#figuring out an optimal level of detail is hard :( first I’m like oh i’ll just leave it black and white and then i’m like maybe ill add

[hotdogmchiggin]

I guess DARE wasn’t a thing in Goron City

[kingstylesdaily]

Harry Styles’ “Adore You” Is Everything a Music Video Should Be (Including Underappreciated by The VMAs)

KSD NOTE: there is a mention of suicide in regards to the beginning of Adore You.

On November 18, 2019, a website promoting a mysterious place called Eroda (“No Land Quite Like It”) arrived on the internet. Two days later, the official Twitter account for this fictional frown-shaped island began teasing local seaside attractions. You may have missed it, depending on which corners of the internet you choose to lurk, but not if you were a Harry Styles fan, a group that went into pure overdrive trying to figure out what it all meant.

I, for one, missed it at the time. I was unaware this account was cryptically quote tweeting fans as they tried to piece together what was happening, what it meant, and what it could be connected to (Greek Mythology and Lost were a couple of theories posed in comments, Twitter threads, and Reddit). Meanwhile, the Columbia Records marketing department had been hard at work for months, devising this specific and highly-detailed campaign around the music video for Styles’ second single, “Adore You” from his second solo album, Fine Line, ever since he shot the video in Scotland in August 2019 (Eroda = Adore backwards — clever!).

But it was all leading up to the morning of Friday, December 6 when the video was released, one week before the full-length album arrived. Up until that point, I had never seen an entire Harry Styles music video, but what happened next was inevitable. Somehow, as a self-proclaimed boy band scholar, I had never paid much attention to One Direction. I kept a distant eye on Styles since they disbanded, intrigued by the decisions he was making in his solo career. But I hadn’t yet realized I’d been in the ring all throughout the fall of 2019, fighting to resist the inevitable fascination that awaited. First came the jab of Rob Sheffield’s Rolling Stone profile, followed by the cross of “Lights Up”, a song that cracked my Top 20 most listened to songs of the year despite being released just two months before Spotify so thoughtfully compiled that personalized playlist. Then there was the hook of his SNL hosting stint in November (and bless you Bowen Yang for that Sara Lee sketch), which then leads us to the “Adore You” video, the uppercut and ultimate TKO. I surrendered in what felt like a near instant. I was now a Harry Styles fan. (If we’re following this analogy, I sat up to spit out some blood after seeing that cover of “Juice” before my head quickly hit the mat again with a loud thud).

Maybe it’s not quite remarkable that I took time out of a Friday morning to watch a music video, but that I sat at my desk, in an office, with other people around (back when we did those kinds of things) and proceeded to wipe away a few tiny tears from under my eyes by the end of it, was an experience I had not been through… maybe ever? In a world of lyric videos and TikToks, actual, thoughtful, impactful music videos with a full (and sweet!) story are about as rare as a glowing and growing fish these days.

Ultimately, “Adore You” does everything a music video should do. In nearly eight minutes, this video uses excellent visual effects in a cool and interesting way, tells a compelling and heartfelt story, is anchored by an irresistible leading man and an adorable sidekick, is backed up by the catchiest song you could ever dream of, and culminates with a touching and hopeful ending. It’s a treat for the eyes and the ears and the soul. It’s innovative and the kind of thing that begs you to watch it more than once to catch all the details (and yes, I do tear up every time).

So one would think that an award show with the specific purpose of celebrating this type of creativity would be extra sure to nominate such a charming and effective clip, but alas, “Adore You” was overlooked in the MTV Video Music Awards main categories this year. Of course, some could argue that that fact only adds to the video’s credibility but I’ll do my best to not be that petty as I’m still rooting for it to win in the three technical categories where it picked up nominations: Best Visual Effects by Mathematic, Best Art Direction by Laura Ellis Cricks, and Best Direction by Dave Meyers, who remains one of the most inventive and influential directors of all time and whose videos with artists such as Missy Elliot, Pink, and Kendrick Lamar have been racking up nominations for nearly 20 years now. He also saw four other videos he directed get recognized this year: Normani’s “Motivation” (Best Chorography), Travis Scott’s “Highest in the Room” (Best Hop Hop and Best Visual Effects), Anderson .Paak’s “Lockdown” (Video For Good), and Camila Cabello feat. DaBaby’s “My Oh My” (Best Cinematography).

But I reached out to Meyers to specifically ask about the intricate details of “Adore You” and how it all came to be; how he captured such a vibe with the overcast and dreary weather, mixed so wonderfully with the charming oddities of the people that make up this world of Eroda. In addition to directing the video, he also co-wrote the story with Chris Shafer and said, “It’s the first idea that popped to mind after the first listen to the song, and the first idea I pitched to Harry. It was a story that underscored my understanding of what Harry stood for and felt it was necessary to tell it as a narrative to convey his optimism.”

The extended version of the video starts with a two-and-a-half-minute introduction to the world of Eroda, narrated by Rosalia. This includes the “peculiar” people and their professions on the island, meeting The Boy (Styles) and his glowing smile that most people try to avoid, and the quirky superstitions these people continue to live by. “It all served a purpose,” Meyers said of the details. “The superstitions were a set up for how society generally reacts to different things. They fear change or oddity, even if it’s what’s best for them.”

Meyers, however, did not share in that fear, as much of this video provided for interesting and new opportunities he had yet to experience throughout his decades-long career, which he listed off: ”Compelling narrative, CG character, remote location, Scottish crew (nothing phased them),” also noting that all of the other characters in the video were locals as well. So perhaps they were less fazed by the atmosphere across the four-day shoot in Scotland, but as Meyers recalled, the “weather was nuts. It rained every 20 minutes, then the sun, then cloud over.”

However, it’s likely that Mother Nature is also a Styles fan, as Meyers recalled, “I seem to remember going up on the hill for Harry’s picnic with the fish and being worried that it was so gloomy. By the time we came to shoot, the sun came out. And then the sun went away as soon as the scene was over. Similarly, we had the worst storm when Harry was contemplating suicide at the start. Pouring rain, drenching him. So I guess in that sense it was fun watching how Scotland provided a backdrop for the emotions we were after.”

And hey, at least they had the weather on their side to add to the mood while shooting the video, as one of their main characters, well, didn’t exist. “It was very odd shooting with no fish,” Meyers admitted. “But was quite rewarding later seeing it dropped in and making empathic sense to the story we were after.”

Of course, the main character they did have on hand is an awfully useful and appealing one at that. Fans became enamored with the moment Styles uses the back of his hand to check the temperature of a coffee pot before dumping the fish inside the water so it could stay alive. I asked Meyers about this particular moment and he said, “The problem we had was apparent when Harry ran in and threw the fish in the pot. We all sorta felt — well, what if it was hot? So I believe Harry improvised that as a solution and we felt it was perfect for the character’s sensitivity and consideration for this poor fish.” And that’s not the only nice thing he does for his fish friend — he also serves him a tiny taco! “The taco was a whimsical way to express friendship between Harry and the fish,” Meyers offered. It looked pretty tasty, too.

The entire video serves as a showcase for what Styles does best and what makes him such a unique artist: his music, his acting, and his charisma, which Meyers knew would offer him a lot to work with. “Harry is a leading man. I felt that from my first meeting and wanted to play with his wonderful range of emotions. So finding a story with a real character arc was part of my focus in building this world.” Meyers described working on “Adore You” as an “all-around memorable shoot: awesome location, lovely Harry, compelling story, great effects, and… it worked.”

It did. And it was a risk: a video this complex and detailed (and one has to assume, costly), attached to a marketing campaign that proved to be even more involved, still came with no guarantee that the fans wouldn’t shrug it off. But as Manos Xanthogeorgis, SVP of Digital Marketing & Media at Columbia Records told Billboard last year, “When you have a video and a piece of art at such a level, it’s an incredible challenge for the rest of the team to build a campaign at that same level of artistry and creativity.” Oh, and that was only step one, as the marketing team engaged in “real-time marketing” with fans online, ensuring they would continue to remain engaged by dropping clues and clips in the lead-up to the video premiere and subsequently the album. “This whole campaign was around mystery and sometimes mystery is more powerful than knowledge,” Xanthogeorgis said. The Twitter handle has remained active throughout 2020, used as a continual marketing tool for Styles’ next videos including the Meyers-directed “Falling” and this summer’s hit, “Watermelon Sugar.”

With that kind of fan engagement, “Adore You” seemed like a no-brainer for the fan-voted categories of the VMAs this year, as they surely would’ve turned out to vote just as feverishly for this video as they did when searching for clues (about a made-up island, at that!). But hey, maybe MTV was just not interested in massive fan engagement this year — after all, it’s not like everything Styles does, including growing freakin’ facial hair, has the internet in a tizzy for weeks. Ultimately, as the impact of music videos (and certainly the ceremony celebrating them) continues to lose relevance, the disregard of this specific project simply feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge a rare achievement in the art form.

While Meyers was sure to describe his inclusion in the VMA nominations this year as “lovely and flattering” (and he better have a moonperson in his possession this time next week, MTV!) it’s still puzzling why “Adore You” wouldn’t be included in the big categories, considering Styles is squarely within their demo, at the very least. That “Adore You” is also a technical and storytelling masterpiece, as well as a full moment that was used as inspiration both for the experience online and in-person at the Fine Line Spotify listening party last December, that also comes packed with one of the most enthusiastic groups of fans around, well, that should have had the entire network drooling.

Of course, some of this can simply be chalked up to a perfect storm. As far as his singles go, “Lights Up” was a nice appetizer, but “Adore You” remains the delicious entree (you already know what’s for dessert). “Adore You” is a perfect pop record if I’ve ever heard one (and I have) and deserved a special video. A Chris Isaak “Wicked Game” sexy vibe wasn’t going to work here. The song tells the story of such passionate, pure, and heartachingly naive and innocent love that it almost had to be directed toward a non-human being. Instead, Styles chose to inject those same carefree, sweaty, sticky, delicious, whimsical beach vibes into the “Watermelon Sugar” clip, which was the right choice, and not just for the summertime season (MTV has since added the Song of Summer category to the VMAs and included “Watermelon Sugar”).

But it’s “Adore You” that has melodies that bring a smile to the faces of babies, get your toes tapping even when you hear it in the dentist’s chair, and likely has my neighbors rolling their eyes when I sing along to it in the shower. The song is so simple it’s deep, a theme reflected in the video, as is the central reminder to help and care for others, a thoroughly 2020 message.

However, not all is lost. Both “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” continue to rack up major spins at radio with the latter hitting number one on the Billboard charts earlier this month. Grammy voting kicks off at the end of September and Academy members should take note. Not only is Fine Line more than worthy of being acknowledged, but having Styles on hand to potentially collect trophies and perform is in your best interest when it comes to viewers and online chatter. Do not wait to take him seriously. This is the album, this is the time. Prove that you aren’t a bunch of stodgy old white men who think he’s just for teen (and um, thirty-something) girls, but that you understand the music he enjoys, is inspired by, and subsequently makes, is the same rock music you appreciate as well. An artist like Styles can be both of those things at the same time, and really, the best of both worlds. Give the album a listen, and then one more to let it all sink in. If you have not yet succumbed to the force that is Harry Styles fandom, I truly can’t recommend it enough — and please know that it will get you eventually.

Source: Decider.com

[turtletimewriting]

The First Steps Into the Adventure (Patton partners with Janus)

Summary: well it would be no good telling you what happened!

Note: AAH! Okay, I can’t really believe how many people interacted with this! Thanks! Right, so this is still basic introduction stuff, I’ll admit. This is a bit clunky but I want to give as many chances for this to be interactive as possible. 

The decision will be presented at the end!

Once again, this is inspired by fluffomatic’s tickle forest idea!

Previous Part!

_._._

Patton screwed his face up in concentration, carefully evaluating them, before he lit up and pointed at Janus, “You’re on my team, JanJan!” 

“Well good luck on your journey, lover boy,” Janus taunted with a smirk as he walked to stand beside his team leader, Virgil quickly punched his hat down over his eyes as he scampered off as well. He was violently blushing as he approached Logan and he managed to give a friendly smile. 

“Great! Now just two more things to do!” Roman announced with an elaborate flourish.

“How much more to this is there!” Janus frowned to which Patton tweaked his side as a warning.

“Well if you wish to adventure blindly without your map and a hint, then that’s up to you!” Remus cackled as he chucked paper at them violently.

Logan frowned at their map, beyond it’s very apparent unprofessionalism, it seemed fairly straight forward. It was simply one long winding path to a large childishly scribbled ‘X’. He expected something a bit more detailed from a joint creativity project but maybe that was yet to be seen. “Is my map the same as Patton’s?” 

“Yeah, if it’s like a race thing then I’m out,” Virgil snarked.

“Nah, see your map goes down this left road and Patton’s goes to the right,” Remus answered.

“Ah I get it. Left brain goes left and right brain goes ri...” Logan mumbled off as both creativities looked at him blankly. He may as well be speaking Spanish... well if Roman didn’t speak Spanish. Maybe they weren’t quite on his level of genius. 

“Anyway!” Roman called out and magicked two sealed envelopes, “Now it wouldn’t be fair to just send you into this world without any warning. So we randomly selected two of our fantastical beasts... or one of our plants to inform you of.”

Logan perked up at that- maybe the detail would be in the inhabitants of this adventure rather than the adventure itself. Patton handed the envelope to Janus as he had a very bad habit of sucking badly at opening envelopes. Janus wordlessly and without even looking, hooked his finger under the flap and opened it in one swipe. 

“What is it!” Patton squealed.

