lieslab

[lieslab]

Merry Christmas, please don't call

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: og8 X gn reader

Summary: When you struggle with the holidays for different reasons, the guys are right there to cheer you up.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 7K

Trigger warning: Loneliness, mentions of dead family members, grief, family issues, depression, insecurities, alcohol and drinking, and jokes about suicide as a coping mechanism.

If you or a loved one is struggling this holiday season, you can find some mental health resources here.

A/N: Some of these drabbles are rather lighthearted and others get a little dark. Whether you will be spending time with friends and family this holiday season, or spending the day alone, please take care of yourselves. Eat a good meal and drink some water. Let's survive this holiday season together and make the new year a good one <3

_ _ _

Chan: 

The clock struck noon and the chimes began to sing again. Another wasted day, another sound of silence, and another meaningful day slipping through your fingers. Lately, most days seemed to end up that way, but you couldn’t find it within your seeping soul to care. 

Most bodies were a temple, but yours was a walking grave. You were idle on the inside and just waiting for your time to go. Upside down on the leather couch, your arms dangled against the worn beige carpet. Your feet dangled over the back and on each side of the couch, two pillows sat in a place they called home. 

Chan was out today and he’d be out for most of the day. The two of you were having an extended vacation in Sydney, so he could visit his parents for the holidays. You were offered a chance to go along with him, but you politely declined. You didn’t want to overstep and it had been so long since Chan saw his family, you didn’t want to barge in and make yourself at home for the dinner they were making. 

It was a full spread with his father’s grilled lamb and some of his mother’s favorite recipes. His siblings were going to be there and you loved his family, but you hated the idea of sticking out like a sore thumb. Besides, you already had dinner with them a few times. 

You tried to get your mind off of it by cleaning the airbnb. His parents wanted him to stay there, but he wanted you to be comfortable. Plus, his old bedroom had been taken over by storage. Staying there required buying a brand new mattress, a box spring, and bedding. It felt easier to rent an airbnb. 

Your face grew darker and darker as the blood rushed towards your head. Your eyes shut and you let your hair dangle. While they were having dinner, you had to find your own dinner. Sydney was full of possibilities, but all you could think about was his father’s lamb. 

How many times had he raved about it? Back in Korea, he talked about it all the time. Whenever he ordered lamb from somewhere, it was delicious, but it was never up to the same standards as his father’s. The thought of it made your mouth salivate. 

“What are you doing down there?” 

Your eyes widened in shock. Above you, dimples formed in the sides of Chan’s cheeks. “Look at you, my little cutie.” He bent down and gently poked the top of your nose. “You look like a little tomato.” 

You huffed and lightly pushed his hand away. “Stop it, I’m just hanging out. Why are you here?” 

“I got halfway there and then turned the car back around. It didn’t feel right showing up without you. I don’t like the idea of eating a Christmas dinner without you by my side. Not to mention, my parents would demand to know where you were.” 

He grabbed one of your wrists, reached down to support your back, and supported you while you sat up. You allowed it, but when he tried to tug you off the couch, you hesitated. He raised an eyebrow in confusion. 

“I don’t want to ruin your Christmas dinner with your family.” 

“How will you ruin it?” 

“Your parents don’t get to spend holidays with you often. You should see them by yourself. They don’t need me there to worry about. They called Christmas a family gathering for a reason.” 

A soft sigh escaped his lips and he sat down beside you. “Sweetheart, you’re part of my family too. You don’t think my family considers you part of our family? Did you know that my siblings can’t wait for the day that we’re married? They’re excited to truly consider you a sibling.” 

Your head shook, your own stubbornness refused to let you see it. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” You tugged away, but his fingers didn’t let go of your wrist. 

“Talk to me, what’s really going on? What’s causing you to feel like this?” His hand cupped the side of your cheek. The familiar warmth of his thumb slid across your eye socket. “Please just talk to me. Do you not like them?” 

“Of course, I like them. I love your family, but I feel like an embarrassment. Shouldn’t I be celebrating my own holiday with my own family? I hate feeling like an intruder.” 

“Well, you’re not.” He leaned forward, his nose nearly touched yours. “You’re going to come along and, even if I have to drag you there, we’re going. If you’re lucky, maybe my dad might give you his lamb recipe.”

The pitiful look in your eyes was more than enough. He leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to the tip of your nose. “What are you waiting for? Come on!” 

You squealed as he stood up and grabbed you. His fingers lightly tickled your sides and he hauled you over his shoulder. Your giggles filled the air with each dramatic bouncing step he took. 

No matter how much of an intruder you felt like, he’d never leave you alone.  _ _ _

Minho: 

The sudden shriek from across the room caused your eyes to widen. You glanced over and found Minho’s face returning to normal. Almost like he hadn’t just jerked his head back and let out the loudest wail known to mankind.

In his hands, a fresh ceramic mug of black tea sat. A steady stream of steam lazily twirled into the air. He ignored your look of concern, gently blew onto the drink, and took a sip. His lips smacked together and he let out a content sigh. 

“What the hell was that?” You finally asked. 

“What was what?” His eyes found yours. “Blowing on my tea? Can’t you see that it’s hot? Is your eyesight bad enough that we should take you to the eye doctor?” 

A blank look of your unamusement caused him to chuckle. He took another loud sip, trying not to laugh at your annoyance. You shut the book you were holding and leaned back along the couch. 

“So you’re just going to pretend like you didn’t scream?” 

“Oh, that?” He shrugged and adjusted his grip on the sage green mug. “I was just thinking about how excited I am to go home for the holidays. I can’t wait to see my cats again. You know them?” 

“How could I forget Soonie, Doongie, and Dori? Of course, I know them. Are you old enough that you have memory loss?” 

“I’m older than you, learn some manners.” 

You rolled your eyes, grabbed your book, and began to flip back to the page you were on. He headed in your direction, sat on the couch beside you, and placed his mug on the wooden coffee table. 

“I’ve mentioned my holiday plans a few times, but you’ve never mentioned yours. What are you doing for yours?” 

“I’ll be hanging out here in our apartment.” 

“What do you mean?” His eyes narrowed. “Why? What about your family?” 

“Pretty hard to celebrate when your family members are buried six feet down in the frozen ground.” 

He slowly blinked, wondering if he heard you right. You didn’t explain yourself, instead, you just continued to flip until you found the right page again. Your body relaxed back up against the arm of the couch and you started at the top of the page. 

When you didn’t clarify, he reached out, and he placed a sprawled out hand over the words, so you couldn’t read them. “What do you mean they’re dead?” 

“My family was small and there was an accident. They’re dead and life goes on. I haven’t celebrated the holidays since they died. Now if you’ll excuse me-” You pulled your book from his hand. “You’re blocking my story.” 

You acted like your words were normal. He wanted to know more, but you didn’t seem to be budging. He reached out, jerked the book away, and planted a finger in the page you were reading. 

“Hey!” You cried out. 

“We have to talk about this. You can’t just say that and expect me to be fine with that. No, no, no.” He brought up his free hand and wagged his finger in your face. “New holiday plans, you’re coming to my house to spend time with my family.” 

“Minho, it’s fine, really. I’ve gotten used to it and I’m okay with being alone. I’m not going to ruin your family’s holiday just because-” 

“Oh no, I’m not asking you.” He handed you your book back. You sighed and took it back. He pushed himself off the couch and began to pace while he pulled out his phone. 

You tried to ignore him, but curiosity got the better of you. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m texting my mom and telling her to make extra food. You’re going to meet my grandma and my parents. Your loneliness can be damned this holiday season. After this, I’m going to order matching Christmas sweaters for us and my cats.” 

“Huh?” 

“Don’t question me, my family is going to love it. I’m going to post the photos of my cats to Bubble afterwards. The fans are going to be mad. Not only do I have three cats, but they have matching sweaters, and they don’t.” 

“Do you always plan to torment your fans?” 

He finally glanced up from his phone. “Well, someone has to keep them humble. Nobody else is going to do it, so I will.” 

For the next twenty minutes, he kept showing you cat Christmas sweaters on pet store websites and asking which one you thought was cuter.  _ _ _

Changbin: 

“Are you staying there? Baby, are your eyes closed? Are you peeking? Stop it!” 

“I’m not peeking! My hands are over my eyes and I don’t know what more you want from me! I’m trying to be patient, but you’re freaking me out. What are you doing out there?” 

“DON’T OPEN YOUR EYES!” 

You were sitting with your legs crossed in the middle of the couch. Changbin came home from work wrapped in an oversized white blanket. Before you could even ask, he told you to stay put and close your eyes. So here you were, curled up, with your hands flat against your shut eyes. 

For the past few minutes, Changbin had been out in the kitchen. Soft clatters floated from the room, but you didn’t know what he was exactly doing. Every time you tried to peek, he’d shriek at you like a mother defending her eggs from a predator. 

There was more clattering and it was topped off with a giggle. In the kitchen, Changbin rubbed his hands together and grinned. “Baby, are you ready?” 

“Can I look now?” 

“One moment! I’m coming. Don’t look until I give you the okay!” 

Giddiness coated the lining of your stomach and you waited. His footsteps came closer and closer until they stopped altogether. “Okay, you can look now.” 

You opened your eyes with a smile on your face. It only grew wider when you saw what he was wearing. He was in a white button down long sleeve shirt. A black vest sat on top of it and a matching bow tie was secured around his neck. A white apron tied around his waist and gave the illusion of a long skirt. 

On his hand, there was a silver platter adorned with three styrofoam cups. You gave him a funny look, but all he could do was give you a goofy grin. As he balanced the platter, his legs began to move. 

“Hot! Hot! Ooh, we got it! Hot! Hot! Hey, we got it!” 

You slapped a hand over your mouth to stop the giggles from escaping. He moved and twirled around the living room with the platter. Unbeknownst to you, the empty cups were taped down and the tray was secured to the back of his hand with a strap. 

“Hot! Hot! Say, we got it! Hot chocolate!” 

His feet tapped against the floor and he spun around with the platter overhead. It took you a moment to find the fake mustache glued onto his face and when you saw it, you lost it. 

He didn’t stop singing and dancing. Your eyes widened as he stepped onto the couch beside you. You had to look up at him. He winked as your eyes met and he spun off and back to the ground. 

Just as you thought, he couldn’t do more, he moon-walked to the coffee table and jumped on top of it. Part of you was alarmed, but the other half of you was amused. He jumped off with ease and bowed in front of you with the platter held out to you. 

Heavy breaths racked his chest and his heart beamed with pride. Your hands went together and you began to clap in delight. He got back up, hurried into the kitchen, and came back with a mug of steaming hot chocolate. 

“For-” He sucked in a deep breath, “for you.” 

“Thank you,” You uttered as you grabbed it. “How long did it take you to learn the dance?” 

“About a week, but it was worth it to see that smile on your face. I know how much you like the Polar Express. I-I was trying to figure out a way to cheer you up, so I-” 

“Changbin?” 

He glanced down at you and you patted the space next to you. “I love you so much, you have no idea. This is the sweetest and most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. You look exactly like the waiters in the movie.” 

His cheeks went red and he brushed your words away. “It was nothing, really. Maybe I can teach you the dance and put a fake mustache on you. Do you think I should grow a mustache?” 

“I think if you ever find yourself out of a job, you should consider working on one of those trains that recreates the Polar Express. You’ve got the role in the bag.” 

“Is the hot chocolate good?” 

“Delicious.” 

“Good. Did it work? Did I make you feel better? You’ve been glum lately and I hate to see you so miserable during this time of the year.” 

You swallowed another sip before offering him the cup. He glanced over at you and giggled at the sight of the brown mustache sitting on your upper lip. His thumb reached out to wipe it away.

