#how did i go from wanting nothing to do with my family to feeling so responsible?

[grimaldiapologist]

Writing on a blog dedicated, at least in spirit, to our dissociative identity disorder, this is something that fascinates me. For context - living with the poster child disorder of "that's not even real" and "you're just faking it to get out of jail" and "you're just histrionic with bpd I know this because I took a psych class once in uni", that some fucking airheads still make their paycheck "criticising" in the psychology field (and teaching), the fear of being declared a faker, an attention seeker, a liar, a self-centered and stage-obsessed criminal-until-proven-otherwise came as a free package with the diagnosis. Just the suspicion of the diagnosis was enough for all of those labels. From whom? Everyone.

The first time I dared to open my mouth to my psychiatric nurse, she was putting me against the wall for lying and omitting, because in her view, I was doing too well with no explanation. In reality, at that point, I'd spent some months after becoming aware of the system getting to know them and reading up on how to get the basics of communication together, and working through the first chapters of Coping With Trauma-Related Dissociation, which helped us understand what we needed to do with one another in order to stabilise and feel safer in our everyday life. Things were actually going wonderfully, I wasn't lying, but I was omitting, yes. I was omitting, because even though at that point I knew nothing about DID beyond what I was learning from resources and my friend/now partner, who'd been in the community for a long time and gave us crucial peer support in terms of figuring our situation out, I knew extremely well the stigma associated with "split personality", and our first and primary instinct has always been to hide and cover the existence of the system.

But she was forcing it, so I told her. I was asking for help, yes, but with the context of doing so well - we were winning, and we wanted to keep winning.

She promptly told us we weren't allowed to leave, and started to set us up for involuntary inpatient stay. Exactly what we'd been afraid of the most: that "the psychiatric system" would imprison us and kill us, kill the parts of us who were vulnerable, with cocktails of medication in padded rooms and straitjackets and whatnot that we'd seen in the movies. (And, to a degree, during our actual inpatient stay years before.)

The resident psychiatrist did a quick evaluation of us and released us after, clearly annoyed at the nurse for overreacting and putting us in the extremely triggered and traumatised state that we were in, but it did permanent damage.

Very soon after, we discovered the online "discourse" on the validity of DID, and the "fake claiming" communities. This is all we inherited, first thing, with our diagnosis - which we did get after the above clusterfuck, within a year, with the aid of a specialising therapist and years of notes from our history, or so I assume. I can't remember, it's been years, and I have DID. The point is, even the DID community itself demands that you will never show a bright side to your disorder.

You either suffer all of the time, always, you hate yourself, you hate your other selves, you want to die, and you're forever a mess and you're in eternal war against yourself, or you're faking.

We are not this way and have never been. Prior to discovering the system, we were poorly. To spare the details, at 29 when we were diagnosed, we hadn't worked a day in our lives, dropped out of school at 12, and spent about a decade locked indoors with suicidal spirals being the expected main event of every three days or so. But our main strength has been our us, the family that we have, and the care that we've shown each other all along. Even if we can't love ourselves, we can love each other, and after learning communication - learning to listen, learning to talk - we've been doing phenomenally. Our condition has changed from treatment-resistant and debilitating to actually, we no longer need SSRI medication at all, after being on it for our whole lives. And luckily, this is enough proof for us, but not the world.

No, we're now in that funny place where our partially treated trauma/dissociative disorder looks like too much fun to the world. We're fine and we love each other. We indulge in dressup, we have our own silly little blogs and journals each with their own specific equipment like fancy ink pens and wares of stickers and decor, we have galleries of fake Instagram pictures of ourselves, we use PluralKit on Discord and talk to ourselves like we own the chat - among friends, anyway, or just between ourselves in our private one. All of this means we're fake, fake, fake, fake. God forbid a man has fun. God forbid a woman takes an afternoon to herself to give herself a makeover and go on a date. God forbid a guy just wants to feel comfortable and laugh and express himself, or have a chat with his closest friends.

We're not in enough pain all of the time to be "true" DID anymore. If we were "true" DID then we'd still be in the untreated, pre-diagnosed state. This is a stagnant disorder of identities that may never experience growth or true humanity. All I am allowed to be is a filthy, incapable hikikomori afraid of the world, because anything else is fucking weird to people.

I'm sorry, but. None of your fucking business. I've spent 33 years of my life split squarely on a tightrope over the chasms of "I don't want to die" and "I want to kill myself now". I'm 33 fucking years old and I've earned my goddamn license to feel good, actually. I'm allowed to be fucking weird because I'm developmentally disabled. I will never not be the way that I am, and I also have no intentions to ever be anything but the way that I am, I'm just aiming to be better at it.

This now means that I'm not actually allowed to talk about my disorder... basically anywhere but here and in therapy. No matter where I go, people treat me like a criminal. People who don't have DID tell me I'm faking for clout and larping (LARPing is great by the way and you should absolutely try it out instead of using it as a weird slur online) and they're the champions of true sufferers who are there to nobly remind me that REAL people with DID are actually so in pain all of the time and dying unrecognised while freaks like me... post on Tumblr for attention or whatever I don't fucking know I'm still disabled and in chronic pain and I can't do shit with myself regardless of our overall improvement - and people with DID tell me what I have isn't real DID and I'm "anti-recovery" or whatever because I don't subscribe to their specific dogma of recovery (which, for the record, every single microcosm of the recovery community has their own version of, and they all hate each other for it). The latest edition of how this fucked us over was our choice to write frankly about the positive sides of how the often negatively portrayed coping mechanisms of DID can be turned to work for recovery, and how things like substitute beliefs (believing things that are factually untrue such as 'I am an actual dragon trapped in a human suit' when you're not) can be used not to distance one from reality to escape but help one adapt into it (because I am a dragon in a human suit, a dentist cannot scare me), and had the whole conversation just without warning or any sort of notice deleted from the community. Mods never replied to my request on clarity on what the fuck they were doing and why, and I haven't been back in the community since, either.

And it's hilarious. The whole fucking thing is hilarious. You're faking it if you've recovered too much, because a true sufferer of a severe mental health condition would never recover, but if you don't recover enough, you're anti-recovery, and therefore also faking. There's a slim venue of acceptable suffering in an eternal still-shot in the middle, but you're not actually allowed to exist beyond it or past it in any capacity.

The only true DID case is a non-person who is incapable of growth and change, for a disorder that is all about identity, which by definition is all about growth and change.

I'm so tired of it. Sorry, freaks, I'm gonna freak the way that I freak from now on. I'm too well-adjusted these days to be your perfectly martyred poster patient.

ive found that partially treated mental illness can sometimes look to uninvolved onlookers like faked mental illness.

[warmilikeit]

Isekai reader x Batfam (Neglected au)

Female reader

Chapter 4- Can't hurt the Signal

*another huge timeskip

______________________________

After a few moments your shock dies down and you've accepted you've become a public figure

Then Duke walks in...

Duke walks in-

Duke.

Holy shit Duke is here!

He looks at you confused, of course they didn't introduce you "Hey.. you uhmm" he says awkwardly

"Oh I'm Bruce's other biological kid, but I'm a civilian, nice to meet you, so you're signal right?" You smile

"How...?"

"a new vigilante appears, Bruce gets another kid, come on, it's not rocket science"

"Oh! Good morning then! I'm actually pretty new to this thing and I'm a meta!" He smiles and sits right in front of you

Wow he's shining....

Mission #1359: Hurt Duke's feelings

A neglected reader is brash, she is reluctant to interact with her family members, she is jealous when Duke, someone who hasn't been in the family that long is accepted and loved, but you aren't

Time: till the end of breakfast

Penalty: Electrocution

"(Name)! This is you right!? Oh gosh, I've been hearing about you before Bruce got me!" He looks at the newspaper "see... Im- I'm an orphan-"

"Aren't half of you are?" You say

"y-yeah, okay, I actually work at daytime-"

"I know I saw you, so... How'd you end up here?"

"Like I said... I was an orphan, I actually had a pretty normal childhood, just uhm- can we not talk about this?" His eyes wince, you know that look, the pain is still raw

You can't press in, you know how he got here, you know how he lost his parents, and you can't

When you lost your Mom, you just wanted to forget about it, sure it was unhealthy but it was easier, you were lucky that the Waynes didn't care whether you were okay mentally and left you alone, they care about Duke and you can't make Duke face this

Fuck the penalty

"it was nice to meet you Duke" you go to your bedroom

"system?"

Yes?

"I can't do it- just give it to me"

Really? Very well

This was fine, it's not like it'll kill you, what's a second time being electrocuted? Right?

______________________________

"oh god!? Miss (Name), what happened you look like you got electrocuted!" Alfred grabs a hair brush and fixes your hair

"(Name)! Let's go! We'll be late for school!" Duke waves his hands, inside the car with Damian, Tim and Cass with Jason driving....

Fuck no.

You look away and continue walking, but a hand grabs the back of your jacket and pushes you inside the car "quit acting up" Dick smiled, but you can see annoyance in those eyes

"I'm not acting up!? When have I taken the car?!" You glare and pull away from him "Just get in." He grips your arm alarmingly tight and you're sure it's going to bruise

Duke tilts his head, are you two fighting? You and Dick feel his gaze and both of you reluctantly smile at each other

"You fucking bitch what the fuck are you doing?" You ask, Jason hears and turns around "You kiss your mother with that mouth?", you raise your brow "At least my mother loved me enough to kiss me"

"Just start the car Jay, don't mind the anchor" Damian glares

Well the facade of a happy family you and Dick tried to put is long gone, you hope that when they explain to Duke later they won't twist their words

Speaking of Duke, He looks confused, "What's wrong?, Did something happen?"

Mission 1360: BE SILENT

I can't believe I have to turn this into a mission, but a neglected reader should be silent, scared and obedient towards the family, I have been accepting of your crass attitude since it doesn't affect the missions, but what it does affect is the story, DO NOT TRY TO DEFEND YOURSELF

Time: the car ride

Penalty: Electrocution

"Maybe because the Princess here should just stop running her mouth, we're taking her in, but all she gave back is nothing. She's a bitch who thinks that all of us here are nothing but mental patients that belong in Arkham", Jason's grip on the wheels tighten

Fuck the mission, you're on a failing streak and you'd like to keep it

"And by the way you snap bones like they're sticks, say you hate criminals but befriend a drug addict, you do belong in Arkham" you feel bad about talking about Roy that way, Jason's probably not even sure how you knew about Roy

You feel the car start to run faster, he's not actually going to crash a car with the people he cares about right? You look around and see out of everyone in this car

If it does crash.

You're the only one who can't save yourself.

"Jason stop!" You hear Duke shout, and the car stops immediately, it would send you out of your seat if not for your seatbelt

"This is why I didn't wanna ride the car" you glare at them, you hide your hands inside the pockets of your jacket so they wouldn't see them shaking

You see that you're a block away from school and you take the chance to get the hell out of the car, "Wait! (Name)!" Duke yells, he turns to his family "What's going on!?"

______________________________

You didn't go to school yet.

You run into an empty alley, why?

Mission failed

That's why.

It's unhealthy that you are slowly starting to get used to the Electrocution

You pant and hold your heart and you sit down on the dirty concrete floor, your head is buzzing and your sweaty, your hands are shaking and you can see small zaps of electricity, you bit into your arm to muffle your screams

What the fuck are you doing, are you seriously choosing Electrocution over being insulted!?

"Didn't you want the hate meter to go up? Oh well it's UP!" You say

Not Duke's, he pities you

"You didn't say Duke was a part of this?, I thought it was only those guys!?"

That's why you needed to insult him earlier! So when you get insulted and called a bitch in the car, he'd understand you needed to be hated! But because you didn't, he now feels sorry for you and thinks the family is against you!

"The family is against me! Hello?? That's the main point of the story!"

Just- do you want the special reward or not?

"I don't even know what the special reward is!"

I can't tell you! Plus... Something's going to happen, one that can either make the hate meter go up or down, not to mention... There's a possibility the neglected reader can gain love, you can't let that happen, you'll lose the reward

"Whatever, their hatred meter is almost 100 anyway..."

But Duke can change that. You have to make him hate you as well, got it?

"Got it. Just promise me this 'special reward' is worth all of this"

It's worth more than all of this

You forgot about the newspaper.

"(Name)! You're a Wayne!??" One of your classmates came up to you

"Haha... Yeah" you laugh awkwardly

Another classmate goes near you "Why don't you use Bruce's surname?"

"Because I wanted to preserve my mom's memory" you smile

"why have I never seen you in one of the gala's

"I don't like parties" that's a lie you love them, you just don't get invited

The whole day was just you answering questions, you're partly grateful because the crowd prevented Duke to get you alone and talk about the shit show that happened in the car

When you thought it was over... You get called to the principal's office

"Miss (Name), would you like to be a student ambassador?"

(in my school, a student ambassador are students who promote the school, aka the kids you see in posters every time you see a "back to school" bill board)

"Why..?" You ask him

"Well... You are a charitable student, you're social and have good morals! You're already a model student" he says

You smile at him "Sir... I don't do this to be recognized, thank you for your offer but I'm afraid I'd have to decline"

You declined because when Dick was at school he was an ambassador, and right now so is Tim

You don't understand why he still goes to school, that guy is already the CEO

______________________________

Bruce looks at the newspaper

"helping others for years without her family knowing" he repeats

How did he not see this? Why didn't he notice that you've been helping Gotham out of your own pocket? The visits to the orphanage, the tutoring of children in poor neighborhoods

He feels guilty because he thought you were some spoiled kid who asked for too much

Now he's dreading you may have been right, the conversation two years ago...

"you're doing your best to make your already family comfortable by pretending I'm not here"

Oh god... Has he attended anything regarding you? Did he hold birthday galas for you?

He didn't

And by the way things are looking

You're perfectly fine without them.

He needs to change that

______________________________

Bruce feels like a failure.

Over the past three years he has failed to make any sort of connection with you, you seemed to be avoiding him?

And every time he does get ahold of you, you piss him off, he has to remind himself every time that he failed you as a father and he shouldn't give up on you

He tried calling you to his office and talking it out with you, he apologized for the way he treated you and that he regrets his actions but all he got was

"Do you think apologizing can make up for the years of neglect? And your children hate me, you're not going to risk them hating you as well by being nice to me, and you started this 'ignoring me' me thing, don't quit now" then you left his office

He tried throwing you a birthday party for your 13th, but you were nowhere to be found, at first he was angry, he placed so much effort into the gala only for you to not show up, you showed up late in the night and said you were out swimming with your friends, Bruce tried to yell at you, saying that you should've told him before going out and about somewhere

Then you said "How was I supposed to know you were going to celebrate my birthday? You never celebrated it before?"

Then you refused to spend your 15th with the family, specially after the incident at your 14th birthday party

Where Damian hid a small non-harming explosive in the cake and when you blew the candles out it exploded

He was going to scold Damian for that, but Barbara chimed in that this is the first time Damian played a prank and acted like a kid, was Bruce really going to punish him for having fun?

Bruce knew you had a violin concert, you invited no one but Alfred and Duke, at least you and Duke are getting along

He mourned the fact of not being able to attend your previous concerts, he bought tickets for him and the family

They were going to watch you

You were so talented... And too independent, too much of his liking, you were also kind and smart and people liked you

And he likes you too as well, you're his baby, his daughter

And he's going to do whatever to make you apart of this family

______________________________

Bruce: -100%

"Why the fuck does his hatred meter keep on going down????? What the fuck is happening?!?"

This is a problem

"Oh you think!?" You cry at the system

______________________________

Bruce: my daughter I'm sorry, let's be a family

Reader: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO HIS HATRED METER

______________________________

@plsfckmedxddy @devotedlyshamelessdetective @dorkatron-2000 @yuyuzi-ling @sweetsugerskull @butratherbutrather @yu-reiii @clementinesyummy @lfiee @iamapotatoe @type-ink @unknownloner1345 @randomlyappearingartist

[mauvecherie-writes]

be mine this christmas: l.hamilton.

pairing: lewis hamilton x black oc!xenia richards

trope: grumpy billionaire x personal assistant au

ru’s 💌: this will be my last update for a few days because I have some school work to do that I’ve been avoiding lol. The Lewis in this story is not to be conflated with IRL Lewis. He’s an asshole who knows he’s an asshole but you’ll love him the same. This story is fast paced because it takes place in about one day.

series masterlist

chapter: TWO

chapter warning: DUAL POV, mentions of toxic family dynamics: child neglect, asshole!lewis

chapter w.c: 3.86K

𝐋𝐄𝐖𝐈𝐒

Lewis had an affinity for pissing people off. Since childhood, it had been something that he loved and it was probably something that he always had a fascination for. Seeing the way that he could affect someone else in such a way that dictates their mood was amusing to him. For most people, it was a funny occurrence that he would quickly forget about as soon as he left their presence . But there was one person that he made a point to aggravate with her furious expression being left in her wakes as she stormed away - his little assistant, Miss Xenia Richards.

Being able to garner a reaction out of her was worth his time in gold. It was like a hobby of his where he kept a running record going of how many times that he could successfully piss her off. Any moment that he was feeling bored, all it took was a swivel of his chair and an intercom call to her desk and it took nothing to invoke a reaction out of her - simply because it was too easy.

Why did Lewis love it so much? A very simple answer. He was an asshole.

It was how he was raised - or lack thereof.

