#npd healing

[clusterrune]

fellow narcs i have a question

what is your narc supply? what things give you a narc high?

it would be great if i could compile a list to better help people understand what a narc supply is and what a narc high is like.

i know people tend to misinterpret it as an emotional high, sometimes i myself even tend to misread my emotional highs as narc highs sometimes because of overlapping factors.

i mostly see compliments given as a narc supply, but generic compliments like "youre so cool", "i like your hair", "you did a good job" and so on dont exactly do it for me because my bpd automatically reads them as disingenuous at times. instead things like "youre so good at x i need advice from you", "i know you like x so i wanted to ask you", "you know/did xyz and thats so cool of you!" and so on seem to be more of a "narc supply" for me.

i'd love to hear from others what its like from them so i could make a list/post to help people supporting narcs understand what we need. /np /g

[kitten-forward]

[livingzomboy]

some of yall forgot, so im gonna remind you:

- Moral Purity is unattainable. This is recognized in philosophy too.

-Moral purity culture today is HEAVILY ableist

- Immoral actions can be justified

- Your personality disorder doesnt make you a "bad person" even if it makes you do "bad" things

- Moral Purists are NOT welcome in real leftist spaces

-Moral Purity is pushed even more in christianity, which should tell you all you need to know.

- You deserve love , even if moral purists label you a "bad person"

- You deserve love. Period. Full Stop.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Having survived abuse from people with mental illnesses, I know the urge to warn others to be wary of those mental illnesses. I know how often it can feel like that is your only power in life…the only action you can take against what you went through. But listen. Just because a mentally ill person caused you complex trauma, doesn’t mean you get to generalize and slander and malign every person with that mental illness.

You do not have to forgive your abusers. but you do have to heal without spreading stigma and misinformation. you do have to heal without antagonizing or dehumanizing others who are also just trying to heal. you have to help break the cycle. because nobody can heal alone.

[epick-cluster-b-blog]

so i’ve been thinking again, and i wanna make an important reminder for my fellow cluster b folks and trauma survivors.

healing involves evaluating your current behaviors, how they may be harmful to yourself and others, and then replacing those behaviors with more constructive coping skills.

in order to do that, it’s important to approach the healing process without judgment. especially when you have a cluster b disorder or any personality disorder, it can be hard not to judge yourself as a bad person because of your maladaptive behaviors. you may see yourself as selfish, for example, because of possessive or dismissive actions.

but remember that being selfish is a survival instinct—your body and mind wants to look out for itself first, that’s totally normal. even though the results of that desire may be harmful, it’s best to acknowledge and accept that those maladaptive behaviors are a trauma response, and there is no reason to judge yourself for that.

self-love can feel nigh impossible for cluster b’s but it’s so important to our healing to at least try! i love yall and i believe in you!

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

Healing npd culture is when all your friends are Going Through Shit so none of them are emotionally able to support each other and yeah you're going through shit too but you lack empathy and sympathy. And you've been practicing being a Good Person and Good Friend so you're extra good at balancing Validating how they feel while also nicely pointing out their Bullshit.

Like, I can't wait for them to be happy again and give me so much praise and attention about me and not them but until then I'm gonna get a good grade in Good Friend! See I'm the Best Friend! No one's a better friend than me!

-⚔️

.

[liyahwild]

no, im not your abuser; however, you can receive this mega super sonically abusive ass whoopin.

[a-sip-of-milo]

You're not wasting the day away by doing nothing. Sometimes productivity is not leaving the house and socialising, but staying in for the day and allowing yourself to recharge.

Sometimes productivity is sleeping until you're feeling good enough to function again or binge watching your favourite show to take your mind off how shitty this world can be. Maybe it's making yourself a comfortable nest out of blankets and pillows or spending several hours with your pets.

Self-care counts as productivity.

[the-courage-to-heal]

[salioblog]

On the Topic of Narcissistic Mothers and Self-Autonomy.

To be yourself is to commit a crime within the arms of a narcissistic mother’s house. To experiment with individuality or day to day activities is to sin under the watchful eyes of a narcissistic mother. To consider the idea of freedom regarding anything, to desire, to wish, to express, and to think are all felonies to the government made of solely a narcissistic mother.

A narcissistic mother will dictate rules to every action you commit, either mundane or vital, mother will always be in control. Mother should always be in control. To commit an action is to be her. To commit an action is to be but a copycat of her almighty image. A narcissistic mother is a tyrant, she commands, dominates, and oversees every breath.

To a narcissistic mother, you are nothing but marionette. And a marionette is silent, obedient, and soulless. If you fail to be a perfect marionette, you are but a transgressor. To dare and ruin her meticulously written marionette play is to wear a dress of immortality, a shining dress of corruption. Oh, and God forbid the existence of siblings.

Truth of the matter is, you are allowed self-autonomy by a narcissistic mother, solely to claim her own wrongdoings. She cannot taint her colourful persona black after all, she must be pristine. So, she grants you the autonomy of a trash can. Oh, yes, of course, you are allowed to exist as a dumpster when she wants to, and as a perfect image of her when she also desires. But that is about all that you are permitted to exist as. Other siblings will be angry. Other siblings will feel just like you, but if you are the scapegoat (specifically if you are the eldest), you are blamed for their anger. She did her very best raising them, but you… You are the one who corrupted them. You are the family’s cancer. If you were docile as she demands, they would have been, too. You are only granted self-autonomy when you are given the status of venom.

