#relationship pain

[vorpal-doll]

"Why is it so hard to move on?"

I guess it's because of the nights you spent together talking about your dreams, their fears, your insecurities, the times they made you feel so happy that your lips ached from smiling so much. Maybe it's because you felt safe around them. I think moving on from someone you thought would stay is hard because we never imagine any moment without them. Maybe it's because with them you felt you were at peace and even after they left, your heart was always clinging onto the last bit of hope that they would look back and see that you still cherished them. You were still willing to put everything aside just to see them beside you. It's so hard to realize that the person you thought would never hurt you, suddenly became the very person to break your heart. I guess the worst part about doing away with their memories is realizing that they no longer belong there and you can't even tell them how much it hurts.

[corazon01]

You say we’re different because of our ages.

I say we’re different because I can see you in my future & you only see me warming your bed at night.

[danidoesathing]

physically sick over the fact that. In the game’s canon Viktor is doing whatever he can to get rid of his emotions and humanity. and it’s what him and Jayce clash over most. its the center of their entire conflict

but in arcane it’s torn away from him against his will because of Jayce. Because Jayce didn’t care what Viktor became as long as he got his partner back. Hello. Can anyone hear me

[timetravelsong]

𝐈𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐈’𝐦 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭. 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞.

excerpts from a book I’ll never write

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Remember that this is not the proof that they love each other

That was a last-ditch attempt from Crowley to get Aziraphale to stay

This is the proof that they love each other

Their love wasn't just made real because they kissed

It always existed

[2asuccess]

Why Didn't God Do Something?

Clearly, God is sympathetic to His people as they pass through grief and anger. He is fully willing to hear our expressions of anger and to listen as we pour out our pain. It is not sinful to feel angry toward God. It is human. We are concerned about righteousness, and whenever we encounter what we perceive as unjust events, we experience anger. Knowing that God is all-powerful and could have…

[mmnova]

The Fog

*1:54am

"Go ahead, put anything" Tumblr says, taunting me to write.

Yet, I sit here wondering about the same emotionally unavailable love interest i've selected for this years annual "self sabotage" saga.

Pathetic...

What's interesting is how I continue to pick the ones who can't seem to express how they feel about me. They lead me along only wanting to experience my body and not my mind.

Whats more pathetic? That I rather this, than nothing at all?

It's not much to manage, this is the most low maintenance "relation" I've had. There's no tension or confusion if I literally treat this "relation" as a cold. Tend to it when it's around until it goes away again. And just be prepare in anyways, in case it comes back.

A cold...

But how it feels it far from a cold, it feels like a glow. It can feel like I'm being embraced by warmth. Like protection. The tone of his voice, his energy around me, the words he choses to use with me, the wya he place his touches me, how quick his is to embrace me when he’s about to cum.

His responses give me this energy of someone who takes their time observing people.

It gives me this euphoric feeling. It feels like a destined experience.

Like our souls could have been searching for this whole time.

our energy unite

How am I suppose to be separated from someone I feel so closely to energetically and physically. Cause the two souls share an experience it feels like a win. That destiny is beyond our measures.

What kind of curse was put on me to want to experience a full life with someone, am I supposed to be brave?

I always felt that my love may be conditioned. Though I've experience the pain of loving someone so deeply and them not wanting anything serious before, and I've tried to stop diving in so deeply but its as if I slip and fall right into the cracks of the earth.

the longing of a person who isn't going to give you themselves all the time feels like a sadistic high. Knowing how painful it'll end, you still go for it because the high in the beginning is too strong. And intoxicating. And the assumptions keeps you on edge. And the little crumb of reassurance that was given to you in a mixed signal kind of way, I stop obvious but it was attractive enough to distract you on how vague the "commitment" was within their sentence.

Yet, you give yourself the excuse " Im still young" "I don't know what I want yet" , so its should be okay to yearn after a man who doesn't give you boundaries. To be this self aware and still walk into the fire.

But those are the things that you want..

why are you punishing yourself ?

What are you searching for ?

Do you want a relationship or not ?

who are you searching for ?

*2:30am

[star-struck09]

I fear the sadness will consume me alive one day.

[mikeluciraphgabe]

Clark has an issue.

A very very tiny little issue that causes so problem at all- OW.

“Superman, a word?” Batman rumbled from the other side of the table

Clark sighs, following Bruce off to the commons of the Watch Tower and rubs absently at his jaw.

Bruce comes to a sudden stop once they are alone. “What’s the matter with you.”