A toxic cycle that he found all too time consuming to break with everything else that he had going on. It was just the way he was and he was not going to dig deep into his childhood trauma to figure out why pissing his PA off gave him a greater satisfaction than winning a new client. He liked the way he was just fine.

He wasn’t going to psychoanalyse why when she bashfully hid her face away from him, it made his dick hard. Or when she storms out of his office, he loved the way her ass jiggled and he pictured it bent over his lap wiggling as he slapped the smooth surface. He didn’t care as to why he enjoyed aggravating Xenia so much. But he was not going to stop any time soon.

When the company was established, Lewis had put it in the company policy that the executive staff would not fraternise with anyone directly in their line of authority and for the last three years he had been deeply regretting that rule. He was sure even the way that he fantasised about Xenia would be grounds for his termination from his position. So the next best thing that he had in his arsenal was riling her up.

His fascination also probably had to do with the fact that getting smart-mouthed and strong-willed women to submit to him was a kink of his. It was a dangerous affliction that he knew would cost him but it was worth it, million times over. Especially if it was Xenia at the end of his tunnel.

Lewis knew that she put up a good front but he could see right through Xenia’s faux exterior. She was nothing more than a brat who needed guidance. Specifically his guidance.

“Sir.” The sweet voice of his secretary, Tabitha, came over the phone’s intercom.

“Yes Tabitha?” He answered as it put a stop to his wayward thoughts.

“I have a list from Olivia on what else is needed for the Christmas party.” He could already feel an idea formulating before he could even utter thank you. The eagerness that swept through him at the thought of his assistant’s displeasure was concerning but he chose not to focus on that. Instead, his mind dwelled on how her face would contort between wanting to be defiant and wanting to submit to his bending. It was too good of a moment to not witness. As for now, he’ll just have to settle for the memories.

Lewis grabbed his cellphone from the desk and typed a quick message to Xenia with an updated list. He predicted that by now she probably would have been grabbing Mile’s lunch as the sushi restaurant was a few more miles further out from their offices. It was a last minute addition and when he thought about it, he preferred the roast blend from MonMouth instead.

After sending his message, he placed his phone back on his hand-carved red oak desk and turned back to face his computer screen. When the screen lit back up, he scrolled through some of the marketing reports and was particularly impressed with the continuous success of PLUS44WORLD. Nearly half a decade later into his retirement, his merch was still a major selling point of his brand. He then schemed through a few proposals from marketing agencies for sponsorships. He forwarded the ones that he thought would work best with the company to Miles and the legal team.

Even despite his obsession with enraging his personal assistant, Lewis could not deny that she did a fantastic job. A damn near perfect job actually. Everything that he threw her way, she was able to handle it with ease. Departments handed in their reports on time due to her delegation. Meetings and proposals, he went through half the time because Xenia often assessed them before forwarding them to him. This ultimately left him with very little to do towards the end of the day.

That was not great for his boredom. As he looked out of the window and watched the falling snow, he was forced to spend time with his thoughts. By the stream of thick fluff, he predicted that by the time Christmas rolled by, the streets of London. Would be covered in blankets of it. He hated the way that his mind shifted to his parents. They hated the cold, snow in particular and spent most of their time somewhere in the tropics.

At the very first sight of snowfall, they ran. As soon as they were able to leave Lewis alone with his nannies, they did. He was raised by his nannies, whichever one they had at the time. Up until he began to take an interest in motorsports, then his parents decided that they wanted to do their job. They had done just enough for it not to cause a media firestorm as his success grew expeditiously. The perfect family, they were dubbed.

It was only ever for the public. Behind closed doors, Lewis was often left alone - back into the arms of his nannies. Alone again, especially at Christmas. He never let it bother him, in essence, he was surrounded by too many people to actually ever be alone. But in his solitude, he had observed a thing or two about humans. Their mannerisms, their habits, their tells - all to come to the conclusion that people were ruled by their emotions. Whether they wanted to or not.

Through his adolescence, he pushed his nannies past their limits - most of them quitting before their contract was over. It was then that he decided that he was not a fan of compliant women. They were not stimulating enough for him. Lewis learnt a lot of things in his isolation as an only child. How to be in charge of his own happiness. He was indifferent to his parents due to their mistreatment and he probably needed professional help to unpack that. Right now, that was not a priority.

Instead, he chose to find solace in causing Xenia discomfort. He enjoyed seeing the life in her eyes when she got mad. He always wondered if there would be that same fire when she reached her climax. Or would she crumble beneath him, spent and exhausted. One assumption he was almost certain of was that she was undoubtedly a screamer. That he was sure.

As if his thoughts had summoned her presence, he turned around at the tumbling of limbs, bags and lunch barraging through his office door.

The better part of him wanted to stand up and offer some help. The arsehole part of him leaned back into his chair, silently watching as Xenia cursed as she struggled to make it through. After a painful moment, she was able to gather herself as she dumped the bags onto the floor and then placed his lunch and coffee onto his desk without a single spill.

“Such a gentleman for helping me with the door, sir.” She spat out the last word with so much venom. Xenia had probably done it to annoy him as if he wasn’t already in the mindset that he was, it would have. All it did now was that it shot shocks through to his dick. Too many times had he fantasised about her using his official title as she thanked him for her pleasure. He chewed on the inside of his cheek to control his smirk from breaking out as he watched her shuffle in one place as she tried to regulate her emotions. Her hand twitched by her sides as she seemed to be counting down.

She was so responsive, Lewis thought to himself. And it only drove his desire to toy with her more. Xenia may not respond with words but in letting her body respond for her, it fuelled the flames in the pit of her stomach.

Since Lewis had hired her, he knew that she would be more than he bargained for and he had begun to wonder if - even by just the smallest fraction, that she also wanted to please him. It would make sense if she did. Xenia was responsive to him in other ways that she may not have been aware of, eager for his touch and eager for his praise.

Yet she would not submit, she would not give up her control to him. But he would take it, own it, bend it to his will and there would be no going back.

However, as tempting as it would be, it was a pleasure that he would not indulge in just yet. The company rules were there for a reason and his desire would remain in his thoughts and burn his soul as they were starved of fruition.

Lewis would just have to settle for the tremble of her full, glossed lips, the rising of her chest instead of the jiggle of her ass. He would observe the fierceness that swirled in her eyes every time that she looked at him rather than the feeling of her cunt clamping down on his dick. He would expand her energy to run around the city with a list in hand for as long as it fuelled the fantasy of her running out of breath as he drove into her, marred the walls of his warped mind.

That would do. For now.

𝐗𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐀

There were many kinds of demons in accordance with the religions and mythologies of the world and as this particular demonic spawn sighed as he leaned forward, Xenia wondered what she had done in her past life to deserve this.

“Let’s hope that I don’t need to get my shirts re-starched due to your negligence.”

Oh, this dickhead.

For the second time in less than two minutes, Xenia had to use the countdown method to control her rising temper. And for the fourth time that week, she thought about handing in her resignation, cashing out her savings and moving to New York. It was wishful thinking. A sigh left her as she patted her hair back into place.

“Maybe if you had helped me then that wouldn’t be a worry would it?”

“And why would I do that? It’s what I hired you for.”

Now, she knew that being of a certain class made people lose touch with reality but to hear such words come out of the cretin had her mind racing with insults that could curse an entire bloodline. All of them colourful and all of them violent enough to get her a secured spot in HM Bronzefield.

So she stood there in silence as she swallowed down her disgust at the complete lack of chivalry. They stayed there, Xenia attempting not to burst with anger and Lewis daring her to defy him.

You just need this job a little bit longer, Xenia.

Pushing her pride aside, she bent down, picked up his dry cleaning and walked across the main office space to the private en suite. She hung them behind the door and took a moment to inhale and exhale, again and again until she felt her hert beating steadily again.

Entering back into the office, she did not offer Lewis a second glance as she picked up the other bags up from the floor. “Now that you have your lunch, I will take these bags to the conference hall.” She turned to walk away, her body burning with anticipation to leave his scrutinising gaze. Then he cleared his throat and she had to stop herself from screaming in frustration.

“Is there anything else that you need from me, sir?”

“I do.” For all of the times for Xenia to be affected by his voice, it had to be when she wanted to bash the side of his head with the bags in her hands. Not only that, she hated the visceral reaction his voice seemed to have on her body. Her core tightened as a shiver rushed down her spine.

Xenia forced herself to stay still, facing the door as he stood directly behind her. She did not want to look into his eyes as she was avoiding whatever she was feeling.

“As soon as you drop those bags in the conference rooms, please come back here. I know your propensity to become distracted.”

He was right and it gutted her that he had picked up on the restlessness of her mind.

“Yes, sir.” Xenia did not stop once she had thrown the door open and rushed across the floor, avoiding the eyes of the other assistance.

“Are you alright?” Her mind couldn’t register that it was the voice of Tabitha. She incessantly pressed on the elevator button, in an effort to increase the distance between her and Lewis. Her eyes cut to his office and she saw him leaning against his desk so he took sips of his coffee as he scrolled through his phone. As if he could feel the intensity of her glare, his eyes flickered up and met hers. Holding her stare, Lewis put his phone down and pressed a button on his desk and the glass walls began to tint darker and darker until they were pitch black. Before he was enclosed in complete privacy, Lewis shot her a wink.

And it almost dissolved her resolve.

“Xenia?” The sound of her name jolted her back to reality. She looked to her right and saw the older woman, Tabitha standing there. In her mid fifties with a full head of grey dreadlocks secured on top of head in a bun with spunky red glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose. “I asked if you were alright dear.” The Jamaican twang to her voice gave her a sense of comfort that made Xenia relax her tense shoulders.

“I’m okay Tabitha, thank you for asking. I’m just trying to get through the day in one piece.”

“Knock on wood as soon as you find some. That boy is very unpredictable.” Tabitha winked at her as the elevator doors closed. The ride down to the ground floor was swift. When she entered the main conference hall where the party would be hosted, it wasn’t a shock to her at the utter chaos that was taking place. Ladders tall and short propped against the walls as frivolous leftovers of decor loitered on the floor. Workers ran around as they tried to finish the last of the set up.

As she stood at the door, Xenia could see the beginnings of her vision coming together after weeks spent designing. This was not just a party for the company staff, no. All of the members currently sitting on the board attended. Major clients that the company wanted to keep in favour amongst social media content creators on the PR list. Ala in all to say that a lot of fucking people were going to be in attendance and Xenia had felt the pressure, to make it perfect as she did every year since her employment.

She managed not to get her feet tangled in discarded tinsel as she entered the room further.

“Drop them near the main stage, Nia.” Olivia, the event coordinator and good friend pointed in the direction that she wanted the bags to be. Her dark, raven locks were pulled into a high ponytail, her beautiful umber skin glowing under the low lights. Similar to little miss bitch, Lola, Olivia had the same gymnast body type. However, Olivia was nowhere close to the bitch that Lola was, she was an angel.

Once the bags were dropped, Xenia stepped back to admire the work that was being put in. The theme this year was Winter Wonderland with a specific colour scheme to stick to considering what the traditions of what a winter wonderland entails. But the design was coming along very well and Xenia was very proud of herself.

Crystal and faux glass decorations adorned the ceilings alongside uniform rows of white christmas lights. The centerpiece was a ten foot Christmas tree sat on the stage that was still in the process of being decorated but she knew that when it was done, it would be the showstopper.

“You think you can help us tackle that monster?” Olivia asked as she opened the bags that Xenia had delivered.

“Not a problem darling. I just need to go and see what Hamilton wants first and then I’ll be back down.” Olivia smirked at the mention of their boss but when she met Xenia’s death glare did she swallow it back. Olivia had a sick fascination with Xenia’s relationship with Lewis. From the beginning, she claimed that the sexual tension was intertwined in the bonds of their hatred for each other. Olivia had the ridiculous notion that Lewis seemed to enjoy infuriating Xenia because she was terrible at hiding her emotions. Whilst that may be true, that he loved goading a reaction out of her, Xenia loved doing the same. Even if it was the smallest loss of composure, it gave her a sliver of triumph.

“When i come back, the very mention of his name, I will fuck off out of here.” Xenia threatened, which caused Olivia to roll her eyes. Her track back up to the executives floor was one she dragged her feet for. She was not in a rush to get back to Lewis’s office. When she approached her desk to grab her iPad, she could feel his eyes peering at her through the privacy window. She had always found it creepy that he could watch the floor but no-one could look into his office when the tint was at full transmission. Xenia didn’t bother with knocking, he knew that it was her anyway.

The air grew thicker as he was unfazed by her show of an entrance. He was ignoring her as he typed away on his computer. She lowered herself onto a chair in front of his desk in a huff.

Can this man hurry up? I have shit to do. Xenia said to herself internally.

“Can you stop being dramatic, Richards? There’s no need for all of that.” His words were slow and mastered as he finally typed in the last of whatever that he was doing and turned his gaze onto her. His deep brown eyes were dark, alluring and made all of the muscles in her body tighten.

She could be honest, Xenia talked a big game and she absolutely had a massive attitude but there was not a lot of bark in her bite. Especially now as they were alone, Xenia’s body knew what her mind refused.

“Can I be honest with you Miss Richards?” The smoothness of his voice was enticing. Like a matured whiskey being poured over ice, she knew not to reach for a taste.

And yet, she still took the bait. “When have you never been honest with me?”

Lewis smirked. “I like this little game that we have going on between us.”

”Game?” Xenia frowned in confusion. Lewis nodded his head as he stood up from his chair and circled the desk until he was closer to her. She froze in her sit but managed to lean back into it so as to create some physical distance. His dark eyes remained on her as he rolled his sleeves, exposing his intrinsically tattooed skin for her viewing pleasure. Xenia forced her eyes back to his face and to maintain that eye contact as her traitorous core tightened at the simple act.

“Don’t play coy. I won’t say what it is that we play as it doesn’t need to be stated.” He paused as he fixed the folds of his shirt. “But I like it.”

Her worst enemy at that very moment was her body. Her nipples tightened as her core pulsated. Once in a while, the thought of hate fucking her boss crossed her mind, more often than it should. However, today was simply not the time nor place to let her mind wander into places that had been locked behind red doors.

Xenia crossed her legs and cleared her throat. “Of course you’d think torturing me is a game that we both like to play. I mean, I knew that you were a narcissist but this sounds concerning. Do you need me to contact someone?” The faux concern in her voice caused Lewis to lean backwards. He folded his arms across his chest and peered down at her. That fucking stupid smirk back on his face. The strands hanging on either side of his face with the overhead lights casting shadows that danced across his skin.

She should have been intimidated but she wasn’t. She was deeply aroused and then it dawned onto her how they were positioned.

Lewis above her and her below, almost eyes level with his crotch.

A show of submission. One that she would not give into. Xenia quickly shuffled back up to her feet and that caused Lewis to widen his smile before he moved back to his seat.

“What did you actually need me here for, Mr Hamilton?”

“I just wanted you to make sure that you don’t forget about the list I have emailed you.” Lewis said so casually as if he had not just accosted her. The scoff that left her could not be held back as she grabbed her iPad from his desk and charged towards the door.

What a waste of my fucking time.

“Oh and one last thing, Miss Richards.”

Don’t roll your eyes girl.

“Yes, sir?”

“Make sure to remember the number six for me.”

Is this man alright?

Xenia exhaled through her gritted teeth. “Yes, sir.” She had almost made it out of her door when she heard the faintest whisper. Whether he had actually said it or not, a shiver rolled down her spine and lit her nerves aflame.

Two simple words,

Good girl.

reading list: @queenshikongo3 @dhlfastestlap @saintslewis @serpenttines-library @saturnville @hopefulromantic1 @lettersofgold @cocobutterqwueen @melodichaeuxx-lacritquexx @sapphireheaven @olyvoyl @lewisroscoelove @lh44adore @hellomadamebutterfly @scorpiobleue @laneywrld @qveenmelanink @tremendousstarlighttragedy @bekindbecoolbeyou @greedyjudge2 @itsapurrfectstorm @createdbylivingclocks @omgsuperstarg @peyiswriting @miyuhpapayuh @blowmymbackout @purplelewlew @henneseyhoe @perfecttrashface @alianovnaromanovanatalia @leilaxaliel @hotfudgeslug @iamryanl @pickingupmymercedes @eleetalks @ambs-06 @annisassintchaska @boujiestpoet @nayaesworld @nat-lh-44 @mochachocolatteyaya @melaninpov @kindan3rdy951 @elyseesarchive @sl33p-deprived-princess @soiguessimtheshit @acidlv @trinitoldyouso @gwenda-fav @f1-football-fiend

[theocddiaries]

Stone: They’re so cute. They remind me of you and me, but, you know, healthy and wholesome. Robotnik: What are you talking about? You and I are dating now. Stone: Well, give them time. I just hope Sonic doesn’t take ten years to figure it out like you did. Robotnik: … [looks out the window, then at Stone, back to the window, and back to Stone]: What? My pet with the Wachowski's thing???? Stone: There’s so much wrong with that sentence you just said… Robotnik: I will not let it happen! Stone: Ivo, please, what are you going to do? Follow them? [A while later, Sonic and Shadow are watching TV in the living room.] Sonic: Shads, I don’t want to make you feel bad because I know you’re trying to adapt, but there’s someone in your family who’s starting to get on my nerves. Robotnik [sitting on the couch with them, leans closer]: Uuuuh, gossip! Names, names. Sonic: You. Robotnik [scoffs]: That’s not a name; it’s a pronoun. [to Shadow, nudging him]: He’s so dumb, isn’t he? Doesn't seeing how dumb that guy is make you get over it? Sonic: Get over what? Shadow [blushing]: Nothing. [to Ivo, through gritted teeth]: Nothing. Stone [watching from the kitchen as he rushes to grab a snack to drag Ivo away]: Unbelievable… for ridiculous plans, he listens to me just fine. And then I had to spend four months to convince him to switch from butter to margarine!

