#the only thing that makes it bad is if a parent gets mad at there kid liking something gendered | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

giantkillerjack · 1 year

Text

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

17K notes · View notes

tacagen · 3 months

Text

one of the things that fascinate me about thawne: yes, he CAN be normal with kids! surprisingly normal!

((not at all times, though. his mental illness still spills through and as usual he, in trying to manipulate or hurt others, spits out at them the exact stuff that would hurt him (or have in his childhood/barry's rejection interpretation) the most in the first place lmao))

but at the same time. his like second instinct when doing his bullshit is FUCK THEM (as) KIDS

(and, well. whatever this classifies as)

#whats wrong with him. seriously. he loves picking fights with literal children So Much #AND NONE OF THEM WITH WALLY ON THE MATTER OF BEING THE BIGGEST FLASH FAN. HOW DID THAT NEVER HAPPEN #about the middle page. honestly i DIDNT remember he is a Jerk in that way too until i checked his interactions with bart for this post #this man officially should not be allowed near children as a mentor.#just straight up drops ALL his insecurities on a poor kid in trying to make him feel ashamed. NO breaking the abuse cycle for this bad boy #the only thing he doesnt say is the direct 'you are a disappointment' altho the message is still the same 💀💀💀💀💀💀#AND I BET HES HELLA PROUD OF THAT. I MEAN CONSIDERING THIS FACT IG HE DOES TRY TO BE BETTER THAN HIS PARENTS. SOMEWHAT.#and omg he formulates his point like in problem based learning (leading the child to making the correct conclusion themselves)#im dying. professor to the fucking core.#and the way he feels the need to bring up flash facts in his appeal?? EO YOURE SO HOPELESS. THIS IS 100% HOW BART SAW HIM THROUGH #and god knows what he told thad promising to get him out of the speed force if he fought barry there and whether he was going to fulfill it #and do you even IMAGINE how FUCKED barry's mental condition would be growing up if thawne fulfilled his button threat #and i really REALLY wonder about the tornado twins and their relationship with 'uncle eobard' but that will be a separate post #he doesnt know any other way tho. and he might be actually mad at bart for not supporting his every action as The Flash #like. he tries to play family but the second they question he just goes WHATEVER. I DONT NEED IT. FLASH OF MY VISION RUNS ALONE #his problem is that he just wants attention. he doesnt see family/heroing for what 'its really about' or downsides that may come with them #everything is so idealized in his head. and the moment he faces reality with its complications the concept immediately gets antagonized.#and then he reconsiders and changes the conditions but fails each time never realizing the problem is his mindset and not everything else #black white at its finest yall #and man. RELATABLE.#also WHY is he standing LIKE A STATUE when appearing in front of bart????😭😭😭😭#poor museum rat has no idea what heroes in real life stand like #eobard thawne #professor zoom #reverse flash #the reverse flash #bart allen #the flash #dc

72 notes · View notes

lloydfrontera · 4 months

Text

in a better timeline where theo is actually a character and not just a plot device he and rakiel develop this weird and confusing dynamic where rakiel is still very clearly theo's older brother except for those moments where his inner ahjussi comes out and he parents theo more than his father ever did and he slowly starts taking asterion's place as theo's father figure.

neither of them really notice because 1) lee han was an only child and he's not really that aware of what is or isn't normal sibling behavior and he doesn't really care either he just sees theo craving approval and being lowkey passively suicidal and goes "is anyone gonna take care of that" and then doesn't wait for an answer before doing it himself and 2) because theo has been neglected his entire life and doesn't recognize what rakiel is doing as 'parenting' because, well, asterion never did that with him so his first experience with that kind of care and treatment is from rakiel so he automatically files it as 'hyung behavior'. so none of them actually realize when their dynamic blurs the line between siblings and parent-child.

but asterion does. just... way too late. when he's already lost his chance with not one, but both of his children. when one son is forever out of his reach and the other has filled what should've been his place with someone else. only then does he realize what his neglect and putting his title as emperor above that of father has cost him. when there's nothing he can do about it.

he wanted his sons to grow up without needing him. and they did. they don't need him anymore. and he didn't realize how terrible of a thing that was until it was far too late to fix it.

