#the emotions i feel for silly lil side characters ................ its too real

[moeblob]

I unfortunately picked up Bravely Default 2 again (I bought it back when it released) and then started over since I last played it in June 2021. And. You know what. I like these silly beans. And then I saw concept art for Dag's expressions and I am not the same. Why did they decide to give him huge fangs in it.

(also I'm trying so hard to avoid spoilers less for plot but more for characters so if you know anything that happens to characters shhhhh. also the expression concept is below the read more so you can see what I mean.)

[cowedeakamatsu]

Ahem Ahem. Welcome everyone to yet another cowede peptalk about themselves cos... lets face it i have an issue. (part 2)

so i should be happy right ? to restart with X. NOPE because here its actively them who say "no its not good i dont want to play that anymore because i dont feel like it" and so you must come out with a "new idea" that is checklisting aaaaaaaaaall their kinks. I try to push out a bit of what i liked i first to them, like the creative way of talking, the lewd overexagerated dirt talk. the teasing at least a bit since i know they can do it. But nope, nope nope nope. i get a bit of that, but must play characters that instant get corrupted and either harem or "1 girl then a bunch" and guess what EACH TIME they get bored about it 3 actions in, dont respond for weeks (and guilt trip me if i try to make them respond) and then they dont feel like it anymore because they have dimentia. but they KEEP pushing to get a rp. oh but cowede! you silly you, just do what you do best! flirt talk passively, send them lewd pics and ai works of your making, and just have a friendly conversation with them and try to be nice! NOPE (getting used to it?) because if I do that ? they complain that we dont rp and that they want to fuck characters. So since youre cowede, horny lil cowede, youre like "yeah you know what fuck yeah" because if you dont youre just not fun and not nice. and it starts over and over again. they passively manipulate you which you clearly see. but you dont care because you want to be the nice person and not hurt a person who has a mental illiness. a bit of a cut, but those close to me on the cowede side of my life know i havent.. have a good 2 last months. nothing horrible happened, outside of some health (chill, its not too problematic, just a skin disease crisis that got very annoying for a while and did left some marks but they are pretty discrete and its not really a issue anymore) and weird overwork periods. but basically ? ive just felt down for a long time. technically last year was the same, but here it felt even worse. I would get emotional over nothing, couldnt muster the strength to live up from bed sometime. and of course it showed on the cowede side too. I dont want to be a gloom person, especially on the cowede side, i want to be this cheerfull cheeky, kinda insane but overall good little presence that make other people happy, because i have a need for validation thats not met irl due to how much i dont really deliver to expectations, so i tried to mask it but did a very bad job (and i knew it, it was clearly a cry for help. I even did something like... a week or 2 ago had a bit of a breakdown upon waking up one day, i saw the great @carnyreborn was back and that my good friend "stupid name on discord" made them a funny ask joke, and wanted to do the same because at some point in the past i did talk quite a bit with carny, not really much after that cos their end their a busy popular person on the lewd side, and seem to manage correctly (congrats goat and if not, dont worry youll get them!) on the life side and on my end, well aside from ai lewds i dont have much to give so we kinda both stoped talking to each other. But anway theyre someone i respect tons, and whos probably the main reason while im here cos they inspired me. but my "aha funny ask" turned into a mental breakdown halfway through and i said... very worrying things about me cause I desesperately needed someone to acknowledge how i felt, but i worried them and i felt super bad for it.) but a bit after this moment I had a sort of... revival ? loosing my account surpringly help too and this week i finally felt some good ol actual real cowede libido and cheeky spirit back. and dare i say ? i'm happy ? i still have issues to settle here and there. but at least on the cowede side im doing fine and thats great. (part 3 comming)

[skullrock]

No, you're so real. Steve literally got the short end of the stick ever since s3 when ST writers decided to dumb him down for the sake of it, and even the fandom ran with it. It's so annoying because for me, s3 Steve feels like such a completely new character, like yeah he looked cute in the sailor costume, but that's it. Him not knowing any movies or just saying dumb things unprompted for laughs is not like how s1/2 Steve acted. It's insane how he's only allowed to feel sad about his love life, but not about his (physical) trauma he has to endure every season. Him getting tortured for jokes will never not sit right with me, especially because we are supposed to feel bad for Hopper in the same breath. And now Eddie, someone we know for less than a year gets everything? We don't even know Steve's parents. I mean I don't care about books bc tbh I feel like they would fuck this up. Like they would probably do something about Stancy while not even diving into any trauma, so I'm okay with that. Honestly, I only trust a few selective people in the fandom with Steve's character. The official writers will never get him like us do. Sorry for this rant, but the book was also kinda my last straw, nothing against Eddie and his stans I know the majority of them aren't happy with it as well.

SAY THAT!!!!!! i do love s3 steve but yeah its whiplash man. in s1 and s2 he’s GOOFY but he has a very serious side to him, too. he jumps into action but still errs on the side of caution. he’s sure of himself and a bit arrogant but also humble and selfless enough to let go of nancy and know when he’s fucked up. s3 steve was just a silly billy (affectionate) and i do like that he was able to pick up on things that robin and dustin missed (like the song in the recording)! but overall his vibe was much goofier than s1 and 2. then we go back to the mainly serious and humble and selfless steve who is just trying to find his way. he’s very much a lover and i think that’s been consistent, but it’s irritating that they kind of summed his character down to nancy simp (aren’t we all) in s4. and it’s not even just a steve issue, it’s an every character issue! there’s so much back and forth it’s almost difficult to get ANY of these characters consistent and right in fanon.

ANYWAY. i really wish they hadn’t lost their way with steve. i wish they kept building on him and we could watch him grow into a young adult that was forced to grow up too fast with absent parents and his trauma. and i wish they’d delve into it more. i like steve being one of those characters that has to stay strong for others, but his scene with robin in s4 could have been a lot more emotional and fleshed out. where are his parents when he comes home fucked up? what does he do when he can’t sleep? why doesn’t he cry, even around people he trusts? there’s so much they could get into. but to be fair i think they sweep a lot of character’s trauma under the rug - which i understand bc narratively they need to focus on more, but i’m a lil tired of the “only hopper, el, and will have dealt with trauma” angle

[sitp-recs]

Do you know of any fics under 10k that aren’t too angsty? ❤️

Hi anon, I most certainly do! Thanks so much for sending this ask, I was super excited when I saw it because I’m always happy to celebrate short fics - they could use more appreciation! I’ve wanted to do a proper shorts reclist for a while so I indulged myself and went big, hope you don’t mind! Putting this together was quite hard - going through my bookmarks I realized that I usually go for angsty shorts 💀 so I tried my best not to include anything too extreme, I hope these are okay!

This became a lil monster with 40 recs (and I have lots more hehe) so I decided to sort them by genre - the last category includes light angst (more on the contemplative side) because I can’t help myself. Shout-out to @tackytigerfic for giving me a 2nd opinion and helping me polish this - and for being a darling in general. Happy readings!

ROMANCE/COMFORT

1. Sun Stroke by @peachpety (2020, E, 3k)

Warm, sexy and wholesome, this fic makes my heart soar with the magical beach setting, amazing friendship dynamics and the sweet get together with a delicious side of smut!

2. oxygen [Fic & Art] by @maesterchill (2020, T, 4k)

Tentative acquaintances become something more over a shared smoke at the balcony. Sexy, mature, deliciously atmospheric and full of promise - plus Healer Draco is always a treat!

3. Catch the Snitch (No, Catch My Heart) by @prolix- (2020, E, 4.5k)

Gorgeous bath fic where Harry and Draco just... take care of each other. The raw emotion packed here! Lush and vivid build up with stunning body worship, hot and intimate and breathtaking.

4. Thermodynamic Equilibrium by DorthyAnn (2017, T, 5k)

This quiet comfort fic gives our boys some well deserved healing through physical touching and late night companionship. Love the 8th year atmosphere, soothing and familiar.

5. Blue Sky Is Living Here Today by ignatiustrout (2018, G, 5k)

The loveliest kid fic you’ll see today - real characters, gentle longing, soft understanding. It’s a joy to watch dad Draco through Harry’s smitten eyes, as he realizes there’s no rush to live that love.

6. Gravity Centered by @carpemermaidtales (2019, E, 6.7k)

Possibly my favorite Quidditch fic, this has an original premise and amazing Drarry dynamics, casual and organic, sassy and familiar, with a perfect lil twist at the end!

7. Up The by @shiftylinguini (2018, E, 7.5k)

One of the funniest PWPs I’ve ever read, clever and charming with easy banter and delicious smut. A sweet and sexy glimpse into the Drarry married life! Cw Mpreg

8. And a Malfoy in a Pear Tree by lauren3210 (2015, E, 8k)

Sweet sweet coffee shop Christmas romance! Love the light and fun atmosphere, the easy banter and cute wooing while supportive Ron cheers in the background, what a treat!

9. Ice Snakes, Glow-worms and Wolverine Stew by khalulu (2015, M, 8.4k)

Khalulu writes the softest Drarry, it never fails to put a smile on my face. This has a gentle and sweet get together, with lovely slow burn, a gorgeous San Francisco setting and matchmaker Kreacher 💗

10. Life goes not backward by @shealwaysreads (2020, T, 8.8k)

This delicate comfort fic has a special way to tug at my heartstrings - a gorgeous tale about found family and the unexpected wonders of life. Gentle, magical and breathtaking in its simplicity.

HUMOUR

11. in charge by @bonesliketambourines (2020, E, 2.4k)

The ultimate brat Draco, bossy and confident and absolutely gorgeous with his long hair and impossible snark. Charming and funny, this packs so much character and domestic bliss under 3k! Perfect spoiled Draco is perfect.

12. The Morning After by birdsofshore, capitu (2015, M, 5.3k)

This is hysterical and so delightfully creative - Draco exploring Harry’s kitchen and charming a prudish appliance is the kind of cute, silly endeavor I need with my morning coffee!

13. The Spoiling of Sex From Enthusiastic Ignorance by @cibeewastaken (2020, E, 6k)

I’m impossibly enamored with Cibee’s drama queen Draco and his passionate missions! This time he’s decided to get some good diq, and the dialogue and mutual pining will make you smile from beginning to end.

14. All Tied Up by MyNameIsThunder (2020, M, 6k)

This is a secret relationship delight! Sneaking around gets so much better when dramatic Blaise is losing his shit to protect the Council of Serpents’ integrity! A+ faux-drama, super fun and sweet.

15. Luckiest Fucking Size Queen Alive by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (2016, E, 6.2k)

My favorite brand of thirsty and chaotic Draco; being inside his mind is such a crazy ride and you won’t stop laughing for a second. Amazing dialogue and insanely scorching smut as per loveglows’ usual 🤤

16. Sex Ed for Aurors by curiouslyfic (2010, M, 8.7k)

This is a Harry triumph, so fun and charming! Here he’s the one chaotic and thirsty, for a change - I’m obsessed with his internal ranting under the lust potion. Brilliant narrative and top notch characterization, a classic!

17. Ferocious Determination, Insufficient Deliberation, and a Slightly Wrong Destination by Faith Wood (2012, E, 9.5k)

Drunk Draco has never been so absurd and I LOVE it! This goes from hilarious to vulnerable and sweet in a heartbeat; pining Draco is a precious thing and Harry’s gentle persistence made my heart swell.

18. Stand Back: I'm About to Perform Archaeology by Blowfish_Diaries (2018, E, 9.7k)

This fic could definitely use more appreciation - I had a blast with Draco’s hilarious voice and their cute married banter! The plot is quite original and I love the 8th year domestic vibes.

19. The Full Monty by @magpiefngrl (2017, E, 9.8k)

The calendar fic we deserve 👏🏻 this is ultimate thirsty Draco being completely obliterated by Harry’s casual attractiveness but mostly by his kind heart and big smile. One of my favorite comfort reads, hilarious, sweet and so damn sexy, the full monty combo is here!

20. Aural Gratification by birdsofshore (2014, E, 10k)

This fic is a classic, charming and hysterical with an adorable Harry thirsting over Draco’s smooth voice. Such an original concept and engaging read, not to mention the rewarding shade of smut!

SMUT

21. Tense by Faith Wood (2013, E, 3k)

Me, reading smut for the dialogue? It’s more likely than you think 😂 this fic is hilarious and hot all at once, with perfect banter and clever dialogue, really a smut triumph!

22. Under Your Skin by @p1013 (2020, Explicit, 4k)

Great premise and the sexiest build up, ugh so much teasing and anticipation as pierced Draco takes Auror Harry’s control away 🔥kudos at the A+ twist and promising ending!

23. The Slytherin Urn by @icmezzo (2015, E, 4.6k)

This fic’s geniality slaps me in the face, what a fascinating concept! Redemption kink and magical theory walk together as Harry loses his mind over competent Draco doing some badass curse-breaking ritual.

24. Once Bitten by Frayach (2012, E, 5.6k)

Still one of the hottest things I’ve ever read, lush and raw and absolutely breathtaking. Dark and tender at once, it explores biting kink with unapologetic precision and I love that!

25. Matched Set by astolat (2016, E, 5.7k)

One of my faves by the genius astolat, this is a perfect mix of hot size kink, A+ dirty talk and a brilliant and nuanced plot showing how Harry navigates his post-war reality. A must-read!

26. Teeth by @amelior8or (2020, E, 6k)

This fic is an emotional rollercoaster and goes from light-hearted and casual to vulnerable and tender in a second. Hot and intimate feat scorching wall sex, gut-punching lines and enthusiastic consent🔥

27. Born Slippy by @dracoladon (2020, E, 8.3k)

My favorite clubbing fic ever, clever and sensual, a master class in UST including the drunk haze confusion and panty kink as a treat! I can’t even talk about this fic without blushing 😳

28. The Page Eleven Wars by fireflavored (2010, E, 8.5k)

Competitive boys fighting for dominance both in bed and at the gossip column’s first page This is peak enemies to lovers: witty banter, hot smut screaming switching rights and feisty stubborn idiots finally getting over their asses.

29. The Things They Never Say by @bixgirl1 (2017, E, 9k)

Angry porn with (many) feels, this feels like a punch to the solar plexus. The explosive Drarry chemistry gives way to something quieter and gentler and full of longing, ugh but it aches so good. Absolutely exquisite!

30. Sweet Indulgence by @the-sinking-ship (2020, E, 10k)

The title says it all; this is a lush and charming read, with chaotic but nuanced Draco pining over authoritative, edgy Harry 😳 steaming pent up tension that culminates in glorious semi-public smut, is your body ready?

CONTEMPLATIVE/SOFT ANGST

31. Sharing a Pack by sugar_screw (2016, E, 2.7k)

A fully fleshed-out love story in less than 3k, with complex characters and powerful feels. Raw, poignant and unbelievably romantic.

32. Still Life by orphan_account (2019, M, 3k)

A superb and gut-punching story where Harry realizes all the little things that make Draco so very different from him - and falls in love anyway. Powerful in its simplicity and concise elegance.

33. Harmony (Left-Handed Melody Remix) by mindabbles (2010, M, 5.8k)

Draco finds his way post-war and Harry meets him in the middle. Aching and bittersweet but also hopeful, with a delicious side of coconut cake, Harry in black robes and Romeo & Juliet as soundtrack.

34. Let Me Have You and I'll Let You Save Me by Frayach (2012, M, 6k)

Enemies to lovers deluxe version! Come and feast on this original narrative, amazingly clever, rich and detailed, telling us an unlikely but inevitable love story.