[blackynsupremacy]

COOPER HELPING YOU RECOVER FROM SURGERY

pairing: cooper koch x black!fem!reader

summary: no matter what operation you get, the aftermath is the hardest part. fortunately, you have cooper by your side to make things easier.

contains: based off this request, fluff, perceived as either platonic or romantic it’s up to the reader, mention of pain, illness, broken bones, needles, drawing blood, vomiting, anesthesia, cooper being a green flag always, hurt/comfort.

taglist: @greengoblinswifey @thabiddie23 @hopefully-saturn @jkr820 @hoffmansgirl @austeenbootler @niteskysx @sabrinasopposite @thabiddie23 @hnch33rios @xoxoglittergossip @supaprettyg @motherismotheringggg @oscarisaackissmykitty @simply-lovley44 @elitesanjisimp @gxuxhdjdu @venic-bxtch @stargirl-mayaa @miguelspvssy

• there is always comes a time in your health when greater measures have to be taken.

• you guessed it: surgery.

• there’s many ways you could end up in this situation.

• your wisdom teeth, tonsils, or appendix had to removed.

• maybe you’ve broken a bone so bad that not just a cast would do.

• if you’re not scared of hospitals, needles, and the like, you’re set, sis!

• if so, don’t worry! you’ve got cooper koch being the rock you need in a time like this.

• if it’s an emergency surgery like appendicitis or a broken bone, you know he’s going to be in that waiting room.

• he will keep your family updated with everything they need to know.

• he’s a bit anxious because appendicitis and broken bones may be common, but they’re nothing to play with.

• he believes that the doctors are doing the best they can.

• cooper might go to take a bathroom or coffee break, but he’s not leaving the hospital until you’re safely put in a room.

• if you’re having a minor, scheduled surgery like tonsil or wisdom teeth removal, he’s going to make sure you took all of the precautions that the doctor gave you prior to surgery.

• “y/n, did you remember to use that mouthwash?”

• “remember, you can’t eat for at least eight hours before tomorrow—i know it sucks, babes, but this is for your health.”

• he’s obviously driving you and gives you a pep talk on the way there.

• “don’t think about it too much, okay? it’ll be over before you know it.”

• to lighten the mood, you beg cooper to record you if you’re lit off the anesthesia.

• he already had that in mind, but it was refreshing to hear that you were on board with it.

• while you’re under the knife, you know he’s sticking around no matter how long it takes.

• looks at you with sympathy when you’re being wheeled out from the o.r.

• it was all over and you pulled through—you’re cooper’s trooper.

• you’re loopy and lit right now, so he takes the opportunity to film you.

• you’re a whole trip.

• “cooper, you the best white boy on my rosterrrrrr!” you slur, doing a little dance. lord, he is dying!

• “cooper, cooper gimme a hugggg! pleaseeee?” as much as he wanted to, the doctor was literally doing an examination on you.

• you even catch an attitude with the doctor while under the influence, “man, get off meee! i want cooper!”

• you try to reach your arms out, but that iv in your arm caused you to hiss in pain.

• “it’s okay, sweetheart, i’ll give you a hug later when you get some rest.” he reassured, trying to contain his laughter.

• “you did so well, honey.” he’d softly cheer, planting a kiss to your hand, forehead, and cheek.

• “i’m gonna take care of you, okay?”

• if you’re feeling nauseous from that anesthesia, he’s got a bag right in front of your face for you.

• if you do, he rubs your back in comfort.

• “let it out, babe. it’s okay.”

• if you have to stay in the hospital for a few days—girl, cooper is gonna come in clutch.

• while you’re asleep, he will get you a bag packed with all of the essentials you need like your toothbrush, fresh undies, deodorant, skin care, and your electronics just in case.

• he definitely brings your bonnet and edge scarf because you’re gonna be on bed rest! it doesn’t matter what style your hair is in, he knows that being with you long enough he finally understands your hair care routine.

• he spoils you, he might get you a new one and some non-slip socks in your favorite color.

• you absolutely loathe the hospital food.

• cooper buys or cooks for you the food that is appropriate for your condition.

• you cutely ask if he can feed you because you’re still a bit loopy and in pain.

• cooper melts and he accepts. you don’t even have to ask. he gently feeds you and praises you when you get your fill.

• if you hate needles, he holds your hand if the doctor has to put in another to draw blood for testing.

• when it’s time to go home, cooper attentively takes notes of all the post op care for you. prescriptions, home remedies, bandage/gauze changes, all of that fun stuff.

• cooper is so amazing at nursing you back to health.

• he makes sure you take your medicine.

• he continues to feed you the foods you need, but your favorite is the ice cream.

• he makes you sundaes!

• don’t skip on that water in his presence.

• if it’s too painful for you to walk, he is gonna carry you.

• he’s got you so spoiled!

• massages, binge watching, and helping with your hair is all part of the package.

• laughter is the best medicine and cooper proves that by showing you the video of when you were lit after the procedure.

• “man, what i was doing!?” you held yourself trying not to overdo it in laughter. it was like watching this whole other side of you.

• “but you still looked cute though!” cooper defended, joining in your laughter.

• when he hears the melodious sound of your laughter and the brightness of your smile, he knows in his heart that you’re getting better day by day.

[holylulusworld]

Torn in two (2)

Summary: It should’ve been the happiest day of your life.

Pairing: Mobster!Steve Rogers x fem!Reader, Mobster!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader (platonic for now)

Warnings: heavy angst, Steve being the worst, cheating, lies, deception, sadness, arranged marriage, unrequited love, hurt & comfort, love-struck Bucky, a hint of possessive Bucky, virgin reader (mentioned)

Catch up here: Torn in two

“We should call someone and tell them that you’re still alive,” Bucky murmurs. He’s seated on the floor, next to the old armchair you are sitting in. “Do you want me to make the call?”

“No one cares for me,” you reply, too tired and emotionally drained to face Steve, your father, or anyone else right now. “Why would I want them to know that I’m still alive? They’d only try to dictate my life again.”

“Y/N, we can’t sit here forever. If you do not return, your father and Steve will go rampant, believing one of our enemies kidnapped or hurt you.”

You snort. “None of our enemies could hurt me deeper than my father and Steve did. Steve lied to me all this time. He knew about my feelings and used them against me. He’s worse than any enemy.”

“Doll, I know you’re hurting, but we cannot stay here for much longer. I swore loyalty to Steve’s family,” Bucky scoots closer to you to touch your hand. “How about we get you something else to wear first? I’ll bring you to my apartment; you can get cleaned up, and I’ll call your father in the meantime.”

You shake your head. All you want to do is curl into a ball and stay here forever. There’s nothing outside these walls waiting for you. No loving husband. No future. No supporting father. Nothing but hurting and betrayal.

Bucky sighs. He was more patient with you than any other man in your life. You feel sorry for him. He came all the way to find you for his friend.

“I’m sorry he sent you to find me,” you sniff. “Steve has this influence on people. He wraps them around his finger, and you don’t even realize he fucked you over.”

“Language, young lady,” Bucky imitates your father’s voice. “A lady doesn’t cuss.”

“I cuss as much as I want to, Barnes.” You stick your tongue out before bursting into laughter, followed by a crying fit.

Bucky gets up from the floor. He suddenly grabs you and sits back down to hold you in his lap. You’re too shocked to stop him from wrapping you in a warm hug.

“Everything is going to be alright, doll. Don’t worry. We can fix this,” he murmurs into your neck while running one warm hand up and down your back.

“How?” You sniffle. “How can we fix this mess? I—I don’t want to stay married to a man despising and lying to me. I don’t want to have sex with him and give him an heir. Likewise, I’d rather stay a virgin than let him touch me. Not only that, but I’d vomit in his face if he tried to get his hands on me.”

Bucky stiffens at your admission. He knew your father was a strict man and held you in a golden cage, protecting you even from your friends.

“Doll, I won’t let him touch you.” His hold on you turns possessive. You can feel him tense as you bury your face in Bucky’s neck. “He cannot touch you! Not after he ruined your trust in him.”

“What can I do now? I was so confident when you arrived, but I have nothing if I refuse to stay married to Steve. I’m fairly sure my father will not allow me to live the life I want.”

“What life do you want?” Bucky is the first man to ask you about your wishes. “It’s only the two of us. You can tell me, Y/N. I won’t judge you.”

“How about a cabin in the middle of nowhere? It’s nestled in the woods, and there’s a nice lake,” you dreamily run your hand over Bucky’s back as you go lax in his arms. ”I know it’s not a big dream, but I find it romantic to live there. I’d be unbothered by Steve, my father, and their business.”

“It’s a nice dream,” he nuzzles your neck and inhales your scent deeply. Bucky never got the chance to get closer to you. Only when Steve and your father were around. “You could go skinny-dipping.”

You giggle against him. “Don’t make fun of me, Bucky.”

“I wouldn’t dare make fun of you, baby. That’s the last thing I want to do is to make fun of you or hurt you. I’d never hurt you. I swear.” Bucky sounds honest, but you trusted Steve too, and everything he told you were lies. “You need some sleep. Let me take you home.”

“I don’t want to go to Steve,” you start to cry again. “Please don’t bring me home to him. He’ll hurt me! I can’t…I don’t want to.”

“Doll, Y/N,” Bucky coos. “I meant my home. No one is going to hurt you at my home. We should hurry, though. It won’t take them long to find us here.”

“Still nothing?” Steve huffs as his men return, empty-handed. “What am I paying you for?” Your husband is furious. He throws a tantrum like the man child he is. Deep down inside, he knows it’s his fault you ran, though he’d never admit his mistake.

“Rogers, calm down,” your father grunts. “Y/N is not going to run away from this marriage. Maybe she got a little scared, just like her mother. She will return soon and behave like the good girl I raised her to be.”

Steve wrinkles his nose. If it were up to him, he’d call things off and marry Peggy.

Bucky’s home looks different than you expected. It’s spartan but cozy in its own way. He has warm blankets and soft pillows. The most unexpected thing you discover lies on his couch. A white cat, with blue eyes, matching Bucky’s.

“That’s Alpine, my cat,” he nervously says. “Don’t worry. Alpine is a nice cat. Her presence is calming in a hectic life. Go ahead. You can pet her.”

“Hi,” you sniffle as you sit down. “You’re a pretty girl, huh?” You coo as the cat jumps onto your lap. Alpine meows before sniffing at your wedding dress.

“I’ll get you fresh clothes, and you can take a shower. Maybe I can buy you some time by leading Steve and his men on the wrong track. Relax. You’re safe here, with me.”

You nod and start patting Alpine. He’s right. Her presence is calming.

“I’ll take a shower,” you murmur. “Maybe tomorrow, I will see things clearer.”

Watching Bucky pace around the living room, you wonder if he’ll keep his word. For now, all you can do is trust Bucky.

Tags in reblog.

[haru-natsuka]

The Unending Daze Side Story 2 (Malleus Draconia x Wife Reader)

>> Trailer <<

"My darling wife, the joy you have brought me throughout the years is without compare. Our children are fortunate to have been gifted with such a loving and caring mother as you,"

Malleus spoke with affection, his voice like honeyed words that melted the hearts of everyone that heard it. He leaned down to kiss your forehead, his warm breath brushing against your skin.

But just as you were getting used to this blissful scene, your old friend, Ace arrived in an unexpected turn of events. He claimed that he was your husband, which left you perplexed and bewildered.

"Wait a minute, that's not right! I'm your real husband! He's just trying to manipulate you with a dream. Wake up, now! Our children need you! I need you, Y/N!"

You were unsure how to proceed, caught in the middle of a confusing situation. In this situation, you feel conflicted and uncertain about whether your old friend or your darling husband had spoken the truth.

>> HEAD TO CHAPTER LIST

>> SIDE STORY 2 <<

"Y/N, did you dream about our time again?" That creature spoke with an eerie and unsettling smile, its facade mimicking Ace's gentle expression. You gave him no respond as you did not even want to converse with that impostor. This unending daze was your nightmare and you were living in it.

Silver comforted you as he gently wiped away your tears with his thumb, his heart heavy with pity as he witnesses your suffering. Seeing you in such a pitiful state was a stark contrast to the strong-hearted junior he knew at NRC.

He felt helpless, unable to do much to alleviate your suffering beyond pulling you back from the dark abyss of your nightmare. The nightmare that deliberately put by his king on you.

Silver quietly admitted, "I've tried to wake you up, Y/N, but you were too deep in that dream. Everything started well, but then…”

He paused, as he, having the ability to enter someone dream as his unique magic had witnessed the dream you had and keep on having. The pattern remained the same. You, having a good family life with Ace before you lost Ace and your family again and again.

He could not even describe the agony he witnessed as for him, you had going through too much pain. His eyes filled with sadness and disagreement with Malleus' choice of selecting the court of another man's wife, a choice he could not fully support. It sadden more when his father and Sebek chose to support this unwise decision.

You pleaded to Silver with desperation in your voice, "Silver senpai, please help me. I want to escape this nightmare. Stop that creature from mocking my husband." You glare at the wooden doll who shares the same figure as your late husband.

Silver sighed in response, regret etched on his face, "You know I can't, Y/N. If I reveal myself, Malleus-sama will notice my presence."

Realization slowly dawned upon you, and you hesitantly asked, "Is this again another dream?"

Silver's solemn silence spoke volumes, confirming your suspicions. The weight of your despair and desperation caused your shoulders to sag in resignation as you felt the last remnants of hope slip away. There was nothing more left for you in this world. Everyone you held dear have already gone. What was the meaning and purpose of living?

"Thank you for everything, Silver. I'm sorry because of me you lost your job,” you said, your voice laced with gratitude and remorse. "I can handle myself now, so please focus on yourself."

"B-but-!" Silver tried to interject, his concern for you evident in his expression.

"Goodbye, Silver," you whispered, feeling yourself awakening from your deep sleep. As consciousness slowly returned to you, your eyes fluttered open to reveal a sight you dreaded, green slit eyes staring down at you.

The voice, belonging to the person you despise the most, echoed in your ears, "You were in a very deep slumber, my dear. Having a pleasant dream?"

You deliberately averted your gaze, refusing to look at the him who had stolen your life against your will, and who imprisoned you within this castle against your will. The mere act of conversing with someone who was once a good friend now filled you with an intense sense of revulsion.

"Are you still mad at me over the lost of your unborn baby? You cannot blame me entirely, my darling wife. You are the one who reject all my kindness and courtesy for you. Its not me who force you to stop eating. You have done it to yourself, my dear"

Malleus delicately held your chin as he began to stroke your hair, his gentle touch sending a shiver down your spine. He settled himself beside you on the bed, bringing his face closer to yours until you were left with no choice but to meet his gaze because you eyes should always remained on him.

"If you still want to have your baby again, I can give it to you. A child with a black hair like us, having your eyes, having the resemblance of my thorn is much more beautiful than having red hair don't you think so"

Malleus continued, his tone slightly coaxing as he attempted to sway you, "If you still yearn for a baby again, I will gladly give you a child. Imagine a child with hair as dark as ours, possessing your captivating gaze, bearing the resemblance of my thorns would undoubtedly make a beautiful progeny, don't you concur, my dear wife? Hmmm? Rather than having those red hair"

Malleus boasted further, revealing an undercurrent of disdain in his voice, "I am capable of giving you everything your heart yearns for. My power is boundless, unlike that of his."

He paused for a moment before continuing, a hint of malicious satisfaction evident in his expression, "I've even granted you ample time to spend with Trappola, but you seemed intent on destroying him on your own. It feels pleasant for you to hate him that much."

You muttered a firm rebuttal, "That is not my Ace." Your Ace was a true human, not a magic made with woods.

Malleus nodded, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips, "Indeed, that Trappola has already vanished. Are you finally accepting the reality, my dear wife?"

He seized the pendant you held near and dear to your heart, forcefully opening the locket and revealing the picture of your family within. Anger simmered beneath his cool facade, and he justified his actions, "I'm merely reclaiming what should be mine. There is nothing wrong with that, don't you think so, my dear wife?"

Malleus spoke with an air of finality, "Everyone is gone. That guy and those two boys are dead, and so is the baby within you, my dear.)

He softly touched your stomach, his tone taking on a gentle coaxing tone as he continued, "Accept me, Y/N. Accept me as your husband in this life. I will give you a new family, two sons and a baby girl. I will bestow upon you the happiness you deserve."

He then nuzzled his head in the crook of your neck and held you tightly, as if you were his precious possession that he would never share with anyone.

Your words cut into Malleus like a knife, causing his grip on you to tighten as anger flared in his eyes. The temperature in the room dropped drastically, and the sound of thunder crashing outside echoed incessantly. Some of the furniture in the room froze over with ice, evidence of Malleus's growing fury.

He gritted out, his voice cold and harsh as he could not accept the reality, "You would rather stay with a wooden puppet than be with me?"

Malleus released a defeated sigh, his expression hardening as he realized that you have yet to accept the greatest fate he had bestow on you.

