#no bc when i tell you im *obsessed*
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Drew Starkey, Harry Collett, Zane Phillips, or Andrew Garfield if you’re reading this please marry me?
#sid - yaps his mouth#come morning i might come to my senses and delete this#no bc when i tell you im *obsessed*#obsessed makes me sound creepy#how about….crushing….dare i say…down bad even#im adding his picture to my manifestation journal/vision board#bc im either going to marry him or someone who looks exactly like him#but the universe and the stars are aligning itself in my favor so im gonna marry him one day
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Hagiwara, you're a good man.
WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS | EP. 4
#futtara doshaburi#when it rains it pours#fivearchive#userpharawee#userrlana#userbon#userjamiec#userrain#kirustag#rinblr#asianlgbtdrama#userrzey#i am obsessed with them and them being protective of each other like im sorry i cant help it#theyre the definition of dont tell me about your boyfriend bc even if you forgive him I WONT! you may not blame them but I DO!#the 6th one is why i had to make this like he was ..........NOT impressed by kazuaki (roommate) lmao
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high school joui 4 shenanigans
#deep breaths takasugi#the worst friend group you will ever know#only ones who can somehow tolerate each other#gintoki’s one worst quality is that he cannot shut the fuck up#i couldn’t stop thinking of them after watching daily lives of highschool boys and they’d get up to so much dumb shit actually#can you tell i kind of miss my high school days#i sound so old when i say that wtf im 19#painting has been a lot of fun lately i will not lie#but also college starts like. day after tomorrow im so cooked#GINTAMA OBSESSION PLEASE GET ME THROUGH ANOTHER TERM 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽#i might draw some ginhiji stuff to accompany this later bc of course i will#i am nothing if not predictable to my audience#anyways#sakata gintoki#katsura kotarou#sakamoto tatsuma#takasugi shinsuke#joui 4#gintama#ok bye
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gojo would kill your work husband. but if he were the work husband, that's a different story
REAL!! he’s such a hypocrite because if someone mentioned you had a work husband, his entire world would stop and he wold devise the absolute worst plans to make sure that your co-worker, everyone at your job, and everyone in the next building over knew that he was happily committed to you
but if he is the work husband, he’s very........ dutiful in his role. there’s a loose office/lawyer au in my head where satoru is your secretary, and for all intents and purposes, your personal assistant, and he’s good at his job, but mostly because he considers his job to be pleasing you. he has coffee for you when you arrive, he moves your schedule around without you asking, he has answers to questions before you can even ask them, he has fresh flowers on your desk weekly, pokes into your meetings to pretend to hand you a file that’s really just maybe a single document in a manilla folder with candy on top of it—he’s made himself your business, your partner; he’s made himself irreplaceable, and he loves to remind everybody of that fact.
he’s also extremely loyal. sure, he could day a week’s worth of work done in about a day, but that doesn’t mean he’ll just use his talents for anybody. he’s your secretary, so he’s at your beck and call, and everyone knows it. they know he’s the best, but also that he’s off limits—not because you won’t share him, but because satoru won’t let himself be shared.
he also extends his duties beyond work, of course. when he hands you a print out of your schedule for the day and you’re confused by the three-hour block of time you have in the middle of the day, satoru just helps you shrug your coat of your shoulders and smiles, “that’s for the lunch date you have with me, of course!” hanging up your coat in your closet for you, “i’m paying, see you soon, sweets.” and because you’re great at your job, and satoru helps you be great, nobody really questions when the two of you have time for a 13-course tasting menu at 1pm on a tuesday afternoon. and if they did, all satoru would say that you two had a lovely date
