#I genuinely can’t fathom why you guys want that to have happened

[myfandomhalf]

Season Finale

Sick and tired of reading about people say that Dazai knowing about the plan beforehand somehow takes away from the genuineness of the skk moments

You mean you WANT Dazai to choose to kill Chuuya for the greater good and then not give a shit immediately after?? Ignoring the speech for a second, the reason he was able to be so carefree after “killing” Chuuya is because he KNEW Chuuya was gonna be okay.

First of all, Dazai knowing Chuuya wasn’t gonna die doesn’t take away from his speech. He replayed all those memories for himself, nobody else was seeing what was happening in his head. He was GENUINELY upset at the idea of losing Chuuya and having to put Chuuya through that, DESPITE knowing Chuuya would be okay. He was STILL upset. That’s way better than him thinking he just killed Chuuya, sparing him a thought, not even crying (bc no that wasn’t a tear) and then just moving on being silly as if nothing happened.

And then the other speech him saying that they’re destined to - do you seriously think he’d just make that up for shits and giggles? He was being serious. If he was gonna play it up for Fyodor’s sake he would’ve said the most emotional out of pocket line to ever be written, which to them would be related to him leaving Chuuya behind. But no he just said they’re destined to do something.

Dazai talks a lot about the past to Chuuya (Chuuya does not participate) but those two are clearly emotionally constipated bc they never have a conversation about what they mean to each other (which I think is bc Asagiri is not ready to reveal that yet). This was clearly Dazai taking his opportunity to say what he REALLY thinks / feels forcing Chuuya to listen without the commitment. Bc if anyone gets the ick later he can use the convenient excuse of “oh I didn’t mean that” which is bullshit.

And I do think an element of this idea that it’s worse that Dazai had everything planned comes from the misunderstanding that Dazai has completely changed since he was in the port mafia. Dazai just tends to make “better” (as in more objectively good) choices, but he very much still puts on a front. You guys do realize that his silly persona is just that right? A persona? He’s literally being fake every time he’s silly. That’s not his real personality. He’s a morally gray character. He never became a purely good person and he never will. It makes MUCH more sense that he planned everything out with Chuuya beforehand.

He met up with Akutagawa before getting arrested, he probably did the same with Chuuya.

And yes, this means he DID use and manipulate Sigma the entire time. Why wouldn’t he? Sigma has an ability Dazai needed. I’m sure Dazai planned for sigma to not die bc in his role as a detective it’s part of his job to mitigate losses of innocent lives, he knows this, but also bc Dazai needs to know what sigma learned. I genuinely hope there isn’t anyone out there thinking Dazai wouldn’t manipulate sigma bc he cares about him? He just met him. He has no personal investment in him. But he WILL make sure sigma is alive bc of the aforementioned reasons.

[gibberishfangirl]

Hello! I'd like to request Bofurin (and anyone else if you'd like) with reader who's very feminine

Pink dresses, bows everywhere, sunshine energy.. You get it

WIND BREAKER | dating the coquette girly

Synopsis ✰ head cannons of the boys dating a girly coquette sunshine girl who is aesthetically pleasing

Characters ✰ Haruka Sakura, Hajime Umemiya, Hayato Suo, Akihiko Nirei, Mitsuki Kiryu, Toma Higari, Jo Togame, Choji Tomiyama

Contains ✰ sfw! boys being mesmerized, cute content of them admiring your style

★ a/n <3 : I LOVE THIS. i love all my cute girly girls out there. i envisioned a coquette aesthetic/style when i first saw your request so i ran with it! hope you don’t mind and this is what you were also thinking <3 ★

Haruka Sakura ᡣ𐭩

𝜗𝜚 your style makes him more bashful

𝜗𝜚 he’s very protective over you

𝜗𝜚 fights off any creeps whose eyes linger on you for too long

𝜗𝜚 “stop staring, it’s creepy.”

𝜗𝜚 loves how nice, gentle, and optimistic you are

𝜗𝜚 you’re the only person he has photos of saved onto his phone

𝜗𝜚 blushes and stares at his phone for hours whenever you send him selfies

𝜗𝜚 “what are you looking at Sakura?” “nothing!”

𝜗𝜚 such a shy blushing mess whenever you happen to wear sundresses or short skirts

𝜗𝜚 on guard 24/7 wanting to make sure no one else is looking at you inappropriately

𝜗𝜚 his favorite season quickly becomes spring since it reminds him of you

𝜗𝜚 secretly loves whenever you take his phone and snap cute selfies of yourself (he constantly has a new wallpaper because of this)

𝜗𝜚 100% gets teased by his friends for having so many photos of you

Hajime Umemiya ᡣ𐭩

𝜗𝜚 matches your energy perfectlyy

𝜗𝜚 you two bounce off each other so well

𝜗𝜚 loves how cute you are

𝜗𝜚 literally plants flowers that remind him of you

𝜗𝜚 loves to take pics of you with his plants (hello?? pics of his favorite things on earth together? consider him obsessed)

𝜗𝜚 he’s obsessed with you

𝜗𝜚 loves to show all the cute photos he has of you to his friends

𝜗𝜚 bro is literally kicking his feet and giggling over you

𝜗𝜚 his mood instantly gets better with you around

𝜗𝜚 is even happier once he finds out you and Kotoha get along

𝜗𝜚 strongly convinced that he will marry you in the future

𝜗𝜚 tempted to propose now

𝜗𝜚 loves to watch you get ready and do cute hairstyles on yourself

𝜗𝜚 learns how to do ponytails so he can help you with your little half up half down pigtail hair-do’s (hopefully i made that make sense LOL sorry if i didn’t)

𝜗𝜚 you can practically see heart shapes in his eyes whenever he looks at you

Hayato Suo ᡣ𐭩

𝜗𝜚 fell in love at first sight

𝜗𝜚 he was star struck when he first saw you

𝜗𝜚 you’re literally his ideal type

𝜗𝜚 loves how pleasing you are to look at and be around

𝜗𝜚 has a hard time believing you’re real

𝜗𝜚 100000% will let you put bows in his hair

𝜗𝜚 keeps a close eye on you since he doesn’t want you to get bothered by anyone

𝜗𝜚 takes you on the cutest dates ever

𝜗𝜚 takes the cutest pics of you during your dates

𝜗𝜚 will ask you to send him selfies everyday

𝜗𝜚 his social media accounts are basically fan accounts of you

𝜗𝜚 sweetest couple alive

𝜗𝜚 your gentle energy matches well with his

𝜗𝜚 is slightly taken back by how genuine you are (in a good way)

𝜗𝜚 has the urge to protect you from the world

𝜗𝜚 constantly thinks about how lucky he was to cross paths with you and be your boyfriend

Akihiko Nirei ᡣ𐭩

𝜗𝜚 being the fashionista he is, he loves your outfits

𝜗𝜚 is in love with the aesthetic and totally gets the picture

𝜗𝜚 will help you plan out your outfits on facetime

𝜗𝜚 still can’t fathom why someone like you would choose someone like him

𝜗𝜚 feels lucky you to have you and never takes you for granted

𝜗𝜚 he always assumed someone as cute as you would go for a guy more like Suo or Kiryu, so he feels special that you wanted him

𝜗𝜚 loves to go shopping with you

𝜗𝜚 buys any cute item he sees because it reminds him of you

𝜗𝜚 expect him to gift you tons of things due to that

𝜗𝜚 “here i got you this because it made me think of you!” (CUTEST BOY)

𝜗𝜚 will always defend you if anyone says anything

𝜗𝜚 literally becomes your personal photographer

𝜗𝜚 you guys are such couple goals on social media

𝜗𝜚 blushes whenever you’re very caring towards him

𝜗𝜚 you help boost his confidence since you always have so many positive things to say about him

Mitsuki Kiryu ᡣ𐭩

𝜗𝜚 have you seen this man? he lovesss your style

𝜗𝜚 thinks you’re the most precious thing to ever exist

𝜗𝜚 he loves to hold your hand in public and show you off

𝜗𝜚 spends most of his day resting his cheek on his hand while admiring your cuteness

𝜗𝜚 will match with you if you ask

𝜗𝜚 will twirl you around so he can watch your cute dresses/skirts flow in the air

𝜗𝜚 brags about how cute his girlfriend is to others

𝜗𝜚 compliments you whenever he has the chance

𝜗𝜚 takes so many pictures of you

𝜗𝜚 his phone screen is definitely a photo of you dressed up all cute in a field of flowers

𝜗𝜚 loves to fix up the bows in your hair

𝜗𝜚 won’t mind if you ever ask to put a bow on him

𝜗𝜚 both you share love for the color pink

𝜗𝜚 loves it when you sit on his lap during hang outs so everyone knows your his

𝜗𝜚 of course no one is surprised to find out how adorable Kiryu’s girlfriend is

Toma Higari ᡣ𐭩

𝜗𝜚 he’s very shy about how polar opposites you two look

𝜗𝜚 no one really saw you two coming

𝜗𝜚 you’re like a breath of fresh air to him

𝜗𝜚 loves how peaceful you are in comparison to his chaotic lifestyle

𝜗𝜚 you live in bliss as your boyfriend practically scares off anyone from messing with you

𝜗𝜚 feels refreshed being around you

𝜗𝜚 seriously you’re like a glass of cool water on a hot day to him that’s how much you affect him

𝜗𝜚 loves how caring you are about him and those around you

𝜗𝜚 your hopeful attitude rubs off on him after hanging out with you consistently

𝜗𝜚 definitely has a problem with anyone who makes any weird or sly comments about you or your relationship with him

𝜗𝜚 has no problem defending you in any case

𝜗𝜚 gets very flustered by your wardrobe choices at times

𝜗𝜚 might want you to change sometimes if your skirt is too short

𝜗𝜚 will consider beating up any guy who looks at you

Jo Togame ᡣ𐭩

𝜗𝜚 he’s a sly dog

𝜗𝜚 100% checks you out when you’re not looking (hell, he’s doing that even if you’re looking)

𝜗𝜚 loves how dainty and delicate you look in comparison to him

𝜗𝜚 he’s all over you 24/7 even if it’s just casually hugging you from behind

𝜗𝜚 definitely makes sure everyone knows your his girl

𝜗𝜚 very protective over you

𝜗𝜚 won’t be afraid to check anyone if they’re being inappropriate towards you

𝜗𝜚 finds you very sweet for being so nice to him and being very considerate of him

𝜗𝜚 ruins your outfits by making you wear his jacket over them

𝜗𝜚 he thinks his jacket makes you look cuter with the way it swallows you

𝜗𝜚 makes you wear his jacket because it shows to others you’re his and it makes people back off

𝜗𝜚 encourages your clothing choices

𝜗𝜚 “wear whatever you want, i can fight.” (HEAVY ON THIS ENERGY)

Choji Tomiyama ᡣ𐭩

𝜗𝜚 has the same “wear whatever you want, i can fight.” energy

𝜗𝜚 be careful, he will literally beat anyone into a pulp if they look at you funny, talk about you vulgarly, hits on you, etc. all he needs is just one reason

𝜗𝜚 he doesn’t really understand fashion but thinks you’re beautiful

𝜗𝜚 loves how confident you are and how you know exactly who you are

𝜗𝜚 admires how much effort you put into getting ready

𝜗𝜚 always wants to take you out to lunch, dinner, the movies, anywhere he can just so he can see what new cute outfits you can come up with

𝜗𝜚 compliments you 24/7

𝜗𝜚 will ask you to put your hair accessories on him

𝜗𝜚 definitely the dresses up gf and dresses down bf couple

𝜗𝜚 he actually likes how much you stick out when you’re next to him

𝜗𝜚 always wants to suffocate you in hugs after he sees how adorable you look that day

𝜗𝜚 two peas in a pod

𝜗𝜚 you both radiate the same energy at times

𝜗𝜚 you help him stay at a happy place, if he ever feels himself feeling sad again you’re always there to grab his hand and pull him right out <3

[hinalatte]

(Not so)Quick thoughts on Episode 13

I have a lot of things to say about the new episode (about Levi especially) and a little Hu analysis I can write now that her secret is confirmed, but it’s very late! But I still want to talk about things! So here’s a random collection of stuff I thought was interesting.

