#things like this are why healing is so frustrating

[mellifera38]

I think you kinda hit the nail on the head here. I think it's a big part of why a lot of people left the campaign feeling less attached to Bells Hells compared to the Mighty Nein.

You got a little of this flavor in the beginning as Bells Hells got to know one another and kind of tackled some of their background baggage, but as the campaign left the honeymoon period and headed into The Main Plot, you got less and less inter-character moments. Huge stretches between them that left you going 'so how are they feeling??? When are they going to get some downtime to process all this?' We kept being left waiting, sometimes for like three episodes. We as the viewers were used to having that after C2, its like the treat at the end of the stressful fight. All we got instead was Stress Stress Stress for like 70 straight episodes.

Once all hell had broken loose on the apogee solstice, the whole thing felt like a big rush to the finish line, and Character Time was mostly over. It's dnd and you can play it however you want, but I think not getting that time contributed to them not really knowing where they all stood at the end or what they should do, which then caused us frustration as viewers.

To expand just a bit, to me, it felt like we had a specific group of heroes who were very suddenly thrown into some other group's religious story narrative and forced to make a decision that very few of them had personal stakes in other than 'I hate Ludinus'. Their backstories were not religion focused other than FCG. They didn't really have the chance to form new beliefs until after they already had the weight of the world on their shoulders and every interaction with the gods made them feel they were just being used for survival. If a god had reached out previously to help them unbidden in a time of need (other than The Cleric), they would have had a completely different motivation to pick a side bc it would feel like the gods genuinely cared for their children. Even a storyline to pit them against the gods instead of just feeling like they were invisible to them could have been beneficial to their larger character arcs in relation to The Plot.

It was an interesting experiment to put these very neutral unbiased people in charge of that kind of situation, don't get me wrong, but then the vast majority of Character Moments we did get were the constant confused/angry circles of 'why do we care about Them?' and 'but what happens if we do nothing' and it got repetitive and tiresome and people got pissed off at different characters and none of them really even changed. They still didn't really understand one another. In the end, even after learning about the eidolons and the Dawnfather being a dick and talks with the Matron and the Arch Heart, the only thing that STILL tethered them personally to the story was 'Let's stop Ludinus because we hate him for getting Laudna/Oryms husband killed and at least we know he's bad and we'll figure it out this god shit when we get there.'

Not the most compelling but hey, it got them to that finish line.

I think at least some of these unsatisfying pitfalls could have been avoided if they'd had more chances for character/relationship exploration beyond like the first third of episodes and maybe with some more religious theme overtones. It was also kind of a shame that all that build up of the new setting at the start was completely left by the wayside. They Needed a Longer Honeymoon. The apocalypse just rolled around way too early.

I love the C3 characters a lot, but its not the same kind of way I love the M9, and I think its mainly because this campaign was a vehicle for the world's next historical era. There's nothing wrong with that, necessarily, but it is polarizing, and a huge shift from C2. With the M9 we had 140 episodes exploring these characters and who they really were as people and where they came from and how they helped each other heal. You can't get that in just 40 episodes leading into an apocalypse speedrun. They are just two completely different kinds of campaigns. It really is a matter of taste but I'm also quite certain that if Matt could go back and do it from scratch knowing what he now knows, he might have approached this very differently. I do think even the players were left floundering and trying to understand what the narrative wanted from them. This kind of Big Picture History Story needed characters at least a little bit built to theme, I think. This is why Brennan's EXU mini-series are so successful.

Sorry if I took your post a little off topic I just suddenly had a lot of thoughts and I haven't talked about any of this yet lol.

Whatever C4 ends up being and whenever it is, I really hope we see a return of the consistent "I go over to *insert character*" that was lacking this campaign. It's something so simple but so foundational to why I love CR. It used to be so consistent and made even the most mundane things like setting up camp, night guard duty and travel something to look forward to.

I can't tell you how many of these moments with characters just simply talking to each other about anything and everything became some of my favorite moments in all of CR. I remember so many episodes where I looked forward to these breaks more than even combat or some story elements because it immersed me so much in every aspect of the campaign.

