love-in-my-twenties

[love-in-my-twenties]

I died three years ago!

Still proud of this text and, of course, of myself, for surviving all that. Life isn't the easiest, I still struggle with depression, especially that I stubbornly decided that I need a break from therapy and psych meds, but I surely still love my life, too. Also, I completely stopped self-harming, my sh-free streak for now is 478 days! ♡

I died two years ago.

I didn't try to kill myself, I was stopped before I could, but gods, I really wanted to.

I should be dead by now, I thought two years ago.

Why am I still breathing?

Why do I eat?

I shouldn't be able to move.

I died, it really felt like it. But then, I just kept living.

I was waking up, brushing my teeth sometimes, eating sometimes, texting my friends often. When I look at the pictures, I wouldn't guess that anything was wrong.

But I really didn't feel like I was existing anymore. And I know it was bad. I know how much weight did I loose, I know that I couldn't be left alone in the house, I know I was changing my medication and I know how badly my organism was reacting to that. I don't remember any of it. But I know it was bad.

And yes, it passed with time. But it wasn't a few days, it wasn't a week, it wasn't a month.

It took me about a year to learn to not react with total panic at kms jokes my peers like to make.

Meanwhile, I fell in love with life again.

No, I'm not happy, yes, I still have suicidal thoughts. Yes, I kinda kept self-harming. But now, it's been over a year since I seriously wanted to die.

I died two years ago. And then, I just kept living.

[love-in-my-twenties]

today was really nice🥺 I felt awful this weekend but, well, people being simply nice really make everything better

✉️☕️ i studied in mcdonald's for a bit today, since i went there to grab a coffee, and it turned out so cute - me and two other people literally turned one of the rooms into such a vibey space, me doing the readings for uni, one girl studying something for high school i think and one crocheting hahah

[love-in-my-twenties]

toffee coffee and the beginning of my cognitive psychology notes (which i promptly ignored from the beginning of the semester)

[love-in-my-twenties]

i don't normally post pics on which u could recognise me but me and my best friend did draculaura and misa amane for halloween and i absolutely loved it so 😭🩷

[love-in-my-twenties]

quick pics from wednesday! i only did some notes for psychology of personality and read a bit but it was an alright day:)

ᝰ tuesday wasn't the best and i wasn't academically productive at alllll, i just went to my classes. but i managed to complete my halloween outfit so 🫡🫡 i'm excited about that

[love-in-my-twenties]

I had a lovely day yesterday 🩷

Started it with some some second hand shopping, then had my statistics classes and after that I met with my best friend<33 We went for a walk, then for lunch and a dessert, we rarely spend time only the two of us these days and I had a really great time:) Finished the day with going out to a bar with some friends :D

The outfit is what I'll probably end up for my Draculaura inspired fit for Halloween and I think it's really cute?? I'll have her hair too btww, I hope I won't screw that up hahah. I wanted to do an actual cosplay of her G1 outfit but, well, that just didn't work out😭

✉️ I dropped my job that day, too💀 I decided to just focus on collage now and it was impossible for me to motivate myself to study when what I was waiting for each week wasn't a nice weekend but an 11hrs saturday shift, so... I hope I'll be better now:) I'll try to post more regularly, too!!

[love-in-my-twenties]

Little things that improved my life 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Accepting my sleep schedule. I'm a night owl; I focus at night, I'm calm at night, I'm motivated at night. For a long time, I tried to fight this since everyone always preaches getting up early, but since I started accepting my natural sleep schedule, I've been feeling a lot better and have become way more productive.

"drink more water". TEA. Tea is the secret here. I will be honest, I hate drinking water; it doesn't matter if I have a cute water bottle or a cute glass, I still hate it. TEA.

Replying quickly. I used to be one of those people who get a text message and think, "Oh, I'll reply to that later", and then just forget about it entirely. Now, I text back as soon as I see the message. This has not only improved my texting anxiety (which I cause on my own by now replying and then feeling bad) but also deepened my connection to my friends. <3

Keeping my circle small and being okay with that. Over the past months, I've had this sudden urge to expand my social circle and get to know more and more people, especially after I moved in August. However, this quickly ended in what I like to call my "social burnout". I was tired, annoyed, and overwhelmed. It took a few weeks for it to settle, but I've come to the conclusion that I would much rather have a smaller circle of people who I trust and love deeply than a huge group of friends, and that's totally okay.

Wearing what I like. Even though I live in a big city, I'd still say that my style can sometimes be a bit more extravagant than what most people wear, another point is that I'm very uncomfortable with pants so I only wear skirts, which is also considered a bit odd where I live. But over the past years, I've come to accept that and have become so sure of myself and found such comfort in my style that I now just wear whatever I like, and it makes every day a little bit nicer.

Reading and writing for pleasure. Reading books outside of my studies and spending time researching topics that simply interest me is such a great way to calm your mind. Same for writing, I always like to say that to write is to think; putting your thoughts on paper in cohesive and well-crafted sentences that you can then reread and think over again is such a liberating thing to do.