Spoilers under the cut!

Eden was the one who took out Xander’s eye with a fork. It’s interesting that she’s the weakest member of the cast, but somehow managed to injure Xander, the strongest by far. He must’ve been really caught off guard.

It’s also interesting that the weapon is a fork. It must’ve been a spur of the moment decision, otherwise she would’ve had a better weapon. Her distraught expression also implies she wasn’t planning on hurting Xander.

In the opening scene of the show, someone (likely Xander) says he has to kill Teruko. He says he “didn’t expect her to attack him like that”, which we now know is referring to Eden. But he also says he made a mistake to trust “them”. So Eden was working with someone else. She might’ve betrayed Xander on Teruko’s behalf.

Also, this scene emphasizes that Xander’s goal was to end the killing game! A goal which he never saw through, but David is trying to carry that torch for him.

This one isn’t related to the new episode, but I found this and it made me feel things. Eden says almost the same thing to Teruko in chapter 1 that Arei says to Eden in chapter 2.

I’ve been trying since last week to figure out what David knew about Xander. Their interactions in chapter 1 provide no clues, as far as I can tell…David doesn’t act like he recognizes Xander at all, except in their “role models” scene where he has this line. They did investigate together at the start, so maybe something happened then? Or maybe David was just determined to not let Xander know he recognized him. Or maybe David didn’t care much about Xander Matthews as a public figure before he got to know Xander as a person, and only started considering Xander’s career important after the fact. Or maybe he genuinely didn’t recognize him because he didn’t mention his last name? But in the MV, he remembers what Xander looks like without his eye patch, so wouldn’t that mean David knew what he looked like?

When Teruko claims to have the family secret, he makes a face like “I caught you”. Why did he react like that if he already knew what her secret was…? Does David know from his prior knowledge of Xander that the family secret is his?

It’s possible Teruko genuinely believes the family secret is hers, since she blames her own bad luck for the things that happen to people around her.

Eden can’t fathom the idea of not caring about people. She’s so empathetic it almost seems like a weakness, so she doesn’t understand how someone could lack empathy completely. I love that dynamic…I hope they both live so I can see more of it.

Arturo has a strong reaction to this because he still remembers Felicity.

Also, Arturo being a voice of morality this episode was something I did not expect, but I’m here for it.

Ace is absolutely lying. He’s the most gullible person in the cast. He definitely thought Levi was being genuine.

He pushed Levi away over and over in chapter 2, but Levi kept bouncing back from it, insisting he wouldn’t hurt him. That probably made Ace feel comforted, in a way. Like there was one person who wouldn’t abandon him, even after enduring all of his awful behavior.

It’s interesting that he brings up the term “friends” here. Since when were they friends? Genuinely. A guy expressing concern for you does not a friendship make, Ace Markey.

He’s also taking Levi very out of context. Levi says he doesn’t care about anyone at all, because he’s literally incapable of it. Ace takes that as a personal attack. Levi doesn’t care about him, specifically, and that’s a betrayal somehow. Levi never meant to mislead him about that, but Ace thinks he was lying to him. (It’s made worse for him because now he knows no one in the cast likes him)

Ace projects a lot of things onto people in general. Mostly negative intent. But in this case, he might’ve been projecting the idea of a friendship that wasn’t really there. It makes sense to a degree. I was also fooled into thinking Levi cared about Ace, but not because they were friends. It was because Levi like helping everyone, including Ace. Ace seems incapable of understanding that sometimes people do stuff and it doesn’t really mean anything.

I say all that as an Ace Markey fan. He’s my favorite character. This critique is from a place of love. Boy, is there a lot to critique about him.

I’m interested now in seeing how his relationships develop after this. His most important dynamics (Levi and Nico) either don’t care about him at all or hate him so much they tried to kill him (unless there’s a plot twist on that front). Is he ever going to have a friend? Or a confidant of any kind? Not if he keeps acting like that, but it’s kind of a vicious cycle.

Also did his friend die? Why does he say “his memory”? Okay Ace. Is this why his sexuality was confirmed?

Last observation for the road. Whit called David “Starboy” in chapter 1, and now “Sir Light Pollution” in chapter 2, continuing the trend of star-themed David nicknames. It makes sense in his head. (Why does he know so much about hanging)

[cecoeur]

RE: your latest tags on this post: https://www.tumblr.com/formula-archive/772196084967735296/daniel-ricciardo-doing-donuts-at-the-red-bull

I think we also need to acknowledge that it’s a loss for Red Bull as a team. I know we all hate them and wouldn’t want to see Daniel back there, but genuinely losing him as an ambassador is something I don’t think they ever fathomed. When you think about all of the moments he gave them, not just the wins, but actual MOMENTS. Moments like we’ll never see again in f1 idk I just feel kind of sad for Red Bull that they’ll never get to really celebrate that with Daniel again.

I do not think they would ever come out and admit it, but they know what they’ve lost by losing him. It’s why Christian can’t even speak his name in interviews post-Singapore. They know. I just can’t help but think about the future and how they’ll navigate a loss as big as Daniel, their petty little cutting him out of social miss post is so short sighted but they’ve committed to it now, and they’re gonna get eaten alive when they do start to post him again.

But what’s the alternative? Losing all the content from their most popular era? What about next time they’re in Monaco, no 2018 highlights? What about when Max nears retirement and there’s a tonne of retrospection of his career, no maxiel moments? When the rookie flops and they’re still cycling through their academy hoping to hit gold with another Ricciardo to carry them through?

We joke about Daniel haunting the second seat, but he truly will be a shadow over Red Bull for years and years to come. And u don’t even think they’ve fully come to terms with what that will mean for them. He’s not a Sergio Perez, or a DC, or a Mark Webber. He was literally Red Bull and embodied the last of their best qualities right up until the very end.

He's such a team guy and it kills me that he doesn't have that connection to anyone in F1. That he won't get to continue to build on his legacy and use those talents and his ability to connect with people to draw in more fans. And it IS incredibly sad that he can't do that with Red Bull mostly because you know he wanted that more than anything. He really wanted to be able to go home and have it be the place he stayed. And he would've stayed. I think he could've lived with not getting that seat and if this year had ended any other way, he would've taken the ambassador role, I'm sure of it. But kick a dog long enough and he'll bite... Or in this case, he'll completely sever ties with your organization and make it so you have no choice but to pay out a shit ton of money and promote a driver you know is going to fail.

I've said it before but losing him as member of the Red Bull family was a major blow to Red Bull at large not just the racing organization. I'll be interested to see what happens going forward because his congratulations video for Max wasn't nothing...there's a line of communication there somewhere and we know he still has good relationships with all of Red Bull's major partners (obviously Cash App and Visa but also Ford/Ford Performance).

I think they'll get to a place where they use him for clout again, likely without any real current connection to him. As you say, they'll have to at some point and since they don't have the threat of 11's fans in their replies, they'll probably start incorporating him in a historical context again at some point. But I hope Christian can never say his name again without tasting ash. I hope he always gets a little pit in his stomach when he thinks about Daniel.

Honestly, I could continue to "yes, and" you forever. You were really cooking here. Your last line slapped me across the face so hard I gotta see a dentist, "He was literally Red Bull and embodied the last of their best qualities right up until the very end."

Damn. That's real.

[dailyautophagy]

I have to do a small ramble

Or a XL ramble lol because I can’t fathom what would have happened if Camila won the election like would we just keep sending billions of dollars to Ukraine and Israel or like the only reason I am a little disappointed that Trump won is because I wanted to see how bad things could get And as it turns out, we might be able to see that shit before Christmas because Putin is not thrilled

Can you blame the guy?

Were we thrilled about the whole day of cakes thing were we pretty sure we were not pretty sure we did everything in our power to defend our border and that Russia is doing

Again, it’s Camilla had one how much a daughter wouldn’t we have a little bit excited to use these luckily no illegal immigrants were dropped off immediately outside of my city, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen within this state at a different city that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen in Ohio And of people literally there being like what the fuck is this?

Oh my goodness gracious I should not be doing a ramble when I am still at work what an odd choice for me the benefits of being alone so I’ll just make it work make it work make it work make it work to push the speaker button and just hope that it understands what you’re saying and sometimes it doesn’t and that’s fine. It literally doesn’t matter.

So I did my wild yams this morning. I put it in a small tiny spray bottle

Just in case someone balanced a little because it felt like even though my period was perfectly timed and even though the PMS was minimal it still felt like I could’ve done better so it’s not like the wild and hurts evidently people a.k.a. one specific human being is hell-bent on no one trying anything holistic ever But like I wouldn’t have brought it up if it didn’t work like I’m getting money by telling other people to buy the shit I don’t make it. I have no brakes racing. Why is that phrase? Sometimes I don’t understand very basic things about like I’m sure dog racing used to be it a thing it’s raining why is it raining? I mean it’s right that it’s raining and not snow but I’m pretty sure it’s gonna get cold overnight and then it will be snow.

