#of course i never said that part
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Someone in a group that I’m in: You’re quiet.
Me: Yeah, I was more expressive when I was younger, but then people told me I was too loud or talked too much.
#of course i never said that part#but it’s what i wanna say#social stuff#groups#autistic problems#autistic#actually autistic#actuallyautistic#autism#asd#asd problems#nd#neurodivergence#neurodivergent
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man, you know, nobody asked me, but I have such conflicting opinions on some of the fat falin art, where on one hand: it's always nice to see A Fat Body in fanart anywhere + it's being done in positive ways, for funsies and on the other hand, there is something so familiar about how you are automatically The Fat One if you are a woman simply standing next to a more petite woman, bc I've had a 0% hitrate in seeing people change Marcille's body type and keep Falin's, or change both of them. it's just Falin
#it gives me a negative feeling that I seldom/never get from seeing fat art which is rare#like she's not fat out of thin air For Fun And No Other Reason and she's not fat bc of context#(out of thin air being like just picking a character you like and changing their design just cuz. Kabru maybe.)#(and Because Of Context being the way ppl draw fat Usagi from sailor moon. which i have been meaning to do btw)#but rather she's fat just bc to be Not the thinnest woman in the room is to be fat. like it happens specifically by scale#because marcille is so much physically smaller and petite and falin is bigger in the ways that a Human Woman is bigger#than an elf woman#and it's funny bc it's something i see all the time already#people also really don't seem to have an interest in making marcille butch in fanart in a way#that is sort of sad for me bc it's like ah well she's the thin small one so of course she gets to be feminine#if you're physically bigger then of course you get to be masc of course of course of course...#i also love good butch art esp fat butch stuff but this is about the phenomenon where if you're with#a thinner shorter woman then that means you're the butch now which is a place I have been to#and I did not like it there#I think part of why That sticks it to me is bc marcille has such a Butch Girlfriend personality and falin acts so demure LMAO#but she's slightly bigger so the writing is on the wall#sergle.txt#Godspeed to you if you choose to read these thoughts in bad faith bc I can't give you more clarifying statements if I try#like I said. conflicting feelings#i don't know if anyone else has similar thoughts it May Just Be Me#I don't think ppl think about this stuff when they make their fan redesigns but it gives me a certain feeling
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MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 2 - Psyche Skills
Part 1 - Part 3
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#disco elysium#MDZS disco elysium au#jiang cheng#jiang yanli#yu ziyuan#While it's more in vogue to draw a character's skill roster tailored to them -#One of the more subtle details I love in DE is how some of the skill portraits parallel character portraits of people hbd associates with.#Theres somethine rather poetic to be said about how other people shape out thoughts and sometimes act as a 'voice' in our head.#How we are in part a collection of impressions other people left behind on us.#I am a huge Skillhead (Those are my friends! My party members! They love me! They have their own agendas and alliances!)#so of course a healthy portion of this AU is dedicated to them <3#the Int skills go basically unchanged from DE. Psy as well (with changes to a few quirks in voice).#Fys skills though...well...wwx is in a different body! Those voices belong to Someone Else.#Esp electrochem (MXY in this AU also partied to near death. WWX is withdrawing and craving substances he's never even heard of before)#While I personally don't fully subscribe to Volition Jean I *do* see Volition Jiang Cheng. The voice of your Not Brother keeping you afloat#All three of these parallels make me unbelievably sad. They are also both purple. Art is like that sometimes.#Empathy Jiang Yanli...oh man do I have a lot of thoughts about her. Disco fans Who Know....you can probably see what I'm cooking.#Authority is a really interesting skill in DE because *yes* its about power and intimidation - but it's also about finesse and respect#Titus Hardie and YZY both abuse *and* finesse how they establish their authority - in a way that leaves quite an impression.#2 more mdzs disco posts that I *need* to create and then I'm off to working on raffles <3
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-the incest diary, anonymous.
