#sorry I’m rambling just

[testicularmanslaughtrr]

Hey to round out this new year I wanna bitch about something quick. This is so purely personal I don’t expect anyone to care but I’m trying to like actually heal in the new year. Also I’m a few glasses of wine in and don’t care this is my blog you can read or not

I started the process which took some self reflection cause I had to come to terms with one of the people who hurt me most was someone I made into a “favorite person”. (Hi I have bpd if you don’t know)

This person came on to me, this person flirted with me, this mother fucker confessed feelings to me, fucked me, and then turned around and called ME manipulative and then just tried to forget about me.

Was I at my best during this? Absolutely not. I was an emotional and angry thing who was watching several people I had really cared about slip out of my life. I was acting irrationally and that’s on me.

The saddest thing is honestly I wish I could apologize for a lot of how I handled things. It wasn’t great.

But it takes two to tango and I’m still so angry that this person got to have their fun with me and toss me aside. Get all this flirting and affection, tell me you want to make my heart soar (their words not mine) even get to fuck me and I’m the one who got the backlash. I’m the one who was so easy to throw away…I specifically told this person I was scared to reciprocate feelings because not only do I have BPD and these stupid issues about romance but literally a few months before this I was manipulated into a thankfully very short but very gross relationship with a person who waited till I was stupid tired to confess feelings and convinced me I felt the same. This person knew that happened to me and even talked about being careful and we still both rushed and went too fast. Which is equally my fault but don’t get fuckin JEALOUS and say how much you care about me when this was supposed to be “”casual””

It hurt. It hurt and it sucks that I’d still apologize and want to talk about things.

I know that they’ll never unblock me. I know a lot of people don’t miss me. And that’s okay

Truthfully this was already a couple years ago but it’s still something that’s left a really long scar on me.

I’m glad in some ways I managed to salvage a few things, keep my closest friends and somewhat earn back the friendship of someone I really care about. Who if you’re reading this idk hi, I do think you’re a good guy and I consider you a dear friend who I’m very scared to lose. And I’m again so fucking sorry about everything.

I’m not always a good person. I try. I fail, I’m human. I know everyone else involved is human too, but I do NOT think anything that happened was fair.

Some sad fuckin part of me hopes to wake up to a message every day like “hey. I miss you can we talk?” And I know it’ll never happen so maybe by the end of 2024 I can stop hoping for that lmao.

[pastabaguette]

look guys i don’t like to argue but i hate it when people portray equius and nepeta like this:

i mean, they’re both just thirteen, come on.

equius is not her parental figure, and nepeta isn’t a fussy baby that can’t eat her fruits and veggies! equius isn’t some malicious evil guy, he’s just a stupid little teenager. that goes for eridan too (and i guess like, all of the trolls, but especially those two). nepeta’s not some innocent little baby. she’s the same age as all her friends. she kills huge wild beasts on the regular for consumption.

a lot of dubs i’ve seen, too, make nepeta sound like a toddler, and equius like a whole grown adult man, and i don’t really like it because neither of them are those things. (granted, i don’t watch too many dubs, so maybe i am wrong on this)

[kelddaa]

mornings in the desert

[hotdogmchiggin]

I guess DARE wasn’t a thing in Goron City

[whatsjulietslastname]

HEY GUYS REMEMBER WHEN CHLOE WANTED MAX TO BE THE LAST THING SHE EVER SAW BEFORE DYING. BTW GUYS. REMEMBER WHEN CHLOE SAID “i’m never leaving you” AND “that’s okay we will, forever” AND “Max, i’ll always be with you”. GUYS GUYS GUYS HOLD ON REMEMBER WHEN CHLOE SPENT YEARS TALKING TO MAX IN HER DIARY BECAUSE SHE COULDN’T LET HER GO GUYS. AND WHEN SHE TOOK MAX BACK IN A HEARTBEAT BECAUSE SHE MISSED HER TOO MUCH. OH AND BTW REMEMBER HOW THEY WERE CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS AND GREW UP TOGETHER AND FELL IN LOVE AND ARE NOT LINKED ONLY BY A ‘trauma bond’. DO WE REMEMBER THAT. COLLECTIVELY.

