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A 5200-year-old pottery bowl from Shahr-e Sukhteh bearing what could possibly be the world's oldest example of animation. It shows 5 images of a wild goat leaping, and if you put them in a sequence (like a flip book), the wild goat leaps to nip leaves off a tree. Museum of Ancient Iran

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im only a survivor because im physically here, i was killed in every other way. im afraid i’ve always been dead and that i always will be.

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Barasti emhewe bikujim. Qinim leyeti katek bangim dika. Emhewe chaqu la zigi ro kim. Sagi nashirin. Daykeki hich u puch. Bo namri. 45 salta awa bo namri. Debu la zigi dayket da mird bayi.

Dengishi weku xoy nashirin.

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Why won't she just leave the house. I can't get anything done like this. I can't bring myself to move. I am frozen. Again.

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I wanted to be one of the powerful warriors/archers you see in historical movies on the TV as a kid.

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I never see anyone talk about forced perpetration, being forced to abuse your mother for his entertainment while he watches

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Why do I have to be the one that survives through the freeze response? Why couldn't I be the fight or flight?

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Abusive parents force you to hide things you would otherwise never have to worry about hiding, because you learn that they can flip out about anything, make a scene from anything, misunderstand one detail and go insane over it. So you don’t tell them about anything you can avoid, and you try to deal with things yourself as much as humanely possible, which takes the burden of taking care of you from them, and onto your shoulders.

This is dangerous as well because you don’t tell them about a friend who did something horrible to you, you don’t tell them about a sociopath who tried to groom or touch you, you don’t tell them about horrifying heartbreak you feel when someone abandons you, you don’t tell them when your world is falling apart because you know that at best, they’ll be uninterested, at worst, they will tell you it was your fault and you deserved it.

Living in secrecy becomes normal and when you develop trauma symptoms it once again feels like it’s your fault because you never said anything, you never told them how much they were hurting you, you didn’t speak up and open up about your problems. But how in the world would you? You know if you had, all that you would get is insults, blame, threats, guilt and shame thrown in your face, how could you possibly take that on top of having trauma symptoms? You can’t, it’s not worth risking. Suffering in silence becomes your only survival option, and you watch your heart break a little more every day that nobody cares that you’re breaking apart.

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Because I feel like kids of color don’t hear it enough: domestic abuse is not a part of your culture. 

A lot of us were raised with the idea that “its normal for wives/children to get hit! it helps them learn– only white folk don’t get beaten when they misbehave”. That’s not true, white people aren’t the only ones who deserve a safe and abuse free environment. Black and brown people can and do have loving families. 

If you’re in a situation where you are enduring abuse and people use your culture to justify it, I want you to know that what they’re telling you are lies.

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my mother, right after giving birth: and now... you owe me one. you will spend the rest of your life paying it back. stop crying its annoying me.

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I have to be unknown, not seen, not understood, hidden at all times or my nervous system feels like I'm going to be hurt and hunted down

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Without the abuse, I wouldn't have been this scared in every human interaction. I wouldn't feel like my life depends on saying the right thing and finding my way out of this situation safely. I wouldn't be this timid, this cagey, reluctant, imagining every worst scenario that can come out of a social situation. I wouldn't have images of torture in my mind when attempting to say no. I wouldn't find it this hard to refuse being useful to others when it violates my freedom.

I would be able to speak my mind. I'd be able to be honest in my own way, instead of finding reasons and reasons why I have to be as pleasant and non-demanding as possible. I wouldn't be afraid to ask for information when I want it. I wouldn't be scared to check what my options are.

Abuse forces me to walk the thinnest line of being convenient and nothing else. I don't get to have a personality, there's only fear. I'm different when I'm alone, I'm not afraid, I know what I want. But if you put another human being next to me, all of my convictions are overwritten by survival instinct to appease and escape.

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Would my mother trying to slash me with a knife be attempted murder?

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Every night I don't want to sleep because I don't want the next day to come, this is peak depression

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being friends w systems is nuts cuz youll have a guy in the friend group that goes away for a bit and comes back like "i got out of the nightmare loop" or "sorry i was gone i got put in the torment nexus" and its not even an exaggeration they really were in the nightmare loop or the torment nexus for a week and are forced to be normal about it

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abusive parents: We will do the opposite of raising. We will push this child back to infantailization. No independence allowed. No development of survival skills. No critical thinking allowed. You made a boundary? We will push you back into age where you don't.

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I liek

Men that give evil dad energy

Michael