#spnedit#deanjohn#deanalastair#dean x john#dean x alastair#pleasure as a means of survival dean thesis#illusion of agency as a means of staying sane#which then of course means he is responsible for this he chose this he never said no#until he did a million times over to another father but of course only his yes was heard#i love him so much. he would feel so understood by this memoir#you left part of yourself back in the pit#supernatural#even the bones would do#i'm the one that kills you#i carved you into a new animal#*#rape//#incest//
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I've said it before, I'll say it again, and I'm sure it won't be the last time. I AM SICK AND BLOODY TIRED OF THESE MFS, HALF OF WHO DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT CURSED CHILD, BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT AN ANGSTY TEEN DARING TO BE AN ANGSTY TEEN, I WILL FIGHT THE LOT OF YOU
(this is gonna be a bit long and probably incoherent so sit down and fucking listen to me 🔫 stick with me because I'm not just complaining about albus haters)
eVERYBODY wants cOoMmpllEeXx relatable HUMAN characters - and then SHIT themselves when the flaws a CHILD has isn't just 🥺 uwu im socially awkward and traumatised 🥺. that's why scorpius doesn't get this fuckass treatment, because his terrible human flaw is that he's a bit shit at conversation and gets sad about his dead mum (generalised understatement, but this post isnt about him. dont come for me i love him 🫶🏻)
god forbid albus, who feels unloved and unwanted (with valid evidence for a teenager), albus who feels completely out of place and outcast from his entire famously-close-knit family, ablus who is well known by the world by default via Harry and hates the attention and high expectations, albus who then gets targeted and bullied by his peers because he's not as perfect and brilliant as his father, albus who is then isolated from his one friend because Harry is making irrational ptsd fueled decisions, albus who tells Harry completely sincerely that he knows he's unlikeable but he'll try and change himself and be more like his siblings because he genuinely believes that's what Harry and everyone else whos had the misfortune of meeting him wants, albus who spends the entire play trying to prove himself and fix things via idiotic childish decisions BECAUSE HES A WHOLE UNSTABLE CHILD
god forbid that CHILD doesn't react like a patient, supported, well adjusted, level headed adult. god forbid he reacts outwardly. god forbid he reacts at all, my bad. clearly he should just sniffle a bit as if he doesn't feel suffocated and helpless by everything in his life, because obviously hes just a spoiled brat who doesn't know what real suffering is. god forbid he complains or feels anything negatively, or doesn't quite grasp that other people are struggling too because he is too busy trying so hard to deal with himself and his declining mental health the best he can with basically no support or understanding. god forbid he isn't completely perfect.
you all sound like some fucking boomer telling teenagers they don't know what real struggling is, they aren't mentally ill, they dont have any problems because they have a roof over their head, they should all go to war kids are too soft these days 😫😖😱 fUCKING‼️SHUT UP‼️
he does things wrong but he knows he does and he does everything he can to fix it! and he is fourteen!!! do none of you remember what being fourteen is like 😭😭 I swear half of you have got to be basically fourteen yourselves cmon man
cause I'm seeing this fucking pattern a lot recently. not just for albus, not just in this fandom, everywhere. ‼️ no one can fucking handle flawed characters anymore ‼️ the only thing any character is allowed to have wrong with them is trauma apparently, otherwise they have to be perfect, and I'm getting sick of it. characters and stories are meant to reflect real life, they're meant to help shape our world view, why are you expecting everyone to be fucking perfect??? what happened to nuance? what happened to understanding character development? you are all acting like characters and people are so black and white. either they're perfect or they're insufferable and evil. I won't lie, the most common victims i've noticed of this are women. but the flawed women are typically demonised, whereas the men are typically turned into uwu baby boys who actually aren't capable of doing anything wrong and then fanon goes nuts making them into ittle wittle victims. and I'm so fucking sick of all of it, I hate this. (obviously this is not a strict rule. Albus Potter, and also Albus Dumbledore now I mention it, are demonised beyond belief)
BRING BACK FLAWS AND BRING BACK NOT COMPLETELY WRITING OFF A CHARACTER BECAUSE THEY DARE TO BE HUMAN
I AM FED UP, ALBUS POTTER GET BEHIND ME