“Give me a second,” Janus answered with a glare at Logan’s team. He hooked his arm over Patton to turn them so there was no way that Logan’s team could cheat and look at their sheet, “Also be quieter. I don’t know about you but I truly don’t care about winning this.”

It was a very short page from what looked like an encyclopaedia but the information was very limited and basic. Not that they would be complaining.  

A picture showed a huge ‘Little Shop of Horrors’-esque plant monster. Remus’ influence was pretty easy to see. Janus doubted Roman would ever want to create something like that, but he did smile as he recognised that Remus would never have the monster be this pretty looking. Clearly they were much better working as a team. The plant had gorgeous pristine white petals framing a pastel pink ‘face’. The page was titled ‘Motherbloom’. 

“A large flower that’s queen of the tickle forest. She pins down her target and lifts their shirt to deliver a long raspberry on the tummy. She also uses her vines to tickle at other areas. The leafy sacs around the base of the flower holds air she uses for raspberries. The white flowers on the bush carry an intense pollen. Scientists discovered that if this pollen is transferred to other plants, the plants offspring will become tickle plants.”

Patton released a squeal that only dogs could hear. “Patton!” Janus hissed as he tried to wrangle his team leader under control.

“Ah! Aren’t you super tickly to raspberries JanJan?” Patton launched into a hug and quickly pressed a small raspberry to his neck; which totally didn’t send Janus squealing himself. 

“Aw man, you guys got the motherbloom! May come in handy that,” Roman peered over their shoulders. 

“I thought you decided which ones we got?” Patton asked.

“No, it truly was random. We put everything we created into a list and used a number generator to chose which one everyone learned about.”

“Wow, that is... very thorough of you both,” Janus complimented. Roman blushed violently at the very small compliment and awkwardly shrugged it off. 

Logan opened the envelope with a summoned letter opener and quickly withdrew the page. He frowned as he realised this was probably ripped directly from some book. Virgil leaned on to his shoulder casually to peer at the page; therefore making his brain shortcircuit. How dare his boyfriend be so casually cute and affectionate. How was he supposed to work in these conditions. Virgil already looked quite beautiful on this day. Despite how rushed he was to get ready for what Roman and Remus planned, his makeup exaggerated his slightly sleepy eyes and of course his bright almost neon green and purple eyes looked as striking as ever. He was all bundled into his jumper just in case their adventure got too cold and he was mindlessly nuzzling into the front. He was... “Well this isn’t a whole lot to go off on?”

“Wha...” Logan perked up again and stared at the page. It was titled Tickler Jelly. 

“These jellies are attracted to pool toys and swim up to them. If a person is easily targetable, they will latch on and begin tickling the target with its four large feathers.”

It showed some very typical jelly fish with obvious feathery fluttering stingers near the centre with normal, presumably, non-stinging stingers that are used to latch on to the victims. It was pink and undeniably adorable so Logan concluded this was probably a Roman creation. But then again, jellyfish were quite intimidating animals so maybe Remus suggested the concept itself. 

Remus had walked over to them with a shrug, “Would you’ve rather we didn’t give you any information to go on?”

“Well no but we may not even go into water so really this isn’t any good!” Virgil frowned.

“And now you know what could be lurking in the water! I’d stop whining if I was you! This was totally random, I don’t control what you lot found out.”

“Right! Teams!” Roman teleported back on to the platform and stood on his throne, “I wish you the best of luck in your adventures. Your journeys will be long and treacherous. But you must keep in mind that your treasures are waiting for you. If you keep a sharp eye out, you may even find hints along the way to help unlock your treasure. May the best team get to the treasure quickest. Good luck teams!” 

Roman and Remus clapped dramatically and the whole stage puffed into a wave of technicoloured smoke. 

The same stage that everyone was standing on. 

They all fell to the floor with grumbled swears. Both teams awkwardly stared at the other before Janus leapt to his feet and dragged Patton down the path. Logan, seeing this, immediately pulled Virgil into his arms and sprinted down the dusty path ahead of them. The game was on.  

Patton and Janus raced ahead until they lost sight of the other team and settled quickly into a walk. “Right, so what do we need to do?” Janus asked, he figured he better play the game properly and actually pretend that Patton made a good team leader.

“Just follow this path. By the looks of it we have to follow this path which takes us into a wooded bit then across a river before getting to the treasure. Simple!” Patton chirped as he charged on ahead. 

The world was just as beautiful as any other the creativities had created before. Despite it being the evening, it was still a warm day with a gorgeous clear blue sky. There were a few streaks of bright white clouds and there was only enough wind to prettily rustle the leaves of the trees. It was beautiful. The path was taking them past a bit of a thicker grassy bit. Trees dotted along their path with thick bushes of ferns and dry yellow grass that stretched up to their waists. 

Janus frowned as he saw the path was still tilting around a section of trees. “Can I look at the map?”

“Sure.” Patton handed it over without any fuss. 

“Yeah, wait!” Janus pulled them to a stop and pointed to the path they were following on the map. The map clearly showed that the path they were following was awkwardly circling around the wooded bit. It would probably take double the amount of time to follow the path or just cut through the wooded bit. “We should just cut through this wooded bit. We’ll end up back on the path and probably cut off a good ten minutes.”

“Oh yeah!” Patton stared at the map before flicking up to look at the path, “but we have no idea what could be lurking in the forest ready to tickle tickle tickle us!” He was wiggling his fingers and curling up to Janus. To which he totally didn’t blush. Of course he got partnered up with the literal tickle monster.

“Yes but then again we have no idea what could be on the path. We seen some butterflies flying around, any one of them could be planning an... attack on us. I don’t think we’ll be in any more danger if we cut through. Plus, don’t you think it would be in Remus’ nature to punish us for following the boring predictable option?”

“Well, we should figure this out soon. The more time we stand here arguing, the more time we are wasting...” 

Meanwhile... with Logan’s team!

“Right. Now the most logical decision would be to analyse the map and decide which is the optimal route to travel. Knowing Patton, he will be following the map blindly,” Logan pulled Virgil to a stop and summoned a compass so to actually use the map effectively. 

“Yeah but he also has Janus with him. We have no idea what they could be doing,” Virgil awkwardly tried to conceal just how hard he was panting from the short run. Logan ignored him by examining the map and looking up for any identifying features. 

“Okay so by the looks of it, we can follow the path through the plain fields ahead of us. Or we can quickly jog over that hill and there will be a public garden.”

“Why would we go through a garden?” Virgil frowned and yoinked the map away from him. 

“Well right now we are at the mercy of whatever the twins have organised,” Logan stated.

“Yeah you don’t need to remind me. Us even standing still right now could be the opportunity this weird world is looking for. We could be standing in the middle of an ant hill for all we know!” Virgil whined but Logan pressed him into his side with a gentle smile.

“All good points. I’m just saying the field could contain anything for all we know while a flower garden would only contain flowers. Therefore we know to avoid loitering and interacting with the flowers and it could be a straightforward path forward. They both lead to the same place,” Logan reasoned as he guided them slowly forward. 

“Do you want to go through the garden?” 

“I think it’s worth considering. However, I could never outshine you in thoroughly considering our options. I’ll leave the decision up to-”

“Too much pressure!” Virgil laughed and burrowed into his chest. 

“Okay then,” Logan murmured, “we could continue through the field and face whatever they have planned. Or we go through a flower garden and know we have to face tic... plants. Hmm...”

And so the adventure has fully began!!

Should Patton and Janus:

A) Follow the path.

B) Cut through the wooded bit.

Should Logan and Virgil:

1) Go through the field.

2) Go through the flower garden. 

[hlupdate]

On November 18, 2019, a website promoting a mysterious place called Eroda (“No Land Quite Like It”) arrived on the internet. Two days later, the official Twitter account for this fictional frown-shaped island began teasing local seaside attractions. You may have missed it, depending on which corners of the internet you choose to lurk, but not if you were a Harry Styles fan, a group that went into pure overdrive trying to figure out what it all meant.

I, for one, missed it at the time. I was unaware this account was cryptically quote tweeting fans as they tried to piece together what was happening, what it meant, and what it could be connected to (Greek Mythology and Lostwere a couple of theories posed in comments, Twitter threads, and Reddit). Meanwhile, the Columbia Records marketing department had been hard at work for months, devising this specific and highly-detailed campaign around the music video for Styles’ second single, “Adore You” from his second solo album, Fine Line, ever since he shot the video in Scotland in August 2019 (Eroda = Adore backwards — clever!).

But it was all leading up to the morning of Friday, December 6 when the video was released, one week before the full-length album arrived. Up until that point, I had never seen an entire Harry Styles music video, but what happened next was inevitable. Somehow, as a self-proclaimed boy band scholar, I had never paid much attention to One Direction. I kept a distant eye on Styles since they disbanded, intrigued by the decisions he was making in his solo career. But I hadn’t yet realized I’d been in the ring all throughout the fall of 2019, fighting to resist the inevitable fascination that awaited. First came the jab of Rob Sheffield’s Rolling Stoneprofile, followed by the cross of “Lights Up”, a song that cracked my Top 20 most listened to songs of the year despite being released just two months before Spotify so thoughtfully compiled that personalized playlist. Then there was the hook of his SNL hosting stint in November (and bless you Bowen Yang for that Sara Lee sketch), which then leads us to the “Adore You” video, the uppercut and ultimate TKO. I surrendered in what felt like a near instant. I was now a Harry Styles fan. (If we’re following this analogy, I sat up to spit out some blood after seeing that cover of “Juice” before my head quickly hit the mat again with a loud thud).

Maybe it’s not quite remarkable that I took time out of a Friday morning to watch a music video, but that I sat at my desk, in an office, with other people around (back when we did those kinds of things) and proceeded to wipe away a few tiny tears from under my eyes by the end of it, was an experience I had not been through… maybe ever? In a world of lyric videos and TikToks, actual, thoughtful, impactful music videos with a full (and sweet!) story are about as rare as a glowing and growing fish these days.

Ultimately, “Adore You” does everything a music video should do. In nearly eight minutes, this video uses excellent visual effects in a cool and interesting way, tells a compelling and heartfelt story, is anchored by an irresistible leading man and an adorable sidekick, is backed up by the catchiest song you could ever dream of, and culminates with a touching and hopeful ending. It’s a treat for the eyes and the ears and the soul. It’s innovative and the kind of thing that begs you to watch it more than once to catch all the details (and yes, I do tear up every time).

So one would think that an award show with the specific purpose of celebrating this type of creativity would be extra sure to nominate such a charming and effective clip, but alas, “Adore You” was overlooked in the MTV Video Music Awards main categories this year. Of course, some could argue that that fact only adds to the video’s credibility but I’ll do my best to not be that petty as I’m still rooting for it to win in the three technical categories where it picked up nominations: Best Visual Effects by Mathematic, Best Art Direction by Laura Ellis Cricks, and Best Direction by Dave Meyers, who remains one of the most inventive and influential directors of all time and whose videos with artists such as Missy Elliot, Pink, and Kendrick Lamar have been racking up nominations for nearly 20 years now. He also saw four other videos he directed get recognized this year: Normani’s “Motivation” (Best Chorography), Travis Scott’s “Highest in the Room” (Best Hop Hop and Best Visual Effects), Anderson .Paak’s “Lockdown” (Video For Good), and Camila Cabello feat. DaBaby’s “My Oh My” (Best Cinematography).

But I reached out to Meyers to specifically ask about the intricate details of “Adore You” and how it all came to be; how he captured such a vibe with the overcast and dreary weather, mixed so wonderfully with the charming oddities of the people that make up this world of Eroda. In addition to directing the video, he also co-wrote the story with Chris Shafer and said, “It’s the first idea that popped to mind after the first listen to the song, and the first idea I pitched to Harry. It was a story that underscored my understanding of what Harry stood for and felt it was necessary to tell it as a narrative to convey his optimism.”

The extended version of the video starts with a two-and-a-half-minute introduction to the world of Eroda, narrated by Rosalia. This includes the “peculiar” people and their professions on the island, meeting The Boy (Styles) and his glowing smile that most people try to avoid, and the quirky superstitions these people continue to live by. “It all served a purpose,” Meyers said of the details. “The superstitions were a set up for how society generally reacts to different things. They fear change or oddity, even if it’s what’s best for them.”

Meyers, however, did not share in that fear, as much of this video provided for interesting and new opportunities he had yet to experience throughout his decades-long career, which he listed off: ”Compelling narrative, CG character, remote location, Scottish crew (nothing fazed them),” also noting that all of the other characters in the video were locals as well. So perhaps they were less fazed by the atmosphere across the four-day shoot in Scotland, but as Meyers recalled, the “weather was nuts. It rained every 20 minutes, then the sun, then cloud over.”

However, it’s likely that Mother Nature is also a Styles fan, as Meyers recalled, “I seem to remember going up on the hill for Harry’s picnic with the fish and being worried that it was so gloomy. By the time we came to shoot, the sun came out. And then the sun went away as soon as the scene was over. Similarly, we had the worst storm when Harry was contemplating suicide at the start. Pouring rain, drenching him. So I guess in that sense it was fun watching how Scotland provided a backdrop for the emotions we were after.”

And hey, at least they had the weather on their side to add to the mood while shooting the video, as one of their main characters, well, didn’t exist. “It was very odd shooting with no fish,” Meyers admitted. “But was quite rewarding later seeing it dropped in and making empathic sense to the story we were after.”

