed "Seriously?" You growled, letting yourself fall onto your bed, as he took in your location, he slowly crawled to you "Join my team" he offered, you laughed loudly, quickly covering your mouth to not disturb the other players "Yea...no" You laughed looking at him, you couldn't see it in the dark, but Su-bong got visibly pissed off with your response "It wasn't a question" He demanded, glaring at you, you wanted so badly to just punch him in the head, but you just turned your back to him "Goodnight su-bong" He stopped at your reply, yes you weren't agreeing, but that was the first somewhat nice thing you had said to him in awhile, even if it was to cut him off and end the conversation he wasn't done with. Huffing and falling back onto his bed, he laid on his side to watch you, half because if you got killed, he'd be damned if it was anybody but him doing the deed, and half because he didn't want you sneaking off to go lay with the old dick that interrupted him from earlier.
He watched you toss and turn for hours, not really knowing when you fell asleep because he had passed out himself, waking up whenever the loud trumpets sounded off, and the lights flicked on, he slowly sat up, quickly checking his necklace was still around his neck, and you were still in bed. You were, your blanket wrapped tightly around you, Su-bong marveled for a moment, before realizing you were still deep in sleep, unphased by the loud music and lights. He slowly moved across the stairway, ghosting a hand over your back "Y/n. Y/n it's to wake up" He said, trying to be loud enough to wake you up, you did infact wake up, but with a jolt, turning quickly and grabbing Su-bong's hand, stopping at the very last second before your fist connected with his jaw "Hey!" He protested, attempting to lean out of the way "The next game is gonna start"
The next game you played was six legs, which went as smoothly as it could have been, you stuck with Young-Il and his friends, which in the end you realized was a good choice. Making your way through dinner and lights out was your next issue, Su-bong was starting to get on your nerves and you couldn't understand why he was so clingy all of a sudden "I thought I said to join my team?" he asked you, the lights had gone out long ago, and your back was to him "And i thought I laughed in your face and told you no?" You asked turning on your side to face him "I don't like that guy, or you being around him" He stated, going to lean closer to you but you beat him to it, shoving your finger at his chest "I don't care, young-il is sweet and cares about me, unlike some people! Su-bong you are the most selfish person I fucking know, who knows if I would be betrayed and killed because of you! You ruined everything I worked so hard for! ruined my name! And you think you can boss me around!?" You shouted, every shout followed by a harsh hit to the shoulder or chest, you couldn't help it, he pissed you off. Su-bong was feeling something else though, the more you shouted at him, the more his eyes were drawn your lips rather than your words, You were too caught up in your shouts to notice though, that was until his fingers rested on your chin tilting your head up so you were making direct eye contact "Shut up." He demanded "Just go to bed, whatever the game is, you'll need sleep" He explained, you were too stunned to say anything, instead just ripping your head away from him and laying down in your bed "You shut up" You grumbled, trying to hide your flustered face, no way you were about to show or admit that you were flustered by that selfish dick.
During Mingle you tried to stick with Young-il, but Nam-Gyu, Su-Bong, and Min-su kept grabbing you and forcefully taking you with them, until it just turned into just Su-bong pulling you into a room with him "Why can't you just leave me alone!?" You cried out, you were trying so hard to avoid him, and yet he was trying his best to run into you. "I told you to stay away from young il" his voice was low and deep, you glared at him, you thought you made yourself clear last night, before you could start back up though, Su-bong was right in front of you, leaning down and pressing a finger to your lips "Don't wanna hear it" He interrupted before looking at you "Why don't you want me?" He asked tilting his head, you glared at him "Because you're a selfish self entitled asshole?" You asked like it was obvious, Su-bong huffed "Even in school, every chick wanted me, why not you?" He asked tilting his head, you just rolled your eyes "Just because I don't throw myself at you, doesn't mean I never wanted you, you just ruined it by being you" You huffed, sighing in relief hearing the lock unlock, you rushed out, desperate to just get back to the room.
