#(And I don’t fault my parents for being disabled but I do fault them for the whole doomsday cult thing)

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.

[saltywinteradult]

“there is no way in hell Alicent is going to abandon her children” why not?

Aegon’s a rapist and Aemond’s a sociopathic kinslayer, why should Alicent be forced to stay loyal to them?

I understand Rhaenyra why loves Jace, Luke and Joffrey because what’s not to love, they’re perfect. But I cannot see Alicent genuinely loving Aegon and Aemond after everything they’ve done.

It would be 100x more radical and feminist for Alicent to choose Rhaenyra, to put herself first, to stop letting men control her.

Goodness me, I hardly know where to start with this.

I don’t know how you think parental love works, nonny dearest, but it sure as hell isn’t "I won't love my children if they're not perfect people". That’s generally not how parenthood works. And Alicent loves her children. She was sold as a child bride and endured years of rape for the sake of producing those children. Raising and protecting them has been the main purpose of Alicent’s life for twenty years. How could she not love them?

In case you need proof, Alicent physically attacked Rhaenyra, arguably the big love of her life, because she was that angry (and rightfully so) about her son being maimed. Alicent went along with usurping Rhaenyra's throne, despite knowing it would lead to war and ruin what little chance she had left of mending things with Rhaenyra, because she loves her children and is desperate to keep them safe, and she believes that Rhaenyra would kill them to secure her claim to the throne. (Whether that is true is a different discussion - what matters here is that Alicent believes it.) Alicent stepped in front of a dragon to protect Aegon, for crying out loud. Aegon being a rapist clearly tarnished him in her eyes, and yet she still stepped in front of that dragon to protect him. If that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about Alicent's love for her children, I don't know what will. So I don't know that this is a case of Alicent being "forced" to stay loyal to her children, as much as it is Alicent choosing to stay loyal to the people she loves most in the world.

I would also like to point out that Rhaenyra's children are very much not perfect. Jace and Luke both participated in bullying Aemond. In case you forgot, it was Luke who literally mutilated and permanently disabled Aemond. It doesn't matter if Aemond was in the wrong for claiming Vhagar or calling the Strong boys bastards. He wasn't, but even if he was, cutting out someone's eye is not a thing that good people do. So I don't know where you got the idea that Jace and Luke are "perfect", nonny dearest, but it sure as hell wasn't from HotD.

I'm not going to argue over whether Luke maiming Aemond is more or less bad than Aegon raping Dyana or Aemond killing Luke (which is his fault, even if in this version of the story he didn't intend for it to happen). That's not the point. And please note, I am not making a single excuse for Aegon raping Dyana or Aemond killing Luke. I'm simply pointing out that it is extremely hypocritical to claim that Aemond and Aegon are unloveable because of the terrible things they do, but Jace and Luke are loveable when they both do terrible things as well.

And here's the thing. Rhaenyra clearly loves Jace and Luke anyway. Why wouldn't she? They're her kids and she loves them flaws and all. So why is it any less believable that Alicent would love Aegon and Aemond? Why are Jace and Luke loveable despite their terrible deeds, but Aegon and Aemond aren't? And if Alicent choosing Rhaenyra, whom she loves, would be a feminist storytelling choice, why would it be any less feminist for her to choose to stay with her family whom she loves just as much? Why are Alicent's choices only Feminist and Radical when they benefit Rhaenyra?

Even if it were true that Alicent abandoning her family and becoming lifetime president of the Rhaenyra Fan Club would make for a more feminist story - which, to be clear, it isn't - my first priority is not for the story to be The Most Radical And Feminist™. I want the story to be good. And I do not think that making Alicent abandon her family for Rhaenyra would make for a good story. It goes completely against Alicent's characterisation to have her abandon the family we're shown time and time again that she loves more than anything else. Not only would that be a betrayal of her character, it would undermine the narrative as a whole.

For better or worse, these two women and their relationship have been made central to this story. They are foils and they've each been made into the figurehead of their respective teams in every way, down to the marketing of the show. It would simply be bad storytelling to throw off that narrative balance by having them team up. It would completely upend the story being told. The point of making Rhaenyra and Alicent's relationship so central to the show is that despite their love for each other they were still driven apart and forced to become enemies. Having them reconcile would undermine the point that this story is a tragedy.

[g-n-c-quoi]

i feel like the idea of “treatment” when it comes to being disabled is a very complex and nuanced concept and the way able bodied society as a whole but doctors especially approach it fails to address most of those nuances and in doing so fundamentally fails to meet the needs of disabled people. which, of course, is nothing new really, but i think a lot about this particular aspect of it and how deeply detrimental it can be

anecdotally, a lot of my personal experiences with doctors involved them prescribing me treatments that were, at best, completely asinine, and at worst, actively harmful to my health, and then treating it as a personal moral fault of mine that i wasn’t enthusiastically pursuing them

for example, i insisted repeatedly to my parents and providers alike that physical therapy for my EDS was proving not only agonizing in the short term but appearing to have little if any benefit in the long term, and was repeatedly brushed off because i “just wasn’t doing it consistently enough” and it was insisted to me on multiple occasions that this was the only way for me to feel better, while at the same time i was being denied access to mobility aids because they didn’t want me to become “dependent”

a lot has changed since then and as i’m learning more about my body and how to take care of it it baffles me how much more pain i was in on a daily basis and how little anyone around me was willing or able to help

and, like, i know none of this was a result of outright malice. i am lucky enough to have had most of my doctors be, at the very least, genuinely intending to try to help me. where the shortcomings were was in the response to me not engaging with a form of treatment that was proving to do more harm than good.

