#recoveringanorexic

[rfarrokh]

Support can make or break someone❣️ So much gratitude for the supportive people in your life 😍😘❤️💖 #supportivefriends #supportive #supportivepartner #supportisaverb #supportisaverb #supportiseverything #companionship #feelingsupported #rachaelsroadtorecovery #recoveryroad #recoveryispossible #recoveryjourney #recoveryisreal #recoveryisbeautiful #recovering #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringaddict #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringanorexic #edrecovering #edrecovery #edrecoveryjourney #edrecoverywarrior #edrecover #supportrecovery #recoverysupport #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthadvocates #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthsupport #disabilityadvocate https://www.instagram.com/p/CQu8tuFJVC6/?utm_medium=tumblr

[heart-of-a-wildflower]

Notes on an awful week

I can cope with so much more than I think I can My ability to fight urges on my own is stronger than ever BPD, depression and anxiety are still present despite my ED being the main issue and I have to acknowledge and work on them I can't control anyone's actions but I can work on managing my interpretations of what is said/done to me and my reactions Isolation is never a solution Life is not remotely fair Its ok to be jealous of those who seem to have more/better lives, support, treatment etc whilst also acknowledging and being grateful for what you do have Anorexia twists things in ridiculous ways which should never be trusted Honesty can feel like being raw and open to being hurt but it can also lead to being open to reassurance, support and understanding 'What would you say to a friend in your situation with the same circumstances' is life changing The smallest almost invisible steps forward always count There is no such thing as too far gone to change

I wouldn't wish the thoughts, situations and symptoms I've experienced over the past few days on anyone on earth. There have been moments I've been scared of myself, moments I have felt achingly lonely and worthless and moments I have wanted nothing more than for my life to stop. But I survived and I have learnt from it and made progress, mainly by myself.

I can cope with so much more than I think I can.

[luminousstateofmind]

Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven’t been posting a lot lately, I have having a rough time. I have terrible kidney stones, and they got so bad I had to be admitted to the hospital. I also had to have surgery on my right kidney. On top of that I have been having body dysmorphia thoughts again. Yes I am in the process of recovery, but here’s the thing: you never stop the process. Once you have these issues, they stay with you forever. Yes sometimes you can get those thoughts again and you can even fall down that dark road again. You can choose to let the illness drag you down farther down or you can choose to recover and move on with your life. It’s not an easy process, I mean here I am 6 years later and having body issues again. It’s ok. It takes time.

I’ve chosen recovery, and I hope you do too.

Remember I am always here for you no matter what. Stay strong my friend.

[everythingisgreener-blog]

100 pounds of Self-Hating-Breath-Holding-Unsucessfull-Unhealthy-Moody-Bitchy-Idiotic-Neverfuckinggoodenough-Dustyclaypeoplemoldtotheirbullshitliking-Pathetic-Dreaming-DyingtoLive-DyingtoDie-Heartbeating-Scarredupflesh. with a Stone heart with a core of melting gold - or is that diseased tears?- and veins that pump heated led- and a semi serious smile to cover up any damaged loose ends. 100 pounds of I-Want-To-Fucking-Dissapear, 100 pounds of I-Dont-Want-To-Fucking-Give-Up, 100 pounds of Please-Forgive-Myself. and a 100 pounds of Drug-Fueled-Dreams-and-PTSD-Nightmares. 100 pounds of Lynx-Evergreen in the Raw. 100 pounds of Deception-versus-Reality. oh... will i ever know who looks back from my reflection? will i ever truly enjoy who i see stairing back at me? is that reflection in the mirror alive ... Am i?

[beastbitchfitnesscoaching]

One month until Seattle and ECCC. Getting shredded during a lean bulk.

One month until Seattle and ECCC. Getting shredded during a lean bulk.

Heres the thing. The winter months are for building the muscle you need to make a better body for the lean months. The competition months. Mine was when I got my coach Ray_ironfork. (I’ll try and link his website here!)He’s an awesome coach and honestly, this prep would be hard without him!