So wish me luck wish me luck tomorrow. I’m probably just because I know that way is more traveled and less. It’s like more elevation but less close to a river I don’t. I don’t really know which way is the best way to go so I’m just gonna go the way. The other car is tend to go which literally is the way I go already there other cars that go that way, but I feel like it freezes quicker. That way I don’t know man hard choices Trees fall down that way sometimes yeah I’m just the way I can get gas because my lover has told me that the gas at that gas station that way is cheaper than four dollars for the supreme that I get which is pretty fucking good

I bring my car to the car I go to on 18 December even though my inspection is due this month. I like to push that shit to the limit because I am a bad person… I’m actually a very good person and I realize that more and more with every interaction I have

Like genuinely there are some… Maybe it’s just because they are unfortunate looking? Like does that inform their actions is that why they are so hard to interact with I don’t know like how is your personality so shitty you’re that hard to look at and I guess Tumblr is the best place for you because no one has to look at you. We only get to experience your shitty personality 

Like I get to get away with a decent amount of shit because I’m pretty and I know it pretty sure my ass would’ve been in jail luckily when I got arrested three times as a young idiot

OK, so the thing about being in your 20s is sometimes you think you might know.. something 

And do you do not know yet you’re not grown your brain aids fully developed until after 25 I used to say about 25 but no especially now that we’ve interacted with many 2425-year-olds no we’re gonna give that shit till 30 now and that’s probably why I only started having big girl thoughts when I turned 30. How am I gonna retire and Kill more babies

That’s the weird part about the freaking abortion argument thing because men you’re allowed to kill strangers in your house or women aren’t allowed to kill strangers in their vagina and it is something that argument I could come up with for abortion and I’m like well if you get raped, it’s not the kids fault. The dad was an asshole you know it, however I understand that opposing view exist, and that many young people would like the ability to not have their life ruined by mistake so yeah Pro Abortion for life

OK, I think I’ve done enough rambling. I don’t really remember what the point was like even if I start to feel my hormones imbalanced, I can always just do a spray supplements, herbal remedies like the ingredients of everything I put on or in my body. It’s oil oregano. I don’t know if that’s different than oregano oil but this is oil oregano and Wild and for 12 months, I am going to do the Lyme disease medicine protocol thing which is the reserve at all couple other weird names for her, but they are just plants rounded up putting capsules for me to consume easily because I can’t just grow the shit although I did buy seeds of all of the shit so I can just grow it but right now I want it now and I just realized a few days ago that I think is Lyme disease in my brain could easily be toxicosis toxicosis toxoplasmosis is that what it’s called I can’t remember but the cat parasite thing I could easily have that because there’s cats everywhere in my house

in our house, baby, love you lol

I don’t wanna have kids just feels like I owe it to the world to not just let Idiocracy happen without a fight you know at the same time are you really trying to produce a creature that you know gets to suffer their entire existence you will just be suffering you’re gonna have to go all the time With jellyfish with the flow like whatever the fucking retards of this country want is what will happen and now I’m like absolutely not insane. Insane we have done a bad job maintaining our freaking world. Are we funding different wars right now why are we doing that? Don’t think Trump totally stop doing that Actually

All I wanted to do last night was cuddle with my human and he just didn’t want to. He literally wanted to talk to people on his fucking computer instead of hanging out with me and that made me so offended and I didn’t even do anything about it like definitely used to just start sending people nudes when that shit would happen Now, like you hurt my feelings

Because that’s what being an adult is like fucking stupid but you have to be communicating and you have to be understanding and you have to be not a spaz all the time because life goes on and you’ll see him again tomorrow

I have to keep reminding myself that we are not codependent. I mean, we definitely are but like there is no reason to be. You really have to think about like the basics every fucking day. I am thankful I can breathe. I am thankful I can see. I am thankful I can hear. I am thankful I can feel. I am thankful I can I am thankful I can smell and I am thankful. I am not alone in life. I am thankful I have a home. I am thankful. I am thankful I have a sister that is a piece of shit that bothers me all the time because apparently some people siblings are just assholes But luckily I have a sister that has two jobs and her boyfriend is actually the preloading asshole so whatever that’s half the reason I’m like I’m not selling this fucking house. I will buy you out of it and you can take that money and blow it in half but I’m not going to not have a home because of that And I’m also I’m afraid that she will have a baby and then she will die and then I will be stuck taking care of her baby because Josh will never stand up like be a man in that regard he wouldn’t be able to support financially a and B not a great role model I mean, I wouldn’t fight him for custody. That’s the baby father you want you can have it we both know who would raise it better raised and worked out

My parents were not even the best parents in the world, but they really thought they were doing awesome jobs as parents me and my sister turned out fine I guess but I am way below my potential earnings wise, but I’m not worried about going to hell I don’t believe in hell, but if I did, I’d be worried about an actuary or a lawyer Like I don’t understand how people have jobs for their just genuinely digging other human beings over all day every day and that’s what you get a paycheck for like!? OK OK devil people that’s fine. I’m not going to do that but you can

I was going to be a teacher. I was going to be a high school math teacher and then I learned about inclusion and I said never fucking mine because that’s not fair. Why do I have to teach retards with smart kids at the same time I don’t I’m abandoning that career path and I should’ve just stopped being a math major and then I should’ve just been an actuary and I should’ve just made bank But no, I’m gonna go to community college and then transfer to a real college and then I ended up working for a hotel. Literally years

And then my mother got sick … Well, she didn’t get sick. She found out she was sick and had been growing cancer for many many years and they were basically like you have six months to live and they were right she didn’t tell us she was dying until September and then she was gone in January so thanks for not dragging it out Ma at least you did it with Grace

And then my father was like you can mourn for a couple months but then you gotta get a fucking job. Did a pretty decent career for not having a fucking college degree literally everyone else at my job does have a college degree and you didn’t need one so why do you whatever you had your time I had my time we both made stupid mistakes. Yours was a little bit more pricey than mine but

It is what it is

Life is like a box of chocolates you do know what kind you’re gonna get though. It’s fucking labeled

Did I drink all of my water today? No, no I did not but did I drink all of my water yesterday also, no I know I’m supposed to drink like two or 3 L a day and I just barely drink one then I wonder why my body is not operating at prime level no shit Sherlock it really is just input output. If you do not input all the water output all the waste output waste but you can’t clean as much as it wants to want to feel it if you give it the right conditions and the number one right conditions is hydration and I know this and still?! Sailing to drink a water

FAILING

whatever I can’t be editing this ramble it’s a ramble. That’s literally how it works. Whatever comes out comes out. I didn’t mean it. I can’t believe that there are like delivery services in the world. Can you just please use one? I’m sick of five trucks trying to get into my driveway, keep running over the sewer right now. It’s the water like the water that I use for tapwater and shower water and stuff have a meter thing out by the street and there’s a teeny old manhole cover thing on it and all these delivery freaking trucks run it over and break it so I put a cone on top of it. I didn’t put the cone the water company themselves put the cone still I think they’ve come out three times to fix it. I’m just worried once it starts freezing. My water will freeze and then I won’t have water and then I’ll have damage to my pipes somehow not to jinx it, but I think my house was built back when they still built houses correctly and, somehow nothing knock on wood. I am 100% on my own head right now but pretty please the only part of the water heater situation in the basement that was ever replaced is the only part that doesn’t work so yeah gonna have to smack it every once in a while, it gets stuck on which doesn’t make sense like I’ll get home and it’ll be 75° when the shit is set at 65 goes off so that’s what I’ve been doing and that’s what I’m gonna keep doing trying to explain somebody suddenly turns into a $10,000job

So yeah, I’ll just keep hitting it. I don’t care that’s way cheaper. I mean I’m sure that my gas bill would be less. I’m not even sure that actually so fuck him. The evil I have because I know we know the evil we have.

It’s so weird to hate somebody you’ve never fucking met I mean at least on Tumblr when you claim to hate me it’s like all right. Well, you’ve been interacted with me a little so that’s warranted, but the people that claimed to hate Trump who have clearly never interacted with anyone in power or with a high IQ, it seems I feel like if people just watch the first 10 minutes of Trump and Joe Rogan, that’s probably your opinion of Trump like like he’s just rambling but he has a point always there’s always moral to the story. The man is so he doesn’t waste time like that. It’s absolutely ridiculous that I like an hour of his time is probably worth $1 million seems ridiculous that he was willing to that election because you don’t always have to be in charge and that was such a fucking move to exhibit that to everyone and then watch Kamala be like well me too. I’ll come on but you have to do it on my terms because she they have to be in charge and I don’t even mean she I don’t think she she was supposed to go in and chat, but I do think she has handlers and they were not bad at speaking

So yeah, everyone’s really upset and like arguing I mean all argue in the comments because I can’t be spending money this month and Tumblr is free, but normally I wouldn’t be arguing this much in the comments because those people are never going to change their mind or their life… Which is more sad you don’t even know you’re doing it to yourself you’re under your own thumb… That’s hilarious to me. I know you’re suffering but like it’s still funny because you don’t know you’re doing it to yourself. I don’t know. I wish that I would’ve found Barbara 20 years ago, but maybe I wouldn’t have been ready to have it because I probably would’ve been like fuck this religious bitch I don’t take anything. She says seriously I can’t even sit through the little Bible verses she says 

I mean, I definitely found her at the right time to save me and I definitely found her at the right time to help my sister because her ass got vaccinated like an idiot literally was like yeah we get money if everyone that works for us who’s vaccinated so you have to and that’s what happened so I imagine it was similar for people who were dying in the hospital if Dr. Oddone Covid somebody got money to avoid all you more than you came in like I literally thought appendix or something was bursting so I went like two or three years ago and they did some CT scan and they gave me some contrast die and I swear my brain I saw aura for like two months after that Frequently gotten migraines prior in my lifetime unaware of what happens after the aura goes to the edge. Normally the pain starts but no pain. It would just be after the contrast I had something to do with this and I know that I think it’s out of my fucking body because I had a real migraine like a year ago And was never so grateful to actually actually learn how to get down just put your feet in hot water for like 10 minutes. I mean the pain goes like in the first 30 seconds so I was afraid to take my feet out after that until the water is not hot and then go get some more hot water because honestly, it feels good to have your feet in hot water even if you don’t have a migraine

Soak them Puppies

All right, I’m basically done my job so I’m gonna get my ass in gear and stop rambling at my phone

That’s what you gotta do sometimes if you got let it all out so that you don’t feel the need to talk and annoy other human beings because that’s not right. These people can trap you in a conversation and even if they wanna end it they’re like keep talking to me fucking hate those people And don’t act like you’re not aware of what I mean like everybody feels vibes. I’m pretty sure and if you don’t, I don’t know what to tell you you’re evil and your hair is too short. I don’t know my hair is my antennas. That’s why I have so many five feeling abilities I think, my favorite hocus-pocus science ever Hair on your head, acting like an antenna

 an antenna for the vibes OK

Yes, good OK

All right, everybody stay safe. Stay fly. Stay safe all day every day. Holler at your boy.