i think this happens for two reasons, the first being one we know already, which is that people in general- doctors in this case, but people as a whole- do not like being wrong. when what they have learned to be immutable fact proves to have exceptions, the way every rule does, they cannot comprehend it. some even take personal offense. it’s like, “i know your body better than you because i went to school for it and you didn’t”. a lot of disabled people are deeply familiar with this one, because it’s deeply pervasive in the medical field especially.

the other reason is that people cannot comprehend the idea of refusing something that is intended to make you feel better. when i went off my meds, when i would refuse over the counter painkillers, when i would flake out of therapy of either the physical or mental variety, i was met with shock and outrage because “i wasn’t trying to get better”, never mind my repeated assertions that these things were not helping me get better in the first place. no one could imagine i would opt out of something that was done to improve my symptoms for any reason other than teenage petulance, and so all of my concerns and complaints were dismissed as just that.

and, of course, now that i’ve found things that do help me- occasional mobility aid usage, medicinal use of cannabis, etc- it’s dismissed by all the same people as risky and not worth it. the same concerns i had about the treatments i was receiving.

another issue is the fact that once the one default Thing for your condition doesn’t work or you don’t want it they basically treat you like you’re out of options and are just doomed to feel like this forever. for me it was physical therapy, and in another case the stimulants i was prescribed when i was first diagnosed with adhd that they took me off of and then never tried anything else until like four years later

the whole thing is set up to make disabled people as reliant on doctors as possible for things that may not even be the best option for them

[compassionatereminders]

my parents were both traumatized by their parents. i know this isnt their fault. but it means that i’ve spent the entire 23 years of my life living in a terrifying and unpredictable hell under their emotional immaturity. and it traumatized me. i have spent years and years of my life crying to them from all ages, 7, 10, 13, 16, 18, begging them to understand that the way they have been hurt is causing them to hurt me. and every single time their reaction, to the little 7 year old or to the grown 23 year old is “fuck you, stop being such a martyr. stop acting like youre so abused. you think we’re so fucking horrible don’t you?” i think that’s pretty malicious. after 18 i started seeing that my three young sisters, all of them under 17 at present, were being led down a similar path, and i started desperately trying to get them to see that they are hurting ALL of their children, that it doesnt have to be this way, that theres still a chance to give them a better shot at life than i got, that its not their fault that they were so hurt and theyve never learned better ways but it is their responsibility to try to heal and better themselves to not traumatize their children! and every time their reaction is “fuck you, now you think WE’RE the crazy ones? i CANT change and i don’t need to change!” i think thats a pretty stubborn, malicious refusal to get better, in the face of now fucking up their 10 year old, 14 year old and 16 year old. i have laid it all out to them as compassionately as i can! they have access to the same resources i do, free therapy, medications paid for by the government, they have support systems of more friends than i do! what barrier could they possibly face at this point other than hiding the shame of what theyve done behind their own inflated egos? i dont think there is ever an acceptable excuse when the wellbeing of children is involved.

When I criticize ableism as a system of discrimination and oppression that is unfairly upheld to punish all disabled people regardless of context, I don't actually mean to imply that individual disabled people can't be abusive or that having a disability justifies abuse. What you went through isn't fair, and you get to be angry about it, but I shouldn't have to always add 700 disclaimers about how of course disability doesn't justify abuse in order to talk about ableism in general

[tarochimochi]

Loser’s parents, Failure and Prize

The theme today was cake meeting Loser’s family but that got me thinking. What about Loser’s family since Cake has a dad?

So meet Loser’s parents, Failure and Prize. He gets his cubeness and pattern from his dad, but his shiny ivoryness from his mom.

(Their not great people, don’t get attached to them)

So hc and lore below undercut!

I’ve been super fixated on writing about Loser and Winner lately because I think their such interesting characters and their so much untapped potential for them.

Trigger warning for internalized ableism, ableism, child neglect, child abandonment, and parental abuse.

I really love the idea that Winner and Loser are opposites in alot of ways. I read this absolutely lovely fanfiction here (Read the warning before you do) and it made me like the idea that while Loser was always the more popular one of the duo. Loser was always jealous of Winner for other things. (Btw for context Winner and Loser have been in the industry since they were really young, I’d say 8-10)

Winner has a mom who loves them for who they are and is always their to support them no matter what. She is their every step of the way for them, and is their biggest fan because they wanted to be in the industry. While Loser doesn’t hate being in the industry and actually likes it, he was more so forced into it by his dad with little interference from his mom. Everyone really loves him though because he has that natural charisma.

If Winner makes a mistake and gets down on themself, Winner’s mom is always on the set to comfort them and hang with them in the trailer. It’s rare if Loser’s parents show up, let alone would talk to him if he ever messed up. If they were on set though Loser would get the yelling of a lifetime from his dad.

Loser was jealous of how when they were younger, Winner could always do the cool action packed things. In my original Loser reference sheet, I stated that I headcanon Loser as being disabled but not specifically GERD, Fibromyalgia, Arrhythmia, and POTS. Let me tell you as someone who has three of those diseases, it is so painful sometimes. Loser can push through it, but his dad shames him for “Your co-star is doing better then you, fix that.” leading to his extreme internalized ableism in himself where he feels he can’t talk or show any weakness around others or people will not see him as the guy he sets himself up to be.

After Loser and Winner have their duo break up, his dad really emphasizes he thinks it’s his fault their little thing fell apart. On the flipside, he’s happy now that he “eliminated” what was holding him back.

Now where’s Loser’s mom during this? Being a bystander and not interfering with anything. Loser and his mom barely interacted even in his childhood.

I guess moral of today’s Losercake post is, after years he reconciles with Winner and is kinda just his new family now. Found family and all!

I have some more Loser’s parents writing ideas that I would love to speak about, but most of them come from the general experience of being Asian American and my headcanon of Loser being Wasian, and I don’t know if people want to hear that to much? Maybe another time!