Of course, the main character they did have on hand is an awfully useful and appealing one at that. Fans became enamored with the moment Styles uses the back of his hand to check the temperature of a coffee pot before dumping the fish inside the water so it could stay alive. I asked Meyers about this particular moment and he said, “The problem we had was apparent when Harry ran in and threw the fish in the pot. We all sorta felt — well, what if it was hot? So I believe Harry improvised that as a solution and we felt it was perfect for the character’s sensitivity and consideration for this poor fish.” And that’s not the only nice thing he does for his fish friend — he also serves him a tiny taco! “The taco was a whimsical way to express friendship between Harry and the fish,” Meyers offered. It looked pretty tasty, too.

The entire video serves as a showcase for what Styles does best and what makes him such a unique artist: his music, his acting, and his charisma, which Meyers knew would offer him a lot to work with. “Harry is a leading man. I felt that from my first meeting and wanted to play with his wonderful range of emotions. So finding a story with a real character arc was part of my focus in building this world.” Meyers described working on “Adore You” as an “all-around memorable shoot: awesome location, lovely Harry, compelling story, great effects, and… it worked.”

It did. And it was a risk: a video this complex and detailed (and one has to assume, costly), attached to a marketing campaign that proved to be even more involved, still came with no guarantee that the fans wouldn’t shrug it off. But as Manos Xanthogeorgis, SVP of Digital Marketing & Media at Columbia Records told Billboard last year, “When you have a video and a piece of art at such a level, it’s an incredible challenge for the rest of the team to build a campaign at that same level of artistry and creativity.” Oh, and that was only step one, as the marketing team engaged in “real-time marketing” with fans online, ensuring they would continue to remain engaged by dropping clues and clips in the lead-up to the video premiere and subsequently the album. “This whole campaign was around mystery and sometimes mystery is more powerful than knowledge,” Xanthogeorgis said. The Twitter handle has remained active throughout 2020, used as a continual marketing tool for Styles’ next videos including the Meyers-directed “Falling” and this summer’s hit, “Watermelon Sugar.”

With that kind of fan engagement, “Adore You” seemed like a no-brainer for the fan-voted categories of the VMAs this year, as they surely would’ve turned out to vote just as feverishly for this video as they did when searching for clues (about a made-up island, at that!). But hey, maybe MTV was just not interested in massive fan engagement this year — after all, it’s not like everything Styles does, including growing freakin’ facial hair, has the internet in a tizzy for weeks. Ultimately, as the impact of music videos (and certainly the ceremony celebrating them) continues to lose relevance, the disregard of this specific project simply feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge a rare achievement in the art form.

While Meyers was sure to describe his inclusion in the VMA nominations this year as “lovely and flattering” (and he better have a moonperson in his possession this time next week, MTV!) it’s still puzzling why “Adore You” wouldn’t be included in the big categories, considering Styles is squarely within their demo, at the very least. That “Adore You” is also a technical and storytelling masterpiece, as well as a full moment that was used as inspiration both for the experience online and in-person at the Fine Line Spotify listening party last December, that also comes packed with one of the most enthusiastic groups of fans around, well, that should have had the entire network drooling.

Of course, some of this can simply be chalked up to a perfect storm. As far as his singles go, “Lights Up” was a nice appetizer, but “Adore You” remains the delicious entree (you already know what’s for dessert). “Adore You” is a perfect pop record if I’ve ever heard one (and I have) and deserved a special video. A Chris Isaak “Wicked Game” sexy vibe wasn’t going to work here. The song tells the story of such passionate, pure, and heartachingly naive and innocent love that it almost had to be directed toward a non-human being. Instead, Styles chose to inject those same carefree, sweaty, sticky, delicious, whimsical beach vibes into the “Watermelon Sugar” clip, which was the right choice, and not just for the summertime season (MTV has since added the Song of Summer category to the VMAs and included “Watermelon Sugar”).

But it’s “Adore You” that has melodies that bring a smile to the faces of babies, get your toes tapping even when you hear it in the dentist’s chair, and likely has my neighbors rolling their eyes when I sing along to it in the shower. The song is so simple it’s deep, a theme reflected in the video, as is the central reminder to help and care for others, a thoroughly 2020 message.

However, not all is lost. Both “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” continue to rack up major spins at radio with the latter hitting number one on the Billboard charts earlier this month. Grammy voting kicks off at the end of September and Academy members should take note. Not only is Fine Line more than worthy of being acknowledged, but having Styles on hand to potentially collect trophies and perform is in your best interest when it comes to viewers and online chatter. Do not wait to take him seriously. This is the album, this is the time. Prove that you aren’t a bunch of stodgy old white men who think he’s just for teen (and um, thirty-something) girls, but that you understand the music he enjoys, is inspired by, and subsequently makes, is the same rock music you appreciate as well. An artist like Styles can be both of those things at the same time, and really, the best of both worlds. Give the album a listen, and then one more to let it all sink in. If you have not yet succumbed to the force that is Harry Styles fandom, I truly can’t recommend it enough — and please know that it will get you eventually.

[stylesnews]

On November 18, 2019, a website promoting a mysterious place called Eroda (“No Land Quite Like It”) arrived on the internet. Two days later, the official Twitter account for this fictional frown-shaped island began teasing local seaside attractions. You may have missed it, depending on which corners of the internet you choose to lurk, but not if you were a Harry Styles fan, a group that went into pure overdrive trying to figure out what it all meant.

I, for one, missed it at the time. I was unaware this account was cryptically quote tweeting fans as they tried to piece together what was happening, what it meant, and what it could be connected to (Greek Mythology and Lost were a couple of theories posed in comments, Twitter threads, and Reddit). Meanwhile, the Columbia Records marketing department had been hard at work for months, devising this specific and highly-detailed campaign around the music video for Styles’ second single, “Adore You” from his second solo album, Fine Line, ever since he shot the video in Scotland in August 2019 (Eroda = Adore backwards — clever!).

But it was all leading up to the morning of Friday, December 6 when the video was released, one week before the full-length album arrived. Up until that point, I had never seen an entire Harry Styles music video, but what happened next was inevitable. Somehow, as a self-proclaimed boy band scholar, I had never paid much attention to One Direction. I kept a distant eye on Styles since they disbanded, intrigued by the decisions he was making in his solo career. But I hadn’t yet realized I’d been in the ring all throughout the fall of 2019, fighting to resist the inevitable fascination that awaited. First came the jab of Rob Sheffield’s Rolling Stone profile, followed by the cross of “Lights Up”, a song that cracked my Top 20 most listened to songs of the year despite being released just two months before Spotify so thoughtfully compiled that personalized playlist. Then there was the hook of his SNL hosting stint in November (and bless you Bowen Yang for that Sara Lee sketch), which then leads us to the “Adore You” video, the uppercut and ultimate TKO. I surrendered in what felt like a near instant. I was now a Harry Styles fan. (If we’re following this analogy, I sat up to spit out some blood after seeing that cover of “Juice” before my head quickly hit the mat again with a loud thud).

Maybe it’s not quite remarkable that I took time out of a Friday morning to watch a music video, but that I sat at my desk, in an office, with other people around (back when we did those kinds of things) and proceeded to wipe away a few tiny tears from under my eyes by the end of it, was an experience I had not been through… maybe ever? In a world of lyric videos and TikToks, actual, thoughtful, impactful music videos with a full (and sweet!) story are about as rare as a glowing and growing fish these days.

Ultimately, “Adore You” does everything a music video should do. In nearly eight minutes, this video uses excellent visual effects in a cool and interesting way, tells a compelling and heartfelt story, is anchored by an irresistible leading man and an adorable sidekick, is backed up by the catchiest song you could ever dream of, and culminates with a touching and hopeful ending. It’s a treat for the eyes and the ears and the soul. It’s innovative and the kind of thing that begs you to watch it more than once to catch all the details (and yes, I do tear up every time).

So one would think that an award show with the specific purpose of celebrating this type of creativity would be extra sure to nominate such a charming and effective clip, but alas, “Adore You” was overlooked in the MTV Video Music Awards main categories this year. Of course, some could argue that that fact only adds to the video’s credibility but I’ll do my best to not be that petty as I’m still rooting for it to win in the three technical categories where it picked up nominations: Best Visual Effects by Mathematic, Best Art Direction by Laura Ellis Cricks, and Best Direction by Dave Meyers, who remains one of the most inventive and influential directors of all time and whose videos with artists such as Missy Elliot, Pink, and Kendrick Lamar have been racking up nominations for nearly 20 years now. He also saw four other videos he directed get recognized this year: Normani’s “Motivation” (Best Chorography), Travis Scott’s “Highest in the Room” (Best Hop Hop and Best Visual Effects), Anderson .Paak’s “Lockdown” (Video For Good), and Camila Cabello feat. DaBaby’s “My Oh My” (Best Cinematography).

But I reached out to Meyers to specifically ask about the intricate details of “Adore You” and how it all came to be; how he captured such a vibe with the overcast and dreary weather, mixed so wonderfully with the charming oddities of the people that make up this world of Eroda. In addition to directing the video, he also co-wrote the story with Chris Shafer and said, “It’s the first idea that popped to mind after the first listen to the song, and the first idea I pitched to Harry. It was a story that underscored my understanding of what Harry stood for and felt it was necessary to tell it as a narrative to convey his optimism.”

The extended version of the video starts with a two-and-a-half-minute introduction to the world of Eroda, narrated by Rosalia. This includes the “peculiar” people and their professions on the island, meeting The Boy (Styles) and his glowing smile that most people try to avoid, and the quirky superstitions these people continue to live by. “It all served a purpose,” Meyers said of the details. “The superstitions were a set up for how society generally reacts to different things. They fear change or oddity, even if it’s what’s best for them.”

Meyers, however, did not share in that fear, as much of this video provided for interesting and new opportunities he had yet to experience throughout his decades-long career, which he listed off: ”Compelling narrative, CG character, remote location, Scottish crew (nothing fazed them),” also noting that all of the other characters in the video were locals as well. So perhaps they were less fazed by the atmosphere across the four-day shoot in Scotland, but as Meyers recalled, the “weather was nuts. It rained every 20 minutes, then the sun, then cloud over.”

However, it’s likely that Mother Nature is also a Styles fan, as Meyers recalled, “I seem to remember going up on the hill for Harry’s picnic with the fish and being worried that it was so gloomy. By the time we came to shoot, the sun came out. And then the sun went away as soon as the scene was over. Similarly, we had the worst storm when Harry was contemplating suicide at the start. Pouring rain, drenching him. So I guess in that sense it was fun watching how Scotland provided a backdrop for the emotions we were after.”

And hey, at least they had the weather on their side to add to the mood while shooting the video, as one of their main characters, well, didn’t exist. “It was very odd shooting with no fish,” Meyers admitted. “But was quite rewarding later seeing it dropped in and making empathic sense to the story we were after.”

Of course, the main character they did have on hand is an awfully useful and appealing one at that. Fans became enamored with the moment Styles uses the back of his hand to check the temperature of a coffee pot before dumping the fish inside the water so it could stay alive. I asked Meyers about this particular moment and he said, “The problem we had was apparent when Harry ran in and threw the fish in the pot. We all sorta felt — well, what if it was hot? So I believe Harry improvised that as a solution and we felt it was perfect for the character’s sensitivity and consideration for this poor fish.” And that’s not the only nice thing he does for his fish friend — he also serves him a tiny taco! “The taco was a whimsical way to express friendship between Harry and the fish,” Meyers offered. It looked pretty tasty, too.

The entire video serves as a showcase for what Styles does best and what makes him such a unique artist: his music, his acting, and his charisma, which Meyers knew would offer him a lot to work with. “Harry is a leading man. I felt that from my first meeting and wanted to play with his wonderful range of emotions. So finding a story with a real character arc was part of my focus in building this world.” Meyers described working on “Adore You” as an “all-around memorable shoot: awesome location, lovely Harry, compelling story, great effects, and… it worked.”

It did. And it was a risk: a video this complex and detailed (and one has to assume, costly), attached to a marketing campaign that proved to be even more involved, still came with no guarantee that the fans wouldn’t shrug it off. But as Manos Xanthogeorgis, SVP of Digital Marketing & Media at Columbia Records told Billboard last year, “When you have a video and a piece of art at such a level, it’s an incredible challenge for the rest of the team to build a campaign at that same level of artistry and creativity.” Oh, and that was only step one, as the marketing team engaged in “real-time marketing” with fans online, ensuring they would continue to remain engaged by dropping clues and clips in the lead-up to the video premiere and subsequently the album. “This whole campaign was around mystery and sometimes mystery is more powerful than knowledge,” Xanthogeorgis said. The Twitter handle has remained active throughout 2020, used as a continual marketing tool for Styles’ next videos including the Meyers-directed “Falling” and this summer’s hit, “Watermelon Sugar.”

With that kind of fan engagement, “Adore You” seemed like a no-brainer for the fan-voted categories of the VMAs this year, as they surely would’ve turned out to vote just as feverishly for this video as they did when searching for clues (about a made-up island, at that!). But hey, maybe MTV was just not interested in massive fan engagement this year — after all, it’s not like everything Styles does, including growing freakin’ facial hair, has the internet in a tizzy for weeks. Ultimately, as the impact of music videos (and certainly the ceremony celebrating them) continues to lose relevance, the disregard of this specific project simply feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge a rare achievement in the art form.

While Meyers was sure to describe his inclusion in the VMA nominations this year as “lovely and flattering” (and he better have a moonperson in his possession this time next week, MTV!) it’s still puzzling why “Adore You” wouldn’t be included in the big categories, considering Styles is squarely within their demo, at the very least. That “Adore You” is also a technical and storytelling masterpiece, as well as a full moment that was used as inspiration both for the experience online and in-person at the Fine Line Spotify listening party last December, that also comes packed with one of the most enthusiastic groups of fans around, well, that should have had the entire network drooling.

