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danganronpadedication · 1 month ago

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DAY 12: DANGANTOBER

Day 12: Remnants of Despair

AT LAST, AT LONG, LONG LAST! IT'S HAPPENING, IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING! THE EVENT ONE BILLION YEARS PROPHESIZED HAS COME TO PASS! THE DAY HAS COME! I FINALLY GET TO RANT ABOUT THE REMNANTS! Hats off to you if you know what I was referencing just now, lol.

I've said this a lot, but I really love the Remnants of Despair. They're my favorite part of the Danganronpa story, and I think they're criminally underused. There's just so much potential to explore and work with, and it's something that plagues my mind 24/7. Their designs are awesome, their psychology is interesting, and further exploring them not only paints a more detailed picture of the characters, but of the Danganronpa world as a whole. In this post, I'll be talking about EVERYTHING, from what they did, to how they look, whatever comes to mind, really.

For those of you who have forgotten the details of the Remnants, never played or watched UDG, or just never watched the episodes of the anime where we get information about them, here's a recap.

So, hopefully everyone reading this is familiar with the cast of SDR2. That group of students are the ones who go on to become the Remnants of Despair (+Hajime, even though he was just a reserve course student at the time). While they were at Hope's Peak, they rarely hung out with one another. Their teacher, Chisa Yukizome, rounded up everybody and made them start coming to class so they could form connections with each other. This class of students consisted of Teruteru, Peko, Mahiru, Ibuki, Hiyoko, Mikan, Gundham, Nekomaru, Nagito, Chiaki, Fuyuhiko, Sonia, Kazuichi, Akane, and Imposter pretending to be a character named Ryota Mitarai (who will be discussed later in this post). After a few days of knowing each other, and a certain soup-related incident that I will not ruin this post with, Chiaki is named as the class representative.

As each day passed by, the class grows closer together, and closer to people outside of class as well. Chiaki makes friends with Hajime, and Mikan finds out about the real Ryota, and about Junko and Mukuro. Junko uses Mikan as a test subject for her despair video, and it works on her. She doesn't show up to class anymore, and one day, someone spots her on campus, so everyone goes searching for her. Nagito and Chiaki stumble across a hidden passageway, where they find Junko and Izuru. Nagito is injured in the interaction, and Chisa provides a distraction for the two of them to get away.

I fear I am jealous of Nagito here lmao. Chiaki and Nagito go back to the rest of the class, who found Mikan, and they all decide to go back for Chisa. Meanwhile, Junko has already brainwashed Chisa, and her master plan is set into motion. The class walks through the secret passageway, and Mikan separates Chiaki from everyone else. Chiaki runs into Chisa, who leads her to an elevator that takes her to a dungeon-like obstacle course, full of spikes and boulders. She must escape to get back to her friends, and Chiaki actually manages to reach the end. Unfortunately, she's been tricked, and she gets impaled by multiple spikes, dying from her injuries in a scene I will never forget.

The others are shown the footage of her death, and they begin to feel despair over the traumatic loss of their friend. Taking advantage of their anguish, Junko begins to play her despair video for the class, brainwashing them into Ultimate Despairs, who are then let loose to cause chaos in the world. The next time we hear about them as an active group, it's at Makoto's hearing for disobeying the Future Foundation to help them. There, we get this picture.

Whoever designed them ate, I fear. As the Remnants of Despair, they use their ultimate talents to spread despair in unique ways, from building weapons of mass destruction, aiding other subsidiary groups of despair, to tyrannical takeovers of certain parts of the world.

Anyways, Makoto manages to rehabilitate them in SDR2, and its a happily ever after for them as reformed, wanted dead or alive war criminals <3 But, a lot of what they did, with the exception of Nagito, is left up in the air for us fans to theorize about.

Speaking of Nagito, let's talk about Servant first. Nagito basically became a single father as a Remnant. As Servant, Nagito's job is to watch over and aid the Warriors of Hope, consisting of Masaru Daimon, Jataro Kemuri, Kotoko Utsugi, Nagisa Shingetsu, and Monaca Towa. He's the only Remnant that we really get to see in action, being a pivotal character in Ultra Despair Girls.

Nagito is unique from the rest of the Remnants in many ways. He's not expressly violent like many of them are, preferring to be more manipulative in his methods. Despite his title, he pulls the strings of a lot of things that happen in UDG. When he's not making milkshakes for those tyrannical little gremlins, or being outed by Kurokuma, he's blackmailing and kidnapping members of the Future Foundation, like Toko and Byakuya respectively. He's tricking the kids, working under the guise of being subservient to them and their want to create a paradise for children, instead working with Monaca to bring about Junko's successor.

He also has a very strange relationship when it comes to Junko. While a lot of the others seem to view her as their leader, he hates her with every ounce of his being. That's the entire reason he's working to bring a form of her back after her death. The idea of her being alive once again causes him intense despair. He even says that he's jealous of Makoto, because he wanted to be the one to kill Junko himself. He despises her for turning everyone away from hope, including himself. But, he also still seems to have some kind of twisted appreciation for her as well, stating that she's the woman he loves and hates the most. After the plan to create Junko's successor falls through in UDG, he decides to raise Monaca to be Junko's successor herself, stating that because he loves and hates her so much, he can recreate her perfectly.

Nagito's also one of the three Remnants who actually scavenged from Junko's dead body, the other two being Mikan and Fuyuhiko. Nagito took Junko's arm, replacing his own with it. Looking at it causes him despair, since now she's stuck as a part of him. It's unclear what else he did, but we know he was just as, if not more, overzealous about it as he is about hope. It's his maniacal nature that manages to turn Monaca off from despair in the anime, saying that she'd rather not end up as crazy as him. For a character who was so determined to usher in a new era of despair, the fact that Nagito was too crazy even for her, speaks volumes. Don't worry, these other sections won't be as long, since there's not much info about them besides fanon.

Next up, Kazuichi Souda. The only bit of real content we get of him is a small compilation in one of the episodes, showing him working on a large Monokuma robot. This Monokuma robot was featured in the end of Ultra Despair Girls, nicknamed 'Big Bang Monokuma' by everyone's LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTER, Haiji Towa. Haiji is nasty, and if you like him, he's one of the characters I CANNOT see why you'd like him. Haiji likers, DNI.

Anyways, aside from working on Big Bang Monokuma, it can also be inferred that he would go out with weapons and either supply or fire them in crowded areas. After all, there's only one character we know of who would match the dude in the beanie.

I personally believe that Kazuichi was mainly responsible for two major things. The different Monokumas that can be found around Towa City, such as Ball and Junk Monokuma, and the executions from THH.

My biggest piece of evidence for that above claim, comes from Kazuichi's free time events, where he says that he wants to build the fastest motorcycle ever, even though he'd be too scared to ride it. Aside from being the only character in this lineup(apart from Izuru) who could feasibly make the executions, Mondo dies from a motorcycle that can go fast enough to liquify him.

Also, I think that each Remnant went against their personal life goals mentioned in the final episode of despair arc, to create maximum despair. They are asked to state what they want to do with their lives, and they say things like "solve all diseases", "create peace treaties", "increase animal welfare" etc. Kazuichi says that his personal goal is to eliminate all pollution from the atmosphere, so I think he'd be responsible for polluting the air even more, dumping oil in the seas. He is the reason the sky is red, and why Hope's Peak needs an air purifier for the participants in that game. Poor guy, when he's not simping for Sonia, he seems like an actually pretty chill person to be around, especially in those final episodes.

Speaking of Sonia's simps, next is Gundham. We see him in that compilation, surrounded by all sorts of animals. Snakes, elephants, giraffes, you name it. Though, notably, the Four Dark Devas/Twelve Zodiac Generals (all hamsters, the devas are part of the twelve), are absent from the line up.

It can be deduced that Gundham released dangerous animals from zoos and sanctuaries, letting them run amok through major cities. He managed to rally the animals together, training them to be very destructive, and ultimately uses them in battles against the Future Foundation.

Gundham doesn't have anything he sets out to do with his life, at least nothing he voices in the final episode, so maybe he wanted to create a safe place for animals to live happily, and weaponizing them would cause him despair.

To explain away the disappearance of his hamsters, I think he released them as a final act of humanity and care for them. I think he knew that he'd be mistreating all the animals he held dear, and he wanted to give the hamsters a chance to escape. ESPECIALLY if he's going to be having snakes and birds around them, that's a recipe for the hamsters to be eaten.

I feel very bad for Mikan. She was the first one that fell to Junko's influence, the first one to be rewritten in such a way. She even watches the video a second time, which means she's probably one of the most far gone.

Like Nagito, Mikan is one of the three Remnants who took a body part from Junko's corpse. She took her uterus, and replaced her own with it, in hope's of carrying on Junko's legacy. She's also the one who probably attached the arm to Nagito, and the eye to Fuyuhiko.

In the final episode, Mikan says she wants to create a miracle cure for all diseases. As such, I can see her poisoning medical supplies, much like the real-life Tylenol Murders. She would probably hurt those who are sick and weak, and quite possibly experimented on people. As a medical professional, she was probably responsible for making sure the Remnants who frequented active combat against the Future Foundation were healthy and in peak condition.

I've also seen some people say she probably worked on ways to brainwash people through chemicals, and likely used captured Future Foundation soldiers as test subjects.

Akane and Nekomaru are the fighters of the group. They go out, and their main job is to cause as much stress for the Future Foundation as humanly possible. They're both heavy hitters, and that'd definitely be a hard thing for the Future Foundation to beat.

Akane's goal for her life simply boiled down to eating her fill of food, while Nekomaru said he would support everyone's dreams. I think he may have acted as support for the other's plans, kind of freelance depending on which Remnant required his services at the time.

We know one of the Remnants starved themselves, I believe it was Akane. Food brought her joy, so to cause despair she limited herself. In the anime, she's seen with abs, but I think they were just scared of showing her ribs. It's honestly a wonder that she would be able to fight at all. She fights with everything she's got, running off of despair, spite and mania.

Fuyuhiko and Peko occupy a similar area as Akane and Nekomaru. In fact, I think Nekomaru and Akane probably partnered with or joined Fuyuhiko's group of soldiers. All four of them fight against the Future Foundation, keeping their field agents on their toes and actively fighting against any sort of helpful effort by them.

In the final episode, Fuyuhiko says that he and Peko will lead the people in the Kuzuryu Clan down the right path, since he doesn't want to keep perpetuating violence. He wants them to get good educations and lead good lives. Peko says that she'd never kill again. For Peko to be actively fighting in battles across Japan, means she's actively causing the pain she didn't want to. Peko wants to be seen as more approachable, so to be one of the main Remnants in charge of causing chaos must be awful for her. For Fuyuhiko to take a step back and use the people in his clan to cause despair, he's also violating his life goals, and his want to not be reliant on the Kuzuryu Clan. It's the same reason he wants a degree of separation between himself and Peko in SDR2. He doesn't want to be seen as weaker, and he doesn't want to use the people around him.

Imposter is definitely an enigma character. There isn't much information about them when they're not in disguise as either Byakuya or Ryota (who deserves his own post, what I have to say may be a hot take). You can infer though, that they're actually a very caring person. When they notice Ryota engaging in unhealthy behaviors, they make sure that he eats and sleeps when required, and assumes his identity to give him a break. You can also see it in-game, where the more you hang out with them, the less they act like Byakuya, and more like a kind leader figure. Personally, I call Imposter Touya, since it sounds like a combo of "Two" and "Byakuya", and people already call them Twogami. It also means ''all the more, increasingly'' like their talent.

In the final episode, they aren't in disguise as anyone, and they say that they could become anyone they want, including the president. There's a strong desire within them to become their own person, to be seen for who they are, and not as the person they're impersonating.

It's intriguing, as in Remnant form, they're dressed like Byakuya. I think that Touya assumes the identities of various important figures in society, and infiltrates certain organizations whilst doing so. Since they're currently acting as Byakuya, I think Touya has infiltrated what's left of Togami Corporation, and is working to destroy their reputation. Maybe after Byakuya joins the Future Foundation, Touya tries to make it look like he's betraying them during different missions. Maybe that's why he's never out in the field unless it's absolutely necessary.

Teruteru Hanamura. I think there's a consensus on what we all agree he did while under despair. In the final episode, he says that he will feed everyone tons of nutritious food, and end world hunger. On top of that, he's someone who values his family a lot, especially his mother and siblings.

Teruteru is implied to use drugs in his food to make it taste better. It's an already disturbing theme with the food-oriented ultimates, with Ruruka using Seiko (the Ultimate Pharmacist) to enhance her sweets. In Teruteru's free time events, he feeds Hajime a simple rice ball, and Hajime leaves that interaction feeling like he's been drugged from how drowsy he is. Teruteru also keeps drugs around his food normally, evidence being the infamous soup scene. He may have poisoned his food, or used certain drugs to manipulate people to do bad things while in a weakened state of mind.

There's also an almost mutual agreement that I've seen in the fanbase, that he possibly turned his family into food. For how much he values them, I could definitely see that happening as a possibility, and it's such a terrible thought. For the life of me, I hope that isn't the case, and that Teruteru's mom and siblings are still out there in the world, ready to reunite with him once things have cooled down.

I've lumped Sonia and Mahiru together because this is the only picture of Mahiru as a Remnant. Anyways, starting with Mahiru, I think she traveled across the world, taking pictures of all the destruction and carnage as a result of the Tragedy. She likely also blackmailed high ranking officials and celebrities, bringing them under the thumb of Ultimate Despair and granting them more power over the general population.

In her free time events, Mahiru states that her mother was a war photographer. Her mom would go to scenes of destruction, take pictures, and sell them to news outlets. Mahiru says that, while she respects her mother, she doesn't want to take pictures of war. She wants to capture people's smiles and happy scenes of people living their lives. Going around and taking those sorts of pictures amidst the worst event in human history would definitely cause Mahiru despair. That can be seen in the picture as well, taking pictures of Sonia, likely declaring war or commencing public executions in her kingdom of Novoselic.

At the end of the final episode, Sonia says that she wants to make Novoselic into a peaceful kingdom, one with no wars. Once she becomes a Remnant, she forces her people to commit mass suicide, declares war on nearby countries, and executes people in her own country, supposedly including her parents so she may have sole power. The people who do not die in her initial takeover are likely added to the Novoselic army, serving under her and for her every whim. For someone who wanted to be seen as an equal by her peers, and not treated differently for her status, I can see her feeling very upset with herself knowing that she ruled her kingdom with tyranny and terror, and made people treat her as such a higher power.

Next is the girl group duo, Ibuki and Hiyoko. I think their combined abilities probably made the other's very potent, and its an interesting team-up. They aren't shown doing anything too bad, merely putting on an evil concert.

In the final episode, Ibuki says she wants to use her music to spread happiness, while Hiyoko says she wants to use dance to spread joy.

I don't really know what they would've done to spread despair. Maybe Hiyoko hit the griddy and it made people very upset. In actuality, I believe that Hiyoko probably employed methods similar to snake charmers, and managed to work in some form of hypnosis into her performances. That would be able to turn the masses against one another, and against other people.

Ibuki, on the other hand, definitely worked subliminal messages into her music, causing people to perform certain actions or think certain things for despair. Swifties but evil. Her music was probably also engineered to cause the most discomfort, with screeching guitar riffs and loud drums. Headaches and injuries would be prevalent at their concerts. I can also see Ibuki just smashing her guitar and wielding it as a weapon if facing off against Future Foundation members.

You can even hear a sample of her music on Spotify, since in the final episode of the anime, the rehabilitated Remnants go to help the trapped Future Foundation members, and she plays a song to incapacitate the brainwashed Future Foundation members. Listen if you dare!

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It's finally time to talk about my BOY! I want to save some of my thoughts for his own post, and I honestly think this post is getting very long. For context, I started writing at 3pm, and it's now 10pm. Granted, I watched a movie and did some homework, but that's not the point here. I don't classify Izuru as a Remnant of Despair. I know he is one, but his circumstances are different. To understand Izuru, we need to start with Hajime.

Hajime starts the series as a reserve course student, someone with no talent, yet he idolizes Hope's Peak. He wants to be an ultimate so badly, that he'd do almost anything to do so. He has a bad habit of comparing himself to other people around him, basing his self-worth against theirs. So, in a school full of exceptional people, he's at an all time low. He has no friends, and feels like his goal is out of his reach. For as much as he wants to be an ultimate, we never get an idea of what he wants his ultimate to be. He has no plans for what it is, all he knows is he wants one. To feel important. To feel special. Because he doesn't see himself as anyone of worth.

He is approached by a group called the Steering Committee, which Tengan is loosely involved with. They propose the Kamukura Project to him, which is meant to give him a talent. He obviously really like this idea, but the idea of getting a talent artificially rubs him the wrong way. It's unknown if his parents know what's been proposed to him. One day, thinking by the fountain, he meets Chiaki, and they quickly become friends, bonding over video games. After that, they meet up regularly to game and talk by the fountain. One day, Fuyuhiko's little sister, Natsumi, ends up in his class, and he briefly meets her. Towards the end of the day, he finds her crying by herself, saying that she wants to be seen as the Ultimate Little Sister because Fuyuhiko only deserves the best in his life. Hajime starts to apply this to his friendship with Chiaki, believing he's not worthy of being her friend.

Still, he tries to keep his chin up and not let it bother him. He's hard-headed and hasn't been broken down yet. That's shattered when he tries to go to the ultimates course building for an important question (WATCH THE ANIME) and he gets beat up by Juzo. That very day, he meets with Chiaki, tells her to make tons of memories and have lots of fun for him, and then on, they never see each other again.

He accepts the Kamukura Project, and they begin at once. In the anime, it's done as a very quick procedure, but in real life, it'd be months and months of surgeries, mental conditioning, and medical tests. Soon, Hajime is completely erased from his mind, and is replaced by a figurative blank slate they name Izuru Kamukura. Interestingly, they call him Izuru Kamukura 1.0, implying there were supposed to be more after him. He was essentially a beta test, one that likely wasn't meant to make it this far. They likely expected him to die from the experimental procedures.

He is left on his own for days on end, until eventually Junko finds out about him. Her and Mukuro go to his little room, and try to get him to join despair. He initially declines, not seeing the purpose behind doing so. They invite him to the student council killing game, and there he feels some semblance of an emotion, so he continues. He is there, lurking in the background for many subsequent scenes.

The scene that is most important is Chiaki's death. She dies slowly in that scene, and Izuru is there, watching her. She recognizes him, reaching out towards him because he was her friend. At her death, he finds himself actually feeling something.

He's crying. Something he didn't think was possible. It is unknown if Hajime's repressed pain and despair was so powerful that it was finally felt in this moment, or if Izuru was just intrigued and confused by the idea of someone using their last moments to reach out to him. Nevertheless, he sticks with Junko's plans for despair, and is the reason she even ends up in SDR2. He's still effected by Chiaki's death long after this scene, expressing what can be confused for anger at the end of UDG when Junko starts to mock the way she'd greet him. He rips the wiring out of Shirokuma and Kurokuma's heads, taking only what he needs for the plan.

Izuru wasn't brainwashed, at least, not by Junko. The Kamukura Project deserves it's own post, but here's the rundown. He is supposed to be the Ultimate Everything, in peak physical and mental form. The surgeries needed to give him the strength capacity for the athletic ultimates would've involved breaking every bone in his body and rebuilding him from there, strengthening him enough to be able to launch Mukuro across the room with a flick of his hand. He would be injected with a cocktail of chemicals, made to increase mental abilities like memory, and possibly growth hormones for certain aspects of his body. That would explain why his hair is so incredibly long and dark, and why his eyes are red.

On the mental front, yes, he'd undergo numerous brain surgeries. Likely around the hippocampus and amygdala, they'd sever connections related to his original identity, which would also damage his ability to feel. Your emotional receptors are in those areas, and maybe ruining those sections were by design. After all, Hope's Peak is shady, and maybe they were trying to create some kind of unfeeling superweapon. Theory for another day. They left him near emotionless, with all the logical processing needed to complete any task needed, like a robot. They left him purposeless, craving entertainment of any kind. This makes him easier to use, easier to employ as a tool. If he is lacking purpose, he'd do anything you ask in order to feel anything other than emptiness. This is something Junko appeals to, since despair would be unpredictable and exciting for him.

I think he grows bored quickly, since after a while, anarchy becomes its own kind of order. There is still humanity in Izuru, he holds onto Chiaki's hairpin, and when Makoto finds him, he's nurturing a flower.

This scene is part of the reason why Makoto believes the Remnants are able to be saved. An unfeeling, despair-ridden monster wouldn't take the time to be so kind to something as small as a flower.

This scene is so moving when you watch it.

I think as a "Remnant", Izuru was merely an observer. I don't think he did anything except watch, only intervening when he felt it'd provide him some entertainment. Once he got bored, and only had Junko's USB stick plan, he'd probably find some way to make it easier for Makoto get everyone together, if only to enact that plan for that final bit of entertainment.

Is it obvious that I love Izuru?

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Original Creator: Jayce Jole on YouTube

I spent a while learning psychology, and it's always been a big interest for me. Like with the factors pertaining to Izuru, the Remnants also have unique traits that explain why they act the way they act.

They were brainwashed by the subliminal messages that Ryota and Junko had placed in the video, that's why they're so deep in despair. But what is brainwashing? Brainwashing is a form of mental conditioning, that can essentially reprogram the mind to adopt radically different beliefs, ideas, and morals to the ones already carried by the victim. Brainwashing is not mind control, but it's conditioning.

They had their morals completely rewritten to align with Junko and despair. That's part of the reason I think Nagito is as different as he is. I think hope was such an engrained value within him, that he still holds onto despite his despair. The mental reprogramming is in constant conflict with his closely held beliefs.

There are many real examples of brainwashing, most notably within cults and real-life criminal organizations. They take advantage of vulnerable people, and make them change everything about themselves to align with these new ideas. Junko took advantage of their grief over seeing Chiaki die so gruesomely, and changed them fundamentally. They are not inherently evil people, they were not mind controlled into being evil people. They are people who were taken advantage of and conditioned into going against who they were. It's so saddening, they're teenagers, teenagers who should be going into job fields and colleges and living their lives, instead of terrorizing the world. Grief is a powerful, yet human emotion, and it's one that was easily controlled and manipulated by Junko. That's why Makoto took a chance on them as well. He didn't see the terrible people they had been turned into, he saw the hurt, grieving people underneath and wanted to help them.