#anonymous#he's like donna from suits but worse because he's like if harvey were donna LOL#i have soooooo much to say about him#he doesn't really Have to work he's a nepotism baby supreme#but he met you maybe in undergrad? and he's been obsessed w you since#he knows youre a workaholic so he's dutifully sat by your side all these years through college through grad/professional school#and when you told him you got to hire your own assistant he was the very first applicant#because getting paid to spend his days with you and take care of you? he was already doing that for free might as well make it official#everyone in the office knows satoru loves you except you honestly#he probably has his own masters/JD but elects to be your assistant anyway bc that's so much more fun#what he Really wants to be a househusband but first he's gotta ask you out and propose and all that good stuff (cue him rolling his eyes#and going on about formalities and boring systems and blah blah blah)#also in the office au in my head: nanami (also senior partner) higuruma ofc <3 beloved (managing partner) and TOJI!#WALK WITH ME!#its honestly probably satoru's influence that gets toji into law... as someone who so feverently broke it in the past#idk maybe there's a megumi situation that makes gojo be like yk if ur this good at skirting/breaking the law youd probably be half decent#at enforcing it... or at least helping other people get around it too#and so lawyer toji is born#does he screw around w the rich people who r stupid w their money? absolutely#but you nanami and higuruma just let it be bc he brings in those settlements better than anybody else....#hmmm... i kinda wanna make megumi somebody's associate but also..... yuuta.....#i think i just like sticking yuuta in a tie if im being real#but anyway... satoru is your Work Husband and everyone knows he wants to be your real husband#but they just let it slide bc rumour has it even tho hes just a secretary hes got equity in the firm?? and besides that his heart eyes give#away his hopeless devotion from a mile away#the day you actually start seeing somebody outside of work... oh theyre in for Trouble#satoru x reader#him dragging you out of ur office late at night and u protesting so he just. puts u over his shoulder#and ur telling him to let u down but he's insisting u go home and then nanami pops out of his office#and ur like wait nanami this isnt what it looks like but he's so dead in the eyes when he just sighs
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so did you guys know theres this character called tristan vik disventure camp and
#disventure camp#disventure camp fanart#tristan vik#disventure camp tristan#ghostofsnails#my art#It would be SO tedious to post all of these separately but to be honest ive been dead for so long that i think its just funnier like this#like. yeah. just in case you guys have been wondering what i've been up to.#I have like 2 more i think but i'll give them their own post so i can explain them#ive never hyperfixated on a character like this in my entire life. usually a character hyperfix is super intense and lasts like 2ish weeks.#GUYS ITS BEEN 2+ MONTHS. AND I STILL CANT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR CARTOON GOTH NONBINARY SILLY PERSON#actually fuck you can i write an essay in tags about why i love them. this is tumblr. and whose even gonna read this anyways. fukit we ball#i followed dc kinda casually as a guilty pleasure for a while but i was instantly drawn to tristan when the designs for the s4 cast dropped#i was like You're telling me there's a GOTH who is UPBEAT and isnt designed like a flawless elf TWINK and is NONBINARY? ME FR????#LIKE OHH THE GOTH NB GETS TO LOOK A LITTLE WEIRD. THEY GET TO BE UNCONVENTIONAL. my aesthetic attraction to them goes crazy. vampire style.#i remember when they got revealed people redesigned them to look more generically pretty & it PAINED ME bc it missed the point SO. BADLY.#ik some people find them boring also & even tho i disagree i can see it if u dont rlly care abt alt stuff. but for me the fact theyre so#kind & upbeat & extroverted WHILE being a SUBCULTURAL GOTH is the draw bc while i do get a kick out of the exaggerated depressed goth#stereotype - its not exactly true to life and so seeing a character that looks and acts like me and real goths makes feel so seen and happy#they also capture my desire to have goth friends SO BADLY im projecting on them SO HARD. They are such top tier friend material you guys...#AND THEYRE A FASHION DESIGNER WHICH FEELS SO IN THEME WITH BEING GOTH THAT IT MAKES ME SO JOYOUS AND CRAZY.#its all so funny because im 100x more excited about getting good goth rep than nonbinary rep LMFAOOO but them being nb is SO important too#Not to mention their voice actor is FANTASTIC and elevates them SOOO MUCH. Also the amount the va is obsessed with them fed my obsession -#sooo insanely you guys.... i feed off of other peoples emotional attachments. AND THEIR ACTING FOR TRIS ADDS SO MUCH DEPTH TO THEIR#CHARACTER IF YOU LOOK FOR IT. I COULD LITERALLY WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT TRISTAN YOU GUYS. IM NOT INSANE.#god you guys this is the first time ive ever had a genuine “i feel seen” feeling from a fictional character I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE NOW.#i LOVE NONBINARY PEOPLE EXPRESSING THEMSELVES. I LOVE HOW QUEERNESS AND GOTH CULTURE INTERSECTS AND HOW THATS REPRESENTED IN TRISTAN#THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. AND I KNOW THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE. WHICH JUST MAKES THEM MEAN EVEN MORE TO ME. I LOVE LIFE.#its an endless feedback loop i fear. im trapped in it & loving every second. i will be drawing them until i am in my grave & maybe after.