Of course, some of this can simply be chalked up to a perfect storm. As far as his singles go, “Lights Up” was a nice appetizer, but “Adore You” remains the delicious entree (you already know what’s for dessert). “Adore You” is a perfect pop record if I’ve ever heard one (and I have) and deserved a special video. A Chris Isaak “Wicked Game” sexy vibe wasn’t going to work here. The song tells the story of such passionate, pure, and heartachingly naive and innocent love that it almost had to be directed toward a non-human being. Instead, Styles chose to inject those same carefree, sweaty, sticky, delicious, whimsical beach vibes into the “Watermelon Sugar” clip, which was the right choice, and not just for the summertime season (MTV has since added the Song of Summer category to the VMAs and included “Watermelon Sugar”).

But it’s “Adore You” that has melodies that bring a smile to the faces of babies, get your toes tapping even when you hear it in the dentist’s chair, and likely has my neighbors rolling their eyes when I sing along to it in the shower. The song is so simple it’s deep, a theme reflected in the video, as is the central reminder to help and care for others, a thoroughly 2020 message.

However, not all is lost. Both “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” continue to rack up major spins at radio with the latter hitting number one on the Billboard charts earlier this month. Grammy voting kicks off at the end of September and Academy members should take note. Not only is Fine Line more than worthy of being acknowledged, but having Styles on hand to potentially collect trophies and perform is in your best interest when it comes to viewers and online chatter. Do not wait to take him seriously. This is the album, this is the time. Prove that you aren’t a bunch of stodgy old white men who think he’s just for teen (and um, thirty-something) girls, but that you understand the music he enjoys, is inspired by, and subsequently makes, is the same rock music you appreciate as well. An artist like Styles can be both of those things at the same time, and really, the best of both worlds. Give the album a listen, and then one more to let it all sink in. If you have not yet succumbed to the force that is Harry Styles fandom, I truly can’t recommend it enough — and please know that it will get you eventually. 

[randomshoes]

How does the newsroom compare to west wing

Um, poorly? I’ve only seen the first season of The Newsroom, but it seemed like it embodied all the things people claim about The West Wing that aren’t really true. 

Aaron Sorkin (like Joss Whedon, actually) generally needs someone to tell him no sometimes, or things get out of hand. With Joss Whedon he just becomes sort of incoherent and random and you lose any sense of theme or meaning (see: Dollhouse). With Aaron Sorkin, and keep in mind I say this with love, you need someone to keep him from crawling up his own butt. I think my favorite mitigating force on Sorkin was actually David Fincher, but that’s another story. 

Also they apparently hated each other, so we won’t get that treat again any time soon.

On The West Wing it was a whole slew of very talented directors and producers (Thomas Shlamme, John Wells, Christopher Misiano, Alex Graves) taking Sorkin’s wordy scripts and making them visually beautiful. The whole look of The West Wing, the famous long shots and walk-and-talks, that’s them. Plus the warm, low lighting and incredibly detailed White House set (see: many unsung designers). This isn’t quite what the question was about, but I think they don’t get enough credit and I got up on my soapbox and wrote this already, so I guess I’ll leave that in.

Back to art criticism: what made The West Wing so damn good was the characters. If you loved the show, it’s because you fell in love with these people. Josh Lyman was my first great love (age 10), and I know for a fact that I’m not the only one who, on some deep level, feels like Jed Bartlet was a real president. Oh, and don’t let anyone tell you that CJ Cregg isn’t one of the best professional women characters ever seen on TV.

The West Wing isn’t about telling you what to believe or dryly discussing politics, it’s about these people trying to navigate political life and how they figure out what to believe. It’s about what happens when you try to do these jobs day in and day out. It’s what Aaron Sorkin does best: a workplace drama in the true sense of the word. Some people do this unusual job: let’s see what that looks like. Sports Night was the same idea. As was, for all its flaws, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Think of the early seasons of E.R. or Law and Order.

At first glance, The Newsroom looks like more of the same: it’s about a bunch of people who work in a place. But the core of the story has nothing to do with the job of producing a news show and everything to do with a political crusade a la Network. And you can do that, you can make a story that puts politics center stage and has a very explicit message and isn’t as character focused, that’s fine, but it doesn’t work here. 

The first problem is that putting the politics center stage without filtering them through characters highlights some of the problems with Aaron Sorkin’s actual politics. This becomes an issue not just because I disagree with some of them, but because if you disagree even a little with the point of an episode it becomes hard to watch. This happened occasionally in West Wing but it’s near constant in Newsroom. That makes it harder to get immersed in the world, because the world sort of bends to the desired political message instead of characters arguing different things based on their actual personality and life experiences. There are many, many instances in The West Wing where characters we like and know argue about important issues and we’re never told that one person is right. In any given scene in The Newsroom, I can tell very, very quickly who is “right” and that’s kind of exhausting and also fairly boring.

The second problem is related to the first. In the Aaron Sorkin seasons of The West Wing there is a basic optimism underlying everything. The characters believe that they can, just maybe, make a difference, and the world, occasionally, proves them right. Things are just a little bit better in this world, a little bit more reasonable. This works as aspirational and is also necessary if we’re going to sympathize with them and their struggles. But keep in mind, The West Wing went on the air in 1999 and Aaron Sorkin left the show in 2003.

Problem is, by 2012, for understandable reasons, Sorkin’s underlying political optimism seems to have degraded quite a bit, and the worldview of The Newsroom is condescending and angry. This could also be a perfectly good underpinning for a show (see: The Thick of It) but Sorkin doesn’t take it far enough and it just ends up feeling sad and kind of outdated. Also the world around the characters is still unrealistic, but it comes out more like an antagonistic world bending to a Mary Sue than anything else.

All that said, I enjoyed watching the show, Jeff Bridges is an amazing actor, and I never get sick of witty Sorkin dialogue, but then I just…never watched the second season, and I can’t remember any of the characters’ names, and I think that says a lot. 

tl;dr Josh Lyman is my waifu

[script-a-world]

Submitted via Google Form: So, I have created a map, putting in cities with distances and stuff. But I am having a lot of trouble with transportation between places.

I am not sure about the real logistics of time, engineering, traffic, etc to have my transportation suitable and efficient.

Say, differences between actual high speed bullet trains, just high speed express trains, local trains and maybe areas they serve. Buses that bypass big cities, going through mountains to get to smaller towns?

I'm kinda attempting to design a whole entire system here actually but making it realistic is well, so hard. In actual real life, I always can't even understand the logistics of real transportation and keep wondering why there is no transportation between A and B, or even simple things like how very low speed cheap transportation like trams still actually work. And... that's just public transport. I also need to work on private transport as well, and you know, the oh so varying road signs, speed limits, laws, etc etc.

I have been actually attempting research on real life. I mean, sometimes I can get it. But, when faced with my own story, it's all a mess. I certainly don't have the facts and I'm messed up.

Feral: In brief, as with any cultural artifact, transportation is a social construct. The how’s and the why’s depend very heavily on the terrain the transportation will cross, the resources the infrastructure requires, and the economic and/or civil value of building up one type of transportation or building up of one area with transportation over another. Factors like politics, classicism, and racism play a huge role, especially if you are looking at American transportation networks and lack thereof.

The thing to keep in mind when trying for verisimilitude with worldbuilding is that most cities aren’t planned. Or if the center is planned, the rest grows organically as they city population grows. Most cities were well developed before the idea of public transportation systems or the need for travel by paved roads was a thing. Some defining features of cities that seem planned from the beginning were in fact, not, and only exist because someone was really inventive. See for example, the subway system of New York or the Boulevards of Paris. For writing purposes, if it is truly necessary for your story (like if you’re writing road-trip style narrative) and you need the kind of detail that a complete work up of transportation would provide, I recommend picking one or two real world examples that are culturally similar to the city or cities you are designing and just kinda… borrow.

Constablewrites: For me, the biggest thing that triggers my plausibility Spidey-sense is the amount of time it takes to get between places. Like, when you have horses covering 200 miles in a day, or people popping instantaneously around Los Angeles between locations that would still be 30 minutes apart even if there were magically no traffic.

Now, sometimes this falls under acceptable breaks with reality. (Would 24 have really worked if Jack had to spend an episode and a half sitting on the 405?) But I feel like in most cases, as long as the length of the trip isn’t way off in either direction given the mode of transportation, technology level, and other established facts about the setting, you don’t need to dig too deeply into the details.

Tex: Congratulations on discovering the field of civil engineering! To be more specific, transportation and traffic engineering. While Feral and Constablewrites bring up excellent points, I will gently deposit a grab-bag of engineering for your perusal:

PDF - Fundamentals of Transportation by Wikimedia

The profile of Kara M. Kockelman, Ph.D., P.E., as hosted on the Cockrell School of Engineering

PDF - Transport Planning and Engineering, as edited by CA O’Flaherty

PDFDrive’s myriad selection of transportation engineering textbook PDFs

PDF - Railroad Engineering 101: Session 38, as presented by David Wilcock

Railway engineering has a lot of subfields, so you’ll need to be specific on that front. As in nature, engineering relies upon a significant amount of observation. Which cities use what transportation methods, and in what mixture? Why did they pick those? What’s the history behind those decisions? How much does the environment impact these decisions, and how much do cultural biases?

You’ve mentioned that you’ve already come up with cities and their relative distances - how did you come to these conclusions? What are the personalities of these cities? How do they interact with each other? Again, what is the environment like? What’s their level of technological advancement? How much money do these cities receive from their state, or from municipal tax revenue? What are their priorities in transportation?

It sounds like you wish to know the entire depth and breadth of a topic before you muck about in its waters - this is unrealistic, as in real life even the best-trained, most-experienced engineers don’t know everything. Figure out your priorities, and figure out what this world of yours requires in terms of transportation. Get the goals written down first and then work from there - that’s realistic, as is attempting to figure out the solutions to your stumbling blocks. Sometimes the most inane-sounding, ridiculous thing works and it’s not immediately apparent.

Bina: I’ll first answer some of your questions regarding why real life transport has the structure it does, then I’ll give you some advice on how to make “realistic” transportation for your map.

Why is there no transportation between A and B? Why not make a new path? The answer is typically because it’s already possible to get from A to B in an indirect way. And if it’s *possible* to get from A to B, why spend the time, money, and labor *optimizing* the path from A to B? Why spend potentially millions of dollars and months of construction just to cut time off a commute that’s already doable? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Furthermore, maybe there’s other external reasons. Maybe there’s a huge nature reserve between A and B. Or private property owned by someone who won’t allow the government to build across it. Or maybe the land is already reserved for some other project.

Now, why was there no transport between A and B to begin with? Well, lots of reasons. Maybe the landscape doesn’t allow it. Maybe the ground is too soft to build on, or there’s mountains too large to blast through, or the technology at the time means that a direct path isn't feasible and it's all you can do to go an indirect way. Another reason is because maybe a C existed first that was closer to A, with a path from A to C already in place. When B came up, it was easier to go from C to B rather than make the longer path from A to B. Years later it may be the case that C becomes an unimportant town and A and B are bustling hubs that people travel between frequently, but... why make a new road when one already exists? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

That same ideology applies to why “outdated” systems of transport are still operating today. If it works, why take the time and money to tear it down, pave it over, and replace it with something else? Even if these trams or carriages or what-have-you are a waste of money to maintain, a city might keep them for a number of reasons. Maybe they’re a cultural hallmark of the city and tourists love them. Maybe they service niche areas and the outcry of removing access to/from those areas would be huge. Maybe they operate in areas that are impossible for the city to safely and easily construct around. Maybe the city is just lazy or slow with its legislation and never got around to it.

Hopefully that provides some insight.

Now, as for how to realistic public transport in your map. I don’t know what technology level you have or what size cities you’re dealing with, so I’ll take a step back and answer the following: “how do I make a realistic road network across my map that connects all my cities and towns?”

For that, you can take a look at the mapmaking tutorial here. It gives advice on how to add roads to your region map in a natural-looking manner. Simulate which cities/towns came FIRST and connect those together based on how much those places need to communicate, taking into account the landscape. Roads are built between places that EXIST, and I’m assuming your cities weren’t all built at the same time. If you have one city that’s the oldest and largest one in the middle of the country I can guarantee that all roads will lead to it. If a city is particularly important to the economy, it'll have more transportation leading to it. If a city is in the center of many others on the map, it may become a crossroads of travel for the other cities to reach each other. Of course, there are stipulations, and those are listed in the link given. Good luck!

[pi-cat000]

MSA time travel idea (part 4)

Summary: Arthur falls off a cliff and lands in the past. Hellbent spoilers.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Part 5: here

The ghost doesn’t care for his struggles, holding him easily in one clenched fist. The area around him burns an angry purple, heavy and suffocating. There’s no doubt to what the ghost intends to do, and Arthur freezes up lest he hastens his demise with a misplaced kick. Below are rows of jagged stone, glowing lavender-grey. The scenery is painfully familiar. Visions of The Cave briefly pull him from one distressing state into another. For a moment the ghost disappears and is replaced with sickly green. Something is sliding into this mind, picking him apart. Couldn’t breathe. Green. Ahead of him Lewis walks, disappearing into churning shadows. He reaches out, but it’s too late. Lewis is gone.  

His left hand sparks, sending small shocks through his shoulder. He’s back with the ghost and the cliff, frozen against gravity. His arm is gone and its mechanical replacement is a mess. Still, the sparking pain gives him enough awareness to move it up to hopelessly cling to the ghost’s arm.

Their eyes meet, and even with blurry vision, he knows there is nothing but fury and rage.

A burst of angry purple.

“Lewis?”