#i talk a lot <3 #cpsm #crown prince sells medicine #tap #the apothecary prince #rakiel magentano #theodore magentano #asterion magentano #sorry i'm obsessed with this fucked little family #they have so many issues <333 #most of them caused by asterion #the thing is. the narrative doesn't let asterion get off easy for the shit he pulled on rakiel.#not completely. does have a full character arc about it. and he tries to get better so bad.#but he's so terrible as a parent that even when he's trying to do better he still fucks up so hard.#because while he tries to be better to rakiel. he doesn't seem to be nearly as concerned for theo.#and like. sir. you have two children. you neglected both of them. why are you only trying to make amends with the one #that is succeeding so hard at life he's become a saint and not both of them if you're actually trying to be a better father.#the answer is of course that rakiel is the protagonist and bk moon doesn't actually cares for theo but!!#i am allowed to be mad at the character anyway <3 #i'm a petty person and i deserved to see asterion lose both his sons in one go. i think that would've fucked.

33 notes · View notes

agent-jaselin · 8 months

Text

“Oh it’s dystopian/horrifying when a kids toy is a mcdonald’s/grocery cashier set up.”

Kids love to mirror what they see adults doing everyday. Whether that’s the Walmart cashier, the doctor, or their parents cleaning up at home. It’s only dystopian cause you don’t respect minimum wage jobs YouTuber.

#i get so annoyed at innapropriate childrens toys lists #that include toy that mimics x job #or toy that mimics cleaning aupplies #the only thing that makes it bad is if a parent gets mad at there kid liking something gendered #also that idiot saying monoploy teaches mids to hate taxes #its a game they are nit connecting it to real life investments and money #late night rambling

19 notes · View notes

kkoct-ik · 9 months

Text

how are you supposed to react to the realisation that your parent is like actually abusive

#kostik speaks #this is not the first time. or the second. or the. i just keep realising this and then forgetting to protect myself #abuse #domestic abuse #for cw #im processing today that its not normal for your parent to not care about your feelings or pain at all #like them hurting you for hours because theyre angry and not caring because the only thing that matters is that theyre mad at you #im realising that might not be normal #my household is shit in a lot of other ways but my mum situation is really difficult for me to process #at least with house being bad its kinda nebulous and a feeling #processing that my mum mistreats me and all her kids is kind of realer and uh. therefore harder #i dont get it #why cant she be normal #why cant she be nice?? i dunno. i genuinely cannot fathom a mum being nice or fair or even #its just relentless rage or offense the moment you make a mistake or make her look bad #as long as youre helpful and make her look good shes fine #but god forbid youre a child and make a mistake because youre a child. god forbid you be autistic and struggle #i dont understand its so inconsistent. sometimes she sounds like she cares. she advocates for all sorts of stuff #but if shes mad at you youre not a person anymore. you dont deserve rights or dignity or sympathy. i dont get it #and christ it doesnt take much for her to be mad at you. she never lets go grudges anyway so you never know when itll come #sorry for abuse posting i recently came back from home and had therapy about it and then a chat with my flatmate about abusive parenting #my brain is working

12 notes · View notes

zonotrichia-albicollis · 1 month

Text

Giant personal vent time

This guy stole somewhere between 3 to 6 MILLION dollars from my grandmother by conning my great aunt into signing over her estate and medical & financial power of attorney to him literally on her death bed

I and my aunt have been working basically a whole second job the last 3 months trying to get together a legal case to go after this guy. And now my grandma wants to drop it. And no one else has standing so what the fuck can we do.

This man has absolutely done this to other ppl before, there is no doubt in my mind. I’ve seen his property records for just what’s publicly available in my county and it’s sketchy as hell. I am never going to get over this but there’s nothing I can do.