Meal time was weird, you surprised yourself by sitting with Su-bong and his friends, Thanos quickly leaning over, pulling you down to sit across from him, smirking at you "Welcome to the Thanos world" He said, you just rolled your eyes at him scoffing "Don't ruin it" You warned raising an eyebrow, you continued to eat your food, finally opening your milk taking a huge drink, normally it wouldn't be your choice of drink to chug, but after running around so much, you needed literally anything. You heard Su-bong scoff this time, causing you to look up at him confused "Why do women drink something leave it on their lip, and act like they don't know?" He asked aloud, but by his eye contact you could tell it was directed towards you "I'm sorry?" You asked going to wipe your mouth but he leaned up quickly "Don't! That's disgusting" He grimaced before leaning over the stairwell to copy his actions from the night before, using his index and thumb to tilt your head up, thinking he was going to wipe it off with his jacket, you were shocked to feel his soft lips against yours. You shuddered feeling his tongue swipe swiftly over your top lip before he pulled away sitting back down, continuing to eat like he didn't just do that.
Your cheeks were bright with a blush as you now sipped the rest of your milk, careful not to get anymore on your lips, if you did, you made sure to lick your lips before Su-bong could take notice. Any crumbs left on your lips after you were done eating he was also quick to wipe those off, almost like you couldn't on your own or you needed to be supervised while you ate. Whenever lights out came it was even more odd, instead of his usual crawling over to bother you, he quietly whispered your name from his spot on his bunk "What?" You asked, your tone coming off a little bit more harsh than you intended "Sorry...it's just, did you mean what you said earlier?" He asked, you sighed turning around to face him "I thought you were really hot for awhile, all of my friends knew it, it's just, you started acting like an ass, and then I lost a trip to college because of you" You explained "And I guess I just didn't have time to think like that because I was busy being mad at you" you explained, you watched him frown and his eyebrows furrow in confusion "I..I never meant to do that..I just wanted you to like..get in trouble or something" He whispered "I was just...You planted my friends drugs on me, told my parents and I couldn't make it to a meeting I had that could've launched my rap career into space" He whispered, now it was your turn to feel bad, you didn't mean to do all of that, just get him grounded for a little bit. It was your turn to crawl to his bunk, giving him a awkward hug "I..I didn't mean to do that..I just..you ruined that for me and you were just getting off without any troubles..parties every week, so..I thought if I took the parties and stuff away it'd give you some type of punishment" you mumbled, Su-bong leaned up hugging you back "Yea..You were pretty lame" He whispered nodding along to agree with his own comment "Shut up, you were a stupid idiot" You defended pulling away from the hug "Why did I ever think I could forgive you" You giggled, tilting your head slightly as you smiled at him, never would you have thought you'd be having a civil conversation with this dickhead, let alone laughing and smiling with him "Aw, c'mon beauty flower, everybody forgives thanos" He teased, you gawked at him in second hand embarrassment, he did not just say that. "I actually fucking hate you" You said, the smile on your face an obvious sign that maybe you didn't hate him as much as you say. "What? Beauty flower? or the fact that you'll forgive me" He asked wiggling his eyebrows at you, you just laughed, you felt like a young teenager again, before your feud started with Su-bong and the drugs and debt started with you both. "Both! Don't call me beauty flower, and I will not be forgiving you" You protested, Su-bong pouted, you took your chance to shock him this time and pressed your lips against his pouting ones, his hand immediately came in contact with your ass trying to pull you closer, you just rolled your eyes, grabbing his hand moving it to your cheek pressing your lips completely against his, taking a breath of relief whenever he kissed back, his lips moving with yours like it had been rehearsed before. As you pulled away, Su-bong huffed tugging his tracksuit pants down "Now I fucking hate you" He smirked reaching for his necklace "Me first" You smirked before moving back to your bunk giving him a final wink before turning around "Goodnight...thanos" You said, not being able to believe you actually just called him that "Night, pretty girl" you heard say with a large amount of cockiness in his voice, he couldn't help it though, even now if he went home, he'd have enough for his debts, and just kissed the girls he's wanted to kiss since he learned what kissing girls was.
--
so what do we think?
#squid game thanos#thanos x reader smut#squidgame#squid game#choi seunghyun#choi su bong x reader#su bong x reader#thanos x reader#t.o.p x reader#top x reader#t.o.p#t.o.p bigbang
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What if the Worst Wolverine tried to Join the X Men?
Logan and Wade are still navigating their situationship friends with benefits situation and living together, but Logan joins the X-Men on the condition Wade joins to, but they can’t tell Wade he wants him there.
Wade is thrilled at the opportunity to be on a team with Logan and accepts.
They go on a couple missions and while they aren’t the same he feels like these X-Men might be able to fix him, however about 3 weeks after they join Wade is talking with Logan when he feels a hand on his shoulder.
