#ptsd survivor

[psychhound]

How to Survive a Haunting now launched on Kickstarter! Running 3/2/23 to 3/31/23!!

ID in Alt

In How to Survive a Haunting, you play as Stranger, an entity plagued by ghosts who try to possess you, and take over your home and your life. Luckily, you have come across a mysterious old journal, written by a man only referred to as The Journalkeeper. He has spent his life studying ghosts, and made it his mission to record everything he knew about how to defend yourself from them, and how to tame them

On the journey to taming your ghosts, you will represent your accomplishments through tokens, keep a magical deck of cards that help you ward off unearthly possessions, and log your adventure in a journal. The Journalkeeper will walk you through each stage of this process, and teach you how to customize the game to fit your specific needs

Haunting is a gamified mental health aid, designed to help people learn more about how their body works, adopt a challenge mindset, and achieve post-traumatic growth. It is designed with a light horror aesthetic (though no actual scares in the game) to meet people in the mental space that they’re at, and not make light of extremely difficult circumstances. It is geared towards the recovery of those with trauma and (c)PTSD

artwork by @prose-n-scripts

Haunting was inspired by my own journey of recovery and exploration with gamification and tabletop roleplaying games as I struggled for years with PTSD, dysphoria, mental health issues, and more. Games were a safe space for me, and allowed me to grow and heal more than almost anything else. With games, I was able to put the power of recover into my own hands, go at my own pace, and focus on what was important to me

I wanted to create Haunting to help all the people who may find traditional therapy unhelpful, intimidating, inaccessible, or unsafe. Or for others who find therapy helpful but need more structure and guidance outside of sessions. Haunting explores many different ways to help your brain and your body, explains the science and psychology behind its advice in cited research, and never breaks character as a helpful old man giving advice on ghosts

It is geared entirely around building self-efficacy, building resilience, and achieving post-traumatic growth

The funding goal is $3500. This original goal funds for consultant Hayley Twyman Brack, a therapist and avid gamer, to go over the game and make sure everything is cited from the latest peer-reviewed research, and make sure all the psychology advice is up to date on the latest therapeutic practices

I am pulling the knowledge in this game both from my own recovery journey, and my last two years as a social worker working with a large variety of clients with disability and mental health challenges

If we can reach a little further than our original goal, the game will be fully illustrated by wonderful artist Vicky @prose-n-scripts

Please check out the Kickstarter page to learn more and spread the word to anyone who may be interested! I believe in the power of the TTRPG community to make this happen! Thank you everyone!!

[supersleepyboys]

Team Super Sleepy Boys Needs Help!!!

howdy y’all, we’re a 23 year old trans autistic disabled system in the rural south. we had to leave our job due to disability discrimination around a month ago, and while we’re in the process of getting assistance from the state, it’s slow going, and they’ll only cover food at this very moment. we are in need of money to cover some our therapy bills and to get some hygiene necessities, around 50$ should help cover everything for the next week or two. we have PTSD, DID, EDS, are dealing with the consequences of SA, and are trying to get a whole host of other debilitating issues diagnosed, and are at the point we cannot work to support ourselves currently, and are trying to figure out other avenues to support ourselves. we have k0fi and would be grateful if you’re able to throw us a few bucks to keep us going the next few weeks while we’re struggling to figure out a way forward, and likes and shares are always, always appreciated. thanks y’all 🖤💚<3

-ssb

[mtlupy]

My abuser got fired today. It doesn't cure the PTSD, but I know the vindication is going to help with day to day.

[phantom-feline-teeth]

Pacing around like a tiger in a cage

What am I to do with all this rage?

What am I to do with all this rage?

My friends and family don’t know

What to do with me

In this healing stage

I make a fool of myself

The emotions come up like waves

Taking me into the undertoe

I can’t believe it all happened over 20 years ago

The memories haunt me everyday

“Merry Christmas!”

Says the tv

I snarl my large teeth in agony

I am all but a wounded animal

Pacing around like a tiger in the zoo

I feel like a spectacle, there’s nothing more I can do

I bare my teeth and lash my claws

When all I gotta do is take myself by the paws

Pause

Breathe

Show myself some compassion

I will break free from this zoo in my mind

Beyond just makeup and fashion

I am powerful, I am loved, I am safe 🧡

[vigilanteashit]

Good Girls Go To Hell Anyway

18 years spent giving it my all,  just to watch myself stumble and fall.  Struggling just to crawl,  talking to myself and listening like a brick wall. 