[cartoonrival]

I've been on T for 3 years, and I've been indecisive all my life. I went in a whole lot of circles for months trying to make up my mind about whether I wanted to or not.

The process I went through was basically: I came out around Nov. 2020. thought that I would probably eventually want to start T based on watching other people's progress videos and started doing research about the effects. saw a therapist to try and be sure starting T was the right thing for me (therapist ended up being really shitty and thought that going on T would make me binary + not asexual, spoiler alert it did not). put it off another 5-6 months longer than I had intended to be sure shitty therapist wasn't influencing my decision. made up my mind not to start, because I was sure my extended family would cut me off. My thought process at the time was like, if could just be stuck on a desert island I would do it, if I could just live in isolation forever, then I would do it, but I couldn't handle the idea of explaining to anybody why I needed to. started breaking down crying a couple times a week at the idea of never getting to go on T. met a guy at a party who had just started T and I was so consumed with envy that I couldn't think about anything else the entire time. made an appointment with my informed consent clinic 1 month out to make sure I was sure, and then told my parents. They freaked out a little because they were convinced that going on T would make me bald and also dead (neither of those things has happened yet), and then they got over it, and the rest of my family ended up being fine. Finally started T in May 2021. One minor health issue since then (too many red blood cells), but zero regrets.

Sorry this is long. I think probably a lot of the indecision I went through might have been unnecessary, but the process of sorting through my own doubts about it was still really important. I don't know the situation you're in, but for me the most important thing to figure out was whether I was avoiding doing it because I didn't want the effects, or because I was worried about what other people would think. Also idk if i can include links but check out this piece by Daniel Lavery, it just perfectly captures the kind of justifications I was running through trying to talk myself out of starting https://thenewinquiry.com/the-stages-of-not-going-on-t/ I think indecision must be incredibly common and normal, if not universal.

thank you very much for this. i think i personally have a very hard time imagining myself in situations i’m not in or in a hypothetical future so like. i have no fucking idea what i would do if i started growing facial hair. there is genuinely no way for me to know if i want facial hair until i see myself irl with facial hair, for example. that’s i think where the core of my indecision comes from is i’m so wildly guessing about a future that does not exist yet and i cannot fathom what it would be like until i’m there. a lot of my transition has been like that but this is obviously the most significant decision i’ve confronted so far so the fact that i cant visualize it stresses me out more than usual. so like asking myself hypothetical questions doesn’t work because i truly don’t know, beyond the fact that i want a deeper voice. but what if i dont!!!!!! but at THAT point i’m definitely in the deserted island scenario where if i wasn’t around other people i would want it deeper. and that’s really the only outwardly obvious change that’s also permanent. so maybe i shouldn’t die wondering. cuz i was daydreaming abt it constantly for months then the day came to start and i got so scared suddenly and now for the past month it’s been causing me endless grief abt this thing that i want to do but also don’t want to do. but i can’t figure out what the reason for not wanting to is. if it’s fear or not wanting to. i’m rambling! thank you for answering <3

[doodle-list]

I'm genuinely So sad about the path Mando is taking like. I enjoyed some moments of course, but the way they're completely taking the spot light from Din's and Grogu's relationship (which is the literal premise of the show and what got me into it in the first place) to focus on another character we had little to no connection with in the previous seasons, and also make her completely let go of her past goals for what? To become an ambassador of something she wasn't even apart of??? Also completely ignoring her past and turning her into this shallow innocent princess. Sorry for the rant, I'm just really sad about the new season

No dont be! You’re so valid for that and I agree completely :/

A lot of people have already put it into words better but season 3 baring all shitty writing just doesnt feel like The Mandalorian anymore

The main part of the show of din and grogus relationship is just not there anymore, and the fact that we spent two seasons building up these really lovable characters that had so much more potential and places to go and just dulled them into a purely merchandising object and a cardboard cutout yes man is so disappointing

I got into the mandalorian for the characters because I love character driven stories. I can’t care less about bigger plots on their own and the new season being this wide galaxy thing insgead of a funky show where we get to see this guy politely fail to decline every side quest ever and try and take care of his son, I just. Dont care anymore

Like nothing about season 3 feels character focused. Sure bo katan is There but all her flaws and faults that make her an interesting character get brushed under the rug and completely ignored in favor of propping her up to be this sympathetic hero, even though we canonically have evidence of the complete opposite. There is no attempt to even give her character development so when she gets the sabre handed to her Again, the expectation that her rule is going to work this time is just poor writing

Its basically that phrase “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”

I just feel like the writers this season somehow are completely unaware of their characters and how they would act in situations. It feels like they created the plot first are forcing the characters to complete their checklist of wants with complete disregard of whether it makes sense for them to do it at all

Season 2 gave us really wholesome moments between Din and Grogu and I dont think I’m wrong for saying that we all expected the latter to increase as seasons and episodes went by

They clearly understand that we all love Din since they baited us in the promotional material so I literally cannot fathom why they decided to nix the direction they were going to for practically a completely different story

The story of a man who’s trying to find his place in the world and learns to become a father is just not there anymore. And that just… sucks

And well, this probably sounds really nit picky to some or like “why are you so focused on this shlt just enjoy the show and have fun” but when you love the show for two reasons only (din and din and grogus relationship) its very very hard to like something that has so blatantly carelessly pushed that aspect aside. And when you’re not interested in whats happening because the reason you love the show isnt treated well, you kinda start to see all the flaws behind the curtains

[antvnger]

Soooooooo since I was only around in the movie for like 30 minutes or so, I missed loads of like actual important information that would’ve been nice to know beforehand.

The short answer rant is this: What. A. Shit show.

Like…like hell, I don’t even know where to start with all of this. It gave me a headache.

Brace yourselves, gang, I’m not holding back.

First of all, apparently sitting down and having an actual conversation about the Accords was a little too much to do for them? Like they started to but nothing came out of it. A stand still. I would think something that big would make them sort through it all until they came to some kind of collective agreement, but I guess not? 🤷🏻‍♂️

Secondly, both sides made mistakes. Big time. Both thought they were doing right, and I definitely get that, but both sides could’ve done better at what they were doing. I guess retrospect’s 20/20 but yeah.

Also, I really can’t stand Ross. Not the clean shaven Ross but the one with the mustache and the high and mighty, sourpuss attitude. Like what a creep.

The real bad guys here? The government.

How the hell did the Avengers just learn about the Accords 3 days before they’re supposed to be ratified? Shouldn’t that have been like breaking news from the moment somebody breathed about it?

And Ross being like “you’ll retire” if the Avengers decide to go against the Accords? As if he could actually do anything about it. I mean, who the hell does this guy think he is? Thanos?

Also what is it with baseball caps and sunglasses as disguises? I know I pulled the same stunt but it wasn’t my idea. I said no and got outvoted.

And look, I think Wanda’s great, but she wasn’t a kid at the time this all went down. I appreciate Cap wanting to protect her since she was like the newbie, but she messed up. That was really bad. I don’t know what she could’ve done to fix it, but maybe at the very least the Avengers could have issued a public apology.

I think Steve has serious Bucky issues and I genuinely don’t understand.

And Vision saying the whole world started having more enhanced since/because Tony said he’s Iron Man is bullshit. Last I checked, and Ant Mun backed me up here, all the big bads that have shown up in our world happened because of things NOT related to Tony! What, just because they called the move Captain America Civil War, they’re gonna make Tony the bad guy or something? Bullshit.

ALSO! When T’Challa was fighting Bucky and the UN chopper just started shooting at them both, thank goodness T’Challa was wearing Vibranium or that would have caused a plethora of other problems. Funny how the Avengers get fingers pointed at them over collateral damage for the sake of the mission when that chopper was literally doing THE SAME THING.

WHY DIDNT STEVE JUST EXPLAIN TO TONY TEN MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE THAT BUCKY WASNT BUCKY AND HAD NO CONTROL WHEN THE WINTER SOLDIER SHIT HAPPENED?!

Oh don’t worry. I’m getting to Siberia, hold your horses.

I’m not really sure on the timeframe here, but I’m think the Accords weren’t actually ratified yet when the whole airport fight happened soooooooo I don’t think Creepy Ross had any real power yet to tell Tony what to do.

I’m not going to touch on the lady who lost her son because I can’t even fathom that kind of grief. And I don’t want to. Ever. And I know grief makes you do things so I don’t know. My heart just hurts for her. I hate Tony got the brunt of that but still.

Speaking of grief making you do things? Zemo. I know who he is now, and I really can’t stand the guy. I hate he lost loved ones, and I hurt for him in that department. But when he decided to go all batshit psycho over it, some sympathy’s lost. Like he went through some hella trouble to make the Avengers unravel.

Siberia…*sigh* Siberia was really hard to watch. Like it was painful. It was…frightening. I almost wish I didn’t watch it. I had an idea what was going to happen because of what Tony shared but to see it for myself…

*sigh* This whole movie is a testament to honesty, trust, and open communication. Or rather what could happen with a lack there of. Ya know, me hearing about the Avengers before I joined them and seeing them on tv for interviews and stuff, I thought they were tight. An actual, close knit team. Maybe a found-family. But sooooooo much could’ve been avoided if they had just acted like that.

If they’d just sat down and talked it over. They could have an arguing match over it all if necessary, hell friends and families do that. If they had really trusted each other and let each other in on things instead of keeping each other out and building up secrets and agendas. Too many bosses and not enough coworkers.

It hurt, Iron Mun. It hurt to watch. Those are my friends and…there were times it felt like I didn’t even recognize them.

And then watching me show up felt so surreal. They got that whole interaction with the rest of “Team Cap” down to a T. I remember being so excited to be called up by one of the OG Avengers, one of my heroes, feeling honored and ready to do more and help people and do what’s right. Make a bigger difference than I already was. But God, I had no idea. I had no fricking clue.

In the end, Civil War was just like any other war. A mess. Both sides made mistakes, everything could’ve been done better, and nobody came out unscathed. In fact, everything ended up worse because of it.

