#possible cptsd

[apersononearth011]

you know i feel so stupid but i genuinely fit the diagnostic criteria for like 8 mental illnesses

i feel like such a pick me like "i'm more ill than you" bitch, THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING

i just do, like i'm trying to force a realisation that i'm faking it but it ain't coming bc i'm not so ummm yay 😃

[archangeltwins]

i just want somebody to fucking believe me

[creekfiend]

GETS HIGH AND IDENTIFIES MY EMOTIONS

[kkoct-ik]

i dont remember why i drew this

[thebeeshaveknees]

When they were in the war room (Trolls writing room) they had to think of four new trolls that could feasibly be Branch's brothers so they just took all four of his braincells and made them individual characters and I love them

[virtualhell]

I don’t like the everyone thinks they have autism these days narrative when it’s common knowledge women are severely under diagnosed and bpd is often over diagnosed

[badaziraphaletakes]

Hello! Was looking for something on my blog and found this post

https://www.tumblr.com/turquoisedata/730723784383987712/i-am-literally-crying-because-shit-thats-me

And I wondered if you'd seen it/posted anything along these lines before? (You might have and I might have just missed it because Tumblr hates me and doesn't show me loads of stuff I want to see 🙃)

(if you have you can just delete this!!!)

Hi!

We've touched briefly on the fact that Muriel is very Autistic-appearing (thank you so much for the reblog pointing that out, @phoen1xr0se ! You're the best!) and how that has made people misjudge them as shallow/childish/naive/etc, but as far as I can recall we've never done a post about their traumatized behaviors. I'm so glad this person has done that here!

Thank you so much for sharing this EXCELLENT meta! It definitely didn't make me tear up... ;)

[blackfemmejeanvaljean]

alright so my aunt died and now my dad is sad because that was his last living sibling so he against all odds is the oldest living person in his bloodline my sister told me about it and without thinking about it I simply said I'm sorry for your lost she told me to call my dad because he's depressed but I've been debating cutting my parents out of my life for 9 years now and in January I just stopped talking to them and I don't think I'll do that again. as previously stated I don't have any affection for this aunt she like my dad's first wife and always treated me and my sister (my dad's second wife's children) like the social rejects of the family when I was 17 or so I admitted to myself I didn't love any of these people let alone like them. at best I sympathize with some of them because they've been through some shit but they always managed to try to build themselves up by tearing me or my sister down so I'm not callous except I told my cousin I hate her and she deserved the hell she created for herself but I was 17. and right about that. the rest I just stopped talking to them a few of them follow me on ig but my page is public some of them are blocked tho. my aunt's death isn't a celebration or a relief I'm just indifferent it's like hearing a coworker's partner's relative died but the relative like yeah that was a human person but ultimately it was old age/50 year smoking habit it's not tragic unexpected sudden but I think about calling my dad and then I think about the 3 stints in the mental hospital I did for trying to kill myself because he and my mother fucked me up in ways were even to this day I think about killing my at least once a week (down from multiple times a day so progress I guess <3) why should I comfort them also my sister does my dad's mychart and his doctor tod him something is erong with his heart valve or something and depression from losing a family member forced into retirement (he had two strokes) depression from a child refusing to speak to you not changing your diet/exercise after a stroke means he hasn't got a lot of time left but then I remember when he punched me in the face so hard it swelled up my lip an a social worker told me I'll be graduating and going off to college soon so suck it up I guess (paraphrase but so many of them do not care at all) so why the goddamn hell should I care but I still sleep with the teddy bear he gave me 25 years ago and suppose I always will what will his death mean to me will I be indifferent will I go to work like nothing happened it'll destory my sister who desperately wants a relationship with them both but calls me confessing that she knows deep that won't happen I trauma dumped about being worried that social services won't care about the possible criminally neglected children in my class during professional development and ended up telling the whole spiel about my deal with physical and emotional abuse and the indifferent from almost every adult in my life if no one cared that I had my life threatened and was beaten no one but me is going to care that one of the girls seems to be scared of her father (never happy to see him, doesn't go to him unless walked over to him, hides from him sometimes...) did my teachers care and they knew no one else would do anything does anyone care should I kill myself now I bet it would hurt him the most if I did it now I won't but I know it would hurt if I did and it might be the last chance I get but it would hurt my sister in a way she doesn't deserve and who would be there to say no you're not crazy I was there when he pushed you into the painting and broke the glass and you fell down the stairs I didn't know falls down the stairs could be deadly at the time I told myself it was normal I told myself it was normal when our mom said committing suicide is selfish when you told her you wanted die I think you were 12 and I had to help you untie the phone cord you wrapped around your neck I don't allow myself to think about it often and I'll never bring it up it feels like I'm not supposed to