Jean is there, beckoning him to her, she’s in his mind, telling him to come a little closer, but it’s different, she seems all lust, she only wants him for one thing and he can tell.
Scott is nearby and Logan can see the way Scott is tensing, so he tells Jean to go away,
She doesn’t
Logan isn’t thing so he grabs Wade by the shoulders in front of him and stops him mid sentence with an aggressive kiss, Wade leans into it and somehow manages to get Logan off him for long enough so he can properly kiss him by pulling up his mask Jean recoils and Logan just continues with Wade.
A minute passes, then two, they technically don’t have to pull away to breath, so everyone is just watching in slight horror because “What the Fuck?”
This is so out of character for Logan, Deadpool is so different from him in their eyes.
Eventually Collosus comes down and politely asks them to leave, and they do. The next day, the X-Men receive a letter from them saying they resign from the stupidity. Wade included a note written in blood addressed to Jean that he will find her if she tries anything with his Logan again.
Collosus hears of this and gives everyone in the X-Men a talk on consent like a teacher in Sex Ed.
#the brainrot is real#poolverine#deadpool x wolverine#deadpool 3#logan wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wolverpool#deadpool#deadclaws#peanutbub#x men
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For the past while I've been wanting to start doing weekly post about the QL's I'm watching and the new year is the perfect opportunity to start doing just that!
It'll be a place where i can share my thoughts on the BL and GL shows while I'm watching them and leave my final thoughts as well.
This week I've just left the shows in alphabetical order but I'll probably start sorting them from most to least liked next week. Also I hope this post doesn't feel too long since I don't know where I'd place a cut 😊
Let me know if there's anything you find confusing or if there's anything I could do better for next week.
QL Recap for Week 1 The 30th of December to 5th of January
🇹🇭 Caged Again Ep. 9 of 10 ----- Watching on: Gagaoolala
I'm still enjoying this a lot but it's definitely lost some of its spark.
🇹🇭 Fourever You Ep. 15 of 16 ---------- Watching on: Gray
I'd completely forgotten that WeTV starts fast-tracking the episodes towards the end so color me surprised when I saw that ep 15 was also available and unsurprisingly I watched it the second I realized. I lost interest in Ter and Hill a couple of episodes ago so I don't pay much attention to them anymore. I am however really enjoying Johan and North. I feel like I haven't seen this kind of pairing before. I'm really enjoying the slow development of North slowly learning who Johan is and opening up to him and then Johan slowly opening up to North as well. I'm not a fan of when characters get unnecessarily jealous of their romantic interest's friends or have a problem with friends being close like when Hill saw a problem with how North and Ter cuddle. On top of this I don't like when a character makes decisions for their romantic interest unless they are small decisions, which meant that I also wasn't a fan of how Hill and Johan fixed the "problem" with Ter and North cuddling. Like who the fuck just moves their boyfriend out of their place and into yours without asking first 🤯. Those two things are the only major gripes I have with this show right now and I mostly just try to ignore them because Johan and North are still hella cute and I love that they are finally officially dating without drawing it out unnecessarily (looking at you, Hill and Ter).
🇯🇵 Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu Ep. 9 of 10 ----- Watching on: Gagaoolala
I'm not sure where they are heading and what Hirukawa is thinking with how he is acting but I've really enjoyed this show as a whole so I trust that it'll all make sense next week with the final episode.
🇹🇭 Perfect 10 Liners Ep. 11 of 24 ------- Watching on: Youtube
I really like Gun and Yotha as a pairing and I'm definitely invested in this show but it's not at the top of the list.
🇹🇭 Petrichor Ep. 6 of 10 ----------- Watching on: iQiYi
So many reveals this episode! This show is not quite the same level of brain-rot as Spare Me Your Mercy was for me but I'm having a good time and I'm invested in the story.
🇹🇭 Sangmin Dinneaw Ep. 2 of 8 ----------- Watching on: iQiYi
The first episode was promising and I'm always a fan of characters having sexual fantasies because it gives a good insight into the character's feelings, both because of the fantasy but also with how they react to it. Episode two made me feel more like I was watching a pulp drama and I'll admit that I'm not a big fan of the over the top acting of some of the characters which seems like those characters will keep being a part of the story going forward. It's just not a type of humor I find funny but so far it's not enough for me to drop this show. The trailer was steeped in it though so who knows how much of the show will focus on that kind of humor.