He conceded, his voice tinged with a hint of determination, "I suppose everything remains a failure for now."

He then added, his tone taking on a commanding edge, "You should go back to sleep, my dear wife. You shall come to choose me in the end. You will become my wife, this kingdom's new queen, and bear my heirs."

Malleus tucked you back into bed, a smug smile playing on his lips as he whispered, "Sleep well, my dear. Dream about me, dream of our children. Let your dreams shape your reality. Let it become a constant repetition until you make the right choice, the choice that will lead you to me."

[empressdede]

The Lyon’s family Christmas

Summary: You lie to your mom and tell her that you have a boyfriend to bring home and begs your best friend Jon to come with you to meet your family.

Word count: 2.7k

Pairing: Jimmy x Y/N

A/N: Happy New Year and Happy Holidays; I am so so so so sorry that this is so late but I literally worked the entire holidays so this was the best day for me to release. I hope you guys enjoy!

P.S. Guess who’s officially back? 🙂💙

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

As often as this was a reoccurring issue, Y/N don’t know why she expected the conversation to take a different direction unlike the very worn out route her and her mother usually seemed to take.

“Do you remember Trent from church? I’ve heard the younger girls were saying he’s single now, and I was thinking about inviting him to our Christmas party. I think he makes for a nice boy, don’t you?" Her mom asked over the phone. And there it was, the same damn conversation causing Y/N to roll her eyes. Thank God her mother couldn’t see her.

Her mom never knew how to stay out of her business, always going out her way to try and set her up with damn near anybody because she thought it was the most terrifying fact that her daughter was single at 30 and have been for the last three years now.

But Y/N valued her peace more than anything, and all her past relationships have not always bought her peace, just heartache. So she wanted to be very cautious her next go round because she was being very serious when she told everyone she only had one more relationship in her. She just wished her mom understood that.

Y/N let out a sigh, "Mom, I haven’t seen Trent in forever. Do NOT invite that boy over for no foolishness. Plus, he’s really not my type." Y/N expressed which caused her mother her scoff.

"And since fuckin when was Trent not your type? I thought you were trying to get with a good man Y/N?" Her mother questioned.

Exactly.

Y/N let out a huff in annoyance, she knew way more than her mom and knew that Trent was definitely not the way go. But she didn’t know want her mom to think she was trying to push at the conversation so instead of being honest, Y/N does the first thing that comes to mind.

“I didn’t wanna tell you like this but Trent ain’t my type because I have a boyfriend now Ma.”

Y/N’s POV

The silence on the phone made me more nervous, why the fuck would I just say that?

“You got a boyfriend? Since when you found a boyfriend? And why haven’t you said anything about him?” The questions were leaving her mouth like quick fire, barely giving me anytime to answer her. But I did the best I could.

“I didn’t say anything because I wanted to make sure this was something worth bringing up.”

“Mmhmm, and how long you’ve been seeing this guy?” She asked

“Five months now, but we were friends before we started dating. I’ve been trying to take it slow.”

Another beat of silence took over the phone and for a second, I thought she knew I was spewing nothing but bullshit just to get her to shut up.

“Hmm, well baby you ain’t getting no younger. Tell this man I wanna meet him, invite him to the party and I’m not taking no for an answer.” She finally replied, but her response took me aback.

“Wait- mom..”

“Great! I’ll see you guys next weekend, Love you baby.” And with a quickness, she hung up in my face.

I was left amuck, staring at the phone in disbelief because what the fuck did I just do?

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

In retrospect, you didn’t really have anyone to ask but him. You weren’t comfortable asking anyone else but your best friend - who has yet to meet anyone in your family, which was perfect.

Who else would’ve agreed to do this for you?

“You want me to what?” He asked, choking on the fried rice he was eating prior.

Okay, so maybe it’s going to take a little bit of convincing.

“Please Jon, you’re the only person I can ask and I feel like we’re close enough; we could definitely pull it off.” You exclaimed, a small smile on your face; trying to be as persuasive as possible.

Jon was not amused, for all he knew this was another one of your tired ass pranks that he refused to fall for.

“So you want me to lie to your mom for Christmas?” he questioned, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Why don’t you just tell her you’re single? I’m sure it won’t be the end of the world.”

You sigh, shoulders sinking in a bit. “She wants to set me up with some guy I haven’t seen in years. You know how I get with guys Jon and she won’t stop until she sees me with someone.”

You turn to fully face him with pleading eyes. “C’mon Jon, I already told them I have a boyfriend, who else am I supposed to ask?”

Jon watched you with careful eyes, silent as if he was thinking it over. You couldn’t help but keep your gaze hopeful as you guts sat in your living room waiting for him to respond.

You knew it was a big favor to ask but you would owe him the world if he could help you get your mom off your back.

The silence that filled the room made goosebumps litter all over your skin and the anxiety that bubbled in your stomach made you want to throw up. Just when you were going to tell him to forget it, Jon cut you off.

“Fine, I’ll go. But if we do this, we need to get our story straight.”

And just like that, the planning began, and for the rest of dinner, the two of you sat and theorized on how their fake love story came into existence:

Two friends who danced around the possibility of what could be till one night Jon stepped up and asked you to dinner and you agreed and you guys have been taking it slow from that night on.

____________________________________________

Two days after that, Jon surprised Y/N with matching pajamas for this impromptu trip.

“What kind of couple would we be without matching PJs?” Jon had asked when he dropped them off.

It made Y/N more appreciative of the effort he seemed to put into it. Of course Jon would play the perfect gentleman like boyfriend, who else would’ve did this for her?

The night before they had to drive six hours to your mother‘s house, you two agreed that Jon spend the night. This instance wasn’t anything new, Jon was your best friend and he slept over before, but something within your dynamic changed.

It was as if they were falling into the role of a loving couple for each other instead of Y/N’s family.

Jon sat on the bed watching Y/N finish applying her night cream, getting ready for bed.

“Is there anyone I should expect to give me a hard time?” Jon asked and you shook your head.

“Honestly, my mom is probably going to push you to marry me.” You joked causing Jon to chuckle.

“Well, if that’s the case, you ready to be stuck with me for life babe?”

The nickname caused butterflies to flutter in your stomach.

“Babe?” You questioned and Jon sends you a shy smile.

“You gotta start the habit now. I can’t call you that when I get over there, what if I just randomly call you princess and you get flustered?” He slightly teased, and there was those damn butterflies again.

He was right though, they needed to fall into the role of a devoted couple because how else were they going to make everyone believe they were in love?

You playfully rolled your eyes, and respond back, “what if I call you, baby boy and you get flustered?”

At that, Jonathan laughs and shakes his head at you. “I thought you said you wanted it to be believable?”

“How is that not believable?” You questioned as you walks out of the bathroom and towards him where he sat on the bed.

You cupped Jon’s cheek and talked in a baby tone, “Who wouldn’t think you’re my baby boy?” Cooing softly in a joking manner.

Jon decided he’s had enough of your antics and stood up to tower over you. Your hand falling back to your side as you stare up at him, a small smirk slowly formed on his lips as he stared down at you.

“C’mon now, you really think anyone is going to see us and think you call me anything but Daddy?” He had lowered his tone on purpose, and just like that the playfullness was sucked out of the room.

Your breath hitched at the sound of his voice, taking note of how close you guys actually were. Why did he have to do all that?

You felt your cheeks warm up and you couldn’t be more thankful than you are now that your skin had a darker hue to it - but Jon didn’t need to see it to know that you were flustered because your silence gave it away.

His smirk grows, almost tauntingly as he stared down at you. Maybe he knew what he was doing to you or maybe he didn’t and just got a kick out of this, but you did not appreciate his little game.

“Isn’t that right princess?” Even though you knew that Jon was teasing, you couldn’t help the shiver that ran up your spine.

You squinted your eyes to glare at him, “You’re not funny Jonathan.” You hissed out but he only chuckled at you and shrugged his shoulders.

It was all fun and games until it was his turn.

Just to put the icing on the cake: Jon’s hand lifted up to cup your cheeks, “Say you love being daddy’s baby.” He cooed back causing you to smack your lips and slap his hand away.

Your nerves were still a little rattled as Jon doubled over in laughter.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny; you ready for bed or what? We got a long day ahead of us tomorrow and you’re driving.” You stated, walking past him for bed.

This is going to be the longest four days weekend ever.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The drive to your childhood home to Orlando FL, wasn’t so bad, three hours into it anyways.

When there was three more hours left to go, you became just a little restless, whining about how cramped your legs were starting to feel.

It went to show how much you really disliked long distant roadtrips.

“You don’t think you can wait another hour? We’re almost there.” Jon tried to negotiate but when he turned to face you and seen the pout on your lips, he let out a tired sigh and looked for the closest exit to stop at the nearest gas station.

You flashed him a cheeky smile, “Who knew you loved me so much?” You teased and he rolled his eyes letting you have this little moment because you guys had three more hours to kill and he’d rather you be in a good mood.

Another pro for stopping at the gas station is the opportunity to restock on snacks. After Jon filled up the tank, you both entered the gas station to look for whatever looked good enough to replenish you guys for the rest of the trip.

You both split ways to look for your favorite road trip snacks: Honey flavored chex mix, gummy worms and sunflower seeds since it was Jon’s preference.

Humming along to the Christmas song playing in the store, you went looking for Jon. Your eyes skimming through the isle looking for the tall idiot until your eyes fall on two figures: a girl laughing and holding herself up on Jon’s arm.

You raised an eyebrow at the scene, the feeling of annoyance swirled around in your stomach.

What the fuck was he doing?

You watched as the girl flash him another smile while fluttering her lashes in a flirting manner, and you couldn’t stop the scoff that left your lips. Your eyes squinted into a glare before an idea flashed in your mind.

It barely fully registered in your mind before you found yourself walking towards the two with the fakest smile on your face, “Babe did you find us some drinks?”

Jon turned to face you, a small smirk on his face cause he had watched you walk up to him.

The jealousy that burned in your eyes was very amusing and very apparent for him to see. If he didn’t know you well enough - he would’ve pushed his limit just a bit to see how far he could take it.

But knowing that they had three hours to kill before reaching Orlando, he’d rather not be in the car with an irritated Y/N, no matter how amusing it was to him.

Little did he know it was a little too late for that.

“Uh.. No, sorry babe. But we could go get it together.” He replied, and without bidding the girl goodbye, he locked arms with you to walk you towards the refrigerated section.

The girl watched with a frown on her face, as you guys walked away from her, and you couldn’t help but turn around to flash her a quick smile - almost taunting her before returning to face Jonathan, with the meanest glare, you could muster.

“I could’ve stayed in the car if you were going to be hot and fresh chasing hoes.” You gritted out once you were out of earshot.

Jon just chuckled softly, shaking his head at you while looking for your favorite drink. “She was just being nice.”

You roll your eyes again, “I’d rather you not insult my intelligence Jon.”

The frown was prominent on your face, and Jon couldn’t help the small smile that seemed almost glued to his face. You were cute he could definitely give you that.

A small chuckle emitted from him again as he walks closer to you to pull you into a hug. “You’re absolutely right princess, Daddy’s sorry.” He cooed, causing you to tense in his arms.

“Jon.” You grit out in a warning tone but he completely disregarded you. He lifted his left hand to tilt your head up to face him, and suddenly the air shifted between the two of you like it did back at your house.

“Jon.” You whispered out this time and he still chose to ignore you, his eyes flickering to your lips instead causing your breath to hitch.

“Jonathan.” You repeated, almost pleading with him and his eyes slowly traced up your face to lock eyes with you.

“You forgive me?” He rasps out; goosebumps littered all over your skin at the deepness of his voice.

“Y/N,” He muttered and you hummed to let him know you heard him. “Do. You. Forgive. Me?”

What in the world were you mad about again?

“Yeah.” You breathed out, hoping Jon with snap out of it, but he still didn’t let go of your chin.

“Good.” Was the only thing he stated before closing the gap between you guys. His lips pressed against yours and just for a second you both forget that this was supposed to be an act.

The butterflies that erupted in both of your stomach’s made the moment even more real for you guys. Your lips locked in a slow kiss, Jon’s hand slid down from your chin to grip behind your neck to keep you in place in deepen the kiss, just a little.

Your heartbeat filled your eardrums as blood rushed to your cheeks. When Jon finally pulled away, he seen how flushed you were, despite your darker skin tone.

He flashed you a small smile, “Was that okay?”

You nodded your head to assure him that it was more than okay. After the two of you finished up buying your snacks, you got in the car with childish grins and giggles slipping through your lips, both of you now in a way better mood than you were not less than 10 minutes ago.

You couldn’t help but secretly thank your mom for the invite to your family Christmas party because you don’t think you would’ve been here otherwise; and even though you’re pretty sure there is a conversation that needs to be had, maybe there was something to finally look forward to this holiday season.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Lmao this was lowkey eh, but I did my bestest😭🫶🏾 Thank you to those who like and read it!

As always please, like, comment and reblog if you feel like and lemme know how you feel.

Tagging the lovelies: @wrestlingprincess80 @whatdoeseverybodywant @blacst4r @paigereeder @alyyaanna @raya-hunter01 @mzv11 @trippinsorrows @partypoison00

(If you would like to be added to my official taglist please comment and I will add you, and if you want to be removed, please let me know🤍)

[therandompagesblog]

Hunting Her Soul Chapter 4 💀Chan💀

Trigger Warnings: Stalking, Captivity, Slavery, Mentions of killing a child, Violence, Blood, Abuse, Injury, Stockholm Syndrome, Menstruation, Murder, Marking

My little heartbeat was so anxious. Her heart was already so stressed and worried. She looked everywhere to find me but I wasn't there. Her heart already slightly yearned for me and she didn't realise how much she needed me already. I couldn't wait to take her away from her family and consume her. My plans were already falling into place. She was curious to know who I was and what I wanted. She wanted to see me. She had already begged me so quickly and I wanted to hear her beg and plead. I was so ready. To meet her. Consume her. Was I ready to bring her here? No. Not yet. She would be frightened by the other little heartbeats that lived below. She may even feel intimidated. Unremarkable. I wouldn't have that. My special heartbeat was extraordinary. Too special to be compared to those mediocre heartbeats. Oh, those mediocre heartbeats were annoying me. They cried out in pain as I walked past them without acknowledging them. They were craving me but I was not giving them anything. No attention. Nothing. I did not want to. I felt utterly bored of them as I walked above them. My shoes clanged against the wooden floorboards. Thinking. What to do. What to do. I had an idea. I was going to let them out. Let them run free and then I would kill them. I could always get more. Still, I needed to visit my little heartbeat first to make sure she was well. Then I would play all night and torment. I would let the games begin.

I grabbed my little regenerated heartbeat and sank my teeth into his wrists, consuming him. Drinking him dry until the machine bleeped that it was time for him to regenerate. I wiped my mouth and moved to stare at myself in the reflection. Blood dripped from my fangs. I licked it as I stared at myself in the face. It was the face of a killer. A great remarkable killer. I brushed my hair back, allowing small pieces of my hair to fall forward. I still wanted to be presentable for my little heartbeat, even if she did not see me yet. I put on my jacket, brushing down the sides as I put my hands in my pocket, feeling around for the metal keys. They were there. I smiled to myself. I was excited to see her face. I got into my car and drove to the beach. I could run, but I needed to get used to being in a car as carrying a human while running made them dizzy. They got sick easily. I parked up and stepped out. Feeling the breeze coerce my body forward. It was urging me toward her. To take the leap and grab her, but I needed to be careful. I needed my movements to be slow. To build her up carefully. I could take her now but she would be too distraught and hateful. I wanted her to want to go. I want her to come into my arms willingly. To see me as the hero not the monster for a few moments. Then I wanted her to fall for the monster that would devour her flesh and soul.

I snapped out of my musings when I heard a mother calling her child at the playground. Children. Strange things. Far too innocent. Adults. Now they were desirable. Their innocence broken. Does my little heart beat like children? If she did not I doubt I could kill one. I growled at myself. Trying to focus on her little beating heart but my thoughts left me on a tangent. I crack my neck, enjoying the feeling of my bones popping. The tensions release and my shoulders relax. I headed up the path slowly, heading straight for her house before stopping by her Grandmother's. I felt I should check in on the sweet lady who loved my heartbeat profoundly. The woman was putting her mug away before picking up an obscure werewolf book. She giggled to herself and I could feel the arousal seep out of her. I decided to respectfully leave her to it, so I headed out the window. I chuckled to myself as I thought about the elderly woman reading something so erotic. It was humorous to me and I wondered if my heartbeat read erotic books. I should get her some. When I arrived she was getting ready for bed. She was completely unaware of my presence as she stripped down naked. Her T-shirt hit the floor. Leaving her in her dusty pink laced bra. My heart beat unclipped her bra before putting on an old t-shirt. She slowly slid out of her skinny jeans. Tugging them off with a huff and a hop. She was glad to get them off. It was amusing to see her in just an old T-shirt and some black briefs. I groaned at the sight of her and wondered what she would be like in my clothes. My leather black clothes. Or a mesh set of clothes to tease me with. I slid back into the shadows and walked downstairs to leave my precious heartbeat another note: I will see you soon Be good C I crept back upstairs waiting for her to go to sleep so I could kiss her forehead. To let her know I was there. Protecting her. Haunting her. Hunting her. Once she was asleep I touched her soft, untainted skin. Stroking it under my fingers. I was never this careful before. I released my claws and brushed her hair back so I could see her forehead. My little heartbeat was beating softly. She was in a deep sleep. I kissed her forehead. Lingering long enough that I could smell her patchouli scent. Heavens she smelled so good. I retracted my lips and decided to give her a mark to wake up to. Slowly I slid my claw down her arm and then back up. I slid back down sharply and quickly. Waking her up with a hiss. I smirked as she shot up and looked at her bleeding arm. I stayed hidden in front of her while her eyes fixated on her bleeding arm. The blood seeped out of her arm down onto the bed sheets. I noticed her blood smelt different today. It was thicker. Sweeter. This told me she was due to bleed soon. Her divine feminine congealed blood was expected to drop from her womanhood very soon.