To me this is when CR is at its best, it is the foundation that separates it from other AP's and is what pulls you in and hooks you so you're equally as invested to the story or action or honestly anything just like the characters and the cast.

[yannaryartside]

its not about cheating

idk if it's the lack of sleep, but I keep returning to the metaphors that can come to the sydcarmy ship because they are a partnership: "they are married," "the restaurant is their baby." By that logic, you could see S2 as Sydney being the pregnant wife while her husband cheats.

The analogies are valid; sydcarmy is definitely being used as a meta-representation of having a partner with addiction/mental health issues. The desire to help each other while not being able to let go of old thinking patterns. In S3, both Carmy and Syd are frozen, Carmy's frozen looks like chaos, and Sydney's frozen looks like inaction/frustration. Neither of them knows what to do to get out of it.

But in all of this, Claire is not the "affair" in the sense that we are supposed to see the wound that Sydney has as someone who has been cheated on; Carmy and Syd are not together. He is not actively choosing to harm her. He does ignore his responsibilities and excuses his actions with the hope of compensating for them later; he believes his chaos will not matter to Syd anymore when he gets the star for her, he wants to prove he can be the best for her, while not discarding all the toxic shit he learned from his former ex-chef. He is afraid of acknowledging his faults because he fears not being worthy of love.

There is something to be said of Sydney falling in love with someone who's not emotionally available, but I think it depends on when you think she fell in love with him.

This is not about cheating because Claire is supposed to represent Carmy's desire to never grow and heal from his trauma, to stay in his comfort zone, and to be able to please a partner who (subconsciously) reminds him of his mother. Claire is the activation of the freeze response because she is literally the equivalent of being frozen in space. Right before their first kiss, Carmy points out they're standing where the frozen product is supposed to be stored. after two seasons of romance on screen, you can see these two people don't know each other, if they love each other, its definitely trauma bonding. Because they don't know each other/care to do it, you feel they mostly love that each other's company makes them feel good/complete.

So this is not about comparing Carmys desire/love to either girl, is about comparing the relationships, is about showing that even the relationships that look like love may be grounded in codependence and trauma bonding, and why they are so difficult to set apart from the real thing. In other words, if Sydney and Carmy met only after his story with Claire ended, the message could still be the same, the fact that they are happening at the same time is to show that Carmy could not recognize or feel capable of entering a healthy relationship in his current state of being, even if it was right in front of him and being very obvious.

[thatfrailsoul]

– I watch the skies getting light as I write

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

pictures from pinterest → one, two, three

One step after another. One shaken breath. One look around you, confused, as you are trying to understand what is real, what is good and what is bad… What you got through, the things you’ve endured and accepted from the same hands that you thought would only caress you, take care of you, protect you… With that one fear of making the same mistakes. Of never learning and calling upon yourself the same fate again, as you hold another hand.

After surviving a fever that lasted a little too long, I'm back again, with this new reading from our Divinatory Jukebox!♡ I still feel a little meh, so for a while I will do readings that are slightly shorter, so I can come back gradually without overwhelming myself. And so for today, and through the song “How to disappear” by Lana Del Rey, your inner self has a little story to tell you, about what it is holding deep down in your heart, hiding it, not being able to release it, not before being fully able to understand it. What it was, why it did happen, how so much pain was able to overwhelm you right when you felt so safe… This reading will be a little message for you about your journey of love, the one that you are so eager to go through, to make progress in, without realising how your own hurt heart is holding you back, too afraid of feeling again the same pain of the past now, when those wounds are still bleeding so much.

Give yourself a moment. Slow down your breath, feel it. Put aside any judgement, overthinking or convictions… And just follow the pile that caught your gaze more, the one that will allow you to connect to yourself and receive this needed message.

And let me know what pile you chose..!♡

P.s. A little question for you ♡

{ Thank you so much for letting me know!♡ }

– Pile One,

the child: the six of cups and the knight of wands

It was never your fault. All the people that you met. The bonds you had. The things they did and said… It never was because of you. Of how you were, your worth or what you did. And it never could've been different, no matter how much the regret makes it seem possible or real.

