#my brain just presented this to me as a fact
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You know these really weird moments when you don't know whether reality glitched, you're brain wired something wrong or the internet is just gaslighting you?
I was convinced that rusty quill had a podcast called "the mechanisms". At the same time, random videos about a band with the same name popped up on my tiktok fyp, so my brain somehow assumed that rusty quill created a fictional band for one of their podcasts.
Now i googled "the mechanisms" to check if i was right. Turns out there used to be a band with that name who had fictional personas or something like that. And who told stories through their albums. But i found nothing remotely related to podcasts.
I feel really dumb but... has my brain just made a wrong connection, maybe because some horror podcast fans are also fan of this band? Or... what's going on?
Update: I think this might be related to Tim Stoker from tma being compared to a certain Gunpowder Tim - and i think someone even said the... voice? Actor? Whatever, the real person behind Gunpowder Tim voiced someone in tma. Also there's apparently a Jonny in that band too, and i thought they were talking about Jonny Sims. And posts about "listening to the mechs" popped up between posts about listening to podcasts, so... i guess i just assumed it was a podcast too.
#lol wtf#i swear#i feel so stupid#my brain just presented this to me as a fact#maybe this is how mandela effects are created#my research is indicating there really is a surprising overlap with horror podcast fans#rusty quill#horror podcast#the mechanisms#the mechs#mandela effect#idk why im posting this
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Thinkin bout Sampo Koski rn as like. His character n what we get of him in honkai star rail and he fucking. He confuses me like. There has to be So Much more to him like
The general vibes of him and especially how other characters treat him is that of comic relief, a punching bag, a goof, just a slick conman causing trouble. It's genuinely difficult NOT to insult him n treat him badly with dialogue options and any time he's even mentioned March 7th hisses at him. He's literally a cryptid in belobog. He's a joke.
But. But. There's his light cone. It makes me insane. It contradicts all of that.
In it he's competent. He's badass. He's omnipotent. He's able to somehow know a sniper from however far away is locked on him and address them specifically.
And even like... in the entire plot of jarilo-vi he's spoken of like he's not much. He's a 4 star character. But he's practically as present as bronya and seele and Gepard and his involvement in the story is ASTRONOMICAL. He has a part in every major event. He's the one who drags the Trailblazers and bronya into the Underworld. He's the one who takes you to svarog, to the overworld again. He gets Natasha and saves you from svarog. He's the first character you ever meet on jarilo.
And he seems to just vanish before you confront cocolia. But no. Sampo is the one who has the last word and wraps up the entire mission on jarilo-vi. He fucking breaks the forth wall. Jarilo-vi both begins and ends with Sampo.
He calls himself shadowy comic relief yet he seemingly orchestrated everything. What is he. What the fuck is he doing. What else is up with him and when will we get more of him. I want to bite into him and tear him apart.