The world is fuzzy and he’s falling. Lewis’s glare follows his decent, face unmoving in his hate. He slams onto the twisted spikes, chest breaking open.

And he’s…

He’s lying on his back, staring up at an off-white ceiling speckled with mildew. The fluorescent light flickers once, and he blinks spots from his vision. There’s a hurricane, whipping his memories around, making it hard to focus. Even lying against the cold ceramic tiles, he’s feeling hot and stuffy. Where’s Lewis? What happened to the cliff? For a second he is terrified and sick to the stomach. It tugs him down, threatening to swallow him up. He waits, focusing on the smell of damp towels and occasional water drips, and the moment passes. Carefully, he lifts his left hand and stares, wiggling his flesh fingers around. The bathroom, his bathroom at Lance’s place, is quiet.

Right…time travel…He’s two years in the past.

“Ha,” he exhales. What is his life?  

Arthur starts on his breathing: in on four, hold for seven, then eight out. Slowly, he feels out his natural rhythm, and everything around him begins to feel more real. So much for no more freak-outs. He pulls himself upright and explores along his head. No bumps or scrapes so he must have been able to control his decent or had sat down at some point. He doesn’t remember. The blurry vision is probably a side effect of shallow breathing. Not enough oxygen to the brain and stuff. It’s been a while since he’s had a full-on dissociative blackout violent enough that he’s been unable to manually pull himself free with controlled breathing and meditative exercises. A sign that the Lewis Situation has affected him more than he would have liked.

Usually, when he has these sort of troubles, he would talk to Vivi, and maybe Lance if he’s really desperate. Not exactly an option here. Not right now anyway. Arthur leans forward, rubbing his eyes with the base of his palm. He’s still shaky, head swimming, but the fear is tapering off, winding back to its more manageable cousin, anxiety.

Next, he stands, moving slowly to test his balance. Somewhat light-headed, he twists the sink’s tap, running water to splash on his face. As he does, he catches sight of his reflection for the first time since waking up. Their eyes connect, and it’s like meeting a weirdly identical doppelganger.  

Two years isn’t a long time. Not long enough to really make any significant changes to appearance. Not at his age. Yet, the person that watches him from the mirror is a world younger. People say that stress ages you, and -now examining his reflection- he’s inclined to believe them. There are no dark circles under this person’s eyes, his face is full, and he’s practically glowing. All indicative of a balanced diet and plenty of sleep. It's strangely unsettling, and he immediately hates it. Hates the younger him for having everything and still managing to be unhappy. For taking everything for granted.

What did younger Arthur have to be upset about? The minuscule chance that Vivi and Lewis would ditch him for some inane reason which had probably made sense at the time? A fear of becoming the ‘dreaded’ third wheel? Forget that noise. He’d settle for not being hated/maimed, watching his friends be happy together and not whatever broken things they’d turned into. Even if the watching occurred at a distance, he would be happy. ‘At a distance’ might even be optimal because the one thing he now knows for sure is this: He is NOT the younger Arthur.  He turns abruptly away and exits the bathroom, running a hand over his face as he goes.

And he almost slams into Vivi who’s standing right outside. It nearly sends him straight back into a panic.

“Arthur,” Vivi stumbles back, hand raised as if just about to knock, “Don’t open doors like that. You scared the shit out of me.”

“Hehe,” he breathes out, glancing around. Neither Mystery or Lewis are in the hallway. It’s just him and Vivi. Slowly, he relaxes enough and responds with relief boarding on amusement, “I scared you? You almost gave me a heart attack. Maybe next time don’t stand so close to doors you know might open at any second.”

Vivi snorts, then fixes him with a more concerned expression, “Well, you were in there for a while. I came to check up on you. Was kind of worried you’d drowned in the toilet or something.”

“Uh, thanks Viv, but, as you can see, I have not drowned,”

“So you say…” Vivi rubs her chin, taking in his damp face and hair.

Then one of Vivi’s hands is on his forehead and the other on her own, comparing their body temperatures. He tries to keep his breathing at a normal tempo. It’s still slightly faster than usual, not helped by Vivi’s jump scare.

“You feel a bit clammy, but not overly hot. So that’s good I guess.”  Vivi is now staring him right in the eye, face scrunched in consideration.

“I did splash water on my face…”

She leans in close, moving her hand from his forehead to pull at his cheek. So Vivi had noticed something was off. Lewis had probably picked up on his odd behaviour as well. Great. Vivi moves the second hand up to squeeze his cheeks together like she’s trying to reorganise his face. It’s kind of awkward.

“I’m fine,” he tries, batting her hands away, attempting to gauge just how worried Vivi is before saying anything too incriminating.

“You sure? You seem a bit… peaky,”

“Yeah, I mean,” he rubs the back of his head, “I woke up with a migraine this morning. It’s been kind-of distracting and causing a bit of nausea.”  Arthur snaps into ‘excuse mode’ with disgusting ease, quickly running through possible causes for his odd behaviour. He taps his head and put on the old ‘everything’s good smile.’

“It’s not bad enough to put off the painting though. You guys were looking forward to that,” It wouldn’t have fooled the other Vivi, future Vivi, who had developed an almost supernatural ‘Arthur bullshit detector,’ as she called it.

“Oh... Is that what’s wrong. You should have said something. It’s not like we’re on a strict timeline so we could have rescheduled,” this Vivi nods in acknowledgement, humming thoughtfully, “maybe you should stay away from the hard labour. Just for today, I mean. Me and Lewis can do the painting if you’re not feeling too good.”

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” he relaxed back a bit, “I’ll just take it easy,” and maybe avoid Lewis for a little longer because he was so many levels away from ready that he might as well be floating in outer space.

“Actually, I have a new project I’m working on so I’ll probably be spending some time upstairs,” he adds to give himself another excuse.

“Owo, new project,” Vivi lights up, energy returning, “what’s this one about. Are you finally making that ghost detection devise? It is, isn’t it? Please tell me it’s the ghost detection device… Wait,” Vivi puts her hands on her hips, glaring, “is this why you have a headache, because you were up all night.”

His next smile is genuine because Vivi always makes him smile, even when he feels guilty for lying.

“Haha, yeah,” He runs his fingers through his hair, “you got me.”

“I knew it,” Vivi puffs, giving him a light punch in the shoulder. He manages to contain the automatic flinch.

“I told you, water and sleep. It’s the best way to keep headaches away especially in the summer. You have you been drinking water?” The last sentence is said in a way that is almost threatening.

Arthur actually laughs at that one, “Yes, I’ve been drinking water.”

Well, younger Arthur has been drinking water. Probably.

“Obviously, not enough if you're nauseous. Come on, I think I actually have peppermint tablets in my wallet that’ll help,”

He acquiesces to Vivi pulling him in the direction of the kitchen, grateful she’s not about to push him for details. Gone are the days when Vivi would pester him until she was 100% sure he was okay and not downplaying anything. They’re left behind in a never-to-be-lived future with his, most likely, dead body. If he had any say in it those days would never come again.

Right now he’s running on empty, but, as soon as he has space to plan, he would get all this sorted. Or as sorted as he could manage. The bar to success is pretty low, so his chances are good. He’s just been given the motherload of second chances, and he's not about to screw it up, anxiety, panic attacks, and dissociative amnesia notwithstanding. He’s going to protect Vivi and Lewis from that messed up future no matter what.

For now, he needs to focus on getting through the rest of the day.

...

Note: So part 4=Arthur deals with shit and has a small identity crisis. Also, Vivi trying to figure things out, having noticed something is off but unable to pinpoint what. I’m hoping to be able to write a part 5 in the next week.  

[noa748]

tl;dr new reality

Going through/adding to old notes after months of not touching NR.  There’s a good chunk of chapter written, but man it’s been a real struggle getting back into writing.  It was always liberating to be able to work through certain internal struggles/insecurities via OC Brit, but now writing her feels like crawling into an old skin that doesn’t quite fit anymore.  

Writing NR, weirdly enough, gave me the courage to start seeking real connections with people rather than keeping a safe distance to protect myself.  Writing the cheesy friendships, putting myself in all of those different shoes, personalities and backgrounds, writing people cut from very different cloths learning to mesh and come together for a greater cause... the optimism of the Tales games is actually pretty infectious.  I wanted to be a friend like Lloyd, and the more I envisioned it, the easier it seemed to make lasting friendships.

Unfortunately, life isn’t a Tales game, and sometimes you can’t reach people no matter how much you care.  I wrote much of NR before I really learned what emotional damage was, or how shitty people can be.  The lens with which I view the world has been altered, and it’s hard for me to put myself back in OC Brit’s headspace.  Zelos as potential love interest is laughable to me now - he’s the last person I’d trust, but ironically the one I most relate to.  I try to write Brit helping him work through his damage when I can barely process my own.

OC Brit is this... chunk of optimism in me that I’m fighting to unearth again.  Getting back into writing NR isn’t going to solve my problems, but I think reuniting with the ToS crew has the potential to be just as therapeutic for me as it was when I was a lonely, depressed teenager dealing with my parent’s divorce.  

Also, I SWORE I WOULD FINISH THIS BITCH BEFORE I TURNED THIRTY.  How the hell am I already 26.  Hoooooly shit.  

Despite having beaten ToS a number of times, it’s been years since I’ve played and I’m having difficulty remembering certain details of the plot (as well as where the fuck I was going with certain plot points).  I really need to buckle down and reread all six billion chapters of my damn story as well as watch some LPs.  As I’ve changed jobs, for the first time in 5 years I actually have free time and adequate sleep so I can quite possibly write something.

For those of you who can’t remember where we left off, we are currently at the point in the game where the group visits certain places in Tethe’alla so that the Tethe’allans can decide which world they want to stay on.  This will be my time to get used to writing all these children characters again.  Feel free to send me links to some good ToS fanfics, those will get me thinking again...

As a bonus, here’s a snippet of the next chapter (hint: they’re all playing Two Truths and a Lie)

“Okay.  Soooo… let’s see…” It was Zelos’ turn again, and he was grinning wickedly.  “Oh, I know.  One… when I was twelve, I had a pet manticore for three weeks.  Two… I’ve had a fan gift me a doll made with locks of her hair.  And three—I’ve dated five women at the same time.”

Sheena and I groaned, Regal pressed a hand to his chin, and Colette giggled and clapped her hands.  Zelos was the worst, and he was winning this game by a landslide.  He just had too many weird stories.

“What was the manticore’s name?” I demanded.

“Manny,” Zelos replied.

I smacked my forehead.  “Manny the manticore?  Are you kidding me?”

“C’mon, I was twelve!”

Sheena heaved a sigh.  “Okay, I’ll bite.  Why did you have a manticore as a pet?”

“It had a broken leg.  I was nursing it back to health.” He shrugged.  “In the sewers, of course.  Nobody really knew about it.”

“Aw, Zelos, that’s so sweet!  Manny must’ve been so cute,” Colette chirped.

I laid my head down on the table, stifling defeated laughter.  This was ridiculous.  How was Zelos even a real person?  Okay, okay, what else… the crazy doll thing, that didn’t surprise me.  Neither did the fact about him simultaneously dating multiple women.

“Who was this fan of yours?” Regal asked.

“It was actually one of my classmates at the University in Sybak,” Zelos laughed. “Said it was part of an experiment.  I never really figured out what that one was about.”

“Please tell me you don’t still have this doll,” Sheena said.

“Hell no.  I hid it behind some books in the library when she wasn’t around.”

“What were the names of your five girlfriends?” Colette asked.

“Trish, Lily, Kayleigh, Sophie and Leanne,” Zelos replied, barely even hesitating.  

I felt my lip curl a bit.  That jerk, he had me again.  I was annoyed because a part of me wished I knew him well enough to be able to tell when he was fibbing, but I was failing so far.  Nobody had caught him in a lie yet and this was his third turn.

Zelos glanced over at the clock on the wall.  “Oh, time’s up.  What do you guys say?”

“Manticore,” Sheena replied.  Regal voiced his agreement.

“I think it was the doll!” Colette replied.  “I really want to believe you had a manticore named Manny,” she admitted, sticking her tongue out and looking sheepish.

Zelos chuckled, and then looked over at me.  “Brit?”

I paused for a moment, thinking.  Zelos led a crazy life, that much was for sure.  But the manticore thing—that was almost too obvious, wasn’t it?  I really wanted to guess that, but I felt like that was another one of his outlandish true stories that he threw out as a decoy. As for the doll… Zelos had to have received a lot of weird gifts over the years.  

But the five women?  He had almost spouted out those names too fast, like he was just listing random names off the top of his head.  If he was really that big of a man whore, I would think he’d almost have trouble keeping track of all the names.

“You never dated five women at once,” I said.

His smug façade actually crumbled and he stared at me in genuine surprise.

“Well.  Not bad, spitfire.”

“Seriously?” Sheena gaped.  “That was the one I thought was true for sure.”

“Course,” Zelos said with a snort.  “That’s why I used it.  Believe it or not, I’ve never actually had a girlfriend.”

The ninja frowned, staring at him.  “Huh.  I guess in the end that’s not so surprising.  I remember seeing you messing around with your floozies, but it was always different girls every week.”

“Yay!  I wish I got to meet Manny,” Colette said, still completely focused on the manticore story.

I couldn’t stop myself from grinning; I was fairly pleased with myself this time.  Finally got him!  Although that was an interesting fact I never would’ve guessed about Zelos.  For someone who seemed so smooth with the ladies, it was strange to think he’d never actually dated.  Was it because he didn’t want to commit, or because actually dating required a particular level of closeness?

Zelos seemed to see the question in my eyes, and offered a shrug.  “Not like there’s a point to dating anyway, not when the church is bound to tell me who I can and can’t marry.”