I fled back to my home. I had to. Thinking about her period seeping between her legs had sent me into a sadistic aggressive state. I could not be around her like this. I needed to chase. I needed to hunt. When I was home I cracked the mirror glaring at myself as I nearly lost control. I flung my head back with a sadistic hiss, allowing my fangs to come out. I punched the edge of the sink. Cracking it. It was time. I got my walking stick and headed towards the metal door where my heartbeats were. I unlocked it. Allowing the door to creak. My footsteps were heavy on the metal steps as I trudged down. Their whines and screams got louder as their excitement did too. I reached the bottom of the step and stopped. Looking at the hands that reached out of their cages. Begging to touch me like I was their God. They yearned for me. Today I yearned for them. Their faces were blurred as I unlocked the first door. I allowed them to run and play across the metal floor. They giggled and laughed as they tried to touch me but they could not. Not without my permission. I watched them laugh and run until I felt myself getting angry. My venom burned my skin aggressively. My claws ached to kill. I killed the first person in front of me. Swiping my claws down their chest. Reaching for their heartbeat as I yanked it out. Watching them cry out. Watching the way their heartbeat slowed down in my hand. I licked the flesh before biting into it. I moved on to my next heartbeat. Biting them on their chin. Sinking my fangs into them. Their thick panicked blood poured straight into my mouth as I lapped their tainted blood. The rest of them was a blur. Some were slaughtered and shredded. Others I took my time with. It frightened the others in the other cage. They were not ready to die today but they had no choice.

I looked at my hands. Laughing sardonically as I twirled around. Spitting the disgusting blood of their heartbeats out of my mouth. This was so much fun. Now it's time to play a game. If they reach the fence I'll set them free. If they didn't I would kill thee. I slowly unlocked the door hearing the shudders of their heartbeats as I brought the metal chains out. I chained them all up and walked them like dogs to the field. Slowly. Reminding them they were being sentenced to death When I reached the pathway I unchained them. Allowing them to freely run. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. I sunk my teeth into the first. Ripping their leg off and flinging it behind me. There blood sprayed on my face as I laughed. I bit some more and decided to play harder. I bit down on my wrist. I spit my blood into their mouths to heal them before I let them go. Let them run. The sun was coming up and they would all burn. I would burn. I could feel the slight tingle of the sun as I stopped and closed my eyes for a brief moment when my body burned. I ran back inside. Bolting the doors shut. I would never let my precious heartbeat burn when she became a hunter.

18+ Taglist for those who are not turning back

@catlove83 @itsyourleilei @whatudowhennooneseesyou @leeknot @estella-novella @fackeraccount @eastjonowhere @cocofia143 @jennibahng @noerinspace @sleepingmissingprincess @ye0lkkot @hiitsmebbygrl16 @shhimhereforsmut @jaeminie-cricket @stayceebs97 @fairy-lixie @myflowercloud

[ravenwind-75]

If @heylorrain subjected me to pain and angst songs and said to go with the ideas I was given, I listened, hard. And so I have something for you. Sorry in advance.

