#but if shes mad at you youre not a person anymore. you dont deserve rights or dignity or sympathy. i dont get it

[kkoct-ik]

how are you supposed to react to the realisation that your parent is like actually abusive

[taldigi]

I uh went back to that dadske post and was going add a few more tags for flavor or context but I wrote toooo much so I'll just post as a text post instead. Yes, this is my hyperfixation and yes!! I do want to make my blorbo sad and miserable as all hell but I also need him to be loved relentlessly and made whole by his friends.

anyway Yuuko got her hair from her mother- and Yosk lets his hair return back to black because the wife hated him dying it. you can only handle so many years of being addressed as a disappointment before latching onto the fist person to express otherwise. (3 for 3! Get Saki'd, idiot!) then working too hard to do ANYTHING please that person (even though they might not really be the best person and are using you)

Go on boy, ditch your weird friends and your hobbies and things that make you happy and settle for the stable but soulless option of being a manager at a job you hate! (I am a firm believer in a "Manager of Junes Yosuke NOT good enrichment" after all.) Cause all thats embarrassing. dont you want me to be proud of you? The only person who's ever loooved you for you? (which is fundamentally untrue but when has depression or manipulation ever been rational?)

n/e/way one nasty divorce later and he's moving back to inaba for the cheaper rent for a place a that can actually fit him and a kid- and to be closer to his parents- hoping that maybe they would able to help out with the kid. Besides, he has an assured position at the Inaba junes. (the prodigal prince returns... return of the king... of junes)

BUT Surprise his friends are still there and Yu is too!! and yeah they're mad cause he basically evaporated but guess what? Yoosk isn't Yoosk anymore cause he's been drained of all his Yosuke colors.

"I spent years in a bad relationship and all I got was this lousy t-shirt... and a bad haircut and the total eclipse of my personality by the creature who steals my face when I perform customer service!”

I need Chie to try and fall into her usual banter and be met with... that and for her to grab Yu by the shoulders and shake him “Hes BROKEN FIXITFIXITFIXIT" and Yu having no direct answer because how can he help someone who's totally closed off?

Well, he can start through small things and reminders and food and Yuuko, which is proof that he's still there somewhere? After all, she's named after him.

I also need.... not JUST souyo but also the whole IT. Teddie and his niece bonding, Yosuke crying in some kind of relief and/or happiness when Kanji helps him dye his hair back again, Naoto helping him keep custody (so hard for a guy!!!) and Chie finally getting her usual banter back (thank god!) only for Yuuko to step up and kick Chie and forcing Yoosk to admit that what he and Chie have isn't antagonism (via explaining it to her)

Rise: *gentle gasp when she sees Yuuko* Tiny Yosuke. Yukiko, slamming her hand on the table and wheezing loudly: YOU'RE RIGHT.. SHE IS A TINY YOSUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then they gift her strawberry hairpins which she loves and it embarrasses him because oh god thats right-

Yu having to confront Yuuko's energy and be like "aw shit Nanako was easy in comparison" and Yosuke looking him dead in the eyes "I'm giving everything in order for her not to turn out like Nanako" which sounds bad at first (cause it's foot in mouth disease Yosuke still) but...

"What happened to 'partner', Yosuke?" "I don't think I deserve that, after disappearing and everything, huh?" & then Yu being too damn happy and giddy when it finally slips out.

anyway, I apologize for nothing. ur the one who read thru the Indulgent asf au/story concept. throws self out window and books it down the street.

[banamine-bananime]

AITA for trying to save my friend and keep the rest of my asshole friends safe from their bad decisions?

I (M26) just went through this real shitty breakup. So basically, my ex C (M lmao man fuck if i know his age idek if knows it. or has one i guess) has this god-fucking-awful habit of deciding to solve every problem by dying about it and/or fucking off without so much as a word to the people unfortunate enough to give a shit about him, except maybe his sister (unhelpful for the rest of us because she also inherited the "fucking off without a word" gene. man fuck this whole family for making me care about them. whatever). Also, killing himself inside peoples brains thats like a whole hobby for him. like okay either ghost us OR kill yourself in front of us altering the trajectory of our lives forever PICK ONE like a NORMAL person.

Okay wait im not explaining this well. So years ago C and W (M37 now) were partners but C was, uh, in a really bad place mentally (S is telling me this is more diplomatic to say than "crazy af") and that situationship ended as badly as a situationship can end. I mean W's told me he pretty much had his sense of identity as someone separate from C totally destroyed by that for a while, which like, in hindsight its kinda an accidental dick move that our team made him take C's legal identity, but in our defense a) the fuck were we supposed to know?, b) tbf he really did need it not to go back to prison, c) it's not like C was using his identity, on account of the fucking off and effectively-dying-as-a-solution habits, and d) i mean. i gotta admit it's also pretty funny in a really fucked way.

aw shit derailed on a tangent again

recently its just like, we just get so focused on one thing its hard to remember anything else, you know?

S is so good at getting us back on track though. thank god because you would not believe the number of irons weve got in the fire to keep track of, its ridiculous. (i love making my partner be the planner in the relationship lol. highly recommend being a passenger princess in the body sometimes. fuck massages, i'm telling you THIS is what you need after a long day getting shit DONE and taking care of everyone else's messes)

So I met C 6 years ago, right out of basic, when we were privates stationed at the same base. middle of nowhere. shit, this is gonna be hard to explain, just realized i should use different names for C to keep them straight. I knew "A" and W knew "E", i didnt meet E until years later. theyre alters and also the same guy but also not the same guy. dont worry about it if you dont get it bc ive dated both of them and i dont think i do. my life is stupid.

Bunch of bullshit happened, A ghosted (lol. you'd be high-fiving me if you knew him) and then found a problem to solve by dying. you get it by now.

Then i meet E, E encounters a problem and tries to die about it round one (i guess round two, after exploding in W <- LOL. you should be high-fiving me right now), E's sister drags him back to the land of the living, E ghosts, W and i start dating, W tries to martyr himself and disappears because i guess E rubbed off on him (dude i am on a fucking roll. you should be high-fiving me out of pity for my glamorously miserable soap-opera life if nothing else. homophobic not to), our team gets W back, E strolls back like he has no idea why im mad at him, we fight about it, makeup-makeouts about it, and E tries to die about it round two: in my brain boogaloo.

So thats how S and i meet. oops, guess i never introduced S? Feels weird to have to introduce ourself twice, people dont really meet us separately anymore LOL. S (M, ageless) is also C's alter, my partner in life and badassery and brain and body. and obviously freaky sex stuff, that goes without saying but i'm saying it anyway to brag. the swish swish to my stabbing people who really deserve it. Not really interested in your opinion on our relationship, it's not what i'm asking about. we're aware its not conventional, because we're not fucking braindead. Im so sick of all the "oooohhhhh this isn't healthy", "he's a male manipulator and youre codependent i know bc i learned psychology from tiktoks by girls with green hair", "why are you wearing your ex-boyfriend's armor colors while wearing his dead ex-boyfriend's armor while dating and sharing a brain with your dead mutual ex's alter", "have you considered going to therapy instead of a quest against death itself" blah blah blah. If youre so bored you need to judge our life then just get your own 🙄🙄🙄

we've been really on that sigma grindset the last few weeks. S has got our sleep optimized down to a tight triphasic 3.46 hours and we're minmaxing the fuck out of the rest of every day. Biohacked to shit over here. too much to do, so we have to make there be enough of our time to do it. who else is gonna? my teammates? the REDS? we're half batman half babysitter to a gaggle of idiots who can barely be trusted to wipe their own asses, let alone fight their own battles and make decisions like "wah wah wah A is dead let's just give up and cry about it or whatever".

Don't even get me started on W. Oh youre all about character-building wake up and grind self-improvement and taking leadership until we're making decisions you dont like, i guess. WHATEVER. this is why we dont listen to you.

its hard, okay. like, you cant understand the sheer fucking stress were under trying to keep all our plans going smoothly while keeping these guys safe while they're basically actively trying to unravel every carefully-laid thread and also strangle themselves in them. im probably going prematurely grey and also losing some time. its hard to remember when we need to hold back and use the kiddy gloves. i really didnt want to come to holding - uh, we'll call him MC (M25) - by the throat, passed-out. he's like a brother to me, been through thick and fucking thin together, so yeah, i feel really bad about that, my bad, we were the asshole there, but like, maybe stop throwing yourself in the way? like run out into the road you're gonna get hit by a truck no matter how hard they slam the brakes. mfw the conses quence. but im NOT asking about that. everyone's been on our dick about "please god stop doing all of this" and abandoning A and trying to break us up way before that, and THAT'S what im asking about

Anyways tl;dr are we the asshole for getting shit done when it takes methods that all our monday morning quarterback friends dont like

_____

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

it really was a dick move to dangle my teammate's limp body in a chokehold even though it was basically an accident and also not even directly relevant to the question

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might not be the asshole:

okay but we're right

[mel-13-29]

vada cavell x reader

Talk of shooting I slight smut discretion is advised

~~ "Are you fucking kiding me right now?"

"I'm so sorry ..please"

You were furious. Angry didn't even cut it anymore. As you stood in the middle of the room, thankful your parents were gone, Vada sat on your bed looking lost and frightened. But somehow the anger you felt outweighed the need to comfort her. Right now she didn't deserve comfort.

"I get kissing Mia, hell I've kissed Mia," you watch Vada lower her head "But Quinton? you go behind my back and kiss Quinton?!"

"I'm-…. I'm sorry, y/n. didn't mean anything-"

"Then why do it?!" You scream and Vada flinches. Again you were to mad to care. "why would you kiss him? when you know we were dating?"

"I just wanted to feel something!" Vada finally snaped. Then she slapped a hand on her mouth with a gasp.

You felt like the wind had been knocked out of you as you swayed back slightly. brows furrowed as you processed what she had said.

"So….so you dont feel anything with me anymore?"

"No…thats not what i meant!"

You clench your fists. "thats what it sure sounded like to me."

Vada stood up, Now she was angry. Angry that you'd think such a thing about her feelings towards you. She took a step forward and you took one back, trying to keep the distance.

"You kissed another person, Two!, And you want me to believe that you still feel something for me?"

"Baby-"

"No!" you point a shaky finger at her, feeling tears sting the corners of your eyes as a lump forms in your throat. "I have't talked to you in weeks, weeks Vada, because I've been giving you space. But when i finally hear from you it's because you got caught kissing Quinton. How the Fuck do you think that makes me feel?"

Vada held her hands u, a stray piece of hair falling from her messy bun and brushing on her cheek. "It didn't mean anything and he pushed me away before it could get to deep."

"The fact that he had to push you away is what makes my stomach sick. you wanted to kiss him,"

Your voice trails off into a soft whimper at the thought as you take another step back and place a hand over your mouth so a sob couldn't escape. you look away from the girl because at the moment, you couldn't bear to see her face.

"Please just let me explain-"

You snap you're gaze up, a very heated one that causes Vada to swallow hard but didn't say anything.

Your girlfriend took thins as a sign to continue. she opened her mouth to speak but then her phone started to ring. You furrow your brows and watch as Vada pulls out her phone from her short pocket.

"It's Mia."

Your jaw clenched "Answer it.."

Vada's head snaped up and you could see she was fighting a battle. she knew if she left here she'd never see you again, but she also knew that Mia needed her She was in a hard place with only one decision to make, she answers the phone.

"Hey Mia."

Your hard twists in pain at the way her voice switched to a sweeter version of it self. One she's used on you plenty of times. you turn your head away and do your best not to watch her. The start of a panic attack could be felt, you tried to shake it of but it was no use. you deserved better.

"I kinda cant right now Mia, I'm doing damage control."

Oh, so you were damaged and needed to be controlled? thats when the doubt started to settled in. Maybe Vada didn't want you because you were to damaged. Maybe all of the weight of your past was to much for her. Maybe Mia could give her a better life, hell even Quinton he was a good gut, right?

"If it all works out then sure,"

You hear Vada say though it was distorted, Kind of like your head had been submerged under water.

Vada hangs up the phone call only to toss her phone behind her on the floor. That's when she looked up and noticed how you were staring out your window, your hands were trembling.

"Y/n…"

"Do you want to be with Mia?"

Vada stares on in confusion as you slowly turn to face her, tears dripping down your cheeks. Vada knew she fucked up.

"Am I too much for you? Too much that you had to find safety in Mia and Quinton?"

"No! That's not what this is about."

"Then tell me Vada! Because I'm on the verge of a panic attack and if you don't explain to me right the fuck now why you chose to ignore me for weeks while kissing other people behind my back, I will make this decision for you." You suck in a deep shuddery breath, "and I promise, you will not like the outcome."

Vada chewed on her lower lip. You weren't normally an angry person, most of your anger would always be bottled up until it was too late and you'd burst. Well, you've built up enough anger to let that bottle shatter. And Vada knew that. But she also knew you weren't threatening to harm her, you were threatening your relationship with her. Something you've never done before, but something you've talked about. You promised Vada that if she ever cheated on you, you'd break up with her.

"After the shooting, I stopped feeling things. I was numb for a while. And I didn't want to pull you down with my negativity." Vada started, "Mia and Quinton were in the stall with me when it happened so I felt obligated to make sure they were okay. Quinton watched his brother die and it made me feel bad for him because that could have been my sister."

Your eyes soften at the thought of Amelia, the poor girl had called you a few times during Vada's weeks worth of dissociating.

"The things I did weren't me, I wasn't even present for most of it. I had clocked out and was on autopilot or some shit."

Vada was slowly taking steps towards you, and while you wanted to be far away from her, your back pressed against the wall behind you from the amount of steps you took to keep the space between her, which made you trapped. You could have walked around her but she was fast, faster than you, so she'd easily catch you.

"Mia and I kissed. And we almost went further than that but she stopped it. Told me I had a girlfriend and made me realize I wasn't being fair to you."

"Oh my god…." A hand presses over your mouth as you look away from the girl, tears falling again now that more of the truth is coming out.

"Y/n, listen to me." Vada tried again but this time you weren't having it.

"You almost fucked Mia?!"

Vada sighed and nodded her head.

"Get out…" you were seething.

"No, baby please…"

"You don't have the right to call me that! Not after what you did!"

Vada stood her ground, she wasn't about to lose you.

"I'm not leaving."

You could feel annoyance swell up in your chest. You just wanted to be alone, to process the heartache but Vada was inching towards you. The longer you stared at her, the more betrayed you felt. Could you even forgive her? You could barely stand to look at her. She was crying too but it had stopped a bit ago and now she just looked determined. She was absolutely beautiful but at the same time, you couldn't recognize her. Vada had changed and you weren't sure if you liked it or not.

"Vada, if you don't leave then I'll call my brother and have him make you leave…" you threatened.

She says nothing, just keeps stepping closer. You both hold eye contact for a moment, neither of you breathing, before your hand shoots out and grabs the phone off your desk next to you. Vada rushed forward quickly and pinned her entire body against yours, both hands gripping your wrists.

"Let me go!!" You cry out and try to get your hands free but Vada was strong, maybe too strong.

"Not until you calm down!"

"I am calm!"

The struggle lasted for a few minutes as Vada fought you for your phone, trying to take it but you managed to switch it to your other hand. Vada's face being close to yours.

"Let me go ..just let go!" You started to sob as you desperately tried to get your phone, fighting against Vada's hold. But eventually she won and tossed your phone behind her where it lay next to hers on the ground.

She then slipped her thigh up and pressed it between your legs in order to lock you, though it caused different effects as your body tingles from the sudden touch. You gasp and look down at the girl. The girl who had been your first everything. When your eyes connect with hers, you could still see the love she held for you. It made you cry harder but Vada wasn't having it. Vada wanted you. She wanted to prove that to you. So she pushed forward and kissed you.

It was like second nature to you. Vada knew her way around your mouth, knew what to touch with her tongue that would make you buckle at the knees, knew what techniques could make you succumb to her. She remembered it as clearly as you did. So when you try to push her, albeit weakly, Vada pressed her entire body closer until her thigh pressed into your core. You moan into her mouth as the anger slowly dissipates into lust, though it lay dormant at the surface.