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Ai Di manhandling Chen Yi for @grapejuicegay (& me)
Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#nat chen#chen bowen#userspring#uservid#pdribs#userrain#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#there's a lot going on in this set <3#but its here bc i know we all love chen yi yoinking ai di around all the time its v iconic but lest we forget#ai di can and will push chen yi's 6'1 ass around as well. when he wants to :)#like lets be real the only times he Cant or Has Difficulty is when chen yi is either 100% limp dead-weight#or when chen yi is using his whole strength against him#like. the only reason he doesnt break free when chen yi is physically CARRYING HIM IN HIS ARMS is because he DOESNT WANT TO#part of which i feel is bc. he likes it. he does. and part of which may be bc he doesnt want to fall or trip chen yi#and have them both fly ass-over-tea-kettle. cuz i feel like thats what would happen if ai di used his full strength at least#while being held several feet off the ground. like there would be blood#ive never seen a character encapsulate the word 'feral' more than ai di does.....im obsessed with him.#can you tell :)
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(non reblog post) ok but literally just thought of this, drabble of the after events of @pen--anon 's "always by your side"; not canonic, heavily inspired (no im not over the fic still why do you ask) :
VERY long post underneath the cut btw, it probably won't get as much recognition bc i cut it but idm, it's a bit too long ( ̄  ̄)
brent who DID in fact get sick from staying by sophist's side, now feverish and somewhat delirious. vern chastising him all the while sophist has gotten a bit better, atleast enough to stand up and move around a little. sophist approaching brent's bed side, forced to stay a little away for his own sake, as vern worries what will happen to his recovery if he does get sick. nick manages to get vern off his case, atleast for a little bit, earning him a small smile from sophist as he ushers vern out of the room, giving him his own lecture about taking care of himself. meanwhile?
sophist slowly caressing brent's cheek, which is squinted shut in a little bit of sickly agony. brent's eyes slowly fluttering open when he feels his touch, letting out a hoarse whisper of "sophist?.." while he sluggishly turns to face what he can only assume is sophist, albeit a humanoid blob in his eyes. brent closing his eyes again, head throbbing and dulling any complicated thoughts as he lethargically moves his arms, cupping his own hands around sophist's hand, all the while muttering words of delirium just a bit too softly for him to hear. sophist chuckling while moving just a bit closer to hear what brent's saying, only to freeze as he hears brent pleading for sophist to not leave him, a single tear falling from his closed eyes. sophist letting out a soft sigh of apology, but smiling softly as he continues to caress brent's cheek, with slow murmurs of how he's right by his side. his gaze softening even more when brent relaxes, as his brow unfurrows and gaze visibly relaxes at this reassurance. all the while, he keeps repeating the same thing over and over.
"don't go. don't leave me. stay, please."
nick coming over to change the compress resting on brent's forehead, noticing sophist's visibly worried expression towards brent. chastising him with "you're worried about brent when you almost died just a day ago? c'mon, he'll be fine, he's strong. you need to get some more rest, otherwise vern will scold you again for getting too close to brent."
nick noticing the soft smile that sophist gives him disappearing as he turns to look at brent again, guilt and worry evident in the glint of his eyes. nick pulling up a stool and sitting down next to sophist, resting his head on his shoulder.
"hey. he'll be alright. and so will you. we're all in this together, and nobody leaves anybody behind." chuckling, as he continues: "besides, he's definitely in love with you. i've never seen him that scared..." he paused, expression contorting as he struggled to find the right words, before continuing with a sigh: "... that scared to lose anything or.. anybody, well, since i've known him." nick pausing again, before finally finding the words he'd been trying to get at. "brent saying all this doesn't mean anything against you, it just goes to show how much he cares for you. you'll still be by his side. besides, he's sick right now. the bozo doesn't even know what he's saying."
sophist quietly smiling with genuine relief and relaxation for once, thanking nick before teasing him for the sappiness in his words that he struggled to get out. nick, exasperated, rolling his eyes but unable to stop a chuckle. silence returning to the air as nick rests his head back atop sophist's shoulder, and they both close their eyes. minutes later, vern showing up to check up on nick and the others just to see all 3 of the boys bundled up together, in an adorable sight that makes his heart melt. vern being careful not to make any sudden noises as he drapes a blanket over nick and sophist's shoulders, who are now both soundly asleep, with quiet snores filling the air. vern then pulling up a stool and lowering himself to the ground to prop his head and arms up on the stool, as he joins them for the night.
