#i want ot be a PERSON
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bunnyboy-juice · 2 months ago
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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writer-room · 7 months ago
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Isn't it fun how everyone saw what terrified them most, but Nya's was so "unbelievable" that she broke out instantly? She was shown the one thing that was supposed to terrify her, make her spiral. But of course it wasn't real. It's Jay. If there's one thing she never once doubted, its that Jay is absolutely smitten, so of course he'd never forget her. What a silly thing to think, to be afraid of. She went through so damn much for this boy, and him for her, and we know how she is. Wouldn't it be petrifying if all that work, all that emotional turmoil, that clawing for love, could be forgotten just like that? Its quite a feat, really, that she can finally be confident in knowing such a fear is irrational.
It was easy to break free from such a place. It was only ever meant to scare her, and she has nothing to be afraid of. Right?
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americankimchi · 9 months ago
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it's so hard to take star wars seriously nowadays because i'll watch someone get skewered by a lightsaber and then somehow walk it off with a bacta patch and a slap on the ass. like you're telling me a weapon that can carve furrows into foot-thick solid durasteel doors, dripping melted slag in its wake, when applied to the flesh of a sentient being leaves behind nothing more than superficial damage. like be so ffr. "it cauterizes the wound instantly" this is not a little cut. this is not minor burns. you were IMPALED BY A BEAM OF PLASMA. your ORGANS have been COOKED. your BLOOD has BOILED. your BONES were INCINERATED. what are you TALKING ABOUTTTTTT
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bitegore · 5 months ago
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People trying to "solve" the star wars prequels are always so fucking stupid. The whole point of Anakin is that he's a villain. If you're trying to find a reason to explain why he's not actually the bad guy, you've already lost the plot, because have you seen the fucking movies? That's the whole point of him!
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solarroseart · 21 days ago
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BATTLE HARDENED [OC]
I'm really bad at drawing anything related to the specific scenes I have in my mind… same for this. but basically I saw all my friends having fun torturing their ocs and decided I wanted to try it. And now she has infested my brain. Meet Astreya!
Astreya's a jedi who survived order 66 (shocker I know) and went on to become a bounty hunter later in her life to keep her identity hidden. As a child soldier during the Clone Wars, she would risk everything to help others. But after a lifetime of being hunted, back-stabbed, and abandoned, she's become ruthless and always looks out for herself first.
Her story was crafted by thinking to myself, what is the worst possible thing that can happen to her next? And then I do that. It isn't woven too tightly with the events of the original/prequel trilogies, that is most of the canon characters don't play a particularly strong role in her life, so I can just have fun with it and have her show up whenever I want.
But it also means the story I've crafted for her can basically be reused and I've been cooking up a way to set her in her own original universe, so I don't want to give the entire thing away just yet! But I am hoping both iterations of her can exist simultaneously.
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ebonytails · 10 months ago
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⚠️ WARNING ⚠️
Heart rate has reached dangerous levels❗️
Initiating culling procedures.👁️‍🗨️
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crownedinmarigolds · 2 months ago
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Ughughugh so busy at day-job. T_T So busy it eats into free time... just doing my best to keep my head above water!
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foggysirens · 1 year ago
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okay so someone reblogged my post (about how din and luke are so desperately touch starved and how they find comfort within one another and slowly banish the loneliness away with one another’s touch) and made a comment about how they don’t see luke as touch starved because he was never really isolated from his family and gives and receives touch very easily and like no hate cause i love that idea as well, in fact i absolutely agree- luke grew up in a very loving family that showed him that affection openly- a hug from beru before she’d go to bed, a fond ruffle of the hair from owen after he’d scraped his knee- touch and connection clearly mean a lot to him. we can see it in anh and esb how freely and easily he uses touch with those around him- the group hug with han and leia after the victory of the trench run, putting a friendly hand on chewies shoulder and letting himself get pulled into an embrace, his arm around leia as they stare out the viewport. luke is a tactile person. no doubt. but that’s also how we know he’s changed when we get to rotj and he’s noticeably less so. that’s how we can see how reserved he’s become, taking on a mantle of stoicism he’s not fully comfortable with yet, but wears anyways. war and loss has changed him. he’s still kind, still luke, just less free with his touch and joy- and with that i can’t help but go back to my thoughts on my first post about him being touch starved, because is it not even more understandable and heartbreaking that he is so? luke, a person who clearly craves and reaches out for touch, suddenly devoid of it? it makes his loneliness so much for profound, him suddenly distanced from his sister and friends after the war, all of them going their own ways, living their own lives. there is no aunt and uncle to go home to. no father or master, just his texts. the force. and how, for so long after that, that is just how he lives, a random touch on the arm or hug from leia every now and then, but the comfort and ease of touch he’d once had as a young man is gone. and how, once he meets din, he finally gets to have that part of himself back. the part that can indulge and reach for that comfort and need to have someone close. heal his touch starved soul in such a beautiful way and remind him that after all of it, all the war and fighting and isolation that he did not choose but found himself in, luke deserves the touch he so craves.