#sampo koski#honkai star rail#IM NORMAL IM NORMAL IM NORMAL#the fact he's 4 star vexes me#like.hes more present than gepard and clara and they are 5 stars#my theory is like dan heng we'll get a 5 star version of sampo#but also if he never gets more screen time i will fucking eat my own foot#like whay is he. who. what the fuck is going on#and is this a masked fools thing??? are the masked fools about this shit?? like. is it all just to put on a show?#or is he actually wanting to fix communities and help people#why did he go and get natasha. thay one gets me. thats such like. out of his way obvious selflessness#and he's shown and spoken of more like a smarmy selfish bastard only for himself#but he went and got natasha. he brought bronya to the underworld. he lead you to belebog at the beginning#i literally havent played hsr in months. because i have sampo brain worms#he is the worm aha made an emenator and he is in my brain
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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You’re new to the Princess-Rescuing business, aren’t you? (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#The Captain#DAX#My brain presented me with a punchline and then stepped back to let me figure out how to get there#And then had the audacity to feel silly for making the path!#How rude#Lol#Well I did it anyway! And it was in fact silly but in a good and fun way! So there brain! Lol#It was admittedly a bit touch-and-go for a while - I love silliness so much! But it kept turning out in a way I wasn't satisfied with#And then I'd draw the next thing and be like ''No actually that's funny/cute'' and everything was fine - and then it'd repeat! Pfft#But I'm happy with it by the end so it's fine >:3c Trust the process!#Anyway - the the Actual Thing lol#Considering the various SCII/adjacent vibes lately it might not surprise you to hear that alt outfits have come back into my crosshairs#Cough cough Pirate Fic cough - but those aren't the only vibes! Make something similar but not the same! Why not fantasy!#It is a classic go-to lol#It was fun thinking how the Captain's uniform could be translated into a more Princely aesthetic haha#I didn't do the same for DAX but that's mostly 'cause I just wanted to put him in human clothes lol#Plus I'm sure you can imagine who else will feature :3c And they couldn't just match! Part of the comedy is appearance-based!#Which is part of why it's funny for DAX to answer in the first place haha ♪ That's no dragon!#The Captain always bursting onto the scene without thinking things over first haha - what were you expecting Captain!#Also hey rude don't look so relieved that DAX wasn't the princess! What if it was a test and he /was/ the princess!#He'd be in so much troubleeeee ♪ Well he still might be hehehe
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shit man, I'm going to be so checked out from the holidays this year
#dyntalks#vent#maybe it's just the 2am brain talking but a lot's on my mind tonight...#family#work#friends#holidays and presents#personal projects#like I was so excited for what 2024 had in store at the beginning of the year#I was really hoping my job would get a step up by the end of it#but sadly life didn't progress much for me#and the entirety of 2025 looks exhausting#the fact that I'll be moving yet again next year#the fact that this'll be the last year my fam will have a get together here#the fact that I just started a new art project and it's already looking like I'm going to have to take my first break from it#sigh... just feeling overwhelmed and a lil down on the dumps man
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"if you think movies make you bright then go on ig it seems to be working greatly for you" is such a genuinely disgusting and braindead take when movies like 12 Angry Men, Funny Games, The Lighthouse even, etc exist to name some incredibly basic picks exist. Or in general film directors such as for example Stanley Kubrick or Agnès Varda, again very well known and you don't have to dig through trash or waste a lot of time to find their stuff if you don't have the time to do so. Genuinely mind-blowing take especially coming from someone who, like myself, loves literature (mainly a lot of classics) and philosophy, even linguistics. Comfortably saying shit like that is crazy idgaf if it's on a random blog on Tumblr LOL.
What braindead money hungry idiots have been doing in the name of the art that is cinema (Netflix trash as you said, or Mubi bullshit or any director and team not affiliated with those one of my favourite examples being Luca Guadagnino) doesn't take away from the fact that there's people out there, including actors directors writers and so on who are dead, that actually give a shit about what they're making and what they're presenting to the world. One could also assume that if someone says they read books that they're a brainless pig because some of the most popular writers currently are Colleen Hoover and the like, forgive me for not being able to provide actual specific authors but I'm not in these types of braindead circles I'm just unfortunately aware of the popularity of a lack of basic common sense and critical thinking skills amongst this "type" of "story" and the consumers. But that wouldn't be right necessarily, since that type of book is not the only that has ever existed.
Anon's wording is insanely childish and they obviously don't understand that self care (including taking care of your body, this is hard to understand for some people apparently) and enjoying the moment is important for anyone not just women although they're right that women shouldn't promote being a brainless doll (the implications of "I'm just a girl" bullshit) although it doesn't apply to this blog in particular you're not promoting misogyny you're just feminine online and anon is mad about it LMAO.
But what pissed me off way more than anon being an idiot is the implication that watching movies equals you watch (only or primarily) Netflix esque cash grabs that actually require you to turn your brain off, because if you use common sense and have actual critical thinking skills you'd be watching something else, and even if that is not the primary conclusion then the only other option would be that ALL films are some sort of anti-intellectual propaganda.