Vada parts from your lips in order to pepper kisses along your cheek and jaw, letting you catch your breath as she thrusts up against you. Your body betrays you and you're left grinding down on her thigh.

"….let go .." you beg, and this time she does. So your hands move to grab onto the back of her shirt. The rhythm between you two was matched, you easily became in sync with her movements until you were both one unit, dry humping against your wall. You didn't care, this was the first time Vada paid any attention to you and against your better judgment, you soaked it all up like a dry sponge.

Vada was busy creating a hickey on the side of your neck while both of her hands gripped your hips to keep you from going anywhere. Your hands tugged at her shirt until it was being pulled over her head. Which left behind her sports bra and shorts. You then, with the little self control you did possess, pushed her away. Vada stumbled back with an undignified sound as the both of you stared at the other.

You panted heavily, lips swollen and neck throbbing from the mark that would take pounds of makeup to cover, as you take in Vada's form.

"If you don't fuck me like you mean it, I'll kick you out of here myself and you'll never see me again." You demand, venom lacing your voice that made Vada shiver. She grabs the front of your shirt and pulls you back to your bed. A/n sorry i could not give the full chapter cause tumblr would not let me go through the word limit mark thing but got this on Wattpad and got permission from the author so if you want part 2 with the full fic & the book ( on wattpad ) tell me A/n here the full book

[anatrik]

First thoughts TTPD:

What a lana x folklore girlie win this issss!

1.Fortnight is about matty?? HAHAHAHA also why did this make me think of when holt was going running with the ladies when he was in witness protection??? Crying. Fav line has to be they were supposed to take me away but they forgot to come and get me. So sad but also so cool in relation to her cancellation/return. 10/10

2. TTPD- not so hahahaha anymore IS THIS ACTUALLY A FUCKING MATTY HEALY ALBUM??? There was a typewriter at the 1975 show she performed anti-hero at? Unless its somehow about harry? Who else is tattooed on her roster??? Or is this about herself? Kinda feel like modern idiots/who’s going to decode is directed at us lol😂 9/10?

3.My boy only breaks his favourite toys- went in expecting mad woman rage. Pleasantly surprised. king of my heart to queen of sandcastles he destroys….DESTROYED ME. Are you fucking kidding me rn? Im caling it. Best song. Im crying at 7.30 am this is not funny anymore. Also THANK YOU FOR NOT SLANDERING DAD. I knew you wouldnt let us down like that. Also the chorus sounds like long story short😭 oh this is so sad. Once i fix me hes going to miss me? He was my best friend?😭 he runs because he loves me? Stopp😭😭 1000000/10

4.Down bad- ….aaaand we’re back to MATTY AGAIN? He does not deserve this spotlight but why are all the song so goood😭😭😭 is this why artists love to date problematic men? It unlocks some extraordinary potential? Crazy crazy girl😭 also stay down (bad) 🤌🏾 shes done it again 10/10 also for personal reasons i will be believing this is about joe in that Tom/Joe/met gala overlap period when she was photographed going to the gym a lot and that this is about all that yearning please let it be about that plesplesplesplesplesples also down bad waking up in blood staring at the sky…like i lost a twin is giving bigger than the whole sky🥺

5. So long, london- so so long long, lon-don DONE? ok miss girl😭 the hoax parallels😭 dont be undoing the song i was going to play at my weddddding what is wrong with you😭 my only one my smoking gun to two graves one gun youll find someone??? Also reminds me of la la land :/ how much sad did you think I had in me? You wrote hoax so a lot ok leave us alone. crying again. 10000000000000000/10 oh lol its a track 5 ofc it is😂

6. But daddy I love him- she really said if you ever liked, shared or even LOOKED at the ‘vivaa las vegas’ memes you cant come to the wedding and shes so real for it. Lfgggg. Ubothered unhinged uhmazing. Growing up precocious sometimes means you still hold on to that princess/quarterback wattpad fantasy AS IS YOUR RIGHT QUEEN GO THE FUCK OFF🥳 100000/10 calling out toxic fandom for the first time and we love to see it🫡 this is suchhhh a happy songggg you deserve ALL the chaos and revelry.

7. Fresh out the slammer- god she gets it. Like sure he was great and he is still my biological father and everything but as a decidedly melancholy person myself who has constantly had atleast one close friend in a deep depression I can see how all that heavy lifting can just get heavy at some point especially when youre a partner and their sole lighthouse in wtv storms be out there buffeting their mental health. Its not for everyone and thats so fair and so valid but so sad as well. 10/10 for the honesty.

8. Florida- she really said girlrot summer🫡 this is the lanaest song ever. So lucky one/nothing new coded. This will be the First song I repeat and then so long london. Aaaghhh how i love a self aware melancholic anxious little superstar. 90283749292/10 thank you for giving florence an entire verse whew. Little did you know your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in is soooo going on my body forever

9. Guilty as sin?- honestly just fuck if it means we dont have to hear about how desirable ratty healy is man ffs. IThe only reason he looks so hot is bc hes forbidden. You have to trust me on this. He’s sooo mid JESUS. U cant be writing hozier lyrics about a man that hasn’t met a shower😭 1000000/10 writing. -16392992/10 content. Unrequited love/lust truly is the greatest weapon in a poets arsenal bc where is this energy in the joe songs binch?😭 this is such a teen in love with a 26 yo creep who called me so mature for my age mom you just dont get ittt anthem😂😂

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?- is a warning 😂 im so here for it. Like yes I still hate matty with all my heart and soul but yes I agree fans should not be allowed so much of an opinion on another persons life and yes I should be afraid (I am). She said aight love letter era over I AM WRITING YOU ALL HATE MAIL AND I’M HAND DELIVERING IT. Shes sooo done pretending to be the relatable girl next door when she’s anything but and is now reminding us of it and yes yes yessss girl OWN ITTTTTTTT. I’ve been saying for agesssss that there is a darkness under all that sunshine from where she clawed her way to the top and this is sooo vindicating. 10000000000000/10 favourite song ever. Mad woman wishes she was who’s afraid of little old me. I am unwell. I am in love. This is the Taylor Swift i stan. The marketing genius the calculating business woman the puppet master with narcotics in her songs thats why we sing along🫡 she so can handle a dangerous man

11. I can fix him (no really I can)- you cant.

12. loml- ofc. OFC. Its the saddest song of all time. OFC. Fuck offf ughhhh. 😭😭😭😭😭 its giving happiness. Its giving divorce. i am a child of a broken home now and my parents still love each other and hold so much regret still. What do i do with thissss? Im just a little girl taylorrr! 1002380292011010101/10 soo so gooood.

13. I can do it with a broken heart- first of all track 13. Love it. Second of all the upbeat barbieness of it all. Third of all I FINALLY PLACED IT. Shes in her unrelatable era. She is not your girl next door. You will never understand her life. She is as much a phenomenon as a person and we literally only see as much as she allows us to and honestly if i have to get put in my place theres noooo better way to have it done. Im having such a great time actually. 10 BILLION TRILLION OUT OF 10 you tellll em girl you FUCKING TELL EM.

14. Smallest man who ever lived- not going to speculate on who it is bc they clearly had a serious problem and its not a joke but damn :/ thats so sad :/ hope they get help? Didnt expect this to be what the song was about at all?

15. The alchemy- she said TRAVIS IS MY BOY WITH HER WHOLE CHEST😌 10/10

16. Clara bow- did she just name drop herself ? I was so right about unrelatable era. Also the Subtle nod to olivia/sabrina noted and appreciated. Lucky one/castles crumbling (mature version) fr fr. Solid legacy song.

17. The black dog- shared your secrets with and location is the same whiplash as a red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground with no one around to tweet it🤌🏾 joe songs hit so so different 😭😭😭 1000000000/10

18. imgonnagetyouback- the valiant roar was not so valiant and more of a mew i guess. 7/10

19. The albatross- oh this is the ONE. The album defining song for sureeee. Mad woman on coke. A rose by any other name is a scandal???? Thats my religion right there. Little last great American dynasty twist there at the end! Fuck yea. She does reallly try to warn the men in her life have to give her that. One gazillion/10

20. Clearly god has favourites and they are the ppl called chloe or sam or sophia or marcus😭 ALSO this song is about joe for sure. The internet starlet hasss to be delaney rowe!!!! It HAS TO BE. 10/10

21. How did it end?- shes back for the fans😂 plot twist the breakup is with yall🤌🏾 but yesss say it louder! One gasp and then how did it end. So good. 100/10

22. So high school- lmao aristotle grand theft auto ONLYY taylor swift man😭😂 you know what you want and boy you got her🫡🫡 11/10

23. I hate it here- mother’s having a mental breakdown kids yk the drill🤌🏾 10/10

24. ThanK you aIMiee- what better way to say fuck you to a hater than to thank her for jumpstarting your legacy my god!!! She is insane for this. The capitalisation is a bit petty tho ngl. 8/10

25. I look in peoples windows- once again I thank you for the kindness and respect shown to joe. Never doubted you but thank you nevertheless. 10/10 short as nice to have a friend but it didnt need to be longer.

26. The prophecy- its so sad and humbling to see even a woman at where she is having to beg for love bc that literally is the nature of love. Something humiliating, to have to beg for 🤷‍♀️ cards playing out like fools in a fable cursed like eve got bitten. No one writes like her damn. 10/10

27. Cassandra- very madeline miller on this one. Love love loveee modern takes on tragic greek women. 100/10

28. Peter- ah fuck. This one is going to hurt (it did). 1000000/10 my ribs get the feeling she did😭 all her joe related aches are so bone deeeep ugh. Promises oceans deep but never to keep😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 oh god it hurtsss it hurts it hurtss

29. The bolter- curious child ever reviled except by her father wow.

30. Robin- OMG! I needed this song growing up sooo bad. That way to go tiger felt so so warm like running into a kitchen after a day of being in the mud and u tell ur mum the silly things u did and shes genuinely interested and impressed by your smol victories. A bajillion/10

31. The manuscript- postmortem of every ex ever🤌🏾 love it.

[ganeshpnf]

heyyyyy! i see a lot of criticism on wottg lately and i think they are sooo right. what's your opinion on wottg?

Hmm I already shared a bit of my thoughts about it but who am I to hurt you? Im just gonna rant again and more detailed I guess XD

First of all, I was soo confused by how rushed it was. You can even tell it by the title names. The book felt like it was written in one night. The mistakes also proves it. Editor was asleep? I dont know. Rick is just too old? I dont know. The worst of all, Rick doesnt care enough to put efford anymore? I still dont know, but it sure feels like it. Leo is treated like he is fine and daisy, Clovis being Morpheus's son, weird huge typo mistakes...

Not to mention characters were so ooc. And no Im not talking about: Annabeth threw a party, thats so ooc. I think she was so in character for that one. In fact, that part was my favourite in the book. It was good to remember her rebellious side after show messed her up with her goody two shoes personality. The real issue was Annabeth's and Percy's dynamics felt like they had 0 development in pjo. Wdym that girl is suprised when Percy comforts her? I just read SOM and I can pull so many scenes of Percy comforting her. Wdym Annabeth is fucking surprised when Percy acts all smart? How old they are? 12? (I suggest reading @lilislegacy s criticism for this parts, it was more detailed and so right!)

Its so obvious that Rick wrote this book when he was working on the show and wanted to merge them both together, which is soo wrong in my opinion. Look I like show actors, they are fine with the tv show. But they are NOT the book characters, they are actors. Walker is not Percy Jackson, he is the actor of him in the show. Leah is not Annabeth Chase, she is the actor of her in the show. Aryan is not Grover, he is actor of him in the show. I think Rick and some fans tbh, dont understand this fact. I love them and they deserve to be shine in the big screen, but books should stay books. When we open the book, we should see the book characters, not them. Book canon and show canon should never be together. Because no, they are not the same and would never be. Rick spent this whole book on advertasing his tv show and it was too cringe. Olympus+? Really Rick?

One of the weird thing was also adding Chiron's injury. I was confused bcs like I was sure Percy rode on him before and I know he would notice this. Its just makes 0 sense.

Were they good stuff? Yes, trio's scenes in general werr adorable. Seeing old campers again also. But I want to add that Rick lost a big chance to make this book shine. Where is Jason? Even mention of him would be a big hit, imagine him in that party. I know even with these mistakes, this book would be a hit. Also so many fans wanted this Idk why he didn't go for it.

I like Rick, even though he makes me so angry with this kind of stuff. He gave me a perfect childhood with this characters. But that doesnt mean I have to agree with his every decision and support him no matter what. Idk if he is getting old or anything but this book was just a fanfiction. And not a good fanfiction because I know I see so many better written fanfictions. I hope he fixes his mistakes in the next book because I am still hopeful, even though I am a bit scared. I still want the next book soo bad. Wishing it would be more like Chalice you know :)

Oh and before I finish it, I am forever mad for him mixing Annabeth's lemon shampoo!!! I'm sorry but that was special to me. Apple shampoo? Wdym usual apple shampoo? Someone need to fix this typo mistakes!

Thank you for your ask anon :)

[libelelle]

Hello, I'm sorry for the intrusion (and this might be really weird) but I was browsing the Sonic Underground tag here on Tumblr and I came across your sibling + tails redesigns and in the tags you were asking "please pretty please somebody ask me questions about my tcof!au" and I know that you made that post two years ago and I'm incredibly new here (only followed pretty much today) so I don't even know if you're working on it anymore but this is my personal request to hear all about it because I think the Sonic Underground characters deserve more love than they typically get

AWWWW not an intrusion at all!! i don't really think about that AU all that much any more but i can dump all the ideas i had for it!! I'll put under the read more : ]

ANYWAYS the original concept of the au was literally "Tails is in Underground" and spiralled like crazy from there. it was originally inspired by Starrjoy's Pandora AU (on an indefinite hiatus but worth checking out if you havent already, Joy is a phenomenal artist and a really sweet person : ])

The actual story had the same premise as underground naturally. Robotnik took over Mobius and Aleena sent her children away, under the guidance of a prophecy. years later the triplets reunite and begin their search for their mother and their fight against Robotnik.

Except the search goes on a long time, and Sonia Manic and Sonic get older, on the run, until one day Sonic runs off on his own. he ends up in a town where he tries to blow off some steam by attacking the SWAT bots stationed there, when he finds a small little fox with two tails!! and Sonic is like welp! better take this cute little thing with me, and thats that. he brings tails back to the van and Sonia is mad and Manic is confused and Sonic has gotten them all a new little brother.

from there things continue as usual, looking for their mother, except now Aleena has a loophole in form of Tails. Since he isnt a triplet, she will visit him when hes on his own to check on him and the others. A lot of other things happen, so in bullet points here are some of them

the Debutants ball of course still happens. except its good and Sonia is wearing a better dress

Jules (like. from Archie Sonic) is a character and was Aleenas husband, before being roboticized. he gets rescued at some point by Aleena and Bernadette (also the Archie Sonic character. i dont need to explain myself)

Bernadette is a member of the resistance and later becomes its head of intelligence. she Jules and Aleena have worlds most epic Polyamory relationship

Aleena wasn't given the prophecy in this, she made the prophecy herself in an attempt to give her and her children a way out during Robotniks inevitable takeover of the kingdom. shes spent years adhering to her own rules in hopes her magic would eventually save them. she has clairvoyance among other abilities

Amy is also here, shes one of the children in the Sanctuary, he got really mad when Tail joined the triplets because Sonic has told her on multiple occasions that she couldnt come with them because she was too young. She ends up going out on her own and finding her Piko Piko hammer and becomes a hero in her own right. which she DOES rub in his face later

Knuckles is there, his main role is similar to the show but like. he ends up way more involved. ends up being a bit of a resistance outpost and regularly hosts Aleena on angel island.