35. A Pain of Our Choosing by @lqtraintracks (2020, E, 6k)

Broken boys fucking through their issues and healing together during the post-war is so my jam! A+ LQT goodness, this fic is evocative and quietly devastating, but full of feels and hope.

36. Our Little Life by @tackytigerfic (2020, M, 7k)

I’ve screamed about this brilliant fic recently; inventive, poignant and utterly romantic, this fic shows all the ways in which Harry and Draco find each other across space and time.

37. the keys to your kingdom by thistle_verse (2016, E, 7.5k)

A beautiful love story packing an impressive amount of character, conflict and emotion. We are invited to witness as work partners Harry and Draco finally take a leap of faith and grow out of their casual arrangement.

38. Clear As Mud by scoradh (2005, M, 9.8k)

Subtle and heart-wrenching, the sharp and clever narrative creates fascinating dynamics between this brilliantly written Draco and poor oblivious Harry trying to make sense out of it. An all-time fave. Cw: infidelity (not Drarry).

39. fine i'll hold my breath / til i forget it's complicated by teatrolley (2015, E, 10k)

Fucks buddies gone wrong but make it soft so we get to watch as pining Draco patiently waits for Harry to get the memo. Sweet and intimate, with lots of late night talks and comfortable silence.

40. Tidings of Comfort series by @blamebrampton (2012, G, 10k)

Quietly cathartic and atmospheric, this fic is a poignant balm to the soul; such a beautiful tone, such lovely interactions! A must-read for those who enjoy church settings, honest talks and redeemed Draco. All-time fave.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[xenteaart]

Shall We? (Part 2)

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x fem!Reader

Request: Can I request part two for Shall We? Pleeeeaase 🙏!! You can’t just leave it like that.

Word count: 1,7k

Warnings: kind of a fight scene?? and like one swear word idk

Note: Sooo here’s part two of this fic, give it a read if you havent coz otherwise this one is not going to make much sense haha

For the sake of the story, Five disappeared when he was 18 (instead of 13) and got stuck in his 18 year-old-body after coming back accordingly. Also I’ve decided to give the reader and the Handler kind of a Lila x the Handler dynamic

The events are taking place in s1, some details of the canon are obvsly altered.

ALSO THERE’S A LIL EASTER EGG AT THE END MWEHEHE

Hope you enjoy!

Taglist: @stitched-mouth​ @startrekkingaroundasgard​

“You do know you can’t win. I really don’t wanna hurt you, Y/N,” he uttered, raising his hands a little as a way to warn you not to come any closer for your own good.

Even though it was supposed to be a sweet gesture of concern, hearing him confirm that he still thought you were no match for him cut you to your very core.

“Oh, yeah? Well, I’m afraid you might have to. Shall we?” you sneered and threw your leg into the air, hitting Five right under his kneecap and making him collapse on the ground with a surprised gasp.

Five truly had zero intention of hurting you, but your determination to have a fight left him no choice, and even his clear advantage of having loads more experience and superpowers on top did not seem to make you hesitate.

“Come on, don’t be stupid, Y/N,” Five commented as he got back on his feet and took a few steps away from you, still giving you a chance to back off before he had to inflict any pain on your person, but all it achieved was winding you up even more.

The problem was - you two underwent identical training at the Commission as the Handler gave both of you her very best mentor, and right now you were basically mirroring each other’s moves, except Five was also using his spatial jumps to disorient you. He was still going easy on you, mostly just blocking your punches and jumping further away so you had to chase him all over the Academy while he was hoping you would simply exhaust yourself before any real damage would be done. Quite frankly, it was a smart decision on his part and a rather thoughtful one as well because, despite all appearances, he actually cared about you an awful lot.

As the both of you gracefully danced all the way to the second floor, you were already out of breath from the endless running around which meant Five’s plan was beginning to work. However, you realized what he was doing soon enough to indulge him into the feeling of being right and played his little game for a while, waiting for the perfect moment when he’d get distracted, and as the moment came you had to act fast.

You threw yourself forwards and promptly wrapped your arms around Five’s waist, knocking him off his feet and pressing your body against his as you pinned him to the floor. He groaned with annoyance and winced at the pain as his back hit the hard wooden surface. The next few seconds sort of happened in slow-mo for both of you as he roughly pushed you off himself and somehow managed to switch places with you, now looming over your body and warningly putting his knee on your solar plexus, threatening to crush your ribcage if you moved.

A mutual silence fell between you as you were processing the last 30 minutes of your lives, both visibly struggling to believe that each of you somehow ended up fighting the person they would never wish to hurt in their entire life. The sounds of your heavy breathing were filling the room as you were merely staring at each other in utter confusion. The weight of Five’s knee on your diaphragm was beginning to give you trouble breathing, and your breaths became shallow and hoarse which finally snapped him out of his trance.

“Gonna tell me what the hell is up now, Y/N?” he asked in his teacher-y manner that you used to absolutely hate and adore all at once, especially when he used to give you lectures on your occasional fuck-ups - whether it was failing a class because you were too lazy to turn in your assigments in time or something a little more serious, like getting into an argument with the Monocle and consequently making life harder for both of you.

You would always roll your eyes and smirk when he would get into his i-am-disappointed-in-you-but-i-still-love-you character and cross his arms on his chest for dramatic effect.

“You were the one telling me to piss off in the first place, remember,” you narrowed your eyes as you were subtly gasping for air underneath Five’s weight. He pursed his lips and looked away, contemplating whether or not to be completely honest. Evidently, his lack of sincerity got him nowhere the last time around, so he sighed loudly; his shoulders dropping and his expression finally revealing all of the exhaustion and regret that he was concealing quite successfully up until now.

“I only pushed you away to protect you.”

“Sounds like bullshit to me,” you replied, clearly unimpressed and palpably suspicious; two years of being brainwashed by the Handler now taking their toll on your perspective.

“God, don’t be so slow,” Five uttered clearly irritated but then quickly realized his offensive implication and added, “Said with respect.”

You stayed silent, raising your brow as a way of telling him to continue.

“I couldn’t risk you becoming a casualty because being involved in my family’s mess as a non-super is dangerous. As in, you’re going to be a target all the time, and I couldn’t and still can’t afford to waste my time worrying about your safety. As much as I’d love to - it’s simply not the luxury I have. I’ve got to stop the end of the world, otherwise everyone is going to be dead in four days, don’t you get it?” Five asked, a waterfall of emotions pushing at the inner sides of his chest, waiting to be set loose and consume everything on its way.

You were quietly listening to his explanation and taking it all in whilst still trying to fight off the suspicion and disbelief that were nagging at your every cell.

“I wanted to keep you safe because I couldn’t bear to lose you again,” his voice trembled a little as the memories of his post-apocalypse life washed over his mind, “The last 45 years have been a fucking nightmare.”

“I’d find it way more believable if you stopped crushing my ribs for starters,” you muttered through clenched teeth and immediately felt the pressure taken off your chest, precious and very much needed oxygen starting to flow through your system the way it should again.

Five got up and offered his hand to help you on your feet as a gesture to show you that he didn’t see you as an enemy and placed trust in you. You took his hand and steadied yourself awkwardly, still slightly disoriented and light-headed.

“I don’t know what the Handler told you but I do know she’s exceptional at manipulating,” Five added as he looked you right in the eye, “Christ, and you’re so naive, always have been. Most days it’s truly adorable but sometimes, Y/N, it really doesn’t work in your favor,” as the words escaped his lips, his gaze became noticeably softer; his expression blossoming with tenderness towards you.

“Prove it. Prove that you care.”

Five chuckled and shook his head, simultaneously annoyed and amused at your stubbornness. The atmosphere between you was shifting and you couldn’t help but notice the familiar overwhelming feeling of comfort and peace enveloping your person from head to toe. You’ve forgotten what it felt like being around Five, and now you were finally getting to remember. At home.

He slipped his hand into the pocket of his uniform shorts and pulled out a grape-sized plastic figure of a golden retriever.

“You gave me this a few days before I jumped and got stuck in the future. I carried it with me all the way. This silly trinket was the only thing I had left of you, the only thing that reminded me you were still out there waiting for me. Kept me going,” he shrugged casually as if it wasn’t important at all which it absolutely was.

“Five, c’mere! Look what I found!” you called for him as you were sitting on the floor surrounded by all sorts of useless crap. You were in the middle of decluttering your bedroom when a little figure of a dog caught your eye, it was the breed that Five was especially fond of and you knew he secretly dreamed of getting a puppy of his own as soon as he was out of the house.

“What’s that?” he asked, unimpressed.

“It’s a doggie! He wants to be your friend,” you replied, playing with your accent a little, rolling you “r”s and shifting the flow of your words to sound more Scottish or ... Russian. God knows where you were going with it but you tended to butcher your accent for fun quite a lot.

“Y/N, are you twelve?”

“His name is Mr.Pennycrumb and he’s gonna look after you whenever I’m not around,” you said with utmost confidence and gave him a wide smile, putting the trinket into Five’s pocket, clearly very proud of yourself and still committed to your silly accent performance, “Treat him well.”

Five scoffed and shrugged.

“Whatever.”

“So did he?” you asked, staring at the goddamn toy as tears were slowly welling up in your eyes.

“What?”

“Did he do a good job looking after you while I wasn’t around?” your gaze finally met Five’s as the realization in his own eyes was starting to sink in. A pained smile touched the corners of his mouth, and you could see Five genuinely struggle to maintain his tough facade.

“Yeah. He did.”

Without saying a word, you stepped closer and rested your cheek on his shoulder, wrapping your arms around him, this time with no hostility or murderous intention. If you had to be perfectly honest with yourself, you’d admit you could never find it in you to actually hurt Five, let alone killing him. Both of you knew that way too well.

He returned the hug and pulled you closer, burying his nose in your hair and then planting a quick innocent kiss on the top of your head. Feeling the warmth radiating from you was enough to make him relax further into your embrace, his eyes now closed shut and his breathing steady and deep.

It didn’t last for as long as you’d like, though, a big loud bang from downstairs making you both flinch and pull away from each other, breaking your fragile bubble of comfort and calm in an instant.

“Shit, Hazel and Cha-Cha,” Five whispered, concern and worry crawling back onto his features. He briefly looked at you, and you simply nodded, non-verbally confirming that you were willing to help and were no longer part of the Handler’s plan.

The two of you were going to talk all about that later. His years alone, his and your own involvement with the Commission, the end of the world and loads more.

Of course, right in this moment neither of you could possibly know that your friendship was, in fact, a gateway into a lifelong partnership but you were bound to find out eventually. And the journey you two were about to begin as soon as the apocalypse was dealt with and gone was going to be magnificent.

[orbitariums]

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟒)

part three

note - i wanna thank everyone for reading once again! i'm currently in the process of writing imagines, those will be posted throughout the week, i don't want to clog up my blog bc i want y'all to see this chapter!

this one switches pov a lil more frequently, so bear with me <3 also not as smutty as other chapters, this is more of an emotionally-charged chapter!!! still a teensy bit smutty thooo. i want to make it clear that while this fic is definitely rooted in smut & sex & sex work, it is not porn without plot & will not ONLY be smut as i put effort and time into plot development / character development! i'm sure y'all know that tho. there will be conflict, there will be plot!!! i feel like that's clear already but there's discourse on smut happening rn and i wanna voice myself! omg anyways luv y'all enjoy the reaaad <3

new taglist!

playlist

word count - 8.3k

warnings - age gap, sex work, smut, vibrator, ANGSTYYY like hella dramatic, dirty talk

That slight shift that you and Steve both felt, that happiness that you realized came from talking to one another, only lasted so long... for you. You could hardly sit in your feelings about your situation with Steve before another thing that occupied all your time came crashing down upon you. Except this time, the thing brought you no such happiness or curiosity.

    You had spent almost your entire senior year working on a special lab project about drought tolerant plants in Southern California where you lived and went to school, and your professor was making completing your project incredibly hard for you. And you felt incredibly stressed out about the entire situation - not only was the project necessary to graduate, but it was your heart and soul for the past year. Now, your professor was basically saying it was "ineligible."

     "Ineligible?" Aaliyah repeated after you, after you told her what your professor had said.

     "Whatever the hell that means," you huffed as you power walked down the street, hand in hand with Aaliyah, your free hand holding a coffee.

     "That's so fucking annoying, holy shit," Aaliyah pressed a hand to her forehead. "He had the whole year to talk to you about changing your topic and...”

     "And he never did," you sighed, frowning. You settled down onto a bench where the two of you sat next to each other, staring out into the busy streets and sipping your iced coffees.

California was a beautiful place, and you were a native, you'd lived there all your life. You knew the ins and outs of your city, knew Southern California like it was your backbone. And you loved it here - loved the sun, the beaches, the way the people were either shady in the best way or incredibly friendly. You'd never really known any other place like you knew this place. You were just glad that if you had to be stressed, you could do so in California.

Aaliyah pouted, feeling for you. She placed her hand on your knee to be comforting,

     "Babe..."

     "It's okay," you sighed. You sucked it up, like always, because you had learned how to fend for yourself ever since you realized that depending on others could only lead to downfall. You would figure this out the same way you figured everything else out... on your own. You figured out your house on your own, your job, your finances.

     "Is it, though?" Aaliyah pursed her lips and squinted at you. Despite how much you tried to fend for yourself, Aaliyah was always there for you. She was one of your biggest supporters.

     "I'll just keep visiting during his office hours and work this out."

Aaliyah rolled her eyes,

     "Men are so annoying, girl. You know what, he probably wants to fuck you. With your fine ass. That's why he's doing all this."

You chuckled, shaking your head and covering your mouth, trilling back in response,

       "Okay girl, don't get too ahead of yourself."

       "I'm serious! Men are evil. Oh, except your fave."

You made a face, nearly choking on your iced coffee. This was news to you,

       "Who are we talking about?"

       "You know," Aaliyah sang slightly, nudging you and leaning against your shoulder. "Mr. Won't Show His Face."

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, but bit down on your straw with a knowing smile, eyes peeking out over the top of your shades. If you were being honest, this idea of Steve, whoever he really was, had been a fun thing to entertain during this period of stress. You'd been talking and engaging with him for two and a half weeks now, and the connection you two had was undeniable.

But you knew better - maybe he wasn't just another customer, because you could really talk to him and felt like he was real - then again, he was strictly a customer. You liked him, a lot, but you couldn't like him any more than you already did. That would be dangerous and silly, and create unrealistic expectations. It wasn't like you could go on dates or anything.

    Still, talking to him (and performing for him) did help to distract you from your stress, at least for a small amount of time. Steve was becoming less shy, less inhibited. He cracked jokes and was starting to keep up with your innate sense of sexuality, starting to navigate you, find you the way a bee might find its nectar, hidden deep inside the curvatures of a flower.

If you were a flower, you'd probably be a sunflower - bright, yellow, almost always in a positive mood, or at least trying to keep yourself in a positive mood. More than that though, sunflowers were tall and looming - you felt like that represented your put togetherness and how hard you worked, how smart you were. Only sometimes it was hard to keep yourself up and tall, but you always did it, time and time again.

But when it came to Aaliyah's comments about Steve, she mostly just made you laugh.

    "Haven't seen him yet, have you?" Aaliyah asked, raising her brows expectantly.

     "No. And I'm fine with that. He's simply another very loyal customer who I happen to like."

     "Hm," Aaliyah hummed, and you could tell her mind was up to something - some very wishful, and mischievous thinking.