It's also sickening how Junko only did all this so the Tragedy would carry on while she was masterminding the Hope's Peak killing game. The Remnants are nothing more than a backup plan to her, people she views as "not useful". They only exist to keep spreading despair while she is away, and that's sickening. She brainwashed them and not her own class, BECAUSE she doesn't value the Remnants. She cared about her classmates, so she wanted to feel the despair of watching them suffer. She merely saw the Remnants as tools, ruined their lives just for her own benefit.

I think there could have been an entire anime arc about them. Show Makoto, or Ryota, or some other character trying to rehabilitate them. How did they manage to track them down, and bring them to Jabberwock Island without dying or being discovered by the Future Foundation? How did they manage to stabilize them enough mentally to enter the Neo World Program? How did Izuru manage to get that USB stick past whoever was helping them? What were they like after waking up from the NWP with all their progress erased? If the survivors were normal, how did they handle seeing their friends in such a state? What impact did they do to the world? They could provide a clearer image of the Tragedy itself, which isn't really explored past Towa City, and even Towa City has only just recently been affected by the Tragedy. I think there's so much to explore, and so little attention actually given to them.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SEND ME YOUR ART, YOUR HEADCANONS, YOUR FICS, YOUR CONFESSIONS, YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL ANALYSIS OF THE REMNANTS! I WILL EAT THEM UP LIKE I AM STARVED! I WILL SUP FROM THE WELL OF FANON AS IF IT IS THE FIRST DRINK OF WATER I'VE HAD IN DECADES! I NEED TO CONSUME EVERY BIT OF MEDIA ABOUT THEM!

I'm so normal, I'm so normal, I'm so normal, I'm so normal-

Anyways, after Dangantober is over, I may introduce my Danganronpa OC to this blog (not as a roleplay thing, but just to yap about him). Mainly, he's a former classmate of theirs, and he's part of their rehabilitation process because I NEED to chew on it like I'm teething.

Here is an edit I made of Chisa Yukizome, and the Remnants (it's short, it was my first one), to a Miss Delight edit audio. Please enjoy it, I was so proud when I finished it <3

Is it obvious now just how much I love the Remnants? They NEEDED more screentime, I'm not kidding on that front. Imagine everything that could've been explored, how much of their actions was the brainwashing, and how much was them acting out in twisted grief?

What did each person do while under despair? Was any guilt felt? How did they react after being rehabilitated? How are they living now with the knowledge of what they've done?

They were just grieving kids, kids who were taken advantage of and used for evil purposes. But I also agree that the Remnants are not blameless in their actions. They must live with this guilt forever, constantly on the run for what they've done, and yet, they have each other.

When I found out that UDG was SUPPOSED to be about facing the Remnants of Despair as either Makoto or Komaru, before it was changed to be the WOH, I was UPSET! Someone, PLEASE MAKE THAT A REAL GAME, I'D PAY YOU EVERYTHING IN MY WALLET AND BANK ACCOUNTS!

Make merch of the Remnants, all of them, not just the Servant pop-up parade and Izuru plushie.

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blue-slxt · 1 year ago

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Kinktober 31

🔞Minors Do Not Interact🔞

Kinktober Masterlist

A/N: Happy Halloween! We've reached the end of Kinktober! It's such a bittersweet feeling. But I'm so happy with the turn out and with all the love that you guys have shown over this past month! Writing all these prompts took a lot out of me so I'll probably take a short smut break after this. I'll still be writing in the background, but I want to branch out and do more fluff pieces and other things too. But best believe, the smut WILL be back shortly. Anyways, thank you guys for everything and I hope you guys enjoy this! I wrote this with the understanding that female Alphas have a knot inside of them and Omega males have the sheathed penis. You can find out more in this post. So just keep that in mind! I was partially inspired by the fic Howling For You by @theblueflower05 (It's one of my faves and I highly recommend it!) All characters are aged up.

Pairing: Omega!Lo'ak x Alpha!Fem!Metkayina!Reader

Warnings: Smut, P in V, Oral (M receiving), Scenting, Knotting, Creampie, Mentions of Anal, ABO, Territorial Reader

Almost everything about your attitude was all Alpha. You stood proud and strong. A self-assured, commanding presence in any situation you were in. You could be aggressive at times, but never out of any sense of malice or superiority. It was simply your nature. A pure, red-blooded Alpha in every sense. Almost.

The one thing about you that was a bit different. You had a certain…affinity for soft things. You kept your marui lined with the softest fabrics that hands could weave. Lush blankets and delicate tapestries. You loved the feeling of the plush sand beneath your feet and the sound of soft early morning waves wading into the shore. But what you loved the best? Soft moans and whimpers from soft boys in the domineering grip of your hips.

Soft Omega boys set your heart on fire in a way that was incomparable. You knew you couldn’t be with another Alpha. Not because Alpha-Alpha relationships didn't happen, but because you were too stubborn and proud to let someone try to dominate you. But something about Omega boys was just so enticing to your senses.

So when you first set eyes on Lo’ak, you immediately wanted to devour him whole. Maybe it was his scent that smelled like fresh fallen forest rain on exotic flower petals and tree bark. Or maybe it was his foreign, tawtute features that others outcast him for which made him seem more vulnerable. Or maybe it was the instant images that your mind conjured of his slim build trapped between the toned muscle of your thighs. Whatever it was, you just knew you had to have him and you would bare your fangs at anyone that dared to try and stand in your way.

You were straightforward in your approach with Lo’ak. Immediately, you approached him with all your confidence offering him an arm band that you had made to match the beads in his braids. You circled him slowly appraising and appreciating his deep royal blue skin and lean muscles. You take the chance to subtly sneak a whiff of his scent and Eywa, your mouth nearly starts to water.

“See you around, sayrìp” you said lightly dragging your tail across his thigh as you walked past him. And from that moment on, Lo’ak may as well have been a fish caught in your undercurrent. He started trailing after you everywhere like an ilu pup follows its mother.

He could be brash and rough around the edges when it came to getting along with other males in the clan. Namely, Ao’nung and his crew. But he was all velvet when it came to you. Always soft murmurs in your ear on the mornings he would find himself waking in your marui. Burying his face in your chest nuzzling his nose at your soft skin. Feather-light kisses he’d press against your neck that would turn into hands exploring down the front of your body lower and lower.

And you could be…territorial. A credit to your nature, you would turn over still half asleep and bury your face into the crook of his neck scenting him in the early hours of the day. Rubbing your own scent all over him. You had this inexplicable need to have him wear your scent at any and all times. Completely bathe him in it to ward off any other Alphas that would be stupid enough to try and move in on your precious lover. You wanted to mark him in every way and he would let you.

Today’s been particularly grating for you. Your hunt was less than fruitful. One of your favorite necklaces broke sending beads flying all over the beach. And worst of all, you saw another female looking at Lo’ak; trying to get close to him. That won’t do. Not today. Not ever. Of course, the second she locked eyes with you, she rolled her eyes in annoyance and left with a huff. She should count herself lucky that you left her with eyes to roll.

Deep breaths are supposed to be calming for the mind, but right now, they are doing little to quell the fire in your chest. Nevertheless, you put on your best face when you approach Lo’ak. Before you even reach him, he already picked up on your scent and turns in your direction. His arms reach out to you as he walks over.

“I missed you, babe. Are you done with all your tasks for the day?” he asks with his slim tail swaying giddily back and forth behind him.

The human nickname rolls off his tongue so effortlessly and it never fails to make your stomach flip. You think he is truly too good for this world as you walk into his waiting embrace.

“Something like that. It has been a really long day. Can we just go home?” you say rubbing your face into his chest while his arms fold around you and he kisses the top of your head.

“Of course.”

Lo’ak can tell on the walk back to your marui that something is bothering you. He knows you well enough by now to know that your tail only flicks like that when something is heavy on your mind. However, he also knows you well enough by now to know better than to try and make you talk about it before you’re ready.

When you reach your marui, you secure the flap over the opening to give you both some privacy. “Lo’ak, I have a problem.” You say with a small voice that definitely doesn’t fit you.

He cocks one of his brows at you waiting for you to elaborate. He watches you cautiously as you stalk closer to him.

“You see, even though everyone knows that I intend to take you as my mate, other girls are still looking at you. Trying to get close enough to smell you when I’m not around…”

Your voice gets stronger with each step closer you take. “Even though you lay with me every night and it is my gifts that you wear and my scent that lives in your skin, it’s not enough…” Your body finally presses right up against his and you keep moving forward, pushing him back against a post. His eyebrows and ears are raised looking down at you. Despite the slight height difference between you, when you get like this, it makes his breath tremble in his throat.

“Yawne, you know I--”

He’s cut off by the feeling of your fingers ghosting over his tewng and lightly tracing over where his dick was still sheathed.

“See, Lo, I really really hate it when others are trying to move in on what’s mine…I’m just bad at sharing in that way…” your long, nimble fingers make quick work of undoing the tie on his tewng and letting it fall leaving him bare in front of you. You slowly sink to your knees holding his gaze the whole way down. You tease at his slit with a quick lick from your tongue making him gasp.

“You already know I’m only yours, yawne.” He says with a quiver in his voice that has your body heating up.

“Oh, of course I do, my love. But I need everyone else to know it, too. So tonight, you can be as loud as you want to be. As a matter of fact, I want you to be.” You say teasing him even more with your mouth until his cock is fully exposed and standing proud in front of your face. Your eyes nearly cross with it coming to its full glory aimed straight at your lips.

A smirk plays on your lips looking up at him.

“Eager for me to mark you? Does the idea of it turn you on, sweet boy?” you tease with kitten licks to the tip of his dick and he flinches turning his head away from you.

“Look at me.” Your voice is firm and commanding. He doesn’t dare to defy you when you give him a direct order. His eyes meet yours in a fiery tug-of-war that you easily win when his expression softens. Fuck.

In no time at all, you suck his entire length into your throat and the shudder that racks his body is probably one of your favorite things to witness. Every suck and slurp is met with another beautiful whine or whimper from his mouth. It drives you and your need to ruin him. You keep your tongue pressed firmly to the underside of his cock and apply light pressure just the way you know he loves. His head lolls back against the post and his fingers claw at the wood looking for something to ground himself with.

Hushed whispers of pleas for more appear in the back of your head. You bob your head faster looking up at him and watch his face scrunch in pleasure while you work on him. You sneak a hand up and under to cup his balls and give a gentle squeeze and Lo’ak sucks in a sharp breath between his clenched teeth. His hips buck into your face and chase the warmth of your mouth. You loved watching him lose his composure and take what he needed from you. Watching him be so needy for release that he can’t bring himself to care about his position as an Omega and just fuck you with wild abandon was so damn sexy. You could practically feel the slick running down your inner thighs.

Hallowing out your cheeks, you can feel every ridge and vein drag against your mouth. Lo’ak starts to lose it, letting his hips jut forward and meet your movements.

“Ah…fuck” he curses under his breath watching you so eagerly take his whole length into your mouth.

You steady yourself against him and push his dick all the way into your throat until your nose is flush with his pelvis. You lightly stroke your finger up and down the underside of his balls and his face screws up in lust as his climax tears through his core.

“Haaah-ah!” His hands reflexively hold on to your hair keeping you in place for his cum to run down your throat. It coats your throat and makes you gag around him, but the sound only drags out the feeling for him.

When he releases you, you come up for air and his body falls back against the post. His legs just barely have the strength to keep him upright. “Satisfied?” he pants out to you with a grin.

You meet his expression with a mischievous smirk, “Not even close”.

You rise to your feet already untying your own tewng to discard it somewhere across the floor. Lying down on your plush sleep mat, your knees fall open and your fingers spread your slick-covered cunt open for him.

Lo’ak feels like he should be embarrassed at how quickly he’s hard again, but how can he bring himself to care about that when you’re lying there sprawled open for him in silent invitation? He’s pulled to you as if he was entranced by you and your scent. Your grin is devilish in watching him resign himself to his desires. His hips slot right into place between your thighs and he’s already dragging his tip between your folds and brushing against your swollen clit.

He lightly slaps the little nub with his dick making your hips jump and an arrogant grin finds its way onto his face.

“Lo’ak…” it’s meant as a warning, but Lo’ak takes it as a challenge.

“What’s wrong, yawne? I thought you liked being teased.”

He wasn’t wrong. You did like it when he teased you. Putting a bit of power in his hands and stroking his ego made your head feel fuzzy with pleasure. But with the kind of day you’d had, you were feeling especially impatient. Your fingers hook under his necklace and pull his face closer into yours. You can hear how his breath stutters and you see how his half lidded gaze dances around your face, lingering at your lips.

“I need this, Lo’ak.”

He smiles gently leaning forward to crash his lips onto yours. The taste of him still fresh in your mouth and it makes even more blood rush straight to his cock that was slowly breaching you. You both moan into each other’s mouths savoring the feeling of your warmth almost literally sucking him in. It’s almost as if your body won’t be satisfied until you’ve completely enveloped him into your skin.

He starts a steady pace of long, strong strokes making you feel every vein and ridge of him. His tip presses perfectly into the spongey part of your walls as he drags it almost all the way out, only to kiss your cervix when he presses back inside.

“Ohh…fuck…” your head falls back reveling in the feeling of the first real sense of relief you’ve had all day. Lo’ak takes the opportunity to litter your neck in kisses, licks, and nips. You smile deliriously to yourself as you let this beautiful man fulfill his fantasies with your body. His breath is hot and uneven against your skin as his pace picks up. The sound of skin slapping against skin gets louder the faster he goes.

Your hands claw at his back holding him close to you. The scent of his pheromones gets stronger in your nose making your eyes roll. His hands grab your legs by the backs of your knees and holds them open so he can angle his hips the way he knows you love.

“Ah! Right there! Feels so good right there!”

“Mmm, I love fucking you like this, sevin. Feel so perfect on my cock.”

Your face scrunches and you can feel your knot beginning to swell inside you. He groans above you feeling his tip meet the resistance and he tries eagerly to push past it and let you have him wholly.

“Oh, Great Mother! I’m going to cum, Lo’ak!” your voice is loud and his groans are even louder. Surely anyone in the vicinity would hear you and know, but that’s exactly what you wanted. Your hands find his face so that you can capture his lips in another kiss. It’s a messy clashing of teeth and tongues, but full of a desperation that has your pussy clenching harder around him. His strokes get longer and he puts his full weight behind every one, finally pushing past the resistance of your knot and tipping you over that edge.

“Ahhn~ Lo’ak!”

He keeps rolling his hips into you as he reaches his own release and you milk him dry.

Both of you huff out breaths trying to steady your own breathing. Sweat beads start to form on his forehead and his eyebrows are scrunched together feeling how your knot won’t let up on his poor sensitive cock. His head falls to lay on your chest and his eyes close trying to stop the spinning in his head. You stroke his head lovingly eliciting soft purrs from him.

Days later, you stand with Lo’ak and his siblings around the fire at communal dinner celebrating the first hunt of the season. Neteyam and his mate are retelling the story of one of their warrior students and how they taught him to make a clean kill when a sudden chill runs down your spine.

“Hi, Lo’ak” the most aggravating voice you’ve ever heard calls to your boyfriend beside you. You both turn to find Nìvya, the other Alpha that you caught looking at Lo’ak the other day. She completely disregards your presence despite standing right next to him.

“Would you like to dance with me?”

She’s either extremely bold or extremely stupid. Either way, you are ready to rip her throat out with your teeth when you let off a low hiss in her direction. The only thing that saves her is Lo’ak placing a gentle hand on your waist to calm you.

“Thanks, but no thank you. I’m fine where I am. Isn’t that right, yawne?” He says burying his face into the crook of your neck sweetly.

You smile while you cut your eyes at her in warning. Nìvya’s face falls and she finally acknowledges your presence by looking at you. She rolls her eyes bitterly and stomps off in the direction that she came.

Your tail swishes happily behind you, pleased with how Lo’ak handled himself in the situation. You turn your head to look at him with a satisfied grin.

“What?” he asks seeing the gears turning in your head.

“You’re so sexy when you claim me, you know that?” you whisper to him dragging your fingertips down his chest in teasing touches and pausing right above his tewng. “You wanna get out of here?”

He chuckles lightly, “What about the rest of the party?”

You push up on your tiptoes so that you can whisper directly into his ear, “I’ll let you put it in the other hole this time.”

Lo’ak’s face is completely flushed all over when you pull away to look at him again. His tail is thrashing violently behind him and his ears are standing straight up.

Clearly excited by your proposal, he quickly turns to your group and excuses the two of you. “Too much to drink and ready to turn in” was what he said.

Nobody was buying it, though. Everybody knew that Lo’ak could out-drink anybody there. But no one was going to call him out on it.

Wild giggles erupt from you when he gleefully scoops you up into his arms and sets off into the direction of your marui.

Kinktober Taglist: @pandoraslxna @ashlatano7567 @sincerelykaib @jamies-wh0re @quaritchsluts @jakescumdump @delacruzyari @onlyloaksgf @skywonder @taintedlovesworld @myloveforyouisforever @angie-1306 @moodays @childofgod-05 @hadesbabygurl @daddysmurfslefttoenail @loaksulluyswife @y4sm1nsstuff @thewhiltedpeony @lovefrommeelise @neteyamssyulang @rosyjn @imintoomanyfandomscuzihaveadhd @anaclaudiasugar @xxwelshqueenxx @hania11 @xylianasblog @idkanymoregirl @eyrina-avatar @biscuitsaredelish @quinn-sadilla @the_mourning_moon @eyweveng @puddleswimmingnerd-blog @xaxsir @jakesullyfatjuicypeen @navilover24 @sulieykte @iameatingmyhair @leaveitbythewave @ntymavtr @fifilynn16 @kiri-tuk @mstocky78 @neteyamyawne @randumfanfics @sliqeramx @bluewonder @the-morning-moon @nerdfacesposts @vip-btxch @neteyamsyawntu @teyamsatan @narwhal-swimmingintheocean @dixonjunkie

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whoishotteranimepolls · 9 months ago

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My observations after running this blog for a month

I have observed trends relating to multiple fandoms and how they behave/interact with my polls here's some examples. I hope someone finds this entertaining as I did. Because I do read most of the comments and tags

Black Butler, Jujutsu Kaisen and Dorohedoro. You guys are the most insane, feral, unhinged and I have debated marking my post as mature content simply because I knew what you will put in your tags and comment. I worry about you people sometimes Because I do read what you put in those comments and tags and now I know what you will allow these characters to do to you and what you want to do to them. (This also applies certain specific characters from other fandoms) But you three. My little unhinged trio. It's just fandom wide. Doesn't matter the character. You will go crazy. It's entertaining to watch. Don't get me wrong but I hope everyone is doing okay

One piece You guys request a lot and show up. You guys also like meme and cursed polls. Yes they are funny most of the time and you guys have plenty of characters to choose from for the meme and cursed variety. But your fandom also has a list of characters that fall under the should I mark this as mature content because of what is inevitably going to end up in the tags and comments. Because I have seen your characters referred to as "daddy" or "mommy" Way more than JJK or the other two members of the unhinged trio and those fandoms are way more crazy collectively.

Trigun is the most loyal ride or die fandom that will show up for any poll with one of their characters no matter what. With a level of enthusiasm that is impressive but lacks the pure crazy of the unhinged trio

Mob Psycho 100 I've only had one character submitted from your show but you guys show up almost as much as Trigun but I don't know if that loyalty translates to other characters

Jojo you guys either show up and vote and reblog quietly or are just as bad as the unhinged trio 50/50 chance also depends on the character so I never know what to expect.

Now Attack on Titan. Is that fandom alive? Because I have gotten a few requests to do their characters but they have never shown up to defend their character. Which is funny because they're still in the top 20 anime and Manga fandom charts. But as far as I can tell the fandom does not exist or they're invisible so are you guys doing okay? I know the final season was supposed to be traumatic or something but I mean so was JJK season 2 and it just turned that fandom into an unhinged mess so you all should be fine or at least have a pulse. Do you guys need to speak to the Hannibal fandom for support? I mean they're still alive all these years later even after their tragic ending.

Hunter x Hunter You're a fandom that shows up consistently. Vote and reblog but you don't make a scene. That's all I can really say. It's very similar to how the Trigun fandom behaves but not quite the same enthusiasm as Trigun that is ride or die no matter the character

Fate is another fandom where you either show up or you don't. There is no in between. I wonder if it depends on the character. But I don't know. There just hasn't been enough polls

Soul Eater. You guys are unhinged only when it comes to Stein any other character I don't know but Stein 100% ride or die.

Dungeon Meshi very similar to JoJo except if it's Senshi or Falin guaranteed you guys will be just as bad if not worse than the unhinged trio any other character there's a chance you might not show up at all

Now to all the people who find the Senshi polls annoying. I would like to apologize for the monster I mean meme I accidentally created. It was never my intention for this to get out of hand I hope you can forgive me one day. But apparently they're going to kill King Charles. I still don't get it I might be getting old

If I haven't mentioned your fandom, it's probably because your characters don't get submitted enough for me to notice a trend but I will be watching. This is just what I've observed so far I hope you enjoyed my observations. I found these trends interesting

#not a poll #just my two cents #fandom #fandom culture #poll analysis

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riding-the-sunset-bird · 1 year ago

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Hello again~!

Last time, we talked about Cove's appearance and what choices influence it, but for this post, we're discussing Cove's warm/moderate/cold traits and what choices add to them. I'll be listing every single instance in Step 1 that affects whether Cove is warm or cold, along with how the game uses that information to figure out what Cove you get in Step 2.

As a bonus, I'll also be showing a few instances from Step 2 as examples/reference of the different types of Cove you can get.

First things first, Cove's appearance has nothing to do with his personality... technically. With or without the Cove Creator, a Cove can have any appearance while also being as warm/moderate/cold as you end up making him.