Trauma took up space and my determination began to decay. My good girl habits slipped away,  gave my attention to anything, anything that would be disturbed by distraction. 

Locked my memories in a drawer, walked the halls in the shoes my therapist would later unlock. Sat in classrooms sick to my stomach,  your mind can hide it but your nervous system never forgets. 

My mind was shattered but  I only looked at matters of the heart.  Suddenly letters on paper only mattered if I wrote them. Writing everything I could to ruin him. 

I added everything correctly, did the division but arithmetic was not going to fix this.  Zoning out in chemistry but periodically  trying to figure out what elements I missed. 

My empathy executed me academically,  sent vocabulary words to a vulture.  Too scared to cheat,  but easily manipulated into assistance. 

Couldn’t commit the crime so I became an accessory. 

Thought I was playing it safe and still ended up drained.  You can do everything right and still carry the blame.

Might as well be the bad guy,  good girls go to hell anyway. 

-S.M.M. (Me)

[wonderland-journals]

one day... ☆

🔞🔞**CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP 21+**🔞🔞

★ pairing: Toru Oikawa & f!reader ★ word count: 3.4K

★ cw/tw: single parent reader, PTSD flashbacks, Toru is a great friend, negative self-talk, depictions of DV, threats

**This fic is not intended for immature audiences and does contain dark content. You must be 18 or older and mentally mature to enjoy. Don’t like it, don’t read it. The author is not responsible for your sense of comfort and your preferences.**

This story is based on real-life events.

When you opened your eyes, the first thing you noticed was that the familiar ache in your bones was back, and that had you burying your face into your pillow as you let out a low groan. The sharp stab between the shoulder blades dragged itself down your spine like the scratch of a sharpened knife over the skin. It was pressing just hard enough to feel the sting but never hard enough to draw blood. You didn't want to move because that would only spread the pain. Just like it did every morning for far longer than she would like to admit. After a few minutes, you slowly pushed your upper body up, wincing at your back's popping sound when it arched inwards. Without even looking at the clock, you knew what time it was.

Too damn early.

Too damn early for the radio to play whatever pop hit was topping the charts right now. Too damn early for this weight to begin settling in the center of your back until it was almost uncomfortable to breathe. Too damn early for little footsteps to be running down the hall in her direction.

"Five more minutes…." You whispered to the darkness of your room as you dropped back down on the bed and buried your face into your pillow again. "Five more minutes, and I'll get up. I’ll be a normal, functioning member of society. I promise."

The pattering of tiny feet stopped just before your door, and you held your breath. One second, two seconds, three. By some stroke of luck, your muffled request to no one was answered, and you could hear the squeal of delight from the other side as the footsteps suddenly retreated, and you couldn’t help but exhale softly. The song from your radio speaker shifted to a slow tune of low notes and muted vocals. While the lyrics were incomprehensible, their key had a twinge of sadness that touched on an emotion you would have preferred to keep buried deep.

You couldn't afford to lay there and cry; there was too much to do. The regular reminders alert went off on your phone as if on cue. The screen flashes in your peripheral with the notification of your extensive to-do list.

'It never ends… I don’t have time to cry.' You told yourself when the weight on your chest became heavier. Even as it became suddenly harder to breathe, you pushed yourself back up until you sat back on your calves in the center of your bed.

'It's time to get up~' The small voice in your mind whispered. Shaking your head, you turned around so that you were sitting on your butt. Facing the door that seemed further away now than it was. 'Don’t disappoint me now…'

"Shut up." You hissed under your breath, bringing your hands up to cover your ears as if that could quiet the echoing laughter in your mind.

'Everyone’s laughing at you, you know?'

“Shut up…”

‘Stupid, pathetic little girl who can’t even bring herself to get out of bed…’

“Stop it…”

‘You’re haunted…’

A cold breath sent chills down your spine, followed by the phantom touch of a finger tracing over your forearm. It was too damn early for this, too early for the monsters in your mind to be taunting you like this, paralyzing you in place.

“Mommy!”

You needed to get out there.

“Mommy, wake up!”

You open your mouth to respond to the tiny voice, but nothing comes out. Your words were stolen from you by the mangled hand that crawled up your chest until it could wrap its fingers around your neck, slowly tightening its grip until you could no longer breathe.