I'm assuming that you're not some sort of "well actually movies suck and books are much better" or whatever idiot since I remember scrolling past a film recommendations post of yours a few days back, so I don't understand the wording and implications of the answer to the ask/this post. Regardless, this isn't some "personal attack" or whatever against you in particular, the wording (and with that, implications) just pissed me off insanely because I know many people genuinely think that way about cinema as a whole and while like I explained I do agree to an extent about specific things, that mindset is an extreme that is factually wrong and generally just stupid and braindead as hell LMAO.
Anyways like I said, once again, I'm not beefing with you nor am I asking for clarification or anything I'm just using your post (or well that one statement) to expand on a thought of mine. Feel free to ignore this, or add something, or give me film and literature recs of any kind/genre if you feel like it lol, I love asking people that
What's graceful about being ignorant? If you're a self care blog then shouldn't reading, watching movies and educating yourself be a priority? Not just typing "eat veggies!! light a candle!!" with the tag "#coquette" at the bottom. You have impressionable followers and promoting the "I'm just a girl 🎀..." mentality isn't graceful it's ignorant and fueling more misogyny into the world. But I guess it's all about looking cute and making everything an aesthetic huh
you clearly know nothing about me, just because I don't waste my time watching tv doesn't mean I'm not educated lmao
but hey if you think Netflix and movies make you bright, then go on ig, it seems to be working GREATLY for you <3
if you look a little closer, you will see that my content (not just here but also on my other platforms) is packed with posts on literature, philosophy, and classics. I also regularly publish both poetry and essays, AND I also study classics and Latin, so please stfu 🎀
the most misogynistic thing here is you assuming that just because I'm girly and pretty, I have to be dumb lol
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it is a lie.
there is the promise, of course, every single time. that this time it will help, this time you'll be able to quit for good after just - once - more -
and then you look up and realise it's 1am and your hands are covered with blood. you've used up all the tissues and it's still bleeding. of course you grab something and stanch it, it's not going to kill you, but it's sure as hell going to make living unfun.
it's a lie. you can be clinical about it - you can measure depth and size and analyse if this needs medical attention or not. and then once you're absolutely sure it could do with it (curse the moment you figured out the technique that allows you to go deeper), you can ignore it and pretend it's fine.
it's not fine, of course. but even now, there's pain. of course there's pain. it's gaping, you idiot, and if you went to the emergency department they'd suture it just like they would have the previous one you ignored that got infected, but improved before you absolutely had to seek medical attention. they are not going to heal quickly; they're going to look pretty bad even if they manage to heal before you've got to wear short sleeves for placement. never mind the fact that summer's coming on. search up summer cardigans and hope they're not too expensive.
but there's pain. why would you do it? why would you keep chasing the high you will not get from this? why are you still thinking, if I just go fully to the muscle layer now, this will fix everything? it won't. you fool. is it muscle pain you're feeling right now, or nerve? how would you know?
cry about it, you bitch. you did it to yourself. you know, what you really want is someone to hug you real good, someone who knows what you've done and why you did it. but last time you showed someone it made you go deeper because what you showed them wasn't enough. you better hope they don't ask to see how that one's healing, because you can't show them the healing process without showing this newest one they don't know you've got. they said they weren't happy with you keeping the implement you used last time. you said it was a once-off, a mad impulse born of a specific, high stress trigger. you might even have believed it.
why would you do it? why are you going so deep, deep enough that after every action to make it deeper, you do all the basic checks to make sure you haven't permanently damaged something? don't mess around with this. your hands are your livelihood. if you hit a nerve, there ain't no coming back from that. you know what you're doing.
arms are dangerous. surely you knew that was almost the exact place someone you knew went, had to get fourteen stitches emergently because they hit something real bad. if you're tired, get sleep. if you're tired of life, get help. don't destroy yourself like this.
it is a lie. it will not make you feel better. it will simply add to your problems. why don't you care? the promise of relief is a lie. if you're sad about it, if you're crying, then do something. tell someone. reach out, and someone will reach back to you. they want to help. let them help. people want to love you; let them love you.