🇹🇼 See Your Love Ep. 12 of 13 ---- Watching on: Gagaoolala
These two are just the cutest and I'm enjoying them so much. The small touches and the casual kisses are so good and it makes them feel really real and like a good match in a way that not all BL couples do when we get to experience them after they get together. I love how Shaopeng's deafness is still a part of the plot but not in the sense that it needs to be fixed, it's just a natural part of him and it bleeds into all aspects of the plot in a really great way. Honestly this is just such a solid show! 10/10 would recommend. I'd just like for the episodes to be just 5-10 min longer so I could get more of the second couple.
🇹🇭 ThamePo Heart That Skips a Beat Ep. 4 of 13 -------- Watching on: Youtube
I'm still absolutely on board with this show. The plot of getting the band together feels a little simple but I really don't mind it because it works well with Thame and Poo getting to know each other. After this episode I wonder whether Jun actually believed what he said about Thame to Po. Like does he really believe that Thame isn't interested in Po or is he just trying to avoid them getting together? Either way it was so delicious to see Po start doubting himself but then Thame once again showing loudly with his actions that he is so interested in Po and that Po is a priority to him. Like who talks on the phone for hours, falls asleep still on the call and then just keeps being on the phone when you wake up again and then pretty much serenades the other person in the morning 🤯 Absolute bonkers behavior from Thame and I'm so here for it. This actually makes me wonder how self-aware Thame actually is? Does he know that he has feelings for Po?
🇹🇭 The Boy Next World Ep. 1 of 10 ----------- Watching on: iQiYi
This is definitely a show where I needed to lower my expectations before watching the first episode because I've really been looking forward to this and I'd much rather set my expectations low and be happily surprise. I really liked the production quality of this show after the first episode and Boss and Noeul are doing really well. I'm definitely still excited about this show even if the first ep left me a little confused but I think that's to be expected when a show introduces concepts like parallel universes so I'm expecting that it'll make sense with time.
🇹🇭 Your Sky Ep. 8 of 12 ----------- Watching on: iQiYi
These two are so damn cute! This show just keeps being this little happy bubble for me. I'm glad they didn't drag out the misunderstanding so now they just gotta figure out how to bone. I like Real and Hia a lot as well but we don't really get enough of them for me to get completely invested. So far I'm not entirely sure what Hia thinks and feels because we've only really seen glimpses of Real realizing he has feelings for Hia. I'm guessing we'll get more of them while Fah and Rak figure out how to be a couple.
That's it for this week!
For links and airing schedule check out World of BL (Only for BLs)
#Caged Again#Caged Again the series#Fourever You#Fourever You the series#Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu#Miseinen#Our Youth#Perfect 10 Liners#Perfect 10 Liners the series#Petrichor the series#Sangmin Dinneaw#Sangmin Dinneaw the series#See Your Love#ThamePo#ThamePo the series#Thame Po#The Boy Next World#The Boy Next World the series#The Heart Killers#The Heart Killers the series#Your Sky the series#Sofs Weekly Watches
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IN an ideal world Donna Noble comes out of the 60th anniversary special ALIVE and WITH HER MEMORIES.
If there needs to be a reason she doesn't move right back into the TARDIS let it be because even if she's spent all these years feeling like she was missing something she still built a good life that she finds meaning in (something something the growth she went through was still there as a foundation even if it was buried something something).
BUT in the tragically likely event that she doesn't come out unscathed...
...
Let her die as her self, most important woman in all of creation, best temp in Chiswick, Donna Noble.
Don't put away her memories and tuck her back into her box on a shelf where we know she feels like she's constantly missing something central to herself. And sure as fuck don't do that by having her hold The Doctor's hand and telling him its ok because at least she'll have a boring normal life with Shaun Temple. She and Shaun both deserve better than "well it beats being dead."
