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poetryvampire · 2 months ago

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Safe Haven

My heart yearns for the Hellthunder angst. Maybe this is a wee bit self indulgent but I've been thinking about it a lot and just had to get it out there

Summary: Zevlor finds out how Lorroakan treats Rolan.

Words: just over 2k

Cw: abuse, panic attacks, implied sexual abuse, angst, hurt/comfort

Once in Baldur's Gate things were getting better. They had to. There’d be no more ‘sneaking’ around. No more trying to steal pockets of time here and there in the midst of the chaos of simply trying to stay alive. Rolan had lived for those quiet moments, for the sound of his favourite Hellrider slipping into his tent in the middle of the night. But now they could have something real. Something with stability and- as Rolan hopped with all his might- a future.

Their bond did flourish despite them being farther apart. Of course Rolan has to stay in Ramazith's tower with his master, whereas Zevlor has a humble apartment in the city. The older man didn't dare ask if Rolan would move in with him if he could, however he made it very clear he was welcome anytime. Even with the apprentice's busy schedule they still spent every second they could at each other's side. It's not long before they’re both completely devoted to each other, even if it’s hard to put into words. Rolan's at Zevlor's every chance he gets, like there's no place in the world he'd rather be. Because there truly isn't. He adores Zevlor, for his strong and loving nature. Anything Rolan could do to make his life better was the clear choice. He’d been through so much, shouldered so much without asking for anything and Rolan wouldn’t add to his stress. No matter what.

The paladin doesn't say anything when the visits become less frequent. Ever the gentleman, he won’t be nosey. They’re allowed to have a life outside of each other. He understands Lorroakan's strict and doesn't allow his appearance visitors and hates being interrupted, thus he’s taken to waiting for Rolan instead of checking in on him. But when Rolan leaves him without a word for days on end he starts to worry. Even during all their hardships on the road the younger man had never let a day go by without speaking.

Rolan brushes off any questions. It's always nothing, just his studies or so much work to do. But Zevlor knows him, knows something's wrong, hears the nerves in his voice. He decided not to press matters, just wait and hope for Rolan to confide in him in his own time. But it doesn’t come and the days inbetween only get longer, he barely sees his love once a week. Zevlor tries to prepare himself; he was sure this would happen sooner than later. Rolan is a very handsome young lad, more than the hellrider thought he deserves. He had surely grown tired of the older man and would seek out a more suitable partner. Yet when the wizard does come around he treats him with the same affection as always. It’s puzzling and doesn’t sit right with the paladin.

It's raining buckets the night it happens. Rolan keeps a normal tone but there's a sadness in his eyes that cuts at Zevlor’s heart. He’s trying to sound in good spirits but he’s clearly worn out. Zevlor pulls him into bed, just for a cuddle and by the way Rolan clings to him it seems to be just what he needed. He’s practically trying to press himself through the older man, who rubs the wizard’s back until the tension starts to ease. Slowly their hands start to travel, Rolan absentmindedly tracing the pattern of ridges on Zevlor’s chest.

“Gods you’re handsome.” Rolan murmurs, finally starting to relax.

Zevlor chuckled as he rakes his fingers through his beloved’s hair.

“I would say you’re being too kind, but I suppose you are the expert.” Zevlor kissed the top of Rolan’s head as he buried his face in his chest. “Come now, let me see my beautiful boy.” His favourite pet name did not coax the wizard to lift his head, but the rain of kissing on his head and cheek did the trick. In a swift motion Rolan captures Zevlor’s lips, suddenly desperate for his touch he clings to lover as if he may disappear at any moment. The Hellrider’s more than happy to meet his hunger, his hands traveling over Rolan’s slender form. He grips his waist tightly pulling a shudder from him, but a sharp one, rather than pleasurable.

Zevlor breaks the kiss for a moment before Rolan’s mouth is on him again.