Now, I say technically because there are options in the game that will influence both his appearance and if he gets more warm/cold, but that's more along the lines of those choices happening to line up (I'll note them when we get there, of course) rather than a personality trait being intrinsically linked to his appearance.

Secondly, warm (affable), moderate (candid), and cold (quiet) are how Cove reacts to things. According to assorted posts from GB Patch themselves:

Warm Cove is more friendly and thoughtful, Cold Cove is more closed off and blunt, or Cove can be somewhere in-between the two. Warm Cove is more likely to make jokes or hold conversations, whereas Cold Cove is more straight to the point and quieter. They'll treat the MC in a similar way to everyone else unless they're particularly close or romantically involved, in which case Warm Cove is more willing to tease the MC/give them a friendly hard time while Cold Cove will more clearly side with/support the MC.

What Cove does to initiate things in his relationship with the MC isn't based on being warm or cold, but what the status of their relationship is and how long they've been in it. Warm Cove will just be more teasing/bold about it, unlike Cold Cove who will be more straightforward/longing. In addition, a Cold Cove will be clingier with the MC and prefers time with them without others (though there will naturally be exceptions).

Moderate Cove is as close to Step 1 Cove as he can be, not gaining any new traits in particular.

Whether Cove is warmer or colder won't largely impact his relationships with important people: only how he expresses his relationship to them.

The tutorial of the game also has its own descriptions of how a warm/moderate/cold Cove works:

A moderate Cove remains straightforward and candid with how he tends to interact with people. A Cove on the 'warm' side can be more polite and personable, might have longer conversations or add in some lighthearted teasing. He's affable. A Cove on the 'cold' side tends to say things more briefly, especially with those he isn't close with, be needier and more serious. He's quiet. It's possible to have him fall somewhere in between, rather than only being at one extreme end or the other. No matter what, Cove is an introvert who is sentimental and tends to get flustered when it comes to romance.

Thirdly, Cove has five states on his spectrum between warm and cold: Warm, Warm-Moderate, Moderate, Cold-Moderate, and Cold. He'll never say something on the warm side of things if he's cold and vice versa. For the most part, the game only cares if Cove is cold (any degree of cold), moderate (not cold nor warm), or warm (any degree of warm), with some variation if Cove is a little less cold (Cold-Moderate) or a little less warm (Warm-Moderate). These are shown on the Cove Creator but can also be done by the player under certain conditions.

The general "rules" of how to get a cold or warm Cove without using the Cove Creator vary. You can't act in only one way and hope to end up with the right Cove.

Again, according to GB Patch, to get a warm Cove you have call him out/scold him, tease or crack jokes with him, and include other people or talk about them when possible. Encourage Cove to do new things or things he might be hesitant about, to be more outgoing, and to be nicer overall. However, if your MC is on the shy side or won't stand up for themself, Cove could also become warm simply because he's being prompted to be more protective/outgoing because you won't defend yourself.

It's the opposite with a cold Cove, where you should be protective of him, affirm his mindset/agree with things he says, speak up for him so he doesn't have to, and try to keep other people out of your personal bubble with him as much as possible. At the same time, abandoning Cove or leaving him by himself can also make him cold in certain circumstances, and a quiet MC could lead to him also being quiet if he gets the feeling that he doesn't have to be loud himself.

Sorry for the ramble, just wanted to get out all possible information since it's far more complicated than changing what Cove looks like. Now, onto the actual internal mechanics that everyone was probably looking for.

How it works in the game's code is a point system. For simplicity's sake, we'll call them Cold/Warm Points and say that we're doing all of this in Step 1.

When you choose an option in the game related to these points, it will add a single (very rarely more) warm/cold point depending on which it was. If you're playing blind, going through more moments in order to pick more options increases your chances of getting a warm or cold Cove, whereas a moderate Cove is more likely if you're only zipping through the game while playing as few moments as possible.

The game will look at the final points you have at the end of a step to decide whether your Cove is warm, cold, or somewhere in the middle. If you have the same amount of both warm and cold points, the game will essentially flip a coin to choose between them rather than outright giving you a moderate Cove.

Having 12 or more points in either Cold or Warm locks you out of Moderate Cove. You'll end up with either a Warm-Moderate or Cold-Moderate Cove from having 12-19 Warm/Cold Points (again, whichever you have more of, or whatever the game decides on the coin flip if the points are even), then are guaranteed a fully Cold/Warm Cove once you have 20 or more points.

If you've ever been confused why you have a fully cold or fully warm Cove when you felt like you'd been doing an equal amount of either, that's why. You likely had 20+ points in either of them and the game threw away your points in the other trait. The game only focuses on which you have more of.

In terms of Moderate Cove, one way to consider it is that the moderate trait is not something to achieve. As stated before, moderate is the closest to Step 1 Cove, so it's the equivalent of doing nothing/keeping Cove as he is. You need less than 12 points in Cold as well as Warm in order to get a Cove exactly in the middle.

It's a balancing act. You still have wiggle room where you're free to choose options you know won't match up to the Cove you want so long as you're watching your points. If you want a fully cold Cove, you can choose as many warm options as you want so long as you make sure that you have more cold points in the end.

All the props to anyone who has the dedication to read all of these, by the way, because these are all the chances you have to make Cove warm/cold.

Step 1 - Prologue

The MC first meets Cove and is asked how they know his name (if you agreed to help Cliff):

"I met your dad." [warm +1]

"I'm all-knowing!" [cold +1]

"Lucky guess." [warm +1]

The MC first meets Cove if you chose to run away from Cliff:

"Who are you? I've never seen you." [warm +1]

"What's your name anyway?" [no change]

You waited for him to say something. [warm +1]

Cove asks if poppy hill is owned by the MC:

"Yep." [no change]

"You can't own a hill." [cold +1]

You shook your head. [warm +1]

Cove vents to the MC and says that he wants his real life and mom back:

"I'm sorry..." [warm +1]

"Your dad seems kinda nice." [warm +1]

"You'll like it here, you just have to get used to it." [cold +1]

"Stop crying." [cold +1]

Cove tells the MC not to call out to the parents because he doesn't want to go back to his house in Sunset Bird:

"You can handle it." [warm +1]

"You have to go." [warm +1]

"Don't worry so much." [warm +1]

"Sorry, I have to." [cold +1]

"It will be okay!" [cold +1]

Cove apologizes and says that he still doesn't want to go:

You called out yourself. [warm +1]

You waited silently with him. [warm +1]

You tried to convince him. [cold +1]

Cove points out one of MC's pictures and says he likes it:

"Me too." [cold +1]

"I drew that!" [warm +1]

"Thank you." [warm +1]

"I don't." [no change]

Cove brings down the MC's box of shells without their permission:

"Great." [warm +1]

"Okay, but be careful." [cold +1]

"You should've asked." [warm +1]

Cove takes one of the shells and says that he thinks it's the best:

"That's my favorite too!" [cold +1]

"I like a different one best. I can show it to you." [warm +1]

"You can take it." -> You insisted. [warm +1]

"You can take it." -> You let it go. [no change]

Cove tries to escape the house after hearing about Shiloh:

"Do you want to break your other arm?" [cold +1]

"Shiloh is the least scary person alive." [warm +1]

"Cheer up. Shiloh's gonna like you." [warm +1]

"Please don't get hurt!" [cold +1]

"I'll come with you." [no change]

"Good idea! Let's go." [no change]

Cove talks about how he doesn't want to see Shiloh because he doesn't know him:

You teased him. [warm +1]

You comforted him. [cold +1]

You encouraged him. [warm +1]

Cove being fearful at Lizzie's comment about the mean grandparents hating kids:

"Only some of them don't like kids." [warm +1]

"Stop saying stuff like that. You're gonna upset him." [cold +1]

"Yeah, they're really bad." [no change]

Shopping

Cove offers to buy the MC a keychain:

"Really? Really?" [warm +1]

"Are you sure...?" [warm +1]

"Hooray!" [cold +1]

"You don't have to." [cold +1]

"I don't want you to get it for me." [no change]

The casual comment MC makes to Cove while Cove is examining his new sand pail:

"Why is your dad always giving people money?" / "Your dad gives out money a lot, huh?" / "Does your dad always give out money like that...?" [warm +1]

"Thanks for the keychain!" / "I really like this keychain." / "Thanks for getting me it." [cold +1]

"Forget it." / "Never mind." / "Nothing..." [cold +1]

Cove's balloon pops and he starts to cry:

You made a joke. [cold +1 on Indifferent, warm +1 on Fond or Crush]

You offered to find Alexander. [warm +2]

"You offered to give Cove your balloon." [cold +2]

"You didn't say anything. He would be alright." [warm +1]

Grown Up

Lizzie asks the MC what they think of her idea of playing pretend:

"Cove said it. That doesn't sound fun." [cold +1]

"I bet we could come up with something else." [warm +1]

"I don't know..." [cold +1]

"I want to." [warm +1]

Lizzie continues to try and convince the MC if they're unsure about participating:

"I'll try it, but that sounds boring." [warm +1]

"Okay, okay, I'll stay." [cold +1]

"Sorry, I have other stuff to do." [warm +1]

You kept hesitating. [no change]

(the game will also add and extra cold +1 if you choose not to participate in playing pretend while on Fond or Crush with Cove)

Cove and Lizzie argue about mansions versus being on the beach:

You'd prefer a mansion. [no change]

Being on the beach was cooler. [no change]

You wanted to agree with Lizzie. [warm +1]

Cove was right. [cold +1]

You were tired of deciding between either of them. [warm +1]

Long Day

MC seeing Cove crying on the street:

Defended Cove. [cold +1]

Took a moment to make a joke. [no change on Indifferent but warm +1 on Fond or Crush]

Accused Lizzie of causing trouble. [warm +1]

Carefully asked about what happened. [warm +1]

Cove and Shiloh talk about their situation with their parents:

You joked about Shiloh's mom getting together with Cove's dad. [no change]

"Even if they're all different, our parents are good in their own ways." [no change]

You didn't say anything. [warm +1]

Sandcastle

MC makes a mansion sandcastle and Shiloh comments on the "house":

"It's not a big house. It's a mansion." [warm +1]

"I guess mansions are just really big houses..." [cold +1]

"Thanks!" [warm +1]

You just looked at him. [no change]

The MC is confused by Cove's story:

"...Okay." [cold +1]

"Why did you want to tell the story if nothing happened?" [warm +1]

"You really gotta get better at telling stories." [no change]

"That was a pretty bad story." [warm +1]

"Thanks for telling me." [cold +1]

Cove asks the MC why Shiloh got upset with him:

"You were being rude to him." [warm +1]

"He's just being a baby." [cold +1]

"You shouldn't make fun of him."

"I don't know. It's just Shiloh." [cold +1]

"He gets embarrassed." [warm +1]

You shrugged at Cove with no answer to give. [no change]

Fireflies

The MC gets the chance to ask Cove if he's joining them for fireflies:

"Cove, are you going to catch fireflies with us?" [warm +1]

"You could come outside with us, if you want to..." [warm +1]

You weren't sure what to say now. [no change]

The MC notices that Cove is lagging behind the group:

"Are you not gonna come?" [cold +1]

You tugged him along. [cold +1 on Indifferent but warm +1 on Fond or Crush]

You walked with him. [cold +1]

You waved at him to hurry. [warm +1]

You ran off. [no change]

A firefly lands on Cove's head:

Shiloh couldn't help but giggle. [no change]

You and Shiloh couldn't help but giggle. [warm +1]

You quietly looked on. [no change]

You shooed the bug away. [cold +1]

The MC catches a firefly and watches Cove fail at one:

You encouraged him to try again. [warm +1]

You told him about the firefly you had. [cold +1]

You made a joke about what happened. [no change]

You did your own things. [no change]

Cove accidentally scares the MC's firefly away:

You scolded him. [warm +1]

You forgave him. [cold +1]

You teared up. [warm +1]

The MC watches Cove fail another firefly (if they chose to sit out further firefly hunting):

You cheered him on. [warm +1]

You scared him. [cold +1]

You waited to see what happened. [no change]

Library

The MC is given the choice of whether to go with Cove or Lizzie:

"Cove's idea is more fun." [cold +1]

"I'll stick with Lizzie." [warm +1]

"I'd rather go exploring." [no change]

"The quiz sounds better." [no change]

Go over to Cove. [cold +1]

Stay next to Lizzie. [warm +1]

(the game will also add an extra cold +1 if you choose to go with Cove and an extra warm +1 if you choose to go with Lizzie)

Ghost

The MC notices a sleepy Cove the morning after choosing not to go outside:

"Cove?" [cold +1]

You made an awkward noise to try getting his attention. [warm +1]

You poked him. [warm +1]

You shook him. [warm +1]

Cove admits that he went outside the night before when the MC didn't:

"Really?! That was brave." [warm +1]

"You did? That sounds like it was a risky idea." [cold +1]

"What did you find?" [no change]

The MC chooses to go outside after hearing the scary noise:

"Did you hear a weird noise?" [warm +1]

"You should be in bed." [warm +1]

"Because what?" [cold +1]

"I'm glad you're here." [no change]

Cove asks if the noise scared the MC:

"Yeah..." [warm +1]

"No." [cold +1]

"A little." [no change]

The MC speculates on what the sound could be from:

"It could be anything." [no change]

"It had to be a ghost!" [cold +1]

"There's gotta be a regular reason for it." [warm +1]

The MC and Cove hear the noise again:

"You stayed frozen to the spot." [no change]

"You took a deep breath to calm yourself." [warm +1]

"You ran to hide behind Cove." [no change]

"You comforted him." [cold +1]

"You offered him your hand." [no change]

"We don't need to be scared." [warm +1]

You focused ahead. [warm +1]

Cove offers his hand to the MC if she gave specific responses:

"You accepted his hand." [cold +1]

"You didn't take his hand." [no change]

"You gripped his arm instead." [warm +1]

Cove complains at the park about his dad's garlic flakes in a jar:

"Flakes might be easier to use." [warm +1]

"It's still real garlic, just already chopped up." [warm +1]

"That can't taste as good." [cold +1]

"We won't need it anyway." [cold +1]

Cove tells a story at the beach about fake teeth he found that his mom took:

"Too bad. Think of the prank opportunities!" [warm +1]

"The right thing to do." [warm +1]

"Gross." [cold +1]

"Way stranger than the stuff I've seen." [warm +1]

"Still not as strange as things I've found." [cold +1]

The MC speculates on the type of story she and Cove would be in while they're at the park:

"It's a horror story." -> "You stopped." [cold +1]

"It's a horror story." -> "You kept the tale going." [warm +1]

"It's an action story." [warm +1] {note that this will put on Step 2 Cove's left pink beaded bracelet}

"It's a fantasy story." [warm +1] {note that this will put on Step 2 Cove's left pink beaded bracelet}

"It's a documentary." [cold +1]

Cove complains about his dad never being happy with him:

"You sympathized." [cold +1]

"You encouraged Cove to see it more positively." [warm +1]

"You stayed out of it." [cold +1]

"You didn't know how to react to that." [warm +1]

Barbecue

Cove tells the MC about his fish and talks about needing an extra thermometer (if the MC stayed with the parents instead of chasing the kids):

"I'll find one." [warm +1]

"I know all about that. I'll find one." [cold +1]

"I'll ask my moms. Can I help you test it?" [warm +1]

"I'll ask my moms." [warm +1]

"It'll be fine. You don't have to do that much checking." [cold +1]

"I don't think so." [no change]

The MC, Lizzie, and Cove get sprayed with water by a kid at the park:

"Don't spray people!" [warm +1]

You laughed. [warm +1]

"Watch out! He has a cast!" [cold +1]

You pushed her away. [cold +1]

The MC decides to hang back and watch as the kids chase after the water sprayer:

"Go, go!" [warm +1]

You clapped. [no change]

You watched quietly. [no change]

Lizzie and Cove argue over whose choices of ingredients are better/wrong:

"There isn't a wrong choice." [warm +1]

"We all made good choices." [warm +1]

"Same to you, Lizzie." [cold +1]

You sighed. [no change]

Noelani (Mommy) asks Pamela (Mom), Cove, and the MC if they want to get drinks:

You nodded. [cold +1]

"Okay, I'll get all the stuff we need." [cold +1]

"No. I want to help pick the spot!" [warm +1]

"I don't wanna get drinks..." [warm +1]

You considered your options. [warm +1]

Runaway

Cove being surprised that the MC wants to go with him and asks if they don't think it's a bad idea:

"Nope. It's like we're going on an adventure." [cold +1]

"It's not a big deal, right? We're gonna have fun." [warm +1]

"I don't know. But if you're doing it anyway, I should too." [cold +1]

"It might be a bad idea, but..." [warm +1]

Cove gets upset and storms away after the MC tells him that they'll tell their moms what he's doing:

"Come back!" [warm +1]

"You're so stupid!" [warm +1]

"I'm sorry!" [cold +1]

"Please don't go!" [cold +1]

You were frozen from shock. [no change]

The MC goes to look for Cove after being told that he's run away:

"There you are!" [cold +1]

"Are you crazy?!" [warm +1]

"I'm so happy you're here!" [cold +1]

"I've been looking everywhere for you!" [warm +1]

"I knew you'd be here." [cold +1]

You were just as stunned, and it left you silent. [warm +1]

The MC talks to Cove after finding him:

"What are you gonna do now?" [warm +1]

"Are you okay?" [cold +1]

"We should head back now." [warm +1]

The MC tries to convince Cove to go back after finding him and he refuses to go:

"Why not?!" [cold +1]

"How come?" [warm +1]

"Why? Why can't we just go?" [no change]

"You're stupid!" [warm +1]

"I don't understand why you can't go back." [cold +1]

Cove explains to the MC that he's trying to go to his mother's house:

"How are you gonna get to your mom's place?" [warm +1]

"That's such a bad idea!" [warm +1]

This was all just too much, and you started to cry. -> "No. I want to go home." [warm +1]

This was all just too much, and you started to cry. -> "No. I don't feel good." [cold +1]

This was all just too much, and you started to cry. -> "No. I don't want you to go." [cold +1]

This was all just too much, and you started to cry. -> "No. You shouldn't do stuff like this." [warm +1]

This was all just too much, and you started to cry. -> You simply shook your head "no". [warm +1]

"Do you know the directions to your old house?" [cold +1]

"You're being selfish." -> "I was only trying to help." [cold +1]

"You're being selfish." -> "I came 'cause you're my friend and I like you. Don't you like and care about me, too?" [no change]

"You're being selfish." -> "You're horrible." [no change]

"You're being selfish." -> "It isn't just me. You're making everyone upset for yourself." [warm +1]

"You're being selfish." -> You couldn't even reply to him after that. [no change]

Cove denies the MC's claim that his mother won't forget him:

"Everything will be okay if we just go home." [warm +1]

"We can't stay here forever, and we can't go out there. We've gotta go back." [cold +1]

"Then we'll stay out here. I'm not gonna go back." [no change]

Cove non-seriously says that he wants to run away again so he doesn't have to see the people who were worried about him:

"Hey, maybe I should try that." [no change]

"That isn't gonna help." [no change]

"They'll forgive you." [warm +1]

"Please never run away again." [cold +1]

Cove apologizes for fighting with the MC over his running away:

"And you won't do it again?" [warm +1]

"I'm sorry, too." [no change]

You took in his apology wordlessly. [cold +1]

Sleepover

Lizzie brags about "winning" the race with the MC:

"You didn't win, 'cause you were racing by yourself." [cold +1]

"Because you cheated." [warm +1]

"Okay, you won." [no change]

You didn't bother trying to talk to her about that. [warm +1]

Cove debates on where to sit at the table:

"Sit next to me." [warm +1]

"You can sit anywhere you want to." [warm +1]

You stayed quiet. [no change]

Cove is torn about eating the food the MC's moms are serving:

You let your moms handle this. [warm +1]

"I think you would like the pineapple chicken. It's yummy." [warm +1]

"Give me your plate." [cold +1]

"You should try something new." [warm +1]

Cove sighs in his sleeping bag, distressed:

"What's wrong?" [cold +1]

"What was that?" [warm +1]

"Could you be less loud?" [no change]

"Could you be quieter, please?" [no change]

"Stop that." [no change]

MC talks about the storybook that Cove picked up:

"I love the main character 'cause the squire's really brave and funny." [warm +1] {note that this will give Step 2 Cove the white and bright pink jacket}

"It has cool pictures. Some of them even take up the whole page." [cold +1] {note that this will give Step 2 Cove the gray and black jacket}

"Mommy reads it to me. She uses different voices for every character." [warm +1] {note that this will give Step 2 Cove the white and bright pink jacket}

"There's a dragon in it and crazy things happen." [cold +1] {note that this will give Step 2 Cove the gray and black jacket}

Step 1 - Ending

(warm +1 if the MC chooses to go home instead of staying with Cove)

The MC watches Cove skip a rock across the water:

"You can't skip rocks in the ocean." [warm +1]

"What are you doing?" [no change]

You looked for your own rock. [cold +1]

Cove sulks about the cast on his arm:

"When do you get it off?" [cold +1]

"How'd you get it?" [warm +1]

Cove says that he still wants to go home:

"Do you hate it here?" [no change] {note that this will give Step 2 Cove the middle-parted hair}

"This can be your home." [warm +1] {note that this will give Step 2 Cove the fluffy hair}

"It'll be alright." [cold +1]

Cove asks the MC if they're not going to leave:

"Of course." [warm +1]

"I don't know." [no change]

Cove says that he can't see himself feeling better:

You held his hand. [cold +1 and warm +1]

"I can." [warm +1]

"I'll make sure you do." [cold +1]

And that's everything in Step 1!

Now, as promised, I'll also give some examples from Step 2 to showcase the different reactions of different Coves depending on the situation (most are obviously on Fond/Crush).

Step 2 - Intro (Cove's first appearance where he presents the fruit bouquet)

Moderate Cove

Cove: "This thing was definitely dad's idea. I would've gone for something else. But, if you can't eat it all, I wouldn't mind taking a couple skewers." He smiled, looking amusedly at the gift then back to you. You called that one.

Warm/Warm-Moderate Cove

Cove: "I hope you and your family like this. It's a pretty good gift. I think so, anyway." He smiled earnestly. Cove: "Dad spent a lot of time picking out the best size and design. There were so many options to choose from."