Gonna put like a million more thoughts in the tags because I’m losing my fucking mind.

#it’s not like we don’t have the money #the estimated legal fees are like $100k but we’d definitely get it back from the estate in the end #but grandma doesn’t want to look like she’s going after her sister’s money #and she won’t admit she has dementia so I’m not allowed to tell the lawyer that she can’t handle testifying #so he just thinks we’re being wishy washy #and my aunt is so conflict avoidant she won’t tell the lawyer anything that’s happening that he could absolutely be helping with #and my dumbass step cousin is so conflict avoidant he’d literally rather let the family business go bankrupt than actually deal with this #why the fuck did she make him ceo #I know why she trusted this guy but jfc whyyyy did she trust him #god if only I had a time machine I’d go back 6 months and make sure we kicked him out of her house #I really really didn’t think he’d go this far. I just thought he was a weird dude she was being too nice to #but no. actual con artist #the more we learn the worse it gets #and grandma just cannot handle it. even though she has the money!! I’m so mad #I wanna email every reporter I can think of until I find someone willing to publish an article about this guy #so that at least that way someone would see how fucking sketchy he is when they Google him #so that maybe the next person won’t fall for it #is there some kind of legal action you can take that’s basically just like #hey we’re not willing to spend years to prove that you’re evil #but just for the record we need everyone to know you suck and we hate you #like just so ppl know #maybe I should ask our pastor to send out a PSA to all the other little old ladies at church #since that’s how my great aunt met him in the first place #I could get at least 3 good books out of all the drama in my fucking family I think #one for this whole thing. one for my dad’s insane parents. and one for all the bad decisions I made in Seattle

3 notes · View notes

cuntwrap--supreme · 1 year

Text

My mom: *telling me how she's only done what's best for her kids*

Me: *reminds her of a time when she absolutely did the worst for us because it benefitted her more than not doing it would have*

My mom: You have such a creative memory! Wow! You're gaslighting me! This is abuse!

#parental abuse #abuse #bad parenting #bad parent #trauma #childhood trauma #literally this started because she refuses to remember that she sold my water bed for crack money #like. that was the only bed I've ever had that didn't make my back hurt while i slept.#and she sold it. for crack.#and she's all bullshit that never happened!#and so i ask her about like two other shitty things she did and never apologized for #and she pulls out her new favorite word - gaslighting - which she learned from some dumbfuck tv show she's been watching #but when i ask her if she even knows what that means she goes see that's gaslighting!#like. no. gaslighting is telling me things i (and my siblings!!) have a vivid memory of never happened.#trying to act like i have no business being mad at her is #acting as if I'm being dramatic. that my childhood was normal. that not having food or power and living in a crack hoise is average.#i cannot wait to get out of here in december. only 18 long weeks to go!#if i ever have to live with her again I'll kill myself. these two years have been worse for my mental health than anything ever.#I'm a whole ass adult yet I'm not allowed to so much as leave the house without her demanding to know where I'm going.#i have to lie to her if I'm going to see my bald dude (rare. but if it happens) or else she gets pissed at me for seeing people???#but if i say I'm visiting friends (not entirely a lie) she'll accuse me of going and doing gay shit?#because apparently being queer is the worst thing your kid can be in her mind #that i haven't kicked the shit out of her has to be some sort of testament to my patience as a person right?

12 notes · View notes

dandyshucks · 5 months

Text

need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭

I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO

#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl #i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads #but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl #it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits #and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot #but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road #i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit #and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl #and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper #its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town #and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times #MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL #im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord #IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING #i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think #so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly #during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone #but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us #so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl #AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM #driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl #after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad #but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl #dandy.cmd #vent //

2 notes · View notes

caffeinatedopossum · 2 years

Text

It's kind of jarring to be reminded that everyone around me has always had more than me (aside from a select few). Like I just forget until it comes down to something mundane like buying shoes and I don't know my shoe size because for most of my life I've had one pair of shoes that I wear until they break. And it was usually something someone either got me as a gift (horrified that my shoes were wearing out. As if thats not what shoes do when you wear them) or they were passed down and I grew into them.