“Forget me growing a mustache baby, you would suit one perfectly.”  _ _ _

Hyunjin: 

“This is too hard and I’m dying. I know too many people. Why did I agree to go Christmas shopping with Felix and Jeongin?” Hyunjin’s hands wiped down his face and he groaned. 

Perched on your shared bed, there were four rolls of wrapping paper in different holiday prints. A bag of premade colorful bows scattered everywhere. Scissors were half open and nearly digging into his leg. The wrapping paper that he cut too short was scrunched into balls and littered the carpet beneath the bed. 

You were on your way to the bathroom when you glanced in to check on him. After coming home with multiple bags, he sauntered into the bedroom nearly an hour ago and he had been there ever since. He said he was going to wrap presents and you assumed he’d struggle, but you didn’t realize that it’d be this much. 

“Hyunjin?” You called out softly as you poked your head into the room. “Are you okay in here?” 

“Am I okay here?” He scoffed and gestured around. “Do I look like I’m okay? Look at this mess! How do you fold wrapping paper over a gift that’s not a square shape? I should have never let the guys talk me into buying so many gifts for people. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

You chuckled and stepped inside. “You’re very, very sweet. Do you want some help?” 

“Please. Preferably before Santa himself comes in and boots me from his workshop.” His arms crossed over his chest and his lips stuck out in a pout. “Wrapping gifts is too hard. We should just be able to give people items without them expecting wrapping paper.” 

“You don’t have to wrap them if you don’t want to,” you reminded him. 

“I know, I know. I want to wrap them, I just-” He sighed. “I’m just annoyed by it all. It’s really not that difficult, but I’m struggling with the amount of paper to use.” 

You headed over and grabbed the scissors. After searching for a few seconds, Hyunjin grabbed the tape and handed it to you. You glanced around at the gifts and nodded. “We can do this. Which wrapping paper and which gift?” 

He grabbed the black and red plaid wrapping paper. He nearly fell off the bed in the process of stretching to grab one of the gifts. Once he handed them to you, you gestured for him to follow you. 

You carefully averted yourself through the maze of gifts and headed out to the kitchen. He followed your steps and the moment his body broke free of the room, his stress melted away. You seemed so sure of your skills as you loaded up your tools onto the island. 

The first gift was a smaller square box with cologne in it. You unraveled some of the paper and set it in the center. “You see this?” You took the edge of the paper and rolled it up over the side. “You want this side of the paper to cover half the box.” 

“But it’s covering less than half?” 

You nodded and unraveled more wrapping paper. He watched as you adjusted the box and taped the first half of the paper down. You took your time letting the scissors glide across the end of the role. You pulled the other half over and asked for tape. 

He placed down a small piece, mimicking your previous motions. Once it was secured, you showed him how to bend and fold the ends. After you folded them, you let him tape them down. When you finished, you slid the box to him. 

“You made that seem a lot easier than it should be.” 

You chuckled at his words. “It’s really not that difficult to wrap a gift. My parents taught me that when I was younger. I’ve carried the skill around since then.” 

“God bless your parents.” 

You forced a smile at his words and watched as he disappeared to grab a bow from the bedroom. By the time he came back, you took your attention to the window above the sink. Painful memories adorned your brain at the mention of your parents. 

“Are you going to help me with the next one? You know I struggle with seeing things just once and being expected to know what to do. It takes me a while to get things.” 

You shut your eyes and nodded, still facing the window. “I’ll help you wrap the next one if you get it.” 

He kept an eye on you, worried about the sudden distance. Something flickered in your eyes when he mentioned your parents. When you reached up and wiped your eyes, he knew something was wrong. 

You weren’t expecting him to appear behind you. When his hand found your shoulder, you jumped slightly. Tears wet your eyes when you spun around to face him. Without a word, he tugged you to him. 

You couldn’t fight it. The familiar lull of his heart caused your eyes to shut. Your hands wrapped around his waist. “Family issues?” He uttered softly. 

“Something like that.” 

“I’m sorry I made you wrap a gift. I didn’t mean to bring up memor-” 

“Don’t apologize, I’ve missed wrapping gifts. Actually, I like wrapping gifts, but I’m not a fan of celebrating Christmas.” 

“So would you like to be a dear and spend the next few hours teaching and helping me wrap gifts?” 

“Obviously.” 

You forced yourself to smile, but he knew deep down that you weren’t okay. A storm brewed in the silence of your soul. Maybe one day you’d talk about it, but for now, he was just happy to be in your presence. 

He couldn’t heal the gaping wounds, but he could try to dull the ache.  _ _ _

Han: 

“Baby, please wake up.” Han reached over and shook your sleeping body. You had been asleep for a few hours and he was desperate for your feedback. “Please, get up.” 

When your groggy eyes finally cracked open, he grinned. “Hi there. I’m sorry for waking you up, but look!” He held open a homemade card and pressed it to your nose. “Be honest with me, can you read this?” 

“Kind of,” you mumbled. “Who is it going to?” 

“My mom.” 

“I’m sure she’ll be able to read it. Didn’t she grow up being able to read your handwriting?” 

“Well, yeah, but I wanted to make cards for the guys too.” He pushed the card against the bed and sat down on the edge. “I’m feeling festive this holiday season and I want to let people know how much I care about them.”

“Mm-hmm. That’s nice.” Your eyes slipped shut again and you twisted. You nuzzled the pillow and wrapped the blanket around your body tighter. 

“Baby?” 

“Huh?” 

“Do you want to get up and make Christmas cards with me?” 

“And send them to who? I cut off my family members, remember? I don’t talk to any of them to save my mental sanity.” 

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, baby, I totally forgot.” He laid down beside you and slithered his hands around your waist. You didn’t fight it as he pulled you against himself. “Is this why you’ve been sleeping so much lately?” 

“Here I’ve been going on and on about the holidays and the people around me, but I haven’t even thought about you and your situation.” 

“I’m not mad at you. I like listening to you talk about everything and everyone in your life. You’ve got a lot of love to give and creating homemade Christmas cards is cute. I’m sure they’re going to love them.” 

“I hate that you think your family issues make you unlovable.” 

“I-I don’t think-” Your voice cut off as a lump built in your throat. Tears began to build up and you blinked rapidly. Of course, you felt unlovable. 

Holiday ads were smeared with family gatherings. Songs chirped about winter and connection. Even when the birds migrate for winter, they fly to warmer weather with all their friends and family. So many creatures, human or not, have connection, but not you. 

You had Han, but everyone else? Everyone else seemed to be far away. Even when your parents’ compliments were backhanded. When your grandparents gabbed about your disappointing appearance and when your siblings reminded you that you were a loser, you were supposed to endure it for the holidays. 

It didn’t matter if you were their own flesh and blood. It didn’t matter if it hurt your feelings, you were just supposed to sit through it. You were supposed to be grateful you knew them. You were supposed to be thankful that you even had family. 

How many times have your holiday dinners been interrupted with a lump in your throat? When you excused yourself from the table, so you could let your tears fall in the privacy of the bathroom. How many times had you clung to the rope tethering your family together, despite no matter how much the rope burn rubbed your hands raw? 

So you walked away from it all. You were deemed an ungrateful traitor by your family members. They were the victims of your selfishness in your eyes, but if selfishness was what you had to be called to pick and choose your own lonely path of happiness, so be it.

You shifted and curled into Han’s chest. He held you to him tighter. One of his hands began to gently rub your back. The other hand went to the back of your head. 

“I can’t put into words how much I love you. I hope you get to hear it in some of my songs. I hope you’re able to pluck it out between the melody and the backing vocals. I hope you can feel it in my touch.” 

“Thank you,” you finally managed to utter through tears. 

“And for my next Christmas card, I’ll be sending it to your parents house. On the front, there’s a giant ‘fuck you’ written in glitter. Tis the season to tell them to fuck off.” 

You couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling up in your chest.  _ _ _

Felix: 

Jingling bells were mixed with sobs. The halls were decked with tissues. The snowy gray skies were dotted with misery and an impending doom that you just couldn’t shake. 

The holidays were a continuous slow death. The lack of sunlight brought in depression and your brain was haunted with past memories. Everything seemed to be decorated for Christmas, including downtown. 

A nearby business was having Christmas carols tonight and Felix wanted you to go with him, but you turned it down. It was an open invite by the business, anyone could come along and sing, but you didn’t have it in you to stand in front of a door of strangers and put on a smile. 

Your apartment was dark and when Felix first arrived, he wasn’t sure if you were home. It was only around seven and your car was in the parking lot, but the rest of the house seemed dead. Every light was off and there wasn’t a sign that you were around. 

He placed his basket over his arm and knocked but you didn’t answer the door. He frowned and knocked harder, but you still didn’t answer. Instead of leaving, he pulled off his glove, and pulled out his phone. He got to your number and hit the call button. 

Inside your house, you were drowning your worries in eggnog. You normally stuck to the non-alcoholic version that was stored in the coolers, but this time, you picked up a bottle at room temperature that was mixed with a spiced rum. Outside, the streets were wrapped in a velvet green and bright red, but your soul was tainted black. 

You thought about ignoring Felix’s call when his contact lit up your screen, but your hand moved before you could stop it. You answered the call and placed it on speakerphone. “What do you want? I told you I’m not singing tonight?” 

“I’m not here to gather you for singing. I’m outside and I have something for you. I thought we could do something together inside and enjoy each other’s company.” 

“Go away, I’m probably drunk.” 

“If you were drunk, you would have hung up. You forget which way is left and right. Why not let me in and see what kind of treats I brought?” 

You paused at the words and you glanced over at the front door from your spot in the kitchen. “Edible treats?” 

“Of course.” 

“Sweet treats?” 

“You bet.” 

“I’m coming, don’t leave.” 

He listened to the sound of your footsteps and when you finally cracked the door open, you looked like a mess. You smelled like nutmeg and rum. You hung up the phone in your hand and stared at him with red-rimmed eyes. 

“You poor, poor thing.” 

“I don’t want your pity.” 

He held up his hands in defeat. “Can I just come in? I think these things are cool by now and we can decorate them.” 

You eyed the wicker basket he was holding suspiciously. It was covered in a red and white patterned cloth. You couldn’t see in it, but you had suspicions about it. After a moment, you finally stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. 

He followed and a blast of chilled air rushed after him. You didn’t turn around as you led him towards your kitchen. He shut the door, kicked off his shoes, and he followed you. 

You flipped on the kitchen light, shielding your eyes in the process. The eggnog swirled in your stomach and with a small hiccup, you felt the alcohol crawl back up the back of your throat. You forced yourself to swallow it. 

“Welcome to my kitchen, you can do whatever here. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take a nap.” You began to turn and leave, but he grabbed your arm to stop you. 

“At least, look at what I brought with me first.” 

You sighed and spun back around. He peeled back the cloth and pulled out a variety of colorful piping bags. Small packets of gummies and candies followed. He even pulled out a few miniature candy canes. 

“What is this for?” 

He smiled at you and held up an undecorated gingerbread man. “I was hoping you could help me decorate them, so they could come to life.” 

“Why are you really here?” 

“Because I love you and I’m worried about you.” He placed the gingerbread man back in the basket. “Because every time I mention the holidays, you turn away and you scowl. Because you get a far away look on your face when I mention family and you frown.” 

That same frown that he had grown used to appeared on your face again. Just the sight of it broke his heart. His hand reached towards yours and he gently took your hand. 

“You don’t have to explain it to me, but I just don’t want you to feel alone this holiday season. I think everyone should feel warmth in this cold and I think you deserve it too. I love you and I don’t want you to feel alone.” 