Cold/Cold-Moderate Cove

Cove: "Well. That's everything..." Though he said that, he made no move to go. You could tell he was reluctant to.

Wave (after Cove accidentally splashes the MC)

Cold Cove/Cold-Moderate Cove

Cove: "Did that hit you? Sorry." You could tell he really did feel bad that you had gotten caught in the crossfire.

Warm/Warm-Moderate Cove

Cove: "Sorry!" The apology did not come across as especially repentant, as he was practically laughing when he said it.

Moderate Cove

Cove: "Huh? Oh. Sorry." The apology did not come across as especially repentant, as he was smiling the entire time he said it.

Family (if the MC chooses to speak to Cove about their adoption story and Cove hugs/touches the MC's shoulder, giving them his sympathy)

MC: You don't have to do this.

Cold/Cold-Moderate Cove

Cove: "Yes I do."

Warm/Warm-Moderate Cove

Cove: "I want to."

Moderate Cove

Cove: "Nobody is making me."

Dinner (when Cove walks into his living room and sees the MC talking with his parents)

Warm/Warm-Moderate Cove

Cove: "You made it! Thanks for coming." Cove's voice was unnaturally loud, as if he thought you wouldn't be able to hear him from where you were, only a few feet away.

Cold/Cold-Moderate Cove

Cove: "Hey. Thanks for being here." There was nothing unusual about the words in his greeting. But you could tell something was wrong from the way he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

Moderate Cove

Cove: "...Hi. Thanks. For, uh, coming here." Cove's greeting was unusually stiff. You also noticed that he had yet to say anything to his parents.

Road Trip (during the walk through the Redwood National Park)

Elizabeth: "I can't believe our families are actually on vacation together." She threw her arms out, speaking with a genuine sense of bewilderment. Elizabeth: "I would've joked about something like this happening, but now I'm not sure I wanna give them any more ideas."

Warm Cove

Cove smiled at her, even if it was a little awkwardly, and continued walking along.

Cold/Cold-Moderate Cove

Cove ignored her completely and continued walking along.

Warm-Moderate Cove/Moderate Cove

Cove spared her a look but said nothing, and instead continued walking along.

Mall (when the MC asks for a sip of Cove's smoothie; Fond only)

Cove smiled softly, and finally, he offered the cup to you. You held the cup in both hands and took a sip. MC: "Thanks."

Warm/Warm-Moderate Cove

Cove: "You're welcome. It was kind of a sacrifice, you know. This is really good." Taking his drink back, Cove's smile seemed to grow bigger. His teasing tone made you grin. MC: "It is."

Moderate Cove

Cove: "This is really good, but I could give some up for you." Cove's smile seemed to grow as he took his drink back. He wasted no time and started drinking it again.

Cold/Cold-Moderate Cove

Cove: "I can't say no to you." He took his cup back still with a tiny smile and got back to drinking it again.

Birthday (as the gummy bear toss is starting and people are pairing up)

Cold/Cold-Moderate Cove

He just stared at you expectantly and you knew what he was getting at.

Warm/Warm-Moderate Cove

Cove: "Could we be partners?"

Moderate Cove

Cove: "We're gonna be partners, right?"

Summerwork (when Derek is struggling to reach a book that's too high for him to reach)

Warm/Warm-Moderate Cove

Cove: "Do you need help with that?"

Moderate Cove/Cold-Moderate Cove

Cove: "There are step stools. I saw one a few rows over."

Cold Cove

(Cove does nothing at all)

Escapade (if the MC refuses Cove's offer to dry off inside his house, not wanting to trouble him)

Cold/Cold-Moderate Cove

Cove: "I want to stay with you."

Warm/Warm-Moderate Cove/Moderate Cove

Cove: "I really don't wanna just leave you out here."

Step 2 - Ending (when the MC has the option to hug Cove good-bye)

Warm/Warm-Moderate Cove

Cove hugged you back tightly and his chest rumbled as he laughed.

Cold/Cold-Moderate Cove

Cove took a second to return the hug, surprised. He leaned into you and held on. Then he hovered nearby with a small smile on his face when it ended.

Moderate Cove

Cove hugged you back and broke the hug after a few seconds. He nodded at you and grinned.

Ideally, that should be enough to give a rough idea of how each Cove reacts to things if anyone needs it!

I hope this helps everyone understand the code a bit more, or just generally helps out people who maybe want to get a certain Cove without "cheating" via the Cove Creator. This was quite the endeavor to gather all this code because of what I said earlier about it being longer and more complicated than just changing Cove's appearance.

May all your future Coves be exactly as warm, moderate, or cold as you want~

#our life #our life: beginnings & always #olba #cove holden #type: cracking the cove

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torahtot · 12 days ago

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you can always tell when someone doesn't have maga men in their life and god it makes me angry.. "if you're nice and compassionate you can be the one woman that makes them realize women aren't mean!" my mom bent over backwards for my dad for 25 fucking years he has plenty of other women kissing his ass and it never changed anything. do you really think that before being radicalized they never knew a single kind woman? they were never friends with a nice girl? alt-right men's problem with women isn't just that they've experienced too many mean women and they need to be shown that women can be nice, it's that they think women are inferior and don't deserve rights and don't understand anything so you can do what you want with them. and it takes a lot more than being nice to show someone that you aren't inferior. this isn't a case of being nice even when it's hard for the sake of deradicalization, it's about spending every fucking interaction with someone trying to get them to see you as a human being with value and a functioning intellect while they just laugh and show you that's never going to happen.

i cannot stress this enough: random women are not just going out and Being Mean to men. ur average guy interacts with plenty of women throughout his life- close women amongst their friends and family, casual interactions etc. most people don't start out being shunned by women, they start out being treated as NORMAL. & when they show their disrespect in normal society, it isn't tolerated, but when they go to alt-right spaces (which they're pushed towards online) they're told they're allowed to be as horrible as they want with no consequences because they're entitled to everything. it isn't "women aren't welcoming and the alt-right is so friendly so i'll become alt-right," it's "women don't let me disrespect them and the alt-right tells me fuck them, do whatever you want, you're entitled to it all" and why would you choose the group where you have to be a normal accountable person when there's a group that will reward you for being a shithead who gives no fucks?

the alt-right can afford to be more friendly and welcoming because they can allow bigotry. this can't work the same way for progressive spaces because we can be as kind & welcoming as possible but at the end of the day we have lines where we have to say "this behavior/speech isn't allowed in this space," and for certain people, that just can't win against a space where you can be as nasty as you want. these posts always end with a disclaimer saying "of course being kind doesnt mean you need to tolerate their bigotries" but what they don't realize and what drives me crazy is that women not tolerating bigotry IS the "women are mean" that radicalized them in the first place. they perceive you pushing back on any bigotry or bullshit as you being a meanie and treating them like they're ontologically evil. the 'kindness' they need to be deradicalized is you letting them walk all over you.

idk what the answer is to deradicalizing them and im sure relationships are part of it but you can be as kind as you want and all it will do is destroy you ime. i cant stand to see people (who have never even successfully deradicalized any man by being nice btw they always speak in hypotheticals and not from experience) double down on telling women to do things that will see no results and only hurt them, especially when any woman who has tried can tell you exactly how it went

#being as nasty as possible & shitting on everyone while giving no fucks makes you popular in certain spaces. that's tempting no matter what #to immature ppl. part of growing up is learning that you cant do that and real relationships need you to not do that #but that sucks. you could just ignore it and join the alt-right to be a manchild forever #if ur an asshole who wld u wanna hang out with: ur wife who says please dont be an asshole to me or ur bros who say she's a hysterical bitc #& u did nothing wrong?#if u had a maga dad/brother/uncle & u heard the way they talk about women its never abt being mean lol #it's abt how women are hysterical & sensitive & get upset at everything they do #im so sorry but a normal guy (i know & am friends with many) doesnt simply become an MRA because his girl friends made 1 men suck joke #if a guy truly has no fulfilling friendships with women or girls to the point where some feminist group 'being too mean' can radicalize him #bc he doesnt have any kind women in his life to prove that wrong. he already had issues.#you reach a certain point in your friendship with these guys where youve been SO kind and so supportive and welcoming and played therapist #for ages and then they turn around and say 'im voting trump cuz i like his personality better lol i dont care about rights and that bs'#even if you can deradicalize someone by being kind thats years of insane unreciprocated energy for ONE guy #who will end up being the person who never posts abt feminism except to say i became alt right because women were mean so be nice girls!#nobody tells anyone else to accept full blown bigots in their spaces either much less BEFRIEND them #bc nobody is expected to do this kind of service except women. <3 #eat ass.

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javis-burner-phone · 4 months ago

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To Writers in the Pedro Pascal Fandom:

This fandom went full Chernobyl this summer. I need a hazmat suit to get through these tags. I recently saw an anon reach out to a fic writer here.

The anon is right that there's a problem in the fandom space, but they're misplacing blame. I'm writing this post for the non-hateful writers that have tried to feel a part of the community, but ended up feeling left out. I'm posting this on a burner account for obvious reasons that you'll see below:

The hateful posts about "big writers" have absolutely disgusted me, but I can relate to the frustration that many fic writers are expressing. We see very fun and active areas of the fandom where writers are communal, hyping each other up, reblogging fics, but only within certain friend groups. Most of us writers don't have that. Instead this fandom sometimes feels like a desolate wasteland for many of us.

Here's where us writers need to place the blame:

Since the introduction of algorithms, there has been a cyclical effect: popular Tumblr posts are boosted due to everyone's default feed settings and posts from new, lesser known blogs are pushed down.

Over years, this has impacted fandom spaces in a sort of feedback loop. We're currently seeing the late stages of this. This effect pushes most fandom activity towards the already popular blogs by default. (Yes, Tumblr has always shown popular posts first, but algorithms, and the feedback loops they create, have made the effect stronger over the years.)

Is that the "big writers" faults? No. Are friend groups to blame? No. In fact, we should have more friend groups in this fandom. That's how fandoms used to be. There were dozens of overlapping friend groups that would have long reblog chains and mainly interact with each other. New people could find other new people pretty easily and make their own groups.

Now new people/smaller blogs are far less exposed to other new people/smaller blogs by default. *That* is the problem.

Eventually, I found my people. I feel a part of the community and you can too.

You just need to make 3 virgin sacrifices and find the lochness monster in order to do so. What I mean is, it takes a lot more effort than it used to. Be ready for that:

1. Sort by "Latest posts" when searching fandom hashtags. Imagine if Ao3 used an algorithm to show popular fics first instead of sorting by most recent fics. New writers would be screwed, right? That's what Tumblr does. Support posts that resonate with you, but have low engagement. Leave likes, comments, reblogs! Guess what happens when someone that feels isolated in this fandom gets a bunch of notes from you? They're gonna check out your blog. They may want to connect!

2. DM people. Is there a lesser known blogger whose posts you like? Ask to be mutuals! Start a conversation! If you can't be social it's gonna be near impossible to build community. Sorry if you have anxiety, but that's the truth. Warning: half the convos will fizzle out. Move on to the next person as soon as you sense this.

3. Don't try to connect with bigger blogs for friendship. I've tried and as long as you gush over them, they respond, but the interaction ends there. DMing them works, but the convos almost always feel one sided and fizzle out. I'm mutuals with some bigger bloggers, but I had to add their usernames to my filtered content list in account settings. This means they can see my stuff, but I can't see theirs. Seeing them have fun in their friend group just reminds me of my failed attempts to connect. Maybe filtering them isn't fair, but that's how I deal with my negative emotions. No, they are not rude for not befriending me. I don't feel entitled to friendship.

(edit: I got a weird anon about this part. It's more difficult to befriend people who already have close-knit connections here. It's not impossible, but I've had much better luck with fellow isolated fandom members. The secret ingredient is our shared desperation lol. Befriend whoever you want ❤️)

4. Join/start a small PPCU discord server. The big servers will just make you feel more isolated, but the intimate ones are way more communal and it's easier to make stronger connections there than on Tumblr.

These tips are for people that actually want to find solutions instead of spreading hate and complaining.

I'm saying this as someone that averages 50 notes on most of my fics after a year in this fandom(edit: saw this poll and thought I'd clarify. I get 50 notes now, but for 8ish months I got 5 on a lucky day. This post is for people who still feel isolated because I know how it feels.) It takes way more effort than in the early 2010s to feel a part of a fandom, not because of cliques, but because of the feedback loops the algorithm creates.

I understand the frustration, but I'm not going to spread vitriol just because the fandom ecosystem went to shit.

#ppcu fandom #pedro pascal fandom #tw discourse #cw discourse #javier peña #joel miller #javi gutierrez #din djarin #marcus pike

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staghunters · 4 months ago

Text

The case for an ND reading of Jackie Taylor, a decently-sized post.

I got a lot of scrambled thoughts on this, and they need a space for coherence. Maybe this is more for my own headcanon-ing, but feel free to take this if you want to. A lot of this comes down to a certain reading of text that I do with a certain kind of lens that may not be there for everyone. And that's fine! This is just silly analysis stuff that I wanted to do.

Am I an "authority figure" on this? Probably not by some standards! I consider myself to be on some spectrum, but only my brother has a diagnosis (tm), so do with that what you will.

This a mix of new thoughts and some copy-pasted from messages i sent on discord once.

SO, where to start. The first proper introduction of Jackie with other people is that gruelling opening sequence, but I think the more interesting is her first scene with Shauna where we get the big chunk of what the history is between these two and on what dynamic they interact with each other.

Jackie's got the whole thing color-coded and planned out. She likes that, but from all the other things later in the episode -- and the season -- it becomes very clear that she likes to have some input that ranges from voicing her opinion to micro-managing in order to feel in control and somewhat safe in her position as (social) captain of the Yellowjackets.

That Shauna is going to Rutgers with Jackie is taken as a given by her. One interpretation is that Jackie thinks that Shauna, obviously, will go with her to Rutgers on the basis of their friendship. However, I would like to propose a lil switch in that maybe Jackie hopes that Shauna will go with her to Rutgers. Getting into Brown isn't nothing, and there's gotta be some pointers at High School that Shauna would be/feel overqualified for Rutgers.

High school is a game of social credits. Jackie knows what to wear, what to say, what to do. Coach points out her "influence", and she demonstrates some skills at conflict-resolution during the kegger. Soccer is a game, one that she's very passionate about, as is her supposedly on-and-off-ish thing with Jeff. The funny thing is that Jackie seems way more interested in calling out how her boyfriend's team has been doing at baseball, rather than stuff that concerns him (or the both of them) personally.

To segway back a bit: Everything is a game with rules. Jackie knows them, but is shown to be really out of her element in the wilderness and trying to bring back normal societal rules into it (this will be a surprise tool that will help us later). Is Shauna going with her to Rutgers a naive wish on the basis of their friendship, or is it also so Jackie can have someone to scout and feel out all the social conventions for her? College means that a new playbook needs to be made, and it saves embarassment if you can base it on someone else.

Jackie assuming that Shauna would go along to Rutgers to be her roommate can very well be an expression of "this is my best friend and my sole, kind, understanding constant in my life, and I need her there with me in this unknown territory." College means starting over from scratch, and if we assume the manual-based functioning to be true, then Shauna's presence there to take cues from could help a lot to smooth out this transition.

On the other hand, this is of course the opportunity to drop some masking that Jackie might've been doing. Shauna being there could then very well work against her

My greatest argument, I think, is that you can see the entirety of Jackie's lil subplot of going after Travis as an example of how such a process backfires tremendously against her.

A little step-by-step:

Jackie is shown to give Shauna multiple chances to come clean about the Jeff Thing. Shauna doesn't, but Jackie still sticks around her.

Jackie proposes the plan to have some fun with Travis to Shauna. Shauna voices her thoughts about it, underlining that it would be a bad thing to do to Natalie.

This notion is repeated throughout the episode. Travis himself brings it up, the high group of hunters brings it up, Nat herself looks not too pleased at Jackie and Travis slow-dancing at doomcoming.

There's an interesting reverse happening once the hunter girls confront Jackie about having had sex with Travis. Everyone is out of their minds, so idk how well we can factor in that almost all of them proceed to go after Travis despite mentioning once again that "he's Natalie's".

Doomcoming is post journal discovery, yet quite some time has passed between that and the episode. Jackie makes some very obvious comments at Shauna to signal that She Knows, and the Travis plan is set up after that. Hooking up with Travis can serve the plainly stated "I'm not gonna die a virgin :/", but over the course of the episode, it also creates this whole new catalogue of reactions from the others. And all of these, in their defence of Natalie, would speak in favor of Jackie if the news would break that Shauna had sex with Jeff.

So at the end of Doomcoming, we can get some sort of list of "rules" that would apply out here in the wilderness appendix for the section on CHEATING

People can call dibs on someone, and those are to be respected

Acting like the "bigger person" by calling everyone out on how little value it has out here is not going to do you any favors

The group will react badly if you crossed a line in their eyes. Taking someone's boyfriend falls under that.

It's how she plays the fight with Shauna! Shauna wants to bring up that most problems were caused by Jackie hooking up with Travis, which Jackie follows with an uno-reverse card she now (thinks) she has in her hands

If I (Jackie) hook up with Nat's boyfriend (Travis), then the group takes Natalie's side. Therefore, if Shauna hooked up with my boyfriend, then they should take my side.

And it goes so bad! Shauna outplays her by making the whole fight not about the cheating, but about their friendship as a whole, which Jackie has been viewing way differently and blinded than Shauna and the others. There's plenty of moments of Jackie "not reading the room" and either waving it off as the others being party-poopers or a lil mishap of her own.

Of course the big difference is that Jackie isn't really awkward in the highschool setting. She won homecoming queen for a reason, has many people looking up to her, and Coach Martinez probably made her captain for similar reasons. I guess what I'm going for with what's provided in Doomcoming is that Jackie lacks that "reading the room" skill (we can see it a number of times with Shauna in the pilot. In particular I'd say the Rutgers discussion, the boob dress, and telling Jeff to drop her off first) but makes up for it a lot by having a sort of manual of how to act in certain situations.

She's not seeing how Shauna might feel about her constant input on things. She's not seeing that others might orchestrate stuff outside of her knowledge. Nobody ever outright goes head-to-head with Jackie until the wilderness, and on good grounds there. If rescue isn't coming, we go to the body of water that's just been discovered. But the crash site is (ironically) safe. Whatever might happen if we leave it behind for something we're not even sure of?

It also doesn't look like Jackie has any (good) friends outside of Shauna. Might come with their years long codependence that nobody even wants to put themselves into, but also that with a captain position/being a generally popular high school student, she might not seem as approachable on a personal level. Jackie does make herself very open, and she's shown to be able to set up brief but very attentive conversations (Allie, Mari, Misty) but beyond that on a superficial level, there's not someone who she turns to when she suspects Shauna of something. Shauna's very obvious other friend is of course Taissa, but there's nobody out in the wilderness like that for Jackie.

and for some random bits:

Verbal stuff! The Beaches quote is peak, because who else would drop a line like that in such a moment. If Jackie's lying about not quoting it, then it does really speak of it being a hyper-focus movie (and we can also discuss why Shauna can recognize the movie from just the one line). But I think the possibility of it just being one of those phrases that you whip out like a vine quote, even if you've forgotten the origins of it

Presentation and maybe textures! Her luggage lacking skirts/dresses is… yeah. She wears a dress at the party in the woods and going to school with Shauna in the pilot episode, but besides the doomcoming dress, that's it. The article that says that while the others are already sharing clothes, Jackie sticks to her own wardrobe OR borrows some thing from Shauna (shoutout to the Doomcoming flannel!)

#yellowjackets #jackie taylor #wanna look at her under a microscope

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stayxlix · 1 year ago

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off the deep end. (05)

~(part 5) the weight of the world~

pairing: rebel!felix x reader (f)

genre: non-idol au, post-apocalypse/dystopian au. wc: 21.1k (i have no explanation for this, pls forgive me)

series rating: 18+ **minors do not interact**

chapter warnings: violent mature themes, mentions of murder/death, choking (sexual and not sexual), explicit sexual content (consensual, unprotected sex, oral sex (m receiving), fingering), breeding kink if you squint, oppressive government, fighting, weaponry (gunfire, knife use), injury, blood, language, angst!!!, please lmk if i missed any!!

a/n: thank you all so much for your continued support, i have been absolutely blown away by the kindness and interest you guys have shown for my little story :) it truly means the world to me and as always any feedback, likes, and reblogs are more appreciated than you know. i hope you enjoy.♡♡

~series masterlist~

"because time is a merciless force, far more precious than anything tangible in this world. no matter who you are, no matter where you come from, it always runs out. no matter what you do once it is gone, you will never be able to win it back."

“Don’t let me love you.”

Had he really said that?

Had he really dared to speak it into existence?

Felix squeezed his eyes shut so tightly he saw stars behind them. Stars that reminded him of the night sky, just hours before, with your bodies intertwined on the rooftop underneath it. The steady rhythm of your breathing against his forearm as you slept. And he couldn't lie, the temptation to fall asleep next to you, to let the weariness overtake him was more than strong. Not to mention the fact that Felix was certain it might just be the best night’s sleep he would ever get. But he couldn't afford to fall asleep last night, because he knew what would happen if he didn’t wake up in time.

And yet, Felix didn’t necessarily mind the need to stay awake. Because instead of being kept up by disturbing memories and his own tormenting thoughts that surrounded them, as was the case on most nights, he'd had something else to anchor him to consciousness last night.

You.

Felix spent hours underneath the moonlight lightly brushing the hair from your face whenever the breeze blew it back. He traced over the faint bruises on your skin, bruises left by his fingertips, a stark contradiction to your angelic appearance.

You may not have been an angel in the eyes of the gods above, considering that the things the two of you had done together tonight were far from pure, but you certainly were to him. In that moment, you were an angel to Felix who was everything opposite of what it meant to be one.

You were his angel.

Another gust of wind caused you to shift even closer, seeking refuge in the warmth of his chest, and suddenly Felix was thankful that he had always been warm blooded. He pulled his jacket over you when he noticed the goosebumps decorated across your skin. The wind pushed your hair back once again, and his eyes fell to the deep purple mark on your neck.