‘Useless!’

‘Leave me alone!’ You wanted to scream back.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see the shadows in the corner of your room morphing into a thing of nightmares. Your nightmares. It had no eyes, mouth, or natural shape that could be explained. Somehow, though, you knew when it moved to stand. Even without feet, you could hear the footsteps on the hardwood floor.

The hand wrapped around your neck slowly released, and you took a moment to gulp in a deep breath before turning your head to look at the shadow creature. “Just leave me alone…” You whimpered in a small voice, slowly bringing your knees up to your chest. It didn’t speak, but its unsettling hiss sounded in your mind in response instead. “Please…”

One arm hugged your knees closer to your chest while the other raked your nails through your hair, tugging at the roots at the crown of your head while you lower your face. You just wanted to hide. Wanted to scream. Wanted to do something besides sit there pleading for help like some defenseless damsel in distress.

‘Why even bother?’ Its voice was a low rasp now. Each word scratches across your brain like nails on a chalkboard. ‘All you do is fail. You disappoint everyone . Just like he said~’

“No…” Your voice cracked on the single syllable. “You’re wrong… He’s wrong.”

‘Am I, though?’

You gasped as the voice shifted. Its pitch became one that you had prayed to every god you could think of never to hear again.

‘Useless fucking whore. Can’t even get out of bed to do your basic duties as a mother.’

“Go away.”

The radio still played on in the background, and you tried to focus on that, but it was muffled, muted as if it were being played underwater. You let go of your knees to cover your ears with your hands, shutting your eyes tight. A steady beat from the radio matched the rhythm of your heart.

“He’s not here. I’m safe. He’s not here. I’m safe.” You repeated the words over and over again because maybe one day you would finally believe it if you said them enough times.

“You’re just a voice in my head.” Your voice was hoarse, broken. Mouth dry as you spoke. “You’re not here.”

A dull ache was building in the back of your skull, and the hand that had previously been around your throat trailed its fingers up the side of your leg.

He would not be ignored.

‘You’re right. I guess you can’t blame it on me now, right?’ His raucous laughter was like a punch in the gut. Awakening phantom pains across your skin as flashes of your worst days played through your mind like a horror film. ‘I’m not even there.’

The pounding of your heart against your rib cage made you flinch from the intensity. All you could do was wish for some momentary solace to bring you out of this as the room around you distorted and slowly shifted into your old bedroom – the colors dulled and lifeless, save the bright light that shone under the closed door. Looking around, it was just as you left it all those months ago. The sheets tossed haphazardly on the queen-sized bed, barely concealing the teddy bear you had gotten from a county fair. A soft ringing came from the exit's direction, and you moved to step toward it, but you let out a sharp hiss as pain radiated up your leg from whatever you had stepped on.

Looking down, you saw the familiar shards of glass from a plate that looked like it had been thrown to the ground in a rage. All around you were signs of the abuse you had endured: holes punched in the wall, a shattered window, and the shattered pieces of an old phone. You shut your eyes tight, and when you opened them again after a few seconds, you were back in your room. Just as you were about to breathe a sigh of relief, the room shifted again. Flashing between your old room and your current one, you had to stifle a sob that threatened to escape you as you moved backward on the bed until your back hit the cool surface of your wooden headboard.

‘You can’t escape me…’

He wasn’t here, but you could hear the heavy footsteps making their way closer to you. Smell the smoke from his breath, rancid and suffocating as it blew across your face. Large, calloused fingers were wrapping around your smaller wrist in a warning. His hand slammed against the surface next to your head, causing you to jolt as he laughed at you.

He wasn’t there. He wasn’t in your room. This was all in your mind, but that didn’t make it feel any less real.

‘You can’t get rid of me that easy.’

“You’re not here.”

Even as you shut your eyes tight again, you could see him leaning into you and feel his chapped lips at the shell of your ear.

‘I won’t let you.’ He whispered, a teasing lilt to his words.

“You’re not here!” Your yell was muffled by your knees that you pulled close to you again. The tears flowed freely down your cheeks, dripping onto the crease of your elbows. The bite of your fingernails as they dug into your palms was the only thing keeping you somewhat centered.

Even still…

It didn’t stop you from seeing him pull back and look down at you in anger; his lips curled back in a snarl with his eyebrows furrowed together. He was spewing threats that spun round and around in your mind like a track stuck on a loop. He pulled your hair up to force you to look at him before releasing it, and you could feel the pulsing vein in his forehead when he pressed it against your own after jerking his head as if to headbutt you.

