#I’ll be fine in a few hours
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feeling super! super! super! suicidal hollow and empty and unreal and unravelled and useless and useless and and and
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Guess who’s struggling mentally because of their parents? :D
#personal#my mom this time#my parents have a knack for being completely normal and then taking a hard turn into judgment town#because it really does come out of nowhere when they start dissecting everything that’s wrong with their kids#and then of course they’ll get mad when we don’t like that and make it clear that we won’t stand for it#my mom: fine if you wanna struggle with your bad decisions then do what you want! we only wanted to help!#me: you literally suggested things that would’ve either made my situation worse or worsened someone else#I don’t want to give details but it’s stuff regarding my financial troubles#I’m not in as rough a spot now as I was a couple months ago#but it’s still not an easy time trying to crawl back up with the money I’ve managed to save#and my mom is under the impression that I don’t care and am only making things worse for myself all the time#(so is my dad but he didn’t text me out of the blue to tell me that today)#(he prefers to tell me in person)#hypocritical for a woman who only makes bad financial decisions and is in piles of credit card debt#like the call is coming from inside the house#I’m lucky I have my partner who’s been supportive through my struggle and of course for helping me get out of my parents’ house#but god I hate how they worm their way back into my brain so easily#make me second guess myself constantly and make me dislike every part of me#I’ll be fine in a few hours#tomorrow at the latest#just needed to vent#I know I’ll be okay#just gonna be not okay for a bit
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drdttober day twelve - traditional clothing
#drdt#danganronpa despair time#drdttober#drdttober2023#drdttober 2023#hu jing#i passed out for 6 hours this evening are you proud everyone#11:50 BABEY#i did my best to see if this was culturally appropriate (in the like 20 min i had to check) so i THINK this is ok but i’m not chinese#so like. LMK IF IM VIOLATING ANYTHING!! Pls#other than that#i apologize for the lower quality in these past few days! iva had a lot more overtime and was also sick for a while so my sleep schedule#is. fine#(lie)#it’ll hopefully get better soon sorry again#i’m planning on doing a drdt general post towards after october ends as like a review thing#i’ll probably include like my favorite piece that i made#least favorite#ect#i’ll explain more there! thank you for reading these tags#often times i want to talk in the original posts too. but like. i’m keeping up the#format so..
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Yall I’ll be dropping a thanksgiving art later mkay
#if it flops i’ll cry HAHAH but its fine i did it for my kofi peeps#i…i really like it#its a bit messy towards the end bcuz this fever is going to melt my brain off#i spent a good few like….4?6? hours on this WHEEZE#ive gotton distracted and bery hungry over the course of drawinf that#trhose who celebrate tho happy early thanksgiving from ya panda#i personally don’t celebrate thats why i had to research the food and got hungry again LMFAO#gummmyspeaks
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the new girl at one of my favorite bakeries called me pretty this morning and it literally melted all my stress away 🥺
#kai.rambles#i was feeling sad bc my grandma is in the hospital and when i went to visit her they wouldn’t let me pass bc my license is expired#which okay ik that’s my fault but i took my passport with me just in case and the guy straight up told me that it wasn’t a valid form of id#and im like yeah tf it is ITS A PASSPORT and he said no#and while i was waiting for my mom to come down to the lobby an old lady came in and he turned her away for the same thing#and dudeee okay you turn me away fine fuck off but an old ladyyy??? at that age they don’t pay attention to that just let her pass#and then he argued with another woman bc she brought a flower arrangement and it had water so he couldn’t allow it HELLOOO??!?#so i had to leave and went to go get breakfast for my mom at least bc she stayed the night and i was supposed to stay the day#and when i came back to give her the food she told me that the nurse that was with my grandma asked what happened bc she wasn’t expecting#my mom to return and when my mom told her she immediately got so angry bc that same guy#didn’t allow her and a couple other nurses to bring in a cake for one of the residents#who’s birthday is today and they had a full on argument this morning#so it was all in all awful and now my mom has been there for more than 20 hours until later tonight when my aunt goes over :(#anyway this turned into a whole rant im sorry but im so mad bc i know for a FACT that a passport is a valid form of id#and he was just being a fkn dick#but the girl called me pretty and it took some stress off and she really liked my blush#and i liked hers so we had a little makeup 101 exchange and it was so nice at least 🥺#and i have a couple cute asks to answer that have made my day as well so i’ll get to those in a few 🥰
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Hihi!! Hru? :D
It’s going, that’s for sure! 😃
Another day, another dollar! 😄
I’m here, aren’t I? 😁
(and other Stereotypical All-American vernacular for “I’m feeling empty and lifeless”)
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ok definitely have a concussion frm this newer fall. woe is me
#im going to give it a few hours before I go to urgent care bc idk#I gave myself a concussion last year slamming my head into a wall trying to get hair out of my face#but I didn’t go to doctors and I was fine so… im immune in my brain:]#totally unrelated I had a lot of CT and MRI scans as a child#gisa yaps#wehh I know I shouldn’t be on a screen but if I don’t have distraction I’ll DIE
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Still thinking about Spiderpeople (and people connected to those Spiderpeople) from the universes where it seems an awful lot like they’re the only heroes landing in a universe where it’s one of the Spiderpeople who’s surrounded by other heroes like the Avengers and the Fantastic 4, etc
And obviously because of this they’re gonna be extra careful about secret identities because of all the extra heroes who aren’t Spidey hanging around, and I’m just thinking about the Prowler (Aaron) trying to figure out if he’s alive or even existing in this universe while trying not to give away too much so he’s just like “who’s the coolest bald man you know?”
