#thatfrailsoul

[thatfrailsoul]

– If you love me, then love me from the heart

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

pictures from pinterest → one, two, three

Slow down for a moment. Give your conscious mind a moment of rest, allow it to step back. Instead, listen to your subconscious mind, to that inner voice, to the intuition that is guiding you to the pile in which your message hides. A message about the love that your heart is longing for. The one that you are hoping to find…

This is our third reading from our divinatory jukebox, inspired by possibly one of the most beautiful songs that I've ever heard - "Yağmur Yağar Taş Üstüne" by Mustafa Güzel and Batuhan Fırat (feat. Belkıs Güzel). I'm so deeply grateful for the person that suggested this song and gave us the possibility not only to discover it, but also to have such a deep and tender message through this reading. It is difficult to find the correct translation for this song, but I strongly encourage you to listen and read it, as it is simply magical in the softest way. I will leave you the links that were recommended to me here, in case you would like to listen to it. And if you would like to see a pick a pile reading inspired by your favourite song, you can discover more about how to participate here↓♡!

♪♡♪ Divinatory Jukebox ♪♡♪

P.s. This is my first attempt at a longer reading, so if you feel comfortable please let me know in the comments what you think of it! If you prefer the shorter ones, if there is any aspect of the reading that makes it difficult for you to read it, or in case you will take a look at the extended version of this reading, if you would prefer to have something more specific in the additional messages of our readings - I will cherish your opinion and use it to get better with each post!♡

– Pile One,

{ The love that you are longing for }

the magician, the seven of swords, the page of coins

Love… you so often consider it just a feeling. A feeling that after all these years alive you still can really connect only to your own self. To you who seems to be the only one to feel it. To give it. While all that others do is receive it from you. Giving you back some gratitude perhaps, but never something that feels like what you gave them. Nothing that really fills in that part of you that was emptied for them… Making you really wonder if perhaps you got it wrong for all this time, if what you considered love never was it. If you imagined and expected it to be more, made it be more. Giving others much more than any person could ever give you in return, more than you ever should've done…

All that attention, that care, that genuine dedication that you put in, time after time, for every soul that was close, going out of your way to be there, right by their side for whatever might come… But still standing alone when facing your hardships, your difficult moments. Only you on the first line, out there in the cold, just you against this world… You genuinely never thought that this is what love would be. You expected something different from what you always received from others before. A complete opposite of having to do everything on your own, of that fear of what will happen to you if one day things in your life won't work anymore. You thought that it should be different from that because you know for sure that all those years of struggle alone never had even a bit of love in them, not from the people that were all that time around and close to you, but never did anything to help you, apart from telling you that this is how it works and that you should grow and take care of yourself on your own.

You alway imagined it, in those dark and painful nights, a hug, a caressing hand, a soft voice that assures you that everything will be okay, that it won't be forever this way, that you are not alone but you will always have them… So you did your best to be deserving, manifesting those tender and loving ways through your own self. Through the way you looked after others, the way you cared for them. Not only knowing that this is the right way to treat others, the way you genuinely want to be, but that it will be also worth it, that you will one day feel the love you gave, through others that will do the same… But it never came. You never saw your reflection in them, you never saw that part of your heart that you gave away being nourished and taken care of… it was always mostly just appreciated in the moment. And forgotten. Or worst, taken advantage of by expecting or asking more. So after all these tears, all the days dedicated to others instead of yourself, all your prayers for help and support, just a little comfort, that you never received because they are too busy to take a moment to give you back that love that you never declined them…. You started to think that you are in the wrong. That the love you always waited for is just a dream that the real concept of love can’t live up to. No matter how much you can look for it or want it. It is simply not something possible. And you are asking for too much.

{ What this is all for }

the judgement, the ace of swords, the lovers

This world, this life in general… has a really unique way of helping us to learn, of guiding us in or through the right direction and path, of letting us know that everything will be alright… Their language is so different from ours that we really struggle to understand it, those words that come in the form of pure feelings directly from within us. The ones that we should trust the most but never do so. Especially when it comes to love, something that we so much idealise, something that we have so much desire for.

Your heart is so sincerely tired, it went through so many betrayals and wounds inflicted by those that you tried to love. To the point that it simply feels that heaviness, that weight of this experience that you never really wanted to begin with. So you feel like you are ready for something else, for that love that you did all of this for, if it even exists at all. But are you really sure of it..? Of knowing so well the person that you would like to have by your side each day, their character, their behaviour, their values? Are you sure that you really did look for them and not just anyone who seemed to be able to love? Are you sure that you really know your worth and the one of your love, how one must love you in order to really give you all that your heart needs and wants? Or did you think that you knew it before, and now you are settling for much less than you are deserving of, because of the overwhelming loneliness and fear that it will be this way for the rest of your days unless you accept whatever one gives you in return? Are you sure that you are remaining loyal to your own self and your soul, instead of trying to “sell” it to whoever is close and good enough?

Because, even though perhaps you are not doing it consciously, but you are changing. Little by little. Not in terms of who you are, but in the ones of who you allow others to consider you. Leaving it up to them to decide how much you deserve, what is the worth of your love and care that you give them after letting them in, where only the most sincere, genuine and trustworthy should belong. You just give them your all. Every single time. Without any limit or hesitation. Not even when all that you receive is another rude phrase, some judgement, coldness and distance once they got up and healed thanks to your love. You just do it. For everyone. Not choosing carefully, but treating every soul as the right one. And not in a good sense. Instead, you are not listening anymore to your own intuition or feelings, not trusting your own mind that recognises the things that are too off. You are just rushing in this hunt for “the one” as the time passes and you feel more and more scared and alone. You are throwing yourself at every possible connection, all in, wandering each time that it goes wrong what you did too little or too much of. And not realising anymore that it is not about how you love, if it is in the right way or the wrong one… But rather who you choose, even force yourself, to love. And how they are simply not the right one, no matter how much you sacrifice of your own values and preferences, just to make them fit in the place that it is not theirs to hold.

All these bad endings, failures, mistakes that you consider yours to be responsible for… Are just a natural consequence of you settling for less than you really desire and need in order to feel loved. All that sadness, that loneliness… are only your subconscious, your own heart that you willingly ignored at first, but that after some time managed to be heard by you, letting you know that the way you are treated, the crumbs that you accept, will never truly be enough.

Those endings, those coincidences that are never in your favour, those interferences in your connections from the outside world… are just its efforts to protect you and communicate with you, trying to show you that refusing your own standards is not what can help you find them, that right person that you can truly feel safe and understood with… Adapting to another person and changing, it is not what will make them love you like you want. It will only keep you stuck in a play pretend. Put you in situations and relationships that you won’t feel appreciated and cherished in. It will consume you from inside out, slowly but surely, just because that one time you believed more others, than your own self that always knew what was best and right for you, what you really wanted to feel and who you wanted to have with you…

The time already passed, you already got through so much. You can’t do anything about it, and it is alright. But you can do yourself a favour and listen again to your own heart, before following that overwhelming fear and anxiety of being left alone in the cold and the dark. Your heart, your love, they are unique. But not at all the only ones. There is a soul, out there, that is your perfect reflection, someone who resonates so much with your ways of feeling love. And you can and will find them. The moment you stop seeing all that happened and you went through as the mistakes you made, ways that you can be better by being more or less… And start to see them as simply were and when the things didn't feel right for your heart, for who you are. Because those things that you felt the lack of, or perhaps as though it is just too much, are the ones that you need to hold onto, to look for in others. Instead of ignoring them, just so you can fit in the perfect version of love of someone and they can accept you, even though you are not theirs to love…

Although it seems so easy to do through words… We know too well that sometimes it is not enough to just choose to listen to our heart more. It is not always enough when we, in a certain way, forget its language, when we are not able anymore to comprehend it and separate it from the voice of our mind that we learned to follow… For this reason, there is an additional message for you, if you want to, in our extended version of this reading. What you need to know and remember as you continue on this journey, in this search of the right person for you, but also of the confidence and trust in your own heart, that will be the things that will change everything about the situation in which you are now.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

– Pile Two,

{ The love that you are longing for }

the wheel of fortune, the sun, the devil

It happened so many times… So often you felt overwhelmed, completely overtaken, by the life of someone you loved… Their problems, their difficulties, their fears that became yours. Yours to resolve, yours to take care of, yours to endure, even though you never could really influence them, not the things that depended on their actions, their decisions. Not when it was something that was purely theirs to create, destroy and live… It happened so many times, truly. You felt so often the urge to be there for someone, just because you knew them, just because you saw their struggle and couldn't help but to try to save them. Because this is what everyone deserves, yes… But with those that had a special place in your heart, those that you felt so close to you, so needed as the air you breathe, there never was a chance for you to say no. Not when your heart so ardently fought for them each day, no matter if it was your battle, your victory to take or not.

One by one they took a part of your life from you, gladly accepting your love, your support and help. And leaving it all to you, to your heart and mind that never were supposed to live so many lives, go through so many situations and emotions, bear so many consequences that were coming from actions that simply weren't yours. And they took it from you. That time and energy, the courage and strength that otherwise would have gone to you, to your own healing, growth and protection. They took it all from you and, worst of all, they were able to do so thanks to you. You who gave it to them, all that you had, in the name of the love that you felt. You that not even once regretted it. Not in the moment at least…

They took so much from you, making you get used to it, to have so little, to give away so much… That now, for once, you want to find someone different. Someone who will not take advantage of your heart. Someone who will understand that, no matter how much you want and try, it is not the right thing to leave it all up to you, to handle their life… Someone who, for once, just knows more, knows better. Someone who can teach you, gently, softly, as they protect you from your own self, from your own urge to disintegrate yourself for the happiness and safety of someone else.

For once… you want to be overwhelmed by someone's joy, their hope, their desire to be here and to live this life. Their strength to choose to see the best aspects of the things. Their strength to be patient, to have faith, to believe that everything will work out in the end. For once you want to receive that strength, not to give it away. For once you want to be protected, guided, as you trust someone who doesn't expect you to lead the way out of the darkness of their days…

It might sound selfish to some, so entitled to look for someone who has it all figured out, who has better and more control of their life… But you are simply tired. And a little lost, if one can say the truth. Tired of figuring everything out constantly, keeping others above the water, as they push you down, never thinking of the air they are taking away from you. It’s not about an easier life, about receiving constant help or guidance, leaving it up to others to make the choice for you… It is about just wanting to have something that is left for your own self too. A little time, a little love, that you can give yourself without being afraid that in the meantime someone would get upset or hurt. You just want to be able to take care of yourself too, not only of those that you love, of your connections, of your situations, that seem to be destroyed each moment you are not looking after them. You just want to have someone that is by your side, living their life, instead of living yours that becomes so scarily about them, their necessities, their dreams, their worry and losses. You just want someone to learn from, or together, how to live this life in the most right and healthy, loving way. Not to teach it. While you yourself don't have any idea of how you are still here, how you made it until now every day.

{ Will you ever find someone like them }

the justice, the eight of wands, the queen of wands

This new and almost desperate desire in your heart now, might feel a lot like frustration, the last realisation of how things should've been when everything already happened, when it is too late to change them… But instead of a tragic end, it is more of a hopeful and promising beginning. The one that you are creating with your each thought, with each moment of understanding of what it is that you really want to feel, when sharing your love. The taste of it, the feeling, the emotions it can give you. With each found answer in your heart you are changing your life, much more than you expect now. Because it really is all about your choices. Your decision of who you will be accepting into your life from now on.

There is a part of you that is growing, getting stronger, preparing to be vigilant and serious about its duty: the one to protect your heart. One little thought created by the tiredness, the sadness of all that you endured… was enough to move the waves of the whole world, of the reality around you. Of who will be brought right to you, and who will be pulled back, not being the right ones. Changing your connections one step, one person at a time. Giving you back the right to decide for yourself, making you remember that you can in fact do it, you can choose the ones dear to your heart.

And it won’t be delusion, entitlement, selfishness, or any sort of limit that you will put on your heart… It will be just you, all grown up, who will now know that it is okay to not take it all on yourself, whatever and whoever comes, because of the fear of what not doing it will cause. It will be your understanding that people can and will make it through on their own, even if they are so afraid or feel incapable of facing their life right now. And it will be also your acceptance that not every story you hear is yours to live, to feel, to make sure it has a good ending. Not everyone is yours to protect and help. Not everyone has the right to come before your own self.

It might be a change that will take its time to settle in, especially in your heart that is just so full of love. Love that you didn't give yourself for so long, pouring it all in the needing hands of those by your side. But it will happen. It will feel safe and right, to allow yourself to choose how much the realities of others influence your life. And as you will go through it, as you will seek that courage and strength… It will be enough to remember that everything will be okay. Even in those moments of uncertainty, it will be enough to hold on tight to the message that we will receive, if you want to, in the extended version of this reading. A message about how you can and will change your life.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

– Pile Three,

{ The love that you are longing for }

the ten of wands, the star, the death

It is so difficult to need to explain yourself, your actions, your urges, your reactions. It is tiring to open up your mind and your heart sharing them with others, again and again. Just for them to not understand it, to not pay the slightest of attention, to not take it seriously, all those things that are still consuming your soul… It just feels so useless to go through it, to come out of your comfort zone so hopeful that they would be that right person… only to see them walk away, who scared, who uncomfortable, who deluded or bored. Leaving you feeling like a poor seller who is unable to demonstrate the worth of your broken, lived, soul. When you don't even want to do it in the first place. When it is so ridiculous that you need constantly and so fiercely to defend or explain your wounds, as if they didn't already hurt enough.

It just consumes you. Consumes your every desire to go out there, interact and try to connect with people, creating with such dedication a relationship that - you know it too well - will just be destroyed. By your own past, your own frail soul that is too difficult for others to manage, to use or control. Too delicate to do anything with it without hurting it more.

Deep down you know that not every single person you met was truly so evil at their core. But it still hurts you like hell, being rejected, just put aside, simply because of the way you feel so strongly and deeply every detail about this world. Just because you have more depth to your feelings, more power to the emotions that simply overwhelm you, good or bad, every single bit of them that fills you whole. And that you welcome and feel completely, still remembering how cold and dark it was when there weren't any emotions in you at all.

It just would've been much easier, for once, to not have the need to defend yourself, the way you became. If for once the one in front of you focused on who you are now, and not on who you were or who you could become if only you suppress your soul. Because you changed, yes, and it might be sad to not have that spark that others adored so much about you anymore. But the you who survived still and always deserves the same admiration and love, perhaps even more, after all that you were able to endure. This you who is so different is still you. The you who gave you the strength and courage to face it all. The you who shouldn't at all be forced to explain yourself to those that can't even do one thing: just listen to you, hear you truly, at least for once.

Because it is not so difficult, in the end, to just accept someone and love them for the way they are, without any if or but. You know it well, because you always did it and always do with everyone that is close to you. But while they can be themselves, knowing that they will be truly safe with you, their every wound that will be taken care of without any judgement or expectation to receive something in return… You are always asked to be less or more. To hide your pain, to be more joyful. To not react too much to the things that hurt you. To, instead, be more understanding and patient, accepting, of the ways of others. Even though they never tolerate yours.

So you remain here, among so many of them but still feeling so lonely, so trapped, exactly like it used to feel before. You still are being hurt, even though you had so much courage in not hiding yourself, your scars. Even though you learned to have the needed strength to stand your ground when others didn't see that they were stepping on your heart… And you still hope. That one day, somewhere and someone, for once will just feel drawn to you. Not a memory of you or your potential change. Just someone who, for once, is gentle and kind in their ways. Not because you asked them to, not because they were forced by your tears… But just because they are connected enough to their own heart. Enough to recognise the painfully familiar stories behind your tired and scared eyes. Just one person, just one single time would be enough. Just one single moment in which you would feel loved and cherished the way you are, even with all those fears and doubts that everyone has always something to say about. Just one true and genuine connection. One single chance for your heart to find again the hope that you, exactly the way you are now after all your battles, not less not more, will be enough.

{ You are not in the wrong }

the page of coins, the strength, the six of cups

Finally standing up for yourself, taking your defence, pushing back those that don't make you anymore feel safe… it took a lot of courage, especially when every decision that was already hard enough was also met with judgement, with pure rage, just because for once you weren't ready to be there for someone else. But while you thought that the worst part will be this, finding the strength to prioritise yourself, the most difficult part revealed itself to be resisting the urge to take all your words back, bowing your head, surrendering to discourses of others about how you shouldn't ever do that again, and coming back to your old and consumed self, asking it to endure it once again. But this time with the full awareness of how it is wrong, to give away so much of you, remaining with so little that it is never enough to take care of your own heart and mind…

You are resisting it now with all your strength, but the single thought that they might be right, that you are indeed acting too selfishly, is already enough to shake you to your core, to fill you with the pure terror that you might be becoming one of those that hurt you, coming down to their level without realising what you've done.