@stxrksarc

[foxstens]

once again having an existential crisis about sexual/romantic attraction

there’s a lot to talk about but rn im kind of questioning the crushes ive had. i’ve explained them before, one was in kindergarten and i rmr nothing about it, one was sometime in high school and lasted like 2 seconds, there really wasn’t much to it, and one has been going on since 5th grade. but now im suddenly wondering if they were even actually what we understand as crushes

google says a crush is ‘a brief but intense infatuation for someone‘ which kinda fits sorta maybe, but people on reddit explain it in a very... romantic way i guess, according to them you want to be around that person, you want to be liked by them, you have an active desire to date them or to just take things further. and im. well. that does not fit. i mean it might have with 2/3 crushes since i don’t remember the actual feeling itself

but with the third crush i do remember the feeling because it never fucking disappeared. like i’ve known this guy since i was 10, the last time i saw him face to face was like 4 years ago, but i still have him on facebook, we still wish each other happy birthday every year, and he still regularly appears in my dreams. and i always get the same feeling in those dreams - the feeling of being curious about this person, of wanting to talk to him and spend time with him and his family because when i met them in the past they always had interesting things to say and they were always nice and warm and friendly and as an only child maybe i was a bit jealous of his close relationship with his sisters.

and. that’s it. that’s all it’s ever been. maybe that feeling was friendship or at least a desire for friendship because i’ve never actually had irl friends and what i just described does not fucking look like what we think of when we use the word ‘crush’. 

why am i so hung up on this, you ask? because i identify with the word aromantic so strongly, it feels more right than my actual fucking name but. i can’t be aromantic if i’ve had three whole crushes, right. lol. im probably just being stupid, but thinking about all of this is interesting. 

and i still don’t understand the concept of romantic or sexual attraction. i guess i can sort of fathom the idea of romantic attraction, like you look at someone and you get the feeling that you want to be more than their friend, though it still feels foreign to me, definitely not something i’ve experienced, let alone with a stranger

but the idea of sexual attraction feels positively alien. maybe people just suck at explaining it or something, but having an actual physical response to just seeing someone, and having sexual thoughts and desires when looking at a person??? i’m sorry but what. does this genuinely actually happen to real people in real life

when i see an attractive person my brain just kind of stops and i just stare and mumble if i have to speak, then i might think about their face for a bit afterwards, trying to recall what i liked about it, and that’s it. very rarely, i might find someone’s aura and confidence attractive, and that’s when i’ll really stare but even then my thoughts are just: i wonder what their life is like, i wonder what it’s like to be them, i wonder what it’s like to be around them regularly when they have this aura. you know??? i guess this might be what google describes as aesthetic attraction, maybe.

so yea i guess this proves that i’m definitely somewhere on the aroace spectrum. i mean i knew this, i have known this for years. but i feel more confident about it, now that i’ve thought more deeply about the ‘crushes’ i’ve had and how they fit.

also hopefully one day i’m not gonna be so surprised when i get reminded that some people see and experience the world completely differently. d a n g.

[vigilskeep]

I'm so happy youre having a good time, but I can't fathom supporting Loghain after what he's done. I get that he had his reasons, and I'm sure they were valid, but I love Alistair too much, I don't think I could do it.

oh yeah, i mean, i want to say, this is not me being a loghain is right truther or anything. that old man sucks fundamentally and did genuinely terrible things! (he also had reasons to think the way that he did. both of those things can be true.) for me, i don’t really ever personally hate fictional characters unless they’re badly written. i just happen to not be built that way; i’m always just kind of aware that’s a made-up guy who did made-up things and i can’t take it that seriously. so i’m less interested in um getting the “right” conclusion to the story where characters i approve of get good endings and the characters i disagree with bad endings, than in making them play out a fun story.

i think it’s stellar writing that you can put your true kind-hearted friend to a test of his loyalties that he won’t pass because he wants a man dead. i think loghain is an extremely interesting character to spend more time with and give a greater role in the narrative. i love to explore the morality of the grey wardens and their willingness to recruit anyone if it gets the job done. i want to play around with all of those ideas. also i care about making a divisive character who feels real and who makes choices as strong as any npc. i don’t really care whether or not i would spare loghain, but i do care if minerva would and why

i’m going on and on here but what i’m trying somewhat awkwardly to explain is that this is how i play the game because of what personally interests me but not wanting to do it for your reasons is another perfectly good way to play the game! i adore alistair too and i love to see content from people who romanced and lived happily ever after with him or were best friends. on the same level, i’m not strong enough to take the landsmeet options to have alistair killed or exiled, but i’d still be interested in what people do with that in their playthroughs. spiritually we are all doing parallel play here

[omegaling]

Headcanons: If Jonathan and Eddie Were Friends (no Upside Down)

Jonathan doesn’t have much of an opinion of Eddie throughout most of high school. He knows that rumors about Eddie “the Freak” Munson are bullshit, and it’s not like he doesn’t like the guy, it’s just that Eddie is… a lot. Loud, chaotic, antagonistic, confrontational: pretty much everything Jonathan isn’t. Jonathan personally can’t fathom why it would take anyone three attempts to graduate, but Eddie’s never done anything to bother him so it’s really none of his business.

Eddie knows a guy named “Jonathan Byers” exists and that they probably had some classes together but that’s the extent of his knowledge of the guy.

During the first few weeks of high school a smart-mouthed sophomore bully corners Will and calls him a homophobic slur, only to find themselves pinned to the wall two feet off the ground with Eddie wolf-grinning in their face, making sure they have an understanding that the brat is never to go anywhere near Baby Byers ever again. Eddie would actually hurt someone smaller and younger than him, but just knowing they’re on Eddie’s radar is enough to make the bully nearly piss his pants every time he crosses paths with Will in the hallway for their remaining duration of high school.

When Jonathan first hears about Eddie sticking up for Will, he actually feels perturbed by it, if for no other reason than he feels guilty that he wasn’t there to defend his brother first.

In all honesty, Jonathan is downright jealous of Eddie when Will joins Hellfire because of how Will goes on and on about what an amazing DM Eddie is, but it manifests in a quiet, slow-burning kind of way. Eddie, on the other hand, doesn’t have a clue that there’s an issue, but that’s just because he assumes everyone outside of Hellfire hates him so he can’t be bothered about whatever problem Jonathan has with him.

Between Jonathan constantly complaining about Will being star-struck by Eddie and overhearing Will telling Mike he doesn’t understand why Jonathan’s suddenly so bent out of shape about everything, Nancy decides it's time to intervene.

“I’m the one who has to deal with him, and I for one am over the constant sulking.”

Nancy arranges a meeting between Eddie and Jonathan at the picnic table behind the school not only to clear the air between them, but for Will’s sake as well so the poor kid can stop wondering what he’s doing wrong.

Eddie is genuinely surprised that that’s the reason why after four years he’s getting so much animosity from Jonathan Byers, especially since Will practically worships the ground his brother walks on. “Won’t shut up about you during the Hellfire Club meetings.” That one of the first things Will told him at their first session was Will the Wise wouldn’t be the character he is without Jonathan.

Jonathan finally acknowledges that although he always wants to be there for Will, there are times when it’s just not going to happen, and he thanks Eddie for sticking up for him when he needed it.

Their friendship isn’t an immediate thing. They start hanging out by proximity because their circle of friends keeps overlapping. Jonathan still thinks Eddie is a little overwhelming at times, but he’s protective of Will and the other boys in Hellfire and gave them a place of belonging in the hell that’s high school, so he can’t help but respect him for that.

Unsurprisingly, it’s music that cements their friendship in place. They debate for hours over things like who’s the best guitarist, the best band, the best album, most of which end with “agree to disagree,” but by the end of it they have a newfound respect for one another.

Eddie is genuinely impressed by Jonathan’s photography. He tries to get technical by talking about lighting and framing and aperture and it’s very clear he doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about, but the fact he’s trying means the world to Jonathan.

One topic they frequently revisit while high is how amazing their girlfriends are and how they’re always in awe and a little disbelieving that Chrissy Cunningham and Nancy Wheeler would ever want a pair of freaks like them. One of them always ends up crying by the end of the night.

[bugsyfics]

In Too Deep

Dark!Negan x Reader

Fandom: TWD

Summary: Negan’s punishment ends up being much darker than you hoped for expected.

Warnings: Smut/notsfw, dub con (verging on non con), yelling, arguing, degradation, hair pulling, choking, coercion, spit kink, breeding kink, sadomasochism, Negan’s dirty mouth

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: if you are under 18 or you are sensitive to dark content do not read! You have been warned!

~I should probably point out that I don’t see Negan doing this is in any way. He’s made it clear he’s a respectable man, but… what if he’s respectable up until the point he realizes there’s something he wants and is willing do anything to get it. But that’s why this is called a dark!fic.~

However, if you like the story please reblog and give feedback! Thanks :)

With eager eyes you tapped your phone screen. 10:55.

As another gust of cool air swept past your exposed skin, you shivered. The cream colored dress you wore didn’t do much to protect you from the approaching fall night—nor the wandering eyes of the fraternity. You agreed to go out with a few friends, looking to grab a drink or two, and by nine, get the hell out of there before all the druggies arrived and the drunks broke out into fights. Instead, you still sat in front of the frat house, waiting for your ride on Saturday evening while your friends partied inside.

Where are you???

You texted your boyfriend quickly, shooting a look of distaste at a guy leaning against the doorway. He whistled.

“Ayo, mamí! Come inside, it’s chilly out there.”

Clearly he was looking for a fuck. You rolled your eyes at the catcaller, crinkling your nose, you said you were fine and wanted to be left alone. To your surprise, he actually got the hint and trudged back inside.

Filled with some relief, you sighed watching as your boyfriend’s Aston Martin parked along the curb. The heat from the car blanketed your chilled skin and you sat down humming in content. Breathing in the driftwood and pine air freshener you loved, your eyes closed briefly. Negan chewed his inner cheek as you averted your gaze, seemingly not amused by his lateness.

“Jesus! You look sexy, darlin’,” Negan broke the silence, and rested a hand on your thigh.

You mumbled a thank you and looked ahead at the road. Negan knew he was in the wrong, but damn, it was frustrating how long you held a grudge. Interestingly enough, being late wasn’t a rare occurrence. In fact, Negan had been late many times picking you up before and in the back of your mind, you always felt uneasy when he called to apologize. It never seemed genuine. You wanted to trust him and at times you felt like you had to, however, his “business” calls and coming home late from work never coincided with any plausible explanation.

“Where are we going?”

“Back to my place. Unless that wasn’t your plan.” Negan raised his eyebrows.

“Sure, but you don’t want to go to the bar first? It’s a Saturday night. No one is sitting around at home,” you said matter-of-factly.

Negan tilted his head back against the faux leather seat as his hands tensed around the wheel.

“I just thought we could try again… thought you were ready by now.”

You sighed, rubbing your shoulder, “Not to be an ass, but why the hell would I, a broke college student, want to bring a child into the world? What happened before was an accident.”

“And… I just can’t fathom birthing a baby I wouldn’t be one-hundred percent attentive to. I love you Nee, so fucking much, but I-I can’t. Not now at least.”