when they all finally wake up, groans fill the air of different amounts of back pain and stiffness. all the while, brent laughs, his fever having gone down significantly. quietly, he turns to look at sophist, pressing his hand to his cheek one more time in quiet recognition. sophist noticing this and giving him a soft smile before going off to stretch, as vern tiredly yawns about his necessity to check up on both sophist and brent again. nick making fun of him again for caring about the two more than himself, and while they start a little unserious argument, sophist can't help but laugh. nick was right about last night, they will always be together. not just him and brent, but all four of them. they're all destined to remain buddies and partners, through thick and thin, no matter what struggles the world throws at them. they will face them all together, as a group.
#bro im crying bc @thetcclique commented on my post about me holding off from posting about them#when not even 30 MINUTES LATER AFTER POSTING THAT#I FOLDED BC I WANTED TO POST THIS SO BAD#I could NOT hold off im so sorry (╥⌒╥)#and the funny thing is they commented that like a minute AFTER i made my “i give up i NEED to post about the boys” post#anyways#obsessed with them?#how could you tell#this has been MULTIPLE days in the working btw#it became way longer than i wanted it too like everything else i make-#this started as king of soph focused too and then spiraled into all four of the boys being cuties lmao#king of soph#tcvern3#only a lil tho#party crashers rpf#rpf#pc rpf#poly crashers#main posts
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an entire doodle page worth of content of just these two waow
art commissions
full page for you nerds
#🚬.dei.art#i can link my art comms on this on because i spent all day on this#just dance#just dance 4#jd4#rock lobster#rock lobster p1#rock lobster p2#art#fanart#digital art#procreate#doodle page#me changing up how i draw humans ONCE AGAIN#but tbh this time think its really cuties from how i stylized the eyes#anyways im unhealthy obsessed with this one map#if youre in kin palace you know what i mean#okay to explain why im calling p1 a ''fucking freak'' its because 1) she just fucking bites p2 2) come on have you heard the female vocals#on this song 3) yeah you gotta be a little weird to date a lobster#eerrmm small little headcannon time#i like to think while p2 is very flirtatious and cocky and all that stuff that comes with being a greaser and shit#when flirted back with hes a never mess and gets all flustered when shown affection :dandylien:#ALSO also i like to think the map was their first meeting it just like gives me that vibes at the first couple seconds of the map#and the first drawing in all of this is after that and p2 is a little shy bc oooohh fuck he really likes this chick and also she bit him#and then p1 kinda like bombards him with love or whatever and then the rest is history (they went missing since 2012)#i sound insane i just love these two a lot#oh also its hard to tell ingame but p1's bracelets match of colors of p2 and THATS SO CUTE 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 UUUUWWWWWWAAAAAA#i almost typed ''how come no one talks about this!!!1!'' like giiirrrl no one gaf about rock lobster#i should go to bed ive been on this draft for too long#morning edit: i thought i was cooking what am i talking about
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It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.
#even silly shit like bringing up drinking even tho staff has clearly told him not too#like yeah its silly but its still sticking to his guns of being like we arent actually children anymore thanks#the food thing too like in an old 2 kids room he said something about not being able to eat on his bday bc they were filming so evidently#there was a moment in time when he caved to the shitty diet obsession kpop had but ever since hes never really said anything like it again#instead hes telling everyone to eat well and reminding people to have dinner or lunch every other day#even the comment about growing his hair out but then being like lol the stylist probably wont like me saying that or whatever#and like the yeah im going to the gym but im not lifting. dont expect me to bulk up. im doing it for stamina<< that made me cackle#bc i did see people on twt being like but what if seungmin got buff tho omg hed be so hot 🥺 Well him bein buff isnt what this is about#so he went and made sure people were realistic. not everyone needs to be noticeably cut yk#idk maybe bc i watched most all the skz content all the way through#and now i go back and gif stuff i notice patterns more easily than if youve been here for longer and havent watched older stuff#for a while- maybe? idk its just funny but i also see takes a lot and have to stop myself from going No <3#anyway this is my obligatory insane ksm tangent of the week. see you in 5 minutes.#🐶
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im actually really good at admitting when i dont know things its just that people keep talking to me about things that i know a lot about and am objectively correct on