And Spidey’s like “oh!! I know exactly who you want!! follow me!!”
He brings them to Nick Fury.
Later on they run into what’s obviously a variant of Miles, who the other Spidey of that universe didn’t bring up because Miles isn’t known as “Spiderman” in that universe (maybe it’s like “arachnikid,” or it’s Prowler!Miles, or maybe he’s just going through a phase where he’s trying out a new hero name each week, etc)
So Aaron’s like “oh great, I can definitely ask him, but again I gotta be discrete because of all these extra heroes around” so he asks him in the exact same way he asked the other Spidey (“who’s the coolest bald man you know?”)
Miles also brings them to Nick Fury.
(Yes his uncle is still alive, yes the other Aaron is absolutely gonna tell on him)
Also! Because there’s so much emphasis on the other heroes handling “big stuff”, I like to imagine they all keep trying to insert themselves into the situation because it’s a multiverse situation which falls under “their jurisdiction” and Spidey’s just like “??? they’re all Spiderpeople tho, this is my thing, go away, shoo”
#this is being scheduled in case I don’t come back#I mean like in case I’m gone for more than a few days#taking some time off the internet#either this is a healthy break or I’m isolating myself. not fully sure.#hopefully I come back mentally better#and not. like. worse because it was actually a ‘bad isolation’ thing.#so yeah we’ll see#it’s gonna feel weird not posting everyday#should I make a post before taking a break? …nah I don’t think it’ll be a big deal#(<- famous last words but seriously I’ll be fine)#I’ll probably be back once they finish figuring out my financial aid stuff so I don’t have to keep stressing over it#they’re having issues accepting my ward of the court letter it’s hella stressful#I don’t really *need* to schedule a post but I hardly ever use the scheduling function#so I’m using the excuse <3#scheduling for the dead hours as a fun gift for the people who will still be up at that time#Spiderman#spiderwoman#spidermen#spiderwomen#spiderpeople#peter parker#just cause he’s my default spidey#miles morales#aaron davis#the prowler#nick fury#Spider-Man#spider man
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I thought briefly about going up on the beach just because it would probably be interesting at 3 am but then I remembered most sane people don’t go walking around by themselves in the middle of the night
#hi I’m still fricken awake#rambles from the floor#sometimes I forget city areas are like actually dangerous at night kinda#not that this is a city#but it’s wayyyy more buit up then st home#and while I can go outside at 3 am at home and be fine I’m not too keen on doing it here#guess I’ll just lie here for a another few hours until the sun goes up or I pass out
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Season Finale
Sick and tired of reading about people say that Dazai knowing about the plan beforehand somehow takes away from the genuineness of the skk moments
You mean you WANT Dazai to choose to kill Chuuya for the greater good and then not give a shit immediately after?? Ignoring the speech for a second, the reason he was able to be so carefree after “killing” Chuuya is because he KNEW Chuuya was gonna be okay.
First of all, Dazai knowing Chuuya wasn’t gonna die doesn’t take away from his speech. He replayed all those memories for himself, nobody else was seeing what was happening in his head. He was GENUINELY upset at the idea of losing Chuuya and having to put Chuuya through that, DESPITE knowing Chuuya would be okay. He was STILL upset. That’s way better than him thinking he just killed Chuuya, sparing him a thought, not even crying (bc no that wasn’t a tear) and then just moving on being silly as if nothing happened.
And then the other speech him saying that they’re destined to - do you seriously think he’d just make that up for shits and giggles? He was being serious. If he was gonna play it up for Fyodor’s sake he would’ve said the most emotional out of pocket line to ever be written, which to them would be related to him leaving Chuuya behind. But no he just said they’re destined to do something.
Dazai talks a lot about the past to Chuuya (Chuuya does not participate) but those two are clearly emotionally constipated bc they never have a conversation about what they mean to each other (which I think is bc Asagiri is not ready to reveal that yet). This was clearly Dazai taking his opportunity to say what he REALLY thinks / feels forcing Chuuya to listen without the commitment. Bc if anyone gets the ick later he can use the convenient excuse of “oh I didn’t mean that” which is bullshit.