But you are not. I promise you. There is nothing wrong in putting yourself first for once. There are no mistakes when you are acting from your heart, from the pure desire to protect yourself now that you are realising that it all just has been too much. You are not the villain here, even if perhaps there isn't one among them either. There is no evil in knowing what you deserve and want, and not accepting nothing less from others, even if they so perfectly mask it with words like “It is the way I love”, “This is the best for you, the best you can ever find or hope for”...

You’ve endured a lot, so much that it is truly non conceivable and admissible that someone belittles it. That someone doesn't give it the importance and incredibly powerful and heart wrenching meaning that you surviving all of that holds. Don't stop for them, for their fears that you will change. Because it has already happened, in the good and in the bad. And if someone can't accept and respect the new you, if they, even in the name of their love, can't accept you… then it is okay. There will be someone else. Someone else who will meet you, get to know you, and learn to appreciate and cherish you for the way you are now, not a memory of who you were.

It might be sad to let go of some people, to lose some connections. It might be frustrating to see their absolute conviction that you are the one in the wrong… But you are tired now, you feel weak after needing to fight against them again and again just to protect yourself… so don't waste your last remaining energy on them, on proving them wrong when they already ended this story as it is more convenient for them in their head. Let them go. Let them be. Not to allow them to think that they are right. But for your own self and to give you that space and time to rest and recover, to take care of yourself.

This world is vast, there are so many of us. Remaining now for a moment alone… doesn't at all condemn you to have all the days of your life lonely and cold. It is just a phase, just a precious moment that will sign a new step in your growth, in how much you consider your own worth and protect yourself at all costs. People come and go. Some are good and some are not. But you are unique, you are the only one you have, the most important person that you need to love and take care of. Even if it means to not accept the love of others, simply because it is so different from what you are longing for. Even if it means to reject the company that you so much want, because they never offer it genuinely but only when it is so convenient and needed for them.

Times will change, you'll start new journeys, go through different paths that will align with others, new and completely different persons. And you'll create new connections, better ones. Better because of the ways and motives of those that will come closer. Better because you will be much more rested, healed and confident after this focus on yourself and this pause. Better because there won't be any play pretend, endurance or feelings that will be ignored. It will be better. Simply because you will learn from your mistakes, you will grow. And so will those that you will let go of, but not at your own expense and endurance of the way your heart hurts for them. Because they might not realise it now, they might be so convinced that you are the one hurting them… but you are making the best decision not only for your own self, but even for them. You are giving all of you a new chance. A chance that you for sure will take and use it to nourish a new beginning in your life, new connections that will love you, cherish you, protect you at all costs. Exactly like it should be between truly loving souls.

And if it feels still a little too overwhelming, a little too scary and unsure, the decision to put yourself first… There is a little message about the future, at what it holds, in our extended version of this reading, right here, if you want or feel the need to hear more.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

_

[thatfrailsoul]

– Nourishing your soul, treasuring your bonds

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

("Sleeping Beauty in the Wood", Maxfield Parrish)

It is already challenging enough to find within ourselves the courage to be who we want, who we truly are... Enough to assume that once done that - there is nothing, no one, else to worry about... And yet here you are. Pressured by this doubt that you shouldn't have in the first place. The one that choosing your own self - your goal, desires, your needs - might be not right for you, or even worse... not aligned with the path of your loved ones.

So... are you doing the right thing by choosing yourself? Will the ones you cherish understand and help you with this journey? Will your paths still remain aligned, side by side? Can you really do this for yourself, without being forced to say to them goodby?

Slow down for a moment. Breathe. Listen to your heart, to its rhythm. Allow it to speak to you. And choose the image that seems so familiar, calling so strongly your heart. Remembering that, whatever the message might be, you are free to listen to it or to let go. Without the need to make it fit. Because your true answer will always find you, the moment you will be really ready and will have the need.

_

A little message to the beautiful soul that requested this reading: Your questions truly moved me. I felt them deep down, as I too asked myself the same things so many times... So I wanted to do my best by looking closely at each question on your mind. It will be a slightly long reading... But I hope that it will give you the clarity that you are trying to find.

_

– Pile One,

three of swords, six of cups, the hermit

When we are growing, feeling the real change in ourselves, in the parts of us that for so long we didn't take care of and forgot... It is inevitable to feel more deeply, to see things that we never noticed before. In the world around us. In our life. In the people by our side. It is inevitable to, suddenly, feel resistance, perhaps judgment from some and even concern from others... Exactly in those things and actions that are so connected to us feeling better, stronger, more confident about what we deserve and who we are...

And it's confusing, you know. First comes the hurt and frustration, of doing all this work but not being seen, congratulated, appreciated for the new aura radiating from us and that makes us so proud. Almost like they don't like and don't want the better version of us... Then comes in the doubt and fear that it is the truth. That what you know for sure is the best thing for you... It's something that is so inconvenient for them. That perhaps, unconsciously, you once again became fond of people that were just so good at wearing a mask. Hiding underneath their true them, that is so different from who you want by your side and who you want to become.

And all of these doubts and convictions are so overwhelming for your mind. The only place where you have the courage to think about it, to consider, to try to find a solution... Because just speaking up and asking them about it out loud... feels so risky, so dangerous. Something that will be the end of a bond that perhaps is completely fine, and that you are complicating on your own in your mind.

But the thing is... Although we can indeed sometimes misunderstand one intention for another, through their actions or their words... There are only so many times that you can wrongly read the room or their tone while they are speaking their mind. Even if you convince yourself that sometimes you are a little too defensive or feeling a little "too much"... you are not naive. You are not completely new to this world. You already had these doubts, these uneasy feelings, these intuitions or fears about those by your side. It's not the first time that you are being supported on your decisions or journeys, and in the same way it's not the first time that you discover that someone is not in fact your "ride or die".

And this exact fact that it is not the first time, of fearing to need to let go of someone, being so affectionate but at the same time aware that you are for some reason not aligned, makes it all so incredibly hard... that you wander if perhaps making a step back and leaving the things the way they were, might be better than creating so many changes and chaos in your life.

But you are doing the right thing, you really and truly do. You didn't go so far, found this strength and courage, to doubt this journey now. Now that you are already halfway through it. So close to the finishing line. You didn't go through all of this for yourself, to ask then if everything will be fine, if they will in the end understand, accept the new you and stay... When what you truly want and are afraid to know is if you indeed need to let go of them as you are feeling now. If you need to leave behind those that judge so much who you are becoming, already hurting a version of you that is still so new, even if it will hurt so much your heart.

You already know all of this deep down, that it might indeed be the necessary thing to do. And you are also aware of the fact that you don't really want to do it, to choose between you and them, losing one or another, not being able to maintain both. You remember how difficult it is, feeling, being alone. And it only complicates everything. A decision that you are not able to make because both options see you suffering, because of others or of the void left in the place where they used to be.

So... Let me rephrase it a little for you: do you really want to need to justify your decisions or who you are, constantly defending yourself from those that should support and appreciate you and your life? Are you really ready for a constant battle with those by your side?

Because, are you doing the right thing by choosing yourself or not, is not even a question that should cross your mind. You are on the right path. You are doing the right thing. You are doing just fine. You are actually making the most important steps in manifesting on your own that life that you want to experience and enjoy. Starting from you. And through you - with those around you.

And this moment of resistance, this moment of you seeing so much difference between you and others in your life, it's not a way of the Universe to tell you that you are making the wrong decision, becoming too different and less relevant or appealing to those that you want with you. But it's rather a way to make you understand that not everyone can or needs to stay here for a lifetime. Not everyone can be satisfied and completely aligned with what you have in mind. And if there is a right way to choose who to have by your side... well it's for sure by sharing your feellings and thoughts, your desires and intentions, openly. Seeing who feels excited for you, who is proud of you and understands... Or who is feeling hurt, only because for once you are prioritizing your own self and what is the best for your life.

We indeed are, at some extent, the people that we have by our side. They influence us in how they treat us, their opinions, their convictions in which we start to believe too. They form you, consciously or not, through the ways they support you or judge you, limiting your decisions or your steps.

So don't hide in your mind for the sake of others. Don't try to analyse or understand all on your own. Looking for a solution to make everyone happy and satisfied. Think only about yourself now, exactly like this journey requires. Follow your own plan and path. And allow others to be themselves, like you are the true you now. Even if it means that your paths will go different ways. Because no matter how sad or difficult, it is still fine. To be different and to live different lives.

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Two,

the four of cups, the eight of coins, the ten of cups

Look at you - you are just blooming. With all the courage and strength that you've found to finally and truly take care of yourself. To nourish your soul, make it smile and feel free and alive. You got through so much, through so many new and uncomfortable steps. You faced and made peace with so many parts of you that were consuming you, filling you with anger, fear and despair...

You did it. You truly did. But you managed to do so by hiding yourself. Creating that safe space away from everyone. From their opinions, "advices" regarding your life and how you should make it through. From all the people that talked so much, but so rarely listened to you. Becoming for yourself, on your own, the closest and dearest person by your side. The one that you can truly trust your heart with, the one that can so gently calm your mind. You connected to yourself so deeply, finding so much within yourself... that you don't really feel the need to have someone else. Especially those that remained their old self, not changing even a bit in this time that you spent by yourself.

And now that you "came back", felt strong and confident enough to meet them once again... The difference between you, the moments of silence or of the conflicts, were just too loud. And where before you felt uncomfortable, you just started feeling completely out of place now. Seeing only strangers in a life that is supposedly full of people, so many of them by your side.

But there is a thing about you... About how you don't really accept the idea of giving up, of considering something, someone, a lost cause. You didn't do it for yourself, demonstrating how much a person can change, grow and start to shine again. And you don't want to do it for them, for those that... You really do want to see one day understanding you, the way you see and feel this world, perhaps finally appreciating you, cherishing you the same way you learned to do it with your own self and them too.

And you can really do it. You can really see this change in them one day, even if now it seems so impossible to find a way to speak to them more deeply, enough to touch their soul and give them a new goal, a new hope. It will happen. It is already happening now. Because of you.

With your courage, or despair, in finding your true self, in taking care of yourself, you unconsciously created an example. You demonstrated silently that there is no need to suffer and be pressured by a version of you that just doesn't fit you so well anymore. You showed that, although something so new and perhaps complicated at first to do - it is so worth it. To open up. To your own self and to others. To this life, the things that it always teaches us, but that we sometimes are not so ready to learn and make ours.

You created something so beautiful, by simply choosing yourself no matter what. Like a little seed that you hid in their subconscious mind, it started to grow, manifesting itself in their actions and decisions. That for once started to be for themselves, for their good, for their safety and wellbeing. Unlocking a new version of them, that sees so much more now in their life and their bonds. Cherishing every moment more.

It might not be something that you can see already now, not when it is something so little, that even they are only now starting to notice and appreciate more... And not everyone will bloom and grow... But those that will, they will surprise you so profoundly, they will surprise themselves. In seeing how much your paths evolved and changed, aligning themselves even though you both started to feel like it is time to let each other go.

You will rediscover each other, get to know again so many people that you were convinced to already know, finding out how actually similar, closer your hearts are. But... Just give it time. Be patient, the same way you were with yourself and the journey that you were on all this time. They are growing too, they are changing, and it is something that goes so differently for every person, that requires a different rhythm and pace from perhaps the ones that were comfortable and right for your soul.

Don't worry about it, everything will be fine. Continue to focus on yourself, on protecting your new boundaries and expressing your new ideas and passions. Gently, sweetly, exactly like the way you are. Radiating your beautiful light, and showing others a way to find their own right path.

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Three,

the knight of cups, the king of swords and the six of coins

When we start to strive for more, to have this deep need for a change, for a better life and us... It is sometimes almost impossible to not be overwhelmed with all that motivation and energy. With that desire to do everything at once, making progress as fast as possible and being finally able to enjoy this better life.

It is so difficult to not get caught up in all of this... That sometimes this incredible glow around your soul that grows so beautifully - just starts to blind your own eyes and mind. Making you see - where at first there was so much enthusiasm, motivation, exciting new steps - just so many more sacrifices and things to do. Just for a chance to live well and feel good.

And it just drags you back down. In that discouragement and tiredness, in that doubt of really being ready to start this journey. Of wanting it truly at all. And while you fall back in this spiral, in this paralysis of not knowing what is best or worse, if to need to work for a new life enduring again all those challenges and battles... Or to continue this one even though it just doesn't speak anymore to your soul... In all of this your mind is just working too much. Day after day, doubt after doubt, making you forget a little but important detail: you don't need to do it all alone.

Yes it was you idea, yes it is indeed your story, your life that you are doing all of this for... But a journey is not always so limited to only one soul. It is not always meant to be faced on your own. But you assumed it, too caught up in these emotions that a start of a new journey filled your heart. You isolated yourself, hid yourself from this life that doesn't suit you anymore, and from the people around you that just didn't felt aligned. You hid yourself, and started to create everything from scratch on your own. Facing so many new things and questions that you never considered before. Refusing to ask for help, to have opinions of others, because you knew for sure that the same way they never understood they won't do it now too... You convinced yourself of this. Taking away from you perhaps one of the most powerful and beautiful details of a journey: the strength and courage that gives you the not being alone.

It is true that, no matter how much you love those by your side, they are still so different in the way they see and feel this world, in how they want to experience this life... But different is not always negative. It is not necessarily source of judgment, lack of understanding and appreciation, lack of support... Sometimes, exactly that "different" is what can help you find new solutions, answers, new ways of overcoming an obstacle on the road you are trying to walk. Sometimes it is exactly that support and needed hand that can help you navigate your emotions and doubts.

They are different. But this doesn't mean that they don't love you or don't want to see you bloom as the most beautiful flower of this world. They are here for you, and they show it in the only way, from the only perspective that they know... But they can also do it differently, if only you let them learn, allow them to understand fully what is it that you are looking for.

They have so many other versions of perceptions and opinions different from yours. But this is where their strength is. This is where the strength that they can give you is. So many new ways of facing things, of advices, of experiences, of more delicate or more straightforward approaches. So much help that they can give you on your journey, if only you allow them to.

Don't hide yourself, don't assume that they will not understand. Because there is nothing that they want more - to help you be your authentic and most confident self. You grew up, you changed, your mind learned so well to be open to others and their ways. And they can do it too. If you allow them to learn from you. To stay by your side as you make your first steps, to see you, to feel you. And to protect and guide you, helping you to don't doubt, to don't be afraid, and to believe in yourself.

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

_

[thatfrailsoul]

– The one dear to your heart

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

( pictures from pinterest : one, two, three )

For your every step closer, guided by the purest and most genuine and loving intentions, filled with the only desire to maintain and nourish this bond... There are always more steps further, far away from you, that they make frenetically, putting even more distance between your hearts, willingly tearing this connection apart... So is it even worth it? To fight for someone that seems to do so much just to hurt you and push you away? Is it really worth it, to be so patient, to try so hard to adapt or get used to their ways? Or is your hope that all of this is just a big misunderstanding that hides their desire to have you in their life... Just a dream that will never be realised?

Slow down for a moment. Give your mind a moment of rest, allow it to step back. And listen to your heart instead, to that inner voice, to the intuition that is guiding you to the pile in which your message hides.

And if you have a moment to spare before scrolling down to your message, there is something that I would be really grateful to know your opinion about, so I can make this blog as comfortable as possible.♡

Are the previews/ descriptions at the beginning of a pick a pile reading as this one helpful? Are they able to let you know what this reading will be about and if you are interested in it? Or is this something that is not necessary, or even too much for you? Would you prefer to have a shorter "intro" to a reading, perhaps in form of the questions that we will answer in that post? Or is it more comfortable for you to don't have any intro at all?

Thank you so much for letting me know! ♡

– Pile One,

the hanged man, the seven of swords, the two of swords

There is so much love, true and genuine affection in your heart. There is so much that you feel towards them, so much that you have and are ready to give to them, only to protect them and make them feel safe by your side... There is so much in your eyes when your gaze meets theirs, that is simply impossible to not understand it. It is impossible for them to not be aware of how much they are important to you, the place that they already have in your heart...