[tedzyrotten]

vessel air guitar will never not be funny

[durge-marzio]

Ohhh, I'm rereading Mystra's entry in the Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide... and this detail:

This means Gale was punished for trying to restore and preserve what he thought was a lost piece of Mystra's magic. Gale being Mystra's ex-lover put aside. He as her follower, she his goddess, was punished for attempting to do the one foundational rule of her faith.

I'm seething and so sad at the same time.

Edit: I used the word punish loosely, as in, toxic/abusive people will take any small mistake or action and twist it into something they can take advantage of. This post was also largely from the stand point of a toxic deity rather than a toxic partner, but both takes are valid here. Especially with the, “you didn’t stay compliant so now I’m giving you the silent treatment” part of it—from a god and a partner perspective.

[dryya-doesnt]

Minecraft diaries but I need an excuse to practice drawing musculature and body types based on combat style

Clearly there is no favoritism here.

Reasoning behind this actually runs deeper than just drawing hot people unfortunately…

Garroth’s a tank, high defense, built for defensive combat — I like to think that he was trained also in the Ro'meave combat style plus guard academy, but switched to a more defensive combat style once settling down in a small town like Phoenix drop.

Laurance is similar in build to Garroth thanks to guard training, but he's quick on his feet and agile. His mobility has been permanently enhanced post shadow knight transformation, and his instincts are also heightened (SK but also his brief period of blindness)

Katelyn is broad — simply because her combat style focuses more on hand to hand / close range combat. Thus her upper body strength likely is more prominent in her design. She just really likes punching things.

[800db-cloud]

i’ve been wanting to do this since day one

[bloobydabloob]

Holy shit I love your Dirk interpretations, it's so true and I could talk about this shit forever. I feel like another part of his character that people seem to forget (along with Roxy for some reason) is that he's from the future in solitude in an apocalyptic wasteland. I just see that part of his character always removed which is disappointing because I feel like that's a pretty big part, especially regarding his themes around technology, his brother's theme of Time, his own isolation, and how he plays in the vastness of the universe and spacetime.

Art I drew related to the subject because I like to respond to asks with art.

But absolutely. I certainly understand where the lack of discussion over his isolation + upbringing comes from, considering a majority of the fanbase that I have seen builds their ideas based on their own version of postcanon. I’m not entirely sure how that would be fixed, but certainly even in the somewhat recent past I would see a lot more content regarding his upbringing both literally and symbolically. I don’t have much to add regarding the things you’ve mentioned, because they just are what they are. Dirk being confined to a singular room left to him by a father figure he never met, in a future where the only other person left on the planet is someone he cannot pursue a relationship of because of himself, with purely 3 robots to keep him companion, one being an exact replica of his own brain who is *also* trapped inside a pair of glasses, is about as literal as it gets to me.

The contrast to me involving the flooded, organic world in comparison to the little speckle of Dirk’s apartment packed with the dude and his technics is not only a representation of his isolation and entrapment within himself, but also of his lack of control. I think his obsession with & themes of control are a direct product in the case of Dirk specifically *of* this kind of upbringing. His themes of technology are also related to his themes around control. So much of his character is actually revolved around this to me like so much. Dirk is so deeply disconnected from humanity in every way and so much of his character + symbolism is based around that.

It doesn’t even have to be about the symbolism or anything though. It’s just pretty *interesting* in the literal sense that he lives in the middle of the ocean in the future. There’s not only a lot to theorise on to do with his young life there, but on how it might affect him in the way he acts for the rest of his life. The latter part is probably what I see mentioned the most by people talking about Dirk regarding this, I’m surprised I don’t see more discussion on the former too though. I really ought to actually talk more about Homestuck stuff on here. I will do it myself.

Roxy & Dirk’s relationship is largely ignored though because there is a narrative a certain demographic spreads that Dirk resented and blamed Roxy for her interest in him, and thus too many people believe that their relationship was or would continue to be an abusive one. Realistically, I believe it’s important to acknowledge that the way Roxy treated Dirk regarding his homosexuality wasn’t right while still acknowledging the obvious amount of respect and admiration Dirk had for Roxy. I mean we have a huge piece of dialogue from their post trickster mode conversations on the quest beds from Dirk purely stating how he feels about Roxy that people completely ignore somehow. I think this usually happens to characters that are women though. I know everyone says it, but it is true. Jane gets the exact same treatment of boiling her down to solely her negative aspects. The things I see completely mischaracterising both of them are horrific.