The alcohol made you numb to your emotions. If you were fully sober, no doubt, you would have burst into tears. Instead, you just glanced over at his basket of gingerbread cookies. “And if they turn out ugly?” 

“Ugly cookies are still cookies at the end of the day, aren’t they? No matter what they look like, they still taste delicious. Deep down, they’re still loved.” 

When your lips met his, you finally felt the warmth you’d been lacking this holiday season.  _ _ _

Seungmin: 

“And for this holiday season, I might hang myself with the lights. Tell me, Kim Seungmin, would you kiss my corpse beneath the mistletoe? 

“I’d let your corpse kiss my ass beneath the mistletoe.” 

“I didn’t think you were into necrophilia, so I’ll have to note it.” 

“Fucking freak,” he grumbled. He turned back to the side of the house and continued to string the lights along the edge. The two of you had been working for nearly an hour, but it still wasn’t enough. 

You chuckled at his comment, but then you went quiet. Below him, you stood on the ladder with the raveled Christmas lights in your hand. They were wrapped around a piece of plastic and slowly, but surely, you were unstringing it as he hung the strands in clear clips. Your eyes finally found the ground and you held the lights steady. 

When you didn’t make another comment, Seungmin glanced down with a sigh. You didn’t hear it, too busy distracted by your own thoughts in your head. It took a few moments of him calling your name until you glanced up. “Hmm?” 

“Why are you making so many jokes about dying?” 

You shrugged, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “It’s not like I haven’t made jokes like that before. What makes it different this time?” 

“Well, usually you say you’re kidding afterwards, but this time, that never happened. You didn’t say you were kidding, you just pretended like you never said anything. I know you joke about it a lot, but it worries me that you’re doing it more than usual. Did something happen?” 

His gaze lingered, but you stayed quiet. Your teeth sank into the velvet section of your bottom lip. He began to descend the ladder when you didn’t respond. He walked over to you, pulled the lights out of your hand, and gently placed his hands on your shoulders. 

“Don’t do that. Don’t do that thing where you shut me out and you shut down. What happened?” He lightly shook you and caused your head to sway back and forth. “Just please tell me what happened.” 

“Nothing specifically,” you finally uttered as your eyes found the ground. “Nothing specific happened, I’m just struggling, that’s all.” 

“With what?” 

“It’s the holiday season,” you shrugged. “Haven’t you noticed that everything goes bad during the holiday season? A light bulb blows and you don’t have a new one. An elderly family member passes away. You feel warm and cozy because of the holiday season and then you’re slammed with the heartbreaking realization that people don’t care about you the way that you care about them.” 

His fingers gently dug tighter into your winter coat and you lightly shoved him away. “It’s nothing, really. I’m probably just being dramatic, but it feels like everything spirals during this time of the year, doesn’t it?” 

“I didn’t know you felt like that.” 

“I don’t want to ruin your holiday cheer.” You reached down and grabbed the lights from the ground. “At least, the house will look festive.” You tried to force a smile, but it came out as a grimace instead. 

He pulled the lights from your hands and put them on the ground. You let him tug you inside and into the warmth of your shared house. The scent of the homemade apple cider you made earlier still lingered. The cinnamon sticks swirled with sugar and apples and spritzed the air. 

Seungmin spun to face you and he reached for your coat. You stayed put as he began to unzip your coat and pull you out of it. The freezing temperatures caused the tip of his nose and the tops of his cheeks to turn red. He was working with gloves coating his fingers. 

“What are you doing?” You finally whispered as he peeled off your hat. He didn’t respond and pulled off your scarf. You stayed quiet and watched him begin to peel off his own winter articles of clothing. 

You blinked and tried to keep your focus away from his face. You weren’t sure what he was doing, but he looked rather determined. His eyebrow sat in a furrow and he threw his hat onto the couch behind you. 

When he finished freeing himself, he gently cupped your face. You swallowed the lump in your throat as your eyes met him. He finally began to speak for once. 

“You lost a family member this time last year.” 

“So?” You hoarsely uttered, trying to keep the tears at bay. 

“It’s your first holiday season without them.” 

You pressed your lips together, desperate to keep the tears away. Decorating a grave isn’t nearly as fun as decorating the Christmas tree. Christmas lights lose their allure. Santa Claus sightings, Christmas cookies, and holiday songs can’t tune out the emptiness in your heart. No matter how many parties you go to, no matter how many presents you wrap, it’s never enough to heal your bleeding heart. 

The moment tears appeared in your eyes, he leaned forward and pressed soft lips to the center of your forehead. Your eyes shut, savoring the flicker of attention, and seeping in his silent love. He didn’t utter another word as he pulled you into his arms because he knew that you knew what he was saying. 

A strangled sob came out and his arms slipped beneath you. With snow encrusted snow boots, he took you to the nearby couch. He didn’t care that he sat on the mix of scarves, hats, and gloves. He rubbed your back as you let the holiday turmoil ooze out. 

Not every season was meant to be jolly. Not every holiday would be full of laughter and smiles. Sometimes the lower branches of the Christmas trees would be empty underneath and hold nothing. Sometimes the people you wished to celebrate the season with the most would disappear. 

Seungmin would hold you until the snow on your boots melted and soaked the carpet. He’d cling to you until the sobs stopped. He’d do this forever if you asked him to. He’d sit here until the next holiday season and do it all again. 

Maybe next year, you’d feel better, but until then, you were entirely his.  _ _ _

Jeongin:

“I hate the holidays. I hate this time of year. I hate people dressing like Santa. I hate red and green, they’re the worst colors.” 

“Okay, Ebenezer Scrooge, we get it, you don’t like Christmas.” 

You glared over at Jeongin, but he didn’t seem to see it. Instead, he continued to fold a piece of white construction paper. Your arms crossed over your chest and he continued. 

“I think the Grinch might have more love in his heart than you and that says a lot. For someone who tore down Christmas trees and stole Who Hash-” 

“I get it! I get it!” You threw your hands up in the air. “I’m the most miserable person to be around this time of year. I know!” 

His eyes widened, he sighed, and shook his head. “Well, you’re not going to ruin my Christmas cheer. I’m making snowflakes from construction paper because I actually like this holiday, unlike some people.” 

You stuck your tongue out at him and he pointed his scissors at you. There was a loud snip, but he didn’t dare try to injure you. The two of you were back to playfully being a pain in one another’s ass. 

“How the hell do you make snowflakes from construction paper?” 

“You fold the paper over and over and over and over again. I think you’re supposed to fold it in a certain way, but I just fold in whatever way I want to. I take these scissors-” He snipped them loudly a few times. “I cut snips into the paper and I open it back up.” 

He carefully unfolded the paper and once it was back to its normal shape, there were multiple slits to create an uneven snowflake. “Look at it! A snowflake! Ta-dah!” 

“Why does your snowflake have scoliosis?” 

“Hey!” He cried and he tugged the paper to his chest. “Be nice to my snowflake. Haven’t you heard that each snowflake is unique? Bully my snowflake again and I’ll give you scoliosis.” 

“You’re going to open up my spine, curve it, and stitch me back up?” 

He held up the scissors again. “If you don’t stop it, I’m gonna scissor you with these scissors.” 

Your cheeks sucked in as you tried not to laugh. Realizing what he just said, his eyes widened. “Hey, no! Stop it! Not like that! Ugh.” He tossed the scissors onto the kitchen table. “Let’s go back to the main topic. Why are you literally acting like this time of the year is the worst?” 

“Because it’s cold outside and I’m miserable, Jeongin! Look at my feet!” You pushed your fuzzy-sock feet up in the air and wiggled them. “Look at them! I have two pairs of socks on and I’m still freezing!” 

You got up to show off your hoodie and sweatpants combination. “Look at me!” You spun around and gestured to your clothes. “It’s the worst time of the year to celebrate when I’m freezing.” 

“I can’t go swimming or to the beach. If I try to go outside on a walk, I nearly freeze to death. Don’t get me started about the glasses I wear. Going from the freezing cold outside to the warm inside and then being unable to see from condensation, it’s the worst!” 

“Is that all you have in your defense?” 

“Yes, Jeongin!” 

“Wow.” 

“Santa Claus would find more joy in the depths of hell during this time of the year.” 

“Do you even know how hot hell is?” 

“Hot enough that I wouldn’t be freezing my sweet cheeks off, catholic boy!” 

He shoved a hand over his mouth and turned away, trying not to laugh. You scoffed and shook your head. “Laugh all you want, but when I turn into an icicle in this household, it won’t be funny then.” 

“The heat is on.” 

“And I’m ten degrees away from turning into a freezing cold corpse.” 

“I forgot how sensitive you are to the cold.” 

“Oh, you have no idea. Grocery shopping and entering the cooler and freezer section is the worst. It doesn’t matter if I have on a hoodie and a coat. Once I’m cold, I’m chilled to the bone and it ruins my day. I’m cold for the entire day and can’t get warm.” 

He reached down and began to fold a paper. You settled back down on the couch after yanking the decorative blanket off the back end. You took your time tucking yourself in and leaned back. Your hands ran down the velvet and you sighed softly. “This is so much better.” 

“You big baby.” 

“Frozen corpse.” 

He playfully rolled his eyes, stood up, and began to head towards you. Without asking, he leaned over and wormed his way on top of you. The moment he appeared, more warmth flooded your body. 

“I’ve been blessed by Jesus himself this holiday season.” You basked in the relief as you shifted to get comfy. “Merry Christmas to me, you’re not allowed to leave.” 

“Who says?” 

“If you go anywhere, you’re getting a lump of coal for Christmas.” 

“A harsh price to pay. I guess I should just be lucky that some part of me loves you. Thankfully, my catholicism blessed me with patience and gratefulness.” 

You shot him an unamused glare. He responded with a dimple-showing grin. As much as he was annoying sometimes, you still loved him. When you shut your eyes, he shifted and placed his head against your chest. 

The craft snowflakes would be there later, but if he didn’t warm you up now, he was secretly worried your heart would freeze over, just to spite him.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

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Ko-fi

[lieslab]

Did you think I was lying about making posts with skz and rats? I made another one, mainly to announce that I'm posting a new drabble tomorrow, but maybe there are also spoilers in it.

However, I also came to announce that I've been writing your requests. Hyunjin, Chan, and Seungmin have been the favorites lately, so I'm trying to avoid posting back-to-back posts about specific members while sprinkling some of the other members between them.

I don't like posting about the members back-to-back, it makes me feel bad. This is a safe space for all eight and only all eight. Not a single member is unloved here. Those are MY emotional support men that I accidentally hyperfixated on and now I can't let them go 🥺

Anyway, the vibes for the next drabble:

[lieslab]

channie is wolf. lee know is bunny. changbin is dwaekki. you get my point. all the guys have representative animals so what would yours be? I was gonna say rat but you call us that

🦝

Yes, yes, yes. You're right, I can't be a rat if I call the people who read my stuff rats. I fully and wholeheartedly believe that I would be a fish. BEFORE YOU POINT AND LAUGH, hear me out, I'm a pisces and I love being a pisces. The symbol for Pisces is two fish.

I cannot begin to express the love I have for water and the ocean. Growing up, I used to make my mother mad because I used to make her replay The Little Mermaid over and over and over again, just so I could watch it. Ariel was always and still is my favorite Disney princess. One day, I'd really love to live by some sort of body of water. Preferably the ocean, but I'd be content with being nearby a lake or river. I cannot swim, but I still love water.

As childish as the belief is, I love to cling onto the idea of mermaids and sirens and their existence. I was utterly smitten with Ariel and some part of my inner child likes to believe that there's some half-fish/half-human thing hiding in oceans that's curious about everyone and everything. My love for the ocean and aquatic animals is so large that at one point, I was convinced I was going to be a marine biologist.