“I missed you,” he sighs in between kisses. “I missed you so much. I’m so-”

“It’s okay.” Zevlor coos before one more firm, needly kiss. The words of love die on his lips and are replaced with a frightful gasp as he practically jumps out of his skin. "God's above! Rolan what is this? What's happening?" Zevlors voice is sharp with fear. He head spins, half wondering if he had fallen asleep without realizing it. Rolan's face is littered with cuts and bruises: a deep gash in his left temple, a nasty looking bruise on his left cheek was multicolored as if he had been hit many times in the same place, and his nose looked to be recently broken.

The last bit of colour drains from Rolan's already pale face, his eyes wide with fear.

“ No, no no no,” Rolan’s backing away, his hands fly to his face as he mutters a spell. For a moment his face flickers back to normal but returns to his disheveled state a moment later “ Hells, no no!”

“Rolan!” Zevlor’s barks louder than he had intended. He had a notion of what may be going on but he didn’t want to believe it. “What’s happened to you? Rolan, please!”

He's never seen the younger man look so distressed in all the years they're known each other. Rolan practically jumps off the bed, skittering away like a frightened cat. His mind was reeling, this was a nightmare and even speaking seemed a struggle.

Zevlor’s on his feet, repeating the question as Rolan flees from the room. He never wanted this to happen, especially not like this. Before he knew what he was doing he’s pulling on his robes needing to get as far away from Zevlor as possible. But he doesn’t make it to the door, the former commander yells his name, his voice thundering more threatening than Rolan’s ever heard before. In a second he’s rooted to the spot.

Rolan doesn’t move. He can’t. He can feel Zevlor behind him, feel his eyes on him but can’t bring himself to look.

“Rolan,” he repeats, voice lower but deadly stern. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“I can’t.” the wizard forced out, his head in his hands. Even breathing was painful. His lungs burning trying to hold in the tears. Zevlor was in front of him now, his large hand tight on Rolan’s shoulders holding him in place. “Let me go.”

“What happened? Who hurt you?” The hellrider demanded feeling that he might combust at any second. “Tell me!” he roars, immediately regretting it. The way Rolan flinches and shirks for him breaks Zevlor’s heart. He must try to steady himself, to be reasonable.

“Rolan, Please tell me what’s going on. I want to help you.”

“I’m okay! Really it’s just- it’ll heal and i’ll be-” The wizard stumbles, still hiding his face.

“You’re not! Has someone attacked you?” Zevlor tries wrenching Rolan’s hands from his face but the way he recoils stops him dead. That and the sight of the matching set of deep bruises on his wrists. “Please let me help you, my heart.”

“Don’t look at me.” Rolan sobs as tears start to spill.

“I won’t” Zevlor takes a few steps back, trying to slow his breathing “Just please speak to me.”

It feels like a lifetime for both of them before the younger man speaks.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” He pauses, searching for words. “L-Lorroakan is a very strict master…”

Bile rose in the paladin’s stomach and heat ripped through his whole being like a deadly fever. He never liked the man, not for a second, but Zevlor hoped the bastard was just a narcissist, unbearable but not cruel.

“He hurt you? He put his hands on you?” He tried to keep his voice even but his jaw was tight in an effort not to scream.

“I- he- It’s usually not this bad-”

“Usually!” Zevlor barked, he began pacing the room. He couldn’t be still, his very blood was turning to venom. “This has happened before? How long has this been going on?” He doesn’t answer but he does need to.

“Why would you hide this from me?” Grief and hatred are screaming in the Hellrider’s head. How could he have let this happen?

Rolan only cries, his whole body trembling. Zevlor tries to steady himself yet again, he must keep himself calm. Of course his anger isn’t for Rolan, he doesn’t want to push him farther but something must be done. Seeing his beloved like this is pulling him apart at the seams.

Now it’s Zevlor's turn to run for the room leaving Rolan to choke and pant through his cries. He can’t bear the thought of being pathetic in Zevlor’s eyes. Finally the continuous clinking from the bedroom reaches Rolan’s ears, once again fear bubbles in his gut.

“Zevlor, what-” but as he walks farther in the room he has his answer. The Hellrider’s already dawned his chainmail and his working on his armor.