Sonia ends up loving Tails (naturally) and in an uphill battle trying to teach him class and mitigate Sonics "good for nothing influence"

Manic loves Tails at first but ends up feeling kind of useless in light of Tails genius. Tails still can't figure out the van though and Manic is so proud of this

because tech is Tails thing, i needed to give Manic a thing, and because his mother can do magic, Manic inherited it. he can do illusion stuff (fits in well with his sleight of hand/pickpocket theif stuff) he's been unconsiously weaving his magic into his inventions for years, hence why Tails can't figure out the van even a little

Oh Uncle Chuck is also here, he works in the resistance and sent Bernadette to help Aleena. He also introduced Jules and Aleena

also worth mentioning that Tails feels really terrible about not being involved in the prophecy. hes doing everything he can to help, but he does really feel like a part of the family, by virtue of being excluded by the prophecy

Anywasy as the plot progresses, the prophecy gets harder and harder to maintain, Sonic gets more reckless and more irritable and so on. Sonic never really likes the prophecy to begin with, and likes to act out against it. hes a firm believer in the direct action route.

Eventually the prophecy fails. Aleena, Sonia and Manic are devasted and Robotnik wins again.

except Sonic isnt ready to let it lie like that. the prophecy never meant anything to him, so the prophecy failing did nothing to break his spirit

HONESTLY i never fully thought out how it ended, all i know id that Sonic had to overcome the prophecy and Tails had to play a very important role in it

Theres likely more in my au tag on my blog, but this is al the stuff i can remember right now. it was a really fun au and if you have any thoughts on it id love to hear them : ]

[khaleesiofalicante]

“It’s my dad!” Max grins widely, still hanging upside down. “And some other guy.”

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry.

“Of course. Of course. We don’t want the good people of New York thinking you are a negligent father,” Max nods seriously and then side-eyes Magnus. “But then again, next to this one, you look like the father of the year.

He sees Rafael’s bike parked outside.

No. No.

Magnus runs inside.

“That’s right!” he hears Max yell after him. “Run to your precious golden boy!”

“You don’t get to fucking tell me what to do,” Max shakes his head. “You are not my father.”

“Max. Please,” Rafael says softly. “You don’t want bapak to get hurt again, right? Please. Please. Stop. Bapak doesn’t deserve this. I know it hurts. But stop. Please.”

“You sure you’re straight, Rafe?” Max snorts. “You’re sucking his dick pretty hard right now.”

“Max!” Alec yells. “Stop it. Magnus has-”

"The two of you are fucking pathetic," Max snorts. "Magnus this. Bapak that. Have some fucking self-esteem."

Rafael moves forward. But Alec pulls him back by the arm.

"Don't," Alec tells their oldest and then looks at Max. "One more word out of you and-"

"And what?" Max crosses his arms.

"Max," Magnus intervenes. "If you are mad at me, just be mad at me. Don't take it out on Alec and Rafael."

"You can't help it, can you?" Max asks with a grin. "You always have to tell people what to do. Because you think you're better than the rest of you. Guess what, bapak? You are the weak link in this family."

“That’s what I thought,” Max laughs out loud. “Leave. That’s all you know. Leave. You fucking coward.”

“And what you did today?” Magnus shakes his head. “I’ve never been disappointed in you.”

He thinks of the billboard again.

His face.

The words ‘Go Kill Yourself’ written across his eyes.

Magnus swallows.

“Do you have no idea what could have happened if the wrong person had seen the message at the wrong time?” Magnus asks hoarsely. “Do you have no idea how much it hurt me to see my son act like this?”

“Yeah. Maybe it’s just you,” Max chuckles. “Maybe it’s a good thing. Because now dad can be with someone who actually fucking loves him.”

Rafael slips into the couch and buries his face in his hands.

Okay. I'm done. I've been with Rafe since the first time I read this fic. Max is very selfish.

And I really tried (both times I read this fic), but I just can't take it anymore. I tried to ignore all your horrible and unfortunate comments in both timelines but I have again reached my limit in the same chapter in which I reached my limit last time.

Reminds me of my little brother. They live in their own world and with their own pain. And people have to be able to live through their pain and that is their right, but that doesn't mean they have the right to everything. He closes himself in his pain and doesn't care how bad others have it. You could be suffering and not make it harder for others.

I really try to be understanding with Max but he pokes and pokes and pokes until he makes you explode. What he does is not right. And they spoil him for it, and so he will never learn

It reminds me of that scene with Tessa and Jem where they are talking about Will and she wonders what good they are doing to Will if they always forgive him for everything he says or does.

I'm glad that Magnus was able to set his limit to stop Max from continuing to advance, because we don't know if he would have stopped. Sometimes children also behave toxically towards their parents.

I don't think Max is the devil por being selfish, i want to be clear. I don't hate him, i dont have 15 years old. I understand this is complicated. But we have to admit that he has a selfishness problem that he must learn to deal with. That doesn’t make him a bad person, but hus selfishness makes him doing bad things and he should know where is the line, not waiting to others to draw it

And Magnus was absolutely right to make him think about what would have happened if someone read that sign at the wrong time. How he doesn't think about how things affect others. How Max doesn't think. It's a horrible thing to say, regardless of whether he went against his bapak. Someone else could have read it, and seen it as a sign

Also, poor Rafael. I get it so much, the more Max talked, the more Rafe became afraid that Max would end up triggering Magnus. And as a person who ends up imagining the worst in stressful situations, I know what must have been going through Rafe's head at that moment

I think it's spot on and this was the whole point.

This was Max's struggle in tlnd. His arc, if you will. Everyone had their own kind of 'toxic' habit to overcome whether it was Magnus letting people walk all over him and keep sacrificing himself for love, whether it was Alec's stubbornness to fix things and just keep trying even if it makes things worse, Rafael's inability to set boundaries and Max's selfishness.

The story wouldn't work, let's say, if Max had Arthur's personality. He had to be who he is for the story to move. But I had to be careful because this version of Max can't only exist in tlnd. So, you do see this reckleness and selfishness in other fics, but manifesting in different ways and impacting him and others around him in different ways.

It's very hard to read, especially if you relate to Rafael a lot, but it was incredible to write :)

[ruuufus]

Ugh I rarely make posts anymore but something from Pretty Little Liars Summer School just gets me so upset.

Because in season 1 I really liked Noa. I thought she made a lot of dumb decisions, but she always seemed to have good reasons. And even if she didn't I understand their kids and gonna do stupid things anyway. But I feel like I'm being gaslit into liking Noas new girlfriend, Jen. Both on and off of the show.

And I didn't hate Jen to start. I was initially excited that Noa was queer. I dont like that we had to have another bi character discover her sexuality through cheating. But thats an issue with the writers and societies perception of bisexual people as a whole.

But the show is called Pretty Little Liars so I give Noa so much leeway in liking Jen. When Jen first stole money from their job I was like "Noa do better!" But I thought if thats the worst of it, eh not too bad.

But when Noa asks Shawn for $2000 to bail out her mistress the show started to lose me. But even then I was like okay they gotta have some drama for the end. But that also wasnt the end of it!

While Shawn is getting cheated on his mom finds out about the $2000 and rightfully demands it back. (Which Jen should've been making an effort to pay it back anyway, not just when his mom gets mad). And Shawn loves and trusts Noa so much that he gets angry with his mom. So Noa asks Jen to come up with the money. And what does Jen do? She robs Shawns house?????? Not only is that awful, but also incredibly stupid! You couldnt find any other persons house to rob?

And even when Shawns mom tries to tell him that Noa robbed the place, he doesnt believe her. He cant fathom that Noa would ever betray him like that. And yeah it was Jen not Noa, but Noa staays with Jen so as far as I'm concerned her name is cosigned to that robbery

And side note I don't even love Shawn all that much. His steroid arc in the first season was annoying, but he did not deserve this.

Finally Noa realizes this has gone too far and breaks up with Shawn. But she doesn't confess the cheating, manipulation for the bail money, or the robbery. Shawn at least figures the cheating part out (im not sure about the other two things) and goes to confront Noa, but finds Jen.

Jen, who he paid all of her bail. Then she "paid him back" by robbing his fucking house! According to Jen, Shawn yells at her and punches the wall. And for arguments sake we'll believe Shawn did everything Jen claimed (even though Jens a proven liar and manipulator).

No Shawn should not have punched the wall. But could you imagine discovering your partner, who you love. Who you defended time and time again to your friends and family. Who you gave a huge chunk of your savings to to help her mistresses with bail. And then that mistress breaks into your house and violates your home. So he has every right to be fucking pissed. And yeah he shouldn't have punched the wall (if he did), but he is also 16. Everyone keeps saying the girls are just 16, well so is he. Hes 16, and just found out the person he loves lied, cheated, manipulated, and stole from him.

And then Noa finds out right? And she absolutely destroys his car. Which is stupid! You have a criminal record girl. His mom hates your guts! But even then Shawn doesnt call the police. And by the way when confronted about the hole in the wall, the first thing Shawn says is "you're a liar."

But fine okay the show is called Pretty Little Liars, drama is the name of the game. I resign myself to holding out hope Jen will be less prominent or written off next season. Because I actually still don't hate Noa. I think she's being mad dumb, but I don't hate her. I do hate Jen (no hate to the actresses though).

Also the girls are supportive of Noa and Jen, only because they dont know everything! If Faran knew that Noa had stayed with Jen after she robbed Shawns house. After stealing from their job. Faran would be like "what the fuck, this isnt smart or good for you."

But where Im really feel like Im being gaslit is on social media. Because first off this isnt good representation to start. Another bi character who has to cheat to learn shes bi isnt good rep! So lets not act like it. But also The creators are working overtime to demonize Shawn on twitter to make me like Jen. And Im not ride or die for Shawn, but he was a lot better than Jen. Jen didnt have any reedeeming qualities. I was waiting for one. But the only time she is a help to Noa is when she saves her from bloody rose, and when Noa needs to hotwire a car. Which are both crisis situations. And if all shes good for is a crisis, then shes not a good partner!

My hope if we get a season 3 is that these problematic aspects of Noa and Jen are acknowledged and explored more until they break up. Cause I just can't see a way to salvage the Jen character. And no that doesnt mean I want Noa to get back with Shawn. Honestly, I want Noa to stay far away from Shawn and either be single for a while or get a new girl.

[abproductions2345]

The Ineffable Pieces: Chapter 1

It's been a Total of 5 years since aziraphale had become the Supreme Archangel of Heaven although he thought he was doing the right thing… his heart knew deep down this was wrong… he left behind a child and a lover on earth for this status which he regretted so deeply for days ever since he left earth, aziraphale touches his lips and he can still remember Crowley’s kiss and his lips pressed against his…

The sad and shocked face of his little Marie who had to learn her Father was abandoning her…

And leaving her alone in the world… she was only 9 years old and she didn't deserve that… 

Crowley didn't deserve his feelings to be rejected by aziraphale… Why did he say “I forgive you…?”. He wants his kiss again, he wants Crowley to do it again…

Aziraphale regretted all of it…

Meanwhile on earth

Crowley has raised Marie to be a normal kid, he learned about aziraphale's rules on her and how restricting they were to the poor child, Crowley slowly broke all of those rules to give Marie an actual childhood and make her feel like an actual child for once in her life, on her 10th birthday Crowley got her a bike which was the first thing aziraphale prohibited Marie to ever own in her entire life since he was paranoid about her getting hurt from riding it 

Although aziraphale was a bit right since when Marie attempted to first ride it Crowley forgot the training wheels… and Marie fell and got hurt 

At least Crowley did miracle heal her, he hated to see Marie cry

He did enjoy raising Marie as his own daughter but although deep down he was missing his angel and he was angry at aziraphale for leaving him with their precious little girl…

Marie grew up to be a completely different person she adapted a rebel personality which crowley enjoys this new marie unlike the one aziraphale raised and treated her like she is a fragile little doll

The elevator to heaven opens and aziraphale breathes in the smell of the earth its been 5 years since he last been on there and now he needed to fix things with his family aziraphale looked around

Until he noticed someone familiar infront of “Give me Coffee or Give Me Death” a teenager with brown hair with red hair ends and a black hat, when they turned around

Aziraphale felt like he saw his heartbreak.. It was his little marie but not so little anymore, aziraphale crossed the rode 

“Marie?” he called out

Marie turned her head to the direction of where she was called and her eyes widen and she looks at him… she hasn’t seen aziraphale in 5 years

“Oh my little Princess you’ve grown up.. You’ve changed you hair… that doesnt matter.. Oh marie i missed you so much, its me your papa-”

He was cut short when marie’s expression suddenly shifts from shocked to angry

“Marie-” aziraphale said trying to reach a hand to her shoulder but marie backs away

“Why are YOU here?” she asked her tone being of anger

Aziraphale felt his heart broke into pieces, his daughter… was mad at him? Marie never got mad at aziraphale before but now

“Marie, im sorry i left for heaven i came back for you i-” 

“I don’t want you here! Archangel Aziraphale!” she said

Aziraphale froze there… she… she didnt call him papa… she always called him papa… never by his name… aziraphale tried to reach out to her

But she slapped his hand away

“ Dont touch me!” Marie snapped before walking away, aziraphale stood there not knowing what to do… but he sure does know now… things arent the same as it used to be anymore…

(Chapter 2: Soon)

[emmafallsinlove]

Saw your answer on the most lorelai/luke song, so i must ask... What's the most lorelai taylor swift song? ✨️

ohhhh boy im gonna enjoy that one!!!

so usually every time i search in tiktok lorelai + taylor swift all i get is lorelai and bejeweled edits and while i agree... we are missing the point here. there is no chronological order to that list it just me thinking it's fitting and i will try my best and explain why.

mad woman

now i usually feel like mad woman feels a lot to emily and lorelai's relationship, especially this part:

Every time you call me crazy I get more crazy What about that? And when you say I seem angry I get more angry

i feel like it fits soooo well with emily comments around lorelai as "lorelai" (you know the voice) "and really lorelai" yada yada... like. emily is just such a toxic person and while she loves lorelai she does critique her a lot over the show to a point it just not really nice to watch and lorelai deserves so much better than her toxic mom <3

also i just wanna add this part

No one likes a mad woman You made her like that And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out And you find something to wrap your noose around And there's nothin' like a mad woman

I'm takin' my time Takin' my time 'Cause you took everything from me Watchin' you climb Watchin' you climb Over people like me

i just feel like emily usually humiliated lorelai and getting into her relationship as she did with luke to a point when lorelai couldn't stand it anymore and it drives me insane

my tears ricochet

And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain Crossing out the good years

again... emily and lorelai relationship. and every time something doesn't go right or as usual in emily and lorelai's relationship she tries to spin it about lorelai getting pregnant at 16 and having a baby and she. never lets that one down. she never see lorelai for what she is, only what she could've been if she would've stayed with christopher and all that. she refuses time and time again to see lorelai's life for what they are - she owns her own inn, she has a community who loves her, she has great friends and a great supporting system and ofc she has rory. and yet all what emily can see is lorelai running away at 16 for the rest of lorelai's life.

also this part

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home

because now im thinking about 16 years old lorelai running away and never coming back home until the actual pilot i wanna scream she sacrificed so much for rory!!!!!

champagne problems

everyone talk about this song as the ultimate rogan song and while i agree, i agree! i wanna add my own interruption to it thank you very much

One for the money, two for the show I never was ready, so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

"She would've made such a lovely bride What a shame she's fucked in the head, " they said But you'll find the real thing instead She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred

like?? that's exactly what happened with max / with chris / with literally every man she had a relationship with beside luke.

she would've made such a lovely bride what a shame she's fucked in the head it's so lorelai coded in so many levels!!!!!!! like it's right. here.

closure

this is a fun one because u look at this and u dont think lorelai gilmore but it's her. damn. song.

Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled I'm fine with my spite And my tears And my beers and my candles

everyone in her life had always treated her as this situation that needs to be handled immediately. mostly it was emily but other people did treated her like that over the years and i do feel it's very s1 lorelai trying to show emily and that side of their family that she doesn't need them, she raised rory for 16 years and she's doing a great job.

yoyok

the most lorelai gilmore song ever!!!! BUT

I looked around in a blood-soaked gown And I saw something they can't take away

'Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned Everything you lose is a step you take So make the friendship bracelets Take the moment and taste it You've got no reason to be afraid

You're on your own, kid Yeah, you can face this You're on your own, kid You always have been

it just. scream lorelai. she always been on her own, she went to the hospital to give birth to rory on her own, she raised rory on her own, she created relationship over the years but it's always been her and rory.

also that one thing they can't take away is rory. and its so so deep because richard and emily already tried in s6 but they couldn't!! SO IMPORTANT

she got no reason to be afraid because. she's on her own, she always has been. it's just really fucking sad in a way y'know?

anti hero

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me At tea time, everybody agrees I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

"at tea time, everybody agrees" = tea time is friday's night dinner and somehow lorelai always ended up as being the problem there.

anyway i probably would think of more and im sorry if y'all thought about you coming here for a good time and then i was like nope angst time <3

[fj-is-a-dumbass]

angry rant incoming, because i agree with all of this and it's FUCKED. UP. and i have my own story to add to this

(also if anyone uses anything other than they/them for me because they ASSUME, i will fucking find you and i promise you will regret it)

in my town (in australia, just fyi, and i dont live in one of the capitals), i've found (through research and word of associated personnel) that 99% of gynaes are also whatcha callit... fukin preggers doctors, obstetricitians. so, of course the pregnant people, the people with the (most likely) voluntary condition get prioritised over those of us who are sick and screwed up, and they make us wait months and in some cases YEARS. it makes me so mad, furious, violently angry. get more doctors that are gynae specifically.

dont get me wrong, pregnancy is one of the most dangerous things you can do with your body, and pregnant people deserve and need that urgent/priority care, but for FUCK SAKE. WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US. UTERUS-HAVERS ARE NOT BABY FACTORIES.

i ended up hospitalised from a side effect of trying to manage whatever bullshit condition i have. i took the oral birth control to manage the physical, mental, and emotional pain and incredible distress of the bullshit that my body does, and it was pure relief, not having to deal with my uterus's bullshit... right up until i got bilateral pulmonary emboli. that's right, you heard me; blood clots, two for the price of once, one for each lung.

(another side effect of ocp is aggression and mood swings. i became so calm and patient and peaceful, every single person around me noticed, just to put it in perspective how much this shit helped)

the gynae the emergency docs referred me to had the nerve to get back to me MONTHS after shit hit the fan. luckily for me, i shopped around and found a gynae that does not deal with pregnant people, and i only had to wait A MONTH (when i was told it would be taken care of 'right away because i was being treated for something else and the treatment caused this')

she had a letter sent, saying that she had given me an appointment. guess. fucking. when.

january next year. (i write this in june 2024, i recieved the letter some time in march or something, i don't recall)

ONE FULL YEAR AFTER SHIT HIT THE FAN. talk about rIgHt AwAy.

i laughed that kind of angry laugh you do because you're about to lose your entire shit at someone-- i mean, what a fucked up world!

'your health is important to us--'

bull-fucking-SHIT bro, i bet that you lot could NOT care less if i, or people like me or worse-off, died while waiting and i would bet my life on it. why? because if you cared, if the system cared, none of us would be waiting this long.

it's fucked up, it really is, and i havent even MENTIONED yet, how my gp (general practitioner, idk how it works in other countries but you see your gp for everything and to get referrals to 'specialists' like gynaecologists), REFUSED TO GIVE ME A REFERRAL TO A GYNAECOLOGIST AT ALL EVEN THOUGH I WAS ASKING.

i have a round-about jumbled way of asking for things coz my brain is a mess and i get a bit nervous, but the request was unmistakable. she did not give. i did not get. (could i have avoided getting bilateral pe? MAYBE.)

i have more beef with that doctor, but that's neither here nor there.

why is it that every single doctor never understands what you, the patient, wants with their own fucking body.

why are the wait lists so long, you assholes.

fuck you all.

(to be clear, i dont blame gynaecologists and obstetricians 100%, but i blame the ones that wear both hats more, and the system even moreso because the system allocates the resources and i am DONE getting screwed in my a by it).

i'll be keeping my appointment with that other gynaecologist, (and she'll find out exactly how angry i am. civilly. somewhat.) but i just...

i have almost no respect for doctors anymore, and i lost the last of my respect after they saved my damn life. riddle me that.

people with uteruses exist, people with uteruses with problems of ANY kind exist and are far more common than allocated resources would imply, and they deserve to be seen and treated without this bullshit waiting time that does nothing but prolong pain, suffering, and risk of permenant injury or death.

stop grouping pregnant people in with the sick people, it does neither group any favours.

wishing everyone in charge of resource allocation, and those that don't listen, a very special

FUCK YOU

no clue what causes pcos. no clue what causes endometriosis. 2 year waiting lists to see a gynecologist. you'd think female bodies only started existing 50 years ago

[lqfiles]

🐣🐣🐣 anon hereeeee. ok??? why’s haechan so cocky i hate him 🙄🙄😒😒 who does he think he is… (he’s hot) i liked the chapter a lot btw i love all your smaus (two i think) ☹️☹️ sometimes i search for a smau and js find really ugly ones (no offense i truly mean no offense with this) while yours are js so… accurate to the real app? like for imessages and twitter they look EXACTLY like the app itself

ok enough, yesterday i was about to fall asleep and i asked myself whether or not, after how popular stg got, did u choose the title to ptp thinking of what “abbreviation” (idk if thats the right word in english) people would use with it? like whether it would sound good or not?

i hope you’re doing great again and having a fun or light week. if you find yourself in a position of struggle, a break is always a good idea. be mindful of your own worth and make sure to not let people make you feel less than what you deserve 😠 take care and be healthy, goza de salud y amor!

about my ppt and test… i can say that thursday and friday were the worst ones. on thursday i have 5 classes, from which i did 4 “tests” (idk how to say it in english but i mean 4 different ways to give me a grade), PE saved me that day. at friday i was supposed to have 3 classes and 3 “tests”, but my personal bff (art teacher) gave us one more week to deliver the project so yay, i did ok in my spanish test and the history ppt was ass.

ok i got a little mad here sorry for the rambling

i had to speak on the URSS’ economy during and after WW2 but my other classmates took 3/4 of the whole class for their own fun presentations so i had to keep my part going after bell rang :( ugh i was so stressed and i messed up and made a weird noise like “eek” and the whole class laughed… that was embarrassing. also we use canva for presentations like these and my friend (A) kept telling me that my completely normal slide was ugly and that she would change it, i told her not to and she kept insulting me… my other friend (M) defended me tho. then the next morning my other friend (R) changed the ENTIRE presentation —not just my slides— and my best friend (J) got mad at her and protested (which is something i cant do cause im a little shy or ashamed to stand out for myself), but R yelled at her and insulted the way her slides looked, J changed her tone but wasn’t screaming, at this point i didn’t gaf anymore but i got mad at the fact that R was disrespecting J, so i screamed a little too hard at R scolding her for not being able to defend herself without screaming… i think i made her feel bad bc all of my friends stayed quiet after that :( im struggling cause at some point she kinda deserved it for being so rude, but at the same time maybe i got too carried away ☹️

but i did well on most of my “tests” this week! i like to think it was all thanks to you and your good wishes :)

do you ever get strokes reading my messages? im sorry if u do… i get nervous when sending u asks :( i swear im better at english than u may think… also i think i talked way too much im sorry if it bothers u, dont feel obligated to answer 💗💗💗🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

- love, 🐣 anon ! <3

ps: i think this is my longest ask yet… maybe longer than the first one i sent u about how much i loved stg? the long ass one……… idk! i hope u have fun reading my beef ig…….. love ya!

you might think i’m lying but truly, that’s not what crossed my mind while coming up with the title loll. i knew that i wanted a witty title that related to the story and the genre of the story just like stg was, and the whole concept of ptp is that y/n moves to a cheaper apartment where she can pay the rent while also having to deal with haechan. pay the price = LITERALLY pay the price of her apartment but ALSO paying the price that is having haechan disturb her peace, pretty witty right? it was honestly just a coincidence that it ended up being three words as well as having a nice abbreviation lmao

he’s hot and i he will be hotter in the future too unfortunately. thank you for liking it so far tho as well as my other smaus (literally only stg) ALSO I FEEL YOU ON THAT PART tbh i’m so accustomed to the social maker twitter lay out and messages that whenever i see another format it catches me off guard lmao, but people are just using what they can, and it’s the story that counts in the end i guess.

you’re always so cute i can’t help but smile :)) i’m doing good and i have a two week holiday soon so i’m even more happy, i would never let anyone make me feel less than i am, but if i ever do i’ll remember your words!!!

THAT SOUNDS LIKE ACTUAL HELL omg exam season is so stressful, i hope you don’t feel too much under pressure 😭 i’m happy your art teacher gave you guys extra time for your work, MAKE SURE TO USE YOUR TIME WISELY IM SERIOUSSS you don’t wanna give your worst and face the consequences!! and i’ll even personally pray for you ^^ YOU GOT THIS LOVELYYY and im glad you did well on your others :)

what the fuckkk :(( first off all, that’s such an unfortunate situation to be put in, your classmates are immature as hell for that but i wouldn’t believe that they were laughing at you, perhaps it was just the awkwardness but i’m sure it wasn’t meant to belittle you, still, that’s mean and immature as hell. your supposed friends need to learn how to respect you because if you told them that you didn’t want your slides changed, there really shouldn’t be an issue with that like wtf why would she insult you as a response.. weird. i personally don’t think you’re in the wrong, clearly friend R thought they could boss you guys around and was seeking issues for no reason, all that WHILE being mad for some reason like no need to raise your voice. i hope you’re okay :( don’t think about it too much you’re amazing and i’m sure you’re slide was fine ^^ i have used canva before too and it’s not like you can make the most outstanding slides on there anyways so WHO CARESSSS

whenever i see your asks i just smile because your words are always so sincere and it’s the fact that you go out of your way to type it all even if english isn’t technically your first language, NO STROKES DONT WORRY! i would feel shitty if i didn’t respond to you, i would always respond don’t worry ^^ this was long but i don’t mind, again it’s really cute YOURE SO CUTE ANON

[taelovesjohnny]

Muted ( The Outsiders) Chapter 13 Bro

millie's PoV

After what happened with Two-bit and me, we went for a walk, the two of us. I missed that. I mean, its been ages since i have been let out with just one person before. 

" You know Mil, that that was just a joke right?"

i nodded, im pretty sure we fooled them big time. I started to giggle. which made two-bit laugh.

" we fooled them good, didn't we, huh?" 

I nodded.

" Millie," two-bit said, he looked serious for once, and let me tell you it was not a good look on him, " Millie, why dont you talk anymore, i mean like come on, the boys miss you. they miss your voice, and your sense of hurmor, that you had. I-I just want you to come back."

I shook my head. i couldn't come back, not even if i tried. I dont know how to talk anymore. i tried to talk to Sodapop, but i've forgotten how to talk, and use my vocal cords. I love that each of the boys have made an effort to make me mad, of glad, or something to make me talk. But its not that i dont anymore, its that i cant anymore. tears were coming, it made me feel horrible, but i couldn't help it.

" hey, hey. Mil you know that we would never hurt you, right?? and that you will always be safe with us. Even though we don't all show it, we all love you to the ends of the world."

i nodded, and smiled. i knew that, it's just its hard when everybody's like in your face, and trying to make you do something that you cant do, you have no control over it. its like trying to sufficate yourself, you cant do it, because your brain cant let you. its the exact same thing. 

" Lets go back, see what everybody's doing."

We walked in, jesus christ. Soda and Alley, were in the corner, talking about.... something. Steve was playing cards with Dallas, ans Johnny was watching a horror movie with ponyboy. nice.

" You know what? You two should get married." i looked over at steve who made that comment.

I walked up to him, and slapped him right on the face. 

" good job, millie!!" johnny congradulated me.

i walked over and sat inbetween ponyboy and johnny, and layed my head on pony's shoulder. and fell asleep

sodapop's PoV

I was talking to Alley when Two-bit and Millie left. She was a great gal, but she needs time to heal after her thing with Dallas. I was talking with her about it when Them two came back,

" imma go and get some orange juice." 

" oh, alright, dont be too long." 

i went into the kitchen and Darry was there as usual cooking. 

" sup Dar."

" hey, how's the girls doin'?" 

" ok, i think" i said. 

i walked out, and looked around the living room for Millie. She was asleep, on pony's shoulder, i smiled. She looks so young, so peaceful when she sleeps. Like she didn't have a care in the world. i knew she mustv'e been tired, she barely sleeps at night. She has nightmares, about Dallas. Which is hard for me, 'cause she hasn't done anything to deserve the life she has been given. 

" hey pony, you want to go to bed?" i asked.

" yeah, im getting pretty tired. but i dont wanna disturb her." he nodded towards sleeping millie.

" alright, lets get her to bed, can you sleep on the couch tonight?? i wanna sleep with her tonight, dont want her to have nightmares again."

“ nah it’s okay I can take care of her” ponyboy said tiredly.

I nodded, i came over and picked millie up, We only have 2 bedrooms for us kids, so usually millie sleeps either on the floor in our room, or in bed with darry. its okay, because we're family. but sometimes she wants me or pony near so yeah.

i set her down on the bed, and climb in too,

" goodnight mil"

[highpriestess-stuff]

So my day started out well i started with self love affirmations which ive been doing for the past 2 days starting off with a spiritual bath and i must admit it has mad quite a difference im excited to see how this will help me i didnt realise how much i truly needed self love i honestly thought i was such a confident person but im starting to realize how harsh iand negative i can be and im starting to see exactly why all these bitches are jealous of me especially the ones that i work with ive never really had a hard time with making friends but ever since me & T broke but damn did it do a number on me.. Getting cheated the first time was just traumatic & left me with anxiety but having such a strong support system and going to the gym almost like everday and letting it out really helped but this break up just left me completely distraught and just made me not want to live life anymore and isolate myself & i didnt realize how it was affecting all my relationships with my friends my family and co workers like damn this narcissistic gas lighting bitch sucked my fucking soul like end all be all and not a single person there to pick up my pieces my like damn had to get myself out of this shit and i feel powerful as fuck never will i let anyone tear me down like that again LESSON LEARNT: Never settle for less. Took 2 years of my life to realize that but hey it coulda been worse.. still trying to see the positivity in this lol coulda gotten married to this bitch ass but thank god he really had to take me off this path this person refused to understand me & the lesson i learnt was that im not for everybody i am simply a Diving Feminine and we aint for everybody if people dont get u then dont waste your time arguing or explaining yourself cause the right people to get you like how did i become so lost and desperate? i just really wanted him to see me for me i just really wanted to make my family happy .. & he wanted to make his the only difference was im not what his family wanted and u know what thats their loss because as soon as i came out i was told i was going to be a motherfuckin champion it truly is his loss lol he fucked up big time and his family is a peice of shit if they really loved him they would want him to be happy but i guess whats what he deserves OH WELL now i see why they dont want the best for him he deserves exactly that shit even the lord dont want the best for him but me i am truly blessed and protected so thank you Jesus!