Turns out, I'm not good at science, so I dropped that dream, but I've never dropped the pull and lure of the ocean. It's on my bucket-list, I want to see the ocean one day and I'm going to make it happen at some point.

As for what kind of fish, definitely probably a koi fish. Some of them have pretty big bulging eyes and that reminds me of myself. My eyes are pretty big, I'd say that they're probably my largest facial feature. I zone out a lot and my best friend likes to joke that when it happens, I look like I'm experiencing shell shock (after she bullies me for having blue eyes. i'm a victim of blue eye slander. it's not my fault for how genetics work) I hope that answers your question!!

Have a fish for the road:

[lieslab]

im reading pandemonium right now

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL EVERYONE HERE THAT YOU WRITE LONG FANFICS AND UPDATE THEM FIVE DAYS A WEEK? I THOUGHT YOU JUST WROTE DRABBLES. YOUR FUCKING INSANE HOLY SHIT. WRITING FULL LENGTH FICS AND UPDATING THEM SO REGULARLY I JUST FOUND OUT YOU DO THAT GIRLY I THOUGHT YOU UPDATED THEM OCCASIONALLY

Omg do you like it?? I've truly been scheming with it and there's a plot twist coming. Not a single person has figured it out yet and it makes me feel evil and twisted, but I'm so excited for it!! I've been working non-stop on it.

I do post about my full-length stories, but people are here more for my drabbles and I can't blame them. Not everyone has the attention span for a full-length story. My long fics are also created with original characters and not everyone enjoys that. With my drabbles, you emerge in the scenes by picturing yourself.

I know I've noted it a few times in older stories. I believe I noted a brief mention of it on Pandemonium. When I used to read fanfics 24/7, I hated waiting for updates, so when I started writing fanfic, I devoted myself to it entirely. I've built a small community off of it and I truly cherish what I have. This is so special to me and it means the world.

Back to the point, every time I post a new full-length fic, I fully intend to always update five days a week. I've tried a few other things, but I hate it. It helps people stay fresh with the plot and it gives people twenty-four hours to process a chapter before I drop the next chapter. I love everything about it.

Since you're reading Pandemonium, have fun and good luck with the main character death warning <3

[lieslab]

Hi!! I hope you're well :3 Happy Holidays <3

Hi, HELLO!! I'm doing so well, you have no idea. I hope you're doing just as well!! Tis that time of year again, isn't it? Another holiday season and within these next few weeks, who knows what the weather will bring. Who knows what's brewing in my lab.

I hope your holidays are full of joy and fun!! I was really hoping for snow for these last few weeks of December, but it's warmer than usual where I live. Maybe I'll get lucky and get one snow day. If it's going to be winter soon, I'd like one snow day, at least.

Anyway, enjoy your holidays!! A lot of people find a lot of peace and happiness during this time. I hope you're one of those people that finds comfort in the people around you despite the dreary days <3

[lieslab]

Lost in a rainbow

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Hyunjin X blind gn reader

Summary: You're unable to see colors, but when a kind stranger describes them to you, it shifts your world from black and gray.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 4.8K

Trigger warning: Disability insecurities

A/N: This has been in my head for so long and I needed to get it out. This drabble has been haunting me like a ghost and it's always there. I love Hyunjin and how his brain works. He was the perfect fit for this. This is also a reminder to be kind to people you encounter. We never know what they're going through internally.

_ _ _

The world as you knew it was dark, it was something you dealt with since birth. Voices were crystal clear and you could feel the world around you, but you couldn’t see it. Your pillowcase was a soft velvet and your toothbrush was a hard plastic. It clattered against your teeth when you moved onto the top row of teeth from the bottom row. 

You knew the sweet-glaze of your mother’s voice and you knew the hardened edge of your father’s voice. Some family members had a higher pitched tone and others were low in baritone. Life wasn’t easy in the dark, but you grew to live with it. 

You weren’t like others and you didn’t fully understand it. How could you? You couldn’t see what the world around you looked like. Your parents described what they looked like once upon a time and you held an idea in your head, but you’d never know; they’d always be scribbles without a body. 

The people around you, you had to base their appearances on the sound of their voice. The kinder ones were beautiful in your brain, but when you caught the tension from the snap of a voice, the image you pictured melted away into something horrific. 

Devil horns and sharp teeth. A constant scowl and a permanent sneer. If they were going to act like the devil, they could look like it too. Doctors laughed when you told them. They said it was a product of your own internal anger, but you pushed their opinions aside. 

Everyone around you had the chance to see the world around you, but not you. The optic nerves were different for you. Something was wrong and your brain didn’t connect to your eyes. You were doomed to a world of darkness when you were pushed from your mother’s womb. 

The doctors knew something was wrong the moment you were yanked free. Despite the blood and amniotic fluid, your eyes didn’t leave the same spot. You didn’t focus on the white coats and colorful scrubs. You stared off into space silently. 

When fingers danced in front of you, you didn’t react. Your body was a prison and this was the void. As you grew older, you described what you saw and doctors identified them as shadows, but you couldn’t really see. Just flickers of grey deposited and slipped into your world of black. Nothing more and nothing less. 

Your parents begged for a treatment, but nothing could be done. Once optic nerves were severed, they were ruined. The brain and the eyes couldn’t reconnect. They could live in harmony up until they couldn’t. 

You heard words rather easily, but reading was difficult. Kids learned letters by seeing and focusing on each drawn out letter. You had to learn yours by pressing your fingers onto small raised bumps. Over and over and over, your fingers brushed against the same piece of hard plastic. 

Tears filled your eyes and all your mother could do was wipe them away as she explained how important it was. The braille A was different then E. E was different then M and X was something else entirely. At the age of five, you spent countless hours with your back pressed against the wooden kitchen chair. 

The soft pads of your fingers brushed the plastic. Frustration grew and as you broke into tears, what you didn’t see was your mother silently crying beside you. She couldn’t pull her own eyes from her head, but if she could have, she’d do it in a heartbeat. 

She wanted you to see the birthday cakes she custom made. She wanted you to see your father’s face. She wanted to take you into a classroom and place you in with twenty kids your own age, but she couldn’t. 

The nearest school district wasn’t prepared for someone like you. They didn’t have braille books and you were still so young. When the principal offered a school in a town over, where braille was specialized, your father scoffed. Your parents wanted you to fit in, but this was new for them. 

When you grow up with people around you who are able to do things normally, you tend to take simple things for granted. People forget how easy it is to ignore the little things. So when their child was born without sight, it felt like a curse more than anything. 

That was the beginning and this was now. You grew used to the raised dots beneath your fingers. Your brain recognized letters and put words together. You went from crying over being unable to identify a single braille letter to reading braille children’s books out loud to your mother. 

They reached out to the school where the school happily made room for you. You learned to talk to kids that were similar to you. A place where disabilities didn’t define you as a whole, but rather were simply a single aspect of you. 

As you aged, things became easier. Words became faster and your brain continued to develop. You learned to recognize your parents by their footsteps. When you got a guide dog, things continued going up. Your productivity increased and you grew the strength to go out and try to live, rather than spend all your time with your parents. 

You’d never be able to drive, but you could still walk. Your dog wore a harness and you learned to trust him. His golden tail wagged happily everywhere you went. Every stranger was a friend in his eyes. 

This morning, you got up and waited for your mom to attach his harness to his body. Once it was secured, he happily nudged your hand and your fingers outstretched. The nylon fabric brushed against your hand until the harness handle caught your wrist. 

You bid farewell to your parents and grabbed the cane you used when going outside. It bounced off objects and alerted your brain to things you struggled with. Beside you, Ziggy’s ears flopped with every step. His pink wet tongue lolled from the side of his mouth. With a pep in his step, he knew exactly where you were going. 

That was nearly ten minutes ago. Now you sat along the side of a worn picnic bench. Your cane rested against the side of your leg and Ziggy plopped down at your feet. 

You shut your eyes and let the sound of nature take over. This place had been your favorite park forever. Up ahead, birds chirped and chatter. In the soft breeze and between swaying tree branches, a woodpecker drilled away at a piece of bark. 

The anxiety in your veins washed away with the sound of the ocean waves. Your eyes slipped shut and you sucked in a deep breath. At this moment, things didn’t matter like they usually did. You were one with nature and that’s just how it was. 

Some people spend their morning indulging in a cup of black coffee. Some people spike their sugar by biting into soft french pastries and letting the sweetness soak their tongue. Others slurped down hearty soups or filled their stomachs with some kind of protein. 

You were different. You tended to gather your thoughts for the day by the water. You didn’t go in it, your parents were against it, and you didn’t want to go anyway. From what you heard about the ocean, it terrified you. Stepping into foaming waves too far and landing on nothing, it clenched your heart with fear. 

So you slipped upon the empty picnic table and enjoyed the sounds instead. Seagulls swarmed overhead and shrieked when they caught glimpses of food. Sometimes, you’d bring along a few handfuls of bird seed, but today, it was just you and Ziggy. 

For the next week, your area was going to experience a burst of warmth. Your mother was stressed, but you and your father reassured her that things would be fine. It’s not like the two of you would be sweating, the temperatures weren’t scorching. 

You were reciting plans in your head when footsteps pulled you from your thoughts. Your ear instinctively turned towards the soft scatters and Ziggy’s tail thumped along the tendrils of grass. 

“Hi,” a soft masculine voice called out. 

“Hello,” you responded. Your fingers instinctively tightened around your cane. Not that this guy was evil, but you ran into your fair share of people who weren’t the nicest when it came to those with disabilities. 

“Do you need this table?” You went on. You began to push yourself to your feet. “Because if so, I can go ahead and go. I didn’t mean to cause an issue and I-” 

“Please, no. You’re fine and if I’m making you uncomfortable, I’ll just leave. I saw you across the way and you looked a little glum. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” 

He began to pull from the wooden top when your hand found the table. “Stay,” you managed to get out. “As long as you’re not going to be rude or try to mess with my dog…” 

His head shook and black hair shifted in every direction. “I’m not going to touch your dog. That’s how it works, right? He’s a service dog, so people aren’t supposed to touch them without permission.” 

The words were a soothing balm to your soul. “Yeah, that’s correct. Usually, they’re supposed to be left alone, but if you’d like to touch him, go ahead. He likes head pats and I’m sorry if he ends up licking you.” 

His laughter floated through the air and Ziggy’s tail swept against the grass again. His tail acted like a blade and strands of weakened grass flung in every direction. His tail thrummed until he was given permission to head to the man. 

“This is Ziggy? I’m Hyunjin, by the way. Golden Retriever, huh? I’ve heard that these guys are the sweetest.” 

You introduced yourself as Ziggy dipped beneath the picnic table. His tail brushed along the underside and his wet snout popped out near Hyunjin’s lap. Hyunjin laughed, reached down, and began to pat his head. 

“He’s my service dog, yeah, but I’d go as far as saying that he’s my best friend.” You smiled as you began to talk about the bond you shared. “I’ve had him since I was a teenager and he’s been a good companion over the last few years.” 

“The way you talk about him, I can’t help, but feel jealous. I have my own dog, but he’s not nearly as well behaved. He’s quite loud and he can be a bit of a brat at times.” 

“They do say that dogs are like their owners.” 

“And what are you saying?” He playfully taunted you. 

“I’m saying that maybe it’s a good thing that I can’t see you. There’s probably mischief in your eyes. If your dog is like you, I like to think that you probably get up to trouble yourself sometimes.” 

His lips pressed together and he nodded. You couldn’t see it and when he didn’t respond, your eyes went down. Maybe you shouldn’t have pulled out teasing words so early on because the two of you just met. 