     "What are you up to?" you narrowed your eyes at her and glared at her, and she just shook her head with a lazy smile,

     "Nothing. Just thinking that maybe it would be cool if he really was this really hot guy that you actually knew and he wasn't creepy and y'all... you know... started dating. Just to get your mind off a lot of crap. I know, I know, strictly against the rules, blah blah blah. No feelings for customers, it's basic shit. But in a perfect world..."

      "I know," you sighed without thinking, sipping at your drink.

     "You know?" Aaliyah questioned, surprised.

You shrugged,

     "So I've thought about it. Except, you know, in a perfect world, I'd meet a guy like Steve in like, a farmer's market or something. Not on my shady ass cam shows."

Aaliyah snorted laughing, and at the sound of her laughter, you joined in.

You continued,

     "I mean, not Steve exactly, because that would be weird. I just mean, a guy like Steve."

     "You mean a guy who makes you feel the same way he makes you feel," Aaliyah corrected you, and you glared at her again, pushing her gently.

     "Don't push it," you teased, but you meant it - you might have liked Steve, but that was all there was to it - you liked him, he was a distraction. And maybe even that was too much.

✺ ✺ ✺

As for Steve, he thoroughly enjoyed his time with you. He thought constantly about how you made him feel, how much he looked forward to talking to you. How everyday, his worry about your situation becoming more serious dissipated slowly. He could feel himself easing into you, everything that made up this character you created called Moonrose. Conversation seemed casual, like you knew each other in real life, it felt easy, and there was no pressure.

As for your connection, he had finally acknowledged that it was real, and more than either of you had wanted to realize at first. But now, there was no shame, no worry in acknowledging what the two of you had, because you were both smart enough to keep it at this level. It was like a shallow pool. There would be no drowning.

He mostly talked to Bucky about you when it came to the emotional aspect of it. He still feared that if he talked to Tony, it might come across as an issue, and might put a pause on what he had with you. But everyone noticed how different Steve was acting. Even without the phase he had gone through where he was sexually frustrated and angry, he still acted different.

Lighter on his feet, more smiley. And he was always on top of his work. You weren't distracting him from his duty, so that made the fact that he knew you had a unique connection with him more bearable. Because of you, he was learning to worry less. To have a little more fun.

    It was a bright day that week, the sun filtering in through the large windows of the meeting room where everyone was gathered. Steve was engaging in some mindless conversation with Sam and Bucky in which they were debating whether or not pineapple belonged on pizza.

     "No. I'm not sure why everyone keeps trying to put all these twists on pizza. It's pizza," Bucky scoffed, Sam rolling his eyes as a result.

    "You're just closed off. With your old ass," Sam retorted, and Steve made a face. Sam raised his hands up in surrender. "You know what I mean. What about you Steve?"

Honestly, Steve had never even tried pineapple on pizza and he didn't understand why there was such a big fuss about the banal question.

    "I don't really have an opinion," he shrugged, not expecting Sam and Bucky to start clamoring over him and trying to force him to pick a side.

    Before he even got to grasp the situation, he felt Natasha patting his shoulder,

"Hey, mind if I use your laptop? Mine's gone haywire, don't really feel like messing with it right now."

"Yeah," Steve agreed without a second thought, setting his laptop on the table and letting Natasha handle it- she was better with tech stuff than he ever was.

Natasha would use his laptop to showcase some data and start off their morning. It seemed innocent enough —a simple, barely impacting sacrifice. But Steve clearly hadn't thought everything through, because the moment Natasha logged in and hooked up Steve's computer to the holographic projector, more than just data appeared on the screen.

In fact, a whole array of women, all of them engaging in various sexual acts or preparing themselves to, showed up on the screen. And at the top, where the browser was, were the words "girlsonfilm.com."

Steve hadn't noticed all the clamor, too busy thinking (thoughts of you and thoughts of work), until Bucky called it to his attention.

"Steve," he nudged him frantically, his voice a loud whisper.

When Steve looked up at the screen, his face couldn't have gone any redder. He hadn't thought about this at all, and he had clearly forgotten to close out his browser. His heart sunk all the way to his stomach - because it wasn't just Natasha seeing this, it was everybody. And that included Tony, who was glaring pointedly at Steve from the head of the table. Meanwhile, all the others were too busy heckling Natasha and making brash comments about what was appearing onscreen. To Steve's relief, your face didn't show up, but this just might have been worse than only your screen appearing.

     "Woah, Nat, I didn't know you got down like that!" Sam hooted, cupping his mouth with his hands.

Natasha, though she was in shock as well, rolled her eyes,

     "This is Steve's laptop."

Now a hush, then another clamor of confusion and heckling, all directed towards Steve. He couldn't recoil any more, feeling the pangs of embarrassment as his eyes flashed between every one of his teammates. He felt as if there were an asteroid approaching fast, and he was right where it would land, too slow to move out of its way.

     "Steve, what do you know about 'girls on film'?" Sam nearly cackled, reading the name of the site.

Steve sighed deeply, locking eyes with Natasha as he mouthed "turn it off" to her.

     "I am, I am," she ensured him, quickly disconnecting the laptop from the projection, unplugging completely.

A beat passed, everyone staring expectantly at Steve, who was staring down at the table, trying to process his own thoughts. Like for starters, why didn't he log out the last time, and why didn't he remember to log out? And then his mind went to deeper places. He hadn't been intentionally secretive with his actions, but he had been intentionally private. It had to do with his own growth, he was learning how to navigate a world that was new to him and somehow helping him at once. He didn't want to have to share this with everyone, it was nice having this to himself, he had no intentions of revealing what he had been doing in his past time that made him so happy.

One of the reasons he didn't want everyone to know about his situation was because he didn't want to have to be concerned with what everyone else might think. Because to begin with, being on a site for cam shows wasn't exactly everyone's idea of what Captain America might be up to these days.

It was a matter of his image, what values he was supposed to hold. This didn't exactly match, and Steve had just gotten over the idea that he was a bad, sneaky person because of what he chose to indulge in. At least here he knew it was ethical and not causing harm to you as a human being.

He also didn't want to have to deal with the insufferable questioning and teasing his team would put him through, or the judgment he thought they might put him through. He felt embarrassed, exposed, and like he had been ill prepared for a situation like this. He was just grateful they hadn't seen more, because that would've been a disaster. What they had seen was only at the surface level of what he'd been doing.

But his thinking was interrupted by Tony's voice, which broke through all the silence, and made Steve realize again the eyes that were on him.

     "Well, jig's up," Tony sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Care to explain?"

Steve locked eyes with Tony, as if hopeful that he wouldn't have to, but he knew it was best for him to just spit it out. Tony shrugged apologetically, and Steve took in a deep sigh, looking around at everyone at the table.

     "What was that?" Scott whimpered, probably the most distraught by what they had all seen.

Steve nodded solemnly and began to explain himself. He would tell the truth, but that didn't mean he had to tell them everything. You would be left out of this, if anything. He'd just explain to them that sometimes, duty calls - and sometimes, it's not at all work-related.

✺ ✺ ✺

It was just hours before your cam show when another disaster struck, the first one being the fact that your professor was giving you shit about your project. You were in the bathroom, getting ready for your show, fixing your hair up and doing your makeup, laying out an outfit, doing all the things you did to feel pretty before a show.

    Your phone lay beside you on the bathroom table, pinging with messages every now and then. You ignored it, leaning closer into the mirror to get a look at your lipstick, dabbing your fingers into the pigment on your lips.

You smiled, feeling that gratifying sense of achievement. Despite what was going on with your professor, you felt like you were doing well in life. You usually had a positive mindset, enjoyed your work although you sometimes felt as if you were buried deep in all your occupations: student, office worker, cam girl, designer, young woman. Your life was never dull, and you wouldn't trade it for anything. Talking to Steve helped too, but it was more than that.

But that sense of satisfaction all seemed to dissolve when you looked down at your phone, and saw a text from an unsaved number, glaring bright on your glowing lock screen of you hiking with Aaliyah. Still, you recognized it immediately.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

I miss you. Text me back.

✺ ✺ ✺

Steve wasn't exactly keen on joining your live show today, but he did so anyway, because he still had time to himself despite the spiral of events that had happened earlier. There was nothing else to do, and he didn't want to miss out on you after attending almost all of your shows for the past almost three weeks. Didn't want to just leave unexpectedly.

It felt strange that he felt this tug of commitment, but he brushed it off. He was just fulfilling his needs, which should even be expected of him. He was stressed again, after being caught up like he was. And maybe that was all the more reason not to watch your show tonight, but he wouldn't devoid himself of the simple pleasures of life. He'd learned that lesson a while ago, from a special someone called Moonrose.

After everything transpired, he explained himself calmly to his team, slowly to ensure that they'd understand that this wasn't the beginning of a deviant phase, that he wasn't throwing away his work responsibilities to lurk on the NSFW side of the internet. Not that they ever thought that to begin with, they never questioned his abilities or his authority for a minute, not even in the midst of what they'd seen that had shocked them.

This was the product of Steve's own insecurities and his admittedly silly fear that he was somehow letting his team down. He told them that he was on the site, as recommended by Tony, to relieve some "frustration" that he felt he didn't have the time or the means to release in real life. He said that while it had helped him do that, he wasn't throwing away his responsibilities, nor was he dependent on the site or the things on it, or the people on it for that matter.

He knew that if they knew about you, all those private sessions, all those conversations you'd had, the connection you had built between the two of you, it might be a different story. But because they didn't, they appreciated his honesty. They were confused, it didn't seem like the kind of thing Steve would be into, and he ensured them that it was a shock to him as well.

But they didn't mind on the whole, it was just a shock to everyone at first. They didn't think it called for a meeting, thought it was almost humorous how serious Steve was being about such a trivial situation. Wanda had joked about how we've all been there, Thor denied ever having to do such a thing because: "I have all the romantic partners anyone could ask for. I could introduce you Steve, but these Asgardian women are fiery, far beyond anything I believe you could handle." In the end, Steve was relieved, felt like it didn't have the disastrous outcome he'd been expected.

But he could feel his guard slowly coming back up. That was a close call, and it was a little too close for comfort. He didn't want to disregard you, but he couldn't afford to sink further in, and get his team involved. He just didn't want to face the consequences he could imagine if they knew how much he decided to stick with you, how much you talked, how it was teetering off the range of normal customer to cam girl interaction.

It wasn't like he was careless when it came to his interactions with you, but he also didn't want his team to know about his business when it came to you. He didn't want them thinking he was engaging too much, didn't want it to get to the point where he was worrying again or felt like he needed to deny himself such wonderful feelings.

All these things were on his mind while he waited for your live show to start. When it did, and he saw your face, he felt a little bit alleviated. Just for now, he could have this fantasy to himself. If they knew about the site, so be it. At least he had you to himself.

      "Hey guys," you mustered a smile, waving to the camera.

Unbeknownst to your viewers, you had spent the past few hours off camera panicking, on the verge of tears, calling Aaliyah frantically so she could help calm you down. That text from that mysterious unknown number had been from your ex's number. The same ex who made you fall into dependency patterns that you worked so hard to get out of, the one who made you feel like you had to work for his love. Like it wasn't something you deserved, just like anyone else.

You had worked so hard to finally wring out all the effects of him, all the bad habits you had fallen into because of him. That was part of the reason why you worked so hard. Not because you were actively avoiding him specifically, but because you were actively bettering yourself. You weren't looking for a relationship. But you knew that if you were in one now, the same things would never happen to you.

When you got that text, it triggered a flood of memories. Feelings you had to work to suppress and actually get over for months so you wouldn't fall back into the same desperate, needy patterns when it came to your relationships with people. All over a simple text from someone you hadn't heard from in almost a year. It hurt you how easy it was to get you to crack, even if you didn't spill out all the way. But on top of the added stress because of school, you were damn close.

You would do the show tonight, anyway. It helped you to escape, although Moonrose was a part of you, it didn't one hundred translate into real life. So in a way, this helped you escape real life. Just for a while. Just like Steve.

You grinned when you saw concerned comments from your watchers:

johnGuy182

Are you okay, moonrose? You seem a little sad.

zenongirl

Girl r u ok? i missed seeing your face!!!

     "Guys, I'm okay," you grinned. And you actually felt better seeing comments from your supporters. It reminded you to cheer up - they were looking for a good show, not a sob story. You leaned back, revealing your stomach in the sheer, sparkly fringed bra you chose to wear (another piece you had designed by yourself). "It's been a looong day."

Steve watched silently, observing your behavior. He didn't notice drastic changes, but you did appear less chipper. Then again, he brushed it off. He didn't expect you to be smiley all the time, you were human too, and this was your work.

"But I'm okay," you reassured, giving that signature grin, genuine and charming and alluring. You were trying to gently distract yourself, get into your act. "I hope you're all just as lovely as I am. I have a special game for you today."

You directed your viewers to your spinning wheel, which you had been working on crafting that week for a game. You grinned as you spinned it. Each act on the wheel cost a certain amount of tokens, and by the end of the game you would garner a bunch of funds. The show went by relatively quickly as you played the game, eventually ending up completely naked.

As ordered by the spinning wheel, you were to use a vibrator. You held it against your clit at the highest setting as you watched the numbers of viewers and the tokens jump up, Steve watching as he stroked himself leisurely. Your legs shook as you restrained yourself from your orgasm so as to increase the length of your showtime, garner more coins to encourage you to come.

     "Mm," you moaned, massaging the vibrator against your clit, getting wetter and slicker by the minute, sliding the toy between your folds. You laughed, breathless. "Fuck, this thing is so powerful. Someone make me come, please make me come. Just a few more tokens for me to come for you."

Steve was hesitant, but he decided to go ahead and give you the amount of tokens you needed. And when you heard the chime of the tokens being added to your account, and saw the name it was attached to, it was like a blast of euphoria. When your legs started to shake, when you started to moan and your stomach started to rise up and down, it was genuine. It was like you were back in a private room with him, although you weren't.

Your orgasm was blood-curdling in the best way, and you felt like you were releasing part of the stress of the past day, the past week. It didn't get any realer than this, once again you felt like he was really there to satisfy you.

      "Oh!" you exclaimed, your mouth dropping open and your blood flowing, moaning. "Yes, Steve, I'm coming for you. Thank you for making me come, Steve!"

Steve had been stroking himself along with you as he watched, and only let himself come now that you had come, his cheeks heating up as he heard you moan his name, something he hadn't been expected. Something about you saying his name like that where everyone could hear, even though he enjoyed the intimacy of private rooms, felt victorious. It felt lewd, salacious, but he couldn't help but enjoy that aspect of it. He moaned through grit teeth while he came, stroking himself to completion.

You came down, thanking everyone for attending and ending the show. But it wasn't long after that you had requested Steve for a private chat. He accepted, because he had gotten used to you doing this a little more frequently. It didn't scare him any more, he just thought of it as making conversation, taking advantage of this connection you had with each other. So when you requested, who was he to say no.

When the chat log opened, you put on your best happy face for Steve, trying to conceal how fatigued this week, today in particular, had made you. But your tired, bleak voice gave it all away, buried deep beneath your smile,

    "Hey, Steve."

Steve was surprised at the sound of your voice. Again, while he understood that you wouldn't be a happy go lucky fairy like personality all the time, he wasn't expecting this. You were smiling, but the weariness in your eyes was hard to miss. And your voice, which usually told light hearted tales, sounded worn down as if from tragedy. He was concerned, his eyebrows furrowed gently,

     "Hi. How are you?"