There are so many ways in which a situation can evolve, so many different outcomes that depend only on what we are willing to do and want. It's true. But the past is a whole different story. It is something that we can’t reach. And that, fortunately, can never grasp us no matter how much we fear it.

And you need to understand it. To feel it. A truth that is so simple that is just overlooked, never considered by our judgemental and overthinking mind. The fact that we are safe here. Now. You are safe. Because you are not anymore with those people, not stuck in those suffocating moments that felt like an eternity of hurt.

You are here now. And it is new, every single second of it. At each step, each moment, each new breath… You enter a new reality of possibilities, created with your decisions, with your awareness and confidence that you won’t allow it to happen ever again. And it is enough. Truly. To protect you. It is enough to put miles and miles between you and them, or all those reflections of their meanness and cruelty of which you sometimes catch a glimpse in others that come too close to your heart.

You are safe here, with your own self. You have enough protection and guidance. Enough to not make again those mistakes, even if they never were yours in the first place and you simply learned from them through all this pain. You are doing well. No matter if you are getting closer to someone or, contrary, are hiding for a moment to heal and rest. No matter if it is all like you wanted and imagined, or completely the opposite and frustrating in how slow or fast it is. No matter if you are making a decision, opening your heart again, or are still waiting, still unsure… You are doing well. It is your journey. Only yours. Even when it seems to be influenced so strongly by the others. It is still and only yours to live and follow. And no matter how you will do it, it will always be the right way, the one that will be enough for your heart.

Don't put even more pressure on yourself. Don't fuse the past, of which you are still so afraid, and the future, that you are already overthinking, in this ball that you are ready to throw at yourself again and again. Let them go for a moment, detach them. Not from yourself, but from each other. Don't force the past, with your fears and convictions, to come into your future and shape it. Because it never was supposed to do it, it never wanted it, if we’d talk about it like it is a personification of some sort…

It's the past for a reason. You already got through it. You already lived it all. So allow yourself to stop keep on doing it in the now. Or in the future. Don’t look at this life through the lenses of someone that you are not anymore. Nor through those of the ones that wounded you, betrayed you, even if it still hurts. Let those situations and memories alone. Let them be. In their own eternal moment. In the space and time that was created just for them. They don't need more of it, they don't need for you to sacrifice your present moments or the future ones. And you don't need it in order to stay safe.

You already learned from them. What you needed and even more, even those lessons that weren't yours. You gained the strength, the confidence. You healed enough to live different moments and connections, to experience a different type of love… You just need to become aware of it. Of the fact that there is no need to keep on fearing, aggressively protecting yourself from it. Whatever that “it” might be. It will not repeat. It will be all different. And, in the good and in the bad, you are ready for it. You just need to realise and live it.

{ ♡ }

– Pile Two,

the tree: the queen of cups and the temperance

Even though it is much better and gentle to hear that it never was supposed to be this way, that you never were destined to feel so much pain… That it wasn't your fault, nor the consequences of who you were and what you wanted… Even if it would be so much easier to heal those wounds if you would hear all of this… It still wouldn't be a complete truth. And you would know it deep down, you would have that uneasy feeling, that fear that it might happen again, because you would be aware of the fact that it was indeed because of what you did and said, to others or to yourself.

It was bound to happen. Your heart was destined to be scratched and crushed. In that moment or in another. In the hands of that person or in the ones of someone else… perhaps even yourself. It would've happened either way. Because it was the only thing that could've break through that wall of delusion, entitlement, a little immaturity, that was creating so many wrong convictions in you about the connections, about the shapes and ways of love. That pain and the feeling of betrayal… were truly the only things that could get you angry enough to unveil that mirror that you never looked in. It was the only way to make you see. Who you were, your own actions and words, your needs and desires, that often weren't so aligned. It was the only way to turn your gaze, your scrutiny and judgement inwards. To you. And not only to others, that so often simply reacted to how you were.