Another trace of his cursed touch, burned into your skin.

Stupid.

Stupid how badly he wanted them all to see it. Not just the seven boys downstairs, no, the entirety of all nine districts. He wanted them all to witness the traces he had left on your body. A selfish, dangerous desire that threatened to consume him whole.

If it were up to him, Felix would've spent the rest of eternity in last night. But time had never been a friend to Felix, and he was all too familiar with the fleeting nature of happiness. So when the morning light broke through his half-lidded eyes, he furrowed his brows. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to slip from your arms. A soft whine escaped your lips, and he wondered if you would think he had left by choice when you woke to find him missing. He wondered if it would make you regret last night.

Maybe it would be better if you did.

Felix unwraveled your bodies, carefully lowering your head back down against the blanket. He stood and collected your clothing, folding it and placing it into a neat pile beside your head. And then, after one final glance, his eyes lingering a little longer than they should have on your sleeping form underneath his jacket, he turned to leave.

Because a promise made to the devil can’t be broken.

And the devil waits for no one.

And when Felix returned from hell to find you standing inside the entrance of Yellow Wood next to Chan and Minho, he knew he wasn’t making it out of this unscathed. He knew he was done for when he felt his heartbeat quicken at the mere sight of you with his jacket in your hand and his mark on your neck, left exposed by your hair that probably still had his scent in it.

Don’t let me love you.

Perhaps his words hadn’t really been meant for you at all. Perhaps they had been a desperate plea to some higher power above that he’d never even been given the chance to believe in.

Perhaps they had been meant for himself, instead. A final request before he crossed a line he was never meant to cross. Before he made choices intertwined with consequences that he couldn’t even begin to understand.

After he watched you disappear with Chan through the front doors, Felix stumbled back down the staircase, making himself comfortable with his back to the railing. The rooftop had since been occupied by Jisung, Jeongin, and Seungmin, and in all honesty he didn’t really feel like talking (or smoking whatever their chosen substance might have been today). Although he couldn’t fault them for it, considering what you were about to get yourselves into. Ever since the nine of you had returned together from the palace, there had been a shift in the atmosphere. Something unspoken between every single one of you. Fear, maybe. Apprehension, sure. That and the gut feeling that something permanent was coming. And he couldn’t blame the others for wanting to make the most out of every fleeting moment of normalcy they had left.

He certainly had. Last night, with you.

You weren’t his first, but part of him wished you had been because he'd had no idea it was supposed to feel like that. After last night, Felix was positive that he hadn’t been your first either, and he certainly knew better than to think he would be your last. Although he did like to entertain the idea of you belonging solely to him. Even if only for the remainder of your time together.

Fuck, what was wrong with him?

He crashed his head back against the railing, letting out a frustrated groan that echoed throughout the empty space.

The time passed slowly as he waited for you to return with Chan. Somewhere in between messy thoughts that blurred the lines between reality and desire, between the way Felix wanted you and the way he knew he was never meant to have you, he drifted off into a light sleep. Slumped against the staircase, it must have been several hours before he was abruptly awakened by a shout that rang in through the open windows.

Had it come from the backyard?

And was it Chan’s voice?

His eyes snapped open, his ears perked up, and he stood immediately, locking eyes with Hyunjin who rushed in from somewhere on the main floor. The two made eye contact only briefly before Chan’s muffled voice rang out once more. Felix was all too familiar with the tone it carried. He dreaded that tone, and he knew Hyunjin did too.

Without exchanging a single word, the two crashed through the front doors. Hyunjin was faster, not by much, but enough to pull ahead of Felix and make it around the corner a few seconds earlier. And it was only when Hyunjin stopped and took a step to the side that Felix saw the reason for the distress in Chan's voice.

His entire body went rigid. His heart stopped beating. His lungs refused to grant him another breath, and he failed to see anything other than the figure pressed to the ground in front of him. And Felix couldn't move a muscle, but he could feel you there. He wanted to look for you, to pull you in and shield you from the man at his feet. He wanted it more than anything but he just couldn’t bring his body to move. As if his muscles had been paralyzed by something far more wicked than fear, because he knew why the man had followed him here. After all, their meeting earlier hadn’t exactly gone as planned. And if he was being honest, Felix had known for a while that this was coming.

Or at least, he should have known. He should have known better than to let his guard down, even for a second. For fucks sake he should have known better. Its just that he'd thought, he’d hoped, that if the group left for Miroh soon then it wouldn’t matter. Because by the time the man came for him, the nine of you would be long gone.

But time had never been a friend to Felix.

As his mind raced with worry and regret, Felix was suddenly ripped from his trance when, out of the corner of his eye, he registered you standing in front of him. Before he knew it your hand was against his cheek. Your touch was tender, the skin of your palm impossibly soft, unlike his own calloused hands. A stark reminder of the differences in the lives you had lived.

You whispered something to him, a single word, and it didn’t even matter that he couldn’t register what it was. Because just as if you had thrown him a lifeline, Felix was freed from the restraints of fear. Finally able to move again, he wasted no time in shifting his gaze down to meet your own.

But it only made things worse.

Catastrophically. Worse.

Because when Felix met your eyes he was forced to confront the fact that it wasn’t his own life he was afraid for. He could handle the thought of himself being destined for some kind of horrible fate. He’d come to terms with it years ago, long before he had ever met any of the others.

But not you.

The thought of you being dragged into the same poisonous web that he was caught in filled him with a dread so profound it was as if a physical weight was pressing on his chest.

So he decided in that moment that he would sacrifice himself a thousand times over to keep you safe. The world could destroy him, the man at your feet could drag him back to hell, but Felix would not let the devil lay his hands on you.

And so, after the argument with Chan and Minho regarding whether or not to let the man live, an argument that he couldn’t have cared less about because he’d already made up his mind, Felix knew exactly what he had to do. With every once of determination left in his body, he forced his legs to take him outside. To the backyard, where he told Jisung that he had been instructed to keep watch next. And of course Jisung believed him, because he would have no reason to suspect that the stranger tied to the tree wasn’t really a “stranger” to Felix after all.

As soon as Jisung disappeared around the corner, Felix crouched down. He assumed the most threatening expression he could manage, devoid of anything but pure venomous hatred, which was more than easy to do. He steadied himself, steadied his breathing so that his voice wouldn't come out shaky.

And then, Felix proposed a deal with the devil.

He would set the man free. Untie the ropes that bound him, toss the gun aside, and go back with him willingly.

And the man was more than eager to accept his proposal, however, what Felix hadn’t realized is that he had come to Yellow Wood without any intent to bring Felix back alive.

And so after the gun was cast into the woods, and the ropes were untied, within seconds his hands had found their way to Felix’s throat. They clamped down with a merciless grip, forcing Felix to come face-to-face with another crucial decision.

Even if he somehow managed to break free from the man's grasp, which seemed increasingly less likely with every passing second as his vision began to fade and he lost feeling in his fingertips, Felix knew that it wouldn't matter. Because if he lived tonight, then the man would be back tomorrow, and the next day, and every day after. He would bring the rest of the ghosts from Felix's past and they would never stop looking for him. Which meant that they would never stop looking for you. And for Chan, and Hyunjin, and the rest of the boys. Such a small handful of lives, and yet they were the only thing that mattered at all to Felix in this world. Seven, no eight precious, precious lives that he cherished far more than his own.

And so he slowly loosened his grip around the hands at his throat, granting them permission to press further into his windpipe. Because if Felix gave the man what he wanted tonight, then he would have no reason to return. He would have no reason to come after you, or to learn the truth about who you really were and what you really meant to Felix. And you, and Chan, and the others would have one less obstacle to face. You would be free to save the world just as Felix knew you could, and you certainly didn’t need him to do it.

And as his consciousness wavered, Felix was certain that it must have been due to oxygen loss when his eyes lulled open and he saw you standing over him, outlined by silver moonlight. If angels really did exist, then surely he had been right to think that you were one. Sent to take him somewhere far away that he could finally rest his tired eyes and numb his mind.

It was only after the cool air flooded back into his lungs and he regained consciousness that Felix realized the vision of you standing before him hadn’t been a figment of his imagination or a heavenly apparition at all. That it really was you, in the flesh. Tangible and real. Vulnerable and terrified.

With a bloody knife in one of your hands, and his beating heart in the other.

“So let me get this straight. You’re saying that he just freed himself?” Chan's voice overflowed with skepticism as he stared at Felix with a narrow, unwavering gaze.

Shadows cast by the setting sun had overtaken the world once again, including the forest to your back that had lost all of its earlier charm. You stood shielded behind Felix while he attempted to explain to Chan and the others why there was a dead body at your feet.

“Bullshit. I tied those knots so tightly he couldn’t even move," Changbin interjected, crossing his arms where he stood next to Chan.

And you remained silent, despite the fact that you had your own doubts about Felix’s explanation of the events leading up to the man’s escape. Even if you hadn’t witnessed anything prior to walking in on the stranger with his hands around his neck, his life hanging on by a thread, you knew he was lying. The way his eyebrow twitched slightly when he spoke, how he hadn't looked up from his feet since the others had joined you outside. And Changbin was right, the man wouldn’t have been able to slip out of the knots he'd tied. The mere suggestion that he had freed himself sounded quite ridiculous, actually, and the very thought caused your anger to return at full force.

Because why the hell would Felix have released him willingly?

“Does it even matter how he got out? He’s dead. He deserved it anyway,” Minho huffed, stepping up beside Chan.

“That’s not the point," Chan shook his head in frustration, "if we go around killing people, no matter who they are or what they deserve, then we aren’t any better than those in power now.”

Those in power now.

As in your father, casting his own shadow on the conversation. A constant reminder that, whether you wanted to acknowledge it or not, he was still a part of your life. And he always would be. His presence would persist, his ghost would follow you wherever you went, until he was removed from this world for good. Permanently.

Chan sighed, low and heavy, in an obvious attempt to control his anger.

“Fine, Felix. Let's say that he did somehow manage to free himself, although I hope you realize how absurd that sounds-”

It does. He knows.

"It still doesn’t explain how he ended up like that.”

He gestured to the body that lie motionless on the ground, and you braced yourself, preparing to face the moment you had been dreading. The fragile trust that you'd begun to build with some of the boys—Chan, Jisung, Seungmin, maybe even Jeongin too—was about to blow to pieces. Your actions would expose the darker side of yourself that you longed to bury, the part that mirrored the ruthless monster that had brought you into this world. Even if you had acted to protect Felix, it didn’t erase the fact that you’d taken a man’s life when you could have chosen to injure him instead. Not that they would have known that, but a stab to the back so deep that it went all the way through to the chest didn’t exactly come across as self defense.

Your heart pounded in your ears, your palms became sweaty, and you could hardly stand the silence as their eyes bore into you, looking through you. So you went to take a step around Felix. You opened your mouth but before you could gather the courage to confess, the freckled boy intercepted your movement, blocking your path.

“What do you think happened?" He spoke firmly, matter-of-factly, with a hint of irritation laced in between words, "He came after us.”

All eyes suddenly fell to Felix and you closed your own, waiting for him to continue. To seal your fate by exposing to them what you had done. But to your surprise, that moment never came.

“He came after us, so I killed him."

I killed him.

His sudden revelation caught you off guard, and because you were actually physically stunned, it took several moments for you to conceal the astonishment that had fallen across your face. When you turned to look at him he remained stoic, resolute, as he avoided your inquiring eyes.

Why would he take the fall?

Maybe it was best to let him.

Chan observed the exchange between you and Felix, he studied it, before landing his eyes on you. A lump formed in your throat and you swallowed hard, searching for the strength to meet his eyes. With a slight nod, you confirmed Felix’s lie. Chan didn’t know you like he knew Felix, which meant he couldn’t read you as well. And you hated how easy it had always been for you to lie. Just another trait inherited from your father, another reminder of the darkness that flowed within your veins.

Chan turned around slowly to face the others, and you couldn’t help but feel a small pang of regret at your decision to allow Felix to take the blame. You didn’t want to lie to any of them, especially not Chan, but in that moment you were more than thankful for the temporary escape from the consequences of your actions. Whatever they may have been.

“We need to get rid of the body before morning. In case any of them come back,” Chan spoke with authority as he addressed the group.

Minho and Changbin came forward immediately, and you took a few steps out of their way. As they reached down to lift the body, Chan instructed Hyunjin to find something they could use to dig.

“Everyone else get inside. We leave tomorrow for Miroh. We’ll load the supplies in the morning, so just get some rest. Pack your things, and bring it all….in case..." He trailed off because there was no need to finish the sentence. His unspoken words hung heavy in the air.

In case we don’t make it back.

With solemn expressions, the group dispersed, footsteps muffled by the earth beneath their feet. Jeongin trailed behind Seungmin and Jisung as they moved quickly toward the building. Casting one more inquisitive glare between you and Felix, Chan joined Minho and Changbin in carrying the body.

Felix was the first one inside after his hurried footsteps had taken him to the front of the group, and you had a feeling you knew just where he was headed when he hastily climbed the staircase, hands in his pockets. Jisung hesitated a moment, looking back to you as if he wanted to say something before ultimately deciding against it. With a tender glance in your direction, one that made you think he might have wanted you to follow him, he wandered off into the main floor. Jeongin leaned in and whispered something to Seungmin who hushed him as the two followed each other up the staircase. At the top, they walked off in the opposite direction that Felix had taken.

And there you were, left standing alone with a choice to make.

Beyond drained at this point, both physically and mentally, you probably could have collapsed right there in the entryway. Or maybe you could claim one of the many empty rooms upstairs. There were certainly enough options to find a secluded place for yourself, and yet, despite how frustrated you were with Felix, despite your anger at him for the events that had unfolded tonight, part of you desperately longed to be by his side. After all, you were the only one that knew just how close he had come to death.

And so the choice became an easy decision.

As you ascended the staircase, you traced the railing with your hand. Every step you took down the hallway, every rung on the ladder you climbed, brought you back to last night. Impossible to ignore the way that you could literally feel yourself there, just twenty four hours before. And it might have been surprising, how much could change in a single day, if the course of your entire life hadn’t been turned upside down over and over again in the span of less than a month.

Grabbing onto the final rung of the ladder, you weren’t even sure if you wanted to find him there on the other side. Its not like you had any desire to talk about what had happened tonight. There was just something indescribable that compelled you to be next to him now, overpowering any hesitation that might have crossed your mind.

After pulling yourself up onto the rooftop, your heart sank when your eyes fell to the shadowy figure with his back turned to you, lying on the harsh ground with his dark hair splayed out against the hoodie that he used as a makeshift pillow. The thin blankets lie untouched next to him, almost making it seem as though he’d left them there on purpose, as if he had been expecting someone to join him. You stared at his back for a moment, picturing the faded scar that lie across his shoulder underneath the thin material of his shirt.

You weren’t sure if he was asleep at first, and when he stirred you froze, debating on whether or not you had time to leave before he turned around. But he didn’t move any further and after a moment of silence, eyes trained on his steady figure, you took a few tentative steps. As quietly as you could, you crossed the still air over fallen leaves and thick vines that stretched along the rooftop ground. After lowering yourself to sit beside him on the blankets, you glanced down at his profile, illuminated by the moon. Plush lips parted ever so slightly, his features cascaded down into a gentle frown even in his sleep. You hovered a hand over his face before lightly brushing the hair from it. After a moment longer, you decided to stay, settling down on the blankets with your back against his.

Just a short time ago, you might have allowed yourself to succumb to tears. Tears of frustration, fear, grief. Grief for the version of yourself that you had lost tonight. Frustration at the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes, and the debilitating fear that washed over you when you thought you really were going to lose him. But you had changed so much in such a short span of time. You could feel yourself growing numb to the pull of your emotions as they became easier and easier to ignore. So holding back the tears, you kept your eyes open for as long as you could until exhaustion began to outweigh the images in your mind of a dead body at your feet and your mothers knife, bloody in your hands.

After ten minutes, maybe twenty, maybe an hour, you felt a warm hand snake around your waist, lifting you from your blissful state of semi-consciousness. You remained still and kept your eyes closed because if it was a dream then you would have given anything to stay asleep just a little longer. When the grip around your waist tightened, pulling you into a protective embrace, you were almost certain that it was a dream. Nothing more than a fragment of your imagination as your subconscious longed for some form of comfort. And just as you began to slip back into the welcoming darkness, you could have sworn that the tone carried by the wind sounded a lot like the voice your ears had come to crave.

“I’m sorry, princess.”

It was the last thing you remembered from that night as you allowed his words to fade into nothing, still questioning if he had really said them at all.

The moon never stayed for very long.

When you woke the following morning, it was barely morning at all. The faded glow of dawn struggled to find its way through the clouds, casting familiar shades of gray across the sky above. Your eyes fluttered open to momentary disorientation, wondering where you were and why you hadn’t been met with the walls of your bedroom, but it took only seconds for your memory to return. Flooding back as you became aware of the strong arms wrapped tightly around your body, the warm breath grazing against the back of your neck.

In another world, far away from the one you had always known, you might have turned around his embrace. Repositioning yourself to face him, you might have taken the entire morning to memorize every detail of his delicate features. Might have stayed there all day with him on the rooftop, entangled in each other as if you were the only two souls left in existence.

In another life, you might have leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before drifting back off to sleep beside him. Warm, protected, safe, and entirely at ease. Because you wouldn't have a past to run from or a burden the size of the world on your shoulders. You wouldn't have been reminded of last night when you sat up and made note of the red mark etched across his neck.

In another life, it wouldn't have been there at all.

You winced as you turned away, deciding that you needed to get away, before tempting yourself with one more second alone with him like this. And so with a heavy heart, you resisted the urge to crawl back into the embrace that felt a little too much like the home you had never known.

Shivering slightly when the cool breeze hit your skin, you ran your hands through your hair, ignoring the emptiness in your stomach and the thirst on your tongue. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, but it wasn't enough to erase the images burned into your memory from last night. You wondered if anything ever would be.

When you put a hand on the ground to push yourself up to stand, you froze. Stopped by an insistent force holding you back, preventing you from moving even an inch further. You glanced down at the determined hand clasped around your wrist. Firm, but gentle all the same.

Silver rings against calloused fingers.

You traced the intricate details of the bands with your eyes, considering the offer they represented, but you couldn’t accept. You couldn’t stay, no matter how desperately you wanted to. If you had to sleep next to him every single night for the rest of your time spent together to ensure his safety, then so be it. But you would always make sure to leave in the morning. Because you couldn’t afford to offer him anything more than that. You’d done more than enough damage to the both of you two nights ago by allowing yourself to succumb to such primitive, selfish desires. And it scared you, no no it absolutely terrified you, to feel the way you did last night as you watched the life drain from his eyes.

And so in one harsh movement you withdrew your wrist from his grasp.

He didn't say anything. Not when you stood. Not when you found the ladder and took hold of the first rung. He didn’t call out for you, and you didn’t look back.

After making it inside, you allowed yourself a moment of solitude as you passed by the rooms that stretched along the hallway. Most were empty, although you did stumble upon Jeongin and Seungmin fast asleep in one. Jeongin seemed to have claimed the entire space for himself as he lay sprawled out with an elbow in Seungmin's face. The sight caused a smile to tug at your lips, almost enough to distract you from the uneasiness that had found a permanent place in your chest.

Almost.

It didn’t take long for you to come to the conclusion that you could have spent forever within the walls of Yellow Wood. Surrounded by the remnants of a past that had long been forgotten, just like the souls who had left them behind. Shelves that stood hardly intact were lined by books, with many of their pages loosely scattered across the ground. You wondered what secrets they held, and as you continued on you wondered what secrets each of the boys had made inside the walls of Yellow Wood. Cherished memories, favorite places to hide, where they went to be alone when it all became too much.

When you reached the main floor you found your way to the room that you had been locked outside of last night with Hyunjin. Where Minho and Chan had argued about the fate of the intruder..before you solidified the decision for them.

The door was open, and when you entered you found Chan alone inside. He was leaned over a long table in the middle of the room, hands resting on the surface. A number of documents lay scattered in front of him. One particularly large sheet stretched nearly the entire length of the table, curling at the edges. It appeared to be a map, and you made note of your fathers journal where it lay open on top of it amidst the chaos. A small candle that was no longer necessary lie on the surface of the table, nearly burned through.

When you found your place at his side, Chan handed you a small canteen. You gladly took him up on the offer, putting it to your lips and taking a few sizable gulps, and it wasn’t until the lukewarm liquid trickled down your throat that you realized it had been sore. The water tasted stale, at best, and anyone from the palace would have spit it out in an instant. But you liked the taste. It helped to ground you, reminding you where you were and what lie outside the walls that surrounded you now.

“Didn’t sleep?” You turned to face Chan, who had circles so dark underneath his eyes it looked as if it had been a lot longer than just one night since he had gotten any sort of rest. And rightfully so, because while you might have assumed the weight of the world on your shoulders only recently, Chan had been carrying that burden for far longer.

“Couldn’t,” he responded without looking up from the table, squinting as his eyes remained fixed on the pages strewn about beneath him. You reached a hand out to move some of them around, and he straightened his posture before turning and unraveling something from a cloth at his side.

"This is yours, yeah?"

Your gaze dropped to the knife in his hand as he held it out to you. Your knife, your mother's knife, that you had carried with you for as long as you could remember. The knife that you’d left lying in the grass last night after using it to end a life. You took it from him without a word, tracing your thumb along the intricate floral design carved into the handle. Making note of the dried blood that saturated the blade.

"Want to tell me the truth about what happened last night?"

Your eyes fell back to the table as you slid the knife into its usual place in your waistband and took your bottom lip in between your teeth. Chan studied your face for a moment before coming to the conclusion that no matter how much he pried, you weren’t going to give him what he wanted. With a sigh, not wanting to push you too far because of the fragile nature of your developing relationship, he brought a hand to his forehead where he pressed a few fingers against his temple.

“Look, y/n I get it. I don’t know what happened and you don’t have to tell me now if you’re not ready. Just remember that if we’re going to have any chance out there then we need to trust each other. Completely.”

Tell that to the others.

You nodded without looking up from the table and after a moment, he spoke again.