#EDIT i would like to add. if you know any irl friends of mine please DO NOT MENTION ANY OF THIS#i don't know why i wrote this in the second person it just sort of. appeared#tw sh#personal#puddleglum hours#i'm safe etc etc#do not call the cops on me#and yes. the moment when you do something and feel pain along the entire muscle#which i do not understand because it wasn't That deep. like i've never actually got muscle-deep#but i heeded the warning and Stopped but. brain is still going 'if you go Deeper it will Magically Feel Better'#(i am not in fact going to go deeper dw)#in lighter news. i am writing vaniah again. shall be back to tumblr presently#and also. there will at least at this point only be two (2) noticeable scars on my arm so far. i haven't gone ham#i am so tired i want a hug#sorry for this post i just. yeah
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#don't ask me why#Don't ask me why but I saw these images while scrolling on Pinterest and my brain make me think about Anastasia.#i don't know#Maybe its the pose#Maybe its the fact that while Anastasia has forgotten her past and wants to remeber Li Lianhua remember his past but he wants to forget#Both meets someone who makes them feel less lonely#Someone from the past and someone in the present who however without knowing belongs to the past too#Ok I have just had another idea for another post#I don't if this actually makes sense or I'm losing my mind#Probably the second#mysterious lotus casebook#li lianhua#chinese drama#cdrama#li xiangyi#di feisheng#lian hua lou#Fox Spirit#fox spirit matchmaker#Fox Spirit Matchmaker 3#Wang Quan#wangquan fugui#cheng yi#anastasia#disney plus#disney#Twenty century fox
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re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on
https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share
(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.
(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceived™️)
anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more 😂
- @bondedpairs
ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you don’t want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! we’ll all love you for it!!!
#like. i don’t know how to explain how narratively aware will smith is to me. he knows he’s being put into the codependent rookies arc.#he’s aware that zeev buium transforms into a dog. he knows that he and mack aren’t getting together because mack’s gotta work it out first.#& in a less unhinged way i simply mean that will smith has an air of both self-conscious thought & projection i think is maybe fascinating.#but not in a way in which i actually know this or think that he thinks about himself and how he comes across. he just Is Something ????#the best way i can explain is one of my alltime favorite fics i use it like a shorthand citation bc i love it so much but catchascatchcan’s#many worlds universe but specifically the second tk/pat story second person you the ouroboros spits out its tale nolan walks off screen.#like that is the kind of narrative awareness i am trying to explain that no matter where i put him will smith knows he’s inside a story but#not in a way where he’s trying to do anything to it. he’s just present there. this makes no sense to me either please understand#liv in the replies#bondedpairs#happy to have brought you something in your times of woe!!! also hope things get a little less stressful for you!! <3#we’re 2gether p much 24/7” no go on i say in my nature documentary voice. watching them like bugs under a rock rn observing from a distance#this DID get me to actually watch the video. agreed with puckpocketed saying rich text and ur tags like. YES the daddy issues popped out.#just wants to make sure he’s having fun!! checking up!! mack the prime irritance in will’s life!! foisted off on one another w/ no choice#it’s like when your parents are friends so then you have to be friends with their kids in a way and then also like. you’re the only kids#close in age to each other but they’re NOT but it is definitely not like. i would choose you for any lifetime it is very will smith hockey#(once again) very aware he has to wait for mack to settle down. like now that i’m saying this i DO want clairvoyant will smith which is not#where it goes in the first half but just in the sense of like. those silly posts that are like ‘invested early in stock!’ & it’s a picture#of braden holtby & his beautiful bisexual wife brandi back when holts was a hipster who wore skinny scarves & now everyone thinks he’s sooo#like that but it’s will smith saying my god you are insufferable but you’ll be fantastic in five years. get in the fucking car.#(yes i am drawing extensively from the one picture where will has COMPLETELY tuned him out (there is a football reasoning reference here?#with the patriots? neonfretra drew this also but it was a tweet about the teams. there’s layers to this here ANYWAY) we’re building a life#i realize after the fact i addressed neither the dilf (gilf?) fucking here nor the content of the actual video & polycules to which i say:#brain scrampled egg. the burnsie/joe/patty/(pavs???) polycule just exists to me and the kids intersect the venn diagram but in a much#smaller portion than they intersect each other in both ways (will/mack joe/the guys)#also as for the content of the video. you’re gonna have to give me at LEAST (how long did it take me until i actually started posting tzjd?#i hate that this is my metric but it really was like. i see everyone yelling about them & i’m like ok. [please ignore the irrational hatred#i have for tz at the time it has to do with moritz seider and also whenever i see him on the ice something awakens in kill mode] and i DO#blame tzjd for my 800 drafts and it took me like. a good while before i finally went OH kay. i see it. okay i can get invested. horizon at#a 45 degree angle moon in the late waxing gibbous winds scented of orange & blowing S by SW from the vortex cycle etc etc ass conditions)
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I don't know if it's just me, but are they gradually dumbing down Rick's character for the sake of keeping the show popular?