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kresnikcest · 6 months ago
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Yayayakan made a character sheet for the still nameless little sister OC! Don’t be fooled though, she may be sweet on the outside but she’s actually quite distant to most people.
Edit: wrong blog but I guess I’ll keep it 😂
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writer-room · 1 year ago
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If Dragons Rising erases Pixal from existence I’ve decided its because they knew she would be too powerful. Imperium’s whole thing is using tech for evil reasons, you think Pixal wouldn’t blow the place up from the inside in, what, a month? You think she wouldn’t hear about how technologically superior Imperium boasts themselves to be and immediately crack her knuckles and decide she was going to upstage them as dramatically as physically possible? You think she wouldn’t try to show them what REAL advanced tech looked like? Beatrix would want her dead on sight by the second week.
And, also, y’know, Pixal has, like, the weakest morals out of everyone on the team. Zane’s a close second after the whole Never Realm thing, but Pixal gives no shits about being the bigger or better person. Imperium has insulted her, insulted her fathers ideals on being kind to tech, and is also just a massive bitch. Get in the Samurai suit loser, we’re toppling a monarchy.
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blushblushbear · 4 months ago
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*lies down* I just had the cringest fucking idea and I don't know if I wanna be that cringe but I could easily make it happen so I'm like what if
SO...
I wasn't going to say anything for professional reasons but I voice act a little on the side (extremely small time)
And I literally live in delulu-land where I'm like 'I CAN VOICE ALL MY OWN CHARACTERS!' (not really, I wouldn't cast me for a lot of them actually but shhh)
So I'm like
*lies down* how cringe would it be to make a little back and forth between Iris and the boys with me reading Iris and using already available voice clips for the dudes....
Idk bro that's pretty cringe but do we care past this point
Thoughts????
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shalom-iamcominghome · 5 months ago
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Question to non-crocheters:
Can you notice how many different stitch types are in this?
I ask because I'm using different stitches for certain parts of my tallit to stand out, but I'm curious how noticable it is to a relatively untrained eye, since I feel other crocheters might have a leg up over you - if you see any differences, I'm curious what you see!
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42bakery · 7 months ago
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I managed to survive the double shift 🙌🙌🙌
Now time to go home and get ready for the party (or crashing on my bed)
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hauntedwoman · 7 months ago
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as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult
#i feel really bad that im so angry at her and she doesnt even know it#but my entire living situation is making me miserable right now and its her fault#she charges me $50 in rent every week and shes increasing it to $125 a week at the end of the month#the only reason this is happening is because she FORCED ME to drop out and the only other alternative was that i had to work full time + pa#rent.............. but like at my job even if im working 40 hrs a week ill only be making abt $900 a month#so i will barely have anything leftover for myself after rent#and i cannot get a second job bc i frankly can not handle it at all + what hours would i even work#and my mom refuses to understand that the reason i had to drop out is bc i am so depressed and so suicidal and i just dont want to live#she doesnt acknowledge that im disabled and severely mentally ill#every time i try to talk about my mental health she treats me like im such a burden to her even though i literally never tell her anything#personal anymore bc she just doesnt listen or care#ALSO she FORCED ME to move across the country and transfer schools when i really did not want (hence why i flunked all of my classes bc i d#not care) but like. everything thats wrong in my life rn is bc i do not want ot live where im living and theres no way for me to go back to#texas and also i dont rly wanna live w my dad either#but anyways. this whole situation would be better if my mom was using me paying rent as an actual lesson in adult respinsibility#but it's really just a punishment because i cant function the way she wants me to#and im over it#so fucking over it why am i such a pussy why cant i just die
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rapidhighway · 2 years ago
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Hey being aroace is already so hard to describe and explain
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