This little one month cut is going to be different than what I usually do and post. There will be posts…

[heatherlire]

As someone who has had an eating disorder for most if my life the biggest thing for me when it comes to getting healthy is controlling my diet. I've spent hours on Pinterest and have a crap ton of boards all devoted to healthy recipes. And what I've learned is this...I have to want it. I have to want to change my eating habits. None of those boards mean anything if I'm not willing to change how I look at food and my nutritional intake. Am I going to conquer this anytime soon? No. What most people don't realize is that having an eating disorder is like being an alcoholic or drug addict in recover. You take it one meal at a time. Yes you will Back slide. That's okay. What's important is that you keep trying. EVERY SINGLE MEAL. #gettinghealthy #balanceddiet #itsalifestylenotadiet #recoveringanorexic

[carouscuriousjewelry-blog]

The last few days have been hard on me. I am pushing through the pain from my crazy-loose joints, hands swelling, and readying myself to have all my upper teeth extracted in preparation for implants. I feel overwhelmed, so I took off for a walk the other day with music pounding in my earphones, and I felt better. I did it again today at the beach. I spent the rest of the day doing a bit of yoga and sketching new designs. Taking time to improve how I feel mentally, emotionally and physically is the only way I can keep creating, so if it means a couple days a week away from the bench, then so be it. My next update will be full of pieces inspired by my beach walks, spring flowers and rebirth. I look forward to a full day at the bench, tomorrow. Remember, if you are feeling depressed, sluggish, just blah, take time for you! I love being a smith, but I miss reading, writing, sketching, and just taking time to go for a walk. I want to keep improving myself in every way! Blessings to you all! 🙏💕🔮💜🙌🏻 #selflove #depressionwarrior #recoveringanorexic #ehlersdanlostype3 #posturalorthostatictachycardiasyndrome #iammorethanmyillnesses #strongereverday #loveyourself #taketimetorelax #exerciseforhealth #beachlife #ladysmith #thatpoorjellyfish😢 #takecareofyourself #blessingsloveandlight #carouscuriosities #carouscuriousjewelry (at Gulf Islands National Seashore...Opal Beach)

[therealfaithfulfit-blog]

Day 10 in the books. I’ve gained 2ibs in muscle and I’m excited to gain more. ✨✨ I started at 142ibs and not eating enough food. ✨✨ Today I am 144ibs and I’m eating over 1,500 calories. And for someone that struggles with eating for over a year, this is monumental. ✨✨ It’s extremely hard for me to gain weight but so easy for me to lose. So y’all keep encouraging me to do my workouts and EAT all my food. I’m excited to get back to 150ibs. ✨✨ #FaithfullyFitKrys #MuscleGain #WeighInWednesday #RecoveringAnorexic (at Faithful Fitness)

[firebrunette]

FINE! I'M DOING IT. 😤 If you know me, you know I have 2 exercise speeds: none or compulsive over exercise. Part of the lovely disease of Anorexia Bulimia. I'm starting slow, knitting and watching @schnueffeltier, almost all caught up on her vlog. ... #knittersofinstagram #knitstagram #strikking #strikke #cardioknitting #firebrunetteknits #mydoctorsaid1000stepsadayisntenough #recoveringanorexic (at Firebrunette Knits)

[ishlass1]

So long story short this is happening!! I've trained I've worked hard and it's almost showtime!! Let the weekend be fun and full of adventure!! Yikes!! Let's do this!! #raleigh #ironman #ironmantri #jordanlake #warmtemps #norain #goodvibes #runnersofinstagram #womensrunningcommunity #runnersworld #runningjournal #run #runner #runnerslife #runnersofig #instagood #cardio #training #swimsuit #fitspo #fitmom #fitness #fitgirlsguide #strongnotskinny #recoveringanorexic #anarecovery

[ktinaav]

Take me back. #venicebeach #recoveringanorexic #bodypositive #mentalhealthawareness (at Venice, California)

[rfarrokh]