‘Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?!’

A beat of silence passed, and his face contorted in rage when he realized you wouldn’t respond. You turned your head to the side to avoid his eyes, but his hand came up to pinch your cheeks between his fingers – a slow wave of pain traveled down your spine as his fingers pressed into your jaw – and turned it back to look at him. The dull ache in your head grew worse as he pulled back a couple of inches and knocked his forehead against yours when you still wouldn’t answer him.

Two- three- four times.

‘You better look at me when I talk to you, bitch! I’ll knock your damn teeth down your throat if you ever raise your voice to me again!’

An apology bubbled on your tongue when he released your face, only for him to press his forearm into your neck - slowly applying more and more pressure to prevent you from getting the words out while yelling at you for not saying a word.

‘I could kill you, you know?’

You shut your eyes again and pleaded silently for him to disappear when you opened your eyes again, but when your eyes fluttered open, it wasn’t your room you saw; it was the cold blackness of his eyes showing you what hell looked like. No longer could you hear the radio in the background as it seemed to fade away rapidly in the seemingly far distance. The edges of your vision faded to black as fear clawed at your chest, and all you could do was silently scream into the void where no one could hear it.

‘You’ll never leave me.’

‘Help me…’

“Mommy!”

Then it all stopped. The echoes of his voice faded away like a distant memory, and you inhaled deeply. You no longer felt like you were drowning or choking. The pressure on your neck disappeared as quickly as it came, and your lungs burned with the rush of oxygen you breathed in while you wiped the remnants of your tears from your face.

Inhale. Exhale.

Breathe in.

‘Useless.’

Breathe out.

‘Pathetic!’

The sound of the door creaked open, and you could feel your mask come on. The forced smile that stretched across your face almost as if it had been there the whole time when you saw your best friend leaning against the doorway with your child sitting happily on his hip. His innocent smile brought you relief from the storm in your mind. Oikawa carefully set your child down on the ground and watched him run to you, and you immediately reached your arms out to hug him close. Taking in the faint smell of the peppermint lotion he liked to use in the morning and relishing in the comfort of his arms wrapping around your neck to hug you close.

“Good morning, mama.”

‘You don’t deserve him….’

You nod and hug him tight to you. “Morning baby…”

‘He’d be better off without you…’

Looking down at him, you wanted to commit that bright, innocent smile to memory. Let it continue to brighten the darkest corners of your mind that these nightmares of your past have tainted. This child, your child, was so innocent, so… happy. Some days you thought it was a miracle how he came out unscathed from everything you went through with his father. Then again, most days, you try not to think about it and just do what you can to preserve that smile.

“Your radio is loud, mama.” He pointed to the radio that was still on – playing some poppy tune that wasn’t on earlier – before patting your shoulder as if to get your attention when you didn’t immediately look at what he was pointing to.

“Sorry about that.” You never took your eyes off him as you reached over to the nightstand and turned off the music. “Better?”

He nodded and jumped off your bed before running out the door, giggling. As his footsteps faded away, the smile you had gradually slipped away, uncaring about the man in your doorway. As if he hadn’t seen your mask slip away before. Turning your head to look at the clock on your nightstand, the numbers flashed at you - a warning of the rapidly waning time remaining before he needed to get on his school bus. A curse almost slipped from your lips as you tossed your legs over the side of the bed, but before you could even stand up, Toru was walking over to you. He knelt before you and gently placed a hand on your knee, looking up at you with a determined glimmer in his eyes that you usually only saw when he was preparing for a volleyball game.

“I’ll take him to school for you.” You shook your head, ready to protest, but he held up his other hand to stop you. “Don’t lie to me. You’re in no condition to be driving by yourself right now.”

“I’m fine.” You croaked, turning your head to clear your throat before trying to speak again. “I’m fine…”

“You’re not.” Something in his tone made his words sound resolute, and you fought the urge to curl into yourself since you knew he didn’t intend it that way. “Just take a few minutes to yourself-”

“I don’t need it.” Your answer came out too quickly, and he released a heavy sigh of resignation that made your mind scrambling to correct your words. “I don’t want time alone.”

Toru nodded, rubbing small circles on your knee with his thumb. “Then how about you ride with us, and we can go to that little coffee shop you like afterward, okay?”