Indigo:

~~~~~~

He was worried about her. She knew that. That she shouldn’t be here still. That she’d lose her way to the next place. Yet she lied to herself each day that she could find her way back to him. That this time her path would lead to life not death. She never should have left him, she never should have gone there when he asked her to leave his family to him.

Yet she did.

She wondered if her aura had changed. He used to say it was bright and brilliant. She used to feel it herself, the thrumming of life and power, of love. Now she felt colder, and lonely. It was so dark here in the in between. She didn’t know how the other ghosts did it. How they moved past it. The guilt.

Maybe it was time she finally went home, but she didn’t want to leave him here by himself. It wasn’t fair, why did they have to say goodbye? Why did she have to be dead and alone, leaving someone who needed her just as much and even more so?

…..

He gave her a piece of his heart and then tried to run from it. Run from her love. And when he finally accepted it he was so lost in the clouds of fear, he’d never seen that the sun would risk her light for him. Now he couldn’t feel her closeness, warmth at all.

When he heard the news his light had left him, his face paled. When her hand evaporated in his the clouds of his soul shed tears, bitter rain of sorrow.

Yet her death had given him some hope and faith that he could be free of them. That he’d be saved.

But at what cost? What kind of lesson was this?

Her death is my fault…

He’d lost his color. He lost his light. He lost his love.

….

She was the gold to his silver, the sun to his moon. He had never felt warmer than when he was in her presence. Soft curls wrapped around his fingers, her cradled against his chest, her lips pressed against his. She gave him the joy that he’d shared.

Now he was her warmth yet she couldn’t feel it. Just a wisp of frigid wind that made him shiver that he didn’t have the heart to tell to leave him alone. He wanted her warmth back, to feel her colorful aura.

Yet she begged him as he knelt on the cold stone floor, wand to his head, “Don’t take the life I fought to save. Live for me. You’ll come home to me someday. Patience remember? I can wait. Please!”

“I already feel dead so why can’t I join you?! I don’t want another sun to set without being by your side.”

But he’d stayed when she left. Many tears were shed when they said goodbye, one last brush of her hand on his cheek he felt her fade away, his wand pointed skyward doing nothing to sense her shape.

“Don’t say goodbye I’m right here. Please, I’m not leaving, not ever.” She’d said weeping softly.

He just smiled weakly, “Darling it’s better there. Go.”

It didn’t take long to convince her. Her spirit was tired. And they just kept painting each other darker.

He couldn’t move on with her here. And she got no rest. It was time to part ways with their ghosts.

“Goodbye Ominis.”

“Goodbye, my darling.”

…….

She’d loved the color indigo. She said it was what a twilight sky looked like. Where everything is half-lit and bathed in a hue between reality and a dream.

Maybe this is how indigo felt. Calm, sad and soft. An understanding, the deepest sense of peace yet a slow pain in the quiet isolation of her absence. On the edge of something unspeakable, untouchable.

A longing, a wish for connection out of reach, something impossible. Not a bright sadness but a certain kind of a melancholy that simply fades into the silence of darkness like the light of day.

Like she did.

His favorite color used to be gold, her brightness.

Now it was indigo.

Because In his dreams, when twilight came, she lived.

[just-a-carrot]

I'm not really in the mood to make a festive Happy New Year's post. So instead I'll just say... we made it. I made it. You made it. The year is over and we're still here. And that is enough.

It's no real secret by this point but 2024 has been one of the worst years of my life. From constant anxiety and panic attacks over job stability in the spring, to losing two family members, to the depressive spiral I entered after finishing OW, to the second spiral in the fall just when I thought maybe I was finally doing a bit better and everything came crashing back down, my mental health has been worse than it's ever been. And I've spent a lot more nights than I'd like to admit wishing I wouldn't wake up in the morning. (And downed a lot more sleeping pills than I'd like to admit because it's the only OTC thing I can get to mildly decrease my anxiety and help numb me a bit LOL)

I just want... this year to be over. Even though I have no hope for 2025 either and mostly just feel anxious and hopeless about it. But I will continue trying. Continuing grappling for the bits of joy that can keep me going. And maybe I finally will get a little bit of calm and peace. Who can say. I guess we'll see what 2025 decides to bring. I just really want to feel a bit better finally. And I hope that 2025 might take pity on me and allow me some mental respite.

2024 did have its moments of joy. Despite it sending me into the spiral, I am ofc glad that I finished OW finally this year. I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments. And I still can't believe that I put 3 whole years of work into this thing and just how much of my soul went into it. Even if my depression keeps trying to convince me that it (and me) are worthless.

I feel like I grew a lot in my art over the year. Trying new and more complex things. Getting better at composition and poses. Which led into my starting Broomtail, which gave me really the first renewed spark of creative joy since releasing the finale and actually made me excited to work on something again.

Speaking of joy amidst melancholy, DD2 was released this year, and it became the one thing that could keep me going at times. It brought me so much joy and inspiration when nothing else would. And it still holds my heart captive in its grip. From all the DD2 art I did, to the O2A2 game, to my silly tragic music video, to a very self-indulgent fanfic, it gave me so much creative energy, and I want to do more art for it in 2025 too! (And I'm still waiting for that DLC, Capcom...) I can't think of another game ever that's had this much of a hold on me before. Though I do attribute much of that to the fact that in my head it's mostly an OW AU since I could make Iggy and Genzou and play out their tragic love story and it was so beautiful and Genzou was so so sweet and cute GUH. Yeah... that helped a lot.

I think my main goal for 2025 is just to keep trying. To keep surviving. To keep trying to find hope and joy where I can. To believe that I can feel better and things can be better. Even when it's hard. And that hopefully... hopefully I will be able to find some peace in there finally.

I do have various projects I'd like to work on too. Like finishing the remaster, continuing Broomtail, maybe working on another game later on. But I'd rather just think of those as things I'd like to do for myself and because they bring me joy, rather than as any kind of goal or pressure. Especially since I never want to make any promises given the instability of my mental health.

I'm just so tired always. And I hate feeling scared and worthless all the time. I hate feeling trapped. Even if I know it's my own life choices and debilitating fear of change that has led to a lot of this. So it's my own fault in the end. But I hope I can find some solace. And I hope you can, too. I hope 2025 will be a kind year to everyone. And even if it's not, that we can find some joy and hope to help us through it.

Sorry this felt a bit morose LOL I guess I wanted to just take this opportunity to reflect back on the year a bit for some catharsis. I shall now sleep for 24 hours to recover from my flight hahaha.

if you saw this post a day ago for a few seconds i'm sorry -- i was working on it in my drafts and must have accidentally clicked post instead of save(??) somehow(???) idk but it posted and i panicked and deleted it and then had to rewrite it from scratch LOL

[e-dubbc11]

A Christmas Wish

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: Fluff, smooches, mentions of Billy’s shitty childhood and a couple of swear words.

Word Count: 2.1K-ish

Summary: You love decorating the Christmas tree but Billy doesn’t and he tries to put on a smile for you so you try to make it better by giving him a few special gifts.

A/N: Greetings and Happy 2025 to my lovely friends! Hope you are well and I apologize for being quiet lately. I’ve been sick and my entire week off from work was spent trying to recover from whatever lovely cold is going around.

I tried to put this out before Christmas but obviously that didn’t happen and I’ve also been a little bummed about friendly interaction, everyone seems to have disappeared but whatever, I digress.

Oh I’m also thinking about trimming down my tag list again just because I don’t feel like wasting anyone’s time if you’re not interested in reading my fics anymore. I dunno, I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I’m sure it will pass…

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕

Some of them were very delicate.

The ornaments were old, made from very thin glass and passed down to you by your parents, that they received from THEIR parents. There were a handful that said “Baby’s First Christmas” followed by your name written in beautiful script. A pink bulb that was stuffed with “angel hair” was one of your favorites. That’s what your dad used to tell you when you were little which you thought was a cute story.

Billy had taken the ornament tote out of storage so the two of you could decorate the tree together. Mostly, he just sat back and let you decorate the tree. He wasn’t particularly fond of this time of year or any holiday.

A brass ornament with a sleeping baby and the year you were born, a red bauble with your name written in silver glitter on the side, and a bone ornament with your childhood dog’s name on it were a few more of your favorites.

Each ornament had a story like who gave it to you and what year, and if there was a reason they picked that particular one. The dates ranged from the time you were born up until recent years. Some of them were handmade from when you were a child that your father thought you might like to have along with the one he gave you last year with a picture of you and Billy inside for your first Christmas together.

Trimmed to perfection, which was obviously Billy’s doing, the tree stood impressively in front of one of the large windows in the penthouse so it could be seen by others, looking out from the tops of their buildings. The warm white lights shined against the dark green needles, giving off an enticing invitation that made it so you couldn’t help but stare at it.

The branches were full and abundant with plenty of room for all of your ornaments as shades of red, green, and gold bounced off the delicate glow of the white lights.

This time of year brought back so many fond memories for you. Billy couldn’t say the same thing. Growing up without a family, this time of year was just a reminder of all the holidays he spent in the group home, alone.

He didn’t have any ornaments from childhood to hang on the tree.

“The decorations they put up just made me more depressed.” He had told you. “The old pathetic little fake tree, it was all bullshit, and it just made me hate her even more for leaving. They called the group home Ray of Hope but there was nothing hopeful about that place.”

He had a mother, she had been out there somewhere but she didn’t want him. She never did. That shattered your heart, twisted your stomach into knots, and left you wondering how a mother could do that to her own child.

The darkness that comes with the winter months is hard enough so you thought a tree would light up that darkness, make it colorful, and maybe brighten his day just a little bit.

Billy put the tree up for you, because you wanted it and because he loved to see you smile, even though the Christmas season didn’t bring him any happy memories like it did for you.

But you were determined to make it better, he deserved it and you loved him more than anything.

**********

If he had ever wanted to talk about it, Billy would be the first one to tell you that his childhood was shit but he worked hard to make sure children in need would have a better Christmas than he ever did so he helped out collecting Toys for Tots during this time of year.

So he had a lot of long December days where he wouldn’t get home until late.

The lights in the penthouse were dimmed to create a warm and cozy environment for when Billy came home. The presents you had for him were nicely wrapped and sitting on the large coffee table near the couch, you picked up his favorite cookies from the bakery, and had a glass of his favorite bourbon ready and waiting for him.

His keys jingled in the door handle as he walked through the door.

“Another late one, sweet girl. I’m sorry.” Said Billy.

He was always so apologetic when he worked late but you understood.

On cold nights like tonight, you loved to sit in the dark, a fire blazing in the fireplace, relax in comfortable clothes, with nothing but the Christmas tree lights on, and quietly look out at the city skyline. You had been enjoying a cup of hot chocolate and reading your book when Billy walked through the door.

He walked over to the couch to give you a quick kiss and then head to his office but you stopped him.

“Can you sit for a minute, handsome? Please?” You asked.

He desperately wanted to get more work done before really calling it a night plus he liked to find any excuse he could to not be near the Christmas tree.

“Can it wait, baby? I just wanna get a little work done.” He said, firmly.

Normally, you could wait a little while until he was finished but tonight was different, this was for him, and you just really wanted to give him something special.

But you decided to put your foot down.

“No…actually, it can’t wait, Billy.” You said.

Billy hated to disappoint you or make you angry with him so he sat down on the couch, next to you. He noticed the present as he took a sip of bourbon.

“Did you get an early present from someone at work or somethin’?” He asked.

Biting down on your lower lip, you shook your head and tried to keep from smiling. You were excited to give him his presents.

“It’s for you, Billy.” You said, softly.

Billy set his glass down, looked at you and then looked at the box.

“But Christmas isn’t for two weeks, sweet girl.” He said with a slight smile.

You replied, “I know…open it.”

The wrapping paper was all white and you had tied a perfect bow with royal blue ribbon. His long fingers carefully untied the ribbon and set it aside. Billy then tore into the wrapping paper, revealing a large white box. As he removed the top, he stared at the blue tissue paper inside for a minute before digging around for the gifts underneath.

Billy first pulled out his United States Marine Corps ornament. He read the saying on the back out loud for you.

“From the Halls of Montezuma

To the shores of Tripoli

We fight our country’s battles

In the air, on land, and sea;

First to fight for right and freedom

And to keep our honor clean;

We are proud to claim the title

Of United States Marines.”

Billy looked over at you and started to say, “Baby, this is…”

But you stopped him.

“There’s more, my love. Keep going.” You said, kissing him on the cheek.

He found his Christmas stocking next. It looked like yours except his was red to go along with your green one and his name was embroidered at the top, in the same font to match yours, and a hook to hang it from, over the fireplace. The final gift in the box was a plain red bulb ornament with his name written in silver glitter on it, just like the one you received as a child.

You wanted Billy to have ornaments that were his and his alone for him to hang on the tree. You hoped it would make this time of year a little happier for him.

“Sometimes I forget that this time of year isn’t pleasant for everyone. I was hoping to make it a little better for you, Billy. So I got you ornaments that are just for you.” You said.

He replied, holding the stocking and glitter ornament in his hand, “They’re just like yours.”

“I wish I could take away your bad memories, but I can’t. So I thought maybe if you had new memories…that, um…” You trailed off with a hitch in your voice.

Billy didn’t let you finish. He just leaned in and planted a soft kiss on your lips, the sweet taste of vanilla and a little spicy from the nutmeg on his from the sips of bourbon he had a few minutes ago, and the woodsy scent of his cologne floated past your nose as you kissed him back.

The warm white lights reflected in his onyx colored eyes and his smile traveled from the curl in his lip, up to the lines around his eyes. Billy didn’t have to say how he was feeling, you could see it in his eyes, see it in his smile, and you felt it in the way he kissed you.

“These are just…I don’t…thank you, sweet girl.” Said Billy.

He looked over at the tree for the first time since he arrived home and actually smiled. Billy finally had his own ornaments to hang on the Christmas tree and he looked excited about it.

“Go ahead, baby.” You said with a warm smile.

Billy rolled his shirt sleeves up to his elbows, loosened his tie, stood up while carefully holding his ornaments, walked over to the tree and pondered about where he should place them. You knew the perfectionist in him wanted to pick out the perfect spot for them.

He found your ornament with your name written in silver glitter and he placed his on the branch next to it. Billy then found a branch near the top for his Marines ornament that he needed the stepladder to reach and he hung his stocking on the opposite end of the fireplace from where yours was. He said he had to keep it “symmetrical” which made you chuckle. There’s that perfectionist trait hard at work again.

Billy actually looked content, finding places for his ornaments and hanging his stocking on the fireplace. He finally had the experience that he didn’t get to do when he was young.

Forced to grow up faster than he should have, Billy Russo’s childhood was stolen from him by the person that was supposed to protect him and love him but she didn’t. His mother left him and never looked back so it really wasn’t a mystery of why he didn’t trust anyone, why he never got close to anyone, or why he never had a long term relationship.

You were helping him work through some of that pain and building trust so he would never have to go through any of that hurt ever again.

As he sat down, you let your head gently fall against his chest as he kissed the top of your head. You felt your eyelids getting heavy and it was a relief to close them as you pulled your legs up onto the couch. His body was a warm cradle for yours.

“I love you.” Whispered Billy, kissing the top of your head again.

With your eyes closed still, you smiled and replied, “I love you too, Billy. I just want all your Christmas wishes to come true.”

“You’re all I’ve ever wanted, my love. My only wish is I wish I didn’t have to wait so long for you.” He said in barely more than a whisper.

Tears stung the back of your eyes as your heart began to race and your fingers started to tingle. All Billy had ever wanted was to be loved and something as simple as a Christmas ornament with his name on it, you knew he’d cherish it forever because it came from someone who showed him he deserved to be loved and he was worthy of affection.

You finally understood why Billy always kept you close, why he never let you wander too far from him, and why he had a hand on you at all times. Sometimes he held on a little too tight but it was because he didn’t want what he had to go away or be taken from him like it had all those years ago.

The little toy soldier that was attached to his keys was the first thing you ever gave him and he was constantly reaching into his pocket to make sure it was there. Just like the ornaments, the toy soldier might seem insignificant or small to anyone else, but to him, it was everything.

You gave him back some of the childhood that was taken from him and you will never forget the smile that stretched across his face.

Your parents always said that it was better to give than receive…and giving Billy a happy Christmas memory allowed you to finally experience what they had been talking about.

And they were absolutely right. Making Billy Russo smile really was the best feeling in the world.

Tag List: @wheresthesunshinesblog @idaoftheburningmind @rafaelakelley @snowkestrel @music-indie-tv @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @fictional-hooman @k-marzolf @nutmeg17 @vaguekayla @danzer8705 @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @aoi-targaryen @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @rachlovesactors @qu1etwolf @sweetserendipity65

Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago @fluffyprettykitty @jvanilly @ittybxttykxttytxtty @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @mrsbillyrusso @colereads @jediwizardelf @thejanecampaign @milea @folkloreofyennefer @mysweetlittledesire

If you’d like to be added to (or removed from) my tag list for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again

[mawlbone]

CRACKED CRADLES - NIKTO

SNIPPET: Nikto never imagined himself to be a family man since he was a child and especially after being disfigured from his time in the FSB. But here he is, settled and snuggled between cotton sheets and cradling an innocence in the grasp of bloody hands with a lover in tow. A pittance from above perhaps…

[CW: amab reader, afab nikto, mpreg, manipulative nikto, mention of trans pregnancy, self-depreciating thoughts, mental health and medication struggles, mentions of hallucinations, implied sex, and children.]

[COMMENT: I promise the warnings is not that bad, just the tiniest bit of hurt/comfort because Nikto is a troubled man, if anything it’s him living the domestic life here. Anyways enjoy the brainrot and know that opening yourself up to others is hard, but not impossible. But also screw me for making a whole exposition instead of going straight to the actual event, oh my gosh, this was suppose to be 500 words.]

Becoming roommates to partners was the last thing you could had expected on your long list of nonsense when you placed an advertisement online looking for a roommate to split your rent with. Even more ridiculous, agreeing to meet a stranger in the dead of night because he doesn’t want anyone else around to see him? Should that had rung some alarm bells inside that tiny brain of yours?

Thankfully you didn’t get stabbed, but instead impaled with the strangest marriage offer of your life that practically had your eyes springing out of your sockets.

The stranger’s reasoning? Whatever hotel accommodations the world could offer could never compare to the warmth of home cooked meals and security a home has, he says bluntly. Nothing more and nothing less. Honestly, you deadpan at the man for that, but with pennies in your savings and desperate to stay under a roof, there’s very little room for you to negotiate.

Sure, will most people consider what you had done fraud? Absolutely!

But the two of you aren’t exactly complaining with the benefits marriage can offer after the quickest trip to the courthouse you ever seen and ignoring the way the receptionist trying to nudge you and ask if you’re being coerced silently.

Work clothes and a masked man doesn’t exactly fit the image of the stereotypical wedding but it’s fine… Even if you have to mustered up a smile and lie between your teeth every time your coworkers gushingly ask you about when have you got the time to meet a man with how overworked you all are, something you can only fake laugh about to avoid their endless questioning.

You learned his name was Nikto.

It was a strange union per se, uncommon for most of society considering the circumstances but it wasn’t bad.

Simply it’s what had worked best between the both of you.

It was nice…

The security of it all.

No longer did you had to worry about choosing whether to keep your lights on or getting another meal on the table.

Sure, you can describe the start of your guys’ fake relationship as rocky with the both of you mutually agreeing to not interfere with each other lives as this act is only for the sake of appearances. But it’s hard to not feel guilty living off his money as he shoo you off saying what you can pay with that measly salary of yours.

Rude.

For the intimidation that Nikto can pose, a cute little cottage with a classic white picket fence was the furthest thing you could had expected saying that your apartment is too open, (whatever that means), just hidden within the depth of the woods and not too far from the city in case you need to run some errands or pick up last minute groceries.

Not exactly the image a cold blooded man Nikto describe himself as, entirely blunt about his occupation towards you as a contract soldier. You don’t mind, quite little to complain about when you can rejoice in finally having a room for yourself.

Both separate of course for privacy sake.

So the only thing you can do is small favors whenever he’s deployed, whether that be repairing his torn clothes because he doesn’t want to throw them away, picking him up from the airport during his breaks, or even getting his medication from the pharmacy for him using your marriage status. Occasionally even sending a care package or two once you start getting enough promotions to justify the shipping costs in sending him some snacks and comforts whenever you got the time.

He doesn’t talk a lot still even in person whenever he’s back home. You’ll wake up in the middle of the night to see him sitting amidst in the living room at some ungodly hour in the morning watching some late night television with a drink in hand. Or something scaring the shit out of you by staring at you from some dark corner of the room. You’re not sure what he thinks in those quiet moments.

Will most people consider this an another version of Cupid and Psyche if you reveal the fact that you never get to see your husband’s face to the outside world despite all these little favors?

Yeah, maybe so.

But honestly, who cares? You just had got a text that he’s coming home tomorrow, so that means you have to haul ass and start prepping a meal to congratulate him coming home again. Whatever you two had, whether it be bordering on roommates or partners, it’s still nice nevertheless to have something to occupy the home with all its silence when the radio becomes too tiring.

—

You’re awfully a lot like a mouse, Nikto thought when he first settle you in the cottage. Meek, overly curious, but still cautious enough to respect his space.

With the way you scuttle about the cottage playing homemaker, it’s too reminiscent of a furry rodent trying to hurry for the winter. Maybe that’s why you don’t alert his wariness, you’re too weak. Barely even human enough in his mind to register you as a threat.