“Look, I shouldn’t have brought it up... I’m a shithead for that, okay. Just tired and had a long day,” he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You know, if I wanted a drink, I could go home and pour myself some scotch. But you don’t fuckin’ like scotch, or bourbon, or really any other whiskey for that matter. So let’s go get drinks.”

You shrugged, “‘Kay.”

In an attempt to relax you, his hand found yours, giving it a comforting squeeze. His fingertips eventually drifted to your thigh, rubbing further underneath your dress. You let out a breathy no and pushed him away.

“Shit!” Negan grunted through gritted teeth. “You’re so goddamn pissy!”

You sat up in your seat and scoffed, snatching off the leather jacket Negan gave you to warm up with and chucked it into the back seat of the car.

“You wanna know why?!” you spat. “First of all, you left me waiting for two hours at some shitty frat house, you never pick me up on time, and now you're tired on the weekend! Your only plans were to drink whiskey and fuck me while you watched a NASCAR race on the tv!”

Negan’s veins were visibly protruding out of his neck, and with white knuckles he slapped the steering wheel. In the most deafening silence, he cut through city traffic. You broke into a cold sweat, heart racing, as the car swerved through an unfamiliar part of town.

“Negan, sto-stop. I know you’re pissed, but you’ve gotta calm down,” you reminded him. Your hands clenched, nails sorely biting at the skin, and they grew clammy the longer your anxiety lingered. The unfaltering scowl still etched onto his face, elicited a gasp from you.

“Oh fuck, please stop.”

Finally, Negan killed the engine in an empty parking lot of a Sears, and to say you were left paralyzed in your seat was an understatement. As his hazel eyes found yours, fear inched its way up your spine. Negan’s pupils were blown, eyes much darker than usual, and he raked a hand hastily through his salt and pepper hair. His tongue darted out to lick his dry lips, and a shallow breath blew past them.

“Take. Off. Your. Seatbelt.”

Negan’s eyes were primal.

“I—”

“Do it!” Negan sneered.

“Do it,” he lowered his voice, growling, “now.”

Abruptly, he slammed the armrest and you flinched, tensing further away. With a heavy breath, you did what you were told; however, you instinctively clenched your thighs at his demand. That surprised you.

Negan scratched over his graying stubble with a slow nod. You assumed he was thinking of what to say, piecing the words together, so they could roll past his tongue nicely. He pursed his thin lips with a pause before he began.

“I’m not sure if I made it clear that I’m sick of your shit, but I am.”

Glancing past Negan, you noticed the car was unlocked. You nodded with a nervous gulp.

“I can tolerate a lot, but this unappreciative fuckery you’re tryna pull is just not cuttin’ it. You talk to your daddy like that? Back talkin’ and screamin’ n’ shit?”

Breaking eye contact, you shook your head.

“N-no,” you stammered.

“Well shit, princess…” he exhaled sharply, eyes shifting back and forth, staring into yours. “ I have no clue where you got the idea I’d let this slide, exactly,” he pointed out and cocked his head.

Negan steepled his fingers and continued, “There’s a price to pay for that mouth you got on ya.”

Backing further into the seat, you whimpered at his taunting.

Radiating in sadism, Negan’s scowl slowly upturned into smirk. And finally, as he began to fully thrive off your apprehension, his mouth curled into a wolfy grin.

“I’m gonna need you outta that dress.”

•••

The back of your head rested on the cool window as you stared behind Negan and conjured up a plan. You reached behind yourself as if you were undressing, and felt for the door handle, quick enough not to be noticed, you assumed. When Negan’s fingers dug into your thigh, however, you knew it was a dangerous game you were playing.

“Testin’ the wrong man, sweetheart,” he reminded you.

You winced, feeling your skin start to bruise. Realizing this was your only opportunity, you dashed out the car, nearly tripping over your feet with the amount of force used to free yourself.

“What the fuckin’ fuck!” Negan roared, and you heard the car door slam. It was so loud you nearly pissed yourself.

“Get your ass back over here now!” His voice carried across the lot.

All the street lights were dim and the possibility of you making it back to campus —or at least to safety— was slim to none. Tears welled up in your exhausted eyes and you just cried. Possibly you didn’t have the energy to keep going, or you didn’t care what the outcome was, but you stood rigid. Eyes wide, you stared in anticipation towards the dark street where you assumed your boyfriend would appear.

“You can’t run from me, darlin’. When you do that… that’s a ball clenchin’ thing,” Negan rasped behind you, grabbing your arm.

Goosebumps prickled over your body at the familiar voice. You screamed bloody murder, thrashing and flailing as Negan pinned you against the ground. His hand quickly covered your mouth and he warned you to stop. Your brain was fogged and all you could think about was escaping the calloused fingers that ran up your bare thigh. Urging you to pay attention to his ministrations, you felt a hand lightly slap at your wet cheek. Negan leaned over you and his breath fanned your ear.

“I’m gonna bury my cock so deep in this pussy —fill it up with my cum— you’ll never want it to end, doll. But you know damn well I can’t just fuck ya. I need you to want this ‘cause I’m not all…”

In disgust Negan spat, “rapey.”

You whimpered. Not because of how scared you were —no, at how your skin burned hot at Negan’s touch. His hands roamed across your body, making sure to avoid where you needed him most. It was electrifying and that made you shameful. You cringed, fighting the urge to let him fuck you raw right there on the stiff, cold grass. Negan straightened up above you and you squirmed against the confines of his long legs. Cautiously he removed his hand, slick with spit and saliva, and judged if you’d scream again.

“We’re goin’ back to the car, a’right? Now, if you try anything this time I’ll tie you to a goddamn tree. Am I clear?”

“Ye-yes,” you squeaked.

Clenched even tighter, your legs felt like jelly and you couldn’t stand, let alone walk. He picked you up and threw you over his shoulder with your dirt covered ass pushed upwards into the air. There was something weirdly daring and erotic about his rash behavior that kept you craving more.

•••

In a swift motion, Negan unbuckled his leather belt and grunted, pulling out his length. The tip was red and raging for some friction, swollen under his hand. You weren’t surprised when you saw he was rock hard and not wearing any underwear, and the corner of your mouth tugged a bit. Negan tossed his head back against the seat as he rubbed himself. When his climax drew nearer he panted, thrusting his narrow hips to match the quick rhythm. After swearing incoherently he stopped, looking over.

“I’m not comin’ unless it’s in that sweet little pussy of yours, so I think it’s best if you ride it, doll.”

You drew your legs together, apprehensive to move a muscle, and you dared not to run again or Negan wouldn’t hesitate tying you up. He’s a psychopath —and although you were fully aware of that fact, your cunt still flooded, begging to wrap around the dick that happened to treat it well.

In a mousy voice, you whispered, “I think we should talk about this. It isn’t right… I don’t think you're okay.”

You were still frozen in place and Negan had enough of your little games. He was having his way, even if you screamed and cried. He knew despite your pleas and your goddamn back talking, that you loved exactly how that night was turning out. Deep down inside, you wanted him to claim your sopping cunt on the fucking pavement as you writhed against his body. Negan was man enough to know where to draw the line, but hell if he hadn’t taken you back to the car, you would’ve easily let him screw you on the grass.

Smirking, Negan snorted, “So now you don’t want to? That’s a damn shame… But we’re not here to make up and have some deep conversation. You piss me off, there’s repercussions. So be daddy’s good girl and let me put this dick to good use.”

Without hesitation, he reached under your dress for your panties and tore them off. You whimpered wanting to cover yourself. You fended off his persistent hand as it slipped between your legs, but your body betrayed your trepidation.

“I don’t think I can do this… please,” you gasped as he continued. “It’s so— sto-op, oh f-fuck!”

Negan leaned closer to you and he quickened his movements the more you grinded against his touch. A familiar warmth grew in the pit of your belly and you whimpered. Shame. As your breathing changed, heavier with lust, his name fell from your lips. You gritted your teeth as he sped up the teasing between your folds —yet still embarrassed, you fought him off and squeezed your thighs together. Your eyes drifted to his face and he frowned with a tsk, eyebrows furrowing. Sweat clung your ass and the leather seat as you awaited your punishment. Suddenly, he collared you by your throat, constricting you of airflow and shoved you far against the headrest. Negan’s face boiled, glaring with enraged eyes.

“Fuckin’ done with you…” Negan breathed, his face merely inches from yours.

“A man like me thinks with his cock… and right now?” he inhaled, “My cock is telling me to claim that hot pussy. I don’t care if you don’t like it. I don’t care if you cry. And trust me, once I get goin’ I don’t fuckin’ stop.”

Your stomach lurched at his words. Negan wove his fingers through your h/c hair, pulled loosely into a bun and forced you over the seat and on top of his seething frame. He pulled your face to his and kissed you roughly, invading your mouth with his wet tongue. His hands slid up your trembling sides and eventually rested around your neck. Negan pulled away with a hiss and manually pried open your mouth, spitting directly onto your pink tongue. He urged you to swallow. Cringing, you moaned and grinded your heat against him fervently, a dark chuckle escaped his lips.

“You’re so nasty. You’re so fuckin’ nasty, doll,” he growled.

A hand slid down and rested on your sex, drawing circles on your clit, over and over. Wary but nearing your limit, you rutted yourself against his fingers and let out a strangled moan. There was nothing worse than trying to escape a man who knew your body like the back of his hand. Each touch made you weak. Negan pulled away and watched as your juices ran down his fingers and he gave an approving nod. Clearly impressed with how quickly you were wet for him and he felt himself stir underneath you.

You needed more. Negan needed you worse.

Without warning Negan thrusted up into you in one fluid motion. A yelp got caught in your throat as his cock impaled you repeatedly. Your mouth gaped open from the sensation and Negan took it as an opportunity to slip his fingers inside, against your drooling tongue. He paused to pull out slowly and pushed back in you with a deeper thrust to relish in the tightness of your pussy and the way the arousal coated his cock. He surprised you with random strokes against your g-spot, that sent you heaving over his shoulder and moaning lusty, broken sentences into his ear.

“Ah, shit! Keep doin’ that… keep clenchin’ around me me, doll,” he slurred, smacking your ass harshly and your eyes rolled back.

He grabbed your face, glistening with sweat, and held your gaze with his desire filled eyes, peering at you from under hooded lids.

“This is where your pussy belongs,” he whispered above your lips, his voice dripping with a cunning tone. He tongued his cheek cockily and slammed into your convulsing walls, grunting wildly. “Bouncin’ on my cock and taking every inch! You’re mine, darlin,’ always will be. Don’t ever forget it.”

Negan rubbed your clit again, causing your orgasm to bubble over and you chanted his name like a mantra. Your back painfully dug into the steering wheel, but you were so drunk off pleasure, the pain quickly subdued. Chuckling darkly, he continued fucking you until he came, spurting ropes of come inside you.