Shoutout to my qpp btw

[glyphsn-noises]

i’m actually so upset my parents didn’t tell me i’m dysgraphic and dyspraxic.

i went through my whole academic years so far of teachers telling me that the only reason that they didn’t give me a good grade was because of something i can’t change. i went through my teachers telling me that they don’t think i put enough effort and that “you just need to work harder “ on my handwriting. I never had an excuse or a way to explain that i really really just can’t do that UNTIL TODAY.

why did no one tell me it actually hurts so much i could have been understood so much better if some teacher had just actually took the time to understand me. I know to others it might not seem like a big deal to be dysgraphic but to me it is especially because i care a lot about my grades and being told that it’s like it’s my fault when i have worked so hard just to be able to even walk without hitting myself into something constantly and been into therapy since i was 4. it’s really annoying that i could have advocated for myself and proven that i am not stupid or like unable to do well in school just because of my issues with motor skills and verbal processing.

IF YOUR KID HAS A DISABILITY YOU TELL THEM!!!

[ssruis]

Idk the treatment of saki’s disability by the writers just irritates me bc like (& full disclosure this is written by someone who’s chronically ill but able to live w/o major symptoms) there’s so little thought put into how her disability specifically intersects with her mental health & overall life beyond a general Inspirational Look At Her Go She Can Overcome Anything type of take.

I dislike fully articulating my thoughts but to sum it up my experience with my own chronic illness was manifestation at 18 -> horrifically managed for 2 years bc doctors/parents did not take it seriously -> in so much pain that I couldn’t really move until i was put on immunosuppressants during peak covid and I watched close friends treat me like a burden for wanting the group to take covid precautions/abandon me because I couldn’t Party Hard anymore (to the point where one friend brought me somewhere where her friend fucking had Covid and sat next to me & then she texted me the next day like whoops heehee) -> severe depression & life ruining ensued. My family had to deny a good insurance opportunity bc my RA was an existing condition & they wouldn’t pay for my meds for two years and I had the fun side effect of my mom implying it was my fault/it was a burden over it. Etc etc. I don’t want to get into the full story because it’s unfun and also lengthy but I want to provide context for why saki’s treatment bugs me.

Her not really caring about honami/shiho not visiting bugs me. I get that life gets in the way but them going (semi?) no contact is a little shitty. Being disabled & not being allowed to be upset about the treatment you receive from your loved ones because you know they don’t see it as a big deal is. So frustrating. She deserves to be upset with them for that and have a conversation about it. There’s so much pressure on people w disabilities to essentially go “yeah I am a burden it’s my fault so I’m grateful you’re even spending time with me” that’s reflected in saki’s story and never challenged.

I’m too tired to articulate the complexity of her dynamic w tsukasa but it also frustrates me that it’s only touched upon that saki feels like she inconveniences him by being sick/she thinks him going out of his way for her is a burden. I love tsukasa and I’m obsessed w how much he cares about his sister but I also think saki deserves to be frustrated with how neurotic he is about an illness that isn’t his own.

So much abt being disabled (especially for those who are more affected than I am - I want to make that clear) is being told by society that you are a burden for needing accommodations/costing your family money/struggling with things able bodied people can do/etc. & saki very clearly feels a lot of that but it never gets challenged. Something that’s always stuck with me was seeing a tiktok where someone was like “actually I AM a burden bc I cost my parents money for antidepressants/adhd meds” which was so…. Buddy as someone on those meds and also 4/5 other drugs to manage the chronic illness I don’t want to hear shit from you abt being a burden. Imagine having panic attacks over career choices & fucking up your schooling permanently because you’re petrified of not having stable insurance to pay for the overpriced meds that keep you from being in agony and your friends/family don’t take it seriously because you look fine even though you can barely move without extreme pain and nobody in your life understands it or attempts to do so and you feel like the doctors don’t care because they give you meds & no diagnosis and you’re still in a pain that defies description. And your disability gets in the way of your passions and you can’t just muscle through it because doing so would fuck your body up even more. & then get back to me. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Moving on.

I don’t know if the colopale writing team has anyone w a disability but I feel like saki’s chronic illness essentially being a thing of the past & she’s just like “I’m fine now” is shitty. Ig it fits with her character but also she’s a fictional character and the writers are capable of addressing this. and they’re not. I want to see saki being told that she’s allowed to be mad and she’s allowed to feel unwell and she’s allowed to not be inspiration porn and she’s allowed to have ugly feelings and address those & that she’s not a burden and it’s ok to rely on others when you’re struggling.

[dufferpuffer]

Dufferpuffer Lupin fiend… I want to know what you think: do you think Lyall knew about the Order of the Phoenix? Do you think he knew what his son got up to after graduation?

I believe he’d be very eager to support his son (financially, offering him a home), and Remus would be very eager to decline that support - but would he eventually say “it’s fine dad, I actually don’t need a job because I’ve been camping out at my rich friend’s house, which became a headquarters for a guerrilla, which I fight for full time, so don’t worry about me”?

I have a small obsession with Lyall and I am a Lyall survivalist (I believe he lived to bury his son). The reason for my obsession is because I hate the old overused children’s adventure trope of dead parents! I think it’s delicious to try to make sense of a relationship that could be very complex and problematic.

Could he have been someone like Andromeda and Ted, not an order member, but a distant supporter? Or would he disapprove completely? Or would he be completely ignorant?

it is I, the Loopy Lupin Fiend I too am a Lyall Survivalist - I wrote a little thing ages ago, just a tiny little story about Lyall walking up to accept Remus' Merlin of Honor on his behalf while being haunted by what he has said about werewolves in the past. Just a silly thing :) Maybe needs a rewrite idk, i'm no writer. I'm a yapper. I yap.