I mean how much more explicit can it get that their relationship is obviously very important to Dirk? But I digress. I think the best or I should say “most interesting” interpretations of their relationship usually come from DirkRoxy shippers actually.

I would be interested to hear about Dirk’s relation to his brother’s theme of time though. I don’t have any thoughts on this and I don’t recall ever hearing anyone talk about it before. If you or anyone else would be willing to enlighten me I’d be thrilled.

[chellychuu]

I miss the old internet. I miss being cringe and not thinking twice about it. I miss playing dress up games and sharing the silly outfits we made. I miss not caring about numbers or what people thought of me. I miss posting ugly sketches on deviantart. I miss watching low res anime in 3 parts on old YouTube. I miss customizing my layouts on every site I could with too many images and glittery graphics. I miss active forums and talking about niche interests. I miss the simplicity of everything.

[dollarstorefern]

*cough* if you hate amber volakis i hate you *cough* (just kidding!) (i’m not.)

[atelierlili]

I always wondered why Katniss factored marriage and children into the equation when it came to reciprocating Peeta’s feelings for her. It’s a rather large leap, especially when Peeta himself never expresses wanting children at any point in the story. He uses children as a tool to persuade Katniss and the Capital to save her life, but the only time we see him express any desire/feelings of having one of his own is when he’s crying after the baby bomb. But we never hear his real thoughts.

But you wanna know who does express wanting children? Gale.

It’s one of the first thing he mentions in chapter one. And it pisses her off so much.

(I also want to add that Gale reframes/establishes the dynamic of Katniss and him caring for their siblings from something that is sibling-sibling to parent-sibling. And he is not wrong. Katniss doesn’t refute him. Both Katniss and Gale are surrogate parents to their siblings. Which is also why Katniss love and affection of Prim, is not just sisterly. I’ve seen people say Katniss is only sisterly to Prim- but she’s not. She’s parentified their relationship to the point she subconsciously see Prim as her child, which makes this a tragedy because she’ll loose her first child no matter what she does by the end of the story.)

But Gale’s phrasing here elevates himself as a potential suitor to Katniss by placing them both as the parental roles to these children. (Which irritates her a lot ). Which is why she brings the topic up with her relationship with Peeta. Because she’s subconsciously aware of Gale’s efforts and knows it will be a point of contention between them. It hangs over her head in a way.

With Gale, children are extra mouths to feed. (But Gale will do fine. He can work. He can hunt.) It’s all framed with calculated survival in mind. But it’s also not something she had planned in the future at any point.

But Peeta’s children? Oh they deserve to be born because Peeta deserves to be a father. He would be such a good father. They deserve to exist in a world where they can be safe and happy. (Even if it’s not with her.)

This is also why I think she subconsciously sees Peeta’s baby as her own. And I don’t think of it as a cruel/heartless thing, it’s just you’d be more protective of your own child compared to someone else’s. Katniss sees Gale as a reliable person who’s equipped to look after a kid. She doesn’t express the same kind of maternal instinct/yearning for the Baby Hawthrone’s safety as she does with the idea of Baby Mellark, because she doesn’t think of Gale’s child as her own. She never hopes for a better future for them, but she does with Peeta because he and that baby gives her hope. And she loves him that much.

[l3viat8an]

Do you ever think about demons being a little confused about what gifts humans do and don’t like during ‘courting / courtship’ say MC LOVES getting jewelry (fairly standard counting gift across worlds) but when one of the demons gifts them a beautiful set of REAL still a little bloody eyeballs they scream and that’s just so confusing for the poor demons. 

YESYESYES!!!

CW: Gore mentioned (cuz like bloody eyeballs)

Especially Asmo and Mammon- but I’m gonna focus on Asmo for this <3

He always wants you to have the best of the best!!! He’s always gifting you the best jewelry, lovely new outfits, anything he thinks you’ll like he gives you in the hopes that you’ll understand just how much he cares for you. How often he’s thinking about you and what you like.

So when he overheard you telling another demon in class that his eyes are ‘such a beautiful color!’ well…..it’s only natural that he gets them for you!!!