#chirping wren#doctor who#donna noble#dw 60th#i can hope#but i will commit arson if they try and make me WANT the memory wipe this time#this is an opportunity for them to fix their fuck up#and put some respect on her gods damned name#but the chance of them trying double down and justify it is never zero
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ohhh my GOD this took so much time but WOOOO BATTLE SPRITES!!!!!!!!!!! HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!! i was Also able to mod them actually In Game which is SO exciting i feel so proud of myself
ANYWAYS UM!!!! heres king lucas hes fine and sane and normal i promise <33333 will yap more about him in the eventual au masterpost once i get this aus loop design drawn :]
party menu | in love and time au tag
#in love and time au#im fucking. giddy im five seconds from exploding#theres certainly things id fix about these sprites theyre not perfect but i already spent so much time on them i dont wanna. heart#anyways im So hyped about being able to put em in game this opens up so many opportunities#maybe i could make more sprites and then make a short video or smth-- *shot for getting ahead of myself*#claus mother 3#lucas mother 3#ness earthbound#paula earthbound#ninten mother 1#mother 3#earthbound#mother 1#mothscribbles#one day ill post at a normal hour. that day is not today#also please ask if you want this spoiler tagged#for like. idk the king#i think the rule in my head is that anything past act 2 will get spoiler tagged but acts 1-2 will be fairly free game??#but im up for whatever yall want
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society if dc hired a writing team of colour who could acknowledge the racial coding of starfire & raven, explore vic's status as a Black man in modern america who's specific disability further means his body is going to be read a certain way by certain people no matter what he does, along with potentially finding a way to sort through the racisim + fetishization that went into prior depictions of dick's heritage:
#i say team as i think team books would probably benefit from more co-writers anyway. allows for more perspective. also pays more artists.#also i think a prior lack of racial sensitivity on the part of major corporations calls for paid opportunity to- for lack of better terms#because i'm stoned & can't find them- fix the fucking mess of it all#there's so much you could do irt to sociopolitical commentary if you just hired the right fucking people. i'm so over this jesus fuck.#dc#ntt#teen titans#the titans#like and even ignoring that there's so much you could do with the idea of friendships & teams as communities if the job was given to#someone who actually fucking CARED about any of those things.#anti tom taylor#legit if i see anyone on the dash praising it i will lose all respect for their opinions.#this man is worse than every insta poet put together and we could have had SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER.#cis white guys write the most absolute crap-paper worthy at best stories&comic companies are just like ''here go. fuck up even MORE stuff''#am angry#if you see the version of this post with a typo just say nothing. yes my brain was just going ''why why why why'' that hard.
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I genuinely feel like I dont have a right at all to complain or talk negative about Japanese fans but like……..the evident cliqueish-ness of honestly what looks like a very unfortunate larger chunk of them ……😮💨
like i gotta be honest the concert was a lot more isolating than it actually already was in itself because of the vibes at least a couple of clusters of fans gave me
#ramblin but not a gamblin man#like there’s a point where the pretty fixed staring or being like….physically distanced by everyone just gets…..unnerving#like the train back was completely fucking packed#except for in the space in front of where i was sitting…..lol#there was room for at least two people to stand if only people had actually consolidated and scrunched#like they had been doing the entire motherfucking way through transit and back#but i guess fuck them they can wait for the next train??? sure that makes sense#like i have never felt MORE uncomfortable and self-conscious being a smap/takuya fan#he’s the only piece that actually matters at the con tho 🫰#i probably should have brought merch but i actually was not crazy about the con’s theming (it’s…giving a bit too parasocial for my taste)#and I didn’t even consider bringing gwtf or next destination merch but i probably should have#but it’s not actually /mine/ so then i would think about how everyone that has theirs maybe probably ACTUALLY went to the concerts#that was another thing tho which is absolutely stupid because the whole point of a con is to SHOW OFF the stuff#but it was actually like……..off putting to me…….#idk maybe it’s cuz i innately have a weird ‘relationship’ with smap/individual members in that they aren’t normal-level interests#it just wasn’t sitting right with me seeing hoards of fans with bags..shirts..hats..all kinds of stuff lol#and it’s so hard NOT to have a defense mechanism like ‘I wonder if that person likes smap or /just/ takuya….’#and ‘did you actually want to come to the concert or mostly/just because you think he’s hot/cool/etc etc?’#esp validating seeing TWO people yawn during the con which was genuinely pretty disgusting/distasteful lmao#like that’s worse than leaving early why are you EVEN HERE#sorry okay i could probably vent more but i actually shouldnt and also i might end up talking in circles but#he was genuinely…………so amazing im eternally grateful that i had the opportunity to see him live#and if there is a smap reunion………..#….i genuinely think smapchat should storm it#be our own ✨clique✨#(but like…actually nice and kind and probably how takuya would want his fans to be ie not thickly-layered judgment [heehee :3])#(im also actually kind of so serious ???)