     "I'm good!" you exclaimed, trying your hardest to really sound "good."

But you were just tired. Tired and sad, and scared - scared of what the future had to hold. You were already dealing with school stress, and the text from your ex-boyfriend was like a bad omen, an anxiety-provoking assurance that things actually would not get better and they would in fact get progressively worse. You weren't even sure why you thought you should be talking to Steve if you were tired and just wanted to sleep off the weight of the week. It would be a weekend tomorrow, and one of your very rare days off.

Maybe you figured that you wanted to talk to him despite your fatigue, because conversation with Steve was a nice distraction. You had let yourself forget that this was still your job, and that you were too tired for anything sexual — you knew he liked talking to you, but you hadn't put into consideration the fact that he might request a sexual act from you. You would be burnt out if he did. The fact that you didn't think about that should've been telling, but your brain was too scattered to think straight.

Anyway, Steve called your bluff, and laughed quietly, his voice inquiring and pressing,

      "How are you really?"

That was all it took to get a deep sigh to come from out of you, all it took to allow yourself to show your true feelings, at least the surface of them, what you felt comfortable showing a customer. You felt a sense of relief and gratefulness for Steve, like he was letting you breathe. And if anything, he especially wasn't enlisted to listen to your problems. But he wanted to, and for that you felt foolishly grateful.

    Steve noted the deep sigh that came from out of you, and he frowned slightly. He could tell you had been holding this in for a while, and some part of him felt remorse for the fact that even though you clearly weren't in the right mindset, you went on and did your show anyway. He felt some guilt for being a part of the reason why you did your show.

    You answered, allowing your voice to be as honest as possible.

    "Honestly?" you chuckled a little, albeit bitterly. "I don't know if you really want to hear me rant to you."

Steve shook his head.

    "Don't be silly," he grinned. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to."

You felt a warm rush in your chest from the reassurance, and the corner of your lip quirked up in a small smile, before you decided to dive in. You'd spare the emotional details, spare your private life. But it would be nice to talk to someone, just about the general things, right?

    "Well, it's been a pretty stressful week, honestly. I mean, school's been the main source of my stress. My professor's such an asshole, he's basically been telling me my entire senior project, which I need to complete to graduate, needs to be redone? And I can't even fathom how I would have enough time to do that with like, two and a half months left of my senior year. I mean, he said I can keep most details, but I'd have to rework it, whatever that means."

    You kept your emotions at bay, sighing in annoyance just at the story you told, because it really was irritating you. But then you felt deeper things, even more went into why you really were upset.

    Steve nodded, just listening. He was prepared to offer advice, but in your situation, he thought that maybe just letting you rant would be best.

    "That's gotta be annoying," he shook his head understandingly. "Whatever your project is, I'm sure it's wonderful. He shouldn't be forcing you to rework it or make any last minute changes."

    "I know!" you nearly jumped up, feeling amped up now. "And it's just so fucking annoying because I work so hard and I'm really passionate about this project and it just feels like..."

    It felt like you were about to overflow, like a pot of water that had been left on for too long. You were ranting almost uncontrollably now, maybe because of the fact that it was more than this that was tugging at you. Because you'd been carrying the weight of your life on your shoulders all the time, like Atlas carrying the sky, and it felt like that weight was finally starting to mean something.

    Steve could see you were unraveling and he let you, he let you take the time you needed to feel everything you had been holding. If your connection was strong, it was at its strongest here. Sure, you and Steve chatted about a little bit of everything, even had deeper conversations here and there as the weeks went by. But you had yet to genuinely complain to him, because every time you spoke with him, you were happy go lucky Moonrose, with nothing to complain about to begin with. But now, you needed a release by any means, and you were just glad Steve was there for you, even if he wasn't really there. How unlike you to unfold in front of strangers.

   Your breath stuttered as you took in a deep breath in a failed attempt to calm down, only further driving yourself into your rambling. You felt yourself tear up, your voice becoming watery as you continued,

    "It just feels like all my work is turning to shit, and it's so fucking frustrating because I work so hard all the time, I do so much and I manage so much all the time."

     The "hard work" you were talking about wasn't just school and work-related, it pertained to your journey, and how hard you had worked to be a better person. To support yourself. The emotions pent up inside of you, they were more than just being upset over a school project. The idea of someone toxic trying to re-enter your life, someone who had forced you to rework the entirety of your life, made you feel like you were on the verge of crashing. You knew better, but you didn't want to return to those dark days, where the light at the end of the winding tunnel that was your relationship seemed so far away. It was why you were so weary of relationships today. It was crazy how one person could change your life so easily.

     Now you were crying, before you even noticed that you were crying. Tears just seemed to leak out of your eyes, sloshing wet and sudden against your cheeks and underneath your lashes. You wiped them away quickly with the back of your hand, frazzled at the fact that you were crying in front of a customer right now. Steve said he'd listen to you, he didn't say he'd watch you cry and be your therapist. You instantly regretted it, although you couldn't stop yourself, tears threatening to emerge again. If you were cracked before, you were spilling now.

    Steve was surprised too, at the fact that you were crying. You appeared so put together to him, it was almost something he didn't expect from you. He was in shock at first, so much so that professionalism was not on his mind - it was an afterthought. Right now, instead of wondering if this was appropriate, he was occupied with you.

    "I'm sorry," you murmured, but you still hadn't stopped, tears falling out as you blinked. Composure was nothing now, you were sobbing, your shoulders slumped and your head hung as you sniffled. Still you enforced control, wiping away every tear that fell with the back of your hand. "I'm really sorry, I don't mean to cry to you over this, that's so-"

Steve cut you off, shaking his head slowly,

    "It's okay to cry, doll. We all have those days. I know better than anyone that we all have those days."

    You mustered a smile, feeling cared for, feeling accounted for by someone who wasn't even obligated to have to see you like this. Still you shook your head, sniffling,

    "I know. But it's-it's stupid, I shouldn't be crying in front of you."

    "I'm not judging you," Steve said, so nonchalantly and firmly, so genuine that it almost scared you.

You blinked. He should've cared, and he should've judged you. To cry in front of Steve, a customer, was to imply he had some duty to comfort you when he probably just wanted a show. You knew that you didn't have to do anything you didn't want to, but even you had rules when it came to what your customers got to see, and to you, that meant they didn't have to deal with your blues.

     "Really?"

     "Really," he reassured you with a nod.

    Was Steve scared that by giving you this reassurance, this entire situation could become deeper than either of you could handle? Yes. But did he let himself shut down because of those pervasive thoughts that he might get himself into trouble? No. He didn't see you as a liability right now. Right now, even though the situation was certainly questionable (and this was something he had no doubt about. When emotions get into the mix, things could get tricky- he knew this), he saw you as someone who desperately needed someone to talk to. Maybe it wasn't smart of you to make him that someone, but regardless, he was, and who was Steve Rogers not to listen to a person in need?

    You blinked away the last of your tears and swallowed hard. You were making this choice consciously, to tell Steve what had really gotten you to your breaking point. And maybe telling him meant you had trust in him, maybe too much trust for someone who, while great, was still a customer. But you felt like there was nothing you could lose from telling him. Maybe you'd even feel better after the fact.

    You looked down, picking at the body glitter on your arm that you had applied before the show. Your voice was considerably quieter now perhaps because you were looking back on the moment with a clear mind for the first time since it happened. You hadn't been thinking straight ever since you received the text just hours ago. Now your brain was a little quieter with the help of your tears and Steve's reassurance.

       "I think that the stress of this school project is making me resent how hard I work for everything, just to be met with this kind of result, you know? And it's even worse when... things seem to be going backwards. You know, like when you make so much progress, moving on from things that don't serve you, and you've finally done it and you get to flourish in it and then, it just gets taken away from you. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but that's just how this feels."

     Steve nodded, his jaw ticking as he let your words settle in. Somehow, although your situation was so different from his, he felt like your words perfectly described how he felt with the world sometimes. It was even part of the reason he'd held off on talking to you like this, held off on getting too involved. He too had made so much progress in this world, which took so much getting adjusted to in a way that absolutely nobody else could relate to.

    It was a world that he didn't even know, a world that he had never been properly introduced to. He'd had to fend for himself. He did his healing on his own, just like you had. And yet sometimes it felt like he had no control, like the universe was going the opposite way of all his plans. Then he felt stupid for even having plans to begin with, because in life, making plans was like comedy for the gods.

    There was a weird feeling in his chest and stomach, like he'd been stabbed with a gutting realization, and the knife was just turning inside of him, churning his insides. He began to feel a sense of unease, because this deep conversation was beginning to feel incredibly personal. Even though you were talking about your own situation, he couldn't help but think about how much he resonated, and the fact that he felt like he could relate to you on such a deep level scared him. This was more than the conversations you'd had before, more than the simple similarities you and Steve shared. This felt like a conversation that might be too telling for his good and your own.

     He swallowed his words as he listened to you continue. You chose your words carefully, but you had shed yourself of your inhibitions when it came to being truthful.

     "Earlier... I heard from someone I hadn't heard from in a long time. And it kind of pushed me over the edge," out of your mouth stumbled a laugh. You were calmer now, and looked up at the camera, Steve swallowing hard when you did so. It was all so real, just like it was when you touched yourself and moaned Steve's name. "I think it just made me feel all those things I just explained. Because I feel like I worked so hard to rid myself of this person and them trying to come back just feels like all the things I worked so hard on are going to unravel. Even though I know they aren't, it feels like a setback. And that was like, the icing on the cake to this already terrible day, I guess."

      You let out a breathy laugh and smiled gently, shaking your head slowly.

     "I normally wouldn't be telling this to a customer. But here we are. Again, I'm sorry... I feel like I shouldn't have said anything? Should I... have said anything?"

In the brief silence that followed your question,  both you and Steve were thinking the same thing - were you going to regret this? Intimacy both physically and emotionally was good when you capped it at what you both knew to be appropriate. When it came to the physical aspects, you each let your fantasies unwind.

    And on the emotional aspect, though you had both grown closer and more open, some things just didn't get touched upon. But now you had just cried over the screen, and spoke from the depths of your heart. It was scary to open up in such an uncertain situation where your own privacy was an aspect that got involved. There was no doubt that it was too much. It was just a question of whether the result would be negative.

     Steve sighed deeply, a crease forming in his forehead as he furrowed his brows together, folding his arms over his chest.

     "I don't know..." he trailed off, took a breath, a leap, his body practically lurching forward. "But... it can't be a bad thing that you feel comfortable talking to me about this, can it?"

      And there it was, that glint of hope he was trying his hardest to conceal. That feeling he got when he got off that call with you, the one where you both started giving into those unspoken thoughts. That this couldn't be so bad, that you could enjoy each other's company without worrying.  

     You smiled gently,

    "I guess. It does feel weird though, it's not something I normally do. It feels like something I shouldn't be doing."

    You could hear Steve breathing in deeply, and for a moment, you imagined what he might look like, envisioning the outline of a troubled face, eyebrows knit together. You snapped back to reality and made a face, confused by your abrupt thoughts. You had long gotten over the very brief desire to see Steve's face- why was it coming back again?

    "I'll be honest, same here," Steve agreed with your sentiments.

    "Do you always feel like you have to restrain what you say when you talk to people? Or is it just with me?" you added that last part in a quiet voice, biting your lip.

Steve chuckled briefly,

      "Are you asking me if I have trust issues? Because I'd tell you, but I'd have to trust you to do that."

You shook your head and laughed at Steve's stupid joke, and shrugged.

     "I could say the same thing, I think. This person I heard from earlier is... I developed those trust issues because of them. Or, my already existent trust issues became worse. But what's funny about it is that this person was once someone that I loved," even as the words were coming out you questioned why you were letting them, why you were allowing yourself to be so truthful in a situation like this at a time when you were so vulnerable.

      Steve didn't reply, again feeling that sick feeling in his stomach that stemmed from his fear. The fear that this conversation were too serious, fear surrounding the fact that he was able to relate so much to such a personal situation of yours.

    You spoke again, daring to ask the question that felt like a final blow to Steve's stomach,

    "Have you ever been in love, Steve?"

Now Steve knew he was in uncharted territory. Not because he feared you might try to exploit him, but because he was so struck by the fact that he had allowed himself to feel so safe with you and get so close to you. He was surprised at himself for letting you feel safe enough to have these kinds of conversations with him. It all felt like a mistake now. He wanted a way out, any way out. He knew if he even attempted to answer that question, he would be making a big mistake. He had shared some of his most intimate moments with you, but always keeping in mind a very sharp line he didn't want to be crossed.

And in his mind, he thought of the one love he'd had, the one love that hadn't been fulfilled because of the situation he had been thrown into, one he had never signed up for. He thought of how the things he cared most for in life had been discarded, how, like you, he felt like it had gone to shit. How sometimes, though he tried his best to be grateful and had taken that journey of self-healing just like you, it all felt like some sick joke.

Could he even call it love? He wasn't sure. And he wasn't going to answer. He wasn't going to answer at all, because he wouldn't be talking to you again. There would be no chance for this dilemma to resurface, not with you, not on this site. He made the decision with haste and a heavy heart - he was done here.

      The discomfort was well evident in his voice, answering loud and clear, though his voice was morose and a bit closed off. You sensed the shift immediately.

     "I... I can't talk about that right now. Listen, I have to go."

    You felt a pang in your chest at the sudden switch in his demeanor, straightening up and trying not to frown. All this time you had been letting the words spill out, telling yourself not to worry so much, reassuring yourself it was okay to make your feelings known. Now it felt like you should've never said anything at all. You started to stammer.

      "Oh, I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I was just... I feel like I got a little overwhelmed." You laughed nervously. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Steve felt his throat ran dry as he blinked, feeling emotions come up to surface that he wasn't quite familiar with. Maybe he was grieving in advance, regretting the decision he was making to no longer speak with you, regretting the fact that he was letting fear get in the way of what he wanted so badly to be a good thing.

    "No, I'm sorry. I feel like I let things go too far," Steve apologized, but the apology felt more like an insult.

Was he implying that whatever this was, you couldn't handle it, and that it was his fault for somehow leading you on? You had both made the connection with each other, it was an equal effort. And why was he acting like the two of you communicating at all was somehow below him, somehow a risk? If anything, you were the one risking it just by talking to him the way you did. You were opening up to him. 

     You almost felt betrayed - you had convinced yourself that he wouldn't want to listen to your problems and you told yourself it wasn't his responsibility to listen. And then he listened anyway, told you that he wanted to hear it, and you cried to him. You felt like you had made so many unusual accommodations just for him to scare off like this. He was just another person you had expressed your feelings to, only to regret it in the end.

    "Too far?" you questioned, furrowing your brows.

Steve swallowed. In your voice he could hear a hint of frustration, but even worse- hurt. It pained him more than he cared for you to know.

    "I don't think we should talk anymore," he said instead.

    "What?" you were taken by surprise. "Steve, I'm... I'm not understanding. I... I don't usually open up to people like this, I mean, I thought maybe it was fine here, because I feel like I know you. But you're still a stranger. I understand you're a customer but I thought we were talking, I thought we broke through that wall-"

    "We did. And we shouldn't have," Steve said, his voice so calm and firm that it was almost cold.

    By now you were just staring into the computer camera, as if you were looking at him and waiting for him to come to his senses. But as you did that, you slowly came to your own. Because you weren't looking at him. You were looking at a black screen with his voice behind it. You realized you hadn't known Steve, not enough to talk about these things. And just like him, you too were full of regret. You kept all those walls up for the sake of customer relations, only to put them down and be met with this disastrous result.