Ziggy’s wiggling body squirmed away from him and he went back towards you. Sensing your discomfort, his head found your thigh. You reached out and gently rubbed the top of his silky head. 

“You can’t see at all?” Hyunjin finally broke the silence. “Nothing?” 

“I wish I could, but I was born without my vision. Other than that, I was a happy and healthy baby. I guess the storks forgot to put sight in my eyes.” You tried to stay upbeat and make the joke, but the crack of your voice stated otherwise. 

“It’s just black?” 

“Sometimes there’s shadows.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” You swallowed the sudden lump in your throat and reached down with your other hand. You buried both hands in the back of Ziggy’s thick coat. His presence was the only thing stopping you from crying. 

You didn’t hear Hyunjin get up, but you were distracted, so maybe you missed it. The waves lapped at the shore again and the birds continued to chirp. When there wasn’t another sound, you shut your eyes and sighed. 

You weren’t the best at communication. It was hard to read people when you couldn’t see their faces. The way you acted around people, it was the same way you reacted around your parents. You joked about your disability and tried to stay light-hearted, but some people weren’t comfortable with that. They didn’t know how to respond. 

Hyunjin watched you without a sound. When he saw you sit down with your dog, he thought you could see to some extent. You had your cane and your service dog, but your eyes were looking around. He assumed you were taking in the scenery, not realizing the full extent of your situation. 

“Can I draw you?” He finally asked. 

You jumped, slightly startled by his voice. Ziggy whined with the warmth of his head by your chin. “What?” You asked in a sudden confusion. 

“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to draw you. That’s actually why I’m in the area. I draw sometimes and occasionally, I draw people.” 

“Why me? Out of all the people, why would yo-” 

“Because every person has a story and if you’re alright with it, I want to hear yours.” 

“It’s not that interesting and I don’t want to bore you.” 

“Trust me, you won’t.” 

You sucked in a deep breath and considered it. After a few moments, you finally nodded. “I can tell you, but it’s not that special. If I start to bore you, please tell me.” 

He flipped open his leather bound sketchbook and hunched over it. A pen was removed from his pocket and he pushed away a longer piece of hair from his face. “Okay, if you insist.” 

So you began to talk. You were timid at first and you slipped up on a few basic words. You described the long teary-eyed days spent at your kitchen counter learning braille. You discussed your favorite teacher when you were introduced to a school that was committed to helping the blind. 

The more you talked, the more your spine began to straighten. Hyunjin glanced up every now and then to make sure he was getting the delicate details of your face right. You waved your hands around as you spoke and became more and more animated. 

He hummed and made small comments when it was appropriate, but he mainly let you speak without interruption. The waves crashed and the birds chirped, but it took a backseat in your brain as you continued talking to this stranger. 

On and on you went with your head held high. At some point, your arm shot out, and your eyes widened. The back of your hand bumped into your cane. “Oops,” you uttered as you reached around for it. 

Hyunjin finished his drawing a long time ago, but he didn’t take his eyes off you. His pen was curled in his fingers and his cheek rested against his other open palm. He was enamored by you and couldn’t get enough. As you fumbled for your cane, Ziggy reached down, grabbed it with his teeth, and held it out to you with a wagging tail. 

Your hand brushed against fur and a wet snout. “Thanks, Ziggy.” 

“He really is your eyes, isn’t he?” 

You nodded, “all the time.” 

“I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, but your story is incredibly inspiring.” 

A flustered pink grew across your cheeks. “Oh, geez. I-I wouldn’t say that.” Your hand reached back to grab the back of your neck. “Lots of people struggle with vision issues and I’m not that special. I learned to live with my disability and cope with it.” 

“But not everyone can say that. You’re a walking inspiration. If I couldn’t see, I don��t think I could put my faith in my dog to lead me around town. Knowing him, he’d lead me into the ocean and let me drown.” 

Your sudden burst of laughter was music to his ears. White teeth peeked out and his eyes sparkled. “You can laugh all you want, but what did I tell you earlier? He’s totally a brat.” 

“If you had a service animal, they wouldn’t be like that. Ziggy here-” You reached your hand out and he tucked his head beneath your fingers. “He’s been to a special dog school to learn all this stuff. This is what he was born to do.” 

“He’s a little doggy genius.” 

“Yes, he is.” 

A silence swept between the two of you once more. Hyunjin glanced down at his sketch and compared it to your face. He got the slope of your nose right and even the shape of your eyebrows. Yet as he looked at it, something was still off. He frowned and pulled out his pen. 

“So what about you? What’s your story?’ 

“My story? It’s a relatively simple one, I’m an artist. I draw and I make music. I like to paint and I dance too.” 

“Really? That’s amazing!” 

You grinned and a lightbulb went off in his head. He stared at the pull of your lips and went back to his page. No wonder the drawing didn’t look right. He drew you smiling, but he forgot to sketch one side of your mouth tugging a bit higher than the other side. 

“I wish I could do art like that. I doubt I’d be good at dancing, since I can’t see what the dances look like, but I’d like to paint. I had to take an art class once and I never took another one. Life is pretty dull when you can’t see colors.” 

He finished adding the extra details and shut his sketchbook. Two front teeth lightly grazed his bottom lip as he tugged it further into his mouth and released it. “I guess I didn’t even consider that. That’s just…” 

“Awful?” You finished for him. “Yeah, I know. People get caught up in life and they never know how to describe colors. How do you describe something that someone can’t see? It’s impossible. I’ve learned to live with it, but I’ll never know what colors truly look like.” 

You leaned forward and let your chin slump against your arms. Hunched over the picnic table, a frown replaced your smile and an ache jolted through Hyunjin. Life was saturated in so many tones and hues, he couldn’t imagine not being able to see anything besides a void of darkness. 

Beside you, Ziggy whined. His nose bumped into your hand and he nudged it with another soft whine. Your hand went back and lightly began to stroke the top of his head. “It’s okay, boy. Don’t worry, I’m not injured.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes glanced back and forth between the two of you before he leaned back. A breeze rustled his hair and the salted air brushed against his cheek. He shut his eyes and let his entire body relax. 

“You know when it rains and the ground gets that earthy scent? It’s called petrichor and it’s a mix of plant oils, bacteria in the soil, and ozone.” 

“What’s that have to do with anything?” 

“Just picture that scent for me.” 

You stayed quiet, but your eyes shut. It was hard to remember the scent with the salt water nearby, but you tried to remember it anyway. “So now what?” 

“Sometimes after it rains and the sky begins to darken, a rainbow forms. It’s like an upside-down U shape.” You couldn’t see it, but he waved his arms while he explained it anyway. “It stretches amongst the sky, the colors press against each other, and it unveils over the sky. They’re so large that people that are miles apart can see them.” 

Your eyebrows furrowed. “I can’t see, but I’m not dumb. I know what a rainbow is. I just don’t know what the colors look like.” 

He shushed you softly. You stayed put and continued to pat Ziggy’s head. Beside you, his tail thumped happily again and tapped rhythm into your leg. Your hand stretched to his side and lightly patted his coat. 

“Some people say red is the color of anger. It’s the swell of something strong and overpowering. The thing that boils your blood. It’s the color of stop signs and it demands attention. That’s what red is like.” 

You paused and your head slowly began to pick up. He didn’t wait for you to continue as he dived into the next color. “To remember the colors in the rainbow, people use the name Roy G. Biv.” 

“I’ve heard of that.” 

“The next color is orange. I associate that color with fall. Leaves begin to curl and wither. Their spring greens fade away and the trees bloom with orange leaves that sway above your head.” 

“It’s the crunch of the leaves beneath your feet when the temperature begins to drop. It’s that scent that lingers as the trees fall one-by-one until the trees are all bare. Pumpkins are orange. Some people cut open the tops to carve them and others dice them up and apply them to things like pie or soup.” 

He reopened his eyes and placed his pen along his sketchbook. “I think that orange is the feeling you get when you’re around your family and friends. It’s the warmth that runs through your veins and the shared laughter during the holiday season. It keeps you warm, despite the temperatures freezing outside.” 

“My mom says yellow is lighter than orange.” 

“Yellow is the warmth of sunshine on your skin. It’s bubbly and people associate it with happiness. In the summer, when you walk outside and you’re cloaked in warmth, that’s yellow. It’s baby chicks, optimism, a gentle praise of encouragement from a loved one, and the citrus scent of lemon.” 

As he continued to go through the colors, tears pricked in your eyes. You couldn’t see the colors, but the more he described, you could understand them. It was finally clicking in your brain. The void covering your eyes began to burst with imagination. 

“One of my favorite colors,” he continued, “it’s green. Green reminds me of spring. It’s cold in the winter, but sometimes you go out and you catch a moment of spring. It’s not as cold out and you can get away with wearing a lighter jacket.” 

“The wind brushes against you and it’s the sound of birds chirping in the morning again. Flowers start to poke up from the ground and trees began to bud with new leaves.” 

“After a winter freeze, the earth begins to bloom again. Mother nature comes back and everything goes green. The frogs croak at night and baby bunnies playfully chase each other around the grass.” 

“Breeding season begins and it seems like every animal is on the prowl for a mate. Months roll into summer and then the lightning bugs come out. In the deep belly of the night, they’re the only thing creating light, besides the pearl moon.” 

You couldn’t do anything, besides hang onto every word. You lapped it up like a forsaken human amongst the desert. For so long, you had been searching for an experience of colors. If you couldn’t see them, then you wanted some other way to recognize them. 

“And those are just the basic colors, but they can be different. Some colors are darker and others are lighter. They mix with white or black and that changes how people see them.” 

“Hyunjin?” 

He paused and blinked a few times, suddenly aware that he’d gotten lost talking. His eyes found yours and when he saw your tears, his heart plummeted. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry.” 

You reached up and used the back of your hand to wipe away your tears. “I’m not crying because I’m sad.” You sniffled and wiped the back of your hand along your shirt. “I’m crying because you really are an artist. I’ve wanted to experience color for so long and you just lit up my life.” 

“You’re not just seeing colors, you’re living in them. The way your brain is connecting these things, not everyone can do that. You’re audibly and verbally identifying colors for someone who can’t.” 

“And I’m sorry for getting so emotional-” More tears pooled in your eyes. “But I’ve so desperately been trying to find a way to bring them to life. When I asked my parents what purple looked like, I was told that it was a mix of red and blue. If I don’t know what red and blue look like, how am I supposed to picture it?” 

“You-” You stopped to suck in a deep breath. “You brought them to life for a stranger. We’ve been talking for so long and I don’t even know what time it is. It feels like we’ve been sitting here for hours, but you’re not trying to hurry and you haven’t gotten up and walked away.” 

“You gave me something that I’ve been dreaming of, so thank you. Thank you for not being cruel or laughing at my expense. One time, a kid took off with my cane and I had to rely on Ziggy and an empty hand to get me back home.” 

His own emotions were clashing together as you spoke. You were just another person, so how could anyone be so cruel? How could people live with themselves, shun you, and turn the other cheek? You may not have had your sight, but you were still alive and breathing. 

You felt the same sting of a papercut and the same sting if a bee brushed against you and jabbed you with its stinger. Your heart pumped blood through your body and, despite your unseeing eyes, your organs worked like normal. The idea of treating you differently because of something you didn’t ask for, it was unfathomable. 

“So thank you for treating me like a person. Thank you for seeing me and talking to a stranger about something so common for you. Thank you for choosing kindness and giving me something to believe in again. That yellow that you described? That optimistic and gentleness? The world should have more of that.” 

When he didn’t respond, you called his name. It took him a moment, but he finally spoke up. “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to hold back my own emotions.” He chuckled and fanned his eyes. “You’re going to make me cry.” 