Remus is the sort of man who cuts off those he cares about most. If it weren't for the war he would have NEVER spoken to Harry, Sirius, Albus... anyone ever again. He would have fled when Tonks showed any amount of love for him. He would have fled Arthur's unwavering support and Molly's kindness despite her fears and prejudice.

He would have held their positive feelings in his heart like treasured memories and not dared ruin them with the disappointment he would surely bring. Leave them happy.

That is what I think he did to his father. He 'killed' his mother, after all. Just a sweet accepting Muggle, and she died earlier than she should - after his childhood left her thin and weak from stress. (of course he DIDN'T kill her, but the stress parents show when looking after disabled children... it hurts us. Speaking as a disabled child, it hurts a lot seeing parents suffer from being unable to help. it feels like it is our fault for being unwell, confusing and hard. Remus is the type to REALLY blame himself.)

He didn't want to put financial or social strain on his father, who already would have been a target: Specializing in the study of Boggarts and Dementors and such - the exact Dark Creatures Death Eaters use... alongside the fact he insulted Fenrir personally...

I don't think Remus told him shit. I think Remus cut contact completely, at least for the war - maybe, hesitantly, letting his dad know he was alive afterwards... But the best thing he can do for the people he loves is let them live without him - and I think he truly loves and idolizes his dad. He knows Dementors inside and out, and the first think he caught and taught at Hogwarts was Boggarts. His dads specialty.

I think Lyall would be supportive of the whispers of an 'Order of the Pheonix', a secret group maybe perhaps curated by Dumbledore. An underground illegal militia working outside the Ministry. He may have worked with the ministry himself sometimes - but he has seen their incompetence first-hand and experienced their lack of support for the most vulnerable in society.

But if he knew Remus was a part of it all he would do was worry, even if he was proud of his son... so Remus wouldn't tell him. If anything - just let him know he was safe and well (even if its a lie) and he wasn't being pulled in by Fenrir's nonsense.

I like to think he wrote to Lyall telling him he was going to work at Hogwarts. Albus hired him - he was going to be a professor!!! That every time he wrote to his dad it was good news, and Lyall treasured the fleeting contact with his son - even if he knew if he ever wrote back "Come see me sometime!!!" Remus wouldn't respond.

[rmgold-blog]

Insane Wanda stans being like ”how dare you deny wanda is your mom. you don’t know what she did for you”

Well lets say Billy did know, that he for some reason finds out everything about Multiverse of Madness. You guys really think Billy would be all ” oh god mom I’m so happy you wanted to kill a child to see me, or mom I’m so glad you slaughtered an entire village for me.”

Like the delusion going on? I don’t care if he finds out about the darkhold corrupting her( more than she already was in WV), I still think he would be horrified over it.

I’m sorry but I can’t see the Billy we’re gotten to know over the season would be grateful for what Wanda did for him and Tommy

She didn't do anything for them. She did it all for herself. There was some misguided reasoning she was using that her children would want to be with her - but not the children she was seeking out. And again, it comes from a sense of selfishness. That they need her.

But at the end of the day if a child says something along the lines of "X isn't my parent". That is on said parent.

If a child doesn't feel loved by a parent, that's the parent's fault.

(Even if an outsider knows how much effort that parent puts into giving a child the life they had and said child is a spoiled brat who never learned empathy - that's on the parent.)

(And I'm sure there are outliers in cases of mental disabilities etc, but that's not what we're talking about here.)

But it's insane to me to see Billy say Wanda's not his mother, and then blame him for feeling that way.

For Wanda stans: if theres anyone to blame it's the writers. Not the child.

To me it's a very nuanced and compelling story though! It's not a bad thing!

Wanda does clearly love her kids but she strongly needs to be loved. She lost everything and was desperate to have a normal life - and to avoid the grief, so she turned to selfish means to fulfill her desires.

And she was put in an impossible situation - to continue to force a town to do her bidding or to give up her life with her children. I do think she made a good choice - for the good of everyone - but I don't think there was a right choice there.

And just because she does love her kids - doesn't mean she was a good parent. It doesn't mean that they knew she loved them. If doesn't mean they owe her that love in return.

It's all very complicated and nuanced.

And this isn't the end of the story - just because as of right now Billy doesn't consider Wanda his mother doesn't mean that (if she does end up coming back) that relationship can't improve. That Wanda can't learn and grow. That Wanda can't amend her past mistakes.

It also doesn't mean that if all Billy has is her memory and other people's accounts of her, that he can't grow to understand why she did those things and still have complicated feelings about her.

The human experience baby - it ain't cut and dry.

On a parting note - I do think it would be really interesting if/when we get Tommy back that him and Billy have differing perspectives/feelings about Wanda.

Maybe Tommy doesn't really have an alternative mother figure and clings to the past and Wanda. While Billy has a few mother figures now, and he doesn't have those same feelings for Wanda.

And maybe they like butt heads about that. Could be fun.

[creature-wizard]

The alt-right pipeline is so easy to fall into and I’m absolutely devastated to finally realize there isn’t anything I can do to help my parents out of it. My living situation makes me reliant on them to live, and my relationship with them has always been rocky and abusive. But I really had hope that when I was older and had more words and skills to deal with things that I could have an actual relationship with them. Now I realized that it’s just not possible anymore.

This is so devastating to understand, because even through everything, I love my parents. I had so much hope that things would get better when they finally come out of the Mormon church. But now that hate/fear is just pushed onto other things.

The beliefs they have now are just “vaccines cause autism” “chem trials are real” “systemic racism/oppression isn’t real” “if you aren’t someone with a visible disability or don’t have high support needs you are just lying and making excuses” “there is a higher order controlling things” “climate change isn’t real” “the government is putting fluoride in the water to control you” “taking psychedelics will help you break out of the matrix” “oppressed people aren’t actually oppressed they are just lazy” “trans people aren’t real and taking hrt is actually worse for you” etc.