Your eyes met his, and you didn’t know what he saw in them, but suddenly you were being pulled into a hug.

His arms wrapped around you to hold you close while his face hid in the crook of your neck. “You don’t have to face this alone. I know you feel alone, but you’re not alone. I know he broke you and shattered you into someone you no longer recognize. You’re still here, though…” He whispered; you could feel his Adam’s apple bob in his throat when he swallowed before continuing. “You’re still here. You’re alive. You’re trying every day, and I’m so- I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Everything in you wanted to push him away. Your cheeks burned in shame despite the chill running up your spine that he even needed to comfort you. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes that you didn’t want to fall because if they did, how would you stop?

“Toru-”

“No. You need to hear this.” He cut you off with a firm tone that left no room for interruption. He held you tighter against him; the heat that radiated from his body felt soothing against your trembling form. “Fuck your ex. He’s a terrible person for what he did to you. You didn’t deserve anything that happened to you.” He pulled back to look you in the eyes. “Do you understand that?”

‘He’s lying.’

“Toru…”

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” You could see the tears welling up in his eyes. His chin trembled, and his voice seemed to waver when he spoke now. It caused your eyes to widen slightly in surprise. “You didn’t deserve what he did to you, and I know your mind is being so cruel to you right now – I know… I’ll never call you weak though, because you’re not. You’re so strong, and I am so proud of you for waking up today.”

‘Everyone would be better off if you didn’t.’

“You say that like anyone would miss me if I were gone.”

The small voice in the back of your mind screamed at you for saying that when you saw the look of horror that came over Oikawa’s face at your words. Guilt squeezed at your heart, tightening your chest as tears streamed down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” The words were usually a knee-jerk response from how often you’d said them over the past almost decade, but you meant them now. You reached up with one hand to brush the tears away from his face with your thumb. “I’m sorry, Toru….”

“How could you say that?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t- Don’t ever let those dark thoughts win. I need you. I need my best friend. Your son, he needs you. He needs his mother.”

You knew this, and it was what you kept telling yourself every day to keep yourself from crumpling to the ground or letting your intrusive thoughts win out.

“Right now, you’re living. You’re alive because someone else needs you. One day you’re going to wake up and live for you. I’ll help you. I’m here for you every step of the way.” One of his hands came to rest on your cheek, and it was only then that you realized you had been crying too. “I can’t wait to see the light come back into your eyes. It’ll take time, but I can’t wait.”

He looked at you silently for a few minutes, letting his words sink in and allowing your tears to fall freely while you kept your hand on his cheek as if that single form of contact was an anchor for you. The sound of tiny footsteps running back toward your room snapped you out of your reverie and pushed his hand away gently to wipe your tears away.

“I’m going to be late for school!” Your son whined; his lower lip jutted out in a petulant pout.

You heard the soft chuckle from Oikawa and watched him stand up slowly to look over at the doorway your son stood in. “I’ll get you there, gremlin. Your mommy just needs to get ready.”

His words were even, devoid of the shakiness they held just a moment ago. Your best friend’s mask having slipped back on the ways yours does in moments like this.

“Mommy, hurry up!”

You barked out a laugh at the command. “I’m getting up now.”

Once again, his footsteps retreated as you stood up from the edge of your bed, and you were at eye level with the pretty setter’s chest.

“Take your time to get ready, okay?” He pats your head before leaving to give you space, closing the door behind him.

‘You’re just a shell of a person…’

Again, the mocking voice laughed at you when you took in your tired and tattered appearance in your floor-length mirror, but you shook your head and kept moving. You had things to do.

“One day, I’m going to live for me.” You repeated his words quietly while you moved around your room. You wanted to believe that he was right and wanted to believe that the woman you saw in the mirror today would change back into someone you could recognize again. “One day …”

© wonderland-journals || All rights reserved. Please do not plagiarize or translate my work on other platforms without my permission.

[aurangg]

Something really not talked about with trauma disorders is the paranoia.

Being scared and jumping to conclusions when people stand a little too close to you, not believing people’s compliments and thinking they have hidden motives, not believing when people tell you they like/love you, thinking that strangers you see on the street want to hurt you, etc.

[loriache]

"I've been waiting for ages for somebody to unmask them."