[willow-schmillow]

As I've healed and processed trauma, I've found it less and less useful to use any labels for alters, whether it's the "child/parent-like/centered" trichotomy that my therapist uses or community-made labels.

None of us are trauma-holders because we all know about at least some of the trauma, and we're all going to help each other through it. None of us are protectors, because we're all here to help each other but we're also all capable of coping with bad things. None of us are persecutors (a label I've never liked, anyway) because we're all going to be compassionate and understanding to our shortcomings.

Between me and my therapist, community-made labels aren't really on her radar so I don't use them. And we don't often talk about categorizing the parts, either. If I say to her, "there's a part that's self-sabotaging, struggling with suicidal thoughts and self-hatred, and they're doing destructive things because of it," that tells her a lot more than "I think I have a persecutor."

And - not to knock on the online community too hard - labeling an alter as a persecutor predisposes anyone online to view them in a way that tends not to be very charitable, and I would avoid setting up any part of me for failure like that. Facts over labels - "I have a self-destructive alter."

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.

[apersononearth011]

tw huge trauma dump ab my family and childhood trauma (pls someone see this, i'm literally begging, oh my god i'm pathetic)

i never talk to my dad. we live in the same house, we're just both too awkward to talk ig, we only have conversations more than "bring those dishes downstairs" when there is anything to do with stranger things or cobra kai.

my mum is complicated. she's a complicated person. she's very passive aggressive a lot of the time. she advocates for me and my sisters at school and stuff and then will proceed to do things that i don't know if she realises are ableist. in primary school she used to make it so that we weren't allowed any sort of chocolate or anything unless it was the weekend and she was always talking about how much she wanted to do diets to be "healthy" and she'd work out to the point of exhaustion. she always throws herself in the deep end with everyone else and just expects to float but she's making us all drown. me and my sisters are all autistic. however back then we were all not aware of this so my older sister would have these massive meltdowns and my mum would just go off at her, acting like it was something she could help, she threw things at her sometimes, always yelling, never tried to comfort her or understand past the basic "are you ok?" and then when my sister couldn't respond "fine. don't answer. you clearly don't want my help anyway." like she took the meltdowns as an attack on her. my younger sister was always dead silent in public, completely mute never spoke in front of anyone besides family and the couple of friends she had. she was severely dyslexic and very behind in schoolwork. our school refused to do anything about it. so mum would spend hours looking through her old schoolwork to find evidence of something wrong. she never makes it feel like she cares about helping. she makes it seem like her life is significantly worse for our existence. if we ever try to talk to her about anything serious or not, something else is always more important. i'm doing housework. i'm watching tv. i remember taking my younger sister upstairs to play with toys because i could tell my mum and my older sisters arguing really really upset her. we'd play sylvanian families until it was over. if we ever try to tell her how she can improve anything no matter how small it's "so i'm a bad mum? you guys gang up on me to gaslight me into thinking i'm in the wrong." she's very bad at communicating. she just assumes we want an argument. she always turns into an entirely different person around other people. happy, smiley, extremely loving. that's not to say doesn't love us. she just never acts like it. she does physical things for us but makes us feel like we're a huge burden on her for even just being around her.