If I try to challenge them I’m met with “you aren’t living in reality, you are closed minded to my side, you are just not educated enough to have a say, you are too emotional to have anything valid to say.” Or they get offended and think that I’m calling them personally Nazis and racists that are actively going out and causing harm.

I feel that I’m yelling at a brick wall. There’s nothing I can say to help change their mind. There isn’t anything I can say to defend myself or question them that doesn’t make them think I’m some stupid, ignorant, or an over sensitive snowflake. I can’t hold them accountable or try and reframe things without them disregarding my validity/perspective.

Realizing my parents will never respect me as a person or fully love me as their child because of these conspiracies is devastating. I understand that sometimes people just need to be in the presence of a different perspective or way of life to come to an understand it. Like sometimes people need to be challenged and taken out of the echo chamber to get a different idea on a topic. Was me being their kid and gay, help them to understand that gay people aren’t bad, yes probably, but at this point I feel there isn’t nothing I can do anymore. My existence doesn’t make me obligated to be your teacher of respect and understanding. I’m no going to risk my sanity to maybe push them into a different mindset anymore.

Anyway, what I want to say to people is, choose your battles. Please don’t risk your safety to question a brick wall, love yourself and understand you aren’t at fault here. It’s okay to grieve that relationship and move on. I understand that not everything is easy but just be aware of your safety and sanity. Try to pivot conversations to different topics or physically leave the conversation or set topic boundaries with them. Just stay safe please and take care of yourself in situations like these.

Oof. So sorry you have to deal with this. And you're right, you really do have to pick your battles and look out for yourself.

[fairycosmos]

really urgent

do you have any advice for dealing with violent, aggressive younger siblings? I try to avoid them both as much as I can but I you know tell him to do the dishes or no, I won’t share my food with him and he’ll kick me, scream or yell and he always taunts me oh are you scared I’ll hit you? and I’m physically disabled, weak, have no balance and it’s so humiliating. and I just have to take it and pretend I don’t care. I also always tell myself to just ignore him like never interact with him again unless my dad tells me to or sth and only then but idk I can never keep my promise. UGH now I’m crying because I don’t know what to do. Like they both threaten violence, one is 15 the other 19, but they’re both really strong and muscular. None of my friends understands because most of them are only children or simply don’t live in an insane family. I hate them both so much and I hate that I’m scared of them and that they know it. They’re also both big misogynists and this is like stuff that they’ll brag about to their friends. I’ve tried telling my parents but they don’t really listen, they either don’t believe or tell me it’s my fault if they retaliate. I also can’t tell my grandparents bc it’s humiliating and also I think they would think that I’m exaggerating. But idk what to do and it’s getting annoying. and also dangerous. help (like there’ve been times my brother and his friends have chased me through my town I mean literally, like I had to run away and hide. Or times when the older one has p*ssed on my bed. The older one also at times has threatened to use a knife on my mom and cut her, so she’s also scared off him, which is why she won’t intervene) 😐

hey, thank you for reaching out to me. this is so so messed up and i'm so sorry you have to deal with it - i literally can not fathom the gravity of what you're going through and the fear you have to live with every day. it's completely unacceptable and no matter what, there is no justifying the shit you've been forced to put up with - while i absolutely understand that your parents are scared of your brothers too, they have a duty of care and responsibility to protect you and they are not seeing it through by allowing this to continue. i know it's very nuanced and i'm not blaming anyone other than your brothers for how they're acting, but none of this is fair to you at all. i also understand that telling your grandparents seems like a scary, daunting prospect but if it is something that is on the cards i really urge you to consider it. write down what you need to say if that helps you get your thoughts organised. if you're worried about having to prove their behaviour, would you parents not at least consider backing you up on this? are you able to record a snippet of these meltdowns to show them? though you truly should not have to go to those lengths, it's awful. you just deserve all the support you can possibly get, and i don't want fear of not being believed to stop you from seeking that.

this is a very serious situation and i'm worried about giving you the wrong advice that could possibly exacerbate things. staying in your room and completely disengaging from them as much as possible is definitely recommended as a first step, but there has to be other resources you can possibly look into. i'm going to leave various links below that can offer you that support and those coping mechanisms and i hope you at least check some of them out - i wish i could offer more insight myself but your brothers sound extremely dangerous and i think it's urgent that you reach out to family, friends, communal support, your GP, or the authorities that are actually tangibly around you. i know that's infinitely easier said than done, and i'm not expecting you to gain some superhuman amount of courage that will allow you to sort everything out overnight. that's not your job. it is absolutely 100% understandable that you are scared and traumatised by their actions. what i am saying is that you are clearly at a place where you know this isn't right and that it can not continue, and that the resources below can help guide you towards reaching out and also coping with the situation at hand. i hope you're able to check them out, even just one or two, and implement them into your life moving forward. again, i'm so so sorry you're dealing with this and i hope you know that there are people who can help, that you are not doomed to live in this exact situation forever. sending so so much love your way, please reach out if and when possible. you do not deserve this and i am rooting for you with all of my heart. if you need a friend, someone to talk to a more specific form of support please reach out to me and i will try my best to help as much as i am able. x

if you're under 18 - please please consider reaching out to a teacher, a friend's parent or CPS/childline (resources for that here, here, here and here.) if you are in ever in immediate danger, call the authorities immediately. it is ok to put yourself first.

info on sibling abuse

international abuse helplines

disability and abuse helpline

getting help for domestic violence

domestic violence safety plan pdf

info on toxic siblings and estrangement

living with abuse: coping mechanisms pdf

abuse: self help guide pdf

the survivors handbook: support for disabled women

disability & abuse resource

simple trauma coping mechanisms pdf

coping with trauma worksheets/exercises pdf list

how to report domestic abuse 1

how to report domestic abuse 2

how to report domestic abuse 3

women with disabilities: how to identify abuse and get help

anxiety: coping mechanisms pdf

healing from domestic abuse pdf

surviving domestic abuse pdf

domestic abuse: survivors handbook pdf

identifying and coping with emotional abuse

[mandana-the-service-pup]

Off-Leash Dog Hot Take?