    Steve almost couldn't bare to look at your face anymore. You were confused, hurt. He could tell you regretted the fact that you had opened up. He was hurt too, but he wouldn't show it, or let it overcome him to the point where your methods of communication with each other became something neither of you could control. Still, yes, he was hurt.

    But he had been through plenty of hardships in life. What was one more, even if it shouldn't have come to this point anyway?

    "I'm sorry, Moonrose. We can't. Goodbye."

Chat over.

[fusrodie]

@le-cat-nipp

The point again is- NO, u are not analysing character, u basically stated he sucks cause he is inconsiderate to others and for me it is just silly argument, u keep repeatin. Thats your whole "analysis"- Ethan is shitty character, cause he didn`t want to comply to his daughters kindappers. And, no I don`t think Ethan is ideal, but the point u trying to show here is just laughtable in my opinion.

I reply to your post cause I think ur "analysis" is rather biased. And the thing is its nothing new, cause most of the people rather symphatized with villains. Anyway I most likely make a fool of myself, being too emotional over fictional character, so that will be the end of me. Have a nice day

kindly show me how you're qualified to say my analysis is not an analysis because you disagree with it? I am examining the elements that make up Ethan's character. that's analysis. that you think I'm too harsh is very much a non-factor and doesn't make an analysis any less of an analysis lol

only you keep ignoring the 10+ posts in which I keep mentioning that yes, he sucks, as a person, which actually makes him a relatable, amazing character. Ethan is not going to jump out of the vidya game and eat your ass, he's not real. characters are not people. there is a distinction between character as part of a narrative and character as an allegory for the human experience. Ethan is great at one and shit at the other. I am a great character within the scope of my life's narrative (because I am the protagonist of it) but positively foul as a person in some areas of life. one does not anull the other. to some people, I am still likeable. the mistakes I have made may have been justified but are still mistakes. that’s Ethan for me.

that's exactly why people aren't perfect, are not supposed to be perfect, and are still appreciated despite their faults. I appreciate Ethan as a character because of his faults. I am just acknowledging he has them, as they all have them, because video games nowadays are not just for fun and instead have become a storytelling medium. my analysis is biased because this is not a court and I don’t owe a fictional character impartiality, in particular when I clearly stated that I’m taking a closer look at his bad side. it really isn't hard to understand?

I'm not judging you for being emotional over a character because that's the whole point of fiction. I actually salute you for being able to see that you have created an emotional bond with this character that is important for you. it's just going to save you a lot of stress to separate yourself from that entity. I feel like a struck a nerve that made you go feral while I’m just sitting here having a jolly good time. criticism of a character is in no way, shape or form criticism of yourself. people are not going to start hating Ethan because of my opinions - I am not influential, I am a lil tiny blogger that pops up every two to three years and that is too done with fandom to care whether other people in this hellhole of a website are going to get on my ass for voicing opinions. you don't have to defend him from the imaginary threat that is my little goblin hands. I’m not coming onto your blog to comment on your stuff that your characterization of a video game character is wrong, and I’m not going to send anonymous passive aggressive messages either. that you and I don’t seem to be speaking the same language and can’t seem to reach a middle ground is alright by me. everything is fine.

[archived-gtronpa-account]

Hey @impytricky I saw a post of yours (I'll try to link it here when I find it again) about how annoyed you were to see Gonta 'fans' talking about how Kokichi should've died in chap 4 ! I agree with that and I just wanted to say, first, I'm glad I never stumbled across something like this, second,,, aah

Now, I love Kokichi and Gonta as much as the next person, and not the 'pure cinnamon roll Gonta' but the boy who's intellect is severely underestimated, who constantly gets babied for absolutely no reason and feels extremely inferior to his peers as a result. I like Kokichi and Gonta's relationship, how you can often find them spending their free time together (which I don't remember seeing in a previous game? I'm not sure) and how Kokichi (despite popular belief for some reason?) Was the one to treat him best in how he understood how smart Gonta really was and trusted him- like how he took his word about seeing tiny bugs and didn't brush it off as 'Gonta idiot' like the rest of the class. Grumble grumble.

Aaa but I'm not gonna go on a tangent for this since I know ur blog and I think we're on the same line regarding those two!

I just wanted to share an idea I had like, right as I was watching Gonta's execution for the first time, an execution for Kokichi in chapter 4!

Like, Kaito voted for Kokichi in the trial. But imagine if maybe Maki had joined him- like how she always sides with Kaito in scrum debate after he learns her real talent (I think? I'm not sure about this info) or if Tsumugi had voted for him to spice things up. And if for some reason, Kokichi had kept no rational sense at the end of that trial and was just completely crushed under the weight of his emotions and decided to vote for himself since he couldn't bring himself to vote for Gonta, even if too many people voted for him and he became the blackened right at that moment he really wouldn't care anymore and at least their plan would have worked and he wouldn't've had to live with his sin.

Anyway, that makes 3 votes for Kokichi, and the player's vote! So yeah I think it's abundantly clear now that I'm going for an alternate route where you -the player- vote for Kokichi and both he and Gonta are blackened. I've seen takes on this scenario and so far haven't found the gem among the stones- especially now that I'm imagining those Gonta 'fans' posts wanting to kill Ko out of spite, yikes. I just wanted to share my thoughts with a fan who's got taste wink wonk ;]

So: Monokuma stays unclear about the two blackeneds tho and just drags Gonta gets taken to his execution, except that unlike the normal version this time there's a those lock things on the metal chains and Kokichi jumps in to try to lockpick those and free Gonta.

Haha I've already got the scenario somewhere written I'm feeling a lil lazy lemme just copy paste it.

So imagine: Gonta is taken to be punished. He's attached to the pole and Monokuma walks in and the execution song starts. But then Kokichi runs in in front of Gonta and alter ego and fumbles with the chains to try and free him, Gonta panics and urges him to go back and not die and he's not the murderer and Gonta can't die knowing he couldn't even protect his classmate one last time only because of those chains. Such despair! Kokichi doesn't listen and desperately tries to get rid of the chains and pick the many locks one by one. Monokuma starts shooting the bugs at them and Gonta is still struggling to try to get Kokichi to move out of the way and Kokichi is growing nauseous from the bug stings and his face gets blue then purple in Danganronpa fashion and Monophanie's stomach grows bigger and bigger and just then Kokichi finds a last lock hidden between the chains he lockpicks it with shaky hands- but Monophanie's stomach bursts open and the lock clicks and right as it falls in Kokichi's hands the giant bug bursts out of Monophanie. Gonta pushes the chains off his arms and legs, falls to the ground, limbs finally free, and jumps in front of Kokichi with his back to the bug to protect him, but right as he's about to push him out of the way of danger the giant bug strikes them both, its his claw digs in their abdomens and they both fall to the ground. After a beat the wooden pole creaks and falls on their on top of their bodies with a heavy thump. Monokuma looks with disgust at the bodies still twitching a little and the nasty bug on top and he throws a match on the pole and everything catches on fire. The fire crackles and the music fades out and the image cuts to alter ego Gonta at their feet looking sad before his screen glitches and goes black and a dark grey puff of smoke comes out of it.

(Dramatic much, I know, but I'm a sucker for despair and tragedy.)

After that you get a shocked text from Shuichi who doesn't understand why Kokichi did that and something like how till the very end he confused them all with his lies (nothing much too grand and emotional, your typical killing game shuichi after chap 4 talking here). After that you get a weird disturbing ending like that of dr1, with a last CG of all the students aged up smiling at a camera, Maki and Shuichi holding up Kaito's portrait since he died of his disease, and with that awful music to disturb you further at the weird image and to really rub it in that you fucked up by being spiteful and voting Kokichi, bad choice you silly player.

I just kinda think it's a cool response to those who could hate Kokichi and get petty and vote for him- only to have a bad ending as a result and a surprise regarding Kokichi's character. I also thought of it as more of a Kokichi's execution, kinda like how it would have Kokichi elements: lockpicking, his leadership quality and how he puts his people before himself and is pretty selfless, also willingly putting himself in front of Gonta so he doesn't get bug stings- which is cool with Kokichi disliking bugs. And just how by being a petty hater you give Kokichi a somewhat peaceful death where he doesn't live with his sins, but you the player get a bad end instead as a result. On Gonta's side, I just like the despair of him ultimately dying unable to protect his friend.

All in all, I just thought it'd be a cool take on chap 4, especially with how… tasteless Gonta's execution feels to me. I also kinda just like this as a Kokichi execution that exploits some of his aspects well enough without being overly dramatic- like the many popular fan excutions I've seen that have him on lie detector forced to tell the truth about his intentions and how he cares about his friends and yadda yadda simp stuff- like, you should be able to see a Dr character's execution and not be able to tell if this character is important or not based on that alone; executions don't discriminate between the popular and the lame, so I think this is a fitting enough execution for Kokichi that works for his character, isn't too lame but isn't too grandiose. This has it's flaws for sure, like how that ending doesn't fit the fictional world reveal of chap 6 and some minor details, but ah, eh, uhm, you know.

I'm a sucker for discussions I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! Since you too have a respectable good view of Gonta and I think I saw a post about you thinking of a Kokichi execution? Aaa you know whatever I'm getting awkward now—–-

[thejunkelemental]

Hope

A friend recently told me I should give up hope and distance myself.  I thought about it a long time...not because I was considering it, but because I feel as though it is hard to explain why I am still here.  It isn’t because I was asked to or because there has been any sign or indication that what I want the most will come to pass. All my life I have basically flowed along the path of least resistance.  I did what friends and parents told me to do, I turned down options that seemed too frightening.  I was scared of rejection and loss so I built myself a little home out of my specific talents.  I built a dome of friends and connections I fed with my own sanity and spoons because as long as I could keep folks happy, my little roof would be safe. I didn’t achieve the way my parents thought I should.  I have been the ‘smart, gifted’ one for so long that the words feel cheap and meaningless.  What does gifted mean?  What does smart get me? I have made plenty of mistakes in my life but like to believe that at the core of me I am still a good and kind person.  My insecurity warps my nature and makes me possessive and clingy but at my heart I want people to be happy and I want to be part of their happiness. Hard work frightened me because I always felt if I worked hard and didn’t accomplish...then all the things I was told about being bright might be wrong...I might not be special or exceptional at all in any way, just some ignoble shade of boring on the side of the road people pass by. But my snapdragon?  She changed that for me. With her I felt confident enough to do things I had not considered before.  While I did not see to my own issues and problems that kept me mired in fear and selfishness, she showed me what support and love truly looked like. I found my best friend in the goofy girl that talks to herself and makes silly noises, who shelters damaged packages and ugly food, who makes sure stuffed animals are comfortable and the lil wayward bug always gets put outside and saved. I found someone who resonated with my heart. I have never met anyone like her before and though we struggled in the ways we had been damaged in our past, we loved each other without limits. It came to be that she saw a future where we could not work out our barriers and would be incompatible as parents together...as living together and the stress drove her to make a decision to separate. I cannot blame her for that decision.  At the time, I was not able to see all the ways I was hurting her and limiting her.  I was not aware enough.  In my sorrow I dove into therapy, I even dove deeper than that...to a dark place I hope to never return and in doing so, hurt her deeply. But when I ventured out of that dark place, over the months and months of time, I found that I began to understand her better.  The person I am now is not the person who she used to be married to...I have grown.  While I am still consumed sometimes in my sense of loss, I am self aware enough to know how I have faltered and failed...I have worked hard to try to see to those problems within me. I can promise you, my snapdragon, that were we ever to find ourselves together again I cannot promise it would be perfect...but I can promise that I will always always do the work necessary to adjust myself to better show my love and support of you.  I accept you for all you are and all you have been.  I want to know the more healthy you but I also love the girl I met with all her traumas and fears.   The future I saw with us included the hard times of parenting, of figuring our way through stress.  I know I need to listen to you more, to make you a bigger part of my story rather than just a producer...and in return I want to be a bigger part of your story as well, someone who you teach how to help and mend...someone you speak to when you’re scared. I want to be a main character in your story as well, but not in a selfish way that takes your time and energy but is better able to give back and give you a peaceful place to land. Hope, for me, is remembering how things fell apart and knowing that you will not allow them to go down that path again.  Hope is knowing your weaknesses and strengths.  Hope is knowing even despite our separation and distance, this is not a gulf that cannot be bridged.  No way you have hurt me is not able to be healed and forgiven...because being loved by you and safe with you is the most fulfilling emotion I have ever experienced. I want to wade into the uncertain future with you at my side.  I want to share in the worst days when we just want to curl up and cry or shut away from the world...and the best days where we adventure and laugh and joke. I want to stay up late nights when the baby is crying and go through the frustration of training a new puppy...or taking care of an old dog that just wants to be loved till the end of its days. I want to meet your birbs and be their friends as well.   I want to take care of you, because being able to take care of a loved one who is sad is one of the most affirming and wonderful feelings...to turn sorrow into safety and joy. I want to get high with you and laugh at stupid shit.  I want to find a home for us to live in together...I want to take you on dates and learn how to paint my nails and crochet and do my silly drawings for you. I want these things because despite all the pain we have experienced together, I feel that the light outweighs that darkness.  We know all our secrets, most of our traumas and we are both committed to fighting through them. You told me that you do not see what I see within you.  And maybe I cannot simply tell you but I want you to trust me that what I see is not a delusion and it is not false.  I see someone I could share the rest of my life with and never get bored of.  I see someone I want to play hands of cards with at our kitchen table with shaking, wrinkled hands. I know that I love you and I know how hard it is to consider how we would even fit together after our distance, after what happened.  But that hard work is worth it to me, even if it is slow, even if it sometimes seem stuck.   I can think of no better work than growing with you and finding a way to show you how committed I am. I have years to make up for where you saw me with one foot out the door....where you saw me as someone who would not stand and protect our union and our relationship...as someone who was ready to cut and run. But I am here.  I am devoted.  I want to work on us in whatever form it takes...as long as the work is worth it for both of us...as long as we can both make efforts to connect and understand.  For me, there is no pain or circumstance that has happened that changed how I felt about you and how much I believed in our future together. You are always and have always been my best friend.  No friend or family member can shake that from me...and I hope that hearing it does not make you afraid or hurt.  The way I love you is real and if there’s room in your life for me to snuggle a little closer, see you a little more...to begin to work on the broken pieces of trust...I want to. I can lose everyone else in my life but you are the last person I want to lose...you who showed me how magical and wonderful the world could be together. You are a unique, compassionate and lovely soul...I was fortunate for you to love me.  I was fortunate for you to see a future with me.  If I can stay part of your life...can we still continue to work on ways to draw closer and see how things end up? I miss spending time with our family...your parents, you...I miss the easy way I found happiness with you. You are not the person I live for, but you made life feel less frightening and more like an adventure.  I am happy I can hear you better. I am happy you see me better. Things can change.  I will never be the person I was...too stubborn to see your side and not understanding of your needs.  I want to keep learning, keep pushing forward.  Even if you never tell me there is a chance.  Even if you never hint of a possibility, I am here because love persists even in the absence of reassurance.  How I feel about you is not contingent on being with you...it exists even when you are far away.  I can’t help it...you’re my lovely cookie girl.  You’re my totino beb and all I want to do is put in everything I can to what means the most to me. Because the work is worth it. With you...I still feel like I can fly.