Ah, Clark never misses the bluntness that comes free with his friend. “Nothing.” Bruce’s bat-ears go back on his head, reminding Clark a lot of a cat going ‘airplane’. “My jaw hurts.”

Humming, Bruce takes a mini x-ray out of his tool-belt. Clark decides not to ask as to why he just has one. Bruce places the x-ray along Clark’s right side of his face, takes a picture, and repeats on the other.

Bruce looks down at the results and hums again. “Your wisdom teeth need to be removed… interesting.”

“What? Whats interesting?”

“I’m guess Kryptonians used to have 40 teeth before they, similarly to humans, lost use for the back 8.”

“I have extra teeth?”

“Clark, you have fangs as canines. Having an extra 4 to the normal extra 4 to humans isn’t a big deal. I can set up a day for you get them removed in the cave. I just have to make some low-leveled krypton anesthesia compared to what we have in the Tower and some kryptonite utensils to actually get them out.”

Bruce pockets his x-ray and pulls out an ice pack. “Put this on. It should help a bit until the surgery.”

Taking the pack, Clark pulls Bruce into a hug. “Thank you.”

Bryce steps away after a moment, face red. “Shut up.”

[inkskinned]

you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.

but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.

well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?

his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.

still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.

so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.

and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.

what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.

it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?

it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.

maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.

[lazylittledragon]

mombin pt 9!! it's been too long i'm sorry

(1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)(7)(8)

[vorpal-doll]

“This isn’t you! How can one person to do this to you?”

For starters, they were more than just an ordinary being,

They were my everything.

Perhaps they never truly belonged to me,

And I loved them far more than they loved me.

I gazed upon them as if they held the universe within their eyes. They filled my once empty existence with vibrant life.

The moon's radiance grew stronger, and I craved it endlessly.

Love, I believed, bound us together.

An everlasting affection, I thought, would never falter. I never fathomed eternity until they came along.

Yet now, I find myself unsurprised...

Perhaps I was too ambitious, believing they could truly be mine.

My heart overflowed with their presence, and then, in an instant, they tore it all away.

Crumbled.

Shattered.

As they departed, never to turn back.

Now the moon's glow dims, casting a gray hue upon my world.

It was not merely a fragment of me that was stolen that day, but the entirety of my soul.

This rage and agony can only be born from a love so profound. I never wish to experience it again.

If this is the cost of love, I want no part of it.

I question if I am even capable of it anymore.

Too many notice the change within me, pointing out my flaws.

Too many claim there is emptiness behind my eyes, no longer recognizing the person I once was.

Too many insist that not all change is for the better, that I am deserving of more.

But they are all fools. For I am not deserving of better. If I were, would I still be in this state? If I truly possessed such greatness, why am I trapped in this despair?

Why do I disappoint those around me? Why do I self-sabotage every aspect of my life?

My sorrow starves, so I constantly nourish it.

I fear I will never reclaim my former self. But they will never know. I shall never grant them the satisfaction of that knowledge. They already hold power over me, reducing me to a mere hollow vessel, just as they are.

So cease your futile attempts to enlighten me. You waste your energy and breath.

I see no change on the horizon.

I never anticipated this fate, for it surpasses the agony of death.

At times, I feel as though I may as well be dead, for I am consumed by this lifelessness.

Oh, the sweet release...

[wardensantoineandevka]

[demon-of-the-ancient-world]

Hate (affectionate) how it's made so clear from the very beginning of part 1 just how loved Paul is by his family and household. Both his parents, Duncan, Gurney, Thufir, even Dr Yueh all clearly care so deeply for this kid, and we're shown that time and time again.

Cut to the end of part two, and almost every one of those people is gone. The only ones who remain are a weird, came-back-wrong version of Jessica, and Gurney who has gone from mentor to worshipper. Paul goes from someone deeply loved and valued for who he is by a small but caring group of people - to someone followed and worshipped and feared by thousands. They're obsessed with him in a way, as a leader and "messiah", but nobody loves him.

The only one remaining who loves him for who he is is Chani, who leaves him because in the end that love isn't enough to bring who he is back.

[captainfairygodmother]

I need Crystal to casually mention something about a relationship with a girl in front of the boys, and then Charles is like "Wait, I thought you liked guys?" and then Crystal says, "Oh, I'm bisexual, I like both" and Charles is like "YOU CAN DO THAT?????" because I saw someone mention that bisexuality was not widely known in the 80s, so Charles might not even know that you can be bi.

And naturally this is followed by Charles having a bi crisis.

[blasphemousclaw]

he doesn’t like to talk about it