“I guess we can both cry then.” 

“Can I hold your hands?” 

You blinked, taken back, but you slowly held out your palms facing upright. Smooth fingers intertwined with yours and you let your hands relax. You shut your eyes, trying to soak up this memory forever. 

“I’m glad we got to meet today. I usually don’t believe in fate, but I think this was fate. I’m happy that I could bring them to life for you.” 

“Me too,” you agreed. “I’m not big on talking to people, let alone strangers, but this was nice.” 

He hummed and glanced over his shoulder. Down below, a sandy beach sat with waves lazily drifting over the shore. Since it was so early, there wasn’t anyone nearby. He watched for a few more moments and went back to facing you. 

“Have you ever been in the ocean?” Your head shook. “Would you like to try it? I’ll hold your hand and I promise that I won’t let go.” Hope exploded in his chest as he waited for a response. 

“If I take that risk and agree, can you describe what you look like to me like you described colors? I’d really like to know what you look like.” 

“Is that the price I have to pay?” 

“Please?” 

He let go of your hands and pushed himself away from the picnic table. “I suppose if I’m asking you to put yourself in a bit of a dangerous situation with a stranger, I should identify myself.” 

“And if you try something, I’ll let Ziggy drown you.” 

He glanced down to your side. Ziggy’s tongue dangled with a glob of drool. He barked and happily wagged his tail. Hyunjin grinned, reached out, and gently took your hand. 

“That’s a chance that I’m willing to take.” 

You let him lead you away from the grass and towards the water. You didn’t know it yet, but soon the two of you would be barefoot amongst the white foamy waves. Deep blue would slide against your calves and the entire ocean would greet you with a warm welcome. 

Some say we’re a single drop in the vast ocean, but perhaps we’re an entire ocean in one drop. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

Ko-fi

[lieslab]

Hey hi! Uhm good luck with the college! Sorry if I bother you but could you maybe write (when u feel like it) 3racha comforting their s/o during an anxiety attack? I've been issues more of them lately and yeah. Thanks in any case ❤️‍🩹♥️❤️‍🩹

Thank you!! Anxiety attacks are some of the worst things in the world. I'll add it to my growing list. I hope you're being kind and gentle with yourself. I've had my own fair share of anxiety attacks over the years. The brain tends to worry itself far more than it needs to and it's ugh.

I can't believe I don't have anything like this out yet. I believe I have stuff out, but it swings more towards depression and less on anxiety. I'll try to focus the drabble more on anxiety rather than depression. Take care <3

[lieslab]

How long do u think thr seungmin fics will be? No pressure

I have no idea. It's the holiday season and my mind is preoccupied with that and college stuff. It could be a week, it could be two weeks, or it could be longer than that. I don't assign things by dates anymore, honestly. Writing fanfic, as fun as it is, it's not my first priority like it used to be. I wish I could say it was, but I'm growing up and I write drabbles when I have time 😞

[lieslab]

Lab rats, I just added the mental health resource post to every drabble that needed it (I think) So feel free to take advantage of it. Stay tuned for the next drabble (I have no idea what it's going to be about yet)

In the meantime, if I ever have non-life-changing news for you, I'm going to be terribly photoshopping rats into skz photos. I find it funny and sometimes I think we need a good laugh, even if it's for a stupid reason. So I present to you the first one:

[lieslab]

Could you maybe do a little imagine of sorts where the reader likes to cosplay but she’s chubby and so she gets quite a bit of hate online for it, and Seungmin /her boyfriend/ has to remind her how beautiful and perfect she is? (Coming from experience where i get alot of hate as of lately due to my body even with fully covered cosplays. Tysm🩵

I hope Seungmin knows how loved he is by everyone because he's been getting a lot of requests lately. I can do that. I'm sorry that people are so mean. A lot of people feel empowered in the wrong ways and it's really, really gross and unfortunate.

Cosplaying is an amazing hobby to have. To go out of your way and attempt to bring a character/person to life, that's really cool. Even if you're just starting off and you don't have a ton of resources and money for supplies, it's amazing to see what people come up with and make out of recycled goods. People's resourcefulness and duality shines bright in those situations.

If this is happening to your face, I don't think there's much you can do besides walk away and ignore it. If it's happening online and it's a few comments, you can delete them and hit the block button. I believe on some apps, you can filter certain words so they can't be commented or you can adjust the comment settings and turn them off.

Some people like to bring others down and it's awful. I think the best thing that you can do is work on your confidence. The more confident you become, the more that hate comments will run off of you like water. If you're able to build up a ton of self-confidence, you become untouchable mentally.

There's a quote out there that I just discovered the other day. "Don't take criticism from people you wouldn't go to advice for." If a person goes out of their way to take the time to belittle and hate on you, it says a hell of a lot about them. There's a lot of things that we can't control in life, but you can certainly grow your mentality. It takes time and it seems impossible, but it's totally possible with some self-love.

Plus, the more people you follow and surround yourself with in the community, the more support you'll gather. There are multiple smaller cosplayers out there who are constantly looking for friends and connection. Sometimes, they'll even share their tips and tricks. The acceptance and love you're looking for are out there, I truly believe it.

Keep your chin up and your back straight, you've got this!! Take a deep breath and find some positive self affirmations. You're beautiful, you're loved, and you're growing your talent. You could do amazing things with cosplay. Some of the most wonderful people out there are involved in the community. Don't let the haters stop you, you've got this <3

[lieslab]

Mental Health Resources

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Due to writing so much about mental health, I've compiled a list of resources for you all to use if needed. Please feel free to come back to this as much as you need. From now on, I will always have this available and will likely be adding to it if I ever write about something that I haven't already addressed.

I'm not a certified therapist, so these are websites that give you an overview of each struggle and I've listed some options that are available that may help. If you are struggling with any of these specifically, please remember that there are people out there who are trained and educated to give you proper assistance with these issues.

I'm just a fanfic writer and I'm not perfect. If you are experiencing a crisis, please don't be afraid to reach out to your family and friends. If it's a medical emergency, call your country's emergency number.

Please take care of yourselves. Drink your water, eat a good meal, and take a deep breath. Take your medicine, if you need to. You're allowed to take up space and you deserve to live. You are seen, your struggles are valid, and you are loved. Keep fighting <3

_ _ _

Addiction:

~ Overview of addiction

~ Substance addiction

~ Alcohol addiction

~ For those with a loved one struggling with a substance addiction

_ _ _

Anxiety:

~ Overview of anxiety

~ Added resources

~ Extra resources

~ How therapy can assist with anxiety

_ _ _

Death:

~ Grief resources

~ Added resources

~ Extra resources

_ _ _

Depression:

~ Overview of depression

~ Added resources

~ Extra resources

~ How to cope _ _ _

Domestic abuse:

~ Overview of domestic abuse

~ International resources

~ Identifying different types of abuse

~ Planning your safety

~ If you need to escape

_ _ _

Eating disorders:

~ Overview of eating disorders

~ International resources

~ Extra international resources

~ Added resources

~ If your loved one is struggling with an eating disorder

~ Struggling with body image

_ _ _

Self-harm:

~ Overview of self-harm

~ Added resources

~ Extra resources

~ Distractions for when you feel the urge

~ If your loved one is struggling with self-harm

_ _ _

Sexual violence:

~ Overview of sexual violence

~ Staying safe

~ After an assault

~ A podcast for struggling survivors

_ _ _

Suicide:

~ Overview of suicide

~ Global helplines

~ For attempt survivors

~ If your loved one is struggling with suicide

[lieslab]

hiiiii! Idk if you accept reqs or something. If u do could you maybe do some comfort for like skz comforting their s/o who’s receiving hate after going public with the relationship? I just love how comforting u make ur drabbles! Feel free to refuse ofc! Thanks especially for the self harm ones, I used to sh a bit a few years back and it was just very comforting to read! ❤️🫶❤️‍🩹

I've started to accept requests as long as I haven't written anything similar before. I've been trying to make people aware that if they submit them, it'll be a while before they're posted. I've stopped pressuring myself into trying to write them so quickly. If I put them out within a few days, I always think they're lacking in quality.

It's so special to be able to write and if you request things, I don't want someone to feel like their drabble was written terribly. Plus, I like writing what I want to like and when I want to write. I've been pretty active recently and I've been slowly, but surely knocking out some older requests.

I'm glad you like them!! They're usually pretty fun to write. I feel like I could do a lot with this idea. A lot of the self-harm drabbles, I've pulled them from my own experiences and how much I wish someone could have been there. Life can be really hard and sometimes, it's easy to fall into the cycle of self-destruction.

I hope you're doing better now. I'll add it to my list and get to it when I can. Thank you for submitting something <3

[lieslab]

Look after you

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: og8 X gn reader

Summary: When the idol life gets too tough, you're right there to try and make it better.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 5.2K

Trigger warning: Anger, insecurities, depression, anxiety, and mentions of dieting and fainting.

A/N: Please take this with a grain of salt because I don't think some of this is accurate. I write so much about the guys giving us comfort, but I reversed it and wrote about giving them comfort. If it somehow reaches them, I hope they feel seen.

Too many people forget that idols aren't ours. It's a privilege to watch them bloom and it's taken for granted too much. This is my love letter to them. Please be kind to your idols. We have no idea the true extent of what they've been through. They're humans too.

_ _ _

Chan: 

The sound of banging and clanging in the kitchen caused your head to jolt up from your spot on the couch with a start. Sleep crusted in the corner of your eyes, but that was the least of your worries. You struggled to set the weight of your body up. Instability clutched onto you from the sleepy lack of awareness. 

Footsteps drifted from one side of the kitchen to the other. Condiments rattled as a refrigerator door slammed shut. Panic squeezed your heart and you blinked rapidly. Someone was intruding in your space and in your home. You needed to call the cops and-

There was a loud crash and something shattered on impact. “Fuck!” Chan’s voice cut through the air. You jumped, but then relaxed at the sound of his voice. 

You moved as quickly as you could while calling out his name. When you rounded the corner, Chan’s hand went up. “Don’t come in here, I dropped a plate.” 

He wasn’t lying. One of the plates was on the ground and pieces shattered like stars. A crescent laid off to one side. They dotted the tile floor and you took another step closer. 

“Hey, I said don’t!” Chan barked. “God, why can’t anyone listen? First, it’s the fans and now it’s you. Why can’t anyone just listen to me? Everyone always thinks they’re helping and they’re not!” 

You blinked, taken back by the sudden harsh tone of voice. Last you knew, everything was fine when he left this morning. He said the band was recording another new song. You spent the day hanging around the house because it was your day off. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You finally asked with a frown. 

“That’s what it means. Get out of the kitchen before you get glass in your bare feet. Go away, so I can clean this up.” 

“What happened with the fans?” You pressed further. 

“There was a misunderstanding and they sent those stupid trucks to set out in front of the company building. It makes the company look bad and management is blaming me. It’s not my fucking fault, but someone has to be blamed.” 

He sucked in a deep breath, shut his eyes, and frowned. “I love the fans, but sometimes they don’t think before they act. They forget that we have a whole team around us. Sometimes we don’t make every little decision, management does and we do what we’re told. It’s not as simple as they make it out to be.” 

“Oh, Channie…” 

“Please don’t say that.” His chin dipped to his chest. Being a leader was hard and it was harder dealing with the burden of everything. 

Everyone says it’s a privilege to be the leader. To be the one who paves the way for the group. To make sure everyone is playing their part. The truth is that even the leader needs to be led sometimes. Even the leader needs to be coddled and attended with love and affection. 