But it is also in the same way impossible for them to not be aware of how dangerous it is for you. To be so ready to sacrifice so much of yourself for someone that keeps on pushing you back. They can't ignore how not right it is, to accept such a genuine attention, even if it heals their wounds and scars. They know that they don't deserve, they are simply not ready, to be the one that your heart cares for so much.

They are aware of it, they understand it so well, they never would want to make you go through so much... But at the same time it is the only way that they know to be efficient, in protecting those that they are hurting, even when it's what they least desire. It's the only way that they have enough strength and courage for. The easiest one to make you understand how dangerous and wrong it is for you to stay by their side.

They are honest, for once, they are showing simply and truly who they are, what is going on in their mind and their heart right now. They are showing it all to you, just the way it is, so confusing, so complicated, so painful and so wrong. They do so in hopes that you understand it yourself, that you let go on you own...

Because there isn't any play in place, there aren't any lies or deeper secrets and realities, perhaps emotions that you still hope to find. There is only a really tired and confused soul, that is going through so much, but that really wants to work on it... on their own. So they don't hurt anyone in the meantime, so they don't feel guilty for something that they did without realising, for the promises that they were not able to respect for one reason or another... Just so they can manage and be responsible only for them, what they do only to themselves, not to others that don't deserve to go through it at all.

But your affection, your care and almost annoying hope and patience with them... Is so difficult to deal with. Because you simply refuse to listen to their honest words, you don't want to see the reality of their actions that are trying to show you what it means to be a part of their current world.

It is not meannes just for the sake of it, it's true. They are trying to protect you, even if in such a wrong and hurtful way. But not for this reason it is not real or it should be ignored. They are being honest with you, and they are waiting for you to push them back. Not because they are secretly wanting to have you by their side, helping them change themselves or their life... But just because you hold onto them so strongly, no matter what... Making it the only possible way to make you let go of them - making you do so on your own.

It is time now. It truly is. You did so much for them and for this connection, no matter what type of relationship it was, if there was any at all... but you did it. You ripped open your heart and showed them how much you can love and care, how much you are willing to do for someone that is a part of your life. And they did the exact same. They showed you who they are so many times... And it is the moment for you to accept it and surrender to it truly, even if it is so different from what you convince yourself them to be. There is nothing more to it. There is nothing else that they or this connection could be.

Listen for once their answers to your silent questions, see them in their actions that are so real and painful every single time. Listen to them and understand that this is not your battle, it is not your sacrifice, it is not what you deserve. Even if you care for them so much.

For once they are doing something to help you and protect you. And if there is a good moment to accept the hurt that they gave you... It is now. To accept it, understand it, and never allow it to happen again to your already tired heart.

It is enough, you did your best. And it is time to let them go now, because this is exactly what they want, this is what they are pushing you to do for already a really long time.

P.s. And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

→ ( ♡ send me a little thank you ♡ )

– Pile Two,

the strength, the hierophant, the sun

Fortunately... There is so much more to this bond, to you and them, to your paths that so often drift apart only to realign. There is so much more to this confusion, to these ups and downs, to these questions that are filling your mind each time they are by your side. There is so much more. And incredibly enough, even after all these struggles and conflicts, you are still ready for it...

You are still ready to do it. You are still ready and willing to wait, to be patient, to do your best to understand or to make them understand.

It never changed anything, not the uncertainties, not the distance, not the misunderstandings. Nothing was ever strong or bad enough to make you even consider the idea to push them away once and for all. It isn't just any relationship, any person... It is someone that for so long was such an important part of your life, of your days and what overwhelmed your heart and mind. You learned so much thanks to them, or because of them... You grew up, you experienced things that you are sure you never would've done if it wasn't for them holding your hand every time... They did so much for you, unconsciously, without even realising it. And although you always tried to do the same for them from the very start, always tried to care for them and keep them safe, even if from themselves...they never really accepted it back. Never let you closer, or to be exact, never admitted that you are already closer than they perhaps would like to say out loud. And not only because of your care for them, but especially because of their affection to you as well... Even if it so hidden under their ways that not many would understand...

But things will start to change now, one step at a time. You will start to see their heart open up, giving you finally those answers that you never were able to find, even though you tried to have at least a vague idea of what is going on in their mind. They will show it themselves, introduce you to their soul, the one that they hid so well and for so long from everyone. That deeper understanding and connection, that oppeness and honesty, that clarity in your interactions and moments... It will finally be all here. Simply because for once and truly they will realise that there was nothing to be afraid of. That there is nothing bad in your intentions to be by their side and take care of them, be there for them, the same way they did for you when you needed it so bad.

You met them in an interesting phase of their life, in a moment of deep transformation, changes and shifts one after another. So many ups and downs that were simply too much. Enough to make them dizzy, confused about their own desires and life. It wasn't intentional, but they did pull you right in the center of it all, of the storm of all their emotions that made them so strange and every time different in how they treated others, and you of all. But it is coming to an end now, good or bad it doesn't matter. It is enough the fact itself that they will regain their balance, their peace of mind. They will be able to breathe deeply, with more serenity. They will be more relaxed, with each smile. It will be almost like a whole new person. Someone of whom you only saw some glimpses, in those times where they were so caring and sweet contrary to their usual self at that time...

And it will be all worth it. Your hope and endurance, your conviction that there was more to this person and their story, then just a bad character and negative intentions. There was more than just a desire to hurt others and push them back. There was always been a whole hidden world and story, so intimate and so difficult to share... But that they will finally tell you about. Because in the softest and most tender way you earned it, their gratefulness and trust. Because you cared for them and were patient, even when they themselves where not aware of needing it so much.

P.s. And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

→ ( ♡ send me a little thank you ♡ )

– Pile Three,

the page of coins, the ten of coins, the king of swords

Your care for them, your affection, was always so consistent, so genuine and deep since the very beginning of this bond. Since the very first time that you felt truly connected to them, in that moment so simple and intimate but that showed you how much your minds and hearts are aligned...

But as beautiful and meaningful as it was... it was just a single moment. Just one moment that was enough for you to be sure to want to get to know more about them, to get closer to them and to connect more. But also just one moment in which it ever happened. That understanding and spark between you that never appeared again, no matter how much you waited.

Time after time, challenge after challenge, no matter what they did or how much distance they put between your hearts, you always continued to look for them. For that person and soul that you felt in that one single moment... But that they kept on hiding so well no matter what.

It wasn't really a lie or an act meant to mislead you... but it was something that is not in their character. To be so free and open and close to someone. It isn't something that they do so easily or so often. And you know it well now, after not being ever able to see them this way again no matter how much you waited for them to "come back".

It became an unintentional bait. It made you care and look for someone that you felt so special and worth it, just because of that one moment of deep and unexpected connection, nourished by those little tiny bits of gentleness that you heard in their voice, saw in their gaze that met yours every time... But that safety, that fake openness and closeness that confused you so many times, was just a consequence to all the affection and care that you gave them. It was only them feeling comfortable in the safe space that you created for them in your heart. It was just a slight nourishment of something that they never wanted to take seriously, but that still was so sweet to feel and have around sometimes.

Your affection and desire of closeness was so genuine and honest... but they used it to create something so complicated and consuming, something that takes so much of you and gives so much to them. Every time they need it. A constant source of understanding, of patience, of excuses and protection to them and their actions. So much for so little, so convenient for them to have by their side... They transformed something so pure into something so calculated and 'useful', so easy to take or to put aside... but they won't be able to do it for much longer now. Not when you, as they consume you, are starting to ask the right questions, allowing your mind to take control of the situation that went on for too long.

Hold on to those thoughts, those observations, those questions and doubts that fill your mind every time they decide that they don't want to be around you now. Hold onto those fears of being just an option, someone that comes and goes, someone that they just keep here for fun... because all of this can't possibly be just overthinking. It has a deeper meaning and you know it too. You know it because you wouldn't be here reading these words, feeling this sadness, this grip on your heart if it wasn't so.

It is time to be the one that puts some space between you. But not just for a moment, just because of a whim, like they love so much to do once in a while... Do it intentionally, do it to protect yourself, to honour yourself and your pure heart that gave so many chances, so much time, to someone that used it only to play around. No matter the circumstance, the situation, the relationship... it is just not right. To be treated this way, to receive so little, when you gift so much of yourself every single time.

P.s. And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

→ ( ♡ send me a little thank you ♡ )

[thatfrailsoul]

– Parts of me that I seek in you

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

When we strive to connect, to know someone... There are many different reasons for which our heart calls more for one person than the other. The appearance, the ways, their mind or heart, their actions or deepest goals and desires... No matter what it is, there is always that something that makes them shine in the darkness that surrounds us. And, very often, that something is the same as the one that we lost, can't find in ourselves... So we desperately look for it in others. With such perseverance and obsessive need that, sometimes, we allow it to lead us to those that perhaps, at the end, we would've preferred to not meet.

So what is it? What you miss in yourself but so desperately need? Where or when did you lose it? And where and how can you finally find that missing piece?

Slow down for a moment. Breathe. Listen to your heart, to its rhythm. Allow it to speak to you. And choose the image that seems so familiar, so similar to what you feel. Remembering that, whatever the message might be, you are free to listen to it or to let go. Without the need to make it fit. Because your true answer will always find you, the moment you will be really ready and will have the need.

_

– Pile One,

the star, the ten of cups and the fool.

Your poor and innocent soul... Your tired heart, your consumed mind... The only thing you ever wanted, the one that you wanted back then, was simply to leave it all behind. All that pain, all that fear. All the reasons why you couldn't ever be enough or right for someone, for anyone, that for once you just desired to don't hear... You found the last bits of your strength, patience and courage, all that remained in your shattered heart. And you used them to try to heal. All those numerous wounds, so many that it just feels like a whole and single, draining, torturing, one.

But what did it give you, in exchange of this incredible resilience to try to heal? Only a little relief, a little distraction... That hid that hole that was becoming bigger and bigger, with each time that you worked on - or to be exact forced - the healing of your soul.

And this is the thing. This is what ruined it all, what made it so difficult and challenging. What influenced so many others areas of your life... One little but so important detail about who you are, the way you are. And how much you got used in this life to beat yourself up, blaming for every single disgrace that you experienced... How often you repeated it, demonstrated it to yourself with every step that was supposed to help you heal. You never were gentle, patient, understanding. You never gave yourself credit for how many right things and choices you made. Or how many others mistakes never were really yours, but of somebody else. You did none of this. But only focused on rushing, on becoming better, on healing faster, growing, so you could be sooner worthy and ready to show what a good person you are to this world. You were angry, frustrated, ashamed. You despised yourself for needing healing and learning in the first place. You regretted every single additional day that you needed to get it together. Only noticing how many flows you still have, how many wounds are still bleeding, how many triggers you still can't endure.

Your desire, your intention, was so good... So innocent, genuine and truly right. But so quickly and scarily naturally it became just another cage and punishment that you gave yourself. Changing the whole purpose, the whole meaning, of a journey that is so pure. That was never supposed to be so rushed, give you so quickly those results that now you are so angry to don't see manifesting in your world... And that you decided, unconsciously or perhaps not, to look for in others. The ones that seem so beautiful, so healthy and whole. The ones that seem to go through life so gracefully, no matter the obstacles or challenges on their path. The ones that seem to be able to influence you so positively, if only you stay close to them, showing you the right ways and directions. Supporting you, helping you in doing it correctly, like you seem incapable of doing on your own.

But, no matter how much we adore to think the opposite, we indeed are the only ones responsible for our journey. For our battles, our victories or our loss. No matter how supportive, how close others are, they still can't really help us. Not when we don't allow even our own self to do the needed work. You can't fight through it, not this journey. You can't do it with the only motivation and push being your own meanness, judgment and resentement for the things that you dared to do or not. You can't be there, behind your own back, looking closely at every your step and action, ready to attack if you don't do it right.

But you can allow yourself to take more time. To be slower. To make more mistakes. To feel once again that pain, if it's the one that still overwhelms your heart. You can remember. You can reflect. Learn something from it. Or maybe not. Because it is normal, it is right, to take time to heal, to go through it with all the needed ups and downs.

And you can still do it. You can continue this journey changing your pace and rhythm, or simply starting from scratch. You can and need to do it. Because no-one else can help and guide you, as you can do to your own self. By being gentle and understanding with your heart and mind, that indeed do their best to allow you to feel and experience this life.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

– Pile Two,

the magician, the fool and the page of swords

You have something so beautiful, so unique, within yourself. Such passion that, if not explored and shared, can consume you inevitably. Consume that power that you sometimes forget to have. So you always took care of it. You always nourished it. In the moments when it felt as natural as breathing, and even in those where it was too similar to a torture, that need to create and do something but without any idea on why, how to start or from where. And even if, thanks to you and your deepest love, this passion and calling did survive... It is starting to fade now. Submerged with all the questions and doubts about whether or not it is worth it, if you are good enough to do it at all, if it is really that important... All because for quite sometime you were the only admirer and supporter of your work.

You are wavering, your steps and actions as you create become more and more unstable, as every inspiration or idea seems not enough to be worthy of the success, even just appreciation that you want. But this something... Is so yours, so made perfectly just for you and to express your soul... That you can't really just leave it. You can't just stop doing it, even if it is becoming hard to be satisfied as you used to, because you so naturally always gravitate back to creating and allowing your mind and heart to speak up through every step of your work. So you keep going, with a non consistent rhythm, many set backs, infinite doubts... Doing it, because you feel this need and desire so much. But not really enjoying it anymore. Because in the eyes of others it never seems good enough, and therefore it doesn't feel enough for your own self. For the one that, in the first place, you were supposedly creating it for.

It is so natural and normal to have the desire to share, to welcome others in your universe in a sense, to show them who you are or how you see this world... But what starts so innocently and genuinely, a way to connect to others and don't feel so different or not understood, an alternative type of motivation and fuel for your creativity even... is so often soon to become exactly what kills it, overwhelming your every idea with the judgment of others, and their way of seeing the world.

It just shifted your perspective, about yourself and your work. It made you feel little, insignificant, too simple or too much, confronted to what others seem to consider deserving and worthy of their attention and love. It made you feel useless, because when your creation was ignored, you felt like what was really being rejected was your soul that spoke through your work.

And time after time, day after day, this calling became so faint, almost non existent. Not because it is really going away... But because you are just the one that tries so desperately to ignore it and to not hear it. Convinced that following it would be useless, without anyone appreciating and admiring what you do. Convinced that doing it for your own self and enjoyment is not really worth it, because it doesn't give you any income, any fame, any support and appreciation from others. Convinced that it is only and simply a waste of time.

But is it? Is it really completely useless if you are the only one to whom you dedicate the creations of your soul? Or does it give you a chance to feel and experience this world in your own way, processing those emotions and thoughts, reinventing them? Does it give you back the ability to breathe and feel at ease, once you allow everything that overwhelms you flow out through your work? Does it fill your time with excitement and enjoyment? Does it give you a safe place, that allows you to rest and hide from everything else? Does it make you feel proud of who you are and what you did, what you were able to create with your own mind and hands? Because even if it does only one of these things... Than it is worth it. Because this is what gives you the energy and fuel to live this life, to appreciate it, to go through it. Having something that always protects and expresses your soul.

You can't do only what assures you the interest or appreciation of others. You can't do it for so long as you are planning or trying to do. You can't do it without constantly feeling on autopilot, thrown from one work to another, trying to satisfy every one of them in hopes that in return they will support your work. It is not true to you. It is not what you want or need. It is not even something that you can do, the things that they want. It is only a play, of which you are trying to learn all the phrases and rhythm, but that you can keep up with only for so long.

This life is not unfair, wrong, useless, a constant and neverending annoying and painful cycle. But it is this way for you, who doesn't have anymore that tiny but vital component - the language of your soul. You are suppressing it, you are limiting it and judging. For what? For whom? For what reason? This is not something that needs to be enough or good for others. It is not something that needs to give you incredible success, wealth or recognition. It can, but before any of that it needs only to be something that you enjoy. Truly and simply.

You don't need to find new ideas, ways, hobbies, interests, sports, studies, paths to explore - you just need to comeback to what you already know that you love. And welcome it in your Iife, starting doing it again and more. Just for your own fun and enjoyment, that will overflow from your heart to every other aspect of your life. Connecting everything, and making it free from the torture of unsatisfaction and frustration that you endure.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

– Pile Three,

the devil, the justice and the star

Sometimes we cross paths with those that perhaps we weren't meant to be with, we weren't meant to create and have the same story as the one we desired and pictured so well. It happens. It hurts. Then, eventually, it goes away. But when it happens again and again, one person after another... One betrayal, lie or misunderstanding after the other... How can one not notice the one element that connects them all - themselves? How can one not think, even in the slightest, that perhaps it is not working out because of who and how they are?