In general, I’m against having dogs off-leash in public areas. This is especially true in areas such as neighborhoods and parks where you can expect traffic, kids and on-leash dogs. It’s illegal, incredibly inconsiderate of other people and almost always an unsafe situation for the public and your dog. Its not the way to train a dog how to be off leash and it doesn’t make you look like a competent dog owner. It makes you look like a jackass.

But most of the time I’m not going to confront you. If your dog appears well-trained and you make an effort to keep your distance then I’m just going to stay hyper-aware of the situation and probably leave the area. My actions are very clear and both my dog & I wear signs that say we don’t want to be approached. Yelling at you from a distance would only escalate an otherwise neutral situation. I’m not going to do that.

But here’s the thing. If your dog comes towards us, I’m going to prepare myself for a dog attack. I’m going to put my dog behind me and blare my airhorn in your dogs face. I’m going to throw things at them. Kick them. Prepare to use my stun-gun on them if they get close enough. I don’t owe you anything. I don’t have to accept your dog as friendly just because you say it is and I sure as hell don’t have to be humane towards a dog that is assaulting us.

It’s not your dogs fault and I don’t want to punish them for having a stupid owner. But at the end of the day my responsibility in that situation is to keep my dog safe. I’m the only one who is going to protect my dog from physical and mental harm. I’m the only one who is going to protect them from legal accusations if something goes down between our dogs.

So if you’re the kind of person who allows your dog to run loose in public just keep this in mind:

Dogs get hit by cars all the time. A lot of them were frequently off-leash for months or years leading up to their accident. Their owners thought it was fine and that their dog was trained but it only takes one mistake to lose a leg or their life.

Dog phobias, elderly, parents with little kids, pregnant or disabled people. There are many reasons why someone would not want to have to deal with your off-leash dog and even if you have them “under control” just seeing them without a leash is enough to cause a huge amount of distress in someone.

Lots of on-leash dogs are dog aggressive or reactive. Unless legally prohibited due to their bite history, those dogs have just as much right to be in public as your dog does. That said, many of them would love nothing more than to bite the throat of your friendly pet and thrash them until they stop moving.

Service dogs exist. Just because you don’t see them in your area doesn’t mean you will never cross paths with one. Off-leash dogs are a huge liability for service dogs and their handlers. Even if it doesn’t lead to an attack just being a high level distraction to a disabled person who’s trying to go about their day is incredibly ableist.

[philsmeatylegss]

Honestly I can’t keep quiet at this point. This generation and tiktok mostly made autism a fucking quirky trend and it makes me want to slam my head in a wall. I genuinely believe 70% of people online who claim to be autistic are not or either are confusing it with another disorder (on tiktok it’s 95% I’m not remotely exaggerating). iT’s A sPeCtRuM NO SHIT DUMBASS. I fucking grew up with an autistic sibling and I was constantly in other places with autistic kids who were higher and lower on the fucking spectrum. But none of them act remotely like the fuckers on #actuallyautistic on fucking TikTok. Controversial opinion I completely stand behind is that self diagnosis isn’t reliable expect for a few conditions. By that, I mean conditions that have clear cut symptoms. You’re always anxious about everything, you probably do have anxiety. But when it comes to Autism, that’s such a fucking complex disorder that even a lot of doctors don’t fully understand. 100% agree that many women, POC, and those who grew up poor couldn’t get a diagnosis and got it later in life. As I said, I was constantly around autistic kids and most were white men. It’s an absolute mockery and disgrace to those online and in real life who actually suffer with Autism. Including people on the high end of the spectrum! Most of these people say they’re autistic and then list the symptoms of anxiety. It’s not a fucking quirky trait or an excuse. It’s not fucking trendy.

And I can’t say anything like this on platforms like tiktok or id be ripped to shreds. People who have little to no real life experiences or knowledge about Autism attacking someone who was always so close to autism that it fucked me up (I know it’s not my sibling’s fault before you yell at me). I’m fucking tired of it. I’m so fucking tired

Very recently the term “glass child” came out which describes siblings of a child with a physical and or mental disability and or a chronic/life threatening illness. The term comes from the fact that a constant feature of being a glass child is being seen through, forgotten, our voices ignored. And when we, people who have had close years of interactions with these disorders try to explain to you why you might be wrong and you just fucking shut them down, you’re just as bad as the people who ignored me when I was growing up.

It happens on here to. Definitely not as often and definitely not as obvious. But I fucking hate that it’s become a fucking trend on here. Yes, I know it’s a way for those with autism to cope, but a lot of people reblogging it are neurotypical. I’m glad it’s a way to cope, but autism isn’t a fucking funny punchline. It is half of the reason I’m fucked up (once again, I don’t blame my sibling).