Reaching out more. fuck the whole "double texting" and "no contact" thing. If you want to speak to someone because they mean something to you, then just do it. Unless they specifically asked for space, you shouldn't feel bad about wanting to be in touch with them. Many even really appreciate it when you show that you truly care. Let's stop the nonchalant act, and instead, let's face deep emotions and true vulnerability. <3

As always, please feel free to share your own little insights and things that helped you improve comments! <3

my insta: @ malusokay

love ya ･:*₊‧✩

[love-in-my-twenties]

second week on uni: getting started (and watching supernatural with one of my classmates when we got bored on our window)

[love-in-my-twenties]

one day trip with my friends 🤎

[love-in-my-twenties]

thinking about the topic of my semestral essay 💭💭

We can write it about a chosen psychological myth or pick something entirely different if we have an idea for it. I've been thinking about doing it an easy way and writing about The Mozart Effect, since I already did a small project on it last semester but I'll probably choose something else. The essay has to be 4 pages long which isn't much so I need to choose a subject that can actually fit in this length, too...

[love-in-my-twenties]

first 2 days of classes! I only had two lectures and my pe class by now but I'm really glad I'm back. I'm kinda mad, cause they changed a few of the places I really liked in my uni's student spaces but the coffee is still good and the library is exactly the same so that's what I'm focusing on. I've been weirdly depressed though, I don't really know what's happening but I hope it'll simply pass✨ (yeah cause that's how it works)

[love-in-my-twenties]

wake up before sunrise type of job

[love-in-my-twenties]

◜ ✿ ◞ weekend reset 🍡

──☆ because sometimes you really need it

O1. tidy up your space

open up your curtains

wipe / dust off surfaces + shelves

clean mirrors and windows

wash sheets, clean out underneath bed

vacuum / mop floors

do your laundry, fold any you have out now

if you have a whiteboard, clean it

organize your closet, donate clothes you no longer want, throw out tarnished ones

organize self care stuff / cosmetics, clean makeup brushes, throw out anything expired

O2. everything shower

leave in hair oil / dry brush pre-shower

exfoliate

apply shave oil / cream, shave legs, underarms, etc. (optional)

soap up

wash hair

anything else you'd usually do

ps: you can swap for a relaxing bubble bath 🎀

O3. self care

apply glycolic toner to areas you shave (can only be used on the skin, do NOT apply to facial or bikini area)

moisturize

apply body oil / perfume

dry hair (you can blow dry it / air dry)

brush your teeth, floss, use mouth wash or oil pulling mouth rinse

do your skin care

wear a cute face mask + under eye patches if wanted

O4. relaxation station

light some relaxing scented candles / incense if you have some

put on some pajamas (i personally prefer nightgowns and silk matching sets)

the time is now yours! you can do whatever feels right, but some things i like to do include: making myself a small snack and putting a movie / show on, journaling my thoughts and feelings, playing video games, or reading a good book

O5. digi-cleanse

if you're gonna be on your phone, might as well get something done!

clean out your camera roll

go through your apps, delete anything taking up space / not benefiting you

for social media, go through your followings, unfollow anyone who makes you sad / uncomfortable

organize playlists, pinterest boards, tumblr blogs, insta stories, etc.

if you're in the mood for re-decorating, you can fix up your layout / homepage or revamp your social media accounts

✷ heαder creds @ unknown !

[love-in-my-twenties]

life lately

[love-in-my-twenties]

casually trying to design a tattoo for myself cause me and my friend had this idea of getting matching ones

[love-in-my-twenties]

so maybe i do like my work. only a little bit.

(i still can't wait to stop working full-time though. also i'm probably changing bakery on monday - it's a net and i rarely stay in one for more than a week - and then i'll probably come back to complaining)

[love-in-my-twenties]

Hii ੈ✩

I don't really know what I want this post to be about but I wanted to make a little update because...

I got a job! Finding it took me about two weeks, which, I know, isn't long, but I was sure that my old boss will call me back immediately after she got my application hahah (she did call me, just after a while). So! I'm back in my old net of bakeries, yesterday was my second day - 12,5h, but at least with my favourite coworker whom I know for two years now - and it's exhausting, I hate working, but still satisfying, making me feel better and healthier

I got a new tattoo:) it's my second one, the first one being a bumblebee. It's a haikyuu reference, 飛べ being the text from karasuno's banner (and meaning fly)

Anddd it's 3 more weeks until I'm back in uni! I'm really excited about it, I miss it, but at the same time I'm scared. I didn't catch up with things from the last semester I still needed to learn and I'm stressed out about my energy level, how much I'll be procrastinating etc... But I hope everything will be okay:)

🌄 Here are a few pics from the last weeks:3 My mom's birthday ramen, olympics postcard I brought from France, my new tattoo, just a pretty pic from today's walk with my friend and a coffee with my best friend~