It is not an easy subject. The one of the maturity, of growing, of realising our own mistakes and for the first time, after so long, seeing the uncomfortable truth that it wasn't only others, the source of so much challenge and pain. It is not easy to listen to all those sudden conclusions and answers that our mind starts to find, when it is alone with our heart… And it is even more difficult to accept them, to admit that we too did our part in creating those battles in which we got stabbed…

But you did it. No matter if you wanted it, decided to take that time and reflect, or if it just came crashing down on you in the moment that you were already so tired and consumed that you couldn't ignore or postpone it. You did it. To your own self. You found a way to listen to you, to the truth, to allow you to show yourself how the things really were as you got through them, not seeing nothing but attacks and betrayals. You did it. You stayed there for a moment. You let it sink in. Until it changed something in you, even if those wounds still continued to sting.

Your healing became your growth. And each stitch on your heart started to feel sweet and sour in its pain, because of the knowledge that it wasn't just useless hurt. It had a reason, a motive, that you can now escape and avoid because you know what are those things that can trap you in them.

It gives you confidence, that new knowledge and awareness of yourself, enough to make you feel ready for another journey. For a new connection in which you can practice the things that you learned, making them truly work… But it is a little too soon now. You still need those stitches to keep you together, to burn a little to remind you of the consequences of impulsive and rushed steps that you shouldn't take if you want to take care of yourself. And this means that you are not ready. Not until those wounds will be only scars. Scars that you don't try to forget about and hide away. But those that you respect and are proud of, the ones that you look at without feeling regret, shame or rage. Those that you honour, by making the steps that never would make your body, your heart, go again through all that pain.

You need a little more time. A little more patience. Those feelings and connections that you strive for will not go anywhere. They will wait for you to be truly ready. They will wait because they know that it is best this way, that it is worth it, for you to heal completely first, before doing the next step.

{ ♡ }

– Pile Three,

the paths: the moon and the five of wands

It wasn't really your choice to be here. To be alone, to feel so tired and cold. It never was your intention, not even for a second, to remain without anyone… It never was the reason behind your actions and your words. And yet they led to this. To feeling so misunderstood in every connection and situation, to seeing their eyes so hurt or full of rage, even when you chose your words so carefully, as you only tried to explain what you needed, what you felt…

It feels a little like a losing game. The one you can never win no matter how hard you try, not when the rules change every single damn time. The people, their thoughts and feelings, their unique way of seeing a connection, what love is supposed to be… It is just tiring and confusing. Especially for a heart that never wanted so many complications, so many “adventures”. A heart that so innocently and genuinely only looked for love, in any way, shape or form.

It really makes you slow down, all of this, so many challenges, difficulties, arguments and hurt. It makes you reflect on whether this is really what you want. If it is worth it at all. If you really can't live without it to the point of finding somewhere that strength and patience to keep on trying no matter what…

But, what if, the desire and need for this unconditional and powerful feeling, did indeed led you to a journey of love? What if they still worked, all those wishes spent on this… but just in a way that you didn’t know you needed to experience first?

You were so eager, so open, so ready for it… You did so much in the name of love, never pretending to find a specific type of it, just wanting to feel it once… And it was given to you, a journey of love. Of love for yourself. And the urge to take care and protect every inch of you, exactly like only a person truly in love would've done.

Through the ones that came closer, their often annoying or painful ways; through others that are further, their fairytale like stories that made you feel jealous and simply sad because this is not what you have; through the experiences, the ups and downs, the never ending frustrating stories and only few feeble joyful moments… You did go through a journey. And you did find love. The one of the truest and strongest form. You found love for yourself. Who you were. Who you are. And who you can and will become.

It is not what you looked for nor expected, it's true. But it is exactly what you needed to experience and learn. Before letting others teach you what love truly is, you needed to understand it on your own, to set those boundaries, expectations, limits that only those that are worthy can overcome. Those that you will see from miles away, feel so naturally and instantly. Because now you simply know what love is, respect and kindness, and you can recognise it in every gaze of those that truly can embody it, making you feel safe.

{ ♡ }

_

[badgalsasuke]

This is so funny because we literally see the opposite.

Sakura attempted to create a diversion thinking she had finally caught up to Naruto and Sasuke in skill. But she never communicates an actual plan to either of her teammates.