Colette’s face fell, and she looked a little sad.  “Oh… that’s right.  Families of the Mana lineage are all from arranged marriages… it was the same for Father and Mother.”

That made a depressing amount of sense, and it shed a different light on Zelos’ womanizing tendencies.  Why bother getting attached?  It’d only cause more pain in the end, right?  His own father had had an affair with another woman, who in turn killed his mother… the arranged marriage had both created and destroyed his family.

“Hey, hey!  I’m not sitting here moping over things I can’t control, so why should you guys?” Zelos reached out and gave me a lighthearted shove.  “Spitfire, it’s your turn!”

“All right,” I replied, leaning back a bit to think.  What hadn’t I used yet?

After a pause, I grinned at everyone.  “Okay… One.  I’ve been on a train that goes underwater.  Two… I’m actually allergic to wasabi.  Three, I used to wear glasses.”

“A train that goes underwater?” Zelos huffed.  “Y’know, I’m mad because I think it’s true.  Why not just build a bridge?  And I thought Tethe’alla had some backwards logic…”

“Now that must be an engineering marvel,” Regal commented, stroking his chin.

“Plus think of all the fishies you get to see while you’re on the train!”

I burst out laughing.  “It doesn’t work like that, Colette…”

[coldtomyflash]

Weird question, and it's perfectly okay if "I don't know" is your answer: How did you manage to do grad school AND finish writing so many good fics? I'm writing the lit review for my dissertation right now, and I want to finish several WIPs I have (if nothing else, just to prove to myself that I can), but it just feels like I can barely do either, much less both. Any advice at all?

Ah, no worries! It’s not that odd a question. Actually, someone’s asked me before ^^;  My reply to them at the time was here. No need to read it, but it’s some context? 

My reply now that my head is in a healthier place is... long and winding and not actually full of that much advice but eh, I rambled as I do. If you just want the advice, scroll all the way down and it’s there. 

For starters, I’m not a normal comparison point. This isn’t to pat myself on the back, but for a variety of reasons, writing is something that comes really naturally to me. I’ll detail those reasons, but before I get into that, the point I’m illustrating here is that... sometimes I think people compare themselves to how much I wrote and what else I accomplished in that time and think “hey cool - that is a function human! Why can’t I do that?” And the answer is short answer is that my brain is programmed for pretty much one thing, and that thing is writing writing, and holy crap I was the opposite of a functional human when writing that much and that quickly.

The long answer is - 

I’ve been making up stories literally as long as I can remember. I spent my childhood consuming stories. I taught myself to read and was during school I was consistently reading about 8 grade levels above my reading level, and loved learning about narrative structure. I annoyed the shit out of my older brother by reading the same book series as he read, but guessing plot points that were going to happen either in that book or else 2-3 books out. he didn’t get how I would just know and I’d be like “it’s obvious - that’s where the story has to go!” Because I was imagining it in my head - what i would do with it, where it would go, where it had to go. Closing the page mid0chapter and imagining the next-scene, and then picking back up to see how right or wrong I was.

And I had a best friend for most of my childhood through to early adulthood with whom I made stories. Every weekend, creating narratives together, not writing them down but basically roleplaying them by talking them out (voices and all, it was a heck of a lot of fun, as much as it made me pretty much the nerdiest teen in existence). We tried to write a novel when we were 12, got about 7 chapters in. We had a lot of starts and stops on other stories too.

Which isn’t said to stroke my own ego, it’s said to highlight that I have a metric fuckton of explicit and implicit practice at storytelling. It was and sort of is my “whole life”. I also had teachers that helped me develop storytelling skills, and was really freaking lucky to go to a school with an AP program for English that seriously stretched my ability to write fast. We had to write an essay every single class, during class, and have it finished by the end of class (or in less time if we had lecture stuff to go over too) in my last year of high school. The essays could be creative response (i.e., short stories). I wrote a short story almost every week in the space of an hour when I was 17. By the time I got to the end of year final and actually got to use a computer and type that shit instead of hand-cramping halfway through, I somehow managed to write the two-essay final in the allotted 3 hours and, i shit you not, had a wordcount of 6000 words. 

That’s still my record. It was probably a dumpster fire but I got 100% probably for sheer volume.

Anyway that was over a decade ago, but the whole reason this life story is pertinent is because - 

I have practice. The only way to improve at anything, to get faster at it, for it to ease, is to practice. Practice at storytelling, practice at having to set a scene using just words sitting in my BFF’s room and trying to describe the image I had in my head for how I wanted her to see the scene as it was playing out. Practice at writing fast and getting feedback on how to write. Practice implicitly at trying to imagine what routes stories can take. Practice taking stories apart and piecing them back together, in my head, all the time.

So that’s part of it. 

The other part, and this is what I said in my previous post, was depression. I was seriously fucking burnt out and depressed when I started writing coldflash fic, and grad school took a huge toll on my mental health. It’s easier to write when you’re doing it to procrastinate working on your dissertation, and easier to keep writing when you get positive feedback and it feeds those lovely dopamine gremlins in your brain who aren’t getting any positive validation from grad school because holy damn that shit is hard.

I had no balance in my life for a long time. It wasn’t good. I went to counselling. I got more balance. Fic slowed down. Still finished, but not 120k words in 3 months (that was the pace when I started fic writing...jfc I don’t know how I managed.) Life got harder. Fic was now harder to write. I got more counselling. Fic was easier to write. I moved around the world. Fic got harder to write. I started anti-depressants. Narratives now seem to be flowing again. 

Regardless of the state of my mental health though, I’ve never written as much as quickly as I did during the middle of grad school. And I think that’s because I was very narratively pent up when I started writing fic. I had been so busy and pushing myself so damn hard in grad school that I didn’t make almost any time for stories, for fic, for imagining my own stories. I was suppressing that side of myself in the service of Focus. So when I burnt out, my narrative side rebounded and said “fuck that noise, I still exist, and we’re making space for me”. It took over. I came literally a hair’s breadth from quitting my PhD post candidacy. Idk what type of program you’re in, but business schools in North America? It’s a 5 year PhD typically, and I was at the end of year 3 and eyeing the door.

Anyway - I say all that because - 

I am not a good example and you should not do what I did. Finishing that many long WIPs that quickly wasn’t healthy, and was only possible because I didn’t do much else at the time, and had a lifetime of practice and a narrative rebound to make it even possible. 

But - 

My actual advice?

1) Practice. Practice. Practice. 

Not all at once, but everything counts. Daydreaming counts. Watching shows and thinking of how they could be improved counts. Talking out story ideas with friends counts. Just make it fun. Practice is something we think of as arduous and annoying. Learning new words is practice. Meeting new people and considering their traits is practice. Everything can be practice for writing. All the research you do can be practice for writing. (Random note: a childhood coping mechanism for anxiety that I had was to narrate what I was doing to myself in my head in the 3rd person. Like telling a story of myself walking to gym class in my own head. That was also practice.)

2) Have fun with it! 

Don’t making writing an obligation. Then it’s another thing on the list of things you avoid. Finishing stories often feels like an obligation. I’m going through this right now with Needs Must. It can be hard to complete a WIP because you start to have internal anxieties about disappointing readers, not living up to expectations, exhaustion from that narrative, distraction / temporary loss of interest (which is normal! and not actually a bad thing!). All of that then makes you feel guilty, which makes it impossible to get into a creative space to write. You can’t work on the thing you’re avoiding.

3) It’s okay to give your WIPs breathing space. 

When you hit a wall, you may need to set it aside and read it again in a month with fresh eyes. You may need to treat your story like someone else’s story. That’s, again, literally where I’m at right now with Needs Must. I just reread a bunch of it and hadn’t really forgotten the details but once they’re on the page they’re out of my head, and so taking some time before going back to reread it made it easier for me to think of like I think of every other story: “what would I do next with this? Oh that’s a twist, that needs to come back later. There’s a theme here, we’ve seen that three times. What’s the best ending I, as a reader now, can imagine for this?”

If avoidance, guilt, and/or writer’s block aren’t your issue, and it’s literally just down to time management - 

4) Your graduate degree is more important than your WIPs. 

Your WIPs aren’t going anywhere, they don’t have a deadline, and your readers will wait for you, and new ones will find you. Time management is an essential, awful, part of being an academic. 

I get more done, both at work and creatively on fic, when I’m just a bit too busy, but that’s me. Figure out what is optimal for you, and do it. When do you get the most writing done? When you’re relieved? When you’re anxious? Late at night? First thing in the morning? When does it flow? When won’t it ruin your graduate career?

(Seriously I was writing fic at work last week and was kicking myself. I don’t have time for that shit! Set boundaries on your time!)

But full serious here, graduate school is exhausting, and almost inherently de-motivating, and even the best damn students eye the door a lot of the time, even if they do finish. It’s stressful and you feel constantly powerless. It’s a lot to need to cope with. I found writing to be a way to cope. That lit review you’re working on? Yeah, it’s zapping your time and energy. That’s normal (unfortunately). And it’s good to give yourself breaks from that to write. Don’t feel guilty for taking time here and there for yourself - to write, or to not write. To relax, unplug, unwind. To close your eyes and daydream (if you’re me) or have a bubble bath (if you’re my sister), or do whatever helps you honestly, genuinely destress. The best thing you can do for both writing and for graduate school is to take breaks and take time for yourself. There is actual science on the importance of breaks, and academics are fucking notorious for putting too much pressure on themselves to actually relax.

5) If you’re burnt out and/or depressed - seek help! 

Most universities have resources for mental health! Talk to a doctor! Don’t put too much stress and pressure on yourself! Almost half of grad students are mentally ill at some point!

6) Talk out your stories with friends! 

I know I already said this under “practice” but having a fandom friend to bounce ideas with and cheer you on is amazing and essentially. I was in constant contact with Bealeciphers when I started writing, and now I have a different friend who’s helped me the past couple years with writing and developing my stories. Mostly they cheer me on, and when I’m stuck, I tell them where the story is going and what I need help with. But honestly, writing doesn’t need to happen in a vacuum and doesn’t need to be you hunched over a laptop in the dark all alone and staring blankly at a screen (I’m definitely not projecting here, no siree). It’s amazing how motivating it is and how much it can help you stay on track to check in regularly with other writing friends!

7) Pick your battles.

You say you have a... couple(?) of WIPs? How many are you juggling? Is it too many? Do you need to set one (or two??) aside? When my steam was slowly and AATJS and Tumbling Together started to feel like a chore, I set TT aside and took a month break from AATJS then dived right back into AATJS (with the help of the friend mentioned above, cheering me on) because I knew it would be the harder one to finish, and the one that I feared I’d never finish if I put it aside too long. I tackled the biggest hurdle first. If that’s the type of thing for you, I recommend it. Pick the story that’s either the most or least likely to get finished, and focus your energy there.

Another battle-picking thing here? It’s okay to outsource. I’m terrible for not using a proofreader beta. It’s a weird control thing, despite the fact that I love people pointing out typos in my works so I can freaking fix them. The point here is: don’t be like me. If you suck at finding your own typos, use a beta or proofreader. My writer friend who helps me helps when I get stuck. I help them when they need feedback on specific scenes and tones, and I’ve recently discovered they hate editing (I love editing) so this entertains me to no end. Just - you don’t have to do it all yourself. If you feel like you do, see points 5 and 6 again.

Aaaannnddd that’s that. Whew. I just spent... wow, too long on this. I spent as much time on this as I did on my own grad student’s lit review I was providing feedback on today ^^; #whoops 

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi, I find it quite hard to be ENFP and 6w7 core especially when trying to stop repeating old bad habits that where triggered by.... Fear! I feel like in Si with 6 core and "becoming a better version of myself" don't get along. I don't know how to stop thoses fears which originated bad habits/behaviour to "protect myself", I really wanna evolve but I feel stuck in repeating thoses patterns. How can I manage to use 6 as my advantage as a Ne dom and not against me?

You chose a good time to ask this question, since I was thinking about thislast night. I was watching the new Vanity Fair (which is splendid) andthinking about how much I admire Becky Sharp in the first few episodes (beforeher true selfish nature comes to the forefront). She’s self-confident and canadapt to any new situation or circumstance. She has the core 3 “I can do this”faith in herself. As a 6 full of self-doubt, I envy the ability to make lemonadewhen life hands you lemons with total confidence you can do it.

Unfortunately, there’s really no “fix-all” recommendation for each Enneagramtype to grow into a higher health level. You have to figure out what works bestfor you and will lead you to your next level and do it. But setting specificgoals and having a clear idea of what you want leads to better success.Abstract things like “I need to be less afraid” are not useful. “I want to bemore self-confident” is not helpful. You need to identify the fears andidentify the solutions.

What would it take, for you to feel more self confident? Preparation? Makinglists? Knowing what you need to know like the back of your hand?

What specific behaviors do you dislike about yourself? If you do not likethat, the opposite is what you want to be, right? Name it. Detail it out.Decide in advance how you are going to cope with that fear when it comes up,and do it.

You are capable of far more than you think, if you just commit to DOING IT.I did things last year that scared me. I just went out to the car, got in, anddrove to my destination. I walked in the door and did what I was there to do.Halfway there, I realized I’d beaten my anxieties back by having an attitude of“I’m doing this.” Once I am in the thick of something, I’m fine. Focused onproblem-solving and getting it done. It’s thinking about it in advance thatmakes me anxious.

I don’t know what you’re specifically talking about, so it’s hard for me togive advice other than as a 6, you are going to need to learn to do what Dr.Phil encourages for anxious people – how to sit down and carry your fears outon paper to their logical conclusion and then look at the chain of events.Doing this, getting things out of your head onto paper, is going to make yourealize most of your fears are irrational and there’s no real threat since theconsequences are inconsequential. And if there is no threat, there is no reasonnot to do it.