“Recognize this?” He pointed to your father's journal and you nodded for a second time. The map that lie underneath it resembled the map on the wall in your fathers study, although the one in front of you now was far less detailed.

He must have taken note of the way it caught your attention, brushing some of the papers away to expose it further.

“We’re familiar with the inner districts, but anything beyond is pretty much unknown. We haven't been outside of six in years."

He picked up a loose sheet of paper from the table and looked it over before handing it out to you.

You recognized the words on the page. You had seen them before. Scribbled on the missing pages of your fathers journal, and you could only assume that Chan had been smart enough to jot down the contents before handing them back over to you to return to your father’s study. When you looked up from the page he pointed to a spot near the edge of the map and your eyes followed.

"Here."

He tapped his finger against it once.

"If this is all correct, then it should be right here..”

"Miroh." You whispered underneath your breath, and he hummed in agreement beside you.

"And we are..." He lifted his finger back up and brought it to the opposite side of the map, closest to where you stood. He picked up a short wooden pencil and drew a line loosely connecting the two points, and suddenly you understood why he hadn't slept.

Because it wasn't going to be an easy journey to get to the supposed location of Miroh from your current position in District 6. It wouldn’t be as simple as turning around and heading behind you. As the districts were arranged in concentric rings, reaching Miroh where it lie at the border between Districts 1 and 2 meant that you would have a choice to make, with several possible paths laid out in front of you.

"So we either...." you trailed off, tracing the thin line he had drawn over and over again with your eyes.

“Move straight ahead and cross back through District nine”, he finished your sentence and you swallowed dryly at the mention of your former residence, “or we take a longer route, we stay in six and trace it around until we spit out on the opposite side of nine. And then we head straight back into the outer districts that way. Of course, the biggest problem with taking the longer route is..."

He took a swig from the canteen, and you took the liberty of finishing his sentence for him this time.

“Fuel."

He gave you a confirming nod. "Fuel. Fuel and supplies..among other things.”

So it was a choice between the lesser of two evils, really.

Heading back into the heart of District 9, swarming with your father and his guards, meant certain death for every single one of the boys if you got caught. Then again, tracing along the border of District 6 raised concerns regarding fuel, supplies, and prolonged time spent in the unknown.

Visually displayed out in front of you like this, it all seemed so much further away.

Together, the two of you spent the better part of the morning trying to come up with the best route to take, relying heavily on your knowledge of your fathers favored routes and Chan's experience in the districts. You sat at the edge of the table tracing out the routes that you knew your father and his army frequented. Information you had gained over time from eavesdropping in on important conversations and studying the maps in his office.

As time passed, the rest of the boys began to trickle in. Minho and Jisung came in first together, followed by Changbin, and before long you were surrounded by seven familiar faces.

All except for one.

It quickly became apparent that the amount of fuel you'd managed to obtain from the palace wouldn’t be enough to get you to Miroh and back. Minho expressed concern about whether or not it would even be enough to get you there in the first place, but he didn’t say anything further when Chan reminded him that the best option to save fuel would be to cross straight through the heart of District 9 at the start of your journey. Which you had all collectively agreed was not an option.

You suggested heading inward, following inside District 7 or 8 instead of 6, but Chan was worried that it would still be too close to your father, and that people there would know your face by now, and he was probably right. Changbin suggested heading into the outer districts from the start, beginning with 5 and so on, but Chan shut down that idea too.

Your apprehension grew with every passing moment as the boys offered each of their opinions. A slight adjustment had to be made when Jisung reminded Chan of the brief encounter where he and Seungmin had come across the supposedly abandoned shack with the liquor stash, and he’d almost “had his dick shot off” by the owner. Chan rolled his eyes as he erased that part of the route.

“What about this,” you reached for the pencil and he placed it in your palm. You traced a faint line the opposite direction.

“-Not if you plan on making it alive.”

The pencil slipped from your grasp as your head shot up in the direction of the door. It was a natural response to sound of the voice that had become one of the only constants in your life since finding out the truth about the world. The voice with the bittersweet allure that you both longed to hear and wished you never would have known, as it brought out emotions that you only hoped would remain buried forever. Emotions that rendered you vulnerable, weak.

Felix stood in the doorway, leaned against the frame with black strands of hair cascading down into his face. Jawline sharp, arms crossed, dark eyes heavy set. The room fell silent as tension creeped back into the air. Tension that lingered from last night, as you were fairly certain they all suspected that he hadn’t told the full truth about what had happened. Or perhaps it was tension that lingered between the two of you, after you left him on the rooftop this morning following your breakdown in front of him last night. Either way, his sudden presence only magnified the strain in the air.

He lifted himself from the frame and stepped out into grey light that filtered in through cracked windows. He took a few purposeful steps and you held your breath momentarily when he passed behind you, lightly brushing against your back. There wasn’t much space at all for him to squeeze in between you and Chan, but he made it work, and you forced your eyes to look anywhere other than his arms as his muscles flexed when he leaned over the table.

“Anywhere but there,” he emphasized, while you stared at the wall over Jeongin’s shoulder. You watched out of the corner of your eye as Felix erased the line you had just drawn, using the other end of the pencil to create a new one.

And with that, the path to Miroh was solidified. You would follow District 6 around, avoiding the inner districts at all costs, until you reached the point where it would be a straight shot back to Miroh.

When Chan folded the map, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of your stomach as the solidification of a route made the daunting journey ahead that much more real. Not to mention the fact that the distance to reach your destination seemed far greater and more vigorous than you had originally pictured in your mind.

Despite your uncertainty about the future, one thing had become clear through your time spent planning a route.

The unspoken bond between the boys.

It made you long for whatever it was they shared, the unity that propelled them forward as a team. And not a single one of them had brought up the fact that what you were about to do was insane.

Which it was.

It absolutely was.

The air outside hung heavy with an eery stillness. The world lie motionless as if it was waiting, watching.

In silence you helped the boys hurriedly load the rover with everything that would fit, throwing bags in through the open roof or the open frame and onto the seats.

Apprehension wove its way deeper into your veins as you glanced over your lifeline of miscellaneous supplies. If Chan was right, if Miroh wasn’t a myth and your fathers journal held the truth on how to reach it, if your blood really was the key that would get you inside, then there would be enough provisions there to keep you alive until you were able to come up with the next part of your plan.

But if one tiny detail went wrong along the way, if you experienced even the slightest disruption among countless unknowns and potential threats…well it didn't really matter, did it? Because it was a risk that at this point, none of you really had much choice but to take.

After heaving a particularly heavy bag into the vehicle, you wiped the sweat from your brow and looked up to see Minho stepping out of the building with a small black duffel bag slung around his shoulder, his arms piled high with what appeared to be very basic medical supplies. You took a step back as he approached the side of the vehicle. When he went to toss everything inside, a roll of gauze slipped from his grasp and you kneeled to pick it up, handing it out to him. As he reached for it your eyes fell to a thin bracelet around his wrist that looked as if it had been crafted from a very fine, expensive material commonly used to make accessories in District 9. The bracelet must have held significant meaning for him to have left it on, considering the fact that wearing such an item outside of the Inner Circle would make him a target for anyone looking to make a considerable profit.

When you glanced up your eyes met briefly before he turned away.

“There's more supplies inside,” he grumbled, pulling his sleeve back down before heading in the direction of the building.

Ever since you’d found out the truth about Minho, maybe because you felt some sort of estranged connection to the way his past vaguely mirrored your own, curiosity tugged at your thoughts whenever you saw him.

Why had he left District 9?

Was he driven by similar reasons as you? Or had different motives fueled his choice to leave behind a lifestyle of comfort and safety. Maybe it hadn’t been a choice for Minho at all. Either way, whatever it was, you didn’t have much confidence that you'd ever get to find out because despite your similarities, his resentment for you ran deep. That much was clear.

After the supplies were packed tightly into the vehicle, the boys ran back inside to collect the last of their belongings. All except for Changbin, who remained outside with you because he "didn't have anything worth bringing, anyway.” His powerful demeanor held a hint of uneasiness that mirrored your own doubts.

As the two of you stood in silence, you glanced down at the small backpack in your hand, realizing that in your panic to gather essential supplies for the group you’d managed to neglect your own needs. It contained only a handful of your own clothes, and you wished you would have taken the time to pack at least one more pair of pants or maybe a sweater. Something a little warmer than the light jacket you sported now because of the unpredictable nature of the weather. But you'd only been given so much time and weapons and food were far more important than your own comfort in the bigger picture.

With a deep breath you adjusted the straps of the backpack and put your arms through, securing it to your back.

After the vehicle was topped off with fuel, a moment of stillness settled over the group as the nine of you stood in front of Yellow Wood. Your eyes shifted between the boys, taking in the faces of the only individuals in the world you would have no choice but to trust from this moment on.

When your gaze fell to Felix, you were surprised to find his piercing brown eyes already staring back. It was a fleeting moment, a stolen glance lasting no longer than a few seconds, but it caused your heart to ache nonetheless. Because in his eyes you detected something bordering along the lines of a plea for understanding. Almost as if he’d recognized the gravity of what he had done last night, and the choice it had resulted in you having to make.

And yet, your disappointment and frustration with him lingered because last night had left you even more conflicted about your feelings for him than the first night you shared together on the rooftop. It wouldn’t be easy to forget the fear that gripped you the moment you turned the corner and saw the stranger with his hands wrapped tightly around his throat. It would be even harder to dismiss the overwhelming relief that flooded your veins when you found your way back into his arms.

A stolen glance turned into a battlefield of emotions. And you had no intention of losing the war.

Ripping your eyes from Felix, you took one more glance at the building that towered above you. Chan brought everyone back to the present moment when he announced that he was going to run back inside to grab one last thing he had forgotten.

This prompted the rest of boys to begin piling into the rover, with Jeongin and Seungmin first to take their place in the very back amongst the supplies. You trailed Felix with your eyes as he disappeared around the corner of the building, returning only moments later atop the bike, revving the engine and commanding your attention as if it didn't already belong to him. The trace of softness in his eyes had been replaced by ready determination. He brushed his hair back, revealing the sharp features of his face as he tied the signature bandana around the lower half. When you took a few steps in his direction, he looked to you with unspoken expectation that you would join him on the bike as it had become something of a routine between the two of you.

But this time, something within you resisted.

The freckled boy had a blatant, persistent disregard for his own life. Something that you weren't willing to let go of just yet, despite the fact that you weren’t willing to acknowledge why it bothered you to the extent that it did.

But it did.

With every fiber of your being, it did.

So instead of taking your usual place behind him, you crossed right in front of the bike, stepping up to the rover where Jisung was seated in the middle row next to Changbin. You stole a quick glance back at Felix where you found his stare fixed straight ahead, refusing to meet your eyes.

Minho, who had been watching your calculated actions, snickered from his place in the passengers seat.

You put a hand against the open frame of the vehicle and pulled yourself up, glancing between Jisung and the empty seat beside him.

"Thats Hyunjin's spot, but you're more than welcome to take it," he smirked playfully as the taller golden haired boy approached the vehicle behind you.

You shrugged and plopped down next to Jisung. Hyunjin glared at you before surveying the space inside the vehicle. After coming to the conclusion that there wasn't enough room for him amongst the supplies, he sauntered over to Felix who now had his hands clenched tightly around the handles of the bike, posture rigid, as he continued to stare ahead at nothing in particular.

Hyunjin swung a long leg around the bike behind Felix, and something unexpected fell over you when he wrapped his arms around the younger boy's waist. The feeling grew when your intuition told you that it wasn't the first time the two of them had been this close.

When Chan came running back outside, the heavy doors to Yellow Wood slammed shut behind him for the final time, demanding your attention. He took a quick glance between you and Felix, taking note of the peculiar seating arrangement before handing something out to you.

“I knew we had one more lying around somewhere."

You reached for it, running the soft fabric of the bandana through your fingertips. It matched those that the others had worn the night of raid, the ones that each of them had begun to tie around their faces now.

"Put it on, and don't take it off for anyone. Pull your hood up and tuck your hair in too." He spoke firmly, with no room for negotiation. Not that you would have argued anyway. You were well aware that concealing your identity was just as important as making it to Miroh.

You offered up a simple “got it" in return, acknowledging his instruction.

Satisfied with your response, Chan hopped into the driver's seat in front of you where he proceeded to secure his own bandana around his face. You watched from your position as he glanced down to Felix.

"We stay together, Felix, I mean it. Don't do anything stupid,” he emphasized. “If you see any of them out there we handle it together. Like we always do."

Them.

Including not only your father and his army, but the monsters from Felix's past, however many more of them there may be. And you couldn’t help but wonder just how many additional enemies the boys had made out there—enemies that were now yours too, by default. With Chan’s warning, the possibility of separation also creeped in to your mind. The mere thought of someone discovering your true identity sent shivers racing down your spine because the consequences could mean forced separation from the entire group, including the freckled boy staring at you now.

You took a deep breath as the engines roared to life. With one final glance to Felix you had the sudden urge to explain to him that your decision to avoid joining him on the bike was nothing more than a desperate attempt to protect him from the danger that was now inevitable for anyone who came too close to you.

You’d made a promise, after all.

Don’t let me love you.

Your fleeting regret was swallowed by your world falling to pieces again as Chan stepped on the gas pedal and the vehicle jolted forward. You lifted your arms behind your head and tied the bandana around the lower half of your face. In the rearview mirror, you watched as Yellow Wood disappeared behind you, keeping a part of your innocence with it. Buried somewhere with the body in the backyard.

Even if you never laid eyes on it again, you would be forever thankful that it had allowed you one night of euphoric ignorance before taking the plunge into the unknown. Even if that ignorance had ben ripped from your fingers the moment you thrust your knife into the back of a stranger. You just hoped your memories of the night on the rooftop with Felix would be strong enough to distract you from whatever darkness lie ahead. Yellow Wood wasn't good or evil, it was a place. Nothing more than a temporary refuge that had served its purpose for those who had known it lifetimes ago, for eight boys who called it home when they didn’t have anywhere else to go, and for you in your short time spent sheltered inside its walls.

Nothing more, and yet, the loss tugged at your heart as you watched it slip away.

But it certainly wasn't the first time you'd felt this way. And so you decided that maybe there is always a part of yourself left behind when you leave a place permanently, with a gut feeling that you'll never make it back.

You pulled the hood up as the vehicle raced through the trees and down the hill. You leaned your head back against the seat while the wind whipped through the open frame against your face. With half-lidded eyes, you kept a steady gaze on the motorcycle in front, allowing your shoulder to rest against Jisung's. Partly due to the cramped space, but more so because you were vulnerable, and scared, and desperate for any form of comfort.

Like Felix who's own touch you had begun to crave in moments like this, Jisung’s touch was comforting too, just, in a different way. And if you were being honest, in that moment it did little to ease your nerves. But you kept your shoulder pressed firmly against his nonetheless, digging your nails into your palms, counting the minutes in your head.

Before you left, Chan informed you that District 6 was often considered as a kind of physical border between the inner and outer districts. He had also warned you about the unpredictable nature of its atmosphere, and it didn’t take long for you to realize just how right he had been. The air that surrounded you now only magnified the feeling of lifelessness amidst the desolate landscape.

As you ventured further into the outskirts of District 6, once abundant grass gave way to a predominantly barren expanse. With very sparse patches of green, it was a stark contrast to the forest that surrounded Yellow Wood and the thicker vegetation that you were used to seeing deep within District 9. The breeze was cold but the air was stuffy. And it smelled like mortality, and death, and loss, as if even the earth beneath your feet longed to be brought back to life. The atmosphere around you hung low and heavy with a palpable weight. A mixture of smoke, ash, and decay collected against your skin, wrapping you in a suffocating hold. It was smothering and seemed to fall in waves, alternating between thick pockets of dense fog and areas of cleaner air where you took every opportunity to fill your lungs. Each breath you inhaled caused you to cough, and it didn’t take long for the soreness to return to your throat as the pollution in the air left a bitter taste in your mouth. You figured the boys must have been used to the toxicity and the way it clawed at your lungs because although they cleared their throats frequently, they were nowhere near as affected as you.

Felix looked back in the direction of the rover periodically and you met his gaze every single time. Scanning his face for any hint of distress, hoping he wasn't able to sense your own discomfort. Occasionally, his eyes flicked behind him to Hyunjin before returning ahead.

When you came up upon a particularly dense patch of haze covering the earth ahead, Felix slowed the bike and looked to Chan for direction. After quick assessment of the situation, Chan brought a hand up, signaling to Felix to keep moving forward. You gritted your teeth, shifting uncomfortably next to Jisung, and after another quick glance your way Felix took the lead once again. The roar of the bike’s engine echoed throughout the silence in the air when he accelerated.

When the air around you turned heavy and your incessant coughing resumed, Jisung decided he’d had enough of your suffering. He turned you into his shoulder and pulled the hood higher up over your head so that you could breathe into his shirt. You stayed like that for a while, burying your face further into him despite the fact that you didn’t like not having eyes on the horizon or more specifically, the motorcycle up ahead. But you didn’t have much of a choice as taking slow, deliberate breaths through the fabric of his shirt acted like a filter, bringing a significant amount of relief to your aching lungs.

As the moments passed, it felt increasingly foreign to share such an intimate moment with someone other than Felix. Not that you were comfortable with him yet by any means, you had never really been comfortable with anyone that wasn’t Jisoo, but part of you wished it was him that you were clinging to instead. And even if you couldn't deny the importance of the bond you were beginning to form with Jisung, somewhere buried deep down, a very selfish part of you wished it was Felix instead.

The rover tore up the ground as it moved and when the atmosphere thinned around you once again, Jisung tapped your shoulder lightly.

Slowly, you lifted your head to meet his eyes.

“You good?” he called out, raising his voice to compete with the sound of the engine.

Your head was beginning to throb, you felt more than a little dizzy, and with every bump the rover came across your stomach churned violently, but you managed to give him a soft nod in return. Keeping the bike in your peripherals, you locked eyes with Chan in the rearview mirror. He studied your face for a moment before leaning over and shouting something to Minho that was inaudible to you over the roar of the engine.

Minho pushed the heavy gun in his lap to the side as he bent down to grab something from the floor in front of him, coming back up with a canteen in his hand.

When he turned around and handed it out to you you could have sworn that you saw the faintest glimmer of sympathy in his eyes. Although you quickly acknowledged that it was probably just the lack of fresh air messing with your senses….because there was no way in hell that Minho of all people gave a shit about your condition. As far as you knew, he was probably getting some sick sense of enjoyment out of your misery.

As the minutes blurred into hours and the hours blurred into each other, impossible to track when you couldn’t see the position of the sun in the sky through the clouds, the landscape began to change again before your eyes. Up ahead, the earth transformed into a gradual incline, taking the shape of a towering hill that stretched far and wide. Making note of the change in surroundings, Felix brought the bike to a temporary halt, allowing Chan to catch up once again.

The freckled boy pulled down his bandana and raised his voice, shouting over the rumble of both engines as they idled. It was difficult to hear but you managed to catch a few of his words, leading you to believe that he was suggesting that he and Hyunjin check out the area up ahead before the rest of the group. His proposition made you tense, and your heart quickened when Chan accepted, instructing Felix to stay within sight. Earning a nod from both boys in return.

Taking note of your concern, Jisung leaned down and responded with an encouraging “They’re just going to check it out. Don’t worry, its all good,” before landing a hand on your knee and squeezing for added reassurance.

Felix tensed as he observed your interaction. And it didn't matter that he couldn't feel the warmth of the sun against his skin, because he felt searing flames rise up inside of him when he caught a glimpse of the way you looked at Jisung. Maybe he deserved to feel like this.

His heart skipped a beat when you turned from Jisung to met his own eyes. He held your stare until Chan asked for the second time what he was waiting for and he swiftly turned back around, replacing the bandana over his face.

You watched intently with the rest of the boys as the bike climbed the elevated landscape up ahead. At the top, Felix turned to Hyunjin and the two appeared to share quick word.

Felix looked back.

The motorcycle engine revved.

“Don’t do it…” Changbin muttered from the other side of Jisung, and your grip on the edge of the seat tightened as the bike took off in the opposite direction, descending down the hill and out of your line of sight. In front of you, Chan spat out a curse before slamming the key in the ignition and restarting the engine.

It wasn’t until the rover reached the top of the hill that you caught sight of what had captured their attention. On the other side, the earth descended into a wide valley that looked as if it might have been home to a mighty river once. It was now dry and almost entirely barren, aside from a handful of dying trees and brush. At the bottom, a small beige tent sat partially covered by faint gray smoke that rose up from a pile of dying embers at its side. You spotted Felix and Hyunjin beside it, already inspecting the seemingly abandoned campsite.

Minho leaned over to speak to Chan who you watched in the mirror, far too focused on the scene before you to respond. He gripped the steering wheel, ultimately coming to the conclusion that he had no choice but to step on the gas. He brought the rover to a stop beside the tent at the valley’s lowest point as the engine’s rumble faded into silence.

“Nobody touch anything,” Chan warned, his eyes scanning the surroundings for any signs of hidden threats, “-and stay alert. We shouldn’t even be doing this, we need to keep moving.”

But the boys were hungry and eager to stretch their legs, so they got out and began rummaging through the bags of supplies in search of one with food in it. Changbin pulled out a sizable gun from the back, his fingers gripping it confidently, and Minho cocked his own weapon when his feet hit the earth. Seungmin slung the bow around his shoulder and loaded an arrow, heeding Chan’s warning to stay alert.

As soon as you dropped down from the vehicle your eyes went right to Felix who, despite his quick decision to approach the campsite, appeared visibly uneasy. His eyes scanned the area repeatedly until they landed on you at which point there was a subtle shift in his demeanor, a flicker of vulnerability in his expression. After a moment, he subtly made his way over. You noticed the slight twitch of his fingers as his gaze traveled up and down down your figure, almost as if he wanted to reach out to you, but he held himself back.

Part of you wished that he hadn’t.

Because the vulnerable moment between the two of you was quickly shattered when Chan came storming in from behind you, shoving Felix's shoulder, causing him to stagger slightly.

“Did you not hear what I said about staying in sight?!” He exclaimed, his voice rising with every syllable that fell from his lips.