He refused it, but you knew it deep down. You could see it in his actions. The way he’d grab you and nuzzle his face into the back of your neck. His arms would wrap around you tightly and he’d stay that way forever if you let him. 

You saw it in the way he’d playfully pout when you had to leave. He knew you had your own life, but he only wanted another minute of your warmth. The need for love oozed out of every pore and you’d do anything to keep him happy. 

His eyes opened the moment that he felt hands on his body. He jerked up to see you standing in front of him. You snuck your way through shards of glass unscathed. 

“Babe, I told you to leave the kitchen.” 

“The love of my life needs a reminder that he’s still loved. Despite the chaos from fans and the occasional burden of the leader position, you’re still you. I’m still allowed to love you, you know?” On your tip-toes, you raised yourself upright and pressed a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. 

Scarlet swamped his cheeks and that dimpled shy smile began to grow. Being a leader was hard, but with a little extra love from the people around him, it’d always be worth it. 

_ _ _ 

Minho: 

You knew something was amiss when Minho’s nostrils flared. It was such a small tell and you weren’t sure if he knew he did it. He only did it when something seemed to be on his mind. Something was driving him insane internally and you were going to figure it out. 

He was putting on the outfit he was supposed to wear to perform at the awards show in the next few hours. Instead of getting ready with the guys, he opted to hang out with you in the hotel room. Later, he’d meet up with the rest of the group and they’d head to the venue. 

You watched him from your stomach. Your body sunk into the soft comforter. Your arms held up your head and your socked feet lightly kicked empty air behind you. 

The curtains were shut to keep out creeps and the TV was faint while playing some local news channel. Glimpses of the weatherman kept disappearing underneath the screen of a rain forecast. A thunderstorm was prowling around and while you were relaxed, Minho wasn’t. 

“What’s the issue?” You finally asked after he tugged on the button down shirt again. He had been tugging and tugging, but it didn’t seem to help. 

“The stylist gave me a stupid outfit,” he muttered beneath his breath. 

You took in the sheer white button down. It was tucked into a pair of black dress pants. His bare feet poked out of the legs. You raked your eyes up and down a few more times before cocking your head. “I don’t see the issue.” 

He gestured towards the screen. “Do you not see that it’s supposed to rain? The performance is outside and the shirt is sheer. You know that I don’t want to show my stomach.”

“Oh, I didn’t even think about that.” Your eyebrows furrowed as you thought about the situation in front of you. Your top teeth pressed into your bottom lip and then it hit. 

“Wait! I’ve got it!” You threw yourself into a roll from the bed and you headed over to your suitcase to find something. 

Minho hated the scar on his stomach since forever. You never minded it, but he did. You mindlessly threw stuff onto the beige carpet trying to find the right item. 

“It gets really old. I try my best to do my job without complaint, but shit like this seems to happen far more than it should. I’ve told the stylists over and over again that I’m not happy with these things, but it keeps happening.”

You finally grabbed the item and stood up. “Okay, I’ve got it! Do you know what a tube top is? It’s a stretchy fabric that sits over the middle of your torso. It covers your top half, so you’re not spilling titty all over th-” 

He snatched the fabric from your fingers and began to examine it. With a hum, he held it up to the yellow light of the room. He turned it one way and another before he seemed content enough. 

“It’s a thin fabric, but it’s thick enough that if your shirt gets wet, it’ll keep your skin hidden. Nobody will be able to see what you don’t want them to.” 

“Great.” 

“You’re welcome,” you beamed. 

“Perfect to keep my tits hidden from the fans, but just promiscuous enough to keep their focus on my ass.” 

Even after a minor issue, Minho was still Minho. 

_ _ _ 

Changbin: 

“Am I good enough for you or is our relationship just another act?” 

You froze with multiple noodles dangling down your chin. Warm broth rolled down your neck and you blinked. His words echoed in your head and you swallowed with a loud gulp. The back of your hand went up to wipe away the sodium infused juice and your voice came out confused. “What?” 

“Do you love me for me?” 

With caution, you placed the cup of instant ramen back on the wooden table. Changbin stood in the entrance of the kitchen with a frown. His curly black hair was messy on the top of his head. 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’m saying that if you don’t love me, you should just go.” His voice cracked and his bottom lip quivered. He tried to get it to stop, but the tears pooling in his eyes gave away his inner thoughts. 

Your heart shredded in your chest and you pushed yourself away from the table. You rushed to his side, worried that you said the wrong thing at some point. Your hair flew as you jerked your head rapidly. 

“No, no, no! What happened? Binnie, you know that I really love you. Why would I-” 

“Because I think the people that I call my fans aren’t really my fans. It feels like they’re more eager to ignore me and voice their negative opinions while praising the other guys. I just feel…” He shut his eyes as a tear leaked out. 

“It’s not a competition, Bin.” You reached up and gently cupped his cheeks. “You know that the guys never want to compare themselves to other members. You’re living your dreams and it’s not about who looks the best or has the most charming points. It’s not a survival show anymore, this is your life.” 

His head sank into the warmth of your hands. Your thumb shifted and you gently wiped away the fallen tears. “What happened to make you feel so glum?” 

“Some of the fans ignored me at an event. I waved to the crowd and they didn’t respond, but when one of the other guys stuck his head out, they cheered.” 

“They don’t deserve you.” You tipped his head up gently. “Please look at me.” When his eyes reopened, your heart fluttered with joy. You couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on your face. 

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You haven’t even met a fourth of the fans that truly love you. Don’t let a small group of people bring you down. For every person that hates you, there’s another ten that love you.” 

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” 

“I’m saying it because I believe it. If they want to miss out on your charms and your cuteness, let them. That means I can have you all for myself and look at you.” You grinned and gently pinched his cheeks. 

“Hey!” He jerked backwards as his face turned red. He gently rubbed them and turned away. “Don’t touch my cheeks like that, they’re sensitive.” 

“I’ll touch your other cheeks.” 

He spun around to face you with wide eyes. Before he could react, you replaced your hands on his cheeks. You lightly pressed down to make his lips press together. Without wasting time, your soft lips met his. 

It took him a moment before he kissed back. When he pulled away, he couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on his face. You grinned and put your hands on your hips. “I should do that more often. You look so cute when you’re embarrassed.” 

“Ah, stop it.” He spun back around and rubbed his cheeks. “You’re making me feel embarrassed.” 

“That’s called love and I’ve got so much more of it. Get back here and I’ll show you just how much I love you.” 

He glanced over his shoulder. “Is that a threat?” 

“Just a promise.” 

_ _ _ 

Hyunjin: 

You woke up to the emptiness beside you once again. This was the third night in a row. The first night you ignored it. The second night you assumed that Hyunjin was in the bathroom. The third night, tonight, you were determined to find out what the issue was. 

You yawned and rubbed your bleary eyes. The neon red lights of the alarm clock let you know that it was two in the morning. Two in the morning and Hyunjin was usually sound asleep beside you by this time, but you couldn’t sleep without his warmth. 

You pulled open the door to your bedroom and made your way down the creaking hallway until you peeked around the hallway. Hyunjin sat silently with one of the couch pillows on his lap. His fingers mindlessly played with the fringe and his eyes stared off into the darkened television. A lamp pulsed a hazy yellow beside him and lit up his silhouette. 

“Hi, sleepyhead,” you mumbled as you headed towards him. You couldn’t bear to part ways with the warmth of your oversized fleece blanket. Hyunjin picked it out for your past birthday and you adored it. It stayed strung over your shoulders as you approached the other side of the couch. 

He glanced over at the sight of your shadow. When he saw you, he gave you a faint smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. You plopped down and turned towards him. Your legs folded beneath your body and you sighed. 

“Can’t sleep either?” He offered softly. 

“Not without you in the bed.” 

“Oh.” 

A silence hung between you for a few seconds. You pulled the blanket over yourself tighter. “So what’s keeping you awake this late at night?” 

“You know me well.” 

“Of course, I do. I’m dating you, aren’t I?” 

His chest bucked with a snicker and he shook his head. “I never get tired of your attitude.” 

“You’re avoiding my question.” 

He sighed and leaned back against the black velvet. “I guess I’m just up and thinking about life.” 

“Care to explain?” 

“It’s a privilege to be attractive in this society. I’m constantly told that all the time and I like being told that. Don’t get me wrong, it makes me feel amazing, but I just…” He shrugged. “I want to be more than just a pretty face. I want to be known for my talents too.” 

“You know, people used to tell me when I became a trainee that I’d get in just because I had an attractive face. I worked my ass off and no matter how much I tried to be seen as something more, it’s all people see me as. Maybe it’s a horrible thing to say, but sometimes, I wish I looked a bit more average.” 

You hummed softly as you listened. He leaned back and let his eyes wander up to the ceiling. “Maybe I’m just a narcissist of some sorts. I should be grateful because it’s a blessing, but I keep looking at it as a curse.” 

“Well, it is a blessing, but you’re allowed to feel how you wanna feel.” You drifted to the side and let your cheek press against the side of the couch. “Nobody has the right to tell you what you can and what you can’t feel. You do amazing things, but if that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel.” 

“I just want to be recognized for more once in a while.” 

“Have you seen the videos?” 

His eyebrows furrowed and he glanced over. “Of what?” 

“Your fans making edits of your artwork and your dancing? Just those two things? There’s probably hundreds of videos where people are analyzing your art. A thousand more people dissecting your dancing and trying to figure out your flow and how you move.” 

“I-” 

“You want me to go get my phone?” Your head perked up. “I have a ton of them saved. You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’re loved so much and I don’t think you realize the extent of it.” 

Another smile appeared on his face. Beneath the dim lamp light, a sparkle caught his eye. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” 

“Only a couple thousand times and I hope I get to hear it, at least, a million times more.” 

_ _ _ 

Han: 

Instead of taking off his shoes normally, he kicked them off. He jerked off his side bag full of pins and chucked it onto the couch. With a soft sniffle, he walked through the empty halls and wandered into your shared bedroom. 

It was there that he jerked back the freshly made bed, climbed into it, and curled beneath the blankets. Tears filled his boba eyes and he turned. His face buried into the pillow and his world went dark. 

A few minutes later, your keychain jingled as you stepped inside the house. A smile spread across your face once you saw Han’s shoes nearby. He was home before you for once and you couldn’t wait to see him. 

Giddy with delight, you jerked off your shoes and rushed through the house to find him. When the kitchen and living room were empty, you headed to the one place you assumed he was. The bedroom door opened with a loud creak. 

“Han, my love, where are you?” 

The smile fell from your face when teary eyes met yours. Across the way, Han had pulled down the blanket that was covering his face. When you didn’t say anything, he tugged it back over his face and rolled around, so his back was to you. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” You stepped forward with outstretched hands. All you wanted to do was comfort the love of your life. “What happened?” 

“Life.” 

At the side of the bed, you reached out and let your hand fall onto the side of his body. “Which part? What happened?” 

When he didn’t respond, you pulled up half the covers. You wasted no time slipping beneath them and curling against his body. Your leg fell over his and you pulled him close. 

“You can try all you want, but I’m not going to let you ignore me.” 

“It’s just been a really rough day. I’ve been anxious all day and we filmed content. I know I don’t appear the best in it and it’s going to worry the fans. I don’t mean to make them worry so much.” 

“They worry about me so much that sometimes it’s hard to discern me from my anxiety. I struggle, it’s true, but I’m not always so miserable as people make it out to be. People like to treat anxiety as some horrendous thing and yes it’s horrible, but it’s not like I can’t function because of it.” 

“Ah, I think I understand what you mean.” You leaned forward and let your chin slip against the side of his neck. “You want them to be considerate of it, but not overstep and worry so much?” 