#this is a cartoony exaduration of a very real sentiment#whoch is that im often told that i come off like i 'need to be right about everything'#but i have achived a place in my life where i recognize when i dont have all the info or perspective nessesary need to Listen#and that i dont have to have a strong opinon abt everything#and that admitting that i lack knowledge or opinion rather than masking that with false confidence is better in the long run#bc it dosent put you on defense - makes you more receptive to new information + perspectives + corrections#its just that people will try to tell me their opinions about lawn mowers and im not going to pretend like i dont know more than them#when i do. which happens to be all the time#never met a person whos done as much reaserch on lawns + lawn care industry and related issues such as sore machines#(small off road engines)#i know theyre out there but the chances of me finding them is small and i have yet to do so#and then people try and give me their opinions abt this subject and if THEY dont shut up and listen i go rabid#like i know when its my turn to shut up and listen but sometimes im right and OTHER people need to be shutting up and listening#but also even outside of that i tend to come off as harsh/agressive/judgmental even when relaying info that im not obsessive abt like lawns#its the autism. i just word things blunt and talk with flat affect and dont know how to soften the blow well when correcting people#or even just adding my own perspective + ideas to convo without intent of 'correcting' anyone#such is life i suppose#just so long as nobody tries to tell me lawns are ethical ill be fine#<- remembers when i made a post that accidently got attention abt this subject and melted down#bc the strangers on the internet dont understand that this is my WHOLE THINF#if you knew me in real life youd understand. its my passion#text#im putting this is the lawn tag actually#lawn posting
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I unfortunately picked up Bravely Default 2 again (I bought it back when it released) and then started over since I last played it in June 2021. And. You know what. I like these silly beans. And then I saw concept art for Dag's expressions and I am not the same. Why did they decide to give him huge fangs in it.
(also I'm trying so hard to avoid spoilers less for plot but more for characters so if you know anything that happens to characters shhhhh. also the expression concept is below the read more so you can see what I mean.)
#bravely default 2#dag rampage#selene noetic#i only just recently reached ch2 in the game and i may have a problem#someone was like wait how have you not gotten farther in 25 hours#and im like im sorry its a problem i have an obsession you dont understand#and then he found out i had three of the four party members with two jobs capped at 12#and then the fourth only had one capped but a bunch high up#and then i told him i was trying to get the gambler asterisk and that meant i had to play a childrens card game#and then i had to do side quests when they popped up#and he was like wait at that point you probably dont need jobs at 12 omg#and im like i know its a problem i cant stop it#so anyway chapter 1 took me forever because i committed to the grind too much#the emotions i feel for silly lil side characters ................ its too real#like even the fact that you beat these two up in the prologue im like teehee funny lil blonde guy#then you dont interact with them in a ch1 quest but they show up again at the same time doing the same quest#and guys i am FEELING EMOTIONS theyre just funny lil mercenaries doin funny lil mercenary things#also please do not tell me anything about the game past ch1 because i want to continue to enjoy experiencing it#which is why i have my ask box closed bc its a game from 2021 and i know im really behind the times#but i managed to not know anything until now and i wanna keep it that way#also i dont really know how to properly draw noses especially when i doodle#but his nose is important and i already struggle with his big jaw so i had to include it somehow#and in the concept art it looks like he has a lil stubble but in game i dont see it so im like ... squinting at he
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idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.
the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.
yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.
but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?
this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.
yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.
i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.
so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.
because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.
he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.
but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.
yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.