I got extreme Peter Griffin vibes from this episode, and I feel like in general he's a lot less sharp and cool gritty and witty and "unconventional" the way that he was the first couple of seasons. He wasn't an easy character to "swallow" in a lot of ways so to speak, and I feel like he's gradually getting dumber, more cloudy around the edges, less sharp and more conventional and shallow with a lot of the things that he says. He feels extremely typical sometimes this season-like more of the character that people would watch because the character doesn't challenge their headspace in any kind of way, and is someone that encourages their complacent drunk dead personality.
The character used to say things that was really unpopular, or at the very least would occasionally say things that would make people uncomfortable (just things like "if you know how you're going to die because of how boring your life is then you're not even alive" and just things that challenged at the boring drunk complacent status quo that most American sitcom characters are), was an extreme breath of fresh air in terms of how sharp he was and how he wasn't afraid to challenge everything even if it was just in a TV show character kind of way, and it's one of the things that stuck out about me about him the most, especially as someone who is mentally ill and feels detached from most of American culture.
I might just be in a bad mood, but I genuinely feel like Rick feels less sharp and "unconventional"and is starting to feel increasingly more dumb, dopey and easy to swallow as a character.
I still love him and I always will, and sometimes I find it endearing, but this episode in particular felt like he was just being a dumb genuine and boring drunk (really just in terms of the scene with Beth, but considering that the episodes are only about 22 minutes, there isn't a lot of elbow room to work with, especially considering most of this episode was summer screen time).
The only reason why I care so much is because of Rick is one of the very few characters I've ever been genuinely connected with, so I'm just worried that Rick as a character is going down to gradual slippery slope of just becoming an American extremely overly dumbed it down product. The show was so gritty and real and raw and a lot of ways for the first three to four seasons and kept that touch up to season 6, but this season just feels like they're gradually going into "American Dad" type feeling territory, and I'm vaguely worried a little bit about my connection to the show. Especially as someone that does not connect to things easily or ever at all really. And partially because everything is so dumbed down and doesn't seem to have any and genuine philosophy behind it except of being another brainless thing for people to consume to pass the time.
#I'm just complaining to myself#because I don't like talking to people on Reddit#lol#rick and morty#if anybody thinks that I'm being melodramatic then I am because there is such thing as being mentally ill because of real life#problems and being deeply in love with characters because for whatever reason that's what makes sense to my brain#I have no friends in this fandom so I can post as obnoxiously as I want anyway lol#Rick is one of the very few things that means enough to me to bring out this passionate side of me#when it comes to consumption#literally not even kidding but my attachment to Rick is so deep#that even just having a certain kind of dopey looked his expression after being confronted in a certain way from being caught drunk can put#me off#for the record I am aware of the fact that my attachment to Rick is unhealthy#and therefore how passionate I am about him is vaguely off-putting or a lot off putting depending on who you are#but I am a self-aware unhealthy person#and I'm also wear the fact that literally nobody has to put up with somebody else's posts if they don't like how intense or mentally ill#they are#fans like me would be better off at this point if the show was canceled#not because I want it to be but because I've become so specifically attached in my extreme labretentious way from other way that Rick was#presented the first six or so seasons that I feel like at this point I've become almost too picky#and obviously it's not about what I think#but I am saying this as someone that is more than content to be fixated on a canceled TV show because of how perfect it already was#like bj#literally the strongest relationship I've ever had with a character#and it's from a canceled TV show of literally 4 years lol
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yknow i think a lot of the really far-gone transfemme vs transmasc people who still play by the 6th grade milquetoast "trans women are targeted way more than trans men cause femininity is bad and masculinity is good In Our Society, so trans men get free acceptability passes" feminism forget that trans men/transmascs started life. as. little girls. we were mistaken, from birth, for baby girls. and we were raised by our parents to believe that we were little girls.