So one dives into it, tries to remember every single moment, analyse their own ways, with the desperate need to find that wrong something and change it, making everything in themselves right again. With the need to demonstrate that it is something that can be changed and that it won't be this way forever. That they can and will be better, more worthy, more right, and for this reason chosen by someone. And perhaps they do find it, that something, they work on it day and night, fight their own demons and who they are, and come out of it brand new. They put themselves out there, open up to people and try genuinely to connect... And then it happens all over again. The same pain, confusion, uncertainty, doubts, betrayal or a broken heart. But they did the work right? They changed, or did they not? And there it goes the fear of not being worthy no matter what, of being destined to loneliness and hurt, or perhaps of not doing enough. And some collapse, they hide, and try with all their forces to make themselves enough, to not need anyone else in their life. While others... Others don't say it out loud. Don't think about it. Hide it deep down. And try to make things work no matter what it means to accept and endure, just to not have yet another person leaving them behind.

And you... You are doing it right now. With them, or with others in your life. Subtly, unconsciously, you force yourself to stay. No matter the words you hear, the actions you see, the promises that you know are already broken and mean nothing to the person by your side. You stay. Because walking away might mean that there never will be someone else, that you will be the only one you will have.

It is difficult and painful to think about being somehow different and wrong, never enough. It is even more difficult to try to work on it and change yourself. It is difficult to face not only the pain but also the loneliness. To feel that fear of living this way forever creeping on you with each day. So staying, trying to be more understanding, patient, docile, considerate, delicate, silent and comfortable for others... Seems indeed less difficult and scary, because in return they too will stay. Even when it is clear that you are torturing and consuming yourself. Even when you so clearly and surely know that the way you are treated is not okay at all. All for that acceptance, that tiny affection, even if not genuine. All for those things that you think you will never be able to find in yourself, and might not find once the people that are now in your life will not be here anymore. A void that, perhaps, won't ever be filled with another person, with another connection or love.

But by convincing yourself to adapt to others and what they look for or don't love... You did exactly that one thing that will not allow people who are genuinely interested in you to come closer. Not when that place in your life is already occupied by another someone. Not when you show so ardently and persistently that the way you are treated is what you want.

A right person - the one that is interested in you exactly the way you are, not less not more - even when so close to you to see you... Will never be able to do something, to help you, to take you out of this play pretend and torture... Because no one can do what should start from you, what you should be ready to finally to do: to protect yourself, t be treated right, to be loved and appreciated for the way you are.

It is safe, please believe me. It is safe for you to be who you are. It is safe for you to don't accept scraps of love and attention from others. It is safe if you walk away from those who can't find that one thing they want in you, who is already perfectly fine and enough. It is safe for you to don't force it. It is safe for you to let them all go. Because the space they will leave behind them is not something so negative as you convince yourself to be. It is not a sign of loss. It is only more space for your own self to grow, to bloom, to be who you are. To shine so proudly and brightly and to be seen by those who will notice and love you. And not the ways you can adapt to someone elses need, desire or mood.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

_

[thatfrailsoul]

– The one on your mind

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

"At the fountain, Autumn", Henry Ryland

The one that is always there in your mind in your sleepless nights, in your waking hours... The one that charms and scares you at the same time... The one that you would like to have closer, but are so afraid to let your guard down, so confused on what they want or have in mind... What is the reason behind the crossing of your paths..?

Slow down for a moment. Breathe. Listen to your heart, to its rhythm. Allow it to speak to you. And choose the image that seems so familiar, calling so strongly your heart. Remembering that, whatever the message might be, you are free to listen to it or to let go. Without the need to make it fit. Because your true answer will always find you, the moment you will be really ready and will have the need.

– Pile One,

the four of wands, the sun, the six of coins

You got so used to checking everything, to reflect deeply and thoroughly on what you know about a person, before getting closer to them, before opening your heart.

And even if you are trying to do the same with them now... It just seems impossible to understand beforehand what this connection, if nurtured, if given a chance, would have in store for you in a future that seems so scary and dangerous to you.

If you stay silent, they are silent too. If you try to get closer, they come closer too... Every your try to challenge them, to provoke them and have a reaction helpful for your understanding of them just proves to be useless. Useless when they so perfectly mirror you and your actions, reflecting every tiny detail about you, when asked who they really are.

But while you are becoming more tense, more convinced of having someone so evil and manipulative right in front of your eyes... It is more the fear of your already hurt and tired heart that speaks up, rathert than the truth.

There are no masks, no well played games or perfectly crafted lies. There is no mirroring or adapting to who you are in order to charm you, leading you on the wrong path...

There is just someone who honestly and genuinly is who they say to be. So familiar, so similar, so close to your soul, your heart, your mind... There is simply and for once someone who is really compatible with you. Same interests, same dreams. Same things that make you smile. Just someone who speaks the same language as your heart.

Don't complicate it. Not this time and not with them. There is no need for overthinking, second guessing and careful steps around them just to stay safe. There is no need to hunt for the future, in hopes of understanding what will happen in advance, why or how. There is no need to try to frame them, choosing beforehand what space, what relationship, in your life they can have...

There is no need for complications. But just for a genuine and open heart. The same that they so bravely hand to you, even though they are so confused on how come you still hesitate to take it in your arms.

They are honest. They are genuine. They are open. They resemble so much the you that was yet to know the pain and fear that you've got through. They are that version of you that felt still safe, walking side by side with someone. They are the you that never learned to be afraid...

So don't let them learn about it. Not from you. Don't be the one who pushed you away, who never trusted you... But let them get closer. Let them have that smile on them, that genuine interest as they hear your voice that describes your life or who you are. Let them have those moments with you, those shared interests, those plans for the adventures that you can try. Let them be them, already so affectionate and excited about you. And let you be you. Rather than this well crafted minion that you send in front of you to meet others, too afraid of being deceived again, so you are the first to pretend...

It is normal to have difficulty to trust, to make those closer steps. It is normal and good to protect yourself... But it is also normal to be loved and appreciated for who you are. To connect with others. To create pure and strong bonds.

No one asks you to change suddenly who you became, who you are, forgetting or ignoring what you were forced to endure because of others in your life... But they do ask you to give only one chance, just one time, to someone. Someone who didn't cross your path because of a mistake or a mere coincidence... But that indeed saw you and chose you, wanting to have you in their life.

P.s. And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

– Pile Two,

the knight of swords, the king of swords, the three of wands

In all the years, connections, even just the moments that you observed... You truly did learn a lot. About people, about their emotions or their motives. About the steps they choose to make based on what they know... And it gave you power.

It gave you the confidence to face others, thanks to your inner knowledge of what to expect from them. It became a part of you, so natural and easy to just see and know. Who they are, how they are. What they have in mind when they are by your side. And most importantly what role they want to have in your life, and the one you can give them instead, based on your own desire...

You do it unconsciously. For protection or sometimes for fun. And you did it with them too... Diving so deeply into their mind and their heart, what hides in them... Asking them so tenderly to open up for you, making them feel safe as you get to know them... And as you start to feel them so close to you, so familiar, to wanting them really and truly by your side.

Even with their problems or complications. Even with the differences that there are between your souls. You simply learned and understood so much about them to feel completely sure of knowing how to handle and take care of them, of the wounds on their soul. Although...

There is still that one little part of you that feels uneasy, even if your mind is already so full of perfect moments shared and lived with them, even if your heart is so ready to allow this connection to transform... There is still something in you that screams and asks for attention, that you won't give it because you are well aware of how it will tell you to not do this, to not have these convictions or hopes for more...

You do know a lot about people, about yourself, about this person... But there is also so much that you never truly got to know. The way those emotions, those challenges that you already saw in others... still can have a completely different effect on one's soul. Make them feel, make them act, the way you never experienced before.

There are no lies, no games, no evil intentions in them... But this, and the fact that you got to know so much about them, doesn't mean at all that you won't be hurt. Knowing someone, understanding them, is one thing. Completely different from facing them and their ups and downs, their pain and hurt.

It's completely different from enduring it, from trying to help and save them while you are hurting so much being by their side, frenetically and constantly healing the wounds that they even don't know that they provoke.

Their life, them... It's more complicated than you tell yourself just because of your strong fascination and attraction to them.

There is a reason why they were so lonely when they crossed your path. There is a reason why they tell you so much about themselves almost too easily... It's not because of your incredible mind power. It's simply because they are completely honest in order to warn you. In order to protect you and themselves from a battle that they are not ready to endure.

They are doing their best, they are gong through it and getting better. They will come out of it, they will be truly free. And while they might indeed enjoy to do it with you by their side, supporting them and giving them that motivation to fight ... Perhaps it might be better and easier without those labels, that perfect story that you already imagined, forced so soon onto you and them...

P.s. And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

– Pile Three,

the ace of wands, the high priestess, the four of cups

There were so many times in which you were so eager to connect with someone, to get to know them, to create genuine and deeper bonds...

There were so many times in which you tried your best, pushed yourself out of your comfort zone, tried even to adapt just to be able to have something in common with others... Without it ever being enough.

It just happened so many times, that at this point you are not even really sure that you want it, that it is worth it. And the loneliness that you always tried to escape from, starts to become so familiar, not so bad at all. Not compared to the hardships, illusions, betrayals and pure pain caused by the ones you thought you could trust.

So when they came along... It wasn't really convincing. Their excitement as they were spending time with you, and the desire to share with you more and more... It wasn't convincing for your heart that just got used to not opening up, to not trust, to not let your guard down. It wasn't enough to stop you from shoving your own excitement deep down, looking away, before there were any hopes in your heart.

But even though you already distanced yourself, already made it clear that you don't want or need anyone by your side... There is still that part of you that thinks about what if... What if they were true like they seemed, what if they were truly honest and genuine, what if they really could've been someone to finally to connect with... Someone to get closer to, after all this time...

For once you can trust this voice. It is not coming from your overthinking or delusional mind. It comes from your heart that recognises a familiar and safe soul, and tries to be heard by you. Tries to tell you to not run away.

It is indeed different. They are different. They are someone that you can trust with your heart. There won't be anything dangerous, complicated, confusing or strange. There will be just genuine and true affection. Eyes that see this world the same, a heart that feels the same.

There will be just someone who understood you even while you were running away... And someone that still hopes that you will change your mind and give them that chance.

P.s. And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

[thatfrailsoul]

– It's okay to let it go now

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

It is so difficult, so simply frustrating, to feel once again that ending coming near. To be aware of the fact that, once again, everything you did was not closely enough to make it work... But while you do feel the anger and anxiety creeping in... You also feel deep down the pure relief, because perhaps you might have finally the possibility to stop sacrificing yourself, your energy, so much... It makes you confused, about what you truly want and especially what is the right thing to do, if it is really okay to give up and let it go...

So here you can find a little message for you. For you who did so much. And that needs to remind your own self a truth that you, so overwhelmed, are risking now to forget.♡

Slow down for a moment. Breathe. Listen to your heart, to its rhythm. Allow it to speak to you. And choose the image that seems so familiar, calling so strongly your heart.

Remembering that, whatever the message might be, you are free to listen to it or to let go. Without the need to make it fit. Because your true answer will always find you, the moment you will be really ready and will have the need.

_

_

– Pile One,

the six of wands, the tower, the two of wands

The Awakening, Eugene De Blaas

You just arrived here. Here where for so long you wanted to be. It is only the beginning, it is all really starting just now, but... It already feels like an eternity. All the obstacles you overcame, all the challenges you faced to be here. All the times you pushed yourself further even when you didn't have anymore any strength. It's only the beginning of this journey, but you feel already drained, already tired. You feel already frustrated at the idea of needing to keep on doing it tomorrow, perhaps even more, and who knows for how long.

But you can't really think about giving up... can you? Can you really have the dearness to take this decision back, returning to where you were before? Can you really have the courage to say it out loud, that this prologue, this preparation for the journey you chose, already consumed you so much?

You are frenetically buying time. Lingering here, not really doing that step that will sign this beginning, the one that you earned and worked for so much. All because you can't help but feel and wander about what's behind you, in the space and time that is before this choice that you are forcing yourself to do. Where there are no limits, no struggles, no fears. The space where all the challenges of this journey won't arrive to you, because you will comeback to the start again. Where you can choose differently, try other things, go in a different direction. That liberty that is so close, just a one decision away... But at the same time so distant because of all the things that you already endured for this journey instead.

You can't decide. No matter how you look at it. You can't understand what will be worse: continuing on this path that, even before starting, already showed you how the rest will be, how you will constantly feel and what you will struggle with; or to face the challenge of searching for something else and having nothing again, combined with all the judgment, delusion that you will feel from those around you and just within your own self...

But going back, being honest with yourself and accepting that it is not for you... Will it really make useless all your dedication and work? Will it really be a missing opportunity, you letting this chance slip through your fingers? Or will perhaps this be you really using it, using it to find something new, something even better because it will be just so right for you?

You are human, you change and you grow. You still have so much to learn about this world. And it is normal to imagine something to be in one way, try it, and discover it to be different, to not be right for you. It is normal and okay to change decisions, change your convictions, opinions and your mind. No matter how much you did in their name or for how much time.

Not everything needs to be done up to their designated completion. Not everything needs to be believed in or worked for until its very end. You can realise that something is simply not for you. You can accept that you made a wrong assumption. You can allow this journey to end for you in this moment, different from others or from what you planned it to be. And you can do it while still being proud of what you did and learned for it.

Simply because this, realising that something is not right for you, can still be exactly what you needed to do all this time. What this was all for. To learn more about this journey that made you wander, and to get to know more your own self and who you really want to be. For sure different from what you imagined... But still a purpose, still fulfilled, still right, still enough and worth it. And the one that still and always allows you to end it and let it be.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

– Pile Two,

the magician, temperance, three of swords

The Siren Lorelei, August Schmidt

You were so patient with yourself. So kind at every step, at every doubt and fear. You reassured yourself, convinced gently that it is okay, that you can do it, even if it feels so strange. Even if it makes you be and feel so different from what you used to, from who you thought you were and how you imagined you would want your life to be. You were so loving, to yourself and to this situation and people involved... that you stayed right here, and tried, again and again.

Just to be sure, for your own self, that you indeed did your best, that you are not betraying anyone and messing things up. You pushed yourself constantly out of your comfort zone, listening to others and their opinions or advices, wandering when that moment of feeling confident and into it will arrive. When this pressure on your heart will pass.

But what you convinced yourself to be just inexperience, just some sort of fear for change or not being used to these ways... Perhaps was your inner voice telling you that it is just not right for you.

It is right the idea that until we try something, until we experience it, we can't really know what it's like. If it is really something that we can't enjoy in any way, or get used to it, seeing positive things even in those parts of it that we assumed we would've hate...

But it is also true that you did try, you did put yourself out there, you did push yourself further, continuing to give yourself time to adapt. You did ignore that uncomfortable feeling that was creeping on you since the very first day and try.

And this... This simply gives you the right to let it go and stop. Knowing, within yourself, that you did everything you needed and everything you could. That you have nothing to be sorry for, nothing to be ashamed of...

But only everything - your every decision, every step and every time you had that incredible strength and courage to not give up - to be deeply proud of. Proud of being who you are and the way you are. No matter how the journey itself is, no matter if you will be the one to let it go, or if it will be this journey that will decide that it gave you all it could. And that it is enough.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

– Pile Three,

the death, the queen of swords, the nine of cups

Evening by the Lake, Max Nonnenbruch

You didn't start this journey with the thought that it will end so soon. You didn't dedicate so much of yourself and your time, just for this to go so poorly right at the start... And even if it wasn't for this, it's just so irritating, the fact that it seems that you can't never win. You can't have your idea or your plan working out from the start to end.

And this, this sort of frustrating realisation that you are having, is torturing you even more now that you don't really have a choice. Now that this journey will either way end.

It is simply draining, tiring, to need to make all these big plans, strategies, choosing a goal and dedicate so much of yourself to it... Just for being forced to restart again.

And you just feel it deep down, that you can't ask yourself to do it once more. Not after everything you did to just have this chance, this glimpse of possibility that was indeed too good to be true.

But if we need to tell the truth, if we need to talk about what hides deep down in you... Then we also need to admit the fact that you didn't really give all of you to this, or to those others journeys. You did give a lot of you, but not everything. Hiding still that hope and desire that you can do things differently from what all these options wanted you to do, different from what others, people or just circumstances, try to choose for you.