“Good thing you’re not on birth control. Would’ve taken years to try again if I didn’t swap that shit out.”

Realizing what he’d done you tried to pull away, kick him, anything. Cursing and screaming, you clawed at his shoulders, smacking at his face to make him pull out, but he refused. You sniffled as a tear slid down your burning cheeks and you wiped it away bitterly. Negan held your hips down with a tight squeeze. As if Negan could get any more menacing, his grin was gleeful, titling his head so you couldn’t ignore his dimples.

“Ah, ah, ah! I’m makin’ sure you’re stayin’ with me for a long time.”

— bugs

Taglist: @iluvneganandjamie

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[gatefleet]

Jealousy

Sherlock (BBC): Sherlock Holmes, James 'Jim' Moriarty Word Count: 609 (T)W: Jealousy, envy, teasing Request: Yes, "May I request a one shot? A Sherlock x reader (x Moriarty) where Sherlock likes the reader but can’t tell her cause he could risk the friendship, but then Moriarty comes and starts flirting with the reader and the reader is flustered. Sherlock then gets jealous and mad. He ends up telling the reader how he feels. Just some jealous fluff please." - @fantactictapple A/N: Sutoritaimu Archive

John was beyond annoyed at the fact that Sherlock was so clearly into his ‘platonic’ friend, that it hurt.  He and Mary had devised many a plan with the intention of getting Sherlock to finally admit to you how he felt, but every time Sherlock would ruin it or just wouldn’t turn up, he claimed it was because he didn’t want to ruin their friendship.  Mary and John knew better, they knew it was because Sherlock was afraid he’d hurt you in some way, even when it was accidental because he wasn’t ‘built for a relationship’ of any kind out with professional.  Every time John and Mary would bring up the fact that Sherlock was ‘more tolerable’ and ‘smiled more’ when you were around just made Sherlock become more and more adamant that he wasn’t interested in you in that way, he admired your spunk, your tenacity, the fact you had no fear and would tell him what you thought to his face.

Sherlock was deeply regretting not telling you how he felt about you sooner, especially when he saw you getting closer and flirting with none other than the man who Sherlock had tried to protect you from.  James Moriarty.  At first, when you had told Sherlock that you had met someone and wasn’t sure where it was going, he was semi-happy for you, but mostly he was disappointed that it meant he had probably missed his window of opportunity.  When the mystery caller would phone you would get flustered and Sherlock would see a deep blush begin to crawl up your neck and face.  His heart would sink a little every time he would hear your laughter (genuine and flirty) whilst talking to the mystery man.

When Sherlock finally discovered that the ‘mystery man’ was Moriarty, the emotions Sherlock was trying to keep at bay spilled over.  He couldn’t understand why, after everything he had told you about Moriarty, you would be ‘seeing’ and flirting with him.  John couldn’t tell if Sherlock’s reaction was out of concern or jealousy. 

“I can’t believe how after everything I’ve told you about Moriarty! All the warnings you’d still allow him into your life Y/N!” Sherlock sounded like he was about to cry – or was John just imagining that part?

“Seriously Sherlock?!  For years I’ve been waiting for you to make the first move, for you to be honest with me! And when I finally accept that maybe you don’t feel the same way I do, and finally move on you pull this!” You were frustrated at Sherlock’s reaction and couldn’t fathom why he was behaving this way.

“Y/N, have you ever considered for one-minute second that I do feel the same way!  That my heart has been slowly breaking every time you’ve been speaking on the phone with the mystery guy who turns out to be my nemesis!?” Sherlock couldn’t contain the liquid that spilled from his eyes this time.

“what?”  You were no longer shouting, your voice was, calm… confused…  “Sherlock… wha… what are you saying?  Are you saying that your jealous?”  Sherlock gave an exasperated sigh and John could hear movement as though Sherlock had lifted his arms in the air and let them fall at his sides.

“Y/N, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.  Ever.  You mean so much to me, that you don’t even realise it.  I never wanted to admit anything because I didn’t want to appear weak, but you, Y/N, you’re my weakness and I can’t afford to let anyone know that.”  Sherlock was so close to your face now, forehead resting on yours, trying his best to maintain eye contact.

GIF Credit: @chhagiya

[chrisevansluv]

Ive seen too much stuff in fandoms. The day that people learn they cannot over analyze the life of a famous person because the things you think you know either don’t exist or aren’t the way they seem and you’ll never fathom the amount of things you don’t know.

Chris is open and shares certain things with the public, yes but he still has a level of privacy. I’m sick and tired of living in a society where people assume if you don’t post something on social media it means you aren’t friends or you don’t care, the true is when people DON’T post or doesn’t follow is how I know who or what is genuinely important to them to the point they protect it.

People gave Lizzy hell for not posting condolences for Chadwick not realizing she was grieving a friend or a coworker. The black panther cast took WEEKS to post…..why because they were DEVASTATED. When you lose someone close you don’t run to social media to post unless it’s to announce it to the world so that you can grieve in peace, the world knew and his friends and family were hurting.

Chris posted because he chose to and I’m sure grieved. I’m sure the marvel fam had PRIVATE convos amongst each other. It has to suck to be famous at times because you have to make a statement to the world when the situation is none of the world’s business.

Chris reached out to Lakeith and no one knew until Lakeith shared, Imagine how much else were not aware of. ….why, because it’s none of our business.

I just cannot understand why people think it’s okay to nitpick others lives but would not want anyone to do the same to there’s. This whole celeb and “normie” bullshit, we’re all humans and trust when there is no more breath in any of our bodies, the fame, money, status, lack of status, etc isn’t going to be the things that matter in the end. People are wasting their lives and can’t even see it, just sad all the way around. Let these people who have gained a platform inspire you to do better in your life but understand they are humans too who lives are just public….make sure you don’t spend your valuable life and time so consumed with the life of another.

Stan culture is toxic and getting worse and honestly it’s not stans it’s humans in general. Chris seems like a great guy and if you choose to Stan anyone I think he’s a great option but remember that…..he’s just a guy. A guy who has a team a guy who is human, a guy who happened to become a famous actor, he’s not Prince Charming although he may have a bit of that in him. I think he has a great heart that seems rare regardless of the fame and notoriety.

I wish this man finds someone who loves him beyond the fame, money and crap and I hope he finds that balance of Hollywood and normalcy he seems to be seeking.

As far as fans please keep things in perspective, we don’t own celebs and what appears as one thing majority of the time is the opposite. Celebs are humans, the same humans you work with, are friends with, communicate with daily. Imagine a friend getting famous and you knowing what you know about your friend, you see people who would’ve previously ignored them, now fawning and screaming in the presence of them….you’d think these folks were insane…..think about it. The obsession of Chris’ or any other’s dating life, the ongoing discussions from a pictures, rumors, etc, the assumptions…..it’s ALL insane!!

Go live and enjoy your lives.

Happy Monday. 😎💙

.

[the-cult-of-russo]

Hi!! So i just read your billy headcanon about him and reader arguing and it was so good! I loved how thorough you were and i liked how the stages are so accurate to his personality! What do you think him and reader would argue about?

Once again, my brain is total chaos. It's my chaos and I understand it but trying to get it down for others to make sense of makes my head hurt lmao

First of all, I'm gonna do two sections. One for things that Billy would start a fight over, and one that you'd pick a fight over. Basically, things you do to upset him enough to cause a fight and then things he'd do that upset you enough to cause a fight.

If you haven't seen my other headcanon about how Billy acts during a fight, find it here. I reference his Stages of Rage in this so it'll make sense if you've read it.

Also remember this is my Billy.

-

Billy:

Billy can be impulsive and he has a temper. That being said, he's learnt really well over the years how to push it down. He's got good at stuffing his anger in a box and dealing with it another time somehow. Sometimes people wouldn't even know just how pissed he is. Yet with you, sometimes you do things that drive him to the brink of insanity and he finds it hard to deal with it.

The thing with Billy is, any negative emotion turns to anger. He doesn't know how to cope with it otherwise. And the things you'd do to cause him to fight with you don't actually make him genuinely angry. They've made him upset, hurt, or scared. All feelings he loathes to feel and they morph into anger instead.

The first thing that would cause him to fight with you is jealousy. Its not that he doesn't trust you because he does. He trusts you explicitly. But for all of his outward bravado and confidence, he has a lot of deep rooted self worth issues stemming from his childhood. Those disgusting feelings of not being good enough, of not being worthy of love or happiness, of not being wanted. All of those have been buried down inside of him yet you seem to bring them out kicking and screaming.

He's terrified of you leaving him. He finally has something special, worth every bit of pain he's suffered. He's finally found happiness. He feels like he's got to cling onto you desperately, fingers bloodied as he clutches you so hard like you might float away the second he let's up.

So when you and Billy are out with friends and you go up to the bar, he watches you with a dopey smile because he can't help it. But it gets wiped off his face the second some asshole approaches you. He knows it's ridiculous when the green eyed monster rears its head, he knows because although you smile at the man, it's tense. It's a polite but awkward smile as you shake your head and clearly tell him you're not interested.

Yet Billy's chest hurts. Because what if you see something in this man you don’t see in him? What if this guy is the one who steals you away from him? What if this is when you open your eyes and realise how worthless he is and you leave him?

He's aware his brain is being overdramatic yet he can't help the anger building inside of him. The defense mechanism of turning his pain and terror and sadness into something he can deal with.

And he doesn't want to cause a scene around all of your friends. So he goes the rest of the night being quiet and a little distant. You know somethings wrong and have a good idea what. But Billy suddenly feels miles away.

As soon as you get home, he let's it loose, unable not to. It sometimes starts with The Snark, passive aggressive comments about the man at the bar and how you should have gone home with him. 

But he gets angrier.

Because you don't get it. You tell him nothing happened and that he's being stupid but you don't fucking get the agonising fear that's crippling him because he's not good enough for you. So The Loudmouth stage begins because if he's wounded, he's gonna wound you right back.

But somewhere along the way you see through the anger. You see the pain in his glossy eyes, hear the tremor in his voice. Suddenly you hear everything he isn't saying. Instead of yelling at him that he's being dramatic or stupid, you switch tactics. You reassure him. You tell him he's the only one for you and you soothe his wounds by trying to get him to see that.

Although he still doesn't believe it, he likely never will, it does bring him back to earth. And of course he says sorry for the remarks he made but you know he was only lashing out because he was hurting.

-

The other thing that will get him to fight with you is also because of fear. If you put yourself in situations where you could possibly get hurt, even if it's something small like walking home in the dark, he flips his shit. He hates it, doesn't understand why you'd be so reckless. And while sometimes he's being overboard with it, too overprotective, he doesn't see it that way.

