#recovering

[notasoupcompany]

[oritoor]

Recovery

[sprucebluw]

Five from umbrella academy. So sad this show only had three seasons 😔

[spoiledsunflowers]

On Choosing to Recover

It's A Wonderful Life // Boy Meets World, Shawn Hunter, 6x13 // The Princess Diaries by Carrie Fisher // 3mjaethe4rtist on instagram // Songs A Siren Won't Sing by Cameron Beck // 28 by Zach Bryan // Popp Butterfly Conservatory, Oneonta, New York, Summer by Neil Hilborn.

[almosthealedd]

Be with someone who shows you that they are not afraid to fight FOR YOU & fight WITH you..

Be with someone who is proud to love you OUT LOUD not in silence..

[kindnotestoself]

{I'm not alright now, but I have hope that one day I will be.}

[writing-whump]

A Sick Man’s Patience

Have Arnie visiting a still recovering Isaiah while in a not-so-quiet argument with Hector. Angst ensues.

"How could we not notice you were sick?" Arnie asked for the umpteenth time.

Arnie had come to Isaiah cause he wanted a change of scenery under the pretense of getting help with an exam question.

Isaiah did the exams of the first law school year as a side thing next to his psychology master degree. What Arnie was struggling with was something Isaiah did with a shrug and nearby, like it wasn't difficult as hell.

Arnie knew he wasn't stupid, but moments like these made him feel like Isaiah was on another level of genius.

Really, the youngest Wolfson thought it would be easy. He would surprise Isaiah home, get some questions answered and inconspicuously asked about his opinion about the dorms. Easy.

Except Isaiah had been sick, the apartment was a mess and Arnie's surprise turned out to be more of a bother. Like he came demanding study sessions from sick people.

How was he supposed to know?

Isaiah changed out of pyjamas at the sight of him, but he wasn't feeling well enough to forgo a bathrobe on top of the sweater he was wearing. To be fair, the bathrobe was nice, huge and super formal looking, but it was still a glaring reminder Isaiah wasn't 100% yet.

Isaiah was also leaning heavily with both elbows on the table supporting his cheek on one palm— which was something unspeakable under normal circumstances. "We were handling it."

"Oh, we were handling it," Matthew repeated sarcastically behind them. He was putting dishes out of the dishwasher with excessive strength. "Shame I didn't notice that sooner."

Isaiah just sighed.

Arnie turned around to face the red wolf. "Then why didn't you let us know? We would have...done something."

Matthew scoffed in Isaiah's direction and continued washing the sink like it personally offended him.

And Seline was an entirely different problem. She actually yelled when he came, only in her PJs on the extended sofa, unwashed hair in a loose ponytail and had been throwing lighting bolts at Arnie since.

"You could have at least called if we are in a shape for a visit." She was clumsily trying to fold the blankets and return the sofa to its normal stare. Arnie was tempted to go help her, cause it still seemed to have been a straining tast for her, but also didn't dare to get closer.

"Or asked if we didn't need anything to buy," she continued. "This isn't a train station you can just barge into whenever you want. People have their privacy."

Arnie chewed on his lip, feeling stupider by the second. So he did the usual thing, when he was feeling guilty. "Jesus, aren't you overdoing it a little? It's not such a big deal. So your hair is greasy and you have a bathrobe. Get over it. No one cares about it anyway."

Seline's cheeks heated up and she threw the pillow against the sofa. "You are so rude-"

"Alright," Matthew interjected, positioning himself between the two. "Arnie didn't know. He will be more careful next time. You can crash in our room...?"

Seline rolled her eyes. "I can get up the stairs again, thank you."

Arnie turned away from her stomping her way upwards. "Was she always this bitchy? It sure got worse after the break up-"

There was painful wet impact against the back of his head. Matthew smacked him with a wet kitchen towel.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

Matthew gave him a nasty glare. "Don't talk like that about her or I'll give you an actual problem to worry about." He threw a look over Arnie's head towards Isaiah, scoffed and stomped off as well.

Arnie looked towards Isaiah who was strangely quiet through it all. Was he supposed to feel guilty or look for sympathy?