This moment tends to elicit negative reactions in a first read through, and I've got some opinions about why where Kabru is coming from here actually makes a lot of logical sense. So I thought I'd elaborate on that.

I think people hear this and go, "He thinks they must be hiding something because they gave money to someone? What a cynic." Or "he dislikes them because they did charity?? What's wrong with this guy!". And obviously, a lot, a lot is wrong with him. But I think this makes more sense than it seems at first glance! What people evaluating this judgement miss is why Kabru is paying attention to Laios and co to begin with.

Kabru knows of the Touden siblings because (he's a little bit of a stalker-) he is keeping an eye on all the relevant parties in events developing on the island, in order to be able to guide them to his preferred outcome. This includes adventurers because they are the ones actually exploring the dungeon! He's well aware that something as minor as internal tensions between party members could be key to the historical events that are developing. (He would love the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.)

His desired outcome is that whatever the rewards are of breaking the dungeon's curse, whether that's kingship or the ancient elven secrets of dungeons, are claimed by:

A) a short lived person

B) Someone who will be a good, effective leader and/or use those secrets and the power they carry wisely, with foresight, and to establish a political bloc for short lived people.

The person he can best trust to do this is, of course, himself. But due to his PTSD regarding dungeons and monsters, he's not able to develop the necessary skills to conquer the dungeon. Once he realises this, he starts looking for someone else who he can support to that end.

But most of the adventurers don't have any intentions of conquering the dungeon, don't have the skills, or are unsuitable in other ways. In fact, it seems like some potentially suitable people are the Toudens. There are a lot of good rumours about them going around - they actually seem to have a very positive reputation! That's what Kabru means when he says "unmask".

So when Kabru is observing something like them giving money to an old comrade from their gold-peeling days, he doesn't consider it a problem because "they're giving money to this person who doesn't actually need it" or because they must have some dark secret if they act superficially nice. I think he actually understands this situation and what it implies about Laios (in particular) perfectly well.

Laios and Falin gave money to an old comrade who got injured and couldn't work. That person then healed up but kept taking their money. Then he used the money to start smuggling illicit goods to the island.

The key is that for Kabru, the problem here is the same as with the corpse retrievers - people using the dungeon's resources to fuel dangerous, selfish, or violent pursuits cause problems for the island, attract more criminals and people with motives other than breaking the curse, and increase the chances of the whole situation ending in tragedy.

Kabru is willing to work with the Shadow Lord of the island if it gets him to his goal - he isn't scrupulous - but the criminal element of the island increasing is something he sees as a major issue.

Also, when you're evaluating someone as a candidate for power, riches, secrets, potentially kingship - then being curious about how the money you give to people is going to be used is kind of a relevant trait!

Interpersonally, Kabru's actually very easygoing - I mean, Mickbell isn't exactly an upstanding guy, is he! But Kabru likes him and they get along well. These traits wouldn't be a problem at all in a friend, or a comrade, or someone Kabru was confident he could use. But he can't get a handle on Laios, and Laios is someone who has the potential to be a major player!

On Laios' end, this is the same as with the marriage seeker who joined their party. She kept asking for things and he gave them to her, because he tries to be nice to others. He even gives her money! It's the exact same thing.

That's fine, but it became a problem because he basically wasn't interested in her motives, didn't notice she was trying to manipulate him, and it also didn't occur to him that the other party members would notice or be affected. We can assume the situation with the gold peeler is the same. When Kabru says that "It's not that they're bad people, they just aren't interested in humans," he isn't wrong.

The extent to which this is true of Laios is linked to his autism imo, (because it isn't just disinterest - he genuinely isn't able to notice nonverbal cues that people are lying to him or have ulterior motives) but to a greater or lesser extent I think it's a very common trait. Most people aren't actually that interested in other people who aren't close to them. Kabru is the weird one here. It isn't an issue except as a leader - which is why we see an immediate comparison to the Island's Lord, because that's how Kabru is evaluating them.

And disinterest in/lack of ability with people to the extent Laios exhibits it, it does, actually, make him a worse leader... it's just that as we see in the story, people can help him out. The rest of the party tell him the marriage seeker is taking advantage of him so he tells her he can't give her special treatment anymore. They're pissed and it's a crisis point - he couldn't have recovered their trust without Marcille and Falin - but that's exactly the point. With Marcille and Falin, he was able to recover their trust.

And he has other good traits that make up for it, such as his intelligence, strategic knowledge, open-mindedness and sense of fairplay.