[blookmallow]

hey wow look what i found buried in my drafts from 300 years ago

this started as Bits Of Story Notes but then i kinda ran with it and let it become more drawn out prose so now its like. a lil writing blurb 

specifically, about antis and their formations. its kind of a nonspecific narrative voice i didnt want to try to work into particular characters bc then id be limited by which characters know what/who would be willing to tell who what/etc so its not anyone in particular (theres also some names missing bc i havent figured out all the details)

--

“But what IS an Anti? How could something so... sinister come from someone so kind?”

“Well... that’s the trouble of it, you’re looking at it all backwards.”

“Backwards?”

“Well, to start, they come from nothing. It’s no fault of the Origin’s, after all. ...and you speak as if humans are inherently something kind, Antis inherently something cruel. I can promise you that simply isn’t the case.” 

Antis are not literal pieces of their origins - it isn’t so much “my dark side, embodied,” no proper Hyde to one’s Jekyll, as it were. An Anti comes not from within, but without; like a formless, nonsentient parasite locking itself to an unwary host. This occurs at random, of course- anyone could have an Anti. 

Any human, that is. 

Though they’re said to be particularly drawn to those with high propensity for magic.

The nebulous spirit matter from which they come is all around us- no, don’t look, you can’t see it. Not even the Soul Collectors can. But something invisible, no matter how transient and slight, is none the less real. They have no self yet; no mind to think or to consider, no consciousness at all. Only the instinctive drive to become. Antis long to exist before the conception of “longing” exists within them. They form themselves as a sentient, corporeal being through the unconsenting assistance of the Origin. That person becomes a sort of mold, a self and a form from which the Anti creates a kind of reversed mirror image to inhabit itself. 

The very moment of formation is still quite mysterious even to Antis themselves; how exactly it occurs, or why this moment and not that, and each Anti is quite different just as humans are from one another. It is not impossible for two Antis to form in the same way, but the variation is infinite. 

However, it is as of now believed that an Anti comes to fruition upon achieving some kind of inciting incident which serves to shove the dormant spirit into physical reality, such as a moment of intense emotion, contact with magic, a traumatic event - something to release the spirit that has been quietly building itself up. 

“But-...what if it doesn’t? What if there is no incident, the spirit never released-? What would that... do to a person?”

Well... Nobody knows. Possibly it might kill the both of them. Possibly something more sinister may occur, an amalgamate form never meant to be. But we need not worry about that. One could hardly imagine a person who never has a moment of intensity in their entire life. It is most likely the case that the spirit, upon having built itself up long enough, eventually will release on its own, anyhow.

Now, some Antis have an immediate fixation on their origin, some are an immediate destructive force, some are scared and confused by their own sudden existence, and... some just want to get as far away from them as quickly as possible. It’s not entirely fair to compare them to parasites - their formation is not harmful to the Origin, after all. But it is said that they are never quite the same afterward. 

Damian Nightfall - yes, that one -  formed from shadows one night when young Skye Blue had a particularly violent nightmare; he was suddenly awoken in the middle of the night and overwhelmed with dread in the darkness of his room. He had never been afraid of the dark before. He had sensed a growing anxiety every time the lights went out for weeks beforehand, but never told anyone; it felt silly and irrational to him- why would I be scared now? Why, I’ll be turning thirteen soon! I ought not to be afraid of dark rooms. 

But he was, anyway. 

He watched in confused horror as his own shadow turned into a dripping, crawling darkness that slowly gained mass and moved sluggishly across the floor on its own terms.

the thing on the floor immediately fixated on him, and while it was only half-formed and still an amorphous shambling mass of shadow, it lunged out of the darkness to attempt to strangle the boy the moment it had anything resembling hands

Miss Shuri immediately felt the intense distress - and the threat to Skye’s life, as it most definitely was - and appeared at once to cast the Anti out. But she refrained from killing him, though she could have, because a soul collector never kills if it can be avoided - and Damian was really only a child then. 

He slithered off somewhere into the woods, and continues to terrorize Skye to this day - though he’s no longer interested in actually killing him. An Anti without an Origin becomes mortal and powerless, as he’s learned all too well. 

And so that was Skye’s first encounter with Damian. He still suffers from frequent nightmares, and cannot sleep in the dark anymore. His shadow, even in bright sunlight, is oddly faded and light - not terribly noticeable, but almost as if there’s less of it somehow.

Miss Iris appeared as a sudden face in the mist of toxic fumes that erupted when Christina had fallen into a patch of mushrooms in the woods

there was a brief moment of grotesque entanglement as Iris’s body formed against her; both confused and trapped against each other, but both struggling to get away, each in disgust of the other 

the moment they became untangled, there was a brief instant of hatred between them, and Iris vanished in smoke. These days, the two are content just to live their lives completely away from each other - neither acknowledges the other’s existence, and both are better off because of it. 

Laelia Thorne’s Origin’s hand was cut off in an accident - and moments later, the severed, still-bleeding hand suddenly began spasming and mutating, growing itself out hideously, red blood pouring out in a bright rush as if it were being purged out - until Laelia was formed.

The poor girl was so horrified, she passed out from the shock. When she finally came to, Laelia was gone. No one believes her, supposing her to have been in a state of hysteria from the traumatic event - but the hand was never found. 

She never saw Laelia again. 

Lex Calamity’s Origin was looking into a mirror one day; feeling a crisis of identity, stressed and alone and feeling lost, when she realized suddenly that her reflection looked somehow wrong.

It wasn’t following her movements anymore, as if it were frozen in wide-eyed horror. She stared back into the mirror, feeling as if she were looking into a stranger’s eyes. A wild impulse to smash the glass to pieces came over her, but she could not bring herself to move.

Tears slowly slipped from the reflection’s eyes - which were rapidly changing color - but not from her own. In a sudden movement, she reached to touch her own face, but the tear was not there. The reflection did not move. 

Inky black spread over the reflection’s blonde hair, consuming it as if a bucket of paint had been dropped over its head, as she could only watch in horror. 

She slowly, slowly reached for the mirror. This time, the reflection moved in sync - but when their hands touched, she felt cold skin instead of glass, and the fingers twisted into hers. 

She screamed and pulled back, inadvertently pulling the reflection out with her, and they both tumbled to the floor.

The reflection scrambled to its feet like a frightened cat and ran.  

They found her, hours later, sobbing on the bathroom floor, shattered glass everywhere. After they heard her story, the sisters took her away to be exorcised of the evil she professed immediately. There was no trace of the demon reflection, and it was never seen again. 

She is to this day desperately afraid of mirrors - and if ever she dares to look, her reflection is distorted and blurry- like some part of it has left. 

Sage Blackburn’s Origin nearly drowned in the sea; She was desperately tangled up in seaweed that suddenly became arms - she saw bright yellow eyes glowing in the dark of the water, and felt someone holding her, pulling her up toward the surface. 

Those eyes were the last thing she was conscious of before she passed out - the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen, she says. 

She awoke on the beach, alone, but alive. 

She believes a mermaid came and saved her. She calls her her Muse; she paints pictures of her all the time, trying to remember, and dreams of one day finding her again. She has overcome her fear of the ocean after this event, determined to return to the sea that she loves, and find her Muse again. 

Sage knows nothing of this, and left the girl on the beach, hurrying away to discover her own life. She has told no one of this story; and so no one knows if she saved her Origin out of compassion, or just so that she herself would survive - and Sage wouldn’t tell you if you asked her. 

[-unfinished-]

[roach: origin was very, very sick for a long time - and suddenly coughed up a huge bug that skittered away into the dark (and later, unseen, became Roach). they coughed up a few small, repugnant mushrooms, and immediately felt better. They recovered rapidly and seemed completely unphased by the whole ordeal.]

[gasket keskar: formed in a spark of lightning that destroyed a tree, but did not harm anyone. Origin (Kavi Narang) knows he exists, but has never seen him again - though he is actually interested to meet him again.]

[malkin erebus: formed in an explosion which destroyed Origin (Cyril Flintwitch)’s home and killed their mother. malkin did not intend to do this, and feels terrible for it, having never intended harm. cyril has permanent mental scars and has never been well since, though their paranoia and anxiety has improved recently - as well as their relationship with malkin. malkin is at times infatuated with cyril - and has had a very tumultuous history with them - but is learning to respect boundaries, and is accepting the responsibility for the things he has done.]

[crow hackett: unknown] 

[crank: unknown]

[zyx: formed from the dust under Origin (Cody Jemson)’s bed. lives there still. unsettling, but not actually harmful. yet.]

[siren hemlock: unknown]

[ber-bonfamille-lyons]

RP Questionnaire

in which lauryl rambles about all things rp (tw for incomplete sentences, odd punctuation, etc.)

Name: Lauryl Characters: leave me alone (ber, kiara, hades, mel, chester, milla, milo, nala, kiki, prince, pongo/paul, anita) Pick a thread from the past six months that you’re proud of and talk about why.

The Journey of Kiki Takayama: I loved this thread because it highlighted my bby Kiki! I’m really proud of Kiki’s character and her journey, both literal in this case and in the development~ way. I’ve been really poking at Kiki’s self-esteem issues, her pervasive depression, and I think this thread really brings a lot of those threads, and other threads, together. Like, the fact she brings Howl back to her by singing and dancing with the earworm she’d made for Patty (this sentence is nonsense to anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about). Like, that felt so natural to me-- that I could use her friendship with Patty, her earworwm thread with Hiro, and her history with Howl dancin’ to karaoke, to produce what I thought was this really silly-yet-serious-and-kinda-beautiful moment. To me, it was just very dynamic, and I’m proud.

Chester’s arc: I’m also really proud that I finally got to PULL THIS OFF AFTER SO LONG. I loved the pace of it overall, and Chloe really provided a lot of emotional depth by bringing Mitte along. Even though these two are ridiculous and full of hijinks, that question “What do these two mean to each other?” still followed them from para to para. And Mitte’s loyalty to Chester (or to chaos) has really solidified this strange friendship and helped launch the second part of this plot. Thus, this arc ran the gamut: light and ridiculous, serious and dark, tragic and comic.

Identify a challenge you’ve faced in this rp. Reflect on why this is a challenge for you. Are there any strategies you can develop to overcome this challenge?

Taking on too much hahahha: this is definitely my biggest challenge and even extends to the outside writing that I do. I’m an Idea Man. I’m a conceptual, out of the box, daydreamer-of-an-rper, who develops everything like, very top down, very chronic-plot-heavy, very BIG STAKES!! So usually every character has a Big Arc and I get really excited about these very big plots-- annnnnd then i have 13 very big plots and no way to balance them all along with all the plots i want to get involved in with the REST of the rp that kinda fall into my lap and i’m like omfg ahhhhhh.

What happens naturally is I prioritize characters over others. Ber, Hades, and Mel are my big kahunas who i do the most with. Chester’s gotten his time in the sunshine finally, god bless, and to a good extent, Kiki too. And Rajah got a lot of good stuff. But there are some babies that I haven’t done a lot of those Big things for. Milo for example lawd, MILO. I finally have this mummy plot but i’ve been trying to do more cave/merlin stuff for over a year now. I also wanna do so much MORE with Prince and with Nala and Paul, but they always get pushed to the side. Even the characters that I do more with get pushed to the side-- hi Hades !!

So how do I fix this? I mean, I can really prioritize, I can create schedules and hard deadlines that map out my plots for myself and keep me on track….buuuut if we’re honest rp is a collaborative hobby and hard deadlines are often soft, malleable deadlines.

I can also just, not plan as much and focus on more acute plots. Or: not have as many characters.

Gasp.

I know, someone needed to say it though. Also I could be a total hypocrite on this point because as we speak I have little plot seedlings growing jungles in my head. But something’s got to give. And so this is not a very clear answer but I think it’s sort of a combination of me being serious with my deadlines (or at least structure out plots the way we are doing on this questionnaire) instead of keeping all those Big big big plots in my head. I can also do less threads. The other part? Finishing off character’s arcs and letting them go, my darlings, so I can free up a lil more space for others. I did that with Rajah recently because I’d accomplished the biggest goals I had for him and soon I’ll be letting go of Chester and Milla too for the same reasons-- I’m closing up their stories. Course, I’ll probably pick up NEW characters like the hypocrite I am, but the point is: it’s good to know when to let your babies go, and I want to be the first person to encourage people to see their characters through to whatever end there is. 

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you! ) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

Milla: When I first got Milla, I wanted a capital-v Villain and I wanted to use her for plot purposes mostly. I was fine with just being a tool in other people’s plots in other words, and I didn’t expect Milla to go anywhere. But Milla has surprised me, and it’s all due to the people who have drawn out new sides of Milla that I only suspected lay dormant. I love that I have both my daughters and an Ella (and gosh, I love that Bee was up for having Ella have this contentious relationship with Milla that was out of the house but still very much a “trap” of sorts, just a more modern day trap, ala money). I love her deliciously evil relationship with Taka.  I love that she’s gotten to be a lawyer for Gaston and other villains. I love that she’s become this dominatrix character with Flynn.  She’s still very set in her ways now, but finding how she became set in those ways through these interactions is some of the most interesting, different RPing I get to do. I love that how she twists her definition of mother on its head, I love that she is honestly so weary and lonely, I love that she has accepted a lot of that if only because of her age. I’m really proud of the depth I’ve achieved with her, so much so that I can write a terrible post and fully sympathize with her anyway. In fact...part of me honestly roots for her, and I think that’s how you should wanna feel for your villains, even if, at the end of the day, you know they must be thwarted.

Pick another character and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them for the rest of the year?

The Great Prince: Eeeee, my son. The Prince has always been a very distinctive voice for me and a much different story than many of my characters. Like Milla, he’s older, and in some ways a lot of his development is in backstory, which involves a fair amount of “uncovering” as I write. But unlike Milla, I fully intend Great Prince to grow and he’s doing so already. He’s blurring the lines between the forest and the town and sort of fully embracing the liminal aspects of his being. Like, yes, he’ll never really be a normal human, but he is still human; and yes, he might not be a true animal of the forest, but it’s still his home, and he wants to share it with people in a way he’s never really gotten to do.

I’m looking forward to forging stronger relationships with those he has already formed bonds with: Soleil, Bambi, Ella, etc. I would love to get more fairy relationships for him actually because I haven’t done a lot with that though I imagine Prince was raised by the fairies a lot more than he was his Father Prince, so I’d love to explore that dynamic. Send me ur fairies!!

I’m also looking forward to trying to do more forest plotty stuff. Maybe I can do this with Bambi if Bambi ends up embracing his powers more but I could also do this with FAIRIES if I do make more fairy friends!!

I also really want the Prince to start wrestling more concretely with the toxic rules he was raised under. I want him to realize he can change tradition, that the rules he hates don’t have to be the rules. As his relationships develop with key characters, I think the Prince will come in conflict with those rules (or I hope so) rather naturally.

AND finally, wow so long, I see the Prince mourning and letting go of Willow, finally. His memories of her have been the only really good ones in his life, so as he gets more good memories and makes relationships, he’ll be able to put Willow to rest for himself. Maaaaaaaybe, just maybe, he miiiight even let himself fall in love again (and that will help him wrestle with those toxic rules I was just talking about :D) 

IF YOU DID THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE: Alright, now pick an item from the Wishlist you completed in January that you’ve started to pursue. How far are you from completing this goal? Talk about the steps you took to make it happen.