#UGH. sick of this stupid show (<- pathologically obsessed with it (it's just on a downturn rn))#anyway hi welcome back to my terrible mind here's another excruciatingly long yyh meta post no one's gonna read that i should just make a#video essay because nobody wants to squint through all that text but MAYBE they'd listen to me read it out. anyway#i actually made and then abandoned another post comparing yusuke's sacrifice here to genkai's death by toguro if anyone's interested in tha#anyway yeah sorry if im rusty in uh talkking about these guys. they're still rattling around in here dw#that comment just fucking hijacked my brain. my first thought was to make an ep 89 yusuke pov fic but since that's Probably not#gonna ever Actually get done (sorry) i figured i'd put the analysis behind it here bc this fucking choice makes me want to rip my hair out#(in a good way in a painful way)#yeah this gets derailed. ugh i hope all that stuff about yusuke's motivation in this gambit makes sense bc i still don't feel 100% about my#reading of it. his ass IS very much an unreliable narrator. but in what way? ehhhhh it's hard to say for sure in this case. to me.#yyh#yu yu hakusho#yyh meta#yayyy#yusuke urameshi#literally wrote for so long the sun started rising (<- not impressive since you don't know when i began writing. but i can't tell you bc i#don't remember lol)#also: his relinquishing of this fight is very interesting to me. he loses his shit when raizen kills sensui and deprives him of that victor#and he tells the others to stand down once he returns. so clearly he still Cares about beating sensui himself#but when he thinks there's no other choice he's willing to settle for passing that torch to his friends#he's like well they've earned a good revenge killing. as a treat#the real answer is probably something like 'it would fuck with the pacing' but fuck that lol it's in the show i'm going to talk about it#and a lot of this still applies even if he Can't hear them bc he Has to expect the begging and crying bc 1. he's lived it via toguro 2. his#plan depends on it. even if he's only imagining his friends' heartbreak he's choosing to ignore it for the sake of his plan#ANYWAY the real answer for. pretty much everyone is to give up fighting and find something healthier to attach their worth to#which is why kuwa not being in the final arc is a good thing (as much as it hurts me not to see my boy)#yyh really said YOU HAVE TO BECOME WELL ADJUSTED. DYING WILL NOT GET YOU OUT OF IT#i only skimmed thru this once sorry if it's ass
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call me crazy but i wish we saw even more of katniss grieving prim.
i dont think ive finished the second Mockingjay book, but in the movie esp it feels like 'the sister i sacrificed EVERYTHING to save was blown up and burnt to a crisp in front of me. im kinda sad, ig. im way more excited to get knocked up and have that baby tho!!!!!!!!!!!!'
#also kinda derailing on my own post#i hate the natalist ending of the katniss 'legacy'.#it perfectly captures how people really are tho#completely crippled with trauma and literal phyysical disabilities#in a dying nation and a dying planet#and yet you still CHOOSE to birth people into that world to suffer#katniss shouldve been able to live her life. for herself.#her whole life was caring for her mother; for prim; for herself; for peeta#dont even get me started on how much she worships peeta for NO REASON to the point she full on tries to kill herself EVERY OTHER PAGE#even when prim is alive. and young. and katniss is fighting to get back to her#katniss at the reaping ' im going to survive for you so i can come back. i promise'#katniss five seconds after getting dicked down 'i would literally; and i do mean literally; rather kill myself than go five more seconds#without that cock in my life'#like suzanne hello???#can we maybe not?????#can we maybe have a strong female character who prioritizes herself for once?#i wonder what prim felt like watching the games seeing her sister ready to kill herself over some moid she basically just met.#honestly the resignation i feel from prim from mockingjay onward feels unintentionally intentional.#the way prim sadly says 'you dont gotta worry about us. we're behind you' when katniss wanted to fight the capitol ((only bc#peetas life was in jeopardy; mind you)).#the way she didnt even tell katniss she was promoted to a doctor until a while after it happened bc she knew katniss was too peeta-#obsessed to care or pay attention#you see it in gale. the way he VERBALIZES how much katniss wants to kill herself for peeta and prioritizes him above absolutely everything#the way shes written is so annoying in some aspects and i hate it bc its so good in others.#ok and to call back on her having a kid being the worst ending to the series in THE FIRST MOVIE. in the first ten minutes#know what she says? with conviction and sadness?#'i am never having kids.'#katniss in the beginning of the series cant even be called the same character as katniss at the end of the very first movie.#she is so outrageously different and there isn't a single narrative explanation for it besides 'natalist agenda'.
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Me: Alright, gotta sit down and write my thesis today, Im on a deadline, I Need this chapter written yesterday, whacha got brain?
My brain: :')
Me: ...
My brain: :'))))
Me: BRAIN, c'mon, give me Something ;_;
My brain: well... we could always listen to Abracadabra on repeat or go explore the universe in No Ma--
Me: *screams*
#Raksh posts#personal#fr I feel like my brain went on strike#like I wrote three pages on monday and brain went 'well what more do you want? 🙄'#help Im so dead 😭😭#I need this second chapter done before the end of the month#and I only have the beginning 3 pages ;_;#well 4* since I managed like half a page yesterday#ugh I hate this#maybe I should lean into putting abracadabra on repeat in the background#maybe it'll actually help?#(no no it wont)#(I only want to vibe and dance when I hear it)#(can you tell I discovered it yesterday? bcs yeah)#(and Im OBSESSED)#welp maybe I'll try relaxing for now and writing in the afternoon/evening?#maybe try a 20 minut sprint or smth#sometimes it helped#but for now my brain is def not braining ;_;
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omg i literally love wheelbitten as a comic and ur art is amazing
random question but how long have u been drawing as an artist and do u have advice.............
