#personal diary

[belovedapollo]

sadness and memories come like waves, when you least expect it to happen to you 🖋️ reblog is ok, don’t repost/use

[jacobhubertusart]

Saturday, 2023/02/25, by Jacob Hubertus.

[urimaginarygirlfriend]

i hate crying in front of my mother, why do i always let her win?

[socialanxietygurl]

Suicidal thoughts are getting a little too loud lately

[lightofthewoods]

She is the blueprint.

[velvetporcelain]

goodnight.

[love-in-my-twenties]

thinking about the topic of my semestral essay 💭💭

We can write it about a chosen psychological myth or pick something entirely different if we have an idea for it. I've been thinking about doing it an easy way and writing about The Mozart Effect, since I already did a small project on it last semester but I'll probably choose something else. The essay has to be 4 pages long which isn't much so I need to choose a subject that can actually fit in this length, too...

[nevertoparadise]

I truly feel like nobody wants to be around me and no one wants me around. I feel so misunderstood and suffocated. I care too much about people, that’s why I always listen and help others, but never receive all of the attention back. I’m afraid that if I speak about my problems, people wouldn’t know how to comfort me or reassure me, because they’re suffering as well. but how much more pain do I have to endure and take from others to finally explode and be noticed by people? I feel like my friends don’t like me. I don’t trust them enough to tell them the truth about myself and show them my real personality, so I create fake ones just to appease them. I know it’s bad, but if I show my true colors to them, I know they would get bored with me. I’m not an interesting person at all. I have lots of passions, but don’t pursue any of them. I feel strangled when I’m in a crowded place and just wish to leave, not to go home, because I don’t feel like I belong there too. my mother doesn’t like me that much. she cares more about my brother than me. my dad doesn’t have a relationship with me. he occasionally talks nicely to me, but it’s only temporary. he doesn’t know what love is. but I do. or don’t I? I know I care too much about those around me. I try to mediate each situation. I don’t ever want them to leave me, so I just put on a fake smile each time they hurt me so that they won’t leave for being mad at me being mad at them. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere in this world. I feel like you don’t fucking like me anymore. but maybe you do, I don’t know, you don’t talk to me. you have trust issues, abandonment issues. your dad never showed you love, so now you think you can’t love people. you’re an avoidant, that’s why we started off as friends and never developed a true intimate bond even tho we both knew we liked each other. I accepted it, because who am I to force you to spend your life with me? you told me you don’t see me just as a friend. you used to say you wished to be more than friends, but your current behaviour tells me otherwise. why don’t you hug me like you used to? why don’t you reach out like you used to? why do you reject my words of affirmation and love language? do you hate me? do you wish I was dead? do you wish I would just leave you alone for good? maybe I should leave you alone, but I can’t. I can’t because I still love you and I want to be in your life forever. I hope you think the same about me. I need you to think about me and yearn for me and care about me the same way I do. but maybe I’m not meant to be loved or cared for. I don’t truly think I’ll ever fit in this world. I don’t truly believe that I’ll ever be good for anyone even tho I still wish I was.

[moonlyxe]

GUYS I MISS OKARUN AND MOMO IM TOO IMPATIENT I NEED DANDADAN SEASON 2 OUT ASAP!!!@@#!

[glikozi]

thelw na vgalw o,ti exei apomeinei apo thn kardia mou kai na to petakso se enan kado 

[belovedapollo]

first of September 💭

photos by me, reblog is ok, don’t repost/use

[jacobhubertusart]

Saturday, 2023/03/25, by Jacob Hubertus.

[urimaginarygirlfriend]

i want to completely isolate myself and never speak again ever ever ever

[agentsofsheilds]

Can't wait for the moment when all the love songs I grew up loving get a full other meaning.

[velvetporcelain]

REMINDER:

put on a pair of headphones and float into oblivion if need be.

for the sake of mankind.

-x

[love-in-my-twenties]

first 2 days of classes! I only had two lectures and my pe class by now but I'm really glad I'm back. I'm kinda mad, cause they changed a few of the places I really liked in my uni's student spaces but the coffee is still good and the library is exactly the same so that's what I'm focusing on. I've been weirdly depressed though, I don't really know what's happening but I hope it'll simply pass✨ (yeah cause that's how it works)