You still and always hoped and waited, for a real chance to make things the way you want, the way you feel that it will be right for you... And if you, for a moment, remember it, admit it, allow it to come to the surface... Seeing this and other situations from this perspective... You are not really missing or ruining opportunities, you are not really failing. Because you, deep down, never intended to be successful and go further this way.

You are aware of it, you knew it always even when you tried so hard to hide it. And the universe, this world, knew it too. Others felt it. No matter what you said, promised or what you did so well. Everything around you knows your end goal, your little but so promising and strong desire, creating all these situations and journeys that you've seen a fraction of... Just to help you. Not to succeed in them, to walk these paths right up to a goal you never really wanted. But rather to allow you to find little bits of knowledge and experience that are so needed for that plan, that vision, that you have in your heart.

You didn't lose, you actually won all the way. Finding and accumulating exactly what you need to have a clear picture of the world around you, of the sources that you can use, the ways in which you can try to do it, the people that can and will support the calling of your heart. You found it.

You found everything that you might need. You just need to take a moment to unpack it. To look at them truly, for the first time from the perspective of your own journey and goal, from the perspective of your own desire.

Don't hold onto what is already ending either way. Don't hold onto what could've been, what you could've achieved, or what you already prepared yourself to do... But rather allow yourself to feel the liberty of movement, of thought, of creation that you now have without these limits or responsibilities that you never really wanted either way.

It is an ending. Once again. But this time it is a good one. The one that is setting you free, giving you the real and only opportunity you need: to be honest with yourself and to for once follow your vision and dream.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

_

[thatfrailsoul]

_

P.s. See the full painting at the end!♡

_

Slow down for a moment. Allow your heart to guide you, to tell you if there is really a message here for you... And whatever the answer is, feel free to listen to it or to let go. Remembering that when you will be ready or will have the need, your true message will find its way to you.♡

_

_

_

Yes. Because, even though it's unfair, even though it was so overwhelmingly painful and challenging - it was necessary. Because you're so persistent and ready to fight for what you love, for what you consider right... that you would've never been able to let it go. To see the reality, understand and accept the fact that it was more harmful than right for you. That situation. That decision. That person. The ones that the world decided to protect you from, stepping in when you needed it the most. Even if you are starting to realize it only now. Now that, not so gently but for your own good, you were pushed away. Into a new and different phase of your life.

_

_

Even though this journey was always meant to end... Its transformation into that battle that you've had to endure was not the way it was supposed to happen. Your heart, so powerful, convinced and ready to fight for what it feels is right... Was too strong this time. Had too much resilience to make this work, no matter how, no matter how much you would've need to try. And although there is absolutely nothing wrong with it... Sometimes it's exactly this desire and perseverance that makes us lose sight of the reality and what is right.

Especially, when we are running from our past, determined to don't make the same mistakes that scared us so much. To the point that it's easier to sacrifice ourselves to make everything change and adapt, then to accept that no matter how much we tried to avoid it, we found the same pain and nightmare even if in someone new, far away from the past.

But everything is alright now, even if it still hurts and every memory makes your heart tremble. You are fine now. You are safe. You escaped and found your right path once again.

_

_

Pile Three, the six of wands

You handled it much better than you imagine. You made the right choices even if the wounds they created make you doubt. It happened. But it doesn't really matter why or how. It's already in the past, as the time keeps running and drags you with its passage. With all the new beginnings, new people, new moments and emotions that almost overwhelm your life. Not leaving you a second to process and allow yourself to take a break and realize...

But rather than being a cruel joke and coincidence, it's more of an awkward way of this world to not allow you to fall into that spiral in your mind. It's their way to not allow you to focus on anything but your strength, courage and all the things that still await you in your life.

Because the most important thing, truly, is that you are here now, and everything about what happened... is already far far away in the past. The one that you already faced and survived, and that doesn't need anymore the attention of your heart and mind.

_

"The Bouquet", 1900, by Wladyslaw Czachorski.

_

_

[thatfrailsoul]

– The chosen path

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

"Manuela", Conrad Kiesel

This word is so vast... There are so many possibilities, so many different stories, so many journeys that we can go through and that can shape our life, who we are... So many of them, and all depend on just our choice. A choice that is not at all easy to make. Not so easy to be sure of, even if we already made the first steps.

This reading focuses on the path that you already chose, that you did already start. It focuses on letting you know if it was indeed the right one or if there is still time to make steps back. If there is something regarding it to know and to keep in mind. (And a reading focused on helping you to choose the right path and journey for you, will be posted in a few days from now.♡)

Slow down for a moment. Take a deep breath, give yourself a needed moment of reflection and rest. Wander through the details of this painting... Which one attracts more your gaze? To which part of the painting it belongs to? Pay attention - it is showing you where your message hides and awaits.

– Pile One,

the two of swords, the ten of cups, the page of coins

It took a great deal of courage, didn't it? To make this choice, this uncertain step on a journey that you know so little about. It took all your strength to trust it, to trust others and their reassurance that it is alright, that you will be fine...

It is not at all something that you so often or easily do. Relying on others. Following their opinions or choice... But you were, you are still, so confused and new to this. To this phase of your life that no-one really prepared you for.

You didn't knew anything better. You weren't able to find or choose something different from what those by your side suggested you to pick... And now you just wander if it really will be so easy and right as they said. If, in the first place, their words and convictions were honest, and not just a brutal joke...

While still being so close to the very beginning of this journey, you can't help but look back and all around. Exactly like you did before, in hopes of finding the right one. But now you do it with more fear, even more anxiety than before. Hoping and at the same time fearing to see a sign, a warning, that will tell you that you indeed made a mistake...

But even though it seems so strange, so different from their usual intentions... Those that showed you this journey really did it with a genuine and honest heart. In a rare moment of openness and compassion, they saw in you that version of them that once feared the same. That was so confused and uncertain in the same way. They saw your struggles and worries that resembled so much theirs. And they saw, being someone external, those little hints and details about you and the right journey for you, that you couldn't see on your own, too pressured by the weight of a such important choice.

For once there wasn't any irony, any malice, any bad intention. For once it was just a genuine and heartfelt advice, the needed help, that they once desired so much to receive as well. It was just confidence that it can really work for you, it can really be right for you, for the way you are.

And it can. It truly can be the right path. No matter if you will decide to experience it up until the very end, or just for a period of your life. It has indeed something in store for you. An experience that is worth to be lived, lessons worth to be learned.

It can and will work out if only you go easier on yourself. If only you take your time. If only you do it one step at a time.

It is normal to feel anxious, to feel that pressure of the future that seems so influenced by this choice... But even that future can always change. It is not so scary and settled at all.

You will always be able to change things, to discover and understand more about the life that you want. But now... You already made this choice. You are here. At the very beginning, with so many different ways to live it and to go through it.

So focus your attention for a moment here, commit to this decision, and give it and yourself a chance. For it to help you make progress and create your own experience and life. And for you to enjoy it as you grow.

It was just the first step. Everything is still fine. Everything is still possible. You can still make things work for you on this path. If you so desire.

P.s. And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Two,

the star, the three of wands, the knight of coins

It all just feels so fast. So overwhelmingly fast in the way this one step, this one choice, caused so many things to shift in your life. New emotions, new worries, new routines and challenges ahead... All just because you really did thought that it was the right path for you, you were so confident about your choice...

And you were right, actually. You were right in your thoughts that analysed so much all the possibilities and options. You were right in your intuition and inner voice that said that you can do it, that it is the one. You were and are right. The same way this path is still safe for you, even if it seems so chaotic and challenging right now.

It is just the beginning. But not in a fatal, dooming way. It is not just the beginning of these difficulties, problems and thousand of questions without answers that will follow you till the end of your life...

It is just the beginning of this journey. A journey that, no matter how much information you gained or how many opinions you heard, it is still something that is new to you. Completely. Even if you planned it for so long. Even if it's not the first time you make this decision, choose this person, this career or so on. It is still different and new, it will be every single time. And at every first step it will be normal to have so many things to handle and to take care of. So many emotions and thoughts to process before being able to feel confident and calm.

Everything is alright. You didn't make any mistake. You didn't choose any fatal situation or journey. You are fine. This path is fine. It is safe. It is right. Just slow down and breathe. You need a moment, just one, before rushing in.

Let go for a moment of all the things you learned and prepared for this journey. Even if it took you so long to do it... You don't need it now. At least not all of them at once.

You don't need to comprehend everything now. To have the perfect understanding and plan for every question and situation. You don't need to find answers right here and now before making another step... You can just do it. And find it a little later, on your way, perhaps in someone that will be by your side.

You are not alone, whatever this journey might be. There will always be someone that will walk close to you, that will face the same things, and that will be open to take care of them together.

But you are trying to solve it and prepare everything all on your own. Even if no one asked you to, even if there isn't any need at all.

Just slow down. Observe. Allow yourself to truly feel this new beginning. Reflect on the things you are seeing, on what you are experiencing, not on what you could've or should've know.

Spend a moment to focus on yourself as you walk through it, not on the journey as you try to rush it and escape. Take your time, breathe in and breathe out. And remember the you that felt so confident and sure about your capabilities to handle this. Because they were right.

P.s. And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Three,

the moon, the two of coins, the one of coins

You worked so hard to create new possibilities, new chances in your life... Perhaps even too much. Focusing your all, your intentions and your dreams, all on the possibility to shift for the better this life that simply didn't fit you anymore...

You gave so much of yourself, in this profound hope that things will become better... But it took so long to happen... That you simply didn't have any choice but to settle, but to go for something that wasn't at all what you wanted, but that was already here, offering some sort of reassurance and safety in the days you most needed it.

You went in a different direction from what you pictured. You got through it all. The frustration, the desperation, the anger, the uncertainty and doubt, the acceptance...

But none of them were as painful as the regret you felt once that opportunity did come into your life, exactly when you already made peace with a different reality, and started to appreciate it the way it is, the ups and downs, making progress and learning to find something good even in this...

Nothing created more conflict and disruption as the decision and choice that you never really asked: the one between the journey you never wanted but accepted and started to get used to, learning how to navigate it and even being proud of the progress you made..; and the one that you for so long dreamed of, so much sacrificed for, but never received, at least not when you wanted it and asked for it.

You weren't prepared for it, you didn't see it coming.. and now you just don't know even how to feel about it. What to do. If it's the moment to say goodbye to that dream, or if to sacrifice for it the hard work of a different journey that you did.

So you are taking time. Making steps both here and there, trying to handle everything, not wanting to choose between one thing or another. Not wanting to feel again so vulnerable and afraid of what comes next.

You are silently working on it, consuming yourself as your mind that first was supposed to choose between them... Is so dangerously starting to consider to keep it going this way. Holding onto both choices, putting on the line your own health just to not risk to ruin and lose both paths again...

But it will happen, inevitably, if you will keep pushing yourself through the days that are simply too filled with all these things. You will lose both of them, sooner or later, simply because you are one, you can take care and experience just so much. You can't do everything and be everywhere. No matter how much you desire it.

You will lose both of them by simply losing yourself. Because it is a dangerous game. It is a too heavy of a sacrifice that you are asking from yourself.

You deserve, you need, to be able to experience one life, enjoy it, love it, feel it. Not only the stress and anxiety that comes from trying to balance two opposite paths.

Step back. Do for yourself this favorur. Stay still for just a moment. And be honest with yourself, with what your heart wants from this life.

Because it is not a matter of the progress you did, of the possibilities or challenges. It has nothing to do with the time you spent doing one thing or desiring the other. You can grow that experience, that progress and passion in yourself... you can start and try, and achieve your goals whenever you want.

But what you can't do is to consume your own self, forcing you to play two games, just for the sake of not losing once.

Choose your story, choose your life. And let go of the other that you know deep down never was yours, never spoke to your heart. You won't lose anything. You will only gain more honesty with yourself and more peace of mind. The safety and stability that you deserve but that you are sacrificing because of the fear of admitting what you feel now.

P.s. And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

[thatfrailsoul]

– If we just wanna be free

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

pictures from pinterest → one, two, three

So much patience and faith… So much love and intention poured into a connection, into a person… After all of this… How can you truly accept that this is it? That this pain, these trembling hands and tears down your cheeks, is all that there ever will be? How can you convince your heart that it is time to cut the bond that it is still holding onto, and to which the mind is already preparing to say goodby?

Slow down for a moment. Give your conscious mind a moment of rest, allow it to step back. Instead, listen to your subconscious one, to that inner voice, to the intuition that is guiding you to the pile in which your message hides.

A message about that one connection that you are fighting for, not allowing it to die. A message about the hurt that you are trying to ignore, all for that one person that is so dear to your heart, even when their ways are consuming you so much. No matter if it is someone from the present or from the past, a bond of romantic love, affection or simply care for someone by your side… There is a message that this world, this universe, is trying to give you through the fourth song from our Divinatory Jukebox. A song about “Part Time Lovers”, by Hazlett.

– Pile One,

the two of swords, the empress, the page of swords

Someone that you just can't bring yourself to let go of, to ignore…. No matter how many doubts, how many thoughts are overwhelming your mind… Not when they are looking at you with those eyes. Not when you know what's hidden in them.

For others it is so easy to blame them… To see all the negative and bad things about them, about this connection, about your bond. It is so easy for them because they are not in this. They are not here, by their side, seeing, knowing, all that they are going through. They are not the ones that share their pain and struggle, as they truly are trying to be better, to little by little become someone new, different from the person that used to hurt so much others and you. It is easier for others to judge, to be objective, to give their advice knowing deep down that they will never look them in the eyes as they break their heart, walking away and leaving them behind… And it is much more difficult for you to even think about doing it, after all that you already got through, for them, for this connection, for you.

It is impossible to ignore it, all the things that you know about them, all the times that they tried to do their best, all the care and affection that they still gave you, no matter how painful all their other actions were. It is impossible for you to do it, for the way you are. Full of hope and faith in this person and your connection. Full of desire to fight for it that you still have, even after all these troubles and time. Knowing so well how much it would've meant for you to receive the same patience and understanding, and not only all the judgment and hate you always received in your hardest times instead.

But exactly for this same reason, for your gentleness, your warmth, your light, you can’t ignore how they are making you feel either. The real them, and not the one that you idealise so much as you daydream about a safer connection, a calmer feeling in your chest, a more relaxed body that doesn't need to be constantly ready to survive when you are with them. You can't ignore it. No matter how much you can focus on the little positive moments that you've shared so far. But you are trying so hard to do it, just to give them a little more time, another chance to prove all of them wrong, demonstrating that it wasn't only you, all this love that you thought you felt and saw…

And where is the line anyway? Where should the affection of someone meet the one of the another person in a bond? How much should each soul give to the other in the name of what they feel, what their heart holds inside of it? Is there really any rule, any guidance, any tradition on how a connection should work? Because you never saw it. Not in your relationships, not in the ones of people that you learned from. You only saw genuine and raw emotions, feelings. Genuine readiness, desire and even impulsiveness at times, to give your all to the other person if this is what they are needing now, even if you might not receive it right away in return…

You always saw the demonstration of love, affection, care and how to give it. You never heard anyone demanding it, pretending it, even if they really did deserve it. You grew up with modest, sacrificing souls, and you became one of them. One that has so much fear in accepting the reality that someone is hurting you, consuming you. Because no matter if they are doing it intentionally or not, you might not be ready to fight for yourself, to demand something more. And in case it is not given to you, openly denied, perhaps accompanied with mean words that you never would expect to hear after all that you've done… you might not be ready and courageous enough to withstand the pressure of a connection, of a story to which you gave so much, collapsing on your heart.

Because no matter how things are now, how they feel, it will never change the fact that you still know them, this person. You still hold so many moments in your memories that will eternally connect you, no matter how distant, emotionally or physically, you will be. They will still hold the truth, what your eyes saw behind their wrong actions, what your mind understood in their confused words. The things that others never will understand, simply because it never was their person, their connection, or their love. You know them, you met their soul, and nothing will change it. Not the opinions of others, not the end of this bond… They will still remain the person that you fell in love with, romantically or not, and learned to feel yours. Even if their actions now don't align with who you know them to be at all. Even if, little by little, you are starting to need to force yourself to continue to fight for them, to remain here, and to endure it all while all you feel you need to do is to let them go.

You are not holding onto them still because there really is some reason, something that will make it worth it, to go through it again and again, every time something shifts in their world... And your heart is not letting them go just because of a delusion that is hiding your own intuition, your inner voice… You are doing it just because you are afraid. And rather than letting them go being so inevitably difficult or impossible for your heart… it is just what it will mean, that is so painful and scary, enough to make you tremble and stop right before cutting this bond.