Surprising effects of mental illness that I can relate with❣️💪🏼💞❤️😘💖 #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #sideeffects #sideeffect #itsaprocess #recovering #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringalcoholic #recoveringaddict #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringanorexic #rachaelsroadtorecovery #recoveryispossible #recoveryisreal #recoveryinspiration #recoveryisbeautiful #recoveryhouse #innerchildwork #mentaldisorders #mentallydrained #mentallyexhausted #mentallydrained #mentallystrong #neuroscience #neurodiverse #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #traumatic #traumahealing #traumacope https://www.instagram.com/p/CQc-KxApYgb/?utm_medium=tumblr

[heart-of-a-wildflower]

ED Nurse Appointmentment

Well it started incredibly badly - 2 hours on a bus in heavy traffic meant I was over an hour late, panicking and feeling out of control - but she very very kindly still fit me in before her next appointment. Started with my food diary and she said I had done it properly and to not worry about doing it wrong (can she read my mind?) and that my thoughts column is helpful for both of us. 

Essentially my eating is 100% of the time down to anorexia or my brain’s survival mode as my body has ‘cannibalized itself’ - either following strict ridiculous levels of restriction or out of control bingeing and purging, which is physically and mentally awful. She wants me to work on slightly increasing to reduce episodes of B&P which I’ve been trying to do over the last couple of months but to say its difficult is an understatement. Given her logic and knowledge, I am starting to trust her that this will work....at some point...with a lot of effort.

We didn’t have much time to talk but I’d written down a few questions including primarily ‘how ill am I’ because I’m always getting mixed messages from friends saying I should be in hospital and professionals not seeming concerned with my own thoughts of ‘I don’t even have an eating disorder’ one minute and ‘oh dear god this is going to kill me’ the next. She said that they’re concerned and aware that I may need to go onto the ward at some point but although I’m ‘ill enough to need to be in hospital’ they are worried I would eat, get out and not manage after being discharged. This was a relief to hear because it settles everything in my mind - I can fight my thoughts about not needing support but they also believe I can recover in the community but will step in if things get worse.

She also told my that when I was first assessed in October I should have been on a waiting list before starting therapy but she and my CPN pulled some strings so she could start seeing me immediately which made me feel confused about thinking my CPN hates me and whether or not to go back to seeing her. Also her caseload at the moment basically does not have any room for more patients but she chose to take me on on top of that because she wanted to try and help. That felt very strange to hear because I find it hard to believe anyone would prioritise or want to help me but I’m trying to trust her. 

With regards to my CPN and the other team I’m under, they have a rule that I could never change therapists (?) the psychologist I really got on with has left and essentially if I don’t start seeing my CPN again then I won’t be under their team, won’t have a psychiatrist for meds or have any support with BPD/depression/anxiety. Feels like a catch22 situation of ‘see someone you feel really uncomfortable with or see nobody’ but I’m going to think about it a lot before my CPA next week.

Although it was rushed, I think its one of the most beneficial appointments I’ve had in a long time - I came out feeling positive, knowing I had been honest and listened to and knowing what I need to do.

Sorry that turned out longer than I expected!

[luminousstateofmind]

[beastbitchfitnesscoaching]

Being a recovering anorexic in a bodybuilding world.

Being a recovering anorexic in a bodybuilding world.

Let’s get something off my chest. Being a recovering anorexic does not mean that I can not relapse. Its easier to stop me from relapsing, but relapse can still happen. And it is something most people don’t want to understand when they see that you’re working out and eating.

A lot of people think oh well she’s eating and being healthy she’s okay. She doesn’t have those issues anymore. They don’t…

[radioactivewastelandwitch]

My posture in this isn't very good but I'm making slow steps towards improving my form. This year is about self care and fully overcoming my ED. I will strengthen not only my body but my mind as well. I hope you guys are doing well ❤️❤️ leggings are from @bewitchedsociety use my code little_willow_damphir for $$$ off 👌🏻😊 #gothgirl #metalyogi #aspiringyogini #flexibilitytraining #progress #metalheadgirl #bodymods #recoveringanorexic