Well, I made Chester’s entire arc happen! And it’s still kinda happening. It took a LOT of organizing on my part, and I sort of followed the same format as the mock plot included in this questionnaire. I plotted out paras and made sure I knew what partners I had to contact to help me. The London plot was all Mitte/Chloe, so that was very straightforward, though I should note I had to do a lot of one-shot writing because important events took place with just Chester.

Also moving forward, organizing the demon haunting threads has been a real fun challenge, because it’s such a weird animal. I’m lucky to have such enthusiastic partners who are willing to try this strange format with me, so shoutout to Sam who was instrumental in that, and to J and Pet for playing along. Also just Pet and MK in general for doing chatzies with me and staying patient. AND one last shoutout to Marina for freezing Anita’s heart! It’s been really refreshing for me to RP her and I love what it did for the plot overall.  IF YOU DID THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE: Pick another item on your wishlist that hasn’t happened yet. We’re gonna do a MOCK-PLOT!!!

Great Prince + Forest stuff! Like I mentioned, I’d love to get a sideplot going with some of the forest natives sooo I’m literally pulling this outta my ass, check it:

Great Prince introduces Bambi to the Stone Trolls, during which the Stone Trolls complain about the Gummis

Therefore

Great Prince visits Gummis with Clarion for negotiations

But

Negotiations break down and the Stone Trolls kidnap someone (Soleil, Ella, Bambi) for ransom

Therefore

The Prince asks Goliath for help on a rescue mission.

This is the most hilarious plot if only bc the gummis are a thing that exist.

Finally: write a NEW wish list for the upcoming half of the year. It’s fine if you use a lot from your previous wish list if you still haven’t completed them and you still want to!

By character:

Mel: 

Explore momma mel-- this will sorta be through threads as I weave this event into Mel’s life. I also think this applies to getting an apprentice-ish figure for Mel which is kinda happening as she “mentors” some young Magicks (Celia, Jim, Ly).

Acknowledge her feelings for Howl and deal with that shit: dark squad is always Really High Magic, so I’d love to take ‘em down with a good ol confession scene or something idk. Or maybe Mel cries to someone else bc she has feelings for someone who can’t love her or idk maybe she goes on a rampage I dunno.

Ber: 

More music reviews. This was from my old list AND I’ve been doing more, so I just want to kinda continue on doing these and up my number mhm.

Produce someone’s music. I rly want Ber to get a partnership with someone sooo!! I’ll be on the look out.

Kiara: 

Date! I actually am here for this idea of Kiara dating Callie and maybe Alice too. Is Callie ok with that?? Idk we’ll see.

Figure out her passion for healthcare and women stuff!!! I think Kiara might end up like a nurse or a social worker related to like women’s healthcare so I dunno I’d like to somehow explore more of those threads, maybe make her do some sort of afterschool program. She’s still finding herself so!! It’s an important year for her coming up.

Hades: 

Uh. Use his fire lmao but rly this is an important goal and lowkey cant say anything more spoilers

Chester: spoilers

Milla: spoilers

Milo: 

Still want him to start looking OUT of Pride U and start thinking about what he really wants for his future.

Buuuut while he’s in Pride U, student stuff! Teacher apprentice?? Tutor?? Idk hit me up

Merlin Objects. Get dat seal in the cave yo

TALK ABOUT ISSUES WITH JANE

Nala: 

Still want Nala to have a one night stand/go on dates c’mon ppl I don’t get to explore romantic Nala a lot.

More female friends 

Kiki: 

Find Jiji, perform ceremony

Discover true nature of her powers, which will lead to ONE OF TWO SCENARIOS:

Embraces her powers

Decides to stop being a witch and go to university instead.

Would still like her to go on a date ok

Anita: 

Explore what a canon dearcliffe looks like????? I don’t know if this will actually happen like when all this shit calms down and Anita is unfrozen maybe Roger will be like bitch bye idk. But it would be interesting to see Anita finally embrace her real feelings and realize that she can be considerate but still assertive, and then get to see how the relationship actually operates after so. much. build-up.

Also I meeeaaaan she’s also been woken up for how BI she is, that’d be interesting to do more with. Especially if it was in the context of a budding relationship with Roger (tbd on that lol)

Would still like to do more art paras (looking at anna and annette for potential help with this-- maybe a louita (friendly) reunion would be nice too

Great Prince:

More forest plot stuff. I have some random ideas floating in my head and so i’d love to introduce the stone trolls i keep mentioning and have great prince share his forest home with ppl (like bambi and ella). Obviously some of this will happen as prince ‘trains’ bambi in his magic. Or I hope so.

Honestly…. Maybe...have him...do stuff...with..pride..u? He really loved being a professor and I could see him get more involved with the magizoology department! Maybe as a guest lecturer at times or he could lead groups of students? IDK we both just loved prof henthorn sooo bring! it! back!

Paul:

Make Paul go on dates. This is leftover from my old one but part of his journey~ involves putting himself back out there. It’s important for Paul to realize he’s not trapped or that being a dad isnt the end of his love life and he can’t really do that with Perdita (sorry Perdy).

Continue fixing his relationship with Perdy. That being said and counterintuitive perhaps to the last point, Paul does care about Perdy and wants to be good friends with her. I’d love some more co-parenting stuff when Perdy gets more comfortable with the babies because I am intrigued by that dynamic since they won’t be dating rn. At least i dont think they will.

UNIVERSITY i have a plan for this i gotta make it happen lol i suck

[gawaine]

H A P P Y   2 0 T H   C H A R!

So, I’ve agonised over this for days. First, I thought I’d write you a chapter of something; but I still owe you one from Valentine’s and its come out so sucky that I can’t bear to look at it, and you don’t really have the luxury of time regarding reading anything else full-length. Then I thought, “ooh! An edit! With characters wishing her a happy birthday!” but I did that for Sara a few years back (... with the cast of Brownie Points), and you’re worth more than a recycled idea. There was then the idea of using some of the new Photoshop skills I’ve developed to make you a lil’ banner with flowers and shit, but I was like “pffttt you and Char are not flowery people”.

So I came up with this.

20 Reasons why Char is fucking awesome

brought to you by Hannah, aka ‘Han’, aka Knower of All Things (And If You Dare Disagree You Can Fucking Fight Me)TM

1. Kind I did an English degree, majoring in both Lit and Linguistics, from a top-ranking research university and I am honestly stumped as to how to even go about trying to describe how kind you are. Not even the dictionary definition would do you justice (trust me, I checked). You’re like something out of a freaking Disney movie, dude. You’re Cinderella and I am a lowly domestic house mouse, happy to be in your presence. You’re THAT kind.

2. Fucking Hilarious Do you know I have NEVER met someone who is truly on my snark level? Save for Azim, who doesn’t even count, because I taught him? It’s awesome. You make me laugh so hard that I sometimes make weird noises; and your hilarity is only added to by the fact that you make me make the weird noises during really tense moments in a movie or something. You just get my humour, dude. Thank fuck for that.

3. Resilient Shit’s getting real for a minute. You legitimately inspire you. No matter what you go through (or have been through), which is... A lot, you still keep going and pushing through, regardless. They should name a hurricane after you, because no matter what gets thrown in your path, you rip that shit apart (badum-tsss). You’re still here. Hurricane Char!

4. Hardworking You’re like a student athlete without the cringy emojis. I’m such a lightweight in comparison! You can actually... Read... With only a few hours’ worth of sleep. Like, if I ever grind even half as much as you (and don’t BS me about it not amounting to anything either, OKAY?), I’ll be fine, in whatever I do. You give it your everything. You do not go down without swinging. How is a productive person like yourself even friends with a whiny little bitch like me, I mean, wow...

6. Considerate I mean, Jesus. You could literally be on fire, standing under a rain of brimstone and watching the apocalypse unfold and you’d still find the bloody time to be all “how was your day?? You doing okay???” like the mother from Mean Girls, only cuter. It’s amazing. Genuinely amazing... Like... How... How... Does one care about others so much? Doesn’t compute in my mind. I don’t get it. Nope. But it’s super awesome and I’ll keep taking advantage until you realise, sorry not sorry.

7. Generous See above (but not limited to). Giving. All of the time. Literally, you give away all of your time and effort and patience and decent human emotion to those you care about and this, also, is something that is not Hannah Compatible TM. It’s like trying to run Mac software on a Windows hard-drive. Perplexing, impressive and slightly supernatural.

8. Loving You love so hard and well and innocently? And it’s always in these adorable little gestures that turn me into a mixture of the crying emoji/angry protective memes of the interwebs? You will add a full stop to a sentence because your phone autocorrected and you’ll be like “that doesn’t mean I don’t love you”! You’re so aware of my feelings! I didn’t think genuinely good people could be so multi-faceted in their goodness, but wow, fuck u for proving me wrong.

9. ... But appropriately emotionally jaded I mean, I feel like I should disclaim here that you’re (thankfully) not some OTT rainbow who shits unicorns (sorry, but nothing other than that phrase would do it justice). You’ve got this wonderful side of you, but you know it needs to be in check. You know people are assholes. You are my Emotional Yoda (TM), all-knowing and all-wise... And all-adorable.

11. Supportive It’s not like you just blindly supported my shitty life choices. You have always been supportive of me - my health and my wellbeing, not any emotions that may be taking control in a specific moment. You try and see things from my view, you let me know you’re thinking of me even when I’m not sure I can be helped. That takes... Strength, dude. And again, you’re one of the very few people who has ever been strong enough to handle being my me. That shit is appreciated.

12. Time Lord You manage to do all of this whilst bending the rules of space and time. Everything else ceases to exist. Your days are endless. The universe bends to your will, that you manage to do all of this... And still function... And like, remember to breathe and stuff. Also, if you could hmu with Doctor Ten’s TARDIS direct line... It’d be greatly appreciated. (badum-tss)

13. Respectful Of my feelings. Of my laziness. Of my schedule. Of my culture. Of my religion. Of those borderline (if not totally) racist jokes I make about your taste buds. That is some Audrey Hepburn meets Beyonce type shit right there.

14. Realistically encouraging And not in some gross, happy way either. “You can do it if you really try!”. Peasants, I raise you Char’s “everything’s on fucking fire, but if you’re going to burn, tAKE EVERYTHING ELSE DOWN WITH YOU”, because that shit gets things done. Were you a motivational speaker in a past life? A distant descendent of Leonardo diCaprio?

16. Consistent You are like my favourite blanket. Warm, reliable and not at all without some kind of structural spine. I can always rely on you to knock me out of any moments of madness, where I think others beyond my inner circle, can be trusted. I can talk to you. I can rant to you. I can send you stupid emojis and get a stupid emoji back. You’ve got this.

17. Successful Adult TM You’ve been trying to manage your physical and mental health, studies, family and social life and your own enjoyment since I’ve ever known you. No person is 100% successful, but at least you bloody try. You’ve got this adulting shit down, my friend.

18. Totally in control I don’t think you even realise this? If you’re freaking out, you work out what you need to do to minimise the situation, and you make yourself okay. If I’m freaking out, you talk me down, even if it’s freaking you out. Bloody Hell, if one of my characters are freaking out, you’re like “oh shit” and use your myriad of aforementioned badassery to think of a genuine way out (or, at least, a hilarious comment that makes me choke on my own spit). Like... How?

19. Literally one of the best people ever ohmygod And I regularly wanna slap you silly for not seeing that about yourself, but like... I like you too much. And that at all, is a rare, rare thing.

I’m hoping by now that you’re getting the gist. You’re awesome. Even if you don’t always believe that. Which is okay, because who does?

I struggled to keep this to twenty. But I am looking forward to adding to it for each birthday... So even if the only reason you start liking them is because you have a once-in-a-year opportunity to remind me of what a ridiculous sap I am, well, I’m happy.

You’re awesome. Could not have gotten through this past year without you.

Blah blah blah.

Happy birthday, cutie. :)

[tumblunni]

HEY WOO! I’m inexplicably hyped again to work on Changeling Sim! So since I’m working on developing Anem, I remembered how I promised a while ago I’d go into more detail on the character relationships I listed on this meme. Its probably pretty silly to start with Anem as opposed to the main protagonist, but Anem is one of two main supporter characters so meh!

R E L A T I O N S H I P   M E M E   2 M E M E L E C T R I C   B O O G A L O O

Anem + Anem

Her relationship with herself is a low self confidence one. A relateable one that’s probably the most similar to me out of all of the cast! She’s extremely shy and worried about being good enough for everyone, always fusses over little failures that nobody else even noticed, always values everyone’s opinion higher than her own, and never notices her own positive traits. And she’s very self concious about her own cowardly nature, seeing herself as a secretly horrible person and always fearing she wouldnt be able to make the right choice if she was really scared. Would she just backstab her own friends to save herself? And she’s scared that showing her emotions of fear or sadness is ‘manipulative’, she has to always put on a serious and professional face. If anything it’s good that she’s so commonly spooked by human things, it means her new family gets to see her real self whenever she lets her guard down! However she’s actually a complete badass in battle, and her friends believe that she’s actually braver BECAUSE she’s always scared! If you’re a coward yet you still fight anyway, every single time, to protect your friends when you’re TERRIFIED OUT OF YOUR SKULL, then that’s far harder than anything else! She’s also a ridiculously effective butler, no matter how much she discounts her own skills as simply the minimum required for one in her profession. She can actually accidentally sound arrogant because of this, even if its rooted in self hate instead :P

Anem + Kiddo

I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE, MY LEIGE Probably the person Anem is immediately the closest too. Its mostly because the little half-human-half-fairy princess is the one Anem was charged with protecting, but as time goes on she begins to care about her as a best friend instead of just an employer. She trusts Kiddo the most since she’s the least human person in the room and thus least scary. And she’d heard so many great stories of how the mysterious lost princess is an amazing person, and so much is riding on her butler being the best butler ever. Which doesnt help Anem’s self confidence issues, she has NO CLUE why she was picked for the job or how she’ll manage to live up to everyone’s expectations! So she starts off kinda as a combination of hero worship and "I must be silent around you, you are the superior, you probably are so critical of everything I am doing, aaaaaa...” And Kiddo is practically wrestling with her to let her be her friend. Goddammit you’re gonna hug me and I’m not gonna rest until this day has come to pass!! On Kiddo’s side of things, Anem is initially her only friend her own age, and even when she makes more friends Anem is still the only person who really knows what its like to be magical, and can tell her more about the magical world. And Anem just starts to see Kiddo as this kind of ‘manic pixie dream girl’ archetype who jumped into her life and pulled her into a world of brighter things! Introduced her to so many human things she found so scary once, protected her from everything, helped her to love herself more, and was really the first and closest friend she ever had. (And really THAT is the reason Anem was picked out of all the knights to disguise as a butler and protect her. The knight captain wanted Anem to be able to live a more normal life for a little while, and make a friend.) Aaaaaaand ultimately Anem kinda starts CRUSHING HARD on our lil princess, and can be a potential romance route. Senpai, notice me~! Anem sees Kiddo as her knight that saved her from loneliness, Kiddo sees Anem as... well, a more literal knight. They balance each other well! They’re both brave at different things! After all, fighting giant monsters is way easier than talking to cashiers at the store, amirite?