You just don't want it to be in vain, all that time, all that perseverance, all the things that you did, all those steps that you managed to make them do towards you, towards understanding and treating better those by their side and themselves… And you don't want it to be like all the others said, something manipulative, something cruel or wrong. Because deep down you know that it is not their fault to hold, but rather they are just a victim of their own life, of their own struggles. That are just too much to be controlled, those emotions that constantly explode in them at each moment, at each problem, at each situation that they are too tired of going through. Making them unable to protect themselves and those that are trying to reach them and help them, pulling them out of that storm.

But can you really do it? Is it really right? To remain here with their struggles, with the things that they intentionally or not, but still do, just because you know that the reason behind them might be something more than a simple desire to hurt you? Is it really right to fight for this connection, to push yourself through the battles of someone else, just to protect them from themselves and others that hurt you so much, when they are not able to understand the truth about them and their ways that you always saw and knew? Is it really right to ask so much from yourself, in the name of others, as you are starting to lose and forget yourself in the pain and stress of the life of someone else? Because if these are really the reasons, the motives behind you not making that step… then it doesn't matter how much you worry, feel guilty, hurt or afraid. The opinions of others are not yours to change. And this person, even though you can feel and see how different they are deep down, underneath these arguments, these harsh words and impulsive actions, is not yours to reveal and protect. Their actions are not yours to excuse. Their fights are not yours to endure. And this bond, this love, is not only yours to keep alive. Not if it costs you so much, if it consumes you so much.

They will come out of it, even without you by their side. And perhaps exactly because of you leaving, they will find themselves finally understanding the importance of the weight with which they were leaning onto others in order to stand up.

And this connection, all that you felt and lived, will never be in vain, it will never be wrong. Your actions, your dedication, never will be not enough. Every little moment, every shared laugh, every tender hug, they are all worth it. Even if there won't be anymore of them, even if they will remain only in your hearts.

There are a lot of reasons behind a bond that is not being able to survive… But not always it is necessarily the fault of one or another. Sometimes it is just life. Sometimes it is just what is the best for your hearts.

But if the idea of doing that one step away is still too scary, too difficult to do under the weight of not only what was, but also of what will happen if you do it… If you just feel the need to hear a few more words, just to be sure… you can take a look at the extended version of this reading, at a little message that this world has for you right now.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

– Pile Two,

the two of swords, the eight of swords, the world

A step that is too difficult to take. Too difficult to make when it means to leave behind all that you worked on so much. A door that is too difficult to close, even if it is to protect yourself and your heart.

No one ever really taught you how to do it. How to connect with others. How to create a healthy and right bond. How to nurture and protect it at all costs… You were forced to learn it on your own. All that pain that you saw in those tired eyes in your reflection. All the times you saw others unexpectedly crumble down, revealing the wounds that they tried to hide so hard. All the things that you needed to endure because of others and their ways. And all the people dear to you that were destroyed, heartbroken, by the closest ones to them… It all forced you, pushed you, to learn. Just to not feel and not see it anymore.

So the worst things were transformed through you in something better, in something more gentle and tender. The mistakes of others became your lessons and teachings. Their harsh words, your reflection and inner introspection. Their cold and harmful actions that they kept explaining with their logic… your ability to understand others more, thanks to the whispers of your heart that you now were choosing to listen, instead of your mind.

Every situation, every person, every word or action, it all helped you to become who you are now. A person that is gentle, thoughtful, loyal, faithful to those that you love, despite everything that might challenge you and the way you are. All thanks to your incredible bond to your own heart. That deep connection to love that resides within you, the nourishment that you give to it, and the guidance that it offers you back.

A person that got through so much just to be able to be this way, to be guided by your heart, to follow it with confidence, no matter how often others considered you too soft… A person that, without realising, started to fear and despise its own mind, its own thoughts, conclusions, and suggestions. To the point of refusing its guidance even when, for once, it is not coming from overthinking or delusion, but only from that part of you that is seeing more. More than your heart is feeling now.

Because the truth is that you already have all the reasons, all the motives, that are more than enough to be this the right choice. To confirm that doing this step away, to cut this bond, is indeed what will make this pain stop. But you are trying so hard to ignore them. To find other explanations, other ways of looking at this situation… Just because you don't want to become one of those that hurt others. And worst of all, admit that exactly as your mind, there are times in which your heart can be wrong too, guiding you in the arms of those that can’t or won’t treat you right.

But when it comes to you, to your inner world, to the way you go through things… it simply can’t be just black or white. It can’t be your mind or your heart. It doesn't and can't work like that. Not when you are trying to follow only one, making a decision by deliberately ignoring a part of you that has something to say, to suggest, to show you. And that can possibly be vital for the moment you’ll need to choose. You can't possibly expect to be able to navigate this complex and such mutable world by only using one half of your soul, of what makes you - you, of what contains all your experience and knowledge and thus can really help you… just because they come from different parts of you.

By choosing so radically where your decisions are coming from, your mind or your heart, you are only hiding a part of what is happening from yourself. You are keeping yourself blind to the full reality and truth of things, people and situations around you. Putting yourself in danger, forcing yourself to stay in places that are not right for you, exactly like now.

Listen to yourself more. And not just your feelings, your desires, the things that you hold in your heart. Trust also your observations, your judgment, your knowledge that some things that you are enduring, for or because of others, are just not right. Listen and trust yourself, fully. Because there is a reason why your heart is holding onto them so dearly, yes. But there is also a reason why you are noticing more and more details, why your mind is becoming louder and your thoughts heavier as you try to ignore them just for the sake of your heart. A heart that is still being used and hurt, even when you follow it, even right now.

It is not only black and white. Each part of you is an explosion of colours, of reasons behind why you are feeling something or there is a thought so persistent in your mind. Reasons that you shouldn't just choose from, and stick to them even as you are bleeding your heart out or losing your mind. But they are rather the ones that you should consider, connect them, and decide based on the whole picture that you are for so long refusing to see, closing your eyes.

It is okay if for once you don't come from love, from gentleness, from your heart. It is okay if you don't stick with something, push yourself through it, even if your heart is not used to the ways that are more harsh. It is okay. Simply because the one that is hurting you, consuming you, is not doing it from the heart either. I assure you that all this pain and struggle is not coming from love.

So don't try to fight it with it. Don't try to fight at all if you don't want to, if the fear of hurting too much and becoming someone you don't want is too strong. But don't make compromises on how much you protect yourself, that same heart that you are now letting so vulnerable, wide open and ready to be stubbed by them just because of your love.

And if you need more reassurance, more reasons to do it, to finally open your eyes after ignoring for so long what your mind was trying to show you… If you just feel the need to hear a few more words, just to be sure… You can take a look at the extended version of this reading, at a little message that this world has for you right now.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

– Pile Three,

the tower, the king of coins, the three of swords

Like the flowers that were cut… No matter how beautiful, no matter how cherished and nourished, no matter how much loved… This is a bond that was impossible to save longer, even with all your attention and love.

You had so much faith in this moment… In this confrontation that it took you so long to prepare for. You had so much anticipation, after all the thoughts and feelings that overwhelmed you as you tried to find the courage and the right words. As you worked hard on understanding fully what was going on within you first, so you could explain it to them…

You really did believe that if only you found the right way to do it, they would listen this time. That they will for once pay attention without rushing to defend themselves at your expense. But it didn't work, didn't it? It went exactly like the last time, and the one before that…

Perhaps even worse, considering the tiredness and numbness that now you feel. Not even a bit of sadness or hurt, not a little anger… It is just all silent, after you finally poured your heart out. Even if it wasn't understood, what you meant, what you wanted to achieve by trying to speak with them…

Perhaps it is because one part of you, somewhere deep down, wasn't really buying all this faith in the fact that it would work this time. Perhaps it is because you got so used to not being heard, since they started to walk by your side. Perhaps it is because, before finding your voice, you were silenced so many times, letting it all store and rot in you, until it just poisoned you from inside out. Perhaps it has nothing to do with all of this… But either way it doesn’t change the fact that now, as everything is collapsing all around you, as they so angrily and chaotically start to crush it all down, your hands are still, your lips are sealed, your eyes don't even want to look up. After all the time that saving this connection was the center of your life, of your every thought through the sleepless nights… You now don’t have the strength nor the desire to catch the pieces, the memories, that they are tearing apart.

But even if you are starting to think that it was all a delusion, that there was nothing honest in you, otherwise you wouldn't feel now so detached… It is not true. In fact, perhaps you felt, you loved, you cared, too much. Much more than they are doing now, so easily deciding to end it, to leave it all behind just because for once you said something about how you felt, about how it hurt you, their ways to treat your heart.

You are just tired. Consumed. In a certain sense, you already overcame it all in your mind that spent so much time thinking and stressing about what was going on in this connection, in this situation that was becoming so heavy with each day that passed. You are not heartless, you are not a liar or selfish… You are just a human that endured too much. And that after finding the courage to open up, to be so vulnerable and honest, was just ignored and hurt.

It is not like you don't care about losing them… You simply already lost them. You lost the person that you fell in love with already a long time ago, when they transformed so much, into someone who is just a stranger to your heart. You do have feelings, you do feel pain, you do feel fear and regret. Is just that they are strong enough to erase themselves, especially after all the time that you felt them, that you carried them inside your chest.

It is okay. What is happening now. It is okay even if they made you be the villain of this story. Even if they didn't understand in the slightest what you wanted and meant. Because probably they did understand, and just don't want to accept it, to make it more evident and real, that they are the ones that destroyed this connection, one little step at a time. Not you, who only wanted to talk about it, who until the very end always had the intention to resolve it, if only they didn't rush so much, silencing you right away.

Let them be. Let them go. You did everything you could, you were good, you did your best and you sacrificed enough. Just know that… the fault is not yours just because you caused this end. The fault is of the one that didn't even try to work on what was left.

But if it still feels so uneasy, so strange what happened and how the things went… If you still feel the guilt and doubts creeping on you for how you handled this… If you just feel the need to hear a few more words, just to be sure… You can take a look at the extended version of this reading, at a little message that this world has for you right now.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

[thatfrailsoul]

(Pictures that are used here are from Pinterest - check the link at the end of the reading to find and download them from their original creator ♡)

_

Slow down for a moment. Allow your heart to guide you, to tell you if there is really a message here for you and in which pile it hides... And whatever the answer is, feel free to listen to it or to let go. Remembering that whenever you will be ready or will have the need, your true message will find its way to you.♡

_

_

When they see you, when they look at you... They see the strength of someone who keeps trying, even when every part of them is so tired and consumed. They see the eyes of someone who got through it all, but that still tries to calm down that resentful voice that can't but highlight the worst now in this world... They see someone that tries its best to remain the same gentle and loving soul. While feeling the shift in each part of you that tries to face it all, by becoming rigid and unfazed by all the challenges that you are forced to endure. They see someone who is worthy of that love, affection, and serenity that slowly but finally is flowing in your life again...But they see also someone that can't win completely against their hurt and tortured heart that keeps seeing the danger in disguise in every moment... And they truly would like to help that precious and poor soul of yours. Help you to remember that there is more, that there isn't only darkness, loneliness and cold. And that you deserve a chance to live and feel it. You deserve much much more.

_

They see in you the version of them that they already lost. The reflection of what they once so ardently desired to be, to appear in this world. That strength and courage in learning, from others, from your own self, in seeing not only the hurt and bad in this world, but also all the other beautiful things that can grow from those. Transforming a wound, remains of a destroyed love or dream, in a new beginning, in gained knowledge, in the strength to live for more. They look at you and they are mesmerized, overwhelmed with admiration for you but also regret and judgment for themselves. For the moment they stopped to look around for more convinced that everything that there is - is not worthy anymore. It might not look like it... But every moment with you, every word you speak... It's gentle but still a hard to swallow pill for them about how there was indeed a different way of coming out of all those challenges and nightmares. That there was, there is, still something to live and fight for.

_

Pictures used in the reading ♡

_

[thatfrailsoul]

– On a day I've found me

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

pictures from pinterest → one, two, three

Even in the darkest and loneliest days of our life... There is still something within us. Something that we don't feel so much, don't remember or perhaps don't even know to have within ourselves... But that is still so powerful. Enough to gently push and guide us through every obstacle, through every challenge, through every painful or confusing step. There is something within us that is worth it. That makes it worth it to believe in ourselves, to survive, to still be here and to be alive. Our own treasure, our own and true core where is hidden all the magic of our soul. Are we aware of it or not.

This is our second reading from the Divinatory Jukebox inspired by the song "A Brand New Day", by BTS ( V and J-Hope) and Zara Larsson!(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) Like with the first reading (that you can find here ♡), this one too was guided by my cards that "set the tone", giving me advice on how to listen to this song, from which perspective, and what it wants to tell us in this period of our lives.

P.s. If you would like to see a reading inspired by your suggested song, you can learn more about how to partecipate here!♡↓

♪♡♪ Divinatory Jukebox ♪♡♪

Slow down for a moment. Give your conscious mind a moment of rest, allow it to step back. And listen to your subconscious mind, to that inner voice, to the intuition that is guiding you to the pile in which your message hides.

P.s. I was considering doing some extended versions of our readings, a sort of add-on through which we will look even deeper and in more detail at the situation. A lot of you gave me your support on this, so I wanted to ask you more about what might be comfortable for you in case of purchasing one day an extended reading!♡ For example, would you prefer to have access to only one pile of your choice (and in case you were called to more than one pile in the original reading you would need too pay again for another one) or to receive all of them at once and with a single purchase?

Thank you for letting me know!♡

—

– Pile One,

the five of wands, the hierophant, the temperance, the six of cups

When the voices get louder, when the words become meaner, the truth is overtaken by the lies... When you stand alone on the first line, protecting with your own back the ones that are being pressured or judged... There is that one little flame, that ignites inside you. That pushes you forward, chest full and eyes on the target. Ready to fight if it is needed, ready to raise your own voice if they don't hear the one of their chosen victim.

Impulsiveness, bad temper, tendency to not mind your own business, somehow even selfishness and desire to make it all about yourself... It can be labelled in so many ways by those for which it is so inconvenient that you are not afraid of them. For those that know too well that one day or another, that same power can be used to protect you from their influence and "guidance". Because although they really do everything to convince you of it, this power and this need to speak up does not come from something bad, from indiscipline or ungratefulness for those that are trying to guide you by so lovingly cutting out what makes you different from what they want or are used to... It actually comes from the deep and profound love. Your love towards your own self, towards what makes you - you. A love that, after so many years of judgment and punishments... you just can't bring yourself so easily to use. And that has as the only way of manifesting - the protection of others that are being treated so painfully similarly to you. That are being silenced and limited by the dreams, desires, and plans of others. And that your subconscious, so beaten up and tired by how many times it has happened in your own life, just can't look at without doing nothing, without trying to save at least others, while you remain to suffer in a life that has nothing of what you like.

Bad intentions, manipulation, desire to keep you the way it is more convenient to them, or just a genuine and scarier conviction and trust in what they do or say... Those around you always had something to say about your behaviour, about your difficulty in following the rules, in respecting the limits, in "trusting" and accepting as yours the decisions or opinions of others... Every time you made a step in a sliglthy different direction, that path was fast destroyed right in front of your eyes. The pain, mistakes or struggles of others so easily used to scare you, to push you back in line. There was never a chance to think differently, to desire things or to realize them in your life without feeling guilty, like you are doing something that you shouldn't, like your one little desire of something else can really crush the whole world in front of their eyes... But those words and hysteria never came alone. They were always so well glazed with concepts like love, wanting the best for you, caring for you and for your life. And tiny bit after another, it simply grew on you. On you that were too tired to fight back every single time just to feel like the one attacking others, the one that is ruining your or their lives...

You became more silent and more docile, more in line with what they wanted or needed. A perfect vessel for all their goals and dreams... And it gave you only a life that is miserable. So peaceful at first sight, but so meaningless for your own heart. A life that you are not really living, but merely following based on their rules. While your mind so desperately tries to live its dreams through others, through their battles, through their creations that you so greedily and secretly consume.

But was it really worth it? Now that you are gorwing up, facing this new phase in your life all on your own... Does it seems like it was worth it? Does it really seem like the perfect end? For your heart it surely doesn't. Not for the one that you are feeling less and less, becoming numb to this life that you are not ready or capable to face. Not for a heart that is so confused and lost, but also so fearful and trembling every single time the ones of the past speak up, with their guidance and advices that are really only judgment and hurtful words...