Like that's just normal for me. It doesn't bother me either, this isn't a pity party. It's just surreal that it bothers other people sometimes

#i don't really feel like ive been that poor either #most of the things i needed and didnt get were things me/my family could have afforded but refused to #i figured 'if I'd rather save up my money to get some new coloring books than to buy some new shoes i probably dont need them that bad'#maybe those are decisions they havent had to make #i cant be jealous because i cant imagine what thats like #i simply cant imagine it #oof now im remembering the only time i actually had to ask for new shoes and i didnt #i was growing out of my shoes and getting blisters from it but i kept putting off getting new shoes #because idk i guess it just didnt bother me that much until it started to hurt really bad #and i didnt want to ask my mom for anything either because yeah #she was the type of parent you dont ask for things from #eventually someone else noticed and said something along the lines of 'if you dont get him new shoes then i will' to my mom #and then she got mad that i didnt tell her?#it was all so confusing to me then but i understand why now. she just wanted to hide the neglect. she didnt really care about anything else #its why everything was fine and she never thought i needed anything until someone else said something about it #even with my eating disorder... she knew what i was doing but she didnt interfere until someone else told her i looked sick #but that wasnt until years after the problem started. funny how that works isnt it

19 notes · View notes

pepprs · 1 year

Text

lmaooooo i think i need to quit teaching forever and also bury myself in a hole. lol

#purrs #grading papers on a sunday and the WAYYYYY this one students paper just hurt my feelings so fucking bad. i mean it’s not just hers but like.#god. it’s the most childish thing in the world (which makes sense / is the literal problem. that i am a child.) but im coteaching this class #(WHICH I TOOK and my co-instructors were MY instructors and now im replacing one of them who’s also the one who left in july lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍) and #ive had WICKED impostor syndrome bc… not to air it all out but im airing it all out bc im so mad lol. they’re both older men with phds and w #wives and families and im a 24 year old in the first year of her career with a bachelors degree who stilllives at home w her parents and #also the two of them and the third instructor literaly developed this class together and again i TOOK IT as a student in their class 2 years #ago. so again… WICKED impostor syndrome. and the class is all abt figuring out how to thrive in different contexts that are constrained by s #social norms so it’s relevant to talk abt impostor syndrome and i have talked about it. and also i get substantial parts to lead in the #classes and whatever and take attendance and grade papers and send out emails to the whole class etc etc. so WHY are the other two #instructors getting shoutouts in the papers and i am getting… NOTHING!!!! naught a SINGLE mention. when i am literally fucking LIVING #THROUGH the things we’re taking abt in class abt the first year of ur career and impostor syndrome and shit……. oh iknow why! because they #don’t actually see me as an instructor because im short and a nothing girl and an IMPOSTOR!!!!! LOLLLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and the book chapter was the #same too lol like im the only co-author who doesn’t actually get individually named as making a contribution in the text of it and nobody #noticed but me because it’s a stupid thing to notice but i still noticed. awesome. i love being invisible and not actually mattering ♥️ <#<- has the mental illness that makes you utterly unable to see evidence of how you actually do matter and only hyperfocus on the evidence th #that you don’t <- but also is trapped in the psychijc prison of some parts of her environment telling her she does matter and other parts t #telling her she doesn’t so can you blame her for going CRAZY!!!!!!!!! like is this literally not the normal well adjusted reaction to have #to GENUINELY LEGITIMATELY JUSTIFIABLY upsetting thigns. when the circumstances are fucked up and deleterious 😍😍😍😍😍😍#delete later #oh also im apparently not even an official instructor in Da System (which is a problem and it is not supposed to be that way) so i won’t #even get to read abt how the students fucking forgot about me and think im a nothing girl because they won’t even have a chance to give me #that feedback!!! lol. i think * and * should just do everything together because they are both qualified to do it. and i should spin off #into the abyss and quit my job and never be heard from again. that’s how this shit makes me feel. like ik it’s just a couple of students and #their opinions literally don’t matter but im like hm how about i go fuck off then since clearly i don’t make a difference to you. lole <3 #* i won’t get that feedback etc etc bc i am not going to get course evals because im not in Da System. lol ♥️