Going thru that experience really left me feeling emptier then even it felt like people could also see right thru me it left my fuckin boundaries all over the place i allowed people to step all over me cause i constantly thought i was the problem but now im starting to see i was never the problem its this cruel ass world no matter how nice u are to people or how much u just want to help them because u truly see what the can become and u see their potential it doesnt mean that their going to follow that exact path that u want for them it means giving up control letting people have their own experiences and im just trying to be comfortable with that like hey you wanna go fuck up your life go ahead like who am i to control u not like i got super powers cause if i did bruh. People are wylin & then godforbid i wanna do something for myself then they got a problem like what? are yall on. For example Victoria shes so far up my ass but yet cant even be there for me when i need her like bitch step aside and all day at work today she was so sad like what are u sad for... what happend to that advice that u give everytime "Dont Care" like lets see u do that now you dumbass u look fuckin stupid i have completely lost my respect for her like she looks for pathetic how dare she tell me not to care when i share my feelings with her like hows that going for you? keep ur bitch ass advice to yourself the only reason i ever listened to her was cause i actually respected her i thought she was someone i wanted to be like fuck no! i am so much better then her im better then any of these people how dare they show my any fuckin attitude ever like put some motherfuckin respect on my name or get the fuck out of my face and my energy aura cause i aint for everybody you wanna be around me? show some fuckin respect or get the fuck out because i value myself and my opinions and i can find people who do do i dont need you bitch ass people clearly YOU NEED ME like these people need to realise they need me at the end of the day so show respect or get the fuck out. Even will came in with some wack ass attitude but the second i refused to acknowledge him this nigga really started sucking my dick like are you for real why do i need to be rude like is that what turns you people on like is this why im working in this type of environment to learn that i just need to stay away from people who dont respect my energy why because you people cant do the work and become great like me??? ive done the work ive done the time ive earned to be where the fuck i am and if maybe yall put in the work you guys would be on my level but u aint thats why you bitches are so fuckin miserable and just focused on me unfortunatly thats what comes with the fame and i aint leveling down for no fucking body i came a long fuckin way and i deserve this shit put my crown on again & im knock it off * & this bitch shan like i thought she was the nicest girl ever bitch HAD the audacity to show me attitude like girl do u know who ur dealing with ur 20 nothing its actually cute and laughable because she looks like that character from ice age she thinks shes really doing something i cant with these hoes thinking they affect like.. like bruh this is my partime job lol this is your lifetimes career ofcourse u going to be mad lol stay mad cause what im winning? so u think showing me attitude gonna do something um no it just shows me that ur a terrible person ur disgusting and fuckin ugly i was just being nice and now that youve shown ur true colors i no longer need to loook go crawl back in ur dark cave u hoeeeeeeeeeee.. anyways ill be back for more updates byeeee

[mmunson86]

Can i just start off by saying how happy i am that Robin is getting the girl?! Like YES baby you deserve to be happy and i am here for it💗

I know we are trying to fool Robin but she is not buying it she will figure us out soon😅

As happy as we are for Robin because trust me we are, i want to cry because of the current situation with Eddie, like? I dont even know what to think😭

See i told yall Robin was going to figure us out and i want to cry lol i just want to cry my eyes out we are sorry Robin shit has not worked out in out favor so far soo we are back to square one🥲

as much as Robin yelling at us is completely tearing me apart, she has a point we are going back into the shell of the person that we were before and it hurts me that were fighting with our best friend, stop this madness. I’m actually crying because when we kicked Robin out of the apartment when we yelled at her to get out that shit hurt, she was just trying to help us literally i am broken because all she’s trying to do is be there for us and figure out whats wrong, she just wanted to help😭

He wouldn’t leave you alone

Is it possible to cry anymore? I’m not even halfway through the chapter and I’m already a mess because all of this is so confusing. Why didn’t he just tell us my mind is just going crazy over here😭

It’s the fact that we were so mean to Robin yet, she still drove all the way to Steve’s apartment to figure out if he knew it was wrong with us like that’s a real best friend right there 💗🥹

As much as you want to be angry at Steve, Steve didn’t know Eddie. I think you should have warned us t about your second job before all of these feelings came into the picture . I don’t know dude I’m so conflicted . I like I don’t judge him but still like look at this mess we are currently in Eddie🥲

As much as i want to kick his butt out of the apartment is it bad that i am glad we got tricked by Robin to let Eddie into our apartment? Because i feel its only right to hear him out like please tell us what the hell is going on, i like that he is holding his ground because as much as we keep telling him to go, i dont want him to go i need a hug at this point😭💗

“I do now, because I am not on stage any longer”

I am a biiitch i am a biitch i am crying ahh wait hold the fucking phone pardon my french , we were so WRONG god we were so freaking WRONG agh lawd the miscommunication is killing me , i am a freaking emotional mess lol OMG seeing Eddie open up about his feelings has me ugly crying

“Angel, I… I fell for you, in ways you cannot even imagine.”

I am deceased , i can die happy! He finally let himself go , he is going to let himself finally be loved ahhhhhhh! We are two idiots in love who finally gave in i cant🥹🩷

Me after finishing this sires i absolutely loved every bit of it 🥹💗⬇️

Edit of Eddie: Sofiiel

Stripper!Eddie x Shy!Fem!Reader

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 (End)

WC: 14k

⚠️ +18 MDNI, Stripper!Eddie, nervousness, fluff, self doubt, soft touches, mentions of nausea, signs of anxiety, angst (i won't spoil any more of the chapter)

Plot: You thought you were cursed with your shyness, but after one embarrassing night, you decide it's time to change, and you believe someone might be able to help with that.

Summary: Was it all how it seemed? Whatever doubt you had, you find the answer to, and it is time to move forward.

A/N: And we reached the end... I never thought this story would blow up they way it did, but I am so grateful for every single one of you that always reblogged, commented, messaged me to know when the next chapter would be out... I cannot thank you enough. This story is very dear to me, and I already have a few requests for these characters! Hope you all still follow me through the next stories I will post!

You can always support me by hitting the reblog button with tags, and I always enjoy reading your comments!

Taglist is closed - Follow me for updates and put notifications on!

PART 8 - FINALE

Robin Buckley was in cloud nine at the moment. 

After a successful date on Friday, she had spent the entire weekend with Vickie, consuming their love with their first kiss, their first time together, and realizing that they both were stupid idiots who didn’t make a move because they were too scared to do so. 

So now, on Sunday morning she finally is back in her apartment, singing in the shower as she washes her body from the weekend’s activities. She finally got the girl she had been desiring ever since she met her. Vickie was not far behind, but Vickie had confessed to Robin that it would be her first official time dating a woman. Robin was more than glad to be the first one to do so.

When she got out, she was still humming, starting to dress herself for the day, and then her phone dings, making her grab it and smile widely as she reads the notification. Vickie had messaged her ‘Miss you already :(‘ and Robin couldn’t help but giggle at it and jump up and down in her excitement. She cannot wait to tell the girls, to tell you, to tell Steve. She had disconnected herself from her phone the whole weekend because she just wanted to spend it with Vickie, entirely. 

She whistled as she stepped in her boots, replying to Vickie as she did, saying she missed her too and it was the truth. They were entering the Honeymoon phase already, and she cannot wait to go on that ride. She went into the messages she has with you, and instantly messaged you.

“Hey, you up?” After a few minutes, there was another response.

“Yeah, I am.” Robin smiled at that and replied back to you as excitement ran through her veins.

“I’m going up and we can go get a cup of coffee!” She didn’t even wait for your response, she just got up from her bed and grabbed her wallet to pull some bills out and put them back in her pocket. She walked out of the room, shaking her wet hair from side to side to dry it a bit and have a little bit of movement. 

How were you going to react? Are you going to be happy? You probably will, and she can’t wait to tell you everything Vickie and her had done through the weekend, except for some details that remain private. She can’t wait to tell you how they got together, how the confessions occurred, and what they ate on Friday night. She was rocking back and forth on her heels as she went to pick you up. She knew that she had to pick you up to get the coffee so that you would move. Many times you declined because you were lazy, but Robin always made you get up from the couch, and you didn’t have a say in it.

When she reached your floor, she walked towards your door whistling softly. She knocked on your door in a happy tune.

“Wakey wakey!” She says through the door for you to hear. She licked her lips as she waited for you, still rocking back and forth on her heels. Some seconds passed making Robin become impatient and she started knocking on the door again. “Come on, let’s go!” 

“Alright, alright!” She hears your muffled voice on the other side, unlocking the door and you get out of your apartment through a small gap in between the door and the frame. Robin got confused at that because you didn’t open your door entirely, but she dismissed it with a shrug. What confused her even more was what you were wearing.

“Well hello to you too, cranky.” Robin says and you yawn, shaking your head at her and that’s when Robin noticed the bags under your eyes, and how red they looked. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired, didn’t sleep an inch last night.” You say to her and she hummed, still worried about how you were looking as the both of you started walking to the elevator. You had make up, and when you didn’t sleep you always put some concealer on after learning how to properly use it. Maybe you just didn’t have the time or energy to do it this morning. Once the metal doors closed, Robin talked again.

“I think I haven’t seen that shirt or those pants in ages.” She says and you look down at yourself, a gulp passing your throat as you fix the ponytail you were wearing.

“I threw everything else in the washer.” Was your short reply, and Robin’s heart accelerated because something didn’t feel right, but she was hoping it was just a wrong hunch, just something that she was overthinking probably. “You didn’t message me all weekend.” 

And that was the queue for Robin to smile widely as she started talking nonstop about her date. You were faintly smiling at her as she told you how Vickie had tripped when walking in the street with her and she took the opportunity to hold onto her hand. She told you how it was Vickie the one that confessed in the diner that she felt something else for her, besides friendship.

“And then, outside of the diner, I just grabbed her and kissed her. I was just so impatient, maybe too anxious, but I couldn’t help myself! She just looked so pretty under the neon lights…” She continues saying as you both slowly walk down the street. Your face was down towards the floor all the time as if you were watching your steps. 

“Doesn’t explain why you didn’t talk to me all weekend Robs.” You try to let out a giggle, but it comes out as a small huff, which Robin barely noticed as her eyes lit up in excitement.

“I– well, she kind of invited me to her apartment… Afterwards.” Robin was blushing now, rubbing the back of her neck, not noticing the pained expression that had crossed your features. 

“That’s… Great Robs, so you just spent Saturday at Vickie’s?” You ask to keep the conversation going as a man is walking your way. Robin didn’t notice how you traded places with her, putting yourself closer to the street as the man passed between the building and Robin.

“Yeah… I just wanted to be with her, you know? And yesterday we could talk more calmly about what we were, where we were standing.” She explains, her whole face red as the memories keep flashing in Robin’s mind, blissfulness all over her body.

“And where are you both standing?” You ask her, now looking towards the ground again. Robin’s chest filled with excitement and giddiness again, twirling in her place as she walked with you.

“We’re dating!” Robin smiles dumbly and completely dazed as you two keep walking. She really can’t wait to tell the other girls, wait till they know that she and Vickie finally made it work. She can’t wait to tell Steve that he can eat his words, telling her she had no balls to tell Vickie what she felt… Though, Robin believes Steve was doing it to give her some sort of boost, and impulse.

“I am so happy for you Robs.” You try to sound enthusiastic, you really are trying because you are happy. You are happy for your friend. 

But everything else was just numb. 

“Thank you! Okay we’re here! Should we get our table on the corner like we always do–” Your eyes drift up and into the coffee shop. The green eyed young man was at the counter, already waving your way because for the past month you have been getting coffee in this family business. His name is Adam.

And your eyes looked down at the floor again.

“I– I prefer to go back home Robs, I don’t feel all that well…” You excuse yourself and Robin turns to look at you with an eyebrow raised up in worry.

“Are you okay? Shit, you should have told me you felt sick…” Now Robin felt guilty for not giving you the chance to tell her that you were feeling like this. She acted out of selfishness on wanting to tell everything to you that she didn’t think about you or your feelings at the moment. You look at her and you shake your head desperately not wanting her to feel guilty.

“Yeah, just tired…” Robin nods at that because she can see the bags under your eyes, she doesn’t know why you were tired. You probably ended up playing games till late like you always did. 

“Alright, then let's get the coffee to go.” She says, giving one step inside the coffee shop. Your nervous hand reaches quickly to her sleeve, making her stop in her tracks and give you a puzzled look.

“Um… There’s another coffee shop, called Sunflower!” You say to her, almost desperately, only getting a confused frown from Robin’s part.

“It’s like– five more blocks away! Let’s just get coffee here and go back.” Robin turns and you let go of her sleeve, standing still in your place as you look down to the floor. She felt that you weren’t following her, so she turned around again, examining you. A weird feeling sat in her stomach, something along the lines of dread, of worry. She waited for you to talk, waited for you to say the words she was fearing of hearing again from you, words that she was happy you finally let go of, or— that’s what Robin thought.

“U-Um… Can you get my order?”

Those words that you only said when you couldn’t buy something because a man was at the cash register. Milkshakes you asked Robin to buy for you because the big man behind the counter had winked at you. Coffees that Robin had to drive and get for you because no female baristas were working at any close coffee shops. Robin’s eyes widened as she slowly turned to see the puzzled look of Adam, looking at you both as he took the order from an old man that was sitting in a corner. 

“Please… tell me that you didn’t just ask me that.” Robin’s eyes looked for yours but you were looking down at the floor, maybe in shame, maybe in fear, maybe in complete embarrassment, maybe in sorrow, maybe in despair. Robin’s heart crumbled in her chest as she pulled you away from the coffee shop’s entrance, grabbing you by your hand and dragging you a couple of steps away.

“Robin– You’re hurting me–” Robin let go of your hand and made a sharp turn with a frown to her eyebrows, tears prickling in her eyes as she shook her head at you. 

“What happened!?” She asks you and you gulp heavily, shaking your head at her. Robin wanted answers, she needed them, and you were not giving them to her. What happened this weekend for you to act like this again? What happened to you? What made you go back to the starting line?

“N-Nothing, I don’t know what you mean–” You started but you could already see Robin’s hair almost frizzing up in anger, or in confusion.

“Don’t play fucking dumb with me! The clothes!? The lack of makeup!? Your hair in a loose ponytail and you didn’t even comb it!” Robin was breathing heavily now as your eyes didn’t focus on her face any longer, just looking to the side as tears started filling them. “And now, you couldn’t even LOOK at the guy you’ve been ordering coffee from for the past month!” 

“I just feel weird today, that’s all.” Was your short answer, and Robin tilted her head at you, her brain trying to work but she didn’t want to lose you. She didn’t want to lose the you from the last two months, and she was feeling like your brain shut that person out. She remembers how you didn’t let her see inside your apartment at all, and she straightened up, turning to start walking back to the complex. “Robin?”

“Come on.” Was her only command. You were confused as you followed her, walking the streets at a quick pace, making your breathing grow heavy. Once you got to your complex, you both got inside the elevator and you let out a sigh but then your eyes widened when Robin only pressed the button of your floor.

“Aren’t you going home?” You ask, nerves already creeping up in your body, a cold sweat invading your fingertips, and you felt yourself growing more desperate the sound of passing each floor dinged inside the elevator. “Robs, I feel sick, really–”

“Shut the fuck up.” You jumped at her words. She never cussed at you, she actually almost never did in any circumstance. The metal doors opened, and your eyes widened, walking quickly to reach your door before Robin could catch you, but she was quick to grab onto the handle of your door, looking at you.

“Um… It’s a mess inside–”

“Open the door.” You blinked at her and you slowly shook your head. She can’t see it. She can’t see what you did. You will just disappoint her. You know it. Robin’s eyebrow twitched and she took a deep breath in, trying to calm herself. “Open the door.” 

She wasn’t going to leave, and you knew that. There was no escaping this confrontation, and you weren’t going to win it. You could run away, but Robin would sit and wait for you to come back and open the door. She wasn’t going to leave. She wasn’t going to give up on you, on this, even if you had already given up. You took your keys out of your pocket with a trembling hand, and Robin held your hand and helped you guide it into the keyhole, opening the door.

Robin walked in, turning the light on. She looked around and everything seemed to look the exact same, except… The trash bags that sat outside your room, piled up one next to the other. Robin’s eyebrows twitched, fear settling in her chest as she walked towards one of the bags. You closed the door behind you and your eyes widened when Robin bent down in one of the bags.

“What the fuck…” You hear her say and that’s when your mind started spiraling again. Everything was coming back to you as she slowly raised up again, and she turned to look at you with the purple dress in her hands. “Why… Why are all your clothes in trash bags?”

“I–I was doing some… Marie Condo cleaning thing.” You lied, but it came out as a tremble, your eyes scanning the dress in Robin’s hands, memories flashing over your eyes and your brain was just telling you how delusional you were being. How stupid you were for trying to be someone like that. You knew you were never that, you knew it, and you weren’t going to ever be. 

“Cleaning my fucking ass!” Robin yelled, making you jump again. Why was she so mad? Why isn’t she happy that you went back to your old self? Why is she acting this way with you? “You made so much progress! So much! Why are you going back!?” 

“I– I don’t understand what you’re saying, I never changed–” 

“You fucking did! You changed into who you actually are! You changed into someone that knows what they like, knows what they want! So what is all this shit!?” Robin motioned to all of the trash bags that contained your new stuff, and you felt your heart shrinking at each word that came out of her mouth. You shook your head at her as your tears started to burn your eyes.

“This is who I am. The things in the trash bags were just costumes Robin, they are something I am not!” Robin couldn’t believe what she was hearing. There must be a mistake, everything was fine on friday night, everything was incredible, you sounded so happy, you sounded and looked like you were glowing. She didn’t ask why you looked like that, but she feels like she might know why. She has a feeling inside of her that tells her that is right.