Surely you’ll love them!!! Asmo takes extra care to clean the blood off the eyeballs, before he puts them in a adorable little pink gift box and leaves it on your bed, right where he always leaves your little gifts <3

You’ll love it!!! He can’t wait to hear you gushing about your new gift later!!! What he doesn’t expect is to hear you screaming, calling for whichever demon is closest to get them out of your room- why????

He put so much care into getting them for you!! he runs to your room and sees Beel taking the box away from you, telling you not to worry about it, he’ll take it away and Asmo wants to cry- what did he do wrong??? they really were beautiful eyes- you should love them!!!

Beautiful jewelry and clothes are fine but an even more thoughtful and important gift, he had to rip out himself isn’t??? It doesn’t make sense!!!

Why do humans have to be so damned confusing???

[pallanophblargh]

Wake up, new cryptid just dropped!

It’s true that I’ve had to reimagine my day to day life since we got her, but I can’t imagine how we got this lucky. We thought we would have to work to earn her love, but from the moment she entered our house it’s been a cuddlefest, one I couldn’t possibly deny. There are hurdles she will be facing to be sure (and she will still need to meet the cats face to face) but I’m so happy to see this happy lil cheese every day. Welcome home Raclette!

(The couches will always be hers, even if it means she does try to smush whatever I’m working on at the time!)

[c0nn0rsseur]

Can we take a moment to appreciate Bryan Dechart’s performance as Cyberlife Tower Connor aka Sixty and Sixty as a character? 🤌

Though Sixty and deviant Connor are physically identical (minus their demeanors, e.g. the way they stand and walk, like wow, Bryan, wow) and their voices technically aren’t different from each other, the distinction is still clearly there, at the same time it’s so nuanced too. Sixty sounds condescending, imperious and callous compared to deviant Connor whose voice is empathetic, curious and sincere. I’m not even talking about their lexicon, their choice of words here (there’s of course a difference too). Even when Sixty tries to convince Hank he’s the real Connor, you can hear how he’s failing to sound exactly like his counterpart because he can’t replicate deviant Connor’s voice and speech pattern just so. Sixty’s also being very commanding when trying to fool Hank into shooting the real Connor (Hank even gets irritated because of it). Damn that’s brilliant acting, all hats off to Bryan. His performance in this game never fails to impress me. (I wish there were dialogue for RK900 too, I would’ve loved to see Bryan’s take on his voice and presence.)

Also also I have to mention I love the take that Sixty really was a deviant all along too, an ”evil” version of Connor if you will; cold, calculating and even enjoying the situation he had Connor (and Hank) in. You know, doing all of it because he wanted to, because he liked it. Why else would he deliver a whole ass villain monologue before executing deviant Connor, gloating about how he knows what he is and that he is the obedient, favorite child, plus calling Connor a disappointment (and a disappointment to him especially, like how Connor should care in his final moments that Sixty despises him for not being a good little robot)? AND shooting him several times non-lethally before landing that final shot (if the story goes there), like savoring the situation. Of course he also has to ask if Connor has any last words too. That’s definitely not what an efficient machine would have done to make sure it accomplished its mission. In some outcomes his stalling costs him the victory.

Top that off with the ending where deviant Connor dies but the androids still wake up, Sixty is scared and emotional because he failed, scared to be deactivated because of his failure. Then there’s this scene where he shoots deviant Connor eleven times in front of his friend. After that Sixty takes in Hank’s reaction and even torments him by saying Connor’s death was his fault. Still doesn’t sound like a machine much, huh? More like a sadistic psychopath.

Man, I wish we could’ve seen more Sixty, it would’ve been chilling to see if he went full-on rogue, maybe being Markus’ right hand/attack dog on a leash in the violent revolution arc, maybe with his own agenda of taking Markus’ place and wanting to subjugate humanity. Or maybe deviant Connor could’ve persuaded him to their side by making Sixty to see he was nothing but a tool, unintentionally prompting him to seek revenge and to reduce Amanda and Cyberlife to atoms (not what Connor intended haha). There could’ve even been a redemption arc for him, like in a ”what’ve I done?” type way. You know, a bit of an internal moral struggle. And of course, our fave ”sack of shit” (as Hank so eloquently put it) demanding answers from his maker, Kamski, in a not-so, uh, conventional manner. Let them measure their respective arrogance and wit and see who comes out on top. Or would they team up?

Such a delicious character, so many delicious what-ifs.