#he did many things wrong BUT I PROMISE YOU HE IS MORE AWARE THAN YOU ARE#HE HATES HIMSELF MORE THAN YOU EVER COULD#this post has been building a lot because i just kEEP SEEING ALBUS HATERS AND ITS DRIVING ME INSANE#i am albus potters defence lawyer actually#also eloise bridgertons i am seeing far too many people jumping on that hate train#i know shes going through her im not like other girls i hate pink phase but OF COURSE SHE IS#SHE LIVES IN THE 1800S WOMEN ARENT ALLOWED TO DO SHIT SHE FEELS TRAPPED IN A BOX AND ALL SHE SEES IS OTHER PEOPLE PLAYING THEIR PARTS#i could talk about her a lot more but this isnt the time or place 😔✋🏻 eloise bridgerton they could never make me hate you#also sansa stark i havent even watched game of thrones but i would fight to the death to defend her#her only crime was being a naive child and yet people hate her mercilessly#these are the people coming to me off the top of my head but there are countless fucking others#we are witnessing the death of media literacy and the death of nuance and its killing me i cannot fucking do this#i sincerely hope anyone complaining about al dont ever have teenage children because they will be shit at supporting or understanding them#hpcc#harry potter#albus potter#scorpius malfoy#years spent on tumblr and i still dont know how to tag#albus severus potter#harry potter and the cursed child#scorbus#is it cheeky if i tag bridgerton or game of thrones?#it feels cheeky 😔#the marauders#tagging that too because that fandom are fucking perpetrators of this#(said as someone in it dont come for me)
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#klaus and erika were undeniably close but i think there's an element of fantasy from klaus's part#of wishing to be part of a pair#someone who knew him once said that he longed for a life companion but never found one#that companion for a time of course was erika but she couldn't be everything to him and of course she couldn't really save him#in his diaries klaus wrote something about erika being off with therese#and how by the rules of their relationship he was allowed a companion of that sort as well#but he couldn't find him and remained alone#klaus mann#erika mann
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#i've decided that my emotional mirroring is part of why my roommate stuff is so difficult#so i need to course-correct and stop getting tense when my roommate is tense (easier said than done)#however i am keeping one line from the tense mental arguments i've been having with her (imagined) to defend my behavior:#''you know at least 5 sets of people have tried to intervention me about living here. repeatedly. because of how bad it is for ME''#i feel like they're in this headspace of augh living alone is what should happen for married people hence we deserve it#and thus kaylie is blocking us from what we DESERVE#they would never say it but i think that's part of the dynamic#and then they ping pong back to reality of wait kaylie is the only reason we can afford to be married right now#also weird#i can understand why it messed me up when they were the only people i had to be thinking about and planning my daily life around#please Lord keep me stable and unaffected once i stop working. amen
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The Animal-squad and I are seeing Peter Noone from Herman's Hermits tonight!! 😎🐾✨️
#THANK YOU FOR COMING BACK TO MICHIGAN. PETER NOONE.#i've been a weekly listener of his siriusxm show for a couple years now so this is vERY EXCITING AAAAAAA#of course i really like herman's hermits a lot as is for being mickie most's nephews bUT peter himself is very entertaining and fun#HE TELLS ME ANIMALS LORE THAT I HAVE NEVER HEARD BEFORE. MICKIE MOST LORE. INCREDIBLE.#so y e s i am bringing the animals and mickie most with me to cheer him on#one day very soon i'll be making mickie most out of perler beads so i stop carrying that autograph around bUT for now.. he will accompany me#i accidentally brought my mickie most autograph with me to walmart one time lol 😔😔😔#also AAAA drew a little art of the hermits for peter noone as well!!! if i'm able to see him since i'm part of the fan club!#framed it and made a bit of a shadow box with it too!#and added a drawing of mickie most and hilton valentine on the inside 🙏 which is art i'll post later this month with an animals-versary art#i CANNOT HELP MYSELF. MICKIE MOST IS THEIR AUNT. HE CARES ABOUT THEM.#wish me luck at the fanclub dinner tonight...... hope i don't stim too much as people enable me to talk about 60s rock and animals#herman's hermits#peter noone#british invasion#60s rock#classic rock fanart#devil in her art#things i said today
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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Looks like that video is about a month & a half after The Trade and trevors broken ankle 😣
re: this video… anon 😭 i had suspicions but it is so much worse to have them confirmed that really was like. trevor’s first Public Appearance without jamie AND post-broken ankle which is traumatic in and of itself no wonder every beat reporter was like ‘oh yeah trevor’s just devastated’
wouldn’t you be miserable too if your best friend just got traded and your body betrayed you and what if it was maybe all your fault!!!