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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wait people know tsumiki was abusive to patients before being accepted into hpa/meeting junko right like thats 100% canon and the reason she went into nursing was because she enjoyed having people dependent on her and isnt above making them be dependent on her
#do u guys not remember her 3rd and 4th fte or what#saw a thing being like 'its a rumour that how tsumiki acts in the 3rd trial is her 'real' personality and shes committed acts before'#and like obv in the 3rd trial she had reverted to shsl despair but that doesnt mean she wasnt an abusive nurse before she ever met junko???#like she has done fucked up shit in the past and its so weird how its ignored bc ppl were also abusive to her + then junko happened#but um turns out taking ur frustration and resentment out on ur patients isnt going to fix or stop the abuse youve been suffering#idk why this is being made into a dichotomy of either shes fucked up OR junko also extra fucked her up like these can both be true lol#her 4th fte is all about how to hold power over people without killing them like?????? idgi#(medical abuse makes me insane both in the special interest + keep it far away from me way so seeing it ignored makes me even more insane)#like i know people love making women characters 1 dimensional but its ok she can be interesting and have a fucked up backstory as a treat#u can be a victim and a perpetrator!! like is it not more interesting for her to have to relearn how to care and break her own bad habits?#(in addition to having to unlearn her own dependence and devotion to junko of course)#like finding a purpose in helping people is a great goal but the pre-hpa snapshot of tsumiki we see in sdr2/island mode is more like worrie#she wont have a purpose unless she forces people to be dependent on her and these insecurities are from her past not from anything junko di#a lot of the shsl ppl struggle with their talents and properly living up to them and like reflecting on how tsumiki views nursing and peopl#who are dependent on nurses and like changing those views so she isnt taking the opportunity to force people to depend on her and instead#meeting them where theyre at in a way that will benefit the patient not her insecurities#anyways long tag rant at least its my own post ;P#tsumiki#my posts
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Fuck two-factor authentication, it's fucked that you literally cannot log into your accounts, even knowing the password, from another device if you don't have access to your phone
#I can literally only use tumblr#I can't access my bank account. I can't log into facebook and by extension instagram to alert my clients#that they won't be able to get ahold of me for a bit#I can't even log into my email!! how the fuck do we live like this#I took my phone to my service provider and they were like yeahhh you're kinda fucked. so they recommended I take it to a repair shop#so I'm gonna try to do that tomorrow. but I can't block off my books to make sure I have time to take it#I can't contact currently booked clients to give them a heads up.#I literally can't do anything. and I doubt I have enough cash to pay anyone to fix it at all#a new phone would be $800 tho and I definitely don't have cash for that. L O L.#I'm already feeling fucking crazy. if nothing else maybe this will be an opportunity of less screen time for me <3#no emojis..................... u_u#I feel like I'm 14 again. might as well boot up fucking habbo hotel
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ok ive finished the dlc so now i can properly say my least favourite thing about dragon age awakening is that the women feel like an afterthought & don't fit in the group at all. & i want to care about them & their banter so much. but i really don't because the game is giving me fucking nothing
#dragonageposting#IM SO FUCKING UPSET ABOUT THIS. i was thinking abt it so hard last night.#(crying) please join my polycule why wont you fit in my polycule videogame why didnt you let the women fit in my polycule#it doesnt help that anders & oghren's banter w them is insufferable. especially oghren#sigrun is SUCH a sweetheart & i adore her i really do but her & velanna are just so... lacking compared to everyone else#& it's by design! & i fucking hate that it is!#did i fuck up something? did i miss quests that would've made them better? even then i don't know if it would fix the issue#with oghren you already know him beforehand hes got a whole plotline & everything in origins so its like. it fits within the plot#anders shows up at the centre of the main plotline. at the start too. he integrates himself as part of the group very easily bc of that#nathaniel also has very good reason to be there! you killed his father! he hates your guts but hes not a bad person! he has depth!#he is given the opportunity to fit in a group whose leader he comes in loathing#justice would be part of the 'you're making it hard for me to care abt this character' group if i didnt know abt him showing up in da2 prob#but even then his quest just. felt longer. he was given more to do than both velanna & sigrun#not only that but hes a spirit possessing a corpse which makes his deal very unique#i was elated to meet sigrun bc i love the legion of the dead but they just. didn't give her much.#& the whole thing w velanna wrt seranni is like;.. barely touched on. i was so disappointed the quest was so short#the women are just given nothing compared to the men & i fucking hate it i wanna care about them so bad. i want to care. so bad.#they didnt even allow me to have either of them do their joining like??? what?? it mightve been a glitched thing or w/e but??#i was just forced into the climax of the game without either of them doing their joining. and it fucking sucked#idk the later parts of awakening feel rushed. like they didnt plan to actually wrap it up & had to do it hastily.#the beginning was so interesting & i was genuinely having such a good time but by the end of it i was just tired#we barely got anything on the architect i was also hyped for him but then it was kind of nothing.