9 notes · View notes

kakusu-shipping · 2 years

Photo

Redraw of my very self indulgent baby Self Insert for FNaF Security breach just because how I draw Sun in the original reference makes me want to scream

#Emile's arts #It's still not GOOD his rays make me mad #But I don't want to mess with it and at least he has a functional color pallet now #My version of Security Breach is wonky but whatever this game's story is trash and patchy I am making it my own #I'm basically just a daycare kid who's parents one day didn't show up to pickup #Usually the Daycare Attendent would report this to Security but at this point Moon had been infected #So Sun anxious of Moon's erratic behavior decided nah this kid's just gonna stay with me #About a week later Moon drops a kid into the ball pit from super high up on his wire and gets the daycare shut down #The kid lived btw broke his leg really bad but he survived #The daycare's only scheduled to be shutdown a week or so but no one tells Sun that so he starts having a breakdown #My S/I is the only thing holding him together really and even THAT'S not really great #Sun is programed to 'love kids' and that might be a bit faulty of a program #(Sun is a Romantic F/O to this S/I)#He's falling apart and putting all his emotional support on a four year old and it's not going great #and then say four year old almost DIES RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM #Yeah when the lights go out on the last generator Moon grabs me and goes real high up like he did with that other kid #I do still like Moon he's scary yes but he matters to Mr. Sun and I want him to be better #And I tell him this #And then he fucking throws me #Lights come back on Sun switches front and dives from the wire to catch me #Sun gets real busted up from the fall bent rays broken arm and ankles I break my glasses and fracture my arm #It's a bad time #idk what happens next a lot of trauma recovery I hope #And Moon eventually gets cured and I slowly get use to him again #Slowly...#That's about it anyway most the S/I thought are pre-game stuff anyway just. Being a daycare kid in love with Sun Sun in love with me #Etc etc #Sorry if you read my tags if that was like. Weird. It's where I am mentally with Sun it be like that #Cradle Ship

6 notes · View notes

caruliaa · 2 years

Text

feeling just so heartbroken thinking about smth my baby sister said earlier

#she asked me if she was fat and just.#ik she was asking bc she was worried she was and thought it would be a bad thing if she was #and just like. shes only seven years old ik that this shit is forced on kids from a young age but its so upsetting hearing it directly #this isnt even the first time shes been worried about/asked about this but its just esp upsetting to me today #i think bc she was talking about a rude girl in her class just before #i told her that it wouldnt matter if she was becuase it wouldnt change the fact that shes an amazing person #but idk if it got thru to her and i feel like i shld have said more. idk #also this bit makes me really mad she said she asked out mother about it #and her responce was to take her weight and height and show her that she was a 'healthy' weight #like just. shes fucking seven shes not asking bc shes concerned about her health shes asking bc she feels like it makes her lesser if she #is fat when all you tell her is that shes not fat your just reinforcing the idea that if she does gain weight thats a bad thing #also the idea of healthy weight is bs #idk like. its my mum im not surprised based on how shes treated me her actually fat child but its still so upsetting #like just. so fucking shitty this is why i have to fucking. get out of here !!!!#but also why i feel rly guilty abt the idea of leaving bc id be leaving behind my siblings #like they deserve better than this nd ik if im gone they wld loose a huge source of actual support which they dont get #from our parents #+ i wuld miss them. a lot #but at the same time like. i cant fucking stay here !!! idk #whatever. getting v sad+scared thinking abt the future. so ill stop #vent #flappy rambles #tw fatphobia #edit: also im too tired to find the studies rn on a vent post but i swear tht like. its proven talking to kids abt their wight at all #has a negative impact esp with taking their weight so like. wtf fuck my mum omfg