“Something like that, I guess. Lately, I feel like it’s been eating me alive. They don’t make it difficult, but they make it hard to find a balance sometimes. I’m not my mental illness, but some people like to paint it as that.” 

“That’s right, you’re not your mental illness. You’re Han Jisung. A singer, a songwriter, a guitar player, an artist, a dancer, a rapper, and most importantly-” You lowered your voice to a whisper. “My favorite little rockstar.” 

One of his cheeks began to tilt up into a rounded smile. “I think I can get used to being called that.” 

“New pet name secured. Seriously though, take it one day at a time. They just want what’s best for you and sometimes they worry too much. You might not be able to say things to them sometimes, but you can focus on yourself and your mental health, that’s what’s most important.” 

“I guess you’re right.” 

“Now that that’s cleared up, I can kiss it better.” 

He let out a yelp as you kissed the side of his neck. He tried to roll away, but your arms wrapped around him tighter. When you began to plant kisses all over his face, his smile grew between laughs. 

What a privilege to be loved by someone like you. 

_ _ _ 

Felix: 

You noticed it the moment that Felix tried to sit down across from you. The hitch in his breath and the way his eyes squeezed shut in pain. The way his fists tightened and the deep breath he had to take before he sat down the rest of the way. 

The sight was so alarming that you jerked upright from your sprawled out position on the couch. “Is it your back again?” 

He weakly nodded as he sat down. His eyes went up to the ceiling as he tried to ignore the familiar shot of pain in his spine. He’d felt this too many times before, it was so familiar, yet it still hurt every time. 

You frowned, disappointed that you couldn’t take away his pain. All you could do was watch as he shifted and his nose scrunched in discomfort. It took him a few moments, but he finally got his back pressed against the back of the couch. 

When it was finished, he sucked in another deep breath and shut his eyes. He wasn’t supposed to hurt this much today. He stretched before dance practice and took all the proactive steps to making sure his spine stayed healthy, but there were still some days when it ached. 

The pain was sharp and it was throbbing. Some days it ached and other days, it was like a drill was circling at that same pressure point over and over and over again. Today, it felt worse than it had felt in months. Ever since that spine injury, something always seemed to be wrong at the wrong times. 

He blinked rapidly, trying to push the saddened thoughts and the pain further away from his head. Part of being an idol was discipline. It was fighting through the pain, no matter how bad it got. It was putting on a brave face, even when inside you were crumbling and breaking apart. 

The idol industry was the biggest facade of the century, but he had to keep it together for his image. For the fans that were the reason he kept going. For the company that took a chance on him all those years ago and helped him carve out these dreams. He had to keep it together for everyone, but he didn’t have to keep it together for you. 

You told him that over and over and over again, but he was so used to hiding the pain. Whether it was physical or mental, he was used to keeping things hidden. He was used to forcing a smile when it all felt pointless. He was used to all of it, but he wasn’t used to the surge of emotion that zapped his heart when you softly called out his name. 

“You’re allowed to be in pain here.” 

Such simple words held so much meaning and you had no idea. Tears quickly filled his eyes and he wiped them away. You were up on the couch and within seconds, you were on your knees in front of him. Your hands gently gripped his wrists and his bloodshot eyes met yours. 

“It hurts so bad,” he finally uttered. “Sometimes it hurts so bad that I’m not even sure if it’s worth the idol life. You have no idea how much it hurts.” 

You wanted to reach up and hug him, but you hated the idea of making things worse. Instead, your hands laced his. Your thumbs found the back of his hands and you soothingly rubbed circles. 

“Sometimes I-I just… I don’t know.” 

“Will you just let me take care of you tonight? Let me help you and get you into an epsom salt bath. Your doctor mentioned that, right?” 

He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. Emotions were stacked high and they were leaking out, but there wasn’t a single trace of judgement on your face. Instead, it was just pure understanding and acceptance. 

“No matter what you choose, I’ll always be here.” 

“I love you.” 

“And I love you too.” With a final squeeze of his hands, you let go, stood up, and leaned forward to gently press a kiss to his forehead. 

He shut his eyes and accepted it. A wave of peace and tranquility sank through his body. “Thank you for understanding.” 

“Thank you for being mine.”

_ _ _ 

Seungmin: 

“Sometimes I think it was stupid to give up the dream of playing baseball.” 

“And why is that?” Your head tipped up to glance down at him. The two of you were in bed and your body was on top of his. Your eyes found his, but he couldn’t meet your gaze. 

“Because some of this stuff is stupid. Maybe it’s because I feel uncomfortable in certain clothing and management tries to force me into it anyway. Perhaps, it’s because there’s still people out there calling me awful names. Maybe it’s because I’m fucking exhausted and haven’t been able to catch a break in months.” 

His eyes met the ceiling and he refused to look at you. He was fuming after a new text from his manager. Someone accidentally deleted a file somewhere and now the group had to record an entire song again. The worst part? He had to be in early the next morning and it was going to ruin your planned breakfast date. 

“Well, it sounds like your managers fucking suck sometimes. I think that if you don’t want to wear something, you should be able to give them the middle finger and tell them to fuck off.” 

“Sometimes, I wish.” 

“And people are just dumb.” You shifted and pushed yourself up. Your knees propped your body up against the sides of his torso and your arms crossed. “I’m sorry that not everyone can be hot and sexy. Clearly, they’re just jealous of your looks.” 

He rolled his eyes and you scoffed. “I know you did not just give me an attitude when I am trying to make you feel better.” 

“Blah, blah, blah.” 

“Kim fucking Seungmin, I swear to god-” 

“You’re not going to get into the pearly gates of heaven with that mouth.” 

“And for the last part,” you shot him a glare. “You can tell your management that you can’t come in because you have a score to settle with me. Sorry, Chan, my baby can’t sing today. I’m too busy giving him an attitude adjustment.” 

“Better to need an attitude adjustment than a personality adjustment like some people.” His eyes glittered with mischief as they met yours. Your jaw dropped in shock. “You’re gonna catch flies.” 

“And you’re about to catch hands.” 

You jerked a fist towards his face, not planning on hurting him. He grabbed it before you got too far and shoved. You yelped as your body twisted. Within seconds, he was sitting on top of you. 

“Now about that attitude adjustment you were speaking about…” 

_ _ _ 

Jeongin: 

“Being an idol is so hard.” Jeongin grumbled as he rubbed his hands over his face. “All I want to do is have cake and ice cream for your birthday, but no. I’m too busy being on a strict diet and I can’t have any.” 

“Well, you could just work it off tomorrow or you could just have a bite or two. Maybe you could have half a slice and half a bowl of ice cream.” 

“You’re not helping.” 

You shrugged and stuck your fork back into the chocolate cake you were eating. With your birthday came special privileges, like cake and ice cream. Jeongin bought it without you asking for it. 

The small circular cake was covered with rainbow sprinkles and vanilla icing. The added ice cream was the cherry on top. You were enjoying your indulgences, but Jeongin wasn’t. Instead, he was beside you pouting. 

“You do know that having a special treat once in a while is okay, right?” 

“I know, but I don’t want to mess up this diet. I’ve been on it for the past week and giving up now would be dumb.” 

“Is this the same diet that Changbin has been on that involves a lot of chicken?” 

“Maybe.” 

Your nose scrunched up and you shook your head. The two of you continued to talk until his head snapped up. He pushed himself off the chair rather quickly. “I forgot your present.” 

“I don’t need a present. I told you that I didn’t want a present. Really, the cake and ice cream were enough.” 

He waved you off and started towards the bedroom when the floor suddenly swayed beneath him. His vision began to speckle and the room flipped. You were about to take another bite of your cake when you watched him drop. 

“Jeongin!” You cried out as you dropped the plate on the table. The chair loudly scraped across the floor and you rushed towards his side, but it was too late. He hit the ground with a loud thud. 

Your hand quickly cupped his cheek and you gently called his name. It took him a few seconds, but his eyes fluttered open. He called your name and you let out a sigh of relief. 

“Thank god, I thought you weren’t breathing. What happened? You seemed fine and then you just collapsed.” 

“I don’t know. The room got super dizzy and I felt confused. My vision cut out and now I’m here.” 

“Are you injured? Can you wiggle your limbs? Are you still dizzy?” 

You forced him to stay put as you checked him over. You carefully checked his head and after making him lay there for a few minutes, you finally allowed him to get up. You grabbed his hands and gently led him back to the kitchen table. 

He shut his eyes, trying to calm down his pounding heart. When he opened them, there was a small piece of cake and a bowl of ice cream. He looked at you with a frown and opened his mouth, but you beat him to it. 

“Please don’t fight me on this and eat it. I think your blood sugar levels dropped and you need to get it back up, so this doesn’t happen again.” 

“But I-” 

“If your company and you want to sue me, fine. As an idol, you’re supposed to take care of yourself and this, whether you want to believe it or not, is taking care of yourself.” 

Defeated, he jabbed his fork into the cake. He scooped up a piece and brought it to his mouth. “I just wanna look good.” 

“And you do look good. You always look good, baby. You don’t need a constant diet of rice and chicken breast.” 

He jerked his head back with a groan. “You know how I feel about being called a baby. I’m not a baby!” 

“Well, it’s true. You’re my baby and I love you. For my next birthday present, you can enjoy a little cake and ice cream.” 

“You’re lucky I love you.” 

“And you’re lucky that I think you’re as sweet as these treats.” 

He couldn’t stop the endearing smile as you pressed a soft kiss against the side of his temple. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

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[lieslab]

My favorite little liar can you please start putting your kofi at the end of your drabbles so we know about it? 'cuz I forget about it. You should be paid as our little skz fanfic therapist. You've helped us more than you'll ever know ♡

Your favorite WHAT?? I mean, you're not wrong about that. I guess my online identity truly is kind of a lie. I never do it because I always feel bad, but since you asked, I suppose. "Little skz fanfic therapist" What if I cried? I'm not by any means a therapist, I'm just mentally ill like most of you, honestly.

Sometimes, I just write about the things that I wish I could hear in certain situations. A bit of self-indulgence and delusion, if you will. I'll start linking it, but please be aware that it's optional and no, I don't do paid commissions.

[lieslab]

thank youuu! you're too sweet🥹 seasonal depression is going to be the death of me😫(hopefully not literally) I read fan fiction for comfort but I haven't been finding much comfort fics lately and I love your writing so I was hoping you were taking requests and I'm so relieved you are lol I can't wait!

You're very welcome. Ugh, seasonal depression is the worst. I absolutely hate this time of year for that reason. I love spring, green grass, bright white clouds, blue skies and the cute animals it brings along with it. During this time period, I myself start feeling glum and I often find myself reminding my brain that the sun will shine again, the dandelions will sprout, the birds will come back, and nature and warmth will reclaim the cold and loneliness.

I'm glad they're helping you!! I hope that when I write that one, it'll help you more. Please be kind to your brain during this time. I'm rooting for you!! <3

[lieslab]

okkk thank you! and i'm sorry, i should've gone thru the ot8 drabbles too 🤦‍♀️

No worries. Sometimes I forget about those drabbles because it's been a while since I've written one and I suck at remembering things. I often have to go back to them and check. Once I write a drabble, I usually forget about it. I got your other message too. Have no fear, I'll add it in like you want me to. I will do my best to make it super comforting 🫶

[lieslab]

i looked at your seungmin fics and i didnt see anything exactly like this so i was wondering if i could request seungmin x reader where reader struggles with seasonal depression and active self harm (cutting) and seungmin is there for reader?

I thought I specifically had one for this, but apparently, I don't. I have a minor one where the reader struggles with depression in one of my skz x reader drabbles, but it's short and it has the potential to be longer. I'll add it to my list and get to it when I can <3