“This is not who you are! THIS is who you shaped yourself to be in order to feel safe!” You flinched at the word ‘shape’. You didn’t shape yourself, you didn’t put this skin to protect yourself, she was wrong. Everyone is wrong. 

“Why can’t you accept me for who I am!? Why does everyone want to mold me into what they want!? Into what society wants!?” You weren’t looking at her, your eyes looking at the counter. Your voice was loud, taking Robin by surprise, but something in your words caught her attention. 

Everyone? 

“I accepted you, always! But the past months I felt like I actually got to know the real you! For the fucking first time!” At her words you rolled your eyes as a tear fell down your cheek.

“Right, because I started dressing myself with short shit? Because I started talking to guys? Is that the ‘normal’ for you?” You were in complete defensive mode, and Robin knew that, but she was taken aback by your response. You two never fought, ever, and this would be the first big fight you two would have, but Robin wasn’t going to lose it.

“No! Because you let yourself go! You started doing shit you actually wanted to do, and you even voiced it out! You got stuff that you wanted, and then you learnt to not ask for a second opinion on it! You liked stuff and you got it!” She motioned to all of the trash bags again, her voice breaking from how loud she was starting to get. “Everything that’s in these bags, are things YOU picked! No one else did for you!”

You flinched at her words. You did pick those clothes, you did pick the makeup yourself, you did pick many of the accessories yourself… But you picked them probably because you knew what everyone might like, driven by that, more than what you actually enjoyed wearing. You were driven by what he might like. What he might enjoy. What he always looked at every time he went to work. 

“Robin, I don’t want to listen to you any longer, if you can’t accept–”

“Accept who you are, I always did! And I always will! This part of you–” She motioned to your body, your clothes, your hair. “I accept, AS WELL, as this side of you.” She then motioned to all of the trash bags in the living room. 

“You are not fucking showing it.” You spat at your friend with venom in your voice. Robin was not going to let you walk out of all the progress you made, she wasn’t going to give up on you, she wasn’t going to let you give up on yourself.

“What the fuck happened? What made you revert into your past self?” Robin walked towards you, slowly, as if she were approaching a scared dog. You blinked at those words, turning to finally look at her. 

“You mean, why did I stop pretending something I’m not? They’re two different things.” Robin saw it in your eyes, there was an emptiness, as if someone had punched a hole somewhere in your body and your blood was slowly draining out from your body. There is something behind your eyes, something behind your defensiveness, something behind your quivering lip that simply broke you.

Something happened this weekend. Something definitely happened to you. 

“You need to tell me… what happened. Did someone hurt you? Did someone make you feel bad?” Robin didn’t know what to ask because you weren’t giving anything out. She didn’t see anything out of the ordinary except for the bags, and she had to know what was going on in your head. You simply had to talk to her.

“Nothing happened. I just realized many things.” You were looking down at the floor again, and Robin’s hands slowly raised up to land on your shoulders. Your eyes were different now. They weren’t empty no more. They were hurt. Completely and utterly hurt. Your eyes were going back and forth as memories kept flashing in them, moments that you thought were real, moments that you thought were created with honesty, with the truth. 

“Baby… What happened?” Robin said softly, her voice trembling slightly because you weren’t responding. You weren’t answering, and she was going insane about it. She wants to help you, she needs to help and she doesn’t know how. 

“I need to be alone.” Robin shook her head, not wanting to do what you were asking, but you sent her a look that sent shivers down her spine. “You need to leave.” 

“What–” She couldn’t finish her sentence, as the tears in your eyes were starting to pool on the water lines, and your breathing turned heavy. You pushed her arms away from you, and walked to the door, ripping it open. 

“Get out!” You yelled at her. You actually yelled at her and Robin knew you were far gone. You weren’t going to listen, you weren’t going to talk, you weren’t going to let her in. She choked up on her own words, swallowing them as the anxiety of the situation was eating her at her stomach. Robin took a deep breath in and walked towards the door, giving you a final look.

“Please… talk to me when you’re ready.” You simply glared at her as tears rolled down your cheeks, and the moment she was out of the door, you slammed it shut, locking it as quickly as possible and your hands were pressed against it as the breathing turned almost painful.

Through the entire morning you had been holding back tears, holding back the emotions that were swirling in your mind. How can you tell Robin that Eddie tricked you? How do you even explain to her that you also feel like she knew? Steve was the one that told you about it, and her and Steve were almost best friends now. It’s impossible for her to not know about their second jobs.

You tried really hard to keep yourself together this morning, you really tried. You didn’t want to cry anymore because you felt like you were drained, only for more tears to appear out of nowhere. You could hear your phone buzzing in your pocket and you clenched your eyes tight. He hasn’t stopped calling, he hasn’t stopped messaging you, he hasn’t stopped asking if you were okay even when you told him you needed some time alone this weekend.

He wouldn’t leave you alone.

And that was confusing you, not understanding why he still wanted to talk to you when he already got what he wanted. He already tasted you, so what else does he want? The worst part is that he got everything now. He had you in every shape and form, in body and soul, and he doesn’t even know that. He just wanted the physical part and he doesn’t even know that he got more than just your body. And he will never know.

For the past two days you couldn’t even bring yourself to throw the bags out of the apartment. There was this string holding you back, it was invisible, yet you knew it was there. You wanted them out of your house because the pain of seeing them there is just too great, but you couldn’t even lift one bag up. You couldn’t even imagine putting a bag for donation because the pain becomes even bigger than having the bags in your house.

You slammed your back against the door as the tears kept coming down your cheeks, sobs ripping out at your chest. You slid down all the way and onto the floor, pulling your knees up to your chest, hugging them tightly as you pressed your face into them. You didn’t know what you wanted. You don’t even know if letting go is the right choice because you still hurt either way. But that’s life isn’t it? Letting go to move forward.

Your nights were sleepless, your pillows very much stained with all the tears that went through their fabric, yet you didn’t change the bedsheets. You didn’t, even if you should have. You didn’t let go of those sheets. You didn’t let go of that night. You didn’t let go of his scent. You didn’t let go of what he made you feel. You didn’t want to let go, yet you knew you had to.

Because it was all a lie.

Why is life this hard? Why is everything this way for you? Why can’t you just be happy with who you are? You’re a fucking hypocrite, telling Robin to accept you as you are when you can’t even do it yourself. You were torn between knowing who you are and who you wanted to be. You didn’t know anymore. You just didn’t. You were feeling as if something was ripped away from you, and you didn’t know if it was your heart, or that you that laughed when you tried to teach Billy how to braid hair, that you that danced around the living room with Steve twirling behind you, or that you that kissed a man because she really desired to do so.

A man that wrapped you around his finger, to then engulf you into his whole hand, crushing you bit by bit as he squeezed. You don’t want to keep going like this. You don’t want to give him any more trophies. You don’t want to remember anymore, you want your memories to vanish completely, yet you don’t want them to at the same time. You had to let go. You had to let him go.

Today you’ll throw the bags out.

Robin was breathing heavily as she paced around in her apartment. 

She couldn’t talk to anyone about this because no one knew what you did the past two months. Robin didn’t even tell the other girls that she had a new friend called Steve. She didn’t even tell Vickie yet, and now Robin was losing her mind on who to talk to about this. She needed help.

She was trying to remember if you said anything on Friday, anything that would give her any kind of lead. She cursed at herself because she just remembers being too excited about her date with Vickie that everything else was being blocked out. Focus Robin, focus. She was at the mall when she called you, and she does remember you glowing, but what did you say?

Robin was slamming her hand on the counter as she tried to recall every second of that call. She went into a store, she remembers looking for a shirt, and then you had asked her how did she know she liked Vickie. Something about attraction. Something that made Robin look at you with knowing eyes. She straightened up, freezing.

Groceries. You didn’t go to the grocery store.

Robin’s hands immediately rushed to get her phone, not caring that it was ten in the morning and her friend might probably be asleep right now. She remembers Steve being home on friday because he was sick, very sick, so she has to know if you went to their house that night. She immediately started calling her friend, her phone raised up, waiting for him to answer.

No answer was coming and Robin Buckley was desperate. She needed to talk to Steve, she needed to know where you were that night. She cursed under her breath and grabbed her car keys from the counter. She doesn’t like driving much, but for you she would drive 9 hours straight if it were necessary. She was flying out of her complex in the matter of seconds, and in the matter of minutes, driving by many red lights, she got to Steve’s building. 

She parked the car as best as she could in her hurry, knowing she might get a ticket for how badly it was sticking out but it was the least of her worries right now. You didn’t look fine, and she was scared. She ran to the intercom, pressing her finger in his apartment number repeatedly, not stopping at all until a very tired Billy Hargrove answered on the other side.

“I swear to god, whoever it is–”

“It’s Robin! Let me in!” She says in a hurry as her legs start making her bounce up and down in her anxiety. 

“Robin, it is too early–”

“It’s an emergency!” She almost yells and Billy could sense the high pitch in her tone. Robin heard the buzzer going off and she rushed inside the building, and she sighed a thank you to whoever was above that the elevator was already in the lobby. She was tapping her foot repeatedly as she kept pressing the desired floor button, even if the elevator was already dinging that it was going up, as if it were going to make it go faster.

Once the metal doors opened, her legs immediately stomped towards the door, knocking onto it at a quick pace, her breathing heavy as she waited for anyone to open the door. At the small turn of doorknob, she was pushing herself in, making Billy stumble backwards, his eyes widening at the gesture as he sees the tornado Robin is leaving behind in her rush.

“Is Steve up!?” She turns to see Billy closing the door with worried eyes, a frown in his eyebrows as he keeps looking at Robin. Her answer came quickly when she heard the metal clinking of the stairs as someone headed down. She turned to see Steve in his blue robe and boxers, rubbing his eye with one hand as he held the phone with the other.

“Why do I have 10 missed calls from you Robin?” Steve says with a grunt as he finally reaches the bottom of the stairs. She immediately rushes towards him, grabbing him by the shoulders as his eyes widen at her.

“Something is fucking wrong, I don’t know what even happened but you need to tell–”

“Robin!?” Her head snapped almost as it turned to look at Eddie, running down the stairs, skipping a few even and almost falling in his hurry. Robin frowned at his yelling as she let go of Steve and Eddie rushed towards her. She could see bags underneath his eyes from lack of sleep, his hair was a mess and scrunched up into what looked like a bun and he simply seemed drained.

“Eddie, jesus fuck, you have to help me!” Robin lets go of Steve who was now very much awake and aware that something wasn’t right. He looked at Billy for answers but the blonde boy simply shrugged at him, still with the worried frown in his eyebrows. 

“First, you fucking help me, she is not answering to any of my texts or my calls! She told me she needed time alone!” Robin winced at his words, shaking her head at him as she put her face in her hands in despair. You wouldn’t even talk to Eddie? How can he help you if you cannot even talk to him?

“She regressed.” The three boys were looking at Robin for more explanation, but Eddie’s heart was already at his throat. He was hoping that it didn’t mean what he thought she meant. He was hoping that this was not happening, not with all the progress you made. He was hoping that this was not happening, right before he got the chance to–

“What do you mean she regressed?” Billy dared to ask. He was looking at Eddie, not even at Robin because he was worried about his friend, his friend that was looking at Robin with fear in his eyes. His friend that hasn’t slept since friday. His friend that is going to have a heart attack if he doesn’t speak to you soon.

“She’s back to square one.” She puts her hands down as she looks up at Eddie with tears in her eyes. “I don’t know what happened, her new clothes are all in trash bags, as well as her make up I think? We went to get coffee an hour ago and she couldn’t even fucking look at the guy behind the counter.” 

Eddie’s world crumbled.

His shoulders sagged as his breathing stopped, feeling as if his soul was coming out of his mouth. No… No, no, no. That couldn’t be right, everything was fine friday morning, everything was amazing friday morning, everything was perfect friday morning. It cannot be, it surely cannot be… Did he do something wrong? He talked to you later that day and you didn’t respond, not until midnight where you told him that you needed time alone to think about stuff.

That had already stabbed him once in the chest. Did you regret what happened? Did you regret him? Did he overstep? Did he read the signs… wrong? But now, knowing the reason why you didn’t want to talk to him was enough to actually kill him. How could it happen? How did you regress? Did something happen to you on that day? Did he say something in the morning that wasn’t to your liking? Was it because he had to leave? Did you think he was done because he left for work?

“Robin… Please tell me it is a joke.” Robin simply looked up at Eddie, dropping her hands from her face with her eyebrows meeting in the middle. She shook her head at him, and he huffed as he brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose as he tried to think rationally. He had to go see you. He had to meet with you. He had to talk to you. Fear was crippling all over his body at the thought that he was the reason for your regression.

“No… And I don’t know what happened…” Robin’s eyes lit up as she looked at Eddie who was still clenching his eyes together in thought. Fridays. “Did she come here on Friday?” Eddie opened his eyes with a confused frown in his eyebrows.

“I wasn’t here on friday, I was working.” He shortly replies and Robin blinked and tilted her head in confusion. Fridays were Eddie’s day off, she clearly remembers because you were always excited about Fridays coming up. You were always preparing your next Friday night with Eddie as soon as last Friday finished. So that leaves–

“Shit.”

Everyone’s eyes landed on the brown haired man that was standing in the living room with a lost look in his eyes as he stared at the floor, a frown in his eyebrows as his head slightly moved as if he were remembering images of a movie inside of his head, and then, his eyes clenched as if he were in pain, running a hand along his face in complete despair.

“Steve?” Robin was afraid of what was happening to her friend, not liking his movements at all, not as if he is remembering something that he is regretting at this very moment.

“Shit… Shit, shit, shit.” Steve started pacing back and forth, his fingers running up into his scalp as he held tightly onto his hair. Eddie was immediately on his ass, stepping closer to his friend as his ears started tingling with anticipation, with even more fear than before, knowing something definitely happened now, and it had nothing to do with what happened between the two of you.

“What is going on? Steve?” Billy’s voice was strong, but it was mixed with nervousness now because Steve looked anything… but innocent.

“Fuck, she told me to not tell you she came over, I was fucked up in medication and–” Steve was breathing heavily as his memory started to become clearer each second it passed and he cursed at himself at each word he remembered. 

“Steve, what the fuck did you say to her?” Eddie sounded nervous, afraid, and Robin caught on that, looking at him with a confused frown in her eyebrows. Steve let a heavy sigh out of his lips as he looked at Eddie with pity written all over his face, as well as regret.

“I’m so sorry Eddie, I– Fuck, it was before you told us about it, and… shit, she couldn’t even look me in the eye and I didn’t fucking notice–” Eddie’s mind was racing. You came here on friday, the day you always knew it was his day off, and he wasn’t here, and Steve–

“Please tell me you didn’t.” Eddie almost whispers, but not quite, it was more of a threatening tone towards his friend, and Steve could only look at Eddie with regret flashing into his eyes.

“I told her… I told her that you were at your second job.” 

Everyone froze. Everyone except Robin, who was confused, looked back and forth between the three men. Second job? What did he mean? Why are the three of them completely frozen? Why is Eddie turning whiter at each second that passes? Why is Steve looking so guilty? 

“Second… job?” Robin dared to ask and Steve winced, clenching his eyes shut as he gulped and looked down at the floor.

“I didn’t want you to judge me… So I never told you about it…” Steve licked his lips as he looked up at Robin this time, not daring to look at Eddie, not right now, not this second. “We sometimes… fuck our clients… sometimes for money, sometimes–”

Everything was interrupted when Eddie let out a big scoff, almost as if what he just heard was unbelievable. Steve told you that, Steve fucking told you that right after Eddie slept with you. Nobody knows about you two, and if they do, it wasn’t thanks to his mouth. He didn’t talk about you in that way with anyone, and he now sees how fucking stupid it was to do that.

If he had told his friends about what was going on with you sooner, they’d understand and encourage it. If he had told his friend about what happened between you two, they would know what they could say and what they couldn’t. If he had told his friends about his decision sooner, rather than yesterday night, Steve wouldn’t have opened his mouth the way he did with you on Friday. 

But he couldn’t blame his friend. Yet, the anger was still deep in his chest as he shook his head at Steve, who only gulped as he looked at Eddie. 