4 notes · View notes

just-a-cinnamon-bun · 27 days

Text

Guess who’s struggling mentally because of their parents? :D

#personal #my mom this time #my parents have a knack for being completely normal and then taking a hard turn into judgment town #because it really does come out of nowhere when they start dissecting everything that’s wrong with their kids #and then of course they’ll get mad when we don’t like that and make it clear that we won’t stand for it #my mom: fine if you wanna struggle with your bad decisions then do what you want! we only wanted to help!#me: you literally suggested things that would’ve either made my situation worse or worsened someone else #I don’t want to give details but it’s stuff regarding my financial troubles #I’m not in as rough a spot now as I was a couple months ago #but it’s still not an easy time trying to crawl back up with the money I’ve managed to save #and my mom is under the impression that I don’t care and am only making things worse for myself all the time #(so is my dad but he didn’t text me out of the blue to tell me that today)#(he prefers to tell me in person)#hypocritical for a woman who only makes bad financial decisions and is in piles of credit card debt #like the call is coming from inside the house #I’m lucky I have my partner who’s been supportive through my struggle and of course for helping me get out of my parents’ house #but god I hate how they worm their way back into my brain so easily #make me second guess myself constantly and make me dislike every part of me #I’ll be fine in a few hours #tomorrow at the latest #just needed to vent #I know I’ll be okay #just gonna be not okay for a bit

0 notes

andragoras-in-vanity · 1 month

Text

remember being a teen and watching shit like soul eater and kimono jihen and thinking god damn i wish I had a perpetually exhausted but badass mentor to help me get through things?

well now im 27 and im the perpetually exhausted mentor with bedhead and a slight alcohol problem to my 15 year old cousin and im gonna tear my hair out about not being able to just let her stay for a bit because i know it doesnt matter fuck all what i say to her dad, shes still gonna be treated like shit just because shes a moody teen with undiagnosed add and an autustic brother who constantly talks over everyone. i suddenly need a cigarette.

#like he was going on about shes doing bad in school because she sleeps late and all she needs to do #is got to bed early!!! reset her internal clock!!#BRO IM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE AT 27 STILL ONLY FALLING ASLEEP AT 5AM AND WAKING AT NOON BEVAUSE THATS NOT A THING YOU CAN CONTROL #ESPECIALLY WITH ADD/ADHD.#IM LITERALLY DIAGNOSED I CAN TELL YOU YOURE WRONG AND I CAN EVEN SOURCE THE ARTICLES THAT EXPLAIN WHY #FUCKING ARE YOU KIDDING ME #im still mad cause i sat with with poor kid while she tried to keep from bawling her eyes out because she made a snarky comment #about her brother talking about his coin collecting (and to be clean its not jus tthat he cant understand social cues he just literally #never stops making noise. we all know he cant control it but we also all know its because his parents denied he was autistic until he was 21 #despite the fact he stopped maturing at 11. we love him.to death but oh my god i cant handle it for two visits a year #Of course his sibling feel like they live in an insane asylum)#like yeah it was a rude comment but fuck can you blame her?????? when shes silenced because he talks over everyone then gets awkward #because she has no idea what to say when she DOES get the chance to speak of course shes going to resent him #ALSO NOT TO MENTIONT HE FACT SHES CHINESE AND WERE ARE ALL VERY VERY WHITE #SHES GOT OTHER SHIT SHE SHOULD BE IN THERAPY FOR #DO NOT MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED FOR HER BY BRINGING ACTUAL SYMPTOMS AND HER SCHOOLING INTO THIS #My god i hate academics like the world does not end because you failed a math class. i dropped out at 16 and all the useful skills i have #i gained after the world opened up when i left and i wasnt being told no thats not on a standardized test you cant do that #im much fucking happier and frankly intelligent than the rest of my family thats wasted time on universities #and like being happy is what matter #why would you wsnt her to be “sucessful” if she isnt also happy #like if school fucking sucks for her then why send her to a rich white private school and fucking SUMMER SCHOOL #imo thats just abuse #like the graded education system is inherently abusive anyway but its worse when its pushed on her like that #i need to move so we have room out east for her to come stay and maybe do some classes free of them #but i dont work and cant drive so i cant help her #hell i can barely take care of myself #but im just so fucking mad on her behalf and she doesnt deserve to feel this way #its happened twice in the three days shes been here #just they all need therapy but they need to fucking listen to her ans i know she wont even feel okay speaking up