Felix steadied himself and took a step back in defense before responding, his voice tinged with a hint of defiance. “We needed to make sure it was safe, you should have stayed behind until we knew it was clear-"

“-We could have gone another way!” Chan’s words rang out as he closed the space between them again.

“There isn’t time!" Minho interjected, hurrying over and positioning himself between the two, firmly reminding Chan to keep his voice down.

The group behind you fell silent as they witnessed the exchange. And Minho wasn't exactly wrong. After all, the campsite did appear to be abandoned and to completely avoid it would have taken more time, more fuel, more risk in changing the route. Although that didn’t necessarily imply the need to come down and inspect it up close..

"Fucking reckless. Both of you." Chan shook his head at Felix and Hyunjin before turning around to address the group as a whole. “Let’s just get the hell out of here. We can find somewhere else to stop and rest after the sun goes down,” he continued.

And because the unsettling scene before you made your skin crawl, you were more than eager to oblige.

You went to take a step in the direction of the rover when your foot caught on something, causing you to stumble and collide into Hyunjin at your side. You looked up at him with wide eyes, lifting your hands from his firm chest, bracing yourself for a particularly unpleasant reaction, but you were surprised to find his gaze fixated on the ground behind you instead. Following his stare, you spun around where your eyes landed on something at your feet.

A small gold medallion lay nestled in the grass. You bent down to pick it up and your stomach twisted sickly as you ran your thumb across the surface to wipe off the dirt.

There, in your palm, engraved on the medallion lie your family crest.

The sight sent a shockwave throughout your body as you staggered backward, dropping the medallion, and clutching your chest. The startling realization that the campsite belonged to your father's men, that they had stood in this very spot, that they had been this close, absolutely shattered your composure.

In an instant, all eight boys surrounded you, although you hardly registered them at all as your vision tunneled back to the medallion on the ground.

“Everyone get back to the vehicles. Now.” Chan commanded after examining the pendant for himself. His voice came out as stable as he could manage, but the worry was evident.

In an instant, before anyone was able to take another step, Hyunjin swiftly reached for your arm, his touch was abrupt and forceful as he yanked you backward. A gust of wind brushed by your head, followed by the sharp crack of a bullet embedding itself in the tree to your side. The close call sent adrenaline coursing through your veins and you looked up in shock, locking eyes with Felix whose expression mirrored your own horror. Without a second to thank Hyunjin for quite literally saving your life, all nine of you snapped your heads in the direction that the bullet had come from. The silence that followed the gunshot was shattered by the deafening roar of an engine.

A second rover, identical to the one that had brought you here, emerged over the top of the hill on the other side of the valley.

Nothing you had been put through up to this point could have prepared you for what flooded over you at the sight of the vehicle. Not the final execution you had witnessed at the palace, or the feeling of the knife in your hand as it ripped through a stranger. None of it could ever have compared to the terror that gripped you in that moment.

Because you had been able to protect Felix last night, but you wouldn't be able to save any of them from the impending threat hurdling toward you now.

In less than a second, the world around you descended into chaos.

Sounds blended together into an incomprehensible mess. Unfamiliar voices rang out from up ahead, intertwining with the distant engine of the vehicle and the thundering of gunfire. Chan, you thought, yelled out again for everyone to get back to the vehicles, although his words were quickly swallowed by the madness.

It made sense why your fathers guards would resort to shooting without hesitation. Nobody outside of your father’s army should have had access to a rover like the one parked just feet from you now. Nobody except for the only group of people they knew did have access to one. Because they had watched them use it to escape the night of the raid.

And because of your partially concealed face, how ironic it was that the guards had absolutely no idea that it was you they had almost put a bullet through.

Paralyzing fear took over your body as you watched them close in, rendering your legs immobile. You turned back around, locking eyes with Felix who began to step toward you with his hand outstretched. Just as his fingers brushed against yours, a bullet whizzed between the two of you, forcing him to stumble back.

Suddenly, you felt a powerful tug wrench you away from Felix as Changbin seized hold of you, forcefully guiding you in the opposite direction toward the rover. His voice bellowed out through the chaos as he shouted at Felix to get back to the bike. The freckled boy nodded curtly, eyes trained on you as you fought against Changbin while he tried to push your head down in an attempt to further conceal your identity. Your body resisted his hold, instincts pulling you toward Felix as you desperately wanted to break free and join him on the bike, but it was no use. Changbin was far stronger than you. With one arm around you, Changbin swiftly tossed Hyunjin his gun and without hesitation Hyunjin mounted the bike behind Felix as the engine roared to life.

No matter how much you struggled in Changbin’s grasp, his hold on you remained steadfast. Without a choice, you yielded to his guidance as he pulled you up into the rover. Jisung quickly took the empty spot beside you, but your eyes never wavered from Felix. You watched intently as he turned the handlebars of the bike. Pointing them in the direction of the approaching vehicle, he tightened his grip on the throttle and accelerated a short way before skidding to the side and turning back around. He began to trace a daring path back and forth, kicking a thick cloud of dust into the air and drawing attention to the bike as Hyunjin took aim at your father’s men.

Despite your initial shock at his actions, it soon became clear that he was trying distract the guards. To obstruct their vision and buy enough precious time for the rest of you to escape.

From his place in the driver's seat, Chan caught on to Felix's plan just as soon as you did. His eyes widened with realization before he forced the key into the ignition. You tried to stand despite Changbin and Jisung pulling you back down. Raising your voice, you yelled out to Chan as he started the engine, fighting against the boys.

“What are you doing?! We can’t just leave them!”

Your heart pounded in your chest as time surrounding the rover stood still. Every single one of the boys around you held their breath as Chan hesitated, hands trembling slightly against the steering wheel, conflicting emotions evident on his face as he looked back to Felix and Hyunjin. The weight of the decision bore down on him, the responsibility of every single one of your lives in his hands, and for a moment it almost seemed as if he wasn’t going to be able to make the choice. Until Felix looked back, his deep voice booming throughout the chaos.

“Go! Get out of here!”

Chan’s voice cracked as he yelled out in response, “You know where we are! Meet us-“

“-I know! GO!” Felix shouted back, voice laced with urgency. “We’re right behind you!” and then he ducked to avoid an incoming bullet as Hyunjin swiftly fired back in the direction that it had come from. Minho stood and joined him in sending a few bullets toward your fathers men before he bent back down, hands reaching for the steering wheel as he jerked it to the side, yelling out to Chan that you needed to go now.

When the vehicle began to move, your heart was on the brink of exploding within your chest, as the weight of the world on your shoulders threatened to engulf you completely.

“Felix!” You called out, strained voice breaking in desperation as the fear of losing him tore at your soul once again. His head whipped around at the sound of your voice. With a final look in your direction, his eyes conveyed unspoken reassurance, a silent plea to trust him, and a promise that you couldn’t fully understand in that moment.

A promise that he would find his way back to you.

And then he tore his eyes from yours as Hyunjin shouted at him to “move!”, directing him to use the bike to create another diversion for your escape.

With only a moment to spare, Chan spinned around in his seat and placed a firm hand on your shoulder.

"Look at me, y/n look at me,” you turned to face him, eyes glossy with tears, “Felix knows what he's doing, he's fast with the bike and Hyunjin is a near perfect shot,” his panicked words were meant come across as reassuring but the expression on his face sure as hell wasn't.

Either way, Chan was a leader, and he did what leaders were supposed to do. He made the impossible, life-altering, split-second decisions. And so with a stern glance to Changbin who tightened his grip on you, he turned back around and stepped forcefully on the gas pedal.

And it's probably a good thing you weren't in his position, because you never would have been able to leave the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes behind. Not when it meant leaving a part of yourself, behind too.

You couldn’t breathe.

You really couldn’t breathe.

As the rover surged ahead, racing into the setting sun, your focus remained fixed on the valley as it disappeared behind you. Panic coursed through your veins, constricting your chest and clouding your senses. After you had gotten far enough away, Changbin released you and you leaned forward immediately, raising your voice to reach Chan's ears.

“How could you leave them behind!? We have to go back-we have to-“ As the words tumbled out from your lips in a frantic rush, you looked around to the rest of the boys behind you. They remained still, even Jisung avoided your eyes now.

“What are you doing?! We have to-” you turned back to Chan but before you could form any kind of a coherent sentence, he jerked the vehicle harshly to the side, causing you to grab onto the frame above until it came to a skidding halt. As the dust settled around you, Chan whirled around to face you. His resolute expression did little to conceal how shaken he was by having to leave the boys behind.

“Do you think that was easy for me?! Do you think that was easy for any of us?!”

His words carried through the air, and a pang of guilt struck you when you saw the burden of the responsibility that he carried reflected in his eyes.

“If one of them had recognized you…“

Your stomach twisted as the guilt intensified, because deep down you knew he never would have left Felix and Hyunjin behind if it weren’t for you. But he didn’t have a choice. If any one of your father’s men had recognized you it would have meant disaster in the form of certain death for every single one of them.

The weight of the boys’ emotions pressed down on you. Not a single sound escaped their lips as they watched your interaction with Chan. Not even Minho took the opportunity to further solidify the fact that this was all your fault.

“Where we’re going, we’ll be safe for the night. It’s close, and Felix has been there before so he knows where to go,” Chan cleared his throat before adding “they’re right behind us.”

And then he glanced to the skyline over your shoulder but you didn’t need to do the same to know what you’d find there.

They weren’t right behind you.

“Where...." your voice trembled as it took everything in you to fight back tears.

“Someone Felix and I have known for a very long time. An…acquaintance,” his own voice faltered on the word “acquaintance” before continuing. “I was trying to avoid it, but we don’t have a choice. We can’t stay out in the open tonight.”

Trying to avoid it.

Likely meaning that it was one of the areas he’d crossed out earlier when you were planning the route. A place he had originally hoped to steer clear of, but the circumstances had evidently forced his hand.

“We will find a way back to them, I promise.” This time, Chan wasn’t just speaking to you. He was also addressing the boys who were equally as shaken, but his words weren’t enough to ease the doubt in your mind.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Chan.

You sat back without another word, turning your focus up ahead where something caught your attention.

Two figures.

Shadowed by the setting sun, riding atop two powerful animals that as far as you knew, had been extinct for hundreds of years. Animals you couldn’t remember the name of because you never really paid much attention to your private tutoring lessons, not that it mattered. The sight of them was enough to render you speechless.

Chan spun back around and you studied his face in the mirror as recognition fell across it.

“It’s her….” he mumbled under his breath, looking to Minho seated beside him.

Her.

As the figures drew nearer, you realized that the one leading the way was a woman.

Chan addressed the group quickly, conveying that he and he alone would handle the conversation. He locked eyes with you, pausing for a moment before reaching out to pull the hood back over your head. When Jisung and Changbin settled in closer to you, you looked up to Jisung, finding brief solace in his eyes before putting your head down.

Unable to resist the curiosity when the strangers reached the side of the vehicle, you shifted to catch a glimpse of the woman from underneath your hood. She possessed an air of maturity, with long dark hair that cascaded down her shoulders and sides, streaked heavily with grey. One half of her face exhibited what appeared to be burn scars, extending all the way down her arm. Her presence exuded a quiet strength that demanded respect, and her beauty was evident even despite the scars. The male to her side was younger than you had initially thought. Several decades younger than her, he seemed to be around the same age as you and the boys. Reddish hair fell down to frame the enticing features of his face, and you were beginning to wonder if it was this common for everyone outside of District 9 to possess such ethereal beauty. He sported similar attire as the woman. Fairly well put together, their clothing was obviously worn but not nearly as much as you’d expect for someone who resided in District 6.

As they brought the animals to a stop, the woman appeared to recognize Chan immediately. Alone, he stepped down to greet her as she remained atop the animal, tightly gripping its long mane.

“Chris," her voice carried a velvety, alluring tone, "its been quite a while, hasn’t it?”

A silent exchange passed between the two, characterized by familiarity and a touch of tension. The strange name she used to address him with left you even more curious about the actual depth of their relationship.

The woman turned to the rover, scanning the faces inside. When her eyes fell to you, they widened ever so slightly. An eyebrow arched in intrigue as her lips parted, and you quickly leaned into Jisung once again.

“It has, Hira.” Chan acknowledged her before turning his attention to the male at her side, addressing him as “Yeonjun.” The two shared a quick greeting before Chan, or Chris, began to explain the nature of the group's situation, carefully selecting which details to share and what to withhold. He told the woman, Hira, that you were in desperate need of a place to stay for the night. When she asked where the group was headed, he replied with “District seven, in search of a permanent place to settle”. When she asked how you had obtained the vehicle, he offered an explanation that was even more vague. Stating that the group had just “come across it, abandoned, fully stocked with supplies.”

How ridiculous.

Even you would have been able to come up with something better than that..and you were worried there was no way in hell she could be gullible enough to believe the lies that spilled from his mouth.

Chan concluded his explanation by revealing the separation from Felix and Hyunjin, at which point you couldn’t help but steal another glance at Hira. She appeared to understand the gravity of your situation without him ever needing to mention your fathers guards or why the group had been forced to split up in the first place.

As she processed his words, her eyes gravitated to you once again. A shiver descended your spine as they bore into you, as if she was trying to catch a glimpse of your soul. Unsure of exactly how much she knew or what she could unravel with a single glance, it filled you with unease. When she looked back to Chan, a haunting smile fell across her scarred face.

“You know that you and your people are always more than welcome to stay with me and mine, Chris. Take as long as you need. I trust that you remember the…conditions to my hospitality. That-"

"-there is always a cost." The two spoke in unison, the woman and Chan.

"Ah yes," she smiled again, pleased with his response. "The weapons you provided Yeonjun with last time were in pristine condition, they have already sold for a generous sum." A flash of greed danced across her eyes as they fell to the gun in Minho's hands. "It seems as though you've come prepared this time. How long will you be staying?"

“Just the night,” he paused before adding, "we will be able to compensate you fairly.” And then he reached out and motioned for Minho to toss him the gun. After Minho obliged, Chan handed it over to the woman. She examined it closely, eyes gleaming with satisfaction as she turned the weapon over in her hands. "And i trust you have more where this came from?" She looked to him and he nodded.

"Three more. Four in total," she proposed.

"Two more. Three in total," Chan responded, a hint of reservation in his tone.

She contemplated his offer, narrowing her stare when they locked eyes.

"Deal, but only because of the impeccable condition, such remarkable craftsmanship..." She ran her hands across the cool metal once more before adding "You can follow me back to Clé, it’s not far from here as I'm sure you know.”

She then turned to address the male beside her. “Yeonjun will ride ahead to collect your friends."

The mention of Felix reignited the ache within your chest. The sudden appearance of the mysterious strangers had provided a fleeting distraction, but with each passing moment in their presence your longing for him began to resurface at full force.

The woman’s lingering eyes stole one last glance at you before tugging on the animal’s mane. The sound of hooves filled the air when she turned and began to lead the way. Yeonjun followed her command, guiding his own animal behind you in the opposite direction, and you watched until he disappeared into the shadows cast by the setting sun.

As the rover began to move, Minho leaned in to Chan and the two engaged in hushed conversation. You listened intently, trying to pick out any words you could but it was no use. Sinking back into the seat between Changbin and Jisung, you closed your eyes and pictured the freckled boy in your mind, desperately clinging on to whatever fading shred of hope you had left that you would ever see him again.

The sunset painted the cloudy sky with fiery tones.

And Hira was right, it didn’t take long, fifteen minutes maybe, before you spotted the silhouette of a small structure in the distance. It stood alone against the backdrop of scorching orange and red hues, appearing as though it had become one with the unforgiving terrain over time. A forgotten outcast, sheltered among dying trees with branches like skeletal fingers reaching up to touch the sky.

Following her lead, Chan brought the vehicle around to the backside of the house where Hira tied the animal to a nearby post. When you hopped down, the loose dirt beneath your feet emitted a satisfying crunch. Looking up, a jolt of surprise coursed through you as you were met with Hira's dark eyes. Taken aback by her close proximity and fascinated stare, you stumbled into Jeongin, who had just landed on the ground behind you. You reached behind, grabbing onto him for stability as she lifted an arm and carefully removed your hood, taking a piece of your hair into her hand.

She studied it between her fingers as if she were utterly perplexed before muttering underneath her breath "beautiful."

Chan cleared his throat, and you looked up to see all eyes on you. As if nothing had happened at all, the woman released your hair, seamlessly joining Chan in leading the group to the front of the building. It might have been the first time you had officially interacted with Jeongin, but you only tightened your hold on his sleeve as you moved. Thankfully he didn't seem to mind as he stuck by your side while the rest of the boys formed a protective barrier around the two of you. During the brief introductions that took place as you approached the building, you avoided the woman's gaze when you told her that your name was Jisoo.

The two-story structure before you stood as a testament to the relentless passage of time. Its frame, originally crafted from wood, bore the marks of age through faded green paint, chipping away like scars left behind by countless years. Open windows had been sealed off from the inside by sturdy wooden boards, creating an air of secrecy. The door, no longer a solid barrier, was covered by a long tattered curtain that matched the colors of the setting sun behind you. It swayed gently in the breeze.

In front of you, Hira brushed back the curtain to reveal a candlelit interior. The ceiling was low, creating a sense of confinement. In a way, it reminded you of the tavern in District 7, although the atmosphere inside was stagnant and held an air of something far less innocent.

It became evident shortly after stepping inside that this was a gathering spot for people who had found themselves on the fringes of society, seeking something more than just refuge. Because as Hira walked you through the lower level, hushed whispers and soft murmurs floated through the air, accompanied by occasional gasps of pleasure. You caught glimpses of intimate encounters through cracked doors, meeting the eyes of individuals in various states of undress whose beauty was contrasted by the sadness in their eyes.

After passing through a small area that appeared to serve as a kitchen for Hira and her guests, with a wooden table and a few mismatched chairs, you found yourselves back at the main room. Just inside the entrance.

Under the premise of supposed safety, your longing for Felix turned insufferable. Because you didn't really care if any of you were safe until you knew that he was too.

As if Chan had been plagued by the same thought, his voice split the silence.

"Its dark now..it might be safe enough for me to…maybe I should go out and look for the others..." His words were directed to Hira, although you couldn't be sure whether he was asking for permission or informing her of his intention. Either way, his growing concern was evident.

With firm resolve, the woman responded with a simple "No, that won't be necessary." And as if he had been expecting her response, Changbin stepped forward immediately, ready to argue, but he paused when she raised a hand and addressed Chan once more.

"Something tells me you know that it is wiser for you to remain here. Yeonjun has never failed me in a request, and I trust that he will return with your friends." Changbin stepped back and Chan fell silent. His usual authority seemed to vanish in her presence, leaving you even more curious about the dynamics between the two. About the experiences they'd shared while you were eating seasoned meals and taking hot baths to cleanse skin that was already clean.

Time had never moved so painfully, agonizingly, slow. Your profound understanding of the very real danger Felix and Hyunjin were in ate away at you with every passing second. Unable to sit still even after the others had settled down on the floor or the worn out furniture, you paced the room until Jisung silently called you over, patting the ground beside him against one of the walls. Your leg continued to shake uncontrollably even after you sat down, and it wasn’t until Seungmin came over to join you on your other side that you were able to stop. For the same reason you had chosen to sit by him the first night around the fire, something about Seungmin's presence made you worry just a little less.

As everyone anxiously awaited the return of the boys, even Hira had her eyes trained on the door whenever she wasn’t looking your way. Her not-so-subtle fascination with you only added to your overall unease, mostly because you just couldn't shake the feeling that her interest in the groups wellbeing went far beyond an innocent desire to help. Even if her and “Chris” happened to be old friends. Or acquaintances, or whatever the hell he’d called her. But you didn't really care about trying to decipher any of that right now. Not when all you could think about was the freckled boy who you'd let slip through your fingertips earlier.

Who you had failed to protect.

After a seemingly endless stretch of time, the curtain covering the door shifted ever so slightly and the room stood in unison, yourself included.

It was pulled back by Yeonjun now standing at the entrance. You took a step forward, gaze darting past him immediately. Desperately searching for any glimpse of dark hair behind him, your eyes were met with gold instead.

Hyunjin.

You released a steady exhale. Aside from a few smudges of dirt on his otherwise flawless features, he appeared to be relatively unscathed. Your nervousness eased at the sight of his familiar face, but it wasn’t until Felix stepped through the threshold behind him that you felt like you could breathe again.

For the first time since you had been forced to leave him behind, you could breathe.

You leaned forward as your eyes scanned every inch of his figure. He appeared slightly more disheveled than Hyunjin, with tousled hair and a small cut to his cheek, but he was alive, breathing, unharmed. The sight of him standing before made you ache to wrap him in your arms, but you remained rooted where you stood. As if your feet were shackled to the ground by invisible chains that warned of the danger that came with exposing the extent of your feelings to everyone in the room. So you masked your relief with a faint smile that lasted only a fraction of a second.

But you were certain Felix had seen it.

A low sigh escaped his lips, barely audible despite the silence in the room. Unbeknownst to you, it was a breath he had been holding since the very moment you had been torn apart. Nobody else seemed to notice the way you looked only to each other, or maybe they did, but you didn't really care.

Chan approached the boys first. He put an arm around both of their shoulders and whispered something to them before turning around to thank Yeonjun for their safe return. Hira nodded in acknowledgement when Chan introduced her to Hyunjin, but there didn't appear to be a need for introductions between her and Felix. The familiarity between Felix and Yeonjun was also apparent, although whatever it was between them came off as more of an uncomfortable, awkward tension than anything else.

Before the rest of the boys had a chance to approach Felix and Hyunjin, Hira commanded the room's attention. She guided the group back into the kitchen, over to a receded staircase in the corner that you hadn't noticed the first time. Yeonjun swiftly found his way to her side and you eyed them cautiously as they engaged in hushed conversation at the front of the group.

Wooden steps creaked underneath your feet as you climbed the stairs, worn with time and countless journeys up and down. At the top was a long hallway lined by closed doors, peeling wallpaper, and flickering candles. You made note of what appeared to be a supply closet just off the landing. The door was slightly ajar and you observed a small pile of blankets and crates stacked inside. Nearly empty, aside from a very meager handful of supplies.