Remember in 2020 on mostly tiktok and other face showing platforms being LGBTQ+ was a trend and now people say “I’m glad I’m over that phase?” The same fucking thing is happening now with autism. And what’s worse is that it undermines the credibility of those who are actually suffering with autism. I can promise you in the next few years, there will be tons of posts like “remember when I thought I was autistic? Lol worst period of my life, so cringe.” And then it’ll fall back into obscurity once it stops being a trend and when people forget about pretending to be autistic and no one will give a fuck. It happened with fangirl culture. With being LGBTQ+. Only this is more important and not a fucking trend

Idk if I’ll get hate for this or delete it, but I can’t handle it anymore. This really mostly applies to tiktok, but this happens on every single platform. And it genuinely upsets me and I can’t even point out this problem. For fucking once in my life, LISTEN TO ME. I’ve been there. I was there the whole fucking time. I spent my entire childhood dealing with autism and severe mental illness from my parents. I went to so many doctors with him. I couldn’t chose where I wanted my birthday or celebrations about me because it wouldn’t be good for my sibling. Pictures, lines, family trip were filled with screaming. Leaving events early because my sibling couldn’t handle it. Sitting and waiting for him to stop having a tantrum in my room and having fucking no one ask if I was okay. Having none of my emotional needs met do to Autism and other present mental illnesses from my parents. I KNOW WHAT AUTISM IS LIKE. I SPENT EVERY FUCKING DAY SINCE I WAS BORN TILL I WAS 18 RIGHT NEXT TO AUTISM. I DIDN’T GET A BREAK. I WON’T BE ABLE TO LAUGH IN A FEW YEARS BECAUSE I CLAIMED TO BE AUTISTIC. I’M NOT SURE MY BROTHER WILL BE ABLE TO LIVE ON HIS OWN AND HE’L HAVE TO FUCKING LIVE WITH ME. THAT’S THE FUCKING REALITY. THAT’S WHAT AUTISM IS. IT’S NOT BEING AWKWARD AND SOMETIMES OVERWHELMED BY OBJECTS OR SOUNDS. I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT BECAUSE I WAS THERE. I HAVE 18 FUCKING YEARS OF UNDERSTANDING WHAT AUTISM IS. I’VE BEEN AROUND MANY OTHER AUTISTIC PEOPLE WHEN MY BROTHER NEEDED SERVICES FROM AUTISTIC ONLY PLACES. I COULDN’T FUCKING YAWN FOR YEARS WITHOUT BEING SCREAMED AT. FUCKING YAWNING. AND THEN I WAS ASKED TO STOP YAWNING! THAT IS AUTISM.

My mom works with teens and young adults who are close to the bottom of the spectrum. These children will never be able to have a life. A lot of them don’t talk. Or they only scream or say random words. Some do repetitive actions, often ones that cause injuries. Bigger male student have to be restrained by two or three men because they will not stop hitting themself of breaking property and are unable to stop. That’s what it’s like. At most, Walmart has a program for special needs adults to be baggers. Once they graduate, they live with their parents and then their siblings. Or they go to care home that specializes in autism. We’re fortunate that if it were to come to that case, we would be able to afford a nice one. But most parents or siblings of autistic children don’t have the money to send them to caring facilities. That’s the reality. That’s what you’re claiming to have the same diagnosis as (I KNOW ITS A SPECTRUM). I pity the real autistic people and glass children on platforms on tiktok or really any platform that are having the severity of their illness become a fucking trend.

I’ll probably delete this. But I’m just so fucking upset about it and I’m not fucking allowed to point it out. I wasn’t listened to my entire childhood because of a condition you’re claiming to have. Just for fucking once listen to me

[frilledshark-enthusiast]

Big mouths issues and solutions 

First what they do well 

Overall I don’t think this is a bad or “problematic” show. It’s a show made to make children going through puberty feel less alone and it does that job well. It also handles a lot of sensitive topics very well, for example, divorce, absent parents, homophobia, transphobia and many more. As well as giving criticism I will also be also be giving suggestions and ideas because we don’t give criticism if we haven’t thought about how to fix it 

Over all I only have 2 really big issues with the show. The blatant caricature of a developmentally disabled person and the normalization of abusive households. 

I will give it to them that in later seasons they have addressed jays situation as abusive and traumatizing but they have still not with Andrew, a character with an emotionally abusive father. This is a show for children the age of the kids in the show. Children who might be in situations like the characters. And what Andrew and jays situations tell them is that there situations are ok and normal. This is obviously a big issue. For how to fix this id say address how abusive these situations are. Continue and increase the talk about jays trauma and do something to fix and address both situations. Have an arc about jays house being looked into by cps. Maybe address the foster system and have him be put into a healthy foster family. Have Andrew’s family have to go to family therapy and work on their issues. This would not only not take anything away from the show but would add to it and have more of their target audience feel seen.  

Now my biggest issue. Coach Steve, this is very disappointing from a series that has done somewhat ok with disabilities so far (I’ve seen some valid criticisms of the kid in the wheelchair but I’m pretty sure he’s not in the show anymore). Coach Steve could have been an amazing example of developmentally disabled peoples sexuality and functioning in society. But instead he’s just the butt of the joke. Him not understanding things is continually ridiculed and made a joke of. His disability is shown to be the fault of his hormone monster being bad at his job. And maybe worst of all when he does have “sex” he’s shown not understanding what’s happening enough to consent. Overall his entire character is horrible. Since what has already been done has been done and my “fix it” is only going forward I would do an episode addressing his disability outright and addressing that what jays mom did to him was not ok. Maybe this could be an episode about him getting a home in assisted living since he is technically homeless. A episode addressing how some/most developmentally disabled people can have sex and can consent and are sexual beings. I would hire actual developmentally disabled people to help write the script and give an accurate experience. 

[trickstarbrave]

.