Billy's been through a lot, seen a lot of shit, done even more. He knows how dark this world gets. So if you ever put yourself in danger, even a small bit by being reckless, you're damn right he's gonna lash out at you. He goes through every stage of rage (except the last) if you try and defend your actions because he can't fathom the fact you aren't seeing his side with this. Why you won't let him just protect you. If he had his way, he'd put you in a bubble to keep you safe.

-

Other than that, there isn't much else you do that causes him to really fight with you. He's not petty. He's not the type to pick a fight over mundane stupid shit like you leaving your clothes all over the bedroom. Even if it does annoy him since he's such a neat freak.

Anything that you do that elicits those awful negative emotions are what gets to him.

-

You:

Billy's flirting is certainly a bone of contention. And while it doesn't happen often and it's never really serious since you two got together, sometimes it slips out of his mouth like it's second nature to him. Because it is. An example of this is at an event. He pays a flirty compliment to a senators daughter thats been eyeing him. He doesn't even know he's done it, doesn't seem phased until he sees your face. But he's at work, important business and schmoozing to do and he doesn't want you to cause a scene.

But waiting until you get home only annoys you more. It was an offhand comment and you know deep down he didn't mean it. But it still hurts you because he's with you. And you knew damn well if you did that to him he'd lose his shit. But you patiently wait until you get home, giving him the cold shoulder the whole way. And he knows what's coming. It's happened before.

But the thing with Billy is that he gets defensive if he feels backed into a corner. So when you whirl on him the second you get home, he pushes right back. He thinks you're blowing it way out of proportion and honestly, if you'd approached him calmly about it, he'd apologise right away and tell you he'd do better. But the fact you’re yelling at him has his back up so he can't seem to find it in himself to see it your way at all.

At first you don't tell him the real reason why it hurt you. You're just pissed. But as the argument unfolds you blurt out why it stung so much and his anger gets sucked right out of him. He watches you, devastation on his face as he realises you don't feel loved enough, that you think he'd go behind your back, that he'd find someone else. That notion is absurd to him, like he'd ever do such a thing when he has everything he ever wanted with you. But knowing he's hasn't shown you enough how much he cares wounds him deeply.

So he comforts you, promises he'll make it up up you and it won't happen again and he makes sure to make time to make you see just how much he loves you and only you.

-

Another thing that tends to get you upset at him is Anvil. Billy works a lot, too much most times. The amount of times he's coming home when you're already asleep or has to cancel plans with you starts to weigh on you. Building up until you explode about it.

But once again, Billy feels backed into a corner. Anvil is way more than just a company to him. It's a physical manifestation of how far he's come in life. It's proof that he's come all this way and he's done it all on his own. Anvil is like his baby.

And if it ever came down to picking Anvil or you, yes he'd pick you. But deep down he might end up resenting you for it. Because Anvil is an extention of him and his work makes up who he is. You knew this when you met him. It starts to feel like you're trying to change him and that gets right under his skin. Because if you want to change him, then you don't love him as he is. And that shit hurts.

He's already tried his best to placate you over Anvil. He works less, only staying late if its imperative he does and he tries his best to make time for you. He knows it's hard and he's away more than you'd like but he's fucking trying. So it feels like a smack in the face when you do this, like you can't see how much he's ready done to try and make a life where he can have both.

He works hard to keep the company the best it can be, he has to. But he also works hard for you. Because one day he wants to buy a big house and possibly fill it with children with you. He wants to show you the world and give you everything you've ever wanted. So it makes him feel unappreciated.

He feels stuck between a rock and a hard place every damn time this argument comes up because he doesn't know what else to do. He's trying his hardest to juggle Anvil and you and sometimes it feels like you're making it hard for him. He can't change who he is and if you can't handle it then it kills him. Because he knows if you can't deal with it then eventually you'll leave and he thinks he might just die if that happens.

These arguments get explosive because of all the emotions it makes him feel and sometimes you don't speak for days after. Both of you miserable as you miss the other. Deep down you know he's trying his best and you feel bad because you know how much these fights upset him. Eventually you apologise. You knew Anvil was his world before you met, knew how hard he worked. You don't want to change him and if you're honest with yourself, he's done a damn good job of making sure there's a place for you in his life. And maybe you never imagined you'd settle down with a workaholic, to miss them all the time, but it's worth it.

-

The last thing is how Billy's past seems to have a way of haunting you both. You were well aware of his nature before you met, he'd been pretty upfront about it. But sometimes it's hard when you're at an event with him and one of his past one night stands are there or you both run into one in the street.

This doesn't cause a full blown argument. If anything it's more one sided and Billy soon learns you've been taking tips from his Stages of Rage handbook when you use The Snark on him. You can't help it. The bitter jealousy that creeps in. But he doesn't fight back because for once he's a little ashamed of his past behaviour. He never wanted to settle down, didn't see the point. But that's because he hadn't met you yet. But now he sees your face everytime he's approached by a past lover and it hurts him. It makes him worry that you'll leave him one day.

So he accepts the anger and passive aggressive comments you throw at him because he feels like he deserves them. But his unwillingness to fight back has you sobering up pretty quickly. Because you know realistically it's not his fault and you can't hold his behaviour from before you even met over his head. It comes from insecurity and its not fair to lash out at him. And you hate how sad he seems when you do this to him. So you say sorry and make it up to him.

-

The last thing I'll touch on is his last Stage of Rage that mentioned in my other post. The Snowstorm. I said how this meant you'd done some really bad. Like maybe even break-up bad. This is where he turns off his emotions because you've hurt him that much. I wanted to give an example of what might cause him to do that.

The biggest one of course would be you cheating on him. It would be a knife right through his heart. He'd want to forgive you for the fact he loves you more than anything but betrayal isn't something he takes lightly. Couple that with him already having self worth issues and feeling not good enough for you and you have a very broken Billy on your hands.

Maybe in time he could move past it after some separation and a lot of thinking. But this would be the worst thing to happen to him.

[lemonluvgirl]

I love Katniss but sometimes she gets on my nerves she had Peeta Mellark. (PEETA MELLARK!) Angel of a boy want to cuddle and play with her hair and would risk his life for her and the rooftop date and didn't ever really expect reciprocated feelings no matter how hard it was for him and she just was like 👀 "I don't see anything like it's all an act like I don't feel the same" HELLO WHAT I wish my love life was hers like Im crushing on my ex guy friend I don't rlly speak to anymore it's BAD

Well, Peeta Mellark is the ultimate fictional boyfriend so yeah, while I was reading THG I had a lot of moments where I shook my head at Katniss when she passed up opportunities to explore or embrace her feelings for Peeta.

I am of the mindset that she felt differently for him/had a slight crush on him early on but struggled with admitting it to herself. Now I don't blame it all on Katniss. There were a lot of contributing factors to many of the misunderstandings that happened to hinder them forming a romantic relationship.

Namely, Peeta never talked to her before the Games. So...when you say she thought it was all an act that's because she had a legitimate reason to believe it was for most of the first book. They didn't know each other. Sure, she knew he was a nice guy, but they were forced to became tributes in The Hunger Games. Katniss figured all bets were off at that point, and they could never even be friends. Because they would have to kill each other or watch the other die in the arena. So she tried really hard not to get attached. (And Katniss is good at not getting attached. Like, she could teach a master class on the subject)

She operated with a survivor's mentality and she thought for sure that Peeta would abandon his nice guy persona in order to survive. Because that's what the Games did to people. Stripped them of their humanity and turned them into something they were not. It was a rare thing that Peeta had such a strong sense of self and high moral character and didn't succumb to the barbaric kill or be killed attitude when it came to Kantniss.

Also, Peeta declaring his love for her on national tv WAS BOTH a strategy to win the Games (for Katniss, but it ended up helping him too) and also a confession of his true feelings. It also scared the shit out of Katniss, because she was trying to prepare herself to go into a gladatorial death match and kill other kids her age, not get caught up in a teenage romance. Her mind was focused on coming home to her sister and mother, and handsome nice guy Peeta was acting all SUS around her. First being friendly, then wanting to train alone, then declaring feelings for her out of the blue, then allying with the careers, then betraying the careers to help her. 

Homeboy had Katniss going back and forth so many times he must have given her whiplash. Now, its easy to see how much he loved her from the perspective of the observer. Readers can look back and say how obvious it was that Peeta was being genuine. Hindsight is 20/20 after all. But Katniss couldn’t read Peeta’s mind. And for all this talk about how Peeta had a way with words he left out some important information and failed to have a lot of honest and blunt conversations. (And Katniss is someone who needs things spelled out very bluntly for her.) She is not good at figuring out people’s motives, she assumes everyone is like her and is operating on a need to survive 24/7. In the first book she can’t even fathom someone being motivated by romantic love or a noble cause. (Until Peeta gives her his I don’t want to become somehting I’m not speech) That’s why she missed all of Peeta’s signals. Because he was speaking a language she doesn’t understand. 

And that’s why their love story is so hard fought and hard won. Because Katniss has to learn, and basically teach herself to be emotionally vulnerable again after being subjected to so much tragedy and horror. I mean the girl fell in love in a span of two years in between two hunger games and a literal war. I think if their lives had been a little more stable, and if there hadn’t been so much pressure on them to perform and keep up the act, then Katniss would have worked out how she felt about Peeta a lot quicker. 

The good news is she eventually got it right. She loved Peeta back in a way that was healthy for both of them. And Peeta fell back in love with her too. I know sometimes it’s hard to acknowledge that the struggle had to happen the way it did for the end result to be worth it, but I think for the most part Peeta’s investment in Katniss paid off. 

Now, when I look at Katniss’ love life I don’t envy her at all. She had a lot of tough choices to make and she was put in a lot of difficult situations while she had to make them. I mean, you can’t have the kind of bond Katniss and Peeta have without the Hunger Games. Yes, they could have still fallen in love in an alternate universe but it would have been different. They would have been different people, and had a very different relationship. So, no. I really don’t think anybody should envy Katniss’ love life because it was a messed up dumpster fire. She went through so much turmoil and heartache, and not all of it was her fault, as I pointed out. 

Life is not always like books. And sometimes that’s a good thing. I think Peeta is awesome but I’m glad he’s a fictional character in a story because that also means the Hunger Games are fictional. The rest of us real people have opportunities to go out and find love on our own terms without the threat of being thrown into an arena and facing imminent death. Also a good thing. 

Everyday is a gift, and an opportunity. So, if you are considering a relationship with someone, do it on your own terms, and for the right reasons. Real love is messy even without the Hunger Games. But I hope you find that special someone who makes you as happy as Peeta makes Katniss. 

Good luck anon, and may the odds be ever in your favor. <3