#bestie thank you so much for fact-checking me 🙏🙏🥰🥰 i love when y’all come in my inbox & answer the questions i yell into the void of my tag#we are Suffering about trevor TOGETHER in this house. if i scrolled all the way to the bottom of my drafts i think i could find even more#heartbreaking content from before The Trade but we don’t need to suffer that much otherwise the penguin cup of tea is really irish coffee#confirms ALL of my theories about miserable trevor leaning into mason for comfort because in some universes that’s THEIR boyfriend who left#liv in the replies#trevor zegras#mason mctavish#need to go lay on the floor about this one folks. do you think trevor said he would only do it if mason came if he could sit next to mason#right at the end where people were rushing out not stopping to talk tired by the end of the line and not even thinking just to guarantee he#wouldn’t get asked anything because he still has a hard time believing it’s real he keeps thinking jamie’ll be there especially w/his ankle#i’m sure he doesn’t have a great time with stairs so he probably will nap on the couch sometimes and that moment right when he first wakes#up to the bang of the door and he doesn’t quite know he’s awake yet and he thinks it’s jamie coming in? heartbreaker right there bud. sorry#ALSO because I can’t say it and leave it alone I almost put that last bit strictly in the tags but like. there’s gotta be some part of#trevor that knows it’s nothing to do with him but still naïvely believes that if he’d maybe been there if he hadn’t been injured things#could have worked out differently if he’d been there and it’s his fault his ankle broke and do you remember all the interviews jamie gave#about how you never think you’ll be traded and how strange it is to be moving and now i need you to take that naïveté times 1000 for trevor#who of course he never even pictures jamie leaving they were building the core together!!! why would they ever get rid of him!! and if only#trevor had been there to show how important jamie was. what would he have done? literally nothing but that does not stop the emotional guil#from enveloping trevor like a rain cloud and making him sit in mason’s apartment with ice cream bowl in hand. holistic treatment l
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FINALLY had time to play some Minecraft for the first time in a while and I just learned about all the new wolf variants, and you cannot tell me that Angel didn’t tame and name the ones that looked like the guys (GN) in their wolf forms after them!
#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted angel#poly.damn.ory#this has probably been said before but I’m still pretty new to the redacted fandom so#you may forgive me I give you my permission#I can’t decide which the others would be but I feel like Asher would either be rusty or spotted#David says he thinks it’s weird but like the tiniest part of him is like ‘of course I’m also protecting you in a video game 😤’#he’s like the littlest bit prideful over it lol#he’ll never admit it tho
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😦
#walks out of the swedish class with a thousand yard stare#ill be honest kitten daddys about to kill himself#and it IS this swedish course's fault#its mandatory for all studies... and it makes me wanna die so bad i hateeee it i dont understand anythingggggg#the teacher says all the instructions in swedish and half the time i dont even understand what im missing so i cant ask her to clarify#not that id like to anyway since everybody else seems to be getting by just fine#this is torture id rather pull off my fingernails than go back and its. until christmas. so the sufferings not really even begun yet#and the worst part is ill probably fail anyway so itll all be for nothing#but at the same time ive already suffered for a few weeks so i dont wanna just drop it and do it later yk??#life is agony i take back everything i said about being a career student i HATE academy i HATE learning i HATE studying#my post#nothing makes me despair like swedish class#actual misery like i never feel elsewhere
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I adore reading your rambling tags, don't stop posting things there 😩
Don't you worry. I think I might be incapable of stopping idk what happened I never used to tag ramble
#asks#anon#i do really love talking. clearly LOL#but ive also been working on listening the past few years#and thays pretty cool too#i had to learn how to think before i speak. like legitimately im not hearing the words I say#im thinking about my next sentence while i say the current one#its exhausting and i never remember what I've said HWJJJSDJEJ#but people tell me im direct and deliberate and clear so idk...#but listening is also really hard...#conversation in general is really hard#i stll love it of course#its just very tiring for me#which is PART of why I like to do this when i cant sleep cause of nightmares or whatever#tires me out haha and also is a great distraction#and is good practice! for me#so idk i just like it. and its nice to know its not annoying#i wouldn't post hardly any words at all without the safety of the tags#they're not rebloggable so thats a relief#you have to opt in to read them#the space is limited. etc etc#so. im glad it is wn option and im glad its a welcome one!#no intention to stop#thank you for the reassurance on it#delete later#maybe. I'm so tired i need to check later to see if i wnt to delete it#anxiety meds working yay i can sleep bye
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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what'd you think !!