Anem + Jack

A pretty awkward relationship! They’re kinda... only peaceful because they have to be?? Super tense, potential for things to crack at any moment. They probably would be friends if they were introduced in different circumstances, its really sad that they’re so distant through no fault of their own! Anem is bound by honor to respect her employer’s mother, who is thusly the alpha employer. But she’s still terrified of humans and doesn’t know how to relate to her, doesnt know if she’s to be trusted. Anem’s job is to protect Kiddo, she has to be suspicious of everyone and be prepared to fight even the mother if it looks like she’s a threat to the daughter... But Anem also doesn’t want to immediately jump to assuming Jackie is evil like she does with most human strangers. So instead its just incredibly awkward and professional. Anem acts like a robot and initially refuses to speak outside of her required roles as a butler. Her helpful commentary would be more cliche tutorial at first and then get more snarky and funny as she comes out of her shell~! And from Jackie’s perspective, Jackie is REALLY trying to befriend this poor kid. She’s very aware that Anem is young, even though Anem herself seems pretty unaware of it, and always judges herself to a higher standard than most adults. And Jackie also doesnt know how to relate to a fullblood fairy who’s terrified of all humans. She doesnt know how to say ‘please take it easier on yourself, I care about you’ without outstepping her bounds and scaring Anem off... But she tries her best to at least make it feel more like she’s simply a normal child doing a part-time job, instead of a slave contractually obliged to obey EVERYTHING even if she doesn’t want to. Jackie’s only way of being able to show affection is finding ways to make Anem go easier on herself, finding ways to lower her responsibilities and give her more time off. Trying to help her learn to say no... Jackie started off as an equally shy person during her childhood, and worked really hard to become this bombastic detective mama! And even then she still has her anxieties, and she sees them all reflected in this kid and has no idea how to help :( I think if Anem and Kiddo hooked up, Jackie would be absolutely over the moon to welcome her into the family and Anem would be like “??? where did this come from.” IT WAS THERE ALL ALONG, YOU SILLY THING!

Anem + Glenn

Another case of a human who wants to be Anem’s friend and Anem completely misunderstands it. Its a bit more dramatic with Glenn though! Anem has no reason to be forced to interact with him, she’s kinda out of the loop on who he is, so to her he’s just another stranger human who’s a potential threat to her beloved princess. She always comically misinterprets his various friendship attempts as ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS, leaving him confused and bereft! “I baked you a cake” “ITS A BOMB” *slaps it out of his hands as ‘hello darkness my old friend’ plays* And its especially sad because Glenn is usually a super stern guy who doesn’t initiate friendships easily, Anem doesn’t know how rare and genuine this is. They actually have a lot in common as the ‘serious duo’, and often end up together in comedic situations because of it. They’ve kinda already accidentally become friends even though neither of them knows it! Ultimately they do eventually become closer as a sort of inter-generational brotp or something? I think their friendship is more on equal grounds whereas Glenn and Kiddo see each other as adoptive siblings. And, well, in the romance ending Glenn would have a relationship like an overprotective brother meeting his lil sis’s new spouse, which is... kinda the relationship they already had before Anem and Kiddo even started dating?? Precognative awkwardness!

~Other relationships with non-main characters~

Anem + Nicnevin

Nicnevin is currently my beta name for the head of the royal knights, a badass stoic human-hating soldier who nonetheless has a soft spot and even her hate is motivated by loyalty to her queen and country. And to her little prized knight student, Anem! Anem’s been working as a novice royal knight since a very young age, and has never wished for anything but to finally join the army for real and fight for her country. Nicnevin deeply respects Anem’s amazing skill at the lance, but also worries that she’s rushing into a decision too fast on what she wants to do with her life, and has never had a chance to experience a real childhood. So she slowly ended up growing a real friendship with this brave lil rookie, and reccommended her for the butler/bodyguard job out of confidence in her skills and also a wish that Anem could have her worldview expanded and find the happiness she needed. And ultimately it was really lucky that she did, because all the anti-human propeganda ended up being grossly exaggerated and both Nicnevin and Anem regretted their actions in this war by the end of the story. By sending Anem off to find her destiny, Nicnevin found herself doubting her own destiny that she was so sure of... Also Nicnevin just really WILL NOT EVER SHUT UP about how amazing Anem is and how she’s the single most promising knight in the army and 100% deserves every good thing she’s ever given. No matter how much Anem insists on arguing that she’s a terrible person! Like... 90% of Anem’s friendships are categorized by Anem being completely oblivious to the fact this person sees her as a friend, and insisting she doesn’t deserve them. From her perspective she and her boss have a completely impersonal relationship and she’d be like ‘WHAT’ if you told her she was clearly the favourite. E-excuse me, what is this conspiracy theory bullshit???

Anem + Currently unnamed dad/parent figure of some sort?

Undeveloped idea! I was thinking maybe Anem’s dad could be a minor npc, working a job as the royal scribe at the palace. His personality is a nice and loving guy who’s a bit of a nervous wreck and a manchild. Someone who’s looked after by his daughter, rather than vice versa. But like.. not in a negative way or a comical way. He’s a well-meaning guy who really tries, but is suffering from mental illness and isn’t fully capable of taking care of his child anymore. His wife died in the war against the humans, and his mind was pretty much shattered afterwards. This family life is what led to Anem becoming so anti-human, joining the army to live up to her mother’s legacy, and picking up a lot of her father’s frightened behaviours due to his PTSD. But it also forged her into a truly brave and supernaturally competant child who’s been protecting him and will go on to protect so many other people! Ultimately the assignment to work for Jackie and Kiddo was a huge opportunity for this family! Anem sees it as a way to make enough money to look after her father, and enough fame to make it into the royal guard at last. And her dad sees it as... a nice exchange student field trip that Nicnevin kindly sent her on. Yeah, Anem didn’t want to worry him by mentioning the potential life-threatening danger of venturing into the human world that claimed her mother. ironically the humans she was assigned to ended up being nice people and her job pretty much IS a fun exchange program! Also dad has been getting a lot better, he finally managed to get back into the workplace and this scribe job is a pretty high position! Anem wouldn’t have been happy leaving him alone for so long if she didnt know he was doing okay. But still they send constant letters to each other, and whenever she gets a chance to see him again she’s ecstatic, even if it means she has to lie about what she’s been doing the whole time. Oh, and she also sends a lot of letters to Nicnevin, but that’s part of her job. Gotta report daily on any suspicious signs from the humans! “I found this ‘fork’ which may possibly be a weapon??”

[its-just-like-the-movies]

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (17, B)

With reviews for delightful films with ambling titles like My Entire High School Sinking Into The Sea and I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore waiting on my hard drive, nevermind other personal favorites like The Final Girls waiting in the wings, why not take the time to talk about this weekend’s biggest indie hit, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2? Yes, that joke is stale to me too, but since this feels like the very first Marvel movie that’s indulgent to the kind of movie director James Gunn wants to make, and since the joke is terrible, it feels very fitting to this particular lot. I’m genuinely surprised to be as excited about this as I am, not just because I liked the first Guardians without feeling the love a lot of people in my life did, but because even the first half or so of Vol. 2 kept grating me in spite of how confident Gunn was that it was hilarious. But then, with one glorious set piece, everything comes together perfectly as the film finally becomes the best version of the Marvel template that’s ever been realized while seeming to carve out a whole new path through sheer force of will and deliriously entertaining spectacle. The family ties with these characters matter more than any Avengers get-together ever has, not just because they’re better defined here but because everything, from the worlds to the side characters to the visual palette to the villain of all goddamn things, has been realized with equal care, and color, and thought. At a certain point the jokes are a lot funnier, it’s more kinetic, the CGI final battle extravaganza is more its own mess than just another round of stolid off-grays coming together to fight a really really big off-gray thing. It’s the most personality a Marvel movie has ever had, and for that alone it’s the best they’ve made yet.

It doesn’t start that way, though, and it takes a little while to get there. For sure the opening spectacle of Lil Baby Groot dancing along while the rest of the crew fights some eldritch horror is a delight, and has one of the best early Drax jokes in the film. But James Gunn thinks the one basic joke Drax has, or is - his stubborn literalism - is a lot funnier than it is, and at the very least the sheer insistence on making him the primary valve of comic relief got old fast. Not that any one joke was bad, and as someone who wasn’t cackling at every joke I was the outlier in my audience, but every joke pointed at the same aspect, hitting it harder on the head and to cruder effect practically every time. Kudos to Dave Bautista for being game, I guess, but it flattens the character even as he tries to tell the story of seeing his wife for the first time. On top of that, making Drax the outright comic relief deprives the rest of the crew from getting as much comedic material. Mostly they all get to bicker, and boy does everybody have issues, with each other and themselves. Even the captured Nebula has a lot to reckon with, aside from completing her Beatrix Kiddo hit-list. There’s also the race of golden alien beings who chase the Guardians around in remote-controlled fighter pods with user stations that are hilariously stylized like an 80’s arcade game, but they’re sort of tangential for the moment. Yondu faces similar issues, though he at least doesn’t start off with the gold people problem. Re-introduced in a scene that seems to imply he just had sex with a robot prostitute, we learn his Ravagers faction has been cast out of the entire Ravagers network because of that whole child-napping thing he did with Peter. Scorned by Sylvester Stallone and offered one last job by the High Priestess of the Goldfingers, to capture the Guardians of the Galaxy so she can kill them as penitence for Rocket stealing some of their lightbulbs, Yondu’s seeming path to vengeance is clear.

Ego doesn’t have this problem, simply hoping to reunite with his long-stolen son and become the dad he never had the chance to be. Kurt Russell, as the equally ruggedly handsome father of Chris Pratt, is inspired casting for the part, giving as good a performance as everyone else in the cast to boot. Accompanied by the empath Mantis, who gets to do a far more earnest and good-natured take on Drax’s whole “unstoppably literal” thing with great aplomb by Pom Klementieff, the journey to Ego’s self-made homeworld is the biggest blast of color that’s come from any Marvel film before it. Asgard didn’t look this majestic, and it manages the impressive feat of featuring practically the entire color wheel without ever becoming a garish eyesore, balancing hue, saturation, and texture on a tremendous scale. As Peter, Gamora, and Drax join Ego and Mantis on his homeworld, Rocket stays behind with Groot and the imprisoned Nebula, who manages to break free and complete a mutiny against Yondu once he talks of letting the Guardians go despite the million dollar bounty on their heads from the Goldfingers. And as things get worse for them, things get better for Peter and Ego as Ego teaches his son how to harness the energy of his planet to create shapes and become effectively immortal.

All of this is compelling stuff, but for one reason or another none of these plotlines quite clicked within themselves. There’s plenty of great moments, like watching Peter and Ego play catch with orbs of pure energy, or Rocket, tied to chair, completely tearing down the head mutineer who willingly chose to call himself Tazerhead. Yondu having a heart to heart with Rocket is surprisingly touching, and if the joke of Groot trying to find a prototype fin for Yondu runs a little long, its sheer absurdity and escalation makes it worth it. And then they get that fin, and it somehow doesn’t look silly on Yondu, who then whistles his way to slaughtering every single being in the ship except for our heroes and regretful mutineer Sean Gunn while “Come a Little Bit Closer” plays over the carnage, and it all came together. I’ve lauded how expansive the color palette is already, but the neon pink of Yondu’s murder wand as it flies around the compound, in tandem with the falling bodies, gives you so much to look at while achieving real heights of visual interest and charisma. Rarely is there more than any one thing to look at in the frame in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and rarely is it in such a gorgeous array of colors. Of course they have nothing on DC’s murky, sad grays and almost inherent fear of anything bright, joyful, or fun in any sense, but Guardians is still an impressive peak that far outstripes the visual style of a film series that struggles in terms of inventive composition or visually arresting color schemes. Even the eventual third act Big Bad Boss Battle, overflowing with CGI, is still more coherent in its fight choreography and geography than say, the Captain America: Civil War airport fight, and bursting with creativity on all levels while fully utilizing each of the characters involved.

The characters, too, are far better drawn than the usual Marvel ensembles, and do so without a larger wellspring of goodwill for viewers to instinctively draw upon. As compared to the seemingly arbitrary lines in the sand drawn between the amazingly vaguely rendered Avengers in Civil War, each of the Guardians and the surrounding characters have far more logical, better defined wants and relationships that are further enhanced as we learn more about them. The sibling rivalry between Gamora and Nebula is given as much room to shine as Peter’s contentious relationships with Ego, Yondu, and Gamora are mended and unmended. Yondu’s own relationship with Rocket lands in the emotional truths it exposes about both of them, and if Drax seems mismanaged as a joke machine early on, his bonding with Mantis ends up in where it needs to once Act Two starts. Even the threat of the High Priestess and her Sovereign, who I looked up the names of between paragraphs, is more effective than other doomed-to-fail MCU villains like those in Ant-Man, Iron Man 3, the Chi’tari swarms of The Avengers, or even Nebula in the previous Guardians film. The ultimate villain and their plan, which finally encompasses the destruction of the entire universe, is easily the most effective of Marvel’s villains that’ve appeared yet. After acting like the universe is at stake in every previous film, it’d be odd to say it’s so refreshing that they go for it this time if the tone of the second half didn’t feel so appropriately attuned to the grandiosity of it. In part, it’s because the villain is so effective in how they challenge our heroes, their attitude so unique among Marvel villains. Their offer is surprisingly tantalizing to the character they ask allegiance of, until it very much isn’t, but more than that they seem genuinely thrown by the idea that anyone would’ve want them to wipe out all life as we know it beyond them. But more than that, James Gunn’s direction of the second half of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is such a unique style for not just a Marvel movie, but any film to take. It’s remarkably in range of a jukebox musical, or a family melodrama, which is one of the easiest subjects for a musical to explore. The choreography and editing of scenes in tandem with the song score is a sterling achievement, one that begins in the opening scene and keeps going strong with continuous creativity. I practically expected characters to start breaking into song at a certain point, and the poignant returns to previous conversations and themes certainly could’ve lent themselves to it. Yondu in particular, whose starts his arc an exiled child-napper and ends the film celebrated and redeemed by his fellow Ravagers and Peter Quill, is perhaps the easiest character to translate into a musical, but all the characters and their arcs would fit wonderfully into that kind of milieu, and their actual dialogue works fairly well as the book parts of a show, be it original or jukebox tunes. Maybe speculating on the potential of a Guardians of the Galaxy musical adaptation isn’t the most constructive angle to consider this film, but it gets at the spirit of the film with ease.

Going forward, I hope this is a sign that Marvel will let their directors have more tangible influences and visions in their projects, especially with films by Taika Waititi and Ryan Coogler coming ‘round the bend. I also hope that James Gunn will continue in the direction he’s going with this series, and that the Russo brothers are watching the responses to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and taking note of what everyone is responding to so positively here that isn’t in other MCU films but absolutely should be. We need color and light and really inventive composition in our films. Children and art can always go together. And how nice is it, between this and Logan, that there’ve been two very distinct and different kinds of comic book films doing well on the market? I hope Wonder Woman breaks from the traditional DC mold and is actually watchable, and I hope Justice League is bad enough for the theater to unabashedly laugh at it with me, since I know my otherwise spectacular boyfriend is definitely going to make me go with him to this, and I’ll always wonder would’ve happened if I’d laughed at the beginning of Batman v Superman like I wanted to. But we’re not talking about that, we’re talking about a good movie, one that started out just fine and turns into a pretty great movie, showing real creativity on nearly every front. I think this is the first film I’m talking about I can’t even pretend to encourage people to see, since everyone has probably seen it already. And thank goodness such a fun, unique comic book blockbuster is getting the somewhat perfunctory but still gloriously deserved attention it’s receiving. Let more franchise films learn the lessons about being pretty and allowing their directors to actually shape their films, and if not, at least we have Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 to keeping savoring among so much unadventurous clutter.