a lot of trans men and transmascs then grew up to be teenaged girls
a lot of trans men and transmascs were adult women too
and for a while we *believed* we were girls and women. some of us even WISHED we were girls and women (points at myself). and much more importantly, we were continually seen as girls and women. a lot of the time, we are STILL seen as girls and women, even with full fuckin beards and baritone voices. especially if we need to go to any kind of medical professional. this is what our free acceptability pass looks like?
its just so much more nuanced than these 'boys vs girls' people ever seem to care to think about. even binary trans folks dont have the same sense of cisgendered binary that cis people do. we literally cross from one fake end of the fake-binary to the other. thats where the trans in transgender comes from. i dont know how some other trans folks seem to forget that?? i don't know how, somewhere along the line, we forgot that trans men and transmascs also directly suffer under misogyny?
#my t#sorry for more gender based griping i saw smth on twitter that reminded me of this.#the bright spots of Little Girl euphoria i had in my childhood were rare and beautiful. i refuse to forget them.#my perception of myself i had as a child is important to me.#possibly in a different way to others because. yknow. i am plural.#and plural folks have a different brain and sense of understanding of themselves that singlets wont have. its just a neurological differenc#but my little girl self is an important part of my present day adult man self.#and looking at the adult trans men in my system who are still under my care today-#the little girls they were - however fucking briefly - are still important to me and to them too.#and i fully understand that a lot of other trans folks cannot think of themselves this way#but trans mens experiences of being mistaken for little girls are as important as trans womens experiences being mistaken for little boys#we are all trapped in the same systemic cycle of gender-based abusive conditioning.#really we just have to do away with assigning gender to baby bits completely. its weird.#trans men are either eternally confused women or just invisible#and crushed under the weight of maintaining a cis-man image.#i mean for fucks sake#my partner system and us have been talking about having a kid for ages#if i were to get pregnant i'd just have to accept the fact that i have to masquerade around as a woman for 9 months.#because there is NOTHING for pregnant transmascs.#nothing.#there aren't even a lot of gender neutral options for maternity clothing.#even the term 'maternity' denotes femininity and motherhood.#paternity clothing isn't a thing that exists for me for look forward to or even mildly worry about.#and i'm just talking about a *planned* pregnancy involving a trans man. what do yall think happens to transmascs with unwanted pregnancies.#what a privileged life i lead as a no-op no-hrt trans man. big cishet loves me because i am obviously exactly like a cis man now#just want people to stop infighting and being stupid tbh.#breaking: bro strider fictive gets really fuckin pressed about gender and systemic abuse again!