I’ll use myself as an example: I hate selling ads. Walking into a shop andconvincing someone to purchase ad space. It terrifies me. (Dr. P: Why does itscare you?) Because they might say no. I might make a mistake. I could lookstupid. (Dr. P: And then what would happen?) I’d be embarrassed. (And what’sthe negative consequence of that?) Um. Humiliation? Failure? (Will you getfired if you don’t sell them an ad?) No. (Then if they say no, you’re at thesame place you started as when you walked in, right?) Yes. (So there’s noloss?) No. Oh. So I am no better or worse off than before I talked tothem. (That’s right.)

Legitimate fears: things that threaten your personal safety (walking througha dark alley or car park at night, trusting a strange person to watch yourdrink while you use the bathroom in a club or on a date, allowing a stranger topick you up). Things that threaten your financial safety (risks withoutguaranteed rewards).

Irrational fears: most other things, including self doubt. You CAN do it.You just don’t think you can.

So, if you weren’t a 6, what would you do? Who would you be?

Now, what steps can you take to get there?

6 isn’t just fear. It’s LOGIC. Being smart. Use your smart to pick the right risks and financial and relationship choices. Be analytical and then act, don’t let a negative attitude stop you from trying something. 6 + Ne = pessimist. Start catching yourself in the latter behavior and bringing in 7 enthusiasm and optimism (this will go well, I’m excited about the possibilities) to counter it.

- ENFP Mod

[sapphicscholar]

A/N: It should be pretty obvious as the timeline gets clearer over the chapters, but I've aged up most of the main cast to make their career trajectories fit

Big thanks to @performativezippers for ALL the delightful title suggestions (seriously, 10/10, A+ all around, even the ones that didn’t make the cut). And thank you to @lurkz for listening to me dork out about politics and giving a first read through! 

Chapter Text:

“As much as I have appreciated your support and enthusiasm—and believe me, I have. You are the ones who made this experience possible, who inspired me to get out there day in and day out—I will be suspending my campaign for the time being,” Cat Grant announced. A hush fell over the room full of once rowdy and boisterous supporters, though after a moment of stunned silence, the room filled once more with shouts and questions and pleas to stay in the race. But Cat was already making her way off the stage and out to her waiting car, directing a few members of her team to stay behind and field questions, even if it just meant giving them vague pleasantries and the always frustrating reply of: “She has no comment at this time,” which was all the more frustrating because she did have a comment. Dammit, she was Cat Grant; she had a thousand and one perfectly worded comments. But each one of them would mean putting Kara in danger, so she kept quiet—a sacrifice she would willingly make again and again.

[4 months ago, October]

“Oh, and get Kara on the phone for tomorrow,” Cat added, drumming her perfectly manicured nails against the top of her desk, her mind whirring as she thought through her plan.

“Kara…?” Eve trailed off, a question in her voice that she wasn’t quite brave enough to voice as such.

“Danvers,” James cut in, earning himself a rare smile from Cat. “I’ll get you her personal email in a few.”

“That will be all.” With a flick of her wrist, Cat dismissed the group of core campaign staff that had gathered in her office for their weekly Monday morning briefing. When she looked up, however, she found James still lingering in her office. “What is it?”

“I—why are you calling Kara in?”

“Because I’d just love to know where she finds those poly-blend tartan skirts and clashing, kindergarten teacher cardigans—would really hammer home my message next debate, I think.” Her wit was as scathing as ever; apparently no amount of shaking hands and smiling and kissing babies would ever change some things.

“I mean, are you interviewing her for something?” It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see his friend succeeding—and surely, after last night’s debate performance, being a part of Cat Grant’s team would be seen as success—but he’d been there for the fallout after the last campaign, after the last time Cat left Kara behind.

Leveling him with a glare that would have sent most of her staff scurrying, Cat snapped, “I don’t pay you to question my decisions.”

“Sorry,” James muttered, turning on his heel and striding out of the office and over to Eve’s desk, figuring the least he could do was to make sure that Kara at least received the invitation. Whether or not she accepted was her decision to make.

Once he finished helping Eve, he slipped down the hallway and knocked lightly on the door to Lucy’s office. Even though she wasn’t in the inner circle the way she had been during Cat’s years in office as governor, she still tended to know gossip before almost everyone.

“Yeah?” Lucy called out.

“Hey,” James greeted, sticking his head in the doorway. “You free?”

“I’ll head out,” Alex offered, pushing up off of the desk and pulling herself back to a standing position.

“You’re just as much a part of this campaign as anyone else,” Lucy corrected her, gesturing for Alex to sit—though perhaps in a real chair this time.

Alex shrugged; she hadn’t gotten used to the idea of working full time for one single candidate. After nearly a decade of work based out of the DEO’s offices and constantly flying from city to city to help put out fires and manage crises as they arose, she was still working on learning what it meant to pledge loyalty to a person, rather than to J’onn and the DEO. Of course, he’d encouraged her, told her she could hold onto her DEO affiliation—it looked good for them, after all, and he wanted to claim credit for the work of his protégé—but she missed working at his side.

“You are,” James insisted, smiling warmly and taking the seat beside her as he nudged the door shut with his foot. Though, now that he thought about it, perhaps Alex wasn’t the best person to tell about Kara… She might be on Cat’s payroll, but her willingness to sever ties with clients who violated her rather strict personal codes—almost all of which seemed to revolve around the small handful of people she deemed worthy of her protection—was legendary throughout DC.

“So what do you need to know?”

“I could have just dropped in to say hello, Luce.” She arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him and crossed her arms until he relented. “Okay, yes, fine. What do you know about…uh, tomorrow’s phone meeting?”

“What meeting?”

“Lucy Lane, not in on the gossip?” Alex looked genuinely astounded. Even though she was basically paid to know all the dirty details that never made it into the papers if she did her job right, Lucy often managed to be one step ahead of her when it came to the inner workings of Cat’s office.

“Hush, I still knew that Eve was sleeping with the new volunteer coordinator before they’d even stumbled out of the supply closet.”

Alex shuddered. “He was a walking, talking time bomb of a scandal.”

“And that’s why you had Cat fire him.”

“Among other reasons.”

Lucy snorted at the memory of Alex’s face when Mike had tried to hit on one of the new volunteers in front of her. The loud reaming out he got from Alex about abuses of power and inappropriate behavior in the workplace had been worth the meeting she’d been forced to have with the woman about why threatening physical violence against staff members, even those on their way out, was decidedly not a good idea from a legal perspective.

Remembering how they had gotten here, Lucy turned her attention back to James. “What’s this about a mysterious meeting?”

“Oh, uh…” James hesitated, casting a wary eye in Alex’s direction.

“If a scandal is brewing, it’s best I know about it now.”

“No, nothing like that. Cat asked Eve to set up a phone meeting with Kara.”

“As in my sister Kara?”

“That would be the one.”

Lucy narrowed her eyes, running through the possibilities for why she might want to talk to Kara. “Think she’s gonna try to get her on the campaign team? They worked pretty well together back when she made her run for governor…”

“Once she started calling her by her actual name,” Alex huffed.

“Would Kara even consider it?” James asked, looking more to Alex than Lucy. Sure, Lucy had gotten to know Kara since coming back to DC with Cat to stay on as her legal advisor after their four years in Sacramento, but she hadn’t been there the first time Cat left.

Alex shrugged. “She’s gotten older.”

“But I’ve never seen her that upset.” She’d shown up at James’ apartment the week after the election, tears streaking down her cheeks and unwilling to even talk about what had happened until she’d finished her first pint of Half Baked. Eventually she told him about how Cat had called her into her office only to offer her a glowing letter of recommendation for whatever job she wanted next. To anyone else, that would have been ideal, but Kara had expected to keep working with Cat, to be invited to come with her to Sacramento from National City. He still wasn’t sure exactly why she’d been as devastated as she was, but eventually she called in the promised recommendation and moved across the country to DC where she took up a post as a high-ranking congressional staffer.

“She made the best of it—got her foot in the door, and look at how well she’s done for herself since. I’m not saying Cat deserves to get her back, but I’m not about to dictate what Kara can and can’t do,” Alex said.

“That’s not what I’m saying, I just…” James trailed off, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I don’t want to see her get hurt again.”

“I think she’s been in this town long enough to hope for the best but not really to expect it anymore.” Watching Kara lose some of the optimism that she had clung to since childhood—her persistent belief that there had to be some greater purpose in all of it—had been painful, but Alex was glad to see a bit of realism infused into her perspective, even if she still had a tendency to buy into the relentless idealism of candidates that Alex had a hard time stomaching.

“I hope so.”

As the conversation turned to lighter topics—namely, Winn’s terrible blind date the night before that James had the good fortune of hearing all about on their metro ride in that morning—Alex’s phone trilled with a loud alarm.

Lucy cringed. “Christ, Alex, not everything is a crisis anymore. Maybe you turn that volume down.”

“I’m still a crisis manager.”

“No, I wrote your contract. I know for a fact that you are a ‘political consultant.’”

“Speaking of which,” Alex sighed, looking at the meeting reminder on her phone, “I’ve got to go meet with the research team.”

“Cheer up. When you’re done, you’ll be an hour closer to happy hour.”

Grumbling about unnecessary meetings and interaction with other people, Alex straightened her blazer and wandered down the hallways she was still learning to navigate until she found the smaller conference room Cat preferred for meetings. A handful of people, only some of whom she recognized, had already found their seats at the table and pulled out papers or opened laptops to spreadsheets and documents. Fighting the urge to run back for something to use as a prop, Alex reminded herself that she had prepared, that her job wasn’t the same as theirs and she was damn good at what she did. No one trained under J’onn for as long as she had and came out of it unqualified.

The telltale click of heels alerted everyone in the room to Cat’s approach just a moment or two before she strolled in, phone clutched in one hand and a latte in the other. “You’re all here?” It wasn’t really a question, at least not one anyone would dare answer in the negative. “We’ll start with the topics we’ve gotten traction on since last night’s debate. Education—go.”

“Ah right.” A young man Alex was fairly certain was named Rob adjusted his glasses as he shuffled his papers. “You got some really positive op-eds in the Times—LA and New York, a real coast-to-coast marvel,” he clarified with a small chuckle at his own remarks. It was nerdy enough that Alex smiled. “The Daily Planet was a bit more neutral, but no overt criticism.”

“No surprise there,” Cat drawled.

“You’ve got a few religious lobbying groups that are upset that you dismissed school vouchers, but no one in the party base would really expect you to say otherwise unless you were in Philly or Boston or one of those cities that’s Catholic enough that people identify themselves by parish.” Cat didn’t seem upset, though she jotted down a few notes. “And there’s been some talk about support for you coming from the Silicon Valley start ups—keep talking about increased funding for STEM education, and we might get a couple early campaign endorsements.”

“Any follow up?” Cat asked, looking out at everyone else, especially Alex. When there were no takers, she quickly checked off education and moved to the next item—she was nothing if not efficient.

By the time they made it to international affairs, Alex felt like she had a handle on how these meetings might go. Informed updates. A follow up question or two, especially when Cat wasn’t satisfied. Sometimes orders about new research to be undertaken—polls, reports, and the like. And then on to the next one. But when Kelly wrapped up her presentation on foreign affairs, Cat’s offer for further commentary wasn’t met with its customary silence. Instead another woman, one Alex didn’t recognize, cleared her throat and leaned in to the table.

“When asked about aid and disaster relief, you didn’t touch on some of the most prominent humanitarian crises. Look at Venezuela, Yemen, Syria. You barely touched on immigration and failed to offer any statements on your policies about refugees and asylum seekers.”

“Because it’s a political landmine,” Alex interjected. “Offering anything concrete this early when public opinion is as volatile as it has been on those issues would be a horrible idea.”

“Speaking up now would set us apart as the campaign finally talking about these topics, the campaign that doesn’t just offer vague platitudes about respecting human rights but actually gives concrete policies and solutions.”

“So that they can be brought up and derided and criticized by every single other candidate who was smart enough not to go specific this early in the game?”

“So that the young voters who care about these topics more than almost any other generation will show up for us.”

“They don’t outnumber the Baby Boomers and Gen Xers who won’t get behind a progressivism that starts spouting things about open borders with little to no security.”

“So you don’t care about everyone dying? Because that’s what those young people you’re so quick to dismiss will say, and they’ve been building grassroots organizations that have more reach than you care to admit.”

“I’m not paid to talk about things I care about; I’m paid to get Cat Grant elected president. As are you. You might want to start acting like it.”

“Ladies, ladies,” Cat cut in, looking mildly intrigued rather than simply annoyed. “I appreciate the passion, but let’s move some of these discussions to later strategy meetings.” Alex slumped back into her seat, resigned to dealing with the other woman’s frustratingly naïve idealism later. “Now, Maggie, how’d we do on human rights and advocacy issues—setting aside questions of international crises for now, please,” she added with a tinge of exasperation in her voice.

“Right.” The woman—Maggie—had the decency to look chagrined at least, Alex thought. She paid close attention as she spoke, finding herself almost disappointed at how thorough she had been, pulling sources from both sides of the aisle as she went through a rather comprehensive list of issues. When Cat asked for questions, Alex realized she had none.

“Before we adjourn, anything to add? Alex?” Cat peered over her glasses and down the table to where Alex had settled herself at the opposite end.

“Not yet. It’s early—now that you’ve proven yourself, I’m sure they’ll start to come for you. Until then, we wait. Stay smart, but don’t get overly defensive about slight criticisms.” She couldn’t hold back a pointed glare in Maggie’s direction.