What harm can you possibly do to him?

But time brings fondness and he too is unsure on what to do with you, his little mouse who somehow become very brave as of late and keep popping up in his life with homemade goods and repairing his stuff in your free time. The house is overly warm with the pops of the fireplace and grounded colors you insisted on painting the walls to ease your guys’ minds.

It’s easy with you around to know what he can perceive as his illusions when he’s too tired to take his medication because you don’t see it. It’s too peaceful with you around in your quiet little world. You aren’t freaking out about the spiders crawling on his skin that usually would had brought an unbearable itchiness in his bones if he stares long enough at them. You’re normal enough to freak about such a thing if they were on him and urge him to be careful around such a creature.

Simple as that.

Over the years, he had developed a little hobby to test you, merely bringing his hand to your throat whenever your back is turned against him and gently cradling it. Or taking your hand and placing it underneath his mask and letting you feel all the bumps and grooves on his face and watch how you react.

He doesn’t know why he does this, is he waiting for you to hurt him? To prove himself right once more that nobody can tolerate him and everyone goes away eventually?

He is unsure, so is the rest of him. Despite staring at your form and waiting for you to jolt away or twist your face in grimace at the texture of his fucked up face, you don’t. Humming away and even leaning into his touch had become the norm for you, no comment or any sense of fear about the looming danger he presents to you.

Wonderful.

Everyone conclude that you’re too complacent and feeble to hurt them. They all ignore the irritating warmth in their chest still.

Like with everything with time, things had changed over the years as well, your bedroom had become his as well after a bad night when you offered to come cuddle him, stroking his back and smoothing your hand over your scars and even kissing the ones underneath his chest. So a mattress becomes one made for two because as much as Nikto likes the excuse for you to be buried deeper within his touch, a small bed is bad for his back.

Perhaps you should had expected it. After all the change shouldn’t be surprising with how many items of his that you had already lingering about the room: from unfinished sewing projects with the numerous torn masks you have damaged from Nikto’s frustration when he felt it become too suffocating on his face, alongside the stacks of other various rags you have collected that he is too grumpy to throw away, arguing it’s still wearable even with all the holes and tears in them.

You pose no threat to him, he constantly assures himself. So why does every soft touch, every meal on the table, and every easy affection you had given him had been cumulative to him adding more and more traps around the house to keep you from the outside world. You don’t know such things are laid around the property or even about the hidden cameras littered inside the home when he’s on the field and about the true purpose of the barred windows he purchased not too long ago, excusing it as a defense against intruders and not as a means to keep you inside if worse comes to worse.

But what else to keep you here?

He’s getting old with age, his contract is ending soon, and he’s already considering retiring with the amount of money already tucked away in his accounts to live out the rest of his years lavishly if he so wishes. And you don’t depend on him much anymore with the hefty promotion you were able to get after switching your office job and working from home remotely now.

A baby, he thinks.

A baby will complete the home. Complete the typical family that everyone desperately wants to fit in. After all, there’s an extra room inside a cottage to fit a child in here.

It will incentivize you to stay. Those nagging feelings of responsibility and all those morals everyone learns about at a young age will guilt you enough to stick with him.

Surely his body is at least useful enough for this, it’ll just be a different sort of service from his body, no? You’re kind enough to pepper him with easy affection and soft touches, and sex with you previous times had been pleasant enough to know you won’t hurt him intentionally without meaning.

So you shouldn’t mind a more permanent solution to ease his worries, right? Everyone else is fine with it…

—

Anticipating a child was the last thing you could had expected on the long list of your husband’s strange motives. Should you had expected it with how destroyed your hips had become during the last few months before this announcement, maybe so.

But still, you weren’t exactly prepared for one, hell even sure if you two wanted one as he dropped the test in your hand with a blunt, “I’m pregnant” leaving his scarred lips.

It definitely had your head blanking out momentarily before coming back to the sight of Nikto playing with the hem of his shirt and avoiding eye contact with you when you remained silent and have to hurriedly assure him that you don’t mind and that yes, you would love the baby as well.

No time was wasted after your word and soon enough, the nursery is where Nikto’s former room used to be is painted white with little animals painted all over its walls and ceiling to entertain a young child’s imagination for days on end after much debate. Already the closet and shelves is stuffed full of clothes and diapers to prepare you for the long awaited road ahead.

Nikto always liked to keep all his precious things inside one room, he told you about it long ago of how he did it with his toys as a child, burying it within the piles of his clothes inside his closet, and with his weaponry at the base underneath his bed and now with you and himself all tucked up nearby inside the bedroom merely arms away from him.

Perhaps that’s why pregnancy was calm for him, nothing more than a few bumps and sores with you readily available to look after him to ease his mind. No morning sickness, no sudden dizzy spells, or an urge to hunch over in pain. If anything, you were amazed with how peaceful the child was, praising them and kissing the bump much to Nikto’s embarrassment who can only push your head away and scold you after you went exploring with the changes in his body a bit too far that one time.

A shame, but if there’s anything he appreciates your willingness to help him whenever.

Even if that meant locking yourself in the bedroom with a very unhappy pregnant husband practically clawing the walls saying he can feel a presence inside the home and huffing away at you when you revealed you hired a housekeeper to clean up the cottage during the last few months of his pregnancy.

“Why did you invite a stranger here…”, You’ll hear him grumble, the most frustrated you had seen previously after breathing a bit too loudly one night and waking him up.

You had to hold Nikto to your chest, which isn’t hard anymore with the giant bump he sported and call the poor lady saying you’ll pay extra if she was able to do it as quick as possible for you two. All while assuring Nikto afterwards that no, an old lady will not go expose all of them to danger because she’s a friend’s mother you know from work that you hired so the house chores can still be done while you’re occupied with him.

How troublesome, you sigh, peppering Nikto’s face with kisses as a means to calm him down and promising him a nice dinner and massage later if he comes back to the bed with you.

You had other little things set up to help alleviate your anxious ridden husband’s thoughts during the last few months of his third trimester. Finally feeling the cramps settling in and getting the urge to run away and have the baby by himself. He vehemently refuse to go to the hospital, saying that there will be too many people in the room touching him and doing operations inside and it’ll make him feel violently ill, but leaving out the part that he fears that they’ll take his baby away from him after seeing his mental conditions in his chart and deem him unsuitable to be a father.

Thankfully you didn’t question him further, but it didn’t stop you at least getting a midwife, a tiny grey-haired recently retired nurse, to monitor him. She was kind enough to explain the procedure to him, every little step and how to prepare him for the birth as she gets you two ready for your daughter’s arrival. Though you forever find it humorous that she’ll basically have to bully your husband into stop nesting and lay down because “is he trying to get the baby out early with all his moving”, you’ll see her scold as he rolls his eyes all annoyed.

But with the birth coming soon enough, settling Nikto on the bed and having you there to hold his hand, it was nothing short of smooth with three firm pushes and there she was, your daughter was born kicking into the world with a mighty wail as the midwife cleaned her bloodied self up before presenting her to Nikto to hold. Immediately her cries soothed as you watch Nikto stared almost wondrously at her as her hand grips his finger.

You think this is the first time you seen him truly this shocked, all in awe at his child yawning away and sleeping in his arms and smiling. You had to stop yourself from crying at her cute little face but if anything you managed to catch a glimpse of an appreciative look being thrown at the midwife from Nikto as she gently carried the baby back to dress up properly before settling her nearby him.

That doesn’t stop you from worrying over Nikto still when the midwife deemed you all ready enough for her to departure. Eventually after dealing with too many nights of your husband waddling away to the nursery to watch over your daughter, “you’re suppose to rest, please!” You finally decided to build another crib at the foot of your bed so Nikto can peer down at her whenever he wants when his paranoia keeps him up at night.

It’s terribly cute, you’ll wake up to her blabbering as Nikto plays with her on the bed, laid down between the both of you in the middle and surrounded by the warmth of your bodies’ as she squirms away from her father’s endless tickling on her tummy. Her and her little mouse onesie that Nikto bought for some reason that you put her in the night before was too damn adorable, practically having you pressing her cheeks with kisses before reaching over to smooch your husband to thank him as well for gifting you a wonderful gift.

You don’t know what goodwill you had done to gain such a wonderful family, but you won’t ever question it, this life that you thought you’ll never known before.

But you’ll laugh when Nikto pushes your face away saying to not do such indecency in front of the child before leaning forward to give you a peck as well.

—

For all the shame Nikto holds with the haunting of his past, there is nothing more rewarding whenever he holds his daughter in his arms as he rocks her to sleep. For all her tininess, she’s so warm and alive and the only thing Nikto knows that is inevitably real in his world because she grew inside of him. She’ll gaze up at him and wonder why her father’s tears drip down onto her body but she’ll never complain, only reaching up and holding her father’s face in her hands and hold him.

You never have the heart to intrude onto these intimate moments. But you hope he knows you’ll be there in every step of the way with him and help him as much as he allows you to.

The cottage may had become a mousetrap designed for you, but perhaps he had willingly become trapped within your own as well.

[forthevillains]

Merry Xmas!!!! xxx as a late Xmas present to us Wesker simps could we pretty please cuz some more obssessive /yandere type Wesker pleasssseee!!! Love your work xx

MERRY LATE XMAS!<3 and thank you so much I really appreciate it!

I’ve been ill so I’m late with this and I hope it’s not as bad (wrote it w a fever lol). This is a short scenario that spawned in my head and wouldn’t leave so I hope you enjoy<3 btw no spice in this one as it wasn’t specified if you want it there or not

You've worked for Umbrella for quite a while, spending perhaps too much time in the laboratory, wondering about the new possibilities of what you were creating in there. You've always been very keen on developing new things, researching whatever you lacked knowledge of. You were smart, oh definitely, such a young thing with such a curious brain. Even if you didn't know it, it brought you very much advantages among your colleagues. Especially since a special someone took a liking to you.

Wesker's been around you ever since you got promoted, moved forward to do things of higher importance, to spend time with more privileged people who have fallen so passionately deep with their job you could barely keep up a normal conversation. Not him though, never him. He's always been an observant man, thus he noticed even the slightest of discomfort in your expressions. He always knew exactly how you felt, what you were thinking and sometimes it has made you feel uneasy at how easily he could read you. It all began so innocently you would’ve thought you found your soulmate rather than a future stalker, rather a madman desiring nothing more than to own, possess.

"In need of any help, dearheart?" he'd ask whenever he noticed you carrying way too many envelopes that they almost slipped past your tensed forearms. Little did you know that they were mostly empty, that it was him who purposely put so many in there so that he could seem like a gentleman, trying to help you out. And it sure worked on you every damn time.

____________________________________

It was late, well past midnight. You were silently cursing yourself for making such a stupid decision to work during holidays. Everyone is with their family at the moment, having a great time, laughing together, telling each other stories from their wonderful lives and you? You were locked up in a lab, taking notes about the newest virus that Umbrella worked on.

The sterile silence of the underground laboratory enveloped the air, save for the soft hum of machinery in the background. You were just about to be done with it for today, your mind was going places, other places than where it should be at the moment and you could barely think straight when your mind was flooded with the images of your warm bed. You thought you could get distracted enough that maybe you wouldn't feel so terrible about having no family or friends to spend time with during Christmas, maybe feel a little more important, feel like you're being productive in a way... But it didn't work.

Suddenly, you could've sworn you heard footsteps. You turned to look down the corridor, but no one was there. Only the faint light from the lab panels illuminated the otherwise dark hallways.

You sighed, wondering just why did you think it was such a great idea to stay here during the night. What had your mind going places that were too far to get back from though, was the fact that Wesker himself decided to stay as well. You didn't talk to each other of course, you somehow ought to keep it professional and not intertwine with what he had to do... But the thought of being alone in here with him, even if he was in another room... The thought sent a strange mixture of frustration and... something else fluttering in your chest.

The quiet click of boots against tile echoed down the hall once more, and you turned just in time to see him approach. His tall frame, cold expression, and piercing sunglasses made him almost ethereal in the dim lighting, like a god descending from his private throne. Weren’t you a realist you would’ve definitely believed that he was indeed one.

"You're still here," he observed in his usual clipped tone. There was no question in his voice. It was simply a statement, one that you knew was far from casual curiosity.

"Where else would I be?" you questioned, immediately regretting that maybe that was a little too well played for him. That the right words would be all for you to vent to him, just like you’ve already done a few times. It made you anxious, eyes flicking away, trying not to meet his gaze. He could definitely notice, he surely knew…

You hated how he always knew when something was off. Of course he'd know that you were just avoiding how pathetic and lonely you felt outside these walls. Without anyone to talk to, anyone to ask for  advice... You didn't have him. That's what he kept telling himself. That you're just so miserable on your own that you willingly overwork yourself, only to be around him. And he wouldn't have it any other way. You belong with him, you can’t be happy on your own.

A slight smirk curled on his lips. "Well there could be loads of answers to that question, dearheart. What's more important is... Where do you wish to be?" It made you think for a second and you nearly blurted out that you'd only wish to be with him, working on whatever he was working on, feeling his presence, being close to him, simply breathing the same air while being able to steal small glances. But you didn't. You couldn't say it out loud.

His approach was slow, calculated. He never rushed, never had to. He was certain of everything—of you, of your thoughts, of your desires. The closer he got, the more you felt your heart begin to race, against all rational thought. What was he even doing? Has he lost his mind?

You had no idea of any of his desires, not how much he wished for an opportunity like this, to get you all alone, all to himself, with nowhere else to run to. It was like a dream come true and he felt exactly like a kid finally getting his favorite candy. He was willing to take a bite, oh definitely and not just one, but he has yet to savor such moment.

Wesker reached you, and without a word, his hand came up to rest against the side of your face, cold but firm. His thumb stroked your cheek, and you flinched, not from discomfort, but from the way his touch felt as though it had always been meant for you—like it had been planned. Every part of you screamed to step back, to pull away, to find a way to escape, but his gaze held you in place, like a trap you couldn't escape.

"You're trembling," he remarked, his voice low, darkly amused. "Why? Are you afraid of me?" His eyes gleamed with a mixture of pride and something darker—something that felt like possession.

"I'm not afraid," you whispered, voice small and fragile. Even you knew the lie didn't hold weight. You were afraid, but there was something else too. Something that went far deeper. Mixture of that something with fear was weirdly addictive to you and you couldn’t decide whether you wanted to run or play along whatever game he’s come up with this time.

He tilted your chin up gently, forcing you to meet his gaze. The intense heat in his eyes sent a shock through your body. He'd always been this way, relentless in his desire to break you down, piece by piece, until you were nothing but a part of him. You were never truly free. Not when he was around.

"Don't lie to me," he purred, the words a dangerous promise. "I can hear your heart racing. Your body betrays you."

Your breath caught in your throat as his hand slid down your neck, fingertips brushing the sensitive skin there. It was a delicate touch, one that made your stomach tighten in a way you couldn't deny. A part of you hated the way your body reacted to him, how your pulse quickened when he was near, but you couldn't stop it.

"You like me, don't you?" Wesker's voice dropped even lower, almost a growl now. There it was, reading you like a book, saying words that even you didn’t know were true before he said them out loud. His fingers brushed along the collar of your shirt, sending a shiver down your spine. His control over you was suffocating, but the worst part was... you didn't know if you wanted to break free.

"I... I don't like you. I mean I do - not like that - I mean-" You fell silent. There was nothing more you could do, you know that he knew now, you only assured him by your nervousness.

Wesker's smile widened, but it wasn't kind. It was something colder, something darker. "We both know that isn't true. Don't play these games with me, darling. No need to be shy now." His lips hovered near your ear, his breath warm against your skin. "I like you too, you know?"

Your eyes widened. Normally you would’ve loved to hear those words, but the tone of his voice… You couldn’t quite figure out his intentions and it made shivers run down your spine. His presence alone was overwhelming at this very moment. His fingers threaded through your hair, tugging your head back slightly to expose your neck. The intimacy was suffocating, and yet you couldn't look away, couldn't push him off. His dominance was intoxicating, all-consuming. "Don’t be scared now, my dear. Believe that I take good care of what’s mine,” he manages a disappointed frown. As if you fearing him was hurting him in a way when in reality - he liked it. He wouldn’t necessarily hurt you, but he liked to see you trembling underneath his touch, seeing the battle you were having with yourself over what you yourself truly want.

"I'm going to make you feel so good you won't be able to go on without me, my dear, I can promise you that." His hand came up to caress your cheek, his fingers gentle on your skin as he looked into your eyes through his dark shades. "You’ll learn that soon enough, very soon.” And after he let out those words, you knew that there was no way back from this…

[starguardianniom]

Harumasa's health after his agent story

Let's be real here, his master's cure definitely changed things for him.

Probably in both a good and bad way.

Good because it literally saved his life and most likely bought him time so he might actually see past 26, though that's my headcanon since the game makes it clears that even the doctors have no ideas either.

Bad because well, it definitely most likely changes Harumasa's habits and gives him probably even more fear and anxiety to worry about.

Hear me out.

Harumasa is used to taking a lot of pills and most likely knows the patterns to his illness by now.

But with this cure he injected into himself?

It probably will change a lot of things for him.

I mean, for starters, if it controls his illness well, does that means he needs to have some changes in his prescriptions? Will he have new symptoms or something?

I can imagine Harumasa freaked the hell out when he awoke in the hospital after dealing with Kirishima and wondered what the heck was going on and how was he still alive because he was pretty sure he was a goner.

And then when his doctors told him he got better on his own he probably had a little mental breakdown because no way that happened and the doctors must have found a miracle treatment or something because his illness was really killing him there and with his master's "drug" he definitely thought of himself as a dead man.

Later, when finally getting through his head that he is really alive and well, he starts freaking out more because for once he doesn't hurt anywhere and it's probably the healthiest he's ever been and given he was on death's door he can't help but be extremely paranoid about his being alive and well and is scared to hell and back about what it means. Like did his illness mutate when he injected himself the drug? Is it just the calm before the storm? Is he about to get much worse? Could he suddently have worse symptoms than before? I imagine him being afraid of suddently having a seizure just like that because of the drug.

Also I see him not being in the best mental state when he wakes up because he just had about the most stressful week of his life, pursuing his master only to find out he turned into an ethereal right before he could find him which also means his years of searching for him for answers amounts to have been for nothing and losing the only person he could consider family after his parents abandoned him, having to fight him to the death while his illness was acting up badly, dealing with Kirishima, trying to save the kids, trying to get the drug before Kirishima, and then sacrificing himself so no one else would suffer like he did and to stop Kirishima for good, and then miraculously surviving and being healthier than he can remember most likely. His survival is something that happens in movies, not to him and not in real life, but the facts are there and he can't refute them so he does lose his mind a bit about it before he finally calms down.

So I headcanon that the first couple of days he stayed in the hospital and the others he stayed at home to get time to process everything before going back to work to be warmly welcomed back by his teammates and the proxy.

I bet he had a long talk about his doctor about how to proceed forward since his miraculous brush with death, like should they change his prescription, should he takes more or less pills, should he probably retire, should he takes a long vacation, and probably wanted to be tested for everything thrice just to be sure that there would be no surprises.

You're not gonna make me believe he was just fine after almost dying, he probably really was scared out of his mind afterwhat and only pulled through after much reassurances from the doctors that he was doing fine for now and that he could relax.

I mean, in his place I would be scared beyond belief as well, given the situation.

I should probably try to make a fic about it, unless someone else wants to do it, feel free to ask if you want it I'll happily let you have it first come first served.

[starlost-maniac]

I don't love her...do I? - Ch 4

Warnings/genre: SMUT, fwb, piv, unprotected sex (don't do it), mxf, some angst, unrequited love, Mean Seungmin, semipublic sex, probably missed some

Pairing: Seungmin x fem!reader // Jeongin x fem!reader

SKZ boys are touchy in this, but nothing sexual aside from SeungIN (One scene with Felix, but that's it)

dividers made by @cafekitsune

By the time Jeongin got you back to Seungmin's flat, it was time for dinner. Seungmin had texted you earlier to say he was home, and that he can't wait for you to get back. You offered Jeongin an invite for dinner, but he politely declined.

"Thank you for the invite darling, but I need to go back and figure out how to ask this girl I like out tomorrow." He smiles at you. You weirdly feel a pang of jealousy in your chest, but you ignore it. You want him happy, so you just smile back. He leans down and cups your face, kissing you softly. He pulls away not long after, smile still on his face.

"I'll see you tomorrow, darling." He winks at you before he goes back to his car and drives off. You turn around and step into the flat, calling out to your friends.

"In the kitchen, Y/n! Minho and Jisung are here with me." You walk to where three of your friends are. "Seungmin is upstairs with Chan, Changbin and Hyunjin, getting some stuff set up for your room still. You still have to pick out a bed though. We wanted to wait for you to go out and pick one out."