“Eddie, I didn’t know… I didn’t even know you didn’t tell her–” But Eddie couldn’t hear anything else any longer. His only thought was you, he needed to get to you, he needed to see you, to talk to you, to clear things up, to tell you what he feels for you, to make you understand him, hoping you would. 

“Steve, if I don’t fix things up with her, I am shaving your fucking head.” Eddie was already marching up towards the door after grabbing the keys from the keyholder next to the door. He could hear Steve sighing behind him and Robin’s mind puzzle was slowly putting itself together, and as it did, she rushed towards Eddie to stop him, grabbing onto his arm, making him look at her with a frown to his face, only to be met with rage behind Robin’s eyes.

“If what Steve said is right, then you are the fucking reason for her regression!” Robin was enraged. She knew that you felt something for Eddie, and she also knew about you going out with him on thursday. She also knew you two had kissed, because of course Steve was not going to not tell her about how he kissed you himself and that you didn’t even flinch, telling her how amazed he was with your progress. She knew, and she knew now that Eddie had fucked up.

“Robin– It’s not what you think–” Billy tried to stop Robin but she wasn’t having it, not letting go of Eddie’s arm at all.

“He is just going to keep hurting her, so don’t you dare fucking go Munson.” Eddie’s eyes were still locked into Robin’s as his face scrunched up, guilt and anger mixing together as he looked down at her.

“I never meant to hurt her. Not even once. You’re not the only one that cares about her, not anymore Buckley.” He replied back in the same manner that she was talking to him. They were both glaring at one another, invisible daggers being thrown and Robin was still not letting go of Eddie’s arm. 

“Robin…” Steve slowly approached her and put a hand over her shoulder, making her look at him with anger in her eyes. “Let him go. Let him talk to her please…” And everyone noticed that guilt that was pooling in Steve’s mouth, and everyone could see it in the pained frown that took place in his eyebrows. Robin’s eyes softened as she looked at her friend, and then turned back to Eddie. Eddie’s eyes were different now, almost begging her for something, and Robin slowly let go of his arm.

“She won’t answer you.” Eddie licked his lips as he looked at the door, thinking of a way to talk to you, to get you to open the door for him. His eyes lit up, looking back at Robin.

“But she will answer you.”

You finally decided to take a shower, after these past few days you did not want to leave your bed at all. You were rubbing the towel on your wet hair as you walked to your drawers to throw on your grey leggings, a plain white shirt and a long oversized white hoodie over you. You looked at yourself in the mirror as you started combing your hair with your fingers and god… Your eyes.

They were puffy, too puffy, and the bags under them were not helping the situation. You just looked like a monster, a very tired monster. You dragged your feet towards your dirty laundry basket, throwing the towel in there. Your eyes then scanned over the sheets on your bed, making you wince almost in pain. You have to. You have to do it. 

So first, you took the covers off your pillows, then your sheets, then the fitted ones, throwing them into the basket as well. Okay, that’s done. You walked over to your closet and tiptoed to reach up into the tallest shelf to retrieve new sheets. Your heart was tugging at you as you dressed your bed in its new soft fabric, the smell of softener just filling the air and the sweet cologne was already gone. You wanted to have just one more smell as you put the comforter over your bed, looking at the laundry basket. You shook your head at how creepy that was.

You gulped loudly as you walked out of your room, seeing all the trash bags still resting against the wall, waiting for you to take them out. You took a deep breath in as you pressed a hand against your forehead, your belly turning at every moment it could, the memories just coming back, your brain reminding you of how naive you were, the nagging feeling of what could have been, and the grief of losing a dear friend. 

How were you going to move on from this? Is there a possible way to mend your heart back? To return to your old self? Because even that person is broken. Even the person that you were before all of this is completely shattered, and it’s like you don’t know yourself any longer. Who are you? What do you like? What do you look for? What are you yearning for? What is going to happen to you?

You felt lost. Completely, and utterly lost.

The ringing of your phone brought you back to reality, The Shire filled the room with its calming tone, not at all matching with the storm that you had inside yourself. You walked towards the coffee table to grab onto it, seeing Robin calling. Should you answer? Should you talk to her? You don’t even know what you could possibly talk to her about, knowing she was just going to keep pestering you about everything.

It stops ringing and you sigh, almost in relief, only for it to start ringing again. Now worry was filling your chest because maybe something happened. She was probably hurt or something, so now you didn’t doubt when you pressed the button to answer her call, a heavy breathing Robin already on the other side.

“Robs–”

“I can’t believe I already got into my first fight with her!” You hear your friend on the other side, her breathing invading your ears, and you straighten up at the sound of her distress. 

“What? Are you okay Robs?” You asked her, and you knew that she wasn’t okay at all, not by the sound of her breathing against the phone.

“No, no, I’m not… Please tell me you’re home…” Her voice softened and you blinked and looked at the door, rushing towards it to unlock it.

“Yeah, I unlocked the door, just come on up!” You tell her and you can hear a soft thank you from her before she hangs up. You started at your phone as you processed the events in your head. Robin got together with Vickie and something already happened between the two? You shook your head and you walked towards your room to look for your scented candles.

Everytime something happened to one of your friends, you always prepared the place with scented candles, incense, anything that might calm them. You didn’t have ice cream this time though. Shit. Maybe you can go later on with her to get some. It could also be that Robin was exaggerating because she has liked Vickie for a long time, so maybe the most minuscule of things might have happened with them two, and she was just elevating it all to a hundred.

You walked out of your room, your back towards the door as you placed the candles on the coffee table. You chose rosemary and lavender, to have some fresh and cleansing energy in the room. The door opened and closed, and you sighed, straightening up and turning around to greet your friend. Only for your air to be knocked out of your lungs, as if a punch was thrown right into your chest.

Why is he here?

Your heart was beating into your ears as your whole body froze as you stared at him. He was breathing heavily, as if he ran the flight of stairs all the way to your floor. His hair was completely messy even if it were in a bun, his jacket was on his hand, his arms on his sides, the shadow of his beard all over his jaw, over the top of his lip as well. He was just staring back at you with a frown in his face, but his eyes caught the bags on his peripheral vision, and that’s when you snapped out of the trance, giving your back to him.

You clenched your chest tightly as you felt nausea in your stomach, your body slightly trembling at how close he was, and the room was shrinking on you. What is going on? Robin was the one coming up, so why is Eddie here? Why? Did Robin lie to you? Why would she do this to you? Why would she deceive you like this? After what you told her just a few hours ago, how could she do this to you?

This is not right. This is not okay. Your breathing was heavy as dizziness filled your head. So many emotions were running through your body, sadness, nervousness, anger, happiness, excitement, and you don’t know which one to focus on. Your guts were turning at each second, each breath you heard from him as the world stood still for the both of you. 

You asked for time, you asked him to leave you alone, and here he is in the flesh, barging into your home. Barging into the home of a friend he lied to. Barging into the home of someone he deceived and shaped to his own liking. Barging into the home of someone he said he cared about and slept with, only to cleanse his body afterwards. You didn’t want the reminder of it, you didn’t want him to make excuses, you didn’t want any of that. 

You just wanted him out of your house.

“What the fuck?” He called out your name, and you didn’t turn around, not when you heard his voice since Friday happened. Was it possible to miss someone’s voice? How could it happen? Why is it happening? Why does it give you a warm feeling despite the pain he made you go through? Why does he have this much effect on you? You know what he did, you know what his plan was, so why does his mere voice make you happy?

You heard his footsteps going closer to the bags, and your panic settled in. He is going to touch that stuff, the stuff he said looked good on you. The stuff you bought that might catch his attention. The stuff that he recommended to you, and you went and bought it for yourself. Stuff that he didn’t even know you bought. Stuff that you decided that looked good on you at that time and simply got it, but you know that those tastes were settled in your brain by him. 

“G-Get out.” You muster to actually get your voice out of your lips, and you heard Eddie’s steps stopping. He was looking at the back of your head, a storm settling inside of him on hearing those words from you, how shaky you sound, how your body slightly trembles. But he wasn’t going to follow your orders.

“I am not leaving until you listen to me.” He states and your ears were ringing. He never went against your wishes, and that was making the anger elevate a little bit more. He was always patient with you, following your rhythm and now he is denying your request.

“I-I don’t want to talk to you!” You clenched your eyes as your shoulders raised up a bit to brace yourself for anything that he might say. His eyes hardened on your form, and his right eye twitched as he looked at the bags again.

“What are these bags?” He asks you, but he knows the answer. He just wants to know how much damage was caused, and from what he could see, quite a lot. Everything was in the bags, from your makeup to your jackets. He clenched his own eyes as a sting of pain shot through his heart, the purple dress peeking out from one of the bags.

“I said get out!” You screech again and Eddie’s patience finally breaks. He was always careful with you, always listened to you, and now you don’t want to listen to him. He understands your pain, he understands what your mind went through this past weekend, but he will not take it today. He will not let you run away, drive him out of your house, even if you call the police on him. 

“I told you I am not leaving until you fucking listen to me!” Your eyes widened as your body froze up. This was the first time Eddie had cussed at you. This was the first time that Eddie raised his voice towards you. You didn’t like it, you really didn’t like it. Why is he mad? Why is he the one that’s angry? After what he did? 

“I don’t want to listen to you!” You yell back, annoyance now mixing with your anger, and your nerves were slipping out of your fingertips as the walls just closed more on you. Eddie slammed his jacket onto the counter, patience gone by now, and it made you flinch, jump on your spot.

“You will listen to me, because I am not leaving at all until you do.” Eddie’s feelings were everywhere. He was scared and saddened by your reaction, from what Steve said to you, for how you acted towards it, and he was sad your mind was your worst enemy. But he was also angry by the fact that you wouldn’t even listen to him. That you don’t even give him a chance, letting your mind cloud every single patch of sun there might be, that there once was. 

It was not of Eddie to be this persistent. You wanted to turn around and look at him, but you knew that it was a bad idea. A very bad idea to look into the eyes of a man that looked at every part of your body, the eyes of a man that looked into yours, telling you that he had wanted you for a long time. The eyes of a man that you thought shared the same feelings as you did, only for everything to be an act, to be a lie, to be a complete trick that you stupidly fell for.

“I said I don’t want–”

“Did everything that happened between us mean nothing to you?” You straightened up, wondering if you heard him right. What? “Seriously, I thought you trusted me enough to come talk to me about this, not let your mind race like it did!” What the hell… What the actual–

“I said get out!” You yelled again, and your heart was a turmoil of emotions right now, feeling the nausea just building and building, your head now lightweight with dizziness as it spiraled.

“Jesus fuck.” Eddie took a deep breath in. He needed to calm himself down because even if he was hurt too, your pain was greater than his and he has to understand that. He understands that it must have not been easy for you, hearing that right after you two slept together, and Eddie honestly can’t blame anyone but himself for it. “That night–”

“NO!” Your hands immediately shot to your ears, covering them, your eyes clenching tightly in an attempt to block him out, not wanting to hear it from his mouth. Hearing it from Steve was more than enough and you do not want to relive that experience. Eddie knew you weren’t going to listen to him willingly, but there’s no chance that he is walking out of your apartment without talking. He took more steps towards you, standing behind you for you to listen to him despite your ears being covered.

“I know what Steve said to you.” He begins as his heart wants to come out of his throat, looking up at the ceiling. “I was at my second job.”

Your ears buzzed at the confession, your eyes now burning with incoming tears as your heart broke even more if it were possible. Why is he doing this to you? Why is he clarifying what you already knew? Is he just rubbing the salt on the wound for pleasure? Does he think that everything is going to be better just because he explains it all himself when he should have done it when he met you?

“I don’t want to hear–”

“I did hide it from you… As I hid it from everyone else, even Steve.” Your eyebrows frowned at that, his words not making any sense at all. Steve was the one that told you about his second job, Steve was the one that told you he was with a client. What does he mean? Why is he confusing you this way? You shook your head in between your hands, not wanting to hear him any longer.

“Please, stop–”

“Before I met you, I did, in fact, sleep with clients for the money… It was a good income, an extra one…” He took a deep breath in as he looked at the back of your head again, seeing your shoulders shake slightly, and all he wanted was to hold you close to him, caress you, soothe you and calm you down. “But after meeting you… I started declining calls, offers…”

A tear rolled down your cheek as you heard him talk. Is he telling you the truth? Does this mean that he wasn’t with a client on Friday night? Does this mean that he never got together with a client right after meeting with you? Your heart was painfully beating inside your chest now, as confusion was making your body heat start to increase, blood just pumping all the way to your fingertips and your head.

“I don’t get it…” You softly say to him. He gulped heavily as he licked his lips, looking down at the floor to try to make his nerves calm down, even if a little bit.

“I was at work on Friday.” What? That wasn’t right, Eddie’s friday nights were his day off. Was he lying to you again? Was this another trick? 

“You don’t work on Fridays.” You reply to him, almost bitterly and you hear him sigh behind you.

“I do now, because I am not on stage any longer.” That made your hands drop from your ears, shock just making you freeze in your place as you took in his words, trying to make them make sense in your brain. On stage? He works Fridays now?

“Wh-What do you mean?” Eddie’s breathing grew heavy as he pushed the gulp of nerves that was trapped in his throat. He was hoping that his words were getting through you because this is the scariest thing he has ever done. The feelings that are deep inside of him frightened him everyday.

“For the past month, I’ve been training for another job at the club. Bartending.” 

Your eyes were fixed forward, looking at the window, feeling his presence right behind you. Nothing was making sense. Nothing at all. How could he hide that fact? Why didn’t he talk to Steve or Billy about it? How did they not notice this? How was it all possible? The need to turn around to face him was slowly increasing, wanting to see his features, read him, know if he was being honest.

“How– Why didn’t you tell me?” That was the first question that left your mouth, not caring about the rest. Why didn’t he tell you this? He still hid something from you, even if it isn’t as painful, he still didn’t tell you about it, and there must be a reason for it. A reason that you might not like and that’s why he didn’t say anything.

But you were wrong. You were so wrong. Eddie’s hands trembled as he took the ponytail off his hair, letting it down so he could run his fingers through it in complete nervousness. His breathing was deep, trying really hard to control it but it was impossible, because here is where he is going to take the leap. 

This is where everything between the two of you actually changes.

“Because… I was waiting for it to be official… for you.”

What?

What did he just say?

Did you hear him right?

You stood still, eyes wide, blood completely gone from your body and you don’t even know how it’s even functioning. You don’t feel your hands, your feet, your heart, nothing. You were frozen, from head to toe. You knew that your brain was yelling something, you knew there was a buzzing in your ears, a very distant one as you slowly started to process his words, and when you did, your body started to turn by its own accord. You weren’t controlling it. It was as if you were magnetized to him.

Your eyes finally met his, and you saw him. His brows were slightly furrowed, nervousness all over his features, his brown eyes searching for yours, desperately. His face was flushed, cheeks in a tint of red that you were sure was spreading to his ears. You felt your heart working again, starting at a slow pace, only to increase in a matter of seconds, and you felt the fingertips of your hands start to tremble once again. 

“W-What?” It’s all you could say. It’s all you could ask. You don’t know what is going on any longer, and Eddie knew that you were confused. Too confused, but his heart now hurts from seeing the red puffy eyes that had bags underneath them, almost mimicking his, and knowing that he was the cause of it, was cutting him like a knife. 

“I really wasn’t planning on doing it like this… The call I received that morning– It was Joyce. I forgot I had the bartending afternoon shift.” The gears in your brain were going and going, processing every word, every eye movement, every breath that was coming out of his mouth, and every piece of information that he was giving you. Joyce… His boss. His boss was the one calling him that morning. It wasn’t a client. It wasn’t someone else.

“I–” You were speechless, you really didn’t know what to say, you have no idea how to even digest this information. Eddie sighed at your lost eyes, but he had to be honest with you, just put his heart on the plate for you, pushing the fear and nervousness away because the only thing that mattered to him right now, was you.

“I didn’t tell Steve, nor Billy. I lied to them saying… I was going to see clients but I was going back to the club to train… Shit.” He looked down from you as he stepped back to start pacing, slowly, because he was feeling as if his heart was just beating all over his body. “That’s why Steve said what he said on Friday.” 