And I do think an element of this idea that it’s worse that Dazai had everything planned comes from the misunderstanding that Dazai has completely changed since he was in the port mafia. Dazai just tends to make “better” (as in more objectively good) choices, but he very much still puts on a front. You guys do realize that his silly persona is just that right? A persona? He’s literally being fake every time he’s silly. That’s not his real personality. He’s a morally gray character. He never became a purely good person and he never will. It makes MUCH more sense that he planned everything out with Chuuya beforehand.
He met up with Akutagawa before getting arrested, he probably did the same with Chuuya.
And yes, this means he DID use and manipulate Sigma the entire time. Why wouldn’t he? Sigma has an ability Dazai needed. I’m sure Dazai planned for sigma to not die bc in his role as a detective it’s part of his job to mitigate losses of innocent lives, he knows this, but also bc Dazai needs to know what sigma learned. I genuinely hope there isn’t anyone out there thinking Dazai wouldn’t manipulate sigma bc he cares about him? He just met him. He has no personal investment in him. But he WILL make sure sigma is alive bc of the aforementioned reasons.
#soukoku#skk#bsd skk#yes I did just make a new side blog to post this lol#I just read something and it made me angry so this probably sounds really aggressive 🥴#I swear I’m usually more chill#I also can’t explain how angry and heartbroken I was when I saw in the manga that Dazai didn’t care he just killed Chuuya#and started just messing around with sigma#I genuinely can’t fathom why you guys want that to have happened#I can look back at those scenes and breathe now knowing Dazai knew Chuuya was gonna be okay#I will probably be less angry if anyone replies in a few hours and will be able to have a civil discussion if anyone disagrees lol#tho pls be aware since this IS a side blog I can’t reply directly bc it forces me to reply with my main blog#and I don’t really want anyone to see my main blog#so I’ll have to reblog and then @ most likely#unless this has been fixed??#if I can reply with a sideblog pls lmk#also pls don’t be rude I’ll reply if you respectfully disagree that’s fine but not if you’re just gonna yell at me#I know a lot of this is probably a hot take#but I’m feeling brave what can I say
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Taking requests for low effort pokemon doodles specifically drawn with my left hand bc all my fingers on right one are bandaged together :)
#I’m bored and thought it might be a little fun lol#Will try to get them done in the next few hours/couple of days#If the bandages are off by then I’ll honor the left handed thing tho#Hand is fine just have a few cuts that weren’t getting better#So now need more drastic wrappings lol#Making the best of it :3
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Told my boss that NO I cannot take over customer phone calls because my anxiety will literally not be able to take it. And I’m being SO brave about it,
#I say this as I’m sitting here shaking and on the verge of having an anxiety attack. AHA#Shima speaks#She called me yesterday morning and was like. Hey your coworker is drowning and I KNOW you hate phone calls#But she really needs help#And I was like. Yeah okay. Maybe I can do this.#Fast forward to last night. I’m in bed hyperventilating bc no I CANNOT do this#My mental health has already been Bad for the past few months bc I’m already working overtime for this job#And now to take on the One thing I generally get anxious about? Bro. It’s gonna kill me. 100% no exaggeration#So I called my boss this morning and was like hi I’m so sorry I said I would but I actually can’t. I deadass had an anxiety attack#just THINKING about it last night#And she was like omg no I get it. I have anxiety too I know what it’s like. It’s debilitating sometimes#So she said I didn’t have to do the phone calls and now I’m like YIPPEE#And she said hey that was a really brave thing to do. Speaking up like that and making it clear when you’re not comfortable with something#Me still shaking and holding back tears: Thank you I’m being SO brave about this rn#Anyway I’m still coming down from the near panic attack I had before I called her to tell her lmao#It’s been a rough 24 hours. I’m fine (lying)#I’ll BE fine now that I don’t have to talk to angry customers on the phone tho 🥰
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we went to a lil christmas-themed cultural festival, but ooooh buddy it was incredibly packed so we barely did anything but get in and out. chiyo would’ve hated it there. she would’ve perished. but thankfully i’m not her 😏
#ASDFGH it was fine!! just a lil stressful oof#i at least got a mug full of apple cider and a lil handmade ornament made of yarn i think?#it was a german festival too but we barely got to see any booths 😔#next time we’ll go earlier in the day bc my gosh the city at night is just waaaaay too crowded#it’s crowded always but jeez that had to be a fire hazard being stuffed in a small space like sardines 💀#anyway i hope everyone’s having a good day/night!! i’ll be home in a few hours#but i’ll lurk here and there while we’re driving uvu#get ready to ramble | ooc
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#vent#vent post#cw negative#Seven’s Public Diary#wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something#i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms#like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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#i have had 60 pounds of dog in my lap for the past 3 hours or so#which is quite unusual#beanie is my cuddly boy (and much smaller lol)#Noodle usually only cuddles with me for a few minutes before he overheats and leaves#poor pup’s not feeling well today :(#my legs are starting to hurt but it’s fine#i’ll enjoy the snuggling while it lasts#*
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Anon I haven’t seen the episode yet lol
#your ask doesn’t contain that big of a spoiler so it’s fine#but I’ll get back to you once I’ve seen it in a few hours haha
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