Jisung walks over to you and envelopes you in a hug when you walk in. You smile and hug him back.

"I miss your hugs when you aren't around. They're so nice and warm." He mumbles against you. You laugh at how unusually cuddly Jisung is with you.

"Did Minho scold you again?" You rub his back.

"No.." He says, dragging the word out.

"Yes. I did. He didn't do his homework, so I'm withholding sex and kisses from him until he passes the do-over." Minho says, not turning around as he's helping Felix cook. You playfully gasp at Jisung. The boy just whines in response, hiding his face in the crook of your neck.

"Jisung, what are you doing?" Chan asks as he and the other four of your friend group walk into the kitchen.

"Nothing.." he mumbles. You let out a laughing scoff.

"Hi, honey." Chan grins and kisses your cheek. Changbin and Hyunjin following suit, both giving you their own nicknames following a kiss on the cheek.

"What's with the new nicknames?" You question the boys, and brow raised. They just shrug.

"Wanted to try something new. Wanted to tease Seungmin." Changbin laughs. Seungmin just rolls his eyes as he walks over to you. He pats your ass and kisses you on the lips. He either doesn't notice the new hickeys on your skin, or he just doesn't question them.

"We are gonna go and pick out a new mattress for you tomorrow after classes are done. Sound good?" Seungmin says, before going to a cupboard to grab plates. You nod and manage to get out of Jisung's hold to help Seungmin, Jisung pouting a bit.

You help set the table, Jisung goes over to help Minho and Felix. Chan, Changbin and Hyunjin sitting at the table. The boys cooking had made pasta and sauce with meatballs. When you see it, you smile wide and get excited. You loved Felix's pasta and sauce. He said it was a family recipe.

"My noods!" You exclaim happily as they bring the food to the table. You've always called any pasta 'noods' since you were a child, so it's a common thing for the boys to hear you say.

"Yes, I have them on my phone." Seungmin smirks, being cheeky. Chan looks at Seungmin.

"And you aren't sharing them with us?" The older one laughs.

"No. They're mine." Seungmin sticks his tongue out at his friend. The rest of the group start to playfully bicker with each other about the fact that only Seungmin and Felix have gotten to see you naked, even getting to fuck you at that. You roll your eyes, a smile on your face.

"Do you all really only think about seeing me nude?" You look at them all.

"No. Sometimes I think about my face buried deep in that beautiful pussy between your legs." Changbin grins at you from across the table.

"I think about taking you from behind." Hyunjin states.

You raise your brow at Chan, Minho and Jisung, wondering what their fantasies are.

"Chan and I have actually talked about double teaming you a few times." Minho grins at you and Chan. "Jisung has babbled a few times about being buried in you as I fucked him, as well." Jisung just cheekily smiles.

"You all are so dirty minded." You laugh out.

"We're a bunch of guys, babe." Seungmin drapes his arm over your shoulder. "We are friends with a drop dead gorgeous girl. Can you blame us? Plus, it's not like you haven't thought about being railed by any of them."

"Mm. Got me there." You laugh. "Now, let's eat."

——

The boys helped clean up when everyone was done eating, you all saying goodnight before they leave, Hyunjin however staying over to spend more time with Felix.

You wave goodbye to your friends as Seungmin shoos you upstairs to his room, not letting you see your room just yet. He strips down and gets in bed, patting the spot beside you, wanting you to join. You smile and strip down as well, climbing in next to him. He pulls you close and rubs your bare skin.

"I'm a bit tired today, Y/n. We worked on your room nearly all day, so I kinda wore myself out." He lays his cheek against your head.

"That's ok, Minnie. You know I don't mind." You cuddle into his side. He turns his head and softly kisses your forehead.

"You and I need to sit down so you can catch me up on the project details sometime this week." He sighs, closing his eyes. You simply nod and cuddle as close to him as you could. You honestly missed his warmth. Jeongin made you feel warm too, but Seungmin radiated body heat, like a personal heater. You both fall asleep not long after.

——

Monday morning rolled around fast, you and Seungmin in class at your normal time even though it felt like you took longer to get ready. Jeongin wasn't there yet.

"Think that weirdo is showing up today?" Seungmin plays around on his laptop, waiting for the class to start. "Oh, nope. There he is." He points with his head as Jeongin walked in, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

"Ahh. He's going to ask out this girl he likes. He said she's in this class with us." You smile, excited for your friend. Seungmin sits there for a moment before sitting up straight.

"Wait. What?" Seungmin looks at you.

"We were working on the project over the weekend and I asked him if he liked anyone and he said he liked a girl in this class, so I told him to ask her out." You look back at him, explaining. Jeongin makes his way to the back of the class where you and Seungmin sat, a wide smile on his face.

"Hi, darling." He smiles at you, you turn to face him.

"Hi, Innie." You smile back up at him.

"Darling..? Innie..? What the fuck?" Seungmin whispers, watching you and Jeongin.

"I see you got flowers. Are they for the girl you like? Did you ask her out yet?" You were genuinely curious as to who caught his eye.

"They are, and I haven't just yet." You missed the mischievous look in his eye. He sets his bag on the floor, shifting the flowers between his hands so as to not crush them.

"Well, go and ask her out. Don't lose your confidence now!" You urge him on.

"Ok, here goes nothing." He pretends to turn to walk back down the classroom before turning back to you, a look of confusion on your face.

"Y/n, darling. Would you like to go out with me?" He holds the flowers out to you. You look at him in confusion then shock. You look over at Seungmin then back to Jeongin. Seungmin was not happy, but he couldn't say anything. He clenched his jaw and held his fists under the table.

You reach up and grab the flowers, a soft smile on your face. You smell them, Jeongin waiting patiently for your answer. You look up at Jeongin once more as he takes his seat next to you.

"I'd love too, Innie." He grins wider and pulls you in for a kiss, cupping your face softly. He pulls away and hugs you, seeing that Seungmin was glaring at him. The dirty blonde sits back in his chair, crossing his arms. He wanted you happy. He always wanted you to be happy. Since he was your best friend, he wanted nothing but the best for you. He however didn't want to admit his feelings for you were real. He kept chalking it up to just wanting to fuck you, since no one else could handle how rough he was.

You and Jeongin were talking for a bit before you placed your hand on Seungmin’s arm, pulling him from his thoughts.

"Jeongin is going to go with us to pick out a bed today after classes are done. Is that ok?" You look at him with puppy dog eyes, knowing that Seungmin could never resist them.

He sighs before grumbling, "Fine. That's fine." You smile and hug him before sitting back as the professor comes in. He tells the class that you just need to work on the project for 15 minutes and then you could leave.

When class was over, Jeongin walked you to your next class, even though it didn't start for another 45 minutes. Seungmin followed quietly behind you both. You all sit on a bench outside the classroom.

"How could you not tell I was flirting with you, darling? I thought it was so obvious." He laughs, pulling your hand up to his lips, gently kissing your knuckles.

"I'm a little oblivious when it comes to that stuff." You laugh out.

"Even after this past weekend, you didn't piece it together?" He pecks your hand repeatedly with soft kisses. Seungmin groans out quietly beside you, thinking about Jeongin touching you...fucking you. It made him angry, but also hard. He enjoyed listening to his friends talk about what they wanted to do to you, thinking about watching them fuck you dumb. He got more angry that the thought of you with Jeongin got him excited. He angrily crosses his legs.

"No." You laugh. "I honestly thought we were just hooking up." Jeongin teasingly gasps and holds his chest.

"My poor heart. I get to sleep with the girl I've been pining for, and she just thinks I'm just hooking up with her." He smiles and looks at you out of the corner of his eye. You laugh again. Seungmin rolls his eyes and pulls his phone out, trying to ignore your conversation. When it's time for you to enter the classroom, Seungmin taps your arm, showing you his phone clock. You sigh and stand up.

"I'll see you at lunch?" You smile down at Jeongin.

"Of course, darling." He nods, pulling you down gently for a kiss. "I'll see you in an hour." You turn and walk into class with Seungmin.

——

Class ends and you go to the lunch room with Seungmin, getting your food and sitting at the table with your friend group. You greet your friends as you sit, Seungmin just giving them a curt nod. They look between you two.

"Are you guys...fighting?" Changbin asks. "You guys never fight. Why is Seungmin so mad?"

"I'm not mad." Seungmin says dryly. He takes a bite of his food. Just as you open your mouth, Jeongin walks up behind you and leans down to kiss your head.

"Hi, baby." He smiles and slides into the empty seat between you and Chan.

"Baby?" Hyunjin and Jisung say in unison.

"He asked me out this morning. You guys were right. He was flirting with me." You laugh. Seungmin just rolls his eyes again and eats in silence. It doesn't go unnoticed by the others. They don't say anything as to not piss him off. Jeongin smiles and wraps his arm around you, pulling you close. He kisses your temple softly. Chan smiles, happy to see his friend happy. He notices the scratch marks peeking out from under his sleeve.

"You got a cat at home, Jeongin? Seems it got you pretty good." The older boy points out.

"Hmm?" He looks where Chan is indicating. "Ahh, no, no. No pets." He laughs.

"Then what happened?" Felix asks. Jeongin simply points to you, his smile as wide as ever.

"You're a scratcher?! Y/n?! Why have you never told us?" Jisung pipes up. "You know that's one of my biggest turn ons!"

You laugh, "It never came up?" You shrug.

"Well, time to add that to the fantasy book." He mumbles.

"Hey, hey, that's my girlfriend you're talking about." Jeongin teases, laughing at the boy's reaction. "It's fine. I don't mind." He rubs your side.

You all enjoy your lunch as you talk, Seungmin not saying much. Last class rolls around and afterwards, Jeongin meets up with you and Seungmin, offering to drive you to the store to pick out your bed with you. You accept, Seungmin accepting reluctantly.

You all go inside the store, looking at all the beds. You lay on a few, looking for something you'd like. You find one and call both Jeongin and Seungmin over to lay with you. Jeongin smiles and lays down next to you. Seungmin hesitates before you pull him down next to you.

"I think I like this one." You say, smiling between the two boys.

"Then I'll get you this one, Y/n." Seungmin says, standing up. He walks over to the cashier. You sit up, watching him. Jeongin rubs your back softly, knowing you're upset.

——

The bed gets delivered the same day, Seungmin had paid extra for that to happen. The people deliver the bed and Chan and Seungmin set it up for you. You and Jeongin were sitting in the living room together, waiting for the ok to finally see your room.

"Honey!" Chan calls from the top of the stairs, making you laugh. "Come see your new room." You hear him pad back down the hall. You and Jeongin get up and go up the stairs, Jeongin playfully cups your ass on the way up. You walk down the hall past Felix's room and the bathroom, turning to where the door for your room starts.

You go in, and look around, amazed at the amount of effort Seungmin went to get your room done. Your room had a small loft area built for a little reading nook. Your bed nestled underneath. The area where your bed was had light strips under the bed and on the bed side table. On the other side of the room you had a new desk, with two monitors. You occasionally play video games with him and Felix, even though you aren't that good. You also had a mini fridge nearby to keep drinks and snacks in. You look at Seungmin, eyes watery.

"Seungmin..oh my god." You wipe your eyes.

"No, no crying. I got things I knew you'd like, and just set it up. I didn't do anything special." He waves his hand. You walk over to him and hug him tightly. He slowly wraps his arms around you and hugs you back.

——

The rest of the semester went by fairly quick, the months blending together. You, Seungmin and Jeongin getting the project done together. Seungmin eventually went back to how he used to be, just less physical with you. He didn't kiss you anymore and kept hugs and other physical touches short and quick. You all present your projects, you three getting an A+. When summer rolled around, you all made plans to hang out together, Jeongin being included in everything as he integrated into your friend group easily.

"You guys should come to my parents house, they had a pool installed last year and we need to have a pool day." Hyunjin says, looking at all of you. You all agree and plan a day. When the day to go to Hyunjin's comes along, Jeongin picks you, Felix and Seungmin up, you sitting in the front with Jeongin, Seungmin and Felix in the back. Jeongin moves his hand to your lap, gently squeezing your thigh. You had a tanktop and a pair of shorts on, covering your bathing suit, a clean set of clothes in a bag at your feet.

Seungmin looks out the window, quiet, as you all arrive at Hyunjin's parents house.

You all get out of the car and go around the side of the house to the backyard. The boys see you all and yell out a greeting. Minho was sitting on a lounge chair, away from the water, Chan, Changbin and Jisung in the water, with Hyunjin getting ready to jump off the diving board. Felix takes his shirt off and immediately runs and jumps in, scaring Changbin. Jisung looks at you and pouts.

"Why aren't you in a suit, Y/n? You kept talking about this swimsuit you found and wouldn't show any of us." Jisung asks, swimming over to the edge of the in-ground pool where you stood. Seungmin goes and sits on another lounge chair.

"I got to see it." Jeongin grabs you from behind, smirking.

"Well, you're dating her. That's obvious." Chan states, chuckling. He looks at Seungmin. "Did you get to see it, Seungmin?"

"No." He says flatly.

"Someone's in a mood." Changbin mumbles out.

Jeongin lets you go and you take your shirt and shorts off, setting them on a picnic table nearby. The swimsuit was a two piece bikini, sky blue in color. It covered everything it needed to, while still showing your skin off. The boys in the pool stop what they're doing and stare at you, Minho sitting up on his seat, lifting his sunglasses off his eyes.

"Y/nnie, you're so beautiful." Chan and Changbin say in unison. You smile and blush a little before Jeongin grabs you and jumps in the pool with you, laughing the whole time. When you emerge from the water, you smack his arm, laughing.

"INNIE!" You laugh out. "Why would you do that?" You brush your wet hair from your face. He just grins at you and leans down, kissing you deep but soft. The rest of the boys hoot and holler.

Seungmin leans back in his chair as he rolls his eyes, arms crossed. Minho leans back in his chair too, keeping his eyes on you in the water.

"They've been dating for 5 months, Seungmin. Do you think you're going to get over her? They look serious." Minho puts his sunglasses back over his eyes.

"I don't love her, Minho. Besides..." He says before getting quiet. "She's happy. I..I don't want to ruin that." He sighs.

"Seungmin. You do love her. We've all seen it." He watches as Jisung picks you up on his shoulders from under the water. He smiles, watching his boyfriend enjoy himself. "When are you going to admit it to yourself?"

Seungmin just sighs again in response. He has tried getting over his feelings, still never fully admitting that he loves you. He has hooked up with a few other girls after the first month of you and Jeongin dating, but none of them felt right. None of them could take him like you. None of them could handle how rough he could get. None of them...were you.

He rubs his face before running his fingers through his black hair, he had let his natural color grow out. He watches as you play in the water with the boys. He looked your body over, sad that the only marks on you now were from Jeongin, or the occasional one that the other boys left. They weren't sexual with you, but they enjoyed teasing you with little love bites, never leaving large ones like Jeongin did. Seungmin didn't participate in it.

Jeongin picks you up, sitting you on the edge of the pool, slipping between your legs. You giggle when he starts to kiss your stomach and up to your cleavage. You leaned forward some, so he had better reach. You place one hand on the back of his head, holding onto his wet hair.

"Hey, no sex in the pool unless we can join in!" Hyunjin says, across the pool with Felix, holding the blonde in his arms. You and Jeongin laugh. You sit up, a smile on your face. Seungmin's heart aches. He misses when he made you smile like that. He missed being the reason for your smile, for your laugh. The reason you were littered with hickies. He closes his eyes tight, feeling tears prick his eyes, opening them again when he hears Minho get up.

"I need to go save Jisung before he tries to drown himself playing chicken with Changbin on his shoulders." Minho walks around the pool and walks in using the steps, a grumpy look on his face at the contact with the water. Jeongin swims over to Seungmin after helping you back in the water. He hops out and walks over, sitting in the chair next to him.

"What do you want, Jeongin." Seungmin keeps his arms crossed, looking at the male.

"Y/n misses you, you know." He says, voice low. He leans forward, arms on his knees. Both boys focus on you. You turn towards them and smile, giving a small wave. Your smile wasn't one of your normally happy smiles. Seungmin could tell Jeongin was right, and he missed you too.

"I know. But I'm respecting her relationship with you. She deserves to be happy." He looks back at Jeongin.

"She does." He focuses back on Seungmin. "But that happiness includes you, man. I make her happy, but she was in love with you, and I know you are too. Otherwise, you never would've reacted the way you did whenever I touched her." Seungmin rubs his face again, groaning.

"Fine. Yes. I love her. Loved..her. I never realized it, and I don't know why her being with you is why I figured it out." His head falls back onto the plastic of the lawn chair.

"So ask her out." Jeongin says, sitting up. Seungmin turns his head to look at the male, eyebrows scrunched.

"What?"

"Ask. Her. Out." Jeongin enunciates.

"She's dating you, dude. I can't just ask her out." He rolls his eyes, turning his head to look straight, looking at his friend group in the pool. You were sitting on the stairs in the water, Jisung cuddled up against you, face just about in your cleavage as Changbin sat behind you, rubbing your back. Chan and Minho talking, the younger of the two sitting on the edge of the pool, feet hanging in the water. Felix and Hyunjin sat in a corner, making out.

"What if I told you, I was the one that brought up her dating both of us?" Jeongin smirks a little as Seungmin turns his head to him again.

"What?" Seungmin parrots his previous question.

"You heard me. I know you aren't deaf." Jeongin laughs.

"Why would you do that?" Seungmin sits up a bit.

"Because I love her, and I want her to be happy. If I have to share her with her best friend, I will. I genuinely do not mind it." He smiles, looking at you again. You were still holding Jisung, the boy rubbing his face in your chest a bit, making you laugh. "I mean, look at her with Jisung and Changbin. It doesn't bother me. She's told me about how the rest of them still want to sleep with her. That doesn't bother me either." He turns to look back at Seungmin.

"I..." Seungmin looks at Jeongin. "You're sure about that, Jeongin? It won't make her upset?" Seungmin looked hopeful, a small glint of happiness in his eyes.

"No. She would be more than happy. I'm sure of it." Jeongin smiles. He turns his head again to look at you before calling you over. You lift your head to look at your boyfriend before looking at Jisung who whines when he has to move to let you up. You apologize to him and Changbin before leaving the pool, walking around to him and Seungmin.

"Hi, baby. Hi, Seungmin." Jeongin gently pulls you down into his lap, making you laugh. Seungmin smiles softly at your laugh.

"Seungmin here has a question for you, darling." He kisses your collarbone softly, gently nipping your skin. You turn your head to look at Seungmin, waiting. Seungmin moves so his feet are planted on the ground, facing you and Jeongin.

"I...Jeongin and I were talking, and he told me.." He sighs, nervous. He's never been nervous, but he was afraid of losing you for good. "Do..do you want to go out with me, Y/n?" He watches you, eyes showing how nervous he was. You stare at him, standing up from Jeongin's lap. He closes his eyes tight, thinking you'll either reject him or slap him. He instead gasps softly in surprise when you cup his face, his eyes popping open to look at you.

"Do you know how long I've been waiting to hear you ask that?" You smile at him, waterline overflowing with tears.

"Oh baby.." He places a hand on your cheek, the other on your hip, pulling you into his lap. "Way too long." He kisses you softly, his own tears running down his cheeks. He has never cried for a girl like this before. It was new to you both. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. Jeongin smiles, watching you. Seungmin pulls back after a moment.

"I take that as a yes?" He grins. You laugh and wipe your eyes, gently wiping his face as you nod.

"Yes, Minnie. My god I've missed you so much." You wrap your arms around him again, pulling him in for a hug. He hugs you back tightly.

"I've missed you too, baby. So fucking much." He gently squeezes you.

"I'll let you guys have some 'alone time'." Jeongin grins before standing up. He goes and jumps back in the pool. You pull away once more, smiling down at him. You lean down and softly kiss him. He kisses you back, wrapping his arms around you. He leans back and you adjust yourself so you're straddling him. Seungmin's hands slowly run across the expanse of your back, skin still wet from the pool. His hands eventually slipping down to your ass, rubbing and squeezing it.

"God, I've missed your ass so much." He mumbles against your lips.

"Is that all you've missed?" You giggle. He shakes his head and shifts his gaze down to your breasts, slipping one hand up to your swim top. He slides one finger inside it and gently pulls it down to expose your nipple before leaning forward to suck it into his mouth.

"I've missed these.." he gently sucks and licks before pulling away, covering you back up. "And this.." his hand slips down your front, cupping you through your bottoms. You let out a quiet breathy moan. You grind against his hand a bit, closing your eyes.

"Ahh..Seungmin.." You moan out, breathy.

"Yes, baby?" He was watching your face.

"I need you, please." You grind against his hand again.

"The boys are right behind us." He points out.

"Don't care. Need you.." You open your eyes and slip your fingers into the waistband of his shorts. He nods and carefully moves his shorts down enough to let his hard cock spring out. He carefully maneuvers your swim bottoms so he can slide in you when you lower yourself. You both moan out softly. You notice the boys getting quiet behind you.

"I said no sex in the pool unless we can join in!" Hyunjin calls out.

"Not in the pool, Hwang!' Seungmin calls back. He places his hands on your hips and helps guide you as you take all of him. You moan out, a little louder than before. Seungmin looks around you when he hears the sound of the water. All the boys had come over to watch you and Seungmin. He rolls his eyes and chuckles. "We have an audience, Y/n."

You turn your head to look over your shoulder, laughing when you see them. You turn back to Seungmin, with a smile still on your face. "Let's give them a show then." He grins wide. You lean down and whisper in his ear. "Be rough with me. I missed it."

Seungmin groans out, cock twitching inside you. He slowly helps you bounce on him, watching as his cock disappears inside you.

"Fuck, I missed this.." He holds your hips before wrapping his arms around you. He carefully gets up and brings you closer to the pool, you wrapping your legs around his waist, stopping at the edge where the grass ends. He kneels down and lays you both down, him on top of you. "You guys wanted to watch, so here's a better view." He grabs your swim top, pulling it up off your breasts. Some of the boys groan out. Seungmin sits up and rubs your thighs, slowly fucking into you.

You moan out his name quietly, eyes half lidded. He starts to pick up his pace, getting a little rougher. He leans down again and captures your nipple in his mouth, grabbing the other and playing with your nipple. He pulls back, your nipple lightly pinched between his teeth before he let's go. He grabs your legs and places your ankles on his shoulders. He fucks into you hard and deep. He looks over at the guys watching. Jeongin was smirking, watching you be fucked. The others looked like they wanted to jump in.

Seungmin fucks into you hard and deep before pulling out. He has you turn over on your hands and knees before he slams right back into you, making you moan loudly. Your friends get louder, enjoying the view. He pulls at least two orgasms out of you before he cums deep into you. He leans down, breathing hard against your back. He places soft kisses along your skin as you breathe hard.

He pulls out and fixes your swim suit for you. You sit up and turn around to face him, he grabs your jaw and kisses you deeply again. Your friends hollering beside you, happy for you both. Jeongin climbs out of the pool just as you both stand up.

"Let's go home, yeah?" He grins at you and Seungmin. Seungmin looks at you and you nod, smiling wide.

"All of us?" Seungmin was quiet when he asked. You look at him and nod again.

"All of us." You kiss his cheek and stand up. He stands up not long after. You all go back to Jeongin's car, and he brings you back to your flat.

You enjoy the rest of the summer with your boyfriends. Seungmin was back to his old self, but much more loving with you. Jeongin was still gentle with you, but he had his moments where he was rough. It was a fun time when they were rough with you together. Life couldn't be any better for you.