thank uuuu and I've been drawin my ass off since I could hold a pencil and I'm 24 (25 next month) now so this shit wasn't overnight by any means lmfao idk the way i did it was have A Thing that you like drawing and just draw the fuck outa it and eventually you'll get better for sure whether it be the desire to get better at drawing said thing makes you do research and study something to become better at it or just literal muscle memory from drawing said thing so much. I had lil spouts of taking time to get better at specific things like anatomy, shading, ect. by studying it but overall i just subconsciously got better by mentally picking up new things everytime i draw and analyzing the world around me. Even recently i got to see that with drawing tactical gear (that ive never really drawn before and never wanted to draw in my life) soley bc i just REALLY fukkin love Ghost and Konig
i went from being terrified and intimidated of drawing tactical gear (even trying to put a gun in front of it as if that was any better lmfao) it used to be vague as hell and my brain would shut down just trying to look at the references(i remember having a ''shit man am i even gunna be able to draw these characters???'' moment of dread the first time i was drawing Konig pffft) to absolutely loving drawing tactical gear and seeing how much more detailed i can make it with every new drawing, so a complete 180 but that's bc im just totally obsessed with the characters and drawing is how i express that sO thats mainly what i mean by just have a thing that you love and want to draw and the rest should follow with time, patience, and practice. I think it's about training your brain and motivation to pick up on details or a certain way something looks in lighting (or lack thereof) bc my brain is probably wired a certain way after art being like a centerpiece of my development to the point to where drawing is just What I Do and at this point if i dont draw for even a few days i start getting vaguely antsy and fidgety it's crazy lmfao SO idk if this is worded like i need it to but yeah art and the act of drawing can be frustrating as hell but it should be enjoyable and rewarding above all else at the end of the day!
#i drew bc the piece of shit im unfortunately biologically related to drew a lot when we were kids so id just copy her#then i drew winged wolves and dragons and the occasional horse for like 7 years then The Axel obsession started#where i drew axel from kindom hearts literally all the time and had 870000 aus for him where i would draw for all of them#when i tell you the obsession for him was catastrophic u best believe but it kept me drawing like a motherfucker until i made my monster oc#which was around the age of 15 is when i started consistently drawing humanoids#OH YEAH i had a whole lion king phase too in 2011 where i would strictly draw lions all the time and my first record of drawing online was#on the lion king fanart archive (which i still visit to look back its like visiting an old janky friend:') )#but yeah then my heart was stolen by my ocs and all the potential designs i could make them#and thats where i am now aside from the festering COD masked men obsession boiling over in the corner AHA#so basically latch onto an obsession and pick up that damn pencil#even as a kid if i liked anything the immediate connection was trying to draw it#didnt matter how weird to draw or undrawable it was my ass would be in that notebook bc its the only way i know how to express myself lmfao#this is long as fuck but NOW im out peace skskksk
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the temptation to go back and look at the Swan Queen AU I was writing that was *strongly* inspired by my now gf is crazy today but i also know there's a reason I never published it and also I'm sure it would be horrifically mortifying to be reminded of what that version of me was thinking LMAO
#i was essentially creating a fantasy version of life in which my gf and I got together (at the time this was completely implausible IRL)#except i had cast Regina as my gf and Emma was my self insert#a horribly embarassing concept i am telling you#but at the same time. i cannot pretend that my obsession with my gf did not start bc she reminded me of Regina 🤦🏻♀️#she does not like this bc she doesnt like to think I'm just projecting a fictional character onto her#so i have to remind her that that was 10 years ago and i didnt actually know her at the time#i have to say tho... there are still some personality similarities to a certain type of Regina characterization that has been very popular#anywayyy#whyyy this is clearly why i havent read any swan queen fanfic since we got together#it makes my brain do weird things that probably are not good for my relationship#but also maybe it *would* be helpful if when she sasses me i could just be like 'wow what a Regina thing to say' instead of getting pissed#hahahahaha#Im like if Emma cried every time Regina was sassy at her instead of thinking it was funny or endearing#its not a good look#my gf thinks its a generational issue bc 'all her friends talk like that'#i think its just a me having a deep seated fear that people are actually mad at me all the time problem#this post got out of control i should delete it but i wont#personal
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