“Alright then. Back to work with you all.”

Maggie sidled up next to Alex, leaning her hip against the table as she cocked her head to the side and regarded the woman. “So, what issue did you once care about only to have your heart broken?”

“What?”

“I mean…no one gets that jaded that fast without a reason.”

“I’ve lived in DC for over a decade.”

“Mm.” Maggie paused to consider it. “I suppose that could do it too.”

“What liberal enclave did we drag you out of?”

“Blue Springs, Nebraska,” Maggie answered, grinning at the surprised look Alex was quick to suppress—but not quite quick enough.

“Ah, well…I suppose idealism doesn’t have borders—just what you want for the country, right?”

“If that’s what you need to think to dismiss my proposals, sure.”

With a huff of annoyance, Alex stood up and stormed back to her office, determined to see Lucy and find out who the hell this woman was and how much longer they’d have to wait before she got shipped back to the middle of nowhere, Nebraska.

---

Chewing on the end of her pencil, Kara read the email from an Eve Teschmacher for what felt like the tenth time in as many minutes. It was short with little in the way of information:

Dear Ms. Danvers, I’m writing from Cat Grant’s campaign headquarters to see if you might be available for a phone conversation with the candidate. Please send me three times that would work for you at your earliest convenience, and I’ll schedule a time for you to speak with Ms. Grant. Sincerely, Eve Teschmacher

She cast a longing glance over at Alex’s whiskey, wishing, not for the first time, that it had an effect on her. Eventually she dialed her sister and curled up on the sofa.

After just two rings, Alex answered. “Hey.”

“Hey. How’s the start of your second week?”

“Ugh, I miss J’onn.”

“Ya know, back when you started I never expected you to be the poster child for the Department of Extranormal Operations.”

“Just call it the DEO,” Alex sighed, a slight laugh in her voice.

“Did you realize it sounds like you guys work on alien issues? Too many calls about UFOs and ET in people’s backyards?”

“We handle crises. They are extranormal events.” After a moment, Alex finally relented. “Okay, yes, fine. I didn’t name it!”

“I know, I know.”

“Plus, everything in this town goes by an acronym anyway.”

“Even the town,” Kara added with a laugh. “But what’s making you miss J’onn? Is it the lack of Oreos? I know Cat’s not big on junk food.” It wasn’t true of course; Kara had kept her office stocked with M&Ms. But she projected a certain image, and Kara wouldn’t be the one to bring it down, no matter how things had gone between them.

“No, no. Just some new researcher. The human right strategist or something. Thinks she knows better than everyone else. It’s my job to know what might cause an uproar, the kinds of things that bring down campaigns.”

“Aww, I’m sorry,” Kara commiserated. “If it makes you feel any better, I had a shitty day too.”

“Kara, it never makes me feel better when you’re upset.”

“Don’t let anyone hear you saying that. They might go thinking you’re a nice person.”

“Oh hush. So what happened to you? Whose ass do I need to kick?”

“Nothing like that. It’s actually—well, it’s your boss. Or her new assistant—Eve something.”

“Ah, the scheduler.”

“Yeah, she emailed me about having a phone conversation with Cat. Know why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she wants you to come work for her again?”

Kara scoffed, shaking her head. “Yeah, doubt it. If she thought I was good, she’d have kept me on her team.”

“Hey, you’re plenty good. There’s a reason she sang your praises to everyone in this town. You could’ve gotten a job just about anywhere with her good word. Or, well, I guess mainly just with Democrats, but you get the idea.”

“I don’t—it’s not—I don’t know, Alex.” Kara burrowed slightly further into the blanket nest she’d built up around her while they talked. She’d gotten over the hurt, for the most part, but she still longed for an explanation—though she feared she already knew the real reason.

After a few moments of quiet, Alex spoke up. “Do you think you’re gonna talk to her?”

“I don’t know. Yes? Maybe? Probably?”

“Alright. Well you let me know if I need to kick her ass for you, okay?”

“Didn’t you just get a stern lecture about not threatening people at the office?”

“I’m going to kill Lucy.”

“There you go again!” Kara teased, laughing loudly at the sounds of annoyance she could hear through the line. “Anyway, I’ll let ya go. I just wanted to talk for a minute.”

“Still up for Thursday happy hour?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

Once she hung up with Alex, Kara flipped on the TV, intent on distracting herself for the rest of the night. Only, a few hours later, she felt like she couldn’t remember a minute of anything she’d seen, and she knew it would be a sleepless night if she left that email glaring up at her from her inbox.

Pulling it up, she began typing up a response, clicking through her calendar and finding times when she wouldn’t necessarily be missed from the office. Luckily it wasn’t close to an election year for Senator Rosen, so things were much quieter than they were elsewhere on the Hill.

Before she could hit send, in an act of bravery—or maybe it was just reckless, pent-up anger—she hadn’t anticipated, Kara switched over to her contacts and pulled up a number she hadn’t called in years.

“Hello?” Cat’s voice was cautious, and Kara could hear the news playing in the background. Apparently not much had changed.

“I hear you want to talk to me,” Kara said, catching the hitch in Cat’s breath that no human would have heard.

“I—yes, I had Eve email you about finding a time for us to speak.”

“Well, now works best for me, Cat. So what is it you want?”

“You really are a true Washingtonian these days, aren’t you?” When Kara didn’t respond, Cat continued, “As you probably know, I’m running for president.”

“Since I don’t live under a rock, yes, I am aware.”

“Right.” Kara was somewhat gratified to hear Cat sound rattled for a change. “My team’s done well so far. They’ve gotten me to where I am, and I’m grateful.” She paused, trying to find the right words, a diplomatic phrasing lest something be leaked to the press. “But they’re missing something.”

“Okay…”

“I think that something could be you, Kara.”

Kara hated herself for the way her heart sped up at that. “What do you mean?”

“Come work for me again.”

“Cat, I’m Senator Rosen’s chief of staff. I’m not coming back to be your personal assistant just because I was better than any of the other ones you had.”

“Good, I would be disappointed if you ever offered to drop back down to that level.”

“Then what is it you’re asking?”

“Come be my campaign manager.”

Kara gasped—she couldn’t help it. “Excuse me?”

“Greg is…adequate. Things function. But he’s not good or great. And you, Kara, you were always exceptional.”

“Cat…”

Hearing the warning tone in Kara’s voice, Cat cleared her throat. “Just think about it? We always did make a good team.”

“Did, Cat. Past tense.”

“I needed to let you dive—on your own, without my holding you back. And you did. Look at what you’ve done!”

Deciding to ignore what felt like half of the explanation she’d wanted for years now, Kara turned back to the job offer. “You know if I’m your campaign manager, you have to listen to me, right? I get a say. I can tell you no.”

“I still have the final decision.”

“Yes…but you don’t run a campaign by undercutting your right hand person every step of the way.”

“No, you don’t,” Cat conceded. “And I don’t plan on doing that with you. I saw what you did for Rosen. I could use someone like you by my side.”

“Give me 48 hours to decide.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

[damester13]

Entry #15 - (Leave) 09/13/19

In my entries about my college journey, Maybe I glossed them with too much of the good stuff in it. While all those good things actually happened to me, we all know by now that I have already lost all of those. No matter how much of good things they were, it's nothing but just memories now. So now I will detail my last few months in Cainta.

Last year's Christmas was probably the saddest of all 21 Christmases I've had. Ever since I stopped functioning during our Finals week, I've been skipping meals more intensely and Christmas Eve was no different. I also turned off all communications with other people for a while. My coping mechanism switch was lit green. I just didn't want to have to deal with anyone at that point. I was filled with shame and disappointment, that I feel like interacting with people will just force me to be "okay" temporarily. From there, I just wanted to give up, primarily my journey as a college student. But at this point, it's extremely petty of me to give up this early, right? Right. I needed an excuse to run in my head and in other people's, too. So why not apply for a LoA status for 1 sem and figure out where things will go from here? And I did just that, but not exactly.

To tell you the truth, there was some bits of geniune hope that my LoA period will bring some positive results. I intended to stay in Cavite for the full extent of my Leave for the change in environment, and plan to shift to Education course when I get back. Of course, my aunt didn't accept that at first, so I just had to make a compromise with her. I said that I'll spend my Leave considering my option to stay in Pol Sci as well. I never did it though, but I had to say it just so I will be allowed to push through. Again, Pol Sci is such a wonderful course. Unfortunately, it's not what's for me. From here on and out, somehow things didn't go as planned for me.

As I've said earlier, there was a glimmer of hope in this decision, but things went differently when it started to become busy at home. There was an ongoing construction for our new garage and my aunts were constantly going out to do whatever they were doing. Since the rest of the people apart from me and Lola were not at home during the day, I was very much needed to be at home all the time to "watch over" my lola and the construction workers in case they might need something. My plan to leave for Cavite was put on hold until the time came when I wasn't just up for it anymore. You see, even after the construction was over, we kept having visitors over and over again. I was a complete shut-in, so leaving my room with tons of visitors outside was a tightrope I'm not willing to walk on. It was just very hard for me to find a good chance to ask for permission and leave the house.

It kept going on and on like that until one day, I just woke up with not even a single pint of hope and positivity to be found in me. Along with that, any vision of a good future for me was also gone. I consider myself a positive thinker. Even with a bad coping mechanism when things fuck up, as long as I can see a chance for things to get better, I will find myself being okay one way or another. But now, everything is just dark. I cannot see anything at all. I kept telling myself, "Something was there before." But now, I can't even remember what it was anymore.

During these times, I kept going on and off with interacting with people. I am very much conflicted with how I view my friends at that point. I think they were just big distractions to me. All their happy, sad, or even random stories are just for me to temporarily forget my own reality. I committed to talk to these people when they need someone to talk to but it wasn't easy for me to listen to them without thinking of how unfair life is for me. Regardless, I remained as a "true" friend to them until the very end. I'm sorry.

The tables have turned completely and I just can't recognize my situation anymore. This wasn't how things are meant to go. Or perhaps, it was? At this point, it doesn't matter. Things have been going downhill for a long time now that it just feels like any bad thing that happens to me is just a part of an endless streak of unfortunate events. Somewhere along the line, I just decided to finally give up for real. 

I began my plan to officially drop out of college. I did say "plan" but given the lack of vision that I have, I really didn't have much apart from planning to permanently stay in Cavite. As for my primary "excuse", I just don't think I can pursue something that I have no motivation for. Me staying in UP will just be an utter waste of time and financial resources if this goes on. 

I asked several friends of mine for their opinions and advice regarding this decision because I recognize my state of mind isn't as optimal as it should be at that time. Their opinions varied quite a bit, but the bottom line of most of them was that "It's up to me." Personally, I dislike this a lot purely because I think I'm very much aware of that fact. I ask for people's take on my problem because I want to know what THEY want for me, what THEY think the better choice is for me. I ask those because those are the things that I do not know yet. Anyway, I still valued their words as I work my mind around things. Thank you.

Finally, with all these said and done, I still had to ask for my aunts' GO signal if I intend to push through this path. If our talk about my LoA ended up in a compromise, this time I cannot compromise anything anymore. I was going to keep convicing them until they're finally okay with it. But my emotions were the ones that gave up first. My aunts kept pushing for me to enroll the next semester even if I was already a week late in the enrollment period. Their persistence was just as I expected but hearing it directly iritated me so much that I just lashed out on them.

"You just don't understand me at all! At this point, I feel like I might end up killing myself someday!" I shouted.

That was the first time I ever mentioned that to anyone directly.

I suddenly found it hard to breathe.

My hands were shaking.

I wasn't able to talk.

I shed no tears but my heart was crying.

I realized that I was no longer capable of having a conversation with them so I stormed out of the room.

My legs were numb.

The numbness went all over my body.

I couldn't bend my knees at all.

I had to penguin-walk towards my room.

I fell on my bed without bending a single joint.

I felt weak.

This went on for at least 10 minutes until I finally calmed down.

That was my last conversation with them. 2 days later, I finally left the household and now I'm here in Cavite.

In the end, I committed a lot of mistakes yet again. I wasn't able to convince my aunts regarding my decision. I wasn't able to meet a couple of friends before I left for Cavite. I wasn't able to officially drop out and now I'm in an indefinite period of unofficial leave.

If this is a story of my greatest comeback of all time, oh how great that would be. But I don't want to stupidly believe in such unlikely thing. I'm sorry.

Extra stories:

For reference: I incurred an Academic Delinquency tag and was put on a Probationary status for not passing more than 50 percent of my total units in one sem. In that sem, I only passed 2 of my Japanese classes (obviously because of my prior background), and my Econ class because of a curve I think. Also, 1 of the Japanese classes isn't technically creditted to me since I already had 5 out of 6 cognate courses done in my curriculum.

For the record, I don't care about my grades as long as they're not failing. Maybe even if I fail a couple, I wouldn't mind. But what I do mind is the implication of the strings of failures especially when concentrated in one semester. It definitely tells something about me and my current path. I felt like I had to step back and I did, permanently.

While I was in UP processing my LoA application, I met a girl who was also settling her Academic Delinquency status. She was hospitalized during finals week resulting to her failing all her classes back then. I honestly felt much more disappointed in myself since she was still determined to keep pushing through even after such an inevitable setback. I hope she's getting closer to her finish line by now.

During my Leave, I intended to study and take the N4 level in JLPT which is the official examination to determine one's Japanese proficiency level. I did study "unorganizedly" for a few months, but eventually lost interest and gave up. I lost sight of whatever purpose there was for pursuing it. I just saw it as a way to distract myself.