“Rolan,” His voice is low and graveled. So unlike the gentle cadence he’s used to hearing from his lover. “I need you to stay here, okay? Promise me that..And don’t open the door for anyone but me. Use any spell you need-”

“What are you doing?” Rolan shook his head in disbelief.

“I’m going to kill him.” He spoke flatly.

“No! No you can’t!” Rolan at Zevlor’s side trying to pull the shining plates off him as a fresh set of tears litter his cheeks. “Zevlor please, you can’t do this!”

“I can and will.” He continues despite Rolan’s effort.

“I won’t let you. “

“Look at you!” the paladin cried. “What enchantment has he placed on you for you to defend him? Is that why you’ve hidden this?”

“No.” Rolan shook, his face red with shame.

“There are many horrors of this world I can withstand. This is not one of them.” Zevlor met his eye, his determination clear. “ He won’t hurt you again.”

“He’ll kill you, he’ll-”

“A small sacrifice to rid-”

“No!” Rolan’s voice was raw, on the edge of breaking. His eyes wide and frantic he clawed at Zevlor’s armor as an animal might fight for its life. “You can’t. Zevlor please I love you! I love you more than myself, more than anything, I need you! I can’t lose you Zevlor I’ll die without you- I love you.”

The wizard lost his voice in his long shuddering sobs. Zevlor’s armor hit the floor with a heavy thud, his arms around his love in a moment.

“I’ve got you.” He’s never felt so conflicted but even as his rage seethed his foremost duty was to ease his beloved’s pain. “We can figure this out, we’ll find a way.”

“He’s mad. He’s only getting worse, but i don’t have to be back until tomorrow evening and-”

“You can’t go back there.” Zevlor couldn’t keep the horror from his voice.

“I must!” Rolan pleaded. “ You don’t understand When things don’t go as planned it’s a nightmare. If he thinks something wrong he- the things he’s threatened, Zevlor. I don’t know how far he could go.”

“We can stop him.” Zevlor’s voice sounds written in stone, a fact not to be questioned. “And end this. Rolan, I know it’s hard but you must tell me everything. We can find a weakness-”

“Gods, no.” Again the wizard recoils making the paladin’s heart ache.

“Let me help you, my love.” He doesn’t let Rolan shy away; he keeps him in his arms.

“If you knew what-If you knew everything you wouldn’t love me anymore.” Rolan forces the words, barely a whisper.

It feels an eternity before he feels Zevlor’s large, warm hands cupping his face and raising it to his. It’s a soft kiss, gentle and painfully loving. Even in such a state Rolan feels that familiar weakness in his knees.

“Rolan,” Zevlor’s glassy eyes studied his face, his voice raw with devotion as if he was swear before the gods themselves. “There isn’t a thing that could befall you that could make me stop loving you. Nothing. Nothing you could say or do, no matter how you look, I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.”

The younger man whimpers trying to push words through the tightness in his throat but the paladin just kisses him over and over. On Every inch of his face, bruises and all.

“You’ll always be my beautiful boy.” Zevlor affirms between kisses causing Rolan to gasp through a flurry of sobs and laughter. “How can I help you, my heart?”

“ I need you. I just need you here.” Rolan answers immediately, wrapping his arms tight around his love. “Don’t let me go.”

Zevlor couldn’t if he wanted to. Though his heart was heavy, burning with rage, all thoughts of vengeance were silenced. His only desire was to keep Rolan as comfortable as he could. Before long he found himself leading the weary tiefling into a steaming bath. Rolan had always adored bathing together and this time was no different. He could see the tension melt from the wizard’s tight shoulders as he washed him, taking care to kiss and praise every part of him as he went. Afterward Rolan was curled in Zevlor’s lap, both of them lost in the simple pleasure of each other’s warmth. Neither fell asleep that night with any doubt that they could not overcome this together.

#soother zevlor save me #im so crazy for them #hellthunder #zevlor #rolan #bg3 #zevlor x rolan #angst #cw abuse #hurt/comfort #divider by saradika

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