0 notes

sharkieboi · 2 months

Text

broke person life hack win! convinced my grandma to buy me a bookshelf for my birthday so that I don’t have to spend the money myself!

#shhh sharkie #she texted me to send me a gift card but then was so insistent on sending me a physical thing as well #and i’ve been putting off buying a bookshelf cause a) broke af and b) don’t have a car to transport one from a physical store #i made it work with the ikea thing but that’s all in all a lot of money to burn and i wouldn’t be able to afford doing that for a while #but all my books are just in this sad pyramid on the floor and i want them on my shelves dammit #and she asked! and i was like fuck it. you know what I really need that I can’t afford right now? a nice bookshelf.#I know she and my grandpa have plenty of money to spend and spending it on their grandkids is their favorite thing to do #fuck it. yeah nonna can you buy me a nice bookshelf for my new-ish apartment?#it will be arriving next week!#especially since I didn’t get any cards or gifts from my immediate family.#birthdays are always very depressing for me but it hurt a lot this year that i’m like finally in the best mental place i’ve been in a while #and i’m trying so much harder to keep connections with my family and friends and mostly succeeding!!!!!#but my parents didn’t even send me a card.#which they do every year. i know cause I keep them. i have a special folder and everything.#i think i’ve just fucked up our relationship to the point I can’t fix it and it makes me sad and so mad at myself.#they fucked it up first but if it was important to me i should have tried harder to fix it.#and even if it’s like. they did send something but i have a mail/package thief so i don’t know that they sent anything.#they’re going to assume me not texting them a thank you is me being ungrateful and bad at communicating #not that something didn’t get delivered #so I won’t know until I see them in person next and that would only be if they brought it up #AND if they bring it up it’s going to be in disappointment and anger yknow?#so anyway tldr if Nonna is willing to buy me a nice bookshelf for my birthday because i’m broke and asked nicely i’ll fucking take it #she’s the only one who asked if I wanted something for my birthday #and i’m trying to be better about accepting the help i’m offered #and asking for help with bigger and inconvenient things #thanks Nonna can’t wait for the shelves

1 note · View note

lassair-crackle · 3 months

Text

Ah yes, I cannot be even slightly ticked off in a conversation.

Expressing any sign emotion or of being offende, slightly raising my voice, or talking with a more serious tone of voice.

Doing that during a disagreement is obviously bad. Doesn't matter if you are still being polite nor if you are just trying to express your thought process.

"Come on, don't get mad." Drops the conversation immediately and entirely. Never to be brought up again. Believes they were on the right, that the other person is just not ready to hear it / cannot accept criticism.

Of course, makes perfect sense. That's how communication works. Definitely.

(Also I swear if I hear the: "oh, now I am the bad guy" again. To be fair that has only happened a coupleof times, but thats a couple too many. My memory is shit, but this I will remember. Ty brain~)

#you gotta “love” the dichotomy #“remember that bottling up your feelings is bad for you”#“its ok to be wrong or to make mistakes”#“You never share whats going on with you”#to thennnn #“why are you getting mad at this”#“why would you do that! I never said to do that. I dont see the point nor reason.”#(aka you are in the way and making more work for me)#“ok cool. No no I dont need all of those details. Its your thing/project. You can figure it out. Only get me if you need something specific #parents #mostly my father (as fucking always. “yey”)#will probably delete later #why have you taught me the opposite of what you preach throughout my whole life.

0 notes