Isaiah sat in the same position, leaning against his hand, though now his other was massaging the left side of his chest and frowning.

"You okay?"

Isaiah opened his eyes at him with slow, deliberate effort. "I'm not really in shape for conflict right now. I'm happy to help you out with this and all, but be a little gentle with me today?"

"O-okay." Arnie was stunned by the request as much as the admittance. Was this a win for them that Isaiah was finally admitting when he wasn't feeling well or a cause for worry it was that bad for him to do it? "Was the...the fever that bad?"

Isaiah gave a tiny shrug, still rubbing at the sore spot at his chest. "Puts extra strain on the heart. I guess it's the most exhausting to me." His lips were pressed together in a thin line.

Arnie nodded, swallowing down. He had wanted to discreetly ask Isaiah about his dorm moving idea and get support from him against Hector's fussing...but it seemed today just wasn't going to be his day. "We can also forget about the studying thing too, if you are still feeling tired."

"Nah, it's alright. I can do these just fine." Isaiah leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. "Read the example out loud and then find the corresponding section in the crime law that fits it the best."

Arnie looked back at the textbook he brought with him, simultaneously opening the law book as well, squinting at the tiny letters. "Yeah, but there are so many of them to choose from..."

"It doesn't matter as much what you choose but how you can argue about it."

Arnie rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "But shouldn't you look for like...objective reality?"

Isaiah chuckled, eyes still closed. "There is no such thing as that. But read the example again. Every word in that report matters. It gives you hints on the most likely law to apply."

Before Arnie could question that further, the front door suddenly slammed open hard enough to rattle the walls.

"So this is where you snuck off to," Hector said, amber brown eyes glistening yellow with anger as he stormed in.

Isaiah opened his eyes, straightening in the chair. "Was it a secret?"

"Of course not!" Arnie hunched his shoulders. "Not like I didn't message him where I was."

Hector stopped halfway through the living room, raising a blond eyebrow at the mess. "What the fuck?"

Arnie cringed, but this really wasn't on him was it?

Hector went white with realization but then took a deep breath and bit down the anger, going almost red from the effort. "I'm not gonna ask why you didn't call us when you were sick, cause you keep doing the same mistake and expecting an idiot to change is mine."

Arnie felt Isaiah freezing next to him, but Hector didn't wait for his answer. He shrugged off his jacket and shoes and started to wrestle with the blankets and pillows to clear the sofa, before attacking the mess on the table.

Isaiah tiled hsi head to the side at that, looking more curious than offended. "What is he doing?"

Arnie leaned closer conspiratively. "I think he is proving the necessity of his presence by cleaning."

Hector's head jerked up at that, like a wolf's ear turning towards a sound. "Where exactly are your manners, huh? Why are you giving him tasks instead of helping out? Honestly out of the three of us, only I was given common sense..."

Isaiah actually laughed at that. "When did he become so mature?"

Arnie had to join in on the laughter. "Oh, it's all the mysterious girlfriend's fault. Half a year later and Hector is getting the hang of his temperament."

Isaiah's eyebrows shot up. "Girlfriend? Since when? What?"

Arnie was immensely enjoying himself being the most informed. "I'm not exactly sure, because he keeps hiding her like she will turn into sand if you look at her, but she is definitely an influence. Quite the soft power." Arnie smiled in Hector's direction with a dreamy sight. "I'm so happy for him! For real, the best I can do for the lovebirds is to clear the space and move out, isn't it?"

He meant it as a joke. Maybe a subtle hint. Wasn't Hector supposed to be glad their life circumstances aligned so much? Arnie wanted to try out college life at the dorms, and Hector wanted to have his girl over. Ideal.

Except Hector didn't find it amusing. He dropped the dirty mugs into the kitchen sink, almost breaking them to pieces, before whirling around. "What did you say?!"

Isaiah looked perplexed like an owl. "You want to move out?"

Arnie focused on the undecided party like a good politician. "I have been thinking about it? Like the semester is going well, but because I live so far away I have to commute a lot to campus and I can't really take part in the social life if I'm constantly locked up at the pack building, right?" He was aware he was speeding up, but he couldn't stop. "So I wanted to move into the student dorms on the way. That should be possible, right? It'll still be in Hector's region, but it will be closer and I'll get to meet actual students of my age and-"

"Not a chance," Hector cut in. "Too dangerous. Forget about it."