This… is this real? He is actually saying this to you? You are not making it up? How is this happening? You didn’t notice that a tear was rolling down your cheek as your gear suddenly turned, stopping from going backwards, and they started going forward again, almost at a rapid pace, making you slightly dizzy at the amount of information that it was processing in a single moment. 

“I– I don’t understand…” Eddie sighed as he looked at you, his shoulders sagging slightly as his guts turned and turned, knowing he had to explain himself even further, say words that he was afraid of saying for a long time, but it would explain everything he did. Everything he did in order to be suitable.

“Sweetheart, I–... I didn’t do it just because I didn’t have the extra income of…” He shook his head, deciding to not mention that part of him any longer. “I wanted to have a chance, and I knew that I would do anything for it.” 

“A- A chance? For what?” Your heart was almost exploding, not only because of your nerves, but because there was something in his eyes that was making you feel alive again, making you feel like yourself, making you tremble with all of those feelings you have for him, those feelings that have yet to be said, but for some reason… His eyes are something that makes you hopeful, and this is what you were anticipating. 

“Angel, I… I fell for you, in ways you cannot even imagine.”

Time froze. 

The world stopped turning.

The moon stopped gravitating around it as well. 

The entire galaxy, including its stars, including its milky ways, including the expanse of nothingness, everything just simply stopped.

Those words out of his mouth, those simple yet strong words were everything you anticipated. Everything you had been waiting for. That feeling of wanting more, and more, and more, it wasn’t just physical, it was because you wanted him, in every form, in soul, in any way he had to offer. This was the ‘more’ that was chanting in your head everyday and at every minute that you looked at him. 

Your hearts could be heard across the room, beating rapidly at the same time, as the two of you simply stood there, looking at one another, breathing heavily with your chests going up and down. Eddie had a nervous frown on his face, while you were just frozen in place. Patience returned to him, and he waited. He waited for you to answer, for you to say something, anything at all. And even in your own bliss that was beginning to blossom, eyes burning from the incoming tears from the emotions you cannot handle any longer, there was still an insecure side of you. A part that didn’t let go quite yet.

“You– for me? Or–” Your eyes traveled towards the bags, and he followed your gaze, and he now understood. He now got the idea of why you put everything away, another sting of pain shooting into his heart that navigated all the way to his feet. He turned to face you again, his eyes looking into yours and you had to know. You had to know his thoughts.

“I found you beautiful back when you first sat down in front of me at the coffee shop… The day we went to the bar together and you started rambling about Harry Potter just…–” A small laugh left his lips at the realization of how deep his feelings were for you. He knew they were big, but he is realizing it all just now that they’re just huge, not quite love, but still surprising from it happening so fast. “When I saw you in your purple dress, I just, I didn’t think you could get more beautiful but– Fuck, you proved me wrong sweetheart.”

Your eyes were burning from the intensity of his words, and they were simply attaching themselves in every inch of your body, soaking them into your flesh, into your brain. You didn’t think that he found you attractive since before actually becoming friends, since before you started buying other clothes, before you started wearing make-up, heels, making your hair look nicer. 

“R-Really?” You sounded so small, so fragile, but he was going to make sure to get his feelings across with you, he was going to make sure that you knew that you were indeed beautiful, confident, and that you are your own person despite what your head might think.

“Really… Even when I came here to watch movies with you and Robin, and you were with your Pikachu sweatpants and a plain shirt, I thought you looked so cute… In the sense of– I wanted to kiss you so bad that night Angel. So fucking bad.” You blinked at his words, remembering that night. It was still on your early outings, getting to know each other, and Robin was always present at those. You were on your period and all you wanted to do was wear comfortable clothes. 

“B-But that was before we…” And he nodded, knowing what you were meaning, a red tint covering his cheeks as he looked at the floor.

“Before we even kissed. I know… And when we did, you seriously have no idea how much I had to hold myself back with you. I curse the moment that Billy and Steve walked through that door and interrupted us.” He gulped loudly and your fingertips were burning, almost itching with the need to grab onto him, of pulling him into you, your heart just pumping blood loudly into your ears.

“But when… When Steve–” More words were coming out of your mouth now, as the desperation of your excitement was getting the best of you. Your happiness was slowly returning to you, as euphoria burst from your ears, from your pores, from every single cell your body possibly has.

“Don’t get me started on that. I never wanted to rip a friend’s head before, but my fingertips almost went through the cushion I was sitting on from how bad I was clenching my fist… And then the fucking date–” He rapidly says as a hint of annoyance was found in his voice. He was jealous. He was jealous that Steve had kissed you, and you didn’t notice. You didn’t see it. 

“Why– Why didn’t you say anything?” You took a step forward to him, very small, but he noticed, and his heart could not contain its joy as it began jumping inside his chest cavity.

“I didn’t want to scare you off. I wanted to make sure that… You knew what you wanted, that you had a choice that you could make yourself…” His eyes were looking into your once lost ones. They were focusing even more, at each word his mouth let out. Your breathing was almost trembling as you kept looking at him. 

“And when… When did you…” Your face was flushing all over, heat invading every single part of your body as you looked down from his face. A soft smile appeared on his cheeks as he took one small step towards you.

“When you called me beautiful.” Your eyes widened as you locked them with his, surprised by his words. Your stomach turns with the information, trying to process it fully and let it sink that this man, this amazing man, actually feels something for you, and that it’s in the same magnitude as your feelings.

“T-That long?” Eddie’s eyes were intense as he looked at you, another step being taken as your face started to morph into that of a happy surprise, a happy excitement, and you were just glowing and Eddie knew. Eddie knew you felt the same way now, making him think that this must be a dream. This cannot be real. The girl he’s been wanting for the past two months wants him back, in the same way he wants her. 

“Angel, do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone like you?” You were now gazing at him, completely entranced by his face, his voice, his scent, everything simply invading all of your senses, and you were loving it. You were adoring it. You were bathing in it. And Eddie, even if confident because he was looking at your body movement, he had to know. He had to make sure that this was real, that this was happening to him. “What about you?”

And that is the question that made you freeze again. This was another turning point, and the path that was ahead of the both of you now looked foggy, not knowing where it was headed, not knowing if it would be worth the dive or not, not knowing what the two of you might be like later on, what you two will be doing, or what you two will encounter.

But that was the adrenaline of it all, because despite all that fear, all that insecurity, all that uncertainty, you still wanted more. You wanted more, with him. You wanted the normal, you wanted the eccentric, you wanted the happiness, you wanted the sadness, you also wanted the possible little fights you two might have, and you wanted those nights where you would be tangled into one another’s arms. It’s always more, and it will never be enough. Not with him.

“I– I want you.” 

Eddie’s breathing almost stopped at your words. He wanted to sigh out of happiness, out of relief, out of excitement. His ears were not deceiving him as well as your eyes that were looking at him with intensity like never before. This was the most certain you looked. This is something you were confident on, and you were showing it. You were confident that you wanted him.

“Like…?” He asked one more time, and this was the first time that you saw Eddie lose his confidence. This was the first time that the roles were reversed. This is how you looked before meeting him, and you now realize how desperate you are becoming to not let him think that way. You were desperate to show him what your feelings were. You didn’t want him to doubt you or himself. So you took a step forward, and now, you were just inches apart, and you looked up at him, stained cheeks and red eyes, as a soft smile crossed your lips.

“Like I want to make chocolate chip pancakes for you every morning.” 

Eddie’s face immediately lit up at your words, a big dimpled smile spreading on his lips, red cheeks that beamed down at you, as his hair cascaded all around his shoulders, just like that first night you met him. His face mirrored yours, and the only difference was the tears that were rolling down your face, and these tears were different from the ones you wasted these two days. Those were tears of someone that didn’t trust in herself, tears of someone that didn’t have confidence even in her own confidence. 

But now, your tears are those of a woman who knows what she wants. A woman that is confident that the man before him feels the same as she does. A woman that is willing to fight for her desires and her dreams. Tears of pure happiness as this new feeling envelops the two of you and just swallows you in for god knows how much time. Hopefully, a long, long time. 

His hands raised up to hold onto your face, wiping your tears away with his thumbs as they softly caressed your cheeks. Your breathing heavy as his was, your hands traveling to his waist to grip onto his shirt tightly as you inched forward to him and he didn’t even hesitate when he leaned down, not wanting to waste another second apart from you, and he pressed his lips against yours. 

Sparks flew all around you, stars rained down on you as the world started spinning again, slowly, time started ticking, the galaxy was once again moving and the moon was rotating around earth. This time, everything was moving with him, every step the two of you took was going to be a journey, together or by your own.

Your lips moved with his as the kiss grew deep, wanton, but not desperate, not rough, not lustful, at least not yet. You were both tasting each other, tasting one another’s feelings, tasting what you were both missing for the past two days, even for the past month because you didn’t know how to describe your feelings, and he for not talking at all. He pulled away, but didn’t leave the space of your lips as he talked.

“You–” A deep peck. “Have–” Another one and this time it caused you to giggle in your throat. “No idea–” A series of soft pecks, moving his head from one side to the other, making you smile against his lips. “How long I waited for this.” You were both breathing heavy as he stayed hovering over your lips, and you gulped, looking up into his eyes.

“I– I would have never made you… Quit– You didn’t have to do that…” You say to him, and he knew it was the truth. Even with your feelings, all this time, you never questioned him about his job, you never said anything about it, and even if you two got together, you probably would have never told him to quit.

“I know… I know you wouldn’t have… But that doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t bother you, and honestly, the last thing I want is to hurt you, in any way, and that includes you feeling insecure.” Your eyes teared up at his words, because he was right. You would have felt that way, you would have felt insecure but not because he would cheat, but because you knew the women there were more voluptuous, more feminine, more pretty, richer… 

“But, won’t Billy and Steve miss you?” Eddie smiles at you as a soft chuckle vibrates in his throat, making you gulp from how beautiful he is sounding right now to you.

“I will be bartending near them… I still have to do some stripping over the bar, but I cannot be touched. All the money goes into the tip jar… And let me tell you, I will make more than when I stripped on stage.” You stare up at him, not believing that this man had changed his job for you, to be suitable for you, to have the chance of giving you a peaceful mindset when being with him.

“So…” Your face flushed as you tried to speak, ask him that important question that, once again, will change it all. He grinned down at you, making your heart skip a beat.

“Hmm… You’re mine and I’m yours… How does that sound?” Your heart almost exploded at those words, a smile spreading on your face as you jumped from your feet, and his eyes widened but a laugh escaped his lips as your legs wrapped around his waist and your arms around his shoulders. His arms wrapped around your frame as he tilted his head back to look at your face.

“It sounds like we can have Mario Kart nights while eating anchovy pizza.” He groaned with delight, rolling his head all around as he heard those words out of your mouth, making you laugh at his antics. 

“Fuck yes… and then we can have desert…” He smirks as he leans his face towards your neck, planting a soft kiss on your skin as you gasp slightly at the touch. You bit your lip as you closed your eyes, diving into the feeling of him being close to you again. His warmth mixing with yours, both of your scents lingering in the air, and this is everything you could have wanted.

And possibly more.

“Robin!” You suddenly screeched, making Eddie’s eyes widen and pull away from you, looking all around for the girl mentioned.

“What’s wrong with Robin?”

“She said she got into a fight with Vickie! I should call her to–” Eddie couldn’t help but laugh, throwing his head back, and you tilted your head completely confused as you looked at him. “What’s so funny?”

“Angel…” He looked at you, trying to hold in his laughter as he raised an eyebrow at you. Your gears worked, and worked, and it clicked. Your eyes widened as your face turned into that of an offended one and you slapped Eddie’s shoulder, making him wince through his laughter.

“You tricked me!” He was about to reply to you, but then you both heard a shuffling at the door, and some mumbling. Suddenly the handle moved down, and the door opened, only for Robin and Steve to tumble down to the floor after Billy had opened the door from the side. Both you and Eddie stared at the situation as Robin rubbed her hip as she stood up and Steve rubbed his chest, getting on his own two feet.

“Jesus fuck, that hurt Hargrove!” Robin shrieks and Billy simply rolled his eyes and nodded towards you and Eddie, where you were still hugging him tightly with your whole body while he held you up. Robin and Steve turn to look at the both of you, and their faces blush a deep red. You immediately jump off Eddie, and he looks at you to see your face, waiting for the embarrassment to appear, but the only thing he sees is an angry frown, making him tilt his head in confusion.

“So, uh, you guys cleared things up?” Steve says with a nervous smile as he gulps while looking at you. 

“Steve!” You took steps forward towards the brown haired guy and he yelled slightly, running towards your kitchen as you tried to grab him. Eddie snorted to then laugh at the scenario of Steve using Billy to shield himself from you, as the blonde man groaned in annoyance.

“First I gotta babysit you two eavesdropping and now I’m a fucking shield!?” You huffed in exasperation as you glared at Steve while he peered at you from over Billy’s shoulder. Your sight moved towards Robin who had a small smile on her face. You immediately rushed towards her, arms wrapping around her as she reciprocated the hug, holding you close. 

“Don’t ever scare me like that again.” Robin softly says into you and you could only nod. You were so blind by your feelings for Eddie that you forgot your own. You forgot who you were, who you’ve become, and how much you loved that person that you turned into. How much you enjoy her, how much excitement she brought to your life. 

“Can everyone leave so I can spend time with my girlfriend?” Eddie says with a groan as he walks over to you and Robin, and the blonde girl rolls her eyes as she lets go of you. Your body heated up at his words. Girlfriend. You were his, and he is yours. Your boyfriend. You have a boyfriend you actually have feelings for. A boyfriend you are attracted to. A boyfriend that no matter how many times you see him in the week, in the day, you wouldn’t get tired of, ever.

“Don’t you hoard her. She was mine first.” Eddie rolls his eyes at Robin, and wraps an arm around your shoulders to pull you back into his embrace, a smile appearing on your lips as your chest hits his. He smiles down at you and Robin couldn’t help her own lips as they turned upwards as she looked at you. “Also, remember that we have to tell the girls now about… this.” She motioned at all the boys and you winced at that.

“Right…” You say to her, knowing that is going to be another big step, and you don’t know how your other friends will react, but hopefully they aren’t too angry with you. You could only hope.

“So, all forgiven?” Eddie and you slowly turned your heads to glare at the brown haired boy and Steve immediately grabbed Billy and Robin’s hands and started dragging them to the door as he gulped in fear. “We’ll leave!” 

“Hey– But I wanted to–” Billy starts and Steve shushes him as he pushes them both out of the door, but before he could close it, Billy yelled. “I knew it, Munson! All along!” And the door closed, leaving you two alone in the apartment once again. You blinked at those words and slowly turned to look at Eddie who was blushing a deep red. He turned to you with a wince on his face.

“Billy is very perceptive.” For the ease of your mind, he didn’t tell you that Billy had actually heard you both that night. You hummed at that, still confused, but you were alone with him again, and his wince turned into a soft smile, leaning down to nuzzle his nose with yours. “You know what I feel like?”

“What?” You ask him with a small smile on your face, he leans to hover his lips against yours.

“Beating you at Mario Kart.” Your eyes open like plates as you pull away from him, and give him a squint. He chuckles at your reaction and you bite the inside of your cheek as a smirk appears on your lips this time.

“If I win again, you will watch the entire saga of Harry Potter with me, chronologically.” He throws his head back in laughter but still nods. He was planning on doing that with you anyway, the one thing you both have right now, is time. A lot of it.

“And if I win?” He asks in a sultry tone and your knees tremble at his voice, your heart in your throat as you tiptoe to plant a small peck on his lips. 

“You won’t.” And your boyfriend’s eyes lit up with a new fire, with something that was burning you inside out.

“It’s on Angel.”

Do I wanna know? If this feeling flows both ways.

The End.

A/N: I am sobbing right now. It's the end of it all, but I won't let go of these two that easily. I thank everyone who interacted with the story, and recommended it, and was simply supportive of it. It was going to be a three part thing, and now we're at 8 and at the end!

I hope to keep giving you guys this same excitement with my other stories!

I repeat, always reblog your artists! That's the only way that engagement works on tumblr!

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