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finally looked up whether ill lose my state scholarship if i drop out after lowkey deciding i probably need to and the answer is yes 😶
#it's. we'll. uhh#idk what to do tbh. should probably just focus on not completely collapsing and fucking up my grades#right at the end of the semester like i always ALMOST do#such that it never feels like a victory but it never looks that worrisome to my parents (who are immune to worrying about me)#ugh that's not completely true they just like. never voice it or do anything about it or say much besides 'sorry' or 'go fix it' when i#gesture vaguely at the absolute state of me#which is not the same. but to get out of this i might need to make them worry about me and i don't wanna do that either#both for emotional wall reasons and not wanting to hurt them reasons#they're not going to let me drop out but i think college might actually kill me so idk#i don't think im capable of begging enough to make it happen assuming it's something i can beg my way into at all#but it's not like i have any other ideas#and hey if this works and i can clear up my burnout maybe I'll draw again. or paint something even just once#i could get a part time job and my license and get some money. maybe start streaming. have friends again even#make video essays or write something for real. idk. it's like im physically incapable of having creative ideas anymore#im extremely lucky to be able to fall back on my parents but no matter how guilty i feel about that it benefits no one not to take advantage#of that opportunity y'know? assuming i could like. get them to believe beyond a surface level that i am Struggling#which i don't feel like. super confident in. bc they'll totally believe im struggling but not the details or that it means i can't do school#which in this case is functionally the same as them not believing me at all#should clarify that i love college. biiig ol middle finger to my brain for fucking this up for me#ough. agh#i also don't want to promise them i'll work either bc what if i can't what if i ruin that too etc#even just what if it takes me a long time to be ready for it and they don't want to wait that long#if they badger me im still going to feel like im running from everything all the time but there's no way they won't have any conditions yk#whatever
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Networking/Knowing A Guy: A Guide
This is the autism website. Now, as an extension of the power of love and friendship, there are few things more useful than Knowing A Guy. Knowing A Guy means you have a support network. Knowing a plumber, or a tax accountant, or just that one dude that's really fucking good at finding the information you need when you're really overwhelmed, can be the difference between being able to pay rent and having a fun party with friends to fix your shit.
How does one end up Knowing A Guy? It's a skill you can develop called Networking and it is one of the foundations of society. Unfortunately making those connections with people is fucking hard and nobody makes a tutorial for it. So, here you go:
The golden rule is you scratch my back and I scratch yours
It is necessary for survival to seek out useful people
Great news! Everyone is useful in some form or fashion - including you! When given the opportunity to learn about someone, do it! Extroversion does not come naturally to some people and that's okay. Just take whatever falls in your lap.
Types of usefulness: trade skills, connections of their own, personality you jive with, pleasant to talk to, niche interest in shared hobby, security - the list is pretty much endless. I know a guy that lives in the metro area - no job, no major hobbies, inoffensively annoying to me personally, kinda ignorant, not attractive to me, but you know what? He knows how the fuck to get around the city by foot. My rural-raised ass APPRECIATES the guide.
Remember important information: general personality, background, skillset, likes and dislikes. You can find this information by making smalltalk about their life. There is no such thing as pointless conversation. (Yes, even the annoying smalltalk)
The more people you know, the higher the likelihood that one of them will be useful in a given situation - or will know someone who is.
It is overwhelming. In a given clique/community/workspace/whatever, there is A Guy Who Knows The Other Guys. This Guy is a shortcut. Find them. They're often elderly, extroverted, a little bit annoying, a secretary or in some otherwise forward-facing position. Look for people that are gossipy/talk about other people a lot but not in negative ways. If they constantly talk shit, they'll talk shit about you too. They're still useful but be careful with the information you share
You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.
You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.*
If you have low self esteem, you're going to feel like you're using people. You're not. That's the devil talking. People like feeling valued and the connections you are making are the threads holding community together. Recognize people for their talents. It's only a problem when you're taking advantage of people
So: don't feel scummy about it. You're an animal. You have to claw out your right to survive and people will respect you more for it.