Sakura trusting her healing seal allows herself to be stabbed by Madara, her plan was probably to fool Madara into thinking he harmed her but due to their very close distance she would still be able take him down. Foolish of her, because she's never fought anyone with Madara's skills (something she should've taken into account before charging against him but alas) but Madara has already fought and defeated someone with the healing seal before, Sakura's own mentor and far more experienced kunoichi, Tsunade.

Which is why is double funny how the Sasusaku shipper says "he would know how to fight a sharingan user" in reference to Madara but doesn't have the same brain-power to conclude that Madara would also know how to fight a shinobi with the healing seal. Why Sakura stans think this is Madara "prasing Sakura" when it's him communicating to us, the readers, that he recognized the healing seal used by another ninja he already defeated, Madara is telling us he knows how to fight and defeat someone with the healing seal. He's not impressed by Sakura, on the contrary.

Sakura's attempt to be a diversion is frustrated by Madara who clocked what she was trying to do and had an "invisible wall" to protect himself, something Sakura clearly didn't expect and took her completely off guard. That's when Naruto and Sasuke had to intervene and run to her aid and rescue her from Madara.

What's even funnier is that the sasusaku shipper attempts to create a sad pathetic argument on how Sasuke aCtUaLlY knew Sakura's plan (that she didn't have) and conveniently leaves out Sakura acknowledging herself Sasuke ignored her all along and it's only Naruto who cared for her wellbeing.

Sasuke didn't know if she had a plan because he wasn't even paying attention to her to begin with. Whole time Sasuke had been plotting a plan alongside Naruto who can actually go toe to toe with him in terms of skill and strategy. Both of them were able to see what Sakura could not, Madara's clones.

Also notice how the sasusaku shipper left out the fact that Madara mocked Sakura and called her the sideshow but Sakura stans swear the man was just praising her skills lmao

Because that's the thing, Naruto and Sasuke were always able to see Madara's invisible clones thanks to their Sage Path Powers, that's why they didn't immediately attack, they were assessing the situation. That's also why Naruto told Sakura to wait, she is not on par of Madara but also she had no idea there were clones surrounding him, which she initially thought were an "invisible wall". The first white "explosion" you see is actually one of Madara's clones blocking Sakura's punch, the other two "explosions" come from Naruto and Sasuke, who were aware of the clones this whole time, blocking their attacks so Sakura wouldn't be harmed any further and be killed or rendered too wounded to fight (like Tsunade).

Sakura, on the other hand, demonstrating zero teamwork skills and a total lack of communication as well as ineptitude as a kunoichi charged against Madara not bothering to evaluate the battle scenario first, overconfident on her own (lackluster) skills. She attempted to attack an enemy she had no clue of his skills or powers resulting in an embarrasing defeat.

[bobdylans116thdream]

today will be fun /sarcasm

brain is telling me to shut up and stop getting so damn excited over things that don't even matter.

[amelia-yap]

an idea that came to me this afternoon lol

[uncanny-tranny]

Honestly, going into your WIP pile to actually go through it and see what you actually want to finish can be really helpful, especially when you don't judge yourself and try to learn why that piece became a hibernater in your WIP pile

Some questions I ponder when I look at a WIP is:

Is this project turning out how I want? If not, what about it don't I like?

Do I or did I have fun when I was starting it?

Will I actually use it or enjoy it when I'm done?

Do I like the material now?

Do I see myself enjoying the product after it's done?

Were there, or are there, time restraints preventing me from finishing?

Is this out of my current skill set, and am I okay with that?

If I could change one thing about the WIP, what would it be?

I know plenty of people won't incorporate this into their own WIP and crafting journey, and that's okay. But I know so many people who hibernate their projects for many reasons and feel guilty about it. I hope this might give people ideas about why they hibernate projects to prevent that type of guilt from eating away at their conscious. This (creating) should be fun, and if you're spending a lot of time feeling guilty or ashamed, it can be hard to continue doing the things you like.

[scalproie]

Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it

[russeliarat]

In regards to Cia in a lot of the LU fanon space (aka fics and headcanons), I feel like she's being portrayed far worse than she actually is in Hyrule Warriors. I do think that Wars would have a lot of trauma regarding her considering she's the whole reason a war was started in his name. I do also think that starting said war is pretty bad. But I don't think she really deserves the black-and-white viewpoint most people have of her, it undermines the (attempted - it was a bad and rushed attempt but an intentional attempt nonetheless) redemption of her character arc. I say this as someone who owns the game and has combed through it for hours to attempt to rewrite that bullshit game.