Hira pointed out two rooms at the end of the corridor where you and the boys were to sleep for the night. Chan and Minho shared a glance, acknowledging that they didn't have much choice but to accept.

And Felix never left your side.

Or maybe you never left his. Either way, whether by conscious choice or something less deliberate, you mirrored each others steps the entire way up the stairs and back down again. The subtle brush of his arm against yours spoke volumes, but you were desperate for more. To to hear him tell you that he was okay. To feel the warmth of his skin against yours.

Bodies weary, the group followed Hira back down the steps into the kitchen where the small table now held an assortment of miscellaneous scraps of food. You were each offered a bowl, and you gladly accepted. Without enough chairs for everyone around the table, Jisung, Changbin, and Seungmin made themselves comfortable on the floor with their backs leaned against the wall, bowls in hand. Just as you were preparing to join them, with Felix right on your heels, Hira's voice cut through the air, interrupting your action.

"No, dear, sit here by my side. I insist." You glanced up to where she sat at the head of the table. Her words were accompanied by a very poor attempt at a welcoming smile that only caused you to recoil backward into Felix.

You looked to Chan for direction and when he nodded you hesitantly obliged, walking over to take the seat to her right, directly across from Chan who sat at her other side.

Without waiting for his own invitation, Felix slid down into the empty seat beside you. Jeongin ended up across from Felix, with Yeonjun positioning himself the other end of the table across from Hira. Minho opted to lean against the doorway to the kitchen, while Hyunjin claimed the spot on the floor that you had originally planned on taking next to Seungmin.

As dinner progressed, Hira spoke solely to Chan. She brought up stories of their past encounters and the atmosphere tensed further whenever he let out an occasional bout of strained laughter. The rest of the group remained quiet as they feigned interest in the scraps of food that had been placed in front of them, and you did the same. Gritting your teeth as you stared at the bowl because the faster you got through this night, the faster you would be able to get the hell out of here.

The faster you would be able to find a moment alone with Felix. Which was the only thing that mattered to you now.

Throughout the meal, Hira's eyes continuously fell to you, just as they had from the moment she'd first caught sight of you earlier. And despite the fact that she was supposedly listening to Chan, she didn't seem to have any interest in him or their conversation whatsoever.

It became increasingly evident that you weren’t the only one aware of her strange behavior. Beside you, Felix’s grip on the roll of bread in his hand tightened with every second that her eyes remained fixed on you. As if a protective instinct was taking hold of him in response to her unwavering interest.

Just as Chan began to cautiously navigate his way through a story about a time several years ago when he'd crossed paths with Hira in District 4, she curtly interrupted him, turning to face you directly.

"You know dear, there is room for you here," she purred, reaching out to place a palm over your clenched fist where it rest on the table.

Her cold touch sent an icy shockwave up your arm.

Chan stopped talking mid sentence, Jisung nearly choked on his food behind you, and your entire body froze. Your eyes widened as you lifted your gaze from the bowl in front of you, looking to Chan for help. But his expression only mirrored your own shock as his mouth fell slightly agape while you stared at each other in disbelief.

Before either you or Chan could find the words, Felix's voice sliced through the tension in the air like a blade. Resonating dangerously low, it nearly shook the room beside you.

"She. Stays. With. Us." he growled through clenched teeth, putting sharp emphasis on each individual word. The roll of bread in his hand crumpled beyond repair as he used every muscle in his body to keep his restraint.

Hana's gaze flickered from you to Felix, engaging in a silent standoff, until her eyes began to shift back and forth between the two of you. A sly grin fell across her face as she pieced together the fact that there was something more between you and Felix. Something that went far beyond what you had with the rest of the boys. Far beyond camaraderie or the mutual need to depend on each other for survival. She looked back to you with envy in her eyes, a lingering possessiveness, and after a few more moments of uncomfortable silence she did something not a single one of you could have expected.

She began to laugh.

A chilling sound that started out quiet before building loud enough to echo throughout the entire room. Felix's stare spoke volumes as his eyes remained trained on the woman at your side, piercing and unyielding, making it more than clear that he didn't find anything funny about the situation at all. Your heart pounded in your ears, your breath caught in your throat, and every single hair on the back of your neck stood on end before her laughter ended just as abruptly as it had begun. Her facial expression shifting once again to that of an eery stoicism.

“You all must be exhausted after such a long day. Rest well tonight and replenish your strength,” she addressed the group as a whole before turning back to Felix. Her final words were directed solely at him. “A tired mind is dangerous companion.”

Without another word she rose gracefully from her seat, the scraping of her chair against the floor only adding to the unsettling feeling in the air. She swiftly exited the room with Yeonjun following closely behind.

Every single one of the boys remained motionless. With their eyes glued to Chan, they waited for him to offer any form of direction but he appeared to be just as taken aback as the rest of you by her actions. By her offer to you.

When he finally regained the ability to speak, it was barely above a whisper. “She's right...lets just take the opportunity to rest for a few hours. We'll be safe here for the night.”

Why does he keep saying that.

We aren't safe anywhere.

Chan stood, and just as Yeonjun had hurried after Hana, the boys mirrored his actions. They got up and approached the staircase at the other end of the kitchen. At your side, Felix was the only one who had yet to move a muscle.

Chan’s knowing eyes said it all as he looked back at the two of you one last time before leaving you to yourselves, ascending the staircase behind the rest of the group. Probably a mistake, on his part, to leave you alone. Not that he could have known the depth of your emotions or the fleeting nature of your self control.

Felix sat rigid as he fixated on the wall in front of him.

Something brought you back to this morning, when you’d refused to join him on the bike in an attempt to push down your growing feelings. Stupid, stupid feelings that threatened to ruin everything whenever you found yourself alone with him.

You remembered the promise you had made to him on the rooftop.

Don't let me love you.

Slowly, you got up from your chair.

Felix did the same.

Just walk away, y/n. Turn around. Go upstairs. Go to sleep.

Walk. Away.

Standing beside you now, facing you, inches from you, he looked you up and down. He reached for your wrist and ran his thumb over a small cut on your forearm that you hadn't even realized was there.

Without a word, he set your arm back down at your side and took a step past you in the direction of the staircase.

Don’t look back. Just let him go.

Let. Him. Go.

Fuck-

“-Wait” You muttered, grabbing onto his arm and pulling him with you across the kitchen to the foot of the staircase, partially hidden in between the recessed walls. His eyes darted upward as the boys retreated into their designated rooms. And you stayed like that, pressed up against him in the small space until the doors closed behind them.

As soon as they clicked shut, you blurted out the first thing that came to your mind.

“Are you fucking insane?! What the hell were you thinking earlier? Staying behind like that.” Struggling to keep your voice down, the words came out a bit more accusatory than you had originally intended. But now that he was in front of you, now that you knew he was safe, you couldn’t help but express a little frustration.

“I was just...doing what needed to be done.” He answered, voice husky and low, eyes dark and inviting. Your brow furrowed as you searched for the right response. Literally anything to convey how much his continued disregard for his own life drove you absolutely mad. But no words seemed adequate enough.

Maybe you would have come up with something eventually, if the growing closeness between you wasn't making it impossible to concentrate on anything other than how badly you wanted him to rail you senseless.

For fucks sake. Get it together.

After a moment, a subtle curl formed at the corner of his upper lip.

"What, were you worried about me princess?" He mused, poking his tongue into his cheek.

"I'm serious!" You shot back in a rather poor attempt to conceal the fact that his accusation and such a simple, simple action could have you so impossibly weak at the knees.

"You heard Chan. We were supposed to stay together. All of us, which includes you. Because we need you."

Because I need you, idiot.

The smugness fell from his face as his expression began to soften.

“And yeah, maybe I am tired of watching you try to get yourself killed but that doesn't mea-" before you could finish reprimanding him, Felix leaned down and captured your lips between his.

You pulled back, eyes wide.

"What are you-" but your words were cut off again when you went to take a step back and nearly tripped on the staircase behind you, instinctively reaching for his arms to steady yourself.

Amusement spread across his face, as if he was proud of himself for making you fall apart like his. His reaction made your cheeks flush hot with embarrassment but before you could utter another word he moved in again. Your hands betrayed you as they pulled him closer, but instead of kissing you again like you’d expected Felix ducked his head to your neck where he began to pepper the sensitive skin with a number of light kisses. You glanced upstairs where the boys had retreated for the night, then back down across the kitchen where Hana and Yeonjun had disappeared only moments before.

“What if someone-” You pulled back for a second time.

"Let them,” he mumbled against your skin. "Its not like they don't already suspect it,” he added while running his tongue along the fading mark on your neck that you’d forgotten was there.

“And you’re alright with that?” You nearly moaned out the final word when he began to suck lightly at the tender spot on your neck, barely having time to finish your sentence before he forcefully reconnected your lips.

Felix was more than alright with that.

But of course, its not like he had meant for this to happen. He really did have every intention of following the others upstairs. He really did. Its just that he’d narrowly missed about 17 bullets today, half of them aimed at his head, which had him fairly convinced that he might actually never get to see you again. So the sight of you in his arms now, lust and concern etched beautifully across your face as you looked to him as if he was your entire world, had him overcome with the need to be inside of you.

And you really hadn't meant to end up like this either, shamelessly pulling him in by the collar as he cradled your face in his hands. Succumbing to the magnetic pull that urged you to follow him as he took a step backward up the stairs. There were so many things you wanted to say to him about his past, to ask him why he had taken the blame for killing the intruder, and you still weren't done scolding him for his decision to stay behind earlier. But none of it mattered in that moment. Because he was safe, he’d managed to find his way back to you, and you wanted nothing more than to show him just how thankful you were for that.

"m' glad you're okay" the words slipped from your lips on accident between kisses as you followed him up the stairs. You swallowed quickly before adding “I-I mean because, you know....they were worried about you..the others.”

“Oh really?” he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip, and you hummed in agreement before granting him access.

You wrapped your arms around his neck from where you now stood on the step above him. When he looked up into your eyes, a conflicted expression washed over his features before he lifted his head to kiss you again.

"Lix," you mumbled against his lips when you took the last step at the top of the staircase.

"Yeah, princess?" He breathed out, meeting you on the landing where his hands slid down to rest at the back of your thighs, just below your ass, pulling you closer. You spoke against his lips when he moved in to reconnect them to yours.

“This doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you."

"Mhmm" he tightened his grip on your thighs.

"It doesn't mean I hate you any less," you continued, nipping at his bottom lip and pulling it back in your teeth. "Because I do, you know?”

And his eyes were dark when you opened yours to look back at him, pupils blown wide.

"Whatever you say, sweetheart."

That was new.

And then, with a firm squeeze at your thighs, Felix effortlessly lifted you up, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as your arms circled his neck. His hands cupped your ass and you kissed him like that for some time. Shamelessly giving in to the uncontrollable desire that had brought you together in the first place, in a dim candlelit hallway, surrounded on either side by rooms full of sleeping travelers and the rest of the boys. And none of it mattered. You would have kissed him until your lips bled, running your hands through his hair, your tongues battling for dominance.

But Felix made it very clear that he wanted more.

He moved until your back hit the wall behind you and you gripped him tighter to keep yourself upright. When he pressed his hips further into you another weak moan fell from your lips. He shifted and you looked down, realizing that that the wall to your back was actually a door.

The supply closet.

Felix maneuvered your bodies so that he could push the door open with his back.

As he carried you into the cramped space, you placed a very gentle kiss to the scratch on his cheek. Inside, shut off from the rest of the world, you were free to lose yourselves in each other completely. Candlelight from the hallway spilled in through the wide gap beneath the door, enough to cast a faint glow inside the room. And the door barely had time to shut before both of you were halfway undressed.

Felix picked up a blanket from the ground and threw it across the stack of crates that took up the majority of the small space. He set you down gently on top of them, bending over to keep your lips connected while he shoved his pants down, and you did the same. Frantically pushing your own pants and underwear down before tossing your shirt to the side, and it didn’t even have time to hit the ground before he was pressed up against you again, reaching around to unclasp your bra. Just as you had struggled with the buckle on his belt, he fumbled with it briefly and you smiled against his lips. But he was determined and it took only a moment before he stripped it from your body and the stuffy air hit your skin. When you shifted on the crates, your exposed breasts bounced slightly, immediately drawing his attention. He licked his lips as he devoured them with hungry eyes.

“Like what you see?” You mocked, reaching down to bring his hands up to your chest. He squeezed the soft flesh and you gasped when his fingertips pinched lightly at your nipples.

And it was in that moment that Felix decided he would never be able to get enough of you, so willing to expose yourself to him like this. So desperate for his touch on your bare skin, for his cock buried inside of you. You didn’t even need to say it out loud because your eyes were begging.

One of his hands trailed down between your legs and he slid a finger through the wetness of your slit.

“Fuck, princess...so wet already,” he murmured against your jaw, and you let out a stifled moan into his neck when he pulled you closer and pressed his thumb to your puffy clit. He rubbed slow circles before inserting a finger inside of you, followed shortly after by a second. The skillful movement of his fingers made you melt into his touch as you rolled your hips to meet his hand. As your head went dizzy and your vision blurred.

Between his fingers pumping in and out of you at just the right speed, his thumb adding pressure to your clit, the squeezing of your breast in his other hand, and the sloppy wet kisses he continued to press to your neck and jaw, your body was already threatening to spill over the edge. To prolong the pleasure, not ready to let go just yet, you shifted. He licked your juices from his fingers when you brought his hand up to his mouth. "You taste so sweet princess," he muttered, accent heavy in his current state as you reached down to release his cock from his underwear. It sprang free and you pushed him back gently, dropping from the crates, your knees hitting the ground. He looked down at you as your hand wrapped around his pulsing cock. You swirled a bit of precum around the tip before licking a stripe up his shaft and taking him into your mouth.

As you hollowed your cheeks around him and began to bob your head, running your tongue along a thick vein on the underside of his cock, Felix leaned back against the door. His head turned to the ceiling as his eyes lazily fell shut, and he wondered how much you'd had to practice to get it this right. But he didn't want to think about that now. He only wanted to think about you on your knees for him. A whimper escaped his lips when you swirled your tongue around his leaking head, across his slit. The unexpected sound from him and the salty taste on your tongue had you rubbing your thighs forcefully together.

Felix let his mind go empty with nothing but pleasure as he fucked your face. He glanced down with hooded eyes to meet your own, and the sight of your pretty angelic mouth stuffed with his cock as you made eye contact with him nearly caused him to blow his load right then and there. But Felix didn’t want to waste a second of you like this. Because he'd almost died today. He'd almost died nearly every day for a very long time, and he didn't know if he would ever get the chance after tonight to have you like this again. And so, when you suddenly released his cock with a pop, he leaned down and pulled you back up by the arms.

His touch was gentle.

His tone wasn’t.

“I’m going to fuck you now, and you’re not going to make a sound. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?” He spoke down to you, as if he already knew that you wouldn’t be able to oblige.

“Y-yes” you somehow managed to get out. And he wasted no time in lifting you back onto the crates, his strength evident as his muscles flexed.

You steadied yourself before spreading your legs for him as wide as the cramped space would allow. You ran your eyes up and down his naked form, his defined abs, his toned chest, and his right hand as he brought it down to pump his cock a few times before aligning it with your dripping core.

“Please…” you panted under your breath as he smeared your arousal with his tip. And your desperate plea was all he needed to give in, sinking into your aching entrance and bottoming out inside of you with a carnal mroan. You gasped, reaching forward to pull him closer. He wrapped an arm around your back, slamming the other against the wall behind you. His head fell to your neck and your legs wrapped around him as he began to rhythmically move his hips.

Filthy sounds filled the space as he rutted into you, and in that moment it was easy to let yourself go completely. To let him take you however he pleased, in whatever way he pleased. Because you were safe with Felix, here, like this, when it was just the two of you. He made you feel like just a person. Without a past to run from, without a burden to shoulder. Just two careless young lovers who in another life might have stumbled across this very place seeking refuge. Who might have called it home for a while before leaving again together.

And this time was different from the first time on the rooftop as his hips slapped fervently against yours, hot skin against skin. Because of your earlier separation, tonight was more desperate, more needy, more primal.

“Feels so good, Lix” you whined when he brought his hands down to tightly grip your waist, allowing him to fuck up into your swollen heat even harder. When your head fell back, he took it as an invitation to bring a hand up around your exposed throat, shoving his fingers into your mouth when you let out a strangled moan.

"F-Fuck, princess-" he hissed, “you have to be quiet, be a good girl for me, yeah?” He squeezed harder at your throat when you cried out again but was instantly made into a hypocrite when you clenched around him and he let out a groan deep enough to vibrate the walls.

His thrusts grew sloppy which told you he was just as close as you had been since the moment he'd laid a hand on you, and yet he still managed to hit the right angle every single time. Between his thick cock brutally pounding up into your drooling hole, low grunts against your ear, the sound of the crates thudding against the wall behind you and the risk of being caught at any moment, it all had you reaching your own climax faster than you could control.

"So pretty all fucked out like this,” he growled, ”the world in the palm of your hand and here you are reduced to nothing by my cock. I should fuck you full, make the world mine too."

"Fuck, F-Felix, don't stop I'm close-"

“I know, baby," he groaned, "me too.” And you could feel the truth in his words because of how fucking hard he was, but before he could pull out you wrapped your legs around him tighter.

"Need your cum, please, fill me up. Please Lix make me yours."

"Shit-"

Your plea sent him over the edge. His cock throbbed where it was buried deeply inside of you as he pumped milky white ropes of cum into your cunt. A deep groan that was far louder than any of the moans he had scolded you for fell from his lips, and as your own orgasm took over you buried your face in the sweaty skin at his neck. Holding onto him to ground yourself when your vision went white as you sobbed out his name repeatedly.

Heavy breathing and light whimpers from both of you were the only sounds that filled the air after the harsh string of low curses that fell from his lips.

After a moment, when you began to come down from your high and Felix stopped twitching inside of you, you unwrapped your shaking legs from his waist and dropped down from the crates. He helped to steady you on your feet, and the gravity of what you had just done set in as you felt his hot cum begin to trickle down the inside of your thigh.

Fuck

Fuck fuck fuck-

Felix reclaimed your attention when he leaned in to place a breathless kiss to your lips. You jumped when the cool metal of the rings on his fingers made contact with the sensitive skin at the inside of your thighs when he put a finger between them to swipe some of his cum away. He brought it up, smearing his release against your bottom lip before you took it into your mouth and licked it clean.

"That can never happen again,” he murmured, his eyes intently focused on where his finger had disappeared into your mouth.

He might have been referring to the sex, but you were fairly certain it had more to do with the fact that by spilling every last drop of his cum inside of you he had just put both of your lives in substantially more danger. Because if Felix got you pregnant, the repercussions would be catastrophic.

"This, us is…it can’t..” He trailed off.

“I know.” You glanced up to take in his disheveled appearance. His long hair a mess, sweat on his forehead, lips puffy and swollen.

“Never again,” you whispered, and it was at that moment that Felix realized he was never going to be able to get over you. That he would belong to you until he took his last dying breath.

And it wasn’t until you met his eyes that he understood just how selfish that made him.

How badly he had screwed up.

Because Felix had made the fatal mistake of allowing you to develop the same feelings for him, and he wanted to protect you from the sadness in your eyes when you looked up to him with silent understanding that you would never be able to be together. Not in the way you wanted to be, not without consequences. Felix wanted to shield you from everything in this world that could hurt you, including himself. Especially himself. He wanted to protect you from his own selfish desires more than anything, but the situation between the two of you had begun to spiral far beyond his control.

And the damage was already done.

Felix led you by the hand to the end of the hallway where he lightly pressed on the door to one of the rooms that Hira had pointed out to you earlier. When you stepped inside, the floorboards creaked loudly underneath your feet. You could make out shapes through the darkness but it was difficult to tell which of the boys were in the room you had just entered.

You followed Felix, taking extra care to step over the sleeping form at your feet, as he led you to an unoccupied space in the corner. He shook off his leather jacket and pulled you down with him. Folding the jacket, he set it on the ground next to you and you immediately undid his actions, unfolding it enough so that there was room for his own head to be cushioned by the worn out fabric as well. You lie down facing each other, trailing your eyes up and down the features of his face, bringing a hand up to his hair, tracing along the sharp line of his jaw, while he looked at you with painful longing that you would never have been able to put into words. Only a feeling, in a stolen moment that you had so selfishly claimed for yourselves. But you understood everything that it meant.

"y/n?" His voice cascaded through the silence and the use of your name, his use of your name, tugged painfully at your chest.

“Yeah, Lix?” You responded, tracing your fingers along a patch of freckles underneath one of his eyes.

“I’m glad you’re okay too.” He spoke so faintly underneath his breath that you weren’t even sure you had heard him right until you met his gaze. The look he gave you absolutely shattered your heart, and you forced yourself to hold back the words that you wanted so desperately to say to him in response. You watched in silence as his heavy eyes closed while you combed through his hair, kissing him gently once more when his breathing steadied and you were certain that he had fallen asleep.

Don't let me love you.

It was quite a simple request, really. Or at least it should have been. You should have been able to do it, and yet you could literally feel your promise rip to pieces with every kiss, every touch, every breath you took in every moment you spent next to him like this. Moments that you burned into your memory because you were afraid they would be your last.

I'm sorry, princess.

"I'm sorry too, Lix." You whispered.

Sorry you couldn't keep your promise. Sorry you hadn't tried harder.

Sorry there was nothing you could do to stop the time from slipping away. Sorry you couldn't make it stop.

You fell asleep shortly after he reached for you, subconsciously pulling you into his chest. You breathed in his scent and it eased every aching muscle in your body. In that moment you were his, and he was yours, and that was enough. Even if you would never be able to belong to each other for more than a single night at a time. Just for tonight, it was enough. Because eventually, one way or another, you knew that your past would catch up to you. You’d begun this journey knowing from the start that the future had never really been yours to claim. Knowing that that your time with Felix was just as limited as your freedom. Because as someone had told you once, the problem with time is that it is a merciless force. No matter who you are, no matter where you come from, one way or another it always runs out.

Part 6

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