Kabru doesn't disqualify Laios as a candidate based on what he sees about him from afar, though - he still tries very hard to get close to him, obviously hoping that if he manages he can steer Laios to defeat the dungeon and make up for his lack of people-skills in the aftermath. (Which... he does eventually achieve that goal!) He completely fails until the events of the story, so... definitely I think "They just aren't interested in humans" could also partially be a stung reaction to Laios' complete disinterest in him.

Anyway, that's my read on what exactly Kabru's "issue" with Laios is. Obviously, once he does find out what Laios' true nature is like - about his love for monsters - he develops an entirely new set of fears about Laios' priorities. But since Laios kept that a secret until the start of the story, he has no idea of that yet.

Given all that, I think it's interesting that he says that he doesn't think that the Toudens are suitable to defeat the dungeon, and that he's hoping they'll turn out to be the thieves. As some of his few potential candidates, people who he thinks may play a big role in the island's future, you'd think he'd hope they would be good people!

I suppose it's better, in his eyes, because it means that he's involved in something "interesting". They haven't just had their stuff stolen by regular criminals (boring, puts them further away from his goal) - they've been caught up in the beginning stages of "a historic event". The desperate and dwindling group forgetting morals in their quest to retrieve their lost comrade probably appeals to his sense of melodrama. Because he also just... loves drama.

Despite it being "uglier than anything he was expecting", he still pursues Laios as the person he wants to conquer the dungeon pretty much as soon as it becomes clear that he won't be able to do it himself and they are out of time. That's because... well, to be fair, there aren't any other options. And he fits standard A: he's short-lived!

and Kabru still hopes he can fit standard B, too, and be persuaded to use the power he wins for good. No matter how many nightmares he has about Laios, or whether he thinks about killing him. He doubts him, but ultimately he puts his faith in him and seems happy after the manga's ending that he made the right decision.

[justtyeahhh]

im new here. not really sure how you do this but this is much better than talking to someone and its free. i spend a lot of time by myself, and it ain’t really on purpose. i can’t drive due to my epilepsy i got from a life threatening accident at the moment, so you think your friends would reach out to you but no its never like that. i get that everyone else’s time continued and mine stopped for a minute, but that didn’t mean forget about me. im sill here. i survived. why are y’all treating me like im gone?

[supersleepyboys]

Team Super Sleepy Boys Needs Help

howdy y’all, we’re a 23 year old disabled system in the rural south. we had to leave our job due to disability discrimination around a month ago, and while we’re in the process of getting assistance from the state, it’s slow going, and they’ll only cover food at this very moment. we are in need of money to cover some our therapy bills and to get some hygiene necessities, around 50$ should help cover everything for the next week or two. we have ptsd, did, eds, are dealing with the consequences of SA, and are trying to get a whole host of other debilitating issues diagnosed, and are at the point we cannot work to support ourselves currently, and are trying to figure out other avenues to support ourselves. we have k0fi and would be grateful if you’re able to throw us a few bucks to keep us going the next few weeks while we’re struggling to figure out a way forward, and likes and shares are always, always appreciated. thanks y’all 🖤💚<3

-ssb

[mtlupy]

Damn, when did I get so profound?

[f-t-willz-must-die]

My back aches and i have stomach aches all i wanted was to love you; even if you seem angry at my absence and lost patience. .you still lovr me and i adore that. Even with the toxic woman around us

[neurospicy1990]

This is my very first album, filled with tracks from my early music making days as well as some more recent songs. It features original video game-inspired music made by yours truly to treat your eardrums to, and if anyone wants to use any of the songs in their games, just let me know and we’ll talk about it ^^; I hope y’all enjoy the music and please help support me on Bandcamp, Thank you! :3

Listen/purchase: Enter The Raccoon by WarringSaint

[kiddiecorpse]

about me

hi. this is my venting/spiraling/idk blog. DID system, autistic, possible bpd. went through extreme neglect and other childhood traumas. currently unintentionally remembering repressed memories as of february. need a place to vent. no trigger warnings, sorry, this is your trigger warning.

IF A POST HAS MY NAME WATERMARKED ON IT IT IS MY PICTURE. DO NOT REPOST. SOME PICS ARE FROM MY ACTUAL LIFE/CHILDHOOD AND I DESERVE A PLACE TO VENT EDIT THEM.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...