You relied for so long on your mind that was so good at shutting everything down and following their commands, but now it is really time to switch things up. To give the control to your heart, and let your consumed mind rest, as you take a step back and begin from the very start. From when you were too little and too loving to go against those by your side. From when you asked yourself to not speak up for the first time.

Because as impossible or too late as it might seem, but there is still time and possibilities for you to make things really work in your life. You can still pursue your desires and those passions that you threw away in the past. You can still begin from scratch, try again those things in which you failed but doing them differently, as you think it would be better now. Or you can choose completely different paths. You can do what you wanted and they never considered worth it. You can try and even make mistakes, but also learn from them and at least have your own and true experience. You can live like you always were supposed to, and not like they programmed you to. You can do it, even if they will still judge you. Even if they will still scream at you or ignore you. You can do it because all this time that you followed their guidance and remained silent, there was still and always a part of you that felt that anger, that frustration, that need to scream at them back. And the fact that you still felt it, that you still feel it now... Is all that you need to know that you are alive. That those passions, and dreams, and what makes you unique, no matter if you know what is it or still need to discover it, they are still all here. They never had been destroyed like you thought, they were just asleep, awaiting the moment you will feel ready to speak. To speak you truth, your own opinions. To be louder than their lies or impositions. To protect yourself so courageously, like you always did with others. To not allow your fear of them, or of the loneliness that they so often promise, to silence you ever again. Because their words will only and ever be just that. They aren't prophecies or accurate predictions of your life. They are just their convictions. And you have now yours. And it is time to speak them up as fiercely as they always did. With the difference that you will never use your voice to hurt and control others, projecting and imposing your convictions on them... But you will only protect yourself and pretend the respect that you deserve. The space and liberty to live the life that you want.

♡ { free guidance | a little thank you } ♡

– Pile Two,

the chariot, the lovers, the strength, the wheel of fortune (all major arcanas!♡)

They feel so heavy. Those steps that you need to do every single day in order to survive. In order to have a chance to overcome these obstacles. In order to have even just the tiniest bit of progress... Your legs feel so damn heavy. There is simply too much pressure, too many fears and doubts weighing on them. And at each step... You really do need the help of others. Their guidance, a little advice, support or just some confirmation that you are going in the right direction, that you will be alright.

They say that as we grow we become more wise, more confident. But you seem to have everything but courage in your heart. The same one that, ironically, used to be so brave and beautifully impulsive in the past. The ones that often lead to mistakes, all those passions and drive, it's true. But for which you still would give so much, just to feel even just a little now, because you would exactly know where to direct them, into what to pour them, where they could help you so much right now.

Because it is not at all easy to feel so vulnerable, so lost and scared. It is not easy to need someone to rely on. To look for them constantly, never really having time to focus the same way on your own self. To feel just more consumed, when the one you found influenced you so much but left alone too soon. In paths that you know nothing about and followed just in search of them. With decisions that you can't even remember how you made, perhaps so blindly trusting the opinion or advice of someone that was by your side back then...

It is frustrating. Truly. To feel the life you are living, creating, working so hard on every single day... Just not right, just not yours. So many things constrating you and your visions. So many rhythms and routines that are different from yours. All around you. So many. That it seems impossible to find a way out of this and something that would truly resonate with you for more than just a phase... If you will even ever be able to understand what is it that your heart wants in the first place.

But... The same way as with your life decisions, you are so quick to trust others with their convictions and descriptions of who and how you are too. You so quickly trust their words and vision of you, embodying it so perfectly that it really does feel true. That you are too volatile, too impulsive, too indecisive. That you know too little your own self. That you don't have your own mind or identity, and feel someone only once you become the copy of others and their soul. No ideas, no desires, no passions. Not even one focus, center, of your life that is not someone that you feel so much love and admiration for. You really do believe all of this about yourself. You really, so naively and even sweetly think that others see your core and true self so well... That you don't realize that all that they consider a lack of something, it is what makes you truly whole.

The liberty to change, to feel and experience so many things. The openness of the mind to look at life from different perspectives, of learning everyday new things about this world... We all have it when we are younger. And no one ever considers it as being weak or inconsistent - we know that it is the most important part of our growth. But so many grow, find the safest spot, and settle in so fastly, forgetting everything, even the fact that they themselves can be more, can bloom more... Not you though. Not when you are so versatile, so open, so genuine, so ready to be inspired by this life. No matter if it is through a story, an idea, a feeling, or someone... You are still learning more, you are still becoming more.

Or at least you could if only you didn't bring your own self down so harshly and so often, following the flow of your inspiration only halfway through, convinced that the powerful enthusiasm, the curiosity and passions that you felt weren't truly yours...

The opinions and expectations of people are really strict and specific nowadays, it is true... But only because someone out there, or even close to you, has them, doesn't mean that you need to slow down and force yourself to settle too. It is too soon for you. You have still so many things to do and feel. So many things to see and explore. You are still a child at heart. So innocent, so easily amazed and in love with all that this world has to offer to your soul. So why should you denigrate and change this part of yourself? Why you should judge or be ashamed of something that, if you saw it in someone else, would have filled you with joy, admiration and love? Why you shouldn't love it and embrace it like those that you envy do with their own souls? Why you should do it for others, when being yourself will never hurt no-one?

It never was infatuation, lack of character and discipline or recklessness. It only was your excitement for people and their ideas, so different from yours, so worthy of being tried and felt on your own skin, learned with your own mind and felt with your whole heart, so you can understand them better and connect with them more. It was just your desire to wander, to explore, to bloom more and more with all the colours of this world. It never was you being doomed. But only you being one of the most free souls.

Your mind will change. Your desires. Your passions. Your pace and the direction you'll be guided to take. And that's okay. You will never be stuck or too close to a trap. You never will be lost, as long as you will embrace the power of your soul to hear the many callings of this world.

♡ { free guidance | a little thank you } ♡

– Pile Three,

the three of wands, the page of pentacles, the two of cups, the world

It is so rare to be able to truly see this world, its negative parts but also the hopeful ones. It is rare to have your eyes that can so easily recognise something that is worthy of appreciation, something that we can and need to be grateful for. Your gaze wanders further, it is not focused only on what is here and now, right by your side... But it foresees so many ways, options, possibilities of how things can become better, allowing you to have something that no one else has. Your faith and hope.

It is not just being too positive, hopeful or delusional. It is not stupid to notice precious details and signs in things that others are so fast to label as the worst in their life. It is a different form of courage and strength. To be able to recognise the difficulties and challenges, but at the same time still respect them for all that they give you, for who they help you to become.

But the suffering voices of others are too hard to ignore, aren't they? It is difficult to feel truly grateful and hopeful when so many by your side are crushed under the pressure of their fears and struggles. Your gaze that never focused just on you can't start doing it now, only for the sake of your own peaceful mind... You can't walk past them, or ignore them every time they pour out their soul to you. They are your family, your loved ones. People that you would like so much to share with your strength and patience for this world.

So you do it. You are doing it already for quite some time. You are your own supporter and guide, that always reminds you of how things can and will become better if you just hold on tight. And you are the strength and hope of others. Always ready to listen to them, to help them let it all out. But also capable of finding in their stories and situations something good, something little but still worthy of keeping on going. Kind words. Positive affirmations. Loving support. Readiness to be there no matter what. You do so much for others, you give them so much guidance and love in hopes that one day they can finally see and feel for themselves that hope and faith for a best life... But it helps them so little, it seems so feeble compared to their strong convictions of how it never will be better, of how there is nothing here to be grateful for, of how believing in something different is for the delusional and weak ones.. And it hurts you. It hurts you deeply. That not only you seem the only one to at least try to enjoy this life a little.... But that it is also considered so wrong, for whatever reason, to not focus for once only on the worst. It is hurting you so so deeply, to the point that you are starting to feel for the first time that your enthusiasm is becoming more silent, your sureness more fragile. You are starting to feel so much like they feel. More hopeless, less convinced, less motivated to do anything. Because perhaps if so many say so... Then it really is so bad, so different from what your heart and mind wanted to believe...

Or perhaps it is just a moment in which the voices of others are a little more heavy, enough to pressure you into believing that the life is really only this. Perhaps it is only you that became a little tired, after spending so much time and energy on others, on helping them out. Perhaps it is only your mind that focused for so long on others and their lives, stopping to look for good things in yours, not warming it anymore with your joy and hope, and letting it become more dark and cold.

Life or this world didn't change, in the grand scheme of things. It's not like in this period everything indeed became much worse and horrendous, erasing every beautiful and worthy thing. And it's not like they were always right in their overwhelming negativity and convictions, and you are the one to only now open your eyes and see it all... Everything remained still balanced as it was, the bad and good stuff, the pain and love, the struggle and the epiphany of freedom and safety that is so dear to our souls. But after spending so much time in their minds and lives... You just became used to their ways to feel and see this world, starting to do the same, judging your more hopeful side exactly like they always did to you before.

But you still are this way. You will always be. You will still and always have that light in you, that love and gratefulness for the things. You just need to reconnect with them. Nourish them a little more now, so they can light up once again and warm your heart.

And to do this there is no need to pick sides, isolate yourself or say goodbye to those that not feel this life the same way as you do. You can still cherish your connections, you can still try to lift them up and give them that strength that they need so much. You can still try to teach them, and you can still love them... Just remember, at the same time, to love yourself a little more. Your own ways, your own perceptions and opinions. Your own needs to be hopeful about this world and what the future holds. Just remember to listen to your own self, before anyone else, your own convictions. Cherish them and trust them more than the ones of other people. Because it is truly a power of yours, to feel so connected to the ways of this world. It is indeed something that will save and help you, now and forever. It will always give you the needed strength or guidance to go through the hardships, it will always show you the right path when you will feel stuck or lost. Just remember to nourish it first. Before fighting or protecting so fiercely the ways of others... Remember to nourish and embrace the ones that are yours. So you can share your light, your love and strength with others, but without consuming or destroying it in the process, leaving your own self alone and in the cold.

♡ { free guidance | a little thank you } ♡

[thatfrailsoul]

_

Slow down for a moment. Breathe. And choose the image that aligns the most with what you feel.

Allow your heart to guide you, to tell you if there is really a message here for you... And whatever the answer is, feel free to listen to it or to let go. Remembering that when you will be ready or will have the need, your true message will find its way to you.♡

If you feel like stopping by, before scrolling to your message, I would like to know your opinion.♡ If you do answer, thank you so much in advance! As this way you help me create a more comfortable and safe place.♡

When interacting with the pick a pile/picture readings, do you prefer when the message is short and direct (more easy to digest), or when it's a little longer and detailed (and you can take your time reading and reflecting on what it says)?

_

There is so much that you found in them... Understanding, acceptance, appreciation for who you really and simply are. A safe place where there is no need to pretend. A safe person with whom there is no need to wear a mask, because it would be useless to try to hide from those eyes... A tender, warm, affection and protection. From all the wounds that those of the past left on your heart... A chance to heal, with their support and gentle ways. A chance to escape that past completely, through a connection that might give you enough love. Perhaps even more than what you think you deserve...

But is it the only type of love that might be enough? The romantic one? The one that, you imagine and expect, is powerful enough to blur everything else in your life? To hide from you all the challenges, all the dangers... Or perhaps to hide you from them? Or is there more? More ways to love, more things to gain and discover in yourself through the affection, support and admiration of someone else? Someone who sees you, and it is able to show you who you really are, the courage and strength that you really have? How much you are ready and capable of finding enough of them in your own self, to be able to face this life, instead of running and hiding from them behind someone else's back?

You see that more between you, in them. You see it because you desperately need and want it. To be able to finally feel that heavyness and pressure lifted from your tired shoulders. To be for once able to don't have this overwhelming fear and frustration, knowing that you are not alone... But you can find all of this in them, in others, without necessarily being connected through a romantic love. You can find it in them, even if they are simply and genuinly your friend. The one who will be there, not because they are binded to you with a blind love that you became used to desire and idolise... But simply because they are here for you, they cherish you and care for you. And even if there might not be that something more that you want... There will be that connection that you the most need. True and honest. Powerful in the moments and feelings that it will gift you. And always here.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

So many contrasting emotions are overwhelming your heart now... Between the affection and the desire that grow more and more, and the fear of what it might mean for your connection... For the person that you learned to know... You are not that far away from exploding. From burying yourself under so many possible outcomes, reactions, words that you could hear from them in the eventuality that you make that one step closer, allowing your heart to speak up.

But it is much easier than what it seems. It is much more innocent, what you feel. It will not cause any disruption, any catastrophie. It will not create walls between your hearts, that already know each other so well and so much. Because you already are that more. You already are for each other that support, that strength, that inspiration and motivation that is not at all so superficial. It is not so little that you can think that, the feelings that are blooming in you now, can destroy your connection so easily or so fast. It is much more stronger, it is much more deeper already. The person in front of you it's not someone that just passes by. They know you, perhaps more than they know themselves. They feel you, like they never had the courage to feel their own self. And they will listen to you. They will understand you. They will accept you. Because from the very start this connection was different. And you both know that well. Well enough to not let it burn down, just for a feeling that has nothing malicious or wrong in it. A feeling that is pure, exactly like your heart that they already learned to love and appreciate so much.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

It is not the first time isn't it? This feeling in your heart is not at all new. Not regarding them, that came into your life out of the blue and made it so vivid, like it never was before. So full of emotions, of desires, of curiosity and excitement of seeing and feeling so many old things so differently. Like it was the first time that you were alive.

But you never had a lack of courage, of resilience and confidence in yourself and your worth. So how come, with them, you never really did that step forward? How come you never dared to ask or offer more? Perhaps because they never hid it. They never left room for misunderstanding, for interpretation. They never left room for someone to get closer to them than what they wanted. And from the very first day, it was clear that you were one of those. The ones that are not supposed to see and know their more intimate world.

But no matter how much you are aware of it, no matter how much you try to focus on something or someone else... You are still here. Still feeling your heart pounding so strongly when they are close. Even when you are suppressing these emotions, not wanting to be the one to ruin this connection and make them feel uncomfortable. You are just trying to hide them or to ignore... But is it really the only and right way to respect them and their boundaries, and still have a chance to be a part of their life?

You are not letting go of it, you can't really let it pass. Simply because this hiding is so different from your usual ways. It feels so forced for your heart, that it is used to clarify things right away, finding out directly if it is meant to be or not. Trying and working on it, or moving on. Instead of remaining here, with this sort of suspension, not a no, but not really a maybe. But even if you can't have that direct answer from them, you do have one already. You do know their boundaries, their limits. You know the way they treat you and see you, and you know how different it is from what you feel in your heart. And the only reason it is not enough for you to find peace and let go... Is because you are not making it be enough. Because once you imagine and picture one thing... It is really hard for you to accept to lose it, even if it never was yours.

But it is not so bad, to accept this friendship and genuine connection. You won't lose anything, if you will nourish and enjoy it just the way it is. Actually, you will find something that is much more than what a romantic connection that you pictured could've given you. You will find much more appreciation and satisfaction in respecting their boundaries and not forcing them or yourself in transforming this into something more. Just don't ignore it, don't hide it, don't suppress it with the frustration and anger that you have now that comes from this feeling of inferiority, lack or loss... But rather allow yourself to understand that not every deep and powerful connection needs to be a romantic one. And in leaving this relationship the way it is, you can actually find something much more meaningful and worthy of being cherished, respected and enjoyed.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

_

[thatfrailsoul]

_

P.s. See the full painting at the end!♡

_

If there is a message here for you, you will feel and know it. And if you will not - let go of it. As your true answer will find its way to you in a true moment of need.♡

_

_

_

It is the right moment. You are ready, as well as that person that would feel so right and safe when they are by your side. It is the right moment, and it's been already for a really long time... But it is not happening because you don't let it. Because you don't open your heart, where there is still and always a specific someone that occupies this special place, even if they are already in your past.

You are lying to yourself. Or to be exact, you try so hard to force yourself into believing that you moved on, that you forgot them. That you are brand new and healed, ready for new beginnings. But while being the right thing, the needed thing for you to feel and do...

It is not really what is happening deep down in your heart.. And while you do try to make the right steps and actions for you, convincing yourself and others that you do it because it's what you truly feel - in reality it's the only thing remaining to do as time passes and they still didn't come back to you.

It is hurting you, more than they and that ending did. You are hurting, giving that connection and situation more than they deserved to have from you. You are hurting yourself because you hide, from the reality and the true meaning of those memories of them that you keep on living and watching in your mind.