You are not your mother. No matter how keenly she attempts to mold you into a picture of her, as long as you resist, as long as you hold onto your own person dearly, you will never be her. Do not shatter just yet. You are destined for so much more.

-

Personal Notes.

My mother is simply not aware of the breakage she has caused in me. My mother is not aware of all the body aches this mental damage induces. My gut health is down the drain, not to mention my immune system’s function. I am physically in shambles. I am in the constant embrace of a state of fatigue. Lethal, quiet fatigue. Being me has grown extremely tiresome.

Don’t lose.

17:17 Wed Jul 31 2024

[pencrows]

Actually, no, be mad, be angry, be as upset as you want at the people that hurt you. They aren't entitled to you bottling it up and putting on a brave face so you can be seen as the "bigger person."

You're allowed to feel, and you're allowed to cry.

[clusterrune]

NPD Resource Masterpost

a whole bunch of list of this npd related for those looking to lear and/or cope.

Coping (Centered) Resources:

(1), supply list(2)

Treatment/Recovery (Centered) Resources:

(1), Strategies(1),

Actually Decent Articles:

Can a narc change(1), (2),

Misc./Unsorted:

Resource list(1)

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Getting really tired of seeing “mental health advocates” vilifying mental health conditions, especially narcissistic personality disorder. Please fucking stop

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

Healing NPD culture is learning that asking for positive attention is way more successful, likely to happen, and feels better.

No more crashes from fighting for me!

.

[smokee78]

I think there's some merit to "weaponised incompetence", executive function disorders, and "learned helplessness" overlapping, to be honest.

For a long time *this was the only way I knew how to get "help"*. until I was finally able to get out of that cycle and learn for myself

[the-courage-to-heal]

A personal message:

About a month ago I attempted to take my life. I took an overdose of dose of pills intentionally. I want to share the story of what I went through. When I arrived at the hospital a nurse told me I could keep my phone “if I didn’t cause trouble” I called my Mom and softly cried. I was told

“I thought you said you wouldn’t cause any trouble”

 I came to realize trouble meant making any noise. I immediately offered to quiet myself. That wasn’t good enough. I was told that I was not allowed to have access to my cell phone anymore. Despite the fact I apologized for crying, and immediately said I understood and would quiet myself.

The nurse advanced on me and attempted to wrestle my phone from my hands. Apparently you are allowed to physically assault somebody if you are a nurse. I want to emphasize all I did was offer to quiet myself immediately. I apologized for crying. That wasn’t good enough.

By this point I was incredibly triggered. I said I wanted to leave, and for good reason this is obviously not something you can do after attempting suicide. They were right to call in people to restrain me. However, these people would have never been called in if the nurse had shown me a shred a basic human empathy, decency and kindness. she enjoyed inflicting pain upon someone who was vulnerable.

What was wrong was them continuing to restrain me to the point I was severely bruised. I can only document in photographs what was done to me.

I fought at first, but very quickly submitted. A man held my face down into the mattress. I told him I couldn’t breathe. He kept holding my face down until I was hyperventilating, and about to pass out. I kept saying I could not breathe. They didn’t believe me until I was hyperventilating and in the process of suffocating. I was genuinely terrified they were going to suffocate me. Right when I was about to lose consciousness they finally released me.

However, my torture was not done. They tied my hand up above my head. I explained they were tearing muscles. I spent at least 10 minutes sobbing and begging them to tie me up n a way that wouldn’t physically harm my body.

They finally relented when I pointed out that tying a persons head above their arms was a form of torture that the Romans inflicted upon people they crucified. That is what it took for them to stop torturing me. They could have done whatever they wanted to me. 

I heard the same nurse abusing another patient the next morning. She told a man involved in a drunk, driving accident.

“Your problem is at the bottom of a bottle”

I looked at the nurse who was watching over me and said,

“That is cruel, they are mentally ill. Their problem is that their pain is now hurting other people. Not at the bottom of a bottle.”

That is beyond cruel. She might as well have told him to kill himself and make the world a better place by decreasing the surplus population.  I met somebody who is the living embodiment of Ebeneezer Scrooge.

If I learned anything from this experience, it is that strength has to come from within yourself because nobody will give a sh*t if you don’t care about yourself. People use you, and abuse you when you are most vulnerable.

“Help” exists for those who can pay for it. Everyone else is just surplus clogging up the system.

I have not posted a photo of myself for a very long time. I have been overwhelmed. I have neglected this blog. But I want to use my voice so other people can hear what I went through and maybe it will help them to continue going when all hope seems lost. The United States has an appalling system, that punishes the mentally ill. People dealing with suicidal ideation are human beings. They are no less deserving of respect and kindness. The most fragile among us deserve the greatest protection. Not to be feasted on by crows pecking at their corpse. I hope at the very least I have created a safe space with this blog.