ok so it's been a little over 24 hours now and I'm still so deeply affected by it I'm struggling to articulate my feelings on it properly. never experienced a horror movie that has left me with such total unease like this I couldn't sleep last night and I kept picturing frames of the pink opaque, the ice cream and the moon and isabel dying. there was just this entire cloud of melancholy and discomfort and unreality over me and it's still not really gone. It was the first thing my mind drifted to this morning. I didn't eat before I watched it lol (should we call bella hadid!) which didn't help but I genuinely felt so ungrounded and outside of myself and unlike myself when the credits rolled. even listening to the soundtrack now brings me somewhere else and makes me anxious. it was fantastic. it was horrific. it fucked me up good. yay?
#i found the ending totally bleak and hopeless which i know there's pushback on. which i understand#i believe even the director's said they wrote it as the perceived 'start' of the transitional journey (understanding/realisation)!#but when i watched it i fully felt in my soul that he's never getting out.#i want to watch it several more times though i think there's multiple interpretative layers and#on my first watch i was very caught up in reading it as solely trans metaphor. which of course it is that to a huge extent#but i want.to appreciate the fantastical parts and the world building and the actual story more#honestly sometimes whilst watching i didn't know what to think but it's just clung on to me#I'm carrying it and like i dont know what to do with it...#of course the answer is rewatch and then get top surgery. sadly i can't do that rn#.txt
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Was.... that supposed to be the end of FO4? 😐 Like once you've blown up the Institute you get this random nostalgic slideshow that has nothing to do with ANYTHING and that's it? You beat the game! Good for you! But we'll place you back into the world to keep playing I fucking guess? What's going to happen to your friends and The Commonwealth with all the decisions you made?😐 Don't ask us! Not like we're going to make an RPG with the infamous RPG IP, that would be silly!
#DOES ANYTHING I DID FUCKING MATTER BESIDES THE FACTION I WENT WITH TO MAKE THE INSTITUTE GO BOOM????#What in the HELL?????#I have literally NEVER been more underwhelmed with an ending in my LIFE.#At least 3 showed slides for A COUPLE things I did!!!!!!!!#Hell! When fucking Dragon Age Inquisition managed to make their vanilla pre-dlc'ed ending feel better than yours that is a PROBLEM#because that is the SECOND worst ending to a game I've ever played#& I know I said Mike took the parts to the Minutemen but I couldn't convince myself doing that made sense#the railroad and brotherhood both make sense. they have people who can figure those parts out! The minutemen... do not#I'm so MAD I put HOURS into this game 😭😭😭 I love the Fallout series SO MUCH why is ANY level of compotent storytelling#ASKING TOO MUCH???? 😭#almost 10 years late to the party but. MAN. Like the rest of the game is DECENT!!! it has flaws of course every thing ever made does#but I had SOME fun!! But like.... Bethany.... Miss Bethany Esda an ending that feels GOOD is a VERY important part of games PERIOD#YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT#kat plays FO4#fallout#FO4#with all this said yes I AM immediately starting again to play a F SS and make her more chaotic and mean. Mikey was my standard#agressively paragon good wholesome cinnamonbun run. Next character? Oh man she will cause problems ON PURPOSE
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