I feel like other adopted kids and foster kids constantly long for their bio families whenever I see them talking abt their struggles online. And I guess maybe it’s bc I wasn’t directly adopted but became a ward of the state but was basically always raised by my grandparents (who I am not biologically related to, my mom is adopted)

Past a certain age I never really missed my dad. I am completely over it. I used to get sad but I think I mostly wanted a father to feel normal and have all those “father daughter bonding moments” described by other ppl. I have my grandpa who I often call dad bc he’s the only father figure I’ve had, and I think that’s more than enough. I guess I also missed my dad himself but I’ve forgotten most of the memories ZTFXVXGJBJB

My mom talking abt getting in touch w her bio parents and I do not know how to tell her I don’t rly WANT to meet them bc they’re strangers. I have never at once felt like my grandparents weren’t my real family. My uncle is like my older brother, and tbh my grandparents have been more my parents than my mom ever rly was (not entirely her fault she is deeply mentally unwell and had substance abuse problems, but fails to recognize that was why she lost custody of me and was never really a full parental figure). My mom has even said I’m “the kid they actually wanted to adopt” instead of her and yeah that was. Weird to hear. But I guess that cements we simultaneously have a sibling body and mother and child bond with the sibling one being being strong since she views me as the spoiled youngest sibling. I don’t think I’m necessarily spoiled for that reason I think it was more so bc my mom had serious psychological issues that were effecting me and I nearly died multiple times as a baby and continued to be sick the rest of my life. Then again my mom was also disabled as a baby. I don’t know if I can trust her judgement that she was not spoiled considering her parents have bailed her out hundreds of times and made excuses for her to my uncle and I. So

Anyways that was a tangent this family is my real family. I don’t wanna blend with my dad’s and not just bc his mom is crazy and I don’t wanna meet my mom’s bio family but I guess I will if she really wants me to. Doesn’t mean I need to have a relationship w them. But I don’t really have any desire to. Maybe that’s also the autism or mental illness for me idk

I’m really afraid to like, say it around other ppl who grew up not w their bio family bc idk I’m afraid I’ll get accused as ungrateful or trying to trample on their feelings. Or that I am actually a freak and no one else feels like how I do bc my situation is so weird and convoluted or that I don’t “count” and “wouldn’t get it” bc my bio mom WAS still technically around

On a side note oh my GOD I just realized in grade school when they asked me to meet a woman in the office and she asked me a bunch of questions abt my problems at home that was a social worker. I was being interviewed by a social worker. I think I was actually being interviewed bc I missed a lot of school, came to school w random bruises and scrapes, was underweight, and didn’t react much when getting hurt. None of those were from abuse or neglect tho I was just chronically ill so I missed school and had trouble putting on weight, have a weirdly high pain tolerance, and had poor spacial awareness so I often bumped into things or fell down (I think i still do actually). I literally had no clue until now when I remembered that while writing this post VHCGUVFCHVVHVHBJ HELP

[heterochromicnachos]

Serious post, please respond appropriately and respectfully in comments, tags, and reblogs.

The treatment of autistic people on the internet and autism in general is something that has been bugging me for months, and I am entirely disgusted with how people treat them.

Important things to know

Autism is something you are born with, and is not something that develops. It is not a disease, a virus, or anything contagious. It cannot be corrected, as there is nothing to correct. The development happens in the womb, and it is not the parent’s fault that their child is autistic. Main point, it CANNOT. CAN. NOT. be caused by vaccines.

Autism is a spectrum. Autistic people are like snowflakes, as no two are alike. Each autistic person is unique in their own way.

Autistic people can experience sensory overloads, where they are so overwhelmed that they shut down. How they shut down varies. This can occur in going nonverbal, having a meltdown, and much more.

Autistic people are not always disabled or unable to speak. Remember, autism is a spectrum. The people with the abilities to talk and speak are referred to as a high-functioning Autistic. The people who have difficulties with the previously mentioned things are not high functioning, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t autistic.

Now. Let’s talk about why this post exists.

It has recently come to my attention that a tiktok account is posting their daughter’s breakdowns to the platform. You heard me correctly, they are putting their child’s sensory overloads and vulnerable moments ONLINE. and they are essentially painting their child as a bad kid, when in reality they’re just autistic.

One such TikTok occurs on a Christmas, from the looks of it. The captions claim the child is upset because they didn’t get what they wanted for Christmas. While yes, that can warrant a meltdown, it’s a difference from a breakdown. Thw mother is sitting and recording this while the father antagonizes the child, taunting them. The child then goes to start hitting the adult, which causes them to THROW the child into the couch, from where the child begins to violently hurt themselves.

This is not the effect of an unruly child. This is the effect of a child being overwhelmed to the point of not understanding what’s happening anymore and is trying to take out their emotions in any way possible. And the reactions of the parents, recording a child SELF HARMING HERSELF and did NOTHING. I am genuinely livid, and I have the overwhelming urge to find that child’s parents and literally beat sense into them. (I will not act upon this urge, however.)

Upon further investigation of the video, every single adult present is recording this child having an overstimulated breakdown, and no one is doing anything to help. This isn’t dealing with an unruly child, this is borderline ABUSE.

These videos aren’t spreading awareness, they are demonizing their child and their mental difference all for the purpose of clout.

The next topic is the use of autism as an insult and a slur.

People have begun use the phrase “autistic” to essentially the same effect as the word “retarded.” They believe they can use a word to entirely make an opponent’s argument crumble because “they don’t know what they’re saying, they’re stupid.”

It pisses me off that people think this is okay. But the minute I make fun of someone’s depression to the same effect achieved with the “autistic” argument, I’m suddenly the bad guy. Yes, making fun of their depression is not nice, but the fact that making fun of someone’s autism is perfectly fine makes me want to scream.

Finally, the representation of autism in media and online.

Autism is basically the laughingstock of mental differences. People use it as an excuse to not get vaccinated. (Even I, with a severe fear of needles to the point of growing faint thinking about them, has to get vaccinated. We are attempting to find a way to get me vaccinated anyway) They use it to make others irrelevant, and they use it to make the younger generations look stupid, claiming it didn’t exist until we made it up.

Autism has continued to get a bad rep, and I needed to get all of this information into the world. The more people know about this mental difference, the better we can help he children with autism.

Thank you for reading.