Arnie looked at Isaiah. "What do you think? Would it be possible?"

There was a long pause heavy with tension as the blond and dark-haired wolf stared at the human between them.

Isaiah looked up as he thought, rubbing at his chin. "I mean...I wasn't expecting that, but it should be possible. It's not like they will know who you are and those that will should be too scared of both Hector and me to actually try anything." He met Hector's burning eyes. "With some safety measures in place, I think it's doable."

Hector’s hands curled into fists at his sides. He returned his attention to Arnie with a death glare he used to remind wolves under him of how small and insignificant they were. It was very much an authority move in wolf terms.

Arnie returned it without hesitation.

"How could you say it's because of Olive? You can't possibly-" Hector deflated a little at the words, hurt flashing in his eyes. "You think I would ever choose a girl over you? That I would kick you out just to give her room? How could you think that?"

Arnie swallowed, surprised by the change of tactics. Instead of getting angry, Hector was getting emotional. "Hex. Geez. You are not a divorced father who has to convince his kid to forgive him interests in other people. We are adults. You like that girl and I'm happy for you. It doesn't have anything to do with me wanting to move out."

Hector's brows furrowed. "Then why? Why are you insisting on this nonsense?!" He hit his closed fist against the counter.

Isaiah looked very unimpressed. "I don't quite understand the problem here. Socializing and trying out new environments is a good idea for him. I like it."

A muscle twitched in Hector’s jaw. "You. Stay out of it."

"Why should he?" Arnie said. "He can judge the risks well-"

"Oh yeah, Isaiah is so great, does everything right all the fucking time." Hector's voice was rougher now. "Very easy for him to be perfect when he was never there long enough to mess anything up."

Arnie's eyes went wide. "Hex, that’s just unfair—"

"Don’t you think you’re overreacting?" Isaiah’s said, voice low and controlled. But there was something new in his eyes. A warning.

Hector bared his teeth. "I don’t want to hear the opinion of someone who left us the first chance he got. What would you know?"

The chair scraped against the floor as Isaiah pushed to his feet, towering slightly over Hector.

"Say that again."

Hector stepped closer. "I said-"

"Sorry, I was busy taking the physical abuse of our father at the time so that neither of you would get hurt." Isaiah's voice was very calm and quiet compared to Hector's. Didn't stop the room from turning to ice.

Arnie’s breath hitched, caught in his chest. He wasn’t sure if he was even breathing.

Hector seemed to have snapped out of his red fog, taking a few steps back. His fingers twitched at his sides like they weren’t sure whether to ball into fists or reach for something unseen.

"And that I left so you could grow up in a safe pack instead of running away while it was tearing itself in half," Isaiah continued. "Truly, I have done nothing but enjoyed getting beat up, cast out, and fucking up my health for good in the process. What would I know about caring about someone, huh?"

Hector was backing away until he bumped against the kitchen counter, his hands gripping the edge like it was the only thing keeping him upright. His lips parted in a silent exhale, but no words came.

"For your information," Isaiah continued, his voice colder than Arnie had ever heard it, "it's way harder to hide the pain than to take it out on others."

A ringing silence followed, the air thick with something unspoken, but Isaiah didn’t fill it.

A blue vein pulsed on his forehead. His breathing was steady, but just barely.

Then, finally, he rubbed a hand over his face, as if wiping away the last remnants of the fight. "I told you to take it easy on me today," he said towards Arnie.

He turned, moving past Hector like he wasn’t worth another glace.

The black-haired wolf stopped just before disappearing into his room. This time, his voice was soft. Almost too soft.

"You know why I never call you?"

He didn’t look back, didn’t wait for Hector to answer.

"You always kick me when I'm down."

And the door shut behind him.

[thepersonalwords]

The day he came home from the hospital, he cried. I held him. I thought he would never stop.I knew that a part of him would never be the same.They cracked more than his ribs.

Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

[edensvessel]

I've always been someone that adores stories and narratives. As a kid, I always got lost in them. My first exposure to well-written stories was when I was 6 years old and discovered Marble Hornets on the family computer, and binge-watched it. That's where my obsession with horror and all things spooky-scary came from. But that's also where my love for stories came from.

My whole life, I've realised, I've never really been myself. I never knew what that was like. When people say, "just be yourself!" it's difficult for me to conceptualise what that's like. And I've realised that it's because quite literally all I had growing up was stories.

My parents weren't neglectful, per se, but they were very busy. We had freshly moved to a whole new country, they were doing everything they could to keep us afloat. That meant my mother always worked during the day, and my father did night shifts so he could at least be present in the household with me. That did mean he was always asleep though. I only ever had stories and unrestricted internet access.

Naturally, this meant I started associating myself with stories, since my entire world became them. For the first 18 years of my life, I've been living a story. I've always treated myself as a character, and treated the others in my life as characters too.

Not that this was a bad thing. But I'm starting to realise it's bad for my self image. All my decisions have been based on what would make the best story. And of course, a lot of the time, this meant I didn't make the best decisions. I wasn't a good writer in my middle school years. I hurt people, I hurt myself, and it was all for the story.

Somewhere along the way, I started seeing other people as more complex characters. I was always frustrated over people deviating from the normal story structures. The cast is supposed to support each other! Why don't they treat me like one of them? I'm just like them! Why can't they see that?

Somewhere along the way, they became people. But that came far more recently than I'd like to admit. I started understanding that people's actions towards me are not wholly based on my actions towards them. And it boggled me. It was so hard for me to grasp, because I've always been so used to the equal action - equal reciprocative reaction in stories. A lot of my self worth has been based on how much people reciprocate things to me. I'm part of the cast! Why do they act like I'm not?

Somewhere along the way, I started seeing others as people. But that was never the same for myself. I've always stressed over my "writing", my "coding". Why am I so flawed? Nobody likes such a flawed character.

This is something I'm working on now, since I've come to recognise it. I'm starting to see myself as a person rather than a character. I'm learning what is and is not "me", instead of what I want to be me. I've discovered I have a passion for small film projects, I've discovered I heavily enjoy sfx makeup, I've discovered I want to be a teacher after high school. I'm very much still taking my baby steps, but it's the first time I've let myself be a person in so long. But I'm doing it. I'm finally doing it.

[asking-jude]

Do you want free mental help? What about remote, pay-what-you-want counselling? Visit askingjude.org.

[mx-morbid]

1 year and 11 months sober. slowly but surely getting my life together. 🖤

[cupcakescentedroses]

Creating my dream life: Day 1

I'm not going to make this a daily recap thing for now because to be honest most of my days look the same. However, I did want to post this because it's the first day in my life in a long time that has looked somewhat like a normal person's day.

By which I mean I ate more than one meal, left the house and did more than just sit in bed doomscrolling all day and didn't wake up in an hour that's followed by "PM".

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

I woke up at 8:30 this morning somehow and had raisin toast for breakfast. I usually wake up at 2-4pm and don't eat much if anything until dinner so that's an improvement. I did end up taking a nap later on but that's not too crazy considering the time I had woken up at compared to usual. I remembered to do my skincare this morning for the first time in a while. After breakfast I did my pilates workout which I've been doing 3 days in a row now. I realize that doesn't sound like much but trust me in my case it is. After that I had a Kinder Bueno bar because that's one of my favourite chocolates and then went on a walk with my dad because y'know.. Trying to get out of the house a little more. Was freezing out though. Horrible choice. Got home and couldn't tell if I was hot or cold and my head hurt for ages. After that I spent a few hours with my sister and then ate dinner and then took a shower and changed pyjamas. I have admittedly still been living in pyjamas all day every day but I have gotten better at making sure I'm changing them more often. Since my shower I haven't really done anything particularly productive but I had another snack and watched a movie. Have successfully avoided scrolling for the most part. Still spent more time than I'd like on social media apps but obviously I can't immediately fix everything 100% on day one. Gotta find some hobbies first.

[rosymiel]

[tiramegtoons]