But I think a lot of people are missing the part where Cia actually had control over her one-sided love for centuries as she only watched each hero and never interacted, but it was when Ganondorf came in and corrupted her that she started the war. She was under Ganondorf's influence throughout most of the game, even when she defected from him and attempted to gain the Triforce. She eventually made attempts to redeem herself after becoming free of Ganondorf due to Lana. There's also an element that Cia herself was exploited for Ganondorf's own power fantasies, it was likely that he manipulated or even told her to go to such extremes as making a war to get the Triforce and just used Cia's quiet yearning as a motive.

As dogshit as Hyrule Warriors is as a game and story, I think the idea that Lana is this perfect good is a great foil to Cia's unwavering evil, both forced to these extremes because of Ganondorf, who then regained their humanity once Cia finally broke free of him, though is more subtle in Lana is actually expressed kinda well compared to the rest of the wonkiness of the game. I think there's something to be said about Cia treatment as a antagonist compared to others like say Shadow, the way they're treated as being redeemed villains who were manipulated by Ganondorf for his own gains is vastly different across the fandom. Idk if there's a reason but it feels so distinct and I can't answer why.

This isn't to say that I don't think Wars would have a lot of issues surrounding what happened, its quite obvious he would have a lot of relationship problems on top of everything going on about the war. Its more a ramble about how people portray Cia post-HW/during LU. I myself don't understand how it happened, but as a DLC that was added for free in the Definitive Edition, Cia was revived and re-evilised, so yes she is technically alive still. I don't blame people for thinking she's some mega evil seductress that wants to capture the hearts of all the Chain, she seems very one-sided as a character at first without either getting the game and playing through yourself or skimming every website about the game (which is surprisingly few compared to its Age of Calamity counterpart - which also has its issues) and analysing the very misleading text in wiki pages and reviews. But no, she's not portrayed as a rapist (wtf literally where in the game is it even implied) nor is her character shown to be a pedophile (each hero she has been shown to fawn over are very explicitly the adult heroes).

I'm fine with headcanons, but the kind of stuff I see passed around in LU fanon is basically character assassination. It's kind of sad to see Cia just absolutely obliterated. I'm fine with some of the tamer headcanons, but some of the aforementioned like her being a rapist or a pedophile is so gross to me (and yes I've seen both multiple times in many more words to try to soften the blow of the writer/headcanoner's implications). I don't really like her character myself but I feel like I've analysed her and reworked her and picked apart her character too much to even consider humouring these kinds of ideas. Saying things like she's hypersexual or playing into her seductress image and appearance is fine because it's almost canon, I'll even agree with people calling her a stalker because she definitely was one during the war, but saying anything close to her committing anything more extreme is just not it for me.

[cassandralexxx]

the world is in a disastrous state of affairs when people are supporting a school shooter over the community bc “forgiveness is free” and “are people not allowed to change”

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[larrysballetslippers]

.

[astral-catastrophe]

Shoutout to all the eldest daughters who had to basically raise their siblings. You’ve done the best you can, and I’m proud of you

[sleepatterns]

today has been. hnngngnfhskakdhhhhhh so many weird feelings and not fun thoughts. things our mom said to us + going back to grandparents house was a weird combination. also the conversation we had with our mom had the exact Opposite effect of what she was intending i think because wow holy shit we feel so so fucking awful

[zipquips]

i don't want to be the glue that holds my family together. i don't want to be the only thing keeping my dysfunctional family from shattering into pieces. i don't want to pick up extra familial roles because my family members can't maintain healthy relationships with each other. i don't want to be the only thing keeping everyone from tearing each other apart before drifting apart

[dravidious]

You're more amazing than eepyness

The final Miitopia party has been formed, with Jamie reclassed into a Princess, Breeze the Tank, Elian the Cat, and last but not least, Kindness Anon the Flower!