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Trying to draw Gale's outfits on a fatter body is driving me slowly insane lol
Man has the thickest belts in both this outfits they were not designed for fat people. Now I gotta figure out whether to put the belt over his belly or whether to have it sit under it
#doing a bunch of sketches to figure out just that#tbf the fact i HC him as properly fat and not just a bit chubby is Not helping me but im dying on this hill so i gotta#at the very least make my grave consistent anf presentable ya know?#atm im going for his camp outfit belt bit sits around his stomach#and his out and about robe belt sits under it#but damn drawing it so it still looks comfortable is making my brain fry out of frustration lol#personal
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Sure I could find a less silly sounding way to describe the division between Julius barely tolerating Ludger and genuinely loving him but frankly “pre-pasta” and “post-pasta” are functional and succinct and accurate descriptions so
#also despite saying these numbers a lot in my lore reference doc i deadass cannot remember the years#i know 4305 is the X2 year and ludger is thus born in 4285#(like theyre canon. we know what the years are. my brain is just too tired to remember how to count that fast lol)#but god help me my brain is not equipped to do the math to get me to julius’ birth year or anything#i also keep forgetting how old claudia and cornelia would be had they lived#i think cornelia would be 50 and claudia would be 45 right#which makes the fact bisley is 43 even crazier#like you know they were both older than him but bc they died younger it doesnt feel that way when you compare present day#v#x2
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just finished light from uncommon stars and loved it soo much. wonderful read to finish out the year. usually i am so easily swayed by other reviewers’ opinions but i just disagree with basically all of the bad things anyone has to say
#if there’s one i agree with it’s that katrina could’ve been a little more well rounded as a character#but also like. idk when someone lives in such intense trauma for such a long time usually it takes a while for them to find themself.m#- including the way negative traits present#and multiple reviewers being like. well why did So many bad things have to happen to her. bc that’s what it’s like to live as trans#- sometimes idk what to tell you. and she did get to make it out okay! (<- vague spoilers but also not really)#but when you’re in that stage of transition and face that level of lack of acceptance. idk i have friends who have lived lives that are not#- so different. which sucks but is just the truth#ANYWAY i thought it was so beautiful#and some of the stylistic choices which didn’t work for other people worked Super well for me#i love the quick pov shifts and the expansive world that runs more on vibe than fact they both worked very well for my brain#ted talks
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i think itd be cute if sawashiro was from kansai. if i may speak.
#snap chats#how he drifted all the way to kamurocho dont ask he was a troubled youth. i believe in his ability to yoink cab drives ☠️#sorry still thinking of ttm's kansai accent and the kansai accent he speaks with for .3 seconds during The Eyeball Scene#do i say this because of aforementioned ttm kansai accent and the fact i like how things are pronounced AND IF SO.#yall mean to tell me you didnt love hearin ryuji speak durin y2.... hypocrites... let me cook....#im already cookin actually. im drawing something totally unrelated but im still thinkin..#my brain can be anywhere everywhere all at once#back on topic tho cause im still thinking of sawashiro's Lowkey Funny vernacular#like Presentation Wise he's very professional and put together but his vocabulary's more vulgar than i expect#everytime i remember im like .... lmao..... girl relax.... and it just makes me think of how 'rough' kansai chara's language is#that reminds me of soemthin stupid have to draw at some point...#ok bye lemme finish this doodle im doin now. christ.#cause ive been doin nothin but comms all week and i needa draw my silly dudes again real quick lest i go insane
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grits teeth this anxiety is just an excuse to treat myself better that's all this is telling me. It's just the sign to go on more walks and make myself my favorite tea and read more. Things that WILL feel good and luxurious so help me
#going to win at self care something that is normal to want and possible to achieve#knowing for a fact i'm never anxious about the thing i think i am and i'll figure out 2 years from now what this was about#but still having random intrusive thoughts and judging myself for everything i've ever done is like.#guess i will just stew in this! until unspecified date my brain decides things are better. rolls eyes this shit again#>:/#things that should feel fine do not feel fine i can't tell if they're really not or if i'm just having feelings at random#love to be the sherlock holmes of my own fucking life trying to figure out what's going on when the causes for this in the past have been#everything from actually horrible job to didn't read enough to too much noise in the morning to actual depression to not enough interaction#to too much interaction#like? give me a clue here#am i upset about insert event this fall or am i sad i got a b on a recent paper. hello??#side note this is so funny i put more personal details into this recent paper bc the professor said we should#got a worse grade than my sterile infodumps. back to infodumping it is! experiment concluded#it was also 30 minutes late maybe that's why#she also just skipped grading a presentation i did? like just. wasn't on there#idk man i might just take the b for the class trying to decide if i care enough to email to be like#you have skipped. assignments
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