i am the glass child, even though i am disabled myself, i have always masked around everyone, even alone. i listen to my mums rants about how stressed and overwhelmed she is by looking after us. i listen to my older sisters rants about my mum. i am the only one who can decipher what my little sister means sometimes. i listen to her when wants to talk. i give advice. therapise them. wise beyond my years. was i that way naturally? or was i treating everyone how i wanted to be treated? i protect them and help them. i don't open up to them. why would i? they're busy watching tv and ironing while muttering passive aggressively under their breath. come to think of it, there were parental lock things on all my sisters' devices to stop them from seeing inappropriate shit, but there wasn't on mine. was i grown up enough to see adult things? i was 7. but oh well she's so responsible, it's like she's an old person stuck in a child's body. no one ever asked me how i felt. every time my mum asked for my opinion on any arguments if i agreed with my sister, not her, we were ganging up on her. i was never taught how to wash my hair or body. one day my mum just stopped doing it for me. "you're old enough to do it yourself now, this is taking the piss." teach me then. "you're so good at looking after your sisters and mum aren't you?" i was 10. be good for other people. help other people. you are invisible unless they need something, you don't get an opinion. this was only re-enforced by the church i went to at the time (i am agnostic now) and girlguiding. the brownie rule or some shit was "a brownie guide puts others before herself". serve them. the people. get good grades, it's what your teachers and parents want. keep your room obsessively tidy, it's what your mum wants. chip away at your soul for everyone else.

my older sister once told me she thought i was selfish for all the people pleasing i did. "you only do it selfishly. you don't actually care about us." i told my mum about it and she said "well she's right, doing things for other people makes us happy too." they never expressed pride in me other than when i got good grades.

i am a ghost. i never got to form my own opinions that's why i don't have any. i'm not human. i never developed into one. i have never been anyone's priority. i never will be. no one will ever care.

writing this, i keep slipping into past tense as if i don't still live here but it just feels distant.

[nothing0fnothing]

There will be good days. They seem so far away right now, but they will come and they will be wonderful.

Will they make it all worth it? Probably not, but they don't have to. All that matters is that they will be there. That at first they'll be a break, and eventually, they'll come two in a row.

Once you get two in a row, it won't be too long till there's three in a row, four in a row, a whole week, two weeks and then, one day, there will be mostly good days.

One day you'll be able to have a bad day, and it just be a bad day. It doesn't make it worth it, but that's okay, it doesn't have to.

[hussyknee]

I've been having a severe PTSD episode for over five hours and it never registered because spending half the day in helpless fits of obsessive, murderous, paralysing rage is the nothing out of the ordinary for me. "Oh, I'm just an angry person like that" yes because I'm constantly triggered, retriggered and retraumatized by living disabled and dependent on Satan, who happens to be my egg donor.

It doesn't seem like I'll ever really internalise that these rages are PTSD episodes, especially since I'm a woman and therefore socially conditioned not to harm anyone except myself (that's a privilege reserved for six foot cis het men in charge of families who do the traumatizing). But in case it does anyone else good to hear: you aren't an "angry person". You have Complex PTSD. The rage outs are the exact equivalent of panic attacks and disassociation that Hollywood likes to show. The need to FIGHT is as a visceral, animal, instinctive and uncontrollable as the need for flight, to fawn, or to freeze. You aren't angry. You're fucking terrified and trapped and very, very ill.

[retrosexualrage]

💀🌼Living with cPTSD is like navigating a minefield every day. 🦋Triggers can come out of nowhere, sending me into a tailspin of anxiety, panic, and flashbacks.🦋 It's exhausting, isolating, and at times feels never-ending🌼🌿✨But I refuse to let this disorder define me. I am strong, resilient, and capable of healing.🦋 I may have scars, but they are a reminder of my strength and courage.🌼💀🌿

🦋💀🌿I am healing...

🌼😊🦋I am a survivor, not a victim.

[wanderingibon]

i have to go work new years (cries) so in advance- happy new year!!! i wish you and all your loved ones happiness, saftey, health, and healing!! and thank you so so much to anyone who's ever left a nice comment on my art or even just liked it in general, it means more than i could express ;_; <3 i had just come out of a very painful debilitating mental health episode in 2023 and only just started letting myself draw and share my art in 2024. thank you so much!! ;_;

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 12, day 19

There we go, getting much closer to the attitude I want for Flick :D I think the last bits I need to tie down are his hands and feet. Might have to make some tweaks to the arms and legs to get everything just right, but yaaaay, progress! :D :D :D