#my anxiety is so fucking bad

[sylvia-is-tired]

im so tired so here's a recap of what trump did today summarized and probably incomplete because we are in super hell:

End birthright citizenship (a.k.a the 14th amendment)

Remove the legal existence of non-binary people

Withdraw from the world health organization

pardon jan 6 people

[puppyypawsss]

I feel so nauseous :(

[crowposhi]

the internet is ruining my mental health but oh lord.

I have no where else to go.

This is the only chance of finding some acceptance, isn’t it?

[why-the-heck-not]

me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))

[idontmindifuforgetme]

I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling

[artuurle]

I find I'm still stuck in place after so long.

[deoidesign]

One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)

We all start somewhere!

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

[pastafossa]

I went through the second half of my ADHD testing today. And we had some time left. She asked me how I was feeling, towards the end, about the questions and the issues I'd talked about, and I told her about my anxiety and guilt over the things I'd mentioned, and my fear even now that I'd get through this whole process just to hear 'It's not ADHD, you're just lazy, just try harder.' When I told her that she gently said, "well I want you to know, you do have ADHD. You have it. You don't have to feel anxious about that anymore." And ya'll, the way I just started to cry.

I have it. I have it, and I class as 'severe' ADHD.

All those times as a kid I got in trouble with teachers for forgetting things or not being able to focus. All of the, 'you do well in reading, you're smart enough to focus on this, too, don't be lazy, you just need to try, why don't you care?'. All of the projects I started but couldn't finish, the forgetting to reply to messages and texts from friends and losing friendships over it, the clutter I can never seem to manage, my shit attention span, the way I couldn't just get shit DONE, the failed attempts over and over and over to organize and task manage and I don't understand, I'm trying, I promise I'm trying, please, I'm trying, why isn't it working. All those years spent wondering why I was such a fuckup when everyone else appeared to breeze through projects and Normal Adult Tasks without forgetting or losing focus.

And now I know it wasn't my fault. That I was trying. That I did care. That I wasn't lazy. My brain just... doesn't work the usual way. I was doing the best I could with the wrong tools, because all my life I've needed a screwdriver and all I had was a hacksaw. And now, NOW I can finally go to to the doctor for medication, go to therapists who can help and I can finally get the right set of tools. I know now one of the reasons I'm so anxious thanks to this: "I've found that people with late diagnoses often struggle with guilt and shame, and a lot of internalized ableism, because they've dealt for years with people accusing them of being lazy or just not caring."

It is so, so gd validating, especially on top of the surprise diagnosis of 'oh yeah and you're on the spectrum and that's why you've always struggled with these other things!' It feels like there's this weight off my shoulders and it's amazing.

[cafecitoeddie]

some of us have to put on a fucking brave face and smile and wave at people who literally voted to take away everything we have worked so fucking hard to get. some of us work in places with people who hate us, who tell us to speak english because we're in america, who tell us we have jobs because nowhere else would take us, who can't stand the idea of an overqualified black woman in power. we have to keep our heads down because we have no other choice if we want to keep the job that is keeping a roof over our heads and food on our tables.

i'm sorry to be doomposting but sometimes it's not as easy as just keep moving, keep your head up, live!, when you're surrounded by people who want the opposite for you.

[shannonsketches]

Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,

Anime:

GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)

VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!

Manga:

GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.

[spitblaze]

Okay I've witnessed it happening enough in Queer Internet Circles that I think I can confidently say something about it.

Can we PLEASE stop picking arbitrary lgbt+ demographics out of a hat and having entire conversations about how they 'aren't actually queer' and 'taking valuable resources' for the crimes of 'some of them are cringe' or 'some of them are assholes' or 'they have a nebulous privilege over the rest of us so they're the oppressor, actually'.

Like look, some conversations are absolutely worth having. There's a lot of transmasc shitheads who latch on to toxic masculinity or seem to completely forget what it's like to navigate a world that considers you a woman, or completely fail to realize that being transgender yourself doesn't suddenly mean you don't have to examine yourself for internalized transphobia or transmisogyny. And that should be addressed, every community has its issues, no community is a monolith, no demographic is made up of entirely good smart righteous people or evil bad oppressive abusers. Obviously.

But I'm not talking about that!

I'm talking about people bringing up the same tired rhetoric they used when they tried to claim that nonbinary people are clout-chasing attention seekers who will keep cishet society from taking the rest of us seriously, that people used when they decided asexuals were actually cishets who co-opted our movement for their own personal gain, which was recycled from when people tried to claim that bisexuals are het-passing fakers and if a REAL queer has sex with one they'll be left for a cishet because that's what bisexuals do, which is the same as the shit they spewed at whoever the target was before that! It's paranoid nonsense all the way down, people looking for an acceptable target to take their shit out on!

Can we stop doing this, please?? Can we stop picking demographics within our own community that people arbitrarily decide are fine to bully and mock and kick out of the spaces they helped create because you think that they're cringe or that speaking about the issues they face is privileged whining? Can we stop giving bigoted cishets free reign on already vulnerable communities because someone arbitrarily decided that THESE queers are evil and cringe so its okay to make shitty comments and jokes about them? Can we PLEASE stop the cycle in its tracks while we can still see the crosshairs moving onto tranfems and trans women? We can stop this now before it starts getting uglier and deadlier, but we HAVE to be aware and do more than complaining about it online.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

riz gukgak is SO distressing to have as a favourite character I can never funckign rest out here

[kameyyy]

my irls are pmo SO BAD lately with their comments just because i'm having FUN texting my friends on discord

[boag]

The plug has owed me a dispo for a WHILE and he came to bring it tonight and I ideally like to have an indica one and a sativa one during the rare periods where I can afford that sort of thing but since i could only have one I just asked for a hybrid . But he didn’t have a hybrid on him so he gave me an indica which was fine but I opened it right after he left and it had leaked inside the packaging and gotten sticky on the outside so I called him and told him and he came back and brought me a sativa one he also had in his car and we checked to l make sure it was good and he let me keep the one that leaked . And now I just tried that one and realized it still fully works and I literally just need to wrap some tape around it to keep the exposed tank from leaking again .

So basically I’ve acquired both a 2g indica dispo and a 2g sativa dispo tonight without spending ANY fucking money 😻🙏���️

[doggogills-but-worse]

shout out to podcasts making me cry at work