While actively repeating to that same heart - that you are making still feel so vividly that love not allowing it to let go - to open up to others, to be closer with them, to connect like it's the love of your life. Even though you know for sure that who you need and want is someone else, a still clear image of the one to whom you never truly said goodby.

It is enough. It is already time. Let go of them. You won't betray your love. You can't do it when it already faded, in all this distance and time. It is the most right thing that you can do for yourself and them. For your heart and mind that you are putting against one another, making them pursue two different narratives at the same time.

Let go of them, let go of that connection. Allow yourself to do it and to accept the truth. Because you can't and shouldn't ever welcome in someone, when that part of you is already taken, even if they are not anymore with you.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

_

_

You are free now. You are finally free from all the things that were consuming your soul. Even if they are still here, all around you, they don't hold that same power over you anymore, they can't harm you like they used to. All thanks to you, to your courage and strength. Thanks to your patience with this world and with yourself. To all the steps that you were able to make, growing with each one of them.

You found so much on this journey, within your own self. And this ironically made space for something new, for something bigger. That now is ready to find you, the you that truly learned to love someone without forgetting about your own heart.

You don't need to look for them. You don't need to do something else, to search for signs. Or to analyse, controlling every person and their role in your life... You need only to be your truest, most authentic, self. You just need to live, like you want and like you feel is right for you now. Experiencing what your heart craves and not being afraid of living through more...

Through more challenges perhaps, more fears or doubts. But also more courage, more beginnings, more realisations and situations that you will make yours, using them to transform this life into something that you truly enjoy.

And like all these things, allowed to flow into your life and making you truly live, this too will happen on its own. They too will be called and welcomed in, by your heart that is not afraid anymore.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

_

_

You ask yourself so often this question, you crave this connection, this new story for your heart... But when you wander about it for too many seconds, your mind can't help but be filled with fear and anxiety. With the wander about how it can be, how you can find that someone or how you can be found by them.

What you could do to find the right person. How would they enter your life and treat your heart. Will it be right or like what you already experienced? And what if how you were treated in the past is that "right" way of loving? What if you need to accept it even if it hurts so much?

As soon as your mind is overwhelmed with all of this... Comes in the doubt of whether you are truly ready... And indeed it is still soon for you. For your heart that is still learning how to love and treat your own self well. Let alone to know what it is like to be respected and cherished in the true and right way by someone else.

But you will get there. One step at a time. Without rush and burned stages. Without the frustration and the jealousy for the progress of others that you seem to be unable to have. Because they are only moments. Of those quite heavy but fast to pass overwhelming emotions. The ones that don't in any way erase or invalidate the progress that you made. But actually demonstrate and enhance it, through the way you are able to come back so fast to be patient and respectful to your own self again.

You are growing and healing, you are learning everything at once. So it is normal that it takes time to make space for something new in a life that is so full of emotions and thoughts. Don't be afraid of missing something, of being already too past the right moment, of making mistakes and not being quick enough to reach balance in this area of your life.

You have plenty of time and opportunities. You are going to be completely fine. Even if you won't find the right person immediately, but after taking care of your own life and what you have deep down in your heart and mind.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

_

"An Engaging Story", Delphin Enjolras

_

_

[thatfrailsoul]

P.s. See the full painting at the end!♡

_

Slow down for a moment. Allow your heart to guide you, to tell you if there is really a message here for you... And whatever the answer is, feel free to listen to it or to let go. Remembering that when you will be ready or will have the need, your true message will find its way to you.♡

_

_

_

There isn't really so much room for a risk... When you already spent so much time doing it, or to be exact imagining it, in your mind, putting yourself in the shoes of those that you were silently jealous of. Their life so different from yours.

There isn't much to check, control, be sure of. Simply because consciously and unconsciously you waited for this, you prepared yourself. Going through every way it might feel and be. It's not uncertain, it's not improvised and sudden - you were and are ready for this. You only can't find the courage to make that first step, leaving your current live behind.

But it's not so tragic, it only feels like it. Because it's something so new but at the same time that one thing that you wanted and missed for so long. But it won't be this life or that, this beginning or your older path. Nothing will collapse, shift so drammatically, leaving you without any way out of it if you won't feel convinced about this new journey and opportunity in your life.

In reality it will be much more subtle, gentle, step by step. Because this is just an opportunity for you, a chance, to taste and check this idea and desire that you've had. It's a possibility to understand it more, finally feel it, instead of only dreaming and imagining. So you can really decide if this is something of which you would like to have and experience more.

And if it will not be... If it will be so different from the image that you painted in your mind... You will still be able to make steps back. To your old but for this reason safer life. Where you will have the time to calm down and rest, getting ready for a new idea that you will want to try.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

_

_

It is not really a matter of is it safe or not... It's more about whether you will decide it to be one. Whether you will allow yourself to take this path, this opportunity and chance for something more and different... Even if there is so much that is uncertain and uncomfortable for your anxious and still so inexperienced mind.

It depends on whether you will go for it, finally and fully being aware of the fact that, as always, one way or another, you will make it work. Enjoying this journey, using those scary or confusing parts of it to transform it in something even more exiting and beautiful. Something that is worth to be proud of, of the fact that you lived and experienced it on your own.

It depends on whether you will allow this chance to help you to come out of this shell, this old and tiring life that so ironically you got used to, to the point of being afraid of letting it go. It depends on whether you will allow yourself to simply enjoy it, without thinking already now, before making even the first step, of all the obstacles and turns that you might need to face.

It depends on all of this, it depends on you. Simply because your heart and mind are so powerful. To the point that they are shaping an experience that you yet still need to do. Something that you have so little information and idea of... But that you can already picture so well in all those worse scenarios and chaos that your mind shows.

It depends on you. Because this chance it's something that you truly earned, worked, planned and dreamed hard for. But that in the same way you can deny yourself, letting it go before even holding it in your arms that deserve it all. All the emotions, positive or negative. All the moments, new and old.

All the changes and even more beginnings that this journey holds for you. And that to receive you need only and simply to allow yourself. Allow yourself to find the courage for this first step only once.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

_

_

We could look at this opportunity from all the different perspectives. We could look at the future, at what it holds for you if you follow this path... But no matter the answers, the results, risks or successes, it will be all useless in front of the one and simple fact - this step is the one desired by your heart.

And even if you will leave this chance behind, after counting the pros and cons, even if time will pass and you will convince yourself that it was for the best and you weren't really ready.... it will still never leave your mind. How it could've been, what you would've experienced, if it would've changed your perception of this world, your life or who you are.

So listen to your heart for this one. Follow this desire. Not because it's the safe or the right one. But simply because it's exciting and new for you, and this is what already makes it worth the try.

You can enjoy things just for what they are, for the moment they create in your life. It doesn't necessarily need to be part of a bigger picture, a bigger plan. It can be just for now and just for you. Gifting you the emotions that you crave so much right now.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

_

"Rainy Season in the Tropics", 1866, Frederich Edwin Church

_

_

[thatfrailsoul]

– Autumn's fallen leaves

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, )

"The princess out of school", Edward Robert Hughes

Each year, time and time again as their leaves fall, the trees show us their courage. Their incredible strength to let go of a part of them that no longer serves them. Even if it took them so long to nourish them and grow... They let go of everything, accepting and embracing this needed end. Gifting themselves a chance for a new beginning, full of growth and better health.

They are preparing now to do it once again. And as life and its cycles guides them... It tries to guide us too this time. It tries to help you... to let go of something. Something that is only weighting on your tired shoulders, slowing you down.

Take a deep breath, give yourself a needed moment of reflection and rest. Wander through this painting, through its details... Which one caughts more your gaze? To which part of the painting it belongs to? Pay attention - it is showing you where your message hides and awaits.

_

_

These days have been... a little harsh on me. It was difficult to bring myself to fight it and endure it, even though I so desperately wanted to make it through. So this reading, these messages, speak right to my heart. Giving me a needed reminder and moment of reflection. And I hope it will help you too..♡

I had this reading in mind for a little while, but wasn't quite sure. At least until I've received a request from the kindest soul exactly about these same thoughts and concerns. It was the needed (gentle) push for me to do it, so I deeply thank the one who requested this reading.♡

_

– Pile One,

the queen of swords, the emperor, the four of wands

There is so much control, so much presence within you, in the way you choose your life... But in that strength and power, if looked at closely, one can see the shades of fear, of desperate need...

Every little detail was already planned, analysed. Every outcome is expected, good or bad. Every path is already prepared so it can change its course in case of an obstacle or its end... Everything already leads to that one specific goal and outcome. The one that you imagined, perfectly pictured, for so long in your life... That it just can't be otherwise, it just can't pass you by. Not this one.

You are giving constantly to this so much work and intention, so much of your mind and heart, that even the slightest deviation feels like the whole world, your whole life, falling down.

You don't know what else you can do, how else you can make it more secure and successful, more perfect in your eyes... Or perhaps in the eyes of others... And it is consuming you, the pure stress and fear of just a thought that things might not work out.

It is all changing, shifting, day after day, in every area of your life. It is all evolving, and not really in a direction and way that you would've choose, in those that you would feel comfortable to be and live... And the only remaining thing, project and situation that is so important and indeed so powerful to give you back that control on your life, helping you to regain your balance back... Is becoming strange. Sometimes too slow, sometimes too sudden. Sometimes too stagnant or too confusing and dark. It is slowly but surely using all your back up plans, without slowing down, without showing you its horizon and its end... Making you afraid of the moment in which you won't simply have any other idea, opportunity or choice... While the path will continue to evolve, leaving you behind with that little that remains of yourself after all these sacrifices...

But is it really changing so much, this path? Is it really being ruined by everything you try? Or were you the one that made so many deviations trying to avoid all the obstacles and catastrophies that you thought you saw and needed to don't let closer to yourself?

Because there is an incredible power within you. Power of will, of hope, of patience and courage when it comes to protect yourself and your desires and dreams. A power strong enough to clear out a path as you will walk through it. But also... Enough to destroy it, if only you convinced yourself enough of it.

And this is something unique, not at all so easy to find in us, not so easy to learn and use. And when we, desperate and afraid, find this power within us... We tend to use it to protect ourselves from the obstacles and opponents of the outside, instead of using it against the thoughts and feelings inside our heart and head... that have much more power over our journey, its ups and downs, and sometimes their end.

This is indeed for you - this goal, this dream, this journey. It's not only you who wants this outcome, but that goal wants you too, that desire wants to be yours.

It is the right path, you are on the right path. It is the safe one for you, even if so many times you expected the worse and tried to flee.

There weren't any problems impossible to resolve, or obstacles too heavy to remove. There was only you who made a "mistake" of thinking that you never could be able to face those things or do them. There was only you who had so much passion and desire, conviction that it is for you, fused with that fear and uncertainty still present within you. There was just this mix of certainty and, ironically, confusion. The inner knowledge of what you want but confusion on how to get there, if you even could.

There was just this strong, incredibly powerful, courageous heart and mind. That, confused exactly like you, tried their best. Focusing more on avoiding and finding new routes. And not on showing you, teaching you, how you could've make it work regardless, following your original plan and decision, without sacrifices and changes that you felt forced to make.

Now it is already done. And it's just fine the way it is. It's not worse nor better. It wasn't the wrong way. It was just different. You tried and you felt it. You felt deep down in you that the way you chose again and again, perhaps was not quite the easiest one...

But now, today, in this moment, you have once again the possibility to choose how to do it. You have a chance to stay, to not run away. And to try to do your thing, how it feels right for you, and not how it seems more safe.

This journey is safe and right one for you, for who you want to become, regardless. So start to go through it with the same way that desired you would. Use your knowledge, your confidence, your power of choice. Not to avoid things, to escape and hide in hopes of finding another opportunity somewhere somehow... But to stay tall and strong and, gently, fight it. Showing this world, those people, this environment and to your own self, that things can and do work differently sometimes.

Showing and reminding all of you that it is not always the journey that changes us, but sometimes we are the ones to simply remember how much it means for us, without holding back. Without giving up.

P.s. Let me know if you chose this message and how it felt to you, if it resonated at all..♡

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Two,

the four of cups, the queen of swords, the empress

It is quite easy to find, to constantly notice, all the things that are not working out no matter how hard you try. It is quite easy to remember all the things that you pictured, all the things that you so ardently wanted... and that never really manifested in your life.

It is easy to focus on them because it's so hard to ignore them. To ignore that pain, pressure, frustration that you feel in each moment of your life... when all you ever wanted was to just be safe, living a good and peaceful life.

So no one can tell you to don't do it. No one can have a say on how you should feel as you go through so many problems and challenges in your life now. But... Your heart and mind can and will still do it.

They will show their tiredness and sadness through the emptiness that you feel in your chest. Through the fog that is overwhelming your mind and making your thoughts so difficult to follow or find. They will show it to you, they will speak to you in the only way they can: a tired body, that doesn't have anymore the needed strength. The needed health.

And you know it. You already see it in the way you react less and less to this life. At least on the outside... Because you are still human, it still hurts, you still feel so many emotions that explode bottled up in your heart.

You are becoming calmer, in the eyes of others, but you are slowly destroying yourself from the inside. The only place were you used to feel and be safe, and that now is not anymore able to hide you from the reality of your life.

It is difficult, impossible, to ignore all of this... And you don't need to do it. But in the same way you shouldn't ignore those little, tiny, good things that are still present in your days either.

It might seem so useless, to try to focus on them, holding onto them so desperately when they are so few... But they are enough for your heart and mind that just need to know that there is light and warmth too. It is so little, but it is exactly what you need to find that strength again. To find that hope and simple knowledge that things can indeed be different. That it will not always be this way. That this is not the end...

Or perhaps it is. An end of this long and troubled phase of your life. An end of this tiring fear. Perhaps it is finally the moment of change. A shift that will start first within you. In that mind that will realise a one little but important thing: you don't need to choose between seeing life all in black or white, you can see it and feel it as it is. Complicated, different, strange... Just real.

A life that needs and gives importance to both things. A life that doesn't ignore. Exactly like you shouldn't. Not the bad things, that you just need to feel in order to be able to remember, overcome them and in the future avoid... And not with the good ones, that even if little, are still a demonstration of how things can and will be different. How they can and will transform.

You gave a lot of yourself to all your problems, challenges, obstacles on your path... But you gave so little credit to your strength, your patience, your own existence and everything that transformed you in the incredible soul that you are now.

A soul that perhaps, indeed, can't be the one to resolve it all... But that can still make it through.

Just don't ignore it. Don't ignore those good parts of your life or you that are still here, that are still relevant, that are still deserving of the same acknowledgment, attention and trust as the ones that you give to those negative and challenging parts of your life.

P.s. Let me know if you chose this message and how it felt to you, if it resonated at all..♡

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) you can find out more about it here!♡

_

_

[thatfrailsoul]

_

I'm completely new to this beautiful platform, but in just a few days we became so many that I'm simply overjoyed!♡ I want, with every post and reading, to become better and better with this platform and make it as comfortable as possible to interact with my pick a pile readings. And for this reason I have a little question for you:

Thank you for helping me out!♡ Now let's return to our reading...

Slow down for a moment. Allow your heart to guide you, to tell you if there is really a message here for you and in which pile it hides... And whatever the answer is, feel free to listen to it or to let go. Remembering that whenever you will be ready or will have the need, your true message will find its way to you.♡

_

Deep down you already know and feel it, what they see when they look at you, what they feel when they stand so close to you, when you are in the same room... You feel and know it because the reason you really saw them was the incredible intention, gentleness, interest in their every word and gesture towards you.

You saw them because of the different rhythm in their steps, a different tone hidden in their voice as they talked and smiled at you. And while you now feel so unsure, while you are so afraid of projecting only your desire and seeing in them much more that there really is...

They can't stay still, looking for the right way to come forward, being still so unsure that you might accept them and allow them to come closer, allow them to see and feel more of you and of your world.

Because even if you know so little for now about each other, the desire to understand more pulls you both in and closer. Creating an exciting possibility for more.

_

Although it's not by mistake that you feel something subtly moving and shifting between you as you continue to spend time together and learn about each other more... It's not the right moment to allow your heart and mind to be overwhelmed by this idea, by this chance for something more.

You are much more similar than you can imagine now, you are both so familiar with the pain of a betrayed heart. And while you are trying to overcome it thanks to the hope that someone new might be completely different from others... They are trying to heal themselves by protecting and hiding this part of their soul.

They are not ready. Not only for you or for this possible connection, but in general to love and be loved again. Simply because it still deeply hurts.

And being so soon, something more is really uncertain in this future that still needs to be written. And that depends on how much and when their heart will be ready to overcome.

_