Luckily mutualism is the name of the game in the animal kingdom. Offer something back. The foundation of a Know A Guy relationship is Mutual Benefit
Sometimes that Mutual Benefit is just spreading news of the The Guy far and wide. My plumber friend is my actual friend and I love her to death, but I'm maintaining our backscratch relationship by pimping out her plumbing business to anyone that'll listen
Food is a good Mutual Benefit. People across cultures for all of human history have bonded over food. I have good success asking people for a favor and then offering to buy them lunch in return **
General compensation is also good. Offer a service in return and always do your best to offer financial compensation as appropriate. Having your plumber friend take a look at your drain: doable with a case of beer. Having your plumber friend redo the pipes in your entire house? You need to pay for that.
Being transactional is not necessarily a bad thing. I would advise against keeping an itemized list of things owed, but fish don't seek out cleaner shrimp just because they enjoy their company. Everyone gets something
Unfortunately being extroverted and generally personable is a huge benefit here, but that's the value of the Guy That Knows A Guy. There's someone out there that has consolidated All The Guys so you don't have to be the local expert. Always remember nobody can do everything and you don't need to master every skill
* This is the foundation of a functioning community. I have many acquaintances that I find incredibly annoying. They include doctors, welders, artists, social workers, lawyers, construction crew and random fuckers at the grocery store. I do not hang out with them. I do not have to in order to maintain a civil Know A Guy relationship. I can drop them useful tidbits and fuck right off so I don't have to spend any more time than necessary with them
** People may assume romantic intent. Be prepared for that. I generally denote that it's a friendly/work lunch by calling them bro at some point if they're my age. Otherwise my general demeanor is sufficient to show that I do this with everyone
Source: personal experience, mother's teachings of crime, booth vending and poverty
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This really puts the Supreme court ruling that anything within his official purview as president can't be prosecuted into perspective.
youtube
Trump couldn't gun down protesters in DC like he wanted to before - but come 2025 he'll be able to use full military force.
That's just a piece of an interview from
2 Years Ago.
Here's the full thing:
youtube
#Damn yall#Youtube#Everyone talking about how only violence and completely tearing down the current system of government will fix anything#Acting like the entire world isn't terrified of our military weapons cache and troops#Acting like the government can't track them#Acting like Trump won't take every opportunity to gun down protesters and buy data to track their living friends and families to imprison#for years of free labor and to take even more people that would oppose him out of the equation#And most irritatingly acting like they would stand up when most of them won't even stand up for the weirdo at work#I'm so fucking tired#So many people are acting like Biden has the power to stack the court when he can only appoint judges once Congress Approves them#Guess who has a majority in the House that has staunchly blocked anything that Biden has tried to do?#Jesus Christ
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i think it would be less that even doesn't have a moral compass anymore after All That Shit and more that they just. need it to be re-calibrated a little bit. their ability to tell right from wrong got a bit fucked up in the need to survive a little longer, and if you just put them in a slightly healthier environment, they would figure it out.
#and separate them from the master. that's also essential.#even is kind of. easily influenced? which was a. well. mostly a Good Thing when their influence was coming from the doctor & co.#and much less good when their influence is coming from miss 'dissolving people for fun and profit'#and obviously then: there are things even could be convinced to do if it meant surviving.#things that they could not be influenced towards in any other situation because they *would* recognize it as wrong.#and it's. im saying even has killed a man. and possibly more. and per doctor who's party line: that fucks you up forever :)#im just spitballing ideas around rn to figure out how to fit even into 12's seasons and put them with missy for fun#and. the thing is. the thing is. i don't think they would have a problem with the cyberman plan.#(i think. in a way. the idea of cybermen is unfortunately appealing to even (<- guy who is feeling Too Much Always and remembers how much#easier it was to just have a job and do the job and be the job)#and this also contributes to it.)#but that plan. give the doctor an army and he can protect the whole universe if he just accepts it. missy wants that for selfish reasons.#to prove a point. but even. if presented with it that way. would want it for their own selfish reasons.#fresh off the trauma horse - even just wants there to be no more hurt. they want the doctor to come save everyone. they want the doctor to#fix it all. which is an old part of them that survived.#again just spitballing this is all preliminary thoughts trying to figure it out#but it really boils down to. if the only people you knew were constant in the universe were someone you knew you could rely on to fuck#everyone over to get what she wants. and someone who you believed would take any opportunity to just save as many people as possible.#wouldn't you end up trusting. that plan would come together. and nothing would have to